#i still struggle to accept what happened‚ and that life has changed. sometimes i wonder if i’m being punished by some great force

[salsflore]

⠀

[generalsmemories]

Hello author! Can I request from angst prompt the angst sentence #2 and angst scenario #4 with Jing yuan? This is my first time doing stuff like this. I don't know if I'm doing it right😅 if not feel free to delete! May you have a wonderful day!

A shoulder to lean on

✧ jing yuan x gn!reader

✧ prompts: breaking down mid-hug, "can you call me that again?" and "you haven't changed" "...do you mean that in a good way or a bad way?" || 1k event

✧ contents: hurt/comfort, a miniscule of high cloud quintet lore, my personal hc that jing yuan was a tiny bit of a crybaby when he was younger (it's mentioned briefly you could barely notice it)

✧ a/n: after jingliu's companion quest the need to give this man a hug just increased by tenfold. but you did everything correct dear anon, thank you for participating in the event! not beta-read cause the idea kicked me in the face at like 1 AM so i had to hurry before i lost it. though i did struggle trying to incorporate the last sentence LMFAO.

"Do you accept this new position as the general of the Luofu, Jing Yuan?"

Sometimes he wonders if things would've gone differently if he said no that day, had politely declined the offer. He had dreams after all, dreams that wasn't limited to the Luofu - a dream that was to reach the stars, and further than that.

"It would be my honor."

But as fast as those worries came, it quickly faded away with time. Forgotten amidst the chaos that immediately happened the moment he took the mantle of the General.

"General, there's another meeting with the Six Charioteers."

"General, the Marshal is requesting your presence."

"Even if you've became the general, we would still need a strategic mind and another sword out on the battlefield, what do you say?"

He didn't mind at first.

"General! The high elder has...!"

"General, we have succesfully captured Imbibitor Lunae, what are the High Preceptors orders for him?"

"General! The swordmaster has succumbed to mara!"

If he could serve the Luofu to the best of his abilities then he would. He loved Luofu after all. It would be no greater honor than to be able to govern it and protect it.

"General! There's an urgent message from the Xianzhou Yaoqing and Xianzhou Fanghu!"

"General, we will keep losing more men to the Denizens of Abundance at this rate, the only way to stop this war once and for all is through the Reignbow Arbiter!"

But after centuries of the same title being called out, of the same courtesy and respect given to him at every corner and at every second of his life, he starts to wonder.

"General!"

When was the last time he heard someone call out his name?"

"Jing Yuan."

He sucks in a deep breath, eyes snapping open upon hearing his name. There's a warm hand cradling his cheek with a thumb stroking his skin patiently - but no words have been said after someone had uttered his name.

It's quiet - the noise inside his head had seemed to morph back into the same mild headache he's gotten used to ignoring every day. A pain that makes him realize he's no longer forced to witness what had happened in the past, the warmth from the hand on his cheek confirming the fact he's back in the present.

Back in today's Luofu - a peaceful Luofu not plagued by any war, a Luofu he had managed to keep in peace for centuries.

He let's out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, his eyes finally adjusting to the room around him. His vision is a bit hazy, but he can still make out the interior of your shared house.

There's a bed underneath him, a blanket covering half of his body and the sound of the breeze blowing through the wind chimes which makes them make a clear sound. And when he averts his gaze from the ceiling to the presence beside him, he finds himself locking eyes with your own - a gentle smile painting your lips.

"Good morning, I take it that you didn't sleep that well tonight?" you ask, and Jing Yuan opens his mouth to say something, whispering something so quietly that you couldn't even hear it even when you're this close to him, "I won't be able to hear you at all if you continue to whisper like that, you know?"

"... Can you call me that again?" he finally manages to utter after a beat of silence, the requst making you cock your head to the side in confusion - but it doesn't take long before your eyes widen slightly in realization, before immediately softening.

"You haven't changed at all, have you? Jing Yuan."

And that's all he needed to hear before he finally breaks. You can hear a low whimper come from him before you flinch away in surprise when he suddenly rises to an upright position. But you're not able to move back fast enough before an arm hurriedly wraps around your waist to force you closer to him.

"... Do you mean that in a good way or a bad way?" he breathes out, voice finally returning to him after hearing you call out his name again.

His free hand cradles the back of your head, pressing you closer to his neck while he almost shrinks into you, trying to press you closer than you already are.

Almost as if wants to protect you - from what you don't know.

But he's shaking, the arms enveloping you in his embrace are trembling slightly and you can feel his voice shake whenever he breathes in and out, his own face pressed against your head.

"A good way, what else? Because even after everything you've gone through, standing tall as the general of the Luofu-"

You ignore how he physically flinches upon hearing you say that title.

"You're still the same crybaby of a Jing Yuan that I fell in love with way before you even got your infamous nickname."

He doesn't say anything, freely letting you cup his cheeks to pull him away from your head, giving him a smile and a quick peck onto his cheek before you readjust him to rest his head on your shoulders - to which he quickly buries his face into your neck. And it's only when you wrap your own arms around his shoulders tightly that you feel tiniest of tears dampen your clothes.

You can only squeeze back, bending your head down to press your lips onto whatever part of Jing Yuan you can reach.

"It's okay to cry, Jing Yuan."

another similar ask that got incorporated

[batboyblog]

https://x.com/magi_jay/status/1812914966560973238?s=46&t=9ilK5pqP73XDblTtTbb4Qg

This post motivated me to try something different: namely, name a good quality about the Democratic Party and its candidate.

Biden’s most admirable qualities are his general wisdom and steadfastness in the face of great challenges. While I might not always agree with EVERY choice he’s made for a number of reasons, I do think he’s shown that he’s much smarter than people give him credit for.

Furthermore, he’s very firm without being either too standoffish or trying too hard. One of the things I hated about his predecessor (I refuse to name him) was just how anxiety inducing and chaotic he was, something that sucks for me since I’m a very skittish person even if I try not to be.

Biden is steadfast and (media aside trying to make a conflict on him) has never made me feel like I’m on unstable ground. He’s like a rock in the storm:

Stand by him, and we’ll weather through the chaos.

I mean in part thats why I do my weekly lists of what Biden et al are up to, because every week, EVERY single week its something huge and transformative, for the first time in my lifetime people can write "The Case for Climate Optimism" we have a government pledged to ending hunger in this country reduce homelessness by 1/4th by next year we are doing big things in this country

a few political speeches are the pole stars of my politics, the center of what I believe in.

Harvey Milk's Hope speech "I know you cannot live on Hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living" tells me and teaches me to always be for something not just again stuff, and to always be the happy warrior, gotta give 'em hope.

Ted Kennedy's 1980 DNC speech "the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die." to always get back up and get into the ring, its not never over till you give up, the Dream Shall Never Die how ever dark it gets if you hang into it with both hands

but most importantly is Ann Richards 1988 DNC Speech, if you've never heard it, you should:

I’m a grandmother now. And I have one nearly perfect granddaughter named Lily. And when I hold that grandbaby, I feel the continuity of life that unites us, that binds generation to generation, that ties us with each other. And sometimes I spread that Baptist pallet out on the floor, and Lily and I roll a ball back and forth. And I think of all the families like mine, like the one in Lorena, Texas, like the ones that nurture children all across America. And as I look at Lily, I know that it is within families that we learn both the need to respect individual human dignity and to work together for our common good.  Within our families, within our nation, it is the same. And as I sit there, I wonder if she’ll ever grasp the changes I’ve seen in my life -- if she’ll ever believe that there was a time when blacks could not drink from public water fountains, when Hispanic children were punished for speaking Spanish in the public schools, and women couldn’t vote. I think of all the political fights I’ve fought, and all the compromises I’ve had to accept as part payment. And I think of all the small victories that have added up to national triumphs and all the things that would never have happened and all the people who would’ve been left behind if we had not reasoned and fought and won those battles together. And I will tell Lily that those triumphs were Democratic Party triumphs.

