#i suppose it’s a similar issue that my ex has with me

[sammygender]

when people get on with their parents really well i go crazy. like when they say they love their parents and when they know their parents will support them always and they don’t feel resentment towards their parents or feel like their parents prioritised their own version of love which really meant being unwilling to tolerate distress or hardship and constant fervent belief they knew what was right over their kids own genuine happiness i go crazy. not sure what this says about me though

[doberbutts]

hello! I'm the one that sent you that ask a week or so ago. Sorry I didn't check to see if you'd answered for a while because I was just so upset and had to take a second. I will say I scrolled through a bunch of helpful posts you reblogged before I even found the ask again that helped a LOT.

Two things I thought you might want to know is that it wasn't speculation that you'd blocked the weirdo blog that sent me your way: they literally have "proudly blocked by doberbutts" in their bio which was why i felt safe coming to you lmao. Second is I guess my struggle with this issue was an overall struggle with how bad wider misogyny has gotten in general and how muddied it's gotten with the "male loneliness crisis" and like, centering men's issues under patriarchy and just how insanely upset it's been making me. Seeing cis MRAs identify with trans men freaked me out because like, yeah it's important to talk about how (cis) men suffer under patriarchy but it's just so rare for me to find men do that without devolving into misogyny, and I start to feel so helpless because I know validating these issues matter but women are being literally dehumanized openly. I do play oppression olympics with this specific issue and just of COURSE women suffer more under patriarchy, but the same men who demand space to air how they suffer won't acknowledge that truth. (sorry for soapboxing; some of them do! It's just...things are so bad for women rn lol it's really hard to have compassion when it feels like none is being given to me).

So the more I see this issue the more I think people are being affected by larger misogyny like I am, but are doing the typical thing that happens where you lash out at a group you can "reach." Policing and harassing trans men's behaviours is way easier than cis men. I've also been seeing some parallels between this discourse and the "gay men vs lesbian women" discourse. It's not really a one-to-one but the discussion of the role of misogyny re homophobia towards gay men who still have male privilege but, come on, if they have feminine affectation it's Different and the back and forth that used to happen when gay men and lesbian women did oppression olympics, it just feels similar.

idk as i type this I hope I don't come across disingenuous or like, my Too Casual Overly Respectful tone is trying to subtly incept you. I worry my vibes are too "women first" but I just can't help it misogyny really is ruining my life 😭. Anyways I'm very grateful for your perspective and your blog. I feel more settled and equipped to push back against anti transmasculine behaviour with rhetoric that can actually challenge people

To respond to each point in turn:

1: Again I still don't really know who that is, though I am somewhat bemused by the idea that someone I clearly don't really remember is still so obsessed with me that they're proud I've blocked them. For the record, my block list is as follows: people who send anonymous hate, people who continue to harass me after I've told them to stop, people I catch with posts containing inexcusable bigotry, obvious trolls, self-identified zoophiles and MAPs, and people who repeatedly send me fundraisers after I have already said I only share fundraisers from people I know and trust. Being on my block list is, um, not really good company, so it's kind of funny to me that someone is proud to be there. Yeah I'm sure they'll fit right in with the neo-nazis and dogfuckers and cyber bullies. Oh and I guess my ex but I only blocked them after they started harassing me about our failed relationship years later. Enjoy block hell I suppose.

2: I'm not really here to play who has it worse, not because I don't recognize the wider understanding of privilege vs oppression but because I think it is a self-defeating thread of thought because you will always find a "more oppressed" example, and I think that people should be allowed to talk about their hurts regardless of their status of "more oppressed" vs "less oppressed". Talking about the ways society has hurt them is not what makes MRAs dangerous. What makes them dangerous is who they blame, how they go about fixing their problem, and the solutions to their problems they come up with.

To be quite frank, the majority of MRAs are men who have experienced some form of social rejection or isolation. Most have been sold some patriarchal lie about how by being men they inherently deserve good sex with hot women on demand, a wife at home to keep barefoot and pregnant, a high paying job where they are respected and valued regardless of the effort they themselves put into it, and all the luxuries that lifestyle can afford. This is a fantasy, you and I both know it. And when these men realize the hard reality that we live in an age of extreme social isolation, that in order to have a partner you need to actually have more personality than a used dishrag and with only half the mess at max, that good sex is about give and take and not just yourself, that these high paying jobs are few and far between with most takers being born into some level of wealth rather than any merit they themselves have earned... they lash out.

It does not at all help things to understand that many of these MRAs are themselves marginalized in some way, but their framework not only doesn't let them see it but also advocates a harsh rejection of anyone who is self-aware enough to realize it. A lot of these guys are undiagnosed, have trauma, and are just as affected by the systems of racism, classism, homo- and trans-phobia, xenophobia, sexism, and ableism as the rest of us.

Quite frankly, I'd rather these dudes see a group of (trans) men fighting for our place in society by joining hands with other activists with more feminist, black-friendly, disabled-friendly, gay- and trans-friendly in an attempt to lift everyone out of the pit rather than continuing to fight over scraps... than to see them continue to blame women and Jews and then go shoot up a school or a mall about it. One of these helps. The other just kills people and excuses rape. There's a lot of value in deradicalizing people by offering them a path to resolving their pain that is perhaps less destructive and more constructive.

This is also why the constant comparison to MRAs annoys me. MRAs kill people in senseless acts of terror and despair because they're upset that they're not having the sex fantasy the patriarchy sold them. Trans men talking about our oppression- regardless of the word we use to express it- are mostly talking amongst ourselves about suicide and rape statistics and sharing ways to get hormones and surgery despite unwilling doctors and insurance companies. We're talking about how our social groups rejected us the moment we came out, or how people use us being men against us in ways that was not happening before we came out or passed. These are not at all equivalent conversations.

3: Again I ask you- I see people using both cis and trans feminist frameworks to hurt other people. Where is your concern for that? I am equally concerned about TERFs as I am about MRAs, as they have driven multiple transgender people and our allies to suicide and even have committed acts of violence against people irl as a result of their ideology. Most TERFs will also be the first ones to tell you that they have been hurt, deeply, by men and that they also are frequently undiagnosed or untreated, traumatized, and affected by the same systems of oppression. Does their existence and their determination to latch onto every feminist conversation including those of people who are staunchly against them then poison all feminism to you? If not, then why make that distinction for trans men and MRAs?

I am black. I am Indigenous. I am transgender. I am gay. I am disabled. I am poor. I suffer. People hurt me. I see every day how bad things are. Do you think I cannot see it, or that my ignorance is the reason for my request for compassion? Perhaps consider that it is rather my knowledge and my lived experience that fuel my call for compassion, instead. I never said it would be easy. But I do think it would make a better world.

4: I do actually agree that it is very similar to the gay man vs lesbian conversation and have said for a while that it's the same queer infighting discussion we've already hashed out for the last 50 or so years, but the target groups just swapped out. It's just butchphobia, it's just biphobia, it's just aphobia, it's just panphobia, it's just nbphobia- it's the same fucking shit over and over and over again. It was shit infighting before and it's shit infighting now. Privilege is a conversation that depends so heavily on context, and the way it has been bastardized by the internet's poor understanding of political frameworks developed by women of color and their allies into cute soundbites and phrases rather than a deep, nuanced knowledge will never fail to annoy me.

Do gay men have privilege over lesbians? As a class, sure, they would have male privilege. But what do we mean by male privilege? The privilege to not worry about being assaulted on the street? To walk home late at night unbothered? To marry who they want, to have the romantic partner they desire, to feel safe within a domestic partnership? You and I both know that doesn't quite match up to the lived experience of gay men worldwide or even here in the "gay paradise" US. How does this interact with other marginalizations? Does a black gay man have privilege over a white lesbian? What happens if he's a drag queen dressed up for an event and she's a butch that passes for cis male? Does that change retroactively if this "gay man" figures out she's actually a transbian 5 years later, and the lesbian is a TERF? I'm not saying this breaks the framework of male privilege- I am saying that sometimes the theory doesn't match the reality, and a nuanced and intersectional understanding is required when talking on an individual scope rather than class politics.

Additionally- as a side note- it is also incredibly annoying to watch people act like privilege = oppressor = dangerous, and oppressed = victim = safe. Privilege, and whether or not you have any, is not a moral indicator nor is it an indicator of the safety of the person you're interacting with. I have privilege over people who cannot walk, because I can. I am not objectively or systemically oppressing people who cannot walk by the use of my legs in my day-to-day life. Oppression is action- if I vote for policies and politicians that removes ramps and safety regulations and provisions to assist wheelchair users? Now I am oppressing people who cannot walk. If I block or move or interfere with the disability aids, if I mock people or assault or harm them, if I dump them out of their mobility aids or break them, that is oppression. The act of climbing the 3 stairs on my front porch to get into my house is a privilege, but the oppression stems from the people who built my house to even have stairs on both exits.

5: lastly to end a very long post, I don't actually think there's any harm in centering yourself when discussing things that objectively affect you, as long as you remember to include others who are affected and let them have their floor to also center themselves when they need to speak up. I am a black trans man. My politics are pretty centered on black feminism. I don't think that is objectively a bad thing. I prefer to let the demographics with similar problems speak for themselves- I would rather my trans fem friends get the mic when they open their mouths, my lesbian friends, my Jewish friends, my latino and asian and arab friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with them centering their own problems and outlooks, as long as they recognize that there's shared space to be had with others who feel similar hurts. I think it's pretty normal to center yourself. I think the difficult thing is knowing when to relinquish the megaphone to someone who's been dying to use it, while you yourself still have so much to say.

[lostyesterday]

I’ve been thinking about disabled protagonists in Star Trek recently, which got me thinking about Seven of Nine. It’s interesting because I’m almost certain the writers of Voyager did not intend to write a disabled character, but they ended up accidentally writing one anyway, and one whose arc I find surprisingly compelling as a disabled person myself. Seven is dependent on electronic devices both inside her body and external to it in order to survive and she requires regular medical treatment and specialized adaptations to her environment in order to function. She is absolutely canonically disabled (as are all the other ex-Borg in Star Trek), even if the writers probably weren’t aware of that. The major reason that I think Seven’s arc resonates with me so much is because it reflects a deep tension between independence and dependence that is a fundamental and complex part of so many disabled people’s lives.

