#i thought it was my muses today but ... guess its me too .

[retrobutterflies]

Ambrosia | billie eilish

Billie Eilish x Female!Reader

Summary: Your avoidant attachment style can only work for so long until it's time to face the music.

Word Count: 6.6k

Warnings: Bi panic, hurt/comfort, fluff

Part II

A/N: If you've gone to see her on tour, you and I are in a fight.

You had been acting off. You knew it. And you weren't a very good actress so you could tell your friends knew it too. But no one had said anything, at least not yet. You had tried to drop hints of work being stressful or your lease ending soon but they were halfhearted and pitiful attempts to camouflage your real turmoil.

You could tell Billie knew it too. Her eyes lingered on you a little longer when someone would say a joke and everyone would laugh and you would be quiet in the corner consumed by your thoughts. A few times she called your name to pull you back into the conversation, a quirked eye brow and side smirk barely concealing the confusion or concern lingering in her eyes. Sometimes it was a gentle nudge in the side or handing you a fresh drink to pull you back from your mind. And it would work for a while until you couldn't stop focusing on how close she was sitting to you on the couch or how every time she would laugh her body would lean into yours and you would feel her warmth and smell her perfume. And then you would be sucked right back into the buzzing thoughts of panic and fear and confusion and you would be plotting your escape route before you imploded.

Tonight was harder than usual. You had been in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and sipping your third beer that was finally giving you a little buzz, softening your brain for the time being. Oliver had come up to you with an award winning grin and glinting eyes. He was a friend of a friend but he seemed to be at every party you were and slowly but surely you started talking and flirting every time you saw each other. You knew if you wanted someone to dance with or chat or make out in the bathroom you could find him and he would give you his charming smile and an enthusiastic yes.

Only tonight it was different. Everything had felt different since your startling realization on the floor of your room a month ago. You noticed him before he reached you and instead of the usual feelings of excitement or anticipation, all you felt was anxiety. Your stomach had been in knots on and off all night and suddenly at the sight of him they were back to full power.

"I thought I'd never find you," he mused, strolling up to you and leaning his torso against the marble counter top. "I thought maybe you were avoiding me."

You let out a soft puff of a laugh, taking a larger gulp of your beer before replying, "I'm avoiding everyone.”

He quirked an eyebrow, pushing back a brown tuft of hair out of his forehead. "For any particular reason?"

You pursed my lips, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, thinking about how to respond. "Just, tired, I guess," was your intelligent response.

"Just tired, you guess," he echoed, eyebrows raising further as he tilted his head at you. His eyes were piercing and you could feel him trying to peel back the layers of your newfound shell.

"Too tired to even dance with me?" he asked, giving you a soft, playful nudge in the side. You tried to give him a smile though you were sure it looked more like a wince.

"I'm sorry, Oliver, I'm just–" You struggled to find the words, the knots tightening in your stomach, "–out of it today."

He let out a hum, taking a sip of his IPA, and stared at you long and hard.

"Is this about a boy?" he questioned.

You winced but it only seemed to encourage him.

"So it is. C'mon, I'm not upset that you have a crush, I’m just upset its not on me," he joked, nudging you again. When you didn’t respond he continued.

"So," he repeated, "Who is it? I promise I'll keep it a secret."

You shook my head, taking another large sip of your drink like it could wash away the anxiety blooming in your chest.

"Is it Ben? You guys used to talk didn't you?" he continued, eyes now scanning the busy kitchen and through the archway peaking into the living room.

"Or Sebastian? I know he's always had a thing for you. He glares at me sometimes," he let out a chuckle.

"Oliver–" You tried to cut him off.

"Wait no, it's Griffen isn't it? God, I should've guessed that first."

"Oliver, stop, please," You put a hand up to rub the spot between your forehead that was starting to ache.

He looked back at you and frowned. "I get it, you don't have to tell me. I have been told I give good advice though," he said.

You looked up at him. His big brown eyes were sincere and there was a time when they used to make butterflies erupt in your stomach. But now it was like any fascination you had had with him before had puffed out like a candle.

"Listen, I appreciate that, but–" You let out a breath, trying to choose your words carefully, "this has nothing to do with a boy."

"You sure?" he replied, skeptical. Your stomach twisted again.

"I'm sure," You breathed.

He left you alone after that, strolling away to find his next playmate. You stood there for a while, people watching and sipping on your beer. It didn't take you long to notice Billie with a few of your friends, perched on a couch in the living room, a perfect view from the kitchen. Someone said something and she laughed, throwing her head back, hair glinting in the low lighting. You stared for longer than you should've.

And then she finally noticed you. Her eyes caught yours and her smile morphed into a softer more tentative one. The anxiety that had been appeased for the moment roared back to life and you felt your heart rate quicken to the point that you could feel your pulse in your neck. You looked away, clenching onto your near empty beer can before sliding it onto the counter. You looked up to see the far door to the balcony and before you could think your legs were taking you there.

It was surprisingly empty and the chill of the autumn air felt refreshing against your burning cheeks. You leaned your elbows on the metal railing, taking in a few deep breaths as your eyes scanned the glowing lights of the city skyline.

You felt like you were going crazy. Everything you had known about yourself had suddenly flipped on its head on a random Tuesday and now you couldn't function normally. You were overthinking everything. All of your relationships, all of your friendships, all of your actions. How could you have not known? How could it have taken you this long? Don't people usually know right away?

"Hey," her voice hit you like an electrical shock. You jumped slightly and usually this would've made her chuckle but you could tell she knew something wasn't right. "Sorry," she said, her voice a hair softer, "I didn't mean to scare you."

You finally turned to look at her as she was closing the sliding door behind her. Her eyes seemed cautious and she took slowed steps towards you like you were a frightened animal.

"No, it's fine. Sorry, I'm–" losing my mind, "just a little tired."

She came to stand next to you, leaning her arms on the railing as well, and nodded. A few pieces of dark hair fluttered in the crisp breeze and your eyes lingered for a moment. You took in her side profile, the slope of her nose, flush of her cheeks, the pinched wrinkle between her eyebrows. She was quiet for a while, eyes looking out at the city, seeing through it like it wasn't even there at all.

"You seem to be tired all the time now," she finally said, her voice low and soft. You could hear her attempt at light humor, trying break the tension that had settled between you as the weeks went on but you could read her well and you could see the worry etched on her face and feel the apprehension in her words.

"Yeah," was all you could muster to reply. Your mind flashed back to all of the plans you had turned down or cancelled on last minute under the ruse you were tired. You turned your attention back to the city, trying hard to focus your eyes anywhere but her face.

You could practically hear the thoughts buzzing in her head, all the words and questions she had for why you had suddenly sunk into yourself. And why you had suddenly started avoiding her. She let out a soft sigh. You could feel her gaze on the side of your cheek but you couldn't bring yourself to look at her.

"Are you doing okay?" she asked, voice even softer than before.

You bit the inside of your cheek. You weren't sure how to respond. Any wrong word and you might very well burst into tears.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" You replied. You tried to sound nonchalant but even you could hear the slight waver in your voice. You moved your hands to grip the railing, an attempt at grounding yourself so you didn't lose your resolve in front of her. You were already thinking about an escape route, maybe to the bathroom to cry or maybe straight out the front door where you could call someone to come pick you up.

She paused for a moment, staring at you. You could tell she was trying to read between the lines, hear the words you weren't saying. And you knew if you met her eyes she would be able to pull them from you in an instant.

"You know," she paused again, her eyes still boring into the side of your face, "usually I don't pry because you always come to me when you're ready but–"

She let out another sigh, finally pulling her gaze away and back towards the twinkling night. She tapped her fingers softly on the railing. You could hear her rings making gentle clinks against the metal. It was a tell tale sign she was nervous or agitated, or maybe both.

"You're worrying me a little." She took another breath. "And I just want to make sure you're alright because I can tell something is bothering you even if you're not ready to tell me what it is yet."

You could feel your eyes start to sting and your hands were starting to freeze from clenching the cold steel of the railing for so long but you didn't dare move them for fear their fidgeting would give you away. But your throat had tightened to the point that you weren't sure you could say any word without it sounding strained and threatening tears.

"And–" she started again, her voice taking on a slightly pained sound, "if I did something that upset you I'm really sorry. I know I can be a lot sometimes but I don't want that to make you uncomfortable or . . ." She trailed off, grimacing at her own words.

You finally plucked up the courage to look at her. She looked pained and you felt the anxiety in your stomach turn to dread. She looked so worried and it was obvious that your strange behavior had been affecting her for a while now. And somehow she knew she was the cause.

"You started acting strange after the last time we hung out and I–" she scrunched her face up in regret, "–didn't mean to do anything that would make you uncomfortable and sometimes I get too comfortable and I forget to check myself–" she let out a frustrated sigh. You turned your gaze away sharply.

Your mind spun back to that moment a month ago, both of you sitting on the floor of your room. You didn't even remember what you had been talking about but you remembered your stomach had cramped from laughing so hard. And your faces were so close together. And she had started playing with your hair, first brushing it behind your ear and then twirling a strand or two. And then her finger had brushed so lightly against your cheek once, then twice, then it travelled down your jaw then towards your neck and left goosebumps and tingles in its wake and then so suddenly like a bolt of lightening you had wanted her to kiss you.

Your whole life you had thought you only liked boys. You had only ever had crushes on boys and dated boys and then suddenly you wanted a girl and you had to double back through every interaction in your life to see if you had been deluding yourself, refusing to acknowledge this second side of you. And it was an earthshaking realization that you hadn't even known yourself and that you had been so blind to it.

And then the worst part about it was that it wasn't just any girl but it was your best friend. The most major, important, integrated person in your life and suddenly you had feelings for her and you had no idea what to do.

"I just–I didn't mean to let it get–" she cut herself off, letting out another frustrated huff.

You couldn't risk looking at her. Your eyesight was already blurring from the moisture building up in your waterline and you knew if you made a sound it would cause them to start falling, ruining any last shred of dignity you had left.

You could feel her gaze on you again, penetrating and heavy and from the corner of your eye you could see her shoulders sag and her head dip slightly.

She was quiet for another few seconds before murmuring a quiet, "I'm sorry."

It made your heart clench painfully and you wanted to turn to her and reassure her that nothing was her fault and you were just dealing with your own inner turmoil but you could already feel a few tears escaping your eyes and rolling hot and fast down your wind-bitten cheeks.

She took your silence as rejection and pulled back suddenly from the balcony. "I'll, um, leave you be for a little. If, uh–" her voice sounded pinched and low and you could picture the look of defeat on her face and it made you feel like throwing up.

"If you need a lift home, just, uh, let me know," she murmured.

She turned around and took a few steps to the door, hand resting on the handle. You turned to look at her, sudden panic and desperation clawing at your neck at the thought of her leaving even though a second ago that was all you had wanted.

"Bil–" Her name got caught in your throat that had tightened so much you felt like you were choking.

She turned quickly, shock filtering across her features as she noticed the tears.

"Are you crying?" her voice held a quiet tone of surprise but it was enough for the rest of the tears you had been desperately holding back to break free.

You cupped your hands over your eyes, a hiccup of a sob leaving your lips, and pressed your sleeves into your eyelashes in a piteous attempt to dry up your tears. You heard her whisper your name before you felt her in front of you.

"Please don't cry. I didn't realize–" Her hands went to your shoulders, squeezing slightly before pulling you forward until you could feel her torso pressing against yours and feel her arms winding around your body.

It was useless fighting your emotions. They had always won before. It was silly of you to think you could beat them now. You felt yourself sink into her, your hands moving to wind around her neck, pressing your cheek against her warmth.

"I'm–I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were so upset. I–" she sounded like she couldn't find her words, still surprised by your reaction. Her arms tightened around you, one of her hands reaching up to cup the crown of your head.

She dragged her hand down the back of your head, fingers raking through your hair, brushing against your scalp. You stood there for a while, your tears soaking into the sleeve of your shirt, her delicately stroking your head, dolling out a few hushed apologies even though there was nothing for her to be apologizing for.

Finally, when your choking whimpers and nearly ceaseless tears quieted down, she pulled back. She pulled her sleeve over her hand and pressed it gently against your cheek and with slow and deliberate movements she wiped away the wetness on your face. It was an intimate enough gesture to bring more tears to your eyes but she tutted at you.

"Come on, baby. I don't want you to run yourself ragged," she cajoled though her voice was still hushed and the worry never left her face.

'Baby' hit you right in the chest. She had called you that before, and more often in recent memory, and though it had always made you feel warm it had never quite knocked the breath out of you like now.

She swiped her thumb over your eyelid, then the other, brushing the new tears from your lashes. Then she swiped the delicate skin under your eyes, once, twice, maybe a third for good measure. You couldn't tell where the flush in your cheeks from the cold stopped and the blush began. Her eyes now held yours and in the darkness their hue was almost as dark as the deepest part of the ocean and you could see the lights of the city glittering in her irises like she had plucked all of the stars from the sky and sprinkled them in her eyes. And for a second time you were breathless.

"Why don't I take you home?" she breathed, eyes now flittering around your face.

You wanted to reply with something witty, something to ease the tension even a hint but you couldn't find your words. All you could do was give her a nod. She held out her hand to you and like it was second nature you took it. Her rings were cool against your skin but her hand was warm and soft and she gave you a reassuring squeeze before gently tugging you back inside the apartment.

She didn't bother to say goodbye to anyone. You were sure she was doing it for your sake. You knew you looked like a mess. Her car was parked on the street and she opened the passenger door for you and waited until you were seated before shutting it and going towards the driver's side.

She didn't say anything, only turned the radio on to a comfortable buzz before starting in the direction of your apartment. You leaned your forehead against the cool glass of the window and shut your eyes tight, trying to take in the small moment of peace before you knew you would have to finally explain yourself. You could feel her heavy glances and for a moment you swore she was going to reach out to touch you but she didn't and soon enough you were pulling into the parking garage of your apartment.

She pulled into one of the designated spots for your unit, the other one reserved for your roommate. It was essentially hers since you didn't have a car and the familiarity of her pulling in like normal when she hadn't done it for a month had your heart clenching again.

The elevator ride was quiet as was the walk to your unit. When you opened the front door, your roommate and her boyfriend were cozied up on the couch, watching the newest slasher flick. You had calmed down enough to offer them a pleasant greeting as you took your shoes off and they turned their attention from the glowing TV to respond. You could see the peaked interest on your roommate's face at the sight of Billie standing next to you who she hadn't seen since that fateful day.

"Let us know if we need to turn the volume down," your roommate said and you gave her a small smile before leading Billie down the hall and to your room, shutting the door behind you.

For the first time ever, she looked somewhat lost being in your room. You were so used to her sprawling on your bed, borrowing your clothes without needing to ask, using far too much of your body wash when she took a shower and now she was lingering by the door, arms crossed over her chest like she was too scared to touch anything. You dropped your bag onto your desk and sunk down to sit on the bed. You patted the spot next to you.

"You can come sit," You said, before adding, "If you want."

She relaxed slightly and nodded, shrugging off her jacket onto your desk chair before taking the space next to you. You sat there in a thick silence. You opened your mouth to speak but your courage was depleting at a rapid rate and your eyes kept flashing back to that moment a month ago, seeing you both like ghosts sitting on the floor in front of you. She finally broke the silence first.

"I just want to say that," she took a steadying breath, eyes focused on her hands that were wringing nervously in her lap, "I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable and I'm sorry that I overstepped a boundary."

You let your eyes wander over her face. Her brows pulled together, furrowing slightly as she thought back to that day.

"I know you don't have those feelings and I–" she shook her head, pieces of dark hair falling into her face making her brush them back behind her ears.

"I shouldn't have let myself get close like that. It wasn't fair to you," she admitted, letting out an irritated exhale.

She was quiet again. You weren't sure if she was waiting for you to answer or trying to find the words to keep going. You felt your pulse quicken as you stared at her. She lifted her head and her eyes met yours and again you were breathless. She had always been beautiful but you had never let yourself view her as anything more than a friend. And now looking at her you had the crushing realization that you didn't think you could ever view her as anything but anymore.

"Billie," your voice was quiet and you didn't realize what you were going to say until the words were spilling out of your mouth.

"I love you."

She blinked at you, eyes wide and flickering between yours. And then she grimaced. You couldn't help but feel the wash of rejection settle in your chest.

"Don't say that," she said, shaking her head and looking like you had just slapped her.

"Why?"

She stood up abruptly, like being close to you was suddenly suffocating her. She crossed her arms back in front of her chest, eyes looking around your room but focusing on nothing.

"Because you don't mean it," she muttered, her eyes following the myriad of pictures and polaroids you had decorated over your wall, her face smiling back in more than a few of them.

"What do you mean?" You almost laughed at the absurdity. "Of course I do."

She shook her head again and turned back to look at you and you were taken aback at the sudden anger swirling in her eyes.

"You fell of the face of the planet four weeks ago," she snapped. Her eyes were narrowed and her thick liner made them look darker than normal.

"You barely answered my texts. I thought I had done something horrible. And then when I realized what I had done you were no where to be found for me to apologize. You iced me out so fast it made my head spin!"

You couldn't help but gape at her. She bit her lip, her eyes now glimmering with her own tears threatening to fall. The sight of them made your insides coil up so tight you almost felt faint.

"One second we're talking about the future, laughing at the possibility that we could ever live apart from each other and the next second you're gone like I was suddenly nothing to you," she exclaimed, her voice raising in a mix of anger and pain. A couple of stray tears rolled down her cheeks and she angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand.

"You can't just leave me like that and then . . . and then–" she let out a shuddering breath, "say you love me."

You felt your tears resurface, stinging against your lashes as you stared at her. Guilt was wrapping around you like vines and you couldn't believe you didn't realize how much you had hurt her from pulling away like that.

"And it's not fair because you don't even mean it. Not–" she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment like she could force her tears back.

"It doesn't mean the same thing to you,” she finally met your eyes, "Not in the way that it does to me."

"Billie, I–" You felt your breath get caught in your throat, "I'm so sorry."

She stared at you for a painstakingly long moment before the anger seeped out of her and was replaced by dejection. She sunk down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them.

"No–" she rested her forehead against her knee, her face now hidden from your gaze, "I'm sorry. I just–You'd think at this point I'd be able to deal with it better, you know? But it doesn't seem to get any easier."

You got up from your spot on the bed and sunk down to the floor with her.

"You have feelings for me," You suddenly realized, eyes scanning her as if you were trying to see what you had been missing all this time.

She let out a humorless laugh. "Brutal, isn't it?”

She chuckled again, raising her head to rest her chin on the top of her knee.

"You don't even like girls. And I can't seem to like anyone but you," she admitted, her voice rasping at the end. It sounded like she had accepted her fate long ago and you couldn't help but feel the pang of regret in your chest at wishing you had realized this so much earlier.

"I tried to make it go away. But sometimes I would just let myself pretend just for a second that you felt the same way," she let out a heavy breath.

"The last time I was here, I just, I let myself pretend a little too long and I got carried away."

She met your eyes and a few rouge tears dropped down her cheeks. Instinctively, you reached out and brushed them away, cupping her face and swiping your thumbs across the swells of her cheeks. She closed her eyes and you watched her face relax for a fleeting moment before the anguish was creeping back in again.

"You can't do that," she whispered, eyes blinking open as she pulled her face out of your hands. "You're only gonna make it worse."

You stared at each other for a few moments, the air heavy and thick with emotion. But you could feel your resolve strengthening after she bared her heart to you. You figured it was only fair to do the same.

“I love you,” you repeated, this time more firm than the last.

She winced again like the words were painful to hear.

“I mean it,” you said, “I love you.”

She shook her head, not believing your words or maybe thinking you didn’t understand her.

“You don’t,” she denied, opening her mouth to retort again but you cut her off.

“I do,” you insisted. “Please, just–Let me explain.”

She closed her mouth, blinking at you before giving you a short nod.

"I grew up in a very traditional household," you started, taking a wavering breath to ready yourself. "My whole life I was surrounded by nothing but heterosexuality. My parents, my relatives, all of my friends. And I had always liked boys but it had never crossed my mind that I might like girls too."

"And when I met you I knew you were going to be so special to me. It was kind of frightening how quickly we grew attached. But I had always valued my close friendships with girls that I just–" you shook your head, eyes straying to your hands nestled in your lap, "I hadn't realized that sometimes my feelings went beyond the scope of platonic."

"But last month, when you were here and we were talking I . . . I had this sudden realization that I wanted you to kiss me.”

You looked up to see her eyes boring into you. She kept so still like she was worried one wrong move and you would close back up.

“I had to . . . comb back through my life to make sense of it. I didn’t realize–I thought you just knew. I thought it was so crazy of me to only realize now and . . . how stupid could I be for not knowing I felt like this.”

You shut your eyes, thinking back through all those memories you had replayed over and over again.

“And then I thought back to moments between us,” you let out a shaky exhale, feeling your eyes sting, “How close we get, the things we talk about. How I don’t let anyone do the things you do. How I always look to you first for anything.”

You could feel her penetrating gaze even with your eyes shut.

“And then I just . . . I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Your friendship is so important to me but I didn’t know how to be around you without confronting these new feelings. And I couldn’t,” you winced, letting out another shaky sigh, “I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you because of them.”

It was so quiet for a moment you thought maybe she had left. But after a few beats of silence you heard her shuffle towards you and then slowly her arm curved around your back and she was pulling you into her.

“You could never lose me,” she said so softly it was nearly a whisper, her voice thick with emotion.

You bit your lip hard to stop it from trembling. Her other hand found your face and cupped your cheek, nudging you to look up at her. You opened your eyes to be met with her anguished expression, eyes glossy in the dim lighting, eyeliner smudged at the sides.

