#i still talked a lot of shit there didnt i tho...
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regarding the last two post as ever i just want to sentence tf fans to one year in the SU discourse trenches. I realise thats like saying i want a training program to create the most annoying fans on the internet. but at least theyd understand non human characters having coded identities and narrative deployment of metaphor and allusion to address social topics. theyd be fucking killing each other over it on the forums but you know. itd be a start
#some shit#its not called cisformers#alternatively maybe just watch es and realise its not actually doing anything NEW in HOW tfs (+scifi in GENERAL) stories can be used#its just NEW in the inclusive scope of its views. and being deliberate‚ thoughtful‚ kind‚ and uplifting‚ in its use#one the one hand if any tf fans see my blog now that im trying more engagement in blogging spaces maybe i should try and be more diplomatic#on the other hand. negative curb appeal and gunshots. go look at my essay if want the SLIGHTLY less talking shit version#i still talked a lot of shit there didnt i tho...
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reading Krakoa era out of order bc reading lists online make it confusing and my local library only has so many books
just as god intended right on my friend you're doing everything right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
#snap chats#the key to reading comic books isnt to read them in order or even all of them just the ones you like#until eventually someone tells you some wack as hell fact about an issue and then you go read that one#many such cases why do you think i picked up onslaught revelation. cause that fucker is back#why do you think i picked up wolverine number 3 because my beautiful wife is hammered for two pages in it#brother was just talkin to me casually bout onslaught one day and i was like NO FUCKIN WAY thats how you do it !!!!!!!!#like the first krakoa story i read technically was resurrection of magneto followed by the trial of magneto#clearly we see i had an agenda vjALKJKLAJ BUT STILL#it was STILL a really good run ... i could piece together enough of the background before then and really enjoyed it on its own#with that said tho it was very cool/funny to see crumbs Of trial of magneto in way of x#BUT NOW I HAVE LEGION OF X HAHAAAA i cant wait to properly sit and read it ..... after i get through my New Mutants issues ....#i got those a while ago but i kept putting off reading them ... oops ..... i read the first one at least#i was gonna say something but i forgot. oh no i didnt i remember thats what i love about comic books#because theres So Many and so many timelines and stories it invites a lot of community interaction#just to be like 'oh hey did you know This happened in This issue you should check it out'. thats beautiful#even if. its to talk about utter dog shit like she lies with angels BUT STILL ITS COMMUNITY !!!!! we can be lovers AND haters together <3#its why i love getting physical comics too. i mean i dont have friends or people who visit me LOL#but i like the idea of bringing up what i have and letting people borrow it. community ......
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feel like morgan/lucina is kinda underrated like i get why. but also like… duuude… take it from lucinas perspective: the kid of the fell god that betrayed your father turns against you despite years and years of friendship and most definitely knowing eachother since birth (do you honestly think chrom and robin wouldnt set their kids up on play dates immediately? really??) and despite how much you love them you know they’re beyond saving and you have to leave them behind to succumb to grima when you go back in time to save the world, accepting that youll never see them again! oh shit buts whats this… they show up in the past anyways? having forgotten all the time you spent together, the trouble they caused, everything you meant to them? but its them, its morgan and for the first time in years youre able to see them again happy, carefree, and in complete control! should you feel sad? scared? overjoyed? i dont know! but slap some yuri on that and you got a crazy ass little sideplot all im saying!!!
#ann plays awakening#i just think lucina and morgan have a lot of potential!!#childhood friends to mutual crush to ‘oh shit youre evil i gotta go’ to ‘wym you forgot me?!’ to trying to repair the past#to HOPEFULLY AT SOME POINT lovers. do you see what im talking about??#also i think the implication that our morgan is from a different timeline from lucina could be interesting too#like eventually she’ll have to accept that she DID leave her morgan behind and wont ever see them again#seeing our morgan is a relief to know that somewhere out there they were saved. but hers wasnt. isnt that fucked up#anyways so. guess who im pairing lucina with this time hreheheheah#i wasnt going to at first but then i was just suddenly struck with the idea of them and im j. wow.#also great bc they make up 2/3 second gen units i wont be able to galeforce onto immediately#so. support grind AND skill grind at the same time. yeehoo#i still cant believe they didnt let lucina and f!morgan support tho. like are you joking… CHROM AND ROBINS KIDS?!?!??#insanity.