It is always worth it to fight, however hard it is, however bitter it may feel in the moment to take half a loaf or a part payment, it is always always always ALWAYS! better to take a half step forward than not to move at all, because its not chess, its not a game, its people's very lives

as to what I like about Joe Biden? I could say a lot of things, he's a guy the world has knocked down a lot of times, a lot of struggles and personal tragedies that in someone else could make them hard hearted and cold, but I see a guy who always takes the time to listen

thats who is, always to see Joe on a rope line talking to people is to understand their cares are truly his, he truly and I promise you this wants what's best for people.

and just for a second remember who he's running against, who that guy is on the most basic level, saying he couldn't have raped that woman she's too ugly

so do you want a President who stops everything to tell a kid its gonna be okay, that that kids can do anything, and gives him his phone number and calls him to help, or you want the guy who tells your kids "when you're famous they let you do it, grab 'em by the pussy" up to you.

[hajihiko]

Ahhh, I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I'm curious to know what changed Hajime/Izuru's mind in the universe your art takes place in? Like, what made him go from not caring about anything because everything was boring and meaningless, to trying to enjoy life?

I don't really remember what it was in the anime, but it was probably hope. And like, that makes sense if you think about it, considering that's the definition of hope, but hope doesn't usually just happen like that, you know? Especially not to someone who probably had never felt it since the whole Ultimate Hope thing (ironically). In my mind, it's hard to imagine what it could have been, considering nothing ever phased him. I know that whatever gave him hope doesn't have to be that deep, because that's how it is sometimes, but I was wondering what you think it could have been (or more importantly, what you consider it to be in your art)!

Also, this is kinda unrelated, but I find it so cool how much your art makes me really think about the characters. It's amazing how you're able to really see how you've fleshed out the characters through you art, and honestly, you are probably one of my favourite artists because of it.

But anyway, sorry about this long and random rant 😭 Idk why I spend my time analyzing the character and point of view of fictional characters, but I guess sometimes the ADHD brain goes brrrrrr.

Thank you for sharing your art; I hope have a great day or night!

depends on the universe! But I'll assume you mean my general post-game stuff.

I've said it somewhere before so if it's old bread to you bear with me, but basically, it was a genuine dedication to face the big horrible awful feelings that come with trauma and life in general, and also the brain boost of getting to skip the slow growing part even for just a while.

My idea is that Izuru and Hajime are not two separate identities, rather, an amnesiac and horribly traumatized boy was given a moniker he didn't care to accept or deny. It's not like he had any other name to go by. That was Izuru Kamukura.

The brain has these neural pathways of how it responds to things, and his all got burnt out so he could respond with an appropriate talent each time. As a very simplified example, someone might respon to threat with the Flight response, because it worked in a dire situation and the brain decided "that saved us, this is how we will respond from now on".

Hajime, in the game, gets a sudden bump out of those pathways, enabling him to feel things properly and be fully present in his life. Thematically, the big Super Sayian moment is him deciding to not fall into old, but true and tried, brain patterns, and instead taking on the horrific experience of being human, with all the messy Emotions and Failures that comes with it.

When he wakes up from the game, he still struggles, but the artificial boost from his old thinking as well as a conscious, strenuous, painful effort to not repress himself anymore but instead face the things that he did and were done to him, make him able to carve himself into a new Him.

Not the same, in the sense that WHO could say they're the same as they were before a simulated murder game that revealed that you were a killing machine terrorist and so were your friends. But the same as in, he's Hajime Hinata and he decides what exactly that means. To want is an emotion, and he wants to become someone who can experience life fully, and chasing that single feeling of Want opens up the doors to everything else. You might've heard this before but "before you change, you have to want to change".

So in short. What enabled him to get Hopeful so to speak was the combination of a brain kick (you could call that a metaphor for outside help), and a concrete decision to try to do the difficult but right thing. Sounds kind of boring maybe, but everything else comes later - like his interest and care for his friends, an enjoyment of philosophy and the arts, a pleasure from being useful and helpful, a serenity from accepting things as they are, and a thrill that comes with strong genuine emotion (from my own life, sometimes a single moment of !!!! can carry you on for months).

Yes the whole thing is a metaphor for getting better with mental health stuff. It's personal to me okay 😂

(also I like the idea from Miggys fic that his human connections override the apathy and distance so as long as he's around the people he loves he can hold onto what keeps him going)

I love thinking about and building on characters too! Spending tons of time inspecting them like a specimen 🤝 people (and therefore characters) are very interesting to me so I just like rolling them around my brain. Thank you for your interest and kind words!

[reverieaa]

in a dilemma and was wondering if u could help me out with this.

a few weeks ago, i decided to give myself completely to imagination. i called my imagination "my world" and experienced everything i wanted to there. it was probably the happiest i've been in my life. i always felt calm, euphoric feelings. i suddenly didn't feel the need to change the 3D, bc i was experiencing my desires within.

then a few days later i realized that nothing had changed in the 3D - well i guess i started paying more attention to the 3D, so i spiraled.

so then i tried something new. i decided to try embodiment. for example, if i wanted to cancel class, i'd become the version of me who's class was cancelled. it was kind of like becoming a different character? a character who's class had been cancelled. i wouldn't hold this state for too long but i'd come back to it, and this gave me a lot of results in the 3D. however, my attention was 100% on the 3D for this one, so i felt a lot of anxiety. the past came back to haunt me and i'd worry about the future.

now, i'm so confused. when i was in my imagination, i did everything "right," but got no results. with the character method, i barely tried, still focused and worried about the 3D, but got results.

my dilemma is that i hate the 2nd method, but i was able to get what i want with it. i loveee the first method, but... my 3D life stayed the same with it. i'm torn and i don't know what to do.

It's because you changed self, anon.

You became aware of that ver of yourself whose class was canceled and by becoming aware of it being true/accepting that it is so it became so.

When I say live in the world of imagination, I mean don't box yourself in one category of just mind and body, flesh and outer circumstances like struggles and time. It is kot a process itself but I will tell you how it happened.

You wanted your class canceled (had a desire) > decided you have it now by becoming aware that ver of you exists/accepeted it > that caused you to naturally enter that state of consciousness because in your world it already happened.

When we do these things on our own, we view it as a chore, and it becomes exhausting to keep going, causing us to spiral and put ourselves down. We question " how do i change a state" and try to do so without understanding we don't need to go through every little thing to change, but all we need to simoy do is acknowledge that ver of ourselves in imagination and give in to it fully. To me 4D and 3D are one, sepreating them sometimes gives ppl the idea that they're imagination is delusions and daydreams therefore they can't enjoy it.

All we have to worry about is being who we want to be within our world of imagination, not the object itself, but the state consciousness of being the one who has it

[kaythejay]

Sometimes I forget just how privileged my life is as a queer person. I mean, I live in the US. It is completely legal here. When my partner and I decide to tie the knot, we will be able to do so. Though I am old enough to remember when that became legal, so I'm not in any deniability about the fact that I know it can be taken away (especially knowing that Roe v. Wade has already been taken away and they will certainly do the same to Hodges v. Obergefell if given the chance). But regardless, I do not have to worry about going to jail or getting killed because of my sexuality.

I have a lot of family that supports me. My partner's entire family has been absolutely wonderful in accepting me into their family. I mean, her mom has already started calling me her daughter-in-law, and we're still several years out from that being true (mostly for financial reasons/I'm still in school because I changed my major and added time to my degree). My grandma is always asking about my partner because she absolutely adores her. The reason I don't really talk to my parents has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay (they like my partner more than they like me). They don't care about the gay thing, there's just a lot of other stuff that happened while I was growing up (before I even knew what gay was) that makes it hard to talk to them.

