#i still ended up listened to that episode during covid

[wolf-of-woke-street]

Sometimes I'm a little sad that I only got into the Magnus Archives once it was already finished. Sad that I missed the hype and theorizing that came with each episode drop, watching it all unfold along with everyone else.

Then I remember that MAG 164 The Sick Village dropped on the 23rd of April 2020 and it would have absolutely broken me

[merrybloomwrites]

I'll Be There for You - Platonic Smosh x Reader

Summary: 2020 starts great for reader before covid enters the chat and flips her world upside down. Her friends at Smosh are there to support her through one of the hardest times of her life.

Word Count: 2.5K

CW: covid, quarantine, parent death, panic attack

AN: Was listening to a Smosh Mouth episode and they brought up filming during quarantine and it randomly inspired this story. I lost my own dad during covid and Smosh was absolutely one of my escapes during that time so this story may just be me processing that haha

No romantic relationships for reader in this, just lots of supportive friends.

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From the moment you hear about this new virus, you’re nervous about it. The news stations are trying to keep everything positive, spin it like this is no big deal. But what you see on social media is telling a different story.

You’re not so much worried for yourself as you are for your family. They’re all the way across the country on the east coast while you’re in Los Angeles. And many of your family members have lung issues. While you don’t know much about this coronavirus, it seems to be most harmful to people’s lungs, leaving you to worry. 

It seems crazy to be taking a trip right now, but the threat doesn’t seem to be too bad. Travel is still permitted, and so your group goes ahead with your trip to Australia. You’ve been looking forward to this for months, and try so hard to not allow your anxieties overshadow your excitement. 

It’s a solid group on the trip: Shayne, Courtney, Ian, Damien, Sarah, and Matt Raub. All of you are trying to ignore the increasingly worrisome news and keep things light. You attend two different expos, doing live shows as well as meet and greets with fans. Those bookend the trip, with lots of different activities in the middle, including visits to a couple zoos to learn about local wildlife. 

You hold koalas and snakes, laugh with your friends, and for a little while, you forget all about the bad things that are happening. 

But you can’t hide from it forever. Despite everyone joking about the virus, you can’t help but be afraid. Every day of the trip, more news is revealed, and things look more and more grim. 

Towards the end of the trip you do a couple planned meet and greets at Sydney’s Madame Tussauds. You’re on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, feeling like every person you talk to could be carrying this unpredictable virus. 

Ian picks up on this and pulls you aside during a break.

“You okay?” he asks, concern etched on his face.

“I can’t shake this feeling, like we’re all going to get infected and then bring it back home, and every time a new person comes in the room it’s like another chance for germs to spread. What happens if we get sick? We don’t know anything about this virus, or what it can do to people, and there’s more and more cases everyday-” your rambling cuts off as you gasp for a breath. The panic attack is officially setting in, the room spinning around you as it gets harder to breathe. 

You hear Ian say something, but the ringing in your ears prevents you from understanding him. A moment later Sarah is standing in front of you, catching your eye and encouraging you to breathe with her. After a minute of matching her breaths, you’ve calmed down and gotten through the worst of the panic attack. 

Sarah leads you to the couch, sitting next to you, close enough to be a grounding presence but far enough that you don’t feel closed in. Ian walks over, crouching in front of you and handing you a water bottle. 

“Sorry about that,” you finally say.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Sarah says. “Your feelings are completely valid.”

Ian nods before saying, “I know we’re all making jokes about this, but I think everyone’s just covering up how scared they are. I’m definitely scared. You’re right to say that there’s so much we don’t know. I’d say don’t worry about all that, but that’s stupid because you’re gonna worry anyway.” 

You laugh at that, feeling much better now knowing that you’re not alone. Ian smiles and places a comforting hand on your knee and you reach out to hold Sarah’s hand as well. The three of you sit for a moment and then Shayne walks in the room saying, “Time to start up again.”

He looks at you guys, sees the redness in your eyes and notices the way the others are comforting you and asks, “Everything okay?”

“Yea, I’m good now,” you answer. “We’ll be right out.”

Shayne nods and walks away. You go to stand but before you can get up Ian says, “You don’t have to go back out there if you’re not comfortable. We can do the rest without you if you need some space.”

“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” you reply. He smiles and gives your leg one last squeeze before standing and giving you a hand up. It’s a nice moment, one where you’re reminded about how wonderful it is to work for Ian. He’s a kind boss, but also like a big brother to you, and you appreciate having him in your life. 

The rest of the time in Australia goes smoothly, and then it’s time to fly home. Sarah and Ian stick by you throughout the long day of travel. You don’t ask them to, but you can tell they’re worried that you’ll get anxious in such a crowded space. Somehow that makes it easier, and you’re able to spend the day joking with your friends rather than panicking. 

You’re exhausted when you get home, saying a rushed goodbye to your friends and heading home.

And then the isolation begins. The world practically shuts down completely as soon as you get back to the states. You go from constantly being around people, to being completely alone. It’s fine at first, you’re exhausted from traveling and this gives you a good excuse to be lazy for a few days. 

You spend a lot of time on the phone with your family, begging them to stay inside the house and stay safe. And they seem to listen, only going out twice for supplies. But apparently that’s all it takes. 

Just over a week after the Australia trip your mom gets sick. It’s obvious right away that it’s covid. For one thing, your mom has worked with children for decades. Her immune system is impeccable, you’ve never seen her get a cold or the flu before. For her to be sick is odd, plus she has all the symptoms, so it’s a no brainer.

And then a few days later, your dad is sick as well. You knew it was inevitable, that once the virus was in the house he was going to get it as well, but hearing it for sure makes your blood run cold. 

He already has a couple of lung issues, and you can’t help but feel like this isn’t going to go well. You hate that you’re stuck on opposite coasts and can’t do anything to help. You call them as much as possible, wanting to stay positive and hearing their voices always helps.

But then your dad gets worse and ends up in the hospital. You finally tell your Smosh friends what is going on. You’d kept it quiet at first, but they picked up that something is wrong. 

You try to continue on like normal, assuring your friends that you’re fine, but they don’t accept that. While they never overstep, you’re often surprised with kind texts or things appearing on your doorstep. 

It’s a particularly bad day. Your dad has just been placed on a ventilator. You get the news while in a zoom meeting, and everyone can tell that something has happened. 

“You okay, Y/N?” Courtney asks. 

You shake your head no and think about what to answer. You could be vague, just say it’s an update about your father and leave it at that. But these are people that care about you, that want to support you. 

“My dad just got put on a ventilator,” you reply. 

“My god, Y/N, I’m so sorry. Did they say anything else?” Shayne says. 

“Apparently the doctors said it’s a preventative measure. Supposed to let his lungs heal. But we’ve all seen the statistics. Most covid patients don’t come off the vent.” 

“If you need to go you can,” Ian says. “Don’t feel like you need to stay on this call.”

“No, that’s okay. I’d rather keep working. Either that or sit in silence in my apartment,” you answer with a shrewd laugh. 

“Alright, well if you need to leave at any time please feel free. No explanation needed, we’ll understand,” Ian says. 

The meeting resumes and you sit quietly while they plan the upcoming Smosh Games schedule. You don’t have any input, and it’s pretty clear you’re not really listening, but you’re comforted by the sound of your friends' voices. 

The zoom call finishes, and you’re left alone with your thoughts. You’re not sure how much time passes, but the sun has moved to shine through a new window as husk begins so it must be a while. 

You’re startled back to reality by a text on your phone. Your heart races, fearing it’s you mom with even worse news. You breathe a sigh of relief when you see it’s from Spencer, his message saying, “Check out your front door.”

Doing as he’d instructed, you see a bag that had been delivered. It’s takeout from chilis, enough food for multiple meals, all your favorites. 

This is just what you needed. Your appetite hasn't been great, but smelling the familiar food has your stomach growling. After sending him a thank you message you dig in. 

Now full of comfort food, you manage to do your normal nightly routine of cleaning up the apartment and taking a shower. You go to bed feeling scared, but supported. 

Three days later, you get the news you’d been dreading. Your moms calls in the morning, saying the doctors think he won’t make it through the day. It’s a Sunday, and you have nothing to distract you. People text, but you leave them unanswered. 

It’s a beautiful day in Los Angeles, and you do the only thing you’re allowed to do: take a walk. 

Losing track of time, you wander through neighborhoods, making sure to keep distance from other people out walking. It pains you to see happy families, people who are making the most out of this pandemic. People whose lives aren’t being drastically changed forever. 

You get back home in the early afternoon. Soon after, your mom calls. You almost ignore it, knowing what she’s going to say but wanting to delay the inevitable. But you know you can’t do that. 

It’s a short conversation, your mother unable to say too much between the tears. 

You hang up feeling numb. It grows dark outside and finally you text Ian, asking for the next day off. 

His response is immediate, expressing his condolences and telling you to take at least the week off. You ask him to send a message to the others, not wanting to have to do it yourself. 

You wrap yourself into a cocoon of blankets, lay in bed, and cry over the loss. 

The next few days you find that you’re exhausted, with random bursts of high energy. You use the energy to respond to your friends' messages, thanking them for reaching out and telling them you’re okay. 

You speak on the phone with Damien for a while a couple days after it happens. While all of your friends are supportive, he’s the only one who’s been through this before. He truly understands what it’s like to lose a father. His experience, his words, everything he has to offer is incredibly comforting to you. And when he says he’ll always be there to listen, you know he’s telling the truth and not just saying what he thinks is the “right thing”. 

And then that Thursday, just a couple days after your dads death, the vlog of your time in Australia is released. 

You get the notification that it’s been posted as you always do, and instead of being excited that a new video is up, it sends you into a breakdown. You’re crying, gasping for breath, and you need someone there with you. 

For the first time since all of this began you cannot be alone. People have been offering to stop by and because it’s been over two weeks since any of you have been around others it’s technically safe. But you always refused, assuring them that you’re fine. 

Now, however, you need people around you. Through tears you find your phone and immediately call Courtney, asking if she and Shayne could come over. She says yes without hesitation and stays on the call while the two of them make their way to your place. 

Needing the comfort of your room you say, “Front door is open. I’ll be in my bedroom when you get here.”

“Just a couple more minutes,” Courtney replies as you climb under the covers. 

“Okay,” you murmur to let her know you heard her. 

As promised she and Shayne enter a few minutes later. Without hesitation Courtney climbs into bed with you, wrapping you up in your arms. You melt into the embrace, sobs ripping through your body. 

When you’ve finally cried yourself out, you pull away and notice Shayne’s no longer in the room. A moment later he walks back in, carrying water, tissues, and your favorite cookies. You smile weakly at him and pat the bed, inviting him to join you and Courtney. 

He sits next to you, and you’re effectively sandwiched between the two of them. It’s comforting to be surrounded by two of your best friends. You’d always been close with them, and we’re happy that nothing changed when they started dating. 

They’re two people who will always have your back, no matter what. They stay with you until the next morning, Shayne leaving temporarily to pick up anything he and Courtney need for the night. 

You hadn’t realized how much you needed to be around people, but it’s clear how much it helps to actually see people and talk to them without a screen. 

Finally, you start accepting people’s invitations to hang out. You make good use of your apartment complex’s patio area so that you can hang out while still social distancing. You don’t often talk about your dad or how you’re doing, but rather about other mundane things. It feels good to talk to friends about something even somewhat normal. 

The other cast members take turns filling in for videos that you’re supposed to appear in. You’d tried going back to business as usual, but found that you couldn’t be as lighthearted and funny as you usually were. Rather than try to fake it, you’d switched to a more behind the scenes role for the time being. 

In May and June, fans start to notice that you aren’t appearing in any videos. Many theories float around, and you decide you’re ready to make the news about your dad public, instead of letting the rumors continue to spread. 

You make a post about your father on Instagram, a picture of the two of you with a caption explaining the loss. Support floods in, from friends, family, and fans alike. 

Though it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever experienced, it’s so nice to know you have such wonderful people who will always have your back.

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AN: Thanks so much for reading! I'm working on two stories for Whumptober, One Spencer x reader and the other Damien x reader!

[cutespacegoblin]

Ahhhhh I love audio dramas but every year I love to go back to my favorites and I really want other people to give them a listen I love the characters (there's queer stuff in each as well), the fantastical and sci fi elements are interesting and work well in their stories and they have some nice anti capitalist stuff in there too. I'm just gonna give a little description for each and please please please give them a shot. They were all made by zoomdoom stories (and written by Jaimie killen) and all are very short for podcasts.

Idk I'm not amazing at collecting and saying my thoughts, but if anyone takes the chances and gives one a listen and enjoys it I'll be super happy.

SPINES: A girl, Wren, wakes up in the middle of a cultish blood ritual with little to no memories alongside someone she knows she loves and several strangers she has vague familiarity towards. Wren breaks out of the ritual as the building catches fire and they lose track of everyone else. She works through the mystery of who she is and what was going on during the ritual, learning the secrets of the group, and how she fits into it.

- I love this one it's fun and the way the story changes in seasons 2 and 3 is a fun turn, alongside the ending which is nothing I expected but enjoyed none the less, it's a bit more anthology than the other 2 with the first season having Wren run into weird supernatural occurrences slowly gaining information but the plot gets going as the episodes on. Tho I love it I'd probably rank it 3rd since conceptually I like Ella McCray and it's characters more and the story of mirrors is so tightly done that I need to place it higher

Mirrors: This story follows 3 women in a family line, separated by generations (in the past, present and far future) all seemingly haunted by the same ghosts... or perhaps these ghosts are trying to tell them something?

- I don't wanna give stuff away for this one, the journey through different times and characters is super well done and the way they go about solving the mystery is amazing. Please just give it a listen this and the other shows are fairly short amd can be completely quickly. This is my number 1 audio drama of all time please give it a listen without spoilers

The six disappearances of Ella's McCray: during her wedding Ella stepped into the forest and suddenly disappeared, with 6 witnesses to this event. The problem? All the witnesses say completely different, colliding memories of what happened, many completely unbelievable, stranger still it seems like all of their visions have left them marked and changed in different ways.

-I love this one, the hook was really cool and every character is voiced and interesting. It also has a trans woman as one of the main characters! (Trans/nonbinary characters have appeared before but this is the first one that is a main character from the very beginning) This might have become my favorite if not for one thing.... it's unfinished. Ever since covid the 3rd and final season has been on "indefinite hiatus." Still it's worth giving this story some love as what is out is still very well done and has some interesting sci fi stuff I haven't seen before.

[rage-mode-138]

TMA spoilers for episode 123 and beyond. If you haven't listened to the podcast, I recommend it, but this is my own therapeutic rant about how @jonnywaistcoat made me feel.

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So. I have listened to the magnus archives three times at this point, and each time episode 123 gets me really hard. Johnathan Sims, the archivist, falls into a coma of six freaking months. While I did not experience six months, I did experience it for 50 days.

When I woke up, I had no idea what had really happened. I was vague on the entire situation, and I woke up in the middle of Covid with the world in its own tiny freaking apocalypse.

The voice acting John has in this scene is brilliant at expressing the feeling. Everything has continued around you. Things have changed the entire situation, has freaking changed, and you have to play catch up!

I missed Easter of 2020, but I didn't realize I had until 2021 because I got confused about what had happened to it the previous year. I had to be freaking reminded that it happened during my coma. While I was recovering my voice, my ability to move everything the world kept going. And you know what.

