#i think some parm would also work!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

louisisalarrie · 10 months ago

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Hi! Let me start by saying that I am a follower of your blog because I enjoy your take on things. Not because I hate follow you like some people seem to do. With that said, I’m very excited you get to meet Louis on Sunday! How fun for you! But I have an honest question. Not one to argue with you or even question you. But something I’ve wrestled with myself. Since you know all of the lies we’ve been fed about F being his son, and you see the gaslighting that goes on regularly from Louis to his fans. Most recently, the infamous chicken parm tweet, how do you separate that as a fan of his? How do you get so excited to meet him without wanting to look him in the face and say please stop lying. Maybe it’s just me. I’m just having a hard time with him continuing to lie to us and scold us and then out of the other side of his mouth he says he has the most freedom he’s ever had. That just tells me he choosing to lie and use F for his gain. His gain means money and fans. I don’t know… again, not trying to judge you. Just trying to understand and figure out where my brain is. I hope you have a wonderful time at the show!

Hey anon! Thank you for the kind words. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way, and a lot of us have these moments as well! So don’t stress x

I think what’s important here overall is to remember that record labels, managers, everyone involved in Louis’ team make money from Louis’ fame and publicity too. It’s certainly not just louis, and a huuuuuge chunk of it goes towards them, particularly if he’s signed to a Global Deal which I imagine he would be. Remember how in one direction they were worked to the absolute bone? Barely having a break, nonstop touring, recording every second they could (a good example is that one scene from This Is Us where zayn was asleep for 10 minutes before he was woken up to record more vocals) and they were just kids. They signed a contract without a personal lawyer due to X Factor rules, were taken advantage of, and used as a money making machine for S*co and his bunch of monkeys. But I’m sure you’re already very aware of this, so let’s fast forward to 13 years down the track with this in mind…

Louis was roped into a wild stunt contract, also known as bbg, with a half assed promise of more freedom for him, a potential end result of him and harry coming out, and probably a bunch of other promises and opportunities thrown his way if he signed off on it. He received solo PR while still being in a band, meaning he had a bit of a safety blanket if the band broke up and wouldn’t immediately disappear from the public eye (like Liam did). And you know what? BBG was probably meant to go for a much shorter time than it has. I imagine the proposed stunt, and the alterations it’s had over the years, look pretty bloody different. But without going into too much detail on that stunt specifically, Louis is incredibly smart in the way he communicates with us. He does juuuuust enough to meet his contractual obligations. He knows what he can get away with. He knows his fandom is majority larries. He knows what we talk about and what we say.

The consequences if he didn’t sign this contract? Probably pretty dire, if I’m honest. When you have one of the biggest labels in the world (the other two are WME & Universal) throwing you a bone, it’s pretty hard to turn it down. These 3 labels (also known as The Big 3 in the industry) have a monopoly over the music industry and can make or break someone pretty damn quick. So I imagine he would’ve signed to cover his own ass and not lose his whole career, because he’s been manipulated into that. The music industry can be evil and brutal and it’s all about money. All about PR.

Particularly in this day and age where we are oversaturated with celebrities, media, etc., it’s hard to stand out from the crowd. The Big 3 are good at what they do, and that’s why they are The Big 3. They know how to do PR, they know how to write contracts and get artists to sign off on them, they know how to dangle carrots and make deals that benefit themselves greatly (oftentimes more than the artist). So being in louis’ position, it was more like he was coerced into it, if that makes sense?

Sorry, im tired from work and rambling now, but have you heard the phrase “separate the art from the artist”? It’s an interesting take that some people agree with, so they can enjoy that artist’s music while ignoring their faults/bad choices/problematic behaviour, because the music is what’s important. I don’t necessarily agree with that take, and I’m not gonna go down a rabbit hole on it, but I do think some fans do this with louis. And that helps them still enjoy the music, without getting involved in bbg or any other stunts, ya know? It helps to just think about the cutie happy wholesome louis that we know and love, and not his PR image. And that is absolutely fair enough, I just can’t do that because I know too much and I’ve been here for too long and I WILL see this through hahahah.

Okay now to actually answer your question, about me personally, of course I would want to tell him to leave his contract and get a better deal and come out with Harry and trust that his fans will still love him and he’ll still have a career, but that’s not possible. It’s not possible because I’d get throat punched by security, but it’s also not possible because that’s not realistic. He knows what we all say, and what we think of larry. He understands our frustration and can literally see it online every day. His hands are tied, until they’re not. And we can’t do anything about that. So it’s just about appreciating him and his music because we can’t control anything else.

So, just remember that he’s beautiful and sweet and caring, watch some old one direction videos/larry deep dives, and take a breath because we know him, and he’s not this asshole that his image has radically become.

#bbg #answered #anon #feel free to message and clarify anything I said here!#please antis don’t come for me I need a nap

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banannabethchase · 1 year ago

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A Little Bit Camera Shy (But You're Still a Star) - also on AO3

Wheeler's never really thought twice about Danny streaming and filming his videos in their apartment. That is, until he posts one in Wheeler's bedroom.

Bingo square N3, complete! Title from Camera Shy by School Boy Humor. Shh leave me alone I love this song.

“Home,” Wheeler calls into the house. He yawns, stretching his arms above his head.

His roommate looks at him for a little too long, with that annoying pinched expression. “Cool,” Danny says, going back to his computer. “I gotta work tonight, so…” He trails off, an eyebrow raised.

“Right,” Wheeler says. “I kind of want to see a movie, anyway.”

He throws his stuff in his bedroom, bag bouncing. He’s dripping sweat, gross as hell, and will have to have a shower before doing anything else. The noises from Danny’s room are unmistakable. Whatever helps Danny pay his part of the rent, Wheeler tells himself. But he always feels…something, when he hears it.

The noises, the moaning, come through the walls as he showers. It’s not the first time he’s jerked off to hearing porn in the next room. Probably isn’t the last. He pretends it’s the same hearing it made as hearing it finalized. It’s not weird.

“Heading out,” Wheeler calls.

“Later!” Danny calls. He never uses Wheeler’s name when he’s streaming. Wheeler assumes it’s a courtesy.

He and Mox see Oppenheimer and he whispers historical context the whole time as Mox asks questions.

“Wanna get dinner?” Mox asks, lighting a cigarette as they leave the theater.

“Yeah, probably should,” Wheeler mutters. Danny usually only has to work, really work, two nights a week, but it’s usually a marathon of five or six hours. He came home in the middle of it once. He doesn’t feel comfortable repeating that experience. “Chili’s?”

“You have shitty taste in shitty food,” Mox says, blowing the smoke in Wheeler’s face. Wheeler kicks him in the shin, and then he’s in a headlock, and then he punches Mox directly in the ass. Mox yelps. “Hey! Be careful with the goods!”

“Like Claudio hasn’t already damaged the fuck out of those goods already,” Wheeler says with a grin, ducking Mox’s arm.

They get Olive Garden, because Mox said he was craving shitty pasta, and Wheeler brings back breadsticks, some salad, and a serving of pasta primavera for Danny along with the leftovers of his own meal.

“You ever gonna admit you like him?” Mox asks as they stop at Wheeler’s door.

Wheeler tries to kick at Mox’s knee, but misses, nearly dropping the bag of food. “Fuck off. Let me live.”

Mox shrugs. “Just saying. Me and Claudio danced around it for, like, five years. Don’t want you to make the same mistake.”

Wheeler wants to explain that the mistake, he thinks, would be ruining a clutch apartment with somebody who’s willing to pay extra for the third bedroom for his “office.” The mistake would be sticking his neck out and getting rejected by somebody whose face he sees every night before he falls asleep.

