#i sound bitter about this because i am
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i know tumblr didn't just,,
didn't just,,,, put this on my dash days after me complaining about people using appalachia as little more than a shallow, misappropriated aesthetic
like
lmao please say psych rn
yes, i get it, it's an ethel cain song. that still don't help nothin. she's from tallahassee like. pls
so what part of appalachia is nebraska in?? who knew this whole time appalachia, home to the appalachian mountains, was flat as a plank with nary a single hill to be spotted
new ARC map just dropped i guess. i threw in a lil bit of south dakota there too since we're just making shit up now. it has "south" in the name so it counts as southern gothic too right
point being: 'appalachia' is not synonymous with disrepair and decay.
we aren't a catch-all for decrepit buildings. we aren't the sole owners of poverty. put this energy toward fleshing out yalls own regional gothic (and midwest gothic is actually so cool, why wouldn't you want to???) and give it the same intrigue that appalachian gothic has garnered instead of furthering the idea that all we have to offer here is forsaken rot.
#if i sound petty n bitter its because I AM#just because an old house is falling apart in a picture doesnt mean its fucking appalachia and that's a pretty fucked up thing to tag it as#'eh close enough. i associate poverty and desolation with an entire region'#also will not b arguing about this so have at it but i said what i said#appalachian gothic
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hey if my oc art i draw reminds you of YOUR ocs, keep that to yourself? 'omg this is LITERALLY my oc' no its LITERALLY mine. if you like your ocs so much, then make your own lovingly animated clips of them.
#its like the 'your oc reminds me of THIS fictional character' thing but worse#its NOT the same as commenting on like a text post or a show screenshot 'this is my ocs' like yeah we all do that THATS fine#back inthe good old days of instagram#some people used to REDRAW my art of my ocs as THEIR OCS because it 'resonated with them'#i sound bitter about this because i am#i was way too accomodating in the past because i liked the attention but eugh iknow better now
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For Not-Italians, an Italian rapper said "Stop the genocide" at the end of his final performance at the Sanremo Song Contest and got called out by the Israel embassy for "spreading hate".
You can read the article for yourself, but what the article doesn't say is that our goverment who is now falling over themselves to support Israel and claiming to fight against all anti semitism is lead by the Brothers of Italy (Fratelli d'Italia) which is a fascist party.
#'we are not antisemitic' you think mussolini and his racial laws were great!#italy#also can we stop pointing out ghali is of tunisian descent. i know why they are doing it. been there done that.#ghali#sanremo 2024#hope there are no typos I'm sleep deprived#i'm just very bitter about my country and how it's being painted in this scenario#i don't live there anymore but I understand it's a mess#and once again the government is pitting the minorities against each other#also is everyone hyperfocusing on ghali because he openly used the word genocide or because he is of tunisian descent? we'll see#also the translation of his speech was kinda bizarre but I am too tired to check what is bothering me the english just sounds bad
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My mom asked me this morning if I wanted to take a day trip with her and some of the niblings, but I can't because my paternal grandmother's husband passed away yesterday and I have to Be Here in case anyone needs anything.
So, my mom tells the niblings, "Aunt [Dessie] is choosing to do the responsible thing instead of the fun thing," trying to explain to them why I couldn't go and that it was, you know, Very Good of me to do that.
But that sentence has been playing on a loop in my head since she said it, because if that isn't the story of my freakin' life.
My imaginary biography is definitely called The Dutiful Daughter, and let me tell you, it's fucking exhausting sometimes.
#rl shit#cw: death#in case you've ever wondered why steve doesn't have a single goddamn responsibility when i write sugarbaby!steve things#it's because i'm living vicariously through him#the dream: someone else taking charge and making decisions and being the responsible one and all i have to do is go along with it#this sounds more bitter than i actually am about it. i'm just tired right now.
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I've been seeing lots of takes lately with people feeling hatred towards part 2 Speedwagon for being a greedy capitalist who probably exploited people and done some shady stuff to become wealthy because there was '''no way he could have become rich just from oil money'''... thoughts?
it's so disappointing to see some bad takes about the Speedwagon Foundation being some "acshually nasty organization" and about Speedwagon supposedly becoming some heartless rich man popping up again. And like, I shouldn't even be surprised at this point considering how the average "Jojo fan" mistreats Part 1 and 2 and alllll the misinformation they love to spread about them and about some characters in particular, often bastardizing them into wildly out of character versions and pretending those fanons are canon for whatever reason (being Speedwagon one of the characters that gets bastardized like that the most), sometimes just to make Blorbo Of Their Choice look better by throwing every other character under the bus, sometimes just because people can't be bothered to pay attention to the og if there are no punching ghosts on sight (and even then, Jojo parts featuring stands get misinterpreted a lot too).