"There was just this great... gap of time where I wasn't". Where I wasn't appart of the world and God was that a terrifying thing to come to terms with.

There's this chunk of time before the coma, and after the Coma, that's so fuzzy to me, and being in rehabilitation until 2022 made everything seem like it didn't happen for 2 years. Like I wasn't part of the world. It's still hard to wrap my head around from time to time.

It hurts how vivid my dreams were in the coma. I had full on screaming matches with my mother, my bestfriend (ex girlfriend at the time, currently my girlfriend now) died in the dream, the world was coming to an end and I talked to a sweet little old lady who I am sure as heck was the grim reaper. It lasted from when I fell into the coma to when I got out and ironically my brain though I had spend 6 months in that coma, telling me it was the middle of October when it was only May.

I'm going to touch on that last dream because the conversation with Oliver in episode 121 it's Erie to listen to.

In the dream, I believe I was vaguely aware I was in a hospital asleep. I remember my mother fighting tooth and nail to keep me from being transferred, but when the hospital staff said that no more visitors were allowed, she scolded me. She told me I wasn't allowed to die. And I tried my hardest not to.

I had this older lady with a bob of white curly hair on the top of her head, and black scrubs came into my room. I remember her scrubs having fruits on it. Apples, bananas, and grapes. It was such a weird detail. But I remember because I was staring her down for what felt like days. I was exhausted, I wanted it to stop, but every time I would close my eyes, she would move closer. When I opened them again, she would move and sit back down in the chair by the door, smiling politely at me like she wasn't there to take me when I dropped my gaurd. After days of this routine, her standing up, inching closer to me, and me being reluctant to give up. She laughed at me. It was a small laugh, one of a parent who was aware of how fruitless a fight I was putting up before going to sleep. She said to me, "You really are determined"

Her voice was soft and soothing. Telling me it was alright. That I could trust her. I knew it was a lie, and I shook my head. And said I wasn't ready to go. That I didn't want to leave.

"Why?" That's all she said was why. A single word, but it was a lot to me. Why would I fight so hard. I hated my life, I didn't take care of myself, I had tried to leave the world before. So why, this time, was I so stubbornly holding on.

I was crying, and the tears hurt my eyes in the dream, but I told her I wasn't ready to go. That I wanted to try again and that I could make it different this time. She nodded at me and finally walked over without that ommission aura she carried over the rest of the time. She touched my cheek and told me, "Alright. You have this one shot. If I see you back here again, there won't be a next time." I nodded and she left.

I woke up after she talked to me. After I made my promise, my choice... like Johnathan did. She was my aspect of death, and i have a feeling I will be seeing her the next time I get ready to leave this earth.

Brains are funky squishy meat sacks that don't know reality. And I still struggle from time to time to process if this is reality. I have to check in with my friends and my loved ones if any of this is real.

But yeah. So I know how John felt after his coma. I know that desperate feeling to want to be near the one you love who you have been pushing away. And I know how it feels for people to move my freaking stuff while in my coma

Sleeping people don't need pens.

But I digress. That's it for this post. Maybe I'll post one on the other dreams I had during the coma. I have never really written them down because they are personal and a bit embarrassing if I'm going to be honest.

Thank you, jonnywaistcoat, for writing a damn good show. Thank you, @rqbossman , for producing it. I'm so happy I found this strange podcast by accident. I look forward to seeing what happens in The Magnus Protocol.

[jungmeowz]

rinhi's info spill;

hi everyone!!

okay, as some of you guys know me... or not, I use to write for stray kids and nct dream, and other groups on my old account (@renjunvinates) but I closed the account two years ago and stopped writing for some time because I started to become a casual kpop-listener and enjoyer, and was slowly falling out of stray kids and nct dream... (I still love them with my whole heart but it's just not like that anymore... so sorry!!!).

name familiarity: emina, and rennie... I now go by rinhi!

so... now you're wondering how did I end up back here... with a new account, the answer is simple... I somehow, in some way got dragged back into kpop and fell in the enhypen rabbit hole... who do we blame here just maybe my best friend and myself LMFAO. Not recently but a few months ago, I attended the FATE PLUS TOUR concert and that's where it basically went downhill.

RINHI'S ENHYPEN LORE;

So, few years back I was very much into enhypen (i-land days, literally would wake up early to watch the show because I was heavily invested into them) I was there during i-land, watched their pre-debut stuff and was there for their debut! Now this was at the time I became really invested into skz and nct that I had hard time following other groups which caused me to not focus on enhypen too much. I think skip forward too near end of COVID this was where I started to fall out of kpop in general and started to become a casual listener, not really focusing on any groups but still listening to kpop as my main genre, it was also the time scandals were being dropped left and right, and I got fed up with the crazy amount of hate and negativity which is why I dipped. So I wanna say, I kinda dipped out after drunk-dazed/fever released. I occasionally listened to their music but never took the time to fully invest into them. I was also having a huge dilemma who my bias is because they were so young and it made me feel uncomfy (lowkey still does, but like wow I love them like so so so much)

now we're here, so occasionally did listen to their music, but wasn't into them like that, fast forward to where we are now, I attended their fate plus tour, and wow when I tell you that this concert changed me... it heavily changed me, because now I'm like super(?) into kpop and like love love enhypen and I'm now deep in the depths of kpop (specifically enhypen)...

RINHI'S ENHYPEN BIAS LORE;

okay let's just put out there I absolutely adore all of them and I'm ot7 forever and always, but dang if I had to choose we know by my user... its the one and only yang jungwon aha... now how did this happen? TBH I'm going to sound like a psychopath and crazy and I'm sorry, I've just been in denial since i-land LMFAO.

okay so when i-land released, i initially took interest in sunoo, but that's because I thought he was just a cutie patootie, but then I saw his age and I was like oh, idk LMFAO (I was young at that time... but he was younger, so I felt weird). anyways, when I heard jungwon's voice when he sang "Intro to i-land" I kinda was like wow I love his voice so much, and when I saw jungwon I was like wow cutie patootie!! And then I saw his age and I was like oh... I really cant!! (this is where my denial starts). But, when I like saw geonu (now in JUST B) and heard his voice that I was like oh, I like his voice and he's cute and his age was okay, and I felt fine with. So yeah I biased geonu for a bit, but really was in denial about jungwon but told myself I couldn't bc it was kinda weird (age wise) BUT SOMETHING WAS DARN THERE but was trying to avoid it like the plague (I'm sorry won, I love you with my whole god dang heart). okay fast forward into i-land LOL dang geonu is eliminated and I'm in distraught LOL because now I'm like dang who do I bias?? So the final episode comes around and I'm like rooting for all the boys, and when the final line-up gets chosen, I look at my screen and I'm like LOL who do I bias,,, so I'm like ahaha jungwon??? but i'm too freaked out, so then I switch over and I'm like yeah sunoo, but my logic and reasoning is HE'S MY SON THOUGH LIKE I BIAS HIM, BUT IN A SON LOVING WAY (literally still in denial about jungwon and avoiding him like the plague in hope getting over him).

Okay we're fast forwarding to current time; LMFAO so you know when people ask me who my bias is, I would tell them oh it's sunoo but in a son lovingly way LOL and would try move on from the topic, but if there's one person who knew my secret dilemma it was my bestie LMFAO and she would lowkey side-eye me, because she knew LMFAO. Moving onto fate plus tour, at this point I was in denial and I knew I was LMFAO before the concert I said wow I get to see sunoo!!! *causally whispers* and jungwon ahaha... guys I'm a fraud LMFAO I went to this concert and the entire god dang time my eyes was on jungwon, and after that concert it really changed me and who I am, because not only do I simply love jungwon, I simply love enhypen and its all I ever yap about.

okay thank you, for hearing me yap.

[six-of-ravens]

Main Seasons of TAZ Ranked (according to my own personal opinions):

Balance. No-brainer, one of those beautiful happy accidents that happen sometimes. The evolution from "4 comedians playing DND for a lark" to "seriously amazing storytelling and collaborative effort" is flawless. Also the story and characters are so fun. Taako revolutionized me as a person.

Amnesty. Beloved monster of the week. Flawless characters, exciting paranormal-sci fi plot, unique and interesting monsters, delightful little ski town. FRENCH ONION SOUP. goatman disguised as Ryan Gosling. gets a little muddled at the end and the gang did miss several chances to include key side characters like Pigeon and the FBI Agent, but overall a solid effort

TAZ vs Dracula. Absolutely delightful. Spiritual successor to Balance in some ways. Perfect gothic setting. Excellent hilarious side characters. Sports druids. Love triangle between Dracula, Frankenstein, and a clone of Dracula. Phyleaux (sp?) getting turned into a puppet in like episode 3. Mutt being like an 1800s Winchester brother. Lady Godwin my eyes are up here thank you.

Steeplechase. Fucking amazing setting, Justin was truly living his Disney dad dream. Characters didn't stand out as much to me but the setting and adventures made up for it. Love the whole setup. The Abandoned Child Floor. The people who have fallen for a conspiracy that they're in outer space instead of a theme park. Krystal with a K. So many delightful shenanigans.

Ethersea. This one was ambitious. I love the setting, and Amber Gris, but I think they tried too hard to make this one serious, and the boys made some character arc choices they weren't able to deliver on because they ran out of time. That said, Justin making his character stop talking to Travis's character because Devo was being a brat and then having to field real life rumours that the brothers had a falling-out was fuckin hilarious. Speaking of, I did actually miss a lot of Devo's parts bc the fake french accent was triggering my misophonia so I ended up skipping through his longer speeches. So that may be partially why I didn't get it. Still a solid arc, and I hope they do a second season someday.

Graduation. Okay, I tried. I really did! I listened to like 20 episodes! But sadly Travis did fall for a lot of beginner writer mistakes like infodumping and having too many side characters, and when you're playing a collaborative game those are amplified threefold, because it's not just "oh this book is kinda boring" there are 3 people who are shut out of the game lol. Also there just wasn't enough action for me, and Clint's vaguely Scottish accent.... misophonia hell lmao. Also this was The Covid Arc and during that time I was so anxious and depressed I basically cut all podcasts except my true crime ones so maybe mental illness is to blame. Idk maybe I'll try it again someday but I didn't like it very much the first couple times I tried.

Outre Space, which I have not listened to because I kept saying I was going to read the comic it's based off of first and I still haven't, and I'm not really into marvel anymore anyway so idk if I'll ever get into it. I feel like they only did this one because they were contractually obligated to do spon con anyway, none of the boys seemed super thrilled in the announcement for it

[wutheringmights]

Doppelgänger: A Trip Into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein is an interesting read.

I've never really read political books before (it took me a long time to learn how to manage my anxiety well enough to not break down whenever anything happened in the political news cycle), and I'll be the first to admit that it feels like a glaring fault on my part. I should be more well-informed beyond just what I see on social media.

I ended up picking this book because a podcast I listen to, If Books Could Kill, recommended it. Kinda. Their episode on it is only on their patreon, and I only listened to the teaser they have on Spotify. Or, uh, just the first five minutes of the teaser-- long enough to hear that they mostly recommended it. I turned it off and put the book on hold at the library as soon as I could.

Overall, I really like this book. Klein is a great writer, and she has a way of writing about big ideas that make them not only easy to understand but also compelling. I had no trouble reading this book throughout all of the airport time I had last week while on a trip.

The first half of the book is dedicated to sorting through what the fuck happened during COVID. The way she applies concepts like diagonalism and pipikism really helps to add clarity to what happened then, and how the political shifts still bleed into now. My favorite chapter was one on the ways wellness culture intertwines with the far right. (I have a sibling who works as an RD, and I have already told her that she just needs to read that one chapter.)

However, I think her framing device about doppelgangers and Naomi Wolf doesn't quite work. By the last third of the book, Wolf is all but forgotten, and you can feel Klein struggle to fit the full array of Leftist ideology into the frame world of doubles and doppelgangers. There was a point of time where Klein was framing Israel's oppression of Palestinians as a form of "doubles," and it's just... you can just tell that Klein wanted to talk about this but couldn't really fit this into the doppelganger and Mirror World framework. Maybe this chapter will get revised in later editions, especially since this book came out before the attacks and genocide on Gaza. Right now, it's just a clunky way of looking at colonization, especially with what is happening right now.

Speaking of which, some of the terms she came up with were outright silly. I can withstand the Mirror World stuff, but I draw a line at the Shadow Lands. Like, come on Klein. Don't you hear how silly that is?

Overall, Doppelganger works best as a primer for Leftist politics. If you are uninformed, this is a good place to get caught up in the past 5 years of thought. But Klein's framework doesn't always work, and her various chapters don't quite meld with each other. If you are already the most well-informed person on the planet, then you might be bored by this.

But if you just want a starting point, this book is a great introduction.

--

Doppelgänger: A Trip Into the Mirror World by Naomi Klein

Rating: 4/5

[forest-of-stories]

Throwback Thursday, Fandom Edition: Statement of Nevanna, Regarding The Magnus Archives

[Given directly by subject - July 18, 2024. Statement begins.]

In 2019, @flo-nelja, my friend from the Gravity Falls fandom, told me about one of her more recent interests: a horror podcast called The Magnus Archives.  At her suggestion, I listened to a few episodes; I’ve since told people that MAG 009, “A Father’s Love,” and MAG 013, “Alone,” were the ones that convinced me to keep going.  And it shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows me that after MAG 092, “Nothing Beside Remains,” I decided to try writing fanfic.

And then I wrote over three dozen more TMA fanfics; as of now, it has my highest fanwork count on AO3.  I’ve convinced several other people to listen as well.  One of my favorite nerdy pastimes is to imagine how other media might fit into the show’s mythology.  I own three pieces of official merch (two T-shirts and a hoodie) as well as some fan-made buttons and charms. Most importantly, the friends that I made in the fandom were among my lifelines during the COVID-19 lockdown, and I still talk to them almost every day.  I have very mixed feelings about Season 5 of TMA, and I haven’t felt ready to listen to the follow-up series, but overall, I’m still so grateful that I found my way into this world.

[Statement ends.]

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, everyone, it’s here. Nish Kumar’s 2022 show Your Power, Your Control, on TV for everyone to see. If there’s anyone who wants to see it and can’t, send me a message or a non-anonymous ask and I’ll send you a link. Anyone, really. I really, really want everyone to watch this, and I am happy to share with absolutely everyone. I say this because I know what the culture’s like on this site, how people think “Oh I don’t know, I haven’t talked to that person before, I can’t just message them out of nowhere, it would be weird.” It won’t be. Even if I’ve never interacted with you before and we’re not mutuals or anything, if you want a link, ask. I want to spread this. Though if you live in the UK and are able to, you should watch this through official channels (Sky and Now TV) so he’ll get whatever support he’ll get from viewcount.

