#maybe keep track of your symptoms; write every instance of that happening down so you can get an idea for how frequent it actually is

[ratstuckinamarble]

The shitty lungs curse is spreading to my mutuals... run everyone (if your lungs will let you)

they never tell you abt The Skeleton's Curse (bone pain)

[lovenotesuggestions]

Hello! So I've got a problem with like, my thought process I guess you could say. I think it's because of my mom, but honestly I don't really know. I get paranoid really easily over the smallest to the most overly drastic and dramatic things. For example, my girlfriend likes to drink alcohol, and while my morals are against alcohol, I'd never stop her from drinking, and she likes to go with her best friend maybe 2-3 times a month (🍥 part 1)

And while I know that's not an amount that could do extreme damage to her body, I'm always terrified of something going wrong. And another example would be like, I could make a minor mistake, and I'll be terrified that I've angered or upset my girlfriend, and I would sometimes refuse to stop talking about a problem until it's resolved in fear that I would lose her before I can and the last thing we do together is argue (like in super dramatic movies) (🍥 part 2)

I know it's EXTREMELY toxic of me, and is very self-destructive. And I know it's a combination of my anxiety, insecurity, and paranoia. Heck, I don't even think it's my mom's fault. She used to tell me smaller things, like I needed to stop eating rice or else I could get diabetes (it runs in the family) but I think the small things like that built up, along with dramatic movies that always tugged at my emotions, that made me paranoid. (🍥 part 3)

Anyway, I kind of got off topic giving you some bg info. What I wanted to ask is, what advice would you recommend to stop or at least lessen such a terrible thought process? Therapy isn't an option for me, so I was hoping you'd have another possibility for me. I probably sound super crazy and unstable, but honestly this stuff doesn't affect me too often. It just fluctuates every now and then. But I'd appreciate the advice. Thank you listening to my craziness! (🍥 part 4/4)

Hello! I sent an ask a couple days ago that consisted of 4 parts, and a 🍥 emoji, and I didn't realize that it was claimed already! So I was wondering if I were able to claim 🍓💕? Thanks so much for what you do!

You don’t sound crazy or unstable, and you don’t sound like a toxic person - you sound like a person with symptoms of anxiety. And whilst it’s good to recognise when your behaviours might be harmful to yourself and to others, it’s not helpful to anyone for you to beat yourself up and be self-deprecating. You’re not crazy - you’re experiencing symptoms. I think that’s the first thing worth trying to do: be more aware of the language you use to describe yourself and try and adjust it to be a little more fair and a little kinder to yourself. If you wouldn’t talk about a close friend that way, try not to talk about yourself that way. 

I always recommend seeking medical help if you’re able to - I appreciate that therapy isn’t an option, but if you’re able to see your GP that might at least give you some support. For example, if your doctor has a record that you’ve been having these difficulties, it can be easier to get support in things like getting a sick note or extenuating circumstances or additional accommodations if you need something like that for school/work etc. You could also potentially access medication even if therapy isn’t an option. There are a bunch of effective anti-anxiety meds on the market that you might find helpful if you’re able to access them. For instance, I’m on beta blockers that I take as and when I need them if I’m feeling particularly anxious, and they can reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety (like trembling/fast heart rate/feeling nauseous, etc.) which can make anxiety spikes a little easier to cope with. If this or any other type of anxiety medication is of interest to you, and you have the means to visit your family doctor to talk to them about it, that’s another potential treatment option if you can’t access therapy. 

Another thing worth trying is to attempt to keep track of your triggers. There are a lot of really great mood tracking apps (I use Daylio personally) that you can use to identify how you’ve been feeling on a particular day, and what you did. Being mindful of what you’re doing and how it’s making you feel, and examining if you can identify a cause of your anxiety spikes can be really helpful in the long run, because it helps you identify behaviours that make your anxiety better or worse, and allows you to change the way you act and avoid any triggers you identify. Similarly, you can also identify coping mechanisms you’ve tried, and examine whether they’re healthy or unhealthy, and how effective they are. 

Also I know this is really cliché, but some super accessible things that a lot of people do to cope with anxiety are things like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. Stuff like full-body mind scans and progressive muscle relaxation are really easy to do, and there are dozens of apps and youtube videos and stuff out there that can guide you through exercises that you can use if you’re feeling particularly paranoid, and they can help to calm your physical symptoms and sort of reset your thought practice. Of course they don’t work for everyone, and they aren’t a cure, but they can be a really helpful coping mechanism.

If you’re not able to access therapy in person, there are still a lot of resources you can use. If cost is a factor, there are a lot of lower-cost online therapy options, as well as free support services like online counselling (i.e. 7cupsoftea) and anxiety helplines/hotlines that allow you to speak to an adviser over the phone or via instant messenger, which might be helpful if you find yourself particularly panicky and need someone to talk you down. 

As well as that, there are a lot of online resources to help you cope longer term. Mental health charity websites can often be a good place to start looking to research potential treatment options and coping mechanisms. A lot of CBT worksheets are available online for you to work through by yourself - even if you don’t have a therapist to go through them with, you can still do those exercises. If you google something like ‘CBT anxiety workbook’ or ‘CBT anxiety exercises’ you should come up with a ton of resources that you can flick through and see if you can identify any that you think might be helpful. Stuff like making a table to record details of your anxiety spikes can be really helpful (these usually involve details such as: when it happened, what was happening at the time, why you think it happened, how bad was your anxiety on a scale of 1 to 10, what actions did you take to try and calm those feelings, how effective were those actions, how bad was your anxiety on the same scale after taking those actions) in terms of identifying patterns in your behaviour, and what helps and what makes it worse. The physical act of writing everything down makes you more aware of and more likely to examine your own thought processes and behavioural patterns, and also allows you to identify patterns you may not have seen before. Another CBT exercise I’ve read about that can help with feelings of anxiety in the moment is a likelihood exercise - asking yourself what your anxiety/paranoia thinks will happen, estimating how many times you’ve thought that would happen, thinking about how many times it’s actually happened in reality, and comparing that, can help you rationalise those fears. 

Other similar techniques include:

Doing some sort of vigorous activity to clear the anxiety from your body - short periods of exercise, house/yard work like vacuuming, turning up some loud music and having a dance

Making a list of soothing activities (i.e. having a hot drink, taking a shower, washing your face, wrapping yourself up in a blanket, etc.) and picking one when you’re feeling shaky to help self-soothe

Trying to get some mental distance from your worries by finding something else to focus on to interrupt those spirals - try and make it something productive and/or enjoyable. Doing something productive, even if it’s really simple like gathering up dirty laundry, gives you a task to focus on and can help you feel like you’ve accomplished something. 

Setting aside daily ‘worry clearing time,’ in which you write down the things you’re worried about. If these worries arise outside of that time, try to tell yourself ‘I’ll worry about that later, but not now.’ 

In combination with the above, you can make an action plan of what you would do if any of your worries happen, so you feel more secure and prepared. 

Some people find it helpful when they’re identifying their worries because they can them see the ones that they have no control over, or that aren’t actually that big a deal, and decide to set them aside and prioritise other things. 