This is gonna be long, so let me start by saying that if y'all really believe that Speedwagon somehow became some nasty ass rich man, then you're completely misinformed and you (and I say "you" in general and not specifically you anon) might benefit from rereading/rewatching the source material and actually paying attention to the plot and details this time.
Like, I've seen people assuming that the Foundation only researched the stone mask and eventually stand stuff, and completely forgetting that one of the literal main goals and also one of the biggest things the Foundation does is seeking for the betterment of the planet as a whole (preserving nature, wildlife, etc) as well as for the betterment of medicine and health care, actually seeking for the best for all humankind, this in addition to all the secret branches it has for the research of supernatural phenomena like stands, stone masks, pillar men, and so on in order to prevent as many incidents with them as possible and prevent the loss of as innocent lives as possible.
Sure, the people working for those latter branches might get into deep trouble sometimes whenever some jerk with a stone mask or a stand starts some shit, but, another thing jojo fans tend to conveniently forget is that those employees are working for the secret/non-public branches of the Foundation. We as audience know about them because we are let into seeing them working as part of the narrative, however, the public in general within the story DO NOT KNOW about the existence of those branches or what they do. Pillar men, stone masks, stands and the research around them are kept in secret in order to prevent any sorts of chaos and ensuing panic, among other safety reasons.
The people working for those branches are specialized or at least have some prior knowledge on those fields they work in (you'd think it is a MUST considering they are being let in on sensitive information that could be super detrimental for the planet and for humankind if it fell in the wrong hands), meaning that those employees already know and are fully aware of the kind of stuff they're going to deal with there from the start. They weren't deceived into it, and the fact that the employees remain loyal to Speedwagon from start to end and respect and follow his will, even long after his death, denotes that there was some deep and mutual respect and appreciation there, something you can't earn through exploitation, and definitely something these people wouldn't have done had Speedwagon been the heartless tyrant rich old man some people with a lack of media literacy want to believe and make others believe he was.
If people paid just a wee bit more attention to earlier Jojo parts, they would have realized it was all spelled out from the beginning too! Speedwagon expressly states from the very start his disgust and hatred towards the rich, being the Joestars the only exception to that due to them being genuinely kind persons, unlike most other wealthy people out there. He was also implied to have been dirt poor for most of his life and was also stated to have lived in the slums at least up to PB's main timeline. There were never any indications or signs that showed that he ever betrayed those roots of his by siding with the rich against the poor over the years. Instead, he's been using his funds to make the whole world a better place for everyone, not only by improving health care and access for all people as well as the environment (which would actually show a sense of duty from him as he is counteracting whatever negative impact his oil company may have had on the planet), but also providing all the aid he can against supernatural threats.
And not just that, but he's also kept some of his connections with the crime world over the years. However, rather than using those connections for selfish goals, he makes use of them to workaround the system in cases like Lisa Lisa's, where he used all those influences he had to help her go successfully into hiding after killing the zombie that murdered George (an undercover zombie that was actually a higher up within the army and who everyone believed to be a regular human, hence their chasing after her to make her pay for that "crime" she had supposedly committed). Additionally, if you know anything about big companies and organizations, you'll know that the law is also not always there to protect regular people, and sometimes, it will cater to the more profitable goals, as well as some businessmen actively being shady af and "hindering" their rivals for their own benefit. The Speedwagon Foundation being an organization that vouches and actively works for the wellbeing of people would have probably ruffled countless feathers among those who seek for a personal gain, to say the least (think of the hijackers that tried to kidnap him, as shown in the flashback in BT, i.e). This is also where those connections he keeps with criminals come into play, as there are never any mentions about Speedwagon doing shady stuff through them nor using them to pursue some personal goal, which hints at the fact that he keeps and uses those nexus as means of protection against actual enemies. Defense rather than offense, if you will.
