#i talk a lot when im nervous
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色彩 [Shikisai]
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itafushi#fushiita#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#fanart#jjk fanart#megumi#yuuji#finally...some not angst.....#im worried out of my mind fr these two right abt now but we cope we cope :)#i woke up early n rushed to render this bc im leaving 2 catsit today n wont b able to spend every waking hour drawing like i have been#almost uploaded it without rendering megumi's ear and frgetting the sukuna scars so im sure ill find something i missed once i hit post smh#this pose fought me also >:( sighs why when i try to do not angst they do not want to cooperate . do they prefer being hurt#anyway !!!#i dont think any1 Listens when ppl put song links in the caption but if anyone is curious ! colours/shikisai galileo galilei#SO themcore im unwell i say that a lot but i mean it every time#speaking of colours i Love how these turned out but they ended up being a lot more cohesive than i intended GKHSDFK#wanted to have yuuji in warm and megumi in cold but that appears to have blended everywhere but their uniforms Oops#sighs these 2 and their sun/moon imagery r my cause of death. i die thinking abt it#resisted the urge 2 have a lmhs caption but let it b known. i amn Thinking it.#anyway i say ill b away from my drawing tablet but i fully plan 2 uber home one of the days so i can draw#i cant b slacking now the itfs reunion is nigh and i feel nauseous abt it i need to channel the nervous energy#have sketches.......just in case....but we dont Talk abt just in case >:(#itfs nation hold strong <3
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Working on it.... I unfortunately can't turn my brain off with the amount of ideas I have for them. My wallet is screaming at me, guys
#hellenic polytheism#Little Ares and Hermes you are so dear to me#im going to reorganize some stuff on it when I get home today because some things are bothering me and I Also cannot turn my brain off for-#- that either.#im using tags as a way to talk bc im nervous#ITS NOT THE BEST BUT I'M PROUD OF IT.#I talk a lot when I'm nervous I'm so nervous posting this guys#hellenic worship#hellenism#hellenic pagan#deity worship#hellenic deities#ares worship#apollo worship#hermes worship#helios worship#altar
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🫖🐭☁️🍚
#so i did meet my old friend from years ago yesterday. i was sooooo nervous omgggg. and i was waiting outside the café we agreed on#and then saw them walk in and i was like omgggg. the anxiety... but then i gathered courage and walked towards it and thry saw me thru the#window and came out and immediately hugged me. then they were like 'omg i've been so nervous. even more than before like a date!!'#so that made me relax a bit. i feel like i dont really fully estimate what i mean to them. maybe they care about me as well haha !!#then we just got our stuff and i chose a smoothie and was ready to pay but they just got it with their stuff (they work at this chain so#they got a discount). i feel so so bad & anxious when someone else pays for me. like i feel like a burden#but i asked twice if i should send them money for it and they were like no that's fine. so i had to tell myself to just shut up abt it 🥲#bc if u keep asking u make it into a thing and make them uncomfortable etc. so i really appreciated that and it was nice even if i felt bad#but yeah then we just sat down and talked. and it was so much easier to talk to them than i had been worried abt#like it flew nicely and yeah.. i feel like i forgot a lot abt them. like they're good at conversating. so they kept it going & even if i was#awkward it was fine for them. i did however get swept up in my own anxiety so as they asked me questions i answered#but then was too whirlwindy so i didnt really ask as much back and there were things i wanted to ask but didnt :')))#then they had cards and a card game with them. so we played for a bit too. and it was a lot of fun!!! (i was anxious and kinda slow lmao#bc when i dont know smth or the rules etc already my brain stops working so yeah.. even if it was simple games i was like um um what do i do#felt stupid but yeah again they didnt do anyhing to contribute to me feeling stupid but i still felt slow >.