#i wanna play lies of p myself but i do know all the story and endings i just think it looks like a beautiful and well made game

[queseraphita]

Lies of P could exist in Yoko Taro's Drakenier universe, and no one would even notice it being anywhere out of place

*smacks my string conspiracy board*

WHITE CHOLORNATION SYNDROME

[whispering-coffee]

I’ve been holding this off for a while mainly cause I was afraid of doing it but I finally pulled through and now I have a story to share with ya’ll explaining what happened during my hold at the mall!

I went dressed in black leggings and a sweater, bummer that it wouldn’t show I know but i was nervous! I had drank some before leaving my house so by the time I had arrived at the mall i was already feeling the need.

To make sure I was going to suffer (I know i know im a masochist bite me) i drank an entire water bottle i brought with me in the car before actually heading into the mall. So yada yada time passes and im trying to figure out what to do at the mall and I go get myself a drink at the food court then i head off to look around the stores.

About an hour in the mall and its starting to feel pretty urgent but not bursting so i decided hey, why not play a game with myself, and got into a bathroom line. However once i actually went into a stall i just sat there fully clothed not doing anything, still holding it in then shortly after left. Trust me i was getting pretty bored here to have to do that.

I got another drink and finally after finishing it I was getting antsy, crossing my legs and shuffling my feet while i sat at a table.

HEY IF YOU’RE SKIPPING THROUGH THE POST TO FIND THE INTERESTING PARTS ITS OVER HERE

So i go back to looking around stores, feeling my bladder ache each time i take a step and now im actually like, nervous because like its dawning on me that Im really doing this in a public place. Let me say its pretty crowded, its not like the mall barely has anyone in it. So here i am standing around in the corner of a store thinking to myself if I really wanna do it, i was thinking for like a good 5-10 minutes walking back and fourth till i decided i was gonna pull through, after all i made a promise that i would post something interesting and different ;p

I leave the store and about another hour passed and im pretty desperate, like constantly moving around wanna put my hands between my legs desperate. But since it was a public place i couldnt really just do that unless i had to go REALLY bad (foreshadowing haha).

Did i mention it was really cold in the mall, only made everything worse xD

Anyways so Im pretty desperate, i take a seat at the food court again and get ONE MORE drink, and as im sipping on it im squirming in my seat cross legged, im sure anyone who’s into omo would immediately catch on if they saw me.

Just a little bit later im scrolling through my phone with my other hand on top of my lap (not between my legs just yet)

Now Im REALLY anxious because its getting to the point where I know im going to have an accident soon so i get up and just start walking around with my chest aching from nervousness. I even stared at the bathroom in contemplation before walking away.

A couple minutes of aimless walking and i end up having to sneeze.. needless to say a little bit escaped but i stopped it albeit i looked a little silly. My heart dropped during it too.

About ten or twenty so minutes and i have to go REAAALLY bad and im super anxious, i even entered a bathroom line thinking i didnt want to actually wet myself but after a couple minutes of waiting in line i felt another leak which automatically prompted a hand to crotch response, you can imagine my embarrassment.

After the leak I was honestly horrified but also having a LOT of fun, i was close to having an accident so I decided to try to find a secluded area in the mall to hang around in for when i lose control. Each step i took was agony to take but i kept movin, slightly bent over too.

Eventually i found an area where not alot of people were, there were still some but it wasnt as crowded as the other areas. It was like this dead end section with nothing of interest other than a few benches and stores.

I stayed here for about a couple minutes, mild panicking, hella anxious, and kiiiind of excited. Thats when i started losing control. I was kind of in a little corner where a protrusion of wall was blocking me but if you’d still be able to see me if you walked closer to the dead end.

It was a mix of terrified excitement when i tried to stop the flow but couldnt. The sounds of my pee hitting the floor wasnt helping. I dont think anyone actually noticed plus since I was wearing black leggings it wasnt super noticeable. I promptly rushed my way out of the mall keeping my head down leaving behind that puddle.

When i got back to my car i put out the towel i had stored in my trunk over my driver seat so i wouldnt ruin my car seats and kind of just sat in the car thinking about what happened. At the end i actually found the experience really enjoyable and might do it again ;)

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself Story ( 18+)

CW: Pregnancy, adult topics, cheating

I didn’t think I’d get so jealous. But it’s my own fault I would say. 😕Nobody forced me to come here, where my ex and his (Ex) -fiancée lived together...

Nico: Sorry. But I put away almost everything that was possible. Her furnishings I can’t just let disappear overnight.

Me: What?... Um, no! I-... I don’t mind those furniture she bought or all that stuff. It looks great. Tbh, this is perfect! I just wonder, why didn’t it look like this in our apartment back then? I couldn’t even buy a new couch, without you starting to discuss with me. But you allowed her to change everything here.

Nico: Didn’t you listen to me a few mins ago? She bought all this shit here without my permission. I had no idea about it! I was playing soccer abroad. And you got a new couch back then. Just remember how many times I painted the walls for you. Hm?

Me: All this here looks pretty expensive, compared to our apartment. I kind of feel like she’s.... like Isabella.🤑

Nico: Isabella?... Hell, no! ..And she’s not wealthy like Isabella, if that’s what you wanted to know. Actually, she’s like.... you. Self-conscious, anxious, indecisive, a bit shy and.... sad. 🫤

Me: You must have a weakness for depressed women, ha?

Nico: You know what I meant. But she's not hooked, she has other serious..... issues. Just she’s not as cute and hot as you are to me.

Me: Yea, sure.... I just don’t understand why you moved in with her? I mean, you have a house! A pretty big one! An apartment was not really necessary. 🤨

Nico: Excuse me?.. Why would I live with my mother? You and P. also had plans to move together. Why is it allowed for you, but not for me?... Yes, he told me you chose him, when I visited him at his fucking college. So I had to move away, to avoid the two of you! But this here isn't her place. I was here before she and I got....well, serious.

Me: Sorry. I didn’t mean to. And I didn’t really choose Philip. I thought I had it, but.... no. I lied to him and myself. I always felt bad about you and he too! That’s why it was so easy for me to fall in love with Daniel. Frankly... I was glad that it was over with Philip. I didn’t want anything to do with you two, after I was with him abroad. 😒

Nico: That wasn't my fault, his ... Natasha bitch. I never did such a shit to you. But to be clear, I’m not blaming you for my own mistake! I’m sorry I asked you to sleep with him. I never admitted it, but.. the first time I saw you & him together,..... I wanted to kill P. ... Yea, now it’s out. I was jealous. Even though that damn thing was my fucking idea.🤷‍♂️

Me: And still, you insisted that I continue.......Hm? You know? But that spa-weekend was pretty nice. We should definitely repeat this. Just the two of us, of course!! Without Philip...... So sorry, N.

Nico: And I'm sorry for being crazy. I was so stupid to share you with Philip and pass between the two of us. I thought that would help you and I trusted P. Never thought he’d take you away from me. I was sure you would choose me if necessary.

Me: I chose you, but I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn't want to hurt P., so I went nuts and told my Dad.🤦‍♀️I told him the last 3 weeks alone with P. were hard. He locked me up not to relapse... and that you couldn't leave me alone, bcs I started using. I said all this to him... I wanted my Dad to get me out of that mess. Not really, I just didn't know what to do?...I was so unhappy bcs you had to go back to Italy. And at the same time afraid to lose P. But my crazy Dad sent you away, not Philip.

A bit later....

Nico: That movie sucks, babe. You really wanna keep watching this crap?... I’d rather continue with you.😏

Me: I gotta tell you something... Something serious. (🍼🤰 )

Nico: Daniel?? 🙄

Me: Agh, no... Anyway, let's talk later. I want you, too N.

Nico: From now on, you stay with me.

Me: She didn't even really move out here.... but I'd love to stay with you. 🩷

Nico: Then you stay, babe. No time to waste. I have so many plans for you. But most importantly, you divorce Daniel.

Me: This time, I’m not questioning what you’re up to.. I’ll do whatever you want. Besides, I have plans for you too. (😬🍼) And Daniel took off anyway. He doesn't want me.

Nico: His mistake, my gain. Such an moron!

And that's N.'s (ex-) fiancée. Stephanie.🤨 Don’t worry, she didn’t catch us in bed!!! But she was there! I didn’t see her myself the moment she came. I was sleeping. Nico was up. She came by to pick up her stuff, he thought. But she also wanted to talk to him and did not intend to leave. He didn’t tell her I was in his bedroom, he just asked her to leave. Nico told me she was crying and wearing... sleepwear?

He seemed worried and was somehow.... weird to me after she showed up at his place. I had the feeling, he didn’t want me anymore? 😞 All though a few hours ago, he wanted me to stay with him. He wanted me to move in with him. You know? However, I asked him to drive me home to my parents. I had to change & shower, so yea, he dropped me at my parent's house and said, that he would pick me up in 2 hours. I was so relieved that he wanted to come back. I was afraid to lose him a second time. Besides, I was pregnant. I mean, I haven’t taken a test yet, but I just knew it. Something changed in my body, I could literally feel it. It was like the last time I was pregnant. And btw, I told Nico what happened to me last year, about this whole annoying issue with my contraception. He reacted totally relaxed. He said, if I want a baby, he wouldn’t use protection. I really didn’t expect that!! 😲 I knew Nico never wanted to have children. At least not at this point. I was about to tell him, I was very likely pregnant, but I wanted to take a test first, to be absolutely sure!! I was so happy about N.’s composure on this subject. I already imagined our future with our Baby and all this. 🩵 Just as I mentioned before, the next morning, all this seemed to be in danger, bcs of that girl, Stephanie. 😓

Previous/ Next

[kpchrs]

15 questions for 15 friends

Thanks @burntblueberrywaffles and @realmermaid333 for tagging me weeks ago.

Are you named after anyone?

Nope.

When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh... Whatever days ago, I think, over a fanfiction HAHAHA

Do you have kids?

Nope. I don't know if I want to or not. I definitely wanna nurture one tho, and they don't necessarily have to be my own, if that makes sense.

What sports do you play/have you played?

I don't like sports, but I like badminton because it's a childhood game.

Do you use sarcasm?

Less than I should. I don't know why.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm very disinterested in strangers when I really don't wanna socialise, so I don't really look at people, but maybe the voice since I can never ignore that.

What's your eye colour?

Brown. I love the colour brown!

Scary movies or happy endings?

That's a weird 'this and that' cus it's pretty different, but happy endings of course. I like scary films but only for the thrill not the story, cus the story usually doesn't intrigue me that much.

Any talents?

Hate that word, "talent", because it's a confusing word. Do you mean talent as in the natural aptitude of a person? In that definition, I think I'm pretty talented. I was one of the high achievers because I have a natural aptitude for studying. I know how to study and I comprehend things better than other kids. I'm a fast learner. My intuition is great. I can retain information well. I analyse things well. I'm lazy and easy to get bored tho, and that's why I was one of the high achievers. Related to that I would put languages as my talents. I'm pretty natural with it; English, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean... I absorb them as I go naturally. I learn English by myself. I remember most of what I learned from random medias. But because I never apply them (except for English), I'm not fluent at all. My piano teacher said I had a musical talent, and I did win a few piano competitions, and I passed Grade 8 ABRSM, but that's SO mediocre in the classical music world, I don't really think it counts. I have not even practised for years. I actually think I'm more natural at singing, but I never received formal training. And I'm sure there are more. These are pretty "eh", ain't it, because it stops at that?

If you mean talent as in skills, then my biggest skill is literature and story-telling. It's also one of my few passions. I don't say "writing" because that's still hard to do (especially if it's in English, it's not my native language), but I do learn in my own time, I know lots about it, and I still wanna learn more. This also applies to English. What's more? I'm pretty good at cooking, I guess. I'm not a master chef, but I can cook you dishes, definitely. The only thing that prevents me from cooking more is my lack of money. This is a soft skill, but I would put "organising" too. I love organising and I'm natural at it.

For me, talents should pair with effort and practice. People should strive to have more skills if they have the means! Because of that, I much prefer asking people what are their passions and I kinda dislike complimenting people with "you are so talented!" because nah, they practise a lot behind the screen and you just never see it! ...Wait a minute, what am I doing, writing a self-development book? 💀 This is supposed to be a fun thing. Uhhh...sorry, I really dislike the word "talent" xD

Where were you born?