To be disabled is to be deeply aware at all times of your own dependence on external things (such as wheelchairs, canes, medications, etc.) and other people. At the same time, to be disabled is to also be deeply aware of the societal standards of independence and self-sufficiency you are constantly failing to live up to. You cannot do things that people are “supposed” to be able to do independently. You need help for basic tasks, and you have no choice but to trust that these external supports you are dependent on will not suddenly disappear, causing you to be unable to participate in society at all. It’s difficult to express to someone who hasn’t experienced it how much being disabled forces someone to consider their own level of dependence and independence constantly, how it becomes a deep part of one’s identity and can often be a source of trauma.

Seven’s arc on Voyager is often focused on the nature of individuality, but it is interesting how often “individuality” becomes a stand-in for independence. Seven’s disability makes her deeply dependent on the crew and resources of Voyager for survival. She could theoretically leave and use her own skills to do maintenance on her implants and install an alcove somewhere to keep herself functioning, but it would be a great risk, and her safety would be constantly in doubt. At the same time, Seven hates this dependence. She tries to rely on other people as little as possible, hating her need for the Doctor to diagnose issues with her implants and refusing to ask for help until she has no other choice. She hates this dependence because she sees it as challenging her ability to become a complete “individual” who is able to make her own autonomous choices. She hates this dependence because it forces her to rely on other people who could at any time abandon her or abuse their power over her.

So it’s far less frightening to pretend this dependence doesn’t exist, to hide it even from herself. Seven’s arrogance in her own abilities, her focus on her intellect and vast knowledge and superior physical abilities are in many ways genuine, especially early on. But at what point does this confidence in her own abilities – this reassurance that she is smart enough and strong enough to control her own destiny and be a true individual – become a coping mechanism to deal with the reality of her dependence on objects and people outside of her direct control?

Seven is told often by members of the Voyager crew that being an individual who makes her own choices and decisions is what she should strive for. And at the same time, those same people often exert control over her, attempting to restrict her autonomy. Janeway or the Doctor tell her that they know better than her what her needs are – that being an individual only goes so far. Seven’s anger at this contradiction is one of my favorite parts of her character, partially because it captures a similar feeling of anger deep inside me when I think about the ways society constantly pressures disabled people to maintain standards of independence impossible to live up to while at the same time deeply restricting our autonomy and freedom.

In the episode “Imperfection”, Seven says that what she wants most is to be useful. To be useful is to be a valuable part of society – someone who is self-sufficient and talented and certainly not deeply dependent on other people for basic survival. To be disabled is to have society constantly demand that you be useful, that you be independent and strong and never let your disabilities limit you. And at the same time, to be disabled is to discover over and over that you can never be that fully autonomous, fully functional human being seen as ideal in society. No matter what you do – no matter how far you run from the truth – it’s an impossible reality to escape.

[beauty-and-passion]

also yes i think you should talk about dipcifica i love the old man yaoi as much as the next guy but i also will always crave this kind of "coming of age" love story

Glad to comply! Here are my points about why Dipcifica is canon and endgame and everything:

1) Dipper and Pacifica are a walking "enemies to friends to lovers" trope. It literally started with Dipper saying to her face he doesn't like her, what's more clichè than that? When he said it, all I could hear was "We will definitely become a thing in the future".

And guess what? After a while, Dipper changed his mind: now he doesn't think Pacifica is the worst anymore. The next step is admitting she's great, asking her out and becoming a couple.

2) "Northwest Mansion Mystery" is basically a huge Dipcifica manifesto, thanks to the introduction of more tropes like:

the characters are put into nice suits

Pacifica fixes Dipper's clothes like a good wife

these two share an adventure together - which is universally something that would strengthen the bond between two people

their daring escape ends with a hug, given out of a sincere emotional reaction

the hug is followed by some cute awkwardness (especially from Pacifica's side)

Dipper and Pacifica share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her insecurities, something we can be 99% sure she doesn't usually do. Also because... with whom can she share them? Her parents? Her supposed friends?

Dipper changes his mind about Pacifica after understanding her a bit more (which is always the interlude for the development of romantic feelings)

Pacifica finds the strength to do the right thing, only after Dipper sacrifices himself

the episode ends with them having fun together, laughing and enjoying their time. Also, it's implied they probably spent some time after the party to clean up the mess they made - so who knows? Maybe they shared some more time together and talked a lot more.

I mean... I've seen love stories start with less than that.

3) Dipper and Pacifica have another adventure together in Lost Legends. The formula is similar to Northwest Mansion Mystery: Pacifica has an issue (caused by her shitty parents), Dipper doesn't understand what her problem is, they share a heartfelt moment in which she reveals her weakness, Dipper tells all the right things, they hug, Pacifica does the right thing.

This is another way to reconfirm what the episode in the series already told us: these two have chemistry. They are meant to be. They are a walking enemies to friends to lovers trope - with a side dish of "slow burn" too. And we all love slow-burn stories <3

But this adventure shows us something else: how things have changed since Northwest Mansion Mystery and especially how Dipper's attitude has evolved towards Pacifica. In the episode, he is still very wary of her and makes it clear multiple times that he dislikes her.

Now he says this:

This is basically the Dipcifica equivalent of "I once considered him the center of my life, the sun in my galaxy", only with less toxic old men yaoi and more wholesomeness

it shows how Dipper's attitude is more mature

it implies he can and will develop romantic feelings for her. I mean, look at it: "I've noticed another side of you", "I see the real one and you're more than a pretty face"... gosh, if Pacifica hadn't fallen in love before, she definitely did after that.

it also shows Dipper's growth regarding women: my boy went from making huge, complex plans to talk to them, to lying to get random girls, to saying the truth in such a smooth way. He's great with girls when he doesn't try, he makes me so proud <3

4) Now I know what you think: great points, Bea, but does this couple have Mabel's approval stamp? Billford got it with Mabel calling Bill a clingy ex and telling him to get a crush on someone else's Grunkle. Does Dipcifica have Mabel's approval?

The answer is yes:

Do I have to say anything else? I think Mabel already said anything. Dipper and Pacifica are. A. Thing.

And yes, I know what you might say: they are kids! Sure they are, but that doesn't mean there can't be anything in the future. There is time for them to grow and for these feelings to develop. What we saw in the series and in Lost Legends are the crumbs, the foundation of something bigger that can evolve in the future.

And this is a great foundation because it's plausible and stable. Dipper and Pacifica's interactions never sound forced or out of character: on the contrary, they are built in a way that conciliates both personalities and justifies their changes and evolution.

If we can easily imagine a future for them, it's because their change is organic, it works in the long run - Pacifica can easily become better and better, while she works out her issue and shows the beautiful person she is. And Dipper can easily become more and more aware of what a great girl she is and start to develop deeper feelings for her. It's not impossible to imagine. It works.

And yes, this proves again how well Hirsch developed Gravity Falls and its characters, if we can easily imagine a future for them just out of a few, well-built interactions.

[alicethenobody]

OMG SAME 100% FACTS TRUE i fucking hate how the dmc fans online keep making the same repetitive unfunny dante in debt jokes while being more empathetic towards both nero and vergil. like dante tends to have isolation habits or isolate himself from others to protect others, that's a common trope in fiction in general (especially japanese fictional stories but some western stories like The Boys or Spiderman has this trope too). These people are actually fucking stupid sometimes. Not to mention without Dante - Vergil and Nero wouldn't exist in the series. I'm also glad I'm not the only one who thinks Dante is one of the more realistic responses to trauma I've seen.

The way the DMC fanbase treats my boy Dante sometimes also reminds me of how the Tekken community treats my man Jin Kazama (especially on websites like reddit, twitter, and the YouTube comments section). They always show more empathy towards his father Kazuya (who is very similar to Vergil and Sasuke, man loses his family and goes down a dark path obsessed with power. also is the father of another character but is absent in their child's life) and Heihachi (who is literally just evil...like dude fucking killed his own wife, his own father, Michelle's father, Lidia's father, Leroy's entire family. dude unleashed shrek and killed innocent people.). Yet they mock Jin's mental health issues of survivor's guilt and low self esteem and make shitty jokes at his expense a lot. Jin lived a peaceful humble life with his mother Jun until Ogre attacked and Jin wanted to defeat Ogre to avenge his mother and also avenge the other fighters who were hurt by Ogre (ex. Hwoarang's master, King's adopted father). Then Heihachi who Jin trusted for years just betrays him by almost killing him via being shot multiple times. Then Jin finds out he was born with the Devil Gene thanks to his dad and has a hard time controlling it. His father Kazuya only cares about power and wants to kill Jin to get the rest of the Devil Gene for himself and Kazuya mostly cares about revenge against Heihachi. Most of the terrible shit in his life is out of his control. Like Dante, Jin also isolates himself from others out of fear his devil gene might hurt them or they might get dragged into the problems of the dysfunctional Mishima bloodline he's trying to end.

It also doesn't help that the creators of Tekken also lowkey hate Jin Kazama too, Harada blatantly stated in multiple interviews that he prefers villainous characters (ex. Heihachi aka Harada's favorite character), and Harada always wanted Jin to be a villain like his precious Heihachi Mishima but the team disagreed at first for obvious reasons (there are already too many bad guys/morally grey characters in Tekken, Jin is supposed to be the good mishima bloodline member he is supposed to be the good guy who doesn't let his trauma or family history make him bad, and it'd just be a repeat of Kazuya's story). Then Harada also assassinated Jin's character and made him OOC in Tekken 6's shitty scenario campaign story. Jin's potrayal in Tekken 6 completely contradicts his characterization in the older games (especially his Tekken 4 ending) and Jin is just out of character in that game, but the fanbase are usually idiots who don't realize that. So the fans bash Jin even more, and oh don't get me started on all the horrible fanfiction on ao3 where Jin gets r*ped by multiple characters because he hasn't suffered enough.

Both Dante and Jin deserve better, i hate it here it's always my favs are cursed lmao. (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

YEAAAH like I’m sorry but I think people are so overly critical of his actions in DMC5. I’m always gonna be of the belief he did nothing wrong in that game except for not telling Nero Vergil was his dad but he had reasons for not telling him like… the fact that he was afraid of cursing Nero with the same life he was living if he got too closely associated with either twin. And the fact that Nero most likely wouldn’t believe him (which Dante himself said) unless he had definitive proof for him. Dante is a man weighed down by the responsibility of protecting all of humanity, something any other person would completely crack under. So he thinks he can only let people in a certain amount or else they could get hurt. It happened many times, after all. Like I’d understand the criticisms of his behavior if he acted like a toxic asshole the whole time but… he really doesn’t. At worst he’s said something insensitive a couple times which… who hasn’t done that in their life and he felt bad about it both times it happened lmao (when he upset Nero in 5 and when he accidentally made Patty cry in the anime. Like he was actively miserable the entire episode because of it.) I’ve read such a weird amount of posts bashing Dante or fanfics that do the same.

