#i used to only post shit if it was perfect I’m trying something new with this blog ok

[thresholdbb]

Doing speed character sketches and pretending I’m not home

[foreingersgod]

babes ur writing is so good , can you write something where the reader is going to indiana with caitlin but is nervous that cait will forget about her ???

*i think i interpreted this wrong so i’m so sorry lmao

Champagne Coast . CC

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: request ^

A/N: y’all i’m so sorry for how long this took me!! and i feel like my writing has really deteriorated so please give me feedback and let me know if you like it or totally hate it lmao, thanks for your patience!!

also sorry i had to use YN like ONCE !!

wc: 10.6k

Finishing eight or nine?

Tell me, what's the perfect time?

your bowl had been placed in the dishwasher long ago, countertop cleaned and leftovers placed in the nearly empty fridge. dinner was growing cold and you hadn’t cared to wait, opting to eat alone yet again before residing in the living room. the tv played in the background with some arbitrary doctors show from the 90s as you sat patiently watching the clock. the hands were beginning to collect dust, you noticed, though it had only been up for a few months upon your move to indiana. each tick seems to mock you the more time dragged on.

she was supposed to be home long ago. practice would have been done at 8 or 9 and it was now approaching 11. this is what it always was, waiting up for her well into the night when the street lamps turned on and the sky grew dark. and you’d wait up like you always did as you were unable to sleep without her. especially in this new home, new bed, new sheets, new life. it never quite bothered you that caitlin would show up late every once and awhile, but it had started to become a habit, and you were left cold and alone. pestering her about being home at a certain time wasn’t fair to her by any means, knowing that she was just going and getting to know her team some more. but recently it felt like you were navigating this milestone in your life by yourself-your girlfriend hardly around to comfort your racing mind.

when caitlin had been drafted, you knew immediately in your heart that it was going to be rough. change was something of a challenge for you and it terrified you more than anything. you recalled sitting at that table, hearing her name announced and the deafening cheers, thinking about how excited you were for her. and even though you were thrilled for her, you couldn’t help but think about how your perfect world was going to slowly crumble. caitlin insisted that things wouldn’t fall apart, just adjust for the future you were going to build together. but now you were here, in this house-not home-trying to convince yourself that all of it was true.

suddenly, you were pulled from your period of musing when the lock of the front door clicked. it was followed by the faint creaking of hinges, old brass from the 70s, your land lord had claimed. you thought she was full of shit. weary eyes traveled to the opening door to see a very tired caitlin walking in. her hair was tousled, post practice shirt just slightly wrinkled, the slightest bags under her eyes that she insisted weren’t there. she was struggling with the move just as much as you, though she’s never admit it.

“hey,” you uttered just enough to be heard over the television. feelings of your isolation had begun to dissipate the moment you saw your girl, relief running through your veins “you’re home”

“yea” she cleared her throat as she let her bag fall to the floor. the squeak of her shoes echoed against the walls when she toed them off, eventually setting them on the rack beside the door. there was an uneasiness laced in her voice you had picked up on. she didn’t seem angry nor irritated, but she was far from her usual self when she was home. she’d typically be thrilled to see you, ready to be in your arms again and let the stress from the day wash off. you were the first thing she’d looked for when she stepped across the threshold. but tonight, her eyes were hesitant to find yours.

“are you alright?” you watched as she shuffled into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, skipping over the leftovers that you had considerately set aside just for her. her favorite meal dished into the nicest tupperware you owned. her slim figure leaned against the cool marble countertop, taking a swig of the water “you seem a bit…off”

“just tired” she glanced at you, locking eyes for what felt like the first time since she’d been home. a weak smile made its way onto her lips as she studied your position on the couch. you couldn’t lie, she did look tired, but part of you couldn’t shake the feeling that had been consuming you for months. the distance that basketball had created made it feel like you and caitlin were living separate lives, when really, this should be something you tackled together. you couldn’t blame her for any of it even if you wanted to, just hoping that things would go back to the way they were.

you wished she were home more, that her presence would provide you some sort of reassurance. maybe just to convince you that you weren’t going insane, liked you were trapped within these walls for a reason other than her career. it had been a while since you felt like you were living a life that didn’t solely revolve around caitlin’s.

“okay” you smiled back bitterly without pressing any further. any energy you had for a conversation like that had left your body hours ago. reaching for the remote and lifting yourself off the couch, you motioned to the stairwell. considering she didn’t even acknowledge the food, you assumed settling down for the night was what you both needed “ready for bed?”

she blinked rapidly, kissing her teeth silently when she noticed the annoyance in your voice. guilt consumed her as she saw the look on your face, the twinge of desire lost from your eyes.

“mhm” she hummed in agreement as she followed you upstairs to the bedroom.

maybe you both just needed some sleep, caitlin thought. neither of you were mad nor cross with each other, but you’d be fools if you didn’t sense the tension in the air. things had been different for quite some time now, all of it too confusing to address, leaving you to wallow in the awkwardness for days now. but if there was any time, any place, where all that was left at the door? it would be here with each other in bed. it was something of a safe haven, nothing else mattered when you left your worries at the door and held each other tightly.

like clockwork, you stripped of your typical daywear down to your lace panties and one of caits t-shirts. it had a worn down high school logo on it, the design fading from the countless times it had been through the wash. she, likewise, pulled her sweaty gym shirt off her body to replace it with one from her closet. you crawled under the covers whilst you took off your earrings, setting them on the small tray on your nightstand-something you picked out at target when you and caitlin went decor shopping for the new apartment. you had barely noticed caitlin also climbing into bed as the memory of that day overtook you. no words were exchanged as you both settled into the sheets, pulling the thick duvet over your shoulders and finally letting your muscles relax. it was only when a pair of burley arms wrapped around your waist, a familiar nose prodding against your collarbone, did the silence break.

“love you” caitlin whispered, breath warm on your skin “m’sorry i was late tonight and that i missed dinner. i’ll make it up to you”

“s’ok cait,” you murmured, sleep tugging at your eyelids. you brought a hand up to her head as you raked your fingers through her hair, she always loved it when you did “i love you too”

it mattered not what she did to make it up to you. she could do anything in the world, buy you countless gifts, take you on a million trips, but it wouldn’t change the one thing your heart desired for.

her.

I told you I'll be waiting

Hiding from the rainfall

trying to navigate to the locker room was a difficult task, having to push past the cheering crowds in a stadium you weren’t familiar with. you were surrounded by a blur of seattle’s green and yellow jerseys as you looked for any sort of path to follow. indiana had just taken quite the loss against the storm and you knew, the second you heard the buzzer sound, that you needed to find caitlin as soon as possible. eventually, you found where you needed to be and beelined for the locker room, hoping she hadn’t already gone looking for you.

the large metal doors stood tall in front of you when you arrived at the locker room entrance. the shift from the excitement out on the stadium floor to this quiet displeasure was staggering and you weren’t even inside yet. whatever you were about to be faced with would break your heart, you could already see it now. you pictured caitlin sitting down, head in her hands as she tapped her foot anxiously and made her best attempt to hold back her tears. she had been struggling with everything recently-the move, the new team, the continuous losses-it was slowly chipping away at her.

however, after pushing the doors open and stepping inside, it was quite the opposite from what you expected. the doors clicked shut behind you, causing the noise to reverberate around the desolate room as you took in the sight before you. and just as you imagined, your heart slowly began to twinge. caitlin sat there on the bench alone, head leaned against her locker as her chest heaved up and down. tears cascaded down her face and her lip quivered the more she sobbed. wispy strands of hair stuck to her forehead from all the sweat and her hands clutched the sides of her head in frustration. you had never seen her in such a state. caitlin was typically reserved, even with you, not wanting to be open and vulnerable. but here you were, seeing her with all of her guards down.

“caitlin” you breathed, immediately rushing over to her. you fell to your knees, body slotting between her thighs. shaky hands came to rest on her legs hesitantly as to not make matters worse “hey, hey what’s going on baby?”

she made a weak attempt at looking at you, tears blurring her vision. a hiccup escaped her chapped lips when she felt your soothing touch on her clammy skin. caitlin couldn’t even manage the words, thoughts lost in her own mind, only tangling more as she continued her cries. she managed to push herself off the locker, letting herself collapse into you as she shook her head. something to signal her unwillingness to talk. her large arms and heavy torso clashed against you as you enveloped her into a hug. warm tears dropped onto your shoulder as she pressed her cheek into your clavicle, creating a damp spot on your indiana fever t-shirt.

“shhh, i know you’re upset,” you rubbed circles onto her back, palm running across the fabric of her jersey “but i need you to talk to me, i can’t make it better if you won’t tell me”

“i just-” she croaked, voice wavering “i feel like…like a failure”

your body went stiff, the movements of your hand stopping momentarily. you hoisted her back up to face her in disbelief. the confession had taken you aback-not that caitlin had been anything but humble, but she knew how amazing she was, of her immense impact on the sport. to hear that word tumble from her lips, masked by a series of desperate whimpers, was enough to break you.

“caitlin,” you dragged on, feeling yourself at a loss for words. everyone thought so highly of your girl and it crushed you to hear her say those words “you are so far from that”

you watched her throat bob as she swallowed harshly. she tugged at the bottom of her jersey, bringing it up to her face to wipe some of the sweat away. in reality it was just an excuse to hide her blood shot eyes. another shake took possession of caitlin’s head to deny your statement.

“yea well my performance begs to differ”

“one bad game isn’t-”

“it’s not just one game” she cut you off before you could even begin to disagree. she had stopped crying by now, intense emotions now overtaken by aggravation “it’s several games. i keep fucking up. missing shots, turning over the ball-shit”

her rambles trailed off in a rampage of huffs and groans, her breath hot as she breathed angrily out of nose. she was always too hard on herself, lost in the heat of the moment and not giving herself any grace for all the hard work she’s put in thus far. it was a topic that began to consume your daily life. caitlin couldn’t seem to shake off the struggles of the day, in turn bringing them home where they became your baggage as well. of course you didn’t mind being there for your girl-hell, you’d do anything for her no matter what-but it was all starting to get exhausting.

you hated that you had these thoughts in the first place, feeling like a bad partner because you couldn’t bare the repetition of these conversations. time after time after time again you’d beat yourself up over it. caitlin deserved the world and more, but you deserved that just as much and these restless nights weren’t providing that. you didn’t even know what to say anymore, torn between how you wanted to proceed.

“there’s a lot on your plate,” you reassured, getting off your knees and taking a seat next to her on the bench. caitlin’s head automatically went to your shoulder as you took one of her hands in yours “you’re just starting out…don’t be so hard yourself. i know it’s rough, but you’re doing what you can and that’s what makes you so amazing. give yourself some grace, babe”

“i know but,” she sniffled, feeling a sense of calmness rush over her as you toyed with her fingers. it kept her distracted, grounded her for the time being “i don’t know, i’ve just been wanting to be the best all the time-for everyone-and i can barley even keep my head straight”

“i think i can speak for everyone when i say you’ve blown us all away” you traced along her lengthy fingers “your fans, your family, me…we’re all so proud of how far you’ve come”

she sighed deeply, you could practically feel the relief dispersing in her veins. in trying times like this, this is exactly what she needed. you were the shoulder to cry on, the answer to all her problems.

“you always know what to say”

she was right, you did. you’d always have the most thoughtful response lined up, no matter the reason or time. partially because it came so naturally to you, having an empathetic heart since forever, but partially from the consistency of these conversations. you couldn’t even count on your fingers the amount of times you’d sit with caitlin on tough nights, rubbing her back and whispering softly in her ear to bring her back to reality.

“well it’s the truth” you chimed “i’m always going to be here for you, cait”

you always are.

she offered you a smile through puffy pink lips, sore from biting them in strain. caitlin found the strength to pull away from you as her hands left yours, only to plant them right back onto your cheeks. her hands felt heavy on your skin when she brought your face to hers gently. your lips met in a sharp yet delicate kiss, caitlin eager to feel you against her again. but it hadn’t felt usual to you, as your bottom lip caught between her teeth and as your tongue collided with hers. it lacked that passion, that thrill of reveling in your lovers embrace. what was once fire was now a mere ember is a pool of spreading ash. you had feared this feeling for quite sometime although you’d never admit it, it felt as if she was slipping through your fingers.

bit by bit.

Tell me, what's the joy of giving

if you're never pleased?

she had changed.

locking herself away and distancing herself further from you as the season went on. she had always been hard on herself, but even then, she knew when enough was enough and what her limits were. but it seemed that after each game, she lost control of herself more and more. you had never seen her be so critical, so judgmental about her abilities.

it was hard to watch one of the most important people in your life shut themselves away. you wanted nothing more than to be there for her, but she put on the same facade each time and claimed that it as a slump to overcome. but could you really call it a slump when it was starting to weasel its way into the foundations of your relationship?

you hated to think it, but you felt neglected; your wellbeing didn’t feel like it was a priority to caitlin anymore. she used to be so sweet, attentive and caring when you were back in iowa. you wished that you were just as important as basketball. but the mere thought of accusing her of abandoning you seemed harsh when you considered bringing it up to her, because in all fairness, she was undergoing one of the biggest milestones in her life. but that didn’t mean that pushing you aside was fair either. you were taking care of the apartment, running all the errands, helping her balance her schedule, comforting her every single night as she saught after you for solace…and then managing your own life on top of that.

some days it felt like she didn’t even bat an eye at the lengths you went for her. how her laundry was done and set on her dresser, how dinner was made each night, how you picked up her favorite protein powder at the grocery store because you noticed that she was running low? she had began to expect it the more you pushed, not even offering so much as a ‘thank you’ or any regard of appreciation.

you could only give so much with little in return, you need her just as much as she needed you.

On my last strength against you

Baby, tell me what you need

you were happy for her, truly you were. it was so rewarding to see caitlin bond with her team and start to navigate her place in the W. she was beginning to believe in herself and that’s all a girlfriend could want for her partner. but something continued to gnaw at you.

you were doing everything in your power to make more time for caitlin-even if it should be the other way around. maybe by clearing up your schedule, it would make it easy for caitlin to make time for you. but you were sorely mistaken, you couldn’t force someone to make time for something that barely crossed their mind. and perhaps it was a foolish thought. an accusation a bit too cruel, but it was hard to watch caitlin celebrate life without you when most of it was owed to you. no one else served as her backbone, her crutch as she climbed her way to the top.

it was a bittersweet feeling for the most part. you smiled when seeing all the team pictures posted on instagram, chuckling lightly when caitlin retold stories of practices as she got ready for bed each night-the only time you seemed to get with her nowadays. but then there were the tears when you ate meals alone at the head of the table, staring off into the empty seat where she should be sat. and of course the mornings where you didn’t feel like getting out of bed because facing reality of your crumbling relationship was too much to bare.

it was an unfair truth; as she glances off in another direction, you’ll be glancing back to her.

Young as I want to know

I will never let you go

“baby?” her voice felt foreign in your ear. you hadn’t heard that pet name in a while.

“hm?” you responded mindlessly, unable to form a genuine reaction.

you were sat on the balcony of you apartment, the sliding glass doors open behind you. it would let the autumn chill into the house, you told caitlin many times to not leave it open. but she disregarded your commands as she leaned against the frame of the door. you had a small blanket draped over your lap to protect your bare legs from the nippy weather of the changing seasons, your chin resting on your palm as you over looked the view of indiana. your mind felt blank and overcrowded at the same time and trying to clear your head with some fresh air didn’t seem to help at all.

you hadn’t realized she would be home so soon. after all it was 5:00 on a friday evening, you presumed she’d be out with the team or running extra drills with aliyah, hell even at a media event of some sorts. you never knew what it was anymore with her. she didn’t bother to text or update you, most times you only knew of her whereabouts from socials or her family.

“are you ok?” she asked again “it’s freezing out here, you should be inside”

“it’s too stuffy” you sighed, inhaling sharply as the breeze brought in another gust “i can’t be in there right now”

you felt her tense up behind you, the image of her shoving her hands into her pockets formed in your peripheral. this was the most you two had interacted in a while, but your moody attitude appeared sudden to caitlin.

“why not?”

“jus’ can’t”

an unsteady silence filled the atmosphere. the only noises left to be heard were the sniffling of your red and runny nose and the traffic blaring below the apartment complex. you had hoped she’d leave you alone and walk back inside. the optimism of trying had started to disappear and you didn’t think you had much fight left in you. you planned to savor the last bits of energy you had to keep this alive, although today didn’t feel like one of those days. you continued to look out into the distance when she finally moved. you felt the spot next to you plunge as she took a seat.

“you never answered me,” her hand came to rest reassuringly on your thigh. despite the blanket that separated your skin, the contact still felt cold “are you doing ok?”

she had already picked up on your weariness, you were never so shut off when you were with her. but you couldn’t pretend to care when she couldn’t either.

“mhm” everything in you fought to not make it sound so obvious, the sound of your heart breaking as you croaked out the words “i’m good”

caitlin was doing so well and you couldn’t bring yourself to be the bitchy girlfriend that was groveling for attention. you weren’t okay, your relationship wasn’t, but if you just sat in the quiet and let it blow over then maybe it would be. you feared being seen as selfish and you felt guilty as you pushed caitlin away with your short answer.

she huffed, pulling her hand away from you as she hunched over her self, elbows on her knees and head in her hands.

“weeks ago you were talking about how excited you were for fall” she muttered “so that you could put out decorations and we could cuddle up on the couch and watch those old scary movies you love so much”

you allowed yourself to look in her direction, noticing how her face was covered by her beautiful long hair. but you didn’t need to see her to know that she wasn’t pleased.

“but the house looks the same and you’ve been sitting on the balcony every day even though you know it’s gonna make you sick” she craned her neck to look out across the city and you could see the trail of tears in her eyes. just glossy, but not enough to fall “it doesn’t sound like you’re ok”

you couldn’t do this, not right now.

“i’m sorry” you breathed “i understand your concern. i just think i’m a little stressed is all you know? just got a lot going on right now and i guess my focus has just been elsewhere. i’m sorry”

a nearly complete lie, all your focus had been on her these days.

“no need to be, i get it, and you know you can always talk to me about these things. but you gotta come inside, babe” she prodded “you’ll catch a cold”

with reluctance, you gave into her request and pushed the blanket off your lap. caitlin watched as you folded it and draped it over your arm before taking your hand and guiding you inside. the warmth and the calming pumpkin scent of your candle enveloped you like a hug, putting you at ease for the time being.

the both of you fell back into your typical routine almost instantly. no words were exchanged as she headed upstairs to shower, and you moseying into the kitchen to start on dinner. some polite conversation was made when caitlin came back downstairs with wet hair and freshly moisturized skin to help you finish dinner, but that’s as far as it went. no hugs from behind as you stood at the stove, no kisses on the neck, no laughter that was pure enough to make your stomach hurt. but it was simple and it was nice, enough to hold you over until the rubber band holding you together finally snapped.

