#ugggggh idk.
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#my old fandom is finally back from hiatus.#watching new episodes for it brought me such an intense amount of joy#but the moment i tried to like. consider engaging in fandom again i was hit with horrible anxiety.#it feels dumb to have such a mix of emotions over a series that means so much to me#like i miss my ot4 i miss them so so badly#but i dont want to go back to people insulting me every 5 minutes bc i cant like the right shit the right way.#and that was just my entire fandom experience no matter where i went and it was infuriating#and also just. depressing.#i felt like i had to make everything a certain way or no one would like me.#i was lowkey kinds right too lmfao the moment i actually dropped forcing myself to make only the stuff people wanted#half them stopped engaging with me at all. so like.#ugggggh idk.#i know the people who do care will just tell me to do whatever makes me happy#i think the issue is i don't *know* what makes me happy anymore#theres a thick layer of anxiety no matter what i pick these days#we feel so foggy all the time too idk who i am half the time.#sky talks#bleh
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things I am adding to the elan 5 petri dish that I am going to put under the microscope:
also I think its fun to note he did not raise his score at all the entire fight, he's absolutely serious about living as long as he can
#elan ceres#gundam witch spoilers#gwitch spoilers#gwitch#also he looks so much like elan 4 when hes piloting with a serious face#which duh they have the same face but STILL. I guess its bc its usually easy to differentiate them bc elan5 smiles all the time#I would make this a video but I lost the only video editor I know how to use and idk how to get one on this new laptop ugggggh
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#my artwork#digital artwork#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#commisions open#taking commisions#art commisions#idk anymore man#ugggggh#i dont know why i do anything anymore#galaxy wooooosh
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the NORMAL book to read in a tree on campus at my very professional adult job is the scientific history book, but the one that WILL get me the look of absolute befuddlement and mild consternation I crave from my supervisor is the gnostic gospels, so here we are
#jk I will probably put the actual fuckin library book I still have to finish in my backpack like the smart cookie I am#I have had at least one of my library books for over a year. and at this point it's just a point of spite that I will finish it.#tbh I may return that one cuz it's just a media studies book on time travel in tv and film and I'm like. what are you gonna tell me.#what are you going to impart to me that I don't already know.#I've got a media degree and have watched every piece of media referenced in the book. what do you have to tell me.#however. derrida on time is like. I NEED TO GET THROUGH THAT BOOK. FUCK. for my soul#DON'T @ me we've known I'm insane in this particular way. if you didn't idk what to tell you okay.#I have to say I've done very well at not buying books. I have bought One all year.#it helps that I haven't gone anywhere. but.#I should go to the used bookstore next to campus tho. cuz I wanna. 'should' I say lmfao.#it's as a treat!!! also I don't think I perused their poetry section last time I was there.#NOT that I don't have like three poetry anthologies to read on my shelf right now. fuck.#hmm maybe I should actually bring the norton native nations poetry anthology instead.#got that one. we want it all (transpoetics). and a book of luminous things.#ugggggh I have so much reading to do.#jesus CHRIST I have a to do list
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Hi guys! So I just realized I haven't been on tumblr in a hot minute, I low-key forgot about it tbh because of testing n all that stuff. And there's still MORE testing coming up so yeah..*cries in finals*
For all of you people who aren't in highschool yet be glad you aren't(not saying middle school isn't hard sometimes)I have to deal with TSI, PSAT, ACT, semester exams, STAAR and finals
Thankfully summer break is coming up soon so once testing is done I will continue writing fanfiction for ya'll and I'll finally have time to finish everyone's requests
Also I'm thinking about doing a Q&A or smth just for funsies,lemme know if that's something you guys would be interested in!