The mistake would be thinking it was possible.

“It’s not a mistake,” Wheeler insists. “It’s – pragmatic.”

“Prag – stop being all fancy, you dumbass.” Mox squeezes his bicep. “Love you. Later.”

Wheeler pushes open the door to their apartment. “Home again,” he yells, hoping Danny’s done with filming.

Danny peeks his head out from the bathroom, towel around his waist and looking better than should be allowed. Wheeler intentionally does not notice. “Oh, hey!”

“I got you dinner, if you want it,” Wheeler says. He sets it on the table. “Wrote your name on it and everything, but that’s mostly so you don’t eat my chicken parm.”

“That was one time!” Danny says, rolling his eyes. “But, uh. Thanks.” He flashes a smile toward Wheeler. “I appreciate it.”

It’s not even eight before Wheeler’s antsy and ready to be tired. But he’s wide awake, head spinning from the image of Danny in that towel burned in his mind and the conversation with Mox echoing in his head and, well.

He’s only a man.

His adventures on PornHub have changed drastically, now that he’s roommates with one of the most popular camboys. He skips past almost every video that has the word “twink” in it, almost every one that talks about jerking off alone. He knows that’s Danny’s wheelhouse, and Wheeler doesn’t want to know what Danny looks like when he’s…like that.

If Wheeler’s not the one making it happen, that is.

His face flaming hot, even in the privacy of his own home, he scrolls until he sees…

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Getting off in my hot roommates bed while he’s out.

Wheeler’s smarter than this. Wheeler is not a man who pays a premium for porn, and is definitely not the kind that watches porn starring people he knows.

But this is Danny, in his bed, in a $8.99 video with so many hits it should be ridiculous.

He spends the money, because he has to know. He has to know.

He’s a few seconds into the video, Danny preening and looking infuriatingly good, when he notices something. “Wait a minute,” he mutters. He looks more closely. That’s – that’s his newest library book on the table. This video was filmed today.

“Son of a bitch,” he mutters. He stands up and throws open the door to his bedroom before he can stop himself, stomping into Danny’s office without knocking. “You!”

Danny looks up. “The fuck is wrong with you? I’m editing!”

Wheeler grabs him by the scruff of the neck and throws him down the hallway and into the bedroom. “This!” Wheeler says. “This is what’s wrong!” He gestures to the video. “Care to explain?”

“I knew you’d be mad!” Danny whines. He buries his head in his hands. “God, I’m sorry. Just. My followers have been asking about it, and I – I couldn’t resist.”

Wheeler’s face burns, and he pretends it’s with rage and not embarrassment. “Do they like the idea of you making fun of me or something?” He’s more hurt than he has any right to be. “Let me guess: you talk about how lame and stupid I am the whole time, so the people with humiliation kinks can get off on it.”

Danny’s expression changes, but not the way Wheeler expected. “Wait, what?”

“You probably come when you’re pointing and laughing at a picture of me or something,” Wheeler grumbles.

“You didn’t watch it.” Danny’s eyes widen. “You don’t – you fucking idiot.” He grabs Wheeler’s computer and turns it around. “Sit down, you stupid fuck.”

Wheeler lets himself be thrown into the chair, because he’s still reeling from the reaction. “If this is because you think I get off on getting made fun of, you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“Watch,” Danny says, “the stupid fucking video.”

With an eye roll, Wheeler presses play.

Danny comes into frame a little hesitant, a little shy. It’s nothing like the guy Wheeler argues about the light bill with. This Danny is cute, almost, curled in on himself, like he isn’t six feet tall and shredded.

“Hey, everybody,” Screen Danny says. “Um, so, this was, like, super requested. I did a poll on OnlyFans, and this got 56% of the vote out of 5 different options.” He laughs a little, smiling as he rubs at the back of his neck. Wheeler hates how good Danny is at this, and hates how his dick perks up. “This is his bedroom.”

He gestures around, then settles onto Wheeler’s sheets gently. He smooths his hands.

Wheeler hits pause. “Did you use my fucking desk as a tripod?”

Danny shrugs. “It was easier than risking leaving marks in the floor with my actual tripod, okay?”

“Yeah, making it available on PornHub really kept it discrete,” Wheeler mutters. Against his better judgement, he hits play.

“Y’all are probably already laughing at me,” Screen Danny says, breathy. His hands fist in Wheeler’s comforter. “He’s so cute though, guys. So cute.” He bites his lip, takes a deep breath. “God, the things I want him to do to me in this bed.” He visibly swallows, then kicks his socked feet up on the bed, sliding them on the comforter. Wheeler tries to will away his now very insistent boner.

“He’s got these abs,” Danny says, stretching out on the bed. He tilts his face to the pillow, and inhales. “He smells so good, all the time. But I shouldn’t.” He goes sheepish as he looks into the camera, fluttering his eyelashes. He glances at the door. “Well, he is at the movies. Earlier, he went to the gym, and came back…God.” He runs his hands down his neck. “He stays there for ages. It’s why he looks so goddamned good.” He glances at the door again, almost coquettish, then teases his thumbs in the waistband of his grey sweatpants.

Wheeler looks over. The same grey sweatpants the actual Danny is wearing right now.

“Are – are you already pitching a tent over a porn of yourself?!” Wheeler asks.

“Fuck you,” Danny says, but he blushes neon pink, and Wheeler hates how good it looks. He turns back to the screen, where Screen Danny has his sweatpants down his hips, hard, red cock curving upward, a shimmering wetness at the tip.

“I wanna suck his dick,” Danny murmurs, eyes shutting. Always the professional, he slants sideways to give the best view of him and his dick. “I want him to fuck my face so good I can’t talk the next day.” He makes eye contact with the camera and shows off, licking his hand.

Wheeler should hit pause. He doesn’t need to see more.

But he always loves to know how every movie ends.

“Danny,” he says, voice lower than he plans. “I bet you fucked yourself on your fingers on my bed, didn’t you.”

Danny burns even redder. “Um. Keep watching.”

Screen Danny strokes his cock a few times, enticing moans and whimpers from his lips. Wheeler grips the arms of his office chair.

“But even more than that,” Danny says, voice breathy and excruciatingly sexy, “I want him to fuck me. I pretend, sometimes.” He rolls over, ass to the camera, and Wheeler’s breath catches somewhere in his throat. There’s the base of a plug visible, bright pink. “I pretend this is him.” Danny turns back to the camera. “It’s not enough, though. It’s not as good as he’d be.” He reaches behind himself and pulls the plug out slowly, pushing it back in as his eyes flutter closed. He hums, the prettiest little smile on his lips. He drags the plug all the way out. “I know he’d give it to me good and hard.”

Wheeler pauses the video and spins in his chair to see Danny, standing in front of him, playing with his fingers. “Did you come?”

Danny freezes. “What?”

“Did you come in my room?” Wheeler asks. His heart is hammering.

Danny nods.

“Where?” Wheeler asks.

“On – on your bed,” he says. “All over myself.”

“D-did you have the plug in?” Wheeler doesn’t know why he keeps asking questions. He just knows he needs the answers.

Danny nods, and takes a half step closer to Wheeler.

“Did you pretend it was me?”

Danny leans across Wheeler and fast forwards the video, showing the end. Danny, flat on his back, comes all over himself crying Wheeler’s name, some landing on the sheets. Danny’s fucking himself so roughly with the plug that final spurts of come dribble out onto his stomach, his feet planted firmly on Wheeler’s comforter.

