#i think it’s also important that people know that there have been at least two documented cases of him trying to leave Scientology

[flowersforthemachines]

Some facts about Lucanis (and also Spite and the Crows) gathered from the banters

I went through all companion banters on DanaDuchy's channel after playing the game to write down all facts about companions/the world that I haven't seen brought up anywhere in the game as a writing reference (and for funsies).

Note: the list isn't 100% exhaustive. I may have missed something or didn't write something down because I had heard about it before or considered it common knowledge. If you think there's something that can be added to the post, please DM me or send an ask! (do specify what banter the information is coming from)

Other characters' posts: Bellara, Davrin, Harding, the rest to be added later this week

About Lucanis: 

Family and the past:

Lucanis learnt to cook while helping the kitchen staff at the villa when he was a little boy. One of his motivations was learning how to make churros

Side note: Lucanis mentions that cioccolata calda was his favourite drink when he was a baby, and he serves churros to a romanced Rook who picks cioccolata calda as their favourite drink. It’s all coming together! 

Lucanis wanted to be a Crow when he was a child (at least most of the time)  

All of Lucanis's relatives were Crows as well, and all of them were killed by a rival Crow house

Lucanis says Caterina would be proud of Illario hiding his plans well, as well as killing her 

Lucanis says that the hard part about setting Illario free would be convincing Caterina 

Lucanis says that nightlife was more of Illario's thing, and he never got out as much

On Crows and Antiva:

Viago still stares daggers at Lucanis for throwing his (Viago's) pet snake out of the window in a dream

Lucanis doesn't like it when people confuse murder and assassination ("Murderers are hobbyists, we are professionals")

Lucanis has taken contracts in Orlais

Lucanis doesn’t know Treviso as well as he once used to 

Heir didn’t train Lucanis

Lucanis says he has never killed an innocent “by his count” (other people may disagree) 

Lucanis doesn’t think of the Crows as a “big organisation” (unlike the Inquisition) because they stab each other too much

Lucanis became a mage-killer at Caterina’s behest (she wanted to tap into new markets)

The nickname “The Demon of Vyrantium” came from Tevinter news-sheets, though Lucanis thinks Viago started it

Lucanis says that there aren't any special tricks to killing mages. Though, if nothing else works, you can try pissing them off, as that could attract a demon that would eat the mage

Lucanis once killed half a dozen venatori while stuck inside an elevator 

Lucanis doesn’t consider himself a gentleman assassin, manners are less important than getting the job done

Lucanis sometimes spares his targets. He mentioned letting go of a servant who killed her master, as well as a 14-year-old boy. He thinks it’s wrong to kill people so young because they still have time to change

Lucanis doesn’t accept contracts without merit, and the merit is decided by the talon of the house

General:

Lucanis can make bread

Lucanis has never been to Ferelden

Lucanis isn’t interested in killing wyverns, just looking at them :)  

Lucanis has a pet snake 

Lucanis stays awake at night by cleaning his gear, exercising, studying Orlesian and knitting ("it’s just another kind of blade work") 

Lucanis doesn’t understand a lot of things people find attractive

(In a conversation with Harding) Thinking about cooking was one of the things that helped Lucanis stay sane in the Ossuary (the other was thinking about killing his enemies) 

(In a conversation with Davrin) Lucanis survived the Ossuary by shutting down and not thinking about anything except escaping

These two points sort of contradict each other. Either an inconsistency or Lucanis describing his experience differently to different people. 

The Wetlands ruined at least one pair of Lucanis’s boots

(If Rook chooses to save Treviso) Lucanis offers to pay for any supplies the Shadow Dragons may need 

Lucanis doesn't get a better bed because he's afraid of accidentally falling asleep 

Lucanis can identify the killer’s weapon and the height difference between them and the target just through the blood splatter left at the scene

Lucanis considers Grey Wardens dangerous 

Lucanis doesn’t like necromancy, because bringing people back to life is a waste of hard work

Lucanis finds the ice coffee from Minrathous offensive (Harding describes it as “snow, but made of coffee, sweet, and with cream and toffee sauce on top”)

Lucanis had never been in a romantic relationship before Rook/Neve

Relationships with other companions: 

Lucanis gets into reading Bellara’s serials (very passionately - they chat about it a bunch)

Lucanis is outraged that the Veil Jumpers don’t get paid for their work and offers Bellara his contract negotiator

Lucanis made biscuits for Assan

Lucanis is sceptical that the griffons will be safe with the Wardens

Lucanis think that Assan shouldn’t go soft (referring to the time he took care of a halla) because he is a predator at heart

(If Emmrich becomes a lich) Lucanis offers to hold a funeral for Manfred

Lucanis and Harding talk a lot about dreams (mostly silly things like showing up naked for the job, getting chased by someone/something etc.)

Lucanis thinks Harding is deadly with her bow

Lucanis offers to pay Harding for being his lookout/aide at the rate of 6000 gold per contract

Lucanis offers the help of his contract negotiator to Neve after he finds out she doesn't have one

Lucanis made deep-fried peppers for Taash

About Spite: 

Emmrich can hear Spite even when he doesn’t take over Lucanis’s body (at least from a close distance)

Spite is impartial to Emmrich, believing him more than Lucanis

Emmrich says it’s impossible to separate Spite and Lucanis without killing them

Emmrich encourages Lucanis to read to Spite to bring them closer. Lucanis agrees to let Spite pick a book

(If Emmrich becomes a lich) Spite asks if he and Lucanis can get rid of their skin too 

(If Manfred is revived at the Necropolis) Spite asks Emmrich to teach him how to use fire magic. Lucanis isn’t thrilled by the idea

Emmrich sets up wards to prevent Spite from leaving the room when Lucanis is asleep

Spite no longer sleepwalks after “Inner Demons” because he apparently understood the concept of space

By the end of the game, Spite has agreed to stop sleepwalking completely

Spite controls the wings (confirmed in banter with Harding) 

Spite wants to try swinging off the astrolabe at the Lighthouse

Spite is very excited about Manfred having hands and feet (Curiosity. Has. Feet!)

Spite finds the wisps in Neve’s room unnerving (as do Lucanis and Neve)

Spite likes to play with whetstones Bellara got for Lucanis (Bellara got them from the Irelin who supposedly got them from somewhere in Arlathan) 

Spite wants to try eating self-lightning candles at Blackthorne Manor

About the Crows: 

Crows frequently visit Nevarra and have received 20 contacts to assassinate the king. The King has been poisoned 7 times

Crows get a lot of contracts for Divine Victoria

Some seers in Rivain are powerful enough that there are contracts on them as well

Caterina once killed a man with a thimble

When Crows kill someone, most of the time they want others to know it was them (rather than presenting the death as an accident) 

The crows buried six different Eight Talons and rarely take contracts in Ferelden after the Zevran fiasco

[asexualbookbird]

Ah, I read some books in 2024, huh? And eight rereads? Who am I. Tried a lot of new things this year which yay! Go me! Branching out! Not all of those were successes, but I did it and therefore no one can criticise me. But we all know what's important here. So here you go, THE BEST AND WORST OF 2024 (in no particular order)!

THE BEST BOOKS OF 2024

The Adventure of Amina al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty - yes, I am still thinking about this, thank you for asking! A full entire adult of a person, a mother even, going on adventures? Fighting and killing and fucking and living? Hell yeah! More of this, please! I would also love to see a prequel of Amina's adventures before the book timeline. Everything about this was so great, I look forward to rereading it.