Also, lets not forget that Speedwagon found his reason to change his ways when he met Jonathan, and that a lot of the things the Foundation does are things Jonathan himself would have gone into had he not passed away (the archaeological research, the deep studying of the stone mask -which eventually led to the discovery of the pillar men just in time before their awakening-, all in order to prevent more incidents like the whole thing with Dio from happening, and so on). It's downright silly to think Speedwagon would even think of betraying Jonathan and his memory by using not only the second chance he received from Jojo himself, but also using the literal monument Speedwagon built to honor the deep bond and mutual affection the two had back when Jonathan was alive for some selfish goal.
And also, lets not forget how disgusted he was with Dio and every single vile thing he did to everyone. Do you really think he would want to follow a path similar to his, in which people are just another step for him to walk all over?? If so, then you sure are completely wrong about who Speedwagon really is like.
Those "he became some nasty capitalist lol", pretending that Spw became some heartless and selfish wealthy man along the way for no reason, all despite the heaps of constant evidence the canon has presented, even long after Speedwagon's passing away in the story, that shows that that was never the case only go to show that people are lazy and that paying attention to the story and the details in it is just something some Jojo fans will actively refuse to do and then will make the worst bullshit takes up about it.
Also?? People do realize that it's possible to become rich and not be some piece of shit?? Like, sure, I do agree that most wealthy people irl ARE shit and scummy af, but there will always be a few exceptions, you just don't always see them because the real kind ones don't go around telling everyone about every single kind act they do, they just put their money to good use to make their own employees lives better, or invest/donate money every chance they get to some organization of their trust and so on. Adding to this, do you all even realize people can't just throw money out of the window and that as a business person you always need to keep some capital to actually make your business thrive and so you can continue helping other people out in this case where BIG SUMS of money are being put to use in favor of actual civilians and people from all walks of life??
((Edit to add yet another Very Obvious display that Speedwagon never sided with the rich, not even in his older years: Smokey Brown! The kid is literally a mirror of Speedwagon’s own younger self in that both were criminals from the streets in a large city (London in Spw’s case, NY in Smokey’s), immersed in crime and poverty and most likely having to resort to crime as a mean to survive in a society that was even more classist (and also racist, and this can actually be seen in BT when one of the mafiosos starts spewing shit towards Smokey due to his skin color) than it is nowadays, both having no known parents or family either and having been most likely orphaned/abandoned. Had Speedwagon been this nasty ass rich man, he could have simply ignored Smokey or treated him poorly, or could have even turned him to authorities, considering Smokey’s criminal record just for the sake of “preventing him from stealing from him” or whatever. There was literally nothing Spw could benefit himself from by keeping Smokey around like he did, which is a core trait in abusive/exploitative people. However, he never did any of that. Instead, and despite the reigning classism and racism at the time, Speedwagon along with Erina always embraced Smokey from the start and basically became his godparents, never letting the kid go back to his life in the streets, providing him with everything he needed and making sure he received a proper education, which was something very few people of color (black people, specially) could receive. And yet, Speedwagon and Erina made it happen, very likely using some of Spw’s influences to allow Smokey go to the school (and eventually college too) of his choice without any stigma or trouble at all and covering all expenses for him. -end of edit-))
If this was, idk, the Metal Gear series or some other media that revolves around the topic of politics, then the whole "cRaPiTaLisM!!! >:O" thing would have some weight and be plausible as it directly impacts the main plot of the story. But here?? In Jojo's?? Where the main focus as stated by it's author himself is the strength of the human spirit overcoming obstacles in the face of actual evil??? Try harder.
And, before I get That One Type of fans yelling at me that "people don't just get rich without exploiting people in real life!!"… do you guys realize we're talking about animanga series where vampires, funky stone masks with spooky powers, pillar men, stands, people who can use some ancient sunpowered martial art, plankton that can turn into a sentient person, and so on can happen, right? And yet I don't see anyone whining that "tHaT DoEsN'T hApPeN iRl!!".
And like, if this whole claim stems from disliking Speedwagon, just say you don't like him and move the fuck on. You don't need to try to justify your disliking for him or for ANY other characters, let alone making up wildly out of character bullshit about them to try to prove to yourself and to everyone else why according to you the character is "bad". I promise you it is not a big deal to simply not vibe with a character.