I'm growing up in an era where queer pride is becoming more and more mainstream. I know a lot of young kids whose parents have gone out of their way to teach them about queerness and that it is ok. There's one kid that I knew that was even taught things beyond the "basics" (he knows what pansexual means for example). Rainbow capitalism is proof that the world is shifting. I can walk into Target right now and get myself a bold (though, admittedly probably ugly) pride outfit. When I was little, that just was not a thing.

I get to see the shift in how controversy is handled with celebrities. For example, the whole thing with JoJo Siwa at the moment is all about her as a person, not the fact that she kissed a girl in her latest music video. When I was little, if you were gay, you had to hide it or be ridiculed for that reason.

And honestly, in my day-to-day, I really don't have to think about it that much. I mean, if I'm out in public with my partner I still have to think about if we're in a safe space if I wanted to like. Hold her hand or anything because we do live in a red state, so we're not 100% safe from being harassed. However, I don't have to think that much about it otherwise.

I mean I will once I'm a teacher (and my partner who has just gotten her teaching license has already talked to me a lot about that). I have a friend who is teaching in a district that simply putting a poster up that has a rainbow on it (even if it has nothing to do with pride) is enough to get yourself put under fire. She got into trouble for introducing herself with her pronouns (and she's a cis, straight woman, no queer shenanigans going on there).

J talks to me a lot about the fact that she feels bad that she can't about me in a professional environment like a straight couple could. She assures me that it is not because she doesn't want to. But honestly I have to remind her that like. I avoid the topic probably even more than she does. I haven't been out for nearly as long as she has, so I haven't gotten as comfortable with people knowing that stuff as she has. She's also talked to her mom about it, but her mom doesn't fully understand that it is a safety thing. J's mom's response is almost always "I don't really talk about my husband much either." She kind of struggles to understand the point of "but you could if you wanted to without repercussions." Whereas if me or J tells the wrong person that we have a lady partner, we've immediately put ourself (and possibly the other) in danger. Sometimes I forget just how deep the danger goes.

But then things happen.

People in our dorm have put notes on our door (because we were ✨roommates✨) that were less than kind. We had to get our RA and RLC involved, but they couldn't do anything since there aren't cameras in our building. But boy did my RLC want to (she's also a queer lady, freaking awesome, Imma miss her when I'm over RA-ing in a different building). And I'll be honest with you. Even in our dorm, we were super, super careful about how we presented ourselves because we knew it wasn't safe. And still, someone with ill intentions somehow found out about us.

Someone crawls into your Tumblr inbox to call your slurs and tell you that you're faking for attention and that you'll never understand what it really means to be gay. Only for them to disappear when you turn the anonymity off.

Someone yelled "faggots" at us out of a car window while we were all decked out heading to lunch after the pride parade.

And I know, I know I'm incredibly lucky that that is the extent of the harassment that I've faced because of my sexuality.

But honestly it just goes to show just how important pride, and pride month as a whole, still is to this day.

For me, pride is a huge celebration of who I am as a whole person. It is the one time of year when I can take the mask off completely and just feel free to be me, knowing that I'm safe from judgement. Like my partner was saying the other day, I don't really realize just how much of myself that I sanitize for the majority's consumption until I'm at a pride event and am no longer doing any of that. There's certain ways that I would carry myself/dress/etc if I didn't have to worry about the people around me saying or worse doing something to me just because they pick up on my queerness.

Pride events are a chance to be around a very large group of other queer people. It is a chance to show people who are important to me a massive aspect of my life in a way that isn't sanitized for public consumption. It's a place where we get to be freaks and weirdos and not have to worry about getting looks. Because honestly for as weird as you might look, there's someone not all that far away that looks even weirder and it is so freaking cool to get to see.

But pride is so much more than that. They're also an "in your face" of the people who hate us. It is a show that we are not going to back down and stop being who we are as people just because people don't approve of our "lifestyle." It is the community banding together to welcome everyone who is accepting and protect people from those who aren't. It is a place for "baby gays" to find that it is ok to be be queer and find their place in the world.

I hope you all have a happy pride month, whether you are celebrating out and proud, or hidden in the closet.

[mbti-notes]

Hi! I came across this post of yours /post/179222467392/you-once-said-that-you-are-not-a-religios-person and i was wondering what the things are in Buddhist philosophy that u dont agree with? And also how did u manage to tap into the oneness belief? I heard ppl often get there thru ego death by using meditation or psychedelic drugs. Lately I have been into this topic and into getting into that oneness belief and you seem to know a great deal about philosophy!

If you're new here, philosophy is one of my majors. I learned religious philosophy as part of my studies in the history of human thought, so people sometimes ask me about these topics.

- To be clear, I am sympathetic to Buddhist beliefs and I think the religion has a lot to offer people. Buddhist philosophy underwent a lot of change over the centuries as the religion spread through very different cultures. When you dive deep into the scriptures, you'll find some truly wild ideas about multiverses and supernatural beings. It's hard to get on board with those ideas if you are a rational and scientifically minded person.

At this point, there are several different branches of Buddhism that sometimes hold very contradictory beliefs, yet they all still call themselves "Buddhist" (contrast this with Abrahamic religions that splintered three ways). Such contradictions are possible because Buddhist beliefs are almost designed to be impervious to critique. On one hand, this allows for great diversity of thought. On the other hand, it can make the whole thing seem nonsensical.

For example, I don't agree with how Buddhists conceptualize and characterize the human ego. However, as soon as I raise those objections to these Buddhists over here, some Buddhists over there will argue that there are different levels of understanding and many different ways of looking at the ego depending on how far you've gotten in your Buddhist practice. They simultaneously accept and dismiss my objections. Thus, if you want to be Buddhist, you basically have to accept this sort of incoherence and perhaps dismiss it as illusory or the result of small-mindedness.

At the end of the day, whether I agree or disagree with the beliefs is inconsequential, because no objection is really real or pointing to anything permanent. But when all your thoughts and feelings and behaviors can easily be dismissed as unreal, what happens to your life? Whether or not your life is objectively real, it still seems real to you and you have to live it, and the suffering you experience feels real. Can you dismiss it as just ephemera? There has always been an internal debate in the religion about whether one should be apart from or a part of the material world, and I don't think this kind of ambiguity helps people who are already struggling psychologically.

- I guess you could say I came to the belief in oneness first through intuition, then through science, then through philosophy. I think I mentioned before that, as a child, I genuinely believed that everything in the universe was imbued with some form of consciousness (aka panpsychism). It's not an uncommon belief in children because the human mind has a tendency toward anthropomorphism. For example, I would wonder whether stepping on the sidewalk was hurting it. People had to reassure me that if the sidewalk had feelings, its feelings worked differently than human feelings, otherwise, the sidewalk would object in the same way I would to getting stepped on.

Most people grow up and forget about these silly notions, but I didn't. Psychologists say that normal infant development starts at oneness and evolves into individuality. I feel like the world tried to convince me that I'm this separate, discrete, individual being, but I just couldn't believe it. Separation has always felt to me like a very wrong way to be. Who is right, the psychologists or me? I don't know. Maybe a Buddhist would say we're both right and we're both wrong and that neither is seeing the bigger picture.

To me, it seems as though I was born believing in panpsychism because I don't remember a time when I didn't believe it, so there is no actual "origin story" or explanation as to how I came to the belief. If I am capable of consciousness, why wouldn't it be possible that everything else is as well? If I am capable of being conscious of others, shouldn't there be something out there conscious of me? And if consciousness exists everywhere in everything, isn't reality fundamentally relational? In order for these beliefs to stand, I had to possess the underlying belief that everything in the universe is somehow interconnected despite superficial appearances.

Then, I studied science in school and learned that all matter in the universe is made up of the same constituent elements. We are all stardust. At the atomic and quantum level, the boundaries we perceive between objects are difficult to define. As an adult, I studied philosophy and was introduced to the full gamut of human thought and learned that oneness was a key concept in many Eastern religions. Actually, several influential thinkers in the West (such as Jung) were heavily influenced by Eastern philosophy. Philosophical training helped me sharpen and refine my spiritual ideas.