The City We Became by NK Jemisin - I was wary about this because it was so polarizing to readers. On one hand, even my least favorite Jemisin was still fun, on the other hand, I know nothing about New York. HOWEVER. The audiobook was FABULOUS. I wholeheartedly believe the audio is why I enjoyed this so much. This was FUN this is what reading should feel like all the time.

When the Angels Left the Old Country by Sacha Lamb -FRIEND TO MY SOUL. Again, beautiful audio performance. Beautiful story. I need my own copy so I can reread this to my hearts content. It's cute, it deals with heavy topics, it's gay, it's the friend to my soul.

WORST BOOKS OF 2024

The Novice by Taran Matharu - Ugh. Bought when released, knowing nothing, which seems to be a Theme with books sitting on my shelf I end up not enjoying. Learning about the history of this book made me more angry than the book itself. What do you mean his entire series was bought and published without an editor? It shows, but. Come on. Wattpad born and it shows.

Last Heir to Blackwood Library by Hester Fox- this was only for a summer reading bingo challenge, but come on. There are ways to pull the memory loss, or altered memory plot line and have it work. This did not do that. Wish a library would eat my memories of this book so I never had to think of it again.

Red Sister by Mark Lawrence - Mark Lawrence is one of those authors who writes long books because he thinks it makes him a Good Writer. Mark Lawrence is one of those writers who is afraid to write adult characters because he thinks they won't sell, but continuously puts them in adult situations to show how Hard their lives are and Isn't This Dark And Gritty And Sad without doing the work to actually get there. It toes the line between fantasy in scifi, but not well. It feels more indecisive than anything else.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace -more like fireBROKE MY HEART!!!! It was on my tbr list for years, and I finally found a copy and I'm glad I own it so I can reread it at my leisure. It's what Ready Player One could have been if it was actually good.

Godkiller by Hannah Kaner - Okay honestly, this and City were fighting for a spot in the main top three. Either could be there. I do honorable mentions for this very reason. I was surprised to learn this was a tiktok book, because yknow. It's actually Good. Witcher vibes, but with more respect towards women. Why isn't book three in my possession right this second.

Someone You Can Build A Nest In by John Wiswell - I Am Normal About This Book. It was fun to read and annotate it for a friend. It was fun to be around as two friends read it and I loved seeing their reactions to it. Loved cheering on Shesheshen, still think she deserves to eat more people. Friends and I will still share biting goop memes with the caption "Shex3 posting". It's safe to say this has rewritten my brain.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

Legacy of Ash by Matthew Ward - I was hyped about this book before release. I bought book two before even reading this because I was that sure I'd enjoy it. What a fool. This did NOT have to be 800 pages. It was another example of someone writing many words because they think that's what Good Writers Do, and not stopping to think about what those words even SAY. Which, in this case, was ~Absolutely Nothing~

Ghost Station by SA Barnes - crying sobbing this book was so fucking stupid. Best thing to come out of it was seeing a friend read it and confirming that yes, it was That Fucking Stupid. Learning the author mainly writes YA Paranormal explained why everyone had Too Stupid To Live disease.

I'm Afraid You've Got Dragons by Peter S Beagle - Admittedly only here to make things even and because it's still pretty fresh in my mind. I was soooo excited when this was announced, and now I'm soooo happy I didn't preorder it. More boring than anything else, but I don't wish it was longer because it already felt Too Long.

Once again, ignored rereads because I feel like that's cheating somehow. Let these be for highlighting new and fun books I discovered! I feel like the last few Bricks I've read have been Very Bad so I hope a couple of the bricks I have planned for 2025 are actually good. Considering one of those is Labyrinth's Heart, I think we're okay.

[goddessofmusicandfandoms]

Probably not for me to add on but two comments because this thread is interesting. It seems in Rr world immortality and God hood are not the same thing. My reasoning is the hunters, they become immortal and seemingly maintain any powers they already have but otherwise they're still very human. Treated as no different than very trained demigods. Therefore it stands to reason that making someone immortal is different/ operates on different rules than making someone a God, minor or otherwise.

Second point for thought I took a few classic courses in college (would have minored but one of the requirements was learning greek doesn't exactly mix well with a hearing disabilities) In that class I was taught that Mr D (basically dyslexic not spelling his name) was a God because of the removal as his human mother in his birthing process. To make a myth short. His mother was dusted by Zeus godly form. In other to save his son Zeus sowed him into his "thigh." I put air marks because this is the most popular version of the myth in modern time. Reading the original translation in clase apperently it was another word (I forget it's been years) where the translation alluded to him actually being sewed in the sky (I think a cloud to be exact) in not in Zeus thigh. So this could possibly tie into the whole gods giving some of their power (if we go with the first version) or something with domains, like Mr. D already intrinsically tied with the world/culture because he was birth from a domain . Either way Mr. D is an kind of represents all three elements of a god, cultural importance, having a domain, and believe in himself (yall should read his plays/ myths this guy was soooo overly confident, just a Lil cocky mf)

It seems what the empiros lack is a natural domain. Which might be why they can be immortal but without some God giving them power or some godly item that grants them God like power their never be God by themselves. Meanwhile since Apollo already has a domain he can grant himself immortality. Meanwhile MrD was basically always one step away from being a God. (if you know anything about Christianity and the iteration of Jesus always being God/ a part of God, that's Mr. D but like with Zeus in a way according to me but back by my professor who said that was a good analogy on my essay 😅)

Zeus actually has a lot of say over a lot of Olympians not just because of being the king but with most of them being derived from him in some way (for instance some people argue that because Athena is born of Zeus she despite being wisdom can't be wiser than Zeus or think too differently than him at least) and the other domains are tied to his (sun and moon need the sky, seas and ties need moon/sky, there's no harvest without the the sun, rain, etc which need the sky) the only equal to sky is the earth but... Insert rant about the dethroning of women in Greek mythology with turn the world from a matriarchy to a patriarchy or whatever which effectively "depowers" the earth so to say. It's why the earth even needs the other gods or humans according to the class. This only really leaves the underworld which doesn't need the sky to exist. For the Percy Jackson lore this could tie into part of the reason Zeus is like screw his brother. So Zeus could possibly be concern bc by this thread theory there's a lot of people who could possibly weaken him or at least he thinks so. This could also tie into why he can take the other gods powers. If one of the tier is belief in self it's hard to imagine yourself stronger or separate from Zeus if you're a Greek god because his domain is tied to the existence of your domain, not to mention all of culture (imagine if the sky just dipped) therefore they unknowingly give Zeus the power to take their Godlyness away without meaning to (this is why Apollo journey in toa is such a big deal)

I would also like to point out the elephant in the room, the og Percy Jackson series operates differently it's concept of Gods, Olympians, immortal, and all that stuff. Later series seem to use immortality and that basically being God hood interchangeably. Though it's fun to find a way it could all work.

If any one actually reads this, I apologize for how all over the place this tangent is I'm half asleep

what are your thoughts on the olympians’ thrones? we know that they are connected to the power of the gods, and that kronos’ tactic was to destroy olympus/their thrones in order to weaken them (so when kronos destroyed the arm rest of ares’ throne, did that weaken him during the battle with typhon?)

but why should the destruction of their thrones weaken them? isn’t the source of their power, their divinity, well, themselves? and what of minor gods? or what about during the first titanomachy? sorry for the lengthy question but it’s all very confusing and im interested in hearing your take.

SO

THE OLYMPIAN THRONES

first let's see what Dionysus had to say about this in The Last Olympian

"Whichever! Now listen, the situation is graver than you imagine. If Olympus falls, not only will the gods fade, but everything that is connected to our legacy will also begin to unravel. The very fabric of your puny little civilization—"

"Yes, yes. Your entire society will dissolve. Perhaps not right away, but mark my words, the chaos of the Titans will mean the end of Western civilization. Art, law, wine tastings, music, video games, silk shirts, black velvet paintings—all the things that make life worth living will disappear!"