Btw I’ve never played Tekken but that sounds shitty :(

[zonedelicious]

In the X-Men fandom this scene is constantly brought up to call the character Noriko racist, call the entire book racist, and even call the fans and writers racist. And as a Muslim fan of Academy X I am very confused at this harsh reaction because to me it is obvious the story is siding with Sooraya.

For starters X-Men can be very VERY racist and islamophobic. I've recently been reading Claremont's New Mutants and it's painful how racist that book is to Arabs. I wanted to stop reading because of the racism.

But I do not get this reaction from Academy X, which is my favourite X-Men book.

I think a lot of people don't know what kind of book Academy X is. Academy X is a book about delinquents. The main characters are a bunch of asshole kids. The appeal to me is seeing these shitty kids grow and become better people. Yes they make mistakes that's the point. They're stupid kids.

Noriko is one of these kids. She was homeless at a young age because of the poor relationship with her family and because of this she's afraid of ever showing any vulnerability. Choosing to rather lash out at others. It's a realistic coping mechanism.

The scene with Sooraya shows this as Noriko is projecting her own trauma onto a poor girl who only wanted to be nice to her. Yes it's shitty but that's the point. We're seeing how their personalities and viewpoints clash, and how Sooraya is challenging Noriko's beliefs.

I do not see how anyone can read this as the book being racist when the scene even shows Sooraya sad. Something like this never happens when an X-Men book is actually islamophobic. Yet people never react as harshly to actually racist X-Men books as they do to this.

It's actually very similar to a scene at the start of Ms Marvel, where Zoe is racist to Nakia. We can clearly see both scenes are suppose to make you feel uncomfortable and make you side with the Muslim girl. And both Zoe and Noriko are humanized despite being bullies.

We even get a conclusion. Some say this isn't enough, but remember that Noriko refuses to show emotions, so the fact she's willing to go against her instincts here is interesting. It's more interesting to me than simply having a generic anti racism speech.

Again Sooraya is entirely humanized here. The comic is understanding of her struggle. I do disagree with the way she's drawn at times, but the writing makes her a character I could relate to. And reading this conclusion only makes me more interested in both characters.

Sadly neither character ever got a proper character arc after the comic ended. But to me that just makes me wish there were more comics of this group where we do see Sooraya and Noriko become close friends like Nakia and Zoe. It makes me think of writing my own story with them.

I love this book and what it means for Sooraya. I love seeing Sooraya's relationship with the Hellions, Jay and Laura. This is still her definitive comic, so why are we dismissing it entirely because of one scene that exists to make us relate to her?

It's very strange that this one scene, that to me is well made and relatable, is being used as a way to hate the characters, the comic, and everyone who likes it. Most hate isn't even coming from Muslims so is it just performative outrage and misunderstanding?

Or maybe this scene hits at home for some people? With the conversation being very realistic and grounded, people may see themselves in Noriko. Maybe they had a similar reaction towards a Muslim girl and are remembering it.

Noriko's stance isn't even that different from ex Muslim feminists who say similar things. The issue is how she is projecting onto Sooraya. And maybe that's what makes people uncomfortable. The complexity this conversation has in the real world.

Whatever it may be, Noriko still clearly grows after this arc. We do see her become a great leader who stands up for her friends. And even if she has issues to deal with, she was slowly becoming a better person.

In conclusion I love this book because it's relatable in how it portrays its characters. I like Sooraya being a Muslim character who's also a protagonist and a big part of the story. I hope more people give this book a chance and see the charm of it that I see.

Anyway time to go listen to anime music and imagine my OCs hanging out with the Academy X kids (need to draw that one day).

[brokenpieces-72]

Risk

Navigation

Kyle came to pick you up. By now the two of you were buddies, with him treating you like a younger sibling. There are plenty of memes exchanged between the two of you, and you’ve tagged along with him on more than one occasion. He knows a lot about cars, and you’ve helped him work on a couple vehicles. Turns out he works at a small mechanic shop. Never overcharges people, or pulls fake expenses. Has a tendency to undercharge but sometimes gets something of equal value.

You get in the passenger seat and putting your bag in the backseat. You notice a few small things in the back. Kyle starts driving and you stretch in the seat.

“Seat belt.” He says and you put it on.

“Peach wine?” You ask. Kyle gives a half smile keeping his eyes on the road.

“She insisted on giving a whole case.” Kyle says. One of his customers was an older lady who made wine on the side. She couldn’t always cover the costs of her old run down vehicle getting repaired so Kyle settled for a bottle of her wine to cover the rest. “Gonna let Price try some and serve it at the pub.”

“Speaking of drinks, do the guys like ice tea with popping boba?” You ask.

“Don’t think so.”

“Woo!” You cheer. More for you! You sit back in your seat, watching out the window. The drive is a longer one than necessary. After some time, you notice a few landmarks out of place. You suspect someone is following you two, and Kyle is trying to get them to leave you both alone.

“Had a visitor.” You say, wanting to fill the quiet drive. “Milena Romanova.”

“The hell did she want?” Kyle says, checking his mirrors.

“Gave me an invitation to a gathering. Offered to show some of my work at open houses. Graves was there too but he got there before Milena.”

“He broke in?” Kyle asks. Graves sounded like a toxic ex.

“No, he has my spare key. He was there before I got there, I talked to Milena and then found out he was around.” You exclaim. It’s quiet in the car for a bit. The purring engine fills the silence as he mutters something checking behind him.

“I told him about the raid.” You say. If anyone would take it calmly, it was Kyle. The car feels even quieter, though. Telling Graves hadn’t been decided yet. Kyle is fidgeting a little with the wheel, staring forward. “I’m sor-“

“Don’t say sorry to me.” He says, and you can hear more in his voice. You've heard a similar tone when someone brought the wrong tires after they were late for their tire change. There’s a pause as he straightens in the seat and speeds up a little, making it through a yellow light before making a turn and then another. There’s a pause while you check the side mirror to see if anyone is still following. After a few minutes, you don’t recognize any of the vehicles that were behind you before the light.

“Price has issues with the police since Graves and what happened with Makarov. If he can avoid them he does, but right now, we need all the help we can get, and if Graves can give us the legal system we should be taking it.” Kyle says. He has a look of determination in his eyes. One you haven’t seen in him much, except for when you’d seen him go out with Price for “work” or defend someone in a fight. He glances at you while waiting at a red light.

“Graves tell you what to do?” He asks. You nod. Kyle nods as if he already knows the instructions himself. There’s another pause waiting for the light to turn green. He looks at you directly.

“Did you actually record the conversation?” Kyle asks.

“Yep.” You say smiling. “I don’t think she’s seen the work I did of her.”

Kyle is laughing as he steps on the gas, the light green now. “You should go to that gathering just to see the look on her face.”

“She’ll likely simmer down by then. Not sure if I want to go if Makarov is there.”

“He’s supposed to be there?” Kyle asks.

“Probably. I mean Milena came to my apartment and when she saw me, she tried to make the excuse that my unit was up for sale. I assume Makarov gave her my address. She even stood there waiting for me. Could've put it in my mailbox or slid it under the door. Clearly, they want me to know they can find me.”

“You don’t want to see him?” Kyle inquires, though the answer is fairly obvious. He doesn't blame you.

“I... I don't think I'm ready to face him yet. Not alone, with a crowd of people." You answer.

Kyle pulls into a parking spot not far from the safe house apartment. He carries the wine, while you haul your bag. You both walk in and find Laswell chatting with Price. You haven’t seen Laswell since meeting John Price for the first time. After putting your bag in your bedroom you come back out and make some tea. Kyle has the small crate on the kitchen counter and is getting a couple of glasses for Price and Laswell to try. You take your seat at the bar and notice a similar envelope to your own invitation.

“You got invited?” You wonder aloud. Laswell looks at you and then where you’re looking.

“You got one?” She asks. You hold it up and John’s expression changes with the lift of an eyebrow. Laswell’s eyes go to her laptop, where you see some stuff but you’re not sure what exactly it is. You don’t want to inquire either.

Kyle hands both Price and Laswell a glass of the wine. You look at Kyle and then look between the two others while they try the wine. Do you tell them about Graves? Kyle folds his arms, looks at the floor, and then back at you. He gives you a slight shrug as an answer. You can, but that “you can” is gonna be loaded.

“Graves told me to leave an anonymous tip about the raid.” You blurt out. Kyle looks away while Price and Laswell look at you. The two of them are old enough to be your parents but damn do they feel like it this moment. You look between trying to figure out whose face to settle on. You pick Laswell but she just shakes her head and returns to her laptop. Thanks, Laswell, now you’re stuck facing the giant bear that is Price. You look at him and his face says something but you don't know what it is. It’s like reading a book highlighted with a black sharpie.

“I can call him off, tell him not to.” You say, wanting to back out of the whole thing.

“Tell who?” Johnny asks coming out of the hall. When did he get here?

“Tell Graves not to be at the raid.” You blurt out again. Johnny was reaching for the fridge until he stopped and gave you the same expression as John. Seriously how did they do that? That is impressively coordinated. You try looking to Kyle, hoping he'll weigh in. Nope. Kyle is not even making eye contact with you just looking at the ground. There is tension and you hate it.

“I’ll tell him not to.” You say breaking eye contact with them and staring down at the counter top.

“Send the tip.” John says, biting back some annoyance. “At the very least Graves can keep the damage down and focus on Makarov’s men.”

You didn’t realize you were holding breath until Price finished talking. Johnny goes back to the fridge, letting the tension die out.

“This is home made?” Price asks Kyle who finally looks up from the floor as if he were never trying to hide from the conversation.

“Yeah.” Kyle says. You eye Soap while the two continue talking and he’s distracted. You both know the risks that could come, and the differing amount of trust you both have in Graves. Time would tell.

“If you’re going to that gathering, you probably shouldn’t go in ripped jeans and a hoodie.” Laswell comments the next day. She’d come back to the hideout fairly early. Thinking about it, you can’t recall her leaving, since you went to bed early. You woke up, got dressed and came out to find her remaking the pot of coffee.

“Not sure I want to go.” You reply checking to see what in the fridge was still edible. You find some left over chicken, but the stray could have that after feeding her kits. You find a protein bar, and settle, sitting up on the counter.

“Because of Makarov?” She asks. You shrug, but she’s right. You never met the man face to face but if he was enough to make everyone treat him like the plague you were hardly eager to shake his hand.