- Yes, some people come to a belief in oneness through psychedelic drugs. Presumably (according to the limited research that has been done so far), these drugs help to "open up the mind" by restructuring it in such a way that expands one's perspective beyond one's narrow everyday ego concerns. Some people call this "ego death", but I don't like that term. As I mentioned above, I don't agree with Buddhist conceptions of the ego, which some secular Buddhists blithely reduce to "ego death = enlightenment". If you read my previous posts on this topic, you'll see why. I don't believe the ego is a bad thing or an enemy to be vanquished. I've seen how aspiring to ego death can go terribly wrong for people. And I've been exposed to different perspectives on ego and believe there are better ideas out there.

[the-grand-gemini]

Wyll Ravengard thoughts/writing prompt:

Wyll's identity is so heavily focused on his father, which absolutely makes sense given his upbringing with only the one parent, but that doesn't mean sometimes Wyll never wonders what his life would be like if she'd been there. He doesn't necessarily miss his mother as he never had her, but there are moments of "what if". What would father be like, would his expectations have been the same, would his mother have stopped him from being sent away, would she have come with him if Ulder would not let him remain in Baldur's Gate, would she too have cast him out, would she have written to him after he left the Gate, would she make father stay in touch too? Wyll carries a sense of loss and nostalgia he has no means of placing. His mother is an empty shadow in his mind.

Which brings me to this: I can't get the idea out of my head that after Wyll is transformed he feels he's lost part of the gift that his mother gave him. Specifically his eyes. Are Ulder Ravengard's eyes also brown like Wyll's? Probably, but maybe Wyll's eyes were the same shade of brown his mother's were... He had already lost one during battle, and now his remaining eye has been touched by the Hells.

The scene that made me think of this is when Karlach is mourning the loss of the heart that her mother gave her. I feel like Wyll is still probably in relative shock over his changed form and is experiencing body dysmorphia. He would hear Karlach's words and suddenly have another moment of heart break. A thought that had not sat with him yet while too busy trying to adjust to his new form and survive their adventure. The gift that his mother gave him has been corrupted and it's his fault.

(Not that it's actually his fault given that he was a teenager when forced to take Mizora's deal, but you can't tell me Wyll doesn't feel guilty at times for "failing" to meet his father's expectations and internalized that sense of shame)

Even though he's never really met his mother as she passed before he could know her, he feels another level of loss. The body she died giving to him has been altered, the eye(s) in the mirror watching him are no longer his mother's. Maybe one day there will be some relief. His changed body is a means of stepping out of the shadow of who his father expected him to be. But for now there is loss and mourning a gift given by someone he never knew.

I just feel like Wyll doesn't get as much writing and we don't really get to deeply explore the horror of having your body altered without your consent! Which thematically everyone in the party is desperately trying to avoid having their body altered via the illithid tadpol! What we do get are a few brief lines saying that we are sorry and that he's still himself (as well as very handsome if not more so because... horns 👀💦).

I need to read about Wyll mourning himself and accepting his new body. Confronting his father for abandoning him in a time of need. Remembering his father choosing his duty to the city over his duty to him as his child. I mean he could have retired! He and Wyll could have moved to the country OR travelled the coast together fighting for others! However that didn't happen and I feel like a bigger discussion is needed before healing that bond.

You can't tell my young Wyll Ravengard, who loves his father so much he already forgave him the moment he was cast out, didn't cry his heart out alone under the night sky the first time he was on his own. That he doesn't suppress those emotions constantly, because yes he doesn't regret sacrificing himself to protect the people of Baldur's Gate, but that doesn't mean he doesn't weep knowing his father's love was conditional.

I need a discussion where he worries that Tav may choose to leave him someday if he cannot meet their expectations. He knows its unfounded, but the hurt inside himself remains.

I want to see Wyll struggle with his changed body and rediscover himself. Either with the support of a romanced Tav or just the entire team as a supportive found family there to help him.

If anyone wants to use this as a writing prompt please go ahead and tag me if you do so I can read it!

[bugflies00]

I continue to wonder since you said fostering au wilbur continues to be entirely in denial and Not Realizing for some time after he and quackity re-meet how exactly DOES the Feelings Realization TM go down qcihdtiwdzgd

OOOH well its very gradual and very much a disaster because. well. its him .

i think i said they remeet when theyre around 22-23, and at the time wilbur was in a really bad relationship that he only breaks off two or so years later. his girlfriend was very controlling and always bringing him down and making comments about him, his appearance, his interests, what he ate, etc. so needless to say wilburs already absolute dogshit self esteem is so further down the gutter it’s actually Wow look it pierced a hole into the ground from how far down it is.

this is important context because it’s part of why he takes soooo long to realise his feelings, he’s just so deeply entrenched in trying to make his girlfriend happy and love him and to appease everyone that he doesn’t realise. its what i call his “ghostbur” era - none of this stuff is actually strictly based on the bursonas, but i find he does follow a similar pattern of evolution, and at that point in his life he’s trying to be the biggest people pleaser possible after realising that being the unapproachable loner he was in high school would only leave him alone (also bc his abandonment issues got worse after sally left). his new relationship makes that worse also.

in the beginning him and q are just sort of awkwardly tiptoeing around each other considering they last left each other with a bajillion things unsaid and they are extremely determined on keeping said things unsaid. they start to grow back into friends, albeit more normal friends than the absolute mess of a situationship/frenemies they were in high school. theyre still themselves meaning they can’t go a second without aggravating each other, but its definitely friendlier.

and as time goes by some of their joke flirting gets a tad bit too real sometimes- quackity will make a joke and stare at him a moment too long, or wilbur will stutter out of nowhere, etc.

but wilbur still has a girlfriend!!! so as usual he shoves his head in the sand and he takes melatonin so at night he falls asleep instantly without having the time to yearn or reflect lmao. (for the record i do not condone this if your feelings change communicate that with your partner etc)

time progresses, every stranger they meet think theyre either married, sworn enemies, or fucking each other. meanwhile wilburs relationship grows worse and worse, he’s fallen deep into an eating disorder (while he was already struggling with bad eating habits pretty much his whole life it gets much worse then), hes struggling with self harm a lot, and its just not a great time. his friends keep trying to convince him to break things off, especially tommy who, since he lives with them, has seen a lot of shit and absolutely despises wilbur’s girlfriend’s guts and makes this very well known.

eventually they do break up (its a longer story than that but it would require its own post) and wilbur falls deep into a depressive episode. it makes him doubt for so long if he did the right thing, if he just should’ve sucked it up and taken whatever scraps of love he was given, but in reality the depressive episode had been a LONG time coming its just his brain was in survival mode. he never felt safe enough with her, so subconsciously his brain only allowed falling into depression again once it was safe to do so.

and so my point is that with all these things happening he’s absolutely nowhere near ready to accept his feelings. meanwhile q is pining hard - that man is going through it LMAO trying to support his friend (they still pretend to be frenemies) whilst shoving down his own shit. he’s one of the few people wilbur feels safe with (even though theyve gotten into fistfights and q has sincerely threatened his life on several occasions), mainly because, in a way, q knew him at his worst (high school) and still came back. so he has more trust in him than some of his other friends because hes convinced he’s manipulated them into thinking hes better than he is.

anyway q is planning this trip for an internship he’s doing for his law degree, and he has to leave for a month or two. wilburs 25th birthday rolls around, and he knows q wont be able to be there. he’s already still feeling shitty, not really entirely out of that depressive episode, and he’s ready to just have a lame birthday and go back to rotting in his bed.

and then (this is so cliché LET ME LIVE) theyre about to do the cake whatever and tommy yells announces they have a surprise and he turns around and wham! quackity standing there looking downright exhausted, with his suitcases around him and the airplane neck pillow still around his neck (he came straight from the airport). wilbur runs to hug him and, to me, that moment is the kickstarter that forces him to start actually realising whats happening.

first off because theyre not exactly huggers but that one was so spontaenous and it felt so right!! second because hes already sad and a bit emotionally volatile and the fact that q cared enough to rush and try his best to make it to his birthday moves him a whole lot. and finally because well yeah he’s madly in love with him but the only thing he says is to ask whether the eyebags q got from jetlag are a fashion statement in europe or if hes just reaching for the raccoon look.

theres definitely more moments after that (they take a LOOONG time to get together. and so much pining. its so bad) but i just think that moment is really sweet and also i love how their relationship progresses over time

[streettealee]

Personally, I don't really like the idea of James having to forgive Grace or anyone thinking that he does and needs to/will at some point.