"—the other gods would never admit this, but we actually need you mortals to rescue Olympus. You see, we are manifestations of your culture. If you don't care enough to save Olympus yourselves—"

Let's look at the third part first! Dionysus tells us that the gods are manifestations of human culture. And as we know, in the RRverse, the gods have moved around with the flame of progression, where the most human power is allocated. This is why they are in the US in the RRverse, and why they tend to reflect a more American culture (ie, Zeus in a CEO suit, Poseidon as a fisherman, Ares is a biker, ect.)

So what I'm getting from Dionysus's explanation here, is that the gods and human culture are intrinsically intertwined with each other. You can't have one without the other and all that. If human culture fades, the gods weaken, and if the gods weaken, human culture fades.

Something interesting to note here is that Dionysus says that the gods will fade if their thrones are destroyed...interesting, considering Dionysus and Percy also discuss how Pan faded.

But Pan didn't fade because of a lack of human belief/culture - he faded because his domain was being destroyed. Helios and Selene faded because they lost faith in themselves.

I think Dionysus might be overexaggerating a bit here. I don't think the gods would have necessarily faded if their thrones were destroyed- just significantly weakened. And perhaps, weak enough that if they ever just decided to give up...they would fade.

(Which brings up an interesting notion of Dionysus fearing them fading, because maybe that implies he thinks not all of them have the willpower to push through that...food for thought)

Kronos destroying Ares's arm rest is curious, since after the defeat of Typhon, we see the Olympian gods and nothing is out of the ordinary, even with Ares. So I'm guessing the arm rest getting cut off didn't exactly affect Ares, but if a larger piece of the throne or even the throne itself was sliced up? We'd have a different story.

I believe the source of the gods' power comes from a variety of places- mortal belief, their thrones, and belief in themselves. We see the latter occurring with Apollo in The Tower of Nero especially, where he's able to bring himself back into immortality on his own willpower, and I think we even see this happening with Hades and Poseidon, leaving their respected realms to come to the aid of Olympus and leaving behind their grudge (Hades) and ego (Poseidon) for the greater good.

This brings up an interesting idea, then. The Olympians have three main sources of power. But are they even aware of the third?

Because think about it. People, in series and out, have automatically assumed Helios and Selene faded because of a lack of mortal belief. But, that is not what happened, for they were still majorly worshipped- instead, it was a lack of faith in themselves. They lost their sense of self.

So I think the "power ranking" of these sources go as follows;

Belief in self

Mortal belief

Thrones

Mortal belief is often talked about, especially in ToA where Nero tells us mortals gave him a prolonged life and eventually immortality. He does not have a throne like the Olympians, though he does have a fasces, where his immortality is stored.

Could it be that the Olympian's immortality is stored in their thrones? Maybe. But remember, Nero is a wannabe god. There has to be drawbacks to that, and I bet the fasces was one of them. He has to contain his immortality in something, while the Olympians do not, because they are immortal. Full stop.

Now minor gods...this is a bit trickier, but I think minor gods have a power scaling of their own. The Olympians are on another level for godly power- they are The Squad so to speak.

How powerful minor gods are I think depends on their domain, as well as mortal belief/their own belief.

Hecate, for example, is probably exceptionally powerful for a minor goddess because of her position as the goddess of magic, the Mist, and crossroads among other things (did you know she has some influence over prophecy? ;3 she and Apollo were two sides of the same coin when it came to prophecy).

Iris is probably not as powerful as Hecate is, because, uh, rainbows aren't exactly powerful when it comes to magic XD

As for the Elder Olympians' power during the Titanomachy...that's also interesting to think about. Imo, I think their power grew over the time of the war, since they didn't really have the opportunity to fine-tune anything what with being in Kronos's stomach and all lol

Zeus probably got more practice in when he was young, but probably not as much when he became cupbearer. And I also think the symbols of power of the Big Three help channel their power- which now has a funny image because here are the guys learning how to focus their power with training wheels while the girls are just fucking around and finding out.

Demeter probably strangled a few people with her plants. Hera probably unleased a hoard of peacocks on someone. Hestia no doubt set a few things on fire.

lmao, that's funny to think about.

Anyway, finally got around to this one!!! :D

[choccy-zefirka]

Our Latest Book Club Meeting

[Before we begin: Rook is a Qunari Shadow Dragon with some self-worth issues going on]

Attending: Bellara, Neve, Harding, Lucanis, Emmrich (also Taash, and Davrin, sort of)

Book: Adventures of Dolor the Daring, Volume 48, by I. L. Literatus (chosen by Neve)

Notes taken by: Bellara

Notes:

Bellara (me) was quite surprised (and also excited!!!) that Neve chose a crime serial, as she seemed skeptical about those before

Neve admitted that she selected the book not for the plot, not really (though she was complimentary of it, especially Dolor’s final confrontation with the corrupt magister), but because she suspects the author might be… Rook!

Lucanis was first to break the stunned silence afterwards; asked why she thinks that

“Any excuse to hear me talk, hmm, Lucanis?” oh this one is good, must write that down Neve explained that it’s “rather suspicious how the mysterious I. L. Literatus took an extended break from writing the moment we all got tangled up in Solas’ mess, and then showed up again, just as Rook got injured in that fight with the Antaam and had to take a bit of downtime”

Bellara (me) pointed out that it could be a coincidence (mostly to try and ground myself for disappointment, because WOULDN’T IT BE INCREDIBLE IF ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SERIALS). Sorry

Harding joined in; recalled how the rooftop chase between two burning buildings was almost an exact match for how she, Rook and Varric hurried to rescue Neve on the day when… things happened. Down to the shortcuts they took!

Neve added another detail: apparently, she and Rook were once looking for clues in Docktown, and Rook paused to look up at the sky and say that it looked like a “miserable grey towel that the black claws of the Archon’s palace would not stop wringing”. This was the same description as in the serial’s opening scene! Neve never forgets a thing, she is amazing

Lucanis conceded: he was more convinced now. Realized that “Scorpion”, a mysterious cloaked figure who helps Dolor investigate evil mages, might have been inspired by Viper.

Bellara (me) also realized something! Viper is in the story, but Tarquin isn’t! That’s because the Venatori already know about him, from rumors at least, so mentioning him in a serial in passing would not compromise him… But nobody knows about Tarquin! Rook is protecting him!

Taash was passing by on their way upstairs; but stopped and said, more or less (with a lot more “vashedan” thrown in): “Nah, I read a couple those. Hid them in my Advanced Qunlat textbook so I’d look smart when my mother checked on me. That can’t be Rook. Dolor is nonbinary too, but Lit-Whatsit keeps saying that they always knew who they were, were always confident about that. Rook wasn’t always confident. They struggled, like me.”

Neve disagreed. Noted that Dolor might not be a one-on-one copy of Rook, but an idealized version with all the “right” feelings Rook wished they had. Also listed all the places where Dolor gets excited to play their role as a fighter against cultists and blood mages, and the city’s protector. They are human, an everyday citizen of Minrathous who fits in so very well among everyone… But that’s a very Qunari way of putting it. And that’s something that always bothered Rook.

