#i think its a normal reaction
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My reaction to this kinda says something about me. Maybe I should try to socialize in real life more.
#i should#i definitely should#everything is just harder when youre wildly immature compared to the average person#and tends to be easier online#this sounds like i dont have friends#I HAVE FRIENDS#i just do not talk to them nearly enough#god.#i dont want to leave tunblr tho. not at all#i like the people ive met on here so much#like.#i dont wanna be sappy but#do yall know how genuinely happier ive been because a few people have been nice to me on here lately??#i do not want to overshare but like. i am not always the happiest person. i have plenty of issues#and idk.. a lot of yall made some shitty days seem pretty good#so its not like.#i dont think its actually sad at all that i care about this so much#i think its a normal reaction#because if i really cant ever fully come back#i will probably feel worse again#i dlnt want to speak that into existence. like i said i have friends irl but#yknow. im not going to feel better when i dont have the thing made me so happy sometimes#sorry. i just. needed to ramble.#anyways the fact i did not break my gay ass sobriety streak because of this is INSANE because i felt terrible#still dont feel great obvi#but im not crying!!
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i will say this: the signal i see being most ignored in small dogs thats heeded in large dogs is "don't touch me."
#and there is more to it but thats a big one#i used to think it came down to breeding and to an extent i still do#because a lot of fear and defensive reactions (which i believe to be at least somewhat genetic)#that are normalized in small dogs would be absolutely intolerable in large ones#but ultimately#i think its at least more constructive in a learning and traning sense#to think of communication as a skill
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the case of the serial killer
3476 words (that was not suppose to happen lol - please send help)
ao3
Dick sat in front of his desk, eyes glazing over the same two lines for the nth time. He let out a tired sigh, and massaged his temples as he leaned back in his chair.
The Bludhaven Police Department had been investigating the recent serial killings for the past month and a half, with Dick heading the case. Not that it was anything too out of left feild for Dick, he handled plenty of cases like this during his long run as Robin and even in his more recent years as Nightwing. Finding the clues, and piecing together the perfect picture came second nature to him at this point.
The issue Dick was dealing with right now in fact had nothing to do with the case, instead it was something -or someone else. That someone, Danny No-Last-Name-For-You-Officer.
The first time Dick had run into him he was doing his rounds when he caught some kids getting into a fight. Naturally he stopped in and the kids that had been trying to start a fight ran away at the sight of his uniform and car. Danny had been a little roughed up by then, but mostly unharmed.
“Are you okay, kid?” Dick asked, kneeling to meet the kid eye-to-eye.
Danny had looked at him with a defiance he wasn’t used to seeing in someone that wasn’t a cape, “I didn’t do anything.” He said instead of responding, pulling himself up to his feet.
“Okay,” Dick nodded calmly, not wanting to frighten the kid. He stood up slowly, with his hands in view, “Are you hurt? I could patch you up, real quick, make sure nothing gets infected.” Danny wore ratty clothes, they had been nice once upon a time, but their time had long passed.
Danny eyed him suspiciously, “No, I’m fine.” He said more calmly now. Roughly around the age of 15 to 17. Older than Damian, but younger than Tim.
Taking his chance, “You got a name kid?”
“Danny.”
“No last name?” Dick asked with a knowing smirk, letting himself appear more playful.
“Not for you.” Danny gave him a mischievous smirk. Dick could tell the kid could clean up nice, but circumstances seemed unfortunate.
Dick laughed at his response, to let him know that he wasn’t in any hot water. Danny watched him, waiting for his next move. “You hungry, Danny?” Dick asked casually, trying not to stare at the way the hoodie he was wearing sagged on his shoulders.
“I’m a growing boy, I’m always hungry.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. Dick laughed again, more genuine this time.
“Alright, my treat. Let’s go.” Dick said, gesturing as he led the boy to his car.
“What?” He asked, surprised, Dick turned around to look at him when he didn’t follow. “Why?”
“You’re a growing boy.” Dick echoed. Danny snorted, but followed after him nonetheless. Dick put on the GPS on his phone, even though he knew the way as Danny sat in the passenger seat.
They spent the next hour together, falling into a steady rhythm of conversation and joking. After their first meeting, Danny and Dick ran into each other more. The grocery store, playground, library, school, so on. For the first 2 weeks it had been coincidental, but slowly Dick found himself looking forward to their random meetings, happy to see that the kid was doing alright.