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each of the thieves’ perfect/alternate… third semester realities are so interesting. like… what it suggests about them that that is what they wanted and consider a perfect (or happier) reality. and then the question of how they feel living in that reality after remembering the truth and until they dismantle it. like… half of the cast (makoto, haru, futaba) is living with dead relatives. ryuji is back in the club that he (kinda not really) ruined and was practically ostracized from. ann has her best friend back, both of them completely clean of the trauma inflicted by kamoshida. yusuke- fucking yusuke’s third semester reality is the most fascinating to me- his perfect reality is one where is mother is still dead and he’s still student under a much… generally better version of madarame- holy SHIT theres so much to unpack about yusuke’s reality
#thinking abt yusukes third semester reality makes me ill (positive) can you imagine how disorienting it must be for him after remembering#salty talks#salty plays p5#theres a lot to unpack abt the other realities but. holy shit yusukes. esp considering what you learn in the 2nd palace and his confidant#yusuke remains my favorite. futaba is a favorite as well tho#yusukes feels like a very… ignorance is bliss kind of thing cuz its like… like madarame is the reason his mom died yeah#so the mixture of his mother still being dead but him having a better existence w/ madarame and the sayuri being shown under his moms name#i feel like his is the most… theres a lot there yknow? like are past events different? (probably)#persona 5 spoilers#persona 5 royal spoilers#persona 5#persona 5 royal#morganas is the least interesting thats why i didnt mention it. he just gets to be his humansona
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Same venue. Same-ish crowd. Opposing seasons. Contrasting vibes.
#me#sometimes you have a few beers and yr feeling yrself. sometimes you feel too much like yourself and consider leaving early#for all the talk of yearning and intricate rituals let me tell you. a drunk girl sidled in right in front of me and the sense of rage i-#her and esp the guys she was with got kinda rowdy in the pit later on shoving each other also into the crowd whom did NOT want part of that#its a lot of people in a small room and at this point i was already further back and against a wall let me tell you#i think if someone had touched me i might have snapped fr#still had an ok time though once i got over feeling super embarrassed about my self and dared looking other people in the eye lol ah#one thing i do like abt the culture is the genderneutrality of it all... the most long and luscious locks in the room belong to some guy#and i can show up in sport bra and oversized shirt no typa bag no makeup wearin black laceup boots that could be m or f#my gender is uh. dont worry abt it lets just turn off the lights and vibe#got talking w someone tho who said she recognised me frm a diff event & i didnt much like that idea.. im not in the mood to be Perceived at#the venue IS p cool tho... like oo at a forgotten space on the other side of the tracks. by the water. by the skate park. yea#edit HOW could i forget. the rowdiest of drunk guys got either shamed into stepping out or str8 removed fr a lil while im not sure lol#and another guy wantedto crowdsurf but only 2 of his friends came to the stage to get him so he just kinda. crawled on top of them#and they awkwardly took a few steps carrying him round the vacated front. none of the crowd wanted shit to do w them lmao
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I rlly liked red hood the hill bc besides the gift it completely ignored everything else with the batfam which to meeee I’m taking it as the hill has been overlooked by the bats forever (see Orpheus rising) so yeah nobody there gives a fuck about those people and jason knows better than to bring that shit over there
#genuinely tho#I dislike the trend rn of simplifying Jason and Bruce’s issues and making it seem like Bruce was nice and accepting all along and Jason just#needs to get with the program#like the fanficication of that and the Damian Bruce issues or Damian tim issues or even Dick and bruce issues#where everything comes down to the kids being insecure and Bruce being bad at communicating#which has always been PART of the main issues but using that as the crux and lens through which a solution will be acheived is a stretch#a stretch only made in fix it fics that is picked up by ppl who dont read shit and then writers who dont read dont care and get a check#THIS IS MY ISSUE WITH WHERE IT SEEMS BATFAM IS GOING THAT IS NOT AN ISSUE I HAVE WITH RE#NOT ABOUT RED HOOD THE HILL#back to red hood the hill#i DO like them#playing off how jason has always been able to relax there#with a community that has eachothers back#and the flip from#his early red hood days to seeing dana go that path is soooo#what i find interesting tho as that he positions himself as support and backup more than a deterrant#like yes he does try to talk her down a lot but most of the time hes living his life with a worried eye on her#and i think it shows to how he reacted to ppl (bruce) being heavy handed with him#and u know i love the batfam repeating awful cycles shit i think its very interesting that this is one jason didnt repeat#maybe bc hes so close to the feeling or that dana isnt to him what he was to bruce or even that hes just relaxing and thinking clearly and#above all trusts her#most toxic fun future would be for her to break that trust and him to go crazy but thats a diff rant#anyways my entire summary for jasons character is that THAT is what good coochie does to a nigga#carmen thank you for your service another crazy off the street 🙏🏾#red hood and the hill#oh. still no Orpheus mention#no it doesn’t hurt less anytime 💔#Jason Todd
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#vent#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#stuff
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people are really saying FNAF was "OG Markiplier"?
