#i should start thinking now
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Y'all this gay couple had one guy in an ethereal white outfit reminiscent of lord of the rings and one guy in a blue tux, and now I want a wedding where the guy wears white with a flowy train and I get to wear a dress that looks like fire
#personal#wedding goals#i do not dream about my wedding#but when my mom got involved in three weddings in one year#i was like#this takes a lot of planning#i should start thinking now
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#now I’m starting to think I should actually watch it 💀#they masses got me I folded#dp#danny phantom#danny fenton
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they licensed his ass
my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhsy#riz gukgak#Fuck With My Sketch#I mean it I'm gonna use that. gotta stop me if u dont wanna#doing things like this is bittersweet bc this slaps and I look at this and Im like well. I will never be able to nail this look again#I guess that's the plight of self taught art. but also it means you have to learn to let go and go look for different delights#you can't get too attached to one way of doing things. you will find many new things on ur way to make more funny bictures n such#this slaps tho Im so happy with how this came out lol. its be a long while since I last drew something in this vein#appropriate that its for riz lol he deserves it. he deserves the photoshoot pieces#funny enough this also kind of was prompted by drawfee? in one of the episodes I was binging (I thiiiink the one bg a day ep)#jacob brought up one of the artists I follow on twitter (havent been there in a decent while lol) who uses a pretty distinct#blue-on-red palette that got me to think abt teal-on-red and then this happened#funny enough I did start the piece with teal-on-red but then I shifted to blue after and was like wait I love this suddenly#and then committed lol. I should work with teal-on-red properly more but for now! we have fun! we enjoy#thats my journey thank u for listening. thank u for drawing with me if u have and come hang next time if u havent
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the simplest words
#my art#trafficblr#double life fanart#double life smp#life series fanart#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans fanart#smallishbeans#ethoslab fanart#ethoslab#etho#etho fanart#cw blood#smalletho#boat boys#not explicitly shipping but can be interpreted as such#lets pretend my garbage handwriting is an aesthetic choice and not a skill issue please & thank you#the lyrics are from the simplest words by the narcissist cookbook…. i think it fits my idea of double life joel / smalletho#i would explain this but knowing me i would just start fucking rambling about absolutely nothing of relevance to the art#this feels so out of the blue lmao like the double life ending was over two years ago now!!! what do you mean im still hung up on it !!!!!!#girl im never escaping the relation ship .its a part of me now#IN HINDSIGHT i totally should have made the fire from the last two pages line up so it looked good when put together like this… rsddssjdh#i always realize these things after i’m done. what the hell
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I’m curious how binary cant work for admech since day 1. At first, I thought it’s just high speed alternation in frequencies of sounds to denote 0 and 1, just like how computer cable does with voltage. So I wrote a python script to convert natural language to binary code then to sound based on the idea (so that I can curse in binary in ttrpg). However, since the human auditory cortex can only distinguish sound about 20ms apart, the current commonly used binary coding method (Unicode) that requires 8 bits to encode for one letter (16 bits for one character in Mandarin) would make binary cant less efficient than natural language through the bare ear. As a result, binary cant users not only need vocal implants but also auditory implants to receive info (or perhaps cortex implants to decode). Based on these assumptions, binary cant would be able to happen in sound frequencies not perceivable by the original human cochlea so techpriests conversation can be extremely quiet. And more efficiently, just through data cables.
Or it could be the other way around, scientists might develop more efficient binary language without basing it on the symbol system of natural languages (I’m not that familiar with linguistics so I don’t know if this is possible or not).
However, the sound techpriests made in the game mechanicus doesn’t sound like my assumption. There are definitely more than 2 pitches used in the conversations (which makes it less binary...) and they seem to be faster than natural language. I still couldn’t figure out what’s happening here. Do the twisting pitches actually encode more than one bit? Is binary cant actually an analog signal encoding a digital signal? Or is the sound effect just mean to sound better for the game?