#the lack of media literacy among some jojo fans is overwhelming i swear#its sad to see people constantly and completely misreading and bastardizing speedwagon into something he's not#like all those LAME takes about him being some soft pure uwu innocent scaredy bby#or the 'topkek reddit funni meemz XD!' abt him that some ppl lazily/unironically take as canon#or these silly and also wildly ooc takes on the foundation and him in part 2#really wish more people took the time to actually see and appreciate his character for what he actually is#sorry this got so long but i wanted to get this out of my chest bc i too saw one of those posts again and was like#BRU not this shit AGAIN#also.if i sound bitter its because i am genuinely sick and tired of the speedwagon slander and people completely misreading him#and turning him into something he is not and often completely ignoring him bc of that fanon image ppl have made of him#along with completely disregarding the fact that he's actually one of the most important characters in all jjba#and instead pretending or wrongly assuming that he was just some 'hehe funni meme uwu guy'#jjba#long post#bit of a vent / rant too#robert e o speedwagon#speedwagon#jojo#character analysis: speedwagon#phantom blood#battle tendency#speedwagon foundation#jojo's bizarre adventure#analysis: speedwagon foundation#character analysis#meta#ok to rb
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ik its my five billionth post about this but i wish more people would. idk actually be interested in being friends. instead of just looking at fucking instagram stories or something and never saying anything and calling it a day. especially if you explicitly said you're interested in being friends. like.
#nebula.nova#augh#i have so much love to give man#and i totally get people are busy sometimes!!!! me too!! but i still like... care? 😭#i just dont get how people will just never call or text to hang out for ages because theyre oh so busy and never have time for jackshit eve#though they seem so enthusiastic every time you suggest an activity but suddenly when its like fucking anything else theyre#excited#i know i sound kinda dumb right now and kinda bitter (i am kinda bitter) but i just wish people would i dunno care more#mixed signals are too confusing and too much for me#and i am sooooo fucking tired of making people bracelets and sending them songs and whatever and them just forgetting about me the#second i stop texting first#in the least arrogant annoying way possible i wish they would appreciate me in the way i appreciate them
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trying to plan out what pokèmon bruce wayne would have... much to think about
#i am envisioning batman to have: noivern (obviously he must have one bat pokèmon). lucario. and greninja#i chose the last 2 partly because i like those pokèmon but theyre also powerful and stealthy pokèmon#so fitting for batman#and noiverns more of a less-stealthy heavy hitter i guess for when hes gotten civillians out the way#batman would have to have some sort of earplugs or padding in his cowl to deal with the sound noivern creates though.. hmmmmm#im also thinking he should have some sort of electric or tech pokèmon but i cant decide which one..#i gotta balance strategy vs his asthetic#it would be good if he had a fire and/or grass type pokèmon too but none really fit his vibe#also it would make sense he have a fighting type (aside from lucario) but i dislike all the fighting types 😔😔#sorry pretty privellage is REAL and it is stopping me from giving him other fighting types#idk.. much to think about#i think lucario makes a lot of sense tbh like they both have the drive to do good and help people#i can envision bruce finding a riolu during his time training and instantly having that connection#ORRR bruce is so strung up on his anger and bitterness. it takes meeting riolu (who rejects him for not being as virtuous as b would think)#for bruce to kinda enforce his own principles#of becoming batman to HELP amd do GOOD and not just for vengence#meanwhile i chose greninja cos its one of my favs#brucie wayne would also need different pokèmon to batman. otherwise his secret identity is WAYY too obvious#it would depend on what kind of bruce wayne i want tho#the more ditsy playboy brucie would have different pokèmon to... e.g. ben afflecks batman whos more sleazy businessman#so many different options#SORRY FOR THE RAMBLE i am... thinking
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discovery of the day
#im sorry i do Not see what everyone sees in this movie. although from the years of browsing the internet ive began to realize#that i actually dont know if people actually like the movie or not#why is everything so rushed#their romance felt like nothing to me because i dont KNOW what they see in eachother#listen you dont have to tell me straight up into the camera why they love eachother#but the aggressive kissing and cut sex scenes arent telling me much#i get that it came out in 2005 but cutting mostly every gay sex scene? even the kissing for the most part?#but oh we NEED to see this happy husband and wife doing it. yes im bitter#a german movie by the name of summer storm came out the year before this one and actually shows something that feels like actual passion#i sound like i need to see people doing it in these movies all the time I promise thats not it#but even the kissing? the thing i Actually like the most? the thing that makes me feel things? felt like nothing at all#and oh i forgot that this is a tragic gay movie where one of them dies. Oh yeah. forgot.