Trading a baseball lover as I face the snow

“alright,” you said as you walked into the living room, heels padding against the carpet of the hallway and your dress itching at the skin on your legs. your fingers fiddled with your last earring, making you huff in relief when the clasp finally shut “i’m ready!”

it was date night tonight, the first in what felt like years, and there weren’t any words that could describe how ecstatic you were. just the thought of some much needed bonding time with caitlin gave you hope. yes times have been tough, but there wasn’t anything a little quality time (and maybe some good sex) couldn’t fix. you had been planning this night for sometime, making sure you both had the evening off and meticulously scheduling every last minute of the night. you were optimistic that tonight would open up a new door for progress.

but when you walked into the living room, your heart sunk. here you were, all dolled up with the prettiest smile on your face, waltzing into the most disappointing sight.

caitlin sat on the couch, legs spread and back against the soft cushions. she had her phone in hand, hair pulled back like always…and most definitely in a dirty tee shirt from her hamper and a pair of sweats. certainly not date attire, you knew.

“cait” you stood blankly “it’s 7:00”

“uh yea” she responded, only looking up from her phone for a moment, then quickly doing a double take once she realized your physical state “what’s with the dress? i mean you look as beautiful as always but-”

“are you serious?” you scoffed. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. never in a million years did you think this would happen in your relationship. caitlin wasn’t like that.

“what do you mean ‘am i serious’?” she was taken aback, frustration already evident on her face as her checks glowed a shade of red “i just asked a fucking question”

“you really don’t know?” shoulders slumping when you realized she actually did forget.

she shook her head, brows furrowing as she awaited your response. a quick “no” fell from her lips.

“is the 24th caitlin” you chewed at your lip nervously, trying to hold back tears. you voice wavered as it caught it your throat, making you sound weak and defeated “our date?”

the color drained from her face in seconds, gaze softening and lips downturned. she was off the couch in seconds as she stumbled towards you, bringing your hands into hers. but you pulled them away swiftly and shot her a glare. you were done with the excuses, done with being left in the dust

“babe, i’m so sorry” she shook her head and brushed off the sting that came with your reluctance to her touch “i totally spaced, i could’ve sworn it was next week”

“i’ve been talking about this for months, caitlin” the words stumbled out from gritted teeth, jaw clenched in anger. you had no idea what to say anymore.

she gulped deeply as she looked down to her feet, she was in the doghouse for sure. although you’d consider her fate to be much worse than that. you began to sniffle upon her silence. could she really not manage to say anything right now?

“let me make it up to you” she tried to compromise. part of her knew she’d never be able to outlive this, but she was delusional enough to still believe she could somehow fix it.

“no,” you breathed, bending down to take off your heels. there wasn’t even a point in salvaging this tonight “just forget it”

“no really, you’re upset and this meant a lot to you and i want to fix it”

that was your breaking point. perhaps she didn’t mean it that way, but did she really only see this as something important to you? did she care at all about spending time with you? you wouldn’t be dumb to think that she wouldn’t, she had hardly done anything recently to make you think otherwise.

“really?” you sneered again, there was nothing holding you back anymore. you tossed your shoes onto the couch, leaving them as a problem for later “you want to fix this because it meant a lot to me?”

caitlin tried to study your facial features as she said nothing yet again. she couldn’t tell if you were genuinely mad or just annoyed, willing to forgive or prepared to hold this against her. she noticed the deepened tones of your cheeks and nose, the twitch of your left eyebrow, and the motion of your tongue darting out to sooth the previous bites on your lip. she had never seen you this mad, not in the eternity she had known you. you were such a sweet and loving person, incapable of talking bad about someone or staying mad for long. but she’d be damned if it felt you hadn’t changed within a second.

“i thought you would’ve cared too” you continued “you know, since i’m your girlfriend and you should also want to spend time with me”

“i do spend time with you”

“the fuck you do”

“what the hell does that mean?” she questioned angrily “of course i do, i’ve just been busy”

“please enlighten me then” you couldn’t help but roll your eyes “when was the last time we spent time together?”

“well what about tuesday, huh? when we, uh..when we watched that movie before bed? or when we both went to the team dinner the other night? that was spending time together wasn’t it?”

“no i watched the movie, you barely talked to me all night and the crawled into bed and went to sleep with your back turned,” you choked up as you recalled the memory, you remembered how much it broke your heart. your fingers came to pinch the bridge of your nose as the familiar sting of tears washed over you. “and really, the team dinner? you call that spending time? is it really that if you just chat with your buddies the whole night? you practically ignored me the entire time”

she kissed her teeth at you, clearly aggravated, but deep down she knew you were right. she hadn’t been good to you at all these last few months. and if she were to really be fair to herself, she’d have to admit that it was taking a toll on her too. she didn’t know why she was doing this, why she was acting this way, but she had already made her bed and she’d have to lie in it. this was a habit she knew she’d been baring for quite some time, pulling away when things got hard, leaving her loved ones to cope with the pain from her mistakes. and it broke her heart each time, but with you, it was like she was losing air.

“i’m trying here, alright?” her throat was dry as she tried to give you some poor excuse. she was too caught up in her own shame that she was digging her grave deeper.

“look caitlin,” you glared “i don’t know what the hell is going on with you, but i’m tired. trying just won’t cut it. i know you’ve felt the distance too, we haven’t been normal for a while now and it’s killing me. i can’t eat alone every night, have you come home just to ignore me, and the only time i get with you is under the public eye or with your friends. i know you have shit going on, cait, but you keep pushing me further and further away from you and i don’t know how much longer i can take it. i’m here for you time and time again and you can’t find it in yourself to set aside one fucking night for me”

you chewed at your lip, carefully navigating your next move before continuing.

“i left my entire life behind for you, caitlin. my friends, my family, everything that i have ever known. i left it all to be here with you and support you. and the fact that i spend every day mourning you when you’re in the same house is suffocating, i just can’t do it”

body shaking with anticipation, you looked down at your bare feet. you couldn’t bring yourself to look her in the eyes anymore. before you could stop it, sobs racked your body, tears cascading down your face. the emotions were too much to handle.

“babe-” she cooed, voice softening upon your confession. she’d never felt so disappointed in herself.

“stop,” you said meekly, cutting her off through your own sniffles. you forced yourself to look at her briefly, wiping away the mascara that had definitely accumulated under your eyes. whatever she had to say, you couldn’t hear it tonight. whether it be an apology or total rejection, the end to this period of suffering was about to end and you weren’t ready to deal with it head on yet “i think we need some time, caitlin. i just-i’m too upset and i’m hurting and i think time will do us some good”

“wait what?”

“you need to work out your shit. i don’t know, i think i’ll go to one of my friends places or something for a while..because i can’t put myself through anymore of this”

“no,” it came out as a blurt, her mouth moving before she could think. although she wouldn’t want to think, the image of you leaving plaguing her mind already “please, no, we can figure this out! god, fuck- just please don’t leave me”

you watched her slowly breakdown, she was becoming increasingly hysteric as begged you to stay. you gulped hard when she started crying along with you, another one of the few times she had shown you this side of her. it pained you to see the sight, your instincts told you to take it all back and reassure her everything was ok. but you had to keep your head high and remind yourself that things wouldn’t be ok if you didn’t look out for yourself, even if that included stepping away from caitlin for a few days.

“i’m not…i’m not leaving you, cait. just gonna take some time away, we both need to think about how this relationship is going to continue. and i can’t have an open mind if the cycle continues. but i promise it’s not goodbye, ok?”

she breathed through staggered hiccups, trying to force her body to relax. she couldn’t stand to be without you, even if it didn’t seem like it these past few months. her calloused hand came up to run down her face, taking the tears with it in an attempt to calm down.

“yea” she agreed, her voice barely above a whisper. she hated this, but she knew you both needed the time. you were always right “yea, ok”

and with that, you reluctantly stalked to the bedroom to pack a bag for a few days. shoving random shirts and shorts into the small duffel, avoiding the ones that you’d previously stolen from caitlin over the years. she had opted to sulk alone in the living room, bracing herself by sitting on the couch. she still couldn’t process any of this, the fact that she wouldn’t be with you for more than a day made her sick. even more sick at the fact that you couldn’t talk this out right away, you’d both have to navigate your feelings alone for a while.

she was perched at the edge of the couch, knee bouncing at an alarming rate. her gaze was fixed at the wall in front of her, staring at the variety of pictures that you’d hung on the wall. some of you both when you were younger, others of pictures with your families, and a few from the vacations and holidays you two shared since you’d been together. but her favorite ones, the ones she couldn’t bring herself to look away from, where the one of just you both. her eyes flickered across each and everyone, looking at the way you smiled at her, eyes almost welling up again when she saw how happy you guys were. she’d do anything to have those moments back, go back in time and stop herself from treating you so horribly.

she was disrupted from her period of musing when she heard you walk down the stairs for the second time tonight. you came into view with a bang slung across your shoulder, high heels replaced with a beat up pair of converse. you grabbed your keys as you stopped momentarily to give caitlin a saddened look, lips drawn in an apologetic smile. but you had nothing to be sorry for, caitlin thought when she gave you a similar look in return.

“hey,” she said before you could reach the front door. you turned your head, hand resting on the knob. desperation lingered in her eyes “i love you, and i’m so fucking sorry”

you dipped your head and pursed your lips, letting her know of your approval before fully opening the door and beginning a solemn ascent to your friends apartment.

“i know”

On my last strength against you

Baby, tell me what you need

it had been 6 days. 6 agonizingly long days.

she had nothing but time to think, and yet, she couldn’t seem to gather her thoughts at the same time. her mind was everywhere, bouncing from regret and guilt, to anger and dissatisfaction, and of course the remorse and pain. this is what caitlin was afraid of doing, pushing herself so far away that it had finally gotten to you. she’d gotten caught up in her head so deep that she failed to realize how much you were hurting. she’d never forgive herself for this.

everything felt gloomier without you, she noticed that now. there was a certain comfort in you being there, even if she did ignore you and push you to the side, you’d always be there and she abused that luxury. from the moment you left the essence of your shared home shifted uncomfortably. it was like a storm had unleashed its wicked winds to reign terror over the household, dulling your spirt that had kept it so pleasant and welcoming.

but she had to admit, the time was good. she needed to sit and make a change, promise herself that she’d get better for you. even if that did mean she’d have to sleep alone for a few nights, order takeout because her cooking would never amount to yours, brush her teeth before bed and come home from practice with you nowhere in sight. it was a necessary torture, but only temporary, she reminded herself. maybe she’d never know why she was acting the way she was, have to come to terms with the fact that she’s a shitty girlfriend and doesn’t deserve the apology she hoped you were willing to give. but despite knowing or not knowing, at least she could catch the poison that was her troubled subconscious before it could sink too deep. it was time to give up the self loathing and internal ridiculing. she wouldn’t let herself hurt you anymore

caitlin had always struggled with holding herself to an unachievable standard, convincing herself that she would never be enough or worthy of all this attention. she couldn’t believe that so many people wanted to watch her play, that she was first pick and that she was finally playing pro like she always wanted-part of her thought it was too good to be true. but she didn’t want to wake up from this implausible dream, forcing herself to go above and beyond just to hold onto it. and in the process, she’d forgotten to make time for you too. it was foolish, to ignore you like she had, you were her everything. every waking moment, at every practice and at every game, you consumed the entirety of her mind. at the end of the day, she was doing this all for you.

it was easy to get lost in the fame and the excitement and the pressure, but it shouldn’t have been enough to make her neglect you. nonetheless, she managed to do it anyways. so she took these 6 days to reflect and really target why she felt like she needed to act like this. she would go to the ends of the earth for you, willing to pick herself apart if it meant making it up to you.

Come into my bedroom

Come into my bedroom

her foot tapped nervously against the coir fiber of your friends doormat. a faded “welcome” written in black felt contradictory as she tried to find the motivation to knock. you hadn’t texted or called, hadn’t reached out to caitlin at all to let her know you were ready. but she needed you like she needed air and just had to see you. she had to finally apologize for how terrible she was acting, beg for your forgiveness because being away from you was eating her alive.

she let out a shaky breath as her closed fist met with the white wooden door, sending a loud pounding noise through the other side. caitlin could hear your friends dog barking and scratching against the door, followed by rushed footsteps that got increasingly closer. she barley had a moment to regather her thoughts before the door was pulled open harshly.

“caitlin?” your friend came into view, disheveled as she tried to keep her dog from running out the door. she quirked her eyebrows at caitlin’s presence, shocked and confused-and definitely a little angry-as to why she was at her door “what’re you doing here?”

“i um,” caitlin cleared her throat as if to stall, wanting more time to think of the right thing to say “i was hoping i could talk to-”

“i don’t think she’s ready to see you, cait” your friend muttered, trying to keep her voice down so you couldn’t hear. and you probably didn’t, caitlin was extremely aware of that.

“i know i know” caitlin urged “but i just need to see her ok? i need to make this right”

your friend chewed at the inside of her cheek as if contemplating her next move. you were her best friend and she’d do anything to protect you. after a few seconds, she shook her head and began closing the door, offering caitlin an apology and a goodbye as caitlin continued to beg for just one chance.

“no please, just let me see her! just a few minutes!” she said louder this time, slotting her sneaker clad foot in the doorway “i just need a second i swear to god-”

your friend put all she could into getting caitlin to leave, trying to push her out the door as quickly as possible. but she was persistent and continued her pleas.

somewhere in between the endless banter, through caitlin’s desperate cries and your friends agitated dismissals, came the answer to caitlin’s prayers. you were napping in the guest bedroom when she walked up the steps to your friends home, having been exhausted from sobbing throughout the night. just like caitlin, you hated sleeping alone. but your efforts to seek out peace were quickly interrupted when you heard subtle shouts from the the other room. curious and worried when you heard your friend raise her voice, you hurried to see what the commotion was all about.

you were surprised to the see the scene unfolding in front of you. your friend wrangling the door shut as her legs fought to keep the dog at bay, cussing out whoever was behind the door. you could’ve about laughed at her antics until you suddenly realized who it was that she was trying to shut out. you had assumed maybe an ex or maybe even a family member would have been the culprit, but the long silky black hair that glimmered through the gap in the door quickly corrected you.

“caitlin?” you questioned just as your friend had before. you stood back a few feet front the door, although your voice was loud enough to make the both of them stop.

their heads both whipped in your direction, the door creaking open wider so you could see her in full view. your friend huffed, rambling about how she thought you were asleep and how she was sorry that they had woken you up. but you discarded her as your eyes locked with your girlfriends. there was a certain look of grief in her eyes, the color almost fogging over in despair. your head told you to look away, the sight too depressing to stand, but your heart yearned for her nonetheless, unable to tear your eyes from her.

“YN” she spoke. it was like a cliche movie scene, like out of a fairytale, when the prince sees his princess in her natural beauty for this first time. whist she was hardly a prince and you hardly looked the part of a princess, the feeling was all the same. that feeling of reassurance and love. you were here, right here in front of her in your pajamas and bunny slippers, and suddenly she felt some sort of relief wash over her.

you walked over to them, assuring your friend that it was ok and asking her to give you some privacy. she walked away hesitantly after giving your shoulder a supportive squeeze. she shot caitlin a disapproving glare as she disappeared back into the house. you ushered caitlin to follow you out to the front porch, motioning to the swing that croaked in the afternoon breeze.

“what’re you doing here cait?” you asked, not looking at her, as you settled on the swings cushion, using your foot to keep it from rocking back and forth “i thought we agreed to take some time”

she took the spot next to you slowly as if not to scare you off, she worried she’d mess this up with you. she so badly wanted to reach over, rest her hand against your thigh and feel the soft skin of your palm rest atop it. but she opted for her own lap, picking at her nails mindlessly.

“i know,” a sigh that had nestled deep in her chest had finally met its release when she began “but i couldn’t take it anymore. this week has been fucking torture for me…i had to see you”

sadness washed over you for a moment, like the sun in a day of mist when it has nothing to shine upon, only dissipating when you felt her shoulder brush against yours. there was almost a faint smile on the corner of your lips, you’d also missed her touch over these past few days. but reality was cruel as it brought you back to the present moment.

“it’s torture for me too” you admitted. you despised being away from her, constantly yearning to be with her whenever she was away.

“really?”

“of course” you snorted, shaking your head as you look out across your friends lawn. you eyed the hydrangea bushes that weaved its way through the porch railings, the patches of yellow that spread through the grass-what a statement to question “i always miss you when we’re apart, why wouldn’t i?”

it sounded stupid to say, you realized once the words left your mouth. nothing you had done would insinuate you missing her, especially leaving her to wallow in your apartment alone, if anything it did quite the opposite.

“cause i’ve been a fucking asshole” she blurted “i wouldn’t miss me either to be honest”

she wasn’t lying, she was an asshole. the pain and loneliness that you endured over the past several months were dreadful, and she was finally ready to admit that it was all her fault. there were no more excuses to hide behind, not when your relationship was at stake. as she reminisced on the many years you’d been in each others lives, she found no reason to validate her behavior. you were everything she could ever need, ever want, and she was taking that for granted.

“nothing could stop me from missing you, cait”

a bitter taste filled your mouth as you anxiously responded to her. you’d been biting down on your lip so hard that you had started to bleed, barely even noticing it through the stiff tension between you. it was silent again for a while as you both pondered on your next moves. should caitlin beg for your forgiveness, get on her knees in front of you and cry? or maybe it should be you, convincing the both of you it was a misunderstanding and you should just forgive her and go home? you’d been straining yourself with your own stubbornness and you didn’t know how much longer you could keep it up. part of you wanted to hold your ground and let her know that you wouldn’t except this treatment, but the other part of you just wanted to fall into her embrace and forget about the whole thing. but before you could conquer this battle within your brain, caitlin beat you to it with a rapid burst.

“baby, i-” she said, stoping herself to think-was she even allowed to call you that anymore? her tongue clicked and her eyes squeezed shut, this feeling of guilt was insurmountable “i can’t tell you how sorry i am. how much i regret everything”

she sounded defeated as she fought to get the words out, a whimper threatening to spill at any moment. her nose stung as she sniffled back cries. she thought she’d never get through this, that she wouldn’t even be able to look you in the eyes. but to much of her dismay, your delicate hand met with hers, forcing her fidgety fingers to relax. she turned her head to look at you through damp lashes, and finally seeing your sparkling eyes looking back at hers, found the courage to continue.