 Some notes had to be copied over at this point, because the “OH!” sound Harding made toppled over some of our mugs, and they spilled all over the paper! Maybe the stone floor reacted to her? No harm done, really! (Harding, stop worrying)

Harding put things together and asked Neve if I. L. Literatus, or Illiteratus, means anything in Tevene. Neve confirmed it means what it sounds like in Trade: Illiterate. Rook must have a very low opinion of their writing skills (doodle of a sad Bellara face)

Davrin (??? He said he wouldn’t be joining, he had more important things to do, like train Assan??? But there he was???) walked (or sauntered! sauntered is a good word! swaggered even!) up to the table. Asked: “If the author is Rook, and Dolor is Rook but without all their worst thoughts, then what do we make of Flosculus?”

On Flosculus! Bellara (me that is, it’s getting awkward talking in third person for so long) wrote this down while there was another long, long pause. He is a new character that just got introduced in this volume. An older lowborn mage that worked hard to earn a place in the Minrathous Circle, despite the contempt from the greedy, cruel Altus nobles that Dolor usually defeats on their adventures. He is very tall, only a “hand’s length” below an average Qunari warrior (which is just about the height difference between Rook and Emmrich), and his face “might have been fairly good-looking when he was younger, but was chiseled into an elegant, dignified handsomeness with age… Truly, time had treated him with the same kindness as he treated those around him”. I really liked him; he does remind me a lot of Emmrich, with his love for flowers, and his wealth of advice on all things arcane, and his eagerness to see the best in people… And you (well, me at least) can’t help but notice how the story, which is usually all about magic duels and human sacrifices and screaming matches with crazy cultists on top of piles of bones, grows softer whenever he is on the page. Like stepping in from a hailstorm to a cozy room with a burning hearth. But then… then, at the very end of the volume, Dolor realizes that they have been developing a crush on him, and decides never to tell him about it because he does not like them back. Which the author praises them for because it’s “the right thing to do”. Dolor always knows the right thing to do.

Book club meeting adjourned here. No dice were thrown to decide who’s next. Because Emmrich, first very pale and then very pink, got up without a word and ran off somewhere.

THAT BETTER BE TOWARDS ROOK’S ROOM!

Sorry.

[blu3haw4]

Hi! Hello, you guys remember I said I had an extended shot for Clexmas free day that was basically done? That I told you to forget about when I posted the little oneshots? That I thought I would be able to write before the year was over? 😅 Well it's here! After days and days of neglecting it and then hours of writing and editing and writing some more and then... much more than I originally planned.

A continuation of my Clextober contribution The Halloween Party

For Clexmas 2024, Day 7: Free day (already on AO3)

and a little bonus only for tumblr

The Christmas Party(es)

“Gala? Define gala?”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll pick your dress”

“You will absolutely not pick my dress, Clarke!” Lexa all but stumped on her feet, standing in Clarke’s living room as the blonde lay on her couch.

“Why not? Aren’t there more important things you should worry about?”

And she might have a point, these past two months have been full of gathering information on the hunters and possible enemy creatures -they’ve also been full of making out, but they don’t talk about that- and tonight it might all come together. They have a few leads on the hunters’ plan and tonight might be the chance to crack exactly how much they know about the wolves and if they’re getting help from the creatures they suspect.

“Look there’s a lot of names and faces you should at least know of. Did you read the subjects these people like to talk about that I sent you?” Clarke pressed, still very casually laying on her couch.

Because that was the key point of this particular party, it wasn’t just about the hunters, it was about the people who founded them, knowingly or not. The people that are throwing this Christmas gala aren’t all hunters, and they were the people Clarke thought they should worry about the most.

“I- didn’t, I mean yeah, I looked them over-”

“You need to know what they’ll be talking about; we’re not going to get anywhere near the information you want if they clock the fact that you’re not one of them. This is a fancy, glamorous Christmas themed party. An excuse to look hot and show off their money, really” Clarke rolled her eyes dramatically “If we don’t look and act the part, they’ll kick us out in not time”

Lexa sighed, Clarke had a point- “So… you worry about the character details, and I will worry about us dressing the part”

“Clarke-”

“Our outfits will match, and they’ll be bulletproof!” Clarke grinned, sitting up with excitement.

“Bulletproof?” Lexa yelped “We’re planning for that type of night?” she asked -ignoring the matching thing- concerned… only to have Clarke’s mood immediately change.

“No” she huffed “but we didn’t think Halloween was going to be one of those night either and yet…” Clarke looked up with raised eyebrows and pursed lips, still bitter about outcome of that night.

And okay, that was fair.

That night hadn’t ended in any of the ways Lexa had expected.

After telling Clarke not to follow -mostly so she wouldn’t have to face the consequences of their make out. Too drunk and too shaken to even consider what to say and how processes the argument between her head and her heart… and her pussy, a little, if she was honest- she ran to the warning howls of her people.

It hadn’t been an emergency, but she had decided to go anyways because Indra’s team had been ambushed by hunters. They had had encounters with them before, but mostly because they had been purposely sniffing around their business. This time, the hunters had been the ones to track them down.

When Lexa arrived, both Anya and Indra’s teams were fighting a big group of hunters in between alleys, and she joined in even though she knew they had it under control. The ringing of their silenced shotguns had stopped for a few minutes while most hunters were forced into hand-to-hand combat.

Then, one singular shot rang out followed by a loud curse.

“What. The Fuck?!"

Lexa had turned to look just in time to see Clarke grabbing the wrist of the hunter who shot her as a second shot ran out, said bullet hitting the wall beside them. There was a bullet hole in the back of her dress with a stain of blood dripping from the closed wound where the bullet had clearly made it out.

“You just ruined my fucking dress!” was the anticlimactic sentence that left Clarke’s mouth before she lashed out cracking a few of the hunter’s bones and throwing him away.

She launched herself to the other hunters and got shot in the stomach before she could take the remaining three out.

“Fucking… Fuckers!” She shouted, breathing a little heavy and clearly -at least to Lexa- drunk “I loved this dress, you bitch!” she scowled kicking a dead hunter to the other side of the alley.

Whit a look, Lexa sent both teams away and didn’t care that Anya and Indra both remained when she approached Clarke. With a million things in her head, there was really nothing she could do when the words out of her mouth were “I told you not to follow”

The huff Clarke let out felt like a slap in the face, she turned sharply to look at her with a deep frown “I wasn’t. I was literally on my way home, when I got fucking shot!” She exasperated, and didn’t bother to avoid her shoulder when she walked past her “You’re welcome, by the way” she huffed before jumping all the way up to her building’s roof top.

Because of course the fight happened right beside her place.

So okay, it was cool that their dresses were bulletproof. What was probably not okay was Clarke picking the type of dress Lexa would wear.

“Tik-tak, Heda”

“Okay fine! I’ll read about these people, you pick my dress, but Clarke-” She warned her, pointing at her with a look stopping the vampire’s excitement “Have them ready two days before”

“What?  Why?”

“So I can make sure you picked something appropriate or find something else” Lexa huffed as she started to walk out the door.

“Of course it’s going to be appropriate! What makes you think I would pick something inappropriate?” Clarke asked with a smirk.

Lexa turned around and they shared a look, one that ran out all the memories they’ve shared these past two months, one that showed how easy it would be to stop pretending like none of it happened and let loose.

After Halloween they didn’t contact each other for a week, Lexa making herself busy gathering and connecting the information they had, and Clarke… well, living her life as far as Lexa could tell. Anya kept her updated without Lexa asking, she didn’t follow her, but Clarke kept showing up when Anya and her team were on their vigilante’s adventures as she had been since before Halloween.

When they finally saw each other again they just jumped straight to business mode, with Lexa filling Clarke in on the theories she had, and Clarke helping her plan meetings with specific creatures she thought could or would help.

They went out five times in two weeks.