I saw this show twice last year. Once in mid-May in New York City, and once in late July in Montreal. When I booked tickets for his show in NYC, I didn’t know he was going to take the show to Just For Laughs in Montreal. If I had know that, I wouldn’t have booked the NYC tickets, because NYC is an 8.5-hour drive away, and requires crossing a national border, while Montreal is two hours away and in the same country as me. However, I’m glad I bought those tickets before I knew. Because the NYC show was amazing, and it was worth seeing twice. I hated the NYC trip, overall. My dad and I spent all day Saturday driving there, then slept on my brother’s uncomfortable couch (he was briefly living there at the time, so at least we didn’t have to pay for accommodation, which was nice), then spent all day Sunday driving back. I’d never been to that city before, and I didn’t like it, with its crowds and its skyrocketed COVID rates but no one was wearing masks, and its general atmosphere that I just hated. I hated every moment of the trip during which I was not in a room with Nish Kumar. And the whole thing was still worth it. And then of course I saw it again in Montreal. That’s how good a show it was.

The show changed a bit in the couple of months between the two I saw. The most notable being that in NYC, he complained about comedians who use their platform to be a dick to minorities, and then shouted: “Fuck you Dave Chappelle, fuck you Ricky Gervais!” In Montreal, he did the same routine, but this time ended it with: “Fuck you Dave Chapelle, fuck you Ricky Gervais, fuck you Jimmy Carr!” I am a bit curious to see if he leaves all those names in on the filmed version, particularly the last one as he was hanging out with Jimmy Carr on Katherine Ryan’s couch for her Backstage TV show not too long before this, it might fuck that up a bit.

The shows were mostly the same though, you don’t tend to take a show from England to NYC unless you’ve got your material pretty well worked out. The Montreal one did have some references to the fact that an Off Menu episode was recorded live at that same festival earlier that afternoon, and most of his audience had been there (I hadn’t been – I’d considered it because I like Ed Gamble and James Acaster, but the ticket price wasn’t worth it for a podcast I don’t listen to). He made a bunch of jokes about Ed and James, and then after some particularly harsh making fun of them, he added, “Obviously I’m just kidding, I love those guys, they’re my friends. I meant what I said about Gervais and Carr, though.”

Oh, there was something else that happened in Montreal but not in NYC. In Montreal, he was doing the part of the show where he explains that online abuse happens to everyone in the public eye, but it gets worse the more levels you are away from what’s thought of as the “default”. Then he started listing levels of “default”: white, straight, male, heterosexual, able-bodied, etc.

As he did so, I became very aware of my best friend, who was sitting next to me. I had dragged my best friend to Montreal with me, because I loved the show so much and I wanted him to see it too. He, however, is not into stand-up comedy. He’s not into any of this sort of thing at all. I’ve known him for 20 years, I met him because we were teammates in high school, and then after high school we took over as coaches, and we’ve now run a wrestling team together for many years. He is a 35-year-old (now 36) white straight guy who’s been an athlete all his life, and he looks it. He’s really cool for a jock, I swear. He’s a nice guy, he’s a feminist, he’s worked with me for many years to try to fight against the fucked up culture in sport. But he doesn’t, you know, look it. He looks like a jock. And he is a jock. He did not look like he belonged in a Nish Kumar gig. I didn’t realize how much he’d not fit in until we actually go there, and we sat in the front row of the 128-seat room, and everyone else looked like an artsy nerd, and I guess I looked like whatever in-between thing I am, and my best friend looked like a guy who should be in a sports bar and not in a Nish Kumar gig.

Anyway, when Nish Kumar started listing all the definitions of default, I felt slightly awkward, because my best friend is all those things. Now, I want to be clear, because Nis Kumar gets accused of this all the time and it’s fucking horrible when people say that shit: he was not deliberately making the rich straight white men in the room uncomfortable. He wasn’t saying “Fuck those people for being the default”. He was saying “It’s a fact that those people being the default mean, all else equal, they’ll get less online abuse than a visible minority for doing the same shit.” When I saw I felt a bit awkward, I mean that in a sort of affectionate way, when you’re sort of affectionately “called out” by a part of a comedy show, not that Nish Kumar was genuinely making his room an unsafe space for rich white men. Nish Kumar does not hate rich white men! Some of his best friends are Ed Gamble.

But I knew it was already a bit awkward for my friend, so when Nish started listing “straight, white, able-bodied, heterosexual…”, I put a hand on my friend’s shoulder, in a kind of reassuring way. Nish Kumar saw me do this, and stopped talking to laugh. Nish Kumar. Nish Kumar laughed, because of something I did, with the trademark wild infectious Nish Kumar laugh. Then he asked me, “Do you know that guy?” I said yes, and he said oh good, because it had looked like I might be just taking a guess about what he’s like based on his appearance. And that interaction with Nish Kumar is in the top ten coolest fucking things that’s ever happened to me.

So those are my personal stories from seeing that show. I know what it was like in May 2022, and I know it was like in July 2022, and I’m very curious as to what it was like in October 2022, which is when it was filmed. Both times I saw it, it ended with an extended routine about how fucked up it is that Britain worships some old lady (queen) and some special song (national anthem) and the big towel (flag). After that routine, he says, wouldn’t it be weird if she died while I was on stage? When people ask you where you were when the queen died, you’d have to say you were in a theatre, listening to a comedian be, if anything, too respectful about her.

…So even though I’ve seen the show twice, I’m guessing there will be at least a bit of stuff I haven’t heard before in the filmed version, because he’ll have to have rewritten that by October. There was also some stuff early in the show about Boris Johnson that was pretty current to when I saw it, I guess that’ll be different in October too. I’m looking forward to seeing that.

This post has been my preamble before I watch the long-awaited actual special. Just a place to record my thoughts going into it. I’m going to actually watch it now, and see how it compares to my memory of it. My memory of it is of one that did perfectly what I love in comedy – cover important personal stuff and cover important political stuff and tie the two together. Any show that does all three well, while also being funny, immediately becomes a favourite of mine (for another show that does that well, see Ahir Shah’s Ends, which just won the Edinburgh award and I’m very pleased about that). And God, it was fucking funny. Nish Kumar started the energy high, and I remember that both times I kept expecting him to at least start to run out of steam, and he never did. Never slowed down for a moment. Shouted at the crowd at a million words a minute, like he couldn’t wait to tell us everything he had to say, because it mattered and because it was worth saying and because it was funny enough to merit the time and space. I remember losing my breath laughing over and over and over, both times. I am prepared for the fact that some of that came from the atmosphere in the room and it won’t hit quite as hard through a screen. But still, it’s brilliant material, everyone needs to watch it. Like I said, message me for a link. I am here to spread the good news of Nish Kumar.

Also, happy birthday, Nish. It's a good day for comedy.

[aspiring-holistic-otaku]

Ramble#11

This month's episode we focus on Naoki Urasawa, a living manga legend, a true goat of the medium and my number 1 favourite mangaka. Ever since I started this podcast, at least one episode on him was inevitable and even if I don't stick the landing I hope this encourages someone to go check out and even support his brilliant pieces of art.

I'll be following the usual format of things read this month and then going over older reads, this time going from least to most favourite. Afterwards in what I'd call a part 2 I'll be doing a bit of off the cuff ranting.

So without further adieu, let's get into it!

Urasawa works read this month:

Asadora! (2018 - present with 37 english translated chapters):

A young girl named Asa has her home town destroyed by a Kaiju that only she saw. For those unfamiliar with the term Kaiju, it's basically the genre of film centered around giant monsters, think Godzilla. Anyways, years later, after training to be a pilot so she can track the monster down as she's its only living witness, she's approached by a certain organization that's been tracking the beast, so she can be trained to defend the country.

Not really a first time read but the first time I checked it out in 2020 there was only like 15/20 chapters out so with there being like twice that now I figured I could put it as new + bite me

Not much to say as again there's not that many chapters but it was my first time seeing a female lead from urasawa and I thought it was cool that the first page of the first chapter set the time frame for this world threatening disaster as 2020, which was when I picked it up and around the time COVID kicked off, even though that chapter itself came out in 2018.

Yawara! (1986 - 1993) 331 chapters total but only 92 in English:

Trained by her 8 time national judo champion grandad to get an Olympic gold, Yawara has been doing judo since she could walk. But as she enters the springtime of her youth, she just wants to be a regular, cute and fashionable girl.

Now I figure some of you may be wondering "What's the problem? Why can't she have both?". Well firstly, you know fiction, there's no story without conflict no matter how ridiculous. But as the mc would put it, judo just isn't cute!

She thinks she'll be unapproachable if she becomes known for grappling and throwing people around which tbh is fair but if you know anything about training to be an athlete, especially an Olympic level athlete, the time dedicated to training is no small thing. In the manga her grandad makes her train every day starting at 6am before she goes to school then after school they train again at 6pm.

Again not the very first time I read it, basically I started like a year ago but only read like 5 chapters then got upset that it wasn't fully translated. Cause I figured if it's been complete since 1993 and in 2022 there's only 92 chapters translated I'd be blue balling myself to hell with what I assumed would be another urasawa great (side note, more reason for learning Japanese so I can be a translator)

And I'm feeling bittersweet in being correct in my thinking because I really really dug it. Very neat aesthetic I've gotta say as urasawa plays up yawara trying to be cute and dressing up and so forth. It was also my first time seeing urasawa not doing mystery, as Yawara is a fun light-hearted slice of life but it still has a great cast of distinctive characters with brilliant dynamics just as I've come to expect from all of urasawa's works.

Master Keaton (1988 - 1994) 144ch:

I'm just gonna go with the final volume's description here as it's pretty spot on

When the wall that separated the East and West falls, the twentieth century comes to an end and brings radical changes to the world. During this turbulent time, Taichi Hiraga Keaton has difficulty finding a job in archaeology even though his long line of cases as an insurance investigator doesn't seem to end. As he navigates through dangerous adventures, Keaton encounters some bittersweet lives…

If you glazed over for a minute there, basically the mc loves archeology, wants to be a professor and have his own dig sites and such but because of skills he picked up in the army, he has much better luck being an investigator.

Great scenery, neat characters but pretty episodic to the point where I'd want to call it an anthology as characters don't really carry forward much. There's a lot of nitty gritty details about wars, factions and etc. around the world in that time period which can be a bit overbearing at times but that's what give the characters and situations the impact they would have gotten if they stuck around longer.

Also gotta say it's pretty educational, not just in the mc basically being macgyver and building self defense weapons out of whatever is on hand kinda way, but it takes a good look at Europe and how fucked it was during that cold war period as it indirectly and directly references many real world events. Maybe it's just my lack of exposure but I haven't seen that much media outside of documentaries really pinpoint Europe and the effects of war there and not on a large high level country scale, I mean like really looking at the lives of civilians and how they lived and died during that time.

Lots of variety, as I said it's very episodic as almost every chapter has a different subject ranging from finding a lost animal to settling spats between holocaust survivors or proving a statue is fake

I also have to mention something I've always appreciated about Urasawa's works that really stood out in Master Keaton for me and that's the diverse and well done racial representation. There's people from everywhere and it doesn't have that feel manga tends to have of like a Japanese person drawing what they think other people look like or something, it just looks like a person drawing other people, feel like I'm wording that weirdly but that's how I'm wording it.

Happy! (1993 - 1999) 254ch:

One day a high school girl, Miyuki Umino that takes care of her 3 younger siblings on her own, is approached by Yakuza who tell her that her older brother ran out on loans amounting to 250mill yen, approx. 1.8M USD) and now she needs to pay up or be sold into prostitution.

While wondering what to do she sees on the news a tennis player earned that amount in winnings so she decides that despite the difficulty she has to try.

Pretty dark premise and I'm telling you she goes through some dark shit but it's a great story, brilliant characters as usual, loveable idiots abound, antagonists that you can really really hate. You don't have to be a fan of tennis at all to appreciate the heartwarming n heart wrenching ups and downs. Teared up at least twice.

This was my favourite Naoki Urasawa work I read for the first time this month, this manga really showed me Urasawa really has THAT range fr.

Older Urasawa reads:

Monster (1994 - 2001) 162 chapters, this was my 3rd read:

A promising young doctor, Kenzo Tenma, ignores his superiors orders to operate on their mayor and instead operates on a young boy called Johan, that came in first, as he firmly believes all lives are equal. The mayor dies and the boy is saved but this leads to unfair treatment by his superiors and being left by his fiance. Soon after, not only does the young boy disappear but his superiors die from poisoning, leaving him, staff and ofc the police baffled.

10 years later during a string of serial killings, a key witness ends up being a patient of Tenma's but is killed for trying to reveal this by Johan, the real killer, now a young man who reappears in front of the doctor. Even more shockingly, he reveals himself as the one who killed Tenma's superiors all those years ago. Because of similarities in the murderers then and now, police pin it all on Tenma so he goes on the run across Europe to find the young man and clear his name.

Undeniably engaging from the jump, the ever building draw being who the fuck is this Johan dude? where'd he come from? why the fuck is he killing all these people? etc. etc.

Great side characters as usual with interactions that I can only call truly genuine whether they were sweet or sour.

There's a lot of nice interplay on the meanings of life and death, the notions of fear and hope, humanity and the inhumane, all weaved into every intricate thread of this story.

Not to be a hater but personally its relative popularity, as in relative to his other works, is a little upsetting. I get that it was his first critically acclaimed banger but he's done so much since then that isn't talked about enough for me. His later stuff not having anime adaptations doesn't help but if you've read and watched enough media adaptations in general you know that tends to mean diddly squat in terms of the quality of the source material . The industry unfortunately runs more and more on fan service every day.

Pluto (2003 - 2009) 65 chapters, read 3x:

The destruction of one of Earth's greatest robots and the murder of a leading figure in international robot rights seem unrelated at first, but both bodies were made into some bizarre collage with the central motif/pattern being a pair of horns placed by their heads, making them obviously related. The confusing thing is that the only thing that could destroy one of Earth's greatest robots is an even stronger robot, but could a robot really be related to the murder a human? Gesicht, a robot detective is put on the case and eventually comes to realize that all of Earth's greatest robots, himself included are being targeted.

As you can expect with any futuristic robot media there's an exploration of the concept of humanity vs the artificial but it's done so tenderly for lack of a better word and I'm not sure how often it's done that way in these noir type beats. Especially from the viewpoint of a robot mc.

I've probably said this for all his works so far but there's brilliant cast, great dialogue, great art that the context pretty much demanded and even though it's based on an arc in Osamu Tezuka's tetsuwan atom, better known as astro boy in the west, the greatest robot on earth arc to be specific, Urasawa really rose to and in my mind completely surpassed the challenge of adapting the work of he who is called the God of manga.

Also like man it's so crazy good for how short it is, please read this.

20th century boys (1999 - 2006) 249 chapters + 16 in the wrapup sequel 21st century boys, I've read both 2x:

The story follows a group of childhood friends, now adults who are trying to patch together their memories in an effort to uncover a conspiracy that seems to be based on games they used to play about saving the world from destruction.

It's pretty difficult to describe the events of the story further but it definitely stands out in my mind as the grandest scale of anything Naoki Urasawa has ever done though I wouldn't put it past him to go further.

As I said the story follows friends trying to patch together memories so the time period goes back and forth quite a bit. It can be pretty jarring trying to follow it strictly by year so I'd recommend just thinking about it in three tone periods, namely; childhood, present day and miscellaneous flashbacks. Separating childhood from miscellaneous flashbacks as their childhood remains within a constant range but as the story moves forward and present day changes so does the range of flashbacks they have.

That should hint a bit at the scale of this whole thing but outside of the breadth, there's a depth of characterization and dynamic that I haven't seen elsewhere.

Side note, if the length is frightening it's the type of read I'd recommend savouring anyways.

