#i think i was rambling for most of this idk

[14dayswithyou]

What is Ren's schedule for Tuesday? I want to go on a date. 🥹🦭

australian timezone btw ;)

hehe 🦭 hi sai!! (bolded my questions cos i ramble a lot here lol) currently drawing rn but my style leans more towards a stylised semi realistic style - would ren, realistically speaking, look white-passing/caucasian-leaning or do his features (sides from his blue eyes) lean more towards his japanese side more (or is it balanced)?

I personally headcanon that Ren, if he were real, he’d have facial features that would look like Toa’s (@ / krskrskrs444 on ig) aka that one guy who literally appears in everyone’s Pinterest feeds and references 😭😭😭 (below) idk… maybe that’s just a lil self-indulgent because Toas my type and redacted and him have similar alt/emo aesthetics LMAO GUILTY.. 🥲 but if you had to choose any celebrities, IG models, fictional characters etc who do you think Ren would actually resemble the most? Like did you actually get inspired by any IG/Pinterest models etc when designing Ren/Redacted? ^_^

ps i literally plan on drawing redacted w this as the reference lolololol and btw ily /p

⌞♥⌝ The only physical features Ren inherited from Taylor (his father) are his eye and skin colour. So if Ren were real, I think he'd look a lot closer to Ichika (his mother) instead!

Also lmaooo I always get @/my.mengrui showing up on my Pinterest feed all the time T_T He has Ren's exact build + the soft facial features I have in mind, but other than him, I haven't really given it much thought!!

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Ok I have thoughts about Mark and his dad.

(Warning probably kinda dark/heavy stuff, pretty much what was in the play)

ok so (this might be long)

We know that Marks mother died and it’s alluded to that Marks father was responsible because he was DUI and crashed.

The play is set in New Jersey, and if that’s where this occurred then the charge for vehicular manslaughter while DUI is apparently 5-10 years in prison (plus a fine I believe) (Let’s say 10 years for plot reasons >:))

Marks father mentions that Mark lives with him, but also that he was 7 at the time of the incident.

Surely Mark would have gone to live with family or been put into foster care, and probably had a lot of complicated feelings about his father- so how did he end up living with him after he got released?

Personally I’ve been thinking that Mark just felt responsible for his father, he was notified that he got released, went and picked him up and then took him home so that he could live with him.

I wonder if the guilt of what marks father had done, killing his wife and leaving his son without parents, had taken a toll on his mind. I wonder if when he got out of prison if he was a wreck or if he was doing better, but slowly it crept back up on him.

I wonder if Mark had gone to visit him when he was a kid and hated his father for what he’d done, or if he’d even understood it at all. Maybe he went when he was little, confused and scared because his father who’d always been drunk and possibly abusive was now locked away. He was told he had to go visit him because he was his father, but maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe when he started to understand it all as he got older he stopped going, and then when his dad got out he was the one who reached out to Mark.

Maybe Mark actually ignored him. He was 17 and hated the man for what he’d done and how he’d acted, and now he wanted to be back in his life?

I like to think that by this point Mark was living on his own, dropped out of school and got a job to support himself to get out of whatever situation he’d been put in.

Maybe his father guilt tripped him. Telling him he had to care about his father- they were blood! Telling him he should care for him because he’d sacrificed everything by going to prison when really it was Marks fault. Telling him lies until he caved and let him stay with him.

Then his father turned back to alcohol, Mark tried to stop him, pouring bottles down the sink. But it wasn’t any use.

And now he’s stuck, trapped back with the man who he never wanted to see again and living half believing that he was the reason for everything that had happened.

idk it just. makes me think :)

[fanfic-enthusiast]

Do you guys think any of the gods had tattoos or anything before ascending?

Out of all of them I think the most likely to have them would potentially be Thespius, Click Clack or King. Or maybe Huzzle could have idk. I can't really see Cobigail, Bauhauzzo or Mitternacht having any but if they did that would also be pretty cool.

and to add onto that, if any of them did have tattoos. I wonder if they're still there or sort of incorporated into the design of their godly forms in some other way. Just. kinda rambling over here.

I think pre-godhood Click Clack with some ink is a good idea cause... he kinda looks like he's made of ink. That man deserves some fancy tattoos under his business attire. Things only Thespius knew about. ;3

[namgyunation]

Me talking abt random "hcs" / general long ass ramblings and infodump about Nam-gyu under the cut. I talk a lottt. Can you tell I'm obsessed with him? LMAO. Last edited [1/21]

My general headcanons and ramblings about how I imagine pre-game Nam-gyu's life to be like:

I love quotes. Sooo, to quote Roh Jaweon, "[Nam-gyu] seems like he's carrying a lot of pent-up resentment."