At the end of the first night, they cleared the air with a few jokes about the fight; it had clearly been a coincidence. Jokes about the fight, though, turned to jokes about the night, which turned into flirting and easily, naturally, turned into them kissing.

It was intoxicating, addictive. Lexa kept trying to avoid it, or so she told herself as each night she continued to proposedly, actively push for it to happen.

And throughout-fully enjoy it.

They never talked about it, but just as each night they got bolder and bolder, each next time Clarke looked more and more sure that they should mention it. If only to make sure it keeps happening…

Or maybe Lexa was projecting, but it was easier to pretend like she was just giving in to what Clarke wanted than to admit to herself how much she craved it.

So once again, she shut it down.

“Two days earlier Clarke!” she called before closing the door.

“Ugh. Fine”

-

The dress was fine, with a little more cleavage than Lexa would’ve liked -she would reconsider later-, but perfectly appropriate. The silky cloth bunching around her hips made her feel good and the way the open back teased the end off her tattoo was just about everything she wanted Clarke to focus on. The color also, matched perfectly to Clarke’s jumpsuit, which was… way more appropriate that Lexa anticipated.

Somehow that made it so much worse for her.

Because she prepared for long milky legs, for too short skirt and a teas of her ass, she prepared for cleavage and a perfectly shaped necklace falling in between, she didn’t prepare for Clarke’s arms to be the most skin showed, for the power she extruded with her hands on her pokes and the sexy show of her clavicles on top of the flat line of her jumpsuit’s collar that fell, perfectly covering the actual size of her boobs. She prepared to resist the urge to stare at Clarke’s body, not her face.

Because, damn it, her face.

Clarke absolutely noticed, all too content to stare at Lexa’s cleavage to ‘make it even’ and make a show of speaking oh so close to her face to ‘cover the staring’  -“you can know, but they can’t” she said with a smirk and a wink- it was ridiculous and way too distracting but somehow… it was working to their favor.

Each conversation they took part on moved them closer to the people they needed, and it all felt effortless, they laughed at the most classist comments and Lexa had to cover her reaction each time Clarke threw one of her own like second nature with that light drop of sarcasm underneath. They stared at each other way too much and hushed little jokes about how full of themselves these people were. They flirted a lot too; it was a little ridiculous how little of their sentences lacked flirt honestly, but it was fun, and it was working and Lexa felt good.

Until she didn’t.

Moving closer to the people they needed meant she started to recognize the faces she had studied. And then some. There were a bunch of hunters she spied on from afar on their missions, and many she easily remembers from the warehouse, all mingling with the wealthy people who founded them. Eyes were always on her since they walked in, and now she started questioning if it was because they recognized her more than because of how hot they both looked.

Her heartbeat picked up and her breath heaved as she tried her best to discretely check her surroundings. Lexa mindlessly started walking into a more secluded area of the gallery they were at, not caring or noticing if Clarke followed.

Her vision started clouding and her hearing got randomly specific, picking up on sentences and then jumping to another person, another heartbeat, another click of heels. Her smell wasn't helping either, only making her overwhelmed- and where the fuck was the exit!

Unable to recognize or care where she was going in her haste to get out, she failed to realize she was walking into the corridors of the gallery instead of outside. Her ears and nose picking up the scent of a guard far too late, and her feet not listening, never stopping, but somehow, she did.

In two blinks her back was against the wall and the only thing all her senses could notice was Clarke. All over her, body pressed fully into hers, a hand interwinding with hers and the other in her hair, her lips on hers, nose pressing to her cheek, Clarke’s hip in her hand.

It was grounding, and all the same earth-shattering. Her breath caught and she caught Clarke’s tongue with her lips, her body molded to her instinctively, one hand squeezed Clarke’s and the other pulled at her hips to keep her close.

It didn’t feel like a loss when Clarke’s lips left hers. It took Lexa a second to blink back into reality and realized Clarke had pulled her face away, looking to the side and talking-

“Yes, sir, we’ll be right out” The vampire smiled apologetically at the guard and used her hold on Lexa to pull her away from the wall and down the corridor back to the main room.

Some of the panic came back but was soothed by the soft caressing of Clarke’s hands on the back of hers and the comforting press of the other over the small of her back. In no time they were out on a huge balcony with stairs down into the giant flower yard and Lexa came back to her senses enough to let go of Clarke’s hand, step away from her and lean over the railing.

Lexa could tell Clarke was giving her time to breathe it out, to calm her heart and mind.

“Am I… the only one who knows?” Clarke asks eventually, and Lexa doesn’t answer right away.

She looks at her, trying to play dumb, but Clarke just tilts her head and gives Lexa a soft look, gives her time to accept it.

So, Lexa nods. Small and tired and she looks down and away.

Clarke gets closer to her “We should go”

“We can’t” Lexa immediately raises her eyes “The intel-“

“We can get it another time. You shouldn’t be here”

“I’ll be fine. I- I just needed a minute-“

“Lexa. You can’t be here” Clarke says grabbing her chin softly, Lexa thinks it might be pity. But under deeper examination there’s nothing but understanding in those eyes.

Lexa’s ready to argue still, but Clarke starts talking again “What you went through was traumatizing, okay? I bet you’re telling yourself you’re a big bad wolf and that you’ve been hurt thousands of times before and that you can handle it. But you freaking out like this? Instinctively running away and losing control of your senses? You have PTSD. And you shouldn’t have to face the people who caused it before you’re ready. I won’t let you; you deserve time to heal from it… Okay?”

Lexa blinks once, twice, she can’t be sure, but the millisecond Clarke’s eyes change tell her that her own might’ve gotten a little sparkle right before her hands tangled in Clarke’s hair to kiss her, hard and deep, and so good. Clarke loses her balance for a second before recovering and holding onto Lexa for dear life.

It’s only one kiss, it lasts a full minute but it’s only one. Lexa parts with a sigh and Clarke licks her lips, smiling dopily.

“Are we really gonna continue not talking about this?” she whispers, and Lexa can’t believe how easily Clarke gets silly.

“I think I’ve made it clear that it is not about the job. What else do you want to talk about?” She replies after a beat. And Clarke stares at her like she wants to say something, like she would like to talk about it more, instead she rejoins their lips softly.

She moves smoothly and presses Lexa against the railing in the balcony as they continue to make out. Lexa noticed the high -highest- heels Clarke picked for herself, realized she had hopes of getting to be taller, or at least the same height as Lexa tonight, but she should’ve known the she-wolf would go all out as well.

They hear people making their way over the balcony, and they maybe push their luck a little when they only separate right as the people are turning the corner. They smile at each other and bite down on their lips to suppress the urge to kiss. They walk away as casually as they can while practically glued to each other.

-

A couple of days later Clarke texts Lexa telling her there’s a corporate party that weekend, she tells her it’s way more casual than the gala and they talk all about their outfits. Lexa arrives at Clarke’s that Saturday in her dark green slick blouse and a black flannel skirt to find Clarke in a mouthwatering dark green long sleeve velvet dress much shorter than Clarke had mentioned, and with much more cleavage.

“Hey! You look great! We should go, I might’ve misread the invite, and we might be a little late”

“What? What about the plan, you didn’t tell me what we have to do, who will be there, what’s the-“

“Oh right, yeah. Uhm, no plan. Just… be you… well, human you”

“But the… intel?”

“It’s… well-” Clarke sighs and Lexa frowns at her, she’s going to ask again when Clarke pulls her into her apartment “You see that folder over there?” She points at her kitchen counter “That’s all and more information than we would’ve gotten last weekend…”

Lexa blinks a few times, not sure what to make of the information and how to feel about it, at her silence Clarke continues “I-Uhm, got it this week and it will be there when we get back… tonight is my studio’s corporate party, and it’s just… for fun” She shrugs, and Lexa can’t tell if she’s nervous or just not used to been honest and serious at the same time.