“Sorry,” he says, grinning at the camera, blissed out. “Kind of missed the money shot, but I got into it.” He blinks slowly. “I hope this met your expectations!” He blows a kiss to the camera. “See you later.” He winks, and the camera cuts to black.

Wheeler swallows hard. “You left come stains on my bedsheets.” He turns to Danny and stands. “You fucked yourself with a plug and pretended it was me.”

Danny nods. “I know it’s weird. I can look for another place if you want. I can –”

Wheeler doesn’t let him finish, and stands. He hauls Danny in, crushing their mouths together. Danny makes a whine so needy it’s closer to a mewl, and Wheeler walks them backward until the backs of Danny’s knees hit the bed. “You like me,” Wheeler says, pulling away, lips still so close to Danny’s they brush with every word. “You like me so much you got off in my bed and made a whole video about it.”

“It’s not just that,” Danny says, lower lip brushing Wheeler’s. “I talk about you. In – in my videos. People ask me to talk about you. They say I – they say I look better when I come when I’m thinking about you.”

Wheeler hauls him in again, but then shoves Danny onto the bed, covering his body. Danny’s hands are greedy and demanding. Wheeler can’t get enough of it, running his hands along Danny’s hot, soft skin. He slides his lips to Danny’s jaw, to his neck, nipping gently.

“Tell me what you like,” Wheeler says. “Like you do in the videos, baby. How do you look prettiest? How do people like you the best?”

“When it’s you,” Danny gasps. “Only – always when it’s you. Wheeler.” Wheeler pulls back at the tone in Danny’s voice to see him looking earnest and open. “Work isn’t anything compared to – to this. Compared to the real thing.”

It’s too much for him to handle. He kisses Danny again, trying to explain everything in his head that he can’t yet say, throwing clothes about the room. Their dicks slide together and Wheeler moans, hungry, into Danny’s mouth.

“Tell me what you want,” he demands, sliding his hands down Danny’s perfect body. “Tell me everything.”

“Fuck me,” Danny pleads. “Fuck me better than that plug. Fuck me like you mean it.”

“I mean it,” Wheeler promises. He fumbles in his bedside drawer. “You borrowed my lube?”

“I – it happens later in the video,” Danny says, looking almost cute with the embarrassment. “The stream loved it.”

“I bet they did.” Wheeler slicks up his fingers and shifts so he can throw Danny’s legs over his shoulders. “Okay?”

“Only if you get in me in the next five seconds,” Danny says, and Wheeler chuckles at how he can still be this infuriatingly demanding like this.

Wheeler slides a finger between Danny’s cheeks, pausing at Danny’s hole. “Pretty,” he murmurs, staring down at Danny’s face and he traces the rim. “So many people get to see it, but I get to do it.”

Danny whimpers. “Please, Wheels,” and the nickname is new. Wheeler circles his finger until he’s knuckle deep into Danny, reveling in the keening noises.

“Bet they love it when you make these sounds,” Wheeler mutters, pumping his finger slowly in and out. “Bet they wish they could make it happen. But it’s me, right?”

“Always been you,” Danny says, rolling his hips. “Fuckin’ – you come home from the gym, all sweaty. Want you on me.” His eyes literally roll back in his head as Wheeler scissors in another finger.

“I thought that was a porn thing,” Wheeler says. “Like – you actually do that because it feels good?”

“You have no idea,” Danny pants. “I – fuck.”

Wheeler crooks his fingers up, and Danny shouts. “Bet your plug can’t do it like that.”

“Now you’re just being a dick about it,” Danny says, but his eyes are still all unfocused and zoned out. “If you don’t get that dick in me…”

“What?” Wheeler asks, but he fucks his fingers into Danny with more intent, more speed. “Will you use the plug and know it’s not as good as me? Will you record yourself coming with my name coming out of your mouth?”

“Done that already,” Danny says.

“I – fair point.”

“I’m ready,” Danny says. “I promise, I know my body. You can fuck me now. Please fuck me now.”

“Are you sure?”

Danny’s face immediately goes all bitchy, like when Wheeler forgets to soak his mac and cheese pans in the sink. “Are you seriously asking the camboy if he knows when he’s ready to take a dick?”

Wheeler rolls his eyes and throws one of Danny’s legs down, angling his body to where he wants him. “You’re somehow even more annoying when I’m about to fuck you.”

“Then fuck me and maybe I’ll say nice things again,” Danny says, tilting his head all bitchy.

Wheeler goes easy into him, despite Danny’s insistence. He hasn’t done this in a while, and not – not when it feels this important, when it feels like it matters. Danny’s strangely quiet, eyes locked on Wheeler’s.

“Are – is this okay?” Wheeler asks. He pauses. “You’re not making any noise.”

“Is that – do you want me to?” Danny asks.

“I just assume, from the video,” Wheeler explains. He rolls his hips, settling in. It feels like he belongs here. “And from, uh. When you’re working when I’m home.” He’s not sure why saying that makes him a bit embarrassed, even as he’s inside of Danny. “You make a lot of noise.”

“I make a lot of noise for the camera,” Danny says, eyes sweet. “But – for real, I…” He trails out, reaching up to tangle fingers with Wheeler. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Wheeler says, and he tries pulling back a little and pushing slowly back in. “Anything you want to do.” And he means it. “Well, okay, except for playing shitty music loudly at 3 in the morning.”

“Fuck off,” Danny says, grin a little blissed out. “K-Pop is awesome. You wish you were as cool as Lisa.”

Wheeler decides that, if he fucks Danny good enough, he might shut up. He’s right. Danny makes the tiniest, most kitten-like noises, sweet and soft and sticking to Wheeler’s heart like glue. This is special, he realizes, a version of Danny his subscribers don’t get to see.

They don’t get to see the way Danny’s eyes go when they meet Wheeler’s. They don’t get to feel the tight, warm heat of Danny’s body. They don’t get to feel Danny’s fingertips dig into their skin, or the way Danny rolls his hips up to take more of Wheeler’s cock.

They don’t get to ask, “Can – can I come in you?” and be the recipient of the most needy, insistent, “Yes.”

They don’t get to reach down and, finding Danny’s cock slick with precome already, stroke him until he’s coming and whimpering Wheeler’s name like it’s all he knows.

They don’t get to come so far inside of Danny they feel like they’ll stay there forever.

Wheeler’s breathing is so heavy he’s dizzy as he drops his head to Danny’s chest, feeling Danny’s hands come up and stroke his back.

“So, that just fulfilled, like, eight fantasies,” Danny murmurs. He starts running his fingers through Wheeler’s hair, so gently it’s almost too much.

“I don’t think I knew I had them, but ditto,” Wheeler says into Danny’s skin.

The reality of this, what it means, shifts along with Wheeler as he settles back, feeling cold as he loses the close skin contact. “It’s not cool to ask this,” he begins, already regretting his opening, “but, um. What’s this mean?”

To his surprise, the openness is still there in Danny’s face. “You want me honest?”

I want you always, Wheeler finds himself thinking. Instead, he nods.

“I want to do this again,” Danny says, slowly, like he’s carefully choosing his words. “And – and I want it to mean something.”

Wheeler relaxes. “I think I do, too.”

The next few weeks are the weirdest of Wheeler’s life. Apparently, with the way he talks about Danny, his friends thought they were already fucking. Danny’s dad said, “Fucking Christ, finally,” when they told him over FaceTime, and Wheeler’s parents asked, “Does this mean you’ll have space for our extra Christmas decorations when you move into the same room?”