“And you’re not stupid,” she said, brows furrowing further.

“But how could I not have known–”

“That doesn’t make you stupid. There’s no calendar for this shit,” her thumb danced softly over the plush of your cheek, so light, so delicate, you couldn’t help but lean into it.

“So you believe me?” you finally asked after another bout of silence.

“That you love me?” she questioned, a rasp in her tone. You nodded.

She moved her hand to stroke back your hair from your face, thumb lingering on your hairline as she brushed back the soft baby hairs.

“Yes,” she finally conceded, eyes roaming around your face like this was the first time she was able to openly admire it. Her face drew closer and you could feel the warmth of her breath graze your lips.

“You just can’t go cold on me like that again,” she breathed, her eyes so blue and captivating like this was some sort of spell she was weaving on you. “I felt insane.”

You let out a weak chuckle. She mirrored your smile, eyes straying to your lips.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, making her eyes meet yours again, “I really am.”

“I know, baby,” she replied.

That was all it took for you to lean in and kiss her. She took a sharp intake of breath, maybe in surprise, but her lips responded to yours in an instant. They were so soft, velveteen and silky, and you could smell her sweet perfume overwhelming your senses. And she tasted like honey and mint and ambrosia and you couldn’t believe you hadn’t kissed her before.

Her hand raked through your hair, curving around the back of your neck, massaging the tendon as her kisses grew deeper and sweeter. You felt your mind start to mellow into a hypnotic buzz where you couldn’t think much past her and her satin lips and her soft exhales fanning over your face. Her other hand slid around your torso, palm centering on the small of your back, before she was pulling you into her and up onto her lap.

“Fuck,” you breathed between kisses, wrapping your arms around her neck so you could press yourself in further.

Slowly her kisses strayed from your lips, tracing the edge of your jaw. She nudged her cheek against the underside of your jaw making your head lift so she could press fiery kisses to the sensitive skin of your neck. You dug your fingers into her hair, tightening your hold when she found an extra sensitive spot making her let out a pleased hum against your skin that vibrated and tickled.

“Bil–” You could barely speak, so consumed by her ministrations.

She littered kisses on your neck and over your pulse point where you were sure she could feel how fast your heart was beating. You felt her grin against your skin, nipping softly before apologizing with a searing kiss. Your body was turning lax and her arms tightened around your torso, anchoring you to her.

Then her lips were moving back up, leaving a wake of tingles as they climbed before they found yours again. You kissed back eagerly, trying to convey everything you weren’t able to in words, your guilt, your fear, your worry, your adoration, your love. And she drank you in, evaporating the remnants of your anxiety and doubt.

It took you a moment to realize one of her hands had slipped under the back of your shirt, her palm warm and pleasing against your bare skin. She dragged her nails lightly down your spine and you couldn’t help but shiver at the sensation. You felt her smile against your lips and after pressing one, two, a third, another kiss she finally relented, pulling her head back so she could look at you.

Your eyes fluttered open, dazed. Hers were half-lidded and penetrating and her lips were a bright pink, bruised and swollen. Her free hand reached back up, pushing your hair back and stroking her fingers delicately along your cheek.

“I love you too,” she murmured, voice so soft you could’ve missed it.

A flood of warmth filled your chest and a blush rose on your cheeks and she seemed unable to stop herself from leaning in and pressing a kiss against the flushing skin.

“I really missed you,” you confessed, sighing in contentment as her lips lingered on your cheek.

“Not as much as I did,” she said, leaning back again so she could look at you. She rested her head back against the foot of the bed, looking at you low through her dark lashes.

“No I was going crazy,” you admitted and she let out a spluttering laugh. You smiled for the first time in what felt like forever, gaze lingering on her squinting eyes and the small dimple that appeared on her chin.

“Dude, I was out of my mind. I wouldn’t shut up about you. I literally wrote a fucking song because you were ignoring me,” she confessed.

“No way,” you laughed, delighted at the thought that she would ever like you enough to write a song about you.

“I did,” she affirmed, snickering, moving both of her arms down to rest behind your back, tugging you in again so you sat higher on her lap.

“Will you let me hear it?” you asked, moving your hands down to her neck, finding the soft baby hairs at her nape and brushing your thumbs against the sides.

“I was really in my feels,” she warned.

“That’s okay,” you said and she smiled at you so softly that you felt a swirl of butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“Okay,” she said, biting her lower lip, eyes flashing back down to yours.

“Really?”

“Mhm, you just can’t make fun of me though,” she replied and you let out another soft laugh at the thought.

“I’ve never made fun of you in my entire life,” you said unable to stop your smile and she guffawed at you.

“Still a shit liar I see,” she retorted.

“I’ve never lied either,” you said, grinning and she squeezed your side making you let out a shocked giggle.

“‘No, I’m fine Billie. I’m just tired. Nothing is wrong and I’m not ignoring you’,” she paraphrased, poking fun now at your sorry excuses for avoiding her.

You groaned half in regret, half in embarrassment.

“I mean, it’s not entirely a lie. I was sleeping like shit,” you admitted.

She hummed, eyes seemingly now noticing the darker shadows lurking under your eyes, your makeup long gone from all of your tears.

“I was too,” she said, taking a deep sigh, “How do you think I had time to write a whole song?”

You laughed again and she smiled at you. All of the worry and sadness that had clouded her face for the past few weeks had finally left. She looked like she had her sparkle back and you felt breathless at the thought that it was because of you.

“Would you, um,” your eyes flickered between hers, suddenly nervous, “wanna stay the night?”

She let out an affronted laugh. “Did you think I wanted to leave?”

“I was just checking. I didn’t wanna push you or anything,” you replied, narrowing your eyes at her but unable to quell your smile.

“I know, baby. And I appreciate it,” she cooed, leaning in to kiss your cheek again.

“I like when you call me that,” you confessed, the words leaving your lips before you could even think to stop them.

“Yeah?” Her grin deepened and you nodded, your cheeks warm. She hummed again.

She stared at you for another long moment, eyes scanning your face, her hand reaching up to brush your hair back. Your eyes fluttered shut at the comfort.

“You’ll tell me next time when you’re this upset?” she asked, voice softer now.

You blinked open your eyes. Her worry was seeping back and you felt the guilt pool in your stomach again but you pushed it back, confident in the fact that you couldn’t ignore her again even if you tried.

“I promise.”

She stared at you long and hard. And then she leaned in and pressed another silken kiss to your lips.

“Good because otherwise I’m breaking down your door,” she mumbled against your lips and you couldn’t contain your laugh. And then she pressed in further, kissing away all the guilt and fear that lingered, replacing it with nothing but the touch of her lips.

billie masterlist ✩

[pitchsidestories]

met someone II Lena Oberdorf x Reader

masterlist I word count: 1452

a/n: dear readers, the poll chose Lena Oberdorf for this oneshot, we hope you're enjoying it. 💖💖

“Lena?”, Lea sounded surprised.

“Lea, this bar sucks!”, the dark-haired woman yelled into her phone

“But that’s there all the hot lesbians are according to Georgia.”, the blonde frowned.

“Georgia is wrong. The thing is full of straight women.”, she observed with growing frustration as a group of them was laughing hysterically about a joke one of the girls had made.

“Wait, but it’s a gay bar are they all celebrating their bachelorette parties?”, the forward asked confused.

“I don’t care what they do here but they’re all here. I think I’ll go home.”, Lena replied grumpily.

To lighten up her best friend’s terrible mood the blonde suggested. “Tomorrow at my place? I’ll cook a lot of hot chocolate and then we’ll watch a stupid romcom?”

“Didn’t you do that today already?”, the brunette teased the older player.

“Uhmm.”, Lea responded awkwardly.

“I know you.”, Lena stated chuckling.

“Well, I can do it two times in a row if you don’t tell our coach.”, she answered sheepishly.

“Okay, I won’t tell him if you don’t tell him that I’m out at a bar.”, the younger footballer offered grinning.

“We’ve a deal. See you tomorrow night!”, Lea chirmed.

“Bye.”, the brunette ended the phone call. Her dark eyes wandering one last time through her surroundings. The bar had its charm, she could admit that. It had a fading elegance to it like an old diva where you could tell that the woman once was a great beauty, something with a lot of history.

The barkeeper had mentioned to her that back in the 1980s Freddie Mercury was a reoccurring guest. Probably it was a bit more colourful back in the day.

For a second Lena tried to imagine how it would’ve looked like when the British rockstar was still alive but when her eyes locked with yours and all she could think about was you. Why hasn’t the football player noticed you before?

“Uhmm hi.”, the brunette greeted you nervously.

“Hey.”, you bit your lip.

“I’m Lena.”, the stranger introduced herself. Her smile was infectious, it immediately calmed you and made you feel less awkward than you’d usually feel in front of a person you just met.

You told her your name and when added. “You’re alone here too?  There’s a lot of groups tonight?”

Lonely hearts recognized each other you thought to yourself. Especially in a crowded room where people who came alone were rare.

“Yeah, I was about to go home. But then I saw you and I thought.. I could at least try and shoot my shot.”, Lena winked.

“That’s funny because I was about to leave too until I saw you.”, you confessed without hesitation in your voice.

A smile spread across Lenas face: “Oh really? Looks like this was meant to be.“

You chuckled in response, teasing her: “Are you a romantic, Lena?”

“Not really.“, she shook her head, her smile unwavering.

“So you don’t believe in love at the first sight?”, you asked.

She tilted her head slightly: “I believe in attraction at the first sight.“

You could barely tear your eyes away from that smirk, confident and cool.

“Me too.“

Lena pointed back towards the entrance of the bar and suggested: “Maybe we should stay for another drink?”

You nodded quickly: “Yes.“

Unsurprisingly, the bar was still crowded when the two of you went back inside. Lena led you right towards the counter to two empty bar stools. She had already ordered drinks while you sat down.

“Come on, it’s on me.“, she grinned as she pushed one of the glasses towards you.

You smiled politely at her: “Thank you.“

“You’re welcome.“

You sipped on your drink. Despite its dangerously clear look, you could barely taste the alcohol.

“So, what got you here tonight?”, you asked.

“I moved here a couple of months ago. I guess I’m just looking for someone…“, Lena admitted willingly.

It was more than understandable.

“A big city like Munich can get lonely…“, you mused, absentmindedly swirling the liquid in your glass.

Observing you, she raised an eyebrow: “Speaking from experience?”

“I do…“, you replied but quickly frowned at yourself. That sounded all wrong, you weren’t lonely. “I mean I love my friends…“

“But a romantic relationship is different. I get that.“, Lena completed your thought.

You paused for a moment, not because her interruption felt invasive, but because you felt an immediate connection.

“It is.“

“I feel the same way about that.“, Lena agreed.

You lifted your glass and clinked it against hers: “Cheers to the Lonely Hearts Club.“

Lena laughed: “Who knows. Maybe we’re at the right place at the right time and won’t be part of that club for much longer.“

Your heart skipped a beat, swelling with hope that this could be more than just a last-minute flirt at a bar but your forced it to calm down.

“Do you want to go for a walk after this?”, you asked, once your heart had started pumping blood to your brain again.

Lena checked the clock on her phone and nodded: “Sure.“

“Perfect.“

Both of your glasses emptied quickly.

“Ready to leave?”

“Yes, I’m ready.“, you said as you got up.

“Let’s go.“

Lena followed you outside where you both were met with the chilly breeze of the late night.

Side by side, you started walking against the cold. Streetlights illuminated the sidewalk just enough. You watched the shadows dance across Lenas face as you walked to nowhere in particular.

“Do you like living in the city so far?”

“I do. I expected the move to be harder but.. I like it.”, she admitted. You could tell that the young woman meant it. Immediately you asked yourself where Lena had lived before. Possibly somewhere smaller and calmer.

The brunette glanced at you with curiosity. “What about you? Have you lived here for a long time?”

“Yes, I moved here for university. It felt very freeing.”, a shy smile played on your lips as you spoke.

“I can see that.”, she observed in a friendly tone.

“In Munich you can be yourself.”, you added meaningfully.

A moment of realization hit the dark-haired woman unexpectedly. “You came out here, huh?”, Lena recognized.

“I did.”, you nodded. Pictures of the past were flashing behind your eyes. The small Bavarian village you grew up in, the catholic church being the centre of everyday life and gay people were basically non-existent. When you came to Munich it felt like you were able to breathe normally for the first time in forever.

“I think I understand why this city means so much to you.”, the brunette replied.

“You were out before moving?”, you asked her although it was more an observation than a question.

“Yes, for a while. I’m a football player so everyone is very open about it.”, Lena explained blushing.

“Ah a football player.”, you smiled at her mildly.

“Oh. You don’t sound impressed.”, she stated sounding almost a bit disappointed. But from the inside the midfielder felt relived too as sometimes the only thing women found interesting about her was her job.

The Lena off the pitch didn’t interest them at all, the one who loved her friends and family fearlessly, who liked to have fun, party a little and who wanted to take care of a dog again, but knew she wouldn’t have enough time without a partner to help her.

“No, I was just wondering why your arms are so impressive.”, you countered grinning, your fingers intertwined as you kept walking.

“You’re impressed by my arms? You should see my thighs.”, she smirked.

“Can’t see them through those trousers.”, you continued the banter making the woman you felt attracted to break into a warm and loud laughter.

“Sorry that joke went a bit far for a first meeting.”, Lena biting her full lips apologetically.

“A little but I’m already liking what I can see.”, you responded truthfully.

“Oh, you do?”, the football player raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, too much honesty?”, you chuckled.

“No, I like honesty.”, she replied earnestly.

“Same. So, what if I’d like to see you again?”, you questioned bravely, your heart pounding hard against your chest.

“How about tomorrow?” That ask sounded like music to both of your ears. Like this night might came to an end but it was only the beginning for you two.

The following day Lea exclaimed surprised. “Wait, you’re bringing a plus one to our movie night?!”

“Either that or I have to cancel. And you won’t forgive me for that.”, Lena said smiling.

“Okay, you can bring her.”, the striker sighed dramatically.

“You won’t regret it.”, the brunette promised wholeheartedly. Lena got butterflies in her stomach as she thought about you.

[idkfitememate]

I NEED A CONTINUATION OF GOLDEN WEASEL!

Mountain Shaper Encounter

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა Pairings : GN! Weasel Reader x Old Man & Mountain Shaper

૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა W.K. : 729

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ Tags/CW&TW : fluff, more found family

As you sat wrapped around The Old Man’s neck, you watched as the scenery of Liyue passed you both by.

No one stared, looked, or even glanced at him, you guess it was noticeably pissing you off, because he began to gently scratch under your chin. You leaned into the gentle touch, making him chuckle.

The hand he wasn’t using to pet you was gripped around a cane, a basket hanging off his arm as well. Compared to rest of Liyue, he was dressed in extremely traditional clothing, his hair was tied into a traditional top knot with a beautiful guan. He also had a nice little beard. With his looks, you honestly wondered how old the man was, because on top of his… well his beauty, his home - despite it being a house boat - was also decked out in traditional furnishings and decor.

The only accessory you had was an earring made of mora with a dragon modeled after Morax attached to the bottom - it was a hanging earring. When you found out your old man had spent ONE HUNDRED MORA ON IT, you scolded him for an hour. Him kneeling as you stood on your hind legs loudly chittering at him.

The only reasons you wore it was because:

A. He bought it as a thank you for staying by his side, even in old age.

And

B. The damn thing cost a hundred mora why the fuck wouldn’t you

And finally

C. It helped differentiate you from other weasel thieves.

As you continued down the lanes, his little basket began to fill up, though its weight never seemed to bother him. You’d often chirp at him to see if you could carry it - you were strong for a weasel - but he’d just shake off your concerns with another chuckle.

And as you continued, you began to feel sleep with the gently sway of his body slowly walking along the paths, and probably would’ve too, if it weren’t for the fact that he stopped to speak with someone. Wait no that’s red and black bird.

… wait a minute.

“Mountain Shaper, my friend. Why do you walk among the mortals this fine day? To what do we owe the pleasure?” Did you mention The Old Man spoke super fucking eloquently? Because he does.

“Nothing but a stroll. And why are you here, old friend?” Wait Old Man knew an Adeptus? Old friend? What the hell-

“Ah, simply retrieving some items from the merchants. Nothing more. And as much as I’d adore to stay and chat, I must be off, so as to make me and my little friend here’s daily afternoon tea time, hehe!” You noticed that the Adeptus’s eyes were now on you, but only with a hint of curiosity.

“I see… well don’t let me take up more of your time.” The bird mused.

“Well actually… I believe we may have space for one more, if you’d care to join.” You looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this shit, but it seemed like no one else was around.

“Well if you’d allow me…” And with that, you were now walking with an Adeptus towards The Old Man’s houseboat. Feeling a bit bold, you stuck a paw out in the direction of the bird. All he did was glance at you, before chuckling. You smacked your lips before settling down on Old Man’s neck.

Your mind drifted as you thought of what tea he would make today… maybe Mountain Shaper would have something new in mind… perhaps a story awaited you as well… you yawned and closed your eyes, pressing your face into into the crook of your neck.

“You feel it as well, don’t you my friend.” Mountain Shaper asked.

“I do.” The Old Man responded.

“Will you ever tell them-“

“Only when the time is right.” The Old Man interrupted. “Now, they just want to live, and I will allow them that freedom. I have no right to strip that from them.”

“You sound like the God of Freedom.” The bird chuckled, making the Man sigh.

“Be quiet before I tie your beak shut.”

“*GASP* You wouldn’t dare!”

“I may not be as nimble as I was back then, but you and I both know you’d have no chance, especially if I actually tried.~”

“WHY YOU-“

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : Uh oh, Old Man had a secret, what ever will it be?~ Anyway, Weasel really just wants to live life. And since we’re doing some past stuff now, I imagine they were a petty thief in their past life, which is why they became a little thieving guy in Genshin ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა!

[jaefluenza]

Open Arms - Jjh.

fluff, angst

jjh x reader, kun as a bad guy

7,237 words

warning: little suggestive content, small typing

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ; open arms by SZA ft. travis scott

“when you do your best, hell, that’s all you can do. you, me, and anybody else. so they always start talking.”

they were an unlikely pair, at least according to the outside world. people had opinions, as they often do, murmuring about how she was too reserved, too quiet, too damaged. they said he was too good for her, that he could do better, that he was wasting his time on someone who could never fully heal.

but jaehyun didn’t care about any of that. he loved her for who she was, not for who the world thought she should be. he saw the strength in her vulnerability, the beauty in her resilience. he admired the way she faced each day, even the hard ones, with a quiet determination that spoke volumes about the person she was.

there were days when people demanded too much of her, bombarding her with endless conversations that left her drained, quiet, and withdrawn. In those moments, her insecurities loomed like heavy shadows, their grip on her all too real. but jaehyun never wavered. he was there to fill the gaps in her tangled thoughts, effortlessly bridging the silence. all that mattered to him was how their days would end—lost in easy chatter, wrapped up in each other, nestled under her favorite fluffy beige blanket, finding solace in the warmth of their shared moments.

she, in turn, found solace in his steadfastness. He was her anchor, the one person who never wavered, never doubted her. with him, she felt safe in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. and in the safety of his love, she began to heal, little by little, the cracks in her heart slowly mending.

their life together was simple. they didn’t need grand gestures or extravagant gifts. Instead, they found joy in the small things, the everyday moments that others might overlook. they cooked dinner together every night, a ritual that became sacred in its simplicity. he would chop vegetables while she stirred the pot, their movements synchronized like a dance. they talked about their days, about the little things that had made them smile or the challenges they had faced. and when the meal was ready, they would sit together at their tiny kitchen table, enjoying the food and each other’s company in comfortable silence or easy conversation.

“so, here comes my 9,978th question: how’s your day?” he asked, his dimples making an appearance alongside that irresistible smile.

she knew he’d ask—after all, it was their unspoken agreement to check in on each other’s day. “it was good. pretty good,” she replied. “the kids behaved, and i bravely took on a cockroach today. isn’t that impressive?”

he put on an exaggeratedly amazed face—the one that always made her chuckle—as he replied, “oh wow! guess that’s one less task for me, then.”

she twirled her chopsticks, teasingly asking, “and what about you, mr. handsome? did you make all your customers happy today?” of course, he had to dive into the funny stories he’d collected, and just like every evening, their dinner was filled with laughter, lively conversation, and love.

on weekends, they would walk through the park near their apartment, hand in hand, talking about everything and nothing. sometimes they would sit on a bench, watching the world go by, content just to be together. she loved these moments the most, the quiet intimacy of simply being with him, no expectations, no pressure, just the two of them and the world at a distance.

“we’re getting there, i think,” jaehyun mused, a smile tugging at his lips as he gazed out at the panoramic view before them. “with everything we’ve achieved this year, I’m confident enough to say our dream is within reach, babe.”

“you mean the house by the beach?” you teased, a soft chuckle escaping your lips. “you really think it’s possible?”

“yeah, why not?” he turned to you, his eyebrows arching in that reassuring way you loved.

“what about your café? i’ve always adored your barista life. and wouldn’t living by the beach get a bit…boring? we can always visit when we need a little ocean breeze, you know.”

“nothing’s boring when i get to live it with you, hun.” ah, that sweet talk—he always knew just what to say.

he had a way of making even the mundane feel special. he would leave little notes for her to find, simple messages that told her she was loved and appreciated. he made her laugh with his silly antics, like when he would dance around the living room just to see her smile. he brought light into her life in a way that no one else ever had, and for that, she was endlessly grateful.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“when no one’s around me, you lost and found me. i was surrounded with open arms. i’m so devoted.”