That had been until the first murder had happened.
It had been raining, colder than the weather usually was around this time of year, the streets mostly empty. Dick had been doing his usual rounds on patrol, wondering how Danny was doing like he always did.
The world has a strange way of giving you what you want.
As Dick turned around the corner, he slammed his brakes hard at the figure who had been standing in the middle of the road. Dick got out of his car, leaving it on the side of the road when the person didn’t move. As he got closer dread filled Dick’s gutt as he made out the figure to be a cold, drenched Danny clenching his chest.
“Danny!” Dick called, rushing over to the boy. As Dick got closer he noticed the boy looked pale and his lips were turning blue.
“Dick.” Danny said hollowly, his voice barely audible over the loud rain. Danny turned to look at him with a shaken and horrified expression.
Dick held his shoulder firmly, leading him to the car and out of the rain. Danny allowed it without protest, which only caused Dick to worry more. “What happened?” He asked once the boy had huddled himself under the blanket Dick kept in his car (he had gotten it after the second time he met Danny during patrol, the boy always seemed cold).
Danny turned to him, “He’s dead.” He answered morbidly.
“Who?” Dick asked concerned, he didn’t think the boy had a father or brother present, at least not one that he had mentioned.
“I dunno. Just some guy.” No one he knew then.
“Danny, buddy. Can you explain what you saw.” Dick tried again.
Danny took a shaky breath, “I was just heading home, y’know, from the library. And I heard a scream, so I went to go check it out. And it was a guy just laying there in a pool of blood.” Danny looked down at his own hands, his fingers stained in red.
“Can you tell me where?”
“Around the corner, across from Susan’s.” Danny said quietly. He must have been really shaken up seeing it, it wasn’t exactly normal to see a bloodied body during your regularly scheduled activities.
Dick could go there later as Nightwing to investigate, but right now he had bigger things to deal with. “Alright, put your seatbelt on.” Dick said, putting the car in drive. Danny, not fully there, quietly did as Dick asked. At the next redlight, Dick called the Chief and let her know about the potential murder case and that he would be calling off for the night. He’d probably have to bring Danny in for his testimony, but that was later.
As the light turned green Dick looked over at his passenger again to find Danny already fast asleep, heater blaring in his face. Dick smiled softly at the sight as he drove them to his apartment.
After Dick parked his car he hesitated for a moment before deciding to wake Danny up so he could shower and maybe eat something. He could borrow some of Tim’s clothes.
“Hm.” Danny blinked barely at Dick, “We're are we?” He asked looking around at the parking garage.
“My place. C’mon lets get you cleaned up.” Dick unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.
Danny blinked at him in surprise, “What? Why are we at your place?”
“Well considering I don’t know where you live, I had to take you somewhere.” Dick shrugged casually, letting the kid think Dick didn’t know he was homeless was better than him thinking Dick was pitying him. Danny would not appreciate pity.
Danny didn’t retort, a true sign of how weary he was.
Dick made a quick dinner. You can’t go wrong with pasta and air fried chicken. While the food finished cooking Dick busied himself in random mundane activities, not wantong Danny to find him looking over a case when he got out of the shower. Dick pulled out an old cookbook he’d gotten for his highschool graduation, a gag gift from Wally, when something between the pages fell out.
Picking it up Dick saw an old photo, one of him standing between his parents proudly after one of their performances. Sometimes Dick would feel a deep sadness when he looked at pictures of his parents and realized he had forgotten their faces, their mannerisms and their laughs. But this time, when Dick looked at the picture and saw his dad smiling at the camera next to his mom, he remembered Danny. It was strange how Danny had the same cowlick as his mom, same nose arch as his dad, a jawline that looked like his almost, before his larger muscle definition came into play. At the time that line of thought had been disturbed by Danny walking back into the living room and stubbing his tie on the foot of Dick’s sofa.
After that Dick had made sure they had each other’s numbers. He called Danny anytime the weather was bad, or it was cold, or there was too much food at his house or whatever random reason he could come up with.
After about a week of Dick calling Danny over, Danny came over on his own one night.