“Makarov is a smart man, he won’t do anything to you when you’re there.” She says.

“You don’t know that.” You counter, rubbing your arm. Laswell notices you tugging on your sleeve. She lets the coffee brew while standing in front of you. Laswell holds out her hand and you already know what she wants. You offer your wrist and pull the sleeve back showing the fairly nasty bruise. It is healing but hasn’t by much.

Kate looks up at you while you’re focused on the bruise. You’d been in gun fights before. Someone grabbing your wrist and squeezing until you bruised was an experience you had no interest in repeating. At least not like that. Nolan had found you again and grabbed at you. He tried dragging you to a car but your quick thinking to bite his wrist got him off. It left you with the taste of his blood in your mouth and an impression on your skin. You’d kept it to yourself though.

“What happened?” Kate asks. Her voice is calm, likely not the first time this has happened. She isn't demanding an answer. You tell her and she listens. No scolding or shaming you for not saying anything or not doing something more. You almost wish she would because at times you feel like a kid in this group. You expect her to say you did your best and it’s not your fault. Kate doesn’t though. Instead, she tugs the sleeve back down.

“Good work. You may not be able to get him arrested but he won’t forget the bite anytime soon.” She says. You smile, feeling a little proud of yourself.

“If you can do this, then I think you can handle Makarov. Especially since I’ll be there as with officer Alex.” Kate says.

“You think I should go?” You ask.

“You don’t have to, but if you want… it would give you a chance to see some very humorous reactions to your work,” Kate says taking a sip of newly poured coffee.

Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @smitten-haematite-quartz @tai-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @dcnocap207 @reaper-chan666

[kad3spad3]

Which batfam member fits Nobody’s Soldier by Hoizer the best?

The easy answer here is Jason because that was kinda his whole thing. And trust me I love this idea but this song could genuinely work with almost every member

Dick

He was put on a pedastool and framed as the golden child, and because of that he was expected to take over as Batman. He obviously doesn’t want to be Batman, you can see his turmoil over this in many media forms. The most talked about one being battle for the cowl. There is even a conversation about it in the young justice show when he’s Robin where he states he doesn’t want to be THE Batman.

Jason

He is the most common one to see with this song. Not wanting to be remembered as a soldier instead of a child and trying to stop the ‘Robin’ mantle because of all the children Bruce is letting be put in positions of danger. Also the fact that his memorial case is marked as ‘a good soldier’ which really feels like it’s supposed to rub salt in the wound for Jason.

Tim

Tim was the Robin that forced himself in, he wasn’t chosen by Bruce and when he originally became Robin, Bruce didn’t want him. He has also always been (in my opinion) the most interesting to dissect on a more mental level. He has always had identity issues and is a great actor. Not only is his acting skills shown in the disguises he uses (ex. Caroline Hills) but also as THE Tim Drake. Everything he does has always been some sort of act. Especially when Bruce was missing and Dick took Robin away from him because ‘Damian needs it more’. This was the origin of ‘Red Robin’ as Tim didn’t know what to do or how to be useful if he couldn’t be Robin. The lyrics “I don’t want to chose between being a salesman or a soldier” make more sense when you thing about his identity issues, salesman representing ‘Timothy Jackson Drake, teenage CEO’ and soldier representing ‘Red Robin, the worlds greatest detective’

Cassandra

Cassandra’s use of this song is pretty straight forward in my opinion. She was raised as a weapon, she was trained to kill. She never had another purpose in life to the point that she was never taught to talk, because why would she need that skill if her main focus was to hurt. Then when she finally escaped that life and was given the choice, she became one of the strictest enforcers of the ‘no kill rule’ because she had been taught that all she was good for was to kill her whole life.

Damian

Damian is another character that I love with this song. His comparison to the lyrics of this song are very similar to Cassandra’s. He was born into the league and was raised to be his grandfathers heir. He knew nothing but training and never did anything without purpose, then suddenly his whole life was changed when he was sent to go live with his father. Having to change everything he’s ever known, having to abide by a single rule that goes against his entire existence. He always tells people that he is the blood son, and that he will be the one to take his father’s place. Yet he isn’t sure himself if he is right for the position as he had single handily gone against everything his father stands for.

Anyways that’s the end. I think I’ve thought about this a bit too much..!

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #28 – The Dead Take The A Train by Cassandra Khaw and Richard Kadrey

Oh I wanted to love this book so very much. On paper it’s basically made for me – incredibly messy fuckup of a heroine, cosmic horror through the idiom of wall street corporate sharks, grimy and gory urban fantasy full of knifing people in back alleys, the works! For the first fifty pages or so, I thought I was in love – which just made the disappointment as the wheels came off all the more bitter.

The book follows Julie, ‘barbed wire magician’ (it’s at least as unpleasant as it sounds), professional monster hunter, and all-around personal disaster. Her life takes a turn for the even messier when a) her best friend/comically oversized unresolved crush shows up at her door begging for help running from her abusive husband and b) unrelatededly but more or less simultaneously, her ex-partner-and-also-boyfriend, looking up to clean up embarrassing loose ends on his rise up the elldritch corporate ladder, baits her into trying to summon a guardian angel from a sabotaged tome and ends up releasing a metaphysical parasite that starts murdering its way through the city’s occult underground. From there things just get messier.

Drilling down as much as I can, my issues with this can be summed up as it feels like a first draft. There’s stuff there on the page – character arcs, relationships, bits of scenery and action setpieces, even themes! - but it’s all just..there. Exaggerated line sketches no one ever went back and turned into full illustrations. It’s most painful with the characters – every one of them is a caricature, precisely and exactly what they first appear to be with the same beats hit again and again every single time they appear on screen. Which more or less for the quirky supporting cast but like – we get multiple chapters from the perspective of the aforementioned abusive husband, and something like a fifth of the book is from the POV of the sleazy corporate striver ex. At no point does either one get the slightest bit of nuance or pathos – Tyler’s chapters in particular end up reading like bad SCP field reports, with so much self-destructive instituional backstabbing and betrayal it all ends up being slapstick.

Sarah the love interest gets a special anti-shout-out here. Like, I know I’m just picky about and have a low tolerance for romances, but I swear – the single most important dynamic in the book in terms of both wordcount and narrative signposting is her and Julie’s romance, and it is just So. Bad. Every single scene she’s in is dedicated to rubbing your face in how fragile and traumatized and selfless and adorable and good-hearted and damaged she is, and the entirety of the romance is essentially one of those jokes about how lesbians will spend six years living with each other awkwardly waiting for the other to ask them out but stretched across 400 pages. I spent half the book patiently waiting for any hint of hidden depths or surprising twists to her character, but nope! Just a perfect domestic angel.

The setting actually has something of a similar issue. It feels like an exaggerated pastiche of urban fantasy, assuming the reader is already familiar with all the tropes and conceits and making only the most perfunctory possible gestures towards exploring or justifying them. This can absolutely work, but if you’re doing it you kind of need to use the genre as the background or setup for something else that the book is actually about – deconstruction or satire or character study or Wacky Hijinks or something. When what’s gruesome action and drama is supposed to be the star attraction, the grounding and verisimilitude of the world is actually pretty key.

A really tight, tense plot could have absolutely redeemed the whole but, well, nope. The literal entire plot hinges on Tyler, in the course of one conversation several drinks in at a crowded bar, baiting Julie into looking for a particular type of tome from a particular store so she’ll try the ritual he had swapped out with one to curse her – but then also that he didn’t know what the ritual he swapped in actually did. The big evil wall street law firm has a corporate culture that should have collapsed about 48 hours after it was founded, and absolutely nothing about it makes sense for a place with lasting institutional power. Everyone’s morality and perceptiveness changes as the plot requires. The pacing feels like they had to pull a happy ending out of their asses at the 2/3 mark and shove the rest of the book into a sequel. It’s just, it’s bad!

Also the prose starts at fun and evocative and keeps pushing into Lovecraftian levels of adjective-addiction, and neither the A-Train nor the dead are actually at all important to the story.

Just, argh. This could have been good! The first 40 pages were a really fun schlocky monster-of-the-week story! The first ritual summoning the Proctor was basically perfect! I wanted to love this!

[alexandraisyes]

joining in on ranting in you're ask box part- uh- idk 3?? 4??? I dont even know anymore

Anyway, *cough* i think still have some of these left (edit: I just finished typing this all out and think is defiently an understatement-)

SolarNexus: Solar just goes off on Moon for how much he hates Nexus. Thats all I have for that. I'm sorry im this close to forcing myself to start writing fanfiction again just to write this. Also for my true loves kiss saves Nexus idea- and just to write about Nexus finding who he is instead of who he's supposed to be. .... can you tell i think about these two a lot? (Edit: I prove later that I think about them even more, and Eclipse)

BloodySun: I'm like feral for these two- just, like- Bloodmoon giving dead birds and stuff to Sun and he's absolutley digusted but trying not to hurt their feelings- i- ansusnhas

Servant Sun x Servant Eclipse: I've seen like 1 ship fic with these two but I dont care. I'm obsessed. They need to hold hands and heal and go to therapy together. Obviously Eclipse would defiently be able to help Sun more (cause lord Eclipse), but Sun could defiently help Eclipse too. (Is Eclipse faking losing his memories/being reset or some shit canon? I've read too much fanfiction- im going to assume it is for this) he can also help Eclipse learn that he doesn't have to be fake all the time and thatd be cute

Nexus x Dark Sun: I dont even have thoughts about this. Like I have feelings but I dont have thoughts. I cant even reason why I like this, I just like the toxic yaoi. I just like the concept of Dark Sun not even liking Nexus but manipulating him- like- Moon turned bad x biggest moon hater. I also just like hurting Nexus so other characters can help him heal. Only thing turning me off from this ship is that its an alternate universe of his ex-brother who would most likely be his brother again if he had a redemption arc. Like- I love seeing the ship and I like the concept just it gives me the ick, but thats okay cause I dong have to rot over every ship. Actually, I'm glad I'm not obsessed with this ship I dont need more angst living in my brain. ... I am obsessed with it in a platonic sense tho so I guess the angst is in my brain anyway

Nexus x Eclipse but its when they were looking for who made Eclipse: Nexus abolutley collared him. Im sorry. .. no im not, im right. Like, what is with Nexus and treating others like dogs??? Like first v4 Eclipse, and now Ruin??? Nexus is there anything you want to tell us??? Okay pet play- also doing that to the masochist is crazy, like if you're going to treat anyone like a dog why would it be Ruin that feels like setting yourself up for disaster. Even if he isn't actually a masochist he sure is known for pretending to be one

Nexus x any Eclipse ever: listen, im just saying I think he has a thing for Eclipse's (which is funny cause Moon fucking hates them) Treating Eclipse and Ruin like his dogs. Solar being his best friend. Even Dark Sun, who's a really smart Evil Sun who absorbed the knowledge of his Moon, so im counting him. Like I think Nexus would like being thrown around by Lord Eclipse, or helping to fix up Servant Eclipse. I'm just saying-

Eclipse ² x Nexus (gets its own section i rot about these three): them just reassuring the other's that they're loved and cared for- im sorry you can't tell me that these three don't all have some form of attachment issues- Eclipse being so used to people hating him that he kind of just instinctively pushes people away. Similar with Solar, but he does it more so emotionally while also feeling like he has to earn his place and do things for people. And Nexus also feels like he has to prove himself, and that he isn't good enough.