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

she was the kind of person who carried the weight of her past in her eyes. there was a heaviness in her gaze that spoke of battles fought and wounds still healing. she had known pain, the kind that burrowed deep and left scars, the kind that made her cautious, wary of the world and the people in it.

but jaehyun, with his warm smile and easy laugh, had a way of dissolving the shadows that lingered around her. he was kind in the simplest and purest sense of the word, always ready with a joke to lighten the mood or a comforting word when she needed it most. his presence was like sunlight streaming through a window, illuminating even the darkest corners of her soul. there were days when her past would creep up on her, when the memories would be too much to bear.

“and without him, what would you be?” his words cut like a blade, each one designed to chip away at her confidence. she swore that every time he tried to belittle her like this, she had to hold herself together, fighting not to shatter.

“i won’t let you get into my head, kun,” she shot back, each trembling word feeling like she’d just dodged a bullet. she knew she had to brace herself for these encounters whenever he was around. kun was always difficult, just like her mom, dad, and everyone else who seemed to weigh her down. in a world where she felt surrounded, there was only one person who could be her sanctuary—the one guy she’d never trade, not even for the stars.

"take that back, you douchebag. how many times do I have to tell you to leave her the hell alone?" jaehyun’s voice thundered from behind, cutting through the tension between you and kun. "this is my town, and if you don’t disappear in the next second, I won’t hesitate to call the cops on you. seriously, just fuck off." his words were a roar of pure intimidation, aimed straight at the person she once called her ex—the one who played a role in shaping who she is now.

on those days, jaehyun would hold her close, his arms a refuge from the storm. he didn’t try to fix her, didn’t tell her to move on or get over it. he simply loved her through it, giving her the space to feel whatever she needed to feel, knowing that she would come back to him when she was ready.

and she always did. no matter how dark things got, she knew that he would be there, waiting for her with open arms and a gentle smile. his love was a constant, a beacon of hope in a world that had once seemed so bleak.

in time, she began to believe in herself the way he believed in her. she started to see herself not as broken, but as someone who had been through hell and survived. she realized that she was stronger than she had ever given herself credit for, and that she deserved the love that he freely gave.

the rain poured down in heavy sheets as she stepped off the bus, the last remnants of her old life dissolving with each drop that hit the pavement. she pulled the hood of her jacket tighter around her face, hoping it would shield her from both the storm and the memories chasing her. the town was unfamiliar, a small coastal escape far from the toxic grip of kun, the man who had held her in a suffocating embrace for far too long.

her suitcase rolled unevenly behind her, its tiny wheels struggling against the cracked sidewalk. the town was quiet, save for the sound of rain slapping against rooftops and the occasional car splashing through puddles. she hadn’t planned much, only knowing that she needed to be somewhere—anywhere—away from him. the air smelled of salt and wet earth, a refreshing change from the stifling city she had left behind.

as she rounded a corner, her heart nearly stopped. standing across the street, partially hidden under an awning, was kun. his presence was unmistakable, his broad shoulders hunched against the rain, scanning the streets as if searching for something—or someone. panic surged through her, her pulse quickening as she instinctively ducked into the nearest doorway. her hand fumbled for the handle, desperate to escape his gaze before he could spot her.

the door swung open, and she stumbled inside, her breath coming in ragged gasps. the warmth of the room enveloped her immediately, a stark contrast to the cold dread that had taken root in her chest. she hadn’t even looked at where she was; all she knew was that she needed to stay hidden.

the scent of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods filled the air, calming her just enough to take in her surroundings. it was a café, small and cozy, with soft lighting that cast a golden glow over the wooden tables and cushioned chairs. a few patrons sat scattered about, their conversations low and relaxed, creating a serene bubble that felt worlds away from the chaos she’d just escaped.

“hey, you okay?”

the voice startled her, and she looked up to see a man standing behind the counter, his expression one of genuine concern. he was tall, with dark hair that fell slightly into his eyes and a warmth in his gaze that made her feel, for the first time in what felt like forever, safe. she nodded quickly, but the tremble in her hands betrayed her.

he glanced out the window, his eyes narrowing slightly as if he’d caught sight of kun too. without another word, he moved from behind the counter and approached her with careful steps, as though she were a frightened animal he didn’t want to spook.

“you don’t have to say anything,” he said quietly, “but if you need a place to sit for a while, you’re welcome here. i’m jaehyun.”

she hesitated, her instincts screaming at her to keep moving, but there was something about jaehyun’s presence that anchored her in place. the café felt like a sanctuary, a place where the outside world couldn’t touch her. and right now, she needed that more than anything.

“thank you,” she managed to whisper, her voice barely audible over the pounding rain.

jaehyun offered her a small smile and gestured to a corner table, tucked away from the windows. “take your time. i’ll bring you something warm.”

she moved towards the table, her legs feeling like jelly beneath her. as she sat down, she kept her back to the door, unwilling to risk even a glimpse of the outside world that had tormented her. the tension in her shoulders began to ease as the minutes ticked by, the sound of the rain against the windows slowly fading into the background.

true to his word, jaehyun appeared moments later with a steaming cup of tea and a plate of cookies. he set them down in front of her with a gentle smile. “on the house,” he said before retreating back to the counter, giving her the space she so desperately needed.

she wrapped her hands around the mug, letting its warmth seep into her cold fingers. she hadn’t realized how much she needed this—just a moment to breathe, to collect herself. the tea was fragrant, a blend of herbs that seemed to calm her nerves with every sip. the cookies were sweet, their buttery softness melting on her tongue. for the first time in days, she felt a small flicker of peace.

“i’m so devoted to you,” she whispered, their legs tangled beneath the weight of the blanket. his left hand gently cradled her, holding her close as if he couldn’t bear to lose the warmth of her skin tonight.

“they say without you, i’m nothing. and they’re not wrong. i am nothing without you, jaehyun.”

his breath danced across her arms before his lips found the curve of her shoulder, planting a soft kiss there. “and they never said how much luckier I am to have you, my love. they’ll never know, no matter how much I try to tell them.” no one ever warned her that his voice could feel like the warmest embrace.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"no matter what come between us, i decided i'm forever ridin', you're forever guidin'"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

the ocean stretched out before them, a boundless expanse of shimmering blue that seemed to touch the sky. the waves whispered secrets as they kissed the shore, their rhythm steady and eternal. it was here, in this quiet, secluded place, that jaehyun had built the house, a sanctuary that would hold all the promises he intended to keep.

the house stood on a gentle rise, just beyond the reach of the highest tides. it was a simple structure, modern in design, with large windows that opened up to the sea, allowing the sunlight to pour in and the salty breeze to dance through the rooms. jaehyun had poured his heart into every detail, from the smooth wooden floors to the whitewashed walls, each element chosen with care, a reflection of his love for her.

she stood at the edge of the property now, her feet sinking into the cool sand, her eyes fixed on the horizon. the wind played with her hair, pulling it free from the loose braid she always wore. she looked peaceful, lost in the sound of the waves, the sight of the endless ocean.

jaehyun watched her from the porch, his heart swelling with an emotion so deep, it almost took his breath away. he had loved her for as long as he could remember, a love that had grown and deepened over time, becoming something so powerful, so consuming, that he knew he could never let it go.

he approached her slowly, his steps quiet on the sand. she turned when she heard him, a soft smile lighting up her face. her eyes, those beautiful eyes that held so much warmth and kindness, met his, and for a moment, the world around them faded away, leaving just the two of them standing on the shore, surrounded by the endless sea and sky.

jaehyun reached for her hand, his fingers brushing against hers in a touch so gentle, it sent a shiver down her spine. he held her hand, his grip firm yet tender, and she felt the strength in him, the quiet resolve that had always been a part of who he was.

“i built this for you,” he said, his voice low and steady, the words carrying on the wind. “for us.”

she looked at the house, then back at him, her eyes searching his, trying to read the emotions that played across his face. “it’s beautiful, jaehyun,” she whispered, her voice filled with awe.

“it’s not just a house,” he continued, his gaze unwavering. “it’s a promise. a promise that nothing and no one will ever come between us. that no matter what happens, we’ll always have this place, this sanctuary, a place that we call home.”

he paused, taking a deep breath, as if gathering the courage to say the words that had been on his heart for so long. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said finally, his voice soft but resolute. “i want to be yours, forever.”

her heart skipped a beat, the magnitude of his words sinking in. she had always known he loved her, but hearing him say it like this, with such conviction, such certainty, made her feel like she was standing on the edge of something vast and wonderful.

“jaehyun…” she began, but he cut her off, resting his warm hand gently over her smaller one.

“let me finish,” he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “i know life hasn’t always been easy. i know there have been times when we’ve both doubted, both feared what the future might hold. but here, in this place, with you, i have no doubts. i have no fears. i only have love. a love that is strong enough to weather any storm, that is deep enough to fill every corner of this house, of our lives.”

he dropped to one knee then, still holding her hand, and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, velvet box. her breath caught in her throat as he opened it, revealing a simple, elegant ring that sparkled in the sunlight.

“i’m asking you to marry me,” he said, his voice trembling slightly with the weight of the moment. “i’m asking you to be my wife, to share this life with me, to build our future together, here in this house, by the sea. i’m asking you to be mine, forever.”

tears filled her eyes, blurring the world around her, but she didn’t care. all she could see was jaehyun, the man she loved, the man who had built her a home, a life, a future. she had always known he was the one, but in this moment, she felt it more deeply than ever.

“yes,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “yes, i will marry you. i will be yours, forever.”

he slipped the ring onto her finger, his hands steady despite the emotions coursing through him. then he rose, pulling her into his arms, holding her close as the waves crashed against the shore, as the wind carried their laughter out to sea.

they stood like that for a long time, wrapped in each other’s arms, feeling the weight of the moment, the enormity of the promise they had just made. and in that moment, as the sun dipped lower in the sky, casting the world in a golden glow, they knew that they had found something truly special.

this house, this place, would be their sanctuary. a place where they could build their lives together, where they could weather any storm, face any challenge, knowing that they had each other, that their love was strong enough to carry them through.

as the sun set over the ocean, turning the sky into a canvas of pinks and oranges, they stood on the shore, hand in hand, ready to face the future together. the house behind them was more than just a home—it was a testament to their love, a promise that no matter what, they would always have each other. and in that promise, they found their forever.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"drew my favorite color, now you seein' every shade of me"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

jaehyun had always seen the world in vibrant hues—each day painted with the rich colors of his café's coffee beans, the bright glint of sunlight filtering through the leaves, and the warm glow of the people he cherished. but nothing compared to the spectrum of shades he saw in her. she was a living canvas, a blend of every color imaginable, and jaehyun treasured every shade she revealed, even the ones that appeared during the darkest times.

one crisp autumn afternoon, the first signs of trouble appeared. jaehyun noticed the faint tinge of sadness in her eyes, a dull grey that contrasted sharply with her vibrant sparkle. something was wrong, though she always managed to brush off his concerns with a gentle smile.

“everything okay?” jaehyun asked, sliding a cup of tea towards her. he tried to keep his tone light, but worry showed in his eyes.

she accepted the tea with a grateful nod. “it’s just… my family,” she said softly, her voice trembling. “they’re trying to get in touch, and i don’t know why.”

jaehyun’s heart clenched. he had heard the stories—how toxic her past was, the constant pressure and judgment from those who should have supported her. it hurt to see her struggling, to see her happiness overshadowed by her family’s darkness.

“i’m here for you,” he said firmly. “whatever happens, you don’t have to face it alone.”

days passed, and the intensity of her family’s attempts to reach her grew. unsettling messages and frantic phone calls took their toll. jaehyun could see how her vibrant personality began to dull, replaced by heavy, oppressive colors of stress and anxiety. yet, even in this turmoil, jaehyun remained steadfast. he saw her for all that she was—the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the broken.

one evening, as the sky turned a deep indigo and stars began to twinkle, the storm arrived. her family showed up at the café, their presence a harsh splash of black in the otherwise warm and inviting space. they barged in, their eyes sharp and accusatory.

“there you are,” her mother said, her voice dripping with disdain. “hiding away in this place.”

jaehyun saw the strain on her face, her shoulders hunched as if trying to make herself smaller. he could almost see the colors of her distress mingling with the dark clouds of her family’s judgment. it was painful, but it reminded him how much she needed him.

“please leave,” jaehyun said calmly. “she doesn’t want to see you.”

her father, whose presence felt like an oppressive storm cloud, sneered. “and what makes you think you have any say in this?”

jaehyun stepped closer, meeting the man’s gaze steadily. “she’s found happiness here. you don’t have the right to take that away from her.”

the confrontation was tense, each word a brushstroke on a canvas of conflict. but jaehyun stood his ground, unwavering. he wasn’t just protecting her; he was embracing every shade of her, including the dark ones.

as her family eventually left, their retreat marked by bitter silence, jaehyun turned to her. she was visibly shaken, tears shimmering in her eyes. he wrapped her in a gentle embrace, feeling her body tremble against his. the embrace was a palette of warm hues—comforting and protective. it was a sanctuary amidst the chaos.

“i’m sorry you had to go through that,” jaehyun whispered. “but i need you to know something. no matter how dark the shades get, i will always be here. your colors—every single one of them—are beautiful to me.”

she looked up at him, her eyes reflecting the soft light of the café, and managed a small, grateful smile. in that moment, the oppressive darkness seemed to lift just a little, revealing the vibrant, hopeful colors jaehyun cherished so deeply.

in the weeks that followed, the storm slowly abated. jaehyun continued to see every shade of her—every moment of sadness, every flicker of hope, and every burst of joy. he became her constant, the canvas on which she could express every color of her emotions.

one quiet evening, as they sat together in the café’s cozy corner, she leaned against him, her head resting on his shoulder. the room was bathed in the warm glow of fairy lights, casting a golden hue over their surroundings. the shadows of the past still lingered, but they no longer held the same power over her. jaehyun could see her slowly rediscovering the vibrant shades of her spirit, even as she continued to heal.

“this place,” she said softly, her voice filled with gratitude, “it’s more than just a café. it’s where i found a piece of myself i thought i’d lost.”

jaehyun’s heart swelled with love. he reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers. “and you’re more than just a canvas to me. you’re the artist, painting your life with every color imaginable. i’m just here to support you through every shade.”

as they sat together, wrapped in the warmth of their shared moments, jaehyun knew that no matter what shades life threw at them, they would face it together. the darkest hues only made the vibrant colors shine brighter, and in the end, it was her full spectrum of emotions that made her all the more beautiful to him.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"locked in for life, on god, no replacin' me consequences, repercussions, karma keep on changin' me"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

jaehyun had always imagined that introducing her to his family would be a joyous occasion, a blending of the vibrant world he had built with the people who had shaped his past. he had spoken of her often, his eyes lighting up with affection whenever he mentioned her.

the sun was setting as they arrived at jaehyun’s family home, a charming house nestled on a hill with a panoramic view of the rolling countryside. it was a place where childhood memories were etched into every corner, where laughter and love had always been in abundance.

they were greeted warmly at the door by his parents, their smiles wide and genuine. jaehyun’s mother, with her kind eyes and welcoming embrace, immediately made her feel at ease. “it’s so lovely to finally meet you,” she said, guiding them inside. “jaehyun has told us so much about you.”

his father, with a hearty handshake and a jovial laugh, welcomed her with equal warmth. “we’ve been looking forward to this for a long time.”

as they settled into the living room, jaehyun’s siblings joined them, their chatter lively and full of curiosity. everything seemed perfect, a dream come true for jaehyun. but as the evening progressed, the atmosphere began to shift. a subtle tension lingered in the air, an undercurrent of disapproval that seemed to come from some of the relatives who had joined the gathering.

it was jaehyun’s aunt and uncle who first expressed their discomfort. they had heard the rumors—the whispers of her past that painted a picture of a woman who had once been married and had left her hometown under tragic circumstances. “so, i hear you left your hometown in quite a hurry,” his aunt said, her eyes narrowing slightly. “was there something you were trying to escape?”

jaehyun’s heart sank. he could see the glances exchanged among the relatives, the barely concealed judgment in their eyes. she stiffened beside him, her fingers tightening around his. he squeezed her hand reassuringly, his own discomfort turning into determination.

the words stung, but she held her head high, refusing to let their disdain show. jaehyun, however, was visibly agitated. his face was flushed with anger, his protective instincts flaring. “aunt nari, you’ve heard a lot of things, but let’s be clear,” jaehyun said, his voice rising. “she’s not here to be judged or to relive her past. she’s here because she means a lot to me. if you can’t respect that, then maybe you should leave.”

his aunt raised an eyebrow. “but isn’t it true that she left her hometown under less-than-ideal circumstances?”

jaehyun’s face hardened. “yes, it’s true. she’s faced challenges, but that doesn’t define her. she’s a strong, compassionate person who’s built a new life with courage and resilience. i will not tolerate anyone treating her poorly or questioning her character.”

the room fell silent, eyes darting between them. she felt the sting of the words but chose to address them with calm dignity.

“my past is a part of who i am,” she said, her voice steady despite the tension. “but it doesn’t define me. everyone has a history, and i’ve worked hard to move forward and build a new life.”

jaehyun stepped closer, his support evident. “she’s here with me because she’s someone special. i care about her deeply, and i won’t stand for her being judged based on rumors.”

his mother, sensing the growing discomfort, approached with a warm smile. “we’re all here to welcome her, and it’s important to remember that everyone deserves respect and kindness.”

the tension in the air was palpable, but jaehyun’s stance had made an impact. his uncle and aunt exchanged uncomfortable glances before muttering their apologies and retreating to a corner of the yard. the atmosphere slowly began to warm again, though the sting of the earlier comments lingered.

jaehyun turned to her, his eyes filled with concern. “i’m so sorry about that. i didn’t realize how bad it would get.”

she shook her head, her smile trembling but genuine. “it’s not your fault. i know everyone has their own opinions, but it’s hard to ignore the hurtful ones.”

he pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly. “i want you to know that i’m here for you. no matter what anyone says, you’re important to me. i won’t let them make you feel less than you are.”

as they left the gathering, jaehyun’s hand found hers once more, their fingers intertwined. the drive back was quiet, but the weight of the day’s events settled between them with a mix of resolve and tenderness.

“i’m proud of you,” she said softly. “it means a lot to know you stood up for me like that.”

jaehyun’s eyes softened. “i’d do it again in a heartbeat. you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. and i’m going to make sure you get that, no matter what.”

the ocean breeze danced through her hair, lifting it lightly as they walked onto the porch. jaehyun’s fingers brushed against her cheek, and he leaned in, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. the kiss was gentle at first, but as the warmth between them grew, so did the intensity.

the kiss deepened, growing more urgent as the warmth between them ignited. the ocean breeze seemed to dance along with their embrace, carrying the sound of their kiss over the rhythmic waves.

their breaths quickened, and the kiss became more insistent. jaehyun’s lips traced a path along her jawline, his touch sending shivers down her spine. she leaned into his touch, her fingers tangling in his hair, holding him close.

“let’s go inside,” jaehyun murmured against her ear, his voice husky and filled with longing.

she nodded, her pulse racing as they moved inside the house.

jaehyun guided her to the living room, his hands never leaving her. the room was softly lit, the glow of the lamps casting a warm light on their faces. the curtains fluttered slightly, allowing the distant sound of the ocean to drift in, a calming counterpoint to the heat of the moment.

as they stood in the center of the room, jaehyun’s lips found hers again, his kisses becoming more fervent. she responded eagerly, her fingers tracing the contours of his face. he guided her to the couch, his hands never leaving her. his hands roamed over her body, exploring every curve with a reverent touch. she responded with equal enthusiasm, her hands exploring his chest, feeling the firm strength beneath his clothes. their kisses grew more urgent, the desire between them palpable and electrifying.

they paused for a moment, their foreheads resting together, breaths mingling in the warm, dim light. jaehyun looked into her eyes, his expression a mix of love and desire. “i want you,” he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity.

she smiled, her heart swelling with affection and longing. “i want you too,” she replied, her voice a breathy whisper.

jaehyun’s lips captured hers again, and so the night wore on, their connection growing stronger with each passing moment. the world outside was forgotten, replaced by the electric bond they shared. the sound of the waves, once a distant melody, now became a comforting reminder of the beautiful night they were experiencing together.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"Through the ups and downs and all the heat Take a turn and tell you what it be"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

she was alone in the bathroom, staring at the small white stick in her hand. the world seemed to pause as she processed the two pink lines that confirmed what she had feared. her heart raced, a frantic drumbeat in her chest that threatened to drown out everything else. she sank to the floor, the cool tiles pressing against her as tears blurred her vision.

the realization of being pregnant hit her like a tidal wave. her mind raced through the list of all the reasons she wasn’t ready for this—her past traumas, the insecurities, the overwhelming weight of becoming a mother. she had always imagined a different path for herself, one free from the shadows of her former life. and now, with this news, everything felt out of control.

her hands trembled as she clutched the pregnancy test, a sob escaping her lips. it wasn’t just fear; it was a deep-seated panic. could she be a good mother? would her past haunt this new life? questions swirled in her mind, each one more daunting than the last.

she heard the front door open and jaehyun’s familiar footsteps approaching. her breath hitched, a mix of relief and dread. she wanted to tell him, but the thought of his reaction made her heart ache. she wasn’t sure how to face him, or how to face this future she hadn’t planned for.

jaehyun’s voice, warm and soothing, called out from the hallway. “hey, are you okay? i thought i heard you cry.”

she tried to compose herself, but her voice cracked as she responded. “i—I’m in the bathroom.”

she heard him stop outside the door, his footsteps hesitant. “do you want me to come in?”

the simple question broke something inside her. she pulled herself up, her face wet with tears. “yes, please.”

jaehyun gently opened the door, his eyes softening with concern as he saw her sitting on the floor, the test clutched in her hand. his expression shifted from confusion to worry as he knelt beside her. “what’s wrong?”

she couldn’t find the words, only the image of the test and the overwhelming fear it represented. “i—jaehyun, i’m pregnant.”

his eyes widened slightly, but he quickly masked his surprise with a tender look. he took the test from her shaking hands and studied it for a moment. the silence was heavy, filled with the unspoken fears and uncertainties that hung between them.