I think it's pretty safe to say that Nam-gyu probably didn't grow up with a warm, supportive family or a similar environment. I like to imagine he's the youngest of a decent amount of siblings. I think this would tie in nicely to his endless desire for approval, his need to feed his ego, and his many angry outbursts. I like to hc that he's the youngest of 4 boys, his older brothers being fairly successful. he was the 'runt' of his family, always being pushed around by his brothers as they grew up. he is fairly timid around them, knowing that they would rock his shit if he attempted to speak out against them / stand up for himself, leading to his behavior towards others outside of his family. he takes out his anger and desire to be seen as an equal to his brothers on people weaker than him. I hc his parents to be run-of-the-mill but very strict, pushing their children to succeed. They wouldn't dole out praises often unless they felt it was truly deserved. Probably not the most affectionate or communicative, either. Nam-gyu's constant search for validation and acceptance, his tendency to assert himself over others to feel superior, and his overall timid, awkward, and cold demeanor would stem from this treatment. He'd definitely carry a lot of resentment for his family for looking down on him his whole life, essentially 'othering' him. (Also, now that I have this thought, I think of that scene in the bathroom where Thanos is confronting Myung-gi before the fight, and Nam-gyu acts like a little kid tattling on someone, whispering to Thanos about Jun-hee (Myung-gi's girlfriend), nodding and smiling all goofy when Thanos remembers, and it just makes me laugh thinking that maybe he exhibited similar childish behavior with his older brothers in order to gain their approval. Idk it's just funny to me thinking about it).

He never finished university, or if he did, he never got far with his degree. Or, maybe he did get a job with it, got sick of it, and decided to fuck off and just be a club promoter that sleeps around and takes any kind of drugs he can get his hands on. I could see him at a 'normal' job trying to play nice with his coworkers at first to appease his parents and then immediately being put off by the suck-up culture that was required in order to get ahead, his complete disinterest in the people there, the power dynamics that put him on the bottom yet again, just like his life at home, ultimately leading to him quitting, much to his parents' dissapointment. Alternatively, maybe he lies to his parents about still working a normal, acceptable job worthy of their approval that upholds their ability to brag about their 4 successful sons, meanwhile he's shooting up random shit into his bloodstream and getting fucked up at Club Pentagon, LOL. Although they mistreat him, he still longs for their approval, opting to keep up the facade of a normal, successful son that is socially adjusted and a functioning member of society.

Around the time leading up to him being recruited for the Squid Games, he wouldn't be talking with his family much, if at all. (Continuing on with the alternative hc where he hides his true job from his parents and family). He lives alone in a dingy apartment, which acts more as a place for him to do drugs, waste away his life, and host people that he's trying to gain the attention and approval of that would in turn boost his own status and ego. Despite resenting his parents for looking down on him and his brothers for putting him down and pushing him around his whole life, without any constants in his life, he wanders around like a lost puppy looking for something / someone to latch on to.

I don't think he was always into drugs or really had a desire to do them until he got a job at the nightclub. I imagine he got pressured into it by people he wanted to impress and maybe had flashbacks to his brothers pushing him around, calling him a wuss, dork, etc. that pushed him into doing the drugs, which naturally segwayed him to continue taking drugs that got more and more serious as time went on (Also tying into how he was so fidgety and nervy during the games and clearly held a grudge and a deep-set resentment against Se-mi for making fun of him during the pentathlon and calling him 'shaky hands.' The casual insult seemed to really touch a nerve for him, as it directly went against the tough, commanding nature he clearly wanted to exude and reminded him of the past treatment he faced from his brothers).

He acted out a lot in school, always attention-seeking even if said attention was negative. Got into a lot of fights and would win/get his ass beat on a pretty good 50/50. Rolled with a lot of the 'tough' kids and tried to assimilate into their group to feel bigger and cooler than he really was. Probably didn't get the best grades and slacked off a lot.

Definitely has a lot of friends and those that were generally close to him die due to drug usage. I like to think that he's no stranger to death, although that doesn't make it any less traumatizing. This has led to attachment issues, clinginess, codependency, and a constant fear of abandonment and being fully on his own, coupled with the way his family made him feel his whole life. He takes drugs as a distraction from his actual life and as a way to pretend that he's not actually alone a lot of the time. His job pushes constant social interaction and makes him feel more grounded and tethered to the world around him, but it also fucks him up mentally since people around him are always coming in and out of his life, whether it's by choice or force (eg. using him for drugs and then leaving, using him for sex and then leaving, using him to get special treatment at the club then leaving, maybe genuinely caring abt him and form an actual bond with him only to die from a drug overdose later on OR actually progress in life and ultimately leave him behind in his addiction).