Lexa doesn’t move, looking between the folder on the kitchen counter and a very sexy looking Clarke. Since she said casual but classy, Lexa opted for knee high boots to compliment her outfit, while Clarke wore the same high heels from the formal gala meaning Lexa was eye level with… a wonderful view.

“You …? You” Lexa sighs a laugh in disbelief, all Clarke does is smile at her and fo willingly when Lexa leans up and pulls her down for a kiss.

They melt into it for the short time it last and Lexa looks at Clarke yearningly when they part, not knowing what to say or how to thank her. Clarke seems to get it though, or wants to dismiss it, because she pecks her lips one more time and slide her hands into hers.

“Ready to go? I wasn’t lying when I said we might be late” she says with a wink.

She’s so fucked.

-

The party was so much fun. Clarke gave Lexa a bottle of the same elixir they drank at the Halloween party so they could get drunk and they drank too much wine and champagne and ate every little appetizer offered to them. Lexa met Clarke’s work friends -though she refused to refer to them as anything but colleagues- Bellamy and Wells, as well as Clarke’s boss Abigail; a woman that reminds Lexa of Indra in many ways, including the warm look in her eyes under the stoic façade.

Lexa gets to learn a lot about Clarke’s life here, she learns that Clarke Griffin is a 27 going on 28 years old graphic designer who works from home and only shows up at the office for important meetings or specific deadlines. She’s nice to everyone but almost never goes out, she’s still known for holding her booze and killing it at darts. She’s closer to Bellamy and Wells because they are the only people beside their boss that spend most of their time away from the office, they are down to earth, and Clarke swears they’ve hooked up but she can’t prove it.

They spend most of the time just talking quietly to each other. It’s easy to smile more and lean into Clarke. To touch her hand and caress her arms, to soak in the warmth of Clarke’s hands on her hips and back.

To comfortably slide her glace sideways and be met with Clarke’s cleavage.

A much better view than the one from the top of the five stories building. That wasn’t anything spectacular, but the ambiance given to the rooftop with little fairy lights and a few benches around the edge made it look cozy despite the breeze. Made it even easier to get handsy with Clarke while they make out in one of the benches after Clarke guided Lexa up the emergency stairs, a few hours into the party declaring they were done mingling.

They part their lips eventually because even though Clarke doesn’t need to breath Lexa does. She heaves a breath and tries not to be embarrassed about it as they share a look, she’s not very classy straddling Clarke as she lays on her back. Her skirt is up too high as she leans on her elbows on either side of Clarke’s head. Her breathing shouldn’t be an issue, honestly. Their mouths are inches apart, but Lexa doesn’t let Clarke lean up as she looks at her eyes with a tilt of her head.

“What’s so interesting?”

“Your eyes... are shifting” Lexa realizes “Black and blue”

“Must be that I’m thirsty” Clarke winks with an overly confident smirk.

“They were red at the gala” Lexa deflects “After we made out” she smirks and Clarke full on grins with another wink.

“Again. Thirst”

“What's the difference?”

Clarke huffs with a pout after trying to lean up for a kiss again and getting a question instead “I hope you know I was having much more fun when we were kissing”

“Well miss, you ask a lot of questions about werewolf and answer none about vampires, so indulge me for once”

With another huff and a slight eye roll Clarke starts taking “you know the black is hunger. Red is... similar, is hunger while there's blood in my system”

“So, you haven't fed?”

“Not... that recently”

“Shouldn't you?”

“I’m fine. If they shift when I kiss you what do you think that means?”

Lexa smirks, but deflects again “so you feel it? When they shift?”

“Can you?” Clarke deflects as well, lifting an eyebrow.

“Yeah” Lexa answers right away, shifting her eyes to red, her signature alpha color “just like I can feel my fangs and... every other part of shifting”

Clarke hums and frows slightly “I can't... mostly. I know they go black when I get my fangs out and I can... feel? Like they might be black when I'm too thirsty. And I can will them to red. I do feel that one... it's almost like they are actually filling with blood.”

“Whoa... that's… insane”

“You know what's insane?” And she leans up to kiss her. Lexa sighs a giggle into her mouth and feels Clarke smirk into the kiss as well.

“We should get you something to eat” Lexa hushes between kisses.

“I’m fine right here”

“We could go and come back. Kill a bad guy and be back”

“Kill? In these outfits?!” Clarke yelps pulling back from the kiss “Are you insane? I ain't spilling on this dress”

Lexa huffs a little laugh and tries again “Well drink from some-...” only to stop, not wanting to finish that sentence, to suggest Clarke go out to make out with someone else.

“I shouldn't. I could accidentally kill 'em” Clarke shrugs and Lexa tilts her head once again, confused… Only to have Clarke chuckle.

“I need to tell you how much of a puppy you look when you do that”

It’s an instant reaction at the name, to fang out, shift her eyes and growl out “don't call me that”

Clarke doesn’t flinch, because of course she doesn’t. With Lexa still lowly growling Clarke pecks her lips “Sorry” and kisses her again “I won’t-” but this time Lexa sits up when Clarke leans a third time.

She huffs and gets comfortable on Clarke’s pelvis “What did you mean?” She asks, because she won’t let Clarke get away with it after she -unknowingly- insulted her. Now matter how outstandingly beautiful she looked laying under her “Accidentally, how?”

“You just don't let thing go do ya?”

“You just can't give a straight answer, can you?”

“Can't do much straight” Clarke grins with a way-over-the-top wink.

Lexa resist, tries her best at containing a smile, cover her giggle with a huff and an eye roll. She knows Clarke can see right through but nevertheless, it works. Clarke sighs and rolls her eyes as hard as she can.

“I told you the black eyes are hunger but... I like to think of it more as instinct. And blue eyes are... consciousness. Instinct and consciousness fight all the time. Hunger triggers instinct, instinct takes over consciousness. Just from hunger my eyes turn black, they do when I scent blood. Imagine how it goes when I taste it” Clarke shrugs casually, and Lexa can’t help but like it “told you I can't really feel when they're shifting, but I can tell instinct is trying to take over”

Lexa hums, ignoring the relief of knowing Clarke won't be kissing other people... tonight at least “so it is trying to take over now” she says, trying to quiet her mind.

Clarke sighs again, roll her eyes pointedly at her and Lexa notices they’re blue “yeah” she leans up on her elbows “but it's manageable, no one's bleeding out” She raises her eyebrows with a tilt of her as she gets closer to her face “Also I have bags of blood at home” she winks with a little smirk.

“Oh so we still have time” Lexa smirks too not giving into the kiss yet.

“Preferably to continue the kissing” Clarke groans, pulls at her by the hips and connects their lips. Lexa nods giggling into the kiss, and interweaving her hands in Clarke's hair to deepen the kiss.

*

Bonus. Clarke's PoV (not on ao3)

The kiss is full of tongue and teeth, deep and dirty, Clarke’s hands grabs at Lexa to pull her close, nuzzle her nose with her when Lexa pulls back to take a breath and dives right back into it when Lexa captures her lips again. It’s a well know dance they do, have been doing for the past two months, Lexa no longer hiss when her tongue graces Clarke’s fangs, and she lets Clarke nib on her lower lip, even pouting it out for her.

Is totally accidental when on a particular hard kiss, Clarke nibs a little too hard tearing Lexa’s skin and making her bleed a little. Lexa hisses and pulls away quickly, licks her lip and the wound is already closed. Clarke zeros in on Lexa’s mouth, her own mouth still parted until Lexa kisses her again, clearly having moved on.