Try not to avoid your anxiety, or the things you don’t want to do because of it. Acknowledging it as something that you’re experiencing but that is separate from yourself - a external entity or force inside your head, can be helpful. When you start to feel anxious, some people actually address their anxiety and talk to it like it’s a person - this can help to separate it from your own personality and help you forgive yourself for being symptomatic. 

Research unhealthy coping mechanisms so you can identify them. Things like over-reassurance (asking for a bit of reassurance from a friend/family member/partner is fine, but if you’re doing it all the time or need to repeat themselves because you don’t believe them at first), stress eating, avoidance, and substance use are some common ones. 

I’ll slap a big caveat on this and point out that I’m not a therapist or a medical professional, so take all of this with a pinch of salt and make sure to do your own research - I’m just passing along things I’ve read/heard from others. 

I hope that’s helpful, and I wish you all the best in your road to recovery 💕

Followers: if anyone else has any tips for this anon or experience you’d like to share, feel free to do so!

[mybipolar-coaster]

An Introduction

I would like to say it was an easy decision to write down my experiences thus far in life but that would be a lie. I don’t really consider myself an interesting person. As a matter of fact, I consider myself rather boring. I like boring things like history and science. I studied statistics in university. I’ve led what I would consider an amazingly average life. That is, until late last year when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder, or as those in the states would call it, Bipolar I. Since then, so many things in my life have clicked into place. Things that had always seemed unusual now had a reason behind them, a cause. I had something I could point to and say, “that’s why”. Since being diagnosed I have found an entire community online of people both living with the disorder and coping with the fallout of it. I have also had my own share of trials and ordeals to deal with since my diagnosis, but that’s getting ahead of myself a bit. First, let me explain what it was that finally made me commit to writing this blog. I am currently waiting for the right opportunity to ask the girl I have been dating for the past 10 years to marry me. I have the ring. I know the when, I know the where. The how is still slightly eluding me but I think a small amount of improvisation on that front won’t hurt. This is what made me want to write this blog. I wanted to detail my feelings leading up to asking the question. I hope to portray the excitement and nerves leading up to the moment of truth so that afterwards I can get my (hopefully) fiancée to read back and see how much thought, work and planning went into this and how much I love her. But then I thought, “hey, why stop there”? I could keep the blog going afterwards, talk about ordinary, every-day things. Perhaps even give people an insight into how I live with my condition and how it affects those around me. I have always been a creative person and I enjoy writing, so maybe this could be a new hobby for me. I certainly hope so. So, this will be the first post in a hopefully ongoing series of blog posts. However, in the off chance that my girlfriend does happen to stumble upon this blog, I will be operating under strict anonymity for the time being. I won’t say my name, or the name of anyone that could be used to identify me in these blogs, at least until after I’ve popped the question, but everything else within will be true. I think an ideal first post then, would be for me to give a quick recap of my life so far, and give you the reader an introduction to my life and how my messed-up brain works. I hope you enjoy!

I was born in the UK in the early 90’s (trying to be vague) into a working-class family. My dad worked as an electrician in a dog-food factory and my mum volunteered as a cook in a nursing home. My parents were quite old when they had me, so there is a large age gap between me and the rest of my family. In fact, when I was born both of my older brothers were teenagers. My mum says that one of my brothers refused to talk to her or my dad for a year after they told him they were pregnant because he was so disgusted that they were still having sex “at their age”. Having an older family definitely has its advantages though. When I was young, all my siblings had jobs, so I got four times the amount of presents that most other kids got. I should point out that I also have a sister, who is the closest in age to me. Growing up, me and my sister got on like oil and water. I’m surprised my mum managed to survive through my early years – in the same year my sister turned sixteen I was going through my “terrible twos”. I have always been a mummy’s boy. Even now that I’m in my 20’s, I get on great with my mum and have a good relationship with her. I bring up my mum because she was my first ever contact with mental illnesses. My mum had panic attacks and generalised anxiety when I was younger. I have multiple memories of us being somewhere and my mum suddenly bursting into floods of tears, sometimes running away, and my dad having to track her down and console her. It was an incredibly scary experience as a child but, to my mum’s credit, she did a great job of explaining things as she calmed down. She would tell me it wasn’t anyone’s fault, that it was something that was medically wrong with her like being sick and that I shouldn’t blame myself for her attacks. Her explanations were pivotal in my understanding of mental illnesses and my dad’s behaviour during these attacks served as an example to me for the rest of my life on how to deal with a crisis situation.

Even far back in my childhood, symptoms of my bipolar were there. It was subtle, but there were things about me that made me different from other kids. I could be morose or have fits of worry every now and then. I would worry about dying, or someone in my family being hurt. I was very young when I realised that, because there was such a big age gap between me and the rest of my family, I was most likely going to have to watch my whole family die. I’d have to attend their funerals, possibly give speeches, and then I’d be left alone at the end. This terrified me as a child and even now it still serves as a strange sort of morbid obsession during my low days. For instance, I have the speech I will give at my father’s funeral memorised and have done for quite some time. My dad isn’t even ill and shows no signs of kicking the bucket anytime soon, but it plays in my head so often that I’ll be prepared for when that day comes. In fact, I’ll be prepared in more ways than one. Ever since I was a child, I have been experiencing a symptom of bipolar affective disorder that I didn’t even realise was unusual until I was diagnosed. I spent my entire life thinking everyone got this at certain points in their lives and it was only after a conversation with my girlfriend where she pointed out that this wasn’t normal that I went to a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. This symptom is called Disassociation. Disassociation can happen multiple ways, but it always affects me the same way. During moments of crisis, moments of importance or sometimes when I feel I am in a place of some significance, I feel as if I leave my body and allow another entity to control it. That sounds far more sinister than what it actually feels like so let me try and explain it as best I can. Most people experience going on autopilot, where their mind switches off and they continue to do some monotonous or repetitive task. My Disassociation feels a bit like that. The entity that takes over my body is my autopilot. He will do what I would want to do anyway. He doesn’t have his own needs or wants. He just does. I, on the other hand, leave my body. I picture it like that episode of Tom & Jerry where Tom accidentally kills himself with a falling piano while chasing Jerry. His soul leaves his body and rises up to cat heaven only to not be allowed in because he’s been so mean to Jerry. Well my “soul” (I don’t believe in a soul so the more fitting term here would probably be id) leaves me in the same way and floats, just above and behind me, and observes. I feel like I am acting like a documentarian in these moments. Like a wildlife cameraman observing the animal he has been tracking for years being eaten by a predator – I am totally detached. I’m there to watch, not to influence. Sometimes I think maybe I’m me in the future, remembering this event and not actually the present me at all. Does this make sense? It’s a very strange sensation and, from what I gather, kind of unique to me so I really struggle to explain it to other people. My girlfriend thinks she can sometimes tell when I’m disassociating though. She says I become wide-eyed and emotionless, talking in a monotone. This might be true, but she has only been able to correctly identify when I’m disassociating twice in the entire time I’ve known her so it might just be they were particularly noticeable incidents.