(Okay, self-indulgent one here because I'm obsessed with the idea of Nam-gyu having a long-term partner before the games that ended up leaving him after he got into severe debt). He is toxic as fuck in any relationship he is, especially when it comes to romantic ones. He's possessive, clingy, obsessive, controlling, a gaslighter, etc. etc. you know. He's with his partner for a long time, them being the one constant in his life that he learns to depend on (also another hc, extremely dependent. He struggles to do anything by himself/without support). His partner stays with him through it all, although they grow more and more frustrated and agitated with his actions and continued drug addiction that drives their savings into the ground. Naturally, they also fear for his mental and physical well-being, pleading with him to go to rehab before he ends up overdosing like a lot of his friends. It's at this time that he invests a majority of his money into crypto while high (and losing it, of course), and I think the final nail in the coffin would be him stealing his partner's money for drugs since he barely has any left. Then, when everything culminates: his partner finding out he stole their money and blew it all on drugs, him losing all his money from the bad investment, and his addiction being in full swing combined with a complete lack of support/genuine bonds outside his partner, they end up having a big, messy argument that leads to their partner storming out and leaving him for good. This sends Nam-gyu spiralling, leaving him in a sickeningly vulnerable state that makes him the perfect candidate for Squid Games. (I'm gonna try to write a fic about this eventually!) Also, I view him as generally bisexual / unlabelled / not really giving a fuck as long as he gets to have sex. "If there's a hole there's a goal," as they say

Okay, on to the shorter, more concise headcanons LOL.

Promiscuous. I think he spent a lot of time sleeping around during university in an attempt to affirm his masculinity and ego that his brothers constantly damage(d). Getting lots of partners, getting complimented, and feeling wanted makes him feel good about himself. I think he would further sleep around while working at the nightclub, as well as constantly being flirty and hitting on guests that he tries to get to come to the club (I remember it being stated that he was a 'club promoter' for Club Pentagon, which is where I'm getting that from). Probably gets really offended when his advances get rejected, leading to him calling people 'bitches' / 'cunts', as seen by his behavior in Squid Game. Besides drugs, I feel like sex would be his vice/addiction.

He wears glasses but usually opts for contact lenses. However, his vision is decent enough that he can function without glasses. He prefers not to wear them because he feels that he looks 'dorky.'

He doesn't eat much healthy foods. His diet and self care isn't the best, and he often has to set reminders for simple tasks so that he doesn't forget to eat, do his laundry, etc. since he's always so focused on drugs, taking drugs, where to get drugs from, and how much money he has left to spend on drugs.

He wears his hair in a ponytail sometimes, especially when he goes to work. It helps him keep his hair out of the way if he's snorting something ^__^

He grows his hair out, not necessarily for the style, but so he doesn't have to constantly get a haircut or have to worry about maintenence. Sometimes he even cuts his own hair.

Not the best fighting skills. Maybe this is canon. Did you see him fall down when he kicked Myung-gi who was literally on the ground already?? He is still decently strong and experienced with at least being in fights, which is consistent with guys his age and height, but he tends to randomly throw his arms / legs around in uncoordinated ways when put under pressure.

A surprisingly good cook, which was a part of him that slowly withered away once he got addicted to drugs.

Wears a lot of baggy clothing and name brands.

The chain that he always wears in the games is from his mom as a graduation gift.

Very possessive, jealous, and clingy (the clingy part is basically canon, though) over people he deems close friends / his partner

Random, but he prob owns a couple of fidget toys that he randomly plays with to keep his hands busy and prevent him from going through his drug stash too quickly.

Likes wearing anything with zippers / pockets because it allows him to fidget with them. His jewelry also acts as a good constant fidget that he can keep on his person (specifically his rings, he doesn't mess around with his necklace).

Gets cold easily

Chronic nail biter, addicted to caffeine, and often plays with his hair

Insomniac

I also wanted to ramble about this one post I saw on Tiktok. I'm sure many Nam-gyu fans have also seen it. It was the post where someone was analyzing his character and saying they believed he didn't really gaf about Thanos and was just using him as a "mouthpiece", Nam-gyu being a puppet master etc. I can definitely see where they're coming from, and although I do enjoy that concept, I just don't think that's really what Nam-gyu's character was meant to be.

Simply, I don't think Nam-gyu was just "using" Thanos. He clearly cared about him. Nam-gyu is a selfish, opportunistic, egotistical coward (I still love him though). He is not at all within the capacity to lead/command a room in the confident way that Thanos seems to be naturally able to. I also don't think Nam-gyu would've done half the things he did in Squid Game if Thanos wasn't there to initiate it, either. He just seems like he'd be so TIMID without someone / a group to back him up. I feel that he would not have taken initiative against MG coin without someone by his side or bullied him as hard as he did, especially with In-ho there. As said by Roh Jaewon (Nam-gyu's actor), "He's one of those guys who's only strong around people weaker than him, but falls apart around anyone stronger." And to quote this article I found about him because I liked how they worded it, "[Nam-gyu] shifts his demeanor to fit the changes in power dynamics." I imagine without Thanos, he would've fallen apart due to his own nerves and just overall off-putting and aggressive personality that would've repelled people from him. He was just as scared as everyone else in that room, and Thanos seemed to be the one familiar face in the games (minus Myunggi / MG coin), along with the fact that they share similar interests / hobbies (namely: drugs, clubbing, being sleazy assholes, etc.), and of course, the fact that they've met before and Nam-gyu is clearly a huge Thanos fanboy. He latched on to Thanos for a variety of reasons: familiarity, clout from the fact he's a famous rapper, and an alliance in the games. Then the drugs, of course.