“Have we just been secretly dating for, like, months now?” Wheeler asks, adjusting the poster of Blackpink that now resides next to the Weezer one that has to be moved a bit to the side to make it all balanced, according to Danny. “Nobody seems surprised.”

Danny shrugs, scrolling his phone on Wheeler’s bed. On their bed, Wheeler giggles. God.

“Oh, shit,” Danny says. “Wait. Okay, so, you know how we talked about making it official on my channel?”

Wheeler nods, moving Danny’s dresser a little to the right. Perfect. “Yeah? Are they being weird?”

“They want to see you,” Danny chuckles. “Like, meet you or something.”

Wheeler turns around, trying not to feel panicked. “I –”

“I already told them no,” Danny says. “You’re just the roommate on there – our real life doesn’t come to work.” He gets the kind of smile that usually means he’s about to go down on Wheeler in the middle of the movie theater or ride him while he plays Dead Cells. “But, um. How would you feel about being an off-camera talent?”

“Director?” Wheeler asks. “I’m listening.”

“Hey, everybody,” Danny says. He’s fully dressed, but Wheeler’s behind the tripod. “Guess who’s here.”

“Voice only,” Wheeler says. “But yeah, it’s me.” He winks at Danny over the camera. “Roommate turned boyfriend.”

Danny rubs the back of his neck. “We figured he could, uh. Be a bit of a director today. Choose which recommendations y’all throw out.” He throws a devastating smile at Wheeler. “Maybe make some calls himself.”

“What can I say?” Wheeler says, and his heart swells with the way Danny’s looking at him. “I love telling him what to do.”

Mini Playlist:

Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys

PLEASE - Omido, Ex Habit

Start a Fire - Ryan Star

Camera Shy - School Boy Humor

#DannYuta #WHOOPS THIS WENT FASTER THAN I EXPECTED #This one's for Sarah #in which Sara writes #wtf i like wrestling now???

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dairy-farmer · 2 years ago

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There's a gen batfam fic where Tim was starved by his parents because they took away his allowance that he uses for food. And then Bruce and Dick finds out (and eventually, Jason) after Tim collapsed from starvation. I just can't stop thinking of the batfam becoming obsessed with feeding Tim even when he's past their weight goals. They carry snacks on their person all the time so they can give it to Tim when they see him. Sometimes, they even go so far as to wake Tim up from his naps or sleep when they feel like Tim has gone far too long without eating. They don't do it all the time. Sleep is just as important to their workaholic, caffeine addicted baby. It's also the time where they can just admire Tim's ever growing body. This the time where they can squeeze the fat on his thighs and cup his tits. They even pinch his fat pus—

i know that fic!!!! its this one for those who haven't read it!

i LOVE the way they portray tim's turmoil and pain and emotions in that one!! especially in the scene where he eats the chicken parm and he's telling himself that he needs to save some for the morning but he ends up eating all of it and lying in bed disgusted with himself and crying- its such good angst!!!!!!!! and the line of " I know how long I can be hungry for before it starts to impact my work" and the implication that this is something that has happened before- maybe not starving, but young timmy learning how to budget and being young and seeing things like candy at the store and spending all his money on it- just like a kid would and learning a very hard lesson through painful cavities and going days without eating until his stomach pains made him so sick he couldn't move.

so tim in a family that has learned that food was often something to be rationed or thought out carefully now plying him full of snacks and foods. tim hasn't had candy in years outside of class parties because he couldn't justify it in his budget but when dick hears that he almost cries and buys a big bad and feeds them to tim during movie nights and when they're togther. seeing tim so small, and waify from starvation changed something in them. even when tim confesses about what's going on and they take him up to eat a fresh stack of pancakes because the ones left behind have gone cold, tim stumbles. he gets lightheaded if he stands still for too long and his hand shakes when he reaches for juices or more blueberry syrup.

it's devastating for them to see tim so newborn bambi weak so of course they start pushing him to eat more offering everything under the son and trying to ignore the pangs in their chest when tim gets excited over getting to eat things he's never tried or never been able to afford.

slowly tim gains a little bit of chub, a round-cheeked ness from it all and it makes him look like the softest and sweetest little cherub in the world.❤️❤️❤️❤️

#anonymous #asks #answered asks

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marcholasmoth · 6 months ago

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OSRR: 3596

today was my momma's birthday! she turned 70 today.

today i ended up going with momma to walmart and getting a bunch of stuff. we walked around the store and i had an increasingly hard time walking because - you guessed it! - my heel hurt!

honestly i don't know why i don't just have it in my file to never see that doctor. she doesn't listen to me. ever. it wastes my time and money and it's fucking terrible. i practically couldn't waste that money worse than this - if i gave it to just about anyone else it'd be beneficial and not a waste! god i hate that woman. what's the point of being a doctor at all if you're not going to fucking listen to your patients???

anyway.

while we were out, though, mom and i were walking along the back wall past the shoe section, and we spotted some slider sandals, the first of which that caught my eye were DBZ. my mom first saw the spongebob ones, but since i would rather have my retinas disconnect again than own spongebob merchandise, i was happy to point out the other kind i saw next to them - naruto ones.

so mom got me naruto sliders which are wicked comfy and will be great if my foot doesn't heal the way it should.

mom and i spent the afternoon watching some more episodes of the flash, before i went and made us dinner and brought it back up. we watched the end of a season of the great british baking show and then plopped the flash back on before it was time for bed.

nothing from joel today, but the man (1) needs his space and (2) usually has a game on tuesdays. i let him breathe. he lets me breathe. living together full time will be interesting, but nice - i'll get to cuddle with him and talk to him even on work nights because eventually i will be working a job with normal hours. inshallah i will get a normal hour job.

below is a bunch of stuff about my relationship with my mom. you don't need to read it if you don't want.

it was nice to just spend time with my mom without any other pressure or whatever. i think it's fun to spend time with her. she's silly. i love my mom a lot. yes our relationship at its core is complicated, and yes there are a lot of things that she's done that i resent. i won't deny that. and i know the argument of "but she's my mom" isn't always a good one because of one thing or another, depending on the situation. but even after all of that, i still love my mom. our relationship has improved since i've been out of the house more and more, and i'm confident that's why this is my perspective. but i love my mom. i like spending time with my mom. no she won't know everything unless she gets real cool with a lot of things real fast, but having a good relationship is a damn good start.

the older i've gotten the more i understand her actions, the choices she's made, the decisions she makes, the more i understand her as a person. which is nice to be able to do. understanding and relating are two different things but i can translate what she says and does into something i can understand - usually. of course the differences in communication leave her angry and me overwhelmed because she's NOT clear when she communicates and i am trying to bridge the gap she leaves, but i often do an okay job. but she has a short temper when it comes to asking questions and getting answers and then the answers i give are unsatisfactory. which is frustrating. "what do you think of _____?" if i don't say anything i am thinking??? what do you want me to do, keep useless information and analysis on file??? nah. "do you want chicken parm for dinner?" no, because i don't like chicken parm. i never have. i have been your child for 31 years. you should know that i don't like chicken parm.

so it's shit like that that drives me fucking bonkers. and if i'm short back she gets defensive which is also fucking annoying, so whatever, it is what it is. i try to control my tone as best i can. whether or not it works is a different question.

this turned into a long discussion of my mom and that's not really what i was aiming for today, but it is what it is.

in spite of all of it, i still love my mom. i'm glad she's still here to help me, when i have hard times or when i need advice. and i'm glad i can be present to temper her attitude toward others because good lord that woman is a nightmare of judging.

so i continue to keep the peace. 31-and-a-half-plus-years running.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #3000s #3500s #sunshine boy

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thetastytable · 1 year ago

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I made this tonight and it was very good! I do have notes, though, for future me and anyone else who'd like to try it:

The recipe says it takes an hour, it took me about 1.5 hours. Which is pretty good, honestly, I was hustling. Plus I ~embellished~ the sauce and was working with tiny slices of eggplant.