Characters can be redeemed by the narrative, but that doesn't mean all characters need to forgive them. I do think some of the attitude toward Grace turned quite assholey during ChoT, but James was impacted in a huge way by her. There's a difference between accepting what has happened to him, thereby making peace with himself (who else is guilty of beating themselves up by remembering negative experiences in an endless replay cycle and wondering why it happened or how else it could have gone so you could have avoided it or certain aspects of it?), and forgiveness. You can accept an event happened, or in some cases, a person happened, but that doesn't mean you forgive them or condone or excuse their actions. You simply acknowledge within yourself that you don't need to keep beating yourself up over it and even if things could have gone a hundred different ways, it happened the way it did and there's no changing the past.

Sometimes, we think we've made peace and then an experience comes back to haunt us weeks, months, years later, maybe even decades, and often without much warning. And you're left reeling, lost, wondering what's wrong with you "because I thought I was over this?" You could have undergone incredible healing, but suddenly you're trembling like a leaf in the wind again, short of breath, unable to sleep, unable to think, unable to feel, reduced to a robotic sort of state that a lot of people might not notice you're in. You keep thinking of a situation. It comes over and over, no matter how much you try to block it out, tell yourself you're okay with it now, there's no other way it could have been and you're done.

James Herondale has gone through trauma. I recognise that even canon didn't address it very well. Hell, I don't think even I can do it, but I'm trying where fanfic allows. I've seen others attempt it too, which is something, and more than CC did on the whole. I think some of us need to step back and realise that just because we like characters, it doesn't mean characters need to like or forgive each other. A redeemed antagonist's past does not disappear. Things aren't neatly tied up with a bow. I've done things I'm not proud of to people who didn't deserve an ounce of it, and I have to live with that guilt, and remember that they don't need to forgive me. They definitely don't. Just as I wouldn't forgive some of the people who did wrong by me in life, who leave me for periods of time a shell of a human being.

James doesn't need to forgive Grace. It wouldn't surprise me if, years down the track of his fictional life, he began suffering nightmares of a demon on his back, claws in, again, struggling to pry it off. If he saw silver bracelets and skipped hastily over them immediately because he doesn't want to think too deeply about the doors it might open. If he avoids the area around the ruined Blackthorn Manor or compulsively visits there, trying to unite his past self with who he is now. If he felt mostly indifferent just days ago but suddenly can't think about Grace without imagining methods of revenge, memories of time spent together tinted by bitterness, can't look her in the eye for weeks at gatherings.

James could say he does not blame Grace to ease her mind on one of his better days, but it is unrealistic, in my view, to believe he truly forgives her even if he's accepted what happened. A part of him might always blame her, be despairing at her, because of the years he lost because of her. He can know it was Tatiana's commands, her influence, but it doesn't remove the fact that Grace carried these things out and was the face James attributed to his pain. James can be okay, and still suddenly experience it all again years down the track, and Grace being redeemed does not mean he has to forgive her or never blame her. So long as he doesn't act out of malice or cause some intentional harm to her, James is justified. He does not need to forgive.

I hope all of that made sense. Most of this was just rambling thought.

[yume127]

Roxas & Ven:

🌑 Fears — how open are they about their fears? who's the bravest? do they ever help one another conquer their fears?

How open are they about their fears?

Ventus is generally more open about his fears compared to Roxas. Roxas has a hard time talking about his fears, because of the many times his emotions had been invalidated in the past, and because of that he feels he has to put up a cool front and deal with them on his own.

Ventus opens up with Roxas about his fears first. He talks to him about his fear of sleeping; he’s afraid he won’t be able to wake up anymore, or that when he wakes up everything around him has changed. Another big fear of Ven is losing his friends, or that something bad may happen to them and he’d be unable to protect them.

Roxas can relate to Ventus’ fears, and hearing Ventus talk about them with him makes him feel comfortable to open up with Ven, too. Losing his friends was one of his biggest fears when he was in the Organization, and it has only gotten worse after seeing his best friends disappear in front of him. And, while he doesn’t fear sleep like Ven does, he can relate to him in the sense that Roxas, too, has to deal with the scars from what happened to him in the past.

Now, this may change when Ven’s past memories start resurfacing, because what happened was so scarring, I think it may be hard for him to open up about it. Those memories scare him a lot, and he struggles to talk about them out of fear that Roxas would see him differently. Roxas notices that something is bothering Ven and, even if Ventus refuses to talk about it, Roxas makes sure Ventus knows he’ll always be there for him when he needs him (and he will keep his word when Ven will eventually open up with him).

Who's the bravest?

I’d say they’re both pretty brave.

Roxas faces his fears. Not necessarily because he wants to, but because he doesn’t think he has any other option. His fears follow him during his everyday life, especially when he’s in Twilight Town. Memories from Data Twilight Town constantly creep into his mind, and sometimes he gets really scared that the life he is experiencing may turn out to be all a lie again. Especially with him struggling to speak about it with his friends, he forces himself to tag along even when his friends want to do something that makes him uncomfortable (like investigating the seven wonders, or playing struggle).

As I said before, Ventus struggles the most with memories from his past and what they may entail for him, so for a long time he tries to hide them from everyone, because too scared to face them. He needs time before he’s able to talk about them and accept them, but, after that, he’ll try to delve deeper into them and do everything he can to make things right for Strelitzia, Lauriam and everyone else. I see him as the type of person who’s able to push aside his own fears and worries if he believes it can help his friends and, even if Ven himself was a victim of the situation, he still feels guilty and responsible for what happened to Strelitzia, so he wants to help as much as he can.

Do they ever help one another conquer their fears?

Yes! Roxas helps Ventus find ways that make it easier for him to sleep at night, reassuring him that he won’t allow him to stay asleep for too long. If Ven is having a hard time sleeping or is having nightmares, Roxas will stay up with him on the gummiphone and, sometimes, even sneak into the Land of Departure late at night just to keep Ven company and reassure him until he eventually falls asleep. He's also by Ven's side and supports him when Ven finally decided he's ready to face his past.

Ventus is always very supportive, and helps Roxas feel more comfortable sharing his fears with him, because he doesn’t want him to have to face them alone. Every time Roxas struggles to understand if what’s around him is real or not, Ventus is ready to ground him back to reality, reminding him that his life is real and what he experienced in Data Twilight Town won’t happen again. He’s also the one who reminds Roxas that he doesn’t have to do things that remind him too much of data Twilight Town if he doesn’t feel ready, and reassures him there’s no shame in having these fears after what he went through.