And they just reassure each other and then the others use their words against him (/pos) and they realize how stupid it sounds and anisnsusnsns <3<3 like- nexus being like "you don't have to prove yourself for anyone, Solar. We love you, you don't need to overwork yourself for us." And, like- solar saying it to him back- and Nexus is just like ".. okay listen-" and similar things happening with the other two and ensunsjss-

also they're the three worst at interaction (other than old Moon he takes the cake for worst at it, but its okay i love it)- like they're all pretty bad at it. Eclipse is Eclipse(aka memories as a villain, and is a sarcastic little shit), Nexus is just kind of awkward, and cmon Solar didn't really ever have any interaction after his split than his Moon and probaly kids, we know he can't talk to people easily. Honestly tho Solar is the best at it (he was able to start up a conversation with Moon easier than Moon could with him) and I imagine he's the one who orders at restaurants

And Moon hates both of Solar's boyfriends and Moon and Solar are friends and I think that's just kind of funny. Like Moon likes Solar so he doesn't stop being friends with him even though he's dating the two, but he's bitter about it (though honestly if Nexus had a redemption arc and it was proved he had a virus, I feel like Moon would hate him a little less. But he'd probaly still be insecure about Nexus probaly taking his place and everyone not really liking Moon again so he'd probaly still be an ass to him.)

Anyway they cuddle. Doesn't even have to be romantic, those three deserve to be in love (also the potential from forbidden love Eclipse² is Nausnsusnsn)

... I- shipping dynamics are neat

I apologize for making this so long, I expected it to be short and then I remembered I started to like new ships 😔

ALSO were being brave and doing this off anon (also id like you to know I genuinely just stared at my phone for a moment when I saw youd followed me lmao. I was so suprised [and delighted, you're neat]- plus it was like 4 am and I hadn't slept yet. I thought it was a dream the next day because I was that tired- I had to check cause i get very vivid dreams-)

All of these are so canon bro.

Solar saves Nexus with true loves kiss real? Real. I saw it with my own two eyes. It happened chat.

BLOODYSUN!!! They love their sunny and try to show that in the best way they know how, dead birds included. Sun is so grossed out by the blood and feathers and ough that's a dead bird ewww but he just forces a smile and nods and feeds it to his cats when Bloodmoon isn't looking. Then drowns his hands with soap and shampoos the carpet.

I feel like I've seen that fic too but my poor brain- Also yes, the pretending to be reset is canon. And that's so cute I'm-

Platonic ships are just as valid as romantic ones! And I really like the angst potential too heheheheh

Ayo 👀 Mmm I have thoughts about that but I must refrain.

Objectively correct. Nexus is an eclipsephile. He loves himself some eclipse.

POLY POLY POLY 🎉🎉🎉

THANK YOU FOR SHARING ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS THESE ARE SO TASTY OH MY GOD ROLLING THESE AROUND IN MY BRAIN

Also awww ur so sweet. I love ur art! It's very cute! Of course I followed!

Ask Game

[griancraft]

Hello, would you like to expand on the DID being treated similarly to Autism and ADHD by tiktok and tumblr?

Hi this is already getting long and I wanna post this as soon as possible so people who want to see it will see it. This is written on like 3 hours of sleep after a 8 hour shift and it took me 3 HOURS because I am so fucking out of it ask for clarification before getting upset if something is wrong.

I also want to preface this with the fact I am an advocate for healthy multiplicity. I’ve written essays for classes on non monogamy and DID. I’ve written about how identifying as separate but whole has been the best way to heal for ME. I am in no way saying that the way professionals talk about us is a complete picture. Our history is important and self advocacy is important and I think both disordered and non disordered advocacy should be taken seriously.

In the context of the disorder of DID, which is characterized specifically by distress and impairment, talking about it as a disorder is really fucking important. If you’re interested in the history of non disordered systems Sai’s card is absolutely incredible and I really really think it’s important to read. This is not a “syscourse” post or whatever, this all existed before the internet. I feel like discoursing over wether what real people experience is real is stupid because you’re never going to get into their brain.

Much of our history is self recorded because professionals for so long treated us like we were unable to understand our situation and unable to advocate for ourselves. All of these are reputable and sourced with great care by someone I trust.

https://plural.neocities.org

Alright preface over or whatever uh. Here we go.

While the DID community is much smaller than the ADHD/Autistic community, the issue of “well, I can do that, why can’t you?” is very present in a LOT of spaces. There are many similarities in how our “weirdnesses” is perceived outwardly by society. Some things are very very similar such as us being “off putting” and a lot of us being disabled to the point where we are unable to work a job. So, so much is similar in how society views us because there are so many crossover symptoms. But in terms of different experiences I’ve had people say it’s weird that I seem to switch between “emotional states” so quickly, that it’s weird how my voice changes pitch and my stims are different, that its “weird” when I switch to certain alters (my ex said this to his face btw) because they act so differently from me, I often feel the discomfort from certain friends when an alter introduces themselves with their own name. Some of these were said by systems, too!

We find it difficult to identify switches and tell who is fronting, sometimes we can’t tell until I (the host) am back in the front and things are disorienting. There is a massive push to CONSTANTLY be able to identify who’s fronting to other people.

I’ve noticed that a lot of what I experience isn’t in line with what people talk about on tumblr and TikTok and I struggled with that for awhile. Despite having the closest thing I can have to a diagnosis at this point, and doing what I can to read the literature. I do not know who is fronting if it is not me most of the time and identifying who can actually put a lot of strain on us. Sometimes we are distinct enough to tell, but not always. Many people I know also experience this.

Tools like pluralkit and simplyplural are great, but I’ve heard so many stories of singlets and even other systems feeling “lied to” when someone doesn’t identify who is fronting. For a very very long time we felt a lot of pressure to constantly be able to identify who is in the front. This is a symptom that is kinda supposed to happen though, you are dissociating from yourself.

I also think a lot of other systems find littles, animals alters, and fictives/factives cringe/weird and feel very self righteous in bullying them because of it especially if they are “normal” systems.

Littles are “weird” because it’s a child alter in a usually adult body. It’s “weird” that an adult is acting like a kid. DID is a dissociative disorder with the cause being linked to childhood trauma. An alter may form as a child as a result of said trauma. Animal alters are “weird” because it is abnormal to see people acting like animals and the (often) non speaking aspect of this isn’t taken seriously. Again, DID is linked to childhood abuse, if a child with DID was treated like an animal by their abusers they are probably going to form an animal alter.

Fictives and factives are more complex because it’s so often used as an indicator that people are faking because it’s “weird”. This is silly. I’m just going to repost something I’ve already wrote on it because I think explaining it again would make me loose my actual fucking mind.

“Things like “if I were this character I wouldn’t be in this situation” and “this character would take care of me, they wouldn’t hurt me” and “if I was this character I would be strong enough to survive” are all things I’ve thought of as probable reasons and I’ve heard similar from others too!

Also, it is a LOT easier to make something from a blueprint/template than create something entirely new in anything. I don’t see why that would be different in the brain especially if one is going through a lot already. Normal alters pull from our experiences already so it’s kinda just a more extreme version of that imo!”

And what you need to understand about living with DID is that it’s fucking weird. It will be weird. Systems aren’t any more “normal” if they don’t experience weird symptoms.

I think the “tee hee alters in my head” talk is SOMETIMES overwhelming discussions of what it is like to live day to day with the disorder. There are days when there is very little internal communication within us, and many people I know do not have any internal communication at all.

The idea that alters are separate people and not ‘parts of a whole’ is something I’ve seen people very defensive on. while I like. Get this sentiment, and it can be very very invalidating to be told this. But it’s not really consistent with the literature and if you want to treat your plurality like DID you have to at least consider parts language IMO. Modern papers in my experience do affirm the individual identities of alters while still using parts language. This is very good in my opinion because it not only validates the lived experiences of someone with DID but also stays on the track of treating the disorder in one way or another.

There are severe and dangerous symptoms related to DID that are NOT talked about enough. There are comorbidities that are not talked about at all that I like, only found out about from scouring papers. But I do not want to get into that until I have at least. A week to recover from finals dear FUCK.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Best and Worst Comic Appearances of the Rogues

Note: Keep in mind that some of these choices are very subjective and based on personal taste. In particular, it's difficult for me to know if the storylines I list as the "best" for a given character are actually the best, or if they're just the ones that appeal the most to me personally. I feel like the "worst" choices are more objective (or at least more likely to be shared by a majority of the fanbase).

I'm also only judging stories that I've actually read for this list.

Captain Cold

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: While I like his debut story from Showcase #8 a lot, I think my favorite Pre-Crisis Len story is Flash vol. 1 #150, "Captain Cold's Polar Perils". Ayesha, Len's stalkee-girlfriend du jour, is a fun character, and Len's powers are at peak Silver Age insanity, which is always fun. It's really the perfect encapsulation of what Pre-Crisis Captain Cold is like.

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 2 #182. This is the famous Rogue Profile issue for Len, and it is legitimately really, really good (even if its treatment of Lisa is frustrating at times). It's a very solid examination of the character and the backstory provides a lot of depth that Len really needed. Basically, if you want to understand modern Captain Cold, this is one of the best issues you can read.

Worst Appearance: Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #10-13. Every character in F: TFMA is poorly written, and Len is no exception. From having a murder retconned into one of the periods where he was supposed to be reformed to letting a teenage speedster take over the Rogues for no good reason, this story just does not understand Cold.