Anyways have a great day everyone!!! Xoxo!!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Here have this picture of Raph
Ok byyyee<33
#idk what to tag here#im not dead#testing#i hate high school#ugggggh#help meeee#im tired#tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt fandom#teenage mutant ninja turtles#ily ily ily#have a great day#xoxo <3
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I want to write. A rwby fic. Because it's back. But I have zero ideas. Hnngn
#i could always write for my silver eye ozpin au#or some more cloqwork#but idk ugggggh#i am suffering
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Djfm3jfjekdklalakeofkemif)f v ffffffffffmeik2mfjfk,gnej,emfirmfmjnvjrjxjcjmwkfivntkwofikwkidirnjicuvjn3if)riv7m3icvjwkomgggggg
#jabber watches retro ee and is emotion#omg 2017 sl so just ugggggh#mick x whitney#mick x linda#L is so right about M#he is such a little boy#he keeps saying idk how I feel uggggggghhhhh#bleck bleck#ohhh the angst#YOU DO NOT LOVE HER BABE
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Guys it didn’t work
Damn this edible ain’t shit
#like it kind of did but I need to FEEL so bad rn#just drank the limoncello from positano my sister got me and god it’s so good like you can taste the dirt on the lemon type lemon in a good#way and like yet it’s so sweet at the same time#not trying to be a stereotypical American who doesn’t know not to sip vs shoot it but I did just drain it in sips rn#ugggggh#going tot he dispensary tmrw asap and I’m getting prerolls idk if my mom gets mad#feeling mildly destructive rn#who even cares#mine
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I still stand by my opinion that TWST has one of the best art there is. The sheer skill and MASTERY in design, composition, and rendering is near unbeatable tbh. A lot of other games overcompensate with shiny color rendering to appeal to the layman but actually suck at anatomy and other areas, but Yana-sensei's mastery in everything really speaks for itself. The art style itself is not something that resounds with everyone at first glance, but when you get to flip through the other pieces, you'll realize with how consistent they are that the artist's skill isn't something to joke about.
Granted, there are some weird renderings (the groovy versions lol) which I'm 100% sure were done by other staff members, but the base forms being this consistently amazing is... amazing. Twst has the type of class that doesn't need to resort to fanservice of boobs and thighs to sell. Twst doesn't milk one character for money and gives opportunity for all characters to shine. Twst isn't afraid to break out of the overdone tux and uniqlo fashion and instead makes great effort to incorporate different cultures to create unique and memorable characters designs.
Twst is like creative masturbación for nerds like me 😫
I could go on and on ugggggh. The art is the BEST fantastic unmatched, but the stories themselves deserve praise too! I'm an overworked woman who can barely log in to play 30 minutes everyday, much less read through those bloated NPC dialogues like Genshin serves lol. But twst! Twst gives me chapters that I can read in 30 seconds and laugh at for an entire five minutes. It's such a great kisser (Keep It Short and Simple). And when it decides to hit you with the feels, it hits HARD. Literally cried so many times during the main story.
Idk. This game's literally just a side game because it's so slow to update, but it remains my absolute favorite. The quality and entertainment it brings is unmatched. I love this gem and I'm so glad I gave it a shot! I hope many more people will get to enjoy this game because they're seriously missing out.
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instead of sleeping i revisited this painting and binged english teacher which ugggggh it made me cry i fear i miss doing that kind of job..what if i was an art teacher…..might be less soul crushing idk..anyway..
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Since I wasn't around since the beginning, why was the relationship between Key and Jonghyun so popular compared to other members? I've read that people were genuinely convinced there was something going on between them, but as heartwarming as their relationship was, I can't really see a difference between some others.
well, back in the early days, when minho was pretending to be all stoic and serious, and he and key were still not seeing eye-to-eye, and jinki was trying to balance being a leader/father-figure/big brother & friend all at the same, whilst national baby taemin followed him around with stars in his eyes, jongkey were kind of the stand out relationship?
during debut era, of course you could see they all had a bond, and were friends, but jongkey just seemed to instantly have that connection, at least, in the most obvious way. idk, they were both so loud, and funny, and of course were not shy when it came to physical affection. they were always hugging and holding hands, and were wrapped around eachother. which, of course fostered a huge shipping culture in the fandom.