I don't like saying it on the internet lol

What are your hobbies?

Reading stories (currently it's fanfiction), listening to music, window shopping, watching films and shows, playing games, relaxing in cafes, and eating. This is just random, but the happiest moments I can remember were when I first watched TBOSAS in the cinema and when I infodump my friend LiS on Discord in a cafe. Those are like last year and I want to feel that again.

Do you have any pets?

Yes, I have a dog and she's a supermutt and she's a rascal and her name is Marie and she's the reason why my pain tolerance is great.

How tall are you?

158cm. I should have been a little bit taller, but I think because of scoliosis, nah lol

Favourite subject in school?

None. School subjects were pretty boring... Okay, maybe English. I also liked Modern History.

Dream job?

I'm not good with high-stress and high-paced jobs. I'd love to be a librarian, but libraries are not appreciated at all here. Or I'd love to be a game writer too, with teams and a writer room, as such. I don't really know how it works. Some kind of game developer, but not the programming. Or I'd love to help people, especially kids, in whatever way.

No pressure + random tagging: @mitsuki91, @weer02, @-- uhhhh you know what, I'm BEYOND lazy to tag 15 people. Tag whoever who wants to play this! Or these two people I already tagged can tag the people I could have tagged xD

[tacticalhimbo]

SUMMER GAMES FEST 2023 THOUGHTS

lots of notes. lots of betrayal.

i am so 😐 at the fact phantom liberty had no news and they're keeping it behind one of their small sgf play days. we were hyped for a main event reveal. i literally sat through the event JUST FOR THIS.

thoughts below the cut and very much unformatted idc

Prince of Persia: The Lost Crown

- Loved the mixed trailer; Gameplay! more companies need to do this

- Not really into 2D BUT I would play that

- actually available on xbox one! yes this is a note im making on entries

Mortal Kombat 1

- Reboot! new timeline. inchresting.

- This year?? wow. WOW. good secret.

- I played some of the og Xbox games... dunno much lore but 👁 curious

- Story seems kinda cool tho with the modern take and retelling of some of the lore; subzero and scorpion are brothers??? okayyyyy 💅 cain and abel 2 electric boogaloo!

- kameo fighters... allies!

Path of Exile 2

- uhmm... idk shit about this! congrats to the fan girlies

- is it supposed to be like LoL and WarCraft? looks like it.

Street Fighter

- looks cool! more of a mortal kombat gay myself

- aritifical intelligence companion? robotic ryu?

- why is everyone a robot- ohhh... idk what exoprimal is but okay!

NICK CAGE DBD I'M STILL PISSING OVER THIS

- NICK CAGE INTERVIEW IMMMM

- the suit is nice. it's a good shade of green

- "horror is my fave genre and it's a museum of horror that's good enough for me"; also aww family inspo. probably one of his kids if he has those.

- at least it was confirmed that he is, sadly, a survivor. killer nick cage would've been funny.

Witcher Season 3

- Very surprised Netflix is doing a season 3 of a show! Definitely a way to try and distract from the WGA strike bc why pay for writers when we can announce a beloved series and make people forget?

- Don't like Cavill for some things he's done but good for him to play a role he has passion for. I know he said he wasn't gonna be in season 4 bc of the writing direction so.

- It is what it is. Won't be watching regardless bc I wanna learn the game lore first.

Witchfire

- Epic can make good cames and honestly? Visually appealing.

- Not my cup of tea honestly

Crossfire Sierra Squad

- VR gunfire. That makes my head hurt!

- Looks kinda gun tho.

Remnant

- Looks interesting

- Co-op shooter souls game realness

- I wanna know the lore because it looks like a cool universe

Sonic Superstars

- OH!!!! cute

- the music still slaps i couldnt stop wiggling to pay proper attention

- multiplayer!

- xbox one!!! let's go!

Honkai StarRail

- i've been curious about this one; it's made by hoyoverse tho

- genshin wasn't my cup of tea and this probably wouldn't be either (minus the universe; i do kinda like the aesthetics)

Lies of P

- inspired by pinnochio??? that's quite the opening line

- resident evil energy lowkey... another interesting universe concept

- music is nice!

- like resident evil, final fantasy, and bioshock infinite had a weird little baby

- shark submarine!!!

- xbox one

Sand Land

- art style is interesting; made by the person who made dragonball

- looks cool but not my kinda play style

- ur telling me THATS not on xbox one???

Throne and Liberty

- oh god an amazon game

- noticing a trend of characters opening doors in trailers

- it looks okay honestly; i like that you can turn into creatures

Warhaven

- Free to play adventure thingy; Reminds me of For Honor

- You can turn into supernatural stuff? Looks aight

Party Animals

- another gang beasts clone

- i mean it's a good genre of game but i personally dislike it

- vague releases... xbox x only or all xbox? specify!

Dying Light Update

- Okay! I've been interested in this series

Crash Team Rumble

- online multiplayer... style is cute!

- forgot crash bandicoot still had things going for it

Alan Wake 2

- been interested in this series too honestly; know some moots will be excited

- what i have seen of the universe looks cool as fuck

- love me a good survival horror with interconnected timelines. i'm a sucker for transdimensional fuckery

- the creator seems very chill. his voice is nice.

- the gameplay looks good for being unedited and unfinal

- maybe i'll finally check this series out... not on xbox one tho 😔

Warhammer Space Marine 2

- co op campaign? aight. up to 3 players is ofdly specific but the squad does look like a predetermined trio

- space marines... looks abt right. style is cool

- gameplay and cinematics look intetesting too; reminds me a bit of gears of war

Yes, Your Grace: Snowfall

- OOH PIXELS!! i genuinely loge softer styles like this

- honestly would check out the story if anything

TOXIC COMMANDO

- oooh john carpenter made it

- the characters look cool, the monsters look cool too

- the bad singing,,, me and my friends fr!

- bit fast paced for me but i'd honestly give this one a shot

- no xbox one 😔

Baldur's Gate 3

- OOH more official news and release stuff

- idk shit about the franchise but i've seen so many cool looking ocs and i wouls check it out for the character creation alone

- it looks pretty !!

- i forgot wotc was involved with it tho... hate them ♡

Spider Man 2

- YESSSSS GOOD SHIT

- i watch my brother play these games and that last trailer they released at the playstation showcase had me 👁

- nice box art; nice conceptual art too! that venom art is fucking SICK. curious to see where that goes bc it's not eddie brock and idk any lore like that

- manhattan, queens, and brookyln holy shit. that's a huge map

- october 20th release date woagh!!!

PalWorld

- ope world survival crafting...

- pokemon... with guns??? this man has some interesting openers

- HUH?????? THE MINIGUN????? SHEEP WITH MINIGUNS?????

- what the actual fuck am i witnessing im-

- i didnt know i needed this but I NEED IT

- early access next year okay periodt

BLACK DESERT

- ooh souls combat style

- looks pretty

- i got so excited but it's black desert dlc

LOTR: Return to Moria

- NEW LOTR????

- DWARVES!@@@ O7GYYYYYY

- my face was just the poggers emote the whole time

- FOR ROCK AND STONE BABEYYYYT 💅✨️

- i hope this isnt bad like golem PLSSS

Final Fantasy: Ever Crisis(?) I couldn't read that font I'm sorry

- IOS/andoird?

- hey bitch where u at 🤳

- oh... okay.... that looks.... 😐

- hm. there are too many styles at once u got the chibi cutscenes the rendered battles and the anime portraits

Banishers Ghost of Eden

- oh hot character... oh no he looks like john seed that's why

- gameplay looks cool; i fw that mutated hound that showed

- TRANS-DIMENSIONAL LOVERS!!!!! devotion 100%

Like A Dragon: The Man Who Erased His Name

- YAKUZA!!!!

- Codename Joryu 👀

- i didnt play like a dragon but i know bits of it and this looks just as cool

- OH NO THE BBE IS HOTTTT

- xbox one!

Under the Waves

- ooh underwater game; no thank u i get too scared.

- looks pretty!

- xbox one babey!

Call of Duty Season 4 MW2 Warzone

- medieval castle?? soccer stadium?? zoo???

- vondel is the name of the place

- looks cool! too bad i can't play it (or anybody for that matter since cheat menus are currently grabbing ips and force crashing)

- my xbox cant run warzone anyway even on lowest graphics

Porsche

- im not a car guy but congrats on however many years it was

- pretty xbox console

- waiting for someone to say it went woke

- not for sale?? it's a competition?? boy. y'all coulda made MONEY

Fae Farm

- cozy games my beloved

- the style looks like mysims

- omg wheelchair user!!!

- i'd probably play this it looks adorable

Marvel Snap

- ... okay ig

- imma be real i don't get card games; esp collectible ones

- this guy is. okay! good for him for being so enthusiastic. even tho he has that classic marvel personality (derogatory)

- PROZD????? i'd play his card game over that.

King Arthur Legends Rise

- mobile/pc fantasy squad rpg

- cullen rutherford is that you? KDJDKDJDJD

- why that dragon look like the lotr one?

- cinematics look okay, gameplay looks better than i thought tbh

Wayfinder

- the comic style of this is cute. so are cinematics

- love a resurrection arc

- playstation and steam only. huh.

Stellaris Nexus

- turn based space game

- ngl i havent played turn based stuff

- heard stellaris was cool tho

Space Trash Scavenger

- cute style! huge 3d platformer

Star Trek Infinite

- oooh star trek. a franchise i know fuck all about

- it looks cool tho!

Twisted Metal

- Peacock? I used that service once. It kinda sucked ngl

- big beefy clown,, i wanna [redacted] his [redacteds]

Lysfanga: The Time Shift Warrior

- duplicating oneself to multi task? aight

- OUGH THE STYLE I WANNA EAT IT

- fuck it's so pretty

- gameplay style is cute too!

- love the protag's design and voice ♡

- seems like a cool concept

Immortals Og Aveum

- fps magic shooter?? now that seems interesting

- interesting splash art

- the in game cinematics look good; so does the combat style

- very surprised to see ea behind it but i mean what arent they behind nowadays

- the gameplay looks decent tbh. it'd take me some time to learn bc it's minimal (which i do like minimal uis), but honestly? im curious

Fortnite C4S3

- i still cannot believe transformers are gonna be canon in the universe now too

- i probs wont get this battlepass but it looks cool.

- you can ride raptors. and ride vines!!

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth

- hä? i thought this was supposed to be like. phantom liberty?? or like. something. kinda a let down for a finale (at least bc of the hype i've seen)

- good news for the final fantasy gays tho. y'all got fed today with some stuff.

- this is a franchise that makes me curious but i've heard it's so convoluted that i never got into it.

- ANDREW TATE LOOKING HEADASS????? LMAO

- like usual: looks great, combat is wild, good shit from someone who knows nothing

- ps5 exclusive looks like

CDPROJEKT WHYTYY 😭😭😭 i feel annoyed and betrayed wym it's on one of their play days!!!

[actuallyunreal]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but do u have any songs u associate with ur versions of the ew guys?

ahoy there! what a fun question!! :D :D :D

so i actually have a playlist for my au at least with a couple songs for each character. :3 i have to add some for the neighbors, but hey :3 (uhhh it dawned on me that you just asked for them in general and not specifically my au but honestly? i dont make too much of a distinction - but still, my bad!)

fun tip: everyones got at least one song from death of a bachelor by p!atd but i didnt put them all on the playlist because then it would be like…. 90% p!atd and thats just silly

anyway heres my ~best of~ picks or whatever!