The binary curse program (turn the sound on!):
#warhammer 40k#adeptus mechanicus#binary cant#question#I should think about my BDNF & depression paper now but#each time I have a paper due I start to think about every irrelevant thing
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you open my Super Important Documents and its just pictures of charles xavier
#xmen#mcu#xmen movies#xmen first class#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#todays schedule has been ruined by my ever occurring need to practice drawing movie charles its horrendous#i started this sheet last night but then i kept adding to it and i keep wanting to add to it but i MUST stop myself#in an ideal world i get paid to draw charles xavier and erik lehnsherr but no i live in this baka society#sleepless charles WAS inspired by me starting this at 1AM and forcing myself to sleep at 4AM#and then here i am picking i up still later .... i need professional help i fear but i aint got time for that#NEVERTHELESS I THINK IT GOT IT NOW. I THINK IM OK. i think i know how i wanna go bout drawing him now ...#chat can i confess that like. .5% of the reason i barely draw FC charles i because of his hair#for some reason some demonic entity prevents me from drawing it easily i am in STRUGGLE CITY#the only thing that gets me is that whenever i draw him i can only think of the likes of a disney prince but man thems the strokes ig#i also drew a quick dark phoenix charles but i figured id just keep this first class oriented#anything else i want to say ? uh. hm. its funny i never do any of these sheets for erik#genuinely On My Life made One (1) sheet and was like 'no yeah i got it. i got it down'#literally not my fault his head is So Shaped and defined but anyways. this aint about him.#i mean it could be. i still wanna do a doodle page concentrated on drawing how his powers show#more specifically how do i wanna draw the glow cause i cant decide on it ... also i wanna draw the 'levels' ...#but thats for another time. for right now i should probably eat i havent eaten all day#bye bye !!!!!! here's to hoping i draw something thats not a doodle sheet one of these days
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something something about mentors and cycles and mentors and cycles
#like#what if your memory became so intertwined with my ideals i could not help but to pass you on to those who look up to me#along with what makes my very heart beats and bleeds#(and realise i was so young#so young#and maybe i didn't deserve everything that happened then)#and maybe i could start forgiving myself for who i was then#because now i know i was just scared and alone and thinking i held the world on my shoulders#and now i just want to tell him#breath kid#breath#ace attorney#aa#ace attorney fanart#aa fanart#gyakuten saiban#gyakuten saiban fanart#mia fey#phoenix wright#apollo justice#charley the plant#polly the parrot#yes they're important characters and should be cited#dounart#fanart#art#the cycles and patterns woke me up at 4am once again and refused to let me rest
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I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#he’s so wonderful frfr#my poor boy is traumatized but still so proud of what they accomplished because they’re HEROES#what started as something fun - Saturday morning cartoon-like heroes vs villains esque - soon becomes his calling#and he loses himself a little along the way#because the world is TERRIFYING now#if they don’t do something about the bad things in the world then worse things will come#and Raph CARES too much to let it happen#even at the expense of his own happiness and youth#and he luckily reigns back that fear - knowing his family is there to keep an eye out with him#and he finally lets himself be a kid again#he’s very well rounded and his flaws are so good because (like the others) they are ALSO his strengths#I like how it’s softly implied that bears are his fav animal too bc that’s cute af#headcanon that he likes them so much because a stuffed bear was the first toy splinter managed to get Raph#but yeah one of my favorite things about tmnt is that the characters are well rounded and rottmnt exemplifies that immensely#with raph being no exception!!#amazing big brother and character#there’s a REASON in my tmnt main character tierlist he’s S tier!!!!#hot take but in terms of who should be leader I think it should be less who’s the better leader-#-and more who’s the better leader FOR THIS SPECIFIC MISSION#bc all four can be great leaders fight me on that#APRIL can as well 100%#doesn’t need a designated leader for them to succeed#they just need ~communication~#one of my favorite things tying Raph and Leo together is that they both *hide*#I’ve talked about Leo’s many masks a lot but Raph has one too#and it’s the mask of a hero - the mask of the protector
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I can’t stand that TikTok trend that’s like “just saw Hadestown and my boyfriend is walking the entire way back to the hotel without looking back at me to prove Orpheus was a chump” because not only do they not get the whole point of the Orpheus and Eurydice myth they also Were Not Paying Attention to the musical they just saw.
Hate people who see WSS as “just a Romeo and Juliet retelling”. Hate people who see Hadestown as “Just an Orpheus and Eurydice retelling”.
Hate people who watch a musical that takes a classic story everyone knows and uses it to explore/critique our modern society and only see it as a funky retelling.
Not Getting The Point of WSS is one thing because it’s more subtle and it can be really easy to just see it as a modern R&J, especially if you don’t really know R&J.
How the fuck do you watch Hadestown and see it as just an O&E retelling? It is one of the most heavy-handed political musicals out there how are so many people missing the point?
Orpheus has to fail. Not because that’s how the Greek myth ends but because that’s the whole point of the message of Hadestown.