“hey,” jaehyun said softly, placing the test aside and pulling her into a comforting embrace. “it’s okay. we’ll figure this out together.”

she buried her face in his shoulder, her sobs muffled against him. “i’m so scared. i don’t know if i’m ready for this. my past… everything just feels like it’s coming back to haunt me.”

jaehyun stroked her hair gently, his voice a soothing balm. “i know this is overwhelming. but you’re not alone in this. we’ve faced tough things before, and we’ll face this together.”

she pulled back slightly, her eyes red and wet. “what if i’m not a good mother? what if i mess this up?”

jaehyun cupped her face in his hands, his gaze steady and full of love. “you are stronger than you know. we don’t have to have all the answers right now. what matters is that we’re in this together. you’re going to be an amazing mother because you care so deeply. and i’ll be right by your side through it all.”

his words were a balm to her frayed nerves, a reminder that she wasn’t alone. she let out a deep breath, her fears slowly melting away under the warmth of his support. “i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

jaehyun leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. “you don’t have to. i’m here, every step of the way.”

they sat together on the bathroom floor, wrapped in each other’s arms. the weight of her fears was still present, but it was now shared with someone who loved her unconditionally. as the initial shock began to fade, she felt a glimmer of hope amidst the uncertainty.

jaehyun’s unwavering support became her anchor. he attended appointments with her, held her hand through the sleepless nights, and made sure she felt loved and valued.

he had always been a man of calm resolve, but the moment he learned they were expecting a child, a new spark ignited within him. his days became filled with a quiet excitement, a growing anticipation that colored his every thought.

it started with small things—he found himself daydreaming about future diaper changes, late-night feedings, and the first steps of their child. each time he thought about it, a smile crept across his face, his heart swelling with a mix of joy and wonder. he began to imagine their baby’s tiny fingers wrapped around his own, their laughter filling the house, and the warmth of family moments.

jaehyun’s excitement grew as he prepared for the arrival of their child. he eagerly researched everything from parenting tips to the best baby products. he was a constant source of encouragement for her, his enthusiasm evident in every conversation. when they talked about their baby, his eyes lit up, his voice filled with a genuine excitement that was impossible to miss.

one evening, as they sat together on the porch, jaehyun turned to her with a beaming smile. “i can’t wait to be a dad,” he said, his voice full of warmth. “i keep picturing all the little things we’ll do together. i’ve even started thinking about what kind of stories i’ll read to our baby.”

her heart swelled at his words, seeing his genuine joy and commitment. he reached over, gently placing his hand on her growing belly, and closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the connection. “i’m so excited for this new chapter,” he said softly. “i know it won’t always be easy, but i’m ready for it. i want to be there for every moment, every milestone.”

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"i gotta let you go, i must but you're the only one that's holdin' me down"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

when the time finally came to go to the hospital, jaehyun rushed to get the car ready. he helped her into the vehicle, his hands gentle yet firm, making sure she was as comfortable as possible. the drive was a blur, the city lights streaking past as they made their way to the hospital. she squeezed his hand, trying to ground herself amidst the chaos of the contractions.

once they arrived, the medical team moved swiftly, their voices calm and professional as they guided her to the delivery room. jaehyun stayed by her side, his presence a steady anchor in the storm of emotions. the room was filled with the hum of medical equipment and the murmur of nurses as they prepared for the delivery. she could see the concern in their eyes, but she drew strength from jaehyun’s unwavering support.

the labor was grueling, each contraction feeling like a mountain she had to climb. she fought through the pain, pushing with all her strength, her body trembling with effort. time seemed to stretch on endlessly, the hours blurring together in a haze of exhaustion and determination. she was fighting for both herself and the baby, her body and mind pushed to their limits.

when the final push came, it was the culmination of everything she had been through. she gave it everything she had, her body straining with the effort, her breath coming in ragged gasps. and then, amidst the pain and fatigue, she heard the cry of their baby—a sound so sweet, it made all the struggle worth it.

jaehyun’s eyes filled with tears as he looked at their newborn, his heart swelling with pride and love. he leaned down to kiss her forehead, his voice trembling with emotion. “you did it,” he said softly. “we did it.”

she managed a tired smile, her body collapsing against the pillows as the exhaustion took over. but even in her weariness, there was a deep sense of accomplishment and joy. the baby was placed in her arms, a tiny, perfect bundle that made all the pain and struggle fade into the background.

however, there was a shift in the atmosphere—a sense of urgency as the doctors and nurses moved with quickened steps. the monitors began to beep more erratically, their sounds piercing through the haze of pain.

her breaths came in sharp, pained gasps as the medical staff worked around her. jaehyun was at her side, his grip on her hand firm and unyielding, his eyes never leaving her face. “we’re losing her,” one of the nurses said, her voice urgent. the words cut through the room like a knife, and jaehyun’s heart sank. he looked at her, his eyes wide with fear. she was pale, her breaths shallow and uneven. it was clear that something was seriously wrong.

his mind raced, his heart pounding in his chest. he had never felt so helpless. “stay with me,” he pleaded softly, squeezing her hand. “you’re strong. you can do this.”

her eyes fluttered open briefly, meeting his with a look of sheer exhaustion and fear. the life that had once been vibrant in them was now dimmed, and it tore at his heart. the seconds felt like hours as he watched, helpless, as the medical team fought to save her.

the pain she was enduring seemed to reach a new, unbearable level. her body tensed, and the room seemed to close in around them. jaehyun could barely breathe, the weight of the situation pressing down on him. he tried to focus on her, to give her strength through his presence, but the fear of losing her was overwhelming.

“please, don’t leave me,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “we need you. our baby needs you.”

jaehyun’s heart ached as he watched her fight against the encroaching darkness, his own tears blurring his vision. after what felt like an eternity, one of the doctors approached him, a look of cautious relief on her face. “we’ve managed to stabilize her,” she said, her voice calm but serious. “it was a close call, but she’s going to be okay.”

tears filled jaehyun’s eyes as he looked at the doctor, his relief mingled with an intense gratitude. he turned back to her, his heart aching at the sight of her pale, exhausted face. “you’re okay,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “you did it.”

she managed a weak smile, her hand squeezing his in a gesture of reassurance. the journey had been perilous, but they had come through it together.

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"'cause you're the only one that's holdin' me down"

✩♬ ₊˚.🎧⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

in the end, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. all that mattered was that they had each other, that they loved each other in a way that was true and honest and unwavering. and in that love, they found everything they needed to be happy.

their story wasn’t a fairytale, but it was real, and that made it all the more beautiful. they had each other, and that was enough.

jaefluenza; navigation

[fanfictiongirlie]

Twilight: The Human and the Wolf Chapter Four

Click here for masterlist

Parings: Paul Lahote x OC (First person, no use of Y/N)

Description: Bella Swan's twin moved to Forks with her sister. Whilst Bella falls for a vampire, her twin falls for a wolf. The story runs parallel to Bella's story in Twilight. But following her twin and her life with the wolves.

Rating: Eventually explicit.

Warnings: Nothing in this chapter.

Chapter Four - La Push Baby

The next day it was Friday and I couldn't be more excited for the weekend. Bella and I walked to the cafeteria after our one shared class and made our way to our little group.  

"La Push baby, you in?" Eric asks.

"Should I know what that means?" Bella asks confused. 

"La Push, it's where Jacob lives" I answer quickly. 

Eric explains the plan for whale watching and surfing tomorrow. 

"Oh definitely, I'll be there" I answer grinning, Bella didn't look convinced though. 

"Oh come on Bells, it'll be fun!" I say trying to convince her. 

"It's La Push baby, La Push" Eric says, making us all laugh. 

"Okay I'll go if you stop saying that" Bella grins, finally agreeing to come. I take a sit at the table whilst she walks off to the salad cart. I take my sandwich from my bag and start eating, I listen to the conversations around me, and let my eyes wander. I look over to Bella, and frown seeing that Edward was standing by her. They were chatting, it looked intense, it worried me. 

The others noticed too, all finding it weird, I was glad they didn't trust Edward either. 

After chatting to Edward for a short while Bella came back to us, she sat by me, I cocked my head slightly, silently questioning what that was about.

"I invited him to La Push, but he said no" She explained. 

"I'm glad he said no, Cullens are weird" I answer, feeling a little mean, but it was the truth. Bella rolls her eyes at me. I smiled sweetly and went back to my sandwich, overwhelmingly happy Edward Cullen wouldn't be joining us at La Push beach. 

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

Finally it was the weekend, and we were all at La Push beach, I sat alone on the rocks whilst I watched Bella walk off with Jacob and the others surfed or sat in the cars whale watching too cold to leave the cars. I decided to come sit at the rocks closer to the trees of the forest and enjoy the view. The waves were strong as they crashed, the air was crisp and cold and the sky grey. I was never one to dislike weather like this. I enjoyed the tranquility of the moment. 

But then a voice broke me from my deep thoughts. I looked up to see who had said hello to me. Seeing Paul stand behind me, his hair was tied in a loose ponytail, his clothes looked warm and baggy. He looked, rugged, and I was enjoying the view. 

"Long time no see" I smile sweetly. 

He stepped a little closer to me, he looked like he had been running through the forest maybe. 

"Long time no see indeed, enjoying the beach today?" He asked. 

"Yep! It's nice down here, join me" I say patting the rock next to me. He seemed pleasantly surprised by my invitation, he sits down next to me on the rock, shifting so he faced me. 

"It's been a while since we talking, huh?" He asks. 

"Yeah.." I muse, thinking over the five minute conversation we had months ago. "Five minutes of talking and that was its"

"Yeah I guess we're practically old friends now, huh? Five minutes of talking under our belts and all that" He grins, his light-hearted banter making me giggle softly. 

"That's all it takes to be old friends...what happens if we have a ten minute conversation?" I ask, continuing his banter. His grin widens. 

"A ten minute conversation? Woah, now that's serious. If we hit that level, we might as well start planning our wedding" He answers, his eyes on mine and his smile wide. It made me feel dizzy honestly. 

"Well we're already at the beach...beach wedding!" He laughs at my joke, clearly enjoying the banter. 

"Absolutely. We've got the location, the mood, the vibes. Now all we need it the fancy clothes and the vows" He adds, laughing slightly. 

"You're funny Paul...You know that" I say, a soft smile on my lips as I let my eyes trail over his facial features. He looked very pleased with my compliment. 

"Thanks, I try my best" He says giving me a lopsided smile, a hint of flirting in his tone. 

"Do you wanna go to my prom with me?" I ask suddenly, the bluntness even surprising myself. He looked a bit taken aback by the sudden change of topic, but recovers quickly, a smile on his face. 

"Prom? You're asking me to prom?" He laughs a little as he asks. 

"Yeah, you're funny. I like funny" I smile "It's okay if you don't want too"

"Whoa hold on a second" He says a small smirk on his lips "Who said I didn't want to go? I just didn't expect such a direct invitation, that's all. But sure, why not? I'd love to go to prom with you"

"Cool" I say quietly, my cheeks flushing slightly, luckily the cold made my cheeks already, so I had hoped he hadn't noticed. 

"Looking a bit flushed there, are you blushing?" He asks. 

"Oh shut up, I'm just a girl" I answer, giggling a little as I looked at him. "So Paul, tell me about you"

And with that we spent the afternoon talking, it had been hours and we hadn't stopped, it felt so easy talking to him. We had made plans to spend more time together before prom too. 

After many hours, Bella called me over saying it was time to head home, I cursed slightly, I hadn't brought my car today I was relying on a lift from others. Before leaving Paul I gave him my home number, so he could call me. 

"Call me okay?" I asked again, hoping I didn't sound too desperate.

"Oh I'll definitely call you" He grins. And I leave him heading back to the cars with Bella. I sat in the back of Angela's car with Jess on one side of me and Bella the other. I turned to Bella and whispered. 

"Guess what"

She looked at me expectantly. 

"I asked Paul to prom" I said quietly not wanting the others to hear, but they probably did. 

"Oh that's good, I'm happy for you" Bella answers. 

"Me too, he's so cute!" I say a little wistfully. 

"Is it love already?" She asks teasingly. I shake my head and laugh a little. 

"Don't be ridiculous Bells"

"Hey, you're the one who's got a grin plastered on your face and is talking about how cute he is. Sounds pretty love-struck to me" 

"You and your romance books Bella, they're making you think love happens in three seconds" I tease. 

Once we got home Bella went straight upstairs saying she had homework to do, I found it a little strange because I knew for a fact she finished her homework last night. I brushed it off and sat on the couch near my dad, but also near the phone. 

"Expecting a call kiddo?" He asks. 

"I am, actually!"

My dad raised an eye slightly. 

"Let me guess? A boy has you waiting looking all love struck?"

"Yes, his name is Paul, I'm actually going to prom with him" I explained. 

Charlie and I chatted for a little while longer, I told him all about Paul, and our conversations from today. The phone hadn't rung yet and I was starting to get worried he wouldn't call. 

"You know, the phone's not gonna ring any faster if you keep staring at it like that" Charlie says. 

"I can hope" I reply quietly. 

Finally a few hours later the phone rang, I grabbed it and rushed to the kitchen wanting a little privacy and I answered it. 

"Hey Paul" I say into the phone, hoping it was actually him. 

Paul's voice comes through the phone, his cheerful tone instantly recognisable. 

"Hey! I'm glad you answered"

"I'm glad you called" I answered playfully. Paul laughs a little down the phone, clearly amused. 

"Well, I couldn't leave you waiting forever, now could I? Besides, I promised I'd call, so here I am" 

We spent a few hours chatting until Charlie tells me it was 1am and I needed to go to bed. I chuckled softly on the phone. 

"Goodnight Paul"

"Sweet dreams" He responded, and we put the phone down. I walked up to my room, grinning like an idiot, falling asleep with that same grin. 

Taglist:

@jaybbygrl

[caelyne]

it took a moment, but jayde was able to bring themself to their knees after lying on the floor for a bit. they shook their head.

'are you alright?' a quiet, but friendly voice muttered as he approached the exhausted cat's side.

'.. i guess i'm just not really feeling it today.' jayde replied, a twinge of guilt in their voice. they winced, not out of the dull aching pain as they shifted their weight, but they just didn't like making excuses. jayde dared a glance up toward irri, half expecting the somber, dark furred feline to be gazing down in disappointment.

irri looked back, thoughtfully. after a brief moment, he pulled out a small pocketwatch and flipped it open. it was an old device, something you'd expect an older gentleman to keep in their breast pocket. irri gave a small sigh.

'something tells me shiloh isn't gonna make it today. wanna just. call it for now?'

'can we? i'm sorry..'

'tch, don't worry about it.' irri gave a small smile. 'we got plenty of time, there's no sense in pushing things.' jayde shrugged and hung their head low.

'..say. lets get something to eat. my treat.' irri asked, flashing his eyebrows at that last part.

…

irri stared in stunned silence, watching the kid tear into their meal. 'i. i don't think i've ever seen anyone eat so.. ravenously!' jayde paused, mouth still full. and then Gulp!

'pwahh.. sorry.. i guess i was really hungry!' jayde said, giving a nervous little smirk.

'..alright, homework for you.' irri said, raising his finger in a way that was clearly reminiscent of a certain professor. 'no more skipping meals. okay?'

jayde rolled their eyes. 'ffiiiiineee.. its not like i did it on purpose! just kinda.. forgot.' a silly little kitty-blep came with the excuse.

irri shifted his attention back toward the horizon. from where they sat, clusters of trees blanketed the surface beneath them, with buildings occasionally rising through the canopy. this side of town near the university seemed to have a lot of green-thumbs running the place, irri mused to himself. still, being above it all made for quite the view as he focused on the city core that rose in the distance.

'forgot eh?' irri relaxed in his posture a bit. 'look.. i know you have a good head on your shoulders. but you gotta take care of everything beneath it too. especially, with what we're doing.' irri idly began to twirl his fingers along the rim of his watch. 'if you're gonna learn control, you need to keep up your strength at all times.'

'alright alright i get ittt.. no more skipping breakfast!' jayde met irri's gaze. 'promise.' they said, affirmatively. irri rolled his eyes, his lips almost curling into a small little smile.

the sun began to set, and stars slowly began to blink to life in the night sky. still the pair sat there, as the chill of the early evening began to take hold. 'so.. is sinclaire all you have?'

jayde cocked their head. 'nuh, i've got my parents back home. oh! and my older sister. she goes to the university too, actually.. her name is nyla.' the cat kicked their legs a bit as they sat along the edge of the roof.

'..nyla. there's a nyla in my class. tall? long brown hair? glasses? ..purple eyes?' jayde clapped their paws and pointed toward irri excitedly in affirmation. 'hheh. small world, eh?'

jayde giggled. 'soo.. what about you?' irri looked back, questioningly. 'who do you have?'

irri paused a moment. well.. surely its fine, he thought. 'just got my mom. we live nearby.'

'no dad..?'

'nah. mom doesn't like talking about it.' irri smiled and looked up toward the sky, his eyes landing on the supernova. 'i'd like to be able to help her out, but she insisted that i go to school first.'

'is she okay?'

'just works a lot. i think she got a lot more than she bargained for with me around.' he said with some humor in his voice, while focusing a small dark orb in his palm. jayde watched curiously for a moment, before irri snuffed out that formation of pure energy with his a clasp of his paw. jayde frowned.

'i don't think she thinks you're a burden, irri.' their voice was uncharacteristically stern. 'there's a reason she must be doing everything she can for you.. for both of you.' irri raised his eyebrows and sat there. he knew jayde wasn't wrong. he knew. and yet. every fiber of his being wanted to shrug off the notion. even if she didn't talk about it, he knew she sacrificed a lot for him. all for him. he might be her kitten but. but- 'irri?'

'..mmh. thanks. jayde.' irri sighed, and a shiver ran up his spine. 'mmkay.. i think its getting a bit too cold. wanna go?' the two shuffled down the steps of the fire escape, the feeling of nervous paranoia returning knowing that they prrrrrrrobably shouldn't be up where they were. jayde insisted though. and hey. it was nice, irri thought. they walked along the road in silence until they needed to go in separate directions. jayde gave a wave and a grin and thanked irri for the meal. 'next meeting!! i won't disappoint you!'

irri stood there and watched until jayde disappeared into the night. he sighed and rustled his messy hair a bit before heading on toward his own home. it was nice.

[dinodontwait]

Mismatched Mails

Pairing: Lee Seokmin x fem!reader

Trope: The Boy Next Door

Genre: Fluff Fluff and Fluff cause our happy virus is full of LOVE

Summary: Y/N, intrigued by a misdelivered package, encounters Seokmin, the boy next door. As they navigate the mix-ups of the mismatched mailboxes, a charming friendship blossoms. Their shared journey includes reviving a neglected garden, late-night conversations, and laughter-filled moments.

Word Count: ~1.8k

A/N : IT OUR SUNSHINE'S BIRTHDAY!!!!! I wish him all the love in this universe!!!!! Just one smile from him brightens my day I love him!!!

The unexpected package sat on my doorstep like a mystery waiting to be unraveled. Its label revealed that it was meant for Lee Seokmin, the boy next door – a neighbor I had barely exchanged more than a passing greeting with. This mishap felt like the perfect excuse to finally break the ice.

Summoning courage, I picked up the package and approached Seokmin's house. A nervous excitement tingled in my fingers as I knocked. The door opened, revealing Seokmin's warm smile. "Hi, I'm Y/N. This was delivered to my place by mistake. It's for you," I explained, extending the package toward him.

Seokmin's eyes widened in surprise as he accepted the box. "Y/N, right? Thanks a lot! I wasn't expecting anything today," he said, a grateful smile playing on his lips. It was the first time I had seen him up close, and his easy going demeanour made me feel oddly comfortable.

As he inspected the package, my eyes couldn't help but wander to our mailboxes. His, a faded red, stood next to the charming blue of mine. "Our mailboxes are quite a mismatch, huh?" I remarked, hoping to keep the conversation going.

Seokmin chuckled, a playful gleam in his eyes. "Yeah, they are. My grandpa gave me that old red one when I moved in. I always thought it added character," he shared, a hint of nostalgia in his voice.

Curiosity sparked, I probed further. "Any particular reason for the blue one?"

He scratched his head, contemplating the question. "Honestly, it was the only one left at the hardware store when I moved in. Guess fate brought us these mismatched mailboxes," he mused, and our laughter echoed in the hallway.

Before I knew it, we were talking about everything from favourite books to childhood memories. As we chatted, the awkwardness dissipated, replaced by a growing sense of connection. As Seokmin closed the door, I couldn't help but smile.

The days that followed were a delightful blur of intentional mix-ups and newfound connection. Each interaction with Seokmin left me craving more, and it seemed he felt the same. Late-night conversations on the porch became our sanctuary, the only place where we could be completely ourselves.

