#i think the burnout got me
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happy solvermas
#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas#quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on#v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene#implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship#and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever#im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it#but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months#i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now#been a long time since i've felt that#turns out the āstop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jistā approach wo#ks#something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas#it is taking. All of my restraint right now#to not be So Mean to all of you#You Don't Even Know#I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#murder drones cyn#i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts#oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way#the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are
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I know those eyes.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#wen ning#Sibling similarity but you only see it when you realize they have the same soggy eyes.#These two always struck me as a bit of a play on Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli for 'siblings who contrast each other.#But after spending a lot more time marinating on Wen Ning I actually think they are way more similar that is initially apparent.#Sure their surface level personality traits are pretty contrastive. But they both are so willing to risk their lives for what's right#Who raised them? In a story so full of examples of how parents shape their children - why are these two lacking in parents?#I imagine that Wen Qing is the older sibling and so her morals of 'help those who need it no matter who they are' got passed a long.#But how did *she* arrive there? Was that instilled within her or was it a reaction against bearing witness to callousness and cruelty?#We'll never know..the only thing I can say for certain is Wen Qing is *so* soggy in the audio drama.#She's like the ant with the bindle. It's a hell of a way to bring a previously sharp tongued character back into the narritive.#Side note: Thank you all for being so patient and kind while I took my break!#It's been a very chaotic few weeks and I didn't realize how bad my burnout was getting. I'm back and ready to keep drawing again!
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A piece of home
#i like to think that when siffrin loses their hat loop picks it up#particularly in one hat endings#i know that doesnt mesh well with the symbolism of letting go#but loops very bad at that anyway#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#two hats spoilers#isat loop#the ocean took me 2 months#multiple do-overs#and a burnout#but i got there! and i like how it turned out! and i even had fun!!#edit: whooopps i can see how it looks like sand ahdhsg. oh well!#art tag
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And the day we became one.
#folly regretevator#regretevator folly#folly#regretevator#regretevator fanart#digital art#digital fanart#digital artist#fan art#artists on tumblr#I get honourable mention in a monster design competition; gets very motivated to draw more; starts coughing; gets a fever; got burnout#Aaaaall that and I finally managed to draw this#I am still thinking about The Cleave; it fucking broke me. I feel unimaginable pain whenever I remember#The Cleave.... The Cleave!!!!!#*Gets sick; falls down a flight of stairs*#I was looking through my previous work before I start working on this#I miss the rendering style and colors I used to do... (think the AM fan art and the Alina Grey fan art)#I'm bringing this style again for this and GOD IT'S SO GOOD!!!#Folly always brings the best of my art; see this is why as an artist you should get obsessed with a fictional character#blood tw#tw blood#cw blood#blood cw
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Vi is gifted kid burnout but in the english major way
#sheās the best characterization Iāve seen of gifted kid burnout outside of super-genius characters#like. as a burnt out gifted kid by legal designation. she is me#trying to succeed at everything because thatās what youāre told to do or what you think needs to be done to be worth anything to anyone#being rigid to change because itās not being done right but at the same time accepting change so long as people stay with you#and also how that ties in with being an eldest sibling#because ik folks love the whole āgifted kid jinxā thing (not me but yaāll do you) but yaāllā#YAāLL DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY NEED FOR BURNT OUT ACADEMIC VIā#because Vi never got the chance to be a kid and learn and grow and find what she actually enjoyed in the world outside of the last drop crew#but look at her. the way she speaks and the way she tried to teach powder the lessons she earned the hard way in the gentlest way possible#in the way she so desperately clings on to people and memories#my girl would be a WRITER#my girl would be writing poetry drunk in her shitty basement apartment after hooking up with a girl#my girl would be writing novellas in prison and getting her degree#because you know she sees the world like a romantic. her world is art and emotion and devotion. to her family. to anything she cares about#i need more literary! student vi. i need more academic vi. i need more grudging debate-team captain vi#i need vi getting her own place and having an extensive book collection that she develops because of the loneliness#Her gkb is going from a leader & soldier to someone who could be useful regardless to someone who is useless & being okay w/ it ->#to being needed again and not knowing how to handle it but knowing she refuses to fuck it up this time#GIVE ME VI W/ MY GIFTED KID ARCCCCCC#this probs makes no sense and is like 4 tangents but Iāll expand on it later ācause im tired#coherency is for losers and the well-rested#vi arcane#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#arcane season two#vi
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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?