Dick was dressed in his Nightwing suit about to head out for the night when he heard the front door rattling. Realizing someone was trying to break into his apartment and knowing that it wasn’t his siblings (they would’ve used the window) Dick quickly threw his domino under his blanket and threw on the first pair of sweats he could find, just in time for the door to open. Slipping a small pocket knife into his hands, Dick positioned himself to get a good view of the living room where the trespasser still was.
Getting ready to get the jump on the trespasser Dick happened to get a good look at and noticed the familiar mop of black hair, and overfilled school bag by the door. Coming into view, letting his hands relax by his side, “Danny?” he breathed confused and relieved.
“‘Sup.” He nodded casually before noticing Dick’s appearance. “Your pants are backwards.” He commented candidly. Dick could feel himself flush in embarrassment, but that seemed to send the wrong impression on Danny, The younger boy leaned in to whisper to him, “You got a special friend over?” He raised an intrigued brow at Dick.
“What?” Dick spluttered “No.”
“Sad.” Danny shook his head in disappointment, making his way to the dining table and plopped his stuff on a chair and pulled out a few well-used notebooks. “The library closed early today, so I thought why not break into the local cop's place. I got a paper due tomorrow.” He explained half serious, half joking. “You don’t have to worry about me if you were about to head out somewhere.” How had he known?
“Uh, yeah I was just going-” Think, Dick. “-Get groceries.” Dick internally winced at the suspicious brow Danny gave him.
“At 10:30 PM?”
“Yes.” All that Bat training, and for what?
Danny blinked, “Cool.” he said dismissively, turning back to his homework.
Not looking a gift horse in the mouth Dick left his apartment stuffing his weapons into an old travel bag he had on hand and changing in the empty elevator.
When he got home from his patrol (earlier than he normally would’ve) remembering to buy the aforementioned groceries for some semblance of a cover story he found Danny fast asleep over scattered papers on the dining table. Putting away the perishables, Dick picked Danny up (who snuggled into his chest at the contact - yes, Dick was definitely completely okay after that) and laid him on the spare bed he kept on hand for his siblings.
The next few times Danny snuck into his house (Dick had offered him a key, but Danny had refused) things had gone similarly if not slightly more smoothly until the completely predictable and unavoidable happened.
Dick was halfway through his usual route as Nightwing, stopping a few muggings, and investigating the serial killer case some more. There were almost 9 different murders at this point with seemingly no similarities between the victims, other than the method of death. After going through the most recent crime scene Dick’s heard his phone go off. It surprised him slightly since he usually keeps it on silent, but he was alone so no harm no foul.
It was a message from Danny, it was probably a meme or funny video he had found. Dick could use a pick me up after another crime scene bust so he opened it. The message was not what he had been expecting.
Danno: sos? Danno: im at ur place
Fearing the worst, Dick dialed his number. Danny hung up before the first ring, which did nothing for his nerves. Rushing in the direction of his apartment, not even bothering to do anything about the costume he was wearing, the worst scenarios rushed through Dick’s mind.
When his apartment was in view the first thing Dick noticed was the open window that he most certainly had not left open. Quietly slipping onto the fire escape Dick peered through to see the scene. The only light that was still on was the living room light, likely where Danny was, but Dick easily noticed the hulking figure in the kitchen. He was easily too tall, and too muscular to be Danny. The figure moved slightly and the shape of a gun could be seen in his hands.
Not wasting any time, Dick expertly slipped through the open window and tackled the figure to the floor, arm held at his back and escrima stick at his assailant's neck.
“What the fuck-” The figure said startled at Dick’s unexpected attack,
Now with a better view Dick was able to see the familiar red helmet and leather jacket the assailant wore, “Jason?” Dick asked, surprised.
“I thought we were past this. Y’know let bygones be bygones, or whatever.” Jason joked easily, wiggling his way out Dick’s slacking grip.
The situation finally unfolded in front of Dick. Danny had been in his apartment and Jason as Red Hood had also come to his apartment. Danny thought someone had broken in, and Jason also thought someone had broken in. Was Jason about to shoot Danny? Where was Danny?
Quickly getting up, and ignoring Jason’s earlier remark he walked through the kitchen and into the living room, “Danny?” He called, not wanting to scare the kid.
Jason gave him a confused look, but came to an understanding on his own when the familiar teenager peeped out from behind the couch holding a knife in his hands. His expression only became more shocked after he saw Dick, and it took Dick a second too long to remember that he was still wearing his Nightwing costume.