<#but i still thought that was so much fun. i wanna do more of that T-T like yeah...that was nice#then we took a lil longer walk to a bus stop before hastily said goodbye bc the busses came T-T#it was really really really nice tho. i have missed them a lot#and i didnt .. think we would ever see eachother again. i really didnt think this could happen#im so glad i somehow got brave enough to message them and im so so glad they wanted to see me too#i cant help but wish i could go back to when we were younger#and we spent every day in school together and messaged during the days and evenings and spent sm time together#when we went into the city like several times a week and took long walks. ahh... well. im glad we got to have those moments#& idk what will happen now. i really really want to see them again. even if we'll never be that close friends again i'd *wish* that we could#still be in touch. but im so bad at replying which doesnt go over great with them.. i'll try my best to reply quicker to them#*if* they message me. sadly i cant erase my avpd but i'll try my best to reply faster if and when they message)#they also complimented my sweater i was wearing (which is my fav sweater) !!!! and yeah.. they looked so cool. which they always have#and i kept thinking abt how nice their eye makeup was (i was too shy to compliment it tho bc im really bad at like 'nice' affectionate and#anything feeling related. like im so bad... so i couldnt say anything </3)#ugh it was just so nice to sit and talk with them. im so glad i went despite my fears. bc this was so good and nice :')))
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My five year old has his very first day of kindergarten tomorrow 🥺🥺🥺 I didn’t expect to be hit with such a huge wave of emotions but I’ve been a WRECK all day
#personal#he’s so excited#we’ve been talking about school for so long and he’s so excited that it’s finally here!#and a little nervous too he said but he keeps asking about the other kids and if he gets to have lots of friends now#he really liked his teacher when he met her and he’s excited to see her#the only thing that tripped him up a little was when I told him that me and his daddy are bringing him to the school but we can’t go with#that he has to just listen to his teacher and we’ll see him after school 🥺#I’m mostly worried that he’s not going to get enough food at school because he doesn’t eat very fast at home#he doesn’t focus well on meals#I’m hoping that positive peer pressure helps him with that#if he sees the other kids eating he will hopefully follow their lead#he’s going to be taking the bus home as well and I’m nervous about that for him too#even though it’s silly because his bus will pick him up in the morning and bring him directly to the school and then drop him off first#after school#he’ll be on it for maybe 20 minutes each day#I just worry too much#i worry about how issues he might have that I can’t help with like what if it’s too cold in just one room#but I don’t know that and send him in shorts?#or what if he gets teased for things I can’t anticipate right now? how can I best set him up for success with his peers?#I only know what he likes not what other five year olds like#I don’t want him to feel like the odd one out#but maybe that’s inevitable at some point#I can’t protect him from the world if im not there 😔#that’s the hardest thing about it#obviously this is supposed to happen and school will be so good for him#but he was a tiny little baby just yesterday#at least that’s how it feels#they say it goes by fast but damn
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Hello! So like I've been having that Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins AU rent free in my head for a while, and thought this up.
Since the prisoners weren't allowed to meet at first, they could hear the others practicing their singing nearby/next door. Some are awed by how passionate they put into their songs (eg: Haruka & Shidou), how into it (eg: Fuuta & Kotoko), how emotional (eg: Kazui), etc. This allowed the prisoners to imagine what the others are like.
...Then there's Mikoto with Red going all out with their MeMe song and it stunned everyone into silent fear until the prisoners meet him and go "YOU SANG THAT!?!"
I've been going so so crazy over this omg!!
No matter how big the facilities are, I'd imagine it would be difficult to keep ten people undergoing a full filming process completely separate from each other. Though they don't actually see each other, they overhear recording booth sessions while while walking down the hall. They spot unique outfits and props in the costume closet. They hear crew members giving Jackalope weird updates ("sir, where do you want the massive tarot cards when they're finished?" "the order of thousands of fake flowers has arrived" "we ran out of medieval outfits" etc.) They see teams lugging around massive set pieces from one stage to another. They hear a few hushed rehearsals from behind dressing room doors.