One evening, after another successful mail exchange, we found ourselves sitting on the porch steps, surrounded by the soft glow of fairy lights. The air was filled with the subtle scent of blooming flowers, and the mismatched mailboxes stood as silent witnesses to our growing camaraderie.

Seokmin leaned back, his eyes scanning the night sky. "You know, Y/N, I never expected misdelivered mail to lead to such interesting conversations," he confessed, a playful smile playing on his lips.

I chuckled, feeling a warmth spreading through me. "Life has a funny way of bringing people together, doesn't it?"

As we continued talking, I couldn't help but notice the genuine curiosity in Seokmin's eyes. It was as if every word I said mattered, and his laughter made me feel like I was part of something special. The mismatched mailboxes became our shared secret, a symbol of the serendipity that had brought us together.

One weekend, as we tackled the neglected community garden, Seokmin's hands dirtied from planting flowers, he turned to me with a mischievous grin. "You've got a little dirt on your face," he teased, reaching over to wipe a smudge from my cheek.

I couldn't suppress the laughter that bubbled up. "Thanks, gardener boy. You've got a little something, too," I replied, returning the favor.

As we worked side by side, our laughter echoed in the garden, blending with the rustling leaves and chirping crickets. With every shared joke and every stolen glance, the connection between us deepened, like roots intertwining beneath the surface.

In a quiet moment, as the sun dipped below the horizon, Seokmin looked at me with a sincerity that took my breath away. "You make everything feel lighter, Y/N. This garden, these moments – they mean more because you're a part of them."

His words lingered in the air, and I felt a flutter in my chest. The garden, once neglected, now flourished – a testament to the beauty that could emerge from collaboration and care.

As the days turned into weeks, and our garden project flourished, Seokmin and I found ourselves drawn even closer. The mismatched mailboxes, once a source of amusement, now stood as silent witnesses to the blossoming connection between us.

One lazy afternoon, as we sat in the shade of our flourishing garden, Seokmin's fingers idly traced the patterns of the mismatched mailboxes. "You know, we've put so much effort into this garden. Maybe it's time to give our mailboxes a little makeover too," he suggested, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

I raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "A makeover for our mailboxes?"

Seokmin nodded, a playful smile playing on his lips. "Why not? It's a fun way to mark the growth of our friendship."

And just like that, we decided to switch the mailboxes – a symbolic gesture of unity and the beginning of a shared journey. As we unscrewed the mailboxes from their posts, Seokmin spoke, his voice carrying a sense of quiet excitement.

"You know, these mailboxes have seen it all – the misdelivered packages, our late-night conversations, the birth of our garden. They've been witnesses to the story of us," he said, his gaze locked with mine.

I couldn't help but smile. "Our little mismatched mailboxes have become a part of our narrative, haven't they?"

With the switch complete, the charming blue mailbox now stood next to the faded red one. It felt like a visual representation of our intertwined lives. Seokmin grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "There we go – a match made in mailbox heaven."

As we sat on the porch, admiring our handiwork, Seokmin turned to me, his expression softening. "Y/N, from mismatched mail to a shared garden, you've made every moment brighter. I cherish the memories we've created together."

His words hung in the air, and I felt a warmth spreading through me. "Seokmin, you've brought so much joy into my life. I couldn't imagine this journey with anyone else."

In that quiet moment, with the mismatched mailboxes standing as a testament to our unique story, Seokmin's hand found mine, fingers intertwining in a gentle, reassuring grip. Our eyes locked, and I could sense a vulnerability in his gaze that mirrored my own feelings. His voice, a mere whisper, carried a weight of emotions. "Y/N," he said, his breath warm against my skin, "from the first misdelivered package to this very moment, every step with you has been a treasure. I don't want to imagine this journey with anyone else."

My heart fluttered in response to his sincerity, and as he leaned in, the world around us seemed to fade away. Our lips met in a tender kiss, a fusion of shared laughter, late-night conversations, and the unspoken confessions that had shaped our connection. In that intimate embrace, the mismatched mailboxes became more than a quirky detail – they became the symbols of our journey, our resilience, and the beautifully imperfect love that had unfolded.

As our kiss lingered, Seokmin pulled back, his eyes searching mine for confirmation. "Y/N, I don't know about you, but for me, this feels like the beginning of something extraordinary. What do you say we let our story continue?"

A surge of affection overwhelmed me, and I nodded, unable to find words that could encapsulate the depth of my emotions. Seokmin smiled, a soft and understanding expression, and with our hands still entwined, we sat on the porch, the mismatched mailboxes behind us, illuminated by the soft glow of our garden.

"Here's to the future, Y/N," Seokmin whispered, his voice filled with hope and promise.

"Here's to the future," I echoed, and in that moment, beneath the stars and surrounded by the symbols of our unique love story, we embarked on a new chapter that promised laughter, shared dreams, and the beauty that comes from embracing the unexpected.

BONUS

Our home was a lively swirl of laughter and chatter as friends gathered to celebrate Seokmin's birthday. Soonyoung and Seungkwan, the dynamic duo, were in the middle of their classic bickering routine, providing the background music to our joyful chaos.

"Soonyoung, if you eat another slice of cake before the birthday boy, you're in trouble!" Seungkwan playfully scolded, brandishing a spatula as his weapon of choice.

Soonyoung grinned mischievously. "Can't resist the temptation, Seungkwan. It's for quality control purposes! Tiger never fails to check!"

Amid the banter, I searched for Seokmin, who was surrounded by friends, a warm glow in his eyes. When he noticed me approaching, a grin stretched across his face. "Hey, beautiful. What's the plan?"

Leaning in, I whispered into his ear, "I have a surprise for you. Follow me."

Curiosity sparkled in Seokmin's eyes as I led him to a more secluded corner. With a mischievous smile, I placed his hand on my stomach. His eyes widened with realization, and a mixture of emotions danced in his gaze.

"Happy birthday, Seokmin," I whispered, a teasing smile playing on my lips. "Looks like we're going to have a little someone joining our story."

His eyes filled with tears, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. "Y/N, this is the best birthday gift ever. I can't believe we're going to be parents."

As we shared the news with Soonyoung and Seungkwan, the atmosphere shifted from playful banter to heartfelt congratulations. Soonyoung's eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "Whoa, a mini-Seokmin on the way! We're going to have so much fun spoiling that kid. We can name them BooSeokSoon or better Horanghae~~"

Seungkwan giving BOObamstic a side eye to Soonyoung and his tiger agenda, added with a grin, "Congratulations, you two. Parenthood – the grandest adventure of all."

As the party continued, Seokmin couldn't stop smiling. He held my hand, his thumb tracing small circles over my fingers, a silent acknowledgment of the new chapter unfolding in our lives.

Underneath the fairy lights and surrounded by the warmth of friends, we celebrated not just Seokmin's birthday but the beginning of a journey into parenthood. As the night unfolded, I stole a moment to look outside our home. There, illuminated by the soft glow of the garden lights, stood the mismatched mailboxes side by side – a quaint symbol of the journey that had led us to this magical point in our lives. As Seokmin joined me, our fingers intertwined, we gazed at the mismatched mailboxes, a silent acknowledgment of our shared story and the beautiful chapters yet to be written. The promise of a growing family, laughter echoing through the halls, and love that would continue to flourish just like the garden we had nurtured together.

[13as07]

Patience #4.5

(Jiraiya Smut)

[Artwork is not mine! Credit to Kare-Chikin]

Requested by: Anonymous

Word Count: 4,703

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

You know the deal by now; Part four from Pervy Sage's POV

Also super long like most of my Jiraiya POVs

Titty Fondling

Nick Names: Sensei, Little One, Sweet Thing, Princess, Obedient Girl, Kitten, Sweetheart

Masturbating

Power Difference (Teacher/Student)

Nude/Sexual Modeling/Pictures

Oral (Female Receiving)

Hair Pulling

Overstimulation

Cock Warming

———————————————————————

     I feel like I'm walking on air as I exit Tsunade's office. My new book passed its proofreading, which leaves nothing but the illustrations to do and my lovely ex-squad mate gave both me and my kunoichi 'a reasonable amount' of time off so I can work on it. Nothing but my house, my student, and me... and the six hundred and forty or so panels I need to illustrate, send out, and get approved.

     It doesn't take long for my student to fall into my sights, the beautiful girl waiting for me a few paces away from the office. "Little One," I say, quickly settling behind her. She looks gorgeous today. She looks gorgeous every day, but the sun filtering through the windows makes her features stand out more than usual.

     "Guess what?" I mutter, slightly giving in to my wants. The sun showering on her and the promise of a lot of alone time has my groin tumbling. I toy with the hem of her shirt, quickly passing it, my fingers crawling up the skin of her sides.

It doesn't take long for my hands to cup my Princess's breasts. They're warm and soft and melt through my fingers like butter. How'd I get a partner so perfect? So pretty? So damn addictive?

It also doesn't take long for the material of her bra to upset me. I want to feel her skin on mine. I run my thumbs over the edge of her bra, debating how likely Tsunade would take away my time off if she found me fiddling with my Sweet Thing's chest right outside her office. I decide I don't care very much, letting my fingertips slide down, cupping her bare breasts.

"What?" My Little One mutters, her breath heavy as I mess with her. I shift my hands on her, sliding my thumbs over her nipples, encouraging them to perk up.

My excitement only grows as I watch my Princess's eyes flickering around the hallway. No matter how many times or how many places I mess with her, she's always so anxious about getting caught. It's adorable.

I tilt my head down, resting it against hers, my lips pressed against her ear as I speak. "Tsunade agreed to give me some time off so I can work on my concept sketches for my new book." I catch my Sweetheart's earlobe between my teeth, softly biting it once my words are out. I focus on her body, pinching her nipples when I bite down on her ear and then softly twisting them when I relax my jaw. Her breath picking up doesn't help my swallow professionalism. It encourages my thoughts of pushing her against the wall and enjoying her sweetness.

"Oh, that's good," my kunoichi whispers, the sound of people down the hallway almost drowning out her voice. Her hands cling to my arms, trying to shove them off.

     I tug my hands out of her bra, adjusting the material before clinging to her hip bones. "Yes it is, Sweet Thing, and you, Princess, are going to help your Sensei," I tell her, herding her down the hallway as I start pulling up her dress. Maybe a quickie in a supply closet won't be too bad.

     "How am I going to do that?" My Little One asks, leaning her weight against me.

     "Well, you're the muse for my book so why not be the muse for the artwork as well?" I counter, enjoying the way her cheeks redden the higher I pull her dress up.

     "What?" She mutters, leaning her head back to look at me.

     "Don't worry about it, Little One. Just know you're going to be my pretty little model." The thought of my student modeling nude makes blood rush to my penis. I grind my growing boner against her ass, deciding a quickie is the way to go.

                       ————————————

     My naked Princess clings to me, squirming in my hold as her nails dig into my shoulders. "Sensei, I can't," she whimpers, squirming against me more.

     This is going to be a long and hard battle to stay focused on my task. "Yes, you can," I encourage her, wiggling my fingers under hers so I can undo her hold on me. "I've seen you naked before, I've seen you in the shower before, I've gotten you off in the shower before. How is this any different?" I ask, placing her in the bathtub, my eyes jumping over her nudity.

     She's so cute, thighs rubbing together and cheeks a soft pink as she looks up at me. "Because you're watching me get myself off," my Sweetheart whines, standing on her tippy toes to grab at my shoulders again.

     "I have before. I watched you use a shower head to get off and then watched you hump a pillow. The only difference is I'm going to sketch it this time," I remind her, catching her wrists before she has the chance to get a grip on me again. My hand looks good wrapped around both of her wrists, reminding me how much bigger Mr frame is compared to her.

     "Sensei," my Sweet Thing whines again, wiggling her arms around to try and get her hands free as I turn the water on.

     I tighten my grip, shifting her forward before I rest my face against hers, our eyes locked as I speak. "Sweetheart, we have three options. One, I pay a model to act out your little sins so I can do my concept art. Two, you can be an Obedient Girl and act out the scenes again while I sketch. Or three, you act out the scenes and I take photos to refer to. The choice is yours."

     I hope she chooses option three. My poor Princess wouldn't be able to stand being in the same position long enough for me to do a sketch, let alone mess with herself for that long. Though as long as she doesn't pick option one I'll be fine. I want to draw her, not some other woman.

     "Option two."

     I let go of her wrists before bending down to kiss her. "There's my Obedient Girl. Now, you get all wet and soaped up while I go get my pencils and sketchbook," I tell her, starting to work myself up. Maybe it wasn't the smartest option to have my Sweetheart model for me.

     I shake the thought out of my head, turning the shower on before I turn away. As I leave the room, a whimper and the shower curtain closing fill my previous space.

     I hurry around my office, collecting my things as fast as I can before returning to the bathroom. When I snap the curtain back open, my blood rushes so fast that I'm a tad worried I'm going to pass out. I rest my sketch pad and pencil case on the sink before turning my attention back to my pretty kunoichi. "Let's fix your position, Princess," I whisper, slowly moving my hands to position her how I remember her looking during the not-so-long-ago accidental peep show I had. "See? Perfect, and so sexy, Little One," I compliment when she's in place.

After a beat or two, I pull away from her, using the toilet lid as a makeshift seat. Once my pad is in my grasp, it becomes easier to focus on the task at hand. I sketch out a quick outline, eyes jumping around to start laying out some simple details.

"Jiraiya," my Little One whines, her eyes swimming in arousal, big and round and already ready to burst with her first orgasm. She isn't going to survive this.

"Sweet Thing?" I whisper, my focus caught on her pussy. I could say screw it and fuck her against the shower wall, try my best to sketch the situation from memory.

"How long is this going to take you?"

"I don't know, Sweetheart," I whisper, trying - and failing - to keep my mind where it needs to be. I need my sketches, I need to finish them semi-soon, I need to send them out, I need to finish my book. "The whole detailed sketch will probably take thirty to forty hours but right now I'm just doing a rough outline. That'll take an hour or two," I ramble, snapping my eyes closed to see if that'll help; it doesn't.

"I can't," my Princess whines, making my eyes snap back open. "Two hours?! I can't do that. Sensei." My title comes out as a moan, my Little One's orgasm spilling over.

"Princess," I whisper, my eyes trailing the path of her cum mixing with the water and soap of her shower. "I gave you options," I remind her, sinking to my knees next to the shower, and using my pencil to spread her legs apart further. For research, only research, and not because I like how wet and gushy my kunoichi's pussy gets when she cums. "We can do option three if you prefer," I mutter, dropping my pencil to the ground before wrapping my hand around her thighs, and tugging her legs further apart.

A little taste won't hurt. It'll help even, I'm willing to bet. If I have the fresh taste of my Sweetheart on my tongue it'll help me sketch her better. Or, at least that's what I'm going to use to justify disregarding my work.

I tug my Sweet Thing's leg up, resting it on my shoulder, spreading her open even wider. My free hand wraps around the one she's using to hold the shower head, keeping it put to encourage a second orgasm to spill out and drip onto my tongue.

"Jiraiya," she whimpers, taking a fistful of my hair. My tongue slides past my lips, eagerly sliding across the delicious mess on her legs. I let out a hum, eyes bouncing up for a second to make sure the water streams are still aimed toward her clit. "I don't... what if... my photos get out?" My Sweetheart stumbles out, leaning her weight against the shower wall. That's another pretty sight, maybe I'll add that one to my book too. But, for now, I need to focus on making her feel safe. My book can wait.

I move forward, helping her lean against the wall easier as I slide my tongue into her pussy a few times. "I'd never let that happen, Sweetheart. Whatever needs to happen for you to feel safe, I'll make happen. You can keep them, you can be around when I need them for my sketches, we can get a lock box for them, you can have the only key to the box, whatever you want," I coo between more dips of my tongue. I swear I could live off her pussy and her pussy only.

Nails dig into my scalp, heavy breathing and small noises spilling out between my Sweet Thing's words. "Oh... okay... ya... that... that seems okay." She comes undone again, fresh and warm juices spilling onto my tongue. My eyes flicker up as I flatten my tongue against her cunt, trying to slurp up as much as I can before the shower water washes it away. "Sensei, I can't... I can't take anymore. Please?" She mutters, nails no longer scratching me, but her hand does ball up my hair, tugging my head away.

I give in, letting my Little One pull me away from her pussy. "Whatever you want, Princess," I mumble, my eyes jumping around her form. Her chest is pumping a mile a minute, her legs threatening to shake, and her eyes soft and ready to burst into tears any second now. "Do you think you can hold on long enough for me to take some pictures? Are you going to be okay with that? Can Sensei take pictures of your pretty cunt?" I ask, forcing the shower streams to move up and down, giving her sensitive clit a small break.

Her head shakes rapidly, my Princess's legs fully shaking now. Dear Lord, her pussy is so wet and warm and inviting. I could just fuck her, watch the tears roll down her cheeks as she babbles about wanting more but wanting me to stop... but I have work to do.

I slowly climb to my feet, taking a second to kiss my Sweetheart. "What an Obedient Girl. You're so good to me. You keep this right here," I order, running the streams down her pussy once more before situating it against her clit again.

"Yes, Sensei," She mumbles, pulling a silent laugh from me. I peck her lips again, taking my time with the kiss before I pull away.

I tear through my office again, in search of my camera. The whole time my dick pulses almost painfully. Lord, I should fuck my Little One, I should fill her trembling pussy with my cum, I should do my work. Right, work. That's why we're in this situation, because of my book, my work.

Once my camera is found, I dart back into the bathroom, being met with a crying Sweetheart. Her legs look ready to give out, tears spilling down her cheek with just as much cum and water spilling down her thighs. "Sensei," she whines, causing me to lunge forward. I press my lips against hers again. When I pull back, I snap a picture of her messy face. I think that'll be the cover photo for my book.

When the picture prints out, I eagerly shake it, excited to see how pretty my Princess looks in her photo. Once I'm done looking over the photo, I settle it on the bathroom sink. "Just a couple of photos, Sweetheart," I tell her, gently situating her back into her original position.

After My Sweet Thing is situated, I pace backward, snapping a string of pictures. Once I'm sure I have every possible position, I decide I want her back how she was before I left. She looked hot like that too. "Alright against the wall again, Princess," I mumble, helping her shift back into place. "Just like that. You're such a pretty model. Who's Sensei's pretty model?" I ask, taking more pictures from different angles, even going far enough to adjust her position a time or two.

By the time I'm satisfied with the range of photos, my Sweetheart is a trembling mess from a mix of the chilled air running across her wet body and the overuse of her pretty cunt. What a poor Little One. "You did so good," I praise, setting the camera down next to the stack of photos I've collected.

I take the shower head out from her shaky fingers, putting it back in its place before turning the water off. "Let's get you warmed up," I say, wrapping my kunoichi in a fluffy towel, and rubbing it up and down her sides to help her warm up. "And get my pretty model a warm drink and some kisses and maybe a nap," I continue to coo, peppering kisses across her nose.

Her hands shoot forward, digging her nails into my shoulders as she clings to me. "And then you'll fuck me?" My Princess asks, a huge smile on her face despite the tears still rolling over her cheeks.

"Yes, Sweet Thing. Then I'm fucking you," I laugh, picking her up and looping her legs around me. I swear my student would live on my cock if I'd let her.

                       ————————————

     "Sensei?" My Sweetheart's voice rings out, tugging my attention away from the art piece I've been working on.

"Sweetheart?" I mutter, a smile already tugging at the corners of my mouth. She's been so patient, so sweet, so perfect over the past couple of weeks. I've been drowning in work, trying to get at least a handful of sketches finished to send to my editor. That's left me in my office almost all day most days. "Come here, Princess. Sensei wants to hold you," I mutter, craving the feeling of having her in my arms.

My Little One comes racing towards me, footsteps careful as she makes it through the maze of a floor my office is at the moment. It feels like all my stress and tension melts when she settles into my lap, a soft sigh escaping my lips once the weight of her is pressed into me. My student's eyes skirt over my desk, eyeing my recent sketch.

I rest my head against her neck, wrapping my arms around her to feel more of my Little One's body against me. "Do you like it?" I ask, a bit worried she won't enjoy the picture. The photo is very much her, based on her, everything of her, but I have made changes.

"It looks cool. My hair is sketched a lot longer and my thighs are puffier. My skin tone is a bit darker too." Changed she has noticed apparently.

"You're the muse for my book and for the art of that book. That doesn't mean I want people to see you in those ways. Making small adjustments to the artwork makes it a little more the character and a little less you," I explain, shifting my head so I can brush my lips across her jaw.

It's a truthful answer, she is everything in my new book. On the other hand, I would go ballistic if people figured out it was my Sweetheart that I was writing about, that I was drawing, if people saw her in those ways, thought about her in those ways.

There's a tear in my jealousy, a dribble of worry that my Sweet Thing is taking the changes in the wrong way. "It doesn't mean I want your hair longer or your thighs thicker or your skin darker. You're perfect as is, Little One," I mumble, shifting her head so I kiss along the other side of her head.

"Promise?" She whispers, squirming in my lap.

"Promise," I echo, pressing her to my chest so she'll calm down a bit. My focus shifts to searching for my pile of art, wanting my Little One to look them over. I should give her back the photos I'm done with too. "I'm done with those ones. Destroy them if you want or I can get you a lockbox next time I leave the house like I said I would," I tell her, giving my kunoichi a few options as I place the photos into her grasp.

My Sweetheart shoves her photos into her pocket, attention on my hands flipping my folder open. "I'll probably destroy them. What's in the folder?"