“i get so…caught up in myself, and i forget about what’s right in front of me. practice, games, all the hate i’ve been getting recently-christ everything just starts beating down on me and i get so lost. i isolate myself and i push away anyone who tries to break through this damn wall i’ve put up..and when they do..i just end up hurting them” she watched your face contort as she spoke, your lips turning downward to a sympathetic frown. you were always too sweet to her, too good for this world “and that’s what i’ve done to you, the most amazing person in my life and i won’t ever forgive myself for it”

“honey..” the pet named rolled off your tongue effortlessly. caitlin would be lying if she said that hearing it didn’t put her mind at ease. you stuttered, trying to find the words yet again, but she urged you to let her finish.

“i’ve let my shit get in the way of loving you the way you should be. there’s no excuse for how i’ve treated you since the move to indy-not tough games or being homesick or any of that-and i’ve regretted every minute of it. you don’t deserve to go to bed alone just because i was upset, o-or to feel like you have to deal with your stuff by yourself…i know moving has been hard on you, especially since your entire family is back home…and the fact that i haven’t been any support to you is unacceptable and i take full blame for that. and for everything else too, like making you feel neglected? it’s fucking breaking my heart knowing that that’s what i’ve caused, that i’m never around and that i’ve been the furthest thing from a girlfriend. we’re supposed to be a team, we are a team, and all i’ve done is let you carry the weight of both of us. i’m so incredibly sorry and i’ll keep saying it until you believe me”

her chest rose and fell ever so faintly as she breathed deeply. she had run out of air as the words left her in a haste, eager to get her apology out. these past days were spent planning each word, each motion, each action so meticulously and she needed it to work.

and with her final huff, there was a gentle silence again, the wind chimes hanging from your friends porch ceiling clinked softly together. you removed your hand from caitlin’s, letting it rise to her and face and resting it on her cheekbone. the pad of your thumb rubbed into her soft skin, feeling the prominence of her defined cheekbone. she felt warm, probably worked up from the heightened emotions, but it was soothing in a way.

“i believe you, cait” you breathed. you felt her instantly relax into you, the weight of her head pressing into your palm. her eyes fluttered shut and her brows furrowed, she felt undeserving of your reluctance “and i know you’re sorry, it’s okay”

“it’s not” she mumbled against your hand “it’s far from okay. and i’m going to do everything i can to gain your trust back”

“you’re right, it’s not. but i know you’re actually sorry…and you don’t need to gain my trust back, babe. you’ve always had it” her lips quirked when she heard the lighthearted tone of your voice “you really hurt me, and these past few days have been straight from hell. but the fact that you came and owned up to it all shows me that you’re going to work on it”

she nodded frantically, agreeing with every word. because it was true, she’d go the extra mile to ensure you never felt like this again.

“i can’t imagine a world in which i’m not spending eternity with you..so i’m willing to forgive, but my heart won’t be able to bare this again and i need you to promise me it won’t happen in the future. i know you have so much going on in your life, you’ve gone through a lot, but it can’t continue to get in the way of us. i’m here for a reason, to listen and to help in any way i can. please talk to me instead of shutting me out-i want to be there for you okay?”

“of course, i’m going to be better. for you. you deserve more than what i’ve shown you and that’s far from how i want to be, we’re in this together and i want to change. i love you so fucking much and it’ll never happen again”

with a hand still on her cheek and a smile tugging at your lips, you leaned in closer to her. the denim of your jeans rubbed against the swing cushions as you moved nearly into her lap, close enough to press your lips to hers. you could tell the kiss caught her off guard when you felt her body jolt, but quickly relaxing when she fell under your enchantment.

it was a feeling that was hard to explain, like a flame being reignited or a spark nestling in the depth of your chest. you hadn’t kissed caitlin in quite some time, and when you did all that time ago, it had felt meaningless. but here it was different, the taste of jovial tears mixing with that of your lips, creating a rejuvenated feeling of love and adoration. there as a kick to this kiss as she pulled you in deeper, her hand coming to the back of your head to cradle you. it felt good again and you couldn’t be more grateful.

“i love you too”

Come into my bedroom

Come into my bedroom

it had been about a week or so since you decided you were ready to come home and work on healing your relationship with caitlin, and it had already been going better than you had expected. even though the conversation on your best friends porch went smoothly, you had only imagined the fights and anger that would be exchanged once you came home. but caitlin had shown quite the change already and you could already feel the rips and holes of your relationship beginning to mend. she had been just as doting and soft as she was at the beginning of your relationship.

she was treating you to candlelit dinners, drawing you the most relaxing baths, and fitting time into her schedule for you no matter how long it might be. she even took you golfing with her and was dragging you along to outings with the team and occasional press events. you hadn’t felt this excited in a long time, it was like you were crushing on her all over again.

for the first time since your life started in indiana, the little things were beginning to matter.

and now it was a quiet weekend night in, the plushness of the living room carpet weaving between your bare toes as caitlin’s hands rested quaintly on your hips. the furniture had been been pushed off to the outskirts of the room in order to give your bodies plenty of space to sway freely. the overhead light fixture had been long forgotten once the evening sunset began to bleed through the window, creating the sweetest source of light. the old record player, the one you brought with you when you moved away from home, sat on the the table in the corner as it spun yours and caits favorite album. the tune hummed quietly as its scratchy notes bounced off the walls, yet it was perfect for a night like this.

maybe it was cheesy, the way you and caitlin rocked side to side as you danced in your pajamas to sappy love songs, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. it was like a page out of the romance novels you read in high school. you were convinced this was all you needed in life, no luxury clothes or fancy dates, just you and caitlin soaking each other in as you danced around the apartment. it healed something in you as she spun you in her arms, laughing heartily when you stumbled. she was finally back to being your caity girl once more.

“what?” you giggled breathlessly after catching yourself from almost falling, pushing a loose strand of hair out of your face. she was staring at you when you faced her again, dimples evident as she grinned at you. her eyes had a softness to them, similar to the softness of her hand that snuck under your shirt to lightly pinch your side.

"nothin'" she shook her head with a wavering sigh "you're just...everything i've ever dreamed of, and i don't know- i just can't believe this is real"

she seemed choked up, in genuine disbelief that you were standing right in front of her, and it made your heart melt. it was moments like these that you craved, where her walls came down and she was completely herself with you. no pressure to look strong or tough, no holding back tears or true emotions, just pure love.

"of course it's real cait" you titled your head with an appreciative pout. you pulled her in with a comforting hand to the back of her head, leveraging yourself on your tiptoes to place a kiss to her forehead "what do you mean, baby?"

"like," she tried to find the words as she cleared her throat "like i can't believe that you're still with me. i don't know anyone who would stay through anything like the pain i've cause you. and the fact that you're right here in front of me, been so patient with me and understanding...i just feel so undeserving"

"hey, of course you're deserving" you politely scolded "we all make mistakes and sometimes they're bigger than we intend. but i love you more than words can describe and i know you've been trying to mend them. everyone has rough patches in their relationships, but i'm here to stay, caitlin. i'm not going anywhere"

you watched as her shoulders fell drastically; it was apparent that your words meant more than you had originally thought. she had always need reassurance, having always doubted herself in anything she did, and it was an unmatchable feeling knowing that you were the one to soother her. she nodded, not saying anything as leaned into you even more. so, you confided, not prying for a response. this vulnerability was already a big step for her.

you rested your forehead against hers, arms coming to loop around her neck. her long lashes fluttered as they tickled yours. the music was still playing in the background, allowing you both to fall into another oscillating rhythm. although it was cut short again when you felt her lips part, a quiet voice barely escaping her.

"it was you" it came out almost inaudible, leaving you confused on whether you hear her correctly or not.

"hm?"

"it was you," she said clearly this time, foreheads till touching and eyes shut in romantic bliss "from the second we met i knew it was going to be you. like a soulmate or life partner..whatver you want to call it, i just knew that you were going to be it for me"

as you stand there, your heart races, the world about stops spinning. each syllable strikes a chord deep within you, resonating with the echoes of past moments you’ve cherished with her. you could hear those words over and over and never get tired of it. The weight of uncertainty from the past months finally lifts, replaced by an exhilaration that makes everything else fade into the background. nothing else mattered anymore, no stress and no disdain for the road ahead, just you, caitlin, and an eternity together.

"you're it for me too," you said "in every lifetime"

-

A/N: FINALLY!! it's finished!! i definitely didn't spell check this, so if you catch any mistakes, feel free to DM me so i can fix it! i love you and thank you for your patience with this fic :')

[heavenlyraindrops]

♱Father Forgive Me (For I have Sinned) ~Chapter Eighteen♱

Lucifer Morningstar x Angel!Reader Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Chapter Eighteen Warnings: profanity Visit the first tag on this post to see all other chapters.

♱ In which the purest soul in Heaven falls from grace… for the Devil. ♱

[Chapter Eighteen]

a/n: holy shit 2k words long? This is worth two whole chapters yall ig that’s how yk shits about to go down

Your feet hit the ground, the darkness of the alleyway shrouding with you with the shadows as you retracted your wings into your back, making them disappear. Peeking your head round the corner, you tentatively stepped out.

You prayed you wouldn’t be too noticeable- surely you couldn’t draw too much attention if you just acted natural. Weaving through the people on the streets, you made your way through the town.

You’d seen it from overhead, strangely one of the only places that seemed more welcoming than the rest of the areas in Hell. Your wings had been aching after spending so long flying that you’d given in and let yourself down.

You tried to not make eye contact with anyone, but accidentally glanced at a couple of people’s faces, noticing the strange lack of eyes, instead pairs of black holes replacing them in people’s faces. Gulping, you kept your gaze glued back to the ground. 

You saw your silhouette flash in the corner of your vision through a shop window, and involuntarily froze, stepping closer to the grass. You looked different.

More demonic.

You tried to swallow the lump growing in your throat as you took in your new appearance, bile rising in your throat before quickly turning away and briskly moving on. 

“Ow!” 

You stumbled back, unable to stop a small curse escaping your lips. A woman stared at you, her knuckles turned white at clutching her umbrella as she tipped her hat back to get a proper look at you, empty black eyes roving up and down your body.

So much for not drawing any attention.

Gulping again, and you tried to squeak out a small “Sorry!” Before trying to hurry around her, but she stopped you, a hand on your arm pulling you back. 

“Are you alright, dear?” She asked, face soft with concern. You blinked. “Your face’s all cut up.”

“Is it? Oh.” You laughed nervously. “I didn’t notice. I-I’ll be fine.” You tried to pull away but her grip tightened. You looked up at her in panic.

“I’ve seen you somewhere,” she said, and now her face had turned serious. You laughed even harder this time, the sound hysterically tumbling from you as you tried to reel the situation back under your control.

“I doubt you have, miss,” you assured her quickly, before turning away, right into someone else’s chest.

You looked up, and all you saw was red.

“Now, I’m sure I have.” She shuffled over to both you and the tall red man. You caught two small antlers poking out from his hair, and stifled a chuckle. “I’m Rosie, and this is Alastor.” She gestured over to the deer. He extended a hand, static crackling in his voice.

“Pleasure to be meeting you, dear,” he grinned. You stared at the hand, before taking it gingerly. 

“And you…” her eyes fixed onto you. “You’re the fallen angel.” 

You opened your mouth but no sound came out. Alastor’s red eyes narrowed onto you. You felt them burning, and looked away as you let out a small, tense chuckle. “Guilty.”

Rosie laughed, slapping a hand onto Alastor’s shoulder. “Oh sweetheart, don’t worry.” Her lips stretched into an even wider smile. 

“We won’t eat you,” Alastor smirked.

“Although you do look delicious.” 

You didn’t know whether to be thankful or not. “Oh. Thank you.”

Alastor’s hand found your arm, nails digging into your skin as he drew you close, linking arms. “But we would like it if you could…”

“Join us for tea!” Rosie cut in. They both shared a meaningful glance.

You looked at the sky, heart thrumming insistently. “It’s getting quite dark.”

“Perfect,” Alastor replied, voice dripping with something sinister as he and Rosie led you through the streets to outside a small café. Rosie’s hands closed around your shoulders.

“We can get you something nice to wear on the way,” she said, glancing pointedly at your torn clothes.

“Lovely,” you muttered. They both smiled.

-

“So. Tell us everything.”

Rosie and Alastor both smiled at you expectantly over the table. You stared at the steaming cups before you, then them, then back at the cups. 

“Look, I…I appreciate this.” You gestured to the table, the tea, your fresh clothes. “Whatever this even is. But I need to leave.”

Alastor once again put his hand on your arm. You stared down at it. “I suggest otherwise, dear,” he said, smile strained and sharp as his eyes flickered with embers. You slowly lowered yourself back into the chair, gulping.

“Tell us. Why exactly are you in Hell?” He knitted his fingers together, face inquisitive. Rosie took a sip of the tea.

“I’d rather not disclose that information,” you said coldly. Rosie laughed.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I think you would.” She smiled sweetly.

You scowled, gripping a tighter hold on your cup. 

“Don’t frown now, honey. You know you’re never…”

“Fully dressed without a smile,” Alastor finished. He leaned closer. “Why are you in Hell?”

You didn’t say anything.

Rosie’s face softened. “Come now, honey. You know we only want to help you.” She placed her hand over yours, and it was soft, warm. Her face held sincerity. “We just want to know what happened to you.”

You sneaked a suspicious look at Alastor, one that didn’t go unnoticed.

“I apologise if I may have come off as…” he waved his hand. “Strong. Off putting.” He sighed. “Believe me, darling, if we had wanted to hurt you or take you by force we would have.” He shot you a meaningful glance. “Most sinners wouldn’t be as forgiving.”

You gulped, a powerful wave of fatigue suddenly crashing over you as the events of the past few days finally caught up to you.

“You can trust us, sweetie,” Rosie said softly.

You dragged your hands across your face. “I…Heaven kicked me out…”

“We can tell,” Alastor remarked. “Why?”

“I got in a relationship with a…” you waved your hand around vaguely. “A resident of this place.”

“Who?”

You chewed your lip, their soft words coaxing out tired and broken answers. “Lucifer.”

The both fell into shocked silence, and exchanged another glance. But you ploughed on, determined to finish now that you had started. “They found out, cause someone-“ Your throat closed up “-tipped them off, and kicked me out.” You rose, spreading your palms across the table. “I need to find Lucifer and Charlie. Lucifer-“ you choked up. “He’ll help me. I know he will.”

“Is your name [name], by any chance?” Rosie raised an eyebrow. You looked at her and Alastor.

“Yes.” Your eyes narrowed.

“Charlie mentioned you,” Alastor explained. He quickly looked at Rosie, and flicked his head in one subtle movement. Rosie’s brows shot up, but she walked away, leaving you and Alastor standing in the flickering lights of the café window. 

“You know Charlie?” You asked, eyes brightening with hope, but your question was ignored.

“I’m afraid I have something to tell you, dear,” he chuckled, adjusting his monocle as he stood up and drew you in by the shoulder. He flicked his cane, gesturing to the darkening streets. “Shall we go for a stroll?”

You stared at him. “Sure.”

You both started off down the street, his arm still firm around your shoulder. “So, Lucifer and Charlie, is it?”

You nodded wordlessly.

“And you think they’ll help you?”

Your stomach twisted with dread, but your chest clenched with determination. ���I don’t think, I know.”

He looked at you with pity. It made your shoulders tremble. “I wouldn’t be too sure, darling.”

“What do you mean.” You clenched your hands into fists, fighting to keep your voice even as he broke away to face you.

“I mean, my dear, that they won’t.”

You laughed, but it was forced. “And explain that to me.”

He leaned on his cane nonchalantly, and a burst of anger flared up in your gut. “Charlie… she was the one who tipped off Heaven.” He inspected his nails closely.

“No she wasn’t,” you pointed out sharply. “It was Lute- the general-“ you winced. “-the new leader of the exorcist army.”

“Really? And you think the word of one single person could convince Heaven?” He stepped closer. “What evidence exactly did Lute provide?”

You stared at him. “A bracelet.”

He laughed mockingly. “A bracelet.” Your face burned with embarrassment. “Tell me, my dear, exactly how a bracelet could provide suitable, concrete evidence?”

You thought hard, but couldn’t come up with anything. “It was a special bracelet. It could have raised suspicions-“

“But they would need someone to confirm them.”

As much as you hated this, everything he was saying made sense. And you couldn’t come up with anything to counter his argument. “You’re just a stranger. Why should I listen to you?”

“Whether you listen to me or not is up to you.” His cheshire grin glinted in the dark night. “But perhaps you should simply hear me.”

You chewed your lip. “Go on, then.” You flicked your hand at him.

“As for Lucifer… when you landed here, in Hell, it was on the news, yes?”

You nodded, dread making you feel lightheaded. 

“Lucifer saw, and he simply said that you could help yourself.” He stepped even closer. “That he wouldn’t care if you lived or died- that you had landed here by your own fault, and that you weren’t his problem.” He leaned down to whisper in your ear. “That he didn’t care about you.”

You froze.

“He didn’t love you,” Alastor continued, before flicking his eyes up to your face. “But it isn’t your fault that you’re here, is it darling?” You couldn’t make a sound. “He tempted you.”

“You don’t even know half the story,” you said shakily. “You don’t know the truth.”

“For all you know, he could have set you up.”

“No, no. No… you don’t…” you tried to move away, but you couldn’t.

“If he truly loved you, don’t you think he’d try and save you?”

“You have no proof.” Your fist clenched even tighter, nails cutting into your palm and drawing golden blood. 

“Oh, but I do.”

And with that, he tapped the microphone on his cane. You stood, enraptured, as Lucifer’s unmistakeable voice flowed out.

“I don’t care if she lives or dies. I don’t care at all…” It crackled, then cut to another audio. “No, I don’t love her…” Another. “…someone else…” Another. “[name] isn’t my problem. It’s her own fault she’s ended up here. Try to save her? Are you serious? Just leave her for the Vees.”

The last one was a blow to your chest.

“Love her? Are you serious? She’s just some girl, a good distraction for a while.”

You sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly again. Turning away. “I need to go,” you gasped, and before Alastor could grab you you’d flung yourself into the dark night, your mind a storm of thoughts. 

Eventually, the familiar shadow of a building loomed into the distance. The building where the three overlords had captured you. 

They were powerful. They were useful. 