Things I need to do:
Finish reading icebound land
Make a whole lotta art that I promised people
Research study abroad programs
At least one Dutch lesson a day
Keep my room clean
Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)
My math homework
Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane
Eat at 7pm
Various things I enjoy as to not go insane
All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00
So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks
But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup
#ābut you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!ā#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else#but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo#I hate high school#rambles#adhd#executive dysfunction#<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk#im so tired#burnout#adhd burnout#(????? I think????)#high school#I'm just so tired of all of this#the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud#and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore#and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was#and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely#why the hell am I so stressed#I do everything I'm supposed to do#I just want to go somewhere else man#The Netherlands hopefully#I wanna actually DO something#go on a trip for band#not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day#I wasn't built for this shit#I'm so fucking tired
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Going anon for this one because I was feeling embarrassed but I also gotta know-- How did you manage to leave the Mario fandom? You seemed really passionate about it, and your posts were some of the best I've seen and read. What made you able to stop and focus on other things? Asking because as a small writer I kinda wanna do the same but I fear losing the few followers I have, so I feel stuck.
Do you have any advice for me?
Hi. āŗļø Thanks for reaching out!
While I wouldn't say I entirely left the Mario fandom (as I still have a genuine fondness for the games and part of the lore), I did let go of it quite a bit as an artist and I appreciate that you sought my perspective on what is a rather complex and delicate issue. š¤²
Fanwork and involvement in itself can be really fun and quite harmless when done right, but there are three things that I believe should always be kept in mind when participating more actively:
1- You are not getting paid for what you do. A vast majority of creators online receive absolutely no compensation for their contribution, and those that do usually obtain it strictly through commissions. For the most part, it's hours of hard work spent creating and then sharing content for free. And while this isn't inherently problematic per say, it's important to never lose sight of what your efforts go into and in what way it benefits you (or not).
2- There are thousands upon thousands of communities out there, for nearly every subject imaginable. The one(s) you're currently focusing on may mean the world to you right now, but that could very well change tomorrow, or next year. My point being: it's nice to have a notable passion towards something, but I don't think we should let it reach a point where it takes up all the room and seeps into our every waking thought. Being open to discovering and learning about other things can be an eye-opening experience, and having different interests is very good for the mind.
3- Views and likes don't matter at the end of the day. They really, truly don't. They won't make a significant impact in your life nor bring anything substantial to the table. Essentially, it all circles back to why you're creating something and who you're making it for. Having followers can be very exciting and uplifting for sure... But it shouldn't be your sole motivation for staying in a fandom, because chances are this will make you very unhappy longterm. If you want to draw or write about something, please do it for yourself above all. It's the only lasting way you'll get a genuine sense of joy and gratification out of it, trust me.
As far as the online experience goes, I consider friends and enthusiastic exchanges about common interests to be THE ultimate purpose of any community. Not fanwork. Not the followers count. Only good vibes. And the greatest thing about this is, the close friends you make will stay with you no matter what you choose to focus on next, I can assure you that. š«š
#Sorry this got quite a bit longer than I initially intended ><#Hope this was useful to you in any way Anon! š„ŗ Other than my burnout these three reminders were what helped me the most I think.#Good luck in sorting things out š#Being honest to ourselves is the first step and also the most important one#So I'm really glad that you're acknowledging this#Wishing you well š#Fanart and fanwork#Important#Creative freedom#Community#Thoughts and ramblings
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me when the 18 trips i dont know
#nep draws things#sketch#18trip#renga nishizono#ten murakumo#ushio kurama#nayuki kitakata#i forgot my watermark in all of these Dont make me regret that people okay#anyway i think 18trip singlehandedly got me out of my burnout (somewhat).. i love them so much#also dont talk to me about nayuki. i wont be normal
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your artstyle looks like it would make really cute mlp fanart and its making me want to ask if youve ever drawn mlp characters so here i am
Now I have!
