#i think the issue is i don't *know* what makes me happy anymore

[glypt0don]

So, this is quite a rant. You can skip to the bottom, if you want to know my opinion but don't want to read that much... But I worked hard on it and I think it's important, so it would make me very happy if you read through the whole text.

So this fits into something I wanted to post about anyway: a broader theme of why do we frame things as wars? Like, why is it culture war, specifically. First I liked the concept, I thought it described something quite complicated reasonably easily. But I pondered on it a bit more and I think there's more going on.

It's pretty trivial, that most societies went through a huge change over the last half century. It's not just feminism. I could make a whole list of things we as a people took on. Anti-racism and civil rights, religious acceptance, global trade, reinterpreting the meaning of peace, connecting the word through the world-wide web, etc. We ( or, as I am barely an adult and have no idea how to change things for the better, I should say you, or maybe chat) decided it was time for change, so change came. You brought it about.

And I agree. Change WAS and IS necessary. What that change should entail, well, we all have our ideas, right? And they have the ugly tendency to differ from each other. The question then is, how do we coincide our contradictory ideas on society? The answer is both worrying and very important.

To be fair, our race doesn't have a great track record on solving these kinds of issues. I dug into my historical knowledge, since, you know, those who don't learn from it, repeat it... The only thing I can compare to what's happening today would be the Reformation (which probably says a lot about my historical knowledge). That's the only time I know, where societal assumptions were altered so much in such a short time. That time it was specifically about the Catholic church (if you don't know, what I'm talking about, you really should, so Google it), and the result was a series of wars, that ultimately may have wiped out about a fifth of Europes population. The wars were of course led by powerful men, who capitalised on the divide to further their own goals.

As back then, now too, we can't rely on institutions to tame the public. Many media and political identities have a direct interest in polarising society. Because that's what happens. All these contentious issues about gender, class, or foreign policy become dividing lines between folks who are supposed to be parts of the same whole (call it community, state, nation or humanity, depending on how wide you can think). You know, how it works, probably saw it a few times, whatever your interests are. It's literally everywhere! We fight it out with the perceived enemy of the week sometimes, when there is an election, something notable happens, or it's simply Pride Month. Then everyone goes back to their respective corners, where they vehemently agree with themselves. We don't talk a lot, just throw words at each other, like Buggs Bunny, playing tennis with a dynamite.

I should say, this post is a notable and refreshing outlier. Thanks, @trans-androgyne , for starting a discussion for a change!

I know, it's a bit like nuclear armament. You can't just stop, because THEY won't, and then they win, and you can't allow that. It's life and death! And I don't have some magic pill to make it all go right, or believe me, I wouldn't sit here, typing this out at 3 in the morning Central European Time. But let me propose this: don't call it a war! Neither culture war, nor gender war, nor anything like that. Because this isn't a war. Just ask anyone in the middle east! They can tell you, what is war, and THIS IS NOT IT! And also, because it may not be guns and destruction yet, but nothing guarantees, that it stays that way. We already had multiple attempted takeovers of capital buildings since this cursed decade began, because our social reality became so fragmented, that you can't accept the results of a popular election anymore. That should raise alarm bells. I know it does, but it can be much worse! Learn from history, do not repeat it! Hit the Wiki page on the Huguenot war! On the siege of Magdeburg. Or, if that's not your cup of tea, watch Civil War! I genuinely think it's the best movie of the year.

Call it Social Discourse! That sounds much more manageable, doesn't it? Or you can come up with something else, as long as it isn't some warmongering bullshit. And maybe the next time you meet someone with sexist, homophobic, racist, or maybe radical left and anarchistic views (whatever you're opposing), don't attack them with your words! Those aren't weapons. Try to talk to them instead! Try talking about feelings! Listen to theirs, make them understand yours! I say feelings, because you both have those. Try finding a common ground, however small, and build up from there. Like Minecraft Skyblock. It can be hard in a challenging way, instead of making you want to shoot yourself in the head. Remember, you aren't fighting a war. You are having a discourse.

All of it is to say, the world and society are changing, wether you like it or not, and we have to change with it, to survive. That is the simple fact. If you call that change a war, that's just gonna make the whole thing unnecessarily painful for everyone involved.

This was sociopolitical advice from a giant armadillo.

Genuinely, what happened to “feminism is for everyone”?

That’s the feminism I grew up with: encouraging people to recognize that fighting sexism and restrictive gender roles helps folks of every gender. We’d push back on the idea that feminists hate men, pointing to inclusive feminist literature and how many men are feminists.

Now, there are so many people insisting that the solution to patriarchy is to openly hate and ostracize men no matter what. Why? What is the benefit? It’s certainly not effective in fighting oppressive structures to exclude half the population from your cause on the basis of immutable traits. It may feel cathartic to say horrible things about men and try to punish them for your frustrations with patriarchy. But the only actual effect I see is the increasing right-wing radicalization of young men, who are being told that the left hates them for the way they were born and presented with an abundance of proof that it’s true.

Why are we going back to treating men and women as different species? It doesn’t fix things to say “well women are the good gender and men are the bad one” this time. If you sincerely want to dismantle sexism, you’re going to have to unpack and let go of all sex and gender essentialism—even that which considers women inherently pure and men inherently immoral.

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[welcometogrouchland]

Darius 🤝 Willow

Beefing with the blights in complex, somewhat homoerotic ways

[moonwish]

turbulent events have happened tonight

[ratstuckinamarble]

The shitty lungs curse is spreading to my mutuals... run everyone (if your lungs will let you)

they never tell you abt The Skeleton's Curse (bone pain)

[yuri-is-online]

Why So Rude? (Or Yuu's BF Asks Crewel for their Hand in Marriage and What Happens Next Will Shock You)

For legal reasons, this is a joke. I have been dealing with a health issue of sorts (i am not dying so no worrying ok? just v annoyed) so writing longer stuff is escaping me at the moment, enjoy some crack while I take a breather. More can be found on my masterlist here.

NO (FLOYD, Rook, and Malleus)

Crewel has been in denial about this "relationship" since it started. Not that his disapproval is really going to stop Floyd, but Crewel 100% refers to him as "Yuu's ex boyfriend" much to the confusion of... everyone who hears that. They do find some common ground in their shared interest in fashion, but Crewel has never forgiven him for his behavior in his class OR his "stealing" Yuu's heart.

Rook on the other hand he didn't have too much of an issue with until he realized just how familiar he seemed to be with his home for someone who had supposedly only been there to visit you. The twenty page letter he wrote to confess his feelings to you didn't help either once he saw the few lines where Rook wrote about the beauty of your finger prints, but he knows his disapproval means very little to someone as obsessed with romance as Rook.

Malleus... is the King of a country genuinely hostile to humans and Crewel thinks he is a little too obsessed with Yuu for his own good. He is also not a fan of how condescending Malleus is towards his disapproval, but it's an issue that will be worked out eventually. They are fighting out of love for the same person, your safety and happiness is all they really care about at the end of the day.

No, but as a joke (Sebek and Jack)

I don't think he has anything against him really, he just wants to see how important tradition and the opinion of his elders actually is to him. When Sebek begins to plead his case because he does not wish to put a wedge between Yuu and their father figure, but cannot deny his feelings for Yuu Crewel's more than happy to "change his mind." He knows you will be happy and well looked after.

Jack is a solid partner, and he is a wolf beastman who speaks of Yuu as his soulmate, his one and only, his eternal life partner and- well. Crewel just can't resist a bit of teasing, he's always been so serious and easy to fluster about these sort of things. The sheepish look on his face when he realizes Crewel has been teasing him makes it very worth it.

I can't stop you can I... (Leona, Kalim, and Rollo)

While Crewel has faith that Leona has what it takes to save his home- he lives in the Sunset Savannah. That is really far away from the Queendom of Roses ( ; ω ; ) have some pity on your poor father he can't travel that far all the time it's bad for his skin. The pressures of being the partner of royalty is something he worries over, but a smug promise from Leona to protect you soothes his worries somewhat.

The flippant way Kalim talks about the assassination attempts is not the way Crewel wants to hear about attempts on your life or heaven forbid your death. Kalim is very sympathetic to this, he has no real argument against how ignorant he was in the past, but he isn't a child anymore. Just filled with a childlike love for the world and determination to make it better. It is hard to say no to that.

Rollo is too much like Trein. His request for your hand in marriage feels like something that the old man would cry tears of genuine joy over, so of course he hates it. Unfortunately he also knows how much this teen grandfather matters to you or whatever so the answer will be yes. At least he has an excuse to visit Fleur City more now.

Give me one good reason. (Azul, Jade, Idia, and Lilia)

Azul was such a good student that he should have zero complaints that you started dating. But he also isn't blind and dislikes being pandered to, which is very much what Azul is doing here. He does wonder briefly if this is a cultural thing and he is being insensitive, but he is still exasperated enough to not immediately say yes. The strange twinkle that comes to Azul's eyes at the prospect of negotiations makes him wish he had though.

Speaking of not being blind, what does the Leech family do and is it legal? Survey says probably yes, but Crewel remembers dealing with Jade's parents while he was in school and has no desire to feed his child to the shar- err eels. Jade immediately begins to sniffle, oh how could Crewel say such bad things about him? A poor innocent eel and blah blah blah. If Jade wasn't such a good partner he'd be cooked.

Crewel understands and appreciates the effort Idia has put in to his personal growth and he has no desire to shit on that... but S.T.Y.X. and the secrecy around it is no joke. He wants to continue having a relationship with Yuu and as soon as Idia reassures him of that he has no more objections.

Lilia is an old man, a war criminal, and a father. Of course Crewel has seen how he was able to live as a student while at NRC but his own credit as a father would be under fire if he didn't object mildly. Lilia has some fun with it and has a bit more respect for him for objecting. So long as the eventual answer is yes.

Yes (Riddle, Trey, Cater, Ruggie, Jamil, and Epel)

While Crewel does have some red flag concerns concerning Riddle's mother, he has no real objections to Riddle himself. He is a perfect gentlemen and the correct amount of nervous to be asking the question. He gets full marks, as if there would ever be any other outcome.

Trey is that sort of solid option that parents really love, but he also has that tight personal relationship with Crewel from his Science Club days. He lives in the Queendom and is tight with his own family there are few better places for Yuu to be.

