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#and i was talking with a friend (in a group chat that consisited of me my sister and our friend) about their zucchini harvest
deepwoundsandfadedscars
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1 month
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#today is essentially my first day driving combine this year since my 'first day' was only like an hour and a half long almost two weeks ago
#but of course my first day we're harvesting the field that was the last one we did last year 'care free'
#one year ago today was the last time i saw my sister
#and tomorrow will be one year since we harvested this field and afterwards we went home for dinner
#and while refueling equipment after dinner my brother in law went to see if my sister felt up to running grain cart for us that evening
#and he found out she wasnt home and nobody had heard from her all day
#so that was the evening of the 16th and we didnt find her until the morning of the 18th
#it was probably somewhere around noon on the 16th when she killed herself
#and it just wrecks me cause i can remember exactly what i was doing that whole day
#like someone here sent me an ask about whumpy music so i spent hours that day compiling a playlist to share here
#and i was talking with a friend (in a group chat that consisited of me my sister and our friend) about their zucchini harvest
#and another discord server i was gushing about it being the new moon in a Blue Moon month plus the persied meteor shower
#and the whole time i had no idea my world had already shattered without me knowing
#it makes me hate this field and i hate that even with the way we rotate crops every year it still came up ready this week
#probably would've been worse if it came up on the 16th again but it's not much better being on the 15th
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