Try SCP Containment breach. Or Slender. Or even Amnesia, Dark Descent.
I feel so old seeing people say that btw, and I'm 24. Lmao
#i remember when markiplier played fnaf for the first time#shit was scary as hell. the lore and the games were so mysterious and dark#i mean. they still are. but once the 4th game came out it started to get a bit stale#and i found the 4th game scary. not for long tho#i think the first 2... even 3 games were creepy asf#still think they are. i cant even bring myself to play them#i cant play horror games because i suck at them and i get scared easily#i havent watched markiplier in so long... he's changed a lot#and that's not a bad thing. pretty cool that his YT career has been successful over the years#but i cant bring myself to idolise real people again. im not like that anymore#i watch his old vids from time to time for nostalgia reasons but thats it#same with PDP... And I stopped watching him before i stopped watching mark#i feel old talking about this#it feels so long ago but it was only 12 yrs ago...#ramblings#before anyone comes at me about watching pdp i was a young impressionable teenager#when i was watching these youtubers. so forgive me#i stopped watching him for obvious reasons. like the controversial shit#and he just kinda changed and i didnt like his vids anymore so i stopped#damn there are kids these days who dont know the old markiplier memes#like 'everybody do the dinosaur' or 'poof!'#GOD I MISS IT
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Watching the Obito Reveal in naruto and while I still want to punch this guy in the face, I'm rly enjoying seeing how emotional Kakashi is getting AND how supportive Guy is being to him. Like Fuck You, obito, guy is here and he's better than you in every fucking way. Up to and including giving kakashi the support he deserves ❤️
#speculation nation#fanny watches naruto#and madara just showed up which puts guy and madara in the same area WHICH MEANSSSS#it's guy vs madara soon >:] at some point lol. we have a lot of backstory episodes to get thru first it seems.#actually how cool is it that this fight is madara and obito vs kakashi guy And the two most powerful jinchuuriki#everyone on this field right now is so OP. it's very fun heheh#also kinda funny how five of these people are from konoha. then theres just bee here from the cloud#like shoutout to him for working with them so hard when this is ENTIRELY konoha bullshit wrecking the place#two uchiha here bc of personal vendettas etc etc and WHERES THE THIRD??????#who knows lol sasuke's off on a personal quest for the truth rn. gotta educate himself before he decides on a side to support.#it's so funny. like i mean he already did smth so helpful for the world by helping itachi take down kabuto#but then hes like. well idfk what to do now bc he hates konoha Even More but itachi declared his continued loyalty to it#so hes like. well lets talk to the All Knowing One (???) to ask questions. like ok i mean fair point.#wish we didnt have to bring orochimaru back for this tho. i quite liked him being dead for 200 episodes.#sasuke is in the midst of a metamorphosis... only by learning the Truth will he emerge as his true self... etc etc lol#anyways itd be fun to see sasuke fighting against his fellow uchiha. like come ON stop fucking up the world guys!!!!#but yeah im getting to a lot of big shit. ep 344 out of 500. still got a while to go. but im definitely in the Late Stage!!!!!#not looking forward to the neji thing. thats coming up in the next few dozen episodes. ugh.