Billy Bat (2008 - 2016) 165chapters, this is my 4th time reading this:

A Japanese American mangaka/cartoonist, Kevin Yamagata, suddenly has his workspace taken over by police claiming they're investigating one of his neighbours for being a Soviet spy. In the middle of protesting this, one of the officers sees the comic he's working on, Billy Bat. He says he's seen it before in Japan, basically calling Kevin's work a copy. Kevin takes offence but admits he was stationed in Japan for some time and may have seen it and subconsciously copied it. As one of the lasting lessons his father taught him was that you can't steal people's stuff, he goes to Japan to seek out this potential original creator.

The story unfolds as he meets an artist that tells him the bat is actually something passed down throughout history, throwing him right into the middle of several conspiracies concerning real key incidents throughout modern history.

On top of everything, the bat starts talking to him, urging him to find a supposedly important and immensely powerful scroll.

My favourite piece from urasawa, brilliant in every respect, please please please please read this.

That's it for this first part, if you're still here, thanks for listening, please please read these, urasawa is a goat, a legend a phenomenon.

Just to share some resources before I go into the part 2 bit which may have spoilers irdk yet, there were two YouTube videos I really liked that I highly recommend.

The first was 'The greatest mangaka of all time' by the masked man and second was 'A guide to manga's greatest master' by the omnibus collector.

The first video is about 10 minutes long and uses the quality of Monster, 20th century boys, Pluto and Billy Bat as their rationale for why Naoki Urasawa is the greatest mangaka of all time.

The second is 20 minutes and pretty much covers Naoki's entire career and body of work, giving pretty rad descriptions of all his pieces, inspirations for them and a bunch of other really neat info. Bonus For those of you who are int that sort of thing, they also show the physicals they own off all the manga they talked about. really appreciated that. thank you omnibus collector.

Really appreciated these videos as most animanga fans and discussions focus on monster, sometimes 20th century boys and rarely anything past that unless they're ranking which I'm really not interested in.

There's also a third video I mention in part 2 of the episode I'll link here as well.

Anyways thanks again for listening, stay hydrated and listen in for some rambles if you're also into that kind of thing.

[dimpledpran]

8 Shows to Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the lovely @talays-portkey and @i-got-the-feels​ !

1. Ghost Whisperer (2005-2010) I think this was the first show that i actually tried to watch as it was airing. I still remember waiting for 10pm every Friday, whether everyone else was awake or not. I think I watched all the way from Season 1-4, until it stopped airing on our local channel. 

2. Glee (2009-2015)  Honestly this was my introduction to the English music scene. I did not grow up listening to English songs, so my initial playlist was basically Disney Channel artists and Glee covers. As a music lover, I just enjoyed listening to their takes of the songs. I think I stopped watching somewhere during Season 3, and only did the Cory tribute episode after that.

3. Teen Wolf (2011-2017)  This was the first show that I started reading fanfics for. Well I started reading before I watched it, but Sterek stole my heart. I was very into the series, to the point that I watched Season 3B in one night because I had to find out what happened. Dumb me thought it was a good idea to start a new season at 8pm at night. I stayed up through the night, and texted my friend at 6am to yell about the whole thing. And they replied that it is too early to be awake to scream about it. “What do you mean wake up and watch it. I haven’t slept yet” So yeah. Stiles is my baby, and I will protect him with my life.

4. The Untamed (2019)  My friend recommended this to a few of us during covid lockdown, and I am very glad she did. It really opened me up to a whole new world. This show had such a grip on me. To the point that I started a new side blog for it, and learnt how to make edits for it. I got to know so many incredible people through the network cos of this show. It was such a brilliant show! The plot is so intricate! It has angst and heartache and amazing costumes and stunning sets and a cast who honestly killed it. Definitely a show that I would recommend to everyone. 

5. Bad Buddy (2021-2022)  Obviously I can’t go without talking about BB here. Have you seen my blog URL? Till BB, I never watched a show as it was airing. I usually wait for it to end and then binge, or start watching it just in time for the finale. But I kept seeing gifs on tumblr and it made me want to check it out. And boy am I glad I did it. It was such a fun experience to watch it live and scream on a weekly basis. For some reason the hold that this show has on me seems to be lifelong? I have no complaints though. I am still enjoying all the BB brainrot. Pran is my baby. I have never related to a character as much as I relate to him. He is so precious to me. And this show just blends angst with humour and a touch of reality so well. I am making it my personal mission to read through every Patpran fic on AO3. This show made me want to try writing. I cannot explain how much this show means to me. A definite must-watch as well!

6. Arivaan (2019-2020)  So my sister told me that this is my kind of show and made me watch it. I started it while she was halfway through, and finished it way before her. It was right up my alley. The whole premise is about trying to identify a serial killer who has been murdering women, and leaves an origami paper crane behind. There is a police officer who manages to find these clues and tries to identify him, but the killer disappears and due to personal issues he end up leaving the force. Years later the killer is back and he somehow gets roped into it again, but his partner is now leading the case, and is finding out things that he doesn’t really want to. And I really enjoyed the way it was taken, and the I am really hoping that there will be a Season 2 for this. 

7. Paava Kadhaigal (2020)  Honestly no show has made me as mad as this has, and that is totally the point. (Although I am totally gonna be ignoring the second episode. That does not exist to me) It is an anthrological series, with 4 3 episodes touching on different hard topics/issues prevalent in society. The way it was taken , the music, THE CAST, EVERYTHING WAS BRILLIANT!! I had to pause it and just scream on twitter to release all the frustration that this brought up. Which means it really did its job well. I have not watched this series  since the first time, but trust me when I say I remember every detail because it has such a lasting impact. Especially the first and the last. I was bawling.  NOTE: This can be very highly triggering, so please do check out the synopsis before you watch it. Or feel free to hit me up with any questions, or just scream about it if you do check it out. 

8. 3 Will Be Free (2019)  Insane plot with amazing characters with so much depth. Loved that each character was so complex. There is no character that is purely good or bad, like it was so real, and you feel for them all equally. This really set a standard that no other show has reached so far. I need another series like this. And of course anyone who put Tay Tawan in funky suits gets a plus from me. Also more female characters need to have guns!!

Honorary Mentions: Mindhunter: This would have been number 8, if it wasnt cancelled!! The casting directors for this deserve all the bonuses for how creepily identical the actors look to the actual serial killers! It was so interesting to try and get into the head of the serial killers and understand why they did what they did. LOVED IT!!! Until We Meet Again: This used to be my favourite BL series until Bad Buddy took over. I loved Fluke’s effortless acting. He is brilliant. And I love the whole concept of reincarnation and finding you soulmate. And this did it so well with the angst and touch of humour and romance. And of course TeamWin stole my heart. 

Theory Of Love: Honestly, wasn’t that much of a fan the first time I watched it. But the redemption arc is so goood, that I felt so much for Khai the second time I watched it. That train station scene just lives in my head. So for rewatch factor, this deserves a honorary mention.

The Good Place, Word Of Honor, We Best Love, Stranger Things, RE:Mind

Tagging: @highwarlockkareena , @eohachu , @markpakin , @fangrui , @fuujiikaze , @gege @seawherethesunsets @gaiamochi (no pressure)

[sirensandnymphs]

First Post!

Ah! how strange it is to come back to a place I frequented in my early twenties.

I know this is a long shot as no one really likes to read blogs anymore. But I'm hoping to find the few of you who still enjoy it. This is as much for me as it is for socializing with others about the same interest. I need a space to dump all my ideas-- my love for cinema, books, vintage and all things kitschy.

I spent all night obsessing over this idea and could not wait to start it. But when I woke up, I realized I had a heap of chores to get done, before sitting down and starting this. I ended up rearranging my furniture around in my bedroom and I'm pretty happy with it for the time being. See, I have this thing; I love to rearrange my furniture around every few months. It makes me feel like I have a whole new place. I most likely learned it from my mother since she is the same way. My husband thinks it's funny and my kids like it.

Music:

What I am currently listening to

I love Marty Robbins ("The boy with the teardrop in his voice"). I guess I should clarify; I love the Gunfighter Ballads album. My favorite song from the album is "They're Hanging Me Tonight" What a song! What a voice! It was during covid when I first discovered his music. I am hanging on to hope that Orville Peck will one day cover this song.

Can you believe this cowboy singer was also a NASCAR driver!? I guess it makes sense-- It's very "American" ha!!

I'll sign off with this photo of the badass Pearl Hart. The Wests' last bandit. This girl cross-dressed as a man to throw off the police. Of course she was later found out and caused quite a stir in the media. You might have heard her famous quote "I shall never submit to be tried under the law that neither I nor my sex had a voice in making." What a statement! Crazy that we are still having this very same conversation when it comes to women's rights. If you want to know more about her you should read Wildcat: The Untold Story of Pearl Hart, the Wild West's Most Notorious Woman Bandit (which is how I heard of her) And also the podcast My Favorite Murder did an episode on her.

[uozlulu]

IwtV AMC fic. The Mortal and the Vampires. PG-13.

Character(s)/Relationship(s) Armand, Daniel, Louis; Armand/Daniel, Armand/Louis, Louis/Daniel, Armand/Louis/Daniel Genre Fairytale/Fantasy/Slash/Vampire Rating PG-13 Word Count 11,315 Disclaimer As this is fanfiction, I do not hold copyright to the source material(s) nor do I claim that I do. This is for free entertainment purposes only. Summary A mortal met two vampires in a gay bar in San Francisco one night fifty years ago. If they were kind, the vampires would have screwed him and left him be, but Armand and Louis chose Daniel, and that was at times as much of a curse as the dark gift Daniel once sought. A kind of modern fairytale set within the universe of the AMC show. Warning(s) spoilers up through season 1 episode 7, spoilers for the remaining events in Interview with the Vampire, inspired by spoilers for The Queen of the Damned, inspired by spoilers for The Vampire Armand, mention of spoilers for The Vampire Armand, set during the AIDS epidemic, set during the COVID-19 pandemic, chronic illness, consensual blood drinking, toxic relationship, addiction, food consumption, alcoholism, nausea, blood-fueled eating disorder, mention of taking illicit drugs, language, mind manipulation, brief hospital setting and paraphernalia, medical distress, mention of sex but no explicit descriptions, mention of vampire attacks, major character undeath Notes I read a fic a while back that made me liken Armand/Daniel to the fairytale “Beauty and the Beast.” After a few days of that thought rattling around in my brain, I created this fic, which eventually went in more of a poly than pairing direction. This isn’t a straight up 1:1 “Beauty and the Beast” AU, but more like a kind of fairytale that exists within the world of the AMC show that incorporates a few plot points reminiscent of the fairytale.

I’ve seen the television show and read the original IwtV almost twenty years ago. Every spoiler I’ve learned for the rest of the series I’ve learned through my friends, book synopsis, cultural osmosis, and being a part of the fandom since starting the TV show. That’s why this fic is based on spoilers even though I don’t know all spoilers, so apologies if this is a bit of a telephone game via my swiss cheesy memory that’s probably forgotten things. Luckily, the show is an AU, so this is a bit of a free real estate situation anyway.

AO3 link

  The Mortal and the Vampires     

Once, long ago on a cold fall night, a mortal met two vampires in a gay bar in San Francisco. Daniel was high and looking for booze. Yet, his mind was still inquisitive and drew Louis to him. It was Louis’ turn to choose whom to bring back to his apartment and Armand had no objections.

If they were kind, the vampires would have just fucked Daniel within an inch of his life and left him be. Yet, Louis needed to talk about his life and Daniel kept asking questions and kept changing the mini-cassette tapes in his recorder. When the interview ended in violence, Armand threw Daniel at the door and the boy fled.

Louis pocketed the mini cassettes. “He didn’t even listen.”

“He’s mortal. He just heard be young and fuck forever.” Armand watched Daniel run through the alley from the window. He could not look away until the boy disappeared from sight.

Louis looked around his apartment. The paper peeled from the walls. The table laid in ruins. His life replayed through his mind. “What am I doing?”

“Instilling the fear he lacks.” Armand stepped away from the window. He knelt down by the remnants of the table and picked through the pieces and then he stood straight. “He has the tapes.”

“Let the boy keep them.” Louis licked his lips and let his mind wander to places far away from his pockets. “That boy is going to run all the way to New Orleans.” He sighed and then held Armand’s gaze. “You know, I’m not over it. Over thirty years and I’m not over it.”

“You don’t have to be over it,” Armand said.

“I need to make peace with it – with all of it,” Louis said. “I need some time to myself.” He left swiftly.

The faucet in the kitchen dripped steadily. Music played loudly from another unit barely muffled by the thin walls. Armand took to the streets. He rose on the breeze between buildings like a kite. He finally settled down in front of Daniel who managed to run farther than Armand thought someone who reeked of that much vice could.

Daniel looked up at Armand, noting how Armand’s eyes glowed in the darkness of the alley. Daniel swallowed and could not find his voice.

“I need your tapes,” Armand said.

“Then turn me,” Daniel said.

“This isn’t a negotiation.” Armand hauled Daniel to his feet effortlessly and reached into his jacket pockets. There were only a few condoms. Jeans pockets turned up a wallet and a wrinkled handkerchief. “Where are they?”

Daniel checked his own pockets and cursed under his breath. “On the table. Fuck.” He needed those tapes. “My recorder too.” He did not have enough money to replace that.

Armand let him go. Daniel managed to find his footing and looked off in the direction of Louis’ apartment. He sighed and started walking.

“They aren’t at the apartment anymore.” Armand followed.

Daniel stopped walking. “I need my shit. I’ve got work to do.”

“Louis has them,” Armand said. “He’s left the city.”

Daniel slowed. “Then I’ll go to New Orleans and research it myself.”

“So you can run to Lestat with your collar open and beg him to turn you?” Armand stopped at Daniel’s side. “If you become a vampire, you’ll never feel the sun again.”

“Fewer sunburns,” Daniel said.

“One day you’ll wake and everyone you hold dear will be dead. No one will remember what it was like when you called this place home. You’ll tell a tale of how a vampire stole your mini-cassette recorder and everyone will stare with a blank look of pure ignorance.” Armand held Daniel’s gaze.

“My family disowned me, and my friends are either dead or gone.” Daniel did not look away. “I already have no one.”

Armand ran his tongue along his teeth. He studied Daniel a long moment. He could not explain it, but he did not want to be rid of the boy. Not yet.  “Then I’ll show you what you seek. You will become my shadow. You will live with me, hunt with me, and observe this life you crave for what it is.”

“And if I still want it?” Daniel asked.

“Then I’ll kill you,” Armand said. His fangs caught the nearby streetlight.

Daniel’s heart quickened and then immediately calmed. “Better than dying in a jungle.”

Armand led them to the airport where he arranged a private flight away from San Francisco and to new horrors.

~

Time passed, Armand showed Daniel nights full of violence and passion. Daniel spent his days trying to chase stories and deadlines. When Armand woke one day, he found Daniel in the bedroom neither of them slept in at the desk in front of an open window asleep amid his notes and manuscript for an upcoming newspaper article. A small breeze played with Daniel’s curls and a strip of sunlight from the barely parted curtains illuminated each strand it touched.