Of course, the other big symptom of Bipolar Affective Disorder is the mood cycles. When I was younger, my cycles were generally rather enjoyable but as I have gotten older, they have gotten less enjoyable and more something to be monitored and observed. Before I go any further into how my cycle affects me, I feel I should spend a bit of time explaining the cycle as a lot of people don’t really get the Bipolar cycle and there is a lot of misinformation in the media. To put it in the simplest terms, lets imagine a scale from 0 to 10. Now if you are a neurotypical, normal person, I want you to imagine the happiest you have ever been. Then I want you to imagine the saddest you’ve ever been. Now if I was to say to you that 0 is the worst and 10 is the best, where would you put those memories? Probably 0 and 10, right? Well, in terms of measuring bipolar moods, we tend to use the 0 to 10 scale as well but ours is a bit different. When you get down to 0, there should be extreme hopelessness. Either you haven’t moved for extended periods, haven’t eaten and most likely have self-harmed, tried to commit suicide or have at least given it serious thought. Now your 0 may hit a lot of those same notes. You may have considered killing yourself after the death of a close loved one or a life event that hit you particularly hard. Once again, I want you to think back to that worst moment in your life. Now what if I said you’d feel that way every few months. You feel like that, not because something has happened or because you lost something but because it’s September. It’s just that time again. Now let’s go to the other side of the spectrum. This one is a little trickier because it involves more than just emotion, it involves energy levels and sanity levels. This is an important thing to bear in mind with bipolar. If you’re a normal person, your 10 is the happiest you’ve ever been in your life. If you’re bipolar, you’re 10 is the furthest from reality you’ve ever been in your life. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes mania can feel great but sometimes it can feel like hell. A 10 on the bipolar scale can involve hallucinations, delusions of grandeur, an insane amount of energy that absolutely must be excised, a manic state and way of speaking and a lack of need to sleep. Seriously, while manic I can sleep for as little as 2 hours in a 48-hour period and feel absolutely fine. The only upside to a manic state is that it can sometimes feel really good and all that energy helps you get through a lot of work if you can keep focused. You also tend to get a burst of creativity while manic which can help with business projects, artistic creations or even writing the first post for a new blog!

I think I’ll leave it here for my first blog post, I’ve explained a little about myself and why I wanted to start this blog, but mostly rambled in my scatter-brained way about my bipolar disorder. I think I’ve put enough words down for today and I’ll pick up on this tomorrow. I promise I will get into more of the general diary keeping and talking about the proposal, but I feel it is important to get this bipolar stuff explained first so that you know what lens I look at the world through before I start telling you what I can see. And if you’re reading this, I love you Gorgeous!

-B

[aircoil50]

Current Trends on Social Media and their Impact in Your Minds

In recent times the amount of occasions a smart phone end user touches their telephone is around 2000 and 5000 instances every single day, this interesting study merely produced a big alarm everywhere in the industry but not just for cell phones, but even relevant to our own health and wellness. Actions like writing, lightly tapping, and dragging the mobile phone’s screen counted as a touch. Apple last summer confirmed their gadget end users unlock their individual cell phones 90 times every single day. That is just about six to seven times every hour. When there is one discovery from all these researches, it this our smart phone is an certain part of our lives right this moment and if we do not regulate healthier limits with it, the effects could be harmful. Much of our mental overall health is one factor of various variables. One such issue at this time may be the poor utilization of phones. Panic, sadness, sleep disorders, inability to focus, zero peace of mind are some negative effects of a phone addiction and poor social media interest. There is different behaviors and sentiments that happens to be worth noticing in this context: An incessant individual would need to tap or touch her or his phone and the apps regularly. Resilient and strong emotions of jealousy built by social media articles of many other users and often the frequent need to browse one by one. Regular unhealthy evaluation and competition with other folks on-line lives and threads. Drawback symptoms and signs after the phone is not nearby. Getting hold of our smartphones maybe even if it is not required thanks to propensity to find if they are any additional alerts and texts. Fear of missing messages in case one has not experienced all updates and articles. The long lasting browsing turns into a basic need to become interconnected. Counting the number of likes on your articles as it becomes adored to the individuals self worth. If you want to improve addiction, all programmers should do is link a person's action (like yanking a switch) with a diverse prize. You pull a switch and quickly get either an alluring bonus or nothing at all. Addictiveness is definitely strengthened when the pace of incentive is most varying.