Mahiru totally tears up listening to Kazui. Meanwhile Kazui is blown away by Mahiru's enthusiasm and speed. Yuno thinks After Pain sounds really fun. Amane is awed at the other songs, (she's never even heard rock music before). Kotoko finds herself singing bits of Weakness. Muu is moved by Shidou. Fuuta is torn between being jealous of Mikoto's song and excited there's someone else with some yelling.
And so of course, the prisoners go crazy trying to piece together predictions about their upcoming cellmates. One the experiment begins, they subconsciously start matching up the voices they remembered hearing with their expectations. I think Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko would surprise people the most -- it seems hard hard to get a day-to-day read on them from their songs alone. Fuuta is simultaneously exactly what people were expecting and nothing like what they thought. Everyone's ideas of Mahiru were spot on. Haruka sang so confidently that the group is surprised to hear him stutter so often. Anyone who heard a bit of Meme is shocked when they meet Mikoto and make the connection. When asked about it, he just shrugs and laughs innocently, which only makes it harder to believe. Fuuta, excited to find someone else who did a rock song, is sorely disappointed at first.
#milgram#now im sappy over the thought of haruka getting really nervous in his own dressing room#but overhearing someone messily rehearsing/talking nearby and its very human and it comforts him ;-;#alternatively you know when you have to memorize something or just happen to repeat something a lot you start saying it in a goofy voice#when youre by yourself?#yeah#and i pictured mikoto trying to keep Red a secret to the others and really play up the 'i dont know why im here' bit#so that would be extra funny if it took them until his interrogation to be like oooohhhh that makes sense now#😂#ahhh thank you so much for this! it made me so happy to get yesterday :D#i just love that idea -- i was sad that they couldnt interact even though story-wise it had to be done#so this is such a nice little exception to that ;--;#lights camera sing your sins#analysis/thoughts#ask#oh i forgot to add but kotokos va mentions she sings weakness to herself at home sometimes#hence that line :)
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been learning to play ironsworn (gritty fantasy ttrpg which you can play with a gm but is mostly suited for solo or small group co-op gmless play) after having the rulebook pdf for several years (stars finally aligned to remove invisible thing blocking me from reading it idk) because i'm on another solo ttrpg kick & i don't know what took me so long to get around to this game because it genuinely is exactly what i was looking for. years ago when i was playing through solo 5e modules i should have just been playing ironsworn (believe it or not, 5e isn't very suited to solo play and is extremely clunky when you try lol).
also though i have dabbled in some other solo ttrpgs, a considerable amount of them are journaling games which is fun but imo considerably more work (usually by the time i'm a quarter of the way through the journal entry, i know how to entire scene played out and i want to move on to the next gameplay thing, so i get frustrated and bored quickly. it feels like when you solve a level in a video game but don't have the coordination to pull off the necessary move so you have to spend 20 extra minutes doing something you already figured out), so i really appreciate like not needing to write something for the game to progress (ive been taking notes for my own record since im playing solo and thus am not really out loud roleplaying the way you do in a group, but i definitely could do that instead and not take notes and the game would still function perfectly)
& ive been playing by myself but also in the past ive played a lot of ttrpgs in very small groups which has been other games but is mostly dnd and like. we also should have been playing ironsworn so that having a gm was not necessary. have definitely played games where we had to adapt the rules soooo much to do something that is just base game included in ironsworn. plus it's rules-light enough to do pretty complex moves that pose difficulties in bulkier games (ever introduced someone to dnd and they tell you they want to do a sick backflip and catch something and then attack and you have to tell them that will require several different consecutive rolls and some creative liberties with how the rules are 'supposed' to let you move? you can just Do That in ironsworn. use the strike move and describe it. done!)