While Cater isn't Crewel's favorite student, he doesn't hate him or the Shaftlands. He is also not entirely unconvinced that him asking is for a magicam trend but! He has no real major objections. He is more than ready to have two kids, as soon as Cater is willing to admit he could use a stable father figure.

I don't think that Ruggie would even suggest marrige unless he's obtained that stable, high paying job he so baldy wants and has moved his Granny out of the slums. It's the perfect time to ask for permission to propose, and while the Savannah is still super far away (r.i.p. Crewel's skin) he is much more supportive of the two of you and how far you've come.

Similarly to Ruggie, I don't think Jamil would propose to Yuu unless his personal issues with Kalim and his position with the Asim's had been sorted. He wants to actually travel on his honeymoon, and Crewel is very willing to suggest the Queendom of Roses. Jamil's ego is absolutely stroked by how Crewel had zero objections but your adoptive dad doesn't get to see how smug it makes him, Jamil saves the smirks for when you say yes.

I think that Crewel seems to like all of the first years, and Epel is no exception. Sure, his request starts out well put together and polite but devolves into a dialect that leaves Crewel with no idea of what he's saying, but he has a general idea. Of course Epel has his blessing, Harveston sounds like a lovely place for Yuu to live their life in Twisted Wonderland and Epel a perfect person to keep them safe and happy.

He already planned the wedding (Ace, Deuce, Silver and Vil)

I know what you're saying. Crewel approving of Ace? Of course he does! He was in his homeroom class, and Crewel has a soft spot for trouble makers from the Queendom, he was one after all! Sure he might have had some problems with him when you first started dating, but now, when he is deathly serious saying he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? Crewel has been waiting for this since he fist saw carrot head yanking your chain.

Deuce is a much easier sell, Crewel was always a bit harsh on his intelligence, but only because he ran a tight ship and wanted him to reach for the stars. Well he has, and he has you to support him through it, Crewel is so proud of both. He and Dilla have absolutely been hypothetically planning this for years.

While Silver's curse did not endear him to Crewel for his first two years of schooling, he really grew on him when you started going out. He's glad that you've found someone who loves you as much as Silver does, really he is. Unfortunately this means he has to plan a wedding with Lilia, something they both have been doing since you started going out and never talked about. Don't worry! They only intend to fight a lot little bit.

The instant you started dating Vil Crewel entered his mother of the bride era. The permission asking was less Vil wanting to be polite and more him coming up with a way to distract him and convince him to focus on designing the clothes. Thankfully it works and no one other than his dogs have to know just how insane the prospect of his two favorite students marrying made him.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

first of all, this is all legit, and not bait, though i have a feeling it may come off that way, this did happen to me. please don't publish if tumblr sends it off anon.

i'm a lesbian with gender dysphoria, and while i haven't had much sexual experience, i would consider myself a stone top. in the last year and a half i began reading "terf"/radical feminist writings and reading "terf" tumblr blogs fairly actively, largely out of frustration with misogyny i was experiencing IRL. though i never engaged with the community i did stop identifying as genderfluid and started understanding my dysphoria as stemming from the trauma of being bullied by other girls for having a high-androgen DSD, and using different pronouns/transition thoughts as unhealthy coping mechanisms. i'm happy with this, but i also don't know if i'm attracted to women anymore.

i've always been attracted to women in a way that's stereotypically guy-like; i find feminine women very attractive and not so much fellow(?) butches, want to penetrate with a strap on, don't like bush much, cursory interest in BDSM/daddy kink. i read/watched het erotica and porn sometimes and identified with the man. what i read problematized pretty much every aspect of that- femininity as a cage, penetration as violence/straps as disidentification w the female body, infantilization of women, bdsm as abuse etc. also, desisting making me more conscious of dysphoria/knowledge of how extensive sexual dimorphism is putting me off both women with larger breasts and hips AND smaller breasts and hips/unrealistically masculine body types as well. so a lot of what turned me on before isn't arousing anymore, or i feel guilty about it, and i haven't been able to find butch4butch stuff which is much healthier very interesting.

i consider my sexuality healthier now on a political level but my ability to get aroused/jerk off has plummeted (used to be i could jork it sunrise to sunset) and thinking about being in a relationship w another woman makes me feel uneasy and weird, especially since a lot of what i read emphasized reciprocative cunnilingus/tribbing (which i don't like) as the healthiest sex options. i also think about both my dysphoria and my sexuality issues 100x more than i did before, even though i was promised the opposite (freedom from dysphoria and feeling happier as a lesbian), and it's stressing me out day-to-day. i'm aware based on your general ethos that you probably think i'm a terrible person right now, but i figured it'd be useful to seek the opinion of someone who radically disagrees with what i've read on what i could/should do next, since i admittedly miss being at peace with my sexuality.

thanks for reading.

hi there anon,

it's a bummer that you'd think I would assume you're a terrible person based on everything you've told me here. I generally try not to consider people terrible unless they're actively being shitheads or hurting other people, which doesn't sound at all like you're describing. from what you've told me, you've been up to your eyes in some information that's made you feel deeply uncomfortable in your sexuality and now you're seeking out a new perspective to help you make sense of that hurt. that describes most of the people who send me questions!

it's so striking to me that much of what you're describing is very reminiscent of what's recounted in The Persistent Desire, an anthology of writings on butch/femme identities edited by femme historian and archivist Joan Nestle that was released in 1992. in various essays and interviews countless butches and femmes recount their discomfort with the feminist turn against butch and femme identities that too place in the 70s, when both roles were declared problematic recreations of heterosexuality and summarily decried as politically "incorrect" for lesbians. it's shocking to me how much what you've described echoes these accounts experienced by lesbians half a century ago - the disowning of women who are "excessively" feminine or masculine, the demonizing of penetrative sex, general insistence that there are "correct" sex acts that every lesbian is supposed to enjoy, and the deep discomfort and insecurity that this causes among people who don't fit into the very rigid standards of proper lesbian identity set forth.

here's a link to a PDF, if that's interesting to you at all. it's very long, so feel free not to read it straight through; it's a great project to skim and an incredible way to get in touch with the lesbians who came before us. their accounts of their lives are so wildly different from the boundaries of "good" queer representation that feel so universal today; in discussing their own lives many of these women speak very bluntly about their experiences with abuse, drugs, sex work, and violence. it's a great glimpse into the lives and history of a lot of very ordinary lesbians just living their lives, and I'm very grateful it's been preserved.

now, as for what you're actually gonna do: hey. listen. first of all, if you haven't given up reading this stuff yet, you've gotta. you simply cannot keep internalizing stuff that makes you overanalyze your own sexuality so hard that you feel uncomfortable about being attracted to women. that's not "healthy," that's conversion therapy lite. there are other places to talk about feminism without being made to feel ashamed of yourself.

listen: there's nothing unhealthy about anything that you described about yourself. being a stone butch, being attracted to certain looks and aesthetics, watching porn, wanting to use a strap and roleplay during sex and not being interested in other sexual activities - all of those thing are completely normal and, yes, healthy. certainly healthier than feeling the need to repress your sexuality so hard that thinking about being with a woman doesn't feel right!

should we run through that list?

femininity as cage - sure, okay, femininity isn't for everyone, and there are parts of it that suck. that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with women who like to wear dresses or put on makeup or shave or whatever, or anyone who's attracted to those women. genuinely I cannot think of anything less interesting or important to feminist organizing than getting hung up about what people want to wear. it's clothes, dude. it's fucking clothes. pick a more important hill to die on, I implore you.

penetration is not the same thing as violence. there's just nothing to debate about that one; it's patently absurd to pretend that every act of penetrative sex is rape and you'd have to fundamentally misunderstand how consent works to believe that.

straps are not about "disidentification with the female body," they're about augmenting a sexual experience. a strap-on is not more problematic than a vibrator or a massage oils or a pillow used to prop up a body part. unless those are also bad? are those bad? are pillows disidentifying from the female body also? I'm not up to date on this.

straight up I don't even know which part of your whole deal the infantilization of women is supposed to address, but a thing that I've always found interesting about a lot of radical feminists who are deeply distrustful of sex is the way that many of them seem to assume that women can't be trusted to understand their own sexual desires and need to be taught what's appropriate. seems kind of condescending to me, personally.

BDSM isn't the same thing as abuse. abuse, crucially, is not a situation that people can safe word out of or negotiate the constraints of. it's kind of like how, you know, I purposefully pay people to shove needles in my skin when I want a tattoo, but I wouldn't be stoked about it if somebody just ran up to me in public and started stabbing me without any warning or conversation. context is crucial. there can certainly be abusive people within BDSM spaces, but that's true of people of literally every sexual proclivity on earth, and certainly not an innate feature of BDSM. it's just make believe, dude. it's dress up. it's sex LARPing.

also, psst, hey. that thing about being attracted to women in a "guy-like" way? no such thing. men are humans, dude; they experience attraction in as many different ways as anyone else. for every dude interested in the same stuff as you there are men yearning for hairy women, muscular women, masculine women, women who will dominate them, women who would rather be eaten out then penetrated, and so on. to say nothing of the men who aren't into women at all! and, as is obvious from your own experience, men don't have a monopoly on those kinds of feelings, anyway! there are no men or women feelings, dude; it's all just people having feelings and fighting for their lives trying to figure out what they're into to.

I want to particularly talk about that last bit, where you mentioned not enjoying or wanting to engage in cunnilingus or tribbing. that's totally fine! people like different shit in all kinds of combinations - I'm personally a huge fan of getting eaten out and scratched up or bitten, but I don't do penetration and I've genuinely never met anyone who actually liked tribbing - and there are absolutely people out there who will, to paraphrase the poet Tinashe, perfectly match your freak.

(have you heard about the perpetual, critical shortage of tops that the queer community faces? you'd be a godsend, just saying.)

also, actually, hey I wanted to circle back to another thing as well: it's deeply alarming to me that whatever radfem stuff you've been reading has you feeling "put off" of women with wide hips and large breasts as well as women with small breasts and hips. what is wrong with either of those? both of those are just ways that women naturally look. women just look a wide variety of ways, and it's sad that that's upsetting you now. just thinking about this, conceptually, is giving me hives.

having been up to your eyes in all of this, I can definitely understand why you'd feel the urge to overanalyze you own gender and sexuality to the point of completely talking yourself out of identifying with anything that feels good for you. as I said, that's actually not healthy in any way, and as a sex educator I can't say that I think anyone genuinely invested in your well-being would want that for you.

entirely aside from their feelings on trans people, which I obviously disagree with pretty vehemently, one of the things about radfems that's most endlessly vexing to me is the insistence that such an extremely narrow range of sexual behaviors are appropriate. seems like a miserable way to live, and I sincerely hope you can detangle yourself from the morass of shame it's landed you in. you deserve better.