Application programs and ınternet sites use intermittent changeable results around their services mainly because it is perfect for online business. But in various other circumstances, slot machines come out by mistake. For instance, there is absolutely no suspicious organization causing all of email who consciously chose to make it a slot machine game. No one profits when millions of customers verify their inbox and is empty. Nor did Google and Apple's developers want cell phones to work like slots. It surfaced by accident. These days companies like Google and Apple have a mission to eliminate these negative effects by converting spotty variable prizes into much less addictive, more predictable ones using enhanced design. For instance, they may empower people to set predictable times each day or week for when they need to examine slot machine game programs, and later adjust the moment new messages are sent to line-up with those moments. So here are a few healthful habits with respect to our smart phonesHow you Could Gain Independence When Using Social Media and your Smartphone Our normal cell phone user enjoys their cellphone twenty six hundred instances every single day, according to a customer survey by a analysis firm. And that is just the regular end user, the analysis uncovered that extreme phone end users touch their smart phones even more than fifty-four hundred occasions each day. Actions like writing, tapping, and sliding the smart phone’s screen counted as an impression. Apple some time ago confirmed their phone end users unlock their phones 85 times each day. That’s around 6 to 7 instances every hour. When there is one discovery from each one of these researches, it this our cell phone is an impending part of our activities at this time and if we in general do not allocate healthier limitations with that, the impact can be damaging. Much of our mental wellness is a factor of numerous variables. One such variable at this time may be the harmful utilization of cell phones. Stress, unhappiness, sleep problems, inability to concentrate, no peace of mind are some issues of a phone obsession and unhealthy social media interest. There is many different actions and reactions that are worth noticing in this respect: An incessant user would need to tap and touch his or her cell phone and the apps regularly. Resilient thoughts of envy created by social media articles and reviews of several other participants and often the continuous need to browse them. Standard destructive evaluation and competition with some people on-line lives and threads. usted podria mirar aqui Drawback symptoms and signs the minute the smartphone is not nearby. Grabbing our cellphones even if it's not required thanks to tendency to find if they're any recent alerts and texts. Fear of missing notifications in case one has not experienced all improvements and threads. The long lasting inspecting becomes a necessity to become connected. Keeping track of the amount of likes on the posts as it becomes loved to the people self worth. If you prefer to increase addictiveness, all technical designers need to do is bind a individual's behavior (like yanking a switch) with a adjustable bonus. You draw a lever and right away obtain either an appealing benefit or nothing. Addictiveness is strengthened when the ranges of reward is generally adjustable. Products and ınternet sites sprinkle occasional adjustable results all over their goods simply because it is perfect for business. Nevertheless in various other circumstances, slot machines arise by mistake. For example, there is absolutely no suspicious business behind most of email who consciously thought we would make it a slot machine game. Not one person profits when tens of millions examine their email message and is empty. Nor did Google and Apple's designers and manufacturers really want smartphones to operate like slots. The idea appeared by mistake. These days businesses like Apple and Google have a duty to minimize such results by converting occasional variable gains into far less addicting, more constant ones using enhanced style. For example, they could enable site visitors to set estimated intervals throughout the day or week for if they want to verify slot machine game software, and then adjust the moment new messages are deliver to line up with those times. So here are a few sensible behaviors with respect to our smart phones and social media which will help maximize overall well being Do not check your cellphone for first two hours after getting out of bed. Looking for latest announcements and emails is not how you wish to begin with your early morning. It will only increase your stress. In case you are not in great mental wellness or are going through a lousy stage or day and observing other folks share about all their extraordinary lives is driving you further down, be sure to avoid social media. Put emphasis on setting up your very own different lifestyle and favorable mental health and later ideas of jealousy and continuous detrimental evaluation will become averted. It is possible to rejoice in others content testimonies on and off social media. cellphones maintain a radiation frequency. Remember and employ accordingly. The notifications on an cellphone can be found under settings. This tells you to use a headphones or a speakerphone throughout a phone call to reduce radio frequency exposure, to maintain your mobile phone as much as 5mm far from our body to make sure that exposure levels continue to be low amounts. this website Switch all cellphones off sixty mins before going to bed to enjoy greater quality rest. If you sleep with the smartphone on your side, you may also set the cell phone on plane setting, which usually helps prevent the radiation from the phone. Go old-school and browse an uplifting story prior to going to bed. The odds are you will sleep much better. According to your life and lifestyles, include predetermined instances to check your notifications and twitter chats, as much as possible, instead of continuously trying for your smartphone. As an example, it might be once every one or two hours according to your life style and employment. Follow a smartphone cleansing sometimes as per your work schedules. Own smart phone free time during the day so you get used to it and will not be disturbed with your mobile phone whenever isn't available. We essentially believe technology is wonderful. Inherently it is neutral naturally. It is how we put it to use that will make all the difference. In the event all of us use it to empower our existence even more and make it even more reliable, connected and simpler, we are employing it favorably. We're all vulnerable to interpersonal affirmation. The requirement to fit, to be authorized or appreciated by our peers is probably the greatest human motivations. However now our social acceptance can be in the palm of tech service providers. Each of us innately answers to interpersonal affirmation, but some demographics, like adolescents, are more susceptible to it as opposed to other people. That's why it's so essential to identify how influential manufacturers are when they use this vulnerability. The moment I get tagged by my good friend, I envision him undertaking a mindful choice to tag me. Yet I do not determine how a business like Facebook thought about his doing that in the first place. If all else does not function correctly, you can generally consider the huge course of action and get rid of some social apps from the cell phone. Especially for social networks like Whatsapp, you can even even sign in online if there is an issue you should check without having the need to touch open the application at a moment's notice and get lost in your News Feed. You will keep control of your technology. Do not let it control you. If perhaps you're concerned with how much time you are spending on your cell phone, social connections, streaming video clips, or making use of your products in general, in some cases it requires more than self-control to stop. If you only need to enjoy around 30 minutes on Reddit or want to limit yourself at a few Netflix chapters, schedule that time. Allocate specific time frames of your life for the web activities you value. When that window is completed, put the devices down. A second solution to set up stopping hints is definitely to set an alarm for when it's time to absolutely give up, and put your time clock or cellphone around the other side of the room so you need to get up to turn it off. Alone an instrument is designed to help in more ways than one. All of us aren't meant to become slaves of our mobile phones but it is supposed to help us have greater days.

[quousque]

so uh.....Hi I'm almost 15 and I think I have add, and in the summer break I'll be tested and I wanted to know if medication would really help me focus, because I also heard that people "feel like zombies" when they take it and I was worried that might happen. Do you take meds?

I do take meds! I definitely recommend trying them, and I wish I’d started them as young as you! The hard part is finding the right medication and dose for you. Everyone processes drugs differently, so you might have to try a few different dosages before you find one that works for you. Generally, a doctor will prescribe you a low dose, and have you track your symptoms, and steadily increase the dose until the negative side effects outweigh the benefits, and then stepping back to the previous dose. 

When people get the ‘zombie’ effect, it’s generally because their dose is too high. What ‘too high’ is is different for everyone- for instance, my body processes drugs really quickly, so the amount of adderall I take in a day is more than twice what my brother takes.

One thing my doctor explained to me when I started meds, is that they are like glasses. You need glasses to focus, and you need meds to focus. When you wake up, you put on your glasses, and you take your meds, and when you go to bed, you take your glasses off and your meds wear off. Once the meds wear off, there’s really no lingering effects. You don’t build up any drugs in your system, so if you do take way too much one day (which can happen, if you forget you’ve already taken your pill and take a second one), you might feel out of whack for a few hours, but once it wears off it’s gone. Another way that meds are like glasses is that they don’t cure your symptoms, they just help for a while. You can’t take meds for a few years and then stop and expect your adhd symptoms to stay away. When you want to focus, you take your meds, and when they wear off, it’s gone. 

Things I can do when on meds that I have a lot of trouble with when I don’t take them: reading a book for a long time (unless it’s one I’m really interested in), watching a movie or a show without getting up and pacing every few minutes, clean my room, drive a car safely, writing a story or essay, planning projects, and just generally being able to do the same thing for a while without constantly switching tasks. The first time I took adderall, I sat down and wrote for four hours straight (four hours was how long that particular dosage lasted me). I had literally never been able to do that before. I’d always write a sentence or two- maybe a paragraph max- and then go browse the internet or do something else, because I just couldn’t make myself keep writing. But with medication, I can just sit down and write. It really is amazing. 

So basically, ADHD meds are very safe, have been around for decades, and have consistently good results when prescribed correctly. Scary-sounding side effects go away as soon as your meds wear off, and are a sign that either the dose is wrong or you should try a different type of medication. I would recommend getting a prescription from an ADHD specialist, because they will be well-versed in how to help you find the proper dose.

I hope this helps! 