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honestly i wish i could meet up w online friends but i am so filled w terror that my anxiety would make me so offputting and hateable instantly n then i wouldnt have any friends left HBJJBA,,,,, like,,, i cannot express just how bad my anxiety is between my avpd and never learning how 2 mask my autism i am probably the most naturally unlikeable person in existence n then id have to live w that maybe if i had just figured out how to fix myself first and make myself perfect n palatable then i wouldnt hav fucked it up like every other interaction irl
#i have literally never made a friend irl#and i am being genuine#i am a certified loser#the only friends i ever had were from a young age just . playdated and then we stayed in contact but never really were actual friends#everyone else is just like. why doesnt IT talk.......... or ur so funny..(freak)#like i dont do anything BAD but i . dont know how to hold a lot of conversations#or i say things too bluntly (not mean but just unexpected i guess?)#and it makes people laugh but. at me#not . like in a fun way#i always stuck to the fact i could b funny at least but then i never actually made friends because none of them actually liked me they just#liked how weird n awkward i was & how fun it was to make fun of me w their actual friends#they included me in some things but it was always just 2 watch my reaction#i spent so many years in relationships like that#i always ended up in one no matter where i went#i always just told myself if i just wait eventually someone will come along who i can actually get along w#but then whenever there was someone theyd just. leave eventually#because the only place i had 2 meet people was church like. programs?#youth group n etc#and more recently i think everyone just kinda accepts im the quiet one#so they dont talk to me#n i dont know how to start conversations so i dont talk 2 them#honestly thats why i appreciated that one guy from the youth connections program#he still always talked 2 me and included me but not in a forceful way#he took no as an answer#n he was cool#he was such an open n funky guy i wish i couldve talked to him more#because even tho he did make an effort i was still so awkward n scared i didnt talk much#he was super into helping animals n stuff n everyone made fun of him for that n i felt bad because i think thats the coolest shit#but i never got a chance 2 say it because how shutdown w anxiety i get
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My father was so silly when he was younger whatt
#hes still silly#he was telling me about his college and some shit that he did#and like. ive never done anything half as large scale but . oh my god im like him..#well the silly is fine i just didnt want to inherit mental illness from him and i did!!#the stuff he was talking about.. similar stuff happened to me#tho im more responsible and have some common sense so i cause a lot less damage (or more when needed hehehhee)#.mimiming ❜
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lots of emotional thoughts 2day Ew
#finally got my hands on my 2 fav books as a kid nd rereading them is doing a lot of shit to my brain Rn idk#i didn’t realize how much these 2 books still stuck w me after all this time Tbh the one book is all ab doll artists nd their creations#the other is FAIRYOPOLIS lol i loved that book sosososooso much#i think kid me would think it’s rlly cool i have a butterfly collection now just like it talks ab in the book#nd rereading my doll book reminds me of why i love making art in the first place Even tho dolls kinda creep me out#it feels rlly weird having nd rereading these books now nd idrk how 2 describe it#i have convinced myself that my childhood didnt happen nd that little girl is a completely seperate person who grew up safe nd happy#nd So having these books feels rlly bittersweet nd weird like i have the book collection of a little dead girl#WEIRD idk sundays always make me sad i am sad 2day nd playing w all the trinkets in my room#i was supposed to finish a couple drawing But i am . so sad
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Vent was a good app. I had a mutual who actually lived right nearby and obviously we never met but one day I said that I hate this permanent line I have by my lips and it makes me feel so old and unsightly. and he told me, and I don't remember the exact words but he said, "that means you smile so much that it shows on your face". so... how can I ever hate myself again? my makeup cracks and displays a crease from my nose to my lips. my father tells my mother and I to be straight faced in pictures because our mouths crook in an ugly way. but how can I ever stop smiling and loving it when my face has memorized my joy so deeply it carved it out? even when I forget what joy is, she remembers. God.
#namedropping is bad right. sucks JULES we didnt talk a lot but you said some really nice shit that I'll remember forever#met lots of awesome people on Vent. miss them. some are still here tho HI... Vent is still here too I just refuse to acknowledge the zombie#pipe down moppet#thats how i talk to myself now. i hate on myself a lot but i remedy it by thinking... the lines are experience and life#scars wrinkles marks acne hyperpigmentation imperfection... proof that I have lived. and i feel better.
