#i too have anxiety
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#hannibal#hannibaledit#userstream#horroredit#tvandfilmgifs#will graham#hugh dancy#tvedit#I too have anxiety
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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Lmao OMFG Martin. He's now confirmed to have been jealous of
- (possibly lesbian?) Cop for daring to have private conversations with Jon
- literal embodiment of death Jon has only metaphorically met in a coma-dream
- lady he talked to for half an hour, once
Truly he is the "you know other people" meme
#i mean he was also catty to georgie but at least that's his ex gf#the magnus archives#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#so so unhinged#i know people mostly love to coo over him bc they have self-esteem issues and social anxiety too#i simo over him for being a jealous petty argumentative passive aggressive bitch with oh so many issues#truly the character of all time#WHEN JON TALKED WITH HELEN HE'S BEEN BARELY NICE TO MARTIN AND ALSO ACCUSED YOU OF MURDER??#are you OK Martin???#i know it ended to working out but please have better taste girl
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skip this post if you value your sanity
i cropped this poorly: these are screenshots
There is a difference between spilling your guts dramatically describing your internal process online and outright replying to someone who has said "i don't know you" with a description of what you now want to do out of social awkwardness and if you can't tell the difference and want to shame people online, the only end result you're gonna get is making someone who was admitting a vulnerability in a healthy way (specifically, by *not* inflicting it on someone setting a boundary but by discussing it in a social forum as a hypothetical) feel less safe to explore the mechanisms of their unhealthy responses where they can get external feedback.
also, "i don't know you", at least where i come from, is an incredibly rude phrase and anyone who says it has already breached the social contract and switched the conversation to hostility. idk where y'all live where that isn't the case, but it absolutely is in many places and an anxious response to the phrase is natural. it roughly translates to "i don't know who you think you are, but you are so far below me that i am shocked at your audacity to interact with me".
i know this is a website full of kids and teens who are still learning how shit works but man, y'all gotta be kinder. people come on here to get away from the nastiness of real life and other social networks.
you wanna talk manipulative behaviours, maybe we should go into how people love to weaponize culturally loaded phrases like "i don't know you" against people with social anxiety (or other neurodivergent people who process social situations differently and are often bullied in this way) and then pretend that it's just boundary setting and that the anxious person is the unhealthy one for picking up on the passive aggressive hostility 🙃
#i originally reblogged with this reply#but then i saw how many people were harassing the anxious person#i too have anxiety#i still want my words heard#but i'd rather not have people rooting for my suicide#my life is enough of a clusterfuck without tumblr becoming the nightmare#i exert most of my energy trying to be palatable for people only to be faced with issues of moral compulsion#honestly it's why i overcompensate#can't turn off the autism#must make everyone else as comfortable as possible the rest of the time and hopefully that will make up for it#which is dumb because i should be able to speak my mind without drastically inflated consequences#humans are monsters though and this isn't my first rodeo#anyway figured i'd keep it available to people who already have seen some of my stuff and maybe understand i mean this from a real desire t#make the world a better place#actively choosing compassion and kindness#and encouraging it#and calling out passive aggressive bs
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a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)
#i realised too late that it has been more than a fuking year (august 9)#and for context: ive had 3 different intagram art accounts and i deleted all 3 of them a few months before creating them. anxiety amiright#here it has been so different bc people are so nice??? it has been a pretty plesant experience here w all of u really#im so glad to have found myself in such a wonderful part of the fandom and amazing mutuals that i never talk to bc im shit w texting#the atention has been overwhelming ngl. i have over 2000 followers which. holy fuck???#it doesnt feel like a real number and for my own sake im nnot gonna treat it as one#like i apreciate the support and ppl liking what i do but im not here to make number go big yk? im here to connect w other humans#and yall have been amazing humans ^^ thank u for all the wonderful tags and comments and the support overall#it has been so cool sharing my art and finding other artist whom i respect oh so very much. some of them even follow me back wtf#i hope to continue being here for as long as i can and keep growing as an artist and sharing that process with other without fear#also my amy redesign actually goes so hard idk why i forgot about it nxnfbcncb#sth#sonic fanart#sonic#amy rose#nov.aart#nov.junk
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(I point. Gently, in the voice of somebody who’s mind touched by the outer gods, i whisper truth in your ears:
Your honor the horses are now lesbians
(Anyways here’s the designs)
#mlp#based off my mlp redesigns (no i will not be taking criticism)#mlp redesign#fluttershy is now a giant jacked carnivorous shire horse with anxiety#rarity is a trans queen and she’s carrying the plot on her back#applejack’s been bequeethed the oldest child syndrome after the traumatic death of her parents and learned to do taxes at the tender age of#13?? how do horses age#and rainbow dash is both loved and reviled by her pegasi foundry because she has ‘too much gryphon in her’#(but she FAST AS FUC BOI.)#anyways pinky’s my favorite. we don’t know whats up with pinky but she smiles a lot and the world distorts around her at exactly 1014 am.#twilight is celestia’s favored pupil prophet and is trying her best to figure out what the hell is up with pinkie and failing spectacularly#twilight also hatched a dragon from an inert stone and people have opinions about that#mostly ‘what are you feeding her’#(holds rarity and applejack) i think they’re neat together#they bond over growing up too quickly and have a vi-caitlynn thing goin on#(squints) didnt draw the cute mark crusaders but they’d be like. the batmen of the town. and it was fun and games until twilight heard#and gave them ACTUAL weapons#rarity#applejack#rainbow dash#twilight sparkle#fluttershy#pinkie pie#spike the dragon#I FORGOT SPIKE#spike’s a stone dragon that hatched from a stone egg. he is not meant to exist. he’s an elderitch horror and a baby boy and we love#and cherish his adorable little face#art#critdraws#Rest your Weary Hooves in our New Found Home
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a moment of silence for all us disabled ones who had to watch each of their friends move on with their lives without you and get jobs, go to school, have partners come and go, get engaged and move house etc.