Social reform is hard. Changing the world is one of the most challenging things you can try to do. So often we see people try to make a difference in society, to change some kind of injustice in the world. And so often we see those people fail. It can feel so impossible to actually do some good in this fucked up world because we see these people who are smarter and stronger and more qualified than us fail over and over again.
Why do we even keep trying?
Because we have to.
Because one day, someone will try and they’ll succeed.
One day Orpheus won’t turn around.
One day the people of Hadestown will get to see someone escape and they’ll know they can escape too. Only then does the world get to change.
So we have to try. We have to keep singing the sad song, no matter how many times Orpheus turns around, because one day he won’t.
In the Greek myth, Orpheus fails because he loves Eurydice.
In Hadestown, Orpheus fails because we fail.
We try and we fail to make a difference. We try and we fail to change the world for the better. We try to see the world for what it could be and it keeps letting us down.
But we don’t give up. We don’t stop singing.
Hadestown is genuinely one of the best musicals ever. Full stop. This musical is one of the reasons i wish I was smarter because I would love to be able to do an entire thesis on this show and all the themes and messages in it. Some of them are subtle. Some of them aren’t.
It is not just an Orpheus and Eurydice retelling. I am begging people to hear the real message.
Never stop trying to change the world.
One day we’ll make it out of Hadestown.
We just have to keep singing the song.
#i’m sure someone has already said this but i simply Must get my thoughts out into the world#listened to the soundrack on a whim at midnight and started Feeling Things#and now we’re here.#not every musical has a deep underlying message and i understand that the average person won’t always pick up on the ones that do#but how do you watch HADESTOWN and come away only thinking ‘orpheus should have just not turned around’#i am constantly furious about the lack of media literacy running rampant in our world#hadestown#orpheus#eurydice#orpheus and eurydice#greek mythology#musicals#Broadway#saframbles
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it is insane how normal i am medicated like. you mean this was an option the whole time. what
#theresbeen some hiccups like the first month i started to realize my work drive was 90% fear based#so ivehad to develop like actual work schedule and discipline thats not just 'everyone will hate me if i dont'#but its been working! now getting stuff done actually... feels.... good?#instead of like throwing water over one fire only to run to the next one#like before nothing was ever satisfying. i was always just running around panicked#now im like. okay this is what i have to get done today. yay! i finished it! now i go to bed. okay now its the next day#the only other thing ive noticed is ive become seemingly like. more. autistic acting.#like i get More fixated on my special interests now. i can think about something for hours straight instead of getting guilty and thinking#'oh im being greedy im being lazy with my time i should be doing something productive'
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I’ll never forget when I was arguing with a person in favor of total prison abolition and I asked them “what about violent offenders?” And they said “Well, in a world where prisons have been abolished, we’ll have leveled the playing field and everyone will have their basic needs met, and crime won’t be as much of an issue.” And then I was like “okay. But…no. Because rich people also rape and murder, so it isn’t just a poor person thing. So what will we do about that?” And I don’t think they answered me after that. I’m ashamed to say I continued to think that the problem was that I simply didn’t understand prison abolitionists enough and that their point was right in front of me, and it would click once I finally let myself understand it. It took me a long time to realize that if something is going to make sense, it needs to make sense. If you want to turn theory into Praxis (I’m using that word right don’t correct me I’ll vomit) everyone needs to be on board, which mean it all needs to click and it needs to click fast and fucking clear. You need to turn a complex idea into something both digestible and flexible enough to be expanded upon. Every time I ask a prison abolitionist what they actually intend to do about violent crime, I get directed to a summer reading list and a BreadTuber. It’s like a sleight-of-hand trick. Where’s the answer to my question. There it is. No wait, there it is. It’s under this cup. No it isn’t. “There’s theory that can explain this better than I can.” As if most theory isn’t just a collection of essays meant to be absorbed and discussed by academics, not the average skeptic. “Read this book.” And the book won’t even answer the question. The book tells you to go ask someone else. “Oh, watch this so-and-so, she totally explains it better than me.” Why can’t you explain it at all? Why did you even bring it up if you were going to point me to someone else to give me the basics that you should probably already know? Maybe I’m just one of those crazy people who thinks that some people need to be kept away from the public for everyone’s good. Maybe that just makes me insane. Maybe not believing that pervasive systemic misogyny could be solved with a UBI and a prayer circle makes me a bad guy. But it’s not like women’s safety is a priority anyway. It’s not like there is an objective claim to be made that re-releasing violent offenders or simply not locking them up is deadly.
