#i spent the last week on this it killed me
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He cannot be serious.
Much as I'd like to see the look on Cinder's face when she finds out about yet another of her failures–
So, as long as no one defends the little bitch to my face, then I will bite my tongue, too.
Well, so long as he's clear on his priorities. Summer bolts on an impassive mask, only half-listening to the rest Watts has to say.
Groceries. Yeah, right.
"Soup, then." Even if Salem had cleared out the pantry, there'll still be frozen stock and canned vegetables, preserved meat… and rice, somehow Salem always has rice on hand. "Or– we'll figure it out. I'd raid her garden before sending you thousands of miles away to buy groceries, but let's see what she's got canned first. Kitchen, c'mon."
She strides out of the bedroom before letting the storm clouds gather in her face.
It's funny, almost.
Summer doesn't think of herself as much of a mother—wouldn't put that name on how she feels for Cinder, even if she had scraped the girl off Beacon Tower without a second glance at her own flesh and blood and only a sharp pinch of sorrow for leaving Ruby behind. She's not like Salem. But maybe there is something to be said for that occasional twinge of maternal feeling.
Maybe she's just not vindictive enough to get why you'd savor the thought of rubbing it in that someone failed to kill you. Or spend like six years beefing with a girl half your age.
"You know what's funny, though," Summer says, "Cinder's been hiding injuries and pretending not to be sick for years 'cause she knew you'd take any chance you got to hurt her, and when I figured that out a few years back she asked me not to tell Salem. Because she also knew you hate her more than you fear Salem."
She doesn't keep secrets, not from Salem, but Summer's had a lot of practice biting her tongue around these two. "Like, sorry she set you on fire. Really, I am. I also wish she hadn't banished my kids to God knows where. It's been a fucking harrowing two weeks."
But for fuck's sake–
"What I don't think either of you get," Summer says, voice level. "You guys've spent the last like, six years salivating for Salem to put her in her place. Punish her. Did you think that didn't matter? Like—you are not her colleagues. Cinder's understood that you're both an active danger to her this whole fucking time. So did Salem. So did I. Salem tried real hard to be considerate of your feelings, Watts, and you're going on year seven of throwing a temper tantrum because she cares about Cinder too. But hey, since you wanna see the look on her face so bad, let's all call her together and then you can explain the mess you made!"
Tyrian's sudden and shrill exclamation startles a curse out of Watts, who has to count to ten before he can calmly say, "Feeling better, are we?"
Indeed, there's a repeated bout of shifting under the blankets, as sure an indication as any that Tyrian's tail is gleefully wagging. However, as the tail wags, so too does Watts cast Summer a look - one that reads, There are a lot of logistical problems to explain why we will not be using the airship.
However, he decides against speaking those doubts out loud - figures that Summer already knows of many of them and that, for now, it is best to keep Tyrian calm and happy. In other words, let the man believe they can use the airship until such a time as Summer has contacted Cinder and gotten coordinates for Salem. And then, they will instead either wait it out or use his Semblance. The original plan.
(Ah. But then- there is the matter of Cinder, and the quick flash of purple which Summer's mention of her brings to Tyrian's eyes.)
"You can tell her I'm here," Tyrian says. "I'll concede that. But if you breathe a word about Arthur, I'll-"
"Do nothing," Watts interjects, "because Summer is your friend. As much as I'd like to see the look on Cinder's face when she finds out about yet another one of her failures, the news doesn't have to wait. No need to fret so, Tyrian. Besides! Salem and I already talked about Cinder, and I can only hope the loss of Summer's daughters will have also failed. So, as long as no one defends the little bitch to my face, then I will bite my tongue, too."
Well. Aside from that little dig. But! If he is aware of how little his life or Tyrian's matters to Salem, then he is allowed to be bitter about it. And no matter how much he'd like to- make amends, to eliminate his bad blood with Salem- the urge to leave is still there, and it's all because of that...awareness.
If Salem wants to have no one left but Cinder, the woman she's deluded herself into thinking actually gives a fuck about her, then so be it. Hell, maybe Cinder attempting to kill Summer next will be the wakeup call Salem and Summer so desperately need.