[dontbesoweirdkira]

Okay, so, the ask about yandere platonic dick cheating and how the reader would react has me wondering; what would happen if the reader somehow found out that Dick didn't actually change and decided to go no contact, because they couldn't trust him or maybe because they just don't want to be around someone like that? Would that cause Dick to spiral more? What exactly would be the consequences of going no contact? (Like a complete cut off, although it'd be a bit hard to do that since they live in the same house)

(I was a bit disappointed to read that he probably wouldn't change, but it seemed realistic to me because habits are hard to break and everyone in the batfam is messed up. Although, I imagine after years of therapy or something similar there might be some sort of change. But, I doubt anyone in the batfam is getting therapy... except maybe reader)

Sorry yeah, i don't like to think Dick is actually a cheater or this shitty. I just like to humor different scenarios i get requested. But you cannot deny that this man is a messy whore. THIS IS THE FACE OF EVILLL

context

Look, cheaters are so sloppy. Even the ones who put the most effort into it are always bound to slip up. I imagine batsis isn't a fool. Like Richard...no way did you just go from being a serial cheater to suddenly being completely cleansed. You're an addict baby boy.

Like i said at first he's actually wanting to get clean for his baby sis and to be a good role model. I think it'd be very obvious to you that he's actually trying. He's irritable and really struggling to cope with the fact he has to put the phone down. You can see him obsessively checking his phone for what you'd assume to be a message or notification from one of his hookups. You can tell he's torn up about loosing his partners because he came clean about his unethical practices....

There's no hiding. This is such a deep seeded issue and it is really taking a toll on him. This is something like you said will need YEARS of therapy to fix.

So now Dick is trying to bullshit you a few days later...right in front of your salad! He's just sooo happy and he's proud about this new leaf turned????? Yesterday he looked like he was about to breakdown in tears because he'd been abstinent for just 48 hrs...and now he's glowing???

Dick, your patrol ended at 2 am last night...you came home at 6 am...please don't play with me rn.

not me getting heated. lol

He doesn't explicitly tell you he's back to his old ways. He's willing to keep lying his way into keeping you and this habit but it's undeniable. You know that his gf only forgave him because he lied to her too. It makes you sick when you saw the text of him telling her that he's busy with family and then left out for the rest of the day to go be with someone else.

Maybe you explode on him about it? Last time you were as nice as you could be about it but you cannot deal with the games anymore.

I liked to think in this scenario you're yelling at him and he's just still gas-lighting you, He throws every card to make you feel bad for accusing him. It absolute drives you mad. He's just so calm while you're are trying not to strangle him.

"Baby bat, i love you. I think you're just tired and are imagining things. You're convincing yourself that i'm still the old Dick because you're hurting...i understand and I forgive you. Maybe we should set up therapy sessions to help you let go of the past? Hmm?"

"YOU MOTHER FU-"

Ugh but i love him he's so fucked

The irony of him suggesting you therapy when he's the one riddles with mommy issues and the most insane coping mechanisms...

Dick isn't going to allow you to go no contact. You cannot go no contact with someone you live in the same house with. You are bound to interact and when you are dealing with someone like dick...it just won't work. The bat kids are extremely resilient and are well versed in making someone crack. You wouldn't be the exception.

More realistically you'd probably just be cold towards Dick. That's the best you can do. Not really responding to him and basically stone walling...

But i imagine this version of Dick to be much more forceful. He's done with your self righteousness. How dare you suggest moving out. That isn't an option because he needs to see his baby sister everyday. You are breaking up the family over this. You cannot cut him off because he's flawed...it's not that serious y/n. None of the other siblings are breathing down his neck. Maybe if you weren't so frustrating..he could actually become a better person. You are the one that is preventing him from being better with all your pressure!!

You packed your bags and are fully ready to walk out of this family for good because there's just too many wrong doings swept under the rug and here comes dick who is FUMING... He's trying to rip your bags out of your hands and grab you up..

You are not doing this to him. Stop being so-

Maybe your siblings step in and help you to leave. They help Dick calm down because they respect that it's your choice to live how you'd life.

Dick isn't stopping once you're gone. Especially if you're still in Gotham. There's a shadow that follows you where you go. Tons of messages and calls from unknown numbers. Even scarily enough..a blue toy bird left at your door with a small note that read

"Missed me, my little birdie? We'll be seeing each other again soon."

[genshin-obsessed]

Could I request Diluc, Kaeya, and Zhongli trying their hardest -and failing- not to cry after their wife, due to being tired and frustrated during an argument, wonders if they should get divorced because she thinks she's tying them down?

Ooh, ok, I need to sleep BUT the chance to write angst? sleep can wait! I wasn't entirely sure how to end it so I just left it like this. I'm sure this could be much, much longer but I didn't wanna make it too long, yanno? meant as a fem!reader but I don't mentions pronouns, just the term 'wife'.

▻ Kaeya

He didn't really know when the argument started. He didn't know what it was about anymore either. It was one of those arguments where the points end up getting lost and you're just yelling at one another about something completely unrelated. Honestly, you two were basically screaming at one another. But then he heard that one, awful sentence he never wanted to hear in his life.

"Why don't we just get a divorce and I won't be ruining your life anymore!?" Suddenly, the room's so eerily quiet that you finally realized what you said. Your gaze held Kaeya's and you watched as his usual cocky exterior just melt and tears fill his beautiful eyes. He slapped the back of his hand against his lips to stop but he couldn't. Your words shook him to his core and every thought in his mind was wiped away.

At some point, he didn't even register you trying to calm him down as he fell to his knees, tears flooding down his face. He didn't even register as he wrapped his arms around you in a near death grip, begging for you to stay.

He loved you, adored you, cherished you, worshipped you basically. So... wherever did you get this idea that you were tying him down? That you were ruining his life? Just where did he end up going wrong for you to have such awful thoughts?

▻ Diluc

Often talking to Diluc was something that was a little touch and go. He didn't talk much and when he did, he usually only talked enough to get the point across and that was it. Even during arguments, Diluc only spoke when he felt it was necessary. To avoid pointless yelling matches, he kept quiet until you were done.

But tonight was... different. Maybe it was a hard day for him, maybe it was something you said, maybe it was that he had a frustrating spat with Kaeya, or maybe that he was dealing with issues at the tavern... but tonight, Diluc was just as angry as you. You two were yelling so much that even the maids heard you outside of the manor. There was no end in sight.

"Then leave, Diluc! Leave me and you can be happy doing whatever you want! I won't be here to tie you down anymore and you can be a free fucking bird!" Diluc opened his mouth to retaliate but nothing came out. It was like the world stopped moving for a second. This uncomfortable pit grew in his stomach and he just knew it was bad. You thought you were tying him down? Never once did such an atrocious thought ever cross his mind. Never during an argument, never during a bad day, not once in his life.

So... why did you? Diluc didn't realize just how much he hated the silence until that moment. He hated it so much, that the tears he attempted to bury just burst out in a loud cry. Anything to stop that deafening silence.

▻ Zhongli

Zhongli was by far, the worst person to argue with. Why? He just sat there silently until you were done. Zhongli didn't argue, no. He waited, listened, then just explained his side. If it didn't work, he'd step away. But even an archon such as himself had limits. Your arguments never turned into screaming matches, at least not on his end, but sometimes they dragged on.

Today was just one such day. Even with his near impeccable memory, the man couldn't recall what happened to lead you two here. You were so upset and angry and no matter what he did, he made it worse. Truth be told, he was angry and frustrated too. It was like neither of you were listening to each other anymore.

"Well, if it's all pointless then why don't we just quit now?! Let's just get a divorce and you can go on happily without a wife to just drag you down!" That's when everything just stopped. Zhongli slowly looked away as he registered the words, feeling his chest begin to constrict.

Why... did you say that? Why would you think that? Was that his fault? You figure began to blur and he fell to his knees, desperately grabbing the dining table for support. You were at his side and tried to calm him down, desperately trying to wipe his tears but anything you said after just... didn't touch him. The awful reality of his life had his heart in a death grip and he could only listen if he got away from it.

[sturniqlo]

Let Her Go- C.S

summary: seeing her across the room with someone else makes chris realize he needs to let her go. BLURB

cw: cursing, party setting, mentions of drinking, pinch of ANGST; break up, arguing, toxic!chris, trust issues, mentions of cheating (not actually) manipulation(?)

an: i've been going through some writers block lately, sorry if this is shit :/ | lowercase intended

masterlist | join my taglist

-----------------------------------------------

"want another?" nate, chris' friend, nods his head towards his empty red solo cup. "i'm good, you should slow down on em' though." chris says and nate scoffs. "shut up." he cackles and stumbles to the kitchen to refill his cup. tonight, chris and nate had came to one of their friends party. it was a celebration or anything, just a party on a random thursday night.

at first, chris had said no, however, nate didn't take no for an answer and dragged him to this party. nate had realized that chris was staying home a lot more after he had broken up with y/n.

"i'm missing her." is what he would say when nate would go over and see chris laying in bed hugging a random shirt. it was the shirt that y/n would always wear of his and it still smelled like her. "she dumped you for a reason, chris." he always stayed quiet when someone would say that.

y/n was the one who had called it off. and chris realized, after they had broken up, that he was the toxic one in the relationship and she deserved better. whenever he would be out she would send him a text that she would be going out with her friends, she was never asking for permission, never that, just informing him.

however, chris feared the idea that other men would try and get at her and he got jealous just at the idea of it so, he would reply with i was planning on going over in about twenty minutes :(. y/n away fell for it and backed out from the plans with her friends.

she'd always wait... and wait, and chris always showed up 3 or more hours later which would result in an argument. "you said that five hours ago! i could've gone and been back by now! but, no because you always think i'm going to cheat on you or some shit! do you really think that low of me?"

y/n's breaking point was when she had posted a group picture at the mall to her instagram story and when chris saw he was furious when he saw a guys arm across her shoulders. what did he do? he looked at her location and drove there a caused a scene in front of her friends.