[emlydunstan]

Sober and Still Addicted: Compulsive Behavior in Recovery

Seems I need to make amends.You’re supposed to be reading right now about how after we put the dope down, that destructive behavior that went along with it often continues, our addiction manifesting itself in cunning and baffling new ways.But I just can’t seem to start writing.There’s always one more cigarette to smoke, cup of coffee to drink. One more level to get past on this new game on my phone. My side business is pet care and there’s always one more dog I can add to the walk, my mild hernia screaming as I mush my way towards a serious medical condition. My fingers are wrecked, too, from gnawing on the cuticles. Maybe after one more Band-Aid I’ll be able to sit down and type. I really do want to share all the information I’ve gathered about how most people in recovery find themselves still struggling with these sorts of “replacement” addictions.But as a hobby I make models and I just scored this kickass new car online, so I’d better try to finish at least one from the perpetual batch before the new one gets delivered.And even if I do get around to writing this article, what the hell sort of message would I be conveying anyway? Here I am two years sober (November was my sobriety birthday), and still feel practically paralyzed by addiction. Cigarette, coffee, dog walk, repeat. Once again I have found my life bordering on unmanageability, my health suffering in the grips of these persistent new vices.Yes, as I’ve said, there have been health complications and they are directly related to some of these addictive tendencies which I simply refuse to give up.At least not any time soon.And certainly not today.After all, I’ve got this...thing to write, for God’s sake. How can I expect to work, or get anything done for that matter, if I don’t give in and continue to feed the beast? Not only would I be in serious discomfort, but you, dear reader, would have nothing more to read.No, the best course of action is for me to continue with these behaviors in order to keep everything moving along. And look at this, I seem to have begun after all.Fantastic.I knew I couldn’t be the only one struggling with these issues and that if I just opened my mouth in the meeting rooms, others would feel comfortable sharing their own experiences. There are plenty of us who discovered that even though the dope was laid to rest, that fiendish mentality kept on kicking, keeping our sobriety from being as happy, joyous and free as is so often promised.Erin was a cinch to relate to. Like me, she was anxiously awaiting her recent Amazon delivery, jonesing for that cardboard smirk to appear at her doorstep. “Oh, I love that smiley face,” she confessed with a shiver. “I always open the Amazon box first. I get a little rush.”A true addict, Erin now chases that little rush like she once chased her high.At 42 years old with over two decades of sobriety, Erin is now addicted to online shopping. “It used to be with credit cards, like from Target. I’d go in and wouldn’t leave until hundreds of dollars later. But now I’ve found that I can sit on my phone during a boring work meeting and just swipe right.” Then to clarify my obvious confusion she added, “You know, one-swipe shopping?”Realizing that she could swipe everything into her digital cart, from paper towels to yoga pants, Erin started a steady flow of those smiles coming to her door. “Packages come every day, every other day,” she told me, “because I get groceries and household supplies. And I rent my clothes, so those are always coming. But it’s nice with Amazon because you can set it up where every month they’ll send you kitty litter and toilet paper. So you don’t have to think about it. They just show up.”Those are Erin’s favorite packages, the ones that surprise her. “I make sure not to track the deliveries so when one comes with my name on it and I don’t know what it is - I’m like, holy crap, it’s Christmas!”Of course with that kind of mindfulness, or lack thereof, it wasn't long before Erin lost track of her spending as well. “I was always so careful, never buying anything too fancy, thinking it's just $20. But then I was doing that like 50 times a week.”These numbers would increase in times of stress; Erin escaped into dot com bazaars to shop herself numb.In order to cover her increasingly reckless purchasing, Erin began manipulating the household budget, often lying to her husband of 15 years about where the money was being channeled. But then one month the debt had bloated to the point where she could no longer hide it.Her household allowance of $1,500 clocked in closer to $5,000.“The thing is, we don’t do credit card debt,” she told me. “My husband has had to bail me out a couple of times. The only time he really gets mad at me is about the shopping problem and how it’s preventing us from doing things like going on vacations or saving for retirement.”Inevitably our spouses are affected by our compulsive behaviors, even after we’ve gotten clean and sober.Tom, 41 and with 2 years clean, kept his newfound gambling habit to himself. “If my wife ever knew what’s really been going on, she’d be pretty surprised,” he said of his finances. “Yeah, there’d be problems.”Not long after getting the opioids out of his system, Tom found that an old habit had come back with a vengeance. He’d been a light gambler since his 20’s, and now his betting activity suddenly increased by as much as 500%.“Well I had all this extra cash because I wasn’t spending it on the pills. Near the end of my using I’d been dishing out around $1,600 a week.”To play it safe, so to speak, Tom worked out a deal with his bookie, recruiting new bets for a cut of those winnings. The idea was that he would bet only with the money he made from this arrangement, thus flipping it. “So I wasn’t spending ‘our’ money, my family’s, which was perfect.”Perfect, that is, as long as those bets he helped set up won - and he didn’t get carried away by the excitement of the game.