“Aw shit.”
Danny blinked at him, regaining his composure and pointing the knife at Jason, “Friend of yours?”
After all the explanations had been explained they all sat around the couch, a stack of empty pizza boxes between them.
“You saw me with a gun and you decided you could take me with a knife?” Jason scoffed at Danny, helmet left forgotten under the table.
“I could take you without the knife.” Danny rolled his eyes, taking the last slice of pizza.
“Big talk.” Jason puffed out his chest in some strange show of alpha male behavior.
“Are you askin’ for a fight?” Danny challenged.
Fearing the direction the conversation was taking Dick stepped in “Alright, you’re both pretty. Let’s break it up.”
That had just been last week.
Two days ago Dick had gotten a call from Danny. Danny usually didn’t call, preferring to text, but would usually answer when Dick called,
“Hey, Dickface.” Danny greeted snottily. Dick noticed he was out of breath.
“Hey, Danny. What’s up?”
“You got the night shift today?” Night Shift was what Danny had taken to calling his vigilant duties. There was a lot of movement on Danny’s end of the phone, but Danny was always moving around so Dick hadn’t thought it was weird.
“Yup. Whatcha’ up to?” Dick asked curiously, cleaning up his mess from dinner, leaving Danny’s portion in the fridge for later. The fridge was more stocked than it had been since Dick had moved in, he had purposely bought food that Danny would like, and the boy had finally begun filling out his skeleton.
“Oh y’know, cardio. Getting those steps in.” He let out a winded chuckle, “When you get the chance, check out the warehouse on 12th street later tonight. The one with the cracked pavement outside.”
“You got a lead?” Dick asked surprised, “From where?” He was suspicious, just curious.
“A friend of mine told me. Thought you should know.” There was a thud in the background, like something hit metal.
“You okay?” Dick asked concerned.
“Yeah, it was a cat.” He said easily, Danny let out a hiss of annoyance, “Gotta go, Later.” He hung up before Dick could say anything else.
Dick let out a tired sigh. The kid had grown on him like fungus. Though not entirely unappreciated, Dick was not ready to hear his siblings' inevitable comments on how he took after Bruce. Didn’t help that Danny happened to fit the profile.
The warehouse had given them a few clues, but they still weren’t any closer to finding the serial killer.
Danny hadn’t come by the apartment after that phone call. Or responded to any of Dick’s texts.
This morning when he was getting dressed he got a call from the precinct. It was still 30 minutes before his shift.
“Grayson, this is Officer Gomez, the Chief wants you in as earliest as you can get here,” Officer Gomez spoke urgently.
“I can be there in 15.” He reported, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his keys.
“Alright.” Gomez hung up.
As soon as he got in the doors the Chief was waiting for him by the entrance. “Took your sweet time, huh Grayson.” she chided.
“Dunno what you mean, Chief. I’m 15 minutes early.” He gave her a charming smile, and the Chief rolled her eyes.
“There’s been a development in your case.” The Chief started as they walked together, Dick nodded at her in acknowledgement. But the Chief hesitated, before speaking again. That was unlike her. “There was another murder victim found, in the east district. Our night crew got an alert.”
Most of the victims had been in the west district, based on the location south may have been a more appropriate transition. It could be a coincidence or it meant the killer had a personal vendetta against these people, or maybe just the victim from the east district. It felt like all the pieces Dick had managed to put together were falling apart again.
“Our latest victim was a male, caucasian potential of mixed descent, age estimated around 15 to 17,” that was younger than the other had been, “black hair, blue eyes, roughly 5’ 5”.” The chief turned to look at him now, “goes to Westwood High School, prefers juice to soft drinks, always feels cold to touch,”
Dick looked at Chief in confusion, these were incredibly specific descriptions, and they sounded awfully familiar.
She continued, “He lets his hot chocolate get cold before he drinks it,” Danny had done that once when Dick had brought him in for his testimony. “And he plucks the marshmallows out of it with a fork, and called it a snowman.”
No.
“You keep extra snacks for him in the glove box of your car even though it’s against protocol,”
No,
Dick hands were clammy when he pulled out his phone from his pocket. Personal use of devices was strictly against the rules. Chief said nothing. Dick found Danny’s contact easily in his recents tab. He held it up to his ear waiting for the kid on the other side to answer with his usual “What can I do ya’ for officer.” or some iteration of the classic “Hey, Dickface.”