He cared about Thanos before he even found out about the drugs, yes. Him having drugs just so happened to be a huge plus for Nam-gyu, him being an addict.

Then at the scene where he's on Thanos's bed after the bathroom fight, he held the cross and was clearly emotional, trying not to cry. He spoke angrily, saying that Thanos "treated him like an idiot." He was angry, yeah, but gave a fuckkk about what Thanos thought of him. He wanted his approval SO bad. He thought of Thanos as a friend and clearly had intentions of staying friends with him past the games. He wanted Thanos to get his damn name right!!! He wasn't an evil scheming puppet master collecting people for his own benefit (with Min-su? Ok sure. But idk if I would say the same for Thanos).

In short: I don't think Nam-gyu was an evil puppet master with these brilliant schemes up his sleeve. He was/is just as scared as everyone else in that room, although he pretended not to be. He formed natural alliances to dampen his fear and hopefully survive. He latched onto Thanos out of familiarity and recognition of a 'stronger' person and someone who is a 'fighter', and it helped him get through the games with a pretty solid alliance. It made him feel invincible, like he could escape death.

He said he tells himself that he doesn't care if he dies, and that's what gets him through everything, but he clearly does. He fuelled his huge ego by putting Min-su down to make himself feel strong, but he clearly felt safer with Thanos around him as an ally. After Thanos's death, it's clear that this comfort / illusion of being above death and not caring if he were to die crumbles apart. He's alone now, really, really alone. Now he has to face his own thoughts and the gravity of the situation that he's in without a drugged up, energetic, loudmouth friend by his side to distract him from the grim possibility of death.

Nam-gyu is a coward starved for approval of those that he deems 'above' him, egotistical / suffering some sort of superiority complex, and filled with nerves.

Uhhh yeah.

A bit of a long blurb about nothing really, but I just wanted to touch on that Tiktok because I couldn't fully agree with it. This isn't necessarily/at all about Th//an/gyu either, I just feel like Nam-gyu genuinely cared about Thanos and isn't some sort of evil scheming villain mastermind, is all. He is simply a scared dude with an ego, a desire to be seen as anything but, and a wholeee bunch of personal issues.

[fuck-customers]

I am actually pretty glad that the company that has treated me horribly and fucked me over and over is (most likely) being shut down. There's a 50/50 chance that the company will be bought out by Buyer A who will keep the stores running and revamp the company (or so we're told) or be bought out by Buyer B who will liquidate. (I don't want to give too much info at risk of exposing myself, but I think this is probably enough to figure out what I'm talking about. It's almost definitely obvious to ither employees of Company) I feel almost equally about either option, but I kinda want Buyer B because of some immature part of me that's going "haha yeah fuck you, that's what you get for being such a garbage company that treats your employees (and customers) like shit. You're a waste of retail space" but also I recognize that the satisfaction will last for like 5 minutes, max, before I'm like "well now I'm fucked and out of a job, so..."

Idk where I'm going with this. It's just kind of a rambly vent. I absolutely hate job hunting (as does everyone) and this is actually my first "real" job, as my previous job was a short-term seasonal gig, so I'm very nervous on a personal level because I do not feel confident that I have enough work experience nor enough job hunting experience to be able to get another job. Especially since it is after the holidays but before the summer season. Aka: the dead zone of hiring times. Hopefully I'll be able to fall back on filing for unemployment if I have to.

But I'm trying to focus on all of the fucked up moments at this job as a kind of admittedly bizarre inspiration tactic. Kind of like "hey maybe my next job won't have management that makes fun of me for my disability" and "maybe I won't have a manager that yells at me and treats me like I'm stupid in front of customers and causes me to cry in the bathroom and then the other manager who wasn't even there that day piles on the bullying by essentially saying (I'm paraphrasing) that the first manager is justified in yelling at me because I am stupid"

Idk honestly I'm the type that could perform really, really well if I am just shown how to do my tasks and then left alone to do them. That's it. I don't need to be micromanaged. I know how to and will ask for help if needed. But unfortunately, I do not have qualifications, so I most likely will end up at another retail job, which is just the same thing in a different packaging.

I am sorry you may be losing your job and I really hope you find a better one that treats you right.

But for the life of me I can't figure out what company is and what company A & B are. would you be willing to send an anon ask with that and I promise I won't publish it. But if not I understand.

