#i thought i was safe in this state
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If he takes office I'm detransitioning
I can't do this
#i thought i was safe in this state#apparently fucking not#kinda glad i didnt start my medical transition#im going to take these last few months and enjoy being ezra#because i dont know if I'll be safe to be him anymore
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“There are bigger problems in the world than your own feelings.”
Thanks for reminding me I have little to no reason left to live.
#in all honesty the state of the world is truly shit#i don’t wish to continue paying rent and struggling with money#actually bpd#bpd culture is#bpd#bpd feels#bpd safe#bpd vent#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#cluster b
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favorite book quotes :
“It feels like such a luxury, sleeping with Peeta again. I didn’t realize until now how starved I’ve been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. I wish I hadn’t wasted the last couple of nights shutting him out. I sink down into sleep, enveloped in his warmth, and when I open my eyes again, daylight’s streaming through the windows.”
- catching fire (2009) by suzanne collins
#everlark#thg#hunger games#Katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#fbq#myphotoart#this is a quote in my 4 years in this fandom I’ve never seen appreciated and maybe it’s because of her talking of being starved for human#connection that makes most feel like it’s a little impersonal like she’s thinking it could be anyone in her bed with her#but if you recognize : the very next sentence is basically her amending that thought right away#like ‘I’ve missed having someone with me at night…. no actually I’ve missed having Peeta with me at night’#like she’s saying I’ve missed this no wait actually I’ve missed HIM#for the feel of him beside me in the darkness#not just somebody beside her but him!#also her stating that she feels Peeta all night beside her even when she’s sleeping is also sweet he really is her safe haven#i digress now#300
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Till this day, calling Megumi a "bum" is absurd to me. Like, no, he's actually unhinged and ready to end it at the drop of a dime. He's just one of those people who know how unhinged they are but choose not to act a fool until someone rings that bell.
#like if i was someone who witnessed megumi summon a fucking wolf from the shadows IN FUCKING BROAD DAYLIGHT#that's an immediate nope for me because what the fuck else is he capable of?!#that's the first red flag -> already a crazy ability#when nobara first meets him -> states he looks like he would set seagulls on fire#while he would never do that i doubt people are safe#same kid who was beating up bullies#same kid who was taught under SATORU SIX EYES I ALONE AM THE HONORED ONE GOJO#like any kid trained by gojo is a menace like no#megumi is one of those menaces who you have to set off to be a menace#and he's the type who will kill you#that's not a bum... that's a nightmare#provoke him all you want I'm not fighting someone who can summon a fucking elephant on me#just kiya's thoughts#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro
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reread tiphs dialog recently. i love them lots
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#i cant help it. the boxes....#i never know what to tag as spoilers and what not to. so just to be safe#tiphereth#tiphereth lobcorp#chesed#chesed lobcorp#do i do all of them..? some of them are smaller. ahh itll be okay i hope..#netzach#netzach lobcorp#ill stop there. there is gebura yesod and malkuth but its just one drawing for both#just general thoughts of mimicking others and trying to potray what maturity is. the dialog from story 1 when you meet them i think abt tip#talking abt being stern stoic and strict. then netz talking abt yesod and the two behaving similar like that#just thought some others would be cute. trying to get used to how id draw her. ah the gebura tiph one was a loose idea in gebs story to#where the two talk and tiph advises against asking to much and to hold onto that hate iirc. been a bit. then the idea of her able to replac#parts. then the degradation of the soul after being destroyed. maybe tiph might check up on her or peek in to see how shes doing considerin#the idea to hold onto hate was advice She gave. iirc. anyways the concept of having black coffee to look cool and grown#they put the shortest next to the tallets in the same layer. had another idea to have the two tiphs stack atop one another to be as tall as#chesed and gebs but i got too tired. its a cute idea though might do it later. another thing i wanted to do later on was pertaining to#singing a song of homeland and lisa stating she wanted to dance. that and the backdrop from c comand being a giant stage. preformance arts#malkuth is there because the three all do a command team. lots is stuff and responsibility. feel like tiph would have beef w her . also an#iirc moment i recall something abiut the two teams havinf a rivalry or competition of sorts? kind of funny what beef u got w some kids bro#more likely pertaining to the agents inside of the teams itself to be honest. i think id be cute is malkuth would give some help tips thoug
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about the livestream ama
Jonny Sims saying the Contrarian and the Skeptic were a buddy cop duo was so based and real of him
(And that the Opportunist thinks everyone loves him but they don't)
but what interested me most was him saying the Hunted and Cold would be friends. I've never really thought about that pairing before but it does work. The Hunted's main thing being keeping the body alive could help balance out the Cold's general blasé nature when it comes to death, while being rational enough (focussing on his senses and what he knows is real) for the Cold to actually take him seriously. While the Cold being able to push the Hunted to act somewhat like the Stubborn, but slightly less strongly. He's confident that they can get the job done, and with the Hunted keeping them alive they could get a lot done without either really getting sick of the other. Just two reliable guys.