I will also note here that I generally don't like Joshua Williamson's take on Len. I have trouble putting my finger on exactly why, but if I had to take a stab at explaining it, I think I would say that Williamson's Len is too ambitious and too hands-off. Having him take over first Central City's underworld, and then Central City, seems out-of-character for Len, who's usually smart enough to understand that escalating crimes to that level is a great way to attract a horde of superheroes, and having him sit back and organize crimes without going out into the field himself, which Williamson did more than once, likewise seems out-of-character for Cold. Johns' Len wasn't always the best leader in the world, but at least he was always in the field with the other Rogues. Williamson's Len seems a lot more willing to sit back and let other people do the work for him, and he comes across as a worse leader because of it. Effectively, then, I think my problem with Williamson's Len is that his Len seems younger, less experienced, less practical, and less likely to inspire loyalty than any previous version of the character (except the one that was being written around the time of F: TFMA.)

Captain Boomerang Sr.

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #310-311, or Batman #322. The first story has Captain Boomerang getting double-crossed by Colonel Computron and sent back in time (on a giant time-traveling boomerang!), whereupon he has to team up with the Flash to fight pirates. It's delightful, and is made even more so by Digger's determination to save his ex-employer, W. W. Wiggins, from the vengeance of Colonel Computron. The second story features Captain Boomerang fighting---and nearly defeating!---Batman, who narrowly escapes death on Digger's "doomerang". Batman really needs to take Flash's villains more seriously....

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Suicide Squad #44. This gives us Digger's modern backstory, establishes that he's actually W. W. Wiggins' biological son, and generally serves as an interesting character study of a generally unpleasant character. Flash vol. 3 #7 is a very similar retelling of the same basic backstory, this time by Geoff Johns, and would have been tied with Suicide Squad #44 if not for the gratuitous scene of Digger killing his assumed father (for my money, Geoff Johns is a bit too fond of gruesome deaths).

Worst Appearance: I don't read a lot of Suicide Squad, so I'm not familiar with the terrible Digger appearances that may have happened in the various Suicide Squad runs. Because of that, my nomination for the worst Digger story is Identity Crisis #2-5, the story that killed him (and poor Jack Drake and Sue Dibney) for the sake of earning grimdark edgelord points. What makes it even worse is that the story's scenes of him interacting with Owen are actually pretty good, so we got teased with a really interesting plot for him right before he was pointlessly axed.

Heat Wave

Best Pre-Crisis Story: Flash vol. 1 #266-267, or Flash vol. 1 #312. The first story gave us the first version of Heat Wave's backstory (specifically, it established his cryophobia due to having been locked in a meat freezer as a child), presented him as the main villain of a story basically for the first time (all his previous appearances had him teamed up with another villain), and was full of delightful Pre-Crisis pseudo-science, like heat-seeking fire. It also featured a panel of Mick totally freaking out at the sight of ice cubes. The second story was Mick's first reform, and it was a solid, if slightly goofy, tale of Mick proving that his parole officer was framing him for crimes. It also led to him and Barry becoming friends (and temporary roommates) a few issues later!

Best Post-Crisis Story: Flash vol. 2 #218. It's one of the few Post-Crisis issues that uses him as a lead character, and it establishes his now-iconic tragic backstory and pyromania. Even though it's a bit excessively grimdark (did he really need to burn down the circus where he worked as a fire-eater?), it's a solid story nevertheless.

Worst Story: The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #11-13, or the "Three of a Kind" crossover (Green Arrow #96, Green Lantern #130, and Flash #135). Everyone was terribly written in F: TFMA, and Mick was no exception, as he was portrayed as an idiot and then killed Bart Allen.

In the crossover, Mick teamed up with two random villains that he had no prior connection to, for some reason decided to try to revive Dr. Polaris with them via hijacking a cruise ship, and ended up killing a bunch of people. It really felt like he just got shoved into the story because they needed a Flash villain in it, and they didn't think about which one would actually make sense in the plot. It makes even less sense when you remember that Mick would go back to being reformed directly after this.

Also, the New 52 introduced us to the Hothead McAngryman version of Mick, and it unfortunately took over five years for him to finally get back to normal. Having the character with fire powers be hot-headed and aggressive is probably the most boring choice they could have made, and it hurt Mick's overall character for quite some time.

Mirror Master I (Sam Scudder)

Best Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #126, or Flash vol. 1 #146, or Flash vol. 1 #306, or Batman #388 and Detective Comics v1. #555.

The first two stories are delightful Silver Age nonsense. Flash #126 features Sam traveling to a mirror world where the inhabitants essentially make him their king, but he quickly gets fed up with the fact that he's given whatever he wants means that he has no opportunities for dramatic theft, and he summons the Flash to help him escape from his boring life as king. Flash #146 is the story where the Mirror Master switches his legs with the Flash's legs. It also features Barry and Sam attending the same self-help class without knowing it!

Flash #306 has disco-dancing Sam, and, more importantly, it's one of the very few stories to try to give Sam an interesting motivation: specifically, he's fallen in love with a woman who's trapped in a mirror and is desperately trying to free her. The ending of the story is a sad one for Sam, but it's also surprisingly touching.

Finally, the Batman two-parter features Sam at his overconfident, flashy, hilarious best as he tries to prove that he's a better criminal than Captain Boomerang (incidentally, this is also a great Captain Boomerang story). It features such highlights as Sam freaking out at the sight of Batman, Sam getting freaked out by Gotham muggers, and Sam deciding to rob a bank because it's across the street and he doesn't have any better ideas. The first part of the story also features some of the best facial expressions he's ever made.

Worst Appearance: For a single story, it's either Flash Rebirth #2 or that issue from Joshua Williamson's run where Sam wore his socks and underwear in the hot tub. Weirdly, Flash Rebirth #2 featured Sam only briefly, and in a flashback, but it retconned a murder into his early past in a way that would darken all of his fun Silver and Bronze Age adventures. It's one thing to have the Rogues become more dangerous in the present, and another to retroactively make all of their early, light-hearted stories grim like this. (Geoff Johns was responsible for this retcon, and far too many others like it. I really wish he didn't like grimdark retcons so much.)

The Williamson issue had Sam who was Evan-in-all-but-name-and-accent. At that point, he might as well have not been Sam at all! That being said, this was basically just the culmination of all the problems Sam has had since he was brought back to life in the New 52. I don't know how you make a character as fun and dynamic as Pre-Crisis Sam was boring and confusing, but somehow they managed!

Weather Wizard

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Either Detective Comics vol. 1 #353, or Adventure Comics #466.

Watching Mark fight---and actually briefly outsmart!---Batman in Detective Comics #353 is a lot of fun, and this story is full of delightful Silver Age zaniness, including, but not limited to, Mark saving Gotham City from a drought by filling all of its reservoirs just so that he can make a big announcement in the sky about how he did it in thanks for getting to steal three priceless valuables, and in turn use that message to determine what in town is worth stealing.

Adventure Comics #466 is an entirely different brand of delightful insanity, and features the Weather Wizard briefly turning good, stopping a horde of locusts from destroying crops, and saving Blue Valley from a flood because sun spots were messing with his wand, which he somehow managed to telepathically link to his brain. No, really. Sunspots briefly make the Weather Wizard turn good. Reading this is worth it just to see Barry's reaction to friendly happy Weather Wizard.

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Rogues Revenge #1-3. By far the most in-depth look we've ever gotten at Mark's past, his relationship with his brother Clyde, and his boatload of issues. Despite being one of the more frequently-used Rogues in the Geoff Johns era, it was rare for Mark to get a lot of attention outside of his role as a big threat, and this miniseries was a nice change of pace for him. I just wish it hadn't ended with the pointless death of his baby son, Josh, because seeing Mark develop a relationship with Josh would have been far more interesting (and less grimdark).

Worst Appearance: The Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #11-13. The story where the writers replaced the Rogues' brains with rocks, and hoped we wouldn't notice. We did.

Trickster I (James Jesse)

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #142. In which the Trickster steals a little kid's toy detective set, and proceeds to screw around with the entire city, and the Flash, just because he can. It's a great display of the Trickster's inventiveness and creativity, and the story goes out of its way to state that Trickster is more interested in attention and having fun than in getting money.

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Catwoman vol. 2 #69-71, or New Year's Evil : The Rogues.

The Catwoman story features some of the funniest James moments ever, and it's so much fun watching the two con artists try to outsmart and outplay one another. Catwoman and James have a great dynamic, and it's a shame they've never really teamed up again.

New Year's Evil: The Rogues features James at his most heroic, teaming up with the Pied Piper (and, thanks to some manipulation on his part, some of the other Rogues as well) to save his ex-girlfriend Mindy's son, Billy, from a group of mercenaries who are attempting to overthrow the government of Zhutan. The story also eventually reveals that Billy is James' son, which sadly never went anywhere since for some reason no one wanted to follow up on this awesome plot point.

Worst Appearance: Countdown! Not only does he forget all of his Post-Crisis character development, but he also acts really stupidly for no reason, is a humongous jerk to the Pied Piper (his close friend!) for no reason, and then is pointlessly killed for no reason.

It's also worth noting that his most recent big appearance, the one written by Joshua Williamson, was very frustrating to me. It's not as objectively bad as Countdown, or James' appearances in F: TFMA, but it takes James in an unpleasant, dark direction, and I didn't care for it at all.

Pied Piper

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #307. This story is very important for the Pied Piper, because it not only gave him his full backstory but also gave him an actual name after over twenty years of him not having one! It's also just a fun read in general, full of delightful Pre-Crisis "science" and featuring some great character work for both Hartley and his parents, who are so desperate to preserve their family name that they have a reporter who uncovered the secret kidnapped so they can bribe her to keep quiet!

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 2 #19, or Flash vol. 2 #32.

William Messner-Loebs' run on the Flash is underrated, and his work on Piper is a stand-out example of why more people should read it. Even though Hartley doesn't appear a lot in Flash #19 (his first ever Post-Crisis Flash appearance, by the way), but when he does show up, it pretty much single-handedly establishes what he's going to be like going forward; establishing him as an at least mostly reformed Rogue who cares about protecting the homeless and disadvantaged. It's just really sweet.

Flash vol. 2 #32 features Hartley teaming up with Wally to save his parents and his adorable little sister Geraldine from the henchmen of the Turtle and the Turtle Man. It's adorable seeing Hartley interact with his little sister, and it's also nice to see him finally make peace with his parents, even if they'll never be close. I really wish Geraldine had gotten to show up again, because I want to see more of Hartley's little sister. Also, this story features a line that I've always found hilarious for some inexplicable reason:

Thug (in response to Joan Garrick showing up at the Rathaways' mansion): An old woman? Seize her!