-Rodney

[moonpie016]

---

This song just fits this.

My goodness, they're simpler in design.

Good!

.....And so the rambling begins.

Which I would consider this a oc rambling, I don't know what these dudes are anymore. Except for Myst. But fun.

Though I already explained stuff here.

(If ya wanna read or re-read.)

The wall of words underneath.

⬇️

💛

Soooo.

Illy (she/her)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

First one up. Not much has changed honestly. Still trying to have some calculated way of thinking about things, either logically or critically. It's a struggle for her.

But likes using whatever knowledge she has to idk, rant? Spout random facts?

She's just minding her own business unless it IS her business. (Or nosy).

She has glasses now. Yay! Great! She can read without straining her eyes!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

💛

---

💜

Waxing (he/they)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I kinda stole the name Waxing from an old oc of mine, sooo that's his name now. Old oc has no name now. :]

A new thing (other than the headphones) is that the center of his hoodie can basically become or resemble a pit.

Because that's how any strong emotion feels. Usually negative ones. He hates it, Illy tries to make Wax calm down with reasons he shouldn't be anxious, but falls out the window.

💜

It only works if he's not too worked up. Man's eyesight is....ok. Not the best, because unlike his other part, he has to squint at most things. Like words on signs and stuff. Why doesn't he just copy his other half? Idk. He's stubborn. And character design reasons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

---

❤️

Seeds (She/he/they)

Myst (she/her)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imma just put Seeds and Myst together here.

Because they're basically one in the same. Yes, Seeds' jacket has stuff on it, I probably will draw something with more stuff on the jacket. (Because I didn't know what else to think of.)

The one side of his face is more expressive than the other. Mostly because each one of these guys looks upset every waking moment.

(They're not, they just look like that.)

But I guess it's to show being more comfortable in being expressive and just not feeling comfortable and trying to... understand the room. Confusion.

Is their goal the same as the album? No. They're all technically "whole", but don't understand anything about this life stuff. It's weird, tricky, and overall odd.

Living in a nice relaxing Void™ is all they know. But taking a step into unknown territory is the what they want, an adventure.

(Depending on whatever adventure really means to them. Or me.) Breaking out of this weird shaped shell. Because the world is scary.

Too much scary stuff that makes Wax retreat to his safe space, and essentially brings his other counterparts with him.

She's more honest and blunt about everything. Even when she's trying not to be. Her cold face, her voice. Always been how she's characterized in my head.

Myst doesn't like this because she knows that this isn't ok. But the others, especially Seeds and Wax just... don't do anything.

But, she and Illy continue to try and strive for new things. Even when the other two challenge them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

🩵

---

I really need to update tags on certain stuff.

Ok, I think I've ramble enough again.

But hope you enjoyed this... random redesign/ LORE (not really lore.). :3

---

[whatremained]

actually keep writing reactions i love reading them

and sorry for responding again. i really like this musical and ... just like talking about it when i can.

with you saying that me reading connor as autistic is a real take, i giggle. i mean i believe it, but i haven't heard many other people read him that way, and it's nice to see someone who agrees. and i do also argue a lot the cast is neurodivergent, and i would say... the main three characters we NEED to be focusing on and thinking about throughout the story (evan, zoe, connor), are all autistic.

though the authors grossly say that evan isn't autistic because "he wants friends…" obviously they don't know what autism is. most autistic people WANT friends, just like how most PEOPLE want friends. we're no different. evan… quite literally is read as autistic, not only to neurotypical people, but also neurodivergent people. (so much so that when i attended the show with my brother who had never seen it before, he turned to me after act one and directly asked if evan was autistic. he is neurodivergent, and it wasn’t an insult by the way he worded it and the way he expressed it. 😭) it REALLY sucks that the writers of the show said shit like that, but it doesn’t change how most of the audience perceives evan.

zoe just reads as autistic to me because of her very set mind and how she views the world. also... zoe can come off as bratty at times! and how she acts can be mistaken for genuine brattiness when she's just... trying to make a point, or say something. ex. her sounding pissed when evan was in connor's room, asking him why he was there. she wasn't hurt or anything, she just wanted to know. but it comes off as very sharp and harsh. she definitely does not understand tone and… i also don’t so yk! zoe's potential autistic-coded being so ignored messes me up. "women getting ignored in the mental health field" quota filled with this musical/book's fandom i guess. good lord, zoe is genuinely such an interesting character, and it pains me that she’s just… ignored all the time. it’s the fact that she’s so obviously a main character. i mean in the playbill, at least the one i have… the way the actors are listed, assumably, is by their status as characters, as in… main lead, and leads. and then supporting cast (as well as understudies & such).