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vent in tags bbg
#okay so i have some irls on here but idk how often theyre on fucking tumblr but if you see this i love you very much and im not gonna kms#okay so literallly i got broken up w last night and im honestly really fucking relieved bc i loved him a lot but we were both so fucking#unstable as individuals that i knew it was never gonna last#but he broke up w me bc he fell out of love w me which bothers me#bc he needs help and hes starting to get it i just hope he doesnt fucking hurt another person#i really thought we were gonna fucking last forever bro#he talked abt fucking marriage#i am a minor#which says everything you need to know abt wanting to marry someone on the night you confess#im just#i just#i dont fucking know anymore#im so sad all the fucking time#like i thought it was hormonal and shit but its not fucking going away#and i told my parents and ive been on a waitlist for therapy but i need it now#i genuinely need help#im not suicidal at all tho i dont want to die i just need a break#when i finish fucking typing this i have to go do my hw. i want to die.#im kidding i just said i didnt#we're still friends though but we built so much together#i miss him a lot#but i couldnt get back together w him#he was really shitty to me tbh#but he was my first so many thing that its like#idk how to rebuild that trust w anyone to let them see me like that again just for them to fucking leave#and im still so young#im so young and emotional#i have so much time#to love others#idk
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look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her
#it's the she fell first he fell harder thing. gooodd hjs have such common dynamic the frustrating and infuriating type#like look at first she have a crush on him right but as a model. that girl is literally a moth she gets attracted by those with light#though at first she admires him as a model and knew him through toma- her kamioshi. though i think... she just starts admiring him a lot?#she literally went through a 'highschool crush' phase but late since she was like. at college 😭#observed him... wow he's a lot similar to her than she thought. that guy puts up a smile in front of strangers and keep people at a distanc#he looked... strangely alone. why? even though he have friends too. she saw herself in hajun and... didnt want to be like him#will she keep putting up a face too? will she keep lying to herself? and would that make her alone in the end as well? she didnt want that.#so shes like yknow what? let's be shameless. her friends had been so loving of her unconditionally.#she thought that they'll leave after highschool and yet... and yet they stayed. they keep approaching her.#and come to think of it... they're always the ones giving effort for her right? when it comes to planning for hang outs-#they're always the one to reach out. never her. shouldnt she return the favor then? love them as much as they love her#pour all her heart out. she used to do it- she can do it again. love people unconditionally without expecting anything from them.#surely this time it'd be different. surely it wont drain her. even if there's a chance they'll leave her- it doesnt matter now.#she knows she gave her everything and that's enough for her. maybe she'll feel better if she had realized this when she was a child...#but that's okay now! so for now! lesson learned: dont be hajun#but also sae. just have a different view of hajun in her head 😭??? like she admits she didnt really know hajun before but actually meeting#him must be so complicated for her lol like this guy used to be her crush! and she got to talk to him but holy shit he's lowkey an asshole😭#not even lowkey but he really is a bitch lmfaaooo so like. damn 'i forgot i used to have a crush on this guy like i used to like him???'#'in what way??? (his looks dont even deny it sweetie)' i think her crush on him in the past made her more snappy towards him now lmfao#like 'gooooddd i used to have a crush on THIS GUY??? that's making me piiisseedd' LMAAAOOO 😭😭#i genuinely have NOOOOO idea how they started having this dynamic but it's just. them lowkey insulting each other? not really INSULT insult#but rather bickering masked by politeness? like 💢^^) (^^💢 selfish ohime-sama vs black hearted prince#but the one who's usually losing here would be sae ngl and hajun's mostly the one being playful tho tbf they CAN calmly talk to each other#sometimes they just become competitive? sae herself is a competitive one at first it would be 'oho~ let's see how long he can keep this up~#to 'give up already!!!! my social battery isn't gonna last long!!!!!!!!' and hajun's just watching her lose it every time 😭😭#ah.... my absolutely pathetic daughter im so sorry..... when it comes to him she gets unreasonably annoyed. just who does he think he is?#and yet she can't even feel arrogant around him. she knows bae are on a different league than her. that's why despite being very friendly a#expressing her admiration towards them she still puts up a barrier around them? it's not that deep she have her own close friends#yumeshipping — hajusae [prri]
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I should rewatch I saw the tv glow tbh. so funny to me that I've been so firmly in denial abt how much discomfort I've lived with for forever that even now I'm trying not to repress it anymore, my immediate knee jerk response to watching a film exploring that explicitly was Um No I Don't Relate To It Or Understand It At All Actually Sorry Must Be A Fault With The Film.....
#after watching it i was talking to my friends abt it n legit said smth like well I've always felt disconnected from the world and like I#dont rly exist as a person n nothing around me is real so i think the movie trying to make that come across as shocking didnt impact me#like girl..... okay#i do stand by some of what i said abt it like in a lot of ways my experience genuinely has been v different#but. wow yeah. it rly hasnt left my mind since i watched it#anyway i need to go shower#i think ive pissed off my roommate bc accidentally said smth that i only realised came across rude in retrospect. oops#well whatever. i love to fumble social shit its basically a hobby for me im so good at it. ill apologise later. maybe.#tbh tho not in a place to be particularly nice or graceful rn bc i have my own shit im pissed off abt so prolly better to leave it 👍#even if im mostly pissed off at myself bc its on me for being a shit communicator. but ill get prickly n antagonistic innit#UGH. okay im gonna go shower. sorry for personalposting ive been trying to keep this shit off here cuz it doesnt help anything#but every now and then is fine... im still doing it way less often at least. ill taper it out and fully stop eventually#or maybe not.... i do so love to natter n complain lolll#.diaries
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