#why the hell am I so stressed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iwanttobepersephone · 9 days ago

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So, my mom was telling me how much free time I have, and I was like, "I have no freetime wth do you mean?????" And I just wanna see if this is like. A normal way to think of things?

Things I need to do:

Finish reading icebound land

Make a whole lotta art that I promised people

Research study abroad programs

At least one Dutch lesson a day

Keep my room clean

Talk to my friends so they know I love them (and so I don't go insane)

My math homework

Keep myself clean (showers, finally brushing my teeth after months, etc etc) so I don't go insane

Eat at 7pm

Various things I enjoy as to not go insane

All from 6pm to 9 pm, every day, after being at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and then The Public (teen center) from 3:30 to 5:30, and I need to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00

So, basically, I'm "on the clock" from 7 am (When I start getting ready for school) until 9 pm, with no breaks

But yeah no I totally have free time. Yeaup

#“but you never actually do that stuff! you just sit and scroll!”#yeah cause if I'm not doing what I need to I'm not Allowed to do anything else #but I'm just. too tired. to do what I need yo #I hate high school #rambles #adhd #executive dysfunction #<- I've heard that this kinda mental math can be a symptom of those things? idk #im so tired #burnout #adhd burnout #(????? I think????)#high school #I'm just so tired of all of this #the sun is going down way too early and I barely speak at all at school and I never finish work early anymore and the teen center is loud #and I still want to be active in the fandom but I don't have time to make posts anymore #and I don't have any in person friends anymore and I don't know when the last time I got a hug was #and I'm just. so. tired. my room is clean and I have good grades and I talk to my friends everyday and I shower routinely #why the hell am I so stressed #I do everything I'm supposed to do #I just want to go somewhere else man #The Netherlands hopefully #I wanna actually DO something #go on a trip for band #not just finish the work put in front of me day after day after day after day #I wasn't built for this shit #I'm so fucking tired

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todayisafridaynight · 8 months ago

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#ryu ga gotoku #rgg #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #daigo dojima #ryo aoki #masato arakawa #snap sketches #im annoyed looking at this jaGELARKGJ #I LIKE MY LNIE ART BUT .... just nthing was clicking with me rtying to shade this #i only meant for this to be a quick thing today but i ended up mulling over it for longer than i wanted so im just throwing it out there #every time i make a rendered drawing of aokis office it always dark as hell like bro PLEASE you have a lamp #theres like ONE instance where i dont make it dark and it was in that goofy Rumor Mill comic #LIKE EVEN THAT COMIC ABOUT ARAKAWA BEING DEAD IT'S DAYTIME YET I STILL MADE IT DARK VJLAKJVAE #ridiculosu.#moving on ive wanted to draw them playing chess for months i just kept. Not Knowing How To Do It #whats funny is that i initially was planning an entirely different thing but i was thinking about that too much i got stressed #so . thats why i worked on this. and then i got stressed over this 💀💀💀#speaking of chess ive always wanted a chessboard birthday cake with edible pieces .. that a lotta work tho ...#i love chess ... am i good at it probably not but i still lke to play it on my phone sometimes ..#guess ill work on that other thing now that im free and i know what i wanna do now that ive slept on it ... lol ...#mk bye i dont like rendering

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hplonesomeart · 23 hours ago

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Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye

#the hell am I so anxious about? maybe it’s just overstimulation stuff #hoping it’ll die down because I can’t keep enjoying myself when I’m like this #seriously is starting to mess with my flight responses over the tiniest things #like yea obviously I needed to stay logged out of Tumblr so I would focus more on schoolwork #but uhhhh gonna be transparent and say a huge part of it is the jolts of anxiety :(#like even the thought of logging back here has caused me to feel like sweating #my brain kept saying ‘no I don’t want to I can’t do that’ even when I felt bad for missing out on others posts #like I want to be here so I can support my mutuals dammit!!!#I’m a mess. I’m such a broken mess oh great lovely spectacular #maybe the culminating stress of final exam deadlines is worsening stuff as well #I can’t tell you why I’m like this I just am 🙃#anyways thinking I’ll start adapting to the distance. Sorry but being a shut-in is more appealing right now #I just need time to be with myself and not be so invested in the lives of others #anyways what’s something mildly positive I can wrap this up with so I don’t seem pathetic….#ah yes the final Puzzle sketch here was drawn today before a class period #one of my fellow classmates noticed and audibly asked me ‘is that Mr. Puzzles?’#IT TOOK EVERTHING IN MY WILLPOWER TO NOT LET OUT A GIDDY SHRIEK #Felt like my eyes bulged and I jolted in enthusiasm jskjsksp spontaneous happiness?? actally experiencing the feeling of fitting in??#anyways I responded with a very normal ‘WAIT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM???’ while trying to suppress grinning or going ‘teehee’#anyways now it’s my personal mission to keep initiating conversations with her because AUUUUUGH SHE KNOWS WHO HE IS I’M LOSING IT #proceeded to talk about Murder Drones & TADC like holy SHIT I didn’t think I would ever find animation peeps in my psychology class auuu 😭💜#it’s a MIRACLE man this may be a sign that college won’t be isolating anymore yaaaaayyy #PUZZLE IS SINGLE HANDILY HELPING ME TALK TO PEOPLE BOTH ONLINE AND IRL THIS IS WILD #all hail the best comfort character seriously holy shit—like imagine she never noticed me drawing Puzzles!! I’D STILL BE LONELY AS HELL #okay sorry I’ll stop typing like a teenager and go back to pretending to be well-versed in speech & conducting myself ‘normally’ :3 #doodles #sketches #not tagging with Puzzles because hahaaaaa don’t look at me