“Football is my thing,” he said with excitement. “Nothing beats the feeling of your team being ahead. And when you have money down on it, you’re a part of that team. So wherever I am and a game is going on, I’m in it all the way!”Here was Tom’s Amazon smile. His cigarette and coffee. That thrilling little charge to help him through the day.Tom was consumed.“Then there was one bad week where everyone lost - so when it came time to cover my bets, there was just nothing there. I had no choice but to borrow from the family account.”He’d done it before, always replacing any withdrawals before his wife could catch on. “Only this happened during the same week our property taxes were due - and we were going to be short $3,000.”Panicked and humiliated, Tom confided in a cousin who he knew would be able to cover the loan. “But that was too close,” he told me, “and that’s when I quit. The day after that I asked (my therapist) for help.”At the time, Tom was still taking part in a biweekly group and one-on-one counseling for the opioid abuse. He realized that his best bet was to start treating the gambling addiction as seriously as his substance use disorder.“Very rarely, if ever, have I seen anyone come in with just one significant disorder going on,” said Christy Waters, MD, of Bright Heart Health in San Francisco. Waters’ specialties are addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine, and she is in recovery herself. “For a long time there was this sort of romanticizing of recovery. Addicts thought and were told that if they could just stop using, all would be well, not understanding that the drugs were really just a small part of what was really going on.”“Our liquor was just a symptom,” echoes the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book explains that the substance that we thought was the root of our problem was, in fact, just an indication of that problem.“A lot of patients come in just hanging on by their fingernails,” Waters continued. “They’ve stopped using and they’re depressed or they’re anxious or they’re just plain miserable. And now they’re acting all this out in completely new ways. Maybe they’re smoking a lot, or overeating, or whatever it takes to get that ‘lift.’ At first they might think, ‘Look, at least I’m not doing heroin, so what’s the big deal?’ But then they see how their quality of life is suffering. And that’s not the promise of recovery, is it? The promise is that your life will get better.”AA and other 12-step programs’ suggested solution is for us to “launch out on a course of vigorous action” to face and exorcise “the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” In other words, take the steps. The hope is that after all of our personal inventories and amends and prayers, we are released from the torment that used to compel us to drink or use; we become free of the behavior once and for all.This is a solution in Dr. Waters' world as well. But it's not the only one.“We meet so many people in recovery who wind up with a dual diagnosis. They’ve been living with a disorder for years, sometimes their whole lives, but it remained undiagnosed beneath the substance abuse,” said Waters. “Maybe they have post-traumatic stress. Or ADHD. Then finally in treatment they realize, ‘Oh my God, all this time I've been self-medicating?’”Or shopping themselves into smothering debt?Or gambling away their marriage and home?Was she saying that just as our using was a symptom of a larger issue, the same can hold true for these “replacement” behaviors?“Absolutely,” Waters confirmed. “It’s important to always approach the disease of addiction with a much bigger lens. For instance, we now know that 80% of women who abuse substances also struggle with a mood disorder - and that’s even before the first ‘fix’.”Intrigued, I brought up the question with Erin during our follow up interview. I knew she had worked the steps of NA with great success, so much so that she was now applying a 12-step program to her shopping problem. But was therapy a part of her solution? Could the shopping possibly be linked to something else? “That’s funny you should ask that,” Erin said. “I actually made an appointment with a therapist not too long ago. I'm going in later today.”A conflict between Erin and her son had come to a head and triggered the compulsive behavior; Erin’s online shopping increased exponentially once again in response.“I used to have problems with PTSD,” she confessed, “and I think this stuff with (my son) might’ve stirred that back up.”For Tom’s gambling habit, however, the solution, or at least the path leading to it, was not so clear. By the time I followed up with him he had stopped searching for help altogether. Though his check-ins with the rehab center continued, his therapeutic work focused only on his recovery from opioid addiction. He was back to placing bets weekly.“I quit for two or three weeks,” he said, “handling just the bookings. I was able to look at where I went wrong - and now I know the warning signs. As long as I don’t use my own money, I’m okay. And as long as I keep the whole thing as entertainment there’s not a problem.”But surely there had to be other activities Tom enjoyed, things he liked to do that weren’t as risky?“Not once you know the rush you can get from gambling,” he said. “And the pills are out of the picture for good, so this is sort of all I have left.” As for me and my own vices, the cigarettes and coffee and busy-work in between, I imagine the doctor will read me the riot act on Monday morning. I have an appointment to get this little hernia checked out and when he inquires about my lifestyle, I plan on telling it to him straight. For over 20 years I was trapped in the grip of drug addiction and I thought I was in the clear once I was released. But as my eyes open wider, I see the true nature of this beast; I still have some shackles holding me captive.But I think I just found the keys.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/sober-and-still-addicted-compulsive-behavior-recovery