#I’m sorry#there are just people out here who need punishment and to be contained and rehabilitation will not work#like I’m one of the more insane people who thinks that you can rehabilitate anyone if they want to change and learn from their behavior#ANYONE#but there are people out here who do not and will not ever want it#and those people shouldn’t get a pass because you read incomplete abolitionist theory once#and now you think that a UBI would solve everything#that’s the thing about most abolitionists that I’ve noticed#once you press them on the hard shit#they go#well there are some good books on the subject#there are some other creators#okay#and what have those other books and creators said?#Tee Noir once started off a video telling people not to ask her to defend her defense of prison abolition#they should just ‘Google it’ she said (or something like that)#now I don’t watch Tee Noir#gothra#feminism#social justice#prison abolition#criminal justice#prison reform#tw vomit
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funny streamers i like have been 'playing' kingdom hearts union x and I haven't finished the vod yet but they're on some cinderella quests and i was overcome with Man I Should Watch Cinderella Again. i remember watching that movie all the time as a kid having such strong feelings about it (i am not paying for it as I watch it now)(I own the dvd)(am I watching it on the dvd? that's a secret I'll never tell) and I was having a good time before suddenly it ruined it bc I forgot and was reminded how they just made a cat evil for no reason. maybe the strong feelings were i hated it
#hi. beforei was bullied for being queer i was bullied for liking and owning cats and strange as that sounds.#cats as a whole were very villified in media i saw growing up and by peopl around me and i Didnt Understand#i still dont! i think you all were just stupid.#free lucifer my man did nothing wrong. idc#how can the movie call cinderella the pinnacle of goodness and kindness when the fucking cat doesnt like her. i dont think so ☝️#anyway fuck btw. i didnt and will not pay for this movie or any ever again and havwnt for years now#sorry that started as a very personal deep seated Beef but became General. you should boycott disney they are funding a genocide#words from the monarch#cinderella
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"I have many fears, most of them about Lucrezia." — Cesare Borgia (The Borgias, 2011-2013) + hints of insecurity
that she adores someone that much / if she will reject his dark nature and act of love and violence as Ursula did / if he truly is not part of her desires / that she easily forgets him
#i have so many thoughts on these two#hes such a clingy brother wth#as much as he soothes her it is only by asking lucrezia verbally or#by looking at her that his fears and insecurities in her life can be soothed#cesare torn between - being relieved she had some joy in the ruthless marriage he had no power to prevent and did not even want to bless#or being envious there is someone else now when his little sister once said she will not love anyone as much as she loves him#but Accepting it anyways because it is impossible loves and maybe he is starting to become aware his love falls in this same category.#“should i envy this narcissus low-born who shall never see you again because of his impossible love for you when i love you just the same?”#the knife more surprise than fear. in a time when he did not love himself...“she accepts me as i am? as i do her”#biting her as if another black panther pet looking for reassurance that their love#that HE is still included in her perfect world even if he himself pulls away#“surely you're in agony as much as i am? are you already satisfied with your child and husband if we cannot share our love openly?”#“your eyes drift to mine when you say 'husband' am i not he? do you see me as so even when it was just 'tonight'?”#and then his sudden gaze as if to look for truth because how can she forget him when he only thinks of her#AND AGAIN pulling away being eaten by shame and guilt of corrupting her (when their relationship is not just his doing)#torn between hope (we have the capacity to forget and move on) and hope (our love has that much devil power over her)#cesare as the god or the devil or whatever it is that overwhelms whether at war or in love#cesare is one confident man and even if his insecurities has layers of righteousness and importance..it is still insecurity nonetheless#and only for lucrezia#lucrezia borgia#cesare borgia#cesare x lucrezia#the borgias#dailyborgia#perioddramaedit#perioddramasource#weloveperioddrama#onlyperioddramas#romancegifs#the borgiasedit
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Doksoo week 2024 day 5: time travel
Prompt list here
#orv#omniscient reader#omniscient readers viewpoint#omniscient reader fanart#orv fanart#hankim#doksoo#kim dokja#kdj#hsy#han sooyoung#if you are reading this and you feel like you have struggled for so long and tried your best for so long and you just feel worse and worse#or you feel nothing but numb and nothing will get better; or you feel like you should start to distance yourself from friends and isolate#yourself so you can rot alone; or if you think that “even if i disappear no one will care tomorrow and everyone's lives will stay the same”#please reach out for help. a trusted adult or a close friend. a suicide hotline or email or website. even if it doesnt work or even if the#response is so robotic and shitty. just by surviving to the next day you are succeeding. you dont have to get better immediately and if you#don't reach your own expectations of recovery you are still alive and you are doing so well and thank you for trying so hard up until now#i love you and i am proud of you and i love you i love you you are doing what you can and you are enough#crit's art: orv
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Eddie drunkenly calls Buck from wine night, confesses some things. On ao3 here.