shout out to my fellow struggling people who are still sitting in the same bedroom they grew up in. the ones who can't get a job, can't make new friends, can't find a partner or partners, can't move house and can't go to school.
I hope one day we can all find someone to at least sit with us in our rooms. I see you and I understand... and I'm sorry we can't be that person for each other
#hell o void#hell o hadal#disabled#disability#invisible disability#nuerodivergent#nuerodiversity#mental health#agoraphobia#depression#anxiety#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#autistic#autism#i know this applies to more people but i am too tired to think of more tags and i really need to stop posting and do other things#but this is something i struggle with constantly and cant get over so#about#it hurts even more knowing that my friends who have done this are also disabled#like.... what do you mean they can overcome their disabilities and have lives why the fuck cant i do that
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Idiot to Idiot communication
#there's a part 2 to this in my brain but idk if I'll draw it and this can stand alone fine too#danny phantom#my art#van life au#agit technically#i like when older danny grows his hair out but i could kinda see him avoiding it as a way of avoiding that evil alt future#like hes uncomfortable with how it likens back to it#but maybe having van around and seeing that alt future version try to be a better person in their 2nd chance could#ya know relieve any of that anxiety#so i wanted to illustrate them having a conversation about it#but i got stuck on thia funny beginning part#who knows if I'll get around to the serious part
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Have you seen my little lad?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin zixun#Everytime I have to write his name I feel like I'm running outside in a blood rain trying not to get wet. Misspelling it feels so inevitabl#But so far so good! He doesn't have too many more appearances before he gets Cheesed.#Dear god I love it when characters go on the war path for someone they care about.#And I love it even more when you have an ambiguity between personal debt and genuine act of selflessness.#WWX saving WN is purposefully messy! Like a lot of our real life reasons for how we act - there isn't a clear single cause or answer.#Sometimes we forget that we are a collection of experiences and learnt reactions.#Sometimes we forget that what we see on the surface is not the point to address. Everyone is more complex than we think. Even yourself.#And yet...it always comes back to love doesn't it? Attachment styles and self-esteem and bonds and relationships to others.#Everything comes back to love and our perceptions of it.#WWX is on a self-destructive war path and he will absorb as much damage as he can for those he feels obligated and attached to.#Does it make him feel needed? Does it give him purpose? Does it ease anxieties of the past? I do not think there is an answer.
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i am not immune to silly pirate adventures
#one piece#monkey d luffy#roronoa zoro#tony tony chopper#vinsmoke sanji#usopp#nami#straw hats#my art#digital art#fanart#illustration#artists on tumblr#i worked way too long on this pls like it ;;#i have a feeling this wont perform well#<- has anxiety over dumb things
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ive only had these two on my mind recently .
#hetalia world stars#hws romano#hws italy#hws itabros#too much caffeine + an anxiety disorder = im gonna kill everyone in this room if someone touches me#i hc that they both have anxiety disorders but while vene manages his roma is raw dogging life and it ends up getting him into Situations#(Situations of his own making ofc)#yes i keep putting romano into situations i have put myself into. and ill fucking do it again#my art
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i got my isbn today for the book. 8 months to go. my mom and i were talking about what the next steps are. i was eating trail mix, standing on one foot, phone tucked into my ear.
"yeah," i said. "the problem is that tumblr as a market is like, not something that can be studied." there's this weird wave of nostalgia and affection for this place that came up over me: how lovely we avoid consumerism. okay, it sucks as a creator. but also? keep stickin' it to 'em.
my mother made the sound at the back of her throat that i also make, the one that means i've got an idea. "you should figure out some kind of reward for presale amounts. maybe you give out poems or a mug or a signed book or something. would your followers like that?" my mother is sweet, and kind, and i have no idea how to explain on this website you can buy someone crabs.
i put more m&ms down the hatch. i had to speak through peanuts and almonds. "if it passes 25 thousand i will print the book out in its entirety and eat it live on camera."
"oh god. no, you don't have to do that." she was anguished. "just tell them that you'd love them to read it, and that they've inspired you to write. you got started on that site, and they helped you keep going. raquel, you love these people. the community? you talk all the time about the other writers and artists and whatever else. tell them that you're hoping for their support, they'll come through."