the one thing is that although it's rules-light enough to theoretically play any setting or genre (some with more difficulty than others), ive found so far that like... the grittiness and sense of threat is very built into the mechanics so that would be sort of difficult to work around or change (but i think it's great from a game design perspective). what i mean is like, okay: you start with 5 max hp. there isn't really a way to raise this max hp, you just slowly gain abilities (assets) that make you less likely to have to lose the hp in the first place, or that make it easier to recover. when you encounter foes, you rank them on a scale of 1 -5, and enemies on the lowest side of this scale do one harm to you, while enemies on the highest side do five harm to you. so even though encountering an epic enemy won't always be deadly due to the assets you have, they are ALWAYS capable of taking you down to 0 hp with one good hit. so the feeling of threat is much more present compared to games where your character starts to be able to just tank and push through a failure or huge threat.
admittedly also i'm playing solo, im still learning how to balance combat, and also i built a character who has NO combat talents and iron (the close quarters fighting stat) is one of my lowest stats so i personally am under much more threat than if you built a character who knew how to fight or who could do deadly harm. but also the other thing about combat is it's extremely difficult to maintain control of the fight; you have to score a strong hit to do it on basically all moves, and there's a really limited pool of moves available when you don't have the initiative, and obviously none of them really favour you. i don't know that this makes combat genuinely more difficult, but it does make you feel like the fight is always about to spiral out of your control. every second you let it drag without decisive action feels like it brings you closer to dying. like i said, this is a feature of the game design and not a problem in any way. just thinking about it because when i was initially learning i was going to try to supplant it into a homebrew fantasy world of my own but the tone just wouldn't be right. and that it is somewhat difficult to replicate the kind of worlds that i typically play or run for dnd, which tend to lean somewhat sillier and definitely much higher fantasy
but i like to try new things and tbh especially in dnd i find that i very rarely feel that sense of threat and when i do feel it, it has nothing at all to do with the actual mechanics and reality of the combat and everything to do with how well the dm sells it to me and makes it sound and feel scary and dangerous. which is a testament to what a good gm can do for you but i do appreciate the threat feeling more built-in and also being actually real.
#good idea generator#kas plays ironsworn#am giving it a tag because i will continue to talk about this. its my blog#idk i just find in dnd like. players often FEEL threatened WAY before they actually are threatened#which makes it really hard to balance combat because players treat evenly matched fights like hopeless death traps#so instead they do underleveled combat that feels boring for some hard to pin down reason#but like. the reason is even though you're nervous about the dm's description and the things the monsters can do#there is no real threat. especially in bigger parties where the players DOMINATE action economy. they are always in control#so of course it gets boring. it drags out so everyone can take their turn but it never forces you to make difficult choices#or to totally exhaust all your abilities. after awhile the combats start to feel same-y#because even if the monster is different. you never have to do anything different to defeat it#ofc this is a subjective assessment and also if youre reading this and we play dnd together this is not a gripe abt our table i love u#i think it's really easy to get trapped doing this esp in tables which like rp more than combat#because its also like. once you're used to a certain balance of combat if your dm suddenly threw you a big one#you assume that this is a uniquely large threat in the narrative as well (rather than a rebalancing attempt)#and treat it accordingly. which is to say with way too much caution because it isnt actually that big of a threat#so then as a dm when you have to maintain the feeling of threat and the mechanical threat#(especially when sometimes the mechanical line between 'cakewalk' and 'tpk' is razor thin#and is more about the initiative order and luck than anything else)#you start to prioritize the feeling of threat. which is imo the right call always#but its just after awhile when you feel the threat but nothing ever happens to anybody. the dissonance starts to affect the table#also balancing dnd combat as a dm is really hard and often requires a LOT of on the fly adaptation#because sometimes the CR is useless and you don't know how it's gonna do until the dice are on the table already#anyway. my point is that im enjoying how ironsworn handles this problem
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im reading ur blinded scout fic rn and i keep bursting into tears... soft sniper... spy tryna look out for scout.... im going to cry ... thank you
first of all, excellent username, second of all - thank you!
i got a comment the other day on one of my older fics (almost a decade old now i think?) and it’s been on my mind that the stuff i make can be good for people even after it’s been so long that i’ve basically forgotten about it. for obvious reasons i’m reminded about RB a lot more but it’s a good feeling knowing that the stuff i make is still like. making people happy? i hope it keeps doing that!