Armand kept his distance, but his gaze lingered on Daniel for a long time. Somewhere deep down inside of him, he almost remembered the heat of the sun amidst a field of wheat, plentiful and tall. He could almost smell it drying in the sun. Almost touch them. He slipped deeper into the condo away from the sun and the wind. He curled up in the corner of the sofa and turned on the television.

When Daniel woke, the sun was low but not setting yet. He stared at his typewriter and sighed. He had half a paragraph and a bunch of smashed keys. He pulled the paper from the typewriter and put it in a pile of other scrap paper in similar states. A muffled murmur from another room caught his attention. Daniel stretched and followed it.

It was not unusual for Daniel to find Armand awake before sunset. Some days he found Armand making absolutely vile concoctions in the kitchen, reveling in the bright colors they created. Oher days, like today, Armand gazed at the world through the television while sitting curled up on the sofa. A series of wood ducklings jumped out of a tall stump and splashed down into the water below one by one while a soft voice narrated. Armand pulled his legs close to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. The only light in the room came from the television.

“You’re going to ruin your eyes watching TV in the dark.” Daniel settled down in the opposite corner of the sofa.

Armand’s eyes remained fixed on the screen as it transitioned to a majestic view of the sky across the clearing in a forest. “I can sleep off any damage.”

The documentary continued to play. Traffic rumbled outside. The sun would not set for a long while. Daniel’s gaze settled on Armand. Armand kept watching the nature program. Finally, the program ended and a donation pleas began. Armand started flipping channels.

“I’ve been wondering,” Daniel said, “if you drank my blood after I dropped acid, would you also get high?”

Armand stopped flipping the channels when the donation drive ended and a new program began. “I’ve never gotten high or drunk from blood.”

Daniel watched the camera pan across a long, majestic mountain range. He looked at a clock nearby. They still had a long wait for sunset. “Maybe your body heals too fast for it.” He paused. “If you took something and I drank your blood, would I get high even if you didn’t?”

Armand blinked and glanced at Daniel. His brain already seemed to turn behind his eyes. “Do you want to drink my blood?”

“Don’t answer a question with a question,” Daniel said. “Can you get high?”

“I’ve never tried,” Armand said. “Do you want to drink my blood?”

The television continued to flicker. Traffic continued to rumble.

Daniel licked his lips. “Will it turn me?”

“No, but I’ve heard sometimes mortals become ill.” Armand uncurled his legs and set his feet on the floor but remained sitting on the sofa. He turned off the television. He never let a mortal drink his blood before, and he wanted to know what would happen. The plague was now inconsequential and modern medicine had a cure for so many things. Armand doubted an incurable disease would be an issue and even if it was, it might be fascinating to watch someone succumb to it.

“I have a strong stomach,” Daniel said. He licked his lips and leaned closer, letting the tips of his fingers slide along Armand’s neck. His skin was smooth and firm. Daniel’s bitten nails definitely would not pierce it. Cutting Armand open with his pocketknife like a package seemed weird. “I don’t have fangs.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Armand said. He pierced his vein with his nails. Blood gushed forth, sliding down his neck and across his collarbone. His heart beat quickened in anticipation.

Daniel leaned forward and licked the trail with his tongue. Armand’s blood was viscous and florally sweet. Daniel followed the path up to the puncture marks and drank eagerly. His hand gripped Armand’s shoulder, keeping him pinned against the corner of the sofa.

Daniel came up for air and a series of blood streaked kisses. Clothing found its way to the floor. A light turned on seemingly by itself. The sunlight faded from the sky and night arrived. The walls absorbed their moans.

~

It was closer to dawn than midnight. Daniel’s heart pounded in his ears. He tried to join the crowd moving along the sidewalks as nonchalantly as possible, but everyone kept looking at him. He took a few deep breaths and almost jumped when he saw a set of familiar glowing eyes watching him from the shadows not far away. “Mr. de Pointe du Lac.”

Louis smiled slightly. “I could hear your heart and mind approaching. You can call me Louis now that the interview is over.” He looked past Daniel a moment but saw no signs of Armand.

Daniel tried to get his breathing and heart rate to go back to normal. He could not stop thinking about the person Armand killed. He did not want to go back to the condo. He did not know where he should go.

“Do you have a place to stay?” Louis asked.

“Not tonight,” Daniel said.

“Come with me,” Louis said, “but if you demand to be turned, I will throw you out or kill you myself.”

Daniel nodded. He followed Louis through a series of alleyways to some of the cheapest housing in the city. Louis’ studio apartment had barely enough room for two bookshelves, a coffin, a radio, a love seat, and a small table with four chairs. Louis pulled a heavy curtain over the window.

“I can only offer water,” Louis said and gestured for Daniel to sit at the table. “I’d let you cook one of the rats from this building, but they feast on poison.”

Daniel sat on one of the chairs. “So you can drink their blood even if they’ve been poisoned?”

“I’m already dead. As long as the blood I consume isn’t also dead, I can drink all I like.” Louis set the water on the table.

“So only veins? No blood bags?” Daniel asked.

“If it’s not expired, a blood bag will work, but it tastes like the bag,” Louis said.

One of the neighbors woke and their radio began to play loudly through the walls. Daniel’s stomach rumbled. If he went home, there would be coffee and maybe a left over bagel. He could also drink Armand’s blood. Daniel’s thoughts paused. He probably should not want to do that again. It started as a sex thing and then it slowly became a daily thing. He had not had any of Armand’s blood since early yesterday morning after they returned from a hunt.

Louis frowned at the imagery and thoughts Daniel’s mind projected. It was a year since the interview. He wondered why Daniel’s name had not appeared in publication in all that time. Now he suspected why. “When was the last time you submitted an article?”

Daniel finished his water. His heart and lungs were calm now, but his mind kept hopping between Armand’s blood and the hunt tonight. “I don’t know…” He thought a long moment. “February? Maybe? The one about someone going around draining cows of blood. I had to pretend I don’t know vampires exist.” He fidgeted a little on his chair to distract his brain. “I keep coming up with stories but my typing must not be good anymore because they keep getting rejected.” He needed to stop drinking before he wrote, but alcohol filled the void Armand’s blood left behind especially when Daniel would try to leave like tonight.

Neither Louis nor Daniel spoke for a long time. The radio continued to play from the other unit. Someone pounded loudly on the floor above them trying to silence the noise. Daniel’s fingers slid along the glass. He watched the fingerprints appear and disappear. “Armand ate a kid today. I mean not a kid-kid, but some high schooler I think.” He frowned. “I mean there are so many terrible people out there….” Although if Armand ate the wrong bad guy that could just start city-wide violence.

“Do you think farmers stop to contemplate who the lamb they slaughter was in life?” Louis asked.

“I dunno… I would,” Daniel said. His gaze shifted to Louis. “They have to choose which sheep get to make more sheep, don’t they?” He stifled a yawn. “So they should choose wisely.”

Birds began to make noise outside, already looking for scraps of food left behind on the streets. Louis leaned back in his chair. “We can share the coffin. I’ll keep the lid open today.”

“Is it safe for you if it’s open?” Daniel asked.

“If I close it, you’ll suffocate in your sleep,” Louis said.

Daniel nodded and followed Louis to the coffin. Louis got in first and Daniel got in second. There was barely room for both of them, but somehow they fit with some adjustment. Louis’ body was cold but seemed to warm slightly the longer they laid together. Daniel’s eyes closed. He did not register falling asleep.

~

Coffins made for decent beds and kinky little sex closets upon waking. Daniel left Louis’ apartment satiated but also starving. He returned to Armand and began another year of breaking up and making up spanning many cities. Daniel slept at odd hours and in odd places. Meals became a blur of cigarettes, coffee, and whatever strange concoction Armand placed in front of him. Daniel could still taste the warmed greens with rat’s blood Armand gave him before Daniel stormed out of the apartment.

The rat’s blood should have been Armand’s blood. Daniel drank it more than once a day when they were together now. Everything else tasted terrible in comparison.

Daniel leaned against a payphone in Paris debating if he should page Armand and go home. Daniel’s wallet and stomach were empty. His mini-cassette tapes were full, but his deadlines long overdue. He could not remember the last time he ate, the last time he wrote, or the last time he published. Somehow, the best thing he ever wrote was still his piece on the pollution of the rivers that he did a few months before he met the vampires three years ago.

Daniel slowly unhooked the pay phone. He put the francs he found abandoned on the street into the machine. He felt eyes on him and dropped the phone when he spotted Louis standing beside him. Daniel cursed under his breath and pulled the phone up by its cord. “Hey.”

Louis studied Daniel a moment. Daniel’s hands trembled and he seemed unable to stop shivering despite his leather jacket, which was too large for him now. Louis looked around at the buildings nearby, eyeing the one he knew Armand liked best. ‘I’m taking our boy to that place,’ he thought deliberately at Armand. He turned to Daniel. “Get your coins back. Let’s go to a café.”

Daniel opened his mouth to decline but changed his mind. He pressed a button on the pay phone and his francs returned. “I’m not really hungry.”

“You just think you aren’t,” Louis put a hand across his shoulders for a few steps and then led them the same café Armand took Daniel the first time they visited Paris two years ago. Louis and Daniel took a small table with four chairs. The waiter arrived promptly, exchanged greetings, and left them with menus.

Daniel glanced through the menu. Everything sounded bland or dull compared to Armand’s blood. His stomach rumbled at the thought. He ran a hand through his hair and then froze. His attention immediately latched onto Armand as Armand headed over to them and sat in one of the empty chairs between Louis and Daniel.

“You should have just let him page me,” Armand said.

“He needs to eat actual food,” Louis said.

Daniel’s eyes did not leave Armand. “When do I drink?”

The waiter returned, checked to see if they were ready to order, and brought Armand a menu. Without any orders ready, the waiter left for other tables.

Armand watched Daniel. Under the strings of lights, Daniel’s eyes cast shadows and the skin seemed taut against his cheeks. His clothing hung off him strangely, and he kept shivering despite the hot evening. “You can drink later,” Armand said. “Eat something first.”

Daniel eyed him and sighed. “You know this isn’t what I’m hungry for,’ he thought very strongly.

“Later,” Armand said.

When the waiter returned, Daniel ordered the same strawberry dessert he had with Armand the first time they came to this café. Louis ordered a sandwich and Armand ordered coffee. While they waited for the orders, Louis glanced at Armand and thought, ‘He’s dying.’

‘I know,’ Armand thought in a hiss.

Music played nearby. Daniel focused on it to avoid thinking about the void in his stomach or the blood in Armand’s veins.

‘What are you going to do when he catches that disease?’ Louis asked.

Armand frowned. He heard the whispers through vampire telepathy recently. He thought he could escape the disease in France, but many mentioned it starting to spread here too. Another plague was coming in the next few years, this time borne on blood and easily passed from vampires to mortals if a mortal drank vampire blood.

‘You’ve turned him into a vampire without actually turning him,’ Louis thought.

Armand hissed quietly in warning.

Daniel looked at them curiously. Before he could ask, the food arrived. Louis and Armand pushed their dishes towards Daniel’s section of the table.

Daniel stared at the food unmoving. The sandwich was fresh. The coffee smelled fragrant. The dessert looked perfect. He knew that he should want to eat the desert the most. He liked it back when he joked about the first Paris trip feeling like some kind of honeymoon. Now he could barely remember how the dessert should taste.

“I’m not hungry for this.” Daniel’s stomach remained decidedly silent at the thought of anything but Armand’s blood.

“You will be when you eat it,” Louis said and set a spoon down on the plate with the dessert.

‘Maybe if I had some blood, I could,’ Daniel thought as loud as he could.

Armand held his gaze. ‘Later. Eat.’

Daniel eyed Armand and scooped up a strawberry with his spoon. He put it entirely in his mouth and chewed. It was fresh and sweet. It was floral and somewhat enticing. Daniel ate a few more bites of the dessert and then his stomach lurched. His grip tightened on his spoon. He looked up at the lights. He managed to keep the food down and not vomit. He sighed and drank a good portion of the coffee in front of him. That managed to settle his stomach barely.

Armand tensed. This was not the first time he saw Daniel react to food like this. This was the first time he saw it happen with food that Armand had not tried to make. “Daniel –”

“I’m fine,” Daniel said. The lights seemed to make him paler and gaunter. “I’m just not hungry.”

Armand’s thumb stroked his other hand. He pried into Daniel’s mind, but every other thought was blood instead of the next new article or curiosities about the people sitting nearby. Armand’s jaw tensed. “Let’s go home.” He made eye contact with their waiter, obtained the bill, and left cash on the tray when it arrived.

The vampires rose from their chairs. Daniel sighed and followed. Once they were away from eavesdroppers, Louis bid them goodbye. He was still on his personal journey. Armand and Daniel continued to the apartment Armand rented near the cafe. As they walked, a vampire thought so loudly Armand could not tune them out.

‘My mortal lover is gone,’ the vampire mourned. ‘Even the mortals know nothing. They ween to the hospital and never returned.’

‘It took a family not long ago, the same symptoms,’ another said.

‘We aren’t dying from it, so I don’t fucking care!’ someone growled. ‘Shut up about it already or think quieter!’

Armand licked his lips and entered the apartment. He slipped off his shoes and they rested neatly near the door. Daniel kicked his off haphazardly. With a thought, Armand moved them with his mind into place.

“Is it later now?” Daniel asked.

“Almost,” Armand said. He led the way to the bedroom. Choices swirled in his mind.

Daniel pulled his shirt over his head and cast it to the floor. It shot off towards the hamper within seconds.

Armand could see Daniel’s ribs against his flesh. He could map out tendons and bone throughout Daniel’s body. Daniel did not stop shivering. His stomach rumbled loudly. Armand reached out and pressed his fingers to Daniel’s forehead as a formality more than a necessary gesture. “Sleep.” Daniel’s eyes closed and his body fell forward into Armand’s arms. Armand held him tight. Daniel still shivered even in his sleep. His heart did not beat as strongly as it should. His stomach kept rumbling.

If Armand turned Daniel, he would no longer be able to listen to Daniel’s thoughts. If Armand did not turn him, how long would it take the new plague to kill Daniel? Or, would Daniel starve to death before that? How long until Daniel’s mind ceased to exist on Earth? Could vampire blood even sustain him any longer?

Blood fell from one of Armand’s eyes, creating a trail down his cheek. He looked at an undetermined point across the room. He should turn Daniel. He could do it right here and now. He could suffer the silence but see Daniel thrive. Or, Armand could keep feeding Daniel, tethering Daniel to his side, and always be one-step away from a death Armand might be too far away to prevent when it finally happened. He hated it. All of it.

Armand peered into Daniel’s dreams, finding a room where blood oozed from the ceiling and walls and saturated a carpet that squished with every step. Daniel stood naked in the dream room, unable to touch or drink, wasting away in agony.

Armand left the dream. His grip on Daniel tightened. A terrible but doable horrible third option surfaced in his mind. Armand licked his lips and ran his fingers through Daniel’s curls. His eyes glowed in the darkness. He imagined barriers strong as steel and tall as cliffs setting up in Daniel’s mind, wrapping around all of Daniel’s memories of Armand, his blood, Louis, and the vampire life. Armand reinforced the barrier with concrete and wire, creating a terrible capsule and envisioned it tucked away in the furthest recesses of Daniel’s mind where no light could reach.