"no," i assured her. i discovered i had dropped an m&m, but an ant had already found it, so it belonged to him now. i will let his little life have a surprise blue treasure in it, too. "i'm gonna fuckin' eat the book."
#writeblr#:)#the small secret love i have for y'all. the way i am filled with gratitude.#for the nosebleed club. for stephen particularly.#for every artist i've ever been in contact with and collaborated with.#for every person who has commented on my work and passed it along or fallen in love with it#for every silent 'just hitting like' follower and for every person who sends me dms and for each of you#i know i suck at replying bc i have anxiety. but like. you keep being here. so i keep writing.#i legit wouldn't be here without you.#thank you sophie thank you katie thank you carolyn thank you stephanie thank you jess#thank you if you're reading this#i got too overwhelmed with love and have to stop writing this FAR too early into the thank yous bc im about to cry with love
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another design for the au i’m working on (cough cough thinking about)
#my art#pearlescentmoon fanart#pearlescentmoon#trafficblr#these designs—especially this one—aren’t really thaat different to my normal ones (or even just the canon skins lol)#because i’m very attached to a lot of the elements in them pfhdgdn. whoopsiesss.#I said “thinking about” but I have actually written 2k words for a fic of this au so far and have a bunch of notes and stuff. but um.#i’m not too sure if i’ll ever post any of my writing anywhere because its. it feels much more vulnerable than i’m normally comfortable with#maybe eventually. but it seems. VERY anxiety inducing to me.#sphynx LIFE au
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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Waiting for new series be like:
It'S FreAKiNg CoLD
#star wars#the clone wars#plo koon#ahsoka tano#what have i done#i have anxiety#help#i love wolffe so much#and plo koon too#ahhhhhhh#it's too cold#my drawing
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Dp x dc twin au where Danny and Damian were in fact conjoined/siamese twins, but the most dangerous type - one head, two bodies.
Their early removal from talia being because their shape would not have allowed for natural birth, they were written off but talia begged for the chance to send them off in the lazarus pit.
By some bizarre miracle, before she turned to leave, two small bodies bobbed to the surface - identical in every way, except for the eyes. The previous blue eyes now split in two, one left, one right, and the new eyes, pit created, a bright green.
She took her child, her two children, and together, they survived.
Being removed prematurely, their early years were tough, but soon they blossomed into promising heirs for the league. In sync with every step, the closest of brothers, the league was certain the old fairy tale of twins being telepathic had been granted by the pit that separated them, the remnants of being born as one mind, one brain, one skull.
But then Danny had to flee, and leave his other half behind. Stretched by distance for the first time, the bond grew thin and stretched, and Damian grieved his brother as dead. When he started being sent on public missions, he hid his distinctive heterochromia, choosing the green in memory of the pit that had given him and his brother life.
Danny, hiding his pit aura in the ocean's worth that was Amity park, took to blue, the colour that he and Damian were born with.
Damian moves to Gotham, and continues to mourn his brother as dead, right until one day when he is twelve, when he learns what the death of your other half truly feels like.
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Their reunion is a thing of family legend. Violence runs hot in both bloodlines, ghosts are highly emotional and prone to fighting a the drop of a hat for bonding, playing, testing, every reason under the green sun. Their training and play often consisted of friendly spars, competitive spars, furious spars, venting spars. Both have been exposed to unhealthy amounts of ecto since before their birth.
There is a long, long minute of staring, before they rip themselves away and lunge at each other like wolves.
The bat family are horrified by their brutally efficient youngest suddenly barreling towards a clone (?) and trying to claw his throat open with his bare hands while openly sobbing.
It ends with them wrapped around each other crying into the others shoulder as their minds finally meet again and relax from the painful stretch for the first time in years.
But nobody else has any idea what to do.
#Idk I just really like slightly codependent twins#Talia and ras had to put so much work in to prevent them from developing separation anxiety like dogs from the same litter#Also I like Damian thinking Danny is dead until he very abruptly finds out he is now via soul mate agony. Someone did a fic with that idea#It was really good. Let's dial it up to eleven#Danny and Damian having different eye colour and it being the fault of Damian's extra exposure to the pit is awesome too#But I wanted to see if there was a way they could both have the same eyes. Well. Close enough.#Same eyes + twin telepathy + the birth complications people like to give Danny = siamese twins#Also the portal accident happens two years early so there's that#I can't decide whether I want the first meeting to be alive Danny or dead Phantom#Or whether it be a summoning or something#I just need Damian and Danny to lay eyes on each other and immediately go feral#They still don't want to share a room though#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#danny and damian are twins#twins#twin au#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#dc x dp prompt#dc x dp crossover#It's not like telepathy it's more if one twin has seen it so has the other#It's not conscious on their part. They don't choose to share things usually. It's been that way since they were born.#That's what they think twins are for the longest time until talia realises and explains#Ras genuinely thinks Danny died because of how devastated Damian was and how he stopped knowing things he shouldn't#1k
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