It went to voicemail.
Danny always answered his phone, and when he didn’t he would text Dick a reason within the next five minutes. So he waited.
It had been 10 minutes already. Why wasn’t he responding?
Dick called him again. Voicemail.
Nononono. Not again.
How was it that Dick was always too slow.
Too slow to save his parents.
Too slow to get to Jason in time.
And now too slow to solve this case.
Dick Grayson was a failure in every way that mattered.
He looked at the familiar body ready to be put into an ice chamber for further examination in the morgue.
“Go home for the day, Grayson.”
Go home and do what?
Danny’s notes were still sprawled over the coffee table. He said he had a test next week. Danny’s food was still in the fridge. His bed was still a mess, and his clothes were on the floor.
“Give me the case files. I’ll look over them again.” He didn’t recognize his voice when he spoke, he wasn’t even sure it was his. Chief didn’t argue, handing over the files.
The day had gone by and Dick was still stuck in front of his double monitor desk, pictures and words blurring together in nonsensical smudges on the screen.
“Grayson.” Chief called him. Dick looked up, catching a glimpse of the dark night sky from the glass doors. How long had he been here?
“Yeah?” He responded dryly.
“Head home.”
Dick wasn’t sure when he had gotten to the front of his apartment, only realizing he had when the keys jiggled loudly missing the keyhole on the door.
When he got inside he found Jason sitting casually on the couch, reading a book. “Oh Honey, you’re home.” He joked.
Dick couldn’t find it in himself to laugh.
Danny’s papers flew from the wind of the open window. Dick closed it. When he didn’t pick up the papers, Jason bent down to do it. “Anyways, where’s the kid? Didn’t you want me to help him with his homework or someshit. I need to beat it into his head that I’m better at him.” Jason said the last part loudly, letting it echo through the house in case Danny was hiding in its crevices.
Dick turned to him, Jason looked back at him for a long moment before the mischievous look slipped from his eyes. “Dick, where’s the kid?”
There was a deafening silence in the apartment.
“He’s dead.” The table under Jason’s hands let out a loud crunch, as his face darkened.
Before Jason could breathe an air of the threat of murder that was definitely ready to roll from his tongue, there was a quiet clatter in the kitchen.
“Who’s dead?” Danny asked, appearing in the living room with a large bowl of cereal he was shoveling into his mouth.
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table of contents
#this was originally suppose to be a biosibling danny and dick but by the time i got to the reveal it felt kinda forced so i dropped it#but its still kinda in there if u like the idea#timeline who?#dick grayson#nightwing#danny fenton#danny and dick#jason is also kinda there#major character death except its danny#dp x dc prompt#dpxdc#danny got flashbacks to his parents basement activities when he saw that dead body#but dick thinks hes having normal civilian reaction to seeing dead body#jason and danny wanna duke it out#dick is being responsible#this is exactly the kinda bs i feel like jason would say#argue w the wall#dick got bruce's adoption tendencies#dick: i've only had danny for half a day but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone then myself#danny was just trying to help dick out w his case and what better way then to get the murder to murder u then pull an uni reverse#danny's in the living room lol#get it bc he's dead#bruce: says smt#danny snikering: over my dead body#dick: thats not funny danny#danny: its kinda funny#jason makes those exact jokes: i think its funny#danny instantly: nvm its not funny#steph and cass puppy dog eyes: can we keep 'im pretty please#kind of angst
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thinking about the obanai & muichiro brother figures headcanon tonight. im devastated
#aka me just projecting onto my two favorite characters#demon slayer#kny#muichiro tokito#obanai iguro#i often think about how obanai will check in on muichiro#and obanais reaction when he realized muichiro AND mitsuri’s fates#and how muichiro thought to check in on obanai#because he knew obanai was in love with mitsuri#and he didnt want obanai to be sad#i couldnt find my photo but its a canon interaction muichiro has with gyomei in one of the written novels and it makes me lose my mind#im normal. im so normal#they are brothers ur honor#brothers#found family#also u guys ever think about how obanai probably reminded muichiro of yuichiro to some extent
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anyways i really it dig when a character just. isn't used to being seen and/or appreciated. my jam is when a character has a viscerally negative reaction to something nice like getting a gift or being told they look good because they're so used to the exact opposite! they're so used to it being a joke or a backhanded compliment that they get aggressive or get really weird about it. and it's like ohhhh nobody told you you could be cared about without strings. i'm into it
#pig originals#and its especially interesting when the character is trying to find a justification for being cared about like#Why The Fuck Are You Trying To Get To Me. idk i think its interesting to explore having extreme reactions to seemingly normal things
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a lot of people are insisting on viewing jack and joker purely as romance for some reason and getting upset that it is not... and as a result their opinions are so disturbingly disregarding of essentially the whole show because the society as portrayed in it is so so important to jack and joke's relationship and background like do you think the whole four horsemen lore was just for fun??? do you think the temple and the people it houses is just some insignificant nonsense? do you think Suphanimit is just where tattoo lives? do you think Jennie's death was just a silly shock value???