A little off topic but I think they'd work pretty well as a trio with Paranoid too, given a little time for Paranoid to get used to it. Cold's confidence plus Hunted's survival instinct could give him something reliable to work with, and I think he could help him by pointing out when they're going to far in either direction and going to get themselves hurt, as both can be rather single minded (on different things, mind you, but definitelythings that could leave them with blind spots) while Paranoid thinks of every possibility and could probably bring up flaws in any given plan that the others wouldn't notice, and at least Hunted would probably take it into consideration if its going to get them hurt or killed. Like a scared little peer reviewer of any plans the other two would execute
#rambles#slay the princess#voice of the hunted#voice of the cold#voice of the paranoid#voice of the contrarian#Just me thinking too hard about my little guys again#Voice interactions intrigue me so much#I also feel the contrarian and Paranoid could get along#But specifically in a post Canon state where they're allowed to grow and be safe and have a nap#They'd be terrible in a danger situation no question#But I firmly believe Contrarian would find Paranoid's snark hilarious like here's this mess of a man and he's secretly full of banter#Basing this off that moment in nightmare where first time he's given a real opportunity to say anything he's immediately like#'Fuck the Narrator' Contrarian would love that you can't deny it#And Paranoid could use something fun to distract him from his own thoughts#voice of the skeptic#voice of the opportunist
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Close ups on the pocket details!!! I'm SUPER happy w how the top pockets look 😳😳😳
I think the variety of pride pins with the moral panic button/Mr Faggot beadwork just. Really sells it. Shadow the Hedgehog voice Pee Your Pants. If you're going to be a shithead about me I'm going to be really annoying and do a bit about it. Plus the little golden angel pin... ALSO really pulls the whole thing together. "God help you" Right in front of my guardian angel? Really? 😒And how could I not make mention of. The Skull. I love you The Skull. It's a button (not sewn on yet, pinned) that I filled the details in w nail polish. Oh yeah! Besides the bottle cap pins (acrylics sealed with mod podge and a prayer), the biggest addition there is the chain lining the pocket flap! I think it looks SO SLICK
The pansy was gonna go on the queer side, but then I got the boutonniere idea! And I think it looks nice! Kinda adds to the asymmetry of the floral print/plaid blocking. And... of course.... I have... my friends...... 🥺 Biggest additions here are the glow-star pentagram pin, soda tabs and the heart locket!
I don't really have many new additions to the bottom pockets. Not yet! The only thing I did was stitch one side of the handcuff chain, and rearrange the pins holding up the other side. The cuffs/scorpion was just an impulse addition before going to a concert. But I do like it! And it looks even better now! Meanwhile, that other pocket, I actually have no idea what I'll do. Sakura is just there cause she matches really well, esp w the angel pin actually!