(I used eggplant from the farmer's market, which was small and globe shaped, so I used all 8 or so of those. [I also bought mozzarella that came in 4 medium-sized balls. All of this slicing slowed me down considerably!])

Normally I make my family's spaghetti sauce recipe if I'm making something like this or lasagna, but it adds a lot of time. Here, I just sautéed some diced onions and bell pepper and mixed it in with my fave sauce (Classico fire roasted tomato and garlic 😜). It was fine!

I think the whole dish could be moister. Next time I'd add a 1/4-1/2 c. of water to the sauce so it doesn't dry out in the oven.

I had quite a bit of breading left over after breading the eggplants, so I just used it to top the whole dish before baking it. This also saved me from needing the other 1/4 c. of parm.

I used 2% milk (what we had on hand) instead of almond milk for the wet eggy stuff and it was just fine. I don't know why they call for almond milk.

I did not have fresh basil for topping, which was a shame! I had already maxed out my totally arbitrary quota of fresh herbs I allow myself to buy at the store. But fresh herbs are the star of the dish!

(The fresh thyme was certainly worthwhile.)

I baked the eggplant for 20 mins and really should have cooked it longer (n.b., I think my oven runs cool).

I served it with veggie Italian sausage but it's hardy enough that the sausage was totally unnecessary. A light salad and garlic bread would be 😘👌 That's all!

#made this!#Italian #food #vegetarian #recipe #eggplant #main dish

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rgr-pop · 2 years ago

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i'm pretty above average food waste conscious not because i care about it as an issue but because (well, probably mostly because of my clean fridge thing, but) i just know from too much experience that i need to be more practical than i want to be. i just don't go through enough food very fast and i'm fickle. plus with not having a car, i have to shop very smart with shelflife. any imperatives in the following post are for those of you who subscribe to hating when stuff goes bad too quick.

i always have two cheeses on hand and they both last forever and ever in the fridge. the first is a wedge or chunk of parm. cheese is like, you know. it's cheese. if your cheese is going back beyond intervention you should break up with it. you should be able to eat it like forever. however i do have to make some non-ideal storage decisions (often in plastic) to make this work but it's worth doing for my on-hand cheese. chiefly, parm. i always have a $7 chunk of parm on hand for obvious cooking value (unbeatable actually) but i appreciate that it never betrays me. for food delight reasons i wouldn't buy the grated stuff (i don't mean the can but the grated stuff) but largely also because that shit goes bad too fast!! niceish parm is necessary if you eat like, really a lot of almost any starches, but also if you desire your vegetables to taste better. just a little tip the other one is, a bag of cheap shredded mozzarella. this shit lasts FOREVER. do you know what i use it for most? ramen. this shit is so useful in such an insane array of cooking contexts i think of it more like canned breadcrumbs or something. especially good for dishes you can basically pull off as convenience food: cheesy buldak ramen, corn cheese, putting tomatoes in the oven and just eating them, adding to eggs to be a vehicle of aging green vegetables. even if you are googling around for uses of this ingredient you don't really get the picture. americans are not using it to its potential!!! if i had a family to feed they would be eating such an insane amount of bagged mozz hacks. i did always like to have american singles on hand for ramen but i discovered that they did go bad at a certain point faster than i could eat them, and they are surprisingly expensive, and i felt very betrayed so i don't know if i will be returning to them. ideally, i would always have on hand an additional two cheeses: a snacking cheddar for my blood sugars and mental illness which i'd eat before it went bad, and a back of the fridge cheddar for making things you crave to be "cheesy." with these four categories you have a full meal platform

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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years ago

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I feel like I’ve really been struggling to find books that I enjoy/am super excited to read. Can you recommend any books that you love or that have helped you get out of a reading slump? Contemporary/historical/paranormal are all great! Thank you!

Yeah, for sure! I haven't been in a true slump for a while. I have been through a bit of a book hangover these past few days just because I keep wanting to reread what I read before versus committing to new stuff, but that's different. I will say that I think combining audiobooks and standard reading has helped me avoid slumps. But audiobooks aren't for everyone, obviously!

Anyway, here's a lot of books with more info than you needed.

Okay, so.... I've been trying to lay off ranting about them too much because I still have friends who need to read them, and I'm working on a powerpoint/intro thing about them, but it's hard because Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy series is like. The best shit I've read in a while. Easily the most a series has consumed me since the next series I'll mention, which I read around October of last year--and it's a lot shorter, so it's easier to read through. I literally just ran through these books like a madwoman. I read through the wee hours of the morning; I read on a bus with a weird individual reading over my shoulder; I read on the subway; I read waiting for the subway; I read on a bench; I read in a restaurant while doing a solo bottomless brunch which was one of the most transcendentally peaceful experiences of my life. And now I've just been reading again, and trying to convince myself not to get the audiobooks because that would be RIDICULOUS but IS IT??? IS IT THO???

The series should be read in order, imo, and the first two books are a full duet, so not standalones. What I think makes this series stand out, aside from the emotionality combined with eroticism (these are.... definitely among the very hottest books I've ever read) is the choice to focus on the mafia in Italy, versus the mafia in America, which is what a lot of mafia books do (from what I'm told). So you get like, actually Italian characters and culture, versus Eyetalian (the Americans that love chicken parm and have their own unique culture that is nonetheless *nothing* like Italy Italians, who to be fair have many different cultural nuances due to the regionality of Italy, dialectal differences, economic--). I'm not Italian, but I have lived in a couple different parts of Italy and make it a priority to travel there whenever it's possible (which isn't often because money, but if I can I do it). The dudes in these books feel like Italian men, albeit with obligatory romance novel exaggeration. In most romances, they feel Eyetalian.

Mafia Mistress and Mafia Darling are about Fausto Ravazzani and Frankie Mancini; he is a don in Siderno, her dad is a part of a Toronto branch of the organization who runs afoul of him, Frankie is basically given to Fausto's son and heir Giulio in marriage. But before Giulio and Frankie can marry (she is not happy about this arranged marriage thing, and tbh neither is Giulio) Fausto decides "fuck it, she and I are vibing, she's not a virgin anyway, she's gonna be my new mistress" because Fausto is That Guy. It is age gap, it is very daddy, it has a heroine who's like defiant but is she really? Because she really does love the daddy thing. There is spanking and some light degradation and rough sex and a loooot of spoiling. And also DRAMA. If you have ever wanted to try an age gap romance.... this shit nails everything I personally love about it. Fausto is classy and old school and will also cut a man up into a million pieces and feed him to dogs, probably.