I carefully lay out the finished art, worried about messing them up. "These are the pieces I've finished. I've done two or three versions of each one so there are options," I tell her, cuddling her in my hold again. I love it when I get to hold her like this, get to smell her, get to feel the warmth of her body. I could die a happy man in this situation.

My eyes trail over her face, watching her reactions to them. "After I finish the piece I'm working on now, I'll send out whatever ones you approve," I tell her, squeezing my student, continuing to enjoy the feel of her against me.

Princess's head tilts back, eyebrows pressed together as she looks at me. "Whatever ones I approve?"

"Ya," I mutter, a little confused. Of course I'd ask her permission before I sent out any of my art. Again, they don't look like her but they are her. "I might have changed them up so you're not recognizable but it's you at the core. If you don't like one or aren't comfortable with one or simply don't want it published then I won't send it in," I explain, shifting my position in hopes it'll help the anger I'm feeling, at the situation, not at my Sweet Thing.

She leans against me, eyes still scanning the artwork. "That's very thoughtful of you," my Sweetheart mutters, meaning it nicely but pissing me off even more.

What kind of people has my student been with before me? Why wouldn't she expect to have a say? To have a right to decide what can and can't be published? "It's my job to make you feel safe, Little One. It's not thoughtful, it should be expected," I mutter, pressing my lips against her neck, trying to use it to calm myself down. It doesn't matter, it's not her fault, I'm taking care of her now and that's all that counts.

"I still appreciate it," my Princess mutters, squirming in my lap again so she can get a better look at the art.

                       ————————————

     I shift in my spot again, careful not to wake up my Sweetheart as I move. I've needed to pee for an hour now and I don't think I can keep putting it off, but I don't want to wake her. I already stirred her awake when I took my shirt off.

Carefully, I wrap my arms around her, moving slowly as I lift her. "Jiraiya?" She yelps, panic in her voice as she grips my hair.

My head is snapped to the side because of my Princess's grasp. "Sorry, Sweetheart, I was trying not to wake you. That didn't work out. I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back," I shortly explain, eyes scanning her face, watching the panic melt away to contentment. Reluctantly, I set her down, pressing my lips to her forehead before pulling away.

I take my time going to the bathroom, walking slowly, and stretching my muscles during my little break. When I re-enter my study, the thought of this being a longer break is burned into my head.

Sweetheart is sitting on my desk, her almost bare back facing me, sitting in nothing but her underwear. Maybe a long break wouldn't hurt, but I'm almost done with my sketch. If I give in now, the rest of the night will be spent having sex and not working. We're going to wait, just long enough for me to finish.

"I have work to do, Sweet Thing," I mutter, slowly walking through the room, towards my temptress of a student. "I need to finish and send out my concepts." When I get to my desk, I let my arms snake around her body, feathering my fingers over her covered pussy.

Princess's legs fall open, her back leaning into my chest, and her head lying on my shoulder. What a pretty Obedient Girl I have, so eager to be pleased, so willing to give me her body. "So? It wouldn't hurt to take a break," she tempts, trying to chip away at my decision.

My arms tighten around her, leaving her pressed against my body as I lift her off the desk, starting the short walk back to my chair. "I have work to do. You have to wait, Little One." My unwillingness to cave gets me a spoiled princess acting like dead weight and a pitched whine.

I settle back in my chair, my Little One's hips instantly going into action, grinding against my growing boner. "Please? Just a quickie," she tried again, trying to pull my hand towards her cunt.

It's probably not the best choice, but I do give my kunoichi a bit of relief, rubbing circles into her clit. "Have some patience, Princess," I order, keeping my fingers light as I shift most of my attention back to the drawing I've been working on the last few days.

Little One grips my arms, nails digging into me for the hundredth time as she whines into my shoulder. I swear I'm more scratch marks than skin at this point. Again, her legs widen, openly putting her growingly slick panties on display for me, only a glance away. What an obedient girl I have. "Jiraiya?" She whines, nails deeper into my skin now. Maybe she's more needy than obedient.

"Sweetheart, you can't stay in here if you're going to be noisy. I'm trying to focus," I tease, giving into her neediness by adding just a tad more pressure and moving my fingertips faster.

"Jiraiya!" She whines again, threatening to break the skin of my arms.

I let out a sigh, knowing if I don't give in just a bit, I won't get any work done or my dick wet. What a needy sex-driven student I have. "Stand up, Sweet Thing," I order, burying my hand into her hair and using it to force her to her feet.

I keep her in place, enjoying the view of her ass as I tug my dick out. If she's so eager to be filled, then who am I to deny her? Once I'm free, I fix my hold on her hair, ready to tug her back into place. "Turn around."

My Obedient Girl is well, obedient, turning around to face me. Her eyes are stuck in my dick, mouth almost watering as she looks at it. "Jiraiya, please?" Sweetheart whines, thighs rubbing together as the rest of her almost vibrates with want.

     "I already told you, have some patience, Little One. For now, come warm your Sensei's cock," I order, letting her go and spreading my legs wider so she can situate herself.

     She does just that, crawling into my lap after dropping her panties on the floor. "Sensei," Princess whines, wiggling my tip into her pussy before letting herself tumble down the rest of my dick.

     Before I have the chance to stop her, my student starts riding me, fucking herself on my cock. I grin at her, settling myself into a more relaxed position, happily watching her bounce like the hormonal bunny she seems to be. "Look at you. Princesses don't act like this. What are you acting like Little One?" I tease, annoying the way her pussy squeezes me because of the soft degrading.

     Like usual, her hands shoot forward, gripping my locks and using them to help herself bounce faster. "I... I don't... know," my Sweetheart whines, her eyes as desperate as her movements, so eager to have me fill her pussy before I make her sit still.

     I tilt my head, pressing a kiss or two against her wrist before I continue mocking her. "You're acting like a desperate kitten in heat but Sensei asked you to be a little cock warmer. Be an Obedient Girl for your Sensei." I grip her hips, forcing her movements to stop and in turn, denying myself the orgasm that was threatening to burst and fill her.

     My unhappy girl yanks on my hair, whines and whimpers spilling from her because of my no. "Sensei, please? I want sex," Princess whines, squirming and failing to get out of my hold.

     I tilt my head again, this time forward so I can kiss her between my words. "And I need to finish my work. Show Sensei those pretty patience we've been working on. If you're good, I'll spend the rest of the night pleasing you, Sweetheart." It's not fair of me and I know that. She's been patient the last two weeks, letting me work, modeling so pretty for me, but I need to finish my work.

     "Promise?" She whispers, giving into my orders and stilling herself.

     "Promise," I repeat, moving us forward and littering her shoulders in kisses. My student's hands fall from my hair to my shoulders, head buried into my neck as she sighs. "There's my Obedient Girl," I praise, adjusting us so I can continue to work, purposely shifting my dick buried in her soaking pussy to tease her.

     She tightens around me, more babbled whines slipping past her lips. "Hush, Little One. Sensei is trying to work," I continue to mock, tilting us back a bit so I can thrust my hips up, making her bounce on my cock.

     Pressure is added to her fingers, nails present against my skin again and legs tightening around me because of my soft teasing. "Jiraiya?"

     "Patience, Sweetheart," I remind her, fully planning to test her patience as I finish my work. Maybe I'm not as nice to her as I thought.

———————————————————————

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[ungrateful-cyborg-moved]

Social media comparison

Alright. I've tried different new/alternative platforms lately in hope to find something I really liked, and there are very promising ones. I didn't try everything, of course, but this is a kind of overview of my journey so far? Or just my thoughts on the matter.

I've tried Pillowfort, Bluesky, Mastodon (didn't last long enough to have much of an opinion, it simply didn't click), Dreamwidth and Cohost (as of today, can't post there yet).

My comparison under the cut:

► I appreciate that they're algorithm free, whether it's because they truly believe in an Internet rid of the most invasive of them or because it's too expensive to implement on a brand new platform or some other reason. Only the future can tell, but for now it's nice.

► Pillowfort: beside the post formatting that I find extremely comfortable, my favourite thing is probably communities. I feel like this is the strongest "pro" in favor of Pillowfort because this is where they truly distinguish themselves from other social media.

Communities, in a way, remind me of forums. They're however easier to take in hand since you don't have to deal with as many options and choices. In my opinion, communities on Pillowfort are a bit lacking in functionalities though. I think more tools to easily organize them would help, like a widget or something to link stuff so you can create and animate events within said communities.

(I also feel like Pillowfort would gain from not being dark blue. We have more than enough dark blue websites, and it doesn't go well with the warmth invoked by its name in my opinion, but that's a minor detail and just a matter of taste.)

► Bluesky: basically Twitter but better. No algorithm, for a start. The curated feeds are nice. They're a bit like communities on Pillowfort since they can be moderated but from a non-mod user, it's even easier to post in them: you just have to use the right keyword for your post to appear there. Well, if the mod left it open to all rather than chose to vet who can or cannot post in it. Lots of flexibility and control over your timeline overall.

I don't like the 300 characters limit, however. Never liked it with Twitter either. It's not really conductive to conversations, and the general design tends to make the website feel rather impersonal. It's really more like parallel talking than community building.

Overall I think it's a good tool to promote your (visual) art or website, etc. but not great for hosting conversations past commenting briefly what others are doing. I mean, you can make threads but it'll never be as good as Pillowfort or Tumblr for this.

► Dreamwidth: I'll start with saying that Dreamwidth isn't a social media, it's a journaling platform and I haven't used it much yet. Had in plan to post my headcanons about my muses there and stuff like that so I did spend some time trying to figure out how it works.

First, there is a lot of options to let you have complete control over who can see what. Like, a lot.

You can entirely personalize what your journal will look like. It's a bit easier than having your own website—since I reblogged a post about that yesterday—because you don't start from 0, so it might be a good option if you don't feel comfortable jumping into Notepad++ to start coding. You can just change a thing here and there, or nothing at all, or almost everything. It's pretty old school though, so for those completely unfamiliar with early/pre-web 2.0, it might not look very appealing at first. However, I'd say don't let that stop you! If anything, it's a good opportunity to learn a bit of code without pressure.

You can also create communities, which as you might have guessed is very important to me. When creating one, you can set up whether everyone can join, everyone can ask to join but has to be approved by a community admin or to limit the access to those you have personally invited. Like for your own journal, communities are completely customizable, and Dreamwidth allows adult content.

I'm not sure you can top DW communities in terms of functionalities—aside from making a forum—but it's not as intuitive as Pillowfort (though in exchange you get more customization). You're also more limited regarding image hosting (see here). That said, hosting services exist, many are free, and that's without mentioning that you can post on Twitter and the like and use the picture link in your DW posts. I don't think many will only use Dreamwidth anyway.

► Cohost: I was expecting nothing when I registered earlier today, but this is an overall good surprise: it's Tumblr, but better.

More control of what you see. More user-friendly UI. It's not fucking blue. Adult content allowed. You can change your main blog page and make it private.

The only two downsides I'd mention here would be that you can't customize your blog page appearance and you have to wait for one or two days before being able to post. Although if it means less bots, I'd rather wait.

And this ends my rather non-exhaustive tour of the social media/blogging/journaling platforms. If you catch any mistakes let me know. I didn't dive deep, this was just me sharing my thoughts.

(As far as I know, they all allow adult content and give you tools to not see it if you don't want to.)

[tearfallpixie]

Trust and Love - Chapter 5: Tease

Tags: @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me @beaker1636 @itsjustemily @witchyweeb34 @agravemisstake @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @faceless-mirror @nonamessblog @yournecessaryevil @black-damask1999

@lyschko666 @vinyardmauro @skulliecadaver-blog @some-daniela @latenightmusiclover @rye14-blog1 @somewhere-diamond @Shilohrosechicken @abiomens @awkwardalex @miss570

“Hey, have you seen Vinny? I wanted to ask him where his dye kit was.” Justin asked one morning. Chis looked up from his phone at the bassist.

“Have you checked in Ricky and Olives room?” The singer offered. “He’s been in there a lot at night lately.” Justin went back to their door and knocked on the door. When he received no answer he opened it up to see the drummer he was asking for curled up with the two other mentioned names. Justin snapped a quick picture of the adorable trio and closed the door silently. “Did you find them?”

“Yeah. They are all asleep. I didn’t want to bug them.” He texted the photo to Ricky and Vinny in a group chat and closed his phone.

~

Rickys phone dinged waking me from my slumber and making me slowly blink open my eyes. I groaned and stretched, feeling a body shift behind me. I turned to see Vinny sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“Morning.” He murmured. I rolled around and curled onto his chest as he reached behind him for his phone.

“Thank you for staying.” I hummed.

“Sunshine, I spend most of my nights in here. You don’t have to thank me every time.” He teased me. He clicked open his phone to see a text from Justin so he opened it. My cheeks instantly went red when I saw the picture of all three of us curled together. “That’s cute.” He mused with a sleepy grin on his face.

“Can you send it to me?” I asked shyly. He saved the photo and clicked my name in his texts.

“Done.” He went back to his home screen and changed it to the picture of us. “And done. I think that looks better.” Ricky groaned behind the two and tightened his arms around my waist.

“Baby girl. It’s too early.” Ricky complained.

“Dude its 10:30.” Vinny laughed. “In fact, I need to get up. I promised Justin I would help dye his hair today.” I whined and clung to him tighter. “I know baby. I’m sorry.” He had never given me a pet name before, besides sunshine which still felt like it fell under the friends nicknames so that shocked me. I pulled back and sat up as he started walking out.

“You liked him calling you that, didn’t you?” Ricky asked.

“It just shocked me I guess.” I reached down to grab my bag, but he pulled me back.

“You wouldn’t get turned on if he were to watch me fuck you?” He asked darkly, making me gasp. “That’s what I thought. Imagine him sitting in the corner, you sprawled out on display on the bed.” He slipped his cold fingers under the waistband of my sleep shorts and ran them along my panty line. “Mmm. You’re wet just thinking about the idea.” He teased me. “I can stop whenever love.” I shook my head and felt him grin against my neck. He hoisted me up and pulled me back onto his lap, finally letting his fingers slip under my lingerie.

“Please, Ricky.” I whispered.

“Please what?” He growled, barely brushing my folds with his finger.

“Please. I need more.”

“You need Vinny?” I started to shake my head but he growled. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve seen the way you watch him perform on stage. I’ve seen the looks you give him on the bus. You want him.” I let out a soft whine and nodded. “There’s my good girl.” He pressed two fingers inside of me and curled them to scrape deliciously against my walls. “We’re in a hotel tonight. Maybe we can make this a reality.” I felt the coil of heat in my belly and whimpered.

“Please Ricky. I- I’m so close.” I cried softly.

“Come for me baby girl. You’ve been so good on this tour. You’ve been so good for me.” I crashed into my climax hard enough that I see stars for a moment. When I raised my head I saw Ricky had laid me down and was laying next to me. “You enjoyed that quite a lot.” He teased me, tracing patterns on my side.

“I can’t deny that it’s a hot prospect.” I giggled softly. “We should probably get up.” I stripped and got a fresh pair of lingerie and slipped it on.