#shut up me#everybody talks#for some reason i think people read me as being like. confident and self-assured i think?#but the truth is that i’m a pretty introverted and nervous person under all the irony and comedy#the podfic and livestream were a pretty huge jump for me and i’m glad people enjoyed it!#i got dunked on when i was younger (mostly in school) for my voice because im told its a bit unusual#but everyone being so supportive and giving assurances helps a lot as well. thank you everyone!
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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl
#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads#which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those#so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time#i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos#ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl#the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community#i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos#it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl#i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl#(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later#dandyshucks
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my guesses for your oc's They're ALL teddybear looking i can already see it. DEF dragon features or dragon related i alr know CUTE!!
YJEA!! I havent updated my toyhouse properly in a long time & a lot of guys are missing here but….
https://toyhou.se/galacticake/characters/folder:5745546 <- some pf my fellas if you’d like to observe them.. 👈
some of my personal favourite things to add in characters are dragon features/traits, or those of similar looking creatures (been getting interested in kobolds recently), obviously, but i also LOVE making them really colourful and giving them lots of fun accessories or outfits. Im not too good at actually designing or getting ideas for that kinda stuff though, so it can be a bit hard to *display* that i do like that lol
i have a few more ocs that aren’t here yet, because i want to be sure i like their designs before posting about ‘em. But ive been getting into a lot more alien/extraterrestrial, sci-fi, robot etc-like content and media so… lots of thoughts going on about that. MAYBE EXPECT TO SEE EM POP UP HERE AT SOME TIME!!! :3
#asks#myposts#im so nervous when talking about my ocs because. i just enjoy having them without giving them too much lore or taking them too seriously-#and toyhouse users have like. a personal vendetta against users who dont draw or write about their ocs frequently (for whatever reason? Idk#But I absolutely LOVE talking about all myguys okay. they are all very dear to me and close ❤️ to my heart <3#I have a lot of thoughts about them & i would draw them so much if i didnt have art block#SORRY IF THIS BLOCK OF TEXT IS ANNOYING . oughk i havent spoken to someone else about my own ocs for a Long time
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Luv how I'm an sdv shane fan but I do not give a single darn abt coral island mark
#granted when i end up playing the sdv update ill probably marry emily or Sebastian lmao#Sebastian fans ya got me ive been indoctrinated#honestly i think that tracks considering i ended up marrying wakuu in coral island#hmm smart bois w/ daddy issues hmm 🤔 is there a pattern? idk.#anyways i want to talk more abt coral island but. idk im so solitary abt my gaming?#i wanna info dump and share but im nervous lmao#maybe becos the fandom is so small and i dont see a lot of ppl posting abt it#like hcs and fics and stuff#so im nervous to open up aaa ;;;#maybe ill start in my comfort zone and make some art#OH id love to draw wakuu or millie......thats an idea#anyway hi hello ur reading my tags whats up#how's ur day going who did you marry in coral island#tell me abt it (im laying on my stomach kicking my legs like im gossiping at a slumber party)#scout.txt
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im so excited about being specs its like perfect for me because he really doesnt have that many lines (possibly the fewest of the named newsies?? but im not actually sure lmao) but i still get a COUPLE of lines including some tiny little singing solo lines. so its not overwhelming for me but i still feel like im Playing A Character