The window was still broken. You flapped your wings as you slowed to a stop, kicking your legs out to lose momentum before dropping into the room, gingerly stepping over the broken glass scattered across the floor. You looked up and around. The room was dark and empty. 

Taking in a shuddery breath, you sank to the floor. 

Reality finally crashed over you.

Tears stung your eyes, sobs bubbling up past your throat as you fought to stifle them vainly. They racked through your body, tears streaming down your face as you covered your mouth. 

Adam died, Lute hated you, you’d never see Emily again because you’d let Lucifer tempt you. You dragged your nails across your skin, relishing in the pain it gave you, the pain that morphed into anger. 

He had tempted you. Had you forgotten who he really was? What he really was?

He was the devil. He was temptation incarnate, and he had sought to lead you to ruin. The burning-red thoughts made your head spin, turning you dizzy with fury. The reason you were lying here, bruised and broken, seeking those who wanted to harm you, was him. 

The anger dissipated, breaking down back into sadness. How could he just leave me like this? Was I a mere distraction? Your heart tore apart. 

He took everything from me. 

The door to the room slowly creaked open, and you heard someone swear, footsteps racing towards you.

“You-“

You looked up. Velvette stepped back quickly, startled. “What happened to you?”

Vox followed soon after her. You searched, but Valentino was nowhere to be found. “Oh, you, great, you’re here. Wait, why the fuck are you here?”

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Velvette chipped. You blinked at her hazily.

“Look, we-“ Vox seemed disconcerted at your strangely calm demeanour, despite your crazed appearance, but ploughed on. “Ignore Valentino. We want you to work with us.”

“Work with you?” You murmured softly. Your lips barely moved.

“Yes. Work.” Velvette looked at you. “You’re an angel. You’re, like, ten times more powerful than any other sinner or overlord here in Hell.”

“You’d be a perfect addition to our team,” Vox finished. 

You looked at them both for what seemed like ages. They both glanced at eachother, wondering if you were going to say anything.

Finally, you spoke: “What’s in it for me?”

“We’ll give you anything you want,” Vox said, voice laced with desperation. “Power, money, safety. We’ll give you anything.”

You hummed thoughtfully.

“Just tell us what you want,” Velvette assured you. “What do you want, angel girl?” You looked up at her, finally finding your answer.

“Revenge.”

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi Maya! my name is Claire and I got into the void state, shifted and manifested my dream life using your lucid dreaming guide, and your recommended subliminals!

I think lucid dreaming is the easiest way to do anything spiritual related because dreams are the link of reality to the subconscious. I have now entered the void, shifted, and practice manifesting while using lucid dreaming. I had been trying for 3 years and your guide really gave me clarity I needed to complete my journey. This was a couple of months ago when I first read your post that I got my dream life so I just want to share my experiences in case it could help others!

Sooo….I first restarted my journey after downloading tumblr. I knew I wanted to do lucid dreaming so I did my research and found your guide and the rest is history. I started small, and after using FILD I combined that with your intention method and your recommended subliminals and it sped up my journey. I crawled before I walked and I first started with having small manifestations using lucid dreaming

In my lucid dreams

*I practiced driving in lucid dreaming and manifested my license

*I practiced my public speaking and manifested less anxiety

*i talked to my guardian Angel. It took form of an owl, which is the first spiritual experience I ever had.

Then I went bigger and tried shifting. After a week of practice I got lucid dreaming down and could become lucid every night.

Then I shifted. Best day of my life and I had no plans so I ended up shifting to a reality where no men exist 😭 it was honestly so fun and I spent a week of dr time telling women about what men are, what they do, and the oppression women in this reality faced. It was in a futuristic yet renaissancey type like reality. Anyways as I explored this new society I discovered something miraculous: the disappearance of men has actually created harmony. Women are now able to focus on themselves and the things that matter most to them without worrying about the men.This newfound bliss didn’t last long however as I soon realized that a new problem had emerged. With the absence of men many essential tasks were left undone. And so, the women of our society had formed a collective economy in order to fill this void.One of the most peculiar duties that the women had assumed was to take care of the sheep. With no shepherds to take care of them, women used their skills to care for these animals and protect them from the elements. They have become so adept at this task that they have perfected it. The lack of men may have been a dramatic adjustment, but it has made for a joyful and empowering society.

When I came back I made a list of realities, like self created ones, tv shows, books, etc that I wanted to shift my awareness to and historic past places I wanted to visit. I spent a lot of time doing that, I was barely ever in this cr tbh and I enjoyed it throughly. I decided then that I was going to one day permanent shift and explore the infinite vast world for eternity. When I came back to this reality after having the first initial exploring crave I realized I hated my life lmfaooo. But I knew about the void and started reading stories about that and then I decided I wanted to change my life here too.

I mean.. I have the multiverse to my will so might as well fix this life here too. I hated coming back to this reality after my shifts because my parents were abusive, I was kind of ugly, and my life had gone to shit. I didn’t really care to change it because I was barely here anyways but after reading Neville and the law and understanding that “clones” really don’t exist and I’m just switching states I decided up stop being such a loser and realize it’s all me and only me. Anyways I manifested a complete change in my life in every aspect. I don’t really care to make a list but I am gorgeous, my family is revised to be old money rich, loving,and taken care of, my house is 30,000 sq feet,revised my name to Claire (it’s so pretty I love it) I have a loving boyfriend who is into shifting and spirituality as well, and so much more. I still do plan to permanent shift one day and I reserve to sundays for exploring the multiverse but I want to enjoy this reality now.

I thought being here was an accident after shifting, but nope everything happens bc you intended to and it’s so goddamn beautiful. This came out super ranty and lame but I just wanted to share in case I motivated anyone! I still sometimes come on tumblr so can I be your 🎐 anon. I love seeing all the success stories and everyone living their best life ! Anyways the best tips I can give you as a stranger who has been through all this is be kind to yourself and never give up. You found it all for a reason and you deserve to have everything and you will.

The first reality you shifted to reminds me of a very vivid dream I had four months ago. Regardless anyways your entire experience is so beautiful and I relate a lot to your experience I’m glad you have found happiness in every reality including this one beloved :)! Thank you for sharing 🎐 anon

[juliasturnz]

“A simple call”

M.S x y/n

🜸 - i forgot to thank y’all but oh my god? 100 followers is so muchhh! I’m so grateful for every single one of you🤍

★ - summary:

you’re having the depression loop again, all you wanna do is lay in bed and cry. You need to do it again. You just need to, luckily someone caught you just in the right time

༆ - Warnings!:

Sh moment! (Doing it!!!) mention of sh (and sh on its own), crying, depression, comfort talk (does that exist? 😭), use of y/n!!

✫彡 writers note:

This is slightly personal, I hope y’all enjoy it!

Im so sorry for not posting! School has started and I really need to focus. Trying my best to post as much as possible. ♥️

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

Your laying down in your messy bed, not normal messy with like blankets everywhere, or some clothing here and there. But your bed was dirty, dust everywhere, makeup brushes, old food. Whatever disgusting thing you could think of. But did you notice at all? No.

You have been in a suffocating loop, for what you feel like months. Everything has been more exhausting than ever, you don’t even remember what the last time you showered was. Or even brushed your hair, since you didn’t knew where your brush even is.

And most of all, you had a boyfriend you haven’t been texting at all. Reaching out to your phone was already to much to bare.

You were not new in a relationship with Matt. But it wasn’t like you have been ages with him, but you felt like all you could do is sink in your bed. And sometimes, maybe even barely get some food.

You really wanted Matt to know what was going on and help you, but you could find such a big comfort in your sad and dark feelings. You always felt like you deserved it. All of it.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Something felt different this morning, a urge. no you have done this to much, you promised Matt to stop. this isn’t healthy. But it’ll make the pain go away, does it tho? Nobody cares. Do it.. do it.. do it.. do it.. do it..

your mind couldn’t stop racing, you felt yourself shaking, not scared. Adrenaline, am I gonna do it?

You find yourself zoning out, your mind still racing, but the urge is way to big. You need to stop your mind. You have to. Otherwise is isnt gonna stop right?

Your cold feet hitting the messy and covered floor, still thinking about every move you make. You’ve decided, you open that drawer. The drawer, your hand is shaking, but not only from adrenaline, definitely more emotions. But it’s calling your name. The comfort you didn’t knew you needed all these suffocating months, all these horrible days. This was the way.

You pick out the perfectly sharp blade, your fingers trailing the blade slightly, its perfect.

you are lumber to the cold bathroom that you remember oh so well, you aren’t gonna look in the mirror. Maybe that will change your mind, that’s not what you wanted. You didn’t wanna see your messy and ugly face either, so you just sat against the counter.

you lean your head against the cold counter top, you look at the ceiling. Still your mind racing, still the same thoughts. Everything was so quiet. Except for your mind

Frustration is coming up to you, deeply. Why are you doing this? This is the way. You’re sure. This is it right? You linger your eyes around the already healed scars, you needed more.

Finally it hit the skin, finally the voices were gone, finally you felt relieve.

Suddenly the bathroom door swings open, “oh no my baby shit.” Matt drops his stuff en runs to you to the bathroom. You are still in complete disbelief, how didn’t you hear him? This couldn’t be true, this isn’t happening.

“Oh my baby, my baby no no no no.” Matt is in full panic mode, he never had experienced you on the bathroom floor, not like this.

“H-here let me c-clean you up alright? Y- you’re gonna be okay.” His voice has never been this shaky, he’s stumbling over shampoo bottles, old towels and dirty laundry. And you haven’t been in this much disbelief. Ever.

You couldn’t say a word, not a single one. For the next 20 minutes Matt has been holding you in his arms. Warm in your fresh made bed, what he made for you. With the new stuffed animal he was going to surprise you with.

He helped you with everything, helping you get up, rinsing the mess, helping you shower. Everything you didn’t knew you needed, all you needed was him.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Your laying down, staring at the ceiling. You didn’t felt relieve, not a little bit. All you felt was guilt and shame. You didn’t want Matt to find you like this, that was the last his beautiful soul deserved.

“How are you feeling pretty.” He was cleaning your room, he did all this for you. You couldn’t believe it.

You didn’t know how to answer, so you just didn’t, Matt turned his face around to face you. He comes up to you, joins you in the bed. And hugs you tighter then ever.

He gives you a slight kiss on your head. “You know, you don’t have to say anything. Just know I love you in any way.”

Your laying hopeless curled up in a ball underneath his warm and comforting arms, this was all you needed, a simple call.

⤹ ᰔᩚ

I’m sorry this is so heavy to take on, + sorry it is this short. I just felt this was the right ending. I’m so grateful for each one of y’all, please remember my dms are open!

٠ ࣪⭑ tags! 🏷️

@chrispotatos @chrisslut333 @chrissslut @chrisbesitos @chriscamopants @chrissv4mp @chrisshotdog @chrizzzpykreme @chestersturniolo @mattztrip @mattsfavbitchhh @mattstattos @mattsturnswife @mattsgf @sturnioloshacker @sturnslesbo @sturnschris @sturniolonmc @sturnzsblog @sturnzsun @sturnzwrld @sturnzyolo @sturnzluv @monroesturnns @thenickgirl @sturniolonmc @sturnioloho @sturnioloslut @sturniolodollx @sturnschris @sturnxiolotriplets

[kiingkiismet]

You ARE selfish. Why should I vote for the ones who have been actively committing genocide against my people for almost a year?

Why do you all expect Palestinians and other Arab-Americans to get over it and vote to protect your rights and lives when you’ve all done everything you can to show us that OUR rights and lives are apparently the only ones that don’t matter?

First of all—no matter what we do, voting is supposed to be harm reduction and there’s always going to be something negative. Black Americans (psst: that’s me) for the longest time have been voting for the “least harmful option” for decades even IF those people are still harmful to some degree. Honestly, the best case scenario that could’ve happened is if colonialism didn’t happen 400+ years ago, but here we are.

Like I said in my original post, there IS no perfect option, and doing nothing will only allow the OTHER option to succeed. Yknow, the orange fuck and his posse of conservatives who objectively want to strip everyone of their rights and will definitely still be supporting Israel with what they’re doing. Instead of narrowing in and making it an individual moral matter, it should be “what else are we to do that will cause the LEAST amount of harm possible?” Which is what I and others are trying to do. Pointing fingers and telling people, especially other people of color in the same fucking boat that we are selfish is very unhelpful. Read the room, we are ALL in danger here!

Because if you missed it when I said it time and time again, I am ALSO a minority in this country. I will ALSO get harmed and if I am at risk of harm and death (more than I already am given police brutality, threat of trans healthcare, lack of investigation in murders of BIPOC and queer folk, etc.), how can I help other people further?? Dead people can’t help others.

I DO care about Palestinians AND other minorities in this country and outside of it, we are all in the same fucked up boat here. No one is telling yall to get over it, that’s wrong and that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying the other option will not care about me, and they sure as shit will not give a shit about yall.

I do not think Kamala is a saint, but she’s leagues better than two white men who are so damn myopic and can’t see the suffering of anyone who is not them, at least it will buy us time (4 or 8 years) to find another suitable candidate that better represents the people and hurt us even less than her. There was no time between the beginning of this year and now to get a new candidate that all Americans can collectively agree upon to stamp trump out. That is virtually impossible—and if you say it isn’t, you have clearly forgotten what happened in 2016 where we tried that and ended up getting trump.

Do not tell me that I do not care when it’s yall and other minorities ALL AT ONCE in danger when the trump administration wants ALL OF US dead and will CONTINUE wreaking havoc internationally as well. We CANNOT let that happen so Kamala is literally the ONLY option.

[i-jus-wanna-writehappy]

Desperate For You - Toji

18+ minors not welcome

Pairing: ex!Toji Fushiguro x fem!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, masturbation, reader is present in theory, maybe he’s in love with you and doesn’t know how to say that

Author’s Note: I’m not necessarily a Toji girlie (don’t get me wrong, he fine as hell), but I’m a lil stuck on Abundance part 2 and got this quick lil idea. Toji seems a little hard and unfeeling in fics, and I wanted to try something a bit different, I hope y’all like it 😘

• • •

“Hey, make sure you didn’t leave any shit in my bathroom.” Toji calls out to the woman he hears opening the front door to commence her walk of shame. He doesn’t bother looking up to make sure she hears him - her snort and muttered “asshole” as she slams the door was enough to let him know she did - he’s too busy swiping through your latest post on Instagram. The events of the night before are documented on social media for him to see, and Toji finds his length twitching as he scrolls through the set of photos and sees the subtle wear and tear of your drinks and dancing.

Toji used to love when you came home, tipsy and craving to be stuffed until you couldn’t support your own weight anymore and were begging him to please please cum in you. By the time he reaches the final photo, his cock is standing stiff and needy and the rim of your glass is littered with what seems like dozens of lip stains matching your favorite lipstick, making him wish he could see the vibrant color stretched around the base of his cock.

Reaching into his pants to rub the head of his dick with his thumb the way you used to, Toji is hit with an idea, wicked and filthy, which makes it perfect for him. Peeling off his tight shirt, Toji pockets his phone and goes back to his room.

There were a lot of people who would blame Toji for your breakup. Something about nonchalance and jealousy don’t make a good mix and wandering eyes, blah blah blah. One thing no one who had ever spoken to Toji - or seen the way he looks at you - could refute, was that you had the tightest, wettest, warmest pussy he’d ever sunken into, and he’d do whatever he could to feel it again, to feel it now.

For a few ravenous weeks after the breakup, Toji could seduce you into his sheets. Sometimes he’d only have to send you a text in the dark of the night, others, he’d sneak up behind you in line at your regular cafe, placing his hand on your hip and pressing his bulge into your ass like you’d never broken up and he was convincing you to cancel your plans the spend the day in bed with him. In bed, in the tub, in the kitchen, on the floor on the way back to the bed - if he’d have you abandoning your day, he’d be sure to keep you busy. But then, one night, you didn’t respond at all, not even to tell him to get a life or just jerk off, it was just radio silence.

He knew why when the gossipy old greeter at the grocery store the next afternoon called out his name, a playful lilt to her voice, “I’m glad to see at least one of you is moving on. She looked so lovely and happy. Your ex-girlfriend. Expensive restaurant I saw ‘em at too. He must be rich.” Toji sneered at her delighted grin, “Shut up, you old cow.” He called over his shoulder, white hot heat building in his stomach. One date with some nice guy asshole and you can’t even respond to his texts? That’s what was rich, fuck that guy.

But then you stopped responding to any of Toji’s calls or texts, you wouldn’t even give in when he’d tease you about your new boyfriend. You’d even gone so far as to switch cafes so Toji couldn’t intercept your mornings anymore, and it made him furious. What, were you worried he’d convince you to abandon your morals? That he’d be able to pull you into him by your waist and nibble at your neck until you dumped that piece of shit with a video of Toji pounding into your pussy, your ass slapping against his thighs with wet squelches?

He gave up after a while, but a week ago, you publicly became a single woman again, posting your slutty little pictures in a dress your old boyfriend would have begged you to only wear at home, hence his current plan.

Whether you’d like to admit it or not, you craved the sweaty entanglement of your limbs, supplementing your air with his own while you ground yourself on his steadily leaking cock, Toji knows it. All this time, you’ve been unsatisfied, like him, heat building and only able to be extinguished by the other. And without a doubt, Toji was going to exploit your need however he needed, as long as he’d get to drench himself in your juices again.

Phone set up just right and recording his every move, Toji settles on his bed, propped up on his knees, unable to stop the mean chuckle that tumbles from his lips as he pulls his jogging pants just low enough to reveal his heavy balls, twitching at their base for you. As he braces himself with a strong hand on the bed, Toji grips his cock with the other, thrusting into his tight hold and remembering how you’d feel around him.

“Fuuck.” He moans, grunting through gritted teeth as he fights to keep a steady pace. There was a time where Toji teased you meanly for enjoying videos like these, soft, solo, and noisy. Now though, that he seeks to tempt you, he’s glad to know what you like, even if he thinks it’s stupid. What matters is exploding in you again, letting his thick cum build in you until there’s no doubt that he’d bound the two of you forever. Then, he could revel in holding your throat in his grasp and asking you in person if his precious slut was done showing her ass and finally ready to let the veiny surface of his cock leave an imprint in the slick pussy he calls home.

Thinking of being buried in you again lights an urgency in Toji - yeah, he feels good, but he’s ready to send this to you now. The sooner your thighs start to rub together at the sight of his leaking tip, the better. So, chasing the anticipation of fucking you until neither of you can remember how to separate, Toji begins to fuck into his fist rather than letting his calloused hand glide along his shaft, pretending to be yours.