#mentioning summer storm again: it actually has a relatively happy ending. feels good that i dont need to be reminded of how gay people are#doomed 24/7.#the romance started good. with jack telling the guy whos name i already forgot to get his ass in the tent already.#the Pulling his arm over my body thing. it was going great#THEN IT WENT SO FAST! WHY WAS HE SUDDENLY SO INTO IT! WHY WERE THEY BOTH SUDDENLY DOING IT#im sorry i expected a slighter slow burn than this!!! calm down cowboys i have no idea why you two like eachother all of the sudden!#i seriously thought they would show these little moments of tension#and it just growing bigger and bigger#until they couldnt take it anymore#that would explain the aggressiveness of it! why they were so desperate! but it literally just HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!#im sorry i. I expected more of this movie that i hear so much about.#the most it made me feel was at that moment that turned into a meme where i thought “Hop on fortnite”#chuckled. that was it. did i cry? did my heart race at any moment? was i worried about what was gonna happen? not Once#im so. Disappointed.#after this i wanted to watch summer storm but netflix removed it. Its a german only movie no one knows from 2004. where the hell am i gonna#🏴☠️ that#AAAGHHHH!!!!!!!#not being able to watch summer storm made me cry more than this movie did What the hell
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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so what im getting is that it was absolutely unnecessary to isolate raffi on gotham city in order for her story to go on.
a story that’s so halfhearted that five episodes in—halfway to the end. btw—her motivation is yet to be explained (why go back to this sector of intelligence work when teaching seemed to be fulfilling? was she made to do this?? did she volunteer because her son now lives on this planet now apparently?? was losing elnor cris and possibly seven so painful that burying herself in work seemed like a better option??? who knows! not me!!) and it’s definitely a retreat character-wise but the fact that they still haven’t laid the groundwork to make this stick is kind of amazing lol. it’s the way they’re not even pretending to give a fuck about her or any of the other women characters for me—they said you’re a womb or a subordinate ladies pick one and shut the hell up LMAO?
the fact that the ‘real plot’ is happening on that other ship while everything raffi does is basically an afterthought with backstory slipped in between the cracks like aged caulk is so disheartening and pathetic. star trek picard make an effort maybe. she’s a polarizing character that’s been stuck in impossible situations, weighed down with retractions and stereotypes (they thread the line but HM) because the narrative continually refuses to meaningfully engage with her and a lot of fans of the show wont examine their own biases to see why they have such a viscerally negative reaction to a complicated black woman character that’s good at what she does, knows it and refuses to kneel at the foot of their hero’s :)
and if it wasn’t for ms hurd elevating this performance with sheer will, massive talent and the whip of that (sexy) ponytail? shit would be so much worse. but it’s still bad! because instead of giving her a nuanced, thoughtful send off she’s once again being made to suffer for the nth time. because why? oh right so wise man worf can guide her to the light lol give me a fuckin break.
and it’s no accident that if you cut raffi out (which they literally did in ep4 miss musiker you WILL be avenged) the story could more or less proceed as usual. that’s by design.
because legacy characters or not, im simply not buying that the main white cast members (plus two interlopers idgaf about those new guys and they’re doing nothing to make me care either. pick a random channel and their stories are being told right now live and in color like don’t piss me off) just so happen to be on the ship with the lead yet the sole woc is sent away on some underbaked adventure because ‘reasons?’ please. this season literally could not be more transparent about the audience they’re catering to and who/whose stories are of importance and consideration.
and i knew this would probably happen once the premise for s3 was revealed but i still can’t get over how obvious it is that there really was no plan for raffi and that she only happened to bypass the cull of the la sirena crew because she was romantically linked with seven at the time. which is baffling considering how things are (not) going between them (#theyareMARRIEDletthemTALKandKISSandREST)
and it’s not just them like everything about this season is quite literally happening just because. every slightly interesting or fresh development (and character it’s true) from the previous seasons has been dismissed or diminished and for what? secret sons and man pain? ew lmao. no suspense no lingering threads just excessive shots of ships, an aggressive insistence on biological families and rampant, shameless references to past glory. a mess.