"As for dinner. Unfortunately, I already checked the kitchens when I was trying to find something for Tyrian. I'm afraid more of what's in the basket on the desk over there-" (a gesture to what remained of the food Salem had previously brought Tyrian) "-and Tyrian's secret stashes of candy are all that there is to eat. And I don't think stir-fry is conducive to Tyrian's condition right now, anyway. He needs to be re-introduced to food slowly. I can- use my Semblance, though. I'll- find the closest area where I might be able to find a store, and I will go there and I will get us all something safe to eat. And," he adds, for Tyrian's benefit, "I will come back. I won't go away before I've- talked to Salem. And to you."
Because even if he wants to leave...it is as he'd said. He doesn't want to lose Tyrian. The whole of Remnant could separate them, and he would still-
"Just...I'll be back. I promise."
#LEGENDS AND FAIRYTALES ( ic. )#THE WOMAN IS PERFECTED ( ic: summer. )#SO DAWN GOES DOWN TO DAY ( alt. v: rnsm. );#jocundcompany
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@codywanweek day 2 with the prompt formal wear :3
#codywan week 2023#codywan#codywan fanart#cody fanart#obi wan fanart#obi wan kenobi#commander cody#star wars#star wars fanart#modern au#this is call lasagna kills me for transgressions <3#literally posted this at the last minute because i spent my time dying over gomens edits :)#nhyhu.art
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Me, when I first played Death of The Outsider when it came out: love the game but I don't like either ending
Me now, literally crying as Daud fades into the void and the Outside is set free: I was a fool! This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen
#when daud said farewell... and then when Billie talked about having second chances of being better and forgiving and... and...#I'm not kidding I cried for real lol#I got emotional since the moment I heard daud's last recording but the non-lethal ending finished the job#(yes I played doto right after dh2 because it's been a while and my chronic pain has been killing me this week so I figured I deserved it)#(so yeah I spent my weekend on ibuprofen and playing lol don't judge me)#death of the outsider#dishonored#dishonored 2#billie lurk#the outsider#daud#I love them all so much....
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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Applying for 50 jobs within 12 months and not getting a single offer is almost an accomplishment woah I’m so talented x
#it’s killing me j wasted the last 3 months of my life working full time unpaid (internship)#and I was like. j need to suck up this bc it’ll get me a job#and I’ve applied to 25 jobs since starting this internship and I have not succeeded in getting a job#I just want to kms I’m ngl#my current org has offered me a full time job buy for a salary that’s literally minimum wage#so. that’s pretty fucking crap#I applied to 25 jobs in the last month while working full time . like I am so exhausted#I had an interview yesterday morning literally the morning of my grandmas funeral and just got emailed now that I haven’t gotten the job#yknow? I’m just heartbroken at this point#and I still have 1 week left working this internship and there’s literally no point#I was literally a middle level manager in this current job for no pay even worker across a weekend once#and it’s literally for nothing 🤣🤣🤣#I have a masters degree !! and 4 months of full time work experience and another several years worth of working part time#it’s not like I’m one of those grads who’s never worked a day in their life#and like i know no one can get a job these days. like barely any of my friends have anything#but money is beginning to become a little terrifying. so shelving the corporate applications and time to go back to being a barista again#not that I’m even guaranteed getting a job in that.#just spent a week living with a friend in Boston who IS employed straight out of undergrad for a rly cool nonprofit#literallt living my dream yknow what that rly challenged my ability to just be happy for my friends#I just don’t know how I keep on going like this tbh
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:(
#it's 8 o'clock#and i'm tired#and i'm sad#i want to do something else#but i need to get this done#but i'm not Doing it#it's not working#(angel neil is being really mean to me)#and i really shouldn't have taken so many asks last week#i knew i was burnt out but i was still like 'i can manage it! i can do it' but alas#it's killing me for some reason (the burn out)#and the depression has been on High this week#so that didn't help#but this is all i do you know? like#i think of wipw as my fucking job because i don't actually have one (is useless irl)#so when i 'fail' at writing it makes me really upset#like i love writing and i love my fics but i just spent the last few days hating them and not even wanting to look at them#like that makes me sad too! why do i get like this? what is actually wrong with me?#(a lot i'm sure. with these highs and lows i'm starting to suspect Things)#anyway long story short: writing is hard and i'm tired and i wish my house didn't suck and i wish i had money and i wish i wasn't a#diaerie#dep#lol if you read all this you deserve a cookie. i don't have any but i do have some cinnamon rolls
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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TBH the best case scenarios in my mind for Fit's lore ending on Thursday are either:
Madagio has mercy. They know what it's like to lose everyone they love, and seeing what's happening on Quesadilla Island is just a reminder of everything they loved and lost. Madagio releases Fit, and he reunites with Pac e Mike and Richarlyson, and they're all able to leave Quesadilla Island.
