#We were in district honor band together every year swapping who was first chair | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stardustedknuckles · 6 months ago

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Memory loss associated with Adhd has got to be the stupidest and cruelest symptom because without fail it's like. Me wavering on whether I should take my meds every single time, followed by sitting on my dumb ass three hours later going "wow, I'm actually feeling emotions and connected to people I've loved and lost and I feel capable of facing the complicated grief and emotions associated with a lot of those memories. I wonder why that - oh. Right. I'm a whole idiot."

#Listening to music from high school/all state band and the first one I thought to pull up #Was of course the piece they played at my friend's funeral ten years ago #And I fully haven't listened to it again even though it was a piece I really loved #And today I just let it wash over me #The recording they used at the funeral was the recording that contained him playing in that year's band!#I was two seats down from him and also in that recording #We were in district honor band together every year swapping who was first chair #But I went to state twice and he went once and it was a constant sort of teasing #I really liked him #We reconnected a couple years after high school but he had already made his plans and was just glad to have me back #For the last little while of his life #One of the only people I ever felt safe being competitive with because we were on the same team even when trying to show each other up #We made each other better musicians #If and when I go back to music and all of THOSE complicated memories I'll be carrying him with me #We should've had more memories #We should still be goading each other on #I should be able to call him up and tell him I'm thinking of him but I can't

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