do you think it's a coincidence that the main leads include a rich kid who steals for the poor and a poor kid who is strongly against theft???
romance is OBVIOUSLY difficult in their circumstances like have you met the average economically underprivileged gay person in an underdeveloped part of a developing country??? it's a love that inherently becomes 'different', stitching within it the social 'other'ness of the main characters. that's what people just can't digest. being used to seeing things as this or that, black or white, good or bad, has choked people out of the ability to perceive flawed individuals learning to love and choose their families despite not knowing how to love or protect in the right way, despite the world constantly closing on on them, despite the impact threatening to rip them apart.
#repost because i wanted to add sth#I think we need to be kinder to this show and its characters#like im pretty sure yinwar knew they would get this kind of reaction from thai bl watchers#but as a viewer i guess i did not think people would be this one dimensional in their perception and expression#there's a reason why the society is the way it is after all#we fail to check our privilege at every juncture & even blind to it when it's pointed out to us#because it's so normal#not understanding the degrees to which 'normals' and difficulties change based on who you are and your social standing#the deep character studies in j&j is to analyse this exact thing imo#but uh anyways this post looks so angry because I was angry but I won't be anymore#jack and joker u steal my heart#jack and joker
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People are really just destined to make stories and play together in times of uncertainty and struggle huh
#yes i watched tommy's new video yes i am having a very normal reaction to it#especially the ending#i should. make a post about my relationship with smps sometime smile. its fun to think and talk about#syd spiels mcyt
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rival with yugi thinking seto doesn't like him as yugi likes him, but seto's genuinely under the impression they're both on turn 50 of this foreplay game they're doing and he's never been more excited to play
#usually i dont like miscommunication trope#but i think its so goddamn funny and fitting with these two#kaiba has such out there reactions and assumptions to things#and yugi is so ready to push every weird thought and feeling down#that these two would Not communicate in a normal way to me#they could! eventually#after like 10 or 20 years of marriage they settle down and learn better#but its funnier if theyre a mess as first#rivalshipping#yugi mutou#seto kaiba#devo speaks
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I hate this notion that "if you worry about being a bad person then you're definitely not a bad person because bad people don't have a conscience and can't self reflect they dont think that what theyre doing is wrong 🥺🥺🥺" like oh my god shut the fuck up can you please actually hold me accountable and talk with me about my actions and not just what I think about them
#im so tired like i AM a bad person in certain aspects#maybe not a monster bit im no good either and i feel like i have no one to talk to about what im actually doing#because theres either no reaction or some sort of toxic positivity individualistic affirmation that its normal#can we recognize that peoples actions sometimes matter more than what they think about themselves
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maybe i do need to go to therapy bc its probably not good that ive been living on autopilot and the last 7 years went by so fast but also bc i was deliberatly Wanting the time to go by to put as much space between me and the events of 2017-2020 as possible all while somewhat knowing my young adulthood was slipping me by and now both my teenage years and my early 20s are gone and i still feel like my 19th birthday was yesterday yeesh!!