Or:
Madagio and Fit destroy the Federation together. Fit goes full 2B2T mode and there's nothing left of the Federation once they're finished. Madagio and Fit finally have their revenge. (And then maybe Fit can reunite with Pac + all his loved ones and they escape the Island, or reclaim the island for their own since the Federation no longer has any power over them).
Bonus: A very unlikely but "Wouldn't it be fun?" scenario would be Pac and Mike flying down on a fully-grown dragon Richas and rescuing Fit from Vacuus Island and they fly away and live happily ever after.
#i talk#qsmp talk#Genuinely need a vacation after the past two weeks (or however long it's been)#I keep seeing people say ''the best case scenario is Fit dying lol'' and I clearly care WAY too much because seeing that made me legit mad#Did my whole ''lmao ok let's calm down and take a walk'' and went out for a few hours only to come back and be like#''no actually I'm still mad. This entire situation sucks.''#I think this will probably be the last mcyt type series I let myself get invested in. I'm so exhausted of being disappointed#and the constant angst the fandom churns out#I wanna be able to love things without getting burned#I've got enough things to be sad over irl I don't want my escapism series making me sad too#Worst case scenario for me is Fit dying or him getting trapped in 2b2t again#and/or him saying q!Pac is dead#I'll be honest: CCs killing off their character feels like a betrayal to the people who have spent so much time loving them#and like yeah there probably ARE ways to do it well#but it's like. why would you choose that option there are so many better options#negative#idk man I'm just frustrated by this whole thing#all the untagged suicide jokes are making me frustrated too
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If I ever disappear completely from Tumblr, I want all my friends to know that it's because I've tripped over my dog's stupid big rubber ball, fallen at an awkward angle because I'm carrying a laundry basket, or some other stupid shit, broke my neck, and died.
#I swear he's trying to kill me#then he could exist on a steady died of buttered toast pieces too big for him to actually chew and hot dogs cut too big for him to actually#chew#on an unrelated note#I may be thinking this because I've both#a. nearly tripped and fallen over said rubber ball about 20 times in the last few weeks and#b. spent a lot of my drive time listening to The Loser's Club podcast and new episodes of Old Gods of Appalachia#lol#listen to horror think horror I guess#maybe I ought to write a short story about it lol#doggo is murderero
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does anyone else have that feeling sometimes when youre saying goodbye to someone that you wont see them again lol
#i have this feeling very rarely but nowadays every time my brother and his wife leave after they come to visit us i stand in the garden on#the driveway or whatever its called and im waving atfer them as they drive out the gates and im suddenly grabbed by the feeling that#this is the last time im seeing them#which is stupid because i always see them later — but to be fair they WILL move to america at the end of september or so... and the next#time theyll come back will be at christmas probably#also my twinie went back to budapest yesterday after she spent a whole week here with me and as i was standing at the gates with my mom and#we were waving after her as she was walking down the road towards the train station i thought again that this is the last time i'll see her#and. again. to be fair i won't be seeing her again for a long time now only on the 21st of sept.. or whenever my uncle's wedding will be...#so. idk. yeah maybe im just sentimental or whatever.#idk there has been a time when my siblings and i were kids and we spent most of our days together — and now one moves to america and the#other is living in budapest and i myself (in my thoughts) am halfway out of life#oh maybe its that! how i think about killing myself more and more nowadays. huh maybe thats it#anyways lol. dear diary ass post#zsófi rambles
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#today is essentially my first day driving combine this year since my 'first day' was only like an hour and a half long almost two weeks ago#but of course my first day we're harvesting the field that was the last one we did last year 'care free'#one year ago today was the last time i saw my sister#and tomorrow will be one year since we harvested this field and afterwards we went home for dinner#and while refueling equipment after dinner my brother in law went to see if my sister felt up to running grain cart for us that evening#and he found out she wasnt home and nobody had heard from her all day#so that was the evening of the 16th and we didnt find her until the morning of the 18th#it was probably somewhere around noon on the 16th when she killed herself#and it just wrecks me cause i can remember exactly what i was doing that whole day#like someone here sent me an ask about whumpy music so i spent hours that day compiling a playlist to share here#and i was talking with a friend (in a group chat that consisited of me my sister and our friend) about their zucchini harvest#and another discord server i was gushing about it being the new moon in a Blue Moon month plus the persied meteor shower#and the whole time i had no idea my world had already shattered without me knowing#it makes me hate this field and i hate that even with the way we rotate crops every year it still came up ready this week#probably would've been worse if it came up on the 16th again but it's not much better being on the 15th