OH ALSO if youre not into 💔😈garbage weepy edgy boys😈💔 i would not recommend reading further <3 i love silly boys but my song picks are always dramatic because i have no self control. 😊

edd: my ordinary life - the living tombstone; They tell me that I'm special, I smile and shake my head I'll give them stories to tell friends about the things I said They tell me I'm so humble, I say, "I'm turning red" They let me lie to them and don't feel like they've been misled They give so much to me, I'm losing touch, get me? Served on a silver platter, ask for seconds, they just let me wrecking ball - mother mother; It takes a dedicated hand To put it through the wall You gotta wanna break the heart Of all those pretty porcelain dolls You gotta want to be the drummer in the band You gotta want to be a battering ram You gotta see the artistry In tearing the place apart with me baby dont threaten me with a good time - p!atd Champagne, cocaine, gasoline And most things in between I roam the city in a shopping cart A pack of camels and a smoke alarm This night is heating up Raise hell and turn it up Saying "If you go out you might pass out in a drain pipe" Oh, yeah, don't threaten me with a good time

tom: bad decisions - redhook; Okay, now please don't think I'm tryna glamorise all of the shit that I despise about myself 'Cause my mental health is tenuous at best from all the pressure and the stress of other people's expectations I'm crushed by the weight, so I self-medicate to escape Then I just make more mistakes, can't break this stupid cycle of self-hate dread in my heart - mother mother; Oh I wonder what it's like to be the type who doesn't burn Ya the kind who fights the good fight Not the kind you'll find fisti-fuckin-cuffin' in the dirt death of a bachelor - p!atd Do I look lonely? I see the shadows on my face People have told me I don't look the same Maybe I lost weight, I'm playing hooky with the best of the best Pull my heart out my chest, so that you can see it too

tord: heroes - emmy curie; So you wanna be the hero, kid, be adored by everyone 'Cause no one can forget you when you're the reason they have won You want the fame, the attention, but more than anything You're scared of fading to the background like you didn't mean a thing anime intro - public theatre; I couldn't help but notice your under eyes You were looking pretty skinny last night Are you even fighting I couldn't help but notice your little lies You keep saying that you'll be just fine Are you even trying Anymore now house of memories - p!atd Baby, we built this house on memories Take my picture now, shake it 'til you see it And when your fantasies become your legacy Promise me a place in your house of memories

matt: emperor's new clothes - p!atd Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die If it feels good, tastes good It must be mine Dynasty decapitated You just might see a ghost tonight Double, double, double down And if you don't know now you know inferno - rain paris; Terribly terrible, she's a villain One as sweet as caramel, she's my saint Think I'm getting butterflies, but it's really Something telling me to run away

[rogue-durin-16]

AN UNUSUAL YEAR (Part V/V)

Summary: After having little to no interest on girls for five years, Fred suddenly feels the need to nag the shit out of a certain witch, completely oblivious to the reason behind it.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Slytherin!Reader

Genre: fluff (+ enemies to lovers)

Tags:

An unusual year: @natural-hearts @manuosorioh @lumos-solemn @westyywifee @whiskeyn-rain @warlock--protection @gossip-girl-ecr @fandomscombine @birdy944 @28cnn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: a little angst, a little snogging 👀

A/N: maybe a bit longer than I expected but it's alright. Also I might write an addition to this story, not sure tho. I hope y'all enjoyed reading this story as much as I did writing it <3

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Y/n! Come sit with us?" George waved at me from the Gryffindor table as I entered the Great Hall, prompting me to sit across him and Angelina, and besides Fred. "Where's Mathilda?" He asked as I got closer, leaving my books on the wooden surface.

"She's feeling unwell." As I sat down, I noticed George's arm around Angelina and I couldn't help the knowing grin that tugged the corner of my lips. "The date exchange at the Ball turned out well, huh?"

"I could say the same about you." He wiggled his brows at me with the same grin I had.

I felt a sudden rush of panic going through my body. My eyes traveled to the boy by my side, who was oddly quiet, and I found him already peeking at me.

"Meaning?" I decided to play dumb, taking a bite of my golden slice of toast whilst ignoring the intending gazes of the couple in front of me.

"You two were having a great time last night." Angelina jumped in, leaning over her table. "Didn't see you coming back, Fred." She added, redirecting her eyes to the ginger.

"I did." His brother laughed. "I daresay you two had an intense night." I felt my cheeks reddening, not finding enough strength to meet George's look. "It was about time, really."

I was startled by Fred abruptly standing up. "See you in class." The curt reply he offered before fleeing shocked all of us; specially his brother, who, with a polite apology, left me and Angelina to go after his twin.

"I feel like I shouldn't ask." She spoke quietly.

"I don't have an answer."

I feared she would see through me. I hadn't lied, but my gut told me whatever happened had to do with the change of demeanor he had at the end of our night out.

I wouldn't say it out loud but a part of me began to worry.

The worry stayed throughout that entire week, guilt joining it at some point. Fred's attendance in Charms, Astronomy and Potions had decreased; I had only see him attend once to Astronomy. The only thing he did was play with his quill and, whenever he thought I didn't notice, stare at me.

Ironically enough, we started spending most of the time together; after the winter break, George had incorporated both Mathilda and me to their friend group, which, in different circumstances, would have been great.

Alicia Spinnet gained special interest on my best friend; Lee Jordan would joke about Slytherins and Gryffindors getting together, and Angelina— well, she seemed happier now that she could hang out with all her friends at the same time.

Fred was miserable. Everyone could see it, yet they did their best to cover it up.

George would overcompensate his brother's attitude by being louder and paying extra attention to me, but it worsened the situation.

I wanted to ask Fred what was wrong, but then again we weren't even good friends, so was it really my place to ask?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

George had proposed a trip to Hogsmade a couple of days ago and we all agreed on going, but the day came and Fred wasn't there.

His brother alleged he had a terrible headache and had chosen to stay in bed. We all saw through his excuse, and once more no one said a word.

It was that night that George came to look for me.

"—well then, go get her!" His shouts got into the common room when a second year entered..

"What's this about?" I inquired, coming out to the hallway to see the ginger about to throw hands at my prefect.

"I need you." He stated, quickly losing interest on whatever the prefect had to say. I only nodded and motioned him to move with me far from the Slytherin door. "You have to speak to Fred now." He almost pleaded, a frown of worry forming on his face.

"Sure— wait, now?" I stared at him in confusion.

"Sorry, I know it's late" his apology didn't mean he would ask me to do it in the morning instead.

I let out a sigh before inquiring, "Where's he?"

"The Astronomy tower, I believe." He replied.

"Alright," I said more to myself. "I'll go grab my jacket." He murmured another apology and a thank you before heading off to his House.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I came to a halt at the top of the stairs when I saw him sat against the wall, his knees pulled to his chest with his arms around them, and his face buried between them."Hey there, stranger."

He raised his head, letting his eyes and nose be seen."Who gave me away?"

"George."

"Tosser" he muttered, taking his gaze to the levitating bundle of newspaper on fire that was probably keeping him somewhat warm up there.

"Is it that bad to see me now?" I took a couple of careful steps towards the boy.

"It's always that bad to see you."

"Odd for you to say that," I let myself slide down the wall to sit by his side with my legs stretched out. "given how much you stare."

"Touché." He replied, the ghost of a smile breaking through his depressed demeanor. "What are you doing here?"

"What's wrong?"

"I asked first."

"I asked second." He raised his brows at me and it was my turn to avert my eyes from him. "I'm... Worried. About you."

When I shivered due to the wind flowing through the tower, he scooted closer and moved the little fire with his wand for it to be in the middle.

"You're all dejected and sulky," I explained. "You barely attend to our classes together, and if you do, you don't pay attention." I felt him shift uncomfortable by my side. "I'm... I'm gonna regret this— I miss you being a bloody nuisance."

"I knew you loved it." His teasing, though it was meant to be funny, sounded almost painful.

"now, what's wrong?" He shrugged, his chin resting over his forearms. "Listen, if you're not gonna tell me, it's fine, but at least tell George."

"Are you thick?" The bitterness in his tone took me aback. "Y/n, I fancy you." He hid his face between his arms. "quite a lot, actually." He added in a mumble.

"I figured that at the ball, you know?" This time it was me who scooted closer. "Tell me that's not the reason behind this."

"Would you like me to lie?" He questioned, shame slipping out with his voice. "I'm a very good liar you wouldn't even question it." He took a deep breath before looking back up, stretching one of his legs and leaning against the wall. "At the ball, I tried to start something." He began, fidgeting with his hands. "I... This never happened to me, so I wasn't- I didn't know what I was doing, but I thought I was making it clear." He tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "But when I left you—"

"You know I fancy you too, right?" I tilted my head, searching for his eyes. "As in, more than a one time thing."

"That I didn't know." I felt a pang of guilt, realizing that unconsciously I had played a big part on this.

FRED'S P. O. V.

We stayed in silence.

It wasn't an unsettling silence, but the air weighed over us due to the tension floating on it; I needed to defuse it, otherwise it would crush me.

My heart hammered against my chest while I extended my arm to hold her hand on mine.

It's not meant to be nerve-wracking, I thought to myself as I pulled her hand away from her lap; we had already made clear we fancied each other.

The moment she put her head on my shoulder, the tension completely dissipated. I didn't notice the sigh that left my lungs when it happened.

"Didn't put you, Fred Weasley, in the I'm-a-bundle-of-nerves-with-girls category."

"Oh, shut it." I threw my head back, laughing for the first time in a couple of weeks.

"Never." She gave my hand a squeeze and I allowed my cheek to rest over her crown. "You could, of course, find a way to shut me up."

It wasn't her words that cracked me up, but the suggestive tone she used, which took me back to that night in the Duelling Room when I accidentally let slip my feelings for her for the first time.

I raised my head from hers. "Beg your pardon?" I played the fool, trying to hide the ghost of a smile when she shoot me a wide-eyed look. "What are you insinuating, woman?"

"Do you really wanna start the teasing now?" She gave me a warning glare.

"You've just said you missed it." I couldn't hold back the chuckle.

"I knew I was gonna regret it." She groaned, throwing her head back. My eyes, finally on her, traveled to her now exposed neck and collarbone. Though they weren't visible, I could see the trail of kisses I had left there just a few weeks ago. "Stop staring and kiss me."

It didn't take anything else for me to throw the levitating burning paper away and tug her closer by her hand.

The moment our mouths met, I slipped my hand away from Y/n's so I could led her thighs to straddle my legs.

A quiet moan escaped my lips when she rolled her hips against mines; my hands automatically traveled up from her thighs to her waist, pulling her flush against me.

The temperature in the high, cold tower had shot up all from sudden. Just as we were about to start discarding clothes, quick steps were heard climbing up the stairs.

"Fuck!" She whisper-shouted, practically pushing me away as she got up. "Move, move, move!" As she helped me up and we ran to hide, it dawned on me that we were way past curfew. That got me moving.

We waited for Filch to get to the top of the tower before running down as fast as we could.

"No time for goodbyes!" she warned as we rushed through the vast hallways with Filch after us. "See you tomorrow—"

Before she could sprint downstairs to the dungeons, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into a side hall.

"You won't make it to the dungeons." I stated between pants, glancing at the path we had taken. I wasn't able to see the caretaker yet, but his pants could be heard. "Take the other stairs I'll distract him."

"You'll get grounded." She observed, her breathing as heavy as mine, if not more.

"Worth it." I curtly reply, feeling the corners of my lips twisting up.

"You know?" She pushed herself off the wall she had leaned against to catch her breath. "Sometimes you're really sweet."

"Quick!" I tugged on her hand, seeing Filch finally turn the corner. "Gimme a good luck kiss!"

She pulled me down and kissed my lips briefly before taking off in the other direction. I had to tell myself to shake off that stupid smile and run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The next morning I eagerly made my way to the Great Hall with two goals; having breakfast, of course, and checking if Fred had made it to his House without getting caught.

I soon spotted the group, this time sitting on the Slytherin table.

Soon his eyes found me too, and without saying a word to anyone, he got up and jogged to meet me halfway.

"Did you make it?" I asked, standing way too close to him and therefore attracting some nosey looks.

"By a whisker." He responded, taking a look around before looking back at me. "I was wondering if you'd like to go for a drink after class." I raised my eyebrows at him with a smirk. "We can use a passage to get to Hogsmade."

"Are you asking me on a proper date, Weasley?" I teased with my hands on my hips. "How cute."

He avoided eye contact, deciding to take another look around instead. "I swear if you tease me right now—"

"I'm free after four." I cut him off. "Now if you excuse me, I'm hungry." I passed him by, playfully bumping his shoulder, and made my way to our friends.