#doing everyone so dirty but it’s fine because ‘familiar faces’ yeah okay 👍🏾#like can we all be serious for one second lol#they’re not even trying.#at least if this season was good i would somewhat understand why they snapped my faves out of existence but it’s literally not#feels insane to see so many people praise this#is this really where we are as an audience? nostalgia = good? really?#and the new characters they chose to add? come on#no space for rios but yall had space for TWO random white guys?#a christmas miracle!#like the kid is one thing but captain crunch ? they’re playing in my FACE#like i don’t even have any firm feelings about him because he’s pretty much a giant bore but#seeing all these allowances being made for him because of what he looks like whilst raffi continues to get shit on irks me so bad#like i knew it would happen ive been alive in the world lol but still#unsurprising but irritating af that captain crunch can sulk around in all his dickheaded glory#and it’s fine because he’s gods most traumatized baby boy but let raffi lash out once and it’s questions about her competence#and calls to have her removed like oh what’s the difference i wonder#‘men can laugh while a woman can only chuckle’ -godforbid she be black and self assured- like that person was preaching i fear!#if this sounds bitter it’s because i am <3#michelle hurd deserves so much better like someone pls get her a five season dramatic series on a prestige network asap!#looks at this dissertation i just wrote oops ain’t mean to rant like that but they forced my hand 😭#now to watch raffi’s spar scene on loop and forget about the show until thursday comes around and rattles my cage again lol#raffi musiker#.rfi#stpk
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People who offer solutions to my problems should all be required to take part in a 30 day free trial of living with all of my conditions just to ensure that their helpful tips are realistic and not actually just one more obstacle on the list of never ending obstacles that I have to manage everyday
#listen i dont hate getting advice or well meant suggestions#however i am exhausted and overwhelmed and constantly managing the maximum amount of things i can manage#i would like real help#i also would like to see how other people manage my conditions because i honestly dont know if im naybe just being a baby about it or not#like i wanna know how this effects other people but also would never wish this upon someone#i just need to know that I'm doing my best#or if im not i need to know what i can do better#i just reeeeally dont think my friends understand the amount of energy that it takes to barely manage#im at the point where i spend half the week resting in preparation to take a shower and do the dishes#and the other half recovering from doing them#if i even did#yes i dont shower very often i know its gross blah blah blah#its usually like 4 days between showers atm i think#dishes is like one to two weeks tho#i cant keep up with even the bare minimum amount of things and it sucks#all of the real solutions cost money#i also hate to list all of the ways that the help is not helpful when people are trying to help#because then i sound like i dont want help :(( i sound bitter and mean#and i dont wanna come across that way
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of course ofc people started to hate aof when he's going to make js series I'm not panicking I'm nooooot
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ANON THE FIRST TIME I SAW PEOPLE BASHING P'AOF I WAS LIKE OH SURE OF COURSE Y'ALL START DOING THAT /NOW/ OF ALL TIMES
but the entire situation is also kinda funny to me, mostly because all the critics im seeing aren't even things that may depend on him (like not getting an age appropriate actor to play jim in moonlight chicken) or that are intrinsically problematic, they're just stuff people don't like because of their personal preferences (like the bb and atots crossover). it's just interesting to see how one year ago people were putting him on a pedestal and thinking of him as a god because everyone was into bad buddy, and now the same people are treating him like he's the devil incarnated and are jumping to other directors (who are just as questionable imho) for no real reason (at least that i know of)
sadly last twilight always had the biggest disadvantage out of all the BL series that are supposed to air this year, so i don't think p'aof not being as appreciated as before is gonna make much difference, which i know isn't exactly comforting but as long as p'aof will treat it with the same maturity and respect he used to tell all his other stories, then i think we're gonna be okay. of course i would love for last twilight to become incredibly popular and for jimmysea to finally be recognized, but honestly popularity doesn't always equal quality, and i know which one i'd rather have!!!