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ok like I’m sorry but I DONT get how European/North American people (and I’m only talking about people with the financial means of course, and this also usually extends to people who consider themselves avid travelers) just skip Asia?? because it’s “too far”???? like bitch we have airplanes you can get anywhere in the world in 24 hours or less find a new excuse
#ppl skip Africa too but that is for Other Reasons that merit their own post#I’ve spent $5000 US over the last five years killing the planet to see my family bc they REFUSE to come here like bitch pls#they can all afford destination weddings and immigrating to Europe or whatever but won’t come here I see u#also I’m NOT made of money lol I’m trying to finish this masters degree and get top surgery but I keep having to postpone both#bc I’m expected to visit the fam? lol nah#and yeah the travel time does suck when you only get a week or two off work and need to take 4 connecting flights to keep the price down#it took me 29 hours actually to get home summer 2023#anyway this post is about me being pissed off at my family and annoyed about ‘cultured’ ppl who don’t even know about radish cakes lol#I am a hypocrite tho bc I refuse to visit Europe lolol#text
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#lying on the floor#dude I just spent 4 hours at the mall with my friends and I felt nothingggg#i am a numb shell of a person I am incapable of feeling joy#i am so fucking hopeless and for what 😭#I wanted to tell them what happened to me but I chickened out#it would just make them worry#plus how do you even bring that shit up#hi I tried to kill myself last week how are you guys doing??#i hid all of my bandages really well I wore my drive jacket so they couldn’t see anything#and the mall is cold#god I feel absolutely nothing except hopelessness and dread 24/7 I feel so Bad
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...
#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation?#uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made#friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go#bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple#the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula#for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b#concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown#its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a#healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take#more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end#of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me#and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this#project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data#bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i#just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem#bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping#ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and#classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die#my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday#who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio#majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes#b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative#ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week#until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad#who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we#die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him#its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of#sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol#whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄#unrelated
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Sota and Sho x Night Brunch
#fantastics from exile tribe#fantastics#nakajima sota#nishigaki sho#jr exile#jpop#hkgifs#quality so bad rip it was zoomed in on the tiktok;;;#work has been killing me this week and i spent last night making a spreadsheet to illustrate exactly how unfairly paid i am🙃#but this is why i keep a bazillion drafts lol nothing will stop me from posting HA#sigh i havent translated anything in weeks but maybe sunday!!! i think im free all day🤩🤩
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//-Occasionally, I consider bringing World of Light+ back
#► vio rambles (ooc)#//-Real ones remember when I spent like 4 years building up to WoL+ and not planning anything during that 4 years#//-And killing it in the first 'session'#//-Now that my girlfriend's pulling me deeper into tabletop games I'd consider leaning really hard into the game aspect#//-The one I winged in the last like. Weeks leading up to start#//-Unlike April and I; she actually understands tabletop games tho! AKSBCAKSBCX#//-I dunno. It's a Consideration
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