The steadily growing pool of arousal gathering at the ridge of his head begins to produce an almost nostalgic squelching noise. Even more memories of you engulfing Toji’s angry, leaking cock wash over him, pushing a low groan from his throat. With both hands now stacking to cover his length, Toji transitions to irregular thrusts, letting his head fall back for a moment as another grunted, “Fuck.” leaves his lips alternating in a cycle just as irregular as his thrusts as he approaches his climax.

As he feels his balls swell, Toji ramps up his speed, envisioning the soft cock drunk smile you’ll give him in affirmation when he asks if you want more. You always take everything he gives you, for as long as he can give it to you. Always.

Toji almost gets overwhelmed by his orgasm, but he pushes forward, for you. Going back to one hand, Toji hisses quickly before releasing a throaty moan as his cum quickly begins to cover his hand, his continued thrusts smearing the arousal from his head to his base. By the time he’s finally milked himself dry, Toji feels almost lightheaded. He can’t help the dry laugh that passes his lips as he realizes just how much he came. He really really can’t wait to touch you again.

Looking up at the camera now, Toji’s lips stretch into a lazy smile, “‘S all for you, mama.” Toji stops the recording and cuts out the extra bits at the beginning and the end while also maneuvering cleaning himself off. As soon as the video saves, Toji pulls up your contact and sends you a text. He knows you - what you want and what you need - and now that he’s laid his bait, Toji can relax, collapsing down into his couch and waiting for you to bite.

And thankfully for him and his stirring cock, you do. Half an hour after sending the video, Toji’s phone buzzes beside him.

I’ll be home in 20, come meet me. Show up late, and I won’t let you in.

[kdogreads]

Richie Jerimovich HCs that just have to come out of my brain include:

Mostly SFW but a pinch of steamy stuff bc of who I am as a person so MDNI 🤪🥵

He’s afraid to get married again

He thinks something about that paper and ring will make him slip back into his old ways and he’ll let you down just like he did Tiff. So you agreed early on that you wouldn’t get married.

Socially, you start using his last name after a couple of years. No one really questions you, either. Christmas cards are signed The Jerimovich Family; take out orders are usually placed under his last name; all of your socials have Jerimovich tacked on the end; when you inevitably have a baby or two, they take his last name and you use it too when they start school. Anyone who’s been around a while knows you aren’t married, but anyone new just assumed you are.

“Should you—do I call you my partner? Like, girlfriend sounds like we’re 16 or some shit. Maybe just my—my girl? Nah, that’s bad, too,” He stresses over the title, like it really matters all that much.

“Baby, it doesn’t matter to me,” You wrap your arms lovingly around his neck, “Pretty much everyone thinks I’m your wife anyway, so.”

“My pretty little pretend wife, huh? I like that.”

He wants more babies with you

Richie loves being a dad. He’s loved watching Eva thrive and every stage she grows into and out of, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss the squishy baby phase.

He’s a sucker for the cute onesies that say silly things or big teddy bear costumes they can toddle around in. He’s so attentive and preset and it makes you swoon.

“Hey Richie, I, uh, I was thinking about asking you something,” You start hesitantly, not sure where his mind will be on this, “And it’s totally fine if you say no or not yet or—“

“Out with it. You’re scarin’ me, baby,” He gently presses his warm palms to your cheeks, “What’s going’ on?”

“Well, just—what do you think about having a baby?” You speak as clearly as you can.

“A baby?” You can’t read his face and it makes your heart race.

You simply nod, holding in your anxiety. Before you can react, Richie scoops you up and throws you over his shoulder.

“Richie! What are you doing?” You screech, playfully swatting at his toned back.

“I’m putting a baby in you right now, sweetheart,” He smacks your behind sharply.

You do talk it over a little bit before you really start trying, but it is entirely possible that Richie did put a baby in your just then.

He’s so much more romantic than you thought he’d be

He’ll get you flowers on a random Tuesday because “They made me think of you, baby.”

And surprise with a delicious homemade dinner when he is somehow able to get home before you.

Or taking you to a cool new spot on his rare night off, having been invited by a local friend to try their new menu. He’s the classic, sticky sweet date that opens your car door for you and helps you with your coat and pulls out your chair for you to sit. Swoon.

If you have a little one, he’ll happily wear them strapped to his chest while you wonder through Target or a farmer’s market or museum. Dad Richie is the gooiest sweet partner, comfortably calming a crying baby or keeping them entertained so you can eat your meal or talk to friends.

He compliments you on everything

Like when you do the laundry he’ll say, “Damn, baby! How do you always fold my shirts so perfect?”

Or when you clean the house while he’s at work, “You keep a beautiful home, sweetheart. Can’t believe you let a dog like me in here.”

He kinda likes traditional gender roles (like you cleaning and cooking while he’s at work), but only so that he can brag about how good you are to him. Someone will compliment his suit and he’ll say, “My girl keeps me well-dressed.”

Or posting a cozy picture of the two of you to his 36 Instagram followers with the caption, “Before she got here this place was just an apartment but now it’s our home. Love you baby! #bigfanofher”

He loves how comfortable you are with Eva

Dating when you’re a parent can be nerve-wracking, but Richie knew right away you’d be an amazing person to be around his baby. You’ve never treated her like a step-child, but loved her like your own from the moment you met.

He gets so emotional when he sees you interacting with her so sweetly, like when Eva needs help with homework or asks you to help her with her hair. He’s just obsessed with his girls 🥹

This man gives and gives

He’s such a giver in all aspects of his life: carrying in all the groceries, starting the coffee in the morning, brushing the snow off your car so you don’t have to.

As far as the sex goes, this man loves making you squirm and whine below him, buries his face in you whenever he can, and pulls orgasms out of you like there’s no tomorrow, leaving you a whining, whimpering mess by the time he’s done 🥵

Sweet Richie just loves loving you and giving you everything he can 🫶❤️

[jerzwriter]

New Discoveries

This fic is part of "MOC (Merida, Olivia, Casey) World," but it focuses on the guys! This is a dual ask from @annoyingmillenialnewbie and also prompts provided by @storyofmychoices. I love writing for these three together! Thanks so much for the inspiration!

Book: Open Heart (Post Series) Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Bryce Lahela, Tobias Carrick Rating: Teen Words: 2,099 Trope: There's just one bed.... Summary: A boy's weekend camping takes a few different turns (literally and figuratively), but they endure and make some new discoveries along the way.

A/N: This is part of the Merida, Olivia, and Casey world. Merida belongs to the lovely @lilyoffandoms, and Olivia belongs to our dear @storyofmychoices. The prompts can be found on this list created by @creativepromptsforwriting. (The prompts are bolded in text.) Participating in @choicesjunechallenge2024 - Beginning.

The mountainous road was perilous, to say the least. Yet, if Tobias was fazed by it, it didn't show. The day was beautiful, with a brilliant blue sky stretching endlessly without a cloud in sight. They were the only travelers on the road, and the rugged terrain was no match for his new Range Rover. All in all, it was perfect.

The SUV jolted hard to the right... then to the left...

“Look out!” Ethan shouted.

Then to the right again.

While Tobias was living his best life, Bryce was left to wonder how much life he had left. He had to be cajoled to go camping in the first place, and now he lost hope of arriving at the cabin alive. Tobias glanced at him in the rearview mirror, smiling sardonically when he noticed his friend’s pale, green complexion.

“You all right there, buddy?” he bellowed.

“Of course he’s not all right!” Ethan replied from the passenger’s seat. “We’re both wondering how many more sharp turns you'll take before this tin can goes toppling over the side of the mountain.”

“For fucks sake, Ramsey,” Tobias chuckled. “Grow some hair on them. We’re absolutely fine.”

“We are not fine,” Bryce insisted. “If I don’t make it, please tell Olivia I love her.”

“OK, maybe you are being a tad too dramatic,” Ethan reconsidered, to Tobias’s delight.

“That’s better!”

Nevertheless, two of the three men couldn’t have been more relieved when they pulled up to the rustic cabin that would serve as their home for the weekend. Tobias stepped out of the car with his usual swagger. Black Ray-Bans in place and an Original Gourmet Lollipop in his mouth, he surveyed the land, filled his lungs with the fresh air, and smiled.

“Welcome home, friends!”

Bryce’s exit was a little different. Stumbling out the back door, he looked peaked, but the fear started to vanish from his eyes when he realized they were on solid earth.

“I would lean over and kiss the ground, but I’m pretty sure I’d throw up,” he announced as Ethan mumbled under his breath.

 “What was that, boss?" Tobias called out. "If you have something to say, you really should tell the whole class.”

“I said I don’t know how you convinced me to do this.”

With his hands in his pockets, Tobias rolled back and forth on his feet with a grin. “First, you love us, no matter how much you try to deny it. Second, Merida would have kicked your ass if you backed out.”

“Not to mention you would have never lived down the ribbing we'd give you if you admitted you couldn’t rough it for one weekend.”

“I can rough it, Bryce!” Ethan replied. “Make no mistake about that... I just don’t know if I can rough it with the two of you.”

Tobias clapped his hand against Ethan's shoulder before removing his backpack from the trunk.

“You’re full of shit,” he said, tossing Ethan his bag.

Bryce shielded his eyes to take a better look at the cabin. He had to admit that the bucolic setting was beautiful, ushering in a sense of tranquility that Boston could never deliver.

“The cabin does look really nice,” he observed.

Ethan shrugged with a wrinkled nose. “Looks smaller than I expected.”

Tobias pulled the lollipop out of his mouth, his face glowing like he had just won the jackpot. “Now, there are five words Ramsey has heard repeatedly throughout his life.”

He and Bryce broke into a fit of laughter while Ethan rambled about their juvenile behavior.

“Relax, old man,” Tobias teased. “It is small, but it’s not like we’ll be inside much anyway. Come on, let’s go set up.”  

Ethan and Tobias lingered on the porch as Bryce stepped inside, but he returned in an instant.

“Uh, Tobias, are you sure this is the right cabin?”

“Well, the keys I gave you just opened the door, didn’t they? Of course, it’s the right cabin.” Noting the look on Bryce’s face, he continued. “What’s the matter, Lahela? Did you see a mouse?”

“Oh,” Bryce chuckled. “I wish.”

Ethan raised a brow at Bryce while Tobias stepped inside.

“Wait for it,” Bryce mouthed just before they heard...

“Oh, for fucks sake!!”

Ethan rushed into the cabin with Bryce trailing behind him, and his eyes went wide.

“Are you kidding me?” Ethan scowled. “One bed? What the hell did you do, Carrick? Rent the honeymoon suite?”

Tobias turned to his friend, lips twisted. “Who’d take anyone on a honeymoon here, Ramsey! Even you’re not that clueless.”

“You’re right, and I’m also not clueless enough to get us a cabin with ONE bed.”

Tobias ran his hand over his head with a sigh. “The listing said one single bed and two bunks!”

“Well,” Bryce simpered. “The listing lied.”

“I told you we should have just brought tents and sleeping bags,” Tobias admonished. “But noooo, you two couldn’t rough it!”

“Says the man with the luxury Range Rover,” Ethan smirked.

Ignoring him, Tobias placed his phone back into his pocket. “There’s no service here, but if you want, we can drive back down the to the main road. We passed a Motel 6; we could just stay there tonight if you like.”

“Yeah, I’m not about to head back down that death trap of a road in this weather!” Bryce stated.

“In this weather? It’s beautiful out,” Tobias said just before a loud thunderclap shook them. “Wait! What?” He gasped. “Where the hell did this come from! It was gorgeous out! There was no rain predicted, and... how?”

“What was that you said about not spending much time inside the cabin anyway?” Ethan mocked.

Tobias threw himself back on the bed. “This isn’t happening.”

“It’s all right,” Bryce said, trying to lighten the mood. “ “It’s just for two nights; we can handle that.”

“Maybe you can,” Ethan deadpanned. “I’m not so sure.”

“Well, unless you want to take my keys and drive yourself down the mountain in this monsoon, it doesn’t look like you’ll have much of a choice.”

~~~~~

The afternoon and evening looked different than they had anticipated. Envigorating hikes were replaced by several rounds of poker. An open campfire under the stars turned into hotdogs and baked beans prepared on the hotplate. It was as if a woodland fairy godmother had appeared and reversed her magic.

“I wonder what the girls are doing now,” Bryce asked forlornly.

Ethan pulled a chunk of fat out of the beans with a grimace. “Eating better than we are, that’s for sure!”

“All right!” Tobias snapped. “Enough of this. Hopefully, the rain will pass tonight, and we will have two days to enjoy the great outdoors. But tonight... let's make the best of it. There could be worse things than the three of us stuck in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with copious amounts of beer.”

“The beer will help,” Bryce agreed.

“As long as you two don’t overdo it,” Ethan said, popping a can open. “If either of you falls into a drunken stupor and pees in the bed tonight, we'll be returning to Boston with a lighter load."

“How are we going to sleep?” Bryce asked the question they had all been pondering. “What’s that, a full-size bed? How are the three of us going to fit on that?”

“It’s a queen-size,” Tobias corrected. “We’ll make do.”

“Do you have your sleeping bag, T?” Bryce asked. “Maybe one of us could sleep on the floor.”

“Negative,” he replied. “Once you two overruled tents, I had no reason to pack it.”

“I could just sleep on the floor anyway.”

“Bryce, you’ll freeze,” Ethan pointed out. “The temperature drops significantly during the night in these parts, and this place isn't exactly insulated."

“Yeah, and those cute little shorts and crop tops you bought won’t do a damn thing to keep you warm,” Tobias chortled.

Bryce let out a sigh. “I told you a beach weekend would have been better, but noooo....”

“Weren’t you the one saying it’s just two nights, we’ll survive?” Ethan yawned. “Look, it’s late, I’m exhausted, and I don’t want to freeze, so why don’t we just get this over with?”

“I’m with you,” a weary Tobias replied.

“All right, question. Who sleeps in the middle?”

Bryce's words stopped the other two men in their tracks.

“Well, I hadn’t thought of that,” Tobias snickered.

“This is going to be the longest night of my life,” Ethan groaned.

“Come on, princess,” Tobias winked. “You could do much worse than sharing a bed with two lookers like Lahela and me.”

“I mean, we’re all bi,” Bryce reminded. “It’s not like we’ve never shared a bed with a man before."

“That doesn’t mean I want to be sharing a bed with these two men,” Ethan said, gesturing furiously between his two friends.

“Look, I’m freaking tired,” Tobias interrupted. “I say we pick straws. Short straw gets the middle.”

“Works for me!” Bryce agreed.

No one waited for Ethan to reply, which was unfortunate since he picked the short straw.

“Motherfucker!” he cursed.

“Look,” Tobias pointed out. “None of us are going to sleep well tonight anyway, so what does it really matter.”

“Fine! You want the middle, then?”

“Nope!” Tobias said, claiming his spot against the wall. “I’m good.”

“Wait! That means I’ll be on the edge!” Bryce realized. “I’m going to end up on the floor!”

“Would you like the short stick?” Ethan offered.

“Mmmhh. Nah,” Bryce replied. “Just try not to push me off the bed."

The three men spent the next few minutes squiggling and shifting, doing their best to find a position that would be remotely comfortable for all, and the jokes kept coming, at least from Tobias and Bryce.

“Remember, Ramsey... if your hands get cold during the night, my butt cheeks are not pillows, all right?”

“Jesus Christ!” Ethan groused, rolling to his other side.

“What?” Bryce replied. “Do you think my butt cheeks are available? We can get you some socks for those hands of yours.”

Bryce and Tobias couldn't stop giggling as Ethan seethed between them.

“Come on, Ethan,” Tobias laughed. “You’re amongst friends, and at least you won’t freeze to death.”

“Sure won’t. You’re like a damn furnace! I felt like I needed to remove my clothes.”

“Oh, so you're getting fresh now?” Tobias teased, but Ethan wasn't remotely amused.

“Good night!!” He huffed.

“Sorry,” Bryce yawned. “But you walked right into that one.”

“GOOD NIGHT!”

And then something miraculous occurred; against all odds, the men managed to fall asleep.

~~~

When the sun rose, Bryce was the first to wake. He was already sitting in a folding chair near the window, eating a container of yogurt, when Ethan and Tobias began to stir.

“Good morning!” He chirped, as buoyant as the birds flying around the sunny sky. “It’s about time you're awake.”

“Why are you already up?” Tobias said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Ethan groaned as he threw his legs over the edge of the bed, attempting to stretch his sore muscles. “And how the hell are you not in pain!”

“The benefits of youth, old men!” Bryce laughed. “I really do need to get some friends my own age.”

“Yeah, screw you!” Tobias said, vaulting out of bed to prove a point, but he couldn't hold back an ouch moments later.

“You were saying?” Ethan mocked.

“Of course, I’m in pain!” Tobias shot back. “I can’t barely feel my arm anymore; you were lying on it all night.”

“Are you aware that you talk in your sleep?” Ethan snickered, completely changing the course of conversation.

"Wait... what?" Tobias turned around, the blood rushing from his face. “What...what did I say?”

“I don’t remember everything,” Ethan smirked. “But I’m pretty confident you proposed to me.”

“Yeah, right!” Tobias laughed nervously.

Bryce mindlessly scraped his yogurt container with his spoon. “Honestly, he’s not joking. You were going on and on about getting married.”

“Do you have something to share?” Ethan grinned.

“Well,” Tobias hesitated. “I guess if the cat’s out of the bag. I'm planning on proposing soon, just not to either of you fuckers.”

“You’re proposing to Casey,” Bryce gasped. “Oh my God, Olivia is going to lose her mind!”

“Yeah,” Ethan ran a hand down his neck. “Merida will probably be all over this, too.”

"If you wouldn't mind keeping this from them for the time being," Tobias pled. "It's not that I don't trust them, but..."

"No need to ask," Ethan smiled, shaking his friend's hand. "Congratulations, buddy. All joking aside, I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“Yeah,” Bryce agreed. “This is great news! When are you planning on doing it?”

“Next week, it’s the anniversary of the day we met. I don’t know if she remembers, but I do, so....”

“Do you think she knows?” Bryce asked.

“Nah,” Tobias smiled. “She doesn’t have a clue.”

“You're sure about that?” Ethan asked, preparing a cup of coffee.

“Pretty sure.... why?”

Ethan handed the steaming cup to Tobias with a wink. “Because, apparently.... you talk in your sleep.”

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately.