#punk tag#diy punk#my projects#I FORGOT I USED THAT TAG .#also i AM gonna put patches on this thang I PROMISE. I WAS TOO SCARED LAST RUN. THIS RUN. WILL BE DIFFERENT.#again still waiting. but i really really wanted to show off/talk about the details!!!!!#i have sooooo many Thoughts behind this jacket like. an entire ideology. it almost feels like drag in a way#like! in the sense that there's a performance and art going on here. if my existence is inherently controversial#then i'm gonna lean into that. make you sit with that. and i'm NO LONGER CUTE ABOUT IT#<- guy who called himself cute yesterday bc I LOOKED REALLY GOOD. IT WAS AWESOME. OKAY#i forget i have a body and a face so much.#also! the cuffs!!! feel like a slight nod to the kink community. like. i really do feel like the demonization of kink#is the reason why so much. everything is so bad. i have thoughts about this but i can't fully articulate them rn#but like. points at the sign that says all queerness and esp queer expression is kink in the eyes of bigots#points at the sign that those are my friends you asshole. it might even be me. who knows....#any which way! really coming together! i do really need to get studs though i think. the. horrors.#and also i'll look sick as hell.#rn i feel it's... well. not exactly subtle but i am fortunate to live in a safe area. i live in mind your own business state.#not like. saying that to you i mean like that's the general attitude where i live LMFAOOO#the worst i've gotten is a lady saying 'god help you' to me in passing. and that was really recent#an indication of ohhh changing tides. unsettling. but also she couldn't even look me in the eye when she said that lmfao#any which way! i am thinking of my safety but also i do feel like i'm lucky enough to have time.#my jacket
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I was talking to an idiot and I need validation.
#superman#clark kent#kal el#comics#dc comics#smallville#martha kent#jon kent#ma kent#pa kent#im gonna rant now. this isnt at you its at the dumb fuck who was commenting on my comment on tiktok.#YES! why the fuck wouldn't he be! he was ADOPTED to be adopted you gotta have the right paperwork in order. the person im mad at LITERALLY#SAID Clark was in an orphanage... lets put our thinking caps! if he was in an orphanage Ma and Pa gave him to the state and yk what! i bet#they thought he was an abandoned baby! no one knew he was an alien. if they didnt he would have been in a govt lab! and in a comic i read ma#and pa thought he was a nasa experiment! yk how they put dogs and moneys in orbit? they thought they did that with a baby! so they took him#ok ok ok then the person i was debating said ma and pa were CRIMINALS!!!!! THEY JUST SAID CLARK WAS IN AN ORPHANAGE!#SO MA AND PA FOUND A BABY. TURNED HIM OVER TO THE AUTHORITIES AND AFTER IT WAS PROVEN THAT HE HAD NO FAMILY THEY ADOPTED HIM!#all of that is legal! they made it sound like ma snuck into a house a stole a child! put some respect on the Kents!#and for why we were debating. he had to have been assigned an ID/ss number/citizen ship because he was to the govt an abandoned BABY#they made it sound like Clark was a 20 year old! he was at best a toddler. he didnt need to take a citizenship test or anything cus HE WAS A#BABY! he was just issued citizenship cus to the govt he was an abandoned baby in the usa WHERE EISE WOULD HE HAVE BEEN FROM!#cus i cant stress this enough NO ONE KNEW HE WAS AN ALIEN! (except maybe ma and pa)#the govt gave an abandoned baby in Kansas an us id cus THEY HAD NO REASON TO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE BABY FOUND IN A FEILD IN KANSAS WASN'T#BORN IN THE USA! and with all the paperwork they did on him they gave him us citizen rights like THE RIGHT TO VOTE#there are a million possibilities for why a baby would be abandoned in a feild in Kansas and it would take awhile to aliens#this is what i think the govt thought 'ok baby abandoned in a feild of a local couple. no family to be found. a young mother probably got#pregnant and didn't want to baby so she left it where a couple who couldn't have children could find them. oh look the couple wants to adopt#let them take the baby.' babys being abandoned was so common that safe haven laws were made to give mothers who didnt want their infants a#safe place to drop their kid off (usually a special box at a fire department or hospital)
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they banned ap psych in florida cuz the class ap discusses sexuailty and gender which violates ron desantis' piece of shit dont say gay law so fuck you ron for that
in the college board statement they say it was banned because "teaching foundational content on sexual orientation and gender identity is illegal under state law" which is bullshit because these gov leaders believe anything lgbtq is a brain disease so you'd think theyd keep the brain learning class
they banned ap african american studies because "it lacks educational value and historical accuracy" which is making it easier for them to erase black history that is so intertwined with the history of this country that most everything here is so deeply antiblack