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Older Ciel, Edward, Charles and Undertaker when their s/o surprises them after adopting an orphan- could be a friend passed and didn't have any family to take the little one in. (I have THE CUDDLIEST 1 year old in class right now and omgosh! 😍😍😍 love her so!!)

awwwwww!! <3

didn't know which Charles you wanted (Grey or Phipps) so I just did em both :D

Hmph, well… he isn’t necessarily thrilled by the whole thing. It’s not as if he hates the idea of having a child; it’s just that he doesn’t really feel like he’s able to be a good father. He’s just rather at a loss of how to react. He tries to be very quiet about it, neither showing any excessive joy nor any true dislike of the situation. It also depends on the age of the little one too — he takes far better to an infant or a toddler than a slightly older child. Although he’s busy, he very much does bond with the child in his own way. And he absolutely cares about them. He certainly doesn’t begrudge his S/O for taking them in, even if he might struggle to adjust.

Oh, dear… what a terrible tragedy to have happened. Even if it means this wonderful little child gets to come into their lives, it’s a shame it had to happen this way. Still, he embraces the change, despite the fact that it’s somewhat difficult to learn how to be a parent. His whole life has led up to getting married and having children with his S/O, (as well as following in his family’s footsteps in general), but he finds that he’s not as ready as he thought he was when it happens so suddenly. He loves the little one as if they were his own, though. He spends as much time with them and with his beloved as he can… having someone else to provide for, however, makes him work twice as hard to be able to take care of their new child.

Ah… goodness… he’ll definitely be sure to say a prayer for the little one’s original family. Of course, as bad as it sounds out loud, he sort of views the new child as sort of a… test run? Yes, that sounds terrible! Which is why he probably won’t say it. As excited as he is about starting a family, he’s quite a bit nervous about the kind of parent he’s going to be. Having it thrust on him and his S/O somehow bypasses all his anxiety, because they have no choice but to take care of this child. They have to find a way. So, find a way he will. He’s more than capable of looking after both of them, so all that remains is to bond with the little one. Easier said than done… he’s determined to make it happen, though.

… It’s awful, what happened. And it’s quite a surprise to come home from a long day and abruptly find himself a father. Though, he’s mostly the type to just silently accept things as they are — no amount of questioning or worry or anything will change the reality of what is. So he gently takes the child from his S/O, because he doesn’t know exactly how long they’ve been dealing with the little one as well as their own emotions, and tries to take care of them for the rest of the night. He adjusts fairly well, all things considered; there’s no one who would look at him and think he wasn’t suited to be a father, even if he might doubt himself sometimes. Even though he’s not talkative, he is very much an incredible parent.

Lord, what a way to become a parent! He tries desperately to find the humor in it, but even he knows there really isn’t any. Anything he jokes about, he’ll immediately bite his tongue following it, knowing any joke is in poor taste at least for a while. Thankfully, he’s seen enough death now to know how best to deal with it, so if his S/O is grieving, he’s glad to take care of the little one for a while. He has nothing else to do, and he’s most assuredly a sucker for children, so why not give his darling a little break? He’s scared for the future, yet… he’s always wanted a family like this. If they’re going to take care of this child, he might as well give it a genuine try. Whatever else is true, he does try. He loves that child, even if he’s got a lot to learn.

[einprotagonist]

Not the same... but still there

It is not the same as it used to be between us, I went through massive changes in life and could not control what my feelings were doing to me. I misunderstood things that were happening to me, thought I'd fallen out of love and its over. Apparently it wasn't over. It is still there, but its different now. And I do not know what to do with this, I tried to talk to you about this - I made a new approach and said what I felt but you never wanted to hear any of this again. I have been holding onto some of these words for months now, they've made me struggle and they've made me realize a lot of things.

I think about the things I wanted to have in my life and almost all of them have you by my side, it is so hard to imagine or accept anything else. I tried to move on and even started seeing someone for couple months, I messed it up because I was hasty in evaluating and even worse that I was comparing each step of theirs to you - almost as if I wanted you there not them. So they had to go. I was struggling alone, I have been alone for many years of my life but I had never felt like the way I was feeling back in the time that I broke up with you. The world was changing at a pace for me that I could not keep up with, I did not know what the future was looking like and I started to panic but you could not see it, or if you saw it then you did not help it. And yeah the world would say that you didn't need to help it but I wanted you to help me because there is none else that I ever ask for help. It has always be me to you and you to me. But when all this was happening, it was like you were there but you were never there for me, I wanted so much more and I may have been greedy at that time but hey I can exhibit human behavior too sometimes. I needed your support, reassurance, backing and most importantly I did not want to feel like I am only good when objective goal of money & stability is achieved.

I am slowly getting better at being with myself, just accepting things as they come and focusing on the immediate needs of career development. But it is very scary to think about the future in terms of a family, or personal relations. It feels as if I am conditioned to you, the things we did and the bond we shared. Its slightly better now but I still wonder how you got over it so quickly, do you never wonder like I do that if we could fix what went wrong then maybe we could end up together again? Am I that worthless to you that you would not want to fight for me against those whom you are worried about? Is that reason enough to give up whatever dreams, plans, ideas and life you imagined? I am not going to question whether you actually did these things or not, because I know you did - you did it as badly as I did.

There is definitely something still there, I believe so. Perhaps its just in me, I am the one carrying something unreal but trust me when I say this - in all the years that you've known me, I have never been as afraid of thinking about the future as I am now when it comes to imagining anything about my life and then removing you from all those images/ideas. It sucks. It does not help that I considered you family and now even family is not the same when you are gone, Charlie is also not here with me and Mom, Dad, Sister are all dependent on me - I can not be weak in front of them. Have never been and never will be. It was only you, in front of whom I was sometimes vulnerably open but I slowly stopped because you had your own worries in life which I needed to be strong for.

I can keep writing, keep blaming myself and you. But maybe there is no point. You want to remain just friends now but I know that one day I can not take this anymore and I will have to leave, and even typing this makes my hands shake. I do not want to find out how that feels.

[chainsawfam]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Oh this is so fun to answer! Since this is my anime blog I’ll stick to anime/manga.

10. Kageyama “Mob” Shigeo

Mob Psycho 100 is not only weird and fun, but emotional with highs and lows. As goofy as Reigen is, Mob is the heart of this show and his growth is wonderful to watch. He struggles with his powers and emotions but the fix isn’t changing himself as much as it is accepting himself and the relationships in his life. At his core, Mob is incredibly caring—that’s what makes him so special. He’s not a self-sacrificing hero of the prophecy, he’s just Mob. He’s kind just because he is.

9. Olivier Mira Armstrong

I love badass female characters and Major General Armstrong does not disappoint. She’s calculating, cold, and incredibly good at her job. Sometimes, I feel that when writers introduce “strong women” in their stories, they either take a masculine character type and slap it on (the brutish tank, lone gunslinger, etc) but don’t shape their personality outside of “being the tough guy—but a woman!” Or they let a strong woman be feminine but have to emphasize that’s she’s not like the other girls, she can keep up with the guys. Major General Armstrong doesn’t suffer this mistreatment. She is strong, she is fierce. She is a woman. These things don’t affect each other. She is her own character with a personality developed outside of just being a role subversion. Also she’s pretty and has a sword (on one hand I don’t like using a saber, on the other hand saber looks so cool).

8. Roy Mustang

Another Fullmetal Alchemist character…this will be a theme. I think FMAB has some of the best written characters of all time, including Roy Mustang. He could’ve just been a goofy-but-badass charismatic boss and I would like him, but he’s so complex. Mustang is a product of his environment who realized it too late. But instead of escaping his sins, he trusts in his support network to help him rise to the top and ensure that what he did never happens again. Mustang spends the series hiking back from hell up a pathway of good intentions and not without stumbling. He has blood on his hands and he risks the lives of his team and children under his command (Ed and Al)—is that worth it? Mustang’s ideal society would execute him for his crimes. And yet, that’s what he wants. Oh I could talk about him so much more. What a good character.

7. Alphonse Elric

Despite spending most of the series as a suit of metal, Al is incredibly expressive. He balances Ed, but they still bicker like brothers and have their disagreements. He cares and it shows in the little things—the cats he hides in his armor, the support for his friends and respect for Mustang’s team, the willingness to hear out an enemy with a reason. He’s also a traumatized kid who encounters alchemical horrors—the scene with Martel’s death holy shit. What a scene!! He’s not always sunshine, he has trauma and he reacts in sometimes unhealthy ways. Like all FMAB characters, he’s written really well.