#i do feel like im out of time completely and its kind of.making me insane bc its not fair lol#life could be worse! but it couldve been a lot better too#like on one hand i think i had a normal reaction to exceptionally traumatic shit happening to me with no support system.#and everything that happened was caused by shit out of my control and i Know that bc i spent my teen years specifically working hard to Be#in control#like i did make the choice to give up sure. but that was when absolutely every effort had been exhausted#and theres only so much a human being can take especially when i was so young#but on the other hand!! even when i found a support system and things are better now than they were#i still feel like im trapped perpetually in this Waiting period#waiting for life to begin Waiting for an OPPORTUNITY to make my life begin already#and no effort on my part yields anything so i have no choice but to WAIT#but im TIRED. of waiting#im sick of seeing videos of people way younger than me making art ive always dreamed id have made by now#theres also this invisable wall i have always had built around me that is Impenetrable and i keep hitting it#and its gotta be me but it really feels like the universe has some unseeable chains on me which aounds so stupid#but im not allowed to get passed it#im way past the point of even being capable of showing the agony it causes me now like its just a dull joke#ANYWAY the fact ive typed all this makes me think ok. yeah maybe it is time to talk to someone LOL#carry on im fine this happens to me all the time. helps to get it written out at least
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do you also think about ekky, in his first full game back after rehab, the practise held the day afterwards, when asked how easy it was to play with forsy again going "its like having your own cheat code out there" and "im blessed to be able to play with such an awesome partner" thanks man very nice
#its the witching hour and they consume my thoughts#fork found in kitchen unfortunately#but also thanks jameson for phrasing it as “is it like you never left?” and ekky jumps on that going “yep thats exactly what i wanted”#like thats not gonna fucking haunt me at all#take a swig anytime ekky describes being able to play with forsy as being “blessed”#sumn sumn body like a greek god sumn worship him like one too or other#the religious undertones in sports is impossible to ignore#but also you did describe this man as a greek god#so this really isnt helping that extended metaphor#i also think a lot about ekky saying “gus” because its not very often you hear him first name him#and also him immediately looking over to his stall... okay#i thought he was making eyecontact with the otherside of the media scrum but i watched it whole and its very obvious when he does that#no this bitch is craning his neck to look at forsys stall like a normal person ofc#in my mind forsy is off to the side waiting until his interview wraps up so he can continue dressing down#and ekky going “gus” because jameson said it first is looking over at him to see his reaction#delusional? we move#im sorry i gave an impromtu forsblad primer to a friend while we were on a call and i was pulling up all my clips to cry about#and this one fucking sent me spiraling again#gus... okay yeah#im in my feelings again please look away
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its not uncommon that i get asks that say “how do i tell my partner i want to try xyz in bed” and my answer is always gonna be: just say exactly that. when ur in private but not actively being sexual just say “hey can we talk about sex” and go from there while being honest and considerate of the other persons feelings. if ur gonna be doing any kink whatsoever, being able to openly and clearly communicate what you do and dont want is just about THE most important thing
#i think most of the asks i get are just ppl being a little nervous#which is pretty normal when you’re trying new things#but if you’re nervous specifically because you think your partner will have an overly negative/aggressive reaction to that talk#then that is worrying#and its very much worth considering getting out of that situation
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seen a few other people do this so
#poll#food opinions#its kinda hard to find things#theres not a lot of my food opinios i get confused reactions to#i was kinda thinking i would be more unhinged at first#but a few of these are just normal danish opinions#that none the less many people here are gonna find to be Bad Opinions#go sam
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Side note, but I LOVE writing for Charles, especially when he's contrasted with all of the boys. A normal human man in a business suit stands next to the biggest natural disaster to ever strike this mortal plane, more at 11:00
#its very funny writing the boys' reactions to stuff and then pivoting to charles and he's like. normal. my well-adjusted king.#like he's goofy and silly in his own way dont get me wrong. but i just think the contrast is funny#charles musings
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question for all the spm fans out there is it normal to want to claw at the floor and throw things and scream at the top of your lungs in excitement because you thought abt spm for 1 second too long. Asking for a friend
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Sometimes I feel like nobody wants me around especially if I'm upset or not of use to anyone
#i have a lot of friends (my only reason to stay around even if i feel like shit) so i dont know why im like this#maybe its bc my family life?#i don't know i just think i make things worse or smth#i think im bad luck#i just get paranoid sometimes and think im gonna fuck something up constantly#id genuinely let someone yell at me since Im not used to anything but that#that may be an issue but I'm going to be honest i think any other reaction isnt normal#because what do you mean i did somethings right ever#where the hell is the “you should've done that” or “do better” or “why are you like this”#sorry for being depressing#i keep letting my thoughts simmer and i need them out#KillerKiller.txt
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