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jrueships · 4 months ago

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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually

#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN #she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today #(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed #bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with #she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC #basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets #one is called NAVIGATING DOC #im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings #NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM #and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT #but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK #WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER #she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete #mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING #but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert #abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS #idk man #i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor #it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro #yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site #n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it #so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by #but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM #bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification #if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now #instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON #ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE

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ajdrawshq · 4 months ago

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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game

#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party #would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful #temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor #osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on #throné . girlie im so sorry #i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3 #do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food #i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho #same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her #who am i missing .. CASTTI #shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god #and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era #would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way #.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what #also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it #i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine #his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined #wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag

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the-acid-pear · 3 months ago

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Okay but. Isn't main character and certified good guy Hank hating androids such a deranged plot beat? I mean bc the whole game is trying to set up this objectively bad parallel between androids and real life ethnic segregation (which is so insane bc androids are actually manmade objects who genuinely don't feel emotions unless caused for a glitch like you cannot compare real minorities to that David Cage you need to be put down like a rabid dog) so him like. Having a much of stickers going FUCK ANDROIDS is like, so fucking awful? The whole framing too like Connor, an Android and in this case a minority, having to give up on his very own responsibilities just to look after and make this guy who is constantly physically violent like him otherwise he's a bad guy for it? Like I know Hank plays up his hate way more than he really feels but with this very obvious allegory it just becomes so uncomfortable that this is the good guy (tm). Like I love Hank this isn't against Hank this is against Cage and whoever let him write this too like Jesus Christ man.

#luly talks #dbh #I SWEAR I LIKE THIS GAME I DON'T WANT TO SPREAD NEGATIVITY BUT I WAS 14 WHEN I PLAYED IT AND DIDN'T REALIZE HOW FUCKED IT WAS #like the racism allegory is so stupid and works not at all but if you imagined it did then shit like this would be like sickening #like why am i befriending this guy who keeps insulting me and my whole kind I'd be allowed to kill him where i fucking stand #I'm latino if i had to be w this cop going fuck immigrants I'd push him off that ledge myself even if i lose the suspect y'know #just insane playing a route without befriending hank has a bitch laid up like fucking hell Cage #also the fact that Connor himself has to stop acting like an android to please hank is sooo fucked up #LIKE I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH IM ANALYZING THE WRITING NOT MY OWN INTERPRETATIONS I STILL LOVE THEM BUT LIKE #AUTISTIC ICON CONNOR STOP BENDING OVER BACKWARDS FOR THIS HATER LET'S KILL HIM

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runawaymun · 7 months ago

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#sorry let me rant real quick in the tags #cw personal #once again hitting an insurance pothole bc the psych says she accepts my OHP plan HOWEVER the therapy group she is contacted with says #THEY don't #they only accept the insurance if it's through my employer but NOT through the government??????????????#so there's still some kind of payment???#anyway I want to scream why is this so complicated #like will she take my insurance or not who's right here #anyway called her back directly and went to voicemail so now I've done all I can for now #why the hell is this so hard man #the person on the phone didn't know really how to explain #once again no one knows what they're talking about #like can y'all not communicate and figure this out?#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #i need to get an ADHD eval before my next PCP appointment in june so that they will continue giving me my meds #and the psychiatry through the hospital has a limited number of visits that insurance will cover #*contracted #not retyping all of that #and once again the only reason this is so stressful is because the psychiatry group at the hospital fumbled the communication ball last tim #and the psychiatrist I was with never put the ADHD on the chart #and now somehow it's MY responsibility to fix that>#UGH #like I am grateful to have some kind of coverage but holy shit is the US healthcare system in shambles #the bureaucracy is INSANE #i had to just sit down and put my head in my hands for a second #and then go 'right okay nothing i can do about that rn moving on'#uGH #literally said 'what the FUCK' out loud a couple times #like not on the phone after I hung up obvs