[icekingofhope]

(Enjoy this meme here-)

so the Sonic 3 trailer is out and I decided to go on and make a silly post and a small announcement

I have decided after much debate I will start officially making sonic art NOW KNOW I am new at drawing the sonic artstyle so the characters may look like something out of the shining or something cause I’m getting used to drawing them I done the same with the lmk style until I perfected it

Anyways I decided to ramble my thoughts on the trailer and why I love Sonic

now I am a sonic veteran I have drawn sonic before but when I was way younger but Sonic has stuck by me I remember back in the 2000s I used to watch sonic underground a lot on Netflix that’s how long ago it was I always loved sonic I loved the video games even own some sonic games myself!

my first one was sonic unleashed one of my favorite games I always loved and still love to this day the time where he was a werehog and sometimes I even wish he can go back to werehog sonic and plus it introduced me one of my comfort songs endless possibilities

I got way more into Sonic thanks to the anime Sonic X I didn’t watch the whole series cause it started to get weird but it was how I was introduced to shadow one of my favorite characters

I remember I was so intrigued I tried to find other content and then I found YouTuber named animebromii (who unfortunately is a…well piece of shit to sum it up he was one of those found out to get to close to kids type of YouTubers category but that was found out right after I stopped watching him) I remember his Sonic videos always made me filled with joy and made me love the characters more

although I stop getting into Sonic as fans started to get a little to weird for my taste and such and Sega didn’t know what the fuck they were doing

what rekindle my love for Sonic was well the Sonic movies and as I watch I remembered the joy I had for it and started to slowly get into Sonic again and explore more of it due to being more mature and such I turned out to have well a lot of unpopular opinion that I know will have a mob of angry Sonic fans chasing me with pitchforks

Just Some headcanons and ships I don’t agree on and such even some dislike on how Sega is going about like trying to make sonamy now NOTE I don’t mind sonamy hell as a kid I was one of the people who ship it or more specifically the werehog sonic x Amy (i saw so many AMVs and one of those story shits….you have no idea how much of a huge werehog sonic fan I was) but the reason it makes me uncomfortable cause I found out Sega have gave the group canon ages at one point….

which where Amy is 12 and sonic is 15 NOW I don’t know if this is true I haven’t seen proof and out of all honestly I personally think the ages shouldn’t have been confirmed cause well it feels like to me it fucks up the lore and a lot of ships people love and you could have your own headcanons and such for their ages and to me Sonic doesn’t feel like he is 15 to me like hell when I was younger I thought he was ALEAST 18 or 16

There is only few ships I feel comfortable with that is Elise x sonic and sonia x knuckles

now admittedly yes I maybe not the biggest Sonic fan I haven’t read any of the comics i haven’t played all the games hell sometimes I don’t know half of the characters sometimes but still I love Sonic with all my heart and I hope you guys enjoy this little adventure of mine of Sonic the hedgehog

[moeyynorris]

Let’s Make Trouble in the Dream World - Prelude

Max Verstappen x Reader (for now?)

Series Warnings: This series will rip you apart from the inside. This is going to be an emotional rollercoaster. For all of my fellow Sleep Token fans, yes, this series is strongly inspired by my favorite ST lyrics. Welcome to this weird, wild ride. Individual chapter warnings will be posted at the top of each chapter. Please read them carefully. 18+ only please.

Chapter Warnings: Angst, unsure feelings in a relationship, feeling emotionally vulnerable, mention of media interfering with personal life.

“Perfect for each other?” you spat, crinkling the magazine in your fists. “They don’t even know anything about either of us, not really.” You huffed, leaning your head back against the plush top of your recliner. “Do they really know if we’re so perfect for each other? How the fuck do they know that? I mean, no one asked me.”

Max snickered callously. “So what if they think we’re perfect for each other? Are we not? Why are you so offended by that?”

You pursed your lips and paused. That was a fabulous question. There really wasn’t a great answer. But, there was something about the thought of people thinking you and Max were perfect for each other that made you want to gag. No one is perfect for each other. And, like you said, they didn’t know who the fuck you were.

Sure, you were a semi-famous rock star that gained quick popularity though social media. And, well, Max was Max. He was the newest prodigy of Red Bull Racing, three time Formula One Racing champion of the world.

But that was it. That was all they could possibly know about you. You had kept your relationship a secret for longer than you ever wanted to disclose to anyone. You were only figured out about five months prior, when the two of you were discovered holding hands in public. Public affection, God forbid.

But they didn’t know the first thing about you, or Max, or what the rest of the world was calling a relationship. You made it to the races most of the time, trying your hardest to base your scattered music tour on the race schedule, having just enough of them in different parts of the world to make it less conspicuous.

However, the world knew your face now, and his face, and they wanted to learn as much as they could about you without asking for the real truth. That was the media, spreading assumptions about people’s lives based on what they see, and not what they’ve been told by credible sources.

You sighed, letting yourself practically melt into the chair. None of that mattered right now. What mattered was the distraught look on Max’s face, and your indifference to it. The latter is what startled you the most.

“What?” You chimed, trying to sound like you were caught daydreaming. But, Max wasn’t falling for it.

Max stood in front of you, looking down. “Why are you so offended by people thinking we’re perfect together?” He lowered his head a little, crossing his arms over his chest as his cheekbones reddening. “Is that such a bad thing?”

Shit, that hurt. Your emotions rolled like a tidal wave in your stomach as you watched his eyes turn glassy. Finally, you shook your head.

“I’m not mad that they think we’re perfect together,” you sighed. You couldn’t tell if that was a lie or not. But, that thought could fuck off for now.

You reached out, grasping his hand in yours as he stared down at you. “It’s the fact that there are people who have never even talked to me making assumptions about my life.” You shook your head again. “It’s maddening.”

Max nodded, letting out a deep sigh. “Welcome to being famous, geliefde. I know it’s new to you, but you learn to ignore it.” He offered a sweet smile. “At least you don’t have to go through it alone.

You nodded, unable to help but smile. Shit, this man could be alluring when he wanted to. You had no idea what had its teeth in you lately, but in that moment, you didn’t give a shit. All that mattered was the man right in front of you, and the race this coming weekend. Oh, and your concert the evening after qualifying. You didn’t want to dwell on the weird feelings drifting through your mind.

Max pulled you up from your favorite chair and pulled you to him. His feather light scent of cologne was warm, inviting, familiar. You let him hold you against his chest, matching his slow, rhythmic breathing, as if you were singing in sync. One hand cradled the back of your head, while the other completely supported you at the waist.

“Whatever if bothering you, schatje, we will get through it together. But, we don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”

You let out a deep, shuddered sigh. You had no idea where all of this was coming from. Your emotions, his emotions. Max was sweet, but he was never this tender with you. Honestly, you hadn’t even opened up to him all that much, ever. Whatever this was, this was new. It wasn’t unwanted, but something about it felt off. Not forced, but just not entirely natural.

With another deep breath, you shoved the intrusive thoughts out, and let Max lead you to your shared room. The rest could wait until the morning.

[sugarcoatednightshade]

finally got around to watching The Unsleeping City and I'm so obsessed with Pete. immaculate vibes. perfect character.

Anyway I'm halfway through episode 8 and I can't stop thinking about the previous episode, We Need to Talk About Pete. Especially that scene where Robert Moses shows him that video of Kingston admitting that he'd kill him if necessary, and Pete assumes that it's just taken out of context. Which is funny and sorrowful because this is a rare instance where context makes his statement 1000x worse.

And I had to pause Subway Skirmish and write this quickie just exploring what would happen if Pete heard the whole conversation, terrible context included. Its mostly work for word until the end, the only difference being that Ricky agrees more with Esther and basically proposes an intervention, which gets to Pete in a whole other way.

I'm predicting that Pete and the gang make up almost immediately. Either at the end of this episode or the next one. Which is really sweet and affirming, but I love the idea of pvp and Pete actively fighting the rest of the group, maybe embracing being the voice of nightmares as well as dreams, isolating himself with nightmares, etc.

Anyway, I cant finish the episode I'm on until I post this. mom said. Enjoy 1.5k I literally wrote instead of sleeping. This is a first draft, unedited, probably full of needless angst and grammatical errors, I wrote it in like an hour and refuse to read it again. Enjoy.

Robert held the phone out to Pete. Its screen showed a video cued up to play.

“Listen, kid, I’m not trying to force you into anything here. I just want you to have all the information, know who you’re really working with.”

“I know who I’m working with,” Pete lied. But he was looking down at the screen which showed his new – friends? Associates? Comrades in arms? – sitting down at a table. The angle was high and the quality kind of shit, like it was taken from old security footage, but Pete could clearly make out Kingston’s expression, frozen in something like rage. It was a weird expression on him, one Pete hadn’t seen in all the time he’d known the man.

“Just look,” Robert said. “Come to your own conclusions.”

Pete takes the phone away from Robert, hating himself for it. But, goddamn it, despite it all, he was still fucking human. Even knowing Robert’s game – he could practically smell the shit he was talking – he couldn’t pass up on free information. If only so that he could know what Robert knew, so he couldn’t use it as extortion later.

Yeah, Pete thought, real convincing.

He pressed play. The image on screen jumped, showing a much calmer and collected Kingston. It was reassuring for all of one second, because when the recorded Kingston opened his mouth, the words he said sent Pete’s stomach rocketing to the floor.

“I mean, here’s the truth Alejandro if things get out of hand, we put him down. Straight up.”

He barely hears Kugrash’s and Sofia’s protests, ignores the revelations that Kugrash has human kids and a whole human life he abandoned, stuck trying to process what he just heard.

Kingston is speaking again, saying that ten out ten times he’d choose the city over Pete and that’s fine, really, that’s fine. Pete’s not selfish enough to thing that he matters more than the entire population of New York City. And Kingston is supposed to be the voice of the city or something. It’s basically his job. Pete should be used to people in his life choosing their careers over him.

Sofia asks a question that’s been bothering him for a while, and Alejandro answers confuses him at first – he talks about someone named Jackson and a Concrete Order and some other things Pete doesn’t really understand until…

“It is not fair to the people who have come to this city or have been born here and lived here their entire lives, that their wellbeing, safety, and in fact, even their life or death should be thrown into chaos because of what amounts to often a joke.”

Pete thinks back to the bug monsters that had attacked Astoria. Despite all the destruction and chaos and death, at no point had he sensed any real malice coming from them. They had been excited and grateful and fully unaware of why what they were doing was wrong. To call them evil implied that they knew right from wrong and actively chose it, but they were just doing what they did just because.

Alejandro had become more animated as he spoke, gesturing wildly with his hands, but now he lowered his voice enough that Pete had to raise the volume and lean in to hear it. “Peter actively courts the darkness more than the light.” Alejandro’s back was turned to the camera, but Pete could see the way his shoulders hunched forward, as if he were sharing some great secret or revelation.

Suddenly his hands feel clammy with sweat. He wants to pause the video but can’t, can’t let Robert know that any of its getting to him, so instead he watches as a group of people talk about him like he’s something dangerous, talk about locking him up – you guys have to tell me if you’re cops, right? – and taking his drugs and putting him down like he’s infected. Like he’s a rabid dog that can’t be trusted not to bite.

And, looking around, Pete hates to admit that they’re right. What defense does he have, sitting in a vampiric nightclub filled with dead-eyed humans selling their bodies for a little cash? What defense does he have when he’s so used to that stare that it barely registers? How many times has he sold drugs to people with that same look in their eyes, desperate and empty?

Pete knows what kind of person he is, what kind of people he runs with. And like Robert had pointed out, he’s not exactly subtle. Pete knows he’s dirt. Robert called him a businessman. Kugrash seems to think he’s just some troubled kid who needs a little guidance. Kingston and Alejandro think he’s a ticking bomb.

But Pete knows what he is. He’s a homeless drug dealer who sells to monsters and children, whose only friends are nightmares and people who want him dead. Fuck them, he thinks, who fucking needs them.

Some girl – Esther, he thinks, but it’s hard to remember when her back is to the screen – voices her support of Kingston.

Ricky is facing the camera, so Pete can see his face when he agrees with her. The grainy footage blurs his features, but he still looks sad when he says, “Obviously, Pete needs help. He’s not in a good state physically, financially, or mentally. He a danger to the city, sure, but he’s just as much a danger to himself. I’m not saying we lock him up, but what if we just supervised him. Helped him get clean and sober, and then maybe that would help him calm down a little, give him a little more control over what he’s doing.”

Hearing Ricky – perfect fucking Mr. March with his washboard abs and crest-white smile – talk about staging an intervention is almost more painful than watching Kingston plan murder.

How fucking dare they. What, they know him for one fucking week and decide it’s their business what he does with his life. They’re total strangers, who cares if they think he’s dangerous. Of course he’s dangerous; it’s New York fucking City, everyone here’s dangerous. The people right now discussing his murder probably more dangerous than he is. But them coming after his livelihood? His medicine? Sure, he could probably live without the coke and shit, but what happens when they come for his anti-psychotics? His Zoloft? His Testosterone?

Would they decide that’s unnecessary too, decide to take that away from him for his own safety?

Sofia, previously his strongest defender, looks to be agreeing with Ricky. Only Kugrash is pushing back, talking about self-medication and withdrawal. But Kingston’s talking over him and then the video cuts, ended, back to the paused scene showcasing Kingston mid-yell.

A voice from the corner of his mind he’s beginning to associate with his magic speaks. They know nothing of your struggles… they do not know your pain as we do… they would have you imprisoned or worse, without trial or jury… we can help you escape…

A shadow appears in front of him, and Pete nearly jumps out of his skin. But its only Robert asking for his phone back. Pete hands it over without a word.

“I hope you have considered what you have seen.” He says.

“I might need some time to think it over,” Pete says, which is true. “I know the area, I might head across the street a get a drink.”

Robert frowns. “Why go to another bar and pay when you can get drinks here for free?”

His tone immediately sets Pete on edge. Between his dad, Alejandro, and now Kingston and Ricky, he’s so goddamn tired of men telling him what to do. And Pete’s not some fresh teenager new to the scene; he’s not stupid enough to accept free drinks from a suit.

“No, actually, I think I’d really rather leave.” He says, moving to the exit. Robert lets him leave.

On his way out, Pete catches sight of his reflection in a mirror. It covers a wall of the club floor to ceiling. What he sees reminds him of that one vampire movie, Van Helsing. Most people in the club vanish in the mirror. It’s just him and Robert and the other humans reflected. Robert excluded, Pete thinks that he fits right in with this crowd. It’s his first time seeing his own reflection in days; bloodshot sunken eyes and unwashed hair, his skin visibly damp with sweat.  He looks like any other homeless junkie. How could anyone think he’s dangerous? How could anyone think he’s an important player in this game?

The mirror people stare back without seeing. The voice of magic whispers… but you are important… you are important to us…

Pete turns to keep walking, makes his way out onto the street now bustling with city life. He was stupid to think this new group of friends wouldn’t fall apart or turn on him. They were too good to be true anyway. How could he have forgotten that he belonged here in the gutter with the rest of his people. Homeless junkies and petty thieves.

He wouldn’t forget again.

[random-fandom-chaos]

Vent

TW: sucidal ideation, Uhh SA (? Does it count if it’s another Minor?) Uhh random shit just be warned, ima gonna get judged so so so so hard.

Most people say that “when you’re a teenager is when you being to mature” NO. I was fucking 4…FOUR and my older cousin (only 9 years older) TRIED TOUCHING ME. LIKE THANK GOD MY MOM WAS THERE AND SHE WENT IN THE ROOM. (He’s nice, he didn’t remember/Forgot about it I think. I’m on good terms with him. I just hate knowing that this was also kept a secret from me because of my mom) AND his younger brother (same age as me) after that when were ages 4-6 he touched me but worse like he called it “playing house”, I didn’t know I didn’t know it was anything bad and I don’t mind, I fucking encouraged it at this point, because I thought I was normal. I WAS FOUR FOR GODS SAKE. And my mom said to forget about it cuz he’s autistic…(I’m also on good terms with him he forgot I think or just doesn't talk about, he’s cool. And I remember his clearly. Because that’s when it was explained that it was wrong.)

BUT GODS SAKE. I KNOW REALIZE HOW DISGUSTING IT IS. I HATE IT I HATE LIFE.

…

what’s life’s meaning? I feel so horrible about myself, disgusted

it’s so fucking hard being the “gifted and perfect” kid. My parents say it’s cause they want me to do good in life, I don’t doubt it. But there’s something else, I feel like they’re using me my brother never got good grades always failed skipped school. And yet I’m “gifted” if they argue with him, I’m always taking my brothers side. Because he doesn’t deserve being treated wrongly, he tries his best.

I don’t want to live.

I feel so fucking selfish just venting.

I always have energy, I could be dancing, hearing my friend talk about their interests. Yet i wand to kill myself. I always do what my body tells me, not what I want to do. I don’t know how to feel really

I lost my first few friends at a new school because of simple misused wording, I needed a break from them, they were leaving me out. I said I didn’t want to be friends— then they ran up the stairs. They hate me. Even if they’re friends with my best friend, I don’t talk to them, they talk behind my back blaming me for this incident…yet…I can’t bring myself to blame them back. They’re wonderful people that deserve things, i opened up to them, because they are so cool. Yet I got betrayed. I don’t mind tho. My best friend could stay friend with them, as long as they still for me too, even that’s a stretch, But who am I to tell them not to be friends for my own selfishness. I’m not that bad of a person. Everyone has their own opinion. Everything alright! (Not it’s not.)

who cares? Who actually cares? So many people say they do. But I feel empty. I feel disconnected. I don’t have energy. But I try.

I don’t want people worrying. Because they have problems already. Why am I being selfish and asking for precious time they could be using just to spew out words? What’s wrong with me?

many people may think I’m Kai right now or something. No I’m fucking Chaos, Heh, all these words are so funny coming from an 11 year old right? so so funny.

and so so useless.

…

I always have energy, and I’m never serious. I hate that. I feel judged for that. But I can’t control it its my damn body! I hate it so much.

I hate life.

(END)

Omg, that felt good also to whoever read all of that thank you I will bombard you with happy things, this is really negative and I’m so sorry, but I had to get this off my chest, I know I’m going to get judged because of the first paragraph. But it’s something that happened to an unknown me, I’m sorry for all the negative I will be posting silly reblogs to take the depressing mood away.

love you all <3333/platonic)

-Chaos

[idkbishsss]

About the Daryl Dixon show

I have very different opinions and these are MINE opinions, so please read below knowing that. I will be talking about points I see people make a lot btw. Also spoilers for the show. ALSO, I haven’t seen the show yet. I’ve only seen episode one this is just about spoilers and leaks. If I get anything wrong I apologize. If you want to talk I’m welcome! Please keep it civil though🙏 My asks and dms are open to conversation as well:3

(This may see unorganized and stuff. Sorry)

First and foremost. Why the Isabelle hate? I keep seeing people say she was a bitch and stuff, but she never came off that way to me. Maybe im missing something(please feel to tell me if so. I don’t care for spoilers)

Okay I’m going to cover a few things then get into the kiss and why I don’t think it destroys Daryl’s character🙏

“He would go back to his family. He wouldn’t stay there” He does TRY to go back but then a CHILD, that he’s very close to gets attacked. Of course he’s going to save the kid. It’s a kid. It’s also pretty hard to get back home me thinks.