A close runner-up is Flash vol. 2 #190, which is a retelling of the origin story from Flash vol. 1 #307, but with more details and from Hartley's POV (the original tale had his parents telling the story).

Worst Appearance: F: TFMA and Countdown (since one led into the other, I kind of count them as one story). In which Hartley totally forgets that he reformed, is involved in the death of Bart Allen, loses about 100 IQ points, gets chased all around the DCU, gets insulted almost non-stop by the Trickster in spite of the fact that they're supposed to be friends, watches Trickster get shot in front of him, and almost goes crazy and dies.

The fact that he gets to blow up Apocalypse with Queen music is awesome, but not nearly enough to salvage this otherwise terrible storyline.

The Top

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #297-303. Roscoe comes back from the dead, possesses Barry's father, spends what appears to be several months living with Barry and pretending to be Henry Allen (while slipping off to visit Lisa on the side), and then attempts to kill Barry Allen and steal his body for his own. It's weird and creepy and unique and perfect for Roscoe, and it features lots of top puns, as all good Roscoe stories should. Also, even though he's generally a huge jerk in this story, his relationship with Lisa is adorable, affectionate, and shockingly healthy.

The most hilarious thing about this story is the fact that at one point in it, Barry thinks to himself that his relationship with his father is the best it's ever been....in response to the interactions he's had with Roscoe posing as his dad. That's right, Barry apparently gets along better with Roscoe-pretending-to-be-his-dad than he does with his actual dad.

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: This is hard. Most of Roscoe's Post-Crisis appearances are pretty bad. The writers of Hawk and Dove didn't do an especially good job with him, Mark Waid's one story with him was a decent Pied Piper story but a terrible Roscoe story, and Geoff Johns seemed to hate the character, so that always affected his Roscoe stories. If I had to pick one, I guess I'd go with @gorogues' suggestion and pick Flash vol. 2 #215-216, since he's really intimidating and cool in those issues. Unfortunately, even those issues are not immune from the curse of bad post-crisis Roscoe stories, as they include the stupid Identity Crisis tie-in retcons that negated a whole bunch of the Rogues' character development.

I seriously don't know what the problem is with the Top's post-crisis stories. All of his Pre-Crisis stories were good, solid fun, and his best story shows that he can be really effective and creepy as a main villain. Why is it so hard for modern writers to write good Top stories? He isn't inherently any weirder or goofier than the Trickster.

Worst Story: Hawk and Dove vol. 3 annual #1, or Flash vol. 2 #120-121. The Hawk and Dove annual features some truly hideous art (I'm sure @gorogues has some scans to prove just how bad it is), and features a badly out-of-character Roscoe, who just seems out-of-place fighting Hawk and Dove.

Flash vol. 2 #120-121 takes the solid idea of Roscoe trying to become president by possessing the body of a senator, and then kind of ruins it by having 99% of the cast treat Roscoe as a total joke (the same Roscoe who once tried to blow up half the world with an atomic grenade!) and by having Roscoe act like an unparalleled jerkwad towards the Pied Piper for no real reason. Before his death, Roscoe generally got along pretty well with the other Rogues, so there was no reason for him to act so nastily here. Worse, I think this depiction went on to influence Geoff Johns' portrayal of Roscoe as the most unfriendly and cruel of the Rogues, which is kind of frustrating as he wasn't always like that.

Golden Glider

Best Pre-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 1 #257. Golden Glider is terrifying and awesome, and this story shows you exactly why. Within this issue alone, she discovers Barry's secret identity (making her the first Rogue to pull off this hat trick), almost kills both of Barry's parents and Iris (as revenge for Roscoe's death, which she blames on Barry), puts up a very solid fight against the Flash, doesn't even flinch when the Flash threatens to kill her as a bluff (saying that she has nothing left to live for now that Roscoe is dead), and, although Barry manages to save Iris and his parents, she escapes without being captured. Pre-Crisis Golden Glider is the best, and it's a shame she never gets written like this anymore.

Best Post-Crisis Appearance: Flash vol. 2 #19. Her interactions with Wally in this story are great fun, and I like seeing her be chummy with her older brother and her fellow Rogues at the party they're throwing. Her interactions with Connie Noleski (Wally's one-time girlfriend) are also pretty funny. This issue is also notable for being one of the last stories that doesn't portray Lisa as a total lunatic, as for some reason, her character got shifted into that direction not long after COIE.

Worst Appearance: As I thankfully haven't read Teen Titans vol. 6 #22, I'm nominating Flash vol. 2 Annual 5. It's a great story for Captain Boomerang, Weather Wizard, and Trickster, but it's a pretty bad story for Lisa, as it portrays her as being completely insane and serves as Exhibit A of how Mark Waid didn't know how to write the character. Golden Glider was scary because she was smart, calculating, and surprisingly composed (given how full of rage she was). Making her violently comic-book crazy undercuts how scary she was back in the Bronze Age.

You know, it really says something that Carey Bates, Lisa's creator, is probably still the best writer she's ever had. And he was writing in the late 70s and early 80s!

Mirror Master II (Evan McCulloch)

Best Story: Animal Man #8, 17, and 21, or Flash vol. 2 #133.

Nobody writes Evan McCulloch better than his creator, Grant Morrison, and these issues put that on full display.

The Animal Man stories introduce McCulloch, establish his weird personality, his freaky powerset, and his strict refusal to kill women or children, and are generally a delight to read. McCulloch has a very distinct voice throughout and is the funniest part of all three stories. Basically, everything you need to know about the character was established in these three issues.

Flash #133 is McCulloch's best appearance in an issue of Flash. He maintains his weirdness, his distinctive voice, and his insane powerset, and he takes the Flash and the reader on a trippy, colorful adventure around the world and through the looking glass. He maintains his generally cheerful and friendly attitude towards superheroes, and he is, once again, the funniest character in the story. Grant Morrison's Evan is a delight.

A close runner-up was Flash vol. 2 #212, the story that gave Evan his backstory (grimdark though it is, it somehow kind of works for him) and established what has become arguably his second-most famous characteristic (after his Scottish accent): his addiction to cocaine. It is a very good story, and I like that we get to learn more about Evan's history, but I will say that Geoff Johns' Evan isn't nearly as cheerful and weird as Morrison's, and I think that the story would have been even better with Morrison's cheerful nutty Evan than with Johns' creepy, sullen version.

Worst Appearance: Flash: TFMA. You know the drill by this point. Stupid Rogues. Pointless death of Bart. Bad writing all around.

Trickster II (Axel Walker)

Best Appearance: Flash vol. 2 #183. There are actually surprisingly few issues that focus on Axel as a lead character, but I've always enjoyed his introductory issue. It establishes some backstory for him and effectively tells you who he is (an annoying brat who might be in over his head) and what he can do (use a lot of crazy trick gadgets and work computers better than the older Rogues). I also like the bit towards the end of the issue where Mark is thoroughly unimpressed by Axel and asks if he's supposed to be their mascot. It always gets a giggle out of me.

I also thought the arc in Joshua Williamson's run where Axel briefly got super-strength was a pretty good story for Axel. It's one of the few times he's been played sympathetically and I thought that it worked really well.

Worst Appearance: Helmet of Fate: Detective Chimp. Okay, I haven't actually read this one, but I know enough about it to know that Axel murders 4 teenagers for no real reason, and that's enough for me to list it as his worst appearance.

Also, I can't really think of any Axel issue that I have read where Axel is portrayed really terribly. Writers usually seem to have a decent grasp on his character.

Captain Boomerang Jr.

Best Appearance: The best appearance of his that I've read is in Flash vol. 2 #220-225 (the Rogue War storyline). It's one of the few stories to feature him with the Rogues, and his grief over the death of his father and his relationship with Captain Cold are both very interesting. The story also finally tells us who his mother is (Meloni Thawne) and how she had a kid with Digger (well, sort of. We know time travel shenanigans were involved, at least). That being said, @gorogues says that his appearance in Manhunter v. 3 were really good, and I've heard that the story where he teamed up with Tim Drake was a good one as well.

Worst Appearance: Blackest Night: Flash #3. The story where he was turned into a idiotic child murderer and then was pointlessly killed off!

A close runner up was the Rebirth (I think) issue of Suicide Squad where he suddenly showed up and was inexplicably a snobby criminal mastermind who really hated Digger.

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- Surrender

Ohhh yeah, bitches. It's time for a JUICY review. My first review of a PooPoo Tier book. Just a heads up, this one is gonna get VERY salty.

Welcome to the thirty-fourth official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about Surrender, which I have ranked on the "PooPoo Tier" at 1 star out of a possible 10. My last and only playthrough of this was around February-June 2022 (for the first book) and October 2023 (for the second book).

Holy crap, this series is awful. Like, actually the worst of the whole app, in my opinion. 

It shot itself in the foot from the very start– you can’t have MC be trying to escape a toxic marriage, but have her new endgame love interest be just as bad if not worse than the ex spouse. Reagan literally talks to her as if she’s already their sub from day fucking one. And even worse, MC wants to be Reagan’s sub barely even a few chapters later, so it can almost be read as if Reagan coerced her into BDSM. 

And there was literally no reason to default MC to being a sub here. Okay, I guess it technically does set up the plot for Book 2 where Reagan is refusing to give up control, but saying it doesn’t make sense for the MC to not wanna dom at first is kinda bullshit. The writers say in their blog post about Surrender 1 that “It wouldn’t make sense for her to dom right away”, yet they’re okay with making her sub right away? Other than Reagan basically coercing her into the sub role, there’s nothing given about MC’s character that suggests she couldn’t have had interest in the dom role (or both, as a switch role) at first. 

Truth be told, I’d have much preferred if they let MC have options to try either of the roles and let the player build up her role as sub, dom, switch, sub-leaning, dom-leaning, etc. Especially since MC is supposed to be A) new to BDSM and B) freshly divorced after seeing her toxic spouse cheat on her. So let her take the time to explore and try out what she likes. That would be far more believable for the story and a far more immersive experience for the players. I get that said options wouldn’t have allowed for the arc of Reagan learning to give up some control, but surely they still could have done something creative for a more choice-based system. 

Book 2 does have us start to try a more dominant role, but it’s honestly meaningless. Because all that book does is, it doubles down on how toxic of a partner Reagan is. 

Yes, I know they do give some context for Reagan having control issues with their parents’ own abusive relationship, but as someone who has been in a fairly similar situation, it’s handled horribly. Their behaviors feel like they’re treated more as just an inconvenience or a minor hiccup, rather than genuinely toxic and abusive behaviors. 