#i think I did used to draw some ponies years ago- a mutual of mine had a lot of pony ocs and I was in direct exposure#but Ive Never watched or gotten into the show š§ i just really like designing ponies LOL#the naming schemes and colors are really fun too. this ask got me thinking of making pony designs actually#also I dont know squat abt this guy but from what Ive read hes a College burnout. and his design goes so hard for no reason#so heās an automatic fav LOL#currently lining and coloring this in so expect to see a finished ver + some pony designs š heheheheā¦..#myart#doodles#ask#mlp#my little pony#i donāt really like the style for gen5. maybe its just because im so used to g4. ehh#mlp sunburst#sunburst
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Hey omori fans! new genre of omori au that we should be making:
Previous iteration of headspace where Sunny got bored and decided to do a themed one, think about it right? Thereās been dozens of different headspaces over the four years Sunny isolated himself he couldnāt have literally been doing the exact same thing the entire time right?
If the cycle can repeat in as little time as three days IMAGINE HOW MANY THAT MUST BE OVER FOUR YEARS And to be entirely fair it is said that this particular iteration is shorter then usual but even still I canāt imagine one headspace adventure ever lasted more then a week or two
Maybe one time Sunny decided he wanted a sc-fi headspace or a steampunk headspace, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE INFINITE PEOPLE!!!
(And yes, I did realize halfway through typing this that this is just the undertale au phenomenon.. but should that stop you? Absolutely not)
Me? I wanna make one where sunny got bored of how PG everything was so he made headspace gothic grimdark, the characters are allowed to curse now and the enemies bleed but.. like in the way a 13 year old boy would think is cool ā¦ right? Thatās funny to me and I would absolutely like to make designs for it
But thereās so many ideas someone could do here, where was the truth contained? What areas are new and whatās consistent? What form do the keys take?
Omori fans I WANT TO SEE THIS. Itās crack itās absolutely crack!! but do it anyway because it can also be fun !!!!
#omori#omori au#omori headspace#omori sunny#omori omori#Iām tagging him because itās his job to construct all these new headspaceās#heās getting tired of Sunnyās shit after sunny asks for a noir detective headspace#thatās why the one we play in is default headspace#omori got burnout and demanded they go back to normal for a bit#omori to me a is a very disgruntled writer trying his best to make this work for Sunnyās sake but GOD he is so tired#ācan we please just do something basic for once? do I really HAVE to design you another dragon?ā#ācan you not settle for captain spaceboy?ā#āyes I KNOW I didnāt even make captain spaceboy THATS THE POINTā#anyway#I think the time loop-like idea of headspace opens up so many possibilities that we are not considering
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look Iām not saying that gifted kid culture wrecked my entire self esteem, made me feel like I was never good enough or special, or low-key affected 20+ years of my life
ā¦actually, yeah, I am saying that. but hereās the kicker.
i wasnāt the gifted kid. I was the average one.
i get that gifted kid culture wasnāt good for the gifted kids, but geez, I canāt be the only one out there who WASNāT gifted and was still hurt by the system and is still dealing with emotional and psychological fallout.
can we start recognizing the impact gifted kid culture had on the non-gifted kids too?
#Maybe I shouldnāt be saying this but#The rest of us were just average#And Iāve spent essentially the entire rest of my life trying to be āspecialā at something#Gifted kid#gifted kid burnout#My journey#Iāve literally clung to my severe OCD sometimes because it makes me unique#My entire life has been me trying to be special in some way and not feeling satisfied#All because my best friend was gifted (read: special) and I wasnt#That was in THIRD GRADE#And itās still DEFINING MY LIFE#I struggle with feeling jealous of former gifted kids even though yāall were messed up by it too#Because at least you got to grow up thinking you were special
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ignore the fact i disappeared that was simple winter hibernation ( still sick and coughing out my lungs btw )
for a basically nonexistent context itās currently 1:50 am my paper is literally just on my mattress hello hard surface who and this is the most abhorrent lighting and i COOKED (dubious) š„š„š„ā¼ļøš„¶š„¶š„¶š„¶š„¶š„¶š¶ļøš¶ļøāØš¶ļøššš¶ļøššš„ŗš„ŗššāØāØ
one of my ocs grgrggrjekslalksj I need to talk about them more on here nyways yeah uhm bye read the tags thanks
#ā
ĖĖĖ melonrambles!#guys. guess what. your dearest father#i mean melon#has returned with the goods omg this is so splendid wait wait why are you turning around#and leaving again wait no wAIT#too slow. ive disappeared with the wind š±š±#on a less silly note writers block burnout and a bunch of other silly fun happy things got meshed together into this really ugly ball#and it may or may not have taken we like 3 full days to get down a single sentence#so. hahahaha#melon is sometime but definitely before February definitely definitely aaha im not gaslighting myself im not g-#and to like throw something at this feral audience i have ammassed#a bone#if you will#ill get a work out soon#plan smth special for our silly celebration ILY GUYS SM SHHSHSHKS UGH WAHHGHH ššš#and i am finally going to be poking that smau of mine thatās been on mine indefinite hiatus for far too long <43#i was honestly thinking of discontinuing it but the anemo menā¦ im an anemo kisser I couldnāt possibly..#so. that should be all from me#ill be workin on a new tagging system when I get back fully hopefully#so this blog will look less like an active track wreck <3#giggles okay bye im off to do more silly bybye š«”
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Someone needs a Rev Up.