(photo evidence of the listed cast lol)

(touring cast of this year. michael fabisch plays evan, hatty ryan king plays zoe, bre cade plays heidi, caitlin sams plays cynthia, alex pharo plays connor, jeff banks plays larry, gabriel vernon nunag plays jared, makena jackson plays alana… the rest are understudies & the voices we hear when social media posts appear. this… order objectively makes sense for character appearances imo. zoe is… in a bunch of the story and is a very important character. just rambling here though.)

zoe is a character that has a huge story in the show and… she’s ignored because??? idk? she’s a woman? and people in this fandom don’t care about women it seems!

i could go on for HOURS about connor because his symptoms really replicate mine, and it's VERY easy for me to point out, but i'll give my small little rant. from the very start, described by evan in the book, he knew connor from previous classes as children. obviously they were never close, but he saw him in grade school. he describes just knowing connor as basically the kid who… cried a lot. now crying a ton isn’t a neurotypical vs neurodivergent thing. it happens to both kinds of people. but the reason for crying may lead to the realization of “oh! this character might be autistic!”. for connor, as a younger child, we see the cause in one story for why connor may have cried a lot in school. this is the infamous “mrs g” story mentioned in the musical. he cried and got angry because he wasn’t line leader that day, mostly because of the fact he WAS supposed to be line leader that day, and the fact he wasn’t subverted his expectations. for a lot of autistic people, and for me, when things don’t go routinely, they tend to get upset. it’s smart to assume the crying would come from that, feeling overwhelmed day after day.

honest to god; i was going to type a lot more after this but i have about no energy to. my shortest explanation is read the book, connor’s parts. explains a LOT on why i think he’s autistic. i could probably tell you more later but i don’t want this ramble to sit in my drafts for five weeks so.

i also see how people could argue that alana & jared are autistic, but there’s the fact that we don’t really get to hear from them as characters all that much, so we can’t full determine it from there.

but alana i will go out and say, yes, she probably has autism. like her character really reads as autistic person trying their hardest to mask but kind of just… failing somewhat?

jared…? idk. he’s… i could care less man. i don’t want to analyze that asshole more than i have to. i can see the point people try and make with jared, and i can go “sure! yeah!” but. i don’t want to talk about him. he’s the bane of my existence i swear.

anyways yeah that was my little autism ramble i. am so sick and tired of typing rn 🙏

[tehcherrya]

Somebody give me the rights to the LOTR cinematic productions so I can create a coming of age dramedy taking place during the seventeen years between Bilbo's 111th birthday party and Frodo leaving the Shire. I'd call it "The Shire Seventeen". It would not only include the Conspiracy as a backdrop but also a bunch of the development and growing up that was probably done within those seventeen years, that is entirely unrelated to the Ring.

It's a whole seventeen years worth of low-stakes hobbit Shire drama and shenanigans, guys-- I need that cozy comedy content.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

evo doodling

[fleshdyk3]

lolita hyena 👍

[dcvium]

Inquisitor. The title didn't sit well with her, but it was better than Herald. Herald of a religion that wasn't her own. It was just humans assuming everything was about them, like always. The world revolved around humans, clearly. Was she a bit bitter about being in this position? Maybe. But, she had the glowing mark and that was what mattered.

The comparison to the oft lanky member of the Cervidae family was apt. Except Nimue was small, tiny. Unassuming. Awkward and anxious. Perhaps more like a knobby-kneed fawn. There was a sort of constant confusion in her big brown eyes, so dark they seemed black in some lights. That gaze was cast Geldauran's way as he spoke.

"Nimue. I go by Nimue. Where I can. Hello."

Geldauran was observing a most delicate creature. She seemed like a free deer roaming the lands, not knowing that in fact she was the hunter wearing a deer pelt. It was fascinating to him, what Baal's choice brought upon his offspring. A mockery in his face for sure, to have her of all elves battle Sehtius. He just adored the consequences the choices brought. When getting out of his prison, he had been so pleased with that was happening.

For now , two could play pretend, as the forgotten one had no intention of revealing to the world who he was just yet. "Greetings, Inquisitor. @dcvium " the title rolled off his tongue with a certain cutting edge.

[dreadark]

that ivan loves till is the most obvious thing about them

but. does ivan know that…?

the ivan that regards his own feelings as shallow, the ivan that learned how emotions are expressed only from copying others… does he even know that the love he’s felt for so long is love? probably not. and part of the reason is the one he loves himself

because the easiest example he has of love is till's feelings to mizi. till outright calls it love, and ivan watches him so much he has to be aware of this and till’s love to mizi is totally unselfish, right. he doesn’t seem to actually want much from her—just that she's still there and still "mizi"

but ivan can't be satisfied with just watching he… wants. ivan wants till’s attention, till’s affection—

surely this selfish wanting can’t be love

...no wonder he was never able to express his feelings straightforwardly when he belittles them so much but he can’t stand not having anything either, so he does… whatever he does instead to get any scraps of attention he can, from someone he's convinced doesn't care about him at all only showing affection when till can't see it, right until he knows he's going to die

but ivan's feelings for till are all he still has of himself... to think of them as shallow...