I didn't get far before his hands spun me around and cupped my cheeks, giving me a surprisingly deep kiss. "Are you gonna kill me?" He murmured, his lips still ghosting over mines.

"Oh, you know me so well." I replied, feeling my face heating up. We couldn't help but laugh when whistles and hollers came from behind me. "I might kill them too." I added, making fall into a fit of laughter as we pulled away in order to walk to where our friends sat. "I wanna have breakfast in peace." I warned them, sitting down with Fred by my side.

Everyone was giving looks at each other and trying to hold back the giggles, so I knew a comment was coming, but not from whom.

I could instantly tell I wasn't the only one shocked by the speaker. "But you just had him for breakfast." My best friend responded, faking confusion.

"I was just thinking about that!" Lee yelled, a bit too excited.

"Mathilda Foxglove—" I began, everyone cracking up.

"You are doomed." Fred finished, shoving a toast into his mouth to stop his laughter.

"It was worth it." She stated between giggles.

Fred gave me a side look with a half smile and I thanked Merlin no one could see the boy's fingers interlaced with mines under the table.

[peppermintchaos]

--/1/----

Every time a new month starts I feel like something should happen, but it never does. What’s up with that?

--/2/----

Boring day today. Finished up a commission.

--/3/----

Got some paintings delivered to that shop downtown. I love it when I get money. 

--/4/----

Boring day today. 

--/5/---- 

Oh, that’s right. I’m supposed to meet with that fishy company tomorrow. I’m going to bring every dangerous item I own, I don’t trust them at all.

--/6/----

I meet with The Organization today. With any luck I won’t die. 

--/6/----

I lived, bitch. The interviewer was... strange. Why would they have someone that high up in the company doing an interview? He seemed serious about it all though.

--/7----

Are they biding their time? Was he simply trying to intimidate me? I hate just waiting around.

--/8/----

Called Caroline today. She seemed concerned. “Your stutter gets worse when you’re stressed.” Does it? I don’t think I’ve noticed before. I wonder if that's how those two used to always be able to guess when I was upset...

--/9/----

I’ve decided it would be stupid and pathetic to let myself get offed by those assholes. I survived a literal death game, so it would just be depressing to let myself get sniped by some company because I didn’t give them information on something. Not to mention, if I’m gone, so are they. Forever.

--/10/----

I’ve decided to distract myself from the whole “may or may not be the future target of an attempted murder” thing by listening to that K-Pop group Caroline is always trying to get me into. It actually makes good background noise for drawing.

--/11/---- 

Some rich person bought one several of my paintings in one go. Hell yeah, I love it when rich people give me money.

--/12/----

Caroline is very happy that I enjoyed her K-Pop group. I could hear her smiling through the phone. She told me if we ever meet in real life that she was going to teach me the dances. I said I’d probably be so bad at them the original choreographers would teleport over to yell at me.

--/13/---- 

Finished that show I was watching. I should bake something, just to keep myself occupied.

--/14/----

Boring day today. Worked on commissions. Played games. Talked to Caroline. Same old same old. No form of contact with the organization. Was it seriously all empty threats?

--/15/----

Boring day today.

--/16/----

Boring day today.

--/17/----

Boring day today. Got scolded by Caroline for skipping lunch. I could’ve just lied and said that I ate when I didn’t, but I felt bad disappointing her.

--/18/----

Was it seriously all empty threats? How cowardly.

--/19/----

Completely ridiculous. She’s lived in the same damn place as me this whole time?? Unbelievable. How many times you wanna bet we’ve walked past each other without realizing? I’m equal parts pissed and amused. We meet up next Monday.

--/20/----

Finished some work. I’m nervous.

--/21/----

Finished even more work. Even more nervous.

--/22/----

I despise waiting. Boring day today.

--/23/---- 

I meet Caroline in person today. You’re a book, but I still want you to wish me luck.

--/25/----

Ended up staying a night at the Chaos household, to Caroline’s request. I’ll probably end up back there tomorrow. I’m not sure how I didn’t guess she was one of them, it makes perfect sense. It’s so loud there, compared to this tiny house. It’s always quiet here. Always dead. It’s so full of life there. Caroline is just as wonderful to talk to in person than online, probably better.  I couldn’t imagine her any other way. She’s always been more fun to converse with than this book. No offense to you, book, but you’re not the best friend.

--/26/----

“The first cardinal rule of genre awareness.”

--/27/----

Yesterday I realized something. I don’t even know who was talking to us, but they were speaking of a story and said someone “forgot the first cardinal rule of genre awareness- if there was no body shown, there’s a chance of the person still being alive.” How the hell did it take me 4 fucking years to notice? In that place, there were never announcements for them like there were for everyone else. “Participant has been eliminated. The game will continue as normal.” That’s what they always said. There wasn’t any of that. We just assumed, and then I just assumed. There wasn’t any hope. Was there hope this whole time? They might still be alive. Genre awareness... I really can’t tell if this is a ray of hope or an even worse despair. Was there ever a difference?

--/28/----

If they didn’t somehow manage to reunite, he still doesn’t know if either of us is alive or dead. I’m so sorry. 

--/29/----

I think it was despair after all.

--/30/----

Caroline is acting strange. She keeps on starting to bring someone up, then changing her sentence as if she completely forgot what she was saying. It goes beyond airheaded-ness. Is something wrong? 

--/31/----

Saw The Organization on the news today. “Information giant company headquarters gets burned down, heir to company mysteriously missing.” What the hell is up with that? I feel like something is about to happen.

--/31/---- 

I’m not sure if my hands are physically capable of writing down that conversation.

--/1/---- Last month I said that nothing ever happens on the first of the month, even though things really should. I guess I was incorrect about that.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[cross-d-a]

For the give me a character ask 💕 LI CU!!!!!!!

LI CU LI CU LI CU LI CU MY BABY BOY 

you know every day i ask myself: “li cu can’t be your favourite character, right? like you’d die for iron triangle and you’d kill for xiao bai and you’d give your body and soul to free princess mute, like- it can’t be li cu, right?” and then i look myself in the mirror and go: “stop lying to yourself”

WOW THIS GOT LONG SO THE REST IS UNDER THE CUT

How I feel about this character:

Might possibly be my fav dmbj dumbass. who knows. certainly not me. i just- LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH???? He sucker-punched me from the very beginning with his TEARS and his DESPERATION and his ACCUSATIONS OF KIDNAPPING. and ok he’s also a Dumb Teenage Boy and ok maybe he tries Too Hard to be a Normal Dumb Teenage Boy, like he’s going through the motions and maybe I relate a little ok idk.

And I just- adore that so much of Sha Hai is through his perspective?? Because it is very much Li Cu’s story. He’s an outsider here diving into a world we already know so well and Wu Xie is the catalyst. And really- it’s about seeing a character whom we all adore (Wu Xie) who is Hurting and Desperate and Raw (bc Xiao Ge), and he’s doing his best to fulfill a HUGE storyline but maybe he catches Feelings along the way. Maybe he adopts a son who is also Hurting but for very different reasons. And maybe it’s about seeing these two people who are lost and alone find each other in this chaos, see the good in each other, and help them find the good in themselves.

I already screamed about Li Cu’s character at you last night because I just- have So Many Feelings about him. But I think the core of Li Cu’s character really resonates with me?

It’s all about him finding a reason to live and a reason to love himself and a reason to care about himself. And it’s all about him letting others love and care about him, too.

Li Cu’s been told his whole life that he isn’t worth the air he breathes and he isn’t worth the trouble he causes. He isn’t worthy of love or sacrifice or kindness. And so much about Sha Hai is Li Cu realizing that he is. 

As you pointed out so beautifully, Sierra, Wu Xie is in such an awful place, and yet he still helps Li Cu realize his worth. And, re our conversations about how Li Cu views Pingxie, Wu Xie helps Li Cu realize that that love that can a beautiful, kind thing. Painful sometimes, and so fucking hard. But it’s worth it, if you want it.

And honestly, I think a lot of the Tiger Trio is about this, too: finding a reason to live, getting out of the motions of pretending to be a Normal Teenage Boy, finding a reason to love yourself and realizing it’s okay to let others love and care and fight for you, too. 

They’re already friends, but Sha Hai truly brings them together. Makes them realize they are worth it and there is someone who cares about them and will fight for them and will follow them to the fucking ends of the earth. 

It’s about finding FAMILY and I fucking LOVE THAT for them!!!!

I adore our Ya Li so much I could cry (i do. i do cry)

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

You know, I wrote a little about family and love, and promptly tripped into shipping Jia Kezi/Li Cu so hard I straight up blacked out.

I also am interested in Jia Kezi/Li Cu/Li Jiale 👀👀👀 but have not explored this yet.

I have Feelings about Li Cu/Shen Qiong/Wang Can bc of @traineecryptid’s  AMAZING fic 老牛吃嫩草| old cow eats young grass which I think about Often. I honestly don’t really ship straight up Li Cu/Shen Qiong, but adding Wang Can’s Chaotic Murder Element Does Things to me.

I want to ship Li Cu/Su Wan/Hao Ge but anything past Kissing and Holding Hands makes me cover my face in Embarrassed Despair bc they are my BABIES my SONS i cANT

and you already know about that One Very Specific time travel au where it’s li cu/wu xie/xiao ge i have a LOT of FEELINGS about THAT but only for that Very Specific Circumstance

I actually headcanon Li Cu as demi/bi, leaning more towards ace, bc it just?? Fits so well, in my opinion?? I don’t really wanna imagine him having Sexy Times with anyone, just Sweaty, Embarrassed, Panicky Feelings (except for that Very Specific Time Travel au but we’ve talked about this). Maybe this will change. But for now he is simply My Son and I wish him happiness in whatever form he so chooses.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I WOULD DIE FOR THE TIGER TRIO!!! FOR ALL THE REASONS STATED ABOVE!! THEY’RE DUMB TEENAGE BOYS LEARNING TO LOVE THEMSELVES AND EACH OTHER.

I also unrepentantly would die for Shen Qiong&Wang Xiaoyuan&Li Cu&Su Wan&Hao Ge&Wang Can BROT6. I- wow. okay. Might actually write a fic about this. They are the Next Generation, learning from the Iron Triangle/HeiHua/Su Nan and they are learning from past mistakes and SURPASSING THEM and everyone is SO PROUD LOOK AT THEM GO!!!!!!!! And okay maybe let’s add some Xiao Bai in there, too, hm?

And- well. not BROTP, but it is our Classic FATHER&SON DUO LI CU & WU XIE. They are my favourite thing about Sha Hai. Full stop. They make me Feel Things and Cry. They’re what really got me into Sha Hai and the greater dmbj universe. :)

ALSO LI CU & SPIRIT SNAKE ✨ BFFS FOREVER ✨

My unpopular opinion about this character:

UHHHHH I have no idea I’ve never thought about this before UUHH ARE there unpopular opinions???

OH maybe unpopular opinion is that Li Cu is demi/bi instead of Straight Up Sweaty Gay. he’s just Sweaty bc oH NO HE’S NEVER FELT LIKE THIS BEFORE??? HE L P???

OH also maybe unpopular opinion is that he and the original Shen Qiong actually were good friends and maybe each other’s only friend until Su Wan came along.

And okay maybe this is another unpopular opinion: Li Cu did actually start falling for Shen Qiong but he’s a Confused demi who has a difficult time telling the difference between friendship and romance and also it was a Really Shitty Situation. and he’ll forever wonder if they could have been Something or just Really Good Friends and he’ll never know 🙃

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

MORE SPIRIT SNAKE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I want them fighting over control of his body. I want Spirit Snake kicking ASS. I want more of those CRAZY DEAD PEOPLE VISIONS ok i have HEADCANONS about those and I think it was the SPIRIT SNAKE and not whatever the fuck Wu Xie said it was. I want Trauma, I want Reluctant Found Family, I want Li Cu letting the spirit snake take the reins of his body every so often so it can actually Live and maybe get Li Cu’s ears pierced and dress up gnc as FUCK bc the spirit snake don’t need no Stupid Human Gender. and- sierra, as you so eloquently put, Li Cu looking at himself and going “OH?” 👀 bc hELL YEAH THAT’S STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW LET LI CU BE GNC

I’m assuming we’ll get more spirit snake in Sha Hai 2, but if it’s not Leo Wu playing Li Cu I will burst into Actual Tears.