Eddie calls him at 11:34 pm, and it’s a Thursday, so that means a few things. It’s wine night, the biggest thing. It’s wine night, at Hen and Karen’s, and he knows those start around dinner time so Eddie’s got several hours of alcohol in him. It’s 11:34 pm and Buck got off work at 10:45, another thing, so it’s a toss up whether Eddie timed the call to when he was walking through the door (a feat possible after years of going back and forth between the station, the loft, and the Diaz house at all times of day and night) or if it’s just a drunken coincidence.
“Hello,” Buck answers the phone, dragging out the first half of the word, tossing his keys into the bowl on the counter.
“Buck,” Eddie says, voice bright and not very slurred, but he’s only said one word so far, and Buck sometimes secretly thinks he could probably say his name pretty steadily no matter the situation. Buck is pretty sure he could be all drunk or half dead and still be able to say Eddie just fine, anyway. “Hello. Are you home from, did you get home from work?”
Ah, so, somewhat drunk then. “Did indeed. You still at the Wilsons?”
“Did you, uh- was there fire?” Eddie sounds like he’s trying very hard to sound normal. Buck bites his lip against a snort.
“No fires. Just a half shift, remember. Pretty boring one, honestly.” I missed you probably isn’t fair to say, Buck covered the shift of his own volition, he could have been at wine night if he really wanted. But Donovan’s sister had a baby, what was he gonna do, not let the guy meet his niece? “Hope you had a better time.”
“Great time,” Eddie says, enthusiastic. “They had, uh, mini quiches.”
Buck grins at the empty room. “You’re a man who loves a mini quiche.”
A few seconds of whooshy silence where Buck assumes Eddie is nodding enthusiastically. “The- uh- they had the bacon kind. The kind, and with the- you know, there’s spinach? Can we go to Costco?”
“Sure,” Buck agrees, opening his admittedly pretty sparsely populated fridge. “Could use a grocery run.”
“And get the, get more quiches?”
Buck grabs a protein bar, smiling as fondly as he wants to with no one around to see him. “Yeah, Eds, we’ll get more quiches.”
“And you’ll take the spinach ones? And I get the good ones?”
Buck laughs. “The spinach ones are good. You can barely even taste the spinach, they’re just, like, warm and eggy.”
“Mmm,” Eddie says, doubtfully. “It’s not nice to lie, Buckley.”
“I’m not fucking lying,” Buck cackles. “Your spinach hatred is so unfair, what’d it ever do to you?”
“Taste bad,” Eddie says, adding a blegh sound for emphasis. “It’s like- like- it’s gross, I don’t believe you actually like it, actually. You just want to eat grown up food.”
Buck snorts. “Man, I hate to break it to you, we both turn 34 this year.”
“And I don’t feel like I have to prove that to anybody by eating nasty food,” Eddie says, nose definitely in the air. Buck shakes his head and takes a bite of the protein bar.
“Whatever, man. You just have to live with the fact that Chris is the one sneaking vegetables into your food.”
“You’re so mean. I’m not letting you have any of my actually good quiches.” Empty threat, they always end up sharing, both of them know it. “That’s not even what I called about. That’s not even-“ Eddie huffs so hard it sounds all crackly in Buck’s ear. “I called to tell you that I love you.”
Buck grins. Oh boy, affectionate drunk Eddie is here. He’d wondered just how much wine they’d got through and it seems like Eddie must be nearly a bottle in. “Aw, love you too, bud.”
“No,” Eddie says, and Buck can see the frown from here. “Buck. Listen. I’m in love with you.”
Oh. God. Oh god. “Uh-“ Buck says, stomach swooping all over the fucking place, “Uh- I don’t think this is a conversation we should be having while you’re-“
“Oh, fuck off, shut up. Shut up. It’s fine.”
“Eddie-”
“Buck,” Eddie says, in the annoyed voice he uses when Buck is trying to get him to eat yogurt with his fruit in the morning, or even a dastardly spinach quiche. “It’s fine. It’s fine. I knew you’d- why- stop it. Listen. I feel like this all the time. It’s stupid that I’ve never, like, I never just say this all the time. You’re, like-”
Eddie cuts