so, i think part of it being so popular for years, was because it was probably the first proper ship in shinee. in fact, one of the first fan videos i remember seeing was a jongkey ship video, with all clips from yunhannam and that was barely a month or two after debut.
yunhannam was an early jongkey shippers dream lol.
that and that one behind video from when they were filming a cf, and the members are messing around singing along to the songs playing in the background. ugggggh, i'll have to try and find that after and reblog, because it's truly iconic.
as the years went on, whilst we got to see more of all the members different realtionships, and dynamics, other ships emerged, but jongkey already had a strong fanbase built by this time.
and of course, they grew up, and got closer, and sort of veered into flirty banter & petname territory lol ('watch out babe!') so some fans got quite intense about them.
looking back, i personally see their relationship, as two non-hetereosexual best friends, who are incredibly close, and shared a certain understanding of each other, and their experiences.
but yeah, each member has their own unique relationship with each other, and nealry 16 years in, we can't say that two of them are more close than others. they're family. they're all close in different ways.
but, that took time, and effort to get there.
whereas jongkey just seemed to hit it off right from the start, and that was that.
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Fucking hot take ab writing I often think nobody else has: The worst part, like, the hardest&most annoying, is watching the redundancy. I never saw anybody have as boiling hatred towards it as I do, at least not online. Cuz FACK! The construction is fine once u have enough vocab, character writing gives me the eeby-jeebies(/pos), world building is gr8, the little details are gr8, but once I see myself stopping every single sentence to sub or cut a pronoun/name.... Ugggggh-
And don't get me started on subs like: the ___ one.(Like: the blonde one, the fat one, the punk one, u get the gig) Jesus fucking Cristo! Like, yeah, I'll not gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss💅(/nsrs I'm masc) if u prefer to use it/don't mind reading it tbh good for u, I envy u, but I just find so bothersome to use and read. Like, idk how to rant ab it without being hateful, is to THAT level. Maybe is the overuse on fanfictions I've read.
But yeah. That's it, what kept me away from writing so often(...and reading :( ) is the perfectionism related to cacophony avoidance, on my part and the little Doug Walker inside of me that can't enjoy media without being an asshole, as I always did and lost opportunities of befriending ppl 'cuz I'm too critical of everything. Oof (*memories of the Vietnam War.gif*)
#hot take#rant#writing#writer#fanfic#fanfiction#darling I'm so sick of it i swear#but is a little thing#idk why im so emotional ab that
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2 and 36, please, K 💖 I need to get myself to read more 😅
Okay!! You should also tell me what else you like to read and we can discuss :)
Favorite fantasy book(s).
I'm such a fraud bc I love fantasy but haven't read enough of it. For urban fantasy romance, I love the Kate Daniels series by Ilona Andrews. It has shifters and lots of fun plots. My favorite fantasy series ever, as I said in another ask, is His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. I read it as a teen and it imprinted on me. I named my cat Lyra after the main character, and am also writing a Tarlos daemon AU (it's a trope from this book, where every person has an animal companion who is a representation of their soul)! I just love the worldbuilding. I also love the Temeraire series, which is an alternate history of the Napoleonic Wars with dragons!
Your absolute most favorite character(s) from any book you've ever read.
Ugggggh this is impossible. Mostly because as soon as you ask me, I cannot think of a single character from a book to save my own life. Idk about favorites, but I love Temeraire from the Temeraire series, Will from His Dark Materials, and Cinna from The Hunger Games! And recently I've loved Pierre Mathieu from Between Two Fires and Henry Goodsir from The Terror.