Mafia Madman, my favorite in the series, comes next, and it is a VILLAIN ROMANCE. The villain of the previous duet, Enzo D'Agostino, kidnaps Frankie's sister Gia as a part of a REVENGE PLOT, because he is both very smart and incredibly cracked. Like, my dude is living on a VILLAINOUS YACHT. His plan is to keep Gia in a cage and break her will and then dot dot dot, he hasn't thought it COMPLETELY THROUGH, but then! Gia turns out to be the greatest weakness for a man such as he: a FUCKIN' BRAT. This bitch is doing naked yoga in her cage, she's telling him all the filthy things she'll do to him (not that she waaaants to ohhh nooooooo, she haaaates him especially when he DOES STUFF to her), she's driving him out of his mind which is already very tenuous! A new classic for me, I can't stop thinking about it, and again, even better if you read the first two books first (and they're absolute bangers so you should). 15/10, would stay in the cage. Enzo and Gia are a perfect match of wills, and watching them break and fall in love is gorgeous. A top tier grovel, too, if you see

Mafia Target, the most recent release, also incredible. This one follows Giulio, Fausto's oldest son, who's hot as fuck, and naturally a MAFIA TARGET. Someone, someone whose name perhaps rhymes with Schmenzo, has in fact taken out a hit on Giulio (and semi forgotten about it? Because Gia's pussy is God? Gia fucked that man so good he deadass forgot about a really important mafia hit he put out? I love them) and has hired the best assassin in the game, Alessio Ricci. Anyway, Giulio sees a guy in the club, he gets head from him, as he does, and then he's advised that Alessio Ricci is trying to kill him and realizes THE GUY IN THE CLUB WHO SUCKED HIM OFF WAS ALESSIO RICCI LMAO. Anyway, this one is a extremely hot, extremely emotional, and probably the most straightforwardly romantic book in the series? Because Giulio and Alessio are better at Feelings than Fausto and Enzo, if still very Bad At Feelings. Another top fuckin' tier grovel. (For the record, Fausto does a good grovel in his duet, but imo the subsequent books have better grovels.)

These books are pEAK. And if you're interested in an historical series by the same author with a different name to break you out of your slump--Mila Finelli is Joanna Shupe, and I'd recommend reading her Uptown Girls trilogy for slump breakage. I also love love LOVE her Fifth Avenue Rebels series, but Uptown Girls might be a bit more... compulsively readable? The similarities and differences between her historicals and her mafia books are fascinating (Clay Madden -> Enzo D'Agostino... there is a pipeline).

The other series (and I do feel like a good series is a great slump breaking tactic, because if the series is good you domino them) I find incredibly readable is, of course, Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark. There are like, 19 books in this series, I enjoyed all of them though some are stronger than others. They are probably best read in order. I just blazed through them, but you could always read a few, break, read a few, break.

Of course, Lisa Kleypas's Wallflowers is a great historical series. I also find her Gamblers of Craven's duology so so good from a duology POV, and I say this as someone who read Dreaming of You by itself and read Then Came You years later.

Lorraine Heath is obviously incredible. I'd read her Once Upon a Dukedom series for slump breakage; I adore the first book as one of my favorites of hers, and the second is a general fan favorite.

Tracey Livesay has an amazing contemporary called American Royalty, which is about a British prince falling in love with an American rapper. It's very "Harry and Meghan if Meghan was MEGAN (Thee Stallion)" and it's super hot and lovely. The sequel is out this summer, so you might wanna get a head start!

Heated Rivalry and The Long Game by Rachel Reid are two of my favorite contemporaries ever--and it's a duet! Focuses on Ilya Rozanov (cocky, charming, self-assured) and Shane Hollander (golden boy, uptight, anxious), hockey arch rivals who have been hooking up on the DL since their rookie season. Very much a FEEEEELINGS duet, but also very, very hot. I've read both a billion times.

The Queer Principles of Kit Webb and The Perfect Crimes of Marian Hayes (in that order) by Cat Sebastian is a pair of queer historicals that can be read as standalones but read better together and in order. Kit is a retired highwayman who's approached by Percy, a nobleman. Percy and his stepmother, Marian, need Kit's help to rob Percy's father; in the process of training Percy to do it, Kit, of course, falls in love with him. Percy is one of the more relatable characters ever, he is a BITCH AND A HALF LOL.

Something Fabulous and Something Spectacular (out today!) are a pair of hilarious queer historical romcoms by Alexis Hall. Begins with Something Fabulous, which is about Valentine (a duke!) proposing horrifically to a woman he's been pledged to since childhood. She responds by running away, and Valentine goes on a cross country adventure to catch her, alongside her twin brother, Bonny--who he begins falling for.

Lush Money by Angelina M. Lopez. Self-made lady billionaire wants a baby, and convinces a prince of an impoverished nation to marry and impregnate her in exchange for a financial bailout. HOT. ENEMIES TO LOVERS. INSANE.

Nobody's Baby But Mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips, for an older contemporary. A fucking insane book wherein a genius scientist tricks an aging NFL star into knocking her up so that she can have a baby of middling intelligence, who's "normal". Her thought process is that she's super smart and he's super dumb, so they'll make an a average kid. Except oops, this motherfucker is actually QUITE smart, and when he figures out her deal he's like "nO KID OF MINE WILL BE A BASTARD" and forces her to marry him. Has a scene where he shows up at the class she's teaching, leans against the doorway, and menacingly goes "CLASS IS OVER" and honestly? It worked real hard.

Priest by Sierra Simone. Erotic romance about a Catholic priest who starts getting worked up by the woman telling him all this dirty shit during confessional, except they actually fall legit in love and there's some really gorgeous religious pondering throughout.

Queen Move by Kennedy Ryan. Childhood friends torn apart by circumstance meet again later and feel sparks, but she's a hardcore political fixer and he has a id and a baby's mother. Angsty drama and reconnection, I fuckin love it.

Ruby Dixon's Aspects and Anchors series, which is a cross-universe fantasy romance series in which the heroines get thrown through portals into this high fantasy world. They basically have to serve these gods as their tethers to the mortal realms, and obviously... the gods fall for them. Can be read a standalones but I'd read them in order. Hot, romantic, and fun in a way Ruby Dixon excels at.

Preferential Treatment by Heather Guerre is a romance about a woman who becomes her CEO billionaire boss's dom. It's hot, it debates whether or not a billionaire can be ethical, and he gets. on. his. kneeees.

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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hopelesslesbianromantic · 2 years ago

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It's tag game time!

I was tagged by the great @gallagher-milkovich

What are some movie /tv quotes that you quote often? "ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW MR. KRABS?".... Spongebob

What is your favorite flower? Magnolia flower or sunflower

If you were in Avatar the Last Airbender what element would you want to bend? Earth, fire, water or air? EARTH

What was your first job? Cook at the Pizza Hut.

What is your favorite breakfast? Egg and hashbrown scramble with avocado and salsa and cheese.

What's a meal from childhood that you love? Pasteles

What's your favorite joke to tell? Why can't ghosts have babies? Because they have HALLOW WEENIES

So childish, but it cracks me up EVERYTIME

What's your favorite animal to see at the zoo? The only zoo that I've been to that has my all time favorite animal to see is the Tampa zoo, I love to see the Manatees, I cry every time. If I'm at a different zoo I like to see their turtles and the amphibians.

What's your go to quick meal to cook/make at home? hot sandwiches. Like with good bread and deli meat and cheese, then pressed.

What's your go to meal to cook someone to impress them? My wife says my chicken parm is really good so I'd probably make that.

What's something you want to do better? Take care of myself in general, form better routines.

If you're working do you like your job? I do! I'm working in health care in a capacity that doesn't drive me into panic attacks everyday.

Do you collect anything? What? Books!!!

If you were trapped in a kids tv show, what show would you be okay with being trapped in? When I was a kid I loved Strawberry Shortcake and I think I'd like to be there because like fruity scented friendships sound great.

An adults tv show? CRIMINAL MINDS

What kind of job did you want as a child? I used to want to be a profiler so damn bad because of Criminal Minds.