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justalittlebluetiefling · 4 months ago

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The Mercer-Rays are really trying for a TPK tonight.

#MARISHA HOW DARE YOU #i say affectionately #I'M JOKING this is so funny #why am i not stressed at all lmao the goat really took me out of it #bell's hells #cr3e102 #cr spoilers #cr lb

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pixlmonkeys · 7 days ago

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I say this with the deepest sense of hatred imaginable, fuck this article

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minimoll7 · 11 days ago

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Jeez. Windows updated last night and it ruined my PS1 emulator. I use ePSXe. Its now widescreen when I go into fullscreen. I hate that, I don't want that for old games. But I have NO idea how to fix this. I tried messing around with the settings and all I did was greatly shorten the height. I don't understand much of anything I'm seeing online on fixing the issue

This sucks, I hate updates so much. They rarely ever do anything good or helpful. They're just a waste of time and they often ruin or change stuff on me. I am so sick and tired of it

#molly vents #its taking a lot of self control right now not to swear my head off in this post #i am incredibly mad and stressed out #what in the world did this update do #i hate this #and in case someone sees this and wants to tell me to get a new emulator #no i don't want or need a different emulator #i just want to fix this issue #i get that updates are good for like security reasons or whatever #but why do they always make me so mad :)#i've been using this emulator for at least a decade at this point #if not then close #NEVER have i had an issue like this #but then my computer updates and now i can't get the ratio back to normal?#what the hell dude #what sucks is that my cousin is like super helpful with this sort of thing but he got a new job recently and its like #i don't think he's gonna be on at a time i'm awake #UGH #one of my brothers is good with this stuff to but he's in bed right now and also kind of sucks with actually responding

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago

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i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

#snap chats #being without my computer charger has been maddening #that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :((#AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK #i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that…#MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill #anyway. daigo plushie so cute :((((((((((((((((#mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo #alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️#lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That #THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :((((#anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea…#also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies #tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack…..#ok bye its tea time #help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’#calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO #ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god

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sanjiaftersex · 7 months ago

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your top 15 favourite tv shows can say a lot about your personality

Tagged by @kuhakukage

Let's go besties :

1. Courage the Cowardly Dog

2. Danny Phantom

3. Teen Titans

4. Teen Wolf

5. Inuyasha

7. Tokyo Ghoul

8. Shen He Ling/Word of Honor

9. Australia's next top model

10. Brooklyn 99

11. How to get away with murder

No tags all the besties can come list their favourite shows so i can get some good tv show recs thank yew.

#bear with me it'll take me some more years to reach 15 tv shows probably #cz im a hater i like watching shows just to analyze and criticise the hell out of them until they disintegrate inside my brain #so u can imagine the kind of stress i am under when i try to list shows I like when i cant even remember what i watched #these are the shows that I'd actually rewatch #i don't usually like to rewatch stuff because i feel like my head will explode if im not seeing new things #ok but now that i think about it what DOES it say about my personality #only 2 of the shows on this list are from my adult life lmao #fried braincell things #for HTGAWM i love Annalise Keating. viola Davis is IT she's the icon she IS the moment i love her.#amd also my girl Michaela pratt got me through college i am her she is me (academically)#b99 is beautiful perfect amazing i love it #on that note Andre braugher we miss you thank you for all that you did #i also love Gina and was annoyed asf when she was taken out of the show #currently im watching the vampire diaries and shit is not hitting im gonna be honest #I'm currently watching 3 series and reading 2 books at once so u can imagine why my brain is fried

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graham--folger · 8 months ago

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*through gritted teeth* what the fuck do people want from a resume