“Make sure to wear the purple bralette. Vinny will like it.” Ricky smirked as I gapped at him. He winked before stepping out of the room. I grabbed the suggested article of clothing and put it on, getting dressed quickly after. I went to the kitchen to get coffee and felt gentle hands take my waist. I knew instantly it was Ricky and leaned into him. He nosed at the collar of my shirt, managing to move it back enough. “Mm. Good girl listening to instructions. I wouldn’t have to punish you for wearing something else.”

~~~~

“What is this?” I asked that night. We had just entered our hotel room to see that there were two beds in the room. We usually got a room to ourselves.

“Remember what I said this morning?” He murmured, stepping up behind me. I thought back to this morning and my eyes widened. I spun to look at him when I saw the drummer standing in the doorway, looking at me through his curtain of hair. I looked back at Ricky who was giving me a soft smile. “This is up to you. We can include Vin, or we can all just chill and hang out tonight. You call the shots.”

“Please.” I whispered. Vinny stepped into the room and closed and locked the door behind him, dropping his bag to the floor.

“Vin. Over to the chair and sit down. If she’s a good girl for us, then you might get a chance to play with her.” My heart caught in my throat. We had discussed him watching me but not touching me bt even more so I was shocked at how unbothered I was by it. Vinny dropped into the chair and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt. “Strip for Vinny baby. Let him get a good view of that pretty lingerie you’re wearing.” I blushed bright red as Ricky shoved me towards Vinny. I slowly pulled the shirt over my head revealing the purple bralette and then moved my hands towards the buttons on my jeans. I saw Vins fingers twitch. “Do you want to undress her Vinny?” Vin gave a slight nod and moved to drop to his knees. His hands brushed my waist and I shuddered.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered. His fingers expertly popped the button on my jeans and slipped under the hem. He pulled them down slowly, revealing the matching lingerie. “Fuck.” He hissed, kissing right below my belly button and digging his nails into my hips. “Rick, you are one lucky man.” He tore himself away from me and sat back in the chair. I felt arms loop around my waist and pull me into Rickys shirtless body. I melted into his heat and dropped my head to his shoulder.

“Lay on the bed for me baby girl.” I dropped onto the bed and he grabbed my legs, spinning me around and spreading my legs. He drug my lingerie down my legs and placed gentle kisses on my inner thigh. He started nipping little bruises into my thigh before licking them to soothe the sting. “Can I taste you pretty girl?”

“Yes.” I whispered. I felt his hot breath ghost over my entrance before I felt his tongue lick a stripe up my walls. I shuddered at the sensation and clawed my fingers into the bedsheets to give me some sense of stability. My eyes flicked to where Vinny was sitting and saw that he was watching with such intense focus. I could tell his eyes were dilated to their full extent in the dim lighting, watching me like a hawk. I let out a whine when Ricky finally pressed his tongue past my ring of muscles but immediately retracted it.

“You are so wet for us baby girl. I didn’t know you’d find this so hot.” He slid his tongue between my folds again and caressed my inner walls. As he was assaulting me with his tongue I could feel the coil building in my lower belly. I toppled over the edge when he sucked on my clit while quickly inserting two fingers alongside his tongue. I must have zoned out for a moment because when I came too Ricky was sitting next to me with an amused look on his face. I glanced over at Vinny who looked concerned and I but back a giggle.

“I’m fine. Better than, actually.” I promised them.

“Promise?” Ricky asked softly.

“Pinky.” He nodded and brushed a piece of hair from my face. “Please Ricky. I need you.” I begged.

“Are you ready for me?” I nodded. “Words baby girl.”

“Ricky. Please. Baby, I am so ready for you.” I begged. He stood and removed his jeans and boxers before climbing between my legs. He gave himself a few pumps before lining himself up and pressing into me. I gasped at the stretch and wrapped my arms around his neck to cling to him. When he was flush against me, I noticed movement from where Vinny was sitting. He moved over to us as if he was in a trance and knelt on the end of the bed as Ricky hovered over me with his dick deep inside of me.

“Touch her.” Ricky ordered him. Vin brought his hands to my shoulders and slid them down to cup my breasts. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Ricky lifted me up and Vinny moved closer, pressing himself up against my back. His hands slid down to my hips and his right one continued until it met my clit where Ricky was sliding in and out of me. He put a little pressure against my entrance where Ricky was moving and wiggled his finger alongside his member. I whined and dropped my head onto Vinny’s shoulder at the newfound stretch as he and Ricky worked in tandem to ease me to and through my second orgasm. Ricky followed quickly after, spilling his seed into my core.

“Such a good girl for us.” Vinny huffed. “So pretty.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, making me gasp. I kissed back for a minute before he pulled away. My cheeks must have been red because Ricky chuckled as he pulled me into him.

“You were so perfect baby girl. Did you enjoy that? Vinny joining us?” I nodded shyly. “Good. Lets get a shower and then we should all go to bed. We have an early morning.” We all showered quickly and when I returned to the room both Vin and Rick were sitting on Vinny’s bed. “Hey, our bed is a little… messy. Are you ok sharing a bed with Vin?”

“Yeah that’s fine.” I blushed for the millionth time that night. It wasn’t as if we hadn’t shared a bed before. They crawled into the bed and held out their arms. I grinned and settled between the two of them, instantly melting into an exhausted sleep.

[chickensoup-4-mysoul]

herculean (drrr x f!reader) - chapter 19

Chapter 19 - Smooth Sailing

synopsis: izaya has a few results from his research to share with you.

word count: 2,571

warnings: discussions of violence/murder

"i felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd i felt he'd found my letters and read each one out loud i prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on,, killing me softly - roberta flack

“Do you have a sister? Two sisters, to be exact.”

Displeasure was an expression that you had yet to see overtake the man’s face--but in that moment, it settled into Izaya’s features pretty easily. His eyebrow twitches, the corner of his mouth pulling into a grimace. He tries to fix his face, but he only succeeds in sporting a thin-lipped smile, eyes still betraying his irritation.

“I suppose you’ve met them. Well, judging by your appearance today, I’ll presume they didn’t pester you to death?”  You guess it was normal for any man to be annoyed by his younger sisters. The immediate response to the mere mention of them was a little jarring, however. “No, not too badly. They’re a bit much, but that sort of energy could be expected of girls their age,” you try to laugh it off.

“Yes, well, it’s not just their energy. They try so hard to be unique, don’t you think? Taking on personalities directly contrasting each other...it’s such a childish schtick.” 

Your eyebrow furrows in deep concern. “They are children,” you refute. The eccentricities of the twins’ behavior suddenly became more troubling to you. What had happened to them to warrant such behaviors? Did Izaya have a hand in it? Perhaps there wasn’t the greatest relationship between the siblings, afterall. The man notices your unease but does nothing to alleviate it. His signature smile returns to his face as he regards you nonchalantly.

“Well, you didn’t come here to get a background check on my life, did you?” Your heart anxiously leaps into your throat in embarrassment. What were you doing, asking the man about his personal life?

“Right. I was wondering if this ordeal would finish soon. I hate to say it, but I’m getting a little impatient.” That was partially a lie. Had it been any other business consultation, you’d be content to wait for as long as was necessary. What really ignited the flames beneath your feet was the man you were engaging in business with.

Over time, you found your own feelings of distaste growing towards the man. You hadn’t forgotten about Anri’s warning--in fact, it sat very potently in the forewinds of your thoughts. He had brought harm to people, no doubt, and you wanted to scurry out of his wake before he could bring harm to you. He’s not visibly offended by your statement, nodding with an understanding that you can’t help but think is presentational.

“Well, I think you’ll be happy to know that I have made progress.”

Your ears perk at the revelation. You eye him hopefully, ignoring how obviously amused he is by your excitement. He reaches across the table between you two, fingers caressing a closed laptop that you hadn’t noticed until now. Pulling it into his lap, he opens it and begins typing away. Your eyes practically bore a hole into the little symbol on the case, prying with anticipation. The sounds of typing and clicking echoed through the room for what felt like forever. Each sound seemed to grow more and more deafening. 

The more time that went on, the more you realized how unprepared you were. What was he going to show you? What could he show you? What exactly were you hoping to see? Would you like what you saw?

Finally, Izaya’s gaze returns to you, he places the laptop on the table in front of you before turning the screen to face you. The rapid pace of your heartbeat reaches its peak as you take the first look...before slowing immediately.

“It’s just...a photo of me,” you muse quietly. You sound underwhelmed, but truly, you were astonished.

It’s a professional photo, taken from the shoulders up. The wall behind you was a weird tye-dye of different shades of blue. You resided at the center, the close-lipped smile failing to match your eyes. It was decent photo, although you cringed at your scraggly haircut and bland choice of a black t-shirt, as well as the scars and blemishes littered across your face. Besides that though, it was an oddly normal picture. 

Your gaze flickered up to Izaya, who simply returned your gaze with an indifferent smile. “Dissappointed?” He prodded, his tone similar to a Kindergarten teacher soothing an aggravated child. You don’t answer immediately, looking back at the laptop screen.

It was your typical school yearbook photo, one of a girl who hadn’t quite learned how to settle into her developing self yet--possibly sophomore or even freshman year of high school. She had your skin color, your face shape, your eyes, and your nose--she was you--but it felt as though you were looking at someone you had never met before. In spite of the excessive lighting, none of that light made its way into her gaze. She seemed so unhappy.

“Not at all,” you finally answer. “I look….” Terrible

“Well, no one is exactly pleased with how they looked in the past if that makes you feel any better.” He stretches his arms behind his head and leans backwards on the couch, smiling as easily as ever. “There is more, though, if you scroll.”

Your fingers move quickly over the touchpad, anticipating whatever else he had to show you. You come across a scanned document--an old one, at that. Even through the screen, the wear and tear of the paper itself is apparent. You, however, weren’t too hung up on that--not when the writing was much more interesting.

“Congrats, (Y/N)! 7th Grade High Honor Roll at Weaver Rollins Middle School You’re doing great!”

The gaudy certificate was decorated with bright stars and rainbows, obviously designed for a kid but refashioned for a middle schooler. Your focus flickers to Izaya, who looks very pleased with himself.

“Looks like you were quite the student,” he muses. A laugh bubbles up from your chest as you stare back at the certificate. It was so foolish looking, and yet...it brought you joy. 

As much as you hated to admit it, Izaya’s words to you at the end of your first meeting had stuck with you.

“...perhaps you simply lived such a boring, ordinary life that there's not much to find!"

You were no extraordinary person, you’d admit that—but the thought of leaving no trace behind in your 19 years on this earth? It terrified you. Sure, there wasn’t going to be a picture of you accepting a Nobel Peace Prize, or a 100-page autobiography selling in bookstores, but there had to be something.

Yes, there were unflattering school photos and childish gift certificates. Stupid, trivial reminders of those mundane moments of your life. A drop appears on the table beneath and you realize that you’re crying.

“This is...amazing. Thank you,” you snivel, attempting in vain to mask your tears.

“My word, who would have thought this was all it took to get you so emotional? And I haven’t even brought out the big guns, yet!” You snap up to look at him.

“Big guns?”

“Unfortunately, even after all the waiting, I haven’t finished the job quite yet. A couple of days ago, I contacted the Board of Adoptions and Foster Care in your birth county. They said it may take a few days, but they’re on a search for your adoption papers as we speak. They may even be able to find a birth certificate, and by extension—the identities of your biological parents.”

You can only gape at him, astonished. Your biological parents? In that moment, it’s easy to forget where you were—who you were talking to. All you knew was that you were sitting in front of a man who was doing things for you that you never thought would be possible. You can practically picture a halo of light glowing around him, exposing you to the gates of heaven.

“I’m...shocked. Th-that would be amazing!” Your face blossoms into an expression of utmost joy. It was a glee unlike any you had experienced before. The man only leaned further back, visibly pleased by your reaction. “Well, it’s the least I could do after holding you up for so long. I do apologize for that. Hopefully, this combined with the compensation will be enough. How are you enjoying that, by the way? I’d love to hear your thoughts.”

It takes a moment for you to remember what he’s referring to. 

“The case, you mean? Yeah, it was...certainly something..” It’s mood whiplash, having to think about a murder case after such a pleasing revelation.

“Certainly stimulates your brain, doesn’t it? A writer for a struggling mystery column enlisted my help to provide new insights. Honestly, when I first read about it, I couldn’t begin to deduce a possible culprit. I was so hung up on the grisliness of it all! Especially that brutal stabbing!”

You wince at his semantics, not exactly keen to discuss stabbing at this time of day. “Surely, it wasn’t too brutal, as weird as that sounds...not brutal enough to get blood all over the crime scene.” You can feel your skin crawl as you grow increasingly squeamish. The statement serves more as reassurance for yourself than for him.

“Hmmm, but perhaps the killer was able to book it after stabbing his last victim—that would be an easy avoidance for the mess.”

“It wasn’t his last victim though.” You had just managed to fall into the rhythm of normal conversation. After Izaya’s eyebrows shoot up, however, you fall back into your initial sheepishness. Why were you arguing with an informant? Obviously, he’d know better than you. “Sorry—I just mean…he, er, strangled the last girl without getting blood on her, right? So the stabbing couldn’t have been that bloody.”

You hope that you can dig yourself out of the hole you had fallen into, but Izaya’s silence only solidifies the idea that you’ve offended him. Your eyes awkwardly scan the room for purchase. When they land on Namie, they find that she’s eyeing you now, too. Jeez, had you screwed up? You hear Izaya murmur, barely making out the word “interesting”. When he notices your attention on him, he seems to snap out of whatever mode he’s in.

“My apologies, I was lamenting how interesting of an insight that was. I can’t help but notice that you’ve assigned pronouns to the killer. Any chance you have an idea who it was?”

His interest in your opinion soothes your nerves, at least a little bit. The anxious tension in your body begins to dissipate. “Oh, well, I had it in my mind that it was the Baseball Card Killer. There was the most evidence against him, especially with the trophy he took.”

“Ah, I see, you believe he took the kitchen knife that was missing from the scene?”

“No, he took Leanne’s hair. There were clumps of hair missing, right? That long, blonde hair--he probably fixated on it or something. It would certainly fit his MO.”

After going so long with the case, bouncing theories off of someone else felt like a release. Izaya’s interest in your opinions fills you with a sense of pride. That pride only intensifies when he starts writing things down. Had you provided him with a new discovery? He examines his notes with a look of almost feigned contemplation, scratching his chin for added effect. It was a bit much, honestly. You hadn’t said anything that profound. Finally, he rests the notepad on his thigh, leaning forward and resting his chin in his hand. "What a smart cookie you are! Nice to know there's a brain in that pretty head of yours."

You can practically feel every drop of sizzling blood that rushes to your face. He throws the comment out there like it's nothing; Like it didn't just come out of nowhere, but the way he says it--smiling at you, eyes scanning your face so diligently...it makes you dizzy. Stop, (Y/N). He's an informant. A shady, smarmy, sly, good-looking informant. Gulping down your embarrassment, you laugh it off.

“By the way, do you happen to work from different phones? I got a text from an unknown number recently.” You scramble to change the subject and, as a result, bring up something you had almost forgotten to ask about. It wasn't just a mere attempt at dodging his words, curiosity regarding the text’s contents had plagued your thoughts for a better part of the morning. Izaya eyes you shrewdly.

“While I do admit that my line of work requires me to use different devices, I can’t say that I’ve contacted you from more than one number. If you don’t mind me asking, what did it say?”

That’s odd. You figured that it had to have something to do with him. What with all of his recent research, it would have made sense for him to find a picture of your father. “It didn’t say much, just that they were certain that I was the one they were trying to reach. They just sent a picture of this group of men in lab coats, and my father was in it—that, and this weird document titled “The Herculean Project”. I could’ve sworn that it was you.”

Your focus deviated from him for a moment as you search through your phone, intending to find said materials. When your gaze switches back to him, however, you find that his eyes aren’t even on you. No, they’re directed at something behind you. There’s a sheer animosity in them that sets your blood on edge. Taking a quick glance, all you see is Namie, eyes trained on her computer screen, unbothered as ever. What was he looking at?

“Oh, silly me!” Izaya’s voice pulls your attention back to him. The animosity has vanished, replaced by lofty nonchalance. “I did have Namie message you. Forgive me, it’s been quite a busy week so I had her take care of some business for me.”

And you forgot…? Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His switch in behavior was odd. You couldn’t help but feel as though there was something you weren’t catching on to. “Okay...well, would you mind explaining a bit more? I couldn’t quite make out everything in the document.”

“Ah yes, the Herculean Project. I figured you’d like to know a bit more about your father’s work. His division is pretty underground, so I couldn’t find much—but I was able to dig something up. Simply put, it was a project designed by Brigall, himself; A sort of research plan regarding the flaws and advantages of humanity. Biological dispositions, and the like…”

He goes on for quite a bit, and as guilty as you feel, you can’t help but zone out. You had to admit, the whole science thing wasn’t your forte. You’re sure that Father’s work was brilliant, but you wouldn’t mind if the details of his profession remained unbeknownst to you.

“...does that make sense?”

He knows you’re not listening, if his wolfish grin is any indication. You nod dumbly, forcing a smile to feign understanding. 

It hadn’t occurred to you how much time went by with all of the idle chatter. You left Izaya’s apartment after yet another visit—but this time, there wasn’t nearly as much dread in your senses as the previous times. In fact, there was even a slight pep in your step. It was all going perfectly. You were going to get everything you need from him very soon, and then you’d be done for good. 

Everything was going according to plan.

[deathofpeaceofmiiind]

illicit affairs | seventeen

*Noah’s POV*

“What’s next.” 

I opened Ellie’s door for her, not before kissing her sun kissed shoulders gently. This afternoon was unbelievable, as every minute with her usually was. I can’t believe that I met her son and he trusted me as quickly as he did. He was so much fun to be around and to see that childlike wonder in his eyes was something else, something I hadn’t seen in forever. I think my heart was going to explode with how blissful I felt right now.

“Well, I thought we could go grab some dinner, then if you’re interested there’s a drive in theatre playing one of my favourite movies tonight.” I answered her as soon as we were in the car, my hand grabbing hers so I could kiss it gently. “I’d love that.” She smiled, returning the favour by kissing my hand. “What movie?” “Hereditary.” I confessed, knowing it was off the beaten path. “I don’t think I’ve seen that one.” “You’re in for a treat.” I smirked as turned on the car. “I thought to make up for lost time, we could head back over to Malones?” Her eyes lit up, making me smile for the hundredth time today. “I’d love that! I haven’t been since we were there last.” My cheeks were starting to hurt with how much this girl was making me smile today. We decided to head back to Ellie’s place to change and get ready for tonight. Our hands found each other as the summer wind filled the car, making Ellie’s perfume find its way to my nose. Her smell was so intoxicating. Once we got back to Ellie’s place we both ironically changed into the same joggers from our last merch drop, it made me smirk. “I’m taking these off.” She said, almost grimacing. “You don’t want to match with me?” “Uhh…” she replied nervously, playing with the drawstrings, “I just realized these are…these are Matt’s.” “They look better on you.” I chuckled, swallowing the hint of jealousy I tasted, “it makes me feel good that you’re wearing another mans pants with me.”

“Noah Sebastian Davis, turn the ego down a little.” She said, slapping me across the chest. “I mean, he left them here, I guess they’re mine now.” “That’s my girl.” I mused, watching her walk around in just a bra with her joggers. If we weren’t pressed for time, I would’ve ripped those right off of her. She came back out of her bathroom with a tank top and a hoodie in her hand, snapping me back into reality. We decided to order sushi from Ellie’s favourite restaurant to take with us to the movie theatre instead of going out. I think all the fresh air and sun was making us tired and we didn’t have the energy to sit in a loud restaurant. I loved how our energy was usually on the same level. Ellie brought a cooler for us and put our food in it, along with some snacks and drinks. I had to admit, I’ve never been to a drive in theatre before but I was so damn excited, even more excited I got to experience it with her.

“You ready for this?”

Ellie nodded at me as we opened the trunk of her car, we figured this would be most comfortable way to watch the movie. Ellie couldn’t help but make a sarcastic remark about my long legs needing more room. We brought pillows and blankets and got ourselves comfortable while we waited for the movie to start. I reached over the seat and grabbed a bottle of wine and two red cups. 

“I thought you stopped drinking?” Ellie asked with a puzzled look on her face. I had to smirk, she looked so adorable when she was concerned. 

“I save it for special occasions.” I replied as I opened the bottle and began to pour her a glass. “This seems a little too romantic to not have some wine.”

“Don’t feel like you have drink because I do.”

“I’m not, trust me.” I assured her before I poured my own wine. “I know when I’m overdoing it.”

Her lips parted to say something but the movie was about to start. We snuggled against each other after finishing our sushi, taking small sips of our wine. I really couldn’t tell if Ellie liked the movie or not, her face kept going from confused to disgust every two seconds. She kept asking me questions and I didn’t answer them, I wanted her to be surprised but it caused her to be frustrated. My cheeks started to flush towards the end of the movie and I was starting to catch a buzz. Unfortunately this caused me lean down and kiss Ellie’s jawline over and over. 

“Noah!” She blushed, pushing me off of her gently. I wouldn’t stop, I remained persistent and went back to her jaw, gently nibbling at her skin. 

“I can tell you how it ends.” I breathed, kissing the corners of her mouth. She fell into my touch and brushed her mouth against mine, she tasted of merlot and honey. 

“Ugh… I can’t say no to you.” She whined before kissing me again. I couldn’t help but smile against at her mouth as the kiss deepened. I grabbed her arm, motioning her to straddle my lap. She did exactly what I wanted and her hands found their place in my hair, driving me absolutely insane. My fingers were pressing harder into her thighs, causing her to moan so deeply that I felt in the back of my throat. I started to hear cars turn on, making me realize that the movie was over. Ellie sent me a shy smile as she pulled away from me, my body was aching for her touch already.

“I love you.” I whispered, gently kissing her forehead. 

“I love you more.” Ellie replied between breaths as she brushed her swollen lips against my cheek. “Let’s go home.” “Home?” She lightly smirked, pushing my bangs out of my face, “Noah, my home is yours.” “Do you want me to move in?” She just nodded, making time stand still. There was nothing I wanted more than to be with her every moment I was able to, but in the back of mind I was worried how it would work with the band doing everything in LA. We were gaining even more popularity than before and I didn’t want to strain that. On the other hand, I didn’t want to lose Ellie and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work.

“Tired?”

Ellie nodded at me as a yawn escaped her mouth, she sat down on her bed as I took her shoes off for her. I stood her back up and helped her get undressed, not before gently kissing her shoulders and collarbone. I passed her one of my t-shirts that she threw on over her underwear. She was slowly falling asleep as I crawled into bed with her, running my hand up and down her back. My eyes studied her face, her beautiful freckles, how her eyelashes danced as she fell into a deeper sleep. My heart wanted to burst with the amount of love I felt for her. That doubt I felt earlier suddenly left me. There was no way I wanted to leave her again. LA hasn’t felt like somewhere I belonged since I met her. I gently rolled over not daring to wake Ellie up to grab my phone and open up the bands group chat. 

“We need a team meeting tomorrow.”

I laid there not expecting a response from any of them this late. Nick and Ruffilo were three hours ahead of me, Matt never talked in the chat unless he started it and Jolly’s phone was always on do not disturb. I sighed, gently running my hands through Ellie’s hair, knowing I’m about to change the discourse of the bands future. I was equally excited and terrified. Suddenly, my phone lit up, and much to my surprise Matt was the first one to reply. 

“I was waiting for this.”

Fuck. 

I never told him what was going on. 

[veritable-trash]

May Our Flowers Always Bloom

guess who spent wayyyy too much time on canva making this(it's me)

Pairing: Oberyn Martell x Fem!Character(unnamed, 3rd person, minimal descriptors)also this is a fantasy AU where oberyn is a forest prince, canon be damned

Summary: He could still remember the first time he saw her enter his grove. Not many dared to venture so far into the wood but she had seemed so at ease. Feet bare to the moss and dirt, flowers delicately woven in her hair, a song he’d never heard gracing her lips. 

He’d been stunned.

Word Count: 3.3K

Rating: T - no smut, though maybe there will be??? who knows, but also parental death, and at this point i think that's it. let me know if i missed something! my whole blog is 18+ anyways so kiddos SCRAM

A/N: hahahaha holy shit. it's been actually an age since i've written anything at all and then today i said fuck it we write and then i wrote this. this is a little fantasy au with my lover oberyn who i've wanted to write for AGES. canon is not really relevant here other than like general personality and such. i might write a part two, maybe make this a series, but every time i say that i never finish or write it so i'm just gonna leave this here for now and see what happens. more rambles, notes thoughts at the end but i hope you enjoy!!!! also minimally edited basically just skimmed so apologies for any mess :) <33333

masterlist woot woot

~~~~~

She had grown up at the edge of the great woods. 

A bit further from the village than maybe strictly necessary but her parents had always been a little off, at least by the town folks standards. 

They had always turned to the earth, turned to the plants to heal and guide them and she had grown with her toes wiggled into the soft dirt, hands clutching at wildflowers and weeds. She knew nothing else. Hated the noise and the chaos of the town. How people stared and whispered about the wild family out in the woods.

She never felt like she was wild. Almost felt as if the townsfolk themselves were the wild ones. But she toed the line between the “real” world and the world of her creation.

The magical realm of the woods.

Her parents had of course warned her of respecting the forest. That though they tried to live as one with all that the earth provided, there were dangers that lurked among the gnarled roots and towering pines. She must tread carefully and never, ever after dark. 

And she obeyed, but only just. Curled up against the base of the trees, writing or sewing or singing or musing, until the sun barely grazed the top most points of those towering giants high above her and the forest began to melt into darkness and secrets.

Those were her favorite moments, eyes adjusting to the low light, fireflies dancing between the trunks and leaves, the calm silence filtering its way signaling the time for rest, and for some reason she could never explain she never felt danger. Even when she would reappear from the woods, darkness having fully settled and her parents scolding her for staying out so long, she somehow knew nothing would harm her among those woods. 

She was somehow interwoven with the roots and moss and flowers and leaves. 

~~~~~

He could still remember the first time he saw her enter his grove. Not many dared to venture so far into the wood but she had seemed so at ease. Feet bare to the moss and dirt, flowers delicately woven in her hair, a song he’d never heard gracing her lips. 

He’d been stunned.

Oberyn had only just been allowed to venture in the human realm. He was still a child to his mother, the wild unruly one who could not be trusted to keep the secrets of Dorne to himself. To understand that the human realm could not know, never know, about the forest kingdom. 

For even though Oberyn could see her in the brightest light of day, she could not see him. He could only appear as one of those verdant things that always seemed to attract her attention. Only upon his knighthood could he enter the human world. 

And so he watched her. 

Sat with her in those mystic groves. Grew her beautiful flowers to pick and adorn her hair. Whispered to the lightening bugs to guide her home when she stayed till twilight. Followed her through the forest until the very edge, keeping her safe, clearing her way, making sure nothing harmed her on her return home. 

They were both so young when they stumbled upon each other in that wood, knowingly and unknowingly, and he grew to cherish those moments. He had always felt a bit different from his family. Lonely and misunderstood, and for some reason around her he felt whole. A calmness settling over his ever twitching hands that he was constantly scolded for. 

He knew he was young, infatuation fickle and deceiving, and yet he could not lie to himself that his heart somehow felt tethered to her. Even the silent companionship of reading right next to her filled the gapes between his ribs with warmth. 

He would sometimes read over her shoulder at the pages of the newest novel she was devouring, aching to know more about the world she came from. Aching to know more about this girl that haunted all of his dreams. 

If his family noticed a shift in his habits, they paid no mind, ever the youngest child, left to his own devices, but he yearned for his knighthood. Ached to be known to her somehow, for it was torture only being able to ghost soft gentle breezes across her skin. Watch her skin prickle, and the most content sigh to fall from her lips. 

He could go mad with this want. 

~~~~~

Her parents passed soon after her 18th birthday.

It had been sudden and destructive. A trip to the market for more supplies cut short by an overturned cart and poor poor timing. The village had helped her but even with such grief and suffering regarded her with distrust. 