Sierra thank you for letting me cry about My Actual Son Li Cu. \(´；ω；`)/

[clearsky]

My Top Comfort Characters/Kins and My Main HCs For Them

(Note, not all my kins/comfort characters are on here, just the ones I have more than 5 hcs for)

CW: Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3), Himiko Yumeno (DRV3), Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA), Kyoko Kirigiri (THH), Tsuyu Asui (BNHA), Entrapta (Spop), Ibuki Mioda (SDR2), Celestia Ludenberg (THH), Funtime Foxy (FNAF), Peril (WOF)

Korekiyo Shinguji (DRV3)

Nonbinary

He/They pronouns

Autistic

Chains and loose accessories are for stimming

Likes the feeling of silk and cotton

Can't stand the feeling of anything rough or bumpy

He likes collecting small trinkets and the bones of small mammals

Can't stand anything salty. He'll eat it but he certainly won't enjoy it

Dating Rantaro

Can flirt, but only if he doesn't try

Petnames are a hell yea

Gets sunburnt really easily

Group dates with Celesnaegiri and Ikuzono

Can't cook for s h i t

Had a scene kid phase in middle school

Went to the same middle school as Celeste and Maki

Knew them when Celeste went through her "I'm not like other girls" phase and Maki was a Band Kid™

Himiko Yumeno (DRV3)

Female

She/Her pronouns

Lesbian

Can force herself to fall asleep within seconds regardless of where she is

100% forces herself to fall asleep when she doesn't wanna listen/talk to someone

Himiko/Angie/Tenko relationship. I'm calling them the Traffic Light Trio

She likes taking naps in the forest

She prefers enclosed/tight spaces more than open ones

Has several hundred stress balls and squishies laying around

She overheats easy

Shinsou Hitoshi (BNHA)

Questioning his gender, but goes by any pronouns

Knows he's Asexual, at least

Has no clue what his romantic orientation is though

The kind of person to carry treats in his pocket just in case he runs into a cat

Will stop to pet literally every cat he comes across

Great at reading people

Doesn't talk unless it's 100% needed

Hangs with Tokoyami, Jirou, and Denki most often

Aizawa has 100% unofficially adopted him

Fosters kittens

Not a big fan of physical touch

He is 100% in the bakusquad. Anyone who says he's in the Dekusquad is a c o w a r d

He and Tsuyu vibe

Knows a bunch of random facts

Dark humour? Dark humour

*skates backwards into his therapist's room slowly sipping from an absurdly huge cup of coffee* Candice you're not gonna BELIEVE the shit I just went through

In case I forgot to mention it, he skates

Kyoko Kirigiri (THH)

Mtf

She/Her

Bi with female preference

Burns go up to her shoulders/collarbone/chest

Prefers to just listen as opposed to saying anything

Knows a ton of random trivia about everyone else in her class

She keeps a notebook she fills with all the trivia

Doesn't celebrate her birthday. She just doesn't see the point of it

Doesn't hate sugar/sweets, but if given the choice she would choose literally everything else

Cuts her own hair

A cat person

Permanent dark circles

T-Tall 😳

Like,,, 6'1 at LEAST

Only person taller than her is Yasuhiro (6'3)

Canon no longer exist

Ahahaha healthy life habits? What are those?

Can't handle horror games

She's the kind of person you'd go to if you needed to rant but didn't want any advice

Polyamourous yo

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

She's a dom yall are just scared to admit it

Tsuyu Asui (BNHA)

They go by They/Them

Lesbian

They and Ochaco are dating

They like to hang with Shinsou

Which mainly just means the two sitting in one of their dorms in near total silence doing whatever

Can speak English and French as well as Japanese

Learned English from cartoons

Picked up French bc they thought it'd be fun

Prefers to stay neutral in the whole Bakusquad / Dekusquad thing

They're invited to all outings/events by/for both squads

They like puns

They're a dumbass but willingly, and for fun

Like "someone says they like dark humour and they'll turn off the lights before telling a joke" kind dumbass for fun

Great at poker

Likes Disney Movies

Very touchy once you get close enough

Not in a sexual way, just likes physical contact

Especially fond of piggyback rides and cuddles

Extreme fear of needles

Entrapta (She-Ra)

She/Her or It/Its

Doesn't bother trying to figure out whether she's cis, trans, nonbinary, or what

Was AMAB though

Short as fuck (4'7)

Strong as fuck though

Cuddle game strong

Physical touch is a fuck yes

Cuddles

Piggyback rides

Hugs

Anything where she's touching someone is wonderful in her book

As long as she's the one that initiates it

Anyone else touching her without her permission makes her freak

Prefers being high up

Makes it harder for anyone to sneak up on her

An ace at video games

When it comes to sexuality she just says she's Questioning

Ibuki Mioda (SDR2)

Any pronouns + Pup/Pupself + It/Its

No idea what their gender is otherwise

Biromantic Asexual

Just likes sexual jokes

Gets distracted easily

Has severe hearing problems

She's plays her instruments as loud as possible, with the amp right next to her, without ANY ear protection

It's caused some damage

She talks so loud bc she has no idea how loud is considered acceptable

Wears hearings aids most of the time

Several piercings and tattoos

Likes hearing things jingle

She has a bracelet with a few bells hanging from it

She'll shake it whenever she's bored

LOVES hair accessories

Ribbons are a particular favourite

Occasionally she'll hang little charms from her hair "horns"

The kind of person who never takes any pills/medicine bc she keeps forgetting she has to

Frequently uses emojis

Skates everywhere but she isn't very good at it

She keeps crashing into everything

Has broken every bone in her body at least 3 times

Most of which was bc she keeps trying to kick in doors and skating down the stairs

Celestia Ludenberg (THH)

Nonbinary

Any pronouns, mainly goes by She/They

Bi, 70:30

Collects mini hand sanitizers and can tabs

Has single handedly gotten Mario Kart, Mario Party, Monopoly, Uno, and Clue banned a grand total of 17 times (and counting)

The kind of person to purposefully target someone regardless of what game was being played

Favourite victim is Byakuya (bc he gets so upset about it and she finds that hilarious)

Mains Waluigi

Celeste/Kyoko/Makoto

Has several banned Twitter accounts bc whenever she's bored she'll start discourse on purpose

Hangs with Korekiyo, Ibuki, Byakuya, Yasuhiro, and Leon most often

It's a weird friend group but everyone's sorta gotten used to it

She and Byakuya gamble together occasionally

She tries to avoid it bc he'll willingly blow his entire fortune in an attempt to beat her

Autustic

Can't stand the feeling of water

Mainly bc she can't swim for shit

Horror movies? Hates them

Gets flustered super easily

Taka is her twin brother

Kotoko, Kokichi, and Gundham are their half siblings (Same father)

Peko and Toko are their cousins

She sucks ass at go fish

Fuck canon she's 4'11 now

C h u b b y

Freckles

Once she gets comfortable enough with herself she dyes her hair in the peekaboo style

Either black and red or black and blonde

Haven't decided yet

I'll be doing Celesnaegiri hcs as a seperate post but I just feel it's important for you to know that she expresses her affection verbally and is a very touchy person

Went to middle school with Maki and Korekiyo

Has horrible eyesight

She wears contacts most of the time but she always puts off buying more

After the 5th or so time she ended up blindly stumbling around a week after her contacts ran out Kyoko convinced her to buy glasses as well

Religious accessories yo

Like chokers and dangly earrings with crosses and pentagrams and shit

Likes wearing wacky earrings

Can run and do all sorts of tricks in heels

She and Mukuro are exes yo

Keeps her hair short so it's easier to manage

Hair never gets longer than her shoulders if she can help it

She seems like the kind of person who'd keep her bangs grown past her eyes regardless of how frustrating or inconvenient it is

She's a sub yall just don't wanna admit it

Funtime Foxy (FNAF)

I'm going on the record to say this

Funtime Foxy is genderfluid and that is that

Goes by Funtime

Any pronouns, They/Them most commonly

Plays music (keyboard and guitar mainly)

They and Funtime Freddy (Freds) mainly play with the kids

Freds mainly tells stories with Bonbon while Funtime more so plays one-on-one

Has nicknames for everyone

Circus Baby - Ringleader

Ballora - Bells

Funtime Freddy - Partner

Bon Bon - Bun

Peril (WOF)

I like both Nonbinary She/They Peril and Mtf She/Her Peril

They're both such good concepts

She's a lesbian, Harold

She only had a crush on Clay bc he was pretty much everything she was supposed to like in a guy

Gimme a moment while I force all my mental disorders onto this poor child

Autistic, Anxiety (Social anxiety, mainly, but she has most types), Adhd, PTSD

I'd like to reiterate yet again that She's a lesbian

Sunny and Glory were her gay awakening

Peril in Book 1: Damn, Sunny and Glory sure are pretty. Anyone would be lucky to date them. Clay would probably go for them over me. He would be stupid if he didn't. I myself would willingly date them over someone like me. They're just so pretty :(

Peril waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of arc 2: WAIT-

Rarepair alert but Peril/Sora

Peril meeting Sora: "Hmmm She's attractive. I would love to date her. Too bad I'm straight and in love with her brother lmao :P"

Peril, a mere month later, waiting for Ruby to leave Jade Mountain, pacing in her cave, running face first into a wall: WAIT-

I remember reading this one amazing story where Sora taught Peril to read/write and Peril found out she set off the bomb and comforted her/convinced her her run so that's canon now

Btw if anyone can remember what that story was called/what platform it was on and could tell me I'd appreciate it very much

I'd even be willing to draw a character of your's or make you an icon or something

I usually don't accept requests bc I get burnt out easy but this is a special case

She runs into Sora again sometime between the beginning of TOP and the end

I like to imagine she just goes wandering around

Anyway she confesses like a mere few minutes after running into her again bc Peril is just subtle like that

The actual confession takes 15 minutes and the entire time Sora is just sitting here like "👁👄👁 sure"

Bam Peril/Sora

Peril plans to keep it a secret for a little while longer but she spends 3 seconds around Clay and pretty much blurts it out

Clay, who wasn't even aware that Peril was a lesbian, is just "👁👄👁"

I wanna say Clay doesn't know what a lesbian is but in my canon Sunny is a lesbian so Starflight has already told him

Anyway he's super supportive

From that point Peril is sorta open about her sexuality?

Like, she gives Clay permission to tell the rest of the D.O.D bc she isn't about to risk being in front of them when they hear the news

(When Sunny starts actively seeking her out as a hang out buddy and Tsunami, Glory, and Starflight appear to tolerate her presence just a bit more afterwards she pretends she isn't confused by the change)

She's pink, white, and blue bc I said so

If you look at a certain angle in the right lighting her eyes, mouth, fire, and under her scales all look purple

But her fire is normally white and blue bc I said so

Also she pale as fuck bc in my canon their fire just sorta burns their colour away

You know how you leave something outside for too long and it gets sunbleached? Where it gets all washed out?

Like that but more extreme

By the age of 10-12 firescale dragons are just white with pale eyes

That's right not even the eyes are safe

Ram horns :P

I'm also fond of Peril/Sunny

Or maybe Peril/Sora/Sunny

But Peril/Sora is the main thing

On the topic of that bringing in my hc that if one sib in a sib group is fire resistant all of them are

She,,, She can change her scale colour

But only slightly and only if her emotions are strong enough

Bc I don't give a fuck about Darkstalker's scroll we were robbed of hybrid Peril

Unfortunately all of Peril's emotions are strong

Rainwing ruff along her head and neck

It's like a hood

It's mainly smoothed to her sides but when she's startled it flares out

RAINWING PUPILS

Y'all will know what those look like as soon as I get off my ass :P

She,,, She can mimic bird cries

Hates the summer

She has more than enough body heat already and the outside is just hot enough to add on and make her feel sick

She can somewhat control her heat but most of the time it's based on her emotions

It can go from standing-in-the-middle-of-a-burning-building-cant-see-your-nose-smoke-is-so-thick heat (Strong emotion) to Hey-thats-a-nice-cozy-campfire heat (Calm/"weak" emotion/Sleeping)

I'm just gonna make a different post with all my Peril hcs cuz there isnt enough room for all of them here

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Melodrama Prompt List

A collection of prompts set to Lorde’s Melodrama

I do my make-up in somebody else's car, we order different drinks at the same bars

I know about what you did and I wanna scream the truth

Thought you said that you would always be in love, but you're not in love, no more

Did it frighten you, how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?
 I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

Sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom

I whisper things, the city sings them back to you

All those rumors, they have big teeth

But, honey, I'll be seein' you down every road

It's time we danced with the truth

We're sleeping through all the days

But my hips have missed your hips

Will you sway with me?  Go astray with me?