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ok i need to be mean for two seconds
i have a lvl 80 full trace E0 4*LC luocha. but even before i maxed his traces, we barely lost any hp without regaining it near instantly. between him and Gepard there's no way you should be losing even to a gatekeeper. like he's ridiculous as a healer and if you have geppie's defense up like. he'll sponge really well and put huge shields on everyone. like by underleveled did you mean you took level 10s into a 70 area or?????
idk. i think i need to take my sleep meds and go to sleep before i get meaner lol I've lost one battle with Luocha in my party and it was against that motherfucking deer
ugggggh anyway. sleep drugs
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Author Vents about Personal life:
(serious ignore this if you cbf I'm just needing an outlet)
Do you know the hardest part of having strong romantic one sided feelings for a good friend?
No one else compares.
I seek his equivalent in other men, he creeps in my thoughts when I'm out or living my day to day. He haunts me at the randomest most ridiculous of moments and it's frustrating!!
Because it's not fair!
Not to the people who are showing interest in me, not to my heart that feels like it's already been claimed. And not to my friend (the cause and cure💀) who I've already had this discussion with.
I have all these feelings and I dont know what to do or where to direct them!!
Because the truth is..... I love him.
Its way too fast, and I don't know how but damn do I love this man.
But am I IN love with him?
Idk.
All I know is, he's the most important (non-blood relative or family) male in my life and i seriously don't trust men.
He draws me into his orbit like a fucking moth to a flame. He's seen me cry, makes me laugh, makes me smile on my saddest of days..... And when I showed him all of my heart and poured out my life story, he thanked me and held me in his arms where I know I could forever live (ugh can you tell I'm a chessy love writer? 😂)
I've had to bite my tongue many a time so those three words don't come pouring out because I know he's not ready to hear them in any capacity.
I know there's still so much I don't know about him, that he's still learning about himself and how he wants to live his life etc.
But I don't plan on going anywhere, and the parts of him he's ready for me to meet, I treasure and protect because that's how precious he is.....
Im deep in my feels because Its the morning after I decided to go back out into the night life and try..... Getting back to my single ways.
We're friends and nothing more. I don't feel guilty and I wouldn't expect him to either even though we've had this discussion.
But despite being the center of many a gaze, I could feel how I stayed closer to the group and ignored some of the flirty hints and stares I was getting.
Drinking hasn't even been the same these days 💀
I've done this song and dance before, teased, flirted and danced with men for an ego boost and left.
But ugggggh I just can't now because they all lack that safety and comfort I've discovered is possible to have 💀💀💀
To summarise.... I'm so fucking screwed with this feeling shit.
And I don't know how TF Penelope did it 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀😂🤣
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You can pay me in threads to stfu with all this ooc
but i always laugh (but hard side eye too) how people infantilize horangi specifically. like the height difference trope is fun with him and konig and stuff and all but how they make him this wittle smol fwagile sub who is like idk fucking 5'0ft and all QnQ sAVE ME KONIG!!! is 1.) uHHH kind of leaning on some big fucking racist stereotypes of asian men i THOUGHT we moved past back in like the goddamn early 2000s 2.) so fucking far off from canon like have you read his info? have you seen his model? have you HEARD him? have you considered him as a character beyond the second half of a ship you want to push this cliché smol/tol dynamic onto like at all????
like he is a brick fucking house and would probably take a literal chunk out of your neck with his teeth if you tried to pick him up or touch him in any way he didn't agree to. he's gotta at least be between 30-45 like he does not need to be babied and preened at and sheltered and it's so hard because he's already a sort of underrated character in the fandom and for a good chunk of the already small pool of content to be filled with this sort of stuff is ugggggh
#and like we are so lucky the main like 3-4 horangi/korangi artists arent like this at all but yall the fics i have seen. the hc posts#i have seen. they make me thousand yard stare so hard#obligatory soapbox i crawl up onto every few months tbh#ill stfu when y'all give this whole ass grown man some respect tyvm#its a problem IN GENERAL with the cod fandom but the shit they do to horangi like YIKES#like idk if they even realize some of it is like just straight up racism :')#ok i cant promise no more ooc tonight but no more negative posts lol#cw negative
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