Like, here’s all the shit Reagan does in Book 2. They go behind MC’s back to pull strings for her to get that job but then deliberately convinces her that she got it all on her own, constantly acts incredibly infantilizing to her, tries to enforce BDSM-style rules outside of the bedroom to the point where they straight up forbid her from doing a part of her own job, and– probably the worst of them all– literally tells MC “when a woman agrees to be my sub, she agrees to obey”. Honest to God, just that line right there was enough to put this series on my permanent Choices shitlist. 

And funnily enough, the series just almost got a chance to avoid it! After that awful line, MC finally gets some self-respect and dumps Reagan over their controlling behavior, and for a few chapters she has a big girls’ getaway trip with Malorie and (optionally) Reese (funnily enough the next book to be released after Surrender 2 is Getaway Girls). And let me tell you they’re the best chapters of this series and I enjoyed it to the max. It was the only part of the book I was willing to spend diamonds on. 

Now, had MC left Reagan for good– or at least had a proper talk with Reagan– then I might move this series up a view tiers. Unfortunately, it’s all downhill from there. 

Reagan refuses to take accountability for MC leaving them, and then proceeds to make Anderson track MC down on her trip when they learn she might be taking a job in Seattle. Holy fuck PB, Reagan is literally just Pat Ransic 2.0. In fact, I think they’re much worse actually. 

And what makes it all tragic is that the ending, in theory, could have worked. Reagan does apologize, they do talk things out, Reagan does become more willing to give up control, and we are allowed to choose if we want to be dom, sub, or switch. 

It seems all well and good, except for one little problem: it doesn’t feel earned in the slightest, especially not when the two become engaged at the end of the book (the one time MC is the one who proposes to LI, and it’s in the shittiest Choices book that ever smelled like shit), barely even a chapter after their conversation. Which, by the way, only happened because Reagan tracked MC down on her getaway trip to Vegas. It’s rushed as all hell, and that’s putting it lightly. 

Not only that, but even though Reagan’s behaviors are addressed (or rather, lampshaded), it’s only part of the problem. Grant and Ray’s relationship, the relationship that the writers try to parallel with Reagan and MC’s relationship and that Reagan used to justify going back to MC, was a seemingly healthy relationship where they had struggles making things work, but they weren’t toxic. 

Reagan and MC’s relationship is straight up toxic from the start– again, they acted incredibly predatory towards MC on the very day they met, and their relationship has been filled with nothing but toxicity. And MC fails to realize this, even when calling out Reagan– which is why I don’t think the story really treats the full situation with enough seriousness. The story doesn’t just shoot itself in the foot– it shoots itself in both of its legs AND its free arm, so many times that it’s too late to even amputate them because it’s already died from bleeding out so goddamn much (I know that sounds pretty extreme, but you get the idea). 

Also, to add acid to all of the many wounds, this series was the perfect opportunity to let us have a pegging scene. But outside of one scene in Book 2 where you can mention MC wanting to use a strap-on, we don’t seem to get that. Oh, but they’re perfectly fine with writing Reagan blowing on MC’s cooch despite that that’s a huge risk for an air embolism which is potentially lethal. (Granted someone did say MC can use anal beads on Reagan in the finale scene if you choose MC to be a dom; but I played that scene, after having chosen MC to be dom, and uh… there was no option). 

You know what though, this series isn’t good enough to have pegging anyways. The only pegging Reagan deserves is a pegging in the face with a fucking hammer. 

Fuck this series. What a waste of potential.

[corviddusk]

Question do you call yourself a baeddel as a slur reclaiming or do you have anti-transmasculine/transmed/etc views? I am personally not transmasculine but I avoid people who associate with the baeddelism (discourse stance) community, you interacted with one of my posts and I just wanted to be sure you were a safe person for all trans people to be around.

For me it's quite complicated I'll preface it with this: It is slur reclamation and I interact with and engage with writing and posts from others who are often labeled it- including those who I sometimes take issues with. I do not see myself as anti-transmasc and I care a lot about transmasculine people.

I think transandrophobia as defined by Genderkoolaid is a faulty theory and both ignores some forms of oppression and fails to understand more accurately where the cruelty towards transmascs and men is coming from. I don't like saying it's not real as transmasc specific oppression is 100% real and there is a lot of transandrophobia discussion that is genuinely helpful and should be drawn from.

I however have started using the term Transemasculation and have been trying to better define the concepts. I have an article called Transandrophobia Vs. Transemasculation but it is also important I note I did make a glaring error in that article by steamrolling the concept of "punishment for masculinization" which I am now working on an entire article for as I feel not only did I ignore something due to my own issues and biases, I also missed an opportunity to further outline how insidious the oppression against transmascs is.

More extensive explanation under the cut since I'm very wordy already

Bæddel is a term I have only ever called myself after someone on bluesky added me to a supposed list of them. Specifically this is someone who I used to be mutuals with on another account on Twitter before I left a cult of personality I was in that they were I'm the orbit of. No I am not joking when I call this thing a cult, it's how I was under the control of my abusive ex-mentor. This ex-mentor goes hard against supposed Baeddels and spreads misinformation about them. This has been retaliatory aggression and violence as one woman in a friend group broke up with her. She has since stalked and slandered this poor woman for a year. She was called out as a dangerous predator by a friend of this woman and that is why she turned her sights against these people.

By getting out and now helping people to whatever extent I can take on the label of Bæddel is not only reclamation as an intersex transfem but also reclamation for the trauma and pain of my main abuser in my college years. This is a deeply personal thing for me.

Modern day "Bæddels" are by and large transfeminists who are erroneously labeled as anti-transmasc when in actuality they are just against the faulty concept of misandry. There is no such thing as misandry and trans men are not oppressed for being men. Trans men are oppressed for being transgender/transsexual. A lot of people have gone hard against a wonderful theorist, Talia Bhatt, because she has a book coming out called "Trans Rad Fem" in actuality she has no ties in beliefs to those of TERFs and SWERFs her work is radically liberating to trans women and fems, and is radical for transfeminism. Much like some people here will label themselves radically inclusive this is not about holding similarities to TE"RF"s or SWE"RF"s as those people are not feminists nor are they particularly radical. They're bigots and nothing more. Their ideology is based on further cementing oppression against women.

I do however take issue with some of the behavior of some individuals labeled Bæddels (to be clear it is a slur and if you call someone that you're using a slur against them. Stop fucking doing that if any of you reading are). I hate the term "theyfab" with a passion and no matter what see is as transphobic and a slur. It's used primarily by cis people to attack enbies and pretending it's this profound transfeminist term is fucking disgusting. I hate anyone who dares to say "cuntboy" or, "zippertits" those horrendous sexualizing slurs were used against me during the decade I identified as a trans man. They're deeply fetishistic and reduce people to a porn category.

I am however okay with the term transandrobro and birthday boy.

Take that all as you will.

[an1-d0lly-h3lly]

~Sailor Chibi Non and Shiny Helios~

Greetings gals and pals!!!! For today here I have a Sailor Moon tribute artwork to show y'all since I've been pretty stoked for Sailor Moon: Cosmos to come out and return to our hearts as an ex-fan of the franchise!!! I have been planning to watch Cosmos with my older brother as he has also grown up with the Sailor Moon anime as well. Now I honestly don't know what came to my lil' mind while creating this image, but I believed h-hey, it actually pretty much worked out!!! When I was getting into Pripara early, Non pretty much always reminded of Sailor Chibi Moon in some way or the other, they're both rabbit oriented characters, their voices sound pretty similar, they're both smaller versions of the MCs (main characters) of their series and have mascots (Usacha and Diana) that are also supposed to be smaller mimics of their respective originals (Usagi and Luna), they both try so hard to copy their respective role models by forming their own little teams, (Nonsugar, Janis, and Shinya and the Amazoness Quartet as Sailor Chibi Moon's respective guardians, Sailor Saturn, and Helios) and their curious competitive, bratty, upstart, youthful, brave, kawaii, and complex personalities are pretty similar. Also for Shinya, even though not shown in Pripara yet, fans of Pripara have been shown to excessively ship Shinya and Non together (known as "ShiNon") since their birthdays are extremely close, their birthdays are EXTREMELY close, it is said that their seiyuus are close friends, and because they're basically pretty much Japan's Duncney at this point just sillily saying as a lil' Total Drama fan lol... but geez fans can get carried away sometimes smh!!! Anyhow, I thought the classic phrase "if you can't beat them, join them." that's what I did, plus did I mention, Shinya is one of my FAVORITE Pripara characters!!! I looove him, as for Helios as well, he's literally a living breathing bishounen HELPPP and both bois are sooo cool!!! But overall in retrospect, DAMN THIS WAS FUN AS HELL TO MAKE!

P L E A S E R E A D:

Both characters, Manaka Non and Oedo Shinya all belong to the Pretty All Friends series, which RIGHTFULLY belong to Syn Sophia, Takara Tomy Arts, and ALL of the other companies + owners of the Pretty All Friends franchise, and Sailor Chibi Moon and Helios RIGHTFULLY belongs to Kodansha, Naoko Takeuchi, Tokyopop, and all of the other companies + owners of the whole entire Pretty Guardian: Sailor Moon franchise, therefore Manaka Non and Oedo Shinya are NOT my original characters, and the outfits that I have made the characters wear are NOT my original outfit either, however this IS my original fanart.

Do NOT steal

Do NOT repost

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[taylortruther]

i still have photos of my ex (not many but we were high schoolers when we dated and broke up) but my ex did pass away before i met my partner. he has never cared about me having photos of my ex, i assume bc of the context of loss, but i think sometimes those things are hard to give up. you still knew that person, you have happy memories. i don't think clearing out photos of them is helpful to everyone. context matters a lot, and on the same vein, do you delete photos of people who were your friend once and aren't anymore? similar thing, but not quite the same, just something to think about.

also having a shoebox of their things that is tucked away seems very healthy as well, and something i do. as long as you aren't obsessing or crying over them still, I don't see any issue. i think a therapist would think similarly as I do.

(using the universal You here :) )

i guess some people DO cut people out of their physical photos... not sure if y'all have seen it but there's some popular tumblr post about someone's mom who fought with a bunch of friends and so all her photos have headless ladies in them. i think that's wild! but to each their own i suppose.

i really think it comes from a place of insecurity, feeling like you have to compete with an ex or like your partner isn't fully committed.

and i am sorry for your loss, friend.