Clarke answers the kiss on instinct, grabbing at Lexa more firmly and pulling her close, even closer, impossibly closer. Because she got a taste, a taste of the blood she scented however many months ago and ruined her for worse; made her unable to follow a patter of feeding and unable to satiate from any blood that wasn’t Lexa’s.

She knew it couldn’t be just that she was a wolf, she knew it couldn’t be about her been an alpha, but hell desperation drove her places and she tried both, mind controlling both wolfs to forget about it after and ending up equally as unsatisfied as with any human.

Lexa parts with a heavy breath, holding Clarke’s head and keeping her from chasing. But doesn’t she try, angles for her jaw and only blinks back to reality when Lexa pulls at her hair -and so what if that turned her on?-

‘I need to feed’ she thinks, still staring at Lexa’s lips, processing the addictiveness of Lexa’s blood, just a drop and it was intoxicating. She blinks again, realizing Lexa isn’t diving back like before. She licks her lips and looks up to see Lexa watching her.

Is it possible to smirk only with your eyes?

“Do you need to go home?” She asks, sweetly because of course she thinks she knows what she’s doing.

Lexa never seemed to think Clarke could be a danger to her. Lexa trusted her from before she got proof that she was right, and then settled for one singular proof without any more information. Even if Clarke literally yelled at her that she was wrong.

How terrible it was that she is just as addictive as her blood.

“Clarke?”

And she’s been staring, not even at her mouth, just her eyes, her deep red eyes- “Why red?”

“Because yours are black” Lexa doesn't miss a beat.

And okay, there has been many, many times through her -long, long, long, long ass- life where Clarke has been thankful for been a vampire. Tonight, she's thankful that she can't blush, nor lose her breath or have her heart miss a beat. Because all of those would be dead give aways she does not need Lexa knowing about.

“I told you I can’t help it” She tries with a frown, needing Lexa to shift her eyes back to green, because red… red is new, red is blood, red is not something she’s prepared for, red is something she can't have, red should be forbidden. Green? Green is known, green is good, is fun drunk nights, and long talks and smiles. Green is innocent making out -with wandering hands but still- green is smirks and blushed cheeks. And green- is back.

“Better?” Clarke only nods “Yours are still black so I’m going to guess you do need to go home”

“That would be a good idea. Yep.” She nods again, standing up with Lexa still in her lap and enjoying the missed beat of Lexa’s heart before she puts her down.

They walk back down hand in hand ‘to make sure you won’t run away’ Lexa says and Clarke is too content to call out her lie.

Lexa walks her home and kisses her goodbye at the entrance of her building. She’s still thinking about it when she enters her apartment and heads straight for the fridge. She’s happily surprised to realize she’s only thinking about Lexa and her kisses and not her blood, nevertheless, she dries out all five of the bags she has in storage.

The next day, Clarke wakes up from a magic induced sleep to a dead body in her kitchen. Lexa isn't there, neither is the folder from the night before, just an open window and a note.

Thanks for last night

♡.

[marisatomay]

I’d love to hear the slutty Tom Cruise stories you’ve heard 👀

Tom Cruise was pulled into Scientology because in 1988 his first wife Mimi Rogers freaked out that her 25 year old formerly repressed Catholic global movie star husband whom she convinced to marry her could not keep it in his pants to save his life and was having sex with any willing woman or man he could find (and considering he was Him and looked like That it was basically everyone on earth) and he did not want to stop partying and doing coke with his fellow movie star friends so she made him go to Scientology marriage counseling and they brainwashed him enough to get him to stop doing coke but apparently despite their best efforts to keep him in the closet they’ve never been able to fix his sexual appetites and drive

[mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers]

The most recent episode of Interview with a Vampire let's us see Lestat's side of the story and see how it compares to Louis' accounting of their relationship. As a result, it reaffirms just how unreliable of a narrator Louis is, but it also further illuminates elements of his character that the director and writers have been playing with since the beginning of the show.

There's this part in the episode where Lestat turns to Louis and apologizes and it's framed with Lestat turned to Louis on one side and Claudia on his other side. They're the angel and devil on Louis' shoulders, but who is the angel and who is the devil? And as my friend said, Armand and Daniel are placed into that same dynamic with Louis later on. We are being asked to decide who to trust, who's telling the truth, who's the good guy, but the fact of unreliability robs us of that decision.

This whole story is about Louis, he's the protagonist, though not the narrator, and he is constantly being pulled in two directions, no matter when or where he is in his story. He's a mind split in two, divided by nature and circumstance. He's vampire and human, owner and owned, father and child, angel and devil. He's both telling the story and being told the story. His history is a story he tells himself, and as we've seen, sometimes that story is not whole.

Louis is the angel who saved Claudia from the fire but he's also the devil who sentenced her to an life of endless torment, the adult trapped in the body of a child. He's the angel who rescued Lestat from his grief and also the devil who abandoned him, who couldn't love him, could only kill and leave him.

He's pulled in two directions, internally and externally at all times and so it's no wonder that he feels the need to confess, first to the priest, then Daniel, and then Daniel again.

He's desperate to be heard, a Black man with power in Jim Crow America who's controlled by his position as someone with a seat at the table but one who will never be considered equal. He doesn't belong to the Black community or the white community, he can't. He acts as a go-between, a bridge, one who is pushed and pulled until he can't take it anymore. He's a fledgling child to an undead father, he's a young queer man discovering his sexual identity with an infinitely experienced partner. He's confessing because he wants to be absolved, that human part of him that was raised Catholic, that child who believed, he wants to be saved. He wants to be seen.

Louis wants to attain a forever life that is morally pure, but he can't. He's been soiled by sin, by "the devil," as he calls Lestat, and he can never be clean again. Deep down, I think he knows this, but he can't stop trying to repent. He tries to self-flagellate by staying with Lestat and then tries to repent by killing him, but can't actually follow through. He follows Claudia to Europe to try and assuage his guilt. He sets himself on fire, attempts to burn himself at the stake, to purify his body, rid himself of the dark gift.

Louis is a man endlessly trying to account for the pain he has caused and he ultimately fails, over and over again, because he can't get rid of what he is. A monster. He's an endlessly hungry monster. He's hungry for love, for respect, for power, for forgiveness, for death. He's a hole that can never be filled. He can never truly acquire any of those things because he will always be punishing himself for wanting and needing them in the first place. He will never truly believe he deserves them and as a result, can't accept them if they are ever offered. He can never be absolved for he has damned himself by accepting the dark gift and thus has tainted himself past the point of saving.