[alexdmorgan30]

Sober and Still Addicted: Compulsive Behavior in Recovery

Seems I need to make amends.You’re supposed to be reading right now about how after we put the dope down, that destructive behavior that went along with it often continues, our addiction manifesting itself in cunning and baffling new ways.But I just can’t seem to start writing.There’s always one more cigarette to smoke, cup of coffee to drink. One more level to get past on this new game on my phone. My side business is pet care and there’s always one more dog I can add to the walk, my mild hernia screaming as I mush my way towards a serious medical condition. My fingers are wrecked, too, from gnawing on the cuticles. Maybe after one more Band-Aid I’ll be able to sit down and type. I really do want to share all the information I’ve gathered about how most people in recovery find themselves still struggling with these sorts of “replacement” addictions.But as a hobby I make models and I just scored this kickass new car online, so I’d better try to finish at least one from the perpetual batch before the new one gets delivered.And even if I do get around to writing this article, what the hell sort of message would I be conveying anyway? Here I am two years sober (November was my sobriety birthday), and still feel practically paralyzed by addiction. Cigarette, coffee, dog walk, repeat. Once again I have found my life bordering on unmanageability, my health suffering in the grips of these persistent new vices.Yes, as I’ve said, there have been health complications and they are directly related to some of these addictive tendencies which I simply refuse to give up.At least not any time soon.And certainly not today.After all, I’ve got this...thing to write, for God’s sake. How can I expect to work, or get anything done for that matter, if I don’t give in and continue to feed the beast? Not only would I be in serious discomfort, but you, dear reader, would have nothing more to read.No, the best course of action is for me to continue with these behaviors in order to keep everything moving along. And look at this, I seem to have begun after all.Fantastic.I knew I couldn’t be the only one struggling with these issues and that if I just opened my mouth in the meeting rooms, others would feel comfortable sharing their own experiences. There are plenty of us who discovered that even though the dope was laid to rest, that fiendish mentality kept on kicking, keeping our sobriety from being as happy, joyous and free as is so often promised.Erin was a cinch to relate to. Like me, she was anxiously awaiting her recent Amazon delivery, jonesing for that cardboard smirk to appear at her doorstep. “Oh, I love that smiley face,” she confessed with a shiver. “I always open the Amazon box first. I get a little rush.”A true addict, Erin now chases that little rush like she once chased her high.At 42 years old with over two decades of sobriety, Erin is now addicted to online shopping. “It used to be with credit cards, like from Target. I’d go in and wouldn’t leave until hundreds of dollars later. But now I’ve found that I can sit on my phone during a boring work meeting and just swipe right.” Then to clarify my obvious confusion she added, “You know, one-swipe shopping?”Realizing that she could swipe everything into her digital cart, from paper towels to yoga pants, Erin started a steady flow of those smiles coming to her door. “Packages come every day, every other day,” she told me, “because I get groceries and household supplies. And I rent my clothes, so those are always coming. But it’s nice with Amazon because you can set it up where every month they’ll send you kitty litter and toilet paper. So you don’t have to think about it. They just show up.”Those are Erin’s favorite packages, the ones that surprise her. “I make sure not to track the deliveries so when one comes with my name on it and I don’t know what it is - I’m like, holy crap, it’s Christmas!”Of course with that kind of mindfulness, or lack thereof, it wasn't long before Erin lost track of her spending as well. “I was always so careful, never buying anything too fancy, thinking it's just $20. But then I was doing that like 50 times a week.”These numbers would increase in times of stress; Erin escaped into dot com bazaars to shop herself numb.In order to cover her increasingly reckless purchasing, Erin began manipulating the household budget, often lying to her husband of 15 years about where the money was being channeled. But then one month the debt had bloated to the point where she could no longer hide it.Her household allowance of $1,500 clocked in closer to $5,000.“The thing is, we don’t do credit card debt,” she told me. “My husband has had to bail me out a couple of times. The only time he really gets mad at me is about the shopping problem and how it’s preventing us from doing things like going on vacations or saving for retirement.”Inevitably our spouses are affected by our compulsive behaviors, even after we’ve gotten clean and sober.Tom, 41 and with 2 years clean, kept his newfound gambling habit to himself. “If my wife ever knew what’s really been going on, she’d be pretty surprised,” he said of his finances. “Yeah, there’d be problems.”Not long after getting the opioids out of his system, Tom found that an old habit had come back with a vengeance. He’d been a light gambler since his 20’s, and now his betting activity suddenly increased by as much as 500%.“Well I had all this extra cash because I wasn’t spending it on the pills. Near the end of my using I’d been dishing out around $1,600 a week.”To play it safe, so to speak, Tom worked out a deal with his bookie, recruiting new bets for a cut of those winnings. The idea was that he would bet only with the money he made from this arrangement, thus flipping it. “So I wasn’t spending ‘our’ money, my family’s, which was perfect.”Perfect, that is, as long as those bets he helped set up won - and he didn’t get carried away by the excitement of the game.“Football is my thing,” he said with excitement. “Nothing beats the feeling of your team being ahead. And when you have money down on it, you’re a part of that team. So wherever I am and a game is going on, I’m in it all the way!”Here was Tom’s Amazon smile. His cigarette and coffee. That thrilling little charge to help him through the day.Tom was consumed.“Then there was one bad week where everyone lost - so when it came time to cover my bets, there was just nothing there. I had no choice but to borrow from the family account.”He’d done it before, always replacing any withdrawals before his wife could catch on. “Only this happened during the same week our property taxes were due - and we were going to be short $3,000.”Panicked and humiliated, Tom confided in a cousin who he knew would be able to cover the loan. “But that was too close,” he told me, “and that’s when I quit. The day after that I asked (my therapist) for help.”At the time, Tom was still taking part in a biweekly group and one-on-one counseling for the opioid abuse. He realized that his best bet was to start treating the gambling addiction as seriously as his substance use disorder.“Very rarely, if ever, have I seen anyone come in with just one significant disorder going on,” said Christy Waters, MD, of Bright Heart Health in San Francisco. Waters’ specialties are addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine, and she is in recovery herself. “For a long time there was this sort of romanticizing of recovery. Addicts thought and were told that if they could just stop using, all would be well, not understanding that the drugs were really just a small part of what was really going on.”“Our liquor was just a symptom,” echoes the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book explains that the substance that we thought was the root of our problem was, in fact, just an indication of that problem.“A lot of patients come in just hanging on by their fingernails,” Waters continued. “They’ve stopped using and they’re depressed or they’re anxious or they’re just plain miserable. And now they’re acting all this out in completely new ways. Maybe they’re smoking a lot, or overeating, or whatever it takes to get that ‘lift.’ At first they might think, ‘Look, at least I’m not doing heroin, so what’s the big deal?’ But then they see how their quality of life is suffering. And that’s not the promise of recovery, is it? The promise is that your life will get better.”AA and other 12-step programs’ suggested solution is for us to “launch out on a course of vigorous action” to face and exorcise “the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” In other words, take the steps. The hope is that after all of our personal inventories and amends and prayers, we are released from the torment that used to compel us to drink or use; we become free of the behavior once and for all.This is a solution in Dr. Waters' world as well. But it's not the only one.“We meet so many people in recovery who wind up with a dual diagnosis. They’ve been living with a disorder for years, sometimes their whole lives, but it remained undiagnosed beneath the substance abuse,” said Waters. “Maybe they have post-traumatic stress. Or ADHD. Then finally in treatment they realize, ‘Oh my God, all this time I've been self-medicating?’”Or shopping themselves into smothering debt?Or gambling away their marriage and home?Was she saying that just as our using was a symptom of a larger issue, the same can hold true for these “replacement” behaviors?“Absolutely,” Waters confirmed. “It’s important to always approach the disease of addiction with a much bigger lens. For instance, we now know that 80% of women who abuse substances also struggle with a mood disorder - and that’s even before the first ‘fix’.”Intrigued, I brought up the question with Erin during our follow up interview. I knew she had worked the steps of NA with great success, so much so that she was now applying a 12-step program to her shopping problem. But was therapy a part of her solution? Could the shopping possibly be linked to something else? “That’s funny you should ask that,” Erin said. “I actually made an appointment with a therapist not too long ago. I'm going in later today.”A conflict between Erin and her son had come to a head and triggered the compulsive behavior; Erin’s online shopping increased exponentially once again in response.“I used to have problems with PTSD,” she confessed, “and I think this stuff with (my son) might’ve stirred that back up.”For Tom’s gambling habit, however, the solution, or at least the path leading to it, was not so clear. By the time I followed up with him he had stopped searching for help altogether. Though his check-ins with the rehab center continued, his therapeutic work focused only on his recovery from opioid addiction. He was back to placing bets weekly.“I quit for two or three weeks,” he said, “handling just the bookings. I was able to look at where I went wrong - and now I know the warning signs. As long as I don’t use my own money, I’m okay. And as long as I keep the whole thing as entertainment there’s not a problem.”But surely there had to be other activities Tom enjoyed, things he liked to do that weren’t as risky?“Not once you know the rush you can get from gambling,” he said. “And the pills are out of the picture for good, so this is sort of all I have left.” As for me and my own vices, the cigarettes and coffee and busy-work in between, I imagine the doctor will read me the riot act on Monday morning. I have an appointment to get this little hernia checked out and when he inquires about my lifestyle, I plan on telling it to him straight. For over 20 years I was trapped in the grip of drug addiction and I thought I was in the clear once I was released. But as my eyes open wider, I see the true nature of this beast; I still have some shackles holding me captive.But I think I just found the keys.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://bit.ly/2M8Aw1j