#fanart#sketch#Fear and Hunger 2: Termina#Kida Tanaka#can you tell that I am OBSESSED with this character?#waiting for the update that will make him playable#was supposed to be a Tanaka dump but I think I'm hitting burnout again#probably just need to take a break for a little bit but I'm always open for requests and suggestions#sorry if I don't do all of them#stress about Election Day has got me down big time#always hate this time of year and tje presidential ones always have me on edge#scared of the outcome and the backlash that might follow if something doesn't go someone's way#I worry about a LOT of stuff tbh#stress and anxiety 24/7 just about
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idk what came over me but i like this series again
#i mean i always liked it ofc but its just been dormant for a while#I got baaaad burnout (maybe still do idk) and there's NO kh news#but idk maybe its writing for the podcast again but Im like ''hmmmm actually maybe I think about all this all over again''#i think its because rn I'm focusing on the organization#and like....... sry but the organization is just so interesting#sorry foretellers I love yall but the org is what got me into this series#and I always thought the KH2FM cutscene of xigbar and zexion was interesting#and later the conversation between saix and axel about having their own agenda#and it was just really cool all that coming back in KH3#and i want more... im hungry for more#how could they bring this all back and then kill ansem AND xemnas#young xehanort you got a LOT of fucking weight to pull now young man#you better show up in that Nomura drawing's black techwear and umbrella and address all this shit
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I donāt really talk about it much on here because Iām extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly whatās going on in my body, but itās scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers donāt really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. itās scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you donāt know how to start filling yourself back up. youāve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.
I donāt know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout thatās years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesnāt come from worry but youāll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that youāre PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect Iām not the only one.
Iāve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but itās overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. Iāve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything thatās happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me itās gonna be okay.
I donāt know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because itās hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. Iād do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I donāt think itās strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that theyāre never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what theyāve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.
and the same goes with all of you. weāre bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we donāt mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and Iām sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. itās what theyāve always longed for isnāt it?
#thoughts after how worried Iāve been recently. since june I think#Iād love to start a conversation in this fandom about the connection im newly discovering between burnout and mental illness and fatigue#in a way we can be positive about these things and be there for each other without calling anyone to confirm if we interpret some songs#to represent experiences that may or may not be theirs because it doesnāt matter in the end. we have these songs and if you get it you get#weāve all been clocked as ānot feeling very wellā recently anyway so. it doesnāt need to be specific. but we do need to be kind#like hey. artist. I donāt know exactly what youāre going through to have written these songs that mean this to me. but Iām here for you#fill in the blanks. all weāve got are our stories to share. I hope mine helps us understand and be a little kinder to those who need it#without thinking we can judge who we think needs it. but rather default to kindness and in the case of musicians etc that means patience#it means we learn together. what it means to connect and have boundaries and the boundaries they might like to have#anyway Iāve not said who these songs are by so if you reblog and wanna tag another artist thatās g Iāve got a few by several others as well#but I know this fandom. I know this band and I know exactly why I worry for each band member though Iām not gonna say here. just. take care#5 seconds of summer#5sos#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#calum hood#michael clifford#exact experience of burnout I have talked about is that of someone with adhd and a pda profile and some form of bipolar#which may be a product of pda profile things or not. these arenāt the only diagnoses Iād likely fit but they are the ones that explain the#story and have guided me to understand how to recover and Iām doing that bit by bit. and if you want me to tell you how please ask#but Iām not advertising it cause thatās weird Iād sound like a scammer if I did. even if when Iām hypomanic I think I can heal everyone
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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