#before i got the script i was like i have no idea what lines are specs'#like i know everybody's little one liners but idk who is who#and its funny i always THOUGHT of him as a bigger role but he actually has a lot less lines#compared to newsies who i would never have matched to their lines bc i always forget their names#and i THINK this is for a few reasons#number one he is mentioned by name a lot compared to some of the others#(like. tommy boy. jojo. buttons. they dont get mentioned by name in the show i forget they even exist. but they have lines)#(whereas w specs you get jack calling for him at the beginning. also 'specs showed me' when katherine finds the rooftop)#(and as of the tour hes the one who brings jack crutchies letter)#number TWO hes visually distinct bc of well. the glasses. as opposed to just recognizing him by clothes#and THREE i think this adds onto that bc thats WHY you recognize him when he dances#but like he is usually a guy who does big noticeable tricks. ryan steele with his turns. jordan samuels w his EVERYTHING#r.txt#anyway i get some really fun lines!! i hope its real bloody with a nice clear picture!!!#also and i lost my shoe!!!#which im really nervous about lmaooo more than some of the sung lines. bc my voice is always too high when i try to yell it idk#also my voice cracked on 'hey look its bathtime at the zoo' when we did carrying the banner last night#for the same reason. i dont know what to do with my voice for the talk singing and i went too high
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Hey, 🥝 of the queue system here again! I'm sorry if I'm clogging up your ask box here, but im pretty sure my previous ask got eaten. Anyways- I was wondering when exactly raph's OSDD came to light?
Hope you're good ^^
it didnt get eaten its in my drafts with like 5 paragraphs of nonsense sldkjfsdk
dw tho youre not a bother i love getting asks and talking about my fics. it can just take me like a while to respond if its something i have to actually think about
honestly im still figuring out details!! its not relevant to connective tissue (the big fic im working on w my friend) so its not super high priority, but im dipping my toes in a raph backstory oneshot to explore his whole everything
uhhh rambly under the cut!!
i think hes like 11 or 12 when he figures out hes a system. but also i think that he pretty consistently heard and even talked to mind raph for years and just assumed that like... he has a very animated inner monologue (donnie's words, not raph's). mind didnt see any need to say anything otherwise because it kept the system functional
tbh all the boys are so weird in their own ways that raph's weird stuff (garbage memory, "mood swings", hardcore zoning out, randomly going nonverbal, talking to himself) is hardly a blip on anyone's radar so he didnt really think about it either (raph is also autistic you'll pry it from my cold dead hands so theres another reason he just didnt second guess anything)
i think what tips raph off eventually is the memory stuff. if he forgets something, or blanks out a whole day, then why can mind raph remember and give him tips and reminders for things? he shouldnt know things that raph doesnt.
basically: slow realization, nothing sudden or alarming. unnerving yeah but on raphs end it gets worked out through communication w mind raph and then the rest of the system. and from there honestly he IMMEDIATELY tells the rest of his family that hes got other people in his head. that part im sure of. the collective doesnt hesitate with telling everyone else
its a lot of confusion and antics with splinter being halfway convinced raph is possessed (absolutely nothing bad comes from it. splinter just doesnt know what the fuck osdd is and he knows magic is real so like. reasonable assumption on his end), and then its april to the rescue because her dad is a psychologist and she can be like hey this thing has a name actually and ive got info from a ~professional~
reactions vary--splinter has some v e r y complicated emotions. donnie and leo both get a bit overbearing/invasive asking raph all sorts of questions about his system and april is beating them back with a stick. mikey is mildly confused but is having a blast getting to meet the rest of the collective properly. everyone gets to figure stuff out together from there
#im always nervous posting first thoughts like this abt my fics esp when im still mid-research#i wanna talk but i wanna make sure my shit is CORRECT#which is why it can take me a while to respond#honestly just need to bite the bullet and deal with it#here are my ~first draft thoughts~ please forgive anything weird about them#anyway raph learning hes a system and telling his fam? chill. confusing but ultimately no drama#raph later learning hes an alter and not the core?? ho boy that one comes with a lot of ptsd and no one has a good time but thats for later#(ik not all systems have a core but thats how the collective functions)#ask
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y does it feel so SO wrong 2 share ur opinion???