We're King and Queen of the weekend, ain't a pill that could touch our rush

But what will we do when we're sober?

These are the games of the weekend

We pretend that we just don't care, but we care

Midnight, lose my mind, I know you're feeling it too

Can we keep up with the ruse?

I know this story by heart

Jack and Jill get fucked up and possessive when it get dark

Midnight, we're fading, til daylight, we're jaded

In the morning, you'll be dancing with all the heartache

Don't know you super well, but I think that you might be the same as me

I'll give you my best side, tell you all my best lies

Know I think you're awesome, right?

Our rules, our dreams, we're blind

Blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite

Our friends, our drinks, we get inspired

Might get your friend to drive, but he can hardly see

I guess we're partying

Well, summer slipped us underneath her tongue

Our days and nights are perfumed with obsession

Half of my wardrobe is on your bedroom floor

I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush

I overthink your p-punctuation use, not my fault, just a thing that my mind do

Our thing progresses, I call and you come through

Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you

But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre

Okay I know that you are not my type, still I fall

I'm just the sucker who let you fill her mind, but what about love?

A rush at the beginning, I get caught up, just for a minute

Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm

So I guess I'll go home, into the arms of the girl that I love, the only love I haven't screwed up

They say, "You're a little much for me”

I understand, I'm a liability

Get you wild, make you leave

I'm a little much for everyone

The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy til all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me

But every perfect summer's eating me alive

They're gonna watch me disappear into the sun

Let's give it a minute before we admit that we're through

I remember the rush, when forever was us

God I wish I believed you when you told me this was my home

I care for myself the way I used to care about you

Know you won't remember in the morning when I speak my mind

Lights are on and they've gone home, but who am I?

Oh, how fast the evening passes, cleaning up the champagne glasses

We told you this was melodrama

And the terror, and the horror, god, I wonder why we bother

All the glamour, and the trauma, and the fucking melodrama

All the gunfights, and the limelights, and the holy sick divine nights

They'll talk about us, all the lovers, how we kiss and kill each other

You wanted something that we offered

Sorry I was never good like you

Hated hearing my name on the lips of a crowd

Did my best to exist just for you

Bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark

I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops

I'll find a way to be without you, babe

I still feel you, now and then

When you see me, will you say I've changed?

I ride the subway, read the signs, I let the seasons change my mind

I love it here since I've stopped needing you

In my head, I play a supercut of us

We keep trying to talk about us, I'm someone you maybe might love

I'll be your quiet afternoon crush, be your violent overnight rush

In my head, I do everything right

Because ours are the moments I play in the dark

We were wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart

All of the dreams that get harder, all of the things that I offer you, and all of the shit that we harbour

Maybe all this is the party, maybe we just do it violently

But you're not what you thought you were

Every night, I live and die, feel the party to my bones

It's just another graceless night

I'm 19 and I'm on fire

But when we're dancing I'm alright

Are you lost enough? Have another drink, get lost in us

This is how we get notorious

We are young and we're ashamed

All of our heroes fading, now I can't stand to be alone

Let's go to perfect places

Every night, I live and die, meet somebody, take 'em home

Let's kiss and then take off our clothes

All the nights spent off our faces, trying to find these perfect places

What the fuck are perfect places anyway?

[emy-loves-you]

Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 15

Sandwiches and Self-Jealousy

Chapter 14 | Masterlist | Chapter 16

Warnings: Jealousy, half-lying, mentions of abandonment issues

Virgil shot up, surprised by Janus slamming the door upstairs. He stared at his phone. What was he supposed to do? He’s been flirting with his 3 crushes as Anxiety, and they don’t know that he’s Anxiety. Virgil sighed, gathering up what courage he had left. Might as well gather intel.

V- (1:10 PM) You’ve been flirting with THE Anxiety?!?

L- (1:10 PM) More like he was flirting with us.

P- (1:11 PM) You know Anxiety, Kiddo?

V- (1:11 PM) Yeah, I’m a fan of his

V- (1:11 PM) Are you sure that he’s flirting? Last I heard he was dating his bandmates

L- (1:12 PM) He said that he was flirting with me, but I don’t think he means it as a romantic gesture. He seemed more interested in my consent than my unavailability.

V- (1:12 PM) Wait, why were you guys okay with each other flirting with strangers?

R- (1:13 PM) We might all have the teensiest tiny crush on him

Virgil felt his cheeks heat up. They all had crushes on Anxiety? What was Virgil supposed to do with that information? Should he ignore it? Or should he try and be more serious with them as Anxiety, to see if he has a chance as a rockstar instead of a faceless friend?

Virgil suddenly felt something stirring in his gut. It took a few moments to recognize the feeling: Jealousy. Virgil had been pining after his crushes for months. He was not losing his chance to a person they’d only known for a week. Sure, that person was also Virgil, but it was the principle of it, Dammit! Virgil thought about it. While it would be easier to date them as Anxiety, he’d much rather date them as Virgil. Maybe I can give myself a leg-up through Anxiety. Virgil thought about it for several more minutes. This could work. Finally smiling, Virgil turned back to his phone.

V- (1:20 PM) Okay, you guys wanna get closer to Anxiety?

V- (1:20 PM) How does VIP tickets to their next concert sound?

R- (1:21 PM) SERIOUSLY?!?

R- (1:21 PM) YES PLEASE!

P- (1:22 PM) You don’t have to, Kiddo!

V- (1:22 PM) The concert’s on February 17th. Consider it a Valentine’s Day gift from me to you guys.

L- (1:22 PM) The concert is in less than 3 weeks. How do you have VIP tickets? Were you intending on using them, Virgil?

V- (1:23 PM) No, I just know a few people

V- (1:23 PM) By the way, where did you find that album, Lo?

L- (1:23 PM) I am at home right now due to nasopharyngitis. A coworker of mine dropped this off as an early birthday present. He said that I might find it useful. I assume that he saw Anxiety visiting me at the library and recognized him.

Virgil sighed. He’d have to pay more attention. He’d dropped his guard down when interacting with them. He didn’t want anyone else recognizing him.

R- (1:25 PM) Well, I must take my leave. I have lunch with Anxiety today, so I will inform him of our situation.

P- (1:25 PM) DON’T TELL HIM ABOUT OUR CRUSH ON HIM!

R- (1:25 PM) I WON’T!

Virgil swore, getting up. He’d completely forgotten about his lunch with Hottie/Roman. He quickly grabbed his stuff before running out the door. He sent a quick text to Janus, telling him that he had left. He speed-walked to the sandwich shop that Roman liked, ordering the same sandwich that Roman ordered every time, as well as one for himself. Before he knew it, he was standing outside of the theatre, sandwiches in hand. He sat there, remembering what he wanted to say to Roman. Roman soon walked out, a nervous yet somewhat awe-struck look on his face.

Flirt Mode: Activated

“Hey, Hottie. Ready for sandwiches and banter?” Anxiety held out the sandwich, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“We need to talk.” Anxiety startled slightly. He knew that Roman wanted to talk to him about his identity, but he didn’t think that he’d be this direct.

“Sure, mind if we sit down? My back is killing me.” They sat down on the sidewalk, uncomfortable silence between them. Anxiety opened his mouth to break the tension. “So-”

“I know you’re Anxiety.” Roman’s voice was soft, softer than Anxiety ever remembered it being. He stared down at the concrete. “And I know that I’m not the only person that you’re flirting with. You’ve actually been flirting with my 2 boyfriends. I just thought you should know that I knew before we continued anything. I don’t want to trick you or lie to you.”

Anxiety felt a wave of guilt overcome him. He shouldn’t be leading them astray like this. But what could he say? Hey, I’m also the guy that’s been texting you for the past 7 months. Hope this doesn’t pressure you into liking me. Anxiety mentally shook his head. No, he couldn’t do that. But he also couldn’t fully lie to them. Maybe some half-lies would make it better?

“I already knew.” Roman’s eyes shot up.

“How? We just figured it out today!”

“Apparently you told my friend too. Unless he made up the exact same story when he asked for the VIP tickets?” There, Virgil can be Anxiety’s friend. Close enough to where it would make sense for Anxiety and Virgil to know things that they shouldn’t, while far enough to draw away suspicion.

Roman’s jaw dropped. “You know Virgil?”

Anxiety nodded, taking a bite out of his sandwich. “Mmhm. He’s a good friend of mine. He sometimes goes on tour with us.”

Before Anxiety could even blink, he suddenly had a face full of Roman. “What’s he like?”

Anxiety stared, dumbfounded. “What?”

Roman huffed, the light never leaving his eyes. “Virgil. What’s he like? I’ve been talking to him for months, but we’ve never met face-to-face. So, what’s he like?”

It took a few moments for Anxiety to talk again. He wanted to know about Virgil? Not the literal rockstar in front of him? “Well, he’s sarcastic, for one (yep). He likes to spend money on people he cares about (you, Logan, Patton). He bounced around the foster system for a while, but I don’t know why (why didn’t anyone want me?). He has really bad anxiety (hence the persona), so he doesn’t go to any of my concerts (not as Virgil). He talks about you a lot (I can’t stop myself. I bring at least one of you up in every conversation I have with J and Re).”

“He does?” He looked so… happy? Hopeful? Unsettled? Virgil couldn’t tell.

“Yeah, he’s always blabbering about what you said that day or what he’s planning on getting you (not a lie). So, now that you know what I think of him, now it’s your time to spill. Who’s Virgil to you?”

Roman suddenly had a strange look on his face. Anxiety couldn’t name the emotion in his eyes. “Virgil is… different. He has such a cynical view of the world, yet he still makes lighthearted puns. He’s doesn’t want to meet us in person, yet he spends so much money on us. He can’t bake for shit, and he sends adorable apology chocolates when he thinks we’re upset. He loves Halloween and Disney. He listens when we need someone to talk to, and he rambles off random facts when we need a distraction. He comforts Patton when he’s sad. He makes Logan laugh after a tiring day, even if Lo plays it off as exasperation. He calms me down when I think that the world’s against me.” He sighed. “I wish he trusted us enough to let us meet him. I respect his wishes, but it’s hard, y’know? Trusting someone that you’ve never met.”

Anxiety felt another wave of guilt, this one even stronger. He opened his mouth before thinking. “I’m sure he’ll open up to you soon.”

“Really?!” Roman looked up, with so much… joy, and hope, and that same emotion that Anxiety couldn’t name. He recognized it somewhere, but he couldn’t remember where.

Anxiety smirked, internally screaming. “Of course. You think I’d lie about something like that? He just needs to build up his confidence first. Once he does, he’ll be dying to meet ya.” His smirk softened to a half-smile. “And from what I’ve seen so far from you, Angel, and Starlight, he won’t be disappointed.” Anxiety checked the time on his phone. “Well, your lunch ends in 2 minutes, and I’ve gotta go. See ya later, Hottie.” And with that, Anxiety stood up and walked away.

Virgil was surprised that his comment about opening up didn’t make him feel guilty. Instead, he felt… relieved? Hopeful? He couldn’t tell. But it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. I do have to tell them eventually. Might as well promise it. Pressure myself into actually doing it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby @sanderssides-angst

[freakygirlie]

Walker- 1x05~spoilers~

bye this shouldn’t have taken a month but here we are and I have no excuse other than the fact that I was avoiding tumblr anyways

~spoilers~ last warning!!!