[pitz182]

Sober and Still Addicted: Compulsive Behavior in Recovery

Seems I need to make amends.You’re supposed to be reading right now about how after we put the dope down, that destructive behavior that went along with it often continues, our addiction manifesting itself in cunning and baffling new ways.But I just can’t seem to start writing.There’s always one more cigarette to smoke, cup of coffee to drink. One more level to get past on this new game on my phone. My side business is pet care and there’s always one more dog I can add to the walk, my mild hernia screaming as I mush my way towards a serious medical condition. My fingers are wrecked, too, from gnawing on the cuticles. Maybe after one more Band-Aid I’ll be able to sit down and type. I really do want to share all the information I’ve gathered about how most people in recovery find themselves still struggling with these sorts of “replacement” addictions.But as a hobby I make models and I just scored this kickass new car online, so I’d better try to finish at least one from the perpetual batch before the new one gets delivered.And even if I do get around to writing this article, what the hell sort of message would I be conveying anyway? Here I am two years sober (November was my sobriety birthday), and still feel practically paralyzed by addiction. Cigarette, coffee, dog walk, repeat. Once again I have found my life bordering on unmanageability, my health suffering in the grips of these persistent new vices.Yes, as I’ve said, there have been health complications and they are directly related to some of these addictive tendencies which I simply refuse to give up.At least not any time soon.And certainly not today.After all, I’ve got this...thing to write, for God’s sake. How can I expect to work, or get anything done for that matter, if I don’t give in and continue to feed the beast? Not only would I be in serious discomfort, but you, dear reader, would have nothing more to read.No, the best course of action is for me to continue with these behaviors in order to keep everything moving along. And look at this, I seem to have begun after all.Fantastic.I knew I couldn’t be the only one struggling with these issues and that if I just opened my mouth in the meeting rooms, others would feel comfortable sharing their own experiences. There are plenty of us who discovered that even though the dope was laid to rest, that fiendish mentality kept on kicking, keeping our sobriety from being as happy, joyous and free as is so often promised.Erin was a cinch to relate to. Like me, she was anxiously awaiting her recent Amazon delivery, jonesing for that cardboard smirk to appear at her doorstep. “Oh, I love that smiley face,” she confessed with a shiver. “I always open the Amazon box first. I get a little rush.”A true addict, Erin now chases that little rush like she once chased her high.At 42 years old with over two decades of sobriety, Erin is now addicted to online shopping. “It used to be with credit cards, like from Target. I’d go in and wouldn’t leave until hundreds of dollars later. But now I’ve found that I can sit on my phone during a boring work meeting and just swipe right.” Then to clarify my obvious confusion she added, “You know, one-swipe shopping?”Realizing that she could swipe everything into her digital cart, from paper towels to yoga pants, Erin started a steady flow of those smiles coming to her door. “Packages come every day, every other day,” she told me, “because I get groceries and household supplies. And I rent my clothes, so those are always coming. But it’s nice with Amazon because you can set it up where every month they’ll send you kitty litter and toilet paper. So you don’t have to think about it. They just show up.”Those are Erin’s favorite packages, the ones that surprise her. “I make sure not to track the deliveries so when one comes with my name on it and I don’t know what it is - I’m like, holy crap, it’s Christmas!”Of course with that kind of mindfulness, or lack thereof, it wasn't long before Erin lost track of her spending as well. “I was always so careful, never buying anything too fancy, thinking it's just $20. But then I was doing that like 50 times a week.”These numbers would increase in times of stress; Erin escaped into dot com bazaars to shop herself numb.In order to cover her increasingly reckless purchasing, Erin began manipulating the household budget, often lying to her husband of 15 years about where the money was being channeled. But then one month the debt had bloated to the point where she could no longer hide it.Her household allowance of $1,500 clocked in closer to $5,000.“The thing is, we don’t do credit card debt,” she told me. “My husband has had to bail me out a couple of times. The only time he really gets mad at me is about the shopping problem and how it’s preventing us from doing things like going on vacations or saving for retirement.”Inevitably our spouses are affected by our compulsive behaviors, even after we’ve gotten clean and sober.Tom, 41 and with 2 years clean, kept his newfound gambling habit to himself. “If my wife ever knew what’s really been going on, she’d be pretty surprised,” he said of his finances. “Yeah, there’d be problems.”Not long after getting the opioids out of his system, Tom found that an old habit had come back with a vengeance. He’d been a light gambler since his 20’s, and now his betting activity suddenly increased by as much as 500%.“Well I had all this extra cash because I wasn’t spending it on the pills. Near the end of my using I’d been dishing out around $1,600 a week.”To play it safe, so to speak, Tom worked out a deal with his bookie, recruiting new bets for a cut of those winnings. The idea was that he would bet only with the money he made from this arrangement, thus flipping it. “So I wasn’t spending ‘our’ money, my family’s, which was perfect.”Perfect, that is, as long as those bets he helped set up won - and he didn’t get carried away by the excitement of the game.“Football is my thing,” he said with excitement. “Nothing beats the feeling of your team being ahead. And when you have money down on it, you’re a part of that team. So wherever I am and a game is going on, I’m in it all the way!”Here was Tom’s Amazon smile. His cigarette and coffee. That thrilling little charge to help him through the day.Tom was consumed.“Then there was one bad week where everyone lost - so when it came time to cover my bets, there was just nothing there. I had no choice but to borrow from the family account.”He’d done it before, always replacing any withdrawals before his wife could catch on. “Only this happened during the same week our property taxes were due - and we were going to be short $3,000.”Panicked and humiliated, Tom confided in a cousin who he knew would be able to cover the loan. “But that was too close,” he told me, “and that’s when I quit. The day after that I asked (my therapist) for help.”At the time, Tom was still taking part in a biweekly group and one-on-one counseling for the opioid abuse. He realized that his best bet was to start treating the gambling addiction as seriously as his substance use disorder.“Very rarely, if ever, have I seen anyone come in with just one significant disorder going on,” said Christy Waters, MD, of Bright Heart Health in San Francisco. Waters’ specialties are addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine, and she is in recovery herself. “For a long time there was this sort of romanticizing of recovery. Addicts thought and were told that if they could just stop using, all would be well, not understanding that the drugs were really just a small part of what was really going on.”“Our liquor was just a symptom,” echoes the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The Big Book explains that the substance that we thought was the root of our problem was, in fact, just an indication of that problem.“A lot of patients come in just hanging on by their fingernails,” Waters continued. “They’ve stopped using and they’re depressed or they’re anxious or they’re just plain miserable. And now they’re acting all this out in completely new ways. Maybe they’re smoking a lot, or overeating, or whatever it takes to get that ‘lift.’ At first they might think, ‘Look, at least I’m not doing heroin, so what’s the big deal?’ But then they see how their quality of life is suffering. And that’s not the promise of recovery, is it? The promise is that your life will get better.”AA and other 12-step programs’ suggested solution is for us to “launch out on a course of vigorous action” to face and exorcise “the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.” In other words, take the steps. The hope is that after all of our personal inventories and amends and prayers, we are released from the torment that used to compel us to drink or use; we become free of the behavior once and for all.This is a solution in Dr. Waters' world as well. But it's not the only one.“We meet so many people in recovery who wind up with a dual diagnosis. They’ve been living with a disorder for years, sometimes their whole lives, but it remained undiagnosed beneath the substance abuse,” said Waters. “Maybe they have post-traumatic stress. Or ADHD. Then finally in treatment they realize, ‘Oh my God, all this time I've been self-medicating?’”Or shopping themselves into smothering debt?Or gambling away their marriage and home?Was she saying that just as our using was a symptom of a larger issue, the same can hold true for these “replacement” behaviors?“Absolutely,” Waters confirmed. “It’s important to always approach the disease of addiction with a much bigger lens. For instance, we now know that 80% of women who abuse substances also struggle with a mood disorder - and that’s even before the first ‘fix’.”Intrigued, I brought up the question with Erin during our follow up interview. I knew she had worked the steps of NA with great success, so much so that she was now applying a 12-step program to her shopping problem. But was therapy a part of her solution? Could the shopping possibly be linked to something else? “That’s funny you should ask that,” Erin said. “I actually made an appointment with a therapist not too long ago. I'm going in later today.”A conflict between Erin and her son had come to a head and triggered the compulsive behavior; Erin’s online shopping increased exponentially once again in response.“I used to have problems with PTSD,” she confessed, “and I think this stuff with (my son) might’ve stirred that back up.”For Tom’s gambling habit, however, the solution, or at least the path leading to it, was not so clear. By the time I followed up with him he had stopped searching for help altogether. Though his check-ins with the rehab center continued, his therapeutic work focused only on his recovery from opioid addiction. He was back to placing bets weekly.“I quit for two or three weeks,” he said, “handling just the bookings. I was able to look at where I went wrong - and now I know the warning signs. As long as I don’t use my own money, I’m okay. And as long as I keep the whole thing as entertainment there’s not a problem.”But surely there had to be other activities Tom enjoyed, things he liked to do that weren’t as risky?“Not once you know the rush you can get from gambling,” he said. “And the pills are out of the picture for good, so this is sort of all I have left.” As for me and my own vices, the cigarettes and coffee and busy-work in between, I imagine the doctor will read me the riot act on Monday morning. I have an appointment to get this little hernia checked out and when he inquires about my lifestyle, I plan on telling it to him straight. For over 20 years I was trapped in the grip of drug addiction and I thought I was in the clear once I was released. But as my eyes open wider, I see the true nature of this beast; I still have some shackles holding me captive.But I think I just found the keys.