#oh u solved the problem#urself!#like its not even about bing right or wrong its just about literally communicating & i think im doing it BAD#IM NOT AFRAID OF BING “H8ED” ON I JUST#i think i just dont like having the chance of making ppl feel bad?#or soemthing aloong those lines?#theres a line a vry easy line 2 cross#like expressing a comic book opinion right? bc its super easy 2 sway a bunch of ppl#but if ur saying smth u dont like it while some1 does it has the possibility of making that person feel bad#& I H8 THAT...idk y it makes me feel like shit????? @ the possibility???#this feels like smth i should bring up w/a therapist LMAOOOOOOO#but like same thing when i was in class right? giving a presentation i got RLLY SCARED 2 do it bc i was giving an opinion or a fact BUT I#COULD B WRONG ON THE FACT!! which is y i just never did them bc i would cry lol but its just#it kinda feels the same way#its weird bc im fine w/getting shit wrong. its only when i share an opinion when i feel stupid??????? ok not stupid just mean? i think? yea#this is possibly the reason y i get nervous sharing hcs or aus. bc it wont b “canon accurate” & then will like fuck up some1s perception id#its not like any1 reads this lashfkj i just hmmmmmmm theres defiantly smth i should b discovering here i just am not...#i want 2 share my opinion bc its a fucking opinion theres nothing wrong w/it bc its not a fact EXCEPT in the way its a fact of how i FEEL o#THINK?? like its just its strange. i think this has a lot 2 do w/me never bing listened 2 as a child LOL uhhhhhhhh hmmmmmm yeah prolly akj#I FIGURED IT OUT I GOT IT ALLLLLL UNLOCKED#god i hhhhhhhhhhh some1 make a clone of me so i can talk 2 me like a therapist or smth#this is y i cant do therapy actualyl its bc i just keep yapping then by the time im done the therapist always went tyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#srry ramblings
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Oh many thoughts. Many many thoughts
#ok like. theres a lotta reasons i like wedge. lotta reasons i think hes interesting. lotta reasons i think his *friendships* are interesting#and not all of those things are *positive* per say. but very resonate. to me. and i feel conflicted talking about it#cause i dont wanna seem like im shitting on his friends. im not i do like them a lot#its just Complicated. and also a much larger Thing that this particular interest of mine is an example of#and idk if anyone has any interest in me talking about being fat and all the Stuff that goes with it (and how that applies here).#cause it is important to me#that fic has me acting weird but this is all stuff ive thought about before.#im just nervous when it comes to actually Presenting the Thoughts#the empathy is Strong as Fuck tonight. im never kidding when i say he means a lot to me#pine.log
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#sometimes it’s painful being this much of a lover#we haven’t even established feelings for each other and yet he’s the only one i have eyes for#i just wish we could both talk about how we feel#i am more sure than ever that the feeling is mutual#i just feel like we both are over thinkers and think one isn’t into the other i think#there’s a lot of stuff for us to over think about i fear lmao#i just don’t know when the right time to have a conversation like that is??#it’s been so long since i’ve had to talk to a friend and be like hey i think i am falling in love with you#and idk if he’ll ever do it first#i get so nervous thinking about it#or even just thinking about him at all makes my heart race so much#i don’t want to fuck things up so im just going to wait and be patient and act normal#having to pretend i dont want to talk to him 24/7 is kind of fucking painful though#bc i really do just want to talk all the time i love talking to him#ugh#personal
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scary dog privilege means even the country guys outside the grocery store, trying to get signatures for their gun crap, are too nervous to talk to me
#[static]#one of the dudes got up to talk to me and then turned on his heel when i glanced at him#im feral and full of anxiety i Will Bite#when other men out here try and talk to me its a lot of 'boss' and 'yes sir's lmao#i need a collar that says 'anxious will bite' on it lmao#the way they were eyeing me and then chickened out was gender affirming#i like making men nervous lmao
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