this mf has his head so far up his ass that hes ruining our education system even more than it already was
#fuck you ron desantis i hate you so much I hate you i hate you i hate yoy#and cuz me nd my friends are tryna reach our counselors to see whats up or if theyre rearranging schedules and keep mentioning him#i keep getting ron desantis ads ab if i want to elect him president of the united fucking states of America#and then it was an ap class i was interested in taking cuz i thought itd be cool to learn about so fuck you ron for that too#and THEN it was the only class i knew ppl in. ljke half the class was ppl ive seen before or talked too#im ranting ab missing out on the class nd not seeing my friends but its really a bigger issue than that#like its scary hes using his power to attack lgbtq communities and kids and then he has enough support that hes rallying for head seat#its not safe here at all i cannot fucking wait to leave#ron desantis#us politics#ap psychology#college board#lgbtq#so mad im shaking im so sorry if this doesnt make any sense but school starts in a week exactly nd im tryna figure out the little issue#l speaks#keep talking l#ranting in the tags because i can#black history#racism
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months post the rat’s death (s*kuna) and yuuji is healing from the fight’s trauma you guys have your first “night” together and it’s the most relief and pleasure he’s ever felt in his life like the shudder and gasps he’d be letting out walk with me
i’m walking with you…. it’s probably one of the few times he actually finds himself speechless and he’s oddly embarrassed about it, he feels like he should have something to say, should probably have the words to tell you how he feels when he’s balls deep inside of you for the first time, should probably open his mouth to ask you if he’s doing okay, if it’s too much, if you’re uncomfortable, he’s never really had his dick inside anyone before but it probably could hurt—but he can’t. he doesn’t have any words, he’s literally never felt such intense pleasure before in his life and every time he opens his mouth to say something, anything, only moans spill out, every time he has a single breath of clarity to form a coherent thought he’s overwhelmed by the reality that you’re underneath him and he’s inside of you and you’re alive and it all amounts to a mush and a gasp and he doesn’t realize how hard he’s holding on to your wrists or how raw your skin is from his biting to stop himself from moaning or how bruised your lips are from kissing and biting and sucking and the only words yuuji has probably been able to say all night is how he needs more
#anonymous#sigh............................ dream boy : (#the Yuuji Canonverse AU in my head is reader being a second-year and ive acc thought about the post-sukuna defeat celebration#for a moment but i like what ur putting down anon#also i think.... i think he's so lost in it for a while like he didnt realize just how intense n stressed n angry he was before sukuna died#but when he does hes actually in a weird state of limbo for a while and ur like :( what can i do to help#and yuuji doesnt know bc for so long he's had the objective of ending sukuna and keeping u safe#and now what... do u still need him? is sukuna even really gone? are the higher ups gonna kill him anyway? what purpose does he serve now?#very :( baby :(( but also i think if u got concerned and rambled to someone theyd be like have u considered sucking him off LMFAO#which ends up being a bit.... more than that and turns out yuuji just feels everything intensely and at 110%#just needed a kickstart to remind him of that 😇#yuuji x reader#yuuji.ask
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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Everyone talks about how you need to start taking steps ahead of time to curb having a BPD episode but then when you actually put those actions into place everyone tells you that you’re being overdramatic and unreasonable so like… where’s the win then…
#me being aware of my unstable mental state: hey does someone want to deal with this customer I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to do it#my managers who tell me if I feel like I’m gonna go off on a customer to call them instead so I don’t: deal with it#personal#bpd#actually bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd safe#bpd blog#bpd feels#bpd stuff
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If you don’t know the just ignore this but I don’t know who else to ask cause I’m new to the jumblr side of tumblr. Is it safe as a trans guy to go to Israel? I’m gonna be going in few months; I’m not on t but I would say I’m pretty masculine passing but not always. I obviously wanna pray with the men at ha kotel, wear my kippah, ect but I’m very nervous. If you don’t know can anyone who sees this who’s lives in Israel or has been leave a comment on this post
You're absolutely correct in that I personally have no clue, especially because I also haven't been to Israel yet, but also because I'm stealth in real life.