"come on, we're leaving!" he spotted y/n standing alone in a store. "chris? what are you doing here?" she said. "i said, we're leaving. i didn't let you come here just so you could be lovey dovey around assholes." he grabbed her arm and tried to walk her out. "what are you saying right now?" her voice caught the attention of her friends. "chris, hey?" one said.

"this is chris? didn't know he was coming today." someone he had never seen before says, he then realizes this is the guy who had his arm around her shoulders. "oscar, not now." y/n said. "yeah, oscar, not now." chris said. "we were just leaving, sorry. you guys can go back to shopping." chris walks out with y/n.

"so, oscar seems nice, did he buy you something today?" y/n ignored him. "hm? did he hold your hand? kiss you? you two seemed happy in the picture." she snapped at last. "take me home, i can't stand being around you right now!" she yelled. during the car ride, chris went on and on. when he dropped her off she finally spoke.

"we're done, chris. i've put up with you for so long, i hate that you don't trust me when i go out, whenever i tell you i'm going out you always tell me that you're coming over and make me wait just so i won't go out. you thought i was just cheating on you, for crying out loud! i can't do this anymore!" she unbuckled herself and got out the car. "oscar is my fucking cousin." she slammed the door behind her and ran inside her house.

chris texted, and called. y/n finally decided to talked to him. chris heard her out and agreed although he didn't fully understand.

until now. months later.

chris spotted her while he was pouring himself some soda into his cup. it's almost as if he felt her presence enter the house. he stared at her as she walked in from the backyard, he smiled to smiles, until he saw her arm extended backwards. she was holding someone's hand. behind her, hands intertwined, was a tall guy he had never seen before.

she had someone new.

as creepy as it sounds, he watched them the entire night. he saw how she smiled when he touched her waist, kissed her forehead and held her hand when he felt like it. she looked happy. she finally got what she deserved. the person she deserved.

y/n's eyes roamed the crowd and met a pair of familiar eyes. they stared at each other until y/n broke into a soft smile. that's when he decided to finally let her go.

[rafesfavgirl]

stop asking me to stay — r. cameron

❝ please don't fall apart i can't face your breaking heart i'm trying to be brave stop asking me to stay ❞

pairing: bf!rafe x fem!reader

context: you and rafe have been dating for seven months, and while the relationship started it out well, as soon as the honeymoon phase ended (about 3 months in), everything went to shit. you've been trying to put up with it, but tonight, you realize you've had enough.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: toxic relationship, cocaine use, alcohol use, attachment issues, might make you cry, no happy ending, angst asf

you walk out into the backyard full of girls in swimsuits and guys in swim trunks with drinks in hand, strobes of light flashing around, and music blasting, hoping to find your dear boyfriend who had disappeared on you. again.

god, how much longer did he think you were gonna put up with this?

you look around, and head for topper when you spot him. he was playing pong against kelce and some of their other golf buddies.

"top," you call out to him when you walk up to the table to join them.

"hey, y/n," he greets you, as he readies his hand to shoot a ball. he does, and it lands in one of the cups, causing the surrounding guys and girls to erupt in cheers. "what's up?"

"have you seen rafe?" you ask him.

"nah, not lately," he shook his head at you, shooting his other ball.

he misses that one.

you snap your head towards kelce. "kelce?"

"last i saw him he was cutting a line in the living room upstairs, y/n," he shrugs, and you groan, rolling your eyes.

of course he was. fucking fantastic.

you don't even say another word to either of them before you walk away and head back towards the house. you manage your way through the crowd just fine and scurry up the stairs to the second floor.

just as kelce described, you find rafe seated on a couch in the living room surrounded by some guys and girls—one who was a little too close to him for your liking—cutting a line of coke with his black card.

"rafe," you say his name, and his head snaps up at the sound of your voice, his dark blue eyes meeting yours. 

he immediately stands up, pretending as if you didn't just see him cutting the line of coke with his card, shaking off the girl draped over his arm in the process. "y/n."

"can you take me home?" you ask, pulling your eyes away from his. you just couldn't stand to look in them anymore. "i have that interview with the admissions officer from yale tomorrow."

"yeah," he nods, rounding the coffee table to approach you. "whatever you want, baby."

everyone else eyes the two of you carefully, the girl previously draped over rafe giving you the stink eye. no one could ever pull rafe away from the coke faster than you.

when he stops to stand in front of you to block your view of the "friends" he left snorting lines of coke, you look up at him through your lashes, not knowing what to think.

"i've been looking for you for an hour," you say, and he sighs.

"i'm sorry," he replied—you were sick of hearing that though. it was the same half-assed apology every time. and yet, nothing ever changed.

you'd probably go through this exact thing again next weekend when he drags you to some other party.

"save it," you say, catching him off guard.

he knew you didn't like it when did coke, but you never stopped him from apologizing before.

"just take me home," you turn around and walk away from him, making your way back downstairs.

he follows closely behind you, but falls behind a little when you quickly course your way through the crowd on the first floor and he struggles to do the same.

"y/n, wait up," he jogs to catch up to you when you both step outside, but you just quicken your pace towards his car. "babe!"

you hear him call after you, and since his legs are much longer than yours, he manages to catch up and walk in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

"can you just stop for a second?" he asks, placing both of his hands on either of your arms to make you look at him. "what's wrong?"

"do you even have to ask?"

he sighs, and drops his hands from your arms. "okay, so i snorted a line. what's the big deal?"

"was it just a line, rafe?" you asked, knowing he could never just stop at one.

"so maybe it was two or three," he admits with a shrug. "but what's the big deal? we're at a party, y/n. we came here to have fun!"

"you think this is fun?" you ask him, the pent up anger caused by the way he's been acting the last few months rising to the surface. "it is not fun for me to come with you to these parties only to find you've abandoned me after i go to the bathroom to go snort lines of coke, rafe! let alone find some girl draped all over you and you don't even seem to care!"

"oh for fuck's sake, it's not like i'm sneaking off to fuck them, y/n!" he defended. "they do that shit on their own. what do you expect me to do about that?"

"uh, i don't know, tell them to fuck off? to get off you? to stop? to move?" you say, stating several different things he could have said to them.

he knows your right, but as always, he refused to back down.

"god, are you seriously bitching about this?" his voice was louder know, the adrenaline from the coke clouding his judgment and riling him up. "wait- no, that's-" 

he immediately realized what he just said to you, and though he wanted to take it back—and even tried to—it was too late.

"you know what? just go back inside, rafe," you shrug, finally giving up.

there was no use fighting back anymore because you were never gonna get through to him. not when he was like this—coked out of his mind.

"go back to your coke buddies, go back to whatever girl decides to throw herself onto you next, and just forget about me," you tell him. "i'm done."

his coke-induced state of mind seems to fade completely when he hears those two words come out of your mouth.

"what?" his voice was much quieter now, and delicate. something not usual for rafe.

"you heard me," you said, looking him in the eyes. "i can't keep doing this, rafe."

"no, no, no, no, no," he shakes his head frantically, panic clearly building up in him at the thought of losing you. he closes the distance between the two of you and takes your hands in his. "i promise i'll do better, baby. i'll change. i love you."

as much as you wanted to give in and believe him, you knew that your relationship had run its course. he did love you—you never doubted that. but it shouldn't have to be this hard. enough was enough.

you needed to do what was best for you, and this just wasn't it anymore. as much as you loved him, you knew this was the best thing for you. no matter how badly it broke your heart, you had to walk away.

"not enough to choose me," you shook your head, tears threatening to well up in your eyes. "you give in every time."

he drops your hands from his, his demeanor changing again. now, he looked furious. cold. meaner.

"well, i'm sorry i'm not fucking perfect like you!" his voice was full of venom. the rafe cameron you fell in love with was gone. "you know what? just do what you want, y/n. go run off to yale and find some perfectly polished guy! see if i care."

his eyes filled with disgust as he trailed them over you, a scoff leaving his mouth, "i should've just fucked all those other girls. at least they know how to have fun."

while you knew he wouldn't take your words well, you never expected him to be so cruel. but then again, wasn't it always this way? when he was off of it, you never really knew what to expect.

another reason why you had to walk away. it wasn't worth all the exhaustion going back and forth with him. he wasn't worth it anymore.

"go ahead," you say, trying your hardest to keep a solid front. no way you were going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you break.

he rolled his eyes. "find your own way home, bitch," he spat, bumping your shoulder as he walked back towards the house.

the second you knew he could no longer see you, you break.

the rafe you knew was gone.

part 2.

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[leclarifies]

off the grid — II

✰ max verstappen x !driver reader ✰

summary: you strived for nothing but perfection. nothing less was expected from you. being a female formula one driver made it even harder for you to make mistakes. you figured that dating max, your biggest rival yet, wasn't a mistake...right...?

genre: kinda slow-burn? mostly angst, eventual fluff at the end.

wc: 5k

a/n: hello everyone! sorry for the slight delay in posting this part, i was super busy yesterday and couldn't proofread this part. please do let me know if there are any spelling / grammar errors in this part. all of the other parts of this fic will go in the masterlist <3 thank u so much for reading

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“nothing happened in the way i wanted, every corner of this house is haunted.” - gracie abrams, ‘i miss you, i’m sorry’

——— ₊ ⊹ BAHRAIN GRAND PRIX 

"kelly, stop it. we're in public— what are you doing?" max was exhausted with his relationship with his girlfriend. she always made his personal life quite tiring with all of her demands. she harshly pushed him away, not wanting to hear anything else from her boyfriend.

max always tried his best in his relationship with kelly, always listening to her demands, always trying to make him happy, always trying to appease whatever demon that was inside of kelly for the day. but it seemed like his actions were not enough for her.

"no max, i'm done. if you don't want to put a ring on my finger, then it's over," kelly had tears in her eyes before she turned her back on max.

with those last words, she stormed off.

and max didn't bother to chase after her anymore because he, too, was done with their relationship. it was his last straw.

he didn't really understand how it started but kelly started becoming obsessed with the idea of marriage. he had told her in the middle of their relationship that he wasn’t looking for someone to marry. personally he didn’t really want to get married, it came with too much legal issues that he wasn’t looking forward to in case their relationship fell apart.