Armand held his breath and peered into Daniel’s dreams again. There was no more blood. Daniel drifted down the Seine on a small boat, staring up at the stars just as Daniel and Armand did the first time they visited Paris together. A woman sat beside Daniel, her hair a strange mix of colors, a figment of Daniel’s imagination.

Armand’s mind slipped out of Daniels’ dream and his fingers out of Daniel’s hair. He adjusted Daniel in his arms so he could carry him. There was a hospital not far away. He could leave Daniel there and when Daniel woke, the doctors would know what to do.

Once Daniel was in a room and started to undergo treatment for dehydration, Armand fled into the night.

~

When Daniel woke in the hospital days later, he was almost too sick to speak let alone think. His brain could not focus. He could barely understand when people spoke to him no matter their language or accent. After two weeks, his mind cleared, his health improved, and after another week, he could finally leave the hospital. The staff told him a beautiful young man brought him there one night and paid for his bill. The description matched no one Daniel could remember.

Daniel found a pay phone and dialed the only number he had memorized. He waited for them to call him back. When the pay phone rang, he was surprised when a man answered. “I’m trying to call,” Daniel paused and his brain seemed to shudder to a halt, “my wife…?” He paused. “Her name is Alice.” Even as he said it, a part of him did not feel confident about a single word he said.

Far away in another country, Armand did not speak immediately. He peeked at Daniel’s mind finding dissonant chaos as if Daniel’s mind was trying to patch over what Armand sealed away in the box. Armand finally spoke, “I represent her.”

Daniel blinked. “For what?”

“Legal matters,” Armand said, improvising as he went, “for your divorce.”

“What?” Daniel looked around, but there were no answers in the buildings, traffic, birds, and people nearby.

“You’re divorced,” Armand’s voice seemed to echo in Daniel’s mind. “You must have gotten so wasted after you signed the papers that you went to Paris afterwards.”

A cold sensation dripped in Daniel’s brain and sent a shudder down his spine to his toes. “I see,” he murmured, barely a whisper.

Armand licked his lips and continued in the same echoey voice, “You will never contact her again. You will find,” he paused, “someone else.”

Daniel felt another shudder. He nodded and then realized Armand could not see him. “Okay. Alright.” He paused, uncertain why he lingered on the line.

Armand hated this. He managed a whisper, “Goodbye, Daniel.”

“Bye,” Daniel said. He hung up the pay phone. It spit out his change. It was not enough to call his editor if his editor would even speak to him again. Daniel sighed and shuffled off down the street.

Half the world away, Armand stared at his phone a long moment as the dial tone echoed. He was alone. He had half a mind to fling himself into the sunlight in the morning.

~

Years passed. Lestat became a rock star and all whispers and rumors of Louis’ interview in the vampire community ceased. Armand tuned into Daniel’s thoughts regularly and spied on him whenever he was near. Daniel got married, had children, and hit every deadline on time. He published in respected magazines and journals. He appeared on news programs. Armand grew dusty and listless. He flung himself into the sunlight one afternoon and only ended up dooming the mortals he met that day to vampirism later.

Years later, Armand stood in front of a wall of televisions at a mall department store clutching a new video camera in a bag. All of the televisions displayed the same news network where Daniel explained his latest investigation to a reporter. Daniel’s eyes and hair shone in the studio lights. His skin no longer stretched taut across his bone and his hands were steady and strong. It was fifteen years since Daniel almost died in Paris.

“Our boy has gone places,” Louis said, seemingly materializing at Armand’s side.

The segment ended and Armand’s gaze turned to Louis. Slowly the televisions in the display turned off one by one as a voice over intercom system announced the store would close in ten minutes.

Louis smiled slightly. “I did a lot of thinking. I figured some things out. I think I know what I want from this eternity, at least for now.”

“What?” Armand asked as if he could not read Louis’ thoughts easily. He wanted to hear Louis say it aloud.

Louis smiled slightly and stepped closer. He put his fingers on Armand’s face and kissed him in the empty display room. “You.”

They hunted together that night, rekindling their partnership and reaffirming their bond. The decades passed and they secured a building in Dubai and took up residence in its penthouse with all but one window treated to block the sun’s UV rays. They took on mortals as servants who swore allegiance in the hopes of a dark gift that would never come.

One morning just as the sun pierced the horizon, Louis set his e-reader in his lap and said, “I want to invite our boy here.”

Armand paused, his finger hovering over the video editing software controls on his iPad screen. “It’s a global plague year.”

“I know,” Louis gazed at the memoir open on his e-reader a moment, “but our boy is dying. You know this. You already hacked his medical files and consulted one of the foremost authorities on Parkinson’s disease.”

Armand’s iPad screen timed out. He did not look away from Louis. “You want to turn him.”

“He begged me to when we met and I think he’s earned it,” Louis said. “The word would be emptier without him in it. That’s why you saved him, isn’t it,” Louis paused, “‘Alice?’”

Armand’s thumb stroked the edge of his iPad. He did not know why Daniel’s brain reorganized their time blood drinking into getting high together or where that concept of some hideous two-toned eyebrow came from. The next time Armand sealed someone’s memories away, he would influence the story their brain told afterwards. “Daniel was dying.”

“And you couldn’t let go of his mind or curse him.” Louis set his e-reader aside. “I know your heart as screwed up and needy as it can be.” He paused in thought. “I’ll have to ask for no third parties so his editor won’t pry.”

Armand set his iPad down and stood. He stepped into the center of the sitting room and observed it, his eyes following the flow of the room from the floor to the bookshelves on the ceiling. He needed a way to spy and participate in the interview. “We could make this place your hermitage. You already almost treat it as such. No e-readers where Daniel can see, no trips outside when he can know about them. We will all wear black.”

Louis’ attention stayed on Armand as Armand moved about the room as he spoke.

“I will become one of the servants and remain in the room, bringing food and other necessities, always waiting to return the tray so my presence won’t be questioned. I’ll disguise myself with brown contacts and gloves.” Armand paused. “I wonder how long it will take him to realize I’m not mortal.”

Louis’ lips quirked into a smile. “Until you snap and visit your bookshelves.”

Armand’s face relaxed into a placid expression and he spoke with reverence, “As you say, Mr. de Pointe du Lac.”

Louis snorted and then changed his demeanor to match, letting his voice become more even, more authoritative, drawing from his life long ago in New Orleans. “As I say,” he paused.

“Rashid,” Armand said.

“As I say, Rashid,” Louis said. He got up from the sofa.

They headed to their rom still plotting their charade.

~

One afternoon almost fifty years since the gay bar in San Francisco, Daniel retrieved a package he received from Dubai that he let sit out with other mail for a few days. It was the first package he received that was not something he ordered since the pandemic and his retirement began. He skimmed the enclosed letter and then removed a mini-cassette player and a few mini-cassette tapes from the box. The shorthand on the tapes read vampire. The date and sequence of the tapes used his own personal system. It looked like his handwriting. There were eight tapes.

Daniel took the contents to the living room and settled into his chair. He placed the first tape into the player and pressed play.

“This is Monday, October 2, 1972,” Daniel’s voice spoke on the tape. “I’m in San Francisco with Louis de Pointe du Lac. This is tape A.” There was a pause. “When you’re ready, Mr. de Pointe du Lac.”

A soft southern voice began a tale of vampire romance at the turn of the previous century. Daniel stared up at the ceiling and tried to attach what he heard to any stray memory of the encounter. 1972 was two years after he graduated high school and at least three years into his substance abuse. As the tapes played, sometimes he remembered peeling wallpaper and lights that kept everything dim and sensual, but he could not place a face to the man claiming to be a vampire.

Daniel’s voice returned to the recording, his questions ill thought, leading, and asked slowly with too many pauses. He definitely did this interview high, but as each tape played, his voice started to sound more sober, though his questions were still absolute shit.

Daniel reached the final tape. Louis’ tale ended. Music played from another unit, the song barely recognizable. A car honked outside somewhere, crackling in the speaker.

“I want to become a vampire,” Daniel said on the tape.

In his chair, Daniel froze. He frowned and turned the volume up one notch even though he could hear it just fine.

“Please, Mr. de Pointe du Lac!” Daniel said earnestly on the tape, his words in a sudden rush, formality a hope for reward.

“No!” Louis’ voice rose. “Didn’t you listen to my story?! Didn’t you understand what I told you?!”

“I did!” Daniel replied, still an excited rush. “But I can’t think of anything better!”

There was a horrible hissing sound and the sound of a table smashing to pieces. The recorder hit the floor with the tapes. A door burst open and then a body landed on the ground with a horrible thump away from the recorder. “Run!” a new voice shouted.

The recording ended. Daniel rewound it a small amount and pressed play again. He ignored his own pleas, focusing instead on the scuffle and the voice at the very end. Certainly in his drug and alcohol-addled, Parkinson’s muddled brain, he would remember a vampire attacking him or even someone saving him from such an attack.

Yet, Daniel could only remember tiny details of the room. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the clock beside the television. The interview spanned barely four hours. He reread the letter, already deciding to take this vampire up on his offer and head to Dubai.

~

The myth about vampires being unable to use mirrors persisted even after most mirrors stopped using silver s backing. Armand finished placing his contacts and checked himself in the mirror in the bedroom where Louis and he kept their coffins. His collar was open and inviting, though he would not let Daniel drink his blood this time or at least not during the course of the interview. His hair was immaculate and styled perfectly. His gloves fit snugly with no hint of long nails. His contacts were a good, natural dark brown.

Armand could not look away from the brown eyes in the mirror. His mind recalled a field of sunflowers stretching well into the distance and winters that were long, cold, and full of snow. When the snow melted, puddles scattered across the land and dirt roads. He remembered a very young face staring at him in a puddle with the same dark eyes that stared at him in the mirror. It was the child before the church stole him from his parents, before the traders stole him from the church, before Marius bought him. Armand’s jaw tensed and he willed these memories far away. He left the mirror and prepared for his performance.

The performance almost did not matter. Armand could have stood naked or worn the ugliest paper bag and Daniel would have barely spared him a glance. Armand slept sporadically. He stood in the glory of the sun’s rays protected by the treated windows. He performed cell phone conversations. He prayed, unsurprised when Daniel interrupted. He imagined the box he constructed in Daniel’s mind slowly disintegrating, letting memories leak one by one as it disappeared. He saw no signs of knowing in Daniel’s eyes. Daniel’s brain had to do the rest. It was frustrating and agonizingly slow.

One evening, Armand watched the sunset spread out across the windows in the sitting room. The sky became increasingly orange. He heard Daniel’s shuffled steps and felt as much as heard all the interview questions and quandaries projecting from Daniel’s mind before Daniel even entered the room.

The thoughts dissipated when Daniel looked at Armand. “You’re watching the sunset again,” Daniel observed, his mind immediately trying to figure out why this seemed significant only to come up with no answers.

Armand smiled. “I enjoy it.” He angled his body to invite Daniel to stand beside him, though there was ample room around him for Daniel to stand wherever he wanted.

Daniel kept a professional distance but did choose the side Armand opened to him. Daniel’s eyes followed the clouds as the colors and brightness continued to intensify. “You’re the only person who appreciates this view. All of the other servants seem to be trying to transition to vampirism early.”

Armand’s eyes moved from the water to the sky to the buildings. “They don’t know what they will miss. I already know.”

Daniel’s gaze shifted to Armand, studying how dark Armand’s eyes were and how his gloves fit his fingers. He watched the sunlight illuminate the lighter strands in Armand’s hair. For some reason, his mind looked for vampirism but found no signs. “Louis seems to trust you a lot.”

“I like to think he does,” Armand said. The colors of the sunset began to lose their intensity.

Daniel’s attention returned to the sunset. Darkness began to encroach. Several ways he could say what he wanted to say played through his mind. All of them sounded too much like he was talking to one of his daughters.

“You’re worrying I’m wasting my life here,” Armand said, trying to sound like a lucky guess.

“When people with power over you give you a lot of trust, it can be alluring,” Daniel said. “One day you’re running through the streets of San Francisco and the next, you wake up in a hospital feeling like you don’t know your life anymore.”

The colors left the clouds, but daylight still barely lingered. The lights in the room were still off, allowing them to continue watching without reflections.

“If you know what you’ll miss, maybe it’s a sign you shouldn’t be here,” Daniel said. “I used to think I wanted to be a vampire. I even begged Louis to turn me like an asshole.” He paused and watched the last of the light disappear. “I’m glad he didn’t do it.”

Armand held his breath a moment and then nodded. They remained in darkness, the only lights coming from the city. “I know Mr. de Pointe du Lac has never turned any of his servants. I still wish to serve him.” The lights in the room turned on seemingly by themselves. Armand found Daniel’s gaze. “I still wish to protect him.”

“From what?” Daniel did not look away.

“Himself,” Armand said.

Daniel stared a long moment. He was not sure how a mortal could do that. He still could not remember how the first interview ended but he heard enough of it on the tape to surmise there was no way a mortal could stop Louis once he was angry enough. Daniel rubbed his face and reminded himself to keep his professional distance. If this kid wanted to ruin his life, then Daniel had no say in it. He was not sure why he even thought he might.

“Mr. de Pointe du Lac will wake soon,” Armand said. “Do you require anything, Mr. Molloy?”

Daniel shook his head. “Nothing you probably won’t already bring.”

Armand nodded and left the room. He heard one of the servants scurrying away towards another part of the penthouse when he entered the hallway that lead to the kitchen. It was not a surprise. He could hear their heart beating beside the doorway the entire time. Armand began plotting the servant’s demise.

~

Sleep plagued and eluded Daniel. He would struggle to fall asleep when he should, wake up shortly after, and repeat until he gave up on sleeping in bed entirely. Inevitable if he was comfortable and the interview lulled as early morning headed towards dawn, he would inevitably fall asleep wherever he sat. It was embarrassing, unprofessional, and one of the many reasons he retired.

When Daniel did manage to sleep, his dreams became increasingly strange and more like memories. At first, mist, fog, and shadow obscured portions of the memories as details and events changed with each sleep. Instead of Alice getting high with him on the kitchen floor, he drank blood greedily from a figure he could not identify on the floor of the same kitchen. Instead of running through Paris nights holding hands and admiring the lights, he helped lure humans away from prying eyes and into waiting jaws. One time he dreamt of a room where blood seeped from the walls, ceiling, and made the carpet squish under his bare feet. It should have a smell to it, a taste to it, but there were none. He almost wanted to believe that this was his brain processing the story Louis wanted to tell, but another part of Daniel knew better. Even now as he drifted to sleep in the silence and warmth of the sofa, his brain already seemed to know it was another memory even before he saw Louis’ face at the gay bar clearly in his mind.

In the penthouse, Armand brought a blanket and settled it across Daniel’s body. He lingered, observing Daniel’s face in slumber, and then retrieved his iPad and took a photo.

“He’s going to see you do that someday,” Louis said quietly but not without amusement.

“I’ll airdrop him the photo when that happens.” Armand saved the photo onto the device with many other photos he secretly took of Daniel when Daniel was unaware.

Louis went over to the windows, observing the early morning before dawn. “Have you decided if you want to turn him?”

Armand joined Louis at the window. The waxing moon drew closer to the horizon. Armand did not want to damn Daniel. He did not want to stop hearing Daniel’s thoughts. He did not want Daniel to stop existing. He did not want to curse Daniel. He wanted to be the only vampire to curse Daniel. None of these wants could coexist. “No.”