Do you follow any sports? What team do you root for? American football (college and NFL!!!) THE BUFFALO BILLS BABY (also now I'm rooting for the 49ers since Buff didn't make it past the playoffs) and the Georgia Bulldogs

If you could be any animal what would you be and why? Probably a flamingo. Why? Just because they're beautiful.

If you could be any mythological creature what would you be and why? A mermaid, like the ones on H20. It just seemed so cool on tv.

What's the most obscure thing you've had to google for a fanfic you were writing/reading? I mostly just google words that I'm not familiar with lol. Or like if its an AU based on another show or something then I'll google the show to get a run down. The most recent "weird" thing I was googling about was the types of guns because it was like a Mafia AU.

What Milkovich do you identify with most? A Mandy/Sandy fusion.

Which one are you actually like the most? Lol I don't even know. I'm not even close to being as badass as any of the Milkoviches.

What Gallagher do you identify with most? My orange boy Ian and Fi

Which one are you actually like the most? I'd agree with what I said above. I'm the older sister and I was expected to take care of the household once I got old enough, but I'm also gay and struggle with my mental health so.

Tagging: @stocious @liamgallaghers

#get to know zo

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srldesigns6277 · 6 months ago

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How does teaching summer school work? Do you get to teach History? Sam, do you not have a case on your phone? Does the crack hinder the use. I cracked my screen protector and have been putting off changing it every if my thumb gets caught at times. Also what did you have for dinner? Sorry for all the questions, you don't have it answer.

Hi lovely,

I dont mind the questions so no worries. Teaching summer school is teaching the basics of multiple topics at an accelerated pace. So instead of really in depth analysis of certain historical issues or time periods, it's more of a thematic overview of courses. So in World History it would be a week of imperialism as a concept with some examples. Same with Nationalism in Europe, where you mention some specifics not all, though I do mention Poland's history of elected kings because I find it fascinating.

Regarding my phone, ya I have a case one that's considered heavy duty I think my phone just hit a pressure point. It's 4 years old and this is the first crack so it's not too horrendous. I thought I had a screen protector but I did not, so I might have cracked that years ago.

We (I still live with my parents) a Chicken Cutlet pizza braid. Kind of like a chicken parm calzone, minus the excess ricotta cheese. It's always really good, and I get the left overs as school lunch. :) thanks for asking.

#lovely anon #summer school #old phones

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eclipse-song · 8 months ago

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Do you have tips for building big salads on a budget? Since you've also mentioned that you're able to keep your grocery bill pretty low before.

hmmmm well depending on the budget you're working with and the grocery prices in your area it may or may not work! Also we may have different definitions of big salad but I'll do my best. My go to method is that my general staples that I buy every week are tomatoes and cucumber. I go through a cucumber almost every week and buy however many tomatoes I think I'm going to use (I average around 3 or 4 a week). I generally buy roma tomatoes since they're the cheapest at the store. I will also buy a head of lettuce often and chop it all up immediately when I get home and wash all of it on the spot to put in deli containers so that I have it easily accessible (ADHD method of making myself eat healthy foods). Especially with iceberg lettuce this method gives me enough to have a salad with all of those ingredients most nights of the week which makes up a big part of my meal. You can also add a red onion if you want but if I don't have one I go without. I'll usually have some other protein on the side like some fish or meat, though a container of feta cheese can last me a long while honestly. That kind of salad I'll usually use either a balsamic vinegar dressing or this one japanese salad dressing I really like that I found at a multi-cultural grocery store near me..

If you don't want lettuce though, you can also do an easy mediterranian salad (not as big but equally yummy) that's just cucumber, tomato, olive oil, lemon juice, salt, and maayyybe some parsley if you want/have any.

In the summer when it's warmer I like to make greek pasta salad also because that can last me a couple days if I make a big bowl of it and it's a lot more filling than just lettuce and veggies.

For my budget I tend to average around $150-$175 on groceries a month just for myself. I also like to buy a lot of things to help myself make stuff from scratch since in the end it's going to be a lot cheaper when I break down the costs. Some months things end up being more expensive if I'm out of the bigger stuff I buy but it's things like that that I like to make that I find really tasty.

So my staple things to keep around that are pretty cheap where I live are:

-multiple roma tomatoes -english cucumber -lettuce (iceberg is nice but romaine is sometimes cheaper and you can just make a caesar salad without the chicken or bacon if you really want to. My mom would just use the caesar dressing and croutons plus parm when we were kids and my family was on a tight budget) Things I sometimes have around but not always that you can add to these:

-red or yellow pepper (why tf are bell peppers so expensive) -red onion

#ask

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zero-insignificance · 9 months ago

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Continuation on the MLP session

So update the mlp arc

Cast includes:

Rose, Mark, Patrick, Alfie, Quinn, and the newest player Miss Houdini the cleric and their companion a white buffalo.

During Mark and Discord's fight Mark is absolutely kicking Discord's ass and Mark says "Just say I win and I'll spare you-" and is cut off and Discord just says "I win!" and poofs away in a cloud of bubbles. Mark shakes his head and in the afterlife Alfie says "I smell some bullshit." and Discord admits that he is doing a tactical retreat and that he underestimated Mark and that they'll fight again at a very inconvenient time for him. Mark says "he retreated. I win." and Bob says that it was a monkey's paw situation, and he gives Mark his soul back saying that he doesn't want his "dirty Philidelphia soul" and that he can keep his memories. Racist prick. Mark is about to burn Ponyville to the ground and gets the feeling he should go to the afterlife instead and hops into the portal.

Cut to Patrick, Quinn and Alfie who are making their way to Fluttershy's cottage and Alfie asks Bob if he can traverse universes that aren't a part of the whole connected universe thing and Bob says he cannot unless there is a preexisting way to get there. Alfie's just like "Damn I guess you can't dissect my corpse that's in my old universe then." "Of course not, it has to be fresh" "Well I do have my dead body from Dinkleberg" but Bob also denies this. Alfie brings up that he knows some others that he thinks he might be interested in dissecting specificaly from his old party. "Which ones?" "there's the owlin who had this parasite, that immortal clown satyr, a demon, there was that bard... Several members of royalty and nobility including that prick who killed me..." "So you're saying that you can give me a bunch of new minions?" "Pretty much." "Then why would I release you from my possession?" "I can give you them all at once. I have a list that I'm happy to give you once I'm freed." "We'll talk about this later." and he disappears and Alfie says that he really wishes Bob would stop calling him his property and Bob reappears. "Oh, dear I didn't know I was making you uncomfortable. Now poultry poultry poultry, we're more like acquaintances you and I. except I own your soul" and Alfie mumbles that he missed when his old party would just call him chicken parm and chicken nugget. "Then I guess I shall call you nugget. Tata!" and he throws a smoke bomb and books it to the Everfree forest.

We make it to Fluttershy's cottage and it's surrounded by a thick purple smoke. Alfie tries to clear the smoke with his wings and it does not move. He pulls out a fishing rod and attaches a steak to it and casts it into smoke. The steak comes out a perfect medium rare. Patrick groans "oh come on you ruined a perfectly good steak, it's got mud on it!" "oh, that steak was on its last legs-" and then it grows legs. "Are you okay little guy?" questions Alfie. "NEVAH BETTAH!" in a New York accent and Alfie removes the hook, and the steak is freed. It runs into the Everfree forest, and we hear a very high-pitched scream from Bob as he is pursued by the steak. "AHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME GET AWAY FROM ME!" "AAAYYE WHAT'S THE MATTAH PRETTY, BOY? WHY YOU RUNNIN? AIN'T YOU EVAH SEE A STEAK WITH LEGS?"