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i will never understand how or why the httyd movies did the books such an injustice.

the movies aren't even an adaptation - they stole the name of the series, the name of some of the characters and places, and the general idea that there are dragons. honestly, i would be fine with the movies and maybe even like them if they didn't capitalize off of cressida cowell's incredible books that never get any credit.

the books are an amazing story about the cycle of violence and how vengeance and revenge is dangerous. hiccup says that the past is a ghost story, one we need to learn from to better ourselves. the books are about how everyone deserves freedom, how every creature, every being on the earth deserves to be free. we see that in the slavemark, with the dragons.

and like... hiccup is so different. they did him a severe injustice. he's scrawny and intelligent and learned to talk to dragons simply by observing them! he chooses kindness first above all else; instead of yelling at toothless to train him, he is kind. and in the end, that kindness is why toothless chose to save him. bc even toothless himself says that dragons are inherently selfish creatures who care only for their survival. hiccup is brave - his beliefs differ drastically from both the vikings and the world.

hiccup is a child who chose to do the right thing even at the expense of himself. he agreed to free the slaves on nobert's ship, and in return, they gave him the slavemark which is easy to give but cannot be removed. he was like twelve. and having the slavemark means he cannot be with his tribe or his family, it means he isn't considered a human being anymore. and he keeps it a secret for awhile until it's revealed and when it is everyone turns their backs on hiccup. his family, his tribe, his mentor, people he TRUSTED. everyone except fishlegs, and, once she got over the shock, camicazi. he was thirteen. and even when he lost his memories and was really injured, he persisted. he was told to go to tomorrow and to save the dragons and he did bc in his heart he knew it was right even though he didn't know who he was or how he got there.

and fishlegs,,, oh my god FISHLEGS!!! the did him SO DIRTY!!! fishlegs is hiccup's best friend, one of the main motivators for hiccup. he steals norbert's potato for the sake of fishlegs, he gives fishlegs his dragon and goes to retrieve another, he takes the blame for fishlegs. and fishlegs does the same for him. he takes the slavemark with pride. he refuses to turn. he gives hiccup his lobster claw necklace which is his most prized possession. he is brave for hiccup, he believes hiccup is alive. he fights for hiccup harder than anyone else ever has. he does not turn. his is loyal, has allergies, has asthma, has a squint and a limp, has glasses bc he's blind without them... and he's still a hero despite being a runt, despite everyone even the adults telling him he's hopeless, telling hiccup to leave him behind.

and they cut camicazi! i'm sorry, but astr*d is nothing compared to camicazi. camicazi is a tiny, feral child who can easily best hiccup, fishlegs, and pretty much anyone in a sword fight. she can bring a grown man to tears with her rudery and smack talk. she is recklessly brave and craves adventure and follows hiccup blindly bc she trusts him that much. she isn't in love with hiccup - in fact she doesn't care about romance and love. she gives up everything to help hiccup bc she has a strong sense of justice. she is the motivator, the cheerleader, she finds a positive in everything. she never gives up. literally never gives up. and that's one of the most inspiring things about her: she always has hope.

and toothless! god!!! toothless is *thought to be* a common or garden dragon. he is horrifically tiny, he is literally toothless, and is the biggest brat in the world. he will cause problems on purpose. he has a stutter, he's the most selfless selfish dragon around. he and hiccup can talk to each other. he masks his fear with singing and being annoying. his growth is remarkable. he starts off refusing to obey hiccup, doing the opposite of what he says, making life harder for literally everyone around him, and he's still somewhat like that. but he's also braver, more caring, more willing to make sacrifices for the sake of others. he's clever, which he needs to be to make up for his size and aggression. he protects hiccup with everything he has, therefore, he protects what hiccup cares about just as hard. he was the only dragon that didn't abandon the vikings in the first book bc he cared about hiccup.

and snotlout,,, god,,, i will never forgive the movies for butchering snotlout. hiccup's cousin, the bully character, the one who is horrifically jealous that hiccup's dad was born before his. the one who desperately wants to prove himself, to be worthy, to make people proud. and you hate him, you despise him. he betrays everyone many times bc of the nothing promised to him by alvin and his mom. he loses himself, turns his back on himself, all bc he wants to prove himself. all bc he wants to be better than hiccup. and hiccup still forgives him and gives him chances, sometimes out of pity, but also bc snotlout is his cousin. he can't just turn his back on him no matter how miserable snotlout made his life. and in the end, snotlout sacrifices himself for hiccup. he gives up his life for hiccup in one last attempt to set things right. his death and the events preceding it are one of my absolute favorite moments in the book. gives me chills. makes me cry.

that's the thing with the books - they're so realistic. there is no inherently happy ending where everything works out. the first book begins with "there were dragons when i was a boy", implying that they're gone now. the books show there are consequences to our actions. they enslaved the dragons, they fought against them during the dragon rebellion all bc alvin and his mom said to, and now they're gone bc a simple apology doesn't fix hundreds of years of enslavement. and the only way for the world to move forward was for the dragons to leave and heal on their own. and now they have to learn to live without them. and yeah i've heard the third movie ends like that but. it doesn't have the build up. it doesn't have "there were dragons when i was a boy". it doesn't have eleven books of development to back it up, to make it feel meaningful.

i know that the movies are really special to a lot of people. i know that, on their own, they're genuinely good movies. i can acknowledge that the soundtrack is amazing and the animation is beautiful. i just can't see past the way they butchered the world that i love, the world that i grew up with. i can't see past the way people yelled at me for saying i liked the books better, the way that people gave me weird looks when i showed them a picture of the original toothless, when i tell them that nightfuries aren't even a type of dragon. cressida cowell created hundreds of different dragons, and the movies couldn't even pick from that. i can't forgive the way that barely anyone knows there are books bc the movie barely gives credit to them. i cannot forgive the way they capitalized off the books and then shoved them aside. i know cressida thinks they're good movies and i know a lot of httyd book fans also like them. but i just... i cannot get over how much they changed and how they missed so much and ignored the books. also they got rid of camicazi so hiccup could have a love interest and that is unforgivable to me.

if you disagree, that is a-okay. we're all entitled to our own opinions. i just ask that you, perhaps, try the books out. give them a chance. bc they're amazing works of art and also just like. don't yell at people who don't like the movies? whether it's bc they prefer the books or just aren't into that kind of movie. and just remember that dreamworks didn't come up with the story; cressida cowell did.

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent images I suppose ~

[darabeatha]

/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges

[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

[thestrangestwatermelonofall]

i will never forget the time I was hanging out with two other people who were new friends and they were like "let's do a sonic fandub" and one of them started looking up sonic game footage on youtube for us to dub while we discussed who would speak for who and we decided I'd voice tails. But also I knew nothing about sonic at the time, i'd only seen the snapcube fandubs because I'd heard they were good and funny, I didn't know the plot or characters very well. I couldn't remember what they sounded like so while the other two started to say silly things in sonic and amy's voices I asked "what does tails sound like again?" And I was laughing because I was embarrassed and also shocked by how quickly they had started commiting to the bit of trying to do some voice acting and my friend just said "he sounds like a twink" and I could not stop laughing and I could not take the idea seriously and I just told them that I couldn't do the voice oops. And so we moved onto a different topic pretty quickly and just enjoyed the pizza we had while we waited for our other three friends to get back from the store

anyways all of this is to say that Tails is NOT a twink, he is an 8 year old little boy and my friend was misguided.

[icharchivist]

Go off queen

It's your blog and you should be able to talk about whatever you want after all

aww thank you 🥺 i appreciate it <33

i do really not like spreading negativity esp when it's on a topic i have strong feelings about, and let's say the D.A fandom especially tends to be. extreme about the way it reacts to people disagreeing with them.

And look. I'm not immune to it because sometimes i get caught up by the genuinely rancid vibe in the fandom as well, and i think those games are designed for us to have strong feelings to start with.

but it also means i don't want to go too deep into controversial thoughts because i genuinely don't want to get to a point where i'll see someone screenshot my posts to dunk on it and say i'm the reason media literacy is dead and why the fandom is so toxic (citing things i've actually seen on said blog, for instance though not directed at me but at takes i've seen taken out of context. except i knew the context so knew this was a bad faith argument.).

Like can't even dislike shits in peace in here.

[jasontoddstherapist]

PSA |

Yes this is a Jason Peter Todd centric blog, but it's also 100% supportive of Talia al Ghul. There will be no slander here. No perpetuating of the racist, misogynistic bullshit that drove the narrative divebomb of her character.

[keeps-ache]

okay i'm out of evil mode. peace love and a little bit of still-tired on planet earth lol 🧃