“If he consents to my offer, I will turn him,” Louis said. “Maybe that’s the best option. You won’t have to lose his thoughts.”

Armand stiffened. He remembered the mortals he met decades ago when he ran into the sunlight. He gripped his iPad tighter and hissed, “You sound like Marius.”

“I don’t,” Louis hissed back. “I’m not doing this for myself. I’m not doing this for you. I am doing this for Daniel but only if he wants me to. He asked me to turn him and I can’t think of a reason not to do it now.”

“He’s mine.” Armand’s feet hovered off the ground slightly, allowing him to tower over Louis even more than he normally did. “I didn’t spare him so someone could claim that right.”

“But even if he says yes, you might not do it.” Louis did not look away. “It will still be about what you want. So, which of thee two of us really sounds like Marius?”

Armand hissed loudly. Daniel’s breathing changed. Armand’s feet almost silently touched the floor. Both vampires turned towards the sofa.

Daniel’s eyes fluttered open. He groaned in annoyance and rubbed his face. Slowly he looked towards Armand and Louis. “Sorry,” he said, his voice still heavy with exhaustion.

“It doesn’t offend me,” Louis said, his tone once again even and firm. “I know it’s a possibility.” He stepped away from Armand. “We were at a good stopping point for the morning. We should end this session.” He turned to Armand. “See to it that our guest makes it to his room, Rashid.”

“I will, Mr. de Pointe du Lac,” Armand said, his voice barely level.

Louis bid them good morning and left. He wanted to sit outside where Daniel could not see in the short time before dawn.

Daniel pulled the blanket off his body and let it pool in the seat beside him. He stretched his hands and then began putting his interview equipment away.

Armand walked over and folded the blanket easily, placing it neatly in the unoccupied seat. He huffed under his breath.

Daniel slowly stood and shouldered his bag. “You don’t have to see me to my room.”

“I do what Mr. de Pointe du Lac asks of me,” Armand said, his voice more under control now.

“And it seems to consistently piss you off,” Daniel said as they walked. “Maybe you need a night out or a different cult.”

“I could go to a gay bar and get fined or put in jail,” Armand murmured.

“Only if you stay in Dubai.” Daniel paused at his door.

“Do you go around encouraging all of Mr. de Pointe du Lac’s staff to leave him?” Armand asked.

“No. You’re the only one who talks to me.” Daniel bid Armand good morning and disappeared into his room.

Armand lingered a moment and then took his time heading to the kitchen. He was in no mood to sleep yet.

~

The thought that Rashid was a vampire was always there in the back of Daniels’ mind, but he kept reasoning the thought away. Tonight, he could not rationalize it any longer as he watched Armand ascend to the bookshelves on the ceiling and toss a book down to Daniel’s feet. Daniel picked the book up and listened to Louis proclaim Armand the love of his life. But Louis’ voice sounded very far away as Daniel’s mind began to flood with memories. There was no Rashid and no Alice, only Armand. The fights, the sex, the feeding, the quiet moments curled up in front of the television, the film cameras, the kitchen gadgets – everything struck Daniel’s mind with such clarity and force the only thing he could manage was a whispered, “Fuck this,” much weaker than he wanted to say it.

The book dropped from Daniel’s hands. His knees hit the carpet. His mind seemed to spin more than the room. His heart climbed into his ears. He could not take a full breath. His forehead burned. His body chilled. Nausea threatened. He could hear Armand talking from somewhere up above but he could not understand the words even though they were in English.

Louis knelt beside Daniel and pressed his hands to Daniel’s face. Daniel was hot and his skin was red.

Armand took no notice. He was back in the air, enjoying the freedom of hovering off the ground and drifting about the room. “You were so quick to dismiss me that you couldn’t see what was in front of you. Well, what do you think now?”

“Armand –” Louis said.

“I’ve returned everything,” Armand continued. “There’s nothing left to forget.” His gaze returned to the floor below.

“Armand, do something,” Louis held his gaze, “or our boy’s going to die.”

Armand’s triumphant grin faltered as he became aware of how Daniel’s heart raced and how his breath wheezed. He peered into Daniel’s mind and watched as memory after memory flew from its containment until several memories seemingly occupied the same space at the same time. Armand’s feet touched the floor noiselessly. He knelt and pressed his fingers to Daniel’s forehead though the gesture was unnecessary. “Sleep.”

Daniel slumped against Louis, his heart immediately beginning to calm, though his brain continued in chaos.

“Is that really going to work?” Louis asked. When he listened to Daniel’s mind, he heard multiple conversations happening simultaneously.

“It will give his brain time,” Armand said, though he could not be sure. He picked the book off the floor and sent it to its place on the shelf by itself. He lifted Daniel easily and took him to his room.

Louis followed. Questions swirled through his mind, but he suspected that neither of them knew the answers yet. He pulled the bed covers out of the way and helped Armand divest Daniel of his shoes and belt. They settled the blankets over Daniel.

“How long will he sleep?” Louis asked.

“A few hours or a few days,” Armand said. “It’s different every time.” He sent the medical team an urgent text on his phone.

“I read that people with brain damage have trouble under anesthesia and with comas.” Louis watched Daniel’s chest move with each breath. “When he wakes, he might not be the same.”

Armand did not say anything in response. The building seemed to groan. His phone buzzed with the medical team’s confirmation they would arrive shortly.

~

When Daniel woke, sunlight streamed into his room. Machines kept track of his pulse and body. He stared up at the ceiling. He never stopped to notice before how his real memories always had smell and taste, how the air had weight or movement. Whenever he remembered Alice, the world seemed sterile, more like a dream. For everything he thought was a memory of her, he now had a memory of Armand arranged slightly to the left with more blood, sex, and violence. His eyebrows drew together and he sat up slowly. He knew better than to try to release himself from these machines. He knew that much even in Paris when he woke up in a hospital only to find himself “divorced,” francless, and alone. At least this time he was not nauseous.

The medical team told Daniel that he slept twelve hours but it was not a coma. They cleared him but advised he take a night off from the interview and recuperate. By the time, Daniel emerged from the bathroom, the medical equipment was gone from his room and someone changed the bedding.

Daniel should pack everything up and leave, but the medical team was correct, He could tell he had to rest even if he spent most the day asleep. He retrieved his recordings and notes. As much as he wanted to leave, if he did stay he did not want to have to kick his own ass for shirking his work. He scanned his notes and paused. He did not finish his time stamped notes for the end of his recording from two nights ago. He knew he fell asleep at the end of that session, but he always made certain to listen to the end of his recordings just in case.

Daniel accessed the recording and moved the time marker to his last time stamped note. He pressed play. There was a long pause and the inevitable sound of Daniel sleeping. He sighed. Voices spoke quietly, a blanket rustled near the computer. Then there was an argument, almost too quiet for the computer to record at first, but Louis and Armand’s voices grew louder as it escalated.

One of the servants brought Daniel breakfast and left it in its usual spot. Daniel murmured thanks, his mind still on the recording. Louis’ voice sounded from the speakers, “He asked me to turn him and I can’t think of a reason not to do it now.”

The servant lingered a moment and then left the bedroom.

Daniel slid the time marker back and rewound the recording. He increased the volume and listened carefully. He poked at his breakfast and added to his notes. He moved to the recording from last night.

The sun drew lower in the sky, but not quite enough to start setting yet. A knock sounded at the door. “Come in.” Daniel looked up and Louis entered.

“Didn’t have enough fun at my expense last night?” Daniel asked. “Now you’re showing up even before the sun sets. Is the ash thing you showed me some theater trick?”

“Treated windows,” Louis said. He entered the room and stood in a sunbeam. It did nothing to his body. “All but one.”

Daniel got up from his desk and looked at the glass closely. It did not seem any darker or different from any other window. “I think that’s the most honest thing you’ve told me the entire time I’ve been here.”

Louis joined him at the window but his attention remained on Daniel instead of the view. “I’m surprised you’re still here.”

“You wouldn’t know this but there comes a point where your body listens to your doctors even when you don’t want to.” Daniel’s gaze averted to Louis. “I might leave tomorrow. I meant it when I said ‘Fuck this.’” He looked around. “Where’s Dr. Frank-N-Furter?”

“Armand runs the entire building,” Louis said. “He’ll arrive shortly.”

“Of course he does,” Daniel murmured and then said in a clearer voice, “I heard your argument from the other night.”

“I meant what I said about turning you,” Louis said. “I picked you in that bar because high or sober, your mind is unique. You question everything and look for things that need recognition. You deserve more time. You deserve the death you asked for all those decades ago.”

“Because I passed some bizarre initiation?” Daniel asked. The sun began to set and the room gained an orange glow.

“Because I can hear anyone’s thoughts at any time and most people’s thoughts aren’t worth listening to,” Louis said.

“And if you turn me, you won’t hear them unless you talk to me,” Daniel said.

“It’s an equivalent exchange,” Louis said. “All curses are.”

“I want to finish the book as a mortal first before I decide,” Daniel said. “If we can even get to the truth.”

Louis looked away at the sunset. The colors grew more intense. His gaze returned to Daniel. “When the first interview ended, I went back to all the places I lived and thought about everything I experienced. This is the story I chose. It’s the story that gives me peace.”

“Was it your choice? At the end of the first interview, you told me you’d recently gone back to New Orleans and saw Lestat,” Daniel said. “Now you tell me he died after Mardi Gras. I just had my memories unsealed after almost fifty years. How long have yours been sealed?”

Louis held Daniel’s gaze. His eyes caught the light from the sunset. “Memory is malleable and fallible. It only keeps us tethered to time.”

Daniel sighed silently.

“I still want you to write the memoir,” Louis said. “Even if it’s not the full truth. It’s something that should be out there, a warning to everyone. Vampires have gone too long being only creatures of fantasy.”

“Why die for a lie?” Daniel asked. “Armand said other vampires will kill you over this.”

Louis’ eyes seemed to glow increasingly bright as the light faded from the sky and the room. “I want to leave something behind. I want my death to be more than an end.”

Night spread across the sky. Lights turned on by themselves across the penthouse. Armand appeared in the doorway.

Daniel’s lips pressed into a thing line. “Here to lie to fuck with my mind again?”

“Are you going to run away?” Armand settled into the space between Daniel and Louis.

“Not tonight,” Daniel said. He made no promises about tomorrow.

The three of them lingered at the windows. Traffic passed below. Lights shone across the land and water. Armand kissed Louis. Daniel looked out the window and murmured, ‘Is this their weird way of excluding me?’ in his mind. It felt like the time Louis fed from Armand but Daniel had no salad to distract himself this time.

“No, we plan to include you this time,” Armand said.

“Stay out of my…” Daniel’s voice trailed as he realized what Armand intended. Armand placed his hands on Daniel’s face, held his gaze, and then kissed him too. Daniel returned the kiss. He kissed Louis next. Clothes found their way to the floor. Nails dug into flesh. Teeth left marks. Blood flowed. Voices echoed into the night.

~

When Daniel woke the next afternoon, he still felt satiated even though he slept just as poorly as ever. Last night things would deescalate and then escalate again. The vampires sometimes sipped his blood and drank from each other, but Daniel never drank from either of them. It was the only professional line he did not cross last night, if being professional mattered any more. Their non-disclosure agreement certainly had not the entire time.

Daniel sighed, slowly got out of bed, and got ready for the evening. He wandered from his room, but there was no sign of anyone. He found himself staring at one of the painting on display he spoke to Armand about back when Armand played Rashid. In the painting, a man, likely Jesus, reached up towards the heavens while imps tried to drag him down. Holy light shone from above and behind his head. Marius de Romanus brought up nothing in Daniel’s searches even in scholarly resources. Tintoretto was a little younger than Armand, if Armand’s quip about being five hundred and fourteen was even correct.

“It is correct,” Armand said from the shadows. “I was born in 1508.”

Daniel looked at Armand standing in the dim light. “Stay out of my head.”

“You think loudly,” Armand said. It was not a complaint.

Daniel’s gaze returned to the painting. “You painted this, didn’t you?”

Armand gazed at the piece, his eyes lingering on flaws as a writer might wrinkle their nose at word choices from past works.

Daniel could not discern any of the flaws. “Was it a commission for a lesser client? A study?”

“A middle class client saved up their money for the piece. The client died before they could collect it.” Armand’s gaze turned to Daniel. “Why do you think Marius did not paint it?”

“He sounds like a vampire. You’d be the contemporary of Tintoretto.” Daniel met Armand’s gaze. “Who’s Marius?”

Armand did not look away. His thumb rubbed against his opposite hand. The building seemed to groan almost imperceptibly. “An arbiter of fate.”

Daniel wanted to ask “Did he arbitrate your fate?” but he was not sure Armand would answer that. Instead, Daniel asked, “Why did you become a vampire?”

Armand heard both questions. His hands separated deliberately. “Why does it matter?”

“Two vampires brought me here with the mind to turn me,” Daniel said. “Louis turned into a vampire for dick. I wanted to turn into one to escape the bullshit around me. Before I make my choice this time, I just wanted to know what your motivation was.”

Armand made a conscious effort to relax his jaw. He sighed. “I didn’t choose it. I was dying and the choice was made for me.”

“Like when you sealed my memory,” Daniel said.

Armand lowered his voice into almost a hiss. “It was not the same! You lived! You still have choices!” The building groaned seemingly in agony.

Daniel opened his mouth and closed it. He wanted to believe he could have survived with his memories intact. Yet, he could still remember the feeling of death encroaching in Paris. It was heavy, smothering, but comforting, and acceptable. He only shook the feeling once he woke up in the hospital without his memories.

“Marius was my mentor, lover, warden, and keeper,” Armand said. “He taught me everything and nothing. He takes when he thinks he gives.”

“When the time comes, will it truly be my choice?” Daniel asked.

“Are you going to leave your choice to the last second?” Armand asked. . “I don’t know when the deadline is,” Daniel said.

Armand stepped away from the painting. “Come to the kitchen. I don’t want to play Rashid tonight.”

“If you feed me a rat, I will leave immediately,” Daniel said.

“I could put it in the air fryer,” Armand said. “Tonight was going to be cat. I thought it would be dramatic to bring a cat to the table for Louis to dine on. It’d be a surprise for him too.”

Daniel sighed and followed Armand. “I’m not eating a cat either.”

~

The interview resumed and the narrative traveled to Paris just before Nazi occupation. Louis supplemented his point of view amid entries from Claudia’s final diary. Armand finally appeared in the story. Louis turned a doll maker born the same year as Claudia into a companion for her. Claudia’s final entry documented vampires speaking telepathically about the looming Nazi invasion and Claudia wondered if she should wait for Louis to abandon them for Armand or if she should just take Madeleine away from this madness. “Except, the whole world is mad,” was her final line.

“We should stop there,” Louis said. He rose from his chair and looked towards the windows. The sky was already lightening. The sun would rise soon.

“Alright.” Daniel rubbed his face, marked the time and date verbally, and then shut off the recording program on his computer.

Louis bid good morning and took his leave. Armand said nothing and remained sitting in one of the chairs, his iPad still in his lap. He used his nail as a stylus to play a game.

Daniel finished packing his things in his bag and went over to the windows. The clouds reflected the sunrise just out of view. Everything became a soft red. “You’re quiet. Worried about tomorrow?”