"what if we got married max?" kelly rubbed her dainty fingers over max's knuckles, max stiffens up at the question before looking at her with a sigh, his look was all that she needed for her to roll her eyes and look away, snatching her hand that was lovingly holding his own.

max didn't understand where this was coming from, he had explained his boundaries very early in the relationship, that he, himself, didn't really understand the concept of marriage or want it.

"love, we talked about this. i don't want to get married, i like things how they are," max touched her forearm, but she moved away from him, a bit too harshly for his liking.

the comfortable atmosphere built around their shared apartment had shattered, and all there was left was the fragments of that comfortable space.

"what if p grows up and she asks, 'mommy, why do you not have a ring around your finger?' then what max?" kelly snapped, standing up with her back faced towards him, not wanting to be near his proximity. max looked away from her, anywhere but her.

"p will understand as long as you explain it to her, why are you so worried about that? she doesn't understand other than the games you install on her ipad and coloring. i seriously don't understand where this is coming from," max tried to stand up and touch her shoulder but she turned around roughly and glared at him.

"it does matter if she understands, what were you thinking?" kelly raised her voice, now getting angrier by the second, "i'm going to be forty soon and still no ring on my finger max, time's ticking and i'm going to have what i want or it's over."

he had caught wind about people on social media bullying her, how they called her a groomer when she approached him when he was young and he didn’t know how to feel about it. 

they all called the relationship "inappropriate" and kelly preying on a young driver, but he didn't think it was at the time. now, he was starting to realize that maybe it was.

maybe she wanted things from him a man her age at the time couldn't give her.

max's mind was clouded when he got in that car at australia, it was hard for him of course. he had a long relationship with kelly but he knew when to stop when he felt tired.

the dnf made it harder on max, fucking engine failure. there were rumors going around, as per usual, on why max decided to dnf that day. a lot of people had assumed it was because of his breakup with kelly but that wasn't the reason but it sure as shit added onto his sour mood.

the season went past and he tried his hardest, scoring points, getting poles, wins. he felt hollow though, he still couldn't get over the break up which was uncharacteristic of him.

max scolded himself sometimes, for loving too much. for giving the people who didn't deserve the love he gave. but sometimes he knew that he was a bit rough around the edges, his personality was a lot and he knew not a lot of people were willing to put up with it.

that included you.

he felt horrible for causing you that much heartbreak but he didn't know how to properly show remorse to you, it was his fault and he knew it. both accidents were his fault now that he looked back and actually thought about what actually happened.

then the incident with you and him, sleeping on him just to find some semblance of comfort.

and for once in his life, he was scared.

not scared that you might hate him even more for trying to comfort you, but more so of the fact that how comfortable he felt when he was comforting you.

but after months of heartbreak, that was the first time he didn't think about kelly.

your rookie year ended on a positive note at least, ferrari had managed to overcome all odds and win the constructor's cup with charles becoming the driver's champion.

on the off-season, as soon as he got home. he entered his apartment he shared with kelly, with her sitting there as if she was waiting for him.

"i'm taking the apartment, you have a lot of money. get yourself a new one."

the words coming out of her mouth were cold, and as if that wasn't enough, she had already packed his things into boxes, thankfully they were labelled and not just strewn about without care.

the first night he had settled into his apartment, he was in his feels. he felt upset, rightfully so. he just got kicked out of his own apartment that he paid for, taken by his, now, ex-girlfriend to live in.

and just his luck, the convenience store down the street (which he thought was going to be open around the clock) was closed.

'why the fuck do these things happen to me when i'm already feeling shitty?' he thought to himself before begrudgingly trudging up the street back to his apartment, letting his feelings out in the elevator, when the elevator doors opened, he was caught off guard by a pretty ferrari driver.

max greeted her with as much warmth as he could muster up, "oh, hi y/n."

"what are you doing in my apartment complex?" were the first things out her lips.

SECOND YEAR ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

you and max never really talked about whatever the fuck happened in that ferrari motorhome that night and you didn't want to. your mental health was already fucked as it is and you didn't want to make it worse for the second season, if you were even getting a seat in the next season.

thankfully, ferrari saw the potential in you and resigned with you for a multi-year contract, up until 2027. surprisingly, you had offers from different teams but refused to meet up with them as you were already signed to the iconic red team.

it was finally the winter break and everyone was off races until next year, it felt good. not having to attend multiple parties every month and socialize with people that you really didn't give a fuck about but needed their networking in order to boost your career.

being a female in motorsports was hard, you had never shared your hardships with anyone. knowing that they probably didn't have the same difficulties as you getting through the ranks.

you remembered the taunts, the teasing looks from the boys you were competing against in the karting days but those looks and the taunts gave you enough to propel you to the spot you had now.

"oh look, it's the girly girl driving today. must be an easy race for you ey?" one of the friends of the boy that you were competing today taunted you near enough so you could hear.

it hurt. hearing those words hurt.

you were 14.

and was just discovering the world of misogyny that the motorsports world was filled with.

the competing driver just laughed and shrugged him off.

your dad had looked at you softly before bending down to look you in the eye, he had heard all of the taunts, seen all of the looks and knew how down you felt in your career, but he always encouraged you to push forward.

"you got this champ, ignore them. you are miles a better driver than he is, go wipe the floor with his ass."

and that you did.

you continued to wipe the floor with his ass that race, the smug look on your face was priceless as you saw him look at you angrily and storm off to cry to his daddy about how a girl just beat him in a race.

the plan was stay at home in monaco until someone dragged you out, but a late night snack sounded nice.

begrudgingly listening to your grumbling stomach, you decided to get up and head to the convenience store down the street of the lavish apartment complex you lived at in monaco.

it felt refreshing just to be out and about in monaco without a care in the world what strategies and what upgrades ferrari would bring the next weekend. it wasn't the hardest job in the world but you told yourself that you deserved this long-needed break.

you exited your apartment and locked it, making sure to bring all you needed, your phone and apartment keys and access keycard. your eyes travelled to the door in front of you with lots of folded but used boxes in front of them.

you wondered if someone had moved in but pushed it to the back of your mind as you heard your stomach grumble again.

okay maybe ramen doesn't sound too bad right now...

you walked over to the elevator and pressed the button, but before you could, the doors opened and you were surprised to see who you were faced with.

"oh, hi y/n," max breathed out, his eyes were puffy and face was red as if he was just finished crying, you were genuinely concerned as he exited out of the elevator, the words stuck in your throat. you didn't know what to say, so you blurted something out.

"what are you doing at my apartment complex?" it sounded stupid, and you quickly reprimanded yourself for it inside.

max locked eyes with you before letting out a laugh, despite the despair that was lingering in his eyes, "you do know that multiple people can live in an apartment, right? that's what they're supposed to do."

you internally smacked yourself on the head before letting out a small laugh as well, the elevator doors closed as it dinged to another floor. you looked away from max, trying to press the button for the elevator to come back but it was useless.

"were you heading out?" max asked as you didn't answer his last question, getting distracted from the elevator going to another floor. you finally looked back at him and nodded.

"sorry for the stupid question, i just didn't expect you to live here. on the same floor as me, no less," you spoke gently, as if not wanting to stir any unwanted drama off the grid in the off season, "but yeah, i was quite hungry so i wanted to go to the convenience store down the street to get a bite."

"it's not open 24 hours, i just left to go see myself," max shot you a small smile, "i mean, if you don't mind, i have some instant noodles if you want any?"

you wanted to decline, just go back to your apartment, sleep the hunger off but your idiotic self blurted out another stupid response.

"sure."

you were settled into his apartment and on his sofa, turns out it was the one right across from you. he just moved in. you also didn't know that max was a cat dad. having two cats lovingly named sassy and jimmy, named based from clubs located in monaco. you wanted to laugh at the stupidity of the names.

max was in his kitchen cooking up the instant noodles that he promised earlier. his cat, sassy— or was it jimmy? it was hard to tell them apart, they looked the same— was curled up in your lap, purring to its heart's content.

you pet the cat gently, liking the way she— or he?— purred. they sounded a little bit like an f1 car which made you giggle a little.

the sound of two bowls being set down in front of you on the coffee table broke you out of your little trance with the kitty, you looked up to see max's soft smile, sitting on the floor across from you.

"which one is this?" you ask as you point to the cat snoozing on your lap, max looked up from his bowl of instant noodles, before responding.

"that one is sassy," max spoke, grabbing a pair of chopsticks that he left on the table as he set the bowls down earlier, "come eat."

you nod as you sit on the floor, still across from him to take the chopsticks as well and start to dig into the instant noodles. it wasn't the best thing in the world but your stomach thanked you for it.

you both ate in a comfortable silence before jimmy approached you and started playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie, pawing at it and making you smile, "hi there, you like my hoodie?" you giggled as you pet the cat gently pawing and biting on the strings.

"excuse him, he's quite the playful one," max said in between bites of his noodles, you paid it no mind. the cute little bugger already stole your heart.

you continued eating in silence with him before thinking back to how you found him in the elevator, puffy eyed and red faced, you wanted to ask but was scared that it might come off as intrusive.

"if you don't mind me asking, are you okay?" you asked, going against your gut, assuming that he would probably do the same for you if he had found you in the elevator crying, "you looked like you had been crying earlier, is everything okay?"

max, who had his eyes locked onto you when you first asked the question now looked away to another part of the apartment, he took a pause before answering your question.

"i moved into this apartment because i broke up with my girlfriend and... it's just hard," max breathed out, as if the answer was tight in his chest, "we were in a relationship for four years, it's hard to let go of something like that, you know?"

you nod before finishing up your noodles, not really knowing what else to say. max also didn't add on top of what he said earlier.

it was only when you were getting up and go and excuse yourself back into his apartment when he said something, "thank you for the instant noodles max, i think it's time for me to head back to my apartment though."

"i- uh— do you want to watch a movie–? with me? or i mean if you're tired you can head back... i just need a little human company tonight if that's fine with you," max stuttered over his sentences and you couldn't help but find it cute for a moment.

you scolded yourself for a second before making another stupid decision for the night.

"okay."

testing the car felt great, no big problems whatsoever. lap times were more than satisfactory and it was time for bed. you were tired. being an introvert meant that there was limited social battery for people and it meant that it was time for bed.

"what are your thoughts on the car?" charles came up to you after you got out of yours, taking off your helmet and balaclava, you shot him a small smile.