Mark meets us at Fluttershy's cottage with Twilight and Alfie say we have to get in there and save Fluttershy. Twilight tells Mark that he will be banned from Ponyville and gives Alfie a permanent library card cuz we are chill now and Alfie does a happy dance "You're not neurotypical are you?" "What gave that away?" "the happy stimming- wait who's Fluttershy" and dread washes over Alfie's face.

Alfie: That mother fucker. I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE KILLED FLUTTERSHY-"

Patrick: But she already dead.

Alfie: Well then we resurrect her.

Patrick: Would that work on a spirit?

Alfie: I DIED AND WASN'T REVIVIFIED.

Patrick: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIED?

Alfie: I MENTIONED THIS BEFORE- *sighs* In my old world I was power word killed and became a lost soul for I don't even know how long and there are things in the In-Between that I don't like to talk about. There was a weak point in the fabric of reality, and I popped into this universe and Mark found me. I wasn't revived and I'm alive.

Twilight: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT? WHO IS FLUTTERSHY?

Alfie shows her pictures of Fluttershy in the Filly Vanilli episode turned comic book and Twilight doesn't know her. "What are the elements of harmony and who are they bound to?" and Twilight lists them stopping at kindness, saying that they haven't found someone who is bound to the element of kindness.

"That piece of shit" and from the cottage we hear a familiar laugh of the gnome who was the false hydra. A fire is lit in Mark's eyes. He was going to the door and Bob appears and says "Ah ah ah! I figured you could use this." and turns around and pulls out a 6'3" Eladrin elf woman. And she is pink and fluffy with a white buffalo that is covered in pink bows.

Mark says "move I have a gnome to kill." and the Eladrin is like "hold on I don't think that's a good idea-" and Alfie shouts "FAMILY MEETING." and everyone freezes. "THAT INCLUDES YOU." pointing to the Eladrin. "SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN." and levels an intense stare at each party member plus Twilight until they sit down, and we are all in a circle.

Alfie starts clipping everyone together with carabiners and bungee cords saying he will not have another "Forest of fears situation."

The Eladrin raises her hand. "I think I should probably introduce myself to ya'll. My name is Miss Houdini and I'm a healer."

"We need a game plan. Mark can you use Echo to clear the smoke?" it doesn't work the smoke grows bigger. Miss Houdini cuts in "I heard something about a false hydra? In all my years I believe that murder is not the answer. Let me try to talk with it" "How old are you? "I will not answer that question." "Okay understandable just know that if you fail I will stab it or cast multiple fireballs at it."

Alfie then consults Hank the orb asking what the smoke is. It's pure chaos magic. There's no way of knowing what will happen to us but we have to take the risk. The balance of an entire realm is at stake. Alfie also asks what a false hydra's weaknesses are. Hank has no answer. "Is he okay or is the orb magic?" Miss Houdini asks, and Mark responds with 'Oh it's magic. It talks telepathically. You have to touch it to hear it." "Do I want to?" Patrick interjects with "THAT ORB IS A BITCH." and Miss Houdini hesitantly places a hand on the orb and is told to roll a wisdom check. Nat 1. A voice booms throughout the party's heads.

"YOU ARE NOT WORTHY, YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE TWINK."

"NO I'M THE WORSt- WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE-"

Alfie puts Hank away and thanks him for the infromation.

We all enter the smoke and the DM says to roll a d100.

Mark grows an additional 4 limbs and his speed is halved because the new legs haven't been used before. Alfie's strength is now a 3 for the next 3 hours. If Patrick rolls a nat 20 it is treated as a 19. Miss Houdini becomes an alicorn the size of Celestia. Other than that she is fine but the DM tells her to roll a d4 because the number she rolled causes one member to have the effects of confusion. Alfie is the unlucky winner. He is now confused, weak and very tipsy. He crashes into Miss Houdini, and she lifts him onto the Buffalo "oh you poor thing...'" and Alfie slurs out "you're so sweet- omigosh you're so soft!" and he starts petting the buffalo. Twilight stutters out "what is happening to all of-" and she devolves into speaking giant. Alfie can make out what she's saying only because he speaks autism not to be confused with Autism Speaks.

We enter the cottage, and we see the gnome on a throne with an egg.

"Well well well..."

"What did you do to Fluttershy- you look shorter than last time..." Alfie slurs.

"Just a light transferring of consciousness." and then the buffalo starts peeing on the hardwood floor. The gnome is disgusted but keeps playing the whole "I'm the BBEG I'm going to make you fight the sweetest character you'll ever know" card and sinks into the ground laughing.

The egg starts to hatch and this comes out of it:

Fluttershy grows five more heads and lets out labored breaths becoming the Flutterhydra.

Alfie just starts crying and is like "WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOOUUUUU? Wait didn't you say you were going to try and talk to it?" and Miss Houdini starts to talk to the Flutterhydra and offers her a bow which she accepts, and Patrick tries to summon Discord.

"It's Beetlejuice rules" says the DM.

Two names are spoken thrice unbroken. Both Discord and Beetlejuice are summoned, and Alfie just says "I love that musical..."

Discord was clearly taking a shower before being summoned and Patrick is like "Soooooo we don't know how to deal with this. Can you turn her back?" "Only once she is out of the afterlife."

"Now sugar can you walk?" Fluttershy lets out a raspy "No."

"Well that's okay we can carry you there I got some friends that are willing to help." and Fluttershy seems unsure.

I don't remember how but Miss Houdini brings up revenge and all of the Flutterhydra's heads turn to face Mark.

"MARK YOU SHOULD PROBABLY START RUNNING!" shouts Patrick and Alfie starts crying even harder.

Mark turns to Alfie and gives him his bag of holding, and his sword Echo. Alfie cries even harder saying that he can't lose him too. Not like this and he is helpless to stop this. And Mark turns to the Flutterhydra and kneels before her.

"If my death will make you feel better... If it'll fix it... Then do it." The heads go to strike him in sync and time freezes.

We're all aware and able to move and from behind the Flutterhydra steps Will Smith from YouTube Rewind.

"Aw shit. It's rewind time."

Time itself splinters and reforms rewinding back further and further until we are back to where we started when we first came to Equestria. Gorg is not with us, but Miss Houdini is along with her companion. We're back to normal in our original forms.

"Hi! Welcome to Equestria!" Alfie hops down from the buffalo and shakes Spike's hand "It's excellent to meet you Spike for the first time ever."

Mark: Can you fly?

Spike: no, I can't.

Alfie: You will eventually.

Mark: Would you like to?

Alfie: Mark I will kill you.

Spike: You're saying you can make me fly as high as the pegasi and alicorns?

Mark: Yes

Mark golf clubs Spike with Gorg's hammer and he lands in the Ponyville square fountain and from the heavens we hear

HOLE IN ONE

and then Mark summons Discord.

Mark: DISCORD DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING.

Discord: Ugh yes, I remember. Will Smith's power doesn't work on me.

Mark: Oh. Uh are we good?

Discord: *disgruntled noises* I suppose we are... GOODBYE! *disappears in a cloud of bubbles*

Alfie: WAIT I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU ABOUT FLUTTERSHY!

*the bubbles coalesce back into Discord's form*

Discord: Yes?

Alfie: You and I both know that you have feelings for her. I can tell you when you should pop the question.

Discord: Do tell.

Alfie: After Twilight's first pupil graduates ask her out.

Alfie has to talk with Twilight in the next session about research things.

#dnd #dungeons and dumbasses #my little pony #dungeons and dragons

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