“Why would I worry?” Armand set his iPad aside and joined Daniel at the window. His eyes lost their glow as the amount of light outside increased.

“Why indeed,” Daniel watched the boats in the water. He breathed deeply and paused. He could smell garlic. It was just barely in the air. Daniel glanced at Armand but Armand’s attention was on the view and he seemed unaffected by the smell like stories claimed vampires would be. Daniel tried to remember the acronym for the signs of a stroke.

“Face, Arms, Stability, Talking, Eyes, React,” Armand said.

Daniel rolled his eyes.

The odor of garlic grew stronger. It did not bother Armand even as it grew more pungent in the air. Garlic affecting vampires had always been more myth than truth. He watched the reflection of the sunrise fade. “You’re not having a stroke.”

“You’re not a doctor,” Daniel said. The garlic seemed to permeate the entire room now.

‘Do you smell that?’ Louis asked from elsewhere in the penthouse.

‘I’ve got it under control,’ Armand thought. He could feel killing intent draw close. He already had a plan to lure the threat in and take care of it immediately.

At that moment, a bright light lit the entire room. Daniel shielded his eyes. Armand’s flesh began to smoke and sting, but it did not turn to ash as readily as it might in direct sunlight.

One of the servants stood behind them with a sterilizing UV light in one hand like a shield and a wooden stake in the other hand. The light glistened off their protective sunglasses. “You bastards are never going to turn us! I’m not going to keep wasting my life! Revenge is mine!”

Daniel moved without thought before Armand could enact his plan. Daniel bowed his head to avoid looking directly at the light and flung himself and all his weight at it. It fell from the servant’s hand, rolled across the floor, and turned off when it hit a table leg. Daniel barely had time to regain his bearings when the stake pierced his chest and buried itself between his ribs.

Armand felt something cold grip his spine. He seized the servant before they could pull the stake from Daniel’s chest. He did not rip their arms off as he planned, but broke their spine in a series of excruciating pops. The servant fell to the floor, still alive but immobile.

Louis arrived. Everything was worse than it felt telepathically. He checked for signs of other servants’ joining the chaos, but no one else appeared.

Daniel’s chest hurt. Each breath he barely managed was agony. His heart beat in his ears. Exhaustion clung to him. He touched his chest, feeling wood and blood.

Armand knelt at Daniel’s side. Louis disabled the UV light by burning its wires from the inside. Daniel reached up, his tremoring fingers leaving streaks of blood on Armand’s face. Louis watched from a distance, not interfering with Armand’s or Daniel’s choices. Armand ran his fingers through Daniel’s hair. His tongue slid along his teeth. He hesitated.

Death settled around Daniel, heavy and suffocating, but this time there was no ease, no comfort, and no acceptance. Daniel tried to grasp at Armand but his fingers could not grip. ‘Not like this. Not now,’ he thought with all his might but it felt like barely a mental whisper.

Armand leaned down and then bit Daniel, sucking at the bite. He pulled the stake from Daniel’s chest. The suffocating heaviness grew. Daniel’s eyes closed. His hands stilled. He barely registered when Armand pulled away. His body shivered and convulsed. He died on the floor of the penthouse and rose a vampire. He devoured the paralyzed servant without much prompting and hungered for more blood.

~

Days passed. Daniel was officially dead. Louis notified Daniel’s editor who flew to Dubai to collect his ashes from Daniel’s “assistant” Rashid at night. Daniel’s older daughter wrote his obituary, but Daniel spotted little tweaks indicating his younger daughter changed and added things before publication. His daughters asked that mourners donate to Parkinson’s research. He could not remember the last time he hugged them since he would not have thought at the time to make an effort to remember it. The last time Daniel saw them, he got drunk when out to dinner before the pandemic. As with all of his relapses, his daughters gave him space until he was sober again. He was sober since February but left them alone since it was still a pandemic and they would have tried to travel to see him. He watched the sun lower in the sky and tried to ignore the ache in his arms.

Daniel’s stomach rumbled. His need for blood pulsed through his body. He was in no state to continue the interview yet. He did not know if he would finish it let alone get around to writing the book, but he had plenty of time to do it now, though he lost the element of being an outsider. He watched the sunset grow more brilliant in the sky.

“What did you think of your first week?” Louis asked.

“It’s not what I imagined,” Daniel said, but he took to it easier than he wanted to admit. “I don’t like it. I don’t hate it.”

‘For now,” Armand murmured.

The light faded from the clouds. Darkness swept the sky. The three vampires in the window disappeared into the night.

   The End  

[ear-worthy]

CNN’s Best Podcasts: Audie Cornish & Dr. Sanjay Gupta

Yes, I know. Some people read “CNN” in the title and use their inner voice to scream “fake news” or something a bit more intelligible like “liberal-minded news.” I know some of this crowd is locked up in their deep state, “they’re all against us,” “white people are being persecuted” delusions, but for those I can still reach, here goes. CNN has a new corporate overload, David Zaslav of Discovery. He, of the $246 million annual salary, is a Trump supporter. Therefore, CNN has modulated its political coverage and has returned to its more “middle-of-the-road” coverage, if that position is still even possible.

With that being said, I’d like to propose that CNN has some of the best podcasts in the podcasting universe. Or is it a galaxy?

Despite massive cuts in all the media properties owned by Discovery and Zaslav — Bat Girl, Looney Tunes, Westworld, even Elmo from Sesame Street is now homeless! — CNN Audio has persevered. It’s possible Anderson Cooper is selling his old stuff at a Saturday flea market to maintain budget integrity for these podcasts. Nice goin’ A-man.

Anyway, CNN Audio has scored critical and listener-based hits with All There Is with Anderson Cooper, The Assignment with Audie Cornish, CNN 5 Things, CNN One Thing, The Axe Files with David Axelrod, and more. CNN’s limited series, Tug Of War, was war journalism at its best, as the show covered the Russian invasion of Ukraine and ran from March 2022 until mid-June.

Two of the best CNN podcasts are The Assignment with Audie Cornish and Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

You have to hand it to Audie Cornish. She leaves NPR after a long and distinguished career there and joins CNN to, among other duties, host this podcast, and in her first episode she jumps into the deep end of the pool.

CNN markets her new podcast this way: “Fiery Twitter threads and endless news notifications never capture the full story. Each week on The Assignment, host Audie Cornish pulls listeners out of their digital echo chambers to hear from the people who live the headlines. From the sex work economy to the battle over what’s taught in classrooms, no topic is off the table.”

CNN Audio’s The Assignment with Audie Cornish premiered its first episode in mid-November 2022. In her maiden voyage, Cornish delves into the fiery debates and screaming matches at school board meetings.

Since then, Cornish’s roving eye has settled on topics as diverse as Long COVID, violent race-based traffic stops by the police, why we are not returning to movie theaters, and, most recently, the new state of labor organizers in the form of baristas, grocery workers, and warehouse employees.

The other CNN podcast of note is Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta, which premiered its sixth season on February 14.

In the new season, CNN’s Chief Medical Correspondent, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, brings everyone to the microphone — from members of the Gupta family to content creators and medical professionals — to look for guidance on how to navigate a world surrounded by screens.

Gupta took a constant barrage of virulent criticism from anti-vaxxers, COVID conspiracy theorists, and anti-science advocates during the pandemic. Despite the poisonous nature of some of those attacks, Gupta remained steadfast and reasonable in his commitment to science-based treatments and support for vaccines.

In this new season, Gupta will ask: What is a healthy relationship with technology? Is there a way to be active online, but also protect your privacy? How are families approaching the issue of screentime with their children? Does a cellphone or social media ‘detox’ actually work? Dr. Gupta explores answers to these questions and more as he dives into deep conversations about what science tells us about how our phones are changing our brains.

In the first episode — How to Raise Kids in the Digital Age — Dr. Gupta investigates how technology has advanced at breakneck speed over the past decade, and disrupted our lives — the ways we interact with each other, work, learn, and even grow up. Like many parents, this topic is personal for Dr. Gupta. In that first episode, Dr. Gupta speaks with one of the people he worries about most: his daughter Soleil. Plus, a conversation with Jean Twenge, Professor of Psychology at San Diego State University, about how social media is affecting youth mental health.

“I am so excited to launch this new season of Chasing Life because it’s my most personal one yet,” said Dr. Gupta in an interview as the sixth season was about to launch. “As a dad, I’m always thinking about how to navigate screen time and its impact on my three teenage daughters’ brains. It is one of the most challenging parts of being a parent. It was important to me to bring them into the conversation and go on this magical journey of discovery together.”

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (306): Mon 16th Jan 2023

Used some of my carryover holidays to go home from work three hours early today because tonight I was seeing my first music gig since before this shitty pandemic started: Dropkick Murphys. I’ve seen Murphys before but it was in London in 2017 and I was knackered by the time I got there and now I had a chance to see them perform 45 minutes from my house. I got to the venue at 7 and the ticket taker told me that Murphys would be going on until 9:20 and that if we went in then left we wouldn’t be allowed back in. If I’d known they wouldn’t be going on until after 9 I would have just finished my normal shift instead of using carry over holidays. I wish every gig listed the times that the bands are likely to go on, though is suspect the reason they don’t do this is because if they did most people would avoid turning up until after the support act were advertised to finish and the support act would end up playing to seven people. To kill some time I went and had a coffee then popped over to Five Guys for some food. I ordered the “Veggie Burger” and what I got was some mushrooms and cheese in between a couple of burger buns. Call me old fashioned (and since I shop for clothes mainly at charity shops this would be metaphorically and literally true) but I thing that a veggie BURGER should probably contain a BURGER. I also got a large portion of spicy fries which were really nice but after I finished the burger I was full and didn’t have room for the remaining half a cup of fries. As I walked out of the restaurant here was a homeless guy sat across the road from me and I wandered over and asked him if he wanted the fries since I couldn’t finish them. He lifted his hand to accept them and for some reason I said “They’re a bit spicy, do you mind?”. Why did I say this to him? As if there was a chance this guy living on the streets was going to go “Oh in that case just keep them. I’ll keep rooting around in this bin for some plain fries”. Finally headed to the gig and caught the end of the support act Pennywise who did a great rendition of Blitzkrieg Bop. During the interval I went to the merchandise stand and bought a Dropkick Murphys baseball hat. When I returned to my seat wearing the cap the woman next to me asked: “Have you changed your clothes?”. I didn’t realize a baseball cap could alter one’s appearance so much that someone will literally think that you’ve swapped your entire outfit. Does this lass think that I take two sets of clothes with me to every gig? One for the support act and one for the main act? Anywho Murphys finally took to her stage and kicked fucking arse as only they could. Within seconds there were people moshing and crowd surfing. I remember I first got into this group when I heard I’m Shipping Up To Boston in an episode of The Simpsons and loved the unconventional mixture of punk vocals, fantastical lyrics and Celtic instruments. I was hooked and bought many more of their songs that I still enjoy listening to today. They didn’t play that many of my favourite songs of theirs but I did like a few songs from heir newest album (that has more of a rockabilly sound to it) that I’ll be downloading when I get home. The main event was their most famous song I’m Shipping Up To Boston and I dare say from t he moment everyone in that crowd bought their ticket they had been picturing the moment when they would sing along to the final lyric “I’m Shipping Up To Boston…To Find My Wooden Leg!”. It’s one of those perfect songs that it’s impossible not to sing along with. The pandemic sucked (well not for the virus. If you’re COVID the pandemic kicked ass) and going to see Murphys was the perfect way to hold up the middle finger to the fucker. I’m aware that the pandemic isn’t over yet and the threat of further mutations is a very real one but for the time being it looks like we’re in a position where we can say “Fuck it, whatever happens, happens”. Things seem to be under control for the moment and so I think everyone should treat what we have now as if it’s a little window of opportunity where we can cram in as much fun as possible just in case another fucking pandemic is just around the corner.

[firefly-fez]

I believe in you! 🎉

If it helps, the people who love your writing and cherish it will always enjoy it no matter what you produce.

I think many creators get a little anxious about the nature of creation because they wonder how far away they can stray from what they’ve done before. and have people still like their stuff, and get a bit stuck in the question of ‘what can I make that people will like?’ And when people respond well to most stuff or are a little unpredictable in what they respond to, the creator might feel like maybe people are willing to engage with any content they make just their clout or fame getting them attention and not the quality of the creation.

But I think creation is a process of sharing yourself with other people and people will always find it valuable because you are valuable.

So keep creating in whatever medium brings you the most joy and your audience will await happily whatever you make next. 💜

I mean, don’t be hard on yourself 🥺 You publish a new work of creative writing every Tuesday, you wax poetic with your brother in a lighthearted yet heartfelt podcast every week, gave us a whole collection of beautiful essays — whenever I talk to friends or family about why I like your work I always make a point to say that you are my favourite writer, but I do not say that you are my favourite author, because most of your writing is not books! Most of your beautiful words are not written, but spoken, either in vlogbrothers or one of your podcasts. My favourite line you wrote comes from the TAR (sorry for the redundancy) episode on Humanity’s Temporal Range: “We sailed across oceans to land we could not see and could not have known we would find.” I love that line because to me, it decribes the feeling of growing up. That is admittedly not what the line was about in-context, so forgive me for indulging a personal reading here not supported by the text. The episode itself may not have been about growing up in-context (perhaps as a species…in an abstract sense) but it was very much about growing up in the context wherein I engaged with that line. I listened to that episode of the podcast during COVID lockdowns, when I was only allowed to leave the house for one hour of excercise within a five kilometre radius. There are a few walking trails near me, and I had explored very little of them, only using them to walk to school or to work as I needed. The walking trail itself was behind the high school I used to attend. It was one of those schools that expands all the way from pre-school to the end of high school, and I had attended from fourth grade onwards, for nine years, from childhood to adulthood. The path came right next to the school’s oval, and you could see into the school grounds from the trail, the path where we used to run cross country, and the path would kind of do a lap around the school as it connected to other paths. I knew it well, but I had only walked the one set route to get where I needed to go, and I hadn’t explored the other paths other than the one that took me to school. When lockdown came, I took to walking there daily, and eventually growing bored of the route, I went down the unfamiliar paths, having a vague idea of my general area, but not really knowing where these paths would lead.

That’s what I was doing when I was listening to that episode, diverging away from the stomping ground of my childhood, thinking absentmindedly about how far away I was from the person I used to be when I was a student there, walking down an unfamilar path, without knowing where it would take me.

That’s what I was doing when I heard the line; “We have sailed across oceans toward land we could not see and could not have known we would find.”

It struck me that that’s what I was doing.

Maybe you’d agree, maybe you wouldn’t (you do seem to live a good critique of English grammar); but ‘up’ feels like the wrong preposition for the end of your childhood.

I didn’t feel like I was growing up, I felt like I was growing away from the version of myself that I used to be, and that in order to truly step into an adult life I had to fathom some idea of what I was growing into. To me, it felt like in order to have an intrinsic drive propelling me forward in life, I needed to find a way to navigate towards a new life — a life that I could not see and cannot know that I will find.

The line, in the context of the essay, meant something else entirely, of course, and I do not usually like to remove a sentiment from it’s context — but I guess there’s a difference between taking a line in the context of it’s writer vs. the context of it’s reader.

It’s my favourite John Green line ever 💜

I need a new book written by John Green.