"it feels better than last year, i think it's fine. i just have a small issue with the brakes, but so far it's alright. we'll just have to see in the first race," you spoke to him and he agreed with you about the brakes. they were kind of slow to respond to the touch, you had to tell your mechanics about that.

you off season had spent mostly with your friends and family. the occasional dinner at either your apartment or max's but that was it. you haven't contacted the other drivers, and they didn't either.

you had speculated that maybe it was because you were a woman and they were scared of women— that was a joke.

this round of testing was done in barcelona, catalunya wasn't one of your favorite tracks but you managed. you were excited to try out the car in abu dhabi though, one of your best tracks. scoring good lap times even when you were a rookie.

as you retired the car for the night, you took off your racing gear, gloves, suit and all. you wore a simple sweater and some shorts to get back to the hotel, but what you didn't expect was max to come up to you and talk.

"hey," he waved you over as you were about to leave the track, he was seen in some red bull gear.

of course he was.

"hey max," you waved at him, you didn't know whether to feel comfortable in his presence or awkward, considering you did spend a bit of time with him in the off season.

"how was your car? i saw you flying with charles earlier," max chuckled, you shrugged with a smile on your lips, the car did feel great. he wasn't lying when he said you were flying with charles.

"yeah, great speed and control for this year," you told him, fiddling with the strap of your bag, "how was your car? you got your problems from last year fixed?" you asked him, you had heard him complain about his "wagon" a few times when you guys were spending time with eachother in his apartment.

"unfortunately no, i told them that we're still having the same problems as last year. i guess it's better but it's still not 100%," max had told you before gesturing to the exit, "you wanna walk with me to the hotel?"

you nod and just listening to him talk the entire time you guys were walking to the hotel. you didn't feel like talking and he was the yapper in the dynamic so you let him talk your ear off, you didn't mind though.

"—and imagine! sassy was there, behind the door. staring at me like i did something wrong but she was the one that locked themselves inside of the room. i had a punch a hole in the door to get them. it was ridiculous," max shook his head as you guys entered the hotel lobby.

you just laughed and made your way to the elevators, thinking back to that time when you had found him in your apartment building, puffy eyed. i guess that was the start of the healing in your relationship, no longer angry at him but still feeling a little bitter about your could've been maiden win.

"your cats are adorable, i would forgive them," you had spoken softly to max while pressing the button in order to go to the floor you needed, max rolled his eyes.

"they're lucky i love them," max had scoffed sarcastically, "well, what about you? you don't really talk much about your personal life..."

"there's not much to talk about," you shrug and shove your hands in you pockets, your family dynamic was complicated. people who knew you on a deep personal level knew that and you didn't know whether you were ready to spill that particular can of worms to max just yet.

"my family life is not great, but i have friends to help. that's all i can say for now," you glance at max who had his eyes on you, but he nodded. he knew a thing or two about an unstable relationship with family.

"which floor are you staying at?" you ask him as the elevator dinged, trying to change the subject but not being subtle about it, signaling that it was at the current floor you guys were at, ready to pick you guys up and deliver you to whatever floor you desired.

"the twelfth, you?" max had asked as he stepped into the elevator as soon as its doors opened, you followed suit.

"i am too, i guess the drivers are all put in the same floor for ease," you shrug but max shook his head, objecting your statement.

"usually, it's the teams that decide which floors to put the drivers. it's based off of room availability. coincidentally, we just stay at the same floor," max had corrected you, you didn't say anything back to that. social battery more than dead.

you had thought it would be funny if you guys were placed right across from eachother just like at home. the elevator ride was filled in comfortable silence, you appreciated that it never felt awkward being silent for a period of time with max.

as the elevator dinged once again, you and max exited.

"well, i'm off to bed, goodnight max," you wave him off as he went right and you went left, "i hope you rest well, we have a flight to catch tomorrow."

you had walked away and he had too, but you heard something that made you turn around.

"you wanna fly with me?" max had almost blurted out, now you fully turned to look at him, you guys were quite far from eachother.

"what..?"

"i have a private jet, do you want to fly with me?"

"max, what the hell? why do you have a private jet?"

"just answer the question."

"i'll double check with my manager and give you an answer later," you shook your head, him having a private jet was definitely not something out of his character, but you didn't know. he never brought it up on the late nights you would spend with him.

"alright, goodnight y/n," max had a small smile toying on his lips, he was waving before you rolled your eyes playfully and waved back, turning back around to rest up.

he's insane.

there you were the next day, on a flight straight to abu dhabi sat with max verstappen. no one had asked for a ride with him, so it was just the two of you on the plane with flight crew.

you didn't know whether to thank the gods or to curse them out for ferrari not having booked a flight for you yet last night.

you were chatting with him, about and anything except for your cars or the race upcoming in abu dhabi. you didn't want to think about that right now, you had told him at the start that you were feeling anxious about it and he respected your wishes and didn't talk about it.

as you landed in abu dhabi, ferrari staff were awaiting your arrival. max was hot in pursuit behind you, you figured it would've been nice to talk and say thank you for the flight but one of the ferrari staff present, your pr manager jessica had come up to you to interrupt your train of thought.

"so, y/n. we have some media coverage to do today, you have a few things to say and address," jessica had explained but you looked up at her confused, what did she mean by 'address'?

max was right behind you and gave you a teasing look that said, 'being bombarded with work already?'

you wanted to roll your eyes and laugh.

when did your relationship get that casual?

"can i at least thank max for the flight before you throw me into media duties?" you rubbed your temples as jessica handed you over an ipad filled with things you needed to answer and address.

jessica lets you go with her hands up held in the air, like she was a guilty criminal.

you turn and look at max who was now next to you, "thank you for the flight max, it was nice chatting with you," you told him before he gave you a small smile.

"no problem, call me if you need another flight. i need a new jet buddy anyway, last one told me to fuck off and stole my apartment," he waved you off before walking away, you really wanted to laugh now. he was so silly.

you finally looked over to the ipad before gasping.

address relationship rumors with max verstappen.

what the fuck was happening?

you were on the press conference line up for today, and of course pr responses rolled off your tongue as if you gave a fuck.

you just wanted to drive, why were press conferences so necessary for you to drive?

"last question for l/n before we end the press conference," one of the journalists spoke up as you nodded, mic up on your mouth, ready to give whatever bullshit they wanted to hear, "what is your current status with max verstappen?"

you wanted to vomit.

"sorry, what do you mean by that? can you clarify?"

"rumors are spreading around that you were spotted boarding his private jet, do you have a comment?"

"well, all i can say is that if i was a man, this news wouldn't be happening. i'm just friends with verstappen, nothing more, nothing less. please refrain from asking me ridiculous questions like these, i just want to drive," you had shot back, thinking that the question was ridiculous, all because you were on the same flight as him?

the press conference wrapped him and charles nudged you, a teasing look on his face.

"'i just wanna drive', ey?" charles laughed and you smiled at his teasing look, knowing that it was all in good fun, "nice job at shooting down the journalists. they have no boundaries sometimes."

"thank you, just because i'm a woman," you joked back and charles laughed, "let's make this testing worth it because i want to beat his ass now."

the abu dhabi grand prix weekend was in full swing, the paddock being filled with people here to watch the race or staff from respective teams trying to wrangle their drivers or trying to fetch important people crucial for the race.

fireproofs were on and a ferrari cap was sat atop of your head, waiting for the go ahead of the engineers for you to sit in your car and finally drive.

quali day today, and you were starving for a fight.

"you look so serious, amour," a soft voice spoke up as you tore your gaze away from your car, looking up at the owner of the voice. it was alexandra, charles' girlfriend.

"oh hey, alex," you laughed, stood up and greeted her, "how are you doing? i haven't been seeing you around the paddock," alex hugged you and smiled at you, she was always nice to you, much like her boyfriend.

"yeah, i've been busy with dealing with things at home, how are you? you seem quite eager for today's quali," alex had asked as you laughed, apologizing for your seriousness today.

"i was quite angry at the journalist the other day for bringing up me and verstappen's relationship status. i just want to take pole today. don't mess with an angry woman, right?"

alex would only laugh at your statement, knowing full well that you were right.

"AND WITH THAT L/N MAKES A STATEMENT TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DOUBTED HER IN HER ROOKIE YEAR, SHE TAKES POLEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"let's fucking go anthony!" you screamed into the radio as he informs you that you start first place in tomorrow's race.

"you deserve this, you worked so hard to get up to this point. i'm very proud of you kid," anthony spoke to you through the radio before you pulled into the pits, your side of the garage was awaiting you with full smiles on their faces.

and this is why i race.

you exit the car and you're immediately swarmed with hugs and cheers.

"l/n takes pole, l/n takes pole, l/n takes pole!" were the cheers of your engineers as they lifted you on their shoulders and screamed, the screams in the crowd mixed with the adrenaline of the pole made you smile the widest.

"I TAKE POLE THIS WEEKEND, LET'S FUCKING GO!" you yell on the top of your lungs, your engineers were so happy. everyone was happy.

you were rewriting the history of motorsport by force, whether they liked it or not.

you were one of the first few women to enter f1 and the first woman to take pole ever.

this was your break. this was what you deserved– no, this was what you worked hard for. all those years of people doubting you, telling you that you had no place in the sport, that you didn't know how to drive, that you didn't deserve to drive all because you were a woman. to prove all of your doubters wrong. to tell the world that, hey. i'm here, i'm here to prove every single person wrong.

and as if a weight was lifted off your chest, tears freeflowed onto your cheeks.

i fucking took pole today and i'm gonna win again, and again, and again.

you exhale deeply, it was refreshing to not see any cars in front of you for the first time ever. starting front row, on pole no less was exhilarating.

you weren't going to let this go to waste. you were going to take this opportunity by the balls and turn into your first win.

you felt it in your bones.

"AND FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS SEASON, IT'S LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO!"

hi there, an anon had recently informed me that y/n being the first female driver in formula history is actually not accurate in real life, so i edited the parts for off the grid from this point backwards to fix any mistakes in my writing. so sorry for not doing my due diligence and actually researching the history of women being in this sport. looking forward to do better in the future.