4 MONTHS FLASHBACK WAS SO WELL SET UP!!! Walker in the Duke outfit looked good enough to eat <3 Ok and I liked Twyla in the beginning PLEASE.

‘‘Hope you can count to 11′‘ JDSJHJDSH SASS ON POINT <3

The scene of Walker shoving his head in the sink of water to ground himself was heartbreaking but at the same time so...badass idk man. Walker Ily.

‘‘August is grounded’‘ ‘‘You really want to test me? After this?’‘ SNAPPP. But like August is so scared of his dad leaving :( (i need to stop comparing sam and august in my head bye)

TRICKI!!! Micki and Trey’s interaction over his job was so cute i LOVE THEMMM. ‘’sports medicine’’ trey that’s not a thing but issok ily. Trey wanting to introduce Micki to his mom :’) OK BUT MY FAV PART WAS THAT AFTER MICKI SNAPPED AT TREY SHE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED LIKE HELLO COMMUNICATION!!! WE STAN A COUPLE LIKE THIS SO MUCH!!!

SHIRTLESS WALKER ALERT SHIRTLESS WALKER ALERT H E L P.

‘‘Keep the circle small and the lies honest’‘ dAMN new instagram caption

I hate Graves. Like so much. Bitch diE. LIAM DEFENDING HIS BROTHER SO TRUE <33 MICKI DEFENDING WALKER! SO! TRUE!

JARED CALLING TWYLA BABY GIRL AND BABY DOLL PLEASE SOMEONE H E L P, LIGHTING MYSELF ON FIRE

sexy times we love ;) ‘’garlic bread and whiskey(?)’’ YUH SAME WALKER SAME.

WHY TF DOES EVERYONE THINK HE STOLE THE MONEY STAY AWAY FROM MY BOY :(

I don’t like Ruby ok. Someone tell her to go far away from August pls

MICKI GOING UNDERCOVER TO HELP WALKER SO TRUE AND SHE LOOKS SO GOERGEOUS MICKI HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS MARRY ME.

HER GOING AFTER TO HELP WALKER EVEN WHEN GRAVES TOLD HER NOT TOO I AKDJHJDHD EXPLOSION. CW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT SHIP THEM.

MICKI’S ACCENT HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPP. ALSO WALKER’S ACCENT AS DUKEEE HELPPPPPPP. I have an accent kink apparently.

HAHHAHAHSAHJS TWYLA QUESTIONING MICKI(ADRIANA) AS TO WHO DUKE’S BEST FRIEND IS AND MICKI GUESSING IT CORRECTLY I LOVE HER. And that smug smirk she had when talking about putting him in lockup JSHJHSGS YES MICK WE KNOWWW.

‘‘there’s something she’s gotta do first’‘ I IMMEDIATELY KNEW THIS WAS GONNA BE THE BULL SCENE AND I KID U NOT IT WAS EPIC. IT DELIVERED. I LOVE THAT SCENE SM<3

But the one before that! Walker and Micki’s convo! Micki ribbing Walker for being a jackass<33 and Walker knowing that she stood up for him SHUT UP I LOVE THEMMM. Walker yelling in Micki’s ear JDSJDHJ ‘’still think i’m crooked Graves?’’ a) which kinda crooked walker ;) and b) graves i hate u bye

AUGUST COMING TO FIND HIS DAD OVER THERE. OHMYGOD OK LISTEN I LOVE U BUT U ARE AN IDIOT. Legitimately i was so mad Walker didn’t scold August for doing what he did. The conversation really broke my heart though. Walker was just pleADING with his eyes for August to go away but *sighs*.

Trey and Stella’s interaction was the cUTEST!!! I love Trey so much actually. And him being coach is smth I’m also very excited to see more of, he’s gonna be great!!!(this is a very nice time to add that Jeff Pierre liked my comment on insta<33)

And then we get to the best scene of this episode. Walker and Micki along with the others about to ‘’plan’’ the new raid so they can cover the missing 300K, walker being stressed about the August situation, shaking his hand and visibly trembling, MICKI HOLDING HIS HAND TO GROUND HIM SOMEONE TAKE ME AWAY I AM D E C E A S E D. THAT SO VERY TINY SCENE MOVED ME SO MUCH SHUT UP I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM.

THE WHOLE SHOOTOUT GOING THERE ENTIRE SCENE!!!! YES BADASS TEXAS RANGERS AWESOME GUN FIGHTING BAM BAM BAM.

Also i really loved the flashbacks of Duke’s undercover time. They were really well done and flowed with the story so much, how is this show real.

But Jared Padalecki i-

‘‘I lost someone....My brother’‘ YOU LITTLE- YOU KNEW. YOU KNEW WHAT THAT WOULD DO TO US I WILL CHEW ROCKS. ‘‘he was my best friend’‘ JARED WHY WHY WHY WHY.

‘‘butch and sundance’‘ i hate this show.

Loved Walker’s fake attempt to escape, so he doesn’t blow his cover, I don’t like Twyla anymore :) but i liked Duke, the character he was and ngl I ship Twyla and Duke, no one come after me for this.

WHEN HE GOT SHOT OHMYGOD FOR A SECOND I FREAKED SO BAD.(It’s just my Sam ptsd activating no biggie :/ i need to get over spn for my own good ohmyGod)

So as far as Twyla or Clint goes, Duke’s dead.......that might....come bite them in the ass later(after watching episode 6: oops i spoke too soon:) )

Clint and Crystal’s last dance moment was cute ok dont @ me bye

LIAM AND CORDELL ARE SO CUTE OHMYGOD. Liam calling Cordell ‘Cordi’ I’m in my feels no one touch me. The hand on his necK NO ONE TOUCH ME. PROTECTIVE!LIAM RIGHTS!!!

CORDELL TELLING LIAM NONE OF THAT WITH CLINT WAS ON HIM H E L P PROTECTIVE BIG BROTHER JDJSDJD I LOVE. 

THE HUG!!!! <33333

WALKER COMING HOME TO HIS KIDS AND EXPLAINING THE SITUATION!!! WE LOVE COMMUNICATION. ‘’Duke is dead’’ CHILLS.

Them burning everything, and getting rid of it all and being a family, i teared up again damn this show.

‘‘Emily’s murder....something is off,’‘ YEAH GET ON THE TRAIN BRO WHAT HAS WALKER BEEN SAYING

Micki and Trey scene!!!! I love them again, and the fact that they open up to each other and talk about what’s real and important! I love tricki so much <3

ANYWAYS THIS EPISODE WAS A BLAST!!!!! VERY WELL AND NICELY DONE WALKER JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!! Also so glad it didn’t end on a cliffhanger <3

Speculation/Thoughts for Episode 6:- (what i felt when i first watched the promo since this is being uploaded after the 6th ep has aired i’m an idiot ok)

WHY IS GERI SELLING THE BAR I REALLY LIKE IT! SIDESTEP SHOULD REMAIN P L E A S E. ALSO HOYT RAWLINS IS COMIGN BACK OMG OMG OMG I LOVE HIM OK YEEEEE!!! And um Liam and James investigating Emily’s murder...........without informing Walker.........that’s gonna go well.....AND HELLO WHAT DO THEY FIND??? IK SOMEONE ON THE INSIDE IS INVOLVED OK. 

Micki’s mom is coming in this ep! I wanna see how that one plays out since we know they don’t have the best relationship. *sighs* parents :) 

i cant wait 3 weeks wtf. bring walker back.

[nanbaka-82]

No one asked and no one will probably read but here’s songs that remind me of some of my most beloved hypmic boyos (Yes I wrote this at five am and I was being biased) Alert this is very long and shitty don’t read if ya don’t wanna get a brain rot and I advise you not to break your mind before 2nd drb.

Bonus up top:

All Stars + Kotonohoto:

- This Is The Moment - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

CLASSIC LOVE IT KEEP GETTING DRB VIBES

- I’m Ready - AJR

THIS IS LIKE DIVISION ALL STARS VS KOTONOHOTO

Yotsutsuji:

- Three Thirty - AJR

IM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE AT ALL but since he’s a character that we never really got to understand and analyze, or maybe the fact that he was put falsely into his comatose state pains me.

“You start thinking about the clock ticks, you get nervous, you start stressing, so how am I supposed to fit this, in three minutes, and thirty seconds?”

“Listen to my aching heart. Quick before you skip the song. We are human after all. And we. Don’t. Stay. For. Long”

Naughty Dialogue/MCD +:

- Bang - AJR 

JUST LOVE THE VIBE 

“I’m way too young to lie here forever (IchiKuko) I’m way too old to try so whatever (SamaSasa) so come hang! We’ll go out with a bang!”

- Partners in crime - ft. Ash Costello

The vibe too! Idk I really like it!

- A Bud Like You - AJR

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH IT FITS THEM EVEN MORE HELL YES

Naughty Busters: 

- Rope - Kulick

“I keep slipping on down but I can’t let go yet”

Pain 

- Kids In The Dark - All Time Low 

 “They left us alone, the kids in the dark, to burn out forever or light up a spark, we come together, state of the art, we’ll never surrender, so let the the world sing”

More pain but cute 

Mad Comic Dialogue:

- I’m Not Ok - Weathers 

HHHHH THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY FAVES

“IM JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE FUCKED UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE”

- Weak - AJR 

“But I’m weak, and what’s wrong with that? Boy oh boy I love it when I fall for that” (fall for each other those Lil gay boiz)

- Broken -lovelytheband 

“I like that you’re broken broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool?” (sasa)

“I like that you’re lonely lonely like me, I could be lonely with you” (sama)

“There’s something tragic, but almost pure, think I could love you, but I’m not sure” (sama)

“It’s something wholesome, it’s something sweet, tucked in your eyes that I’d love to meet” (sasa)”

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore 

Y e s 

- Sober Up- AJR

“Hello hello, I’m not where I’m supposed to be, I hope that you’re missing me, cuz it makes me feel young”

*Cries in SamaSasa*

“Won’t you help me sober up? Growing up had made me numb, and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me sober up? All the big kids say I’m drunk and I wanna feel something again. Won’t you help me feel something again... how’s it go again?”

“And I wanna feel something again. I just wanna feel something again. (My favorite color is you)”

“Can I finally feel something again?”

*Cries in SamaSasa again*

Otome (I’m so in it for her):

Dollhouse - Melanie Martinez 

Just. Her backstory. Shit. 

Fling Posse:

- TMD (Talk Me Down) - R & R 

This song just reminds me of the overall relationship between fling posse! I’d make an edit but I’m lazy and sad 

- It’s On Us - AJR

(Honestly AJR is my emotional anchor and it’s obvious)

“It’s not your fault you don’t feel safe it’s not your fault so don’t take blame (no it’s on us)”

“We can try together, make it right together, we can fight together, it’s on us, though your trust is stolen, though your heart is broken, you are never broken, it’s on us” 

“We know what we need to do we’ll be there it’s not on you”

Now da main course:

Samatoki Aohitsugi:

- Karma - AJR : 

THAT PART WHERE ITS LIKE “Where the hell is the karma?” HNGGG

- Can I Get a Witness - Sonreal :

OKAY hear me out:

“I fell in love with you cuz you made me feel, I fell in love with you cuz you kept it real, but you changed up on me, you changed your flow, and now I’ve been hating on you every where I go”

BASICALLY YEAH AND THE REST OF THE SONG TOO

- Honest - Nico Collins 

No comment... 

- Middle Finger - BOHNES 

Oh god I love this song 

“But I refuse to let you make me feel like I can’t fly, not only will I soar again, I’ll own the fucking sky” 

“Livin like a riot, setting off the sirens, fists are clenched I’m fighting, soul has been ignited, ain’t got time for dying, I’m too busy thriving, more than just surviving, heart is beating violent”

And just so much more, this song reminds of his spirit that no matter how many times it’s been broke down just won’t give up, and I love it

- Little Poor Me - Layto 

“I tried hard you know I care, I care, I care, just a little poor me, just a little poor me”

The way he protected what he loved with all his heart, Sasara and Nemu, yet, he still lost them at the end. 