#i was about to add more but i already feel like im sounding way too bitter or petty or.. idk patronizing maybe???#and that's not what i wanna be!!!!#i think all we can do is be positive and spread as much love for jimmysea and last twilight as possible#maybe it won't make any difference but maybe it will help people decide to give it a chance#let's support the show together in any way we can anon!!!#and once again im not tagging this because i am a coward sfjksgfj ;;;;;;#m: ask
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It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way
This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow
but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month
None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion
#like i should be doing more#im very sorry for complaining so much online#i just dont really have any other way to express myself#i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear#but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter#matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal#but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time#i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to#but i also want to if that makes any sense at all#i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally#i want to stop being toxic towards myself#i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way#but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up#I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it#doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling#it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard#this is so woe is me#im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create#and i have none like thats so unfair#this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it#i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again#please im done i just dont want to
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#I don’t mean to sound#jealous because I’m not!#maybe a bit bitter but not about this#so#my sister got a car and I’m so happy for her#it’s huge and awesome and brand spankin new! and she’s so adorable in it#but#idk when I got my apartment and I kept talking to her about it#she shared absolutely no excitement for me :(#and honestly still won’t when I try to tell her about how much happier I am in it now that I’ve made it my own space#sighhh#I’m happy for her#I just wish she would try to be happy for me#sometimes
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local guy is immensely frustrated 👍
#i’m just. kinda sad#i don’t think i can watch horror movies anymore and i’m sad and bitter and frustrated and fuck i just want to cry and be held about it#it’s not fair it’s not fucking fair and it sounds so selfish and shitty but why the FUCK did it have to be ME#i hate the idea that it’s random i fucking HATE the reality that there is not a single fucking thing i could’ve done to stop any of this#from happening because it’s not my fault and it’s not anybody’s fault and i am just scared and tired and sick of it#i miss when my head was quiet and i miss when i didn’t have to worry about what would make me forget reality#i miss trusting people and i miss not having shitty fucking dreams and i miss my memory and i hate it i hate it all so much and i am TIRED#and i just want things to go back to normal#and i keep convincing myself that they WILL#but they won’t they fucking won’t i am fucking stuck like this and it’s ruining fucking everything#i’m. so tired#sorry#tw vent
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does anyone else ever have that weird but definitely bad feeling that theyre appropriating... their own culture?
like you're only one or two generations removed but you weren't raised in that culture so when you try to take it back and make it part of your identity you feel like a huge faker?
because I certainly do. I was raised American but my mum is a first gen citizen and her genetic testing could not be more Irish if she tried. my dad's ethnicity is literally all over the place, and he was full American and embraced it. I dont like being American. I dont like being in America. but it's almost all i know, so when I "act Irish" I feel like a disrespectful faker even though I'm mostly Irish and lived in Ireland with family for over a year so I know what I'm doing but it's really weighing down on me. is this an overcomplicated form of imposter syndrome? am I just being weird? I don't really know what to think anymore
like I call chips "fries" most of the time but I call crisps "crisps" almost all the time and I "braid" my hair not "plait" it but I add the "u" to flavour and colour and favourite because they look incomplete without it and I can never tell if I should pronounce the "h" in herb or if I should say "day-ta" or "dah-ta" unless I'm talking about the character so in both those instances I just interchange pronunciations to whatever makes the sentence flow better and saying the word "schedule" is the bane of my existence because if I say it the European way it sounds like I'm stumbling over the word (because hello speech impediment) but if I say "ske-ju-ahl" like Americans do I can't get my mouth around it and it sounds like I'm mocking so I really can't win so I just say "plan" or "calendar" and I'm just a mess of cultural differences and feeling like I don't fit in either and some days it makes me want to cry because I desperately want to go home to Ireland because I DO see Ireland as home but I'm terrified of sticking out like a sore thumb and them knowing I was raised American and thinking I'm just a dumb American who took a 23 and me test that showed I'm 2% Irish and therefore I gotta go look for leprechauns when I'm actually over 50% Irish and just want to be home and relearn how to be Irish
#like i dont even know what my accent is besides 'speech therapy' because it changes almost every time i speak#but thats not as big a problem because i know from experience that i just need a week back in ireland and ill have the most mick accent#theres also the problem of some words ive only heard and therefore dont know how to spell right#or words ive only seen written down so i make a fool of myself when i try to pronounce it#cough cough the one time i pronounced 'plait' like the flatware 'plate' and got mocked to high heaven even though i was SEVEN#and TRYING MY BEST#no im not still bitter about that and thats totally not the reason i just stick with the word 'braid'#just another rant about how conflicted i am about my irish heritage#in which the word 'heritage' makes it sound so distant which just fuels my imposter syndrome
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