Also I see many people making it just about who he’s “in love” with. HE WOULDNT ABANDON A CHILD THATS GOTTEN CLOSE TO HIM??? (“What about Judith” He knows Judith has other people and is safe. Judith can also fight and most of the people around her can too. Unlike these new people. I’m also sure he misses Judith dearly and wants to see her again.)

Also even if Daryl didnt go home because he fell in love. Let’s think what happened last time he went home and away from someone he loved(Leah) So yeah, maybe he doesn’t want to lose people close to him. (Which is something that’s effective him a lot) Maybe he’s experiencing complex emotions about how he feels which is why he’s not leaving. Again it’s also REALLY hard to leave.

“He wouldn’t fall in love with a woman hes know for 2 weeks” Did y’all not see Leah… he saw that girl 2 times in a year and was head over heels😭(I know I know. She was bad. Ngl I’m thinking about posting a rant about her) Also fall in love is a stretch. No I haven’t seen the episodes but I’m sure most of everyone has only seen spoilers.

“What about Connie” I love them don’t get me wrong but they aren’t canon. Heavily implied? Yeah. But feelings can change. And Daryl has VERY complicated feelings😭 (I AM A SHIPPER BUT PLEASE. Just calm down about that one. It makes it more shipper war than actually criticism of the show. Same goes for Carol and Daryl shippers. Also this doesn’t go to all of you, just some of you)

Okay as for the kiss. Do I think Daryl would fall in love again? Yes, but he’d be scared of showing it to the point where he does something LIKE kissing someone in a way where it seems weird. He’s lost a lot of people who he never got to show love and affection. People he loved/cared for that he didn’t get to show affection for. Since then he let his walls get lower and be more comfortable with things (notice how he treated new people in s1-s2 and how he treats them s10-s11) People like Rick Carol Maggie and more helped him see that he CAN be affectionate. (Which is why I think he was so comfortable with people like Leah at first. He clicked with her and he was okay with being close with her. No I don’t like there relationship BUT it is a good canon example even if not perfect)

But I don’t think he was in love with Isa(using nicknames here). I think he just cared for her and didn’t know what to do or how to deal with it. I think he also knew he’d go back and lose her at some point. Again, he’s lost a lot of people, and most those people he didn’t show much love or affection. If you think about that you can think about how maybe he wants Isa to know that he does care for her in some way before he leaves or before she dies. I’m sure he’s affected about everything that’s really happened to him. That shit changes a person and how they act.

“He’s never said I love you to anyone but Carol” I honestly think this a valid statement. I do think it would take time for him to build that up and REALLY feel comfortable with someone. But I’ve known people who are like that and then one day they just click with someone. Or then impulsively do things like kissing or saying I love you. Even if they really don’t fully mean it. I don’t know if Daryl said that to Isa, but to me it would still make sense to me.

I think so many people think these words “I love you” have to have a deep meaning where you really do love them. But sometimes the meaning is just that they seem right in the moment even if they aren’t perfect. Or they just have a different meaning to a person using them. Daryl doesn't love one person the same.

Also Daryl’s changed A LOT from s1. Even from s11. I don’t like how people are comparing them like he’s stay the same all the way through (not everyone just some people)

Someone said he didn’t really say yes to dancing with Connie in s11. But they were in a safe space where Daryl could fully think about his emotions without everything else in the world going on. Those two situations are very different.

also the nun fetish comments are wild. I think falling in love with a nun or just kissing a nun is not a nun fetish. (I will give the nuns cant fall in love points ofc. I’m not stupid)

Now do I think Daryl and Isa are cute? Not really. I’m not a big shipper BUT this is my opinions on it right now.

I wanted to go into more (Leah and his relationship with others) And the whole “he’s choosing them over people he’s known 10+ years” but… that one is just so clearly lying bull shit(sorry that’s mean) But I won’t go in to any of that, it’s a separate rant on it own.

At the end of the day, it’s just a kiss. (Also 95% sure she dies so. You don’t have to worry about him falling in love affecting him ig. We all now how the writes handle most deaths)

And who knows maybe in the next season or a new show they explain it better. Maybe I’ll see the episode and I’ll change my mind completely!

also sorry if this comes off mean or like condescending. This is really just my opinion and I think some people (not all) are being really overdramatic (also… stupid. Okay that was like one person on twitter BUT THEY WERE SAYING WILD SHIT. Shit I won’t repeat😭)

You cannot like the kiss and not like the show and not like the way they are going with Daryl’s character. I’m not saying you’re not allowed to have opinions on it. This is just MY opinions🙏 (I’m also a little tired of seeing hate when I just want to see some fanart of twd sometimes on my tumblr timeline LMAOOO)

Thank you for reading, again I’m open to a civil discussion. If you’re just going to be hateful, please don’t😓

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Through The Heart Is The Only Way. Chapter Ten: "Getting Better All The Time." Poly!Chiffany X FEM! AFAB! Reader.

Okay! Here it is! Chapter fucking ten at long last. So I hope everyone loves this, shit is getting serious in a lot of ways. Just wait for shit to pick up after this one because it is about to go off. I’d looove to see ChatGTP do something like this but we all know that it is incapable. Either way, I adore this fic, it’s my baby, I am obsessed with it, this has some moments in it that I have had planned since the fic was in the planning stages. Masterlist for the whole series here. Shoutout to @eggsandbeer for the proofread on this and betaing it. Enjoy!

—

Rating. Somewhat NSFW. Length. 6.6K. Charles Lee Ray X Tiffany Valentine X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: Softness. Fluff. Mentions Of Sex. Emotional Closeness. Cunnlingus. Smoking. Drinking. Serious Emotional Developments. Mentions Of Murder. 

—

Why did the lasagna she made earlier taste even better when reheated? Was it that you were that hungry or was it the fact that Tiffany is the one currently feeding it to you while you are post sex and still in the warm sheets of her and Chucky’s bed that made it so delicious? You did not know and you did not care, you found that to be the trend when you were with them. 

“You have to show me how to make this.” You sighed with your hand over your mouth, trying to still be polite even with the bite she fed you, leaning back against the headboard of the bed.  

She is leaning against Chucky, her head on his shoulder, you take them in at this moment, they look so right next to each other, the easy physical contact between the pair is second nature. Tiffany responds to you, “Name the time and place.” 

“So you were serious about your offer before?” You inquired and she gave a questioning look before you filled in the blank, “When you said you would show me how to cook?” 

She sounded slightly confused, “I said show you some recipes but don’t you know how to cook? You made us that great dinner.” 

“Yeah, those burgers were fucking good.” Chucky affirmed with a nod and you looked away, “Welll-...I’m not that great at cooking, I know how to make like five things, I eat out and do takeout the rest of the time, I don’t have that many skills in the kitchen. But I’d really like to get better.” 

Tiffany’s hand landed on your knee, your eyes drop to the new point of touch before looking up to see that she leaned closer and said, “Oh sweetheart, c’mon we all have gaps in places, if you didn’t have someone to take the time to show you, how would you ever know?”

She was so impossibly sweet. A soft smile creeps onto your face as you respond, “You make a good point.”

“So it’s settled, I’ll show you how to cook.” 

She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world, with a casual shrug. You couldn’t wait. 

When you all did settle down for sleep it wasn’t like a typical sleepover. No talking in the dark for hours, you were all beat, their bed was comfortable, on top of that you felt so safe, you passed out between the pair of them sometime around four in the morning. You didn’t wake up until a while after noon, the start of the morning, or afternoon rather, was slow. You weren’t in a rush to get out of bed, you didn’t have anywhere to be for hours yet. Once you were all aware of being awake you managed to get even closer together. You didn’t know that being in bed like this, squished between two people could feel so fucking good, it doesn’t feel claustrophobic or uncomfortable or too hot, you just feel embarrassingly and overwhelmingly happy. 

You all move slowly. 

No real rush. You didn’t have work for hours yet, not till tonight, and intended to soak up this last bit of time with them. Chucky is brushing his teeth and you are sitting on their bed while Tiffany is perched in front of her vanity, brushing her hair and she breaks the comfortable silence to suggest, “How about we all go out for breakfast?”

Sounded perfect to you and the pleased hum of agreement that comes from the bathroom tells you that he thinks so too.

You get in your jeans and Tiffany offers you a shirt, you all get your stuff together and around a half hour later are stepping out of their apartment building into the warm sunlight. The storm is definitely over but Christ the city got dumped on hard, piles of snow everywhere, the snowplows still hadn’t caught up even though it is almost one p.m. There was, of course, only one option of where to go to eat. 

The diner you love, the one near your work, that same one that you ran into them that rainy night and they invited you to stay and talk. It wasn’t busy at the moment, you end up in that same booth, both of them on the other side and you across from them just like before, you had the coats piled on the seat next to you, menus in hand and coffee in mugs, more awake as you talk about what to get. You know you look a bit ridiculous, the smile just will not leave your face but you are too happy to care. 

You think you might have ordered a little too much, the table is practically covered between the plates of food, mugs of coffee and glasses of juice. You wanted sweet but also craved something more savoury so compromise was made. You all got your own more traditional meals, bacon, eggs, hash browns but got a big plate of the small stack of pancakes to split. 

The mood is light and seemingly brightening, Chucky doesn’t seem like much of a morning person but with coffee and food he seems to be much more present, Tiffany also seems to be in better spirits. They both got their eggs the same way as that previous night, his over easy, hers scrambled with chives, she prefers white toast, he takes rye and you like learning all these small details that help make them, them. The tiny things that they like and dislike, that you come to know through spending ample time with someone or in their case, someone’s.

“So what are the best pancakes?” You asked as you were cutting into the one you’d just hauled onto your plate, and Chucky answers easily, “Chocolate chip.” 

“Really?” You asked and he hums, “I don’t always want something sweet but when I crave it I want it really sweet.” 

“Fair enough and you?” The question is posed to Tiff and she says, “Plain jane, butter and syrup is enough.” 

You told her with a smile, “Weak answer. I expected better of you.” 

She quirked a brow at your teasing, responding with, “Yet we got the plain and you’re busting my balls.”  And you tell her, “Blueberry is clearly the best, when the berries are in season it is divine but sadly, tragically they are-”

“Out of season, yeah I get you. So you’re stuck with subpar cakes, how terrible.” She reaches across the table and holds your hand and you sigh, “Right? I am so hard done by.” 

Chucky was cutting into his eggs as he said with a smile, “Poor thing. You should kiss that frown right off her face.” 

If only you weren’t in public then she could, she lets go of your hand and picks up her knife and fork again. 

“I am shocked he doesn’t pull that card more often.” Tiffany said and you responded before you take a sip of your coffee, “I think it might get worse now that he’s fucked me.” 

“Think?” Tiffany questioned and you laughed and he glanced around as he said, “Ignoring how mean you both are to me-” once sure no one in the place was looking or listening he was leaning closer over the table and he said quieter, “-how fun was last night?”

“Oh my God.” Tiffany put down her silverware a little too loudly and you nearly dropped your mug at the flood of memories as well as how candid he was being, your response leaves you hushed and quickly as you reply, “Unreal. I am pretty sure if we filmed and tried to sell it we might never have to work again.” 

“Wow one time in and she’s ready to be a porn star, you know how to pick em Chucky.” He fires back at her, “Like you weren’t loving seeing her and I fuck.” 

“Oh no I was very, very into it.” She admitted and you bite your bottom lip for a moment and nod, “Yeah Tiff we both felt how wet you were, we know.”  

This was great. Being able to go out and quietly but openly talk about how great the sex you had with them last night in hushed tones over plates of bacon and eggs is fantastic, it’s needed and thoroughly exciting.

You paid for breakfast since Tiffany made dinner last night and you all end up outside the place saying good-bye. They were lighting up for their first smoke of the day, post meal, and Chucky said on an exhale of smoke, “Great time last night, can’t wait to do it again.” 

“Me either. Wish we could keep hanging out but I have to go return these tapes and do some stuff before work.” You explained and Tiffany waved you off, “No worries, we’ll see you soon. I’ll get that shirt back from you one way or another.” 

“You’ll have to steal it off my back.” You tell her with a wave. 

“Tempting, tempting.” Tiffany said and Chucky chimed in and you hear him asking her as you break off, “I get a front row seat, right?” 

You laugh with a shake of your head as you head into the opposite direction, you return those video tapes, you have a shower, get ready for work and have as good a shift as you can.

Things with them just got so much better, it really felt like that sleepover brought you much closer together. 

They visit you more often at work again, you have dates here and there. You have planned dates and short spur of the moments that you carve out in busy schedules to show how important you all are to each other as well as being able to just satisfy those needs to spend time together. Some of these dates included more dinners out, grabbing coffee, another movie here and there and of course, enjoying the new expanded physical aspects of your relationship immensely. 

You are happier than you thought possible, you didn’t think you needed a serious romantic attachment like this, assumed you were content as is but this isn’t the first time that you were wrong about something. You are deep in the honeymoon period of dating them and intend on just soaking it up. 

It had been about three weeks since that first sleepover and there hadn’t been another one yet but you didn’t mind that at all, things had been a little hectic and you had seen them more than enough to make up for it. You even had some fantastic solo dates with them one on one which were really great. You loved spending time together but appreciate that you could spend time with just one of them and there were no weird feelings or jealousy. Being able to get together with just two of you was easier at times than being able to get all three of you in the same place, you are glad that you all were on the same page, if you only saw them when you could be a trio you would see them much less. 

You had that solo date with Tiffany about a week and a half after your sleepover. She and Chucky had stopped by your work for a drink and after you set down her glass she took your hand before you could pull it away and said, “I love your nails. Where do you get them done?” 

The current colour was a good one, you had painted them this adorably soft glittery kind of blush pink, nail ends longer and rounded, they were shiny and bright. You painted them last week and liked how they looked against the darker uniforms you usually wore for work along with the harsher make-up, the dichotomy was fun. “I paint them myself.”

Her jaw drops, she brings your hand up closer, inspecting your fingers more carefully and said, “No way! These are like salon quality! Like I thought this was a professional manicure.” 

You respond to her, smiling warmly, “Tiffany, Jesus that is so sweet, you mean it?” 

“I do! You totally have to do mine!” Her eyes were bright, her smile big and her hands felt so soft as they held yours, you tell her, “I’d love to.” 

So a date was made that night. Chucky encouraged it heavily since he had something to do and the next day Tiffany was coming to your apartment after lunch for a little spa date in. You let her in and soon you are sitting at the kitchen table, nail kit out, radio on and she sat with you as you began to scrub the old colour off her nails, “This is so nice, I was going to go pay for a manicure this week but now you are saving me some money.” 

“About time after how much you and Chuck spend on me.” You tease as you remove the deep purple and she asks, “So where did you learn to do this?”

“Self taught. I love having nice nails, I think it makes a good impression, I love how they make me feel, so I thought instead of spending money I thought why not do it myself?” 

“I love that.” She said it so sincerely and this was lovely. Having her alone in your place, doing one of your favourite things, is there a better way to spend an afternoon? She leaned over, she kissed you and your fingers stopped working for a moment as you returned it, leaning over, kissing her deeper, revelling in it before she moved back, breaking it. You have her nails clean and you are shaping them with a nail file and asked, “What colour are you thinking of?”

“I am considering black.” You hummed, you thought of her with sharp shiny onyx nails and it is a good look, you nod and agree with her, “I think that would look great.” 

You focused on filing and a comfortable silence fell over you both. Your mind however was still whirring and running, you had been getting into this habit ever since that sleepover, you started to feel more comfortable overall and would ask them questions about the relationship Chucky and Tiffany had before you were in the picture. The questions were small and quick, posing them to her or him on occasion when they pop up, “When did you get together?” “What is the first meal you cooked for Chucky?” “How did you bond so quickly?”

You got satisfactory answers and they found it sweet you wanted to know, it had gotten to a point they were offering up some information on their own. Which led to this, to now, a break in the conversation, with you starting up the conversation by asking quietly, “Is there anything about Chuck you don’t know?”

“Oh I dunno, he has told me a lot but I don’t think I know everything, you however, still have so much to learn.” She muses and you ask with a small smile, “Yeah? Like what?

Her grin nearly splits her face, eyes full of mischief, she asks, “Are you trying to get me to tell all his secrets?”

“No, God no, not all of them, Tiff.” You tell her before asking, “How about you just start by telling me one?”

“Just one?” She asks and you nod, “Just one.”

“How am I supposed to pick?” She muses and you cut in, “How about your favourite one?” 

The look in her eyes shifts, she says, “I can do that.” She thinks, takes a moment and hums and then she says, “I got just the one.”

“Ooh this’ll be good.” You say mostly to yourself and she says, “You have no idea how good.” 

You finished filing, you were cleaning up and preparing to start painting her nails, “Well don’t keep me in suspense forever hon.” 

“I won’t! I’m just building tension.” She assures and after another beat she tells you, “He loves art.” 

That makes your eyebrows raise, “He loves art?”

“Loves it, more than that he is an artist himself, a painter mostly.” She says it so sincerely and you just have to believe her but still you question, “What does he paint?”

“Portraits, abstract, still life, fuck, almost anything and everything that strikes him just right.” She says and you say, genuinely surprised, “No fucking way.”

You love that, appreciate the fact she shared something so personal. “And how is he gonna feel about you sharing that?”

“He might not be the biggest fan but it will come out eventually, plus, I bet he will ultimately end up thanking me for it.”

“So confident.” You sigh as you shake the bottle of polish, she asks you, “Can you blame me?” 

“I can not.” You unscrew the cap of the polish and take her hand, and you say as you bring the brush down, “You know, I’m something of a painter myself.” 

She laughed, head tipping back as you start to paint, “Yeah you bring that up to him and I am sure he will find that hysterical.” 

Your conversation continues as you work, she tells you in soft tones about sweet things he had done, times he got her gifts, dates they had, intimate dinners, moments of tenderness and closeness and it makes you ache. You love what they have and adore that you get to be included and privy to this information. Your gaze moves up from painting her nails, taking in her expression as she has this heart wrenching gorgeous smile on her face, telling you about the time he managed to get her a reservation for a truly wonderful birthday dinner for her.