Jyuto Iruma:

The Car - Nightly 

Idk why it fits him—the feel of it I guess 

Ramuda Amemura (maNy but I chose):

- Rabbit Hole - AViVA 

Gives me the feel where he drags people down with him but wants to escape 

- Hypnotized - AViVA

I DONT EVEN GOTTA FUCKIN SAY IT

“Can’t you see you’re hypnotized? Locked inside those eyes. Now don’t you go out at night, you’ll end up hypnotized”

“Look into my eyes find it so appealing look into my eyes send your body reeling, now you’re hypnotized, drag you down down down”

Gentaro Yumeno:

- The Way - Layto

Not so sure about this one—but 

“New Speak, show and tell, this will be my hardest sell, wise men, always say, sadness raps in golden plate” 

Reminds me of how he was bullied and unsocial in school, also how his care takers were elders and made him happy 

- 100 Bad Days - AJR

“A 100 days made a hundred good stories, a 100 good stories make me interesting in parties” 

NSJSBSJJSISS LISTEN IT F I T S

Dice Arisugawa:

- Disaster Party - MAGIC GIANT

FUCKIN-THIS SONG IS SO DICE STFU AND

“You’re a brave heart, but you’re broken, and an Angel, but you’re choking”

THIS REMINDS ME OF HOW DICE SILENTLY ACKNOWLEDGES GENTARO AND RAMUDA BUT DOESNT PUSH INTO THEIR BUSINESS! WHAT A GOOD BOY WE HAVE oh and

“Throw away all your money” hhhhh

- I’m Not Famous - AJR 

Reminds me oh how he could have been literal royalty but decided to say fuck it

Hifumi Izanami:

- Echo - Crusher-P

We don’t talk about why I link this to fumi 

- Oh oh and there’s this part in Parents - Yungblud, “Hi nice to meetcha! Got nothing to believe in! So tell me when my breathing, stops-“ idk it reminds me of his phobia and past 

- Make you Mine - Public The Band

HHHH HES SOFT BBY OKAY 

Doppo Kannonzaka:

- Isolate - SubUrban

“Segregated, situated, hanging on, sophisticated, liberated, nauseated, I just want my medication, individuality and blue lights give me headaches, I’m not changing for the better, I’m just changing clothes on weekends”

Need I say more?

- Come Hang Out - AJR

I personally love this one 

“Come hang out cuz you’re outta your mind, you’re working so damn hard, you forgot what you like, come hang out, don’t you leave us behind. But, I’ll be there next time”

“Come hang out cuz you’re missing your life”

“Should I go for more clicks this year? Or should I follow the click in my ear?”

I feel like this song is from everyone who cares about him which is also me—

Jyushi Aimono/Hitoya Amaguni:

- Crybaby - Melanie Martinez

ABSOLUTELY NOT SHIPPING but the part where it’s like 

“I look at you and I see myself”

Makes me cry because I remember how Hitoya lost his brother to bullying then you have Jyushi so he wants to help the little boy live his life and achieve his goals, unlike his brother, sadly

Sasara Nurude:

- My Play - AJR 

Fucking. Just watch the official vid. That’s all. It’s about parent divorce and slaps.

“When I show you my play, will you pretend you didn’t know, if I make a mistake? It’s gonna get really really really really bad, before it’s okay. But maybe you’ll forget it all, while you’re watching my play” 

- Rose Colored Boy - Paramore 

OHH BOY I WROTE A WHOLE FIC ABOUT THIS ON WATTPAD 

- Istanbul (Not Constantinople) 

FUNNY FUNNY SONG CLOWN LIKE FUNNY FUNNY 

Rei:

- Hushh - AViVA 

Fucker got one. 

“Hush Hush, keep your pretty mouth shut, hush hush, lose your inhibitions”

- This Ain’t A Scene It’s An Arms Race - Fallout boy

Like HeLL.

“Fitting you with Weapons in the form of words, and don’t really care which side wins, as long as the room keeps singing that’s just the business I’m in”

“I’m not a shoulder to cry on, I digress, I’m a leading man, and the lies I weave are so intricate, oh so intricate” 

If you read this then congratulations why the fuck did you waste your time

[pettrichore]

dunno if i’ll be able to finish this. but so like dabihawks au where like. dabi does his research aka when he was touya he was with his dad once during the whole takami thief thing and met keigo. flash forward he doesnt believe a thing about this hero hawks. sees him for the fabricated person he has become. and eventually hawks sees dabi for who he really is and was and like vigilante-ish dabihawks. bits about the au and the snippet i wrote under the cut.

cause this shit gets LONG af

hawks feels fake. doesnt rlly know who he has even become

the commission kinda forced a lotta habits out of him and completely molded him into who they want him to be

he barely even finds his name to be anything more than a stranger’s name at this point. 

anyway so dabi p much knows who he is. does his own digging. and kinda puts some pieces together and sees how fake hawks is

hawks barely even knows if he shows any genuine emotions at this point. he’s kinda at a breaking point where he cant recognize himself and separate keigo from hawks. feeling like hawks has just swallowed him whole

he does show genuine things though. sometimes says or does shit out of line but he tends to have obedience beat into him even if he sometimes has a bit of a mouth on him. it’s mild tho

at the start of dabi working w hawks, hawks was very careful

it kinda progressed into keigo coming out more around dabi even though it was in bits and pieces

anyway dabi puts two and two together and realizes him and hawks are pretty similar and instead of seeing him as a traitor (though he’s sure that he’s not 100% on their side) he sees him as someone who can fit in with the misfits and he can p much fully convince hawks to ditch the bs

so the confrontation happens (see ending snippet) and hawks is like wtf just happened

and p much eventually there’s some tender moments between dabi and hawks and hawks ends up explaining how used he’s felt

he has been molded into the perfect obedient soldier; maybe sorta kinda explains that the commission is having him do double agent duties and instead of reacting badly dabi is p receptive and doesnt just try to kill him. instead he can see how badly hawks wants to break out of his cage and fly free and he deeply feels for that and knows how that can feel and is like aight well fuck them

so hawks kinda double agents on the commission?? 

and he does end up meeting the LoV and like sees how human they are

but also he’s like damn son but okay i dont agree w everything

and dabi is like yeahhh same ??? idk they are a means to an ends for me but also not lmao 

and then there’s some dabi spilling his guts as they get closer and get more intimate and very much boyfriends

and hawks is so livid and he cant help but fuck around with endeavor the next time he sees him. and like he’s just so much more distant to him. he can’t begin to wrap his head around it. and he’s so broken that like.. the one person that he saw as his true hero. that “saved him” is a horrible person behind closed doors

the one person who he was inspired by and agreed to join the commission’s forces for is just horrible

there’s just a lotta solidarity between hawks and dabi and a lotta shared anger and hurt

and they’re boyfriends and it’s great but also like hawks isn’t a horrible person

neither is dabi ??? i mean listen they’ve both killed ppl. they probs will continue to kinda do it. but it’s always just horrible ppl

like listen killing ?? not great folks??? but also like idk man.. 

they also def leave kids outta this 10000% 

anyway p much they end up ditching the LoV too. try to get some of them outta that shit. like toga who has become like a sorta lil sister for dabi in a way

they both just feel so horrible and gross seeing kids get into that shit

also like the girl needs some HELP. some therapy and rehabilitation idk

idk i love the morality shit with the LoV but might not play with it too much here

anyway they end up doing their own thing and the commission is quick to denounce him and just ruin his image

and try to kill him lmao they made him a perfect hero which could be a perfect villain and if he isn’t working for them he’s working against them (i mean he is) and needs to be Stopped Permanently

anyway here’s the snippet. my single brain cell that helped write this has left my body:

At this point, Hawks wasn’t so sure he was even real. His existence felt fabricated. Each smile or joke carefully placed. Each movement was calculated. He didn’t act out of line. His interviews were carefully thought out months in advance if not lies that he himself began to believe after years of telling them. His penthouse had just enough “personal” touches that when he had a spare moment to invite someone over it actually seemed like it could be a home. Hawks’ original motivations were squashed and were pushed aside unless they created an interesting story. His natural mannerisms that came with his mutation quirk were learned to be suppressed. Hell his own name sounded like a stranger’s to his ears. That is if anyone even knew it. 

“Is there anything real about you, hero,” Dabi spoke. His back wasn’t fully to Hawks, left side presented to him as he set a framed graduation photo down and fully faced the winged hero. Dabi stuffed his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to the side some, waiting for an answer. Hawks snorted and gave him an unamused look.

“I’m as real as they get, hot stuff.” He kept a casual air about his words, hands spreading out in surrender. “Not sure what else you expect.”

Hawks was on edge, but he wouldn’t let the villain know it. They were supposed to be meeting soon, but once again the villain pulled something unexpected and had been waiting for Hawks in his own apartment. Hawks’ feathers twitched slightly, sharpened edges ready for the command if it came. Dabi leveled him with an unimpressed stare. There was a moment where their gazes met in an intense battle, though Dabi’s look softened as he broke out in a lazy grin.

“Y’know... You might be just as much of a mystery as I am, Pretty Bird.”

“I think I’m a pretty open book myself.”

“I think you like to let people think that.”

“And I think you’re just trying to fuck with me. Can we just get to what you came here for? I had a looong day and kinda wanna get some food and some sleep.” Hawks punctuated his words by stretching his arms up high before shedding off his coat, goggles, and headphones. He tossed the coat over the back of his couch and dropped the gear onto the end table. He hoped Dabi would just drop this whole line of thought, take this as some sort of submission, and be satisfied enough to leave. 

Wrong.

“Oh, we can get to that later… You, on the other hand, are much more interesting.” He moved closer, hands coming out of his pockets as he crossed the room to stand a few feet from Hawks. 

“I’d love to be a great host and entertain you, but unfortunately I wasn’t expecting any guests today.” Hawks crossed his arms and watched Dabi carefully, eyes narrowing some in challenge. 

“That’s too bad. You know, I’ve been doing some research on you. I don’t quite think you are who you say you are, Hawks.” The winged-hero tensed just ever so slightly before forcing his muscles to relax some. He didn’t like the way things were going. While Dabi’s fire was his ultimate weakness, he’s sure that he’s fast enough to put a sharpened feather to his throat and end this all here and now than Dabi would be if he wanted to put the spy to an end.

“And who do you think I am then, Dabi?” He raised an unruly eyebrow. His primaries ached to shoot out and end this, poised at the ready.

Dabi blinked slowly, bright turquoise eyes disappearing for a moment before shining under heavily lidded eyes. His grin stretched a bit wider, tugging on where healthy skin met the grafts. 

“I think you aren’t the hero you put out there… Or the person you say you are. You like to say a lotta nothin’ don’t you?” Dabi stepped closer and Hawks’ fingers twitched but his arms remained crossed.

“I think you like to pretend to be this airhead bird. Like to use that name. Like to look like you’re the perfect little hero... You’re good at it, too. You aren’t though, are you… Takami Keigo.” 

Hawks had a primary feather in each hand, on pressed to Dabi’s throat. It pressed in just enough to draw some blood from the marred skin grafts. He could feel the heat radiating from Dabi’s skin and particularly from the small flames in each of his palms, but the villain made no move to use it against him. He just continued to grin. 

“What’s the look of surprise there, Birdie?” Dabi purred. 

“How do you know that name?” He demanded, crowding further into Dabi’s space. 

“Like I said, I did my research. Now unless you want to end up on the crispy side of cooked, I’d ease the fuck up,” Dabi’s voice took on a slight bite towards the end and his grin lessened. “And here I was going to tell you that you can meet the boss finally. Thought you might be real League material.”

Hawks instincts and mind screamed to press the sharp feather further or at least hold his position, demand answers. His judgment told him to ease off and soften the feathers once more. Hawks didn’t move too far from Dabi, though the primary feathers in his hands softened and returned to his wings. The heat radiating off Dabi died down along with the flames in his hands. Steam left his skin as he killed the flames. 

“Much better… We don’t want any incidents like that when you get to meet the boss, right? You’re lucky I’m a lot more patient.” Hawks wasn’t sure what this was all about but didn’t argue with him on that point.

“Glad to see your fake little hero persona is starting to crack.”