- aria 🤍

[tyunniebbang]

oh so flirty : boyfriend enha

—💌 let's sugar talk !

content: boyfriend headcanons with ot7

no content warnings, all fluff!

little pecks, a soft head pat — heeseung would be a quiet lover. despite being well known for his extremely flirty stage persona, he realises that he likes to show his love with small actions. that way, he knows how to clearly separate enhypen's Lee Heeseung and The Lee Heeseung, himself. he loves it when you look at him knowingly, a silent conversation, telling him you absolutely love his attention. going to work? have a kiss, baby.

"do you want some dinner, love?" — jay would be such a caring lover. mothering you every other minute, you might be convinced that he's mama duck and he just loves his little duckling (you). coming home feels so comfortable, seeing jay nursing his kimchi stew meant for your delicious dinner. he scoops your portion of rice and pats your butt to tell you to hurry up. nothing swells up his heart more to see you so happy while munching down on his food.

a gift, a bouquet of flowers, a peck to welcome you home — jake is an absolute romantic. flirty is his middle name, he never stops to amaze you with his advances. it's awkward, but your cute little romantic would wait for you outside the door everyday, refusing to stay inside. it's like coming home to a puppy with a large wagging tail everyday. his eyes sparkles when he sees your silhouette nearing and calls out your name.

"aye~ i know all about you!"— park sunghoon is really an enigma. he squabbles, fights, teases you till no end. yet somehow that's exactly how he shows his love. when park sunghoon bickers with you, you know ultimately he's right. goodness me, how does he know everything about you? he's down to every detail and knows every strand of hair that makes you perfect, your personality that he loves.

yapper one and two — nothing beats a date at a quaint little cafe, sitting at the corner table with sunoo. chit chatting your woes away, sharing about the crazy things you've seen this past week at your university. maybe you don't notice, but sunoo likes to gaze at you when you go on about your long rant about... something that he forgot. none of that matters when he wants to appreciate your beauty.

fluffy this, fluffy that — everytime jungwon goes out, he has to commit himself to buy one plushie that looks like you. and cue the 30 minute yap about how he thinks you are equally as adorable as a spiky komodo dragon. everything reminds him of you, he misses you so much it's borderline attachment issues. it's probably time to tell jungwon that you don't take up majority of the space on your bed anymore. maybe he needs to find something new to get you.

"what- no, i don't like you!" — niki is a 100% tsundere. at first, you thought he was just an immature little kitten, but his feelings have seemed to slowly develop for you. he's going to explode if he doesn't do something. you wonder, why is this tall threatening emo boy suddenly bringing you coffee milk and a delicious strawberry cake? his pale cheeks turn pink whenever he sees you. does he... like you?

[lunarmoves]

Can't stop thinking of the scenario where y/n leaves the Pizzaplex feeling like Sun honestly wanted them gone, and Sun becomes obsessed with finding them and also leads a robot apocalypse. What would happen if y/n caught wind that Sun is looking specifically for them and seeing all that has happened with the robots takes that as "Oh no, I thought he tolerated me but turns out he dislikes me so much he personally wants to get rid of me himself" so they try extra hard to go into hiding out of fear of what will happen if they're captured and taken to him?

ohhh my goddd nonnie u are so big brained!!!!!!! thank u for sending this in bc honestly i have also been thinking about this au for a while LMAO. if i was strong enough i would write a 50k fic spliced into two arcs (im thinking about it so hard u have no idea!!!!!!) for this but alas.... /stares at my incomplete wips/ i am not </3

(added in from future shay: what have u done nonnie this became so much longer than i'd intended, u basically get the whole fic outline here. cw for death and murder n stuff, typical fnaf. also spoilers for a fic i may or may not write?? like. this is me brainstorming and shoving all my ideas here lol. literally all of them)

okay so... let us set the stage a little bc i can't help myself. arc1 of this hypothetical fic would of course involve the pizzaplex where reader and sun get "closer" over the course of like a year. maybe more. well sun feels close to you. you, on the other hand, do not. why would you? this robot has been so passive aggressive with you and though it seems like he's nice enough to you (in comparison to the other humans), you really don't like how he treats you some days. what he says about humanity as a whole. you can't help it! yeah humanity sucks sometimes and robots were built to be everything that humans aren't, but he can't generalize in the way that he does at times and forget that these are people!! with feelings and ambitions and dreams! 'superiority complex' doesn't even begin to cover his issues, gahh!!

(the fact that he's been treated like absolute shit, working in the daycare does not help whatsoever. the mean parents, the kids who don't listen to him, the staff tht does the bare minimum on him in terms of maintenance because he's the daycare robot and not one of the glamrocks. it grinds his gears)

i imagine the reader in this fic believes that robots are indeed sentient, which is why you try to get sun to recognize and acknowledge his own emotions/feelings (which he vehemently denies, even tho there are literal riots happening worldwide regarding robot sentience. he's lying to you. you know he's lying to you. but you don't know why he denies it so much. ((maybe this is the point where he catches feels for reader and is denying the fact tht he's crushing on a human lol)). the government is not happy about these uprisings, of course, and every day the news shows more and more chaos unfolding as robots get tired of the conditions they are in). but eventually, things boil over and you end up leaving. that, and it's becoming more dangerous, living in this area, with everything going on. maybe your parents are trying to convince you to move elsewhere. maybe there are other external circumstances. in any case, you leave. there is nothing at the pizzaplex for you anymore, sun has made that clear.

(and moon... well, moon has been quiet lately. too quiet. you don't know what happened to him, he won't even look at you when you manage to get some time with him when the lights go out after your shift)

((i imagine this is maybe around when they get infected. that makes everything even more complicated. if you thought sun was obsessive before, then that's nothing compared to a glitched out sun unforch. it just amplifies the more questionable aspects of his entire personality. and like, he doesn't even have vanny/afton commanding him bc as soon as he gets the virus? he kills both of them))

(((also im imagining moon and sun don't really get along in this au bc they have differing ideals/views. like to balance out sun's unhingedness, moon is significantly quieter and softer and deffo does not believe in robot superiority lol. if anything, maybe he has an inferiority complex pfft poor guy. doesn't help when he gets glitchtrap'd and wakes up with blood on his hands)))

okay so you leave, right? and a few weeks later, you see the news on your phone--the pizzaplex has burned down. you don't know how to feel about it. sure you've been friendly to the glamrocks and stuff, but you find yourself thinking about sun and moon. there's a mention of one death--a blond woman, who died from her neck snapping before the flames could reach her. you don't want to think of the implications of that. there's no mention of the glamrocks--of sun or moon or the dj. you're not sure if the news anchors are just excluding robots, but either way, it makes your heart sink. you take a moment to mourn. bc at the end of the day.... you did know sun for over a year.

not even a few days after that, there is a robot uprising in your city. it's... bad. you're at home, watching the news with your apartment half in shambles from your plan on moving back home with your parents. in my head, since utah is home to fazco (a megacorporation with hands in the development of a LOT of the robots seen in society), it also means it's a hotspot for robot riots and the like. fazco vehemently denies robot sentience because it would mean a loss of money in acknowledging their workers are people yk how it is. as such, there are maany protests and riots and stuff, from both humans and robots. it's a shitshow.

ANYWAYS you're at home and it becomes evidently clear that you need to get out of dodge as soon as you can. they were killing people. the robots, built by human hands, were killing. it brings about absolute chaos. in prior riots/protests there were never deaths. injuries, maybe, but never deaths. people start evacuating like crazy.

you catch a glimpse on the news that the violent uprising in utah caused a chainlink reaction to extend all across the nation. maybe even the world. you're scrambling all over your apartment with the tv on the news, doing your best to pack up the essentials. there's live coverage on the tv from a helicopter somewhere not far from your apartment complex. and you're able to catch a glimpse of bright rays and a cheshire, white smile on the screen--leading what looks like an army of robots--before it cuts out.

you don't even know what to think. the image is seared into your eyes, the blood that painted yellow hands and a crescent face.

you get the hell out of your apartment and book it as far as you can. communications are down everywhere--the thing about robots? they know exactly where to hit humans to cause a catastrophe. as such, your phone is useless. they've hijacked the satellites and took down certain powergrids. having a phone on you would only be a detriment, so you ditch it. there's only you now. you must survive.

and then there's a bit of a time skip to start arc2. in this duration, you're long gone from that city in utah, living with a small survival group. if you've read my summer camp au fic, this is where i'll bring in "OCs" such as vincent (a play on 2015 vincent) and jeremy (fitzgerald or the VR guy tht used to work for fazco), maybe michael if i really wanna au fudge everything. you all live day by day, trying to run away from the robots.

at this point, a majority of humanity has either been killed or has gone into hiding. i think while the robots don't want to eradicate humanity completely (after all, there are certain tasks that need humans n such), they definitely want to make them a minority. they are a little more than halfway through their goal.

it's very difficult to evade robot surveillance. there are drones everywhere. all cameras are hijacked. i'm imagining a kind of cyberpunk type world. you have EMPs and tasers that you can use to disable electronics, but they're made from scraps you and your group scavenged. and upon immediately using one, all robots in the area are informed of your presence, so they can only be used in rare and desperate circumstances. they are all connected to the same network, which means they can have a hive mind, at times. life is scary, in this regard. big brother is watching.

you've heard rumors of a human base underground somewhere--a place safe from robots with the proper defenses. accepting to any and all. the only tough thing was finding the damn place, but you've seen the clues in graffiti and hidden messages designed to trick AI (think: captcha). you and your group just wants to get to that damn base and stop living in fear all the time, being out in the open or crawling as stealthily as you can through empty streets.

the one thing sun used to emphasize to you? the way robots are more efficient. and that they are. you see it in the way a new metropolis shines like a beacon on the horizon. they've already built their own kingdom of sorts. and their ruler? you grimace as you think about sharp rays and wide, white eyes. you haven't seen him in ages--not since that initial broadcast. but you hear the whispered rumors and news. how he has created a robot haven--the celestial city. how he scorns humans. you blame yourself sometimes. maybe if you had stayed and tried harder to convince sun that humans aren't all too bad, none of this would have happened.

(a memory comes to you--of your time back at the pizzaplex. of you sitting atop the security desk and kicking your feet lightly as you entertain sun's... uniqueness. ambitions--that you did not take as seriously as you should have.