He makes her happy and that makes you happy too. 

Once they are done you are screwing the bottle top back on and telling her, “Right, they are done, tell me what you think.” 

She excitedly turned her hands over, fingers folded over to check them out up close and you watched the expression on her face shift, “Oh wow!”

“Good wow?” You ask and she scoffs, “Amazing wow.” 

You had to admit you were pretty proud of yourself. You went in really hard, sharpened the ends a touch, gave shape to her natural nails and the small slight sheen of glitter, very subtle, still didn’t go unnoticed by her. She flexed her fingers, watching how the light caught her nails at different angles and she said, “Seriously, you did it so quick too.”

True, less than an hour and her nails were good to go. “Now be careful with what you touch, they still need to dry properly.” 

“Terrible. I want to touch you.” That makes you pause from cleaning up your nail kit, your eyes flick to her and say carefully, “Well I guess you will have to wait.” 

She gets off her chair, starts to come around the table as she says, “Orrrr I could just not use my hands.” 

Now in front of you, bent at the waist, she kisses you and you return it easily before she starts to move, lips drag from your mouth to over the line of your jaw and down your neck. Head tipping back, you moan her name quietly at the affection, the quickness of the arousal sinking in, the heat she makes spark inside of you. Soon she is on her knees after having worked down your body, she is between your legs, cheek resting on your inner thigh and you got her hint. 

You assist her, strip what is needed and all too quickly you have a leg over one of her shoulders, her mouth working eagerly between your thighs and her hands holding yours, fingers laced together, showing off her pretty new manicure thanks to you. She is holding your hands for a few reasons, one, the added affection and closeness, and another, to keep her good and your hard work safe, otherwise she doubts she would be able to stop herself from touching you.

By the time she is leaving you are on cloud nine. The afternoon once her nails were dry and you both had cum at least twice you spent more time doing your little at home spa date, face masks and a shared bath and more, you feel relaxed and boneless as you lean against the door frame, clad in just a robe as you waved goodbye to her. 

You could get very, very used to solo dates with her, it was different than when you dated both of them at the same time but you liked the up close and personal look you got at her, how she acted just alone with you when he wasn’t there. 

Similarly when you were alone with him it was different but welcome. One night, a few days after your solo date with Tiffany, while you were at work he came in, she was apparently busy that night, he came by for some quality time, it was nice. When the place closed down, your duties finished and you managed to wiggle away from your coworkers you seek him out. He was waiting outside for you, a block over right where you told him to. He was leaning against the brick outside of a building, having a smoke and upon seeing you again he lights up, “There she is! Hey baby.”

You come up with a greeting of, “Hiya Chuck.” 

His hand that isn’t holding his smoke is gripping your hand and tugging you to him, he kisses you, it’s playful, you feel him smile against your lips and you return his kiss before pulling back, “Someone’s happy.” 

“I am! M’ happy and hungry too.” He was very tipsy from the drinks you’d served him, he had just thrown an arm around your shoulders and you asked him, “I could eat. So where are you thinking?”

“I dunno, you know this area well, any ideas?” He asked and you knew just the place, took him to that late night pizza place near your work you’d visited with your coworkers from time to time. 

Sitting at one of the two person tables at the back, a medium pizza to split and sodas you ask, “So you never said what is Tiffany getting up to tonight?”

“Ah nothing major, seein’ some friends of hers.” He said with a shrug. You wonder briefly if you will get to meet them and you asked, “And you didn’t want to go?”

“Nah she deserves some time alone with them and besides, I wanted to do this.” He said as he picked up a slice of pizza, “Do what?”

“This. Spend some time with you solo, Tiffany did and seemed like it was real nice.” He admitted and you asked, “She told you about it?”

“Yeah, filled me all in. Kept going on and on about how much she loved her nails.” He nodded before taking a bite, the rise of his eyebrows tattled on the fact that she told him about how she was on her knees in your kitchen. Your fingers were playing with the straw in your drink, “Did she tell you what she told me about you?”

He looks confused and asked after swallowing his current bite, “She told you somethin’ about me?” 

You figured she wouldn’t spill and you grin, “She did.” You let it hang for a moment and he said, “I hope it was good or flattering. Was it either of those things?” 

“Oh yeah I loved hearing it honestly. She told me that you like art, more than that, that you are an artist yourself.” He dropped his slice with a laugh, non greasy hand coming up to comb through his hair, “Christ Tiff, selling me out.” 

You laughed, “Awe, what? I think it’s great! Why didn’t you tell me yourself?” 

“S’ not something I talk about with just anyone, some people have given me shit over it previously, alright?” Fair enough. Again, you hid a pretty big thing and this was small in comparison. “I get that Chuck, but seriously, I’m not like them, you can talk to me about it.”

He looks you over, considering and he can’t help it, the smile comes back to his face and he sighs, “Fine, you’re right.” 

You appreciated his willingness and ability to be open with you. “How did it even come up, anyway?”

“I was asking her more stuff about you both before I came into the picture and she told me that.” 

“Is that all she said?” He asked and you told him, “No hardly, she told me about some dates you’ve had, sweet things you’ve said and done, she made you look really good.”

It is true. How she is around him, looks at him, speaks about him, makes you like him more, look at him in an even better light. “Well shit, I don’t wanna be left out, maybe I can tell you some stuff too.” 

That was a pleasant surprise. “Really? You are offering up information?” 

“I am. Maybe I’m a little too drunk but M’ in a good mood, so!” He clapped once before pointing at you, elbows resting on the table, leaning forward, “Fuck it. Ask away.” 

What to ask him? You had no idea how long this deal would be good for. Maybe he is just willing to be this open because of the amount of drinks he choked down earlier, you should take advantage of this. The idea strikes like lightning and you ask, “She told me about some dates you’ve had, but I am curious, what is your favourite one?” 

He didn’t need to think about it, he knew just which one, is he seriously going to tell you all about it? You were looking at him expectantly. Leaning closer and clearly very excited and fuck it, why not tell you? Who were you going to spill this too anyway? Cat was already out of the bag about him being into art so with that important detail divulged, the risk was nil. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. So back in New Jersey there was this old as fuck building, no one was using it for anything, no one cared about it, place was practically falling apart, right?” 

You nod along and listen as he tells you about it. This old building he talked about, the one no one gave a fuck about, he was able to do whatever he wanted with it because of that and what he decided to do with it was use it as a makeshift art studio. He’d do all his work there and spent ample time within the dilapidated walls. He’d been doing work in said building for months, the city didn’t seem in a rush to sell it or tear it down, just one of those things that fell through the cracks, he came and went as he pleased, no one bothered him and he liked it that way. 

“I met Tiff that night we told you about, where she was just so incredible I totally forgot about that other girl. We had been seeing each other for a while, and had started getting to that point of spending more nights together than not. I wanted to be in the studio that night but I also wanted to see her and I thought, you know what, fuck it? Why not bring her there.” 

He proceeded to tell you that he told her he had something to show her, brought her to the place and let her see all of it. She loved it, he talked to her about what pieces he liked best, motivations, times in his life and what was going on when he made them, what drove him to create them. Sounded like a very vulnerable conversation but you aren’t that surprised, Tiffany is a special kind of lady and they have a particular kind of bond. 

“She was looking at this series I had done, was tryna push myself by doing this set of still life and using very precise colour palettes, blah, blah, it ain’t that important but what it led to was.” 

“What did it lead to?” You were all too into the story and he could tell, he smiles and then expounds, “She asked me in that very Tiffany way of hers, I am sure you can hear it, all, ‘do you paint people?’ and I told her I have, I just hadn’t in a while, hadn’t had anyone to the studio but her.”

“Oh you fucking smooth talker. She must have eaten that up.” He shrugs but there is that cocky air about it that makes it totally clear he knows how what he said got to her. “I mean who wouldn’t?”

You certainly would have in her shoes. “So an idea struck me then, I told her why don’t I fix that?”

He didn’t have to say it, you realised it right then before he could utter the next sentence but you still listened, hanging off every word. “I offered to paint her.” 

How fucking romantic is that? You didn’t think he had it in him, even after all the sweet things Tiffany told you he did the other day. You wonder why she left this one out but you didn’t focus on it much. Just listened more as he told you the rest of it. 

“We were up all night. We ended up getting takeout, we drank, we smoked, we laughed and talked and I painted her.” 

“How was she?” You asked quietly and he imparted, “I had this bed there, this mattress I dragged into the space because sometimes I’d get so caught up working and I didn’t want to go back to my actual place, so I’d crash there. I wanted her to be comfortable, so she sat there, I had this stool and my canvas and-”

The place was going to close soon, you still had some slices left, soda’s half full, you don’t care, you ask, “And?”

It was summer. It was hot but not stiflingly so. He isn’t sure the time, it’s that time where it stops being late and the question of it being early creeps in. He can’t stop looking at her, she is not in much, the dress she wore suited the weather, straps slipped down her shoulders, hem had rode up her thighs, heels off and next to the empty and overturned bottle of wine at the foot of the mattress. She wore a smile, cigarette between her fingers, blonde hair piled up and out of her face except for the few small bits framing it. She was stunning, a perfect subject really, all curves and kept him engaged in conversation while he worked. She was so funny. She was telling him some story about her sister and he was making sure to keep his brush away from the canvas, and didn't want to make any mistakes so close to being down with this. His hand that wasn’t holding the brush was resting on the top of the canvas, his hair was pulled out of the way, his button up shirt was off, white tank top as well as his pants and arms sported a few paint stains. 

“And then what did she do?” He asked amusedly, and she giggled before telling him with a gesture of the cigarette in her hand, “She left! I mean fuck, would you stay after that shit? I dunno how she ever showed her face again!” 

He laughs and so does she. 

The urge of it surprises him. The laughter goes quiet. The conversation stops, falling into a comfortable silence, he is staring into her eyes and she is looking back. The space between them wasn’t much, he could reach out and touch her if he wanted to and fuck, he did want to. He speaks without thought, just tells her, honestly, “You know…Tiff I…I’ve never said this to, fuck, well anyone before but…”

“But?” She asks, a cock of her head, genuinely curious and he says it, almost as if he doesn’t believe it as the words leave his mouth, “I think I’m in love with you.” 

She leans over, the remainder of her cigarette stamped out in the ashtray, looking at him all the while, “Oh my God Chucky.”

Eyes scan his face and she takes in his body language and she says quietly, “You’re serious.” 

A nod, a somewhat nervous laugh that is more of an exhale than anything else, “I am sweetheart, I really am.” 

The tension is thick, it is quiet again, he asks, “Are you gonna leave a guy hanging here forever orrr?”

She smiles, a small laugh as she shakes her head, “Fuck, sorry, I didn’t think I had to say it, sweetface. Of course I love you.” 

Her hands reach out, the canvas is leaned carefully against the stool and he joins her on the bed. He kisses her first but she returns it fast, desperate, needy, laden with emotion and the main event of the evening, the painting, the act of creation, him the painter and her the muse, is forgotten, now both of them are consumed with expressing feelings for each other. The ceiling of the place isn’t intact, the orange light filtering in making her look even more gorgeous if that is somehow possible, as they have sex while the sun comes up, it is the most inspiring non violent experience he has ever had. 

After it is over they lie together, they smoke more, they talk and they have been on this date for over twelve hours. They go out for breakfast after, he finishes the painting at a different time, he tells you that is when things got really serious between him and Tiffany, that is when they start making plans, talking about a fresh start, moving. 

The pizza is eaten. The soda drank. The place is closed. You are on the street with him and stunned. “No wonder that is your favourite.” 

He is lighting up another smoke, he hums in acknowledgment and nods. 

After it’s lit you reach out, your hand closes his lighter, snuffing out the flame, he turns, looking down at you and you tell him, “You…Didn’t have to tell me all that but, the fact you did, it isn’t lost on me Chuck. Thank you. Really.” 

��Course. I thought you’d like to know and honestly? It felt good to share.” He has this expression, it is hard to define but it is one that you had seen look at Tiffany with previously, it says, affection and that makes you melt almost as much as the story did. 

You lean up, you kiss him, soft and sweet, when you break it, pull away you say, “I had no idea how much you loved art.”

He tries to play it off, tone very casual as he tells you, “Eh, it’s alright.” You laugh, a scoff with a roll of your eyes. You let it go. You hold hands and he walks you to the train station, you tell him, “We should go to a museum sometime.”

He squeezed your hand and told you sincerely, “Sounds fun.” 

You get home safe that night, feeling like you know them much, much better. You feel included, part of this, of what they have even before you were there by having this knowledge of how they were. A call from them a few days after brings you to dinner with them before you had to work. 

Showing up to their place dressed up, having to go start your shift sooner rather than later and happy to see them, it is a pretty usual date by all accounts. They talk you into a glass of wine, the food is lovely and you are just enjoying their company. So when the food is eaten, both of them take a hand of yours and the question of, “Will you be our girlfriend?” shocks you. 

“What?” You asked and your eyes flicked back and forth between them, hands were sweaty, you didn’t want to let go but you wanted to wipe them off on your napkin, she speaks and distracts you, “We’ve been talking a lot.”

“So much.” He nods and she says, “We’ve been doing this for a while now and we both really like you.”

You had no idea what to say. Sure you had been dating, you’d kissed and had sex and shared pieces of yourself with them that you hadn’t with anyone, they had done their own fair share of divulging but still, you thought you were just a side thing, you knew they cared but not to this level, you thought you were ultimately some fun. You were okay with that, just getting to have them in any small way was fine for now, you didn’t think about the future, didn’t think this was building towards anything serious. 

He asks, “So what do you say?”

Yet here they were, offering to bring you into the fold, actually make you a part of their relationship. They were offering it out and you felt your heart burst. Warmth floods and you tell them, “Yes, I say yes, of course. I’d love to be.” 

You kiss him first. You kiss her next. They both pull you back to their bedroom.

You are late for work that night, coming in with hair that is just a little too messy, lipstick that is smudged and legs that are just a tad too shaky and a smile that refuses to leave. There are apologies to your coworkers, a lie about the train being late and they buy it, they don’t question because you are never late. 

Losing yourself to the rhythm of work, your mind isn’t focused thought, it’s on them. Girlfriend, you are their girlfriend. You have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, you have two partners, there is no question of how this would work because so far it has been working super well. You wondered how much better things could get, what this would mean. Your mind runs back over all the times you had seen them both, especially before you got together, are you going to get to that level but not just with one person but both? God, you hoped.

You were absurdly overjoyed, so light. 

Mid-way through your shift, there is a call of your name. You turn and see Rachel, she wasn’t even supposed to be here tonight, wasn’t working, at first you smile, figuring maybe she came in for a drink. You wave but then your smile starts to fall, she looks pale, sickly, and rushing towards you frantically. She catches you, hands taking the one of yours that isn’t holding your tray, “Woah Rach, hi, what’s wrong?”

She was breathing so hard, she was talking so fast, babbling out, “I can’t believe it, I know you said not to worry and I tried not to but it felt wrong, not like I thought you were wrong but it just wasn’t right, you know?”

“Rachel, honey, please, slow down, I can’t follow you at all.” She was freaking you out. Your stomach was sinking, you were very worried about her, you’d never seen her so frazzled. She nods, sucks down a deep breath and nods before forcing herself to say slowly, “Do you remember Randall? My old regular?”

You nod as you asked, “Yeah of course hon, what about him?” 

She then says something that makes your blood run cold and feel like the floor drops out from under you, squeezing her hand as hard as she was holding yours, “The police just questioned me, he is missing, presumed dead.” 

So much for your high you were previously on. 

[beauspot]

why can’t black women have a romance holy shit. every person who hates sydcarmy is talking about some “why can’t men and women ever just be friends” like that’s not all we’ve been allocated for decades. i understand that a lot of women particularly 👋🏻 women want stories that don’t revolve around romance, and hey i like those stories too! BUT black women have not had the same oppurtunities to just be love interests in the same way y’all have. We’ve been relocated to undesirable best friend roles or oversexualized booty calls. Y’all swear we have so much representation and yet can only name like 10 shows spanning over DECADES to prove us wrong like if there’s so much romantic content with black women as leads why the fuck are you talking about the flash and the walking dead?

and then we have the marcus and sydney brigade. the ONLY reason y’all want marcus and sydney together is cause they both black, they have zero chemistry. prove to me otherwise, quickly. I understand that people are tired of seeing interracial relationships (which is not really a problem but that’s a post for another day 😒 y’all swear that “the media” is trying to trick black women into marrying out or something stupid like that when we all know black women marry in their race more than any other demographic. imma just say black women should go where they are loved and fuck the noise) but y’all do this with nearly every show. Pairing characters together cause they’re the same race even though they have nothing in common. Nonblack people love doing this which i know why but again not the post.

But what REALLY pisses me off is calling Chefs Kiss a mentor/mentee relationship and then proceeding to ship sydney and MARCUS???

like you can’t be serious. carmy so clearly sees syd as his equal proven by the fact he wants to revamp his BUSINESS, his LIVELIHOOD with her. someone he’s known the least amount of time.

We’ve discussed this before but we know why Jeremy is probably wary about romance because of how hypersexual his previous job was and i get that, but I have yet to see a sydcarmy fan who wants them rawdogging on the kitchen floor. Idk it’s strange the way this show is edited and the music choices, and the script is written if they intended to go no romance for them. I’m really interested to see what their dynamic is like next season if they’re going to change it moving forward to dissuade fans from shipping by separating the two(like stucky vibes) it won’t work but that’ll be very annoying.

The WORST thing the show runners could do is insert a new love interest, that would piss me off to no end and i would stop watching the show. In the latest article they said(writer or show runner don’t remember) they wanted a show with no romance plot so they better fucking stick to it. I don’t want carmy to get to a later season and they’ve introduced a palm colored love interest for him. i swear to god i will turn the show off.

Now I personally will continue to ship them i’ve done so with other ships with far less, but that doesn’t mean i’m not a little annoyed. I hope they stick to their word if that’s the case.

ALSO we need more black women as romantic leads so go read the brown sister novels (chloe brown, dani brown, and eve brown) and hype them up so we can get movies( or in a perfect world a TV SERIES 🤭) based on them

TLDR: it’s dumb to hate sydcarmy cause you personally hate interracial relationships, if they mean no romance they should do no romance, that article was dumb and didn’t need to come out when we’ve already heard from both lead actors they don’t like the ship. we got it the first time. also read the brown sisters and spread the word so we can get a tv show about them thanks.