I've seen this translated as "I should've been kinder" to him (till) or to her (sua)

but really, the one he should've been kinder to was himself

[abacus051601]

average lawrence moment

[amogus-real-not-clickbait]

part 1 of a little comic / art sequence that i've been working on! :D it's part tribute, part experimenting with brushes n colors and trying new thingz :]

| 1 | 2 | 3 | ... |

and thus continues my endless quest of spreading the carrot fics like a plague! if you've seen my art floating around you probs already figured that this au holds a very special place in my heart, forever and always!!

if you haven't heard of it, it's a fic series by @crowned-ladybug called carrot soup!! it made me wish i could speak colors and i need more people to share my struggle xd

go check it out if you're into sweet voice lore and qpr level gayness and just wanna feel warm and soft and warm (hurt/comfort my beloved) <333 there are some heavier themes cos everyone's traumatized but they're working through it! be sure to check the tags and stay safe! <3

[bloodyfries]

I headcanon that sometimes certain things will trigger very vivid flashbacks to Shen Qingqiu's (Shen Yuan's) past world.

One second he's navigating an unusually dense crowd of people during some kind of festival; the next second hes walking in a big city (we'll say Shanghai just bc) with all the lights and the people

He descending the stairs in a stone tower (probably some investigation about people in a nearby village going missing) and the next thing he knows he's in the stairwell in his apartment because the elevator broke

He splashes water on his face one morning and for a second he's back in his apartment's bathroom. His vision blury because he doesn't have his glasses, not just because he has water in his eyes

One day he's getting lectured about without a cure by Mu Qingfang, he blinks and his martial brother is suddenly a modern doctor (yes I head cannon sy as having a clinical illness like most of the fandom)

He's pouring over documents and paperwork with Binghe and suddenly he's studying for exams (or doing hw) with his college roommate

I think a lot about this

[myokk]

fast sketch of ominis & fast intro to the ominis longfic I'm working on!! This is going to be the most self-indulgent pride and prejudice ripoff that ever existed, 100% based on the ominis of my oneshot💘

I am just OBSESSED with exploring the idea that he’s a natural legilimens & OBSESSED with the thought that he thinks too much for his own good🫶🫶🫶

Ominis Gaunt has always suspected he is cold-blooded.

It makes sense, really.

He always seems to be cold: frigid, long fingers that are often stiff and difficult to move; goosebumps raising the skin of his arms and the back of his neck any time he walks through the drafty halls of the dungeons; even his eyes, he has been told, are reminiscent of ice. They are apparently quite unsettling. The only time he feels comfortable in his body is when he basks in the heat of the sun.

His earliest memory is of the cold. It went like this: he was four years old: his older brother, Marvolo, had led him outside as a joke, he swore up and down that it was just a small joke, and how was he supposed to know that poor, blind Ominis would not be able to find his way back home? When his parents had finally found him, his frail mother sobbing and holding his tiny, blue, hypothermic body to her chest, Ominis remembers feeling quite perturbed at the disturbance. Couldn’t he just be left alone, in the silent soft snow?

He does not know if he has ever felt warm since.

As he strides through the dungeons, the copious amount of warming charms he casts on himself do not seem to be enough, but he keeps casting them anyways and also: wrapping his wool scarf more tightly around his neck, quickening his pace in the hopes that blood flows more easily through his limbs, wishing that he had remembered his gloves. Winter is always a terrible time of year (this winter more terrible than usual), and every breath of warm air leaves his lips reluctantly. How he wishes that he could just hold on to it a bit longer and yet the warmth leaves him precisely fifteen traitorous times a minute, the frigid air gleefully entering and burning its way down his throat in response. Maybe it’s a punishment of some sort.

His whole life has been defined by punishments and sometimes he preoccupies himself with the thought that it is the only way he can view the world. Most of the punishments are manifested in curses inherited from his family. (His parents and Marvolo insist that they are gifts, but Ominis begs to differ.)

First, his blindness: the only true punishment-curse that even his family rejects: caused by inbreeding, no doubt. He did not cry after his birth and his mother cradled his tiny body in silent arms, lovingly whispering nonsense-evil-Parseltongue to him but when he opened his eyes and she saw a brilliant celestine blue with no iris, she screamed in horror and shattered the frigid peace of the room. His parents tried everything to fix him, make him whole, throwing money at various possible solutions to no avail. Magically induced disabilities are not, apparently, curable by magic.

Ominis is not sure that he hates being blind, although he suspects everyone thinks that he should. It is as much a part of him as his fifteen-breaths-per-minute, and he thinks that vision is not all it’s cracked up to be. He is always terrified at the thought that his tenuous hold on sanity is only due to the fact that he cannot see, until he realizes he shouldn’t be terrified of hypothetical situations that cannot come to pass. He consoles himself with the thought that maybe, if he has had to give up his vision for his sanity, it is a small price to pay. Although, he also thinks sometimes that it would be nice to live a life without any morality holding him back.