6. Alluka Zoldyck

Alluka! Am not gonna lie, a lot of it is that I think she’s just so cute. And despite being hidden away for most of her life and focusing on more childish things like games and hugs, she’s not completely naive. She navigates living with another being sharing her body and mind, an abusive family, and violent lifestyles. Unlike characters like Neon Nostrade or Zushi, she’s not gullible or oblivious, and doesn’t accidentally sabotage her brother’s efforts like child characters sometimes do. Also she’s so sweet when she loves Killua and Nanika! She’s also a canon trans girl who isn’t sexualized. Go Alluka!

5. Denji

As mainly a Chainsaw Man blog, Denji has to be on here. He’s grown on me so much since I first read the manga. I don’t think I can explain why I like him in such a short paragraph. He’s a dumb, broke, horny teenage boy with magical chainsaw powers from his dog. He’s been manipulated all his life. He got a good life and a family that he was made to kill and revealed to be set up so he would suffer their loss. And yet, he adopts Nayuta, he follows his promise to Pochita, he acknowledges how much his platonic relationships mean to him. He can be an asshole but at the core he’s a good person and doesn’t push boundaries to get what he wants.

4. Riza Hawkeye

Roy Mustang can’t be on this list without his queen. The reason I like them both is pretty similar. They both are fighting to atone for what they’ve done. Hawkeye is special in the way she supports Mustang’s every step. She doesn’t have to act the same as him, she’s definitely her own person with her own struggles, but the reasons I like her are just like Mustang’s. She’s also a badass. But when I think about why they are my favorites, I think of them together. Their relationship, whether you see it as romantic or not, is what makes them such incredible characters. They are the true ride or dies.

3. Power

My reasons for Powy being one of my favorites is not as deep as others. Yes she has great character growth as well in learning to care for others, but she’s feral. She has demon horns and blood weapons as is feral. She cackles when she laughs and she speaks like a 12 year old trying to write a medieval novel and doesn’t eat her veggies. She bites to show affection and her brothers style her hair for her. Her cat is named “Meowy”. She’s a mess and I love her.

2. Edward Elric

How can I talk about Fullmetal Alchemist without the Fullmetal Alchemist himself? I love this short king for his character design (badass coat, auto mail, braid with the anime hair vents). FMAB would not be a cohesive story without Ed, not just because he’s the main character, but because of how curious, smart, reckless, and loyal he is. Ed brings the cast together. His character growth is great for a child soldier. He’s powerful but still learning that the world is more than black and white. He’s insanely talented at alchemy but not for being born with it, but his passion for and experimentation even when it fails (and boy does he fail!). He has moments where he struggles with his disability and prosthetics but it does not hold him back. And he loves his friends and family so much and shows it in ways that matter to them! The Winry gun scene…. Anyways I love Edward Elric.

1. Killua Zoldyck

Hunter X Hunter is the one of the earlier anime I watched and it holds a special place in my heart. Killua is great throughout. You meet him and you’re like “sick! 12-year-old white-haired anime boy on a skateboard” and then he rips a serial killer’s heart out. He alternates between being tortured (literally) by his past and being a goofy kid who spent 1.5 million dollars on chocolate during the 4 years his dad made him fight MMA matches for a living. And then you find out he’s desperately fighting for free will to stay by the side of the only person he’s ever loved who is another self-sacrificing preteen boy who he has a suicide pact with. And then when said boy almost dies from overusing his magic rock paper scissors power, Killua breaks his sister free of their assassin family to heal him.

His magic shounen power is using electricity because he was electrocuted so much as a kid he’s immune to it. He makes (*ⓛ ω ⓛ *) cat faces. If that doesn’t tell you why I love him idk what does. He’s everything. And he’s extra special to me because he’s a tragically sad gay kid with a crush on his best friend. Hits a little close to home. The “Gon you are light” speech makes me cry. I don’t think I can actually put into words what he makes me feel. He’s just like his theme song. Listen to “The Silver Haired Boy” and you’ll know exactly what I mean.

[morphlingunderscore]

hey I can send you morituro with the bridge again :) Please don't queue this one your URL is long

morituro - of someone who is next or destined to die

The Bridge, being what they were, had been privy to the highs and lows of civilization. All gods had, they are sure, but their case is not so... Complete. Often, the two do not even notice the time passing, until called upon- simply existing in the End, watching its people flutter about, change, spread out. It embarrasses the louder half, the brighter half, that sometimes they forget the other dimensions exist.

And yet, they do see snippets.

Many mundane- a farmer offering a portion of his harvest in exchange for an equal weight of shadowberries, which he had seen in an herbology book and become quite curious about. A girl attempting to barter loose coin for a mostly harmless weapon to beat her little brother senseless with for sticking gum in her hair. A piglin requesting safe passage from his conquests to his home, where another piglin and two young piglets await him.

these, the bridge enjoys. small things, quiet trades. a gift from a friend, not a trade from a god. it lifts their spirits so they are not so lonely.

Some, quite enthralling. A whole village coming together, pooling trinkets with emotional sentiment to trade for a single wither rose, needed to cure one of their own, a small boy that had been cursed cruelly to rot in his bed. A battalion offering the head of slain beast that could bring them many riches, in exchange for the head of a hated enemy.

THESE, THE BRIDGE ENJOYS. IT ROBS THEM OF THEIR BOREDOM. IT BOILS INKY BLOOD IN THEIR VEINS. IT MAKES GODHOOD FEEL RIGHT, FEEL TRUE. IT EXCITES.

And some, too... Horrible. They need not describe the lengths humanity and its brethren will go when desperate- they experience the results more often than not. And yet everytime they are offered an infant, a child, a hated outcast, a necessary sacrifice-- they find themselves appalled that they could be so disrespected, so misunderstood.

A life is intangible. A life holds infinite value, and yet none. A life can be snuffed out, and the world will keep turning. A life can be snuffed out, and many worlds fall.

Somehow, though, they find themselves... Surprised.

A desperate plea for medicine. A family, a village rotting from the inside out. Their elder, half-dead on his feet, and yet standing, staring them down. Arms held wide. Faces stricken around him, but not him.

This, this happens much less frequently.

"Hardly a fair exchange," the old man laughs, and then coughs, rot expelled from his lungs. He doesn't have long. They can see the path before him, and it is very short. "And yet you- cough- you accepted it." He stares at them, eyes sunken and yet bright. He is smiling. "My son said you wouldn't."

"why did he believe we would deny such a request?" the bridge wonders, quiet confusion.

"WHY DID YOU BELIEVE WE WOULD ACCEPT?" THE BRIDGE sneers, loud condescension.

The old man laughs again, weaker still. His breathing is labored, heart hammering faintly in his chest. That he had stood for their appraisal was a miracle. That, or perhaps it was the final nail in his coffin. "I was a priest, you know. Not like all them new-age types, who spend more money on gilded chandeliers than comfortable pews." He stops to breathe, pale, arms struggling to hold his weight. The Bridge does not hesitate to adjust their embrace, shifting to brace his back, letting his tired arms rest.

If anything, it makes his smile grow wider. More knowing.

"So many believe you're neutral in the face of conflict. That whoever offers the highest bid's gonna win the war--"

"THEY ARE CORRECT."

"Hush, no they ain't," he admonishes, amused when their quieter side swats their louder counterpart in retaliation for interrupting. "You're a god, sure, but gods come from people, and people come from gods. If y'all were so simple, none of us down there be so damn complicated."

"that has merit," the bridge concedes, before adding liltingly, "though you may create a schism with that talk."