The wild girl loosing her wild parents, it truly is no surprise. Who knows what they get up to in that little shack by the woods. Witchcraft probably. Yes, yes most likely so. 

And when the whispers and worry and pain all became too much, the wood was still always there. The first few months after her parents passing she would run there. Tripping over roots as tears overflowed in her eyes, not sparing those flowers even a second glance as she collapsed in the middle of the grove, sun filtering around her but her body feeling nothing. 

She’d dig her nails in the moss, tearing at it as she wailed to no one and nothing, aching for something to ease the pain of a loose she still did not know how to process. Would lay there, unmoving for hours on end until the numbness finally took over and she was able to walk home, unfeeling and disjointed, reality but a film over her eyes. And even in those most dire moments the wood somehow always guided her home as though the trees opened themselves up to create a path.

Her work continued, mothers came for tonics for crying babes, elders came for salves for their aching limbs, and she continued to bear the mantle her parents had trained her for all these years. She had to make coin somehow and the work steadied her. Reminded her of her mothers calming cadence listing off ingredients, her father teaching her of proper techniques for harvesting.

She grew many years in the span of only a few months, but she had to hardened. Had to strengthen her spine and learn to be sure in herself even when it felt like all her threads were fraying. 

The woods were all that saved her in those trying moments.

It was somehow always warm and soothing, wild flowers littering her path as she traveled aimlessly to cleanse her mind. Picking them one by one to build the most beautiful bouquet that would grace her work table in the cottage. It was a ritual for her at this point in her life, always returning to that sacred groove that somehow gave her the greatest peace she’d ever known. Where worries seemed to melt into the soil beneath her feet and lighten the load on her shoulders just a touch. Always a gentle breeze to remind her of the wonders of the wood. The calm that could be found there. 

Her strides back home were always a touch more assured, a touch lighter, and she somehow knew it was all going to be alright somewhere in the end. And every time she’d step out of the wood, she would always turn around and whisper,

Thank you.

~~~~~

You’re welcome flower. 

He was taller than her now, able to look down into her eyes when she whispered those simple two words that set his heart racing. Sometimes it even seemed like she was looking right at him, eyes somehow connecting even between the realms, though he knew it was not true. 

He’d been at a loss when she’d first stumbled into their grove, tears staining her cheeks. He could not understand what plagued her. Was it heartbreak? Had she loved another? Had they hurt her so? 

It had sent him into a rage he’d never felt before. The jealousy, the want, no the need to hurt whoever had hurt his flower overwhelmed him till he could barely see straight. 

His hands had ghosted over her hunched spine, he’d whispered his sorrow for her suffering and it only drove him crazier.

The knowledge that she felt none of it. Wasn’t able to hear a single word. 

He grew her flowers, sent her breezes, shifted the very earth of the groove to cradle her in the plushest of moss and yet her eyes seemed to register none of it. 

They were hollow and vacant, the pain seeming to have sucked every twinkle that had made his heart skip.

But he never stopped trying.

He couldn’t stop. His flower, as he’d started calling her, was suffering a pain he could not understand but he could try and fix. 

Though he was still but a boy, he wanted to be a man for her. 

He grew brighter blooms, lined a path for her to walk to and from the groove, sent breezes filled with orange blossom and spiced earth to ease her heart, used his powers, though still weak, in every way he knew how, and slowly he saw his flower blooming once again.

The first time she’d picked a flower after that never ending winter of pain, he almost shed a tear. Her eyes had sparkled just slightly and she’d tucked it behind her ear, the softest hum of content gracing his ears. 

He felt as though he had slain the greatest beast that ever lived. 

~~~~~

It had been two years almost to the day after her parents passing that the forest had shifted.

She didn’t know how to explain it but the air between the trees no longer smelled of orange blossoms and cinnamon. 

It just smelled like the dirt and decaying leaves and dampness that came with the forest. 

There were no flowers lining the way to that ever calming clearing like she had grown so accustomed to. No soft breeze pushing her along. 

She couldn’t understand it, and even more perplexing was the single most beautiful flower that she found growing in the center of groove.

A lone sprig of forget-me-nots trembling in a breeze that only held the faintest notes of that orange blossom that she had known for the past two years. 

Something in her heart stirred, body growing both cold and hot all at once, unsure of how to understand what this shift, this change all meant. 

It felt almost blasphemous to pick the flower, and yet she couldn’t leave it all alone in this place that no longer felt like a home to her. So she delicately clipped it at its base and turned around and walk back to the cottage. 

The journey took longer than usual, no guiding flowers or friendly lighting bugs to guide her, and her heart sank further as though she had lost something great once again. 

She gently pressed the flower between the pages of her most treasured journal clutching it to her chest as she watched the forest, as if waiting for something to emerge, the sparkle to return, for the forest to feel like hers again.

But as the sun sank behind the treetops and the sky shifted into the darkness, the forest did not call to her. 

It was the first time in a very, very long time that she truly felt alone.

~~~~~

Oberyn had both not wanted to leave and ached eternally to start his quests. He knew what it meant to turn 20. To reach the age where knighthood must be found in a man, for he had longed for this day all his life.

But watching the confusion and pain on her face as she left the forest that day felt like a knife in his gut. A weeping wound that he did not know he would survive. 

He had been foolish to leave the flower, he knew that. Risky and impulsive and dangerous to say the least but he could not leave her without somehow saying goodbye. Without somehow showing her that he would come back, that he could never stay away from her for too long, but he could not foretell how long his quests would be. No way of knowing where he would go, who he would meet, the man he would become in the distant realms.

There was war out there, struggle and strife, and he knew his family expected greatness from him. When Doran, his older brother, had returned from his journeys, he came back with prestige and honor, but he had also come back with an illness that it seemed no one could heal.

What if Oberyn was left like his brother after his journeys? How many years would he be gone? What if he could not return to his flower? What if she left the forests edge to never be found again?

He could barely sleep the days leading up to his departure, and those final moments with her in the groove brought him to his knees. 

He knew he was young, knew that loves came and went and that there would maybe be others for him to love, but something about her called to him in ways he had never understood. And yet if he wished to truly be with her, to brush the delicate skin of her cheeks, to hear her say his name, to feel the warmth of her skin against his, he had to go. He had to toil and suffer and fight and return back to this place and finally reveal himself to her as he has always wished to.

That was the only way. 

And so a flower he left. A memento of their many years together that she knew nothing about but maybe someday would learn of when the time was right. 

~~~~~

She didn’t exactly avoid the forest after that strange day, but she didn’t tempt the fates so to speak.

There was a change in the energy of the forest, a boundary of sorts she had never felt, cutting her off from something. She no longer stayed into the twilight hours, returning earlier and earlier from her scavenging and harvesting, and even stranger was she hadn’t been able to find her groove. 

It was as though it had disappeared completely, a figment of her imagination. The trees looked the same, the path well worn by her own two feet and yet she could never seem to reach it. It always seemed just around the next bend and it made her brain wobble. 

Her reality was somehow shifting and changing, as though those years after her parents passing had been just a daydream. But now she knew how to survive loss. Knew how to put her head down, focus on her work, her garden, the townspeople, her home. One day in town on an errand she had stumbled upon a scruffy little kitten, skittish and hungry, and had wrapped him up in her arms and brought him home. 

Viper and her were inseparable from that day forth. 

And though every so often she would stare at the forests edge, a wistful sigh escaping her lips, there was a life to be lived. Her life. A life that she had been neglecting for too long and had been too afraid to start.   

Life became a bit easier after that. The realization of wanting a future that made her proud, that would have made her parents proud, focusing her and giving her new purpose. She was no longer that wild girl of her youth, but a woman of healing to those in need. The valley she lived in wasn’t extremely large, but there were enough children with runny noses and achy joints to keep her busy and fulfilled. 

The days, months, even years began to pass in calm waves, time lapping at the shores of her life, peace finding its way back in her heart, her soul.

Though every once in awhile loneliness would come again. A chill in her spine reminding her of all that she had lost, all that she could never have, and the only balm in those moments was pressed between the pages of that old weathered journal. Even years later there still remained a trace of that orange blossom spice between those pages and somehow the blue of the flower remained true. 

She sometimes would worry that one day she would open the journal and the flower would be gone, all traces of those memories erased as if they never existed, but that day never came.

~~~~~

His quest seemed never-ending. The distances he traveled unfathomable even to his understanding. 

It felt like there was no land he had not traversed as he fought and learned and matured. 

A lanky boy no longer but a man, roughened, shaped, cut, molded, and broken apart only to be thrown back together again.

He thought of his flower more often than he cared to admit.

~~~~~

It was the 10 year anniversary of her parents passing. 

A lifetime so it seemed and yet the ache still lingered fresh every year on the day. 

She knew it always would and now after so much time it was more comforting than painful, knowing that she would always hold them close in her heart. The pain now a symbol of love not suffering. 

That morning had felt strangely fresh, the air lighter around her as the sun rose above the mountains, an unidentifiable familiarity weaving through the breeze. 

She entered the forest as she always did, though there was no plan for this walk. No need to scavenge, no pressure to look for fresh herbs. This walk was to mourn, to honor her parents and the memories she held of them in this sacred place. 

Weaving between the trees, it somehow felt new to her, like the light had shifted once again, coloring the path before her in the richest of greens. She closed her eyes for just a moment and could almost hear her mothers laugh echo between the branches and leaves above her. A lone tear trickling down her cheek as she couldn’t help but smile at the thought. 

As she aimlessly moved through the forest, she got lost in her own mind. The memories of so many moments flashing before her as she pondered all that she had lived through. A life so full and yet, today, as it happened every year, she felt lonely. No longer achingly so, but still, there was a life she still desired that had never presented itself to her. 

A love like her parents had.

She was no nun by any means, but no one had ever grasped her attention the way she had always dreamed. Maybe she was fickle, cold and reserved, but her heart had suffered much and for some reason no one had ever felt right. 

Her mind continued to weave through her memories, the forest thickening around her as she traveled deeper and deeper into the green. It had been a long time since she had gone this far, but today it felt ok to keep going. As though a solid hand lay at the base of her spine guiding her gently along. 

All of a sudden the tree line broke, that ancient grove appearing before her once more as though it had been waiting for her arrival. 

Her breath stalled in her chest as memories came flooding back faster and faster. The tears, the flowers, the pain, the joy, the tranquility, the confusion, the comfort, the love. 

She collapsed to the soft mossy floor, the feelings bringing back the strongest deja vu, burying her head in her hands as tears blurred her vision. It felt like some kind of dream, some inexplicable moment of fiction. 

Then the breeze kicked up and she smelled it.

Orange blossoms and cinnamon.

And as she opened her eyes, tears tracking down her cheeks, she saw him. 

A man too beautiful to be real crouching before her, a look of devastating devotion etched in his golden irises.

“Hello my flower.”

~~~~~

whoop whoop of course i left it on a cliffhanger come on now it's the best way to do it :))))))) anyways lifes been kinda crazy and so writing has just been not a priority but i had a lot of fun writing this. i definitely don't like writing dialogue hence ending at this point because there haven't been any interactions between these two BUT i missed this and want to push myself to write again and maybe this is the perfect way to do it. so maybe they will interact soonish who really knows <3 reblogs comments are like super duper appreciated and loved so if you liked it or have thoughts or generally just wanna ramble about how hot this man is come hit my line! anyways hugs kisses the whole gambut of affection and maybe i'll be writing to ya soon <333333333

[themuse-if]

Another 20 (or so) Questions with Rina/Ren Fukushi

Interviewer: Welcome to another installment of our character interviews, where we dive deep into the lives and minds of our favorite cast members of The Muse. Today, we have Rina/Ren Fukushi with us, our favorite future principal dancer. Rina/Ren, thank you for joining us. Could you start by telling us what made you want to pursue ballet?

Rina/Ren: *awkward smile* Uh hey...thanks for having me. Ballet is the epitome of grace and discipline. It's a form of art that allows me to express myself in a way that words cannot. From a young age, I was drawn to its beauty and complexity.

Interviewer: Describe your art, ballet, in your own words.

Rina/Ren: Ballet is about precision and control. Every movement is calculated and deliberate, conveying emotions and stories through the language of dance. It requires immense dedication and practice to perfect each step and technique.

Interviewer: How do you want to be seen by others?

Rina/Ren: I want to be seen as a dedicated and talented dancer. Someone who has worked hard to achieve excellence in their craft.

Interviewer: And how do you want your ballet to be seen by others?

Rina/Ren: I want my ballet to be seen as a form of art that evokes emotions and tells stories. I want the audience to be moved by my performances, to feel what I feel when I dance.

Interviewer: What trait do you value most in a friend?

Rina/Ren: Loyalty. I may not have many friends, but those I do have are incredibly important to me. I value their support and understanding.

Interviewer: You mentioned that you don't have many friends...would you say you have a best friend in your small circle?

Rina/Ren: Umm...my younger sister, Himari, she's a really good kid and no one understands me better than her. I'm honestly so proud to call her my sister. She's so smart and talented, incredibly funny and intuitive...wow...I'm really gonna miss her.

Interviewer: It sounds like you two are really close. When you go to NYU do you hope to make a new best friend?

Rina/Ren: I've never really been one to force friendships. I just feel like if it clicks then that's great and if not that's fine too. Respect and mutual understanding are really important to me. If someone is going to be my best friend they have to know and truly understand my priorities.

Interviewer: Would you describe your ideal partner the same way?

Rina/Ren: I haven't really thought about it. You may be right though. If I was going to date someone they would need to be able to understand my ambition and not resent me for it. Anyways, my focus is on ballet right now, not romantic relationships.

Interviewer: What is your latest obsession?

Rina/Ren: Perfecting my technique. I'm always striving to improve, to push myself further and become the best dancer I can be.

Interviewer: *sighs deeply* Do you have anything you're interested in that isn't ballet related?

Rina/Ren: I guess just general self care. If I'm not in good condition then I can't properly focus on my craft. With that in mind I focus on eating healthy, skincare, and an extensive workout routine. And yes, I do take days off. Burnout is very real and it can only hinder my process.

Interviewer: Sounds like you've got a super productive routine. Now on to something more personal. What was your first kiss like?

Rina/Ren: I haven't had my first kiss yet. *thoughtful pause* Well not technically...I've had one on stage...but nothing real. My senior year the ballet department was putting on Romeo and Juliet. I was cast as Romeo/Juliet. We never actually kissed during rehearsal so my first kiss was during the performance.

Interviewer: Was there any romantic tension between you and your fellow principal dancer?

Rina/Ren: No, obviously it was just for show. I wouldn't be a very good performer if I couldn't separate myself from the character I'm portraying.

Interviewer: Ok, ok understood. I think I already know the answer to this next question, but I still have to ask. When was your last relationship, and why did it end?

Rina/Ren: I've never been in a serious relationship. I've always been focused on ballet, and I haven't had time for anything else.

Interviewer: I thought so. What’s your ideal Friday night?

Rina/Ren: After I've finished practicing, I usually meet up with Himari at this indie movie theater Obscure Cinema. They have a year round Freaky Friday series where they show all kinds of horror, thriller and sci-fi movies. It's honestly pretty small so they don't have a concessions stand. Usually we'll stop and grab some food to take with us. It's definitely a little tradition that I'm gonna miss.

Interviewer: What’s the last song you listened to?

Rina/Ren: I don't really listen to music outside of ballet, but if I had to choose, it would probably be something classical.

Interviewer: How do you behave in a relationship?

Rina/Ren: I can't say for certain, as I haven't been in a relationship. I really don't know, I guess, I hope that my first relationship will be with someone that I'm really comfortable with. It would be nice to be able to be completely myself and feel seen and understood. I know that I'm extremely ambitious and that could make my future partner feel really lonely. Hopefully we could both be patient enough with each other to find the right balance.

Interviewer: Do you approach those you’re interested in or let them come to you?

Rina/Ren: I haven't really met anyone that I've felt drawn to enough. I think that I would really have to like someone, at least half as much as I like ballet. *silly grin* And that would be a lot, but I think that if I liked them that much then maybe I would try to make the effort.

Interviewer: What would someone have to do to grab you attention? to make you notice them in a romantic way?

Rina/Ren: I really admire people who put their entire selves into what they are passionate about. Someone who is driven, goal oriented, I think that someone who is exceedingly dedicated to their craft is probably the same in their relationships.

Interviewer: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Rina/Ren: I feel like this one is pretty obvious, but it's laziness. I can't stand people who half ass things. If you're going to do something then do it right.

Interviewer: What do you notice first about a person?

Rina/Ren: Their posture and body language. It can tell you a lot about a person. How someone tilts their head, the fall of their shoulders, if they speak with their hands, every little detail is very enlightening.

Interviewer: What did you dream about last night?

Rina/Ren: I don't really remember my dreams. I try to make sure that I always get the perfect restful 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Interviewer: Thank you so much for coming in today! It's been great to learn a bit more about you and how your mind works.

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today I am musing on too many things! 😵‍💫

My brain feels crowded by little rabbit holes and I keep catching myself fully lost in them to the point where im getting salty or spicy or sad over imaginary scenarios. Ive been having more nightmares than usual lately, too. So I guess what im going to muse on today is processing things (I'll leave musing on innovation and the way its weaponized against the working class ((one of the rabbit holes🐰))for another monday)

WHY am I circle-thinking about stuff like 'what would I do if I was stuck in the past?' 'why didnt the industrial revolution provide more ease and profit for every class' or 'how would I convince strong people to protect me if I was in an apocolypse situation?' 😣💫

Now take this with a grain of salt, I may have a psych degree but im not a researcher or anything (just a nerd with autism 🤓); my brain is using fictional scenarios to practice processing🎭🧮. It feels the need to practice because there's a LOT within my brain thats unprocessed right now (hello trauma, hello issues with finding a better job, hello feeling very vulnerable lately). 👋😩

Our brains are solving machines geared to find the answer🤖, and when that answer is not immidiatly available we may experience things like nighmares and intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreams to try to get an angle on The Thing thats not processed.🔬

Thinking about The Trauma directly often puts the body in a stress mode thats not condusive to creative problem solving📉. Like being stressed is literally counterproductive to solving bc we go into 🔥survival mode🔥where fight flight etc are The Options Available. Imagining yourself in a historical fiction situation is not a 1-1 ratio to 'what exactly happened when abuse appeared in MY past' and but ya know what, its close enough for our brains to bring it up as a substitute. 🤷

And the fact that our brains have this reaction to The Bad Thing is interesting in itself. 🤔 Why are some bad memories just things that happened, and some are so triggering your mind would rather process terrifying nightmares every night than just.. face The Memory? 🫠 Like it's over, it can't get you now, the past is dead, right?

The solution? Well obviously it looks a bit different for everyone, particularly depending on where you are on your path. 🧭 Like if you have nightmares/intrusive thoughts/maladaptive daydreaming and dont uh... dont have any trauma coming to mind that aint my place to tell you whats next 🤐. I can only really mind my own gourd here and MY next step is Accelarated Resolution Therapy🗃, which is often used with war veterans with ptsd, to store my truama memories in a better, less triggering way. 📈

Well it turns out that memories like to be filed away by our senses 📂. Like memories sit best and retrieve easier (lets take xmas as an example🎄) if you're remembering the smell of xmas dinner, the sound of wrapping paper, the bite of the cold outside and the taste of hot coco✨️. When memories store poorly, as they usually do with trauma 😔, your body is not just remembering- it is acting as if You Are Still There. 💥📍

Infact to prepare for ART, I have had to purposly bring up all my old memories 😬, which has in turn signalled my brain to circle around pseudo truama thoughts when I'm 'at rest' in attempt to solve whats not really 'solvable' and with that weve gone fuuull circle on my musings here lmao ➿️

I got two weeks until that all important therapy session and until then I figure my brain is gonna keep trying to hampsterwheel 🐹🎡, but perhaps my loop will inspire something within you, or help you out of a loop, or perhaps make you realize you’ve been in a silent loop for awhile now.. 🔄👁👁

In anycase, thank your brain for me! Particularly if its doing these things I described above. It's trying so hard to help and protect you 🧠🫶 My apologies for giving it something so tough to chew on this Monday lmao 😅 Stay safe out there 🫂

(I don't have a taglist for my Monday posts yet, hmu if you want to be tagged on these zanny adventures plz)

[gxdmade]

My anxiety got hands today I guess?? (Lowkey what I get for forgetting my meds this morning and taking the nighttime round late✨)

Vent, feel free to ignore 💜

This is gonna beeee a mess of thoughts

But I feel some kind of need to apologize for my sporratic activity. I'm trying to write when the inspo hits me, and I have stuff literally in the drafts but I go so back and forth on getting shit done lmao.

Then sometimes I feel like people may not like me bc it seems like I focus on ships too damn much. And I get this anxious feeling that people are pulling away from me, and its only a matter of time till I'm suddenly made aware of making people uncomfortable when I didn't mean to but also didn't realize bc no one said anything. (this has happened on at least three separate and far between situations, and i guess it still...triggers me?? for lack of a better word).

NOW. this is not to get any sympathy or make anyone feel bad for my mental state. I'm literally an adult, medicated at that, and I know that majority of my feelings are just me and my brain boxing each other. And that there's quite literally zero people upset about me more than likely. But writing it out/talking it out sometimes helps. (I need a therapist asap lol. but first, a job and an apartment to afford said therapy)

Anyhow, all this to say, sorry if im takin too long on certain replies or only seem interested in certain threads. I'm just goin with the flow of my muses at this point as a way to cope with ✨Life✨.

Take care of yourselves, and thanks for hearing me and my crazy old man rambles out if you did read for whatever reason. ilysm💜