I hope someone can answer your question in a more satisfactory way, because I'd honestly say that my biggest recommendation regardless of where you go in the world is being vigilant and not traveling alone if you can help it. I totally empathize with your concerns, and that's also something I grapple with. At the very least, I want to offer you even a tiny sense of comfort, but I am sorry I don't have an answer for you 🫂
#ask#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#in general i do find that big cities will often be safer with some exceptions#but that's not a universally-applicable rule since there's one big city in my state that i'd feel safe in#and then the other city is one i have literally blacklisted myself from ever even stopping for more than gas stops#to be fair that other city is right next to a military base so it naturally skews the politics more right. but it doesn't make me feel safe!#so if i were in your place i would also be asking around and just looking into the towns/cities you're planning on visiting#it does suck that in general we have to immediately worry about this though and for that i want to offer you my full support and love#and i truly hope someone will be of more use 🫂🫂
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My entire political view is “I want everyone to be ok,” and I don’t understand how that is SO HARD to maintain as a reality. It utterly and completely boggles my mind that so many MILLIONS of people voted for fascism because they’re racist and selfish and care more about the economy and their stoked fake xenophobic fears than other people’s lives. I’m scared as a trans person. I can’t even imagine how much immigrants must be scared right now.
I really thought she would win, after everything he’s said and done, how can so many people be fine with this? Obviously no one who voted for him will see this but I cannot understand how so many people are fine with him wanting to kill political opponents, start a nuclear war, isolate us from the world, kick out anyone he doesn’t like, and revoke a bunch of human rights.
#I live in one of the bluest pockets in the country and feel safe here#as long as states rights as a concept holds#But my partner works from home for an out of state country#they literally called in sick today because the thought that potentially 2/3 of their coworkers voted for hatred was too much#moshke writes#but not about writing#us politics
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The king and queen are visiting Paiporta and they receive them with mud xd two men have spoken to the king and told him to do something, but we all know that he is going to go to his palace and cross his arms because It's literally the only thing he can do. Is this what had to happen for people to realize that asking the king for help is nonsense? He has no power, he is only there to parade around. They have kicked out volunteers from the site to let the king and his escorts (police and military) pass, which is the first time they have touched that ground and they are going to do NOTHING. The president is doing the same. The president of Valencia is doing the same.
#this is never before seen stuff by the way. the monarchy was restituted in 1975 after the dictatorship and celebrated for it#and the president of valencia is basically the higher power here as the state of alarm he declared makes it so the national government#cant help. he has all the jurisdiction and all the responsibility. and yes he is from a right wing party. a lot of people are blaming the#president of the country (left wing) but legally he can't do anything bc of what i said before. its so frustrating just one man being#stubborn (and cruel) has cost so many lives and inflict so much suffering. not only after and during the incident but BEFORE as he didnt#raise the alarm so people thought they were safe and went outside to get move their cars or similar.#there have been so many people found on cars inside parkings.... and they are not done yet.#they havent updated the dead or missing numbers but the last number of missing people was 2000. all these people could be dead#they could be currently dying as the king and queen parade around the streets blocking people wanting to actually help. shameful#translated the main post on google bc i just could write it in english#i feel like a medieval peasant talking about th king and queen like this. what are we doing. year 2024.#talking tag#valencia
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Memory loss associated with Adhd has got to be the stupidest and cruelest symptom because without fail it's like. Me wavering on whether I should take my meds every single time, followed by sitting on my dumb ass three hours later going "wow, I'm actually feeling emotions and connected to people I've loved and lost and I feel capable of facing the complicated grief and emotions associated with a lot of those memories. I wonder why that - oh. Right. I'm a whole idiot."
#Listening to music from high school/all state band and the first one I thought to pull up#Was of course the piece they played at my friend's funeral ten years ago#And I fully haven't listened to it again even though it was a piece I really loved#And today I just let it wash over me#The recording they used at the funeral was the recording that contained him playing in that year's band!#I was two seats down from him and also in that recording#We were in district honor band together every year swapping who was first chair#But I went to state twice and he went once and it was a constant sort of teasing#I really liked him#We reconnected a couple years after high school but he had already made his plans and was just glad to have me back#For the last little while of his life#One of the only people I ever felt safe being competitive with because we were on the same team even when trying to show each other up#We made each other better musicians#If and when I go back to music and all of THOSE complicated memories I'll be carrying him with me#We should've had more memories#We should still be goading each other on#I should be able to call him up and tell him I'm thinking of him but I can't
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