The old man grins, teeth dark with old blood. Too tired to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. I say the more the merrier," he dismisses easily. "Point is, I knew it'd work because you hate sacrifices."

"We Do Not Hate," The Bridge retorts in unison.

"You got opinions up in there, no need to deny it to a... To a dead man." Winded, now. His voice grows thick. "Y'hate em. But I'm not a sacrifice, am I?"

"NO."

"you came willingly."

"YOU ARE A GIFT."

"and we, to you."

The old man's grin softens into a smile. It's small and vulnerable on his pale, gaunt face. He looks so terribly kind.

"See?" He rasps, and then coughs. It exhausts him greatly, until he's barely able to hold his head up to watch them. His path is a scant few millimeters, edging like lace. Silhouetting him in gold.

"Tell Sammy... I was right. ...'nd that it's okay th't he was wrong."

"Of Course," they promise solemnly, offering two twin, terrible smiles of their own. "Safe travels lead you to distant shores, old friend. Be seeing you."

"Be..."

But he is already gone.

Time sticks, and stays, and hardens to stone.

The Bridge has seen the highs and lows of civilization.

It would be easier if they did not.

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

randall and hopkirk deceased as an extended metaphor for reactions to severe trauma

i think theres a lot to be said about martys death as like. a metaphor or symbolic of severe trauma. its a life altering event that fundamentally alters everyone involved. marty obviously. because hes dead. but what if we think about it in a less literal, more abstract way? i dont know. there are a few experiences for the characters in this show which regardless of how they were intended, resonate a lot. for the sake of argument im avoiding referring to the event as 'martys death' in order to generalise the experiences and make them less specific. martys death for the sake of this post is an event. any event. that changes the lives of the people it touches both subtly and tangibly

its a traumatic event which means that marty can no longer relate to or interact with other people . hes isolated and ostracised and numbed, literally. he's derealised and dissociated, hes out-of-body. the traumatic event has left him unable to engage physically with anyone or anything around him. the only physically 'real' thing to marty is himself - which we can see when he says to bugsy "you're solid!": he doesnt recognise them as both being incorporeal. to marty, it's the rest of the world that doesn't exist anymore, and him and bugsy (someone with shared trauma) are all that's left. he is Such an isolated character, as a direct result of the traumatic event. it's left him with the ability to detect 'bad vibes' (hypervigilance). and it's not something that can be reversed - now that it's happened, that's it, but even tho he is often unhappy and hypervigilant and anxious and wishes he could go back to how he was before, he still does find moments to be silly and have fun, and eventually also to find excitement and empowerment in his new state of being. because hes still a person, even if most people dont treat him as such. his trauma means that other people no longer recognise him as a person, and that's not their fault. the living arent deliberately ostracising marty: it's his trauma which has distinctly separated him from everyone else. it's left him silent and invisible and almost completely alienated. no matter how much he yells to people to warn that they're going to be murdered, or yells for help, nobody is paying attention to him.

for jeff, his best friend is dead. yea. but jeff stops grieving this loss. in a very parallel way to marty being frozen in time and unable to continue his life, jeff is also trapped.when jeff comes home after the funeral, we see the beginnings of his journey with grief, and its a grieving process that has been interrupted; a healing process gone wrong. now he can't move on; marty is a constant reminder to him. its no wonder jeff gets angry with marty, occasionally wants marty to leave. and while jeff might feel trapped by marty, and marty feel hurt by jeff not recognising how tragic death was for marty, neither of them are to blame. its a terrible situation - and the evil isnt in either of them or their reactions to it. marty might have trouble with boundaries and jeff might occasionally be callous. but theyre just two traumatised people. the evil is that marty was killed at all.

jeff knows that things can't ever be the same; he has the dual struggle of mourning the loss of a normal life and a normal friendship, and accepting the fact that this is normality for them now. marty is who he is, the traumatic event happened and can't be undone, and marty is still here and suffering and so so deserving of compassion. sometimes when marty is silly jeff smiles a little bit and he loves him so much and he remembers that he does; because a lot of the time, the struggle in the aftermath of that traumatic event makes him too wrung out and stressed and tired to remember that that's his best friend, his best friend is right there and needs jeff as much as jeff needs him, if not more so

jeff ALSO now can't relate normally to the people around him. in the second ever episode jeannie, one of his best friends, tricks him into a hold in a psychiatric clinic, based on nothing but a few instances of jeff behaving a little strangely, right after having been bereaved. jeff has to act normal at all times under difficult or even impossible circumstances; he has to maintain the illusion of normality even more than marty does, even while marty is yelling directly into his ear. while marty might perform and mimic a 'living' existence (sitting on furniture, which we know he doesnt need to do; speaking to people he knows cant hear him; not allowing jeff to touch him so that they can both maintain the fantasy of normality after trauma) but for Jeff the illusion is crucial to his safety

jeannie is the one we might think is ironically spared some of this, even though she and marty were married. shes not involved in marty's continued existence post-trauma in the same way jeff and marty are. they deliberately keep it from her to preserve her wellbeing and, in jeff's case at least, to ensure that her ability to move on with her life isn’t curtailed the way Jeffs and Martys have been. and jeannie is trying; but it's not the case - not yet. caught up in his own life, and marty caught up in his death, jeff sometimes forgets that jeannie lost her husband, recently. him saying "i thought you got over marty ages ago" when it's been less than a year seems like an absolutely deranged thing to say to a widow when you hear it out of context. but it has to be a moment for jeff to remember: he and marty have sacrificed the healing of the grieving process in favour of what they have now, in favour of continuing their friendship and being there for each other. but jeannie hasnt. jeannie is still going through it in all of its agony. jeannie is consistently vulnerable when it comes to marty; over and over again she is manipulated by people who take advantage of her grief. and it's easy to say well she's being silly or naive, but thats because the audience follow the show primarily through jeff and marty's eyes, not jeannies. The only person Jeannie could talk to about marty seems so altered by his grief that she doesnt feel she can even bring Marty up in conversation

we also see that jeannie has been isolated from other people because of the traumatic event. Jenny comes down to see her shortly afterwards; but crucially when we see jeannie among her friends of whom we see, she has many! She is alone in a crowd, just as Jeff and Marty are. At parties she is on her own. She’s in the corner, changed by her experience of finding her husband dead just outside their house. The people around her are amiable and friendly but they don’t understand. They don’t approach her; and they don’t listen when she expresses reluctance at being asked to join in an activity she finds deeply uncomfortable.

All three characters love each other so much; and as a direct result of the traumatic event, they still sometimes harm each other inadvertently. Jeff harms Jeannie by forgetting that she is still grieving; perhaps he even harms her by keeping huge secrets from her even if he does so under oath and the best of intentions. Jeff harms Marty by not telling him ahead of time that Jeannie is an alibi when they’re in bed together; he harms him by being insensitive to Marty’s limitations; he harms him by dismissing his fears and anxieties out of hand; he harms him by rejecting him and telling him to leave. Marty harms Jeff and Jeannie both, tragically, by his inability to let them go. He harms Jeff by neglecting to observe Jeff’s boundaries appropriately. He harms Jeannie, albeit without her knowledge, in his jealous urge to keep her from moving on and finding someone else, even if he doesn’t act on it. He does Jeannie a disservice occasionally by underestimating her, and so does Jeff. Jeannie harms Jeff by not trusting him, by tricking him and having him confined without ever speaking to him about her concerns. She harms Marty without meaning to when she half believes that sheldon is Marty, and by agreeing to help cecil exorcise Marty.

None of these things are deliberate; and I think all three characters can overcome this. They love each other enough. But they’re just people. They’re trying to navigate a life that has become strange to them.

i dont know. its 4am. i have many thoughts and this isnt nearly as clean or comprehensive as i would want it to be. Jeannie, Jeff and Marty are all traumatised and are muddling their way through the aftermath as best they can and they all need each other’s understanding and compassion.