#this semester i've had three different people look at my resume and all three of them were like contradicting whatever the other person said #one said add references. the other said don't add references. the other said no add them back in #one said add color. one said only do black & white. one said no you should have color #also in terms of content they all differed as well like. guys i just want to get this fucking internship so i can get out of here #i appreciate the feedback but i think it's made me more stressed in the long run #alex’s inane ramblings #plus just now finding out im gonna need to do a fucking seminar probably in addition to my internship unless i want to do 4 credits of #internship. i fucking hate seminars. and it's taught by my advisor who i like. but he knows how fucking quiet i am and calls me out on it o #the daily. which gets on my fucking nerves let me tell you #im the most non-english-major english major to ever exist #don't make me talk. please dear god don't make me talk #plus in this seminar we would be writing a 20 page paper. on american romance lit.#sorry dr. phillis but that sounds godawful #and if i decide to do the seminar it conflicts with another class i need to take so id have to talk to my graphic design advisor about maki #a substitution #hell on earth. why the fuck is graduating so goddamn hard #i don't have enough credits to be staying an extra semester so i have to get this all wrapped up by december #alright im gonna shut up now. college is hard guys

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absolutelyzoned · 4 months ago

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its me and my inability to compromise against the world

#i hate it when plans are changed i fucking hate it so much #i desperately need to rant about this im having an awful time ..Augh #my dad lost his job and is selling his house. we have at MOST 3 weeks to get out of here #so wrre moving to the house next to my moms. my grandpa owned b4 he died. HOWEVER #i hate that house its dirty as hell. i cant live with my mom theres barely 2 rooms there and i currently sleep on a couch in the living roo #there are 3(?) bedrooms where my dad is moving and they are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than. literally everything #so well have. not a lot of space. not to mention that all the rooms are shaped so fucking weird. shitty old house bonus #literally everything has the fucking landlord special cause my mom used to rent it except all of the tennants were jerks #so the house has A Vibe. /neg. and its a weird combo of dustu and sticky #Im getting off topic.#i was allowed to choose my room a while back and we all agreed on everything and made plans and thought everything was set in stone #the room i was supposed to get is small asf and has slanted walls. (attic room ig) but it was fine #but my mom was like noo! actually! your older brother is getting that room! we never agreed on anything!!#whicj is AWFUL #i HATE CHANGE #AND. i wish you could see the room im supposed to have now but im at My dad's rn #its so fucking small. the water heater is in there. there's a low hanging fucking duct pipe or whatever right by the door #its pink #it smells like shit #ots right next to the washer and dryer.#there is no light. i hate it so much #ITS SMALL. AND JUST FUCKING SUCKS #i might sound like a dick but everything is so stressful rn i dont want to move school starts in 2 weeks i dont know my schedule i don't #have anyone to talk to. we're all fucking broke as hell and my mom refuses to help my dad because. i dont even know why #sorry. btw #i need someone to talk to so bad #they won't get me a therapist because 1 its not covered by insurance and 2 my dad lost his job and said insurance #i can't get a job because i can't drive and am so mentally fucked up and its so hard for me to do literally anything #i cry at the most insignificant situations and im always on the verge of tears #i get overstimulated so easy i can't fucking do this

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mcalhenwrites · 3 months ago

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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse

#mcalhen personal #and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there #feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like #“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like #but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything #I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week #but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they #treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work #and I can never help him at this rate #bc I can't help myself #I can't help anyone #and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life #as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things #as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family #y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS #I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation #but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news #at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain #bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all #and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work #I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already #no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness #also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e #but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it

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bluteamplural · 3 months ago

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been blurry & dissociated practically all day, feeling doesn't abate after 2nd round of auditions, get home. new guy shows up. what the fuck

#bluplural #🤘#anyway hi!!!! i don't know what the hell is happening right now #well i mean i do in a literal sense because our memory sharing is decent enough to get by even when i'm a brand new dude #but less literally i'm having a severe what the fuck moment #why are we stress splitting????? what the fuck!!!!!!!!!#anyway this is uhhh Bad i think #i don't like being in front can we have the other guys back #like ford he seems nice he seems a LOT LESS NERVOUS than i am!!!!#ugh this sucks randomly the host will just fucking dip and someone else gets to play ''pretend to be him'' and i'm stuck up here for-#-GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!#trying to determine whether or not i'm a fictive of a character at the moment so names are hard #if i'm actingbased that barely makes any sense since round 2 of auditions ended TODAY and we haven't even tried to play my hypothetical-#-source yet!#so what the fuck!!!#am i an anxiety holder??? that seems right kind of #i'm very Tense. like my existence seems to be eternally stuck in panic attack mode #OH THANK GOD I THINK THAT;S FORD #THANK FUCKING GOD

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