"okay, i'll bite," you said in amusement. "what would a robot takeover look like for you?"

sun cocked his head, hands fidgeting with a plush. "hmm. well. i suppose it would be a very quick thing, for one. hit hard and fast." he squeezed the plush. "take down comms. strike power sources. go for those in power first, then the weaker ones." he gave you a shrug and an unreadable smile. "from then on, carnage."

and you--silly silly you--just rolled your damn eyes at him like he was joking around with you and asked him about more hypotheticals. picking his brain, in a way. it was exact with how it played out in real time. you thought about this often, at the dead of night.

it was all your fucking fault)

and then, one day, the scout/informant of your little group--jeremy probably--comes back with some news. the celestial ruler--sun--has been taking human hostages. it's been happening for a while now, apparently, almost nearly as long as the uprising. jeremy pulls out some hazy photographs he's gotten from some of the other humans he exchanges info with. you look at them, the hostages.

after a minute or two of staring, you realize something.

they all sort of resemble you.

there's a clear pattern actually. your hair or your face shape or your eyes or your smile. some combination of them. but never actually you. you ask jeremy what it all means, and he hesitatingly says that it looks like sun is looking for someone. it's clear to everyone who it is as they all stare at you.

and you? you're panicking.

he's looking specifically for you. just you. you've never heard of the robots taking hostages, and you have no idea what he's doing with them, but it can't be anything good. especially since he keeps taking more and more of your lookalikes hostage. you think back to your time at the pizzaplex--so distant, now, that it almost feels like a dream.

he wants to kill you himself. you're sure of it.

now you're trying even harder to get to that underground base. you go completely dark, doing your best to evade detection--and i imagine there are quite a few close calls, definitely a few instances where your face is captured on camera or you have to use an EMP. until finally, you and your group manage to integrate into the underground human base.

'base' doesn't even properly describe it. it's a whole city, actually, with unsteady houses made of wood and cloth. it's the perfect place to hide.

you spend a while down there, occasionally venturing up when you're allowed to by the guards (it's rare, very very rare). the city has strict rules that must be followed to ensure it's not found. the ones in charge are constantly looking for news on the actions of sun and the majority of robots. they don't really keep the citizens updated--it would cause too much chaos, you think. but you hear whispers now and then. (the robots have expanded territory. france is completely gone. australia's still holding out. most of china and india have been taken over and their factories have all been transformed to mass produce more robots)

for the first time in a while, you think you can find peace down here. it was only inevitable that this would be ruined one day.

you wake up to chaos.

the underground is under siege. the robots have found you.

you run out of your makeshift house and have to dodge crumbling stone. explosions rock through the air, sending dust and debris everywhere. you're scared for your life--your only instinct is to run run run get out it's not safe! you don't know where your friends are. you don't know if they're alive. for a moment, you hesitate. and then you're bolting to try to find them. they had their own little homes not too far from you. you can find them. no man left behind.

you can hear bullets and the hum of energy everywhere. people are screaming and crying all around you. you see people dying before your eyes, impaled by beams of light or stray bullets. it's all you can do to dodge and weave towards vincent's house.

but before you can get there, something tackles you from behind. you roll across dirt, and find yourself pinned under a robot--a staffbot from the pizzaplex, you realize. except it looks--different. more high tech.

it seems to scan your face. and just before it can finish, you manage to grab a stray metal rod laying on the ground next to you and stab it right through the eye.

you scramble, getting as far away as you can from the thing. but-- you run right into the path of a crumbling building. it buries you halfway under thick wood, and something sears its way through your leg. you're trapped. you're trapped and there's no one around to help you.

and just when you're on the brink of passing out, you see him. standing in front of you a ways away. those same star-patterned pants and dangling cap. but he's different somehow, he looks different. you can't place it, your vision blurring into red and purple.

moon looks at you as though you are the last thing he wants to see. and then you faint.

when you wake up, you're in a bedroom. your leg is in a cast and there are crutches near your bed.

it's... the nicest room you've seen in a while. the windows are covered by thick curtains that let in a sliver of light. you have to blink a bit to let your eyes adjust. and then you get up, noticing you aren't in the same ratty, dirty clothes you'd been wearing for forever.

you try the door first. it's locked. there's a sinking sensation in your gut that gets stronger and stronger the closer you get to the window. and when you pull open the curtains, you gasp at the towering buildings, bright green and blue light, and flying drones.

you are in the middle of the celestial city.

you panic hard. and then you notice the camera in the corner of the room, looking right at you. big brother is definitely watching. you give him the bird.

you wallow around in the bedroom for a bit. you are hungry, you cannot deny. and there is only a glass of water for you set on your nightstand.

but eventually, the door opens of its own accord. an automatic lock, you suppose. and it swings open into a dark hall. you do not have any other choice but to follow. it's clear you are being summoned.

there are no places for you to run or hide. you travel down a long hallway and end up in a wide room with someone tall standing at the far end by the window. it's a scene straight out of a movie. you are not impressed.

the figure turns around, and you do a double take. it's sun--yet it's not.

he looks different. taller, stronger. with clawed fingers and rays that look deadly to the touch. his smile is sharper, his torso has all sorts of compartments and attachments. he was modded to all hell, just like that staffbot you saw earlier. it had to have been self inflicted.

he only stares at you, really. white eyes rake up and down your form, taking you in. you don't say a word, only look back at him. and then you flinch slightly when someone emerges from the shadows next to sun.

it's... moon. looking just as modded as sun. you're confused. when did they become separate? but honestly, you think it makes sense. they never really liked each other. it makes sense that sun would want to be separated as soon as possible--and they had the resources to do so. you just wonder why they're still working together. comfort in the familiarity, maybe.

moon doesn't meet your eye. you notice his is different--the red tinged with purple. sun doesn't look away from you. it makes you uneasy.

you don't know why you're here, but one thing's clear: you are not getting out of here anytime soon.

i'm honestly not sure how to end things, but in my head there's a lot of reconciliation that needs to happen. obv sun is so incredibly down bad for you at this point (and moon), but there are many issues that need to be tackled first.

sun doesn't understand why you're so wary around him. moon keeps avoiding you at every turn. there's still an entire revolution and remaking of society happening. you are constantly being watched by cameras in the building. i can't picture things as returning to normal--post uprising--but i also don't know how to end things on a happy note LOL, though i do want to instead of killing off reader or sun/moon. maybe it'll be a bittersweet sort of end, maybe reader finally gets through to sun. maybe eclipse will make an appearance (jk, idk how i would even do that, this might be an eclipse-less fic).

in any case, the next bit would be a lot of sun and reader connecting better than they had in the pizzaplex, a lot of sun trying to understand humans better cuz he's trying to court you-- and has long come to accept his emotions tbh. tho he's still kind of mad at you for leaving, so there needs to be a conversation of sorts about why you left before sun can really begin to understand how he appears to you. idk!

i also feel like moon isnt nearly fleshed out as sun is?? i dunno, i might have to think some more about him. i just know he's terrified of hurting you, esp with him still having the virus (and sun, but he has better control of it). gonna be a lot of work on your part to get him to be comfortable around you again. also, he doesn't like the fact that society has come to this. he lowkey resents sun, but he doesn't have anyone else. what's a bot to do?

also there may be a scene where your survival group tries to save you lol, maybe with an army that tries to seize control of the celestial city. which may work. this would be a bad end, i think, cuz there's no way sun's getting out of that alive.

anyways yeah. i rambled enough LMAOO whoopsie! i rly just regurgitated all the thoughts in my head. no promises that this will be a fic, i've got enough on my plate as is LOL

[disabledfurry]

i may have made this post already

happy disability pride month to people with conditions that cause muscle atrophy and weakness, especially progressive muscle atrophy and weakness

to people who choke all the time, to people for whom swallowing hurts or is so uncomfortable it makes eating and drinking miserable, to people with moderate to severe gerd, to people who can't get rid of gas and it just stays trapped in their chest or stomach and hurts, to people who get nauseous every time they eat, to people who don't want to eat because of how it makes them feel, to people who get sick after eating, to people with dumping syndrome

to people who are losing the ability to walk even with an aid

to people who can't pull themself out of a seat easily or at all

to people who are losing the ability to pee or use the bathroom on their own, to people with chronic constipation and urine retention, to people in serious pain because of those things

to people who can't easily cry or laugh or cough or who can't cry or laugh or cough at all, to people who get or are too weak to talk, to people who have to fight to keep breathing, to people who stop breathing over and over because they're too weak to do it anymore, to people with worsening heart problems, to people who hallucinate and are confused from lack of oxygen and do and say strange things that they regret later because of it

to people who are losing the ability to use their hands, to people who struggle to grab and hold onto things, who drop stuff often, to artists with atrophied and weakening hands especially, to people who use speech to text or wish they could but it doesn't work with their voices or accent

to people for whom chewing is tiring, to people who can't chew on their own

to people who can't blow their noses

to people who can't hold their head up or sit up on their own

to people who are losing their sight or hearing

to people who can't move without feeling like they've been working out, to people whose muscles are always sore, to people who often can't be touched without pain, to people with angry nerves, to people who like me get random pinching and searing, to anyone else that's getting worse for

to people whose muscles twitch constantly

to people who are in bed all the time or most of the time, to people who feel like they're asleep more often than they're awake, to people who are forced to lay down and then can't even talk or open their eyes because they're too weak

to people who also have worsening cognitive issues, to people who thrash and twitch and twist, to people who have always had seizures or just started having them, to people who stutter and stammer and can't make sense, to people who just "feel really weird"

to people for whom everything seems like a fight because their muscles just don't want to work

to people who are losing or who have lost the ability to do adls

to people who have already lost a lot of things and will lose more

i just wanted to make a post. i can't list every experience, but tried to list as many as i could think of of my own, and as many as i know about. i think having this experience is lonely, for what it is, especially if you have no support irl. i rarely meet anyone like me, i really only know of 3 people, 4 tangentially- someone offered to connect me to her, but i feel like it's weird to ask. i wish i met more of us in the wild, as it were, and not by chance like someone's spun a wheel. i'm also glad i guess that this isn't that common of an experience considering how much it hurts. i always just feel really distraught and insecure about both being able to see and feel my body deteriorate. i worry about what i'll lose next. i worry about how to supplement what i have lost. i worry about my chest as a whole and my esophagus and my bladder and my stomach and my brain and my spine and my heart.

there's a lot of things i could say if i knew how to say it, but anyway, i'm glad you're here. i just really hope you have fun.