He is entirely too introspective, after all.

It is precisely this introspection that is his downfall in this moment (and his cold blood). Ominis is so busy casting warming charms on himself and thinking in circles that he cannot use his wand to help him sense his environment and so he should not be surprised when he crashes into her.

And yet he is. Terribly surprised.

Maybe if he were not so caught up in his own thoughts he could have paid more attention to his surroundings. Instead, he spent too much time ruminating on his reptilian heritage and has now barreled head first into his arch-nemesis.

Rosalie Harris.

The girl who has stolen his oldest friend from him.

The girl who is currently making angry noises as she clambers to her feet and is picking up the things that he has crashed everywhere. Even if he could see, Ominis is not sure he would help her. Helping her would be akin to betraying himself, after all.

“Hey! Watch where you’re - oh, hello, Ominis.”

“Rosalie,” he says shortly, nodding his head where he thinks she might be standing and stepping to the side. He tightens his grip around his wand, feeling the texture of the wood change from rough to smooth as he runs his thumb down it. Smooth where he always seems to worry it, rough where the wood refuses to yield to the brushes of his thumb.

He surreptitiously casts the spell - he has at least done it so many times he no longer needs to say it out loud - and his surroundings light up. Or, he supposes that is the most apt description, considering he cannot actually differentiate between light and dark. He senses Rosalie’s silhouette to his left - she is standing with her arms crossed and her foot taps impatiently as she waits for him.

Waiting for what? he thinks, slightly irritated. She never seems to leave him alone and he wracks his brain trying to think of something, anything he can say to get rid of her.

Maybe if he speaks in Parseltongue, she would finally be scared away for good. He does not really want that second reminder of his family’s curse, though.

His family preferred speaking in Parseltongue with each other, believing the ability made them morally superior to everyone else and Ominis had not even realized until he had arrived at Hogwarts that no, it was not normal. When his name had been called at the Sorting, furious whispers had erupted amongst all the students, and his every step (terrified, confused, unsure - he had still been getting used to using his wand to navigate his surroundings) to the stool at the front of the Great Hall was plagued with a susurration reminiscent of snakes. Except these whispers, sneaking their way into his mind, had been unkind and overwhelming.

(He had not realized in that moment that he was also hearing their thoughts.)

Maybe now, with Rosalie standing in front of him and just annoyingly waiting for Merlin-knows-what, Ominis should use his Legilimency to find out what Rosalie wants. (He hates it, though.) It would not be difficult. (The thought makes him shiver in horror because he doesn’t want to abuse the ability.) He can feel the edges of her mind, her magic, and all he has to do is reach out - she is right there, and -

“Ominis?”

Her arms are crossed, he hears an impatient huff.

Why hasn’t she left him alone yet?

Hadn’t the Hogwarts Express already left the station, bringing all of the students home for the winter holiday? Ominis had thought he would be one of the only students left in the castle, and if he is being honest with himself, he had been looking quite forward to having the place to himself.

Ominis’s winter has just gotten infinitely worse.

Going to Gaunt Manor for the holidays is out of the question (he will not think about the nightmares that have been plaguing him ever since he received the owl demanding he go home), and Ominis does not want to be more of a burden to the Sallows. They already do enough for him over the summer, and Sebastian and Anne have convinced him to go to Hogsmeade with them at least twice over the next two weeks. Besides, with Anne’s curse progressing, Ominis does not want to be in the way.

“Why are you still here?” Ominis asks. He knows his voice comes across as cold as his blood, blunt, but he cannot help himself. Ever since Rosalie arrived - her entrance to Hogwarts also causing quite the stir - Ominis has been intensely annoyed by her presence. She is too happy. Too carefree. Too…well, everything he is not.

And, she does not seem to leave him alone.

Rosalie is always there, always hanging around Sebastian. (Taking Sebastian away.) He even showed her the Undercroft, which had almost caused a rift in their relationship. Ominis could not believe that Sebastian would be so careless, showing someone who for all intents and purposes is crashing her way into their lives, forcing them to pay attention to her. They barely even knew her, and yet Sebastian thought it was a good idea to show her such a sacred place?

(It does not help that she is intelligent, and Ominis has caught himself on more than one occasion about to ask her about her opinion on something before he catches himself.)

“I was looking for you.”

Ominis tilts his head at that and fiddles with his ring. He considers walking away, leaving -

“I mean…Sebastian said that you were also going to be here over the holidays and since everyone else just left I thought -”

“Thought what?” Internally, Ominis winces at the biting tone to his voice. It came out harsher than he intended, his voice loud and echoing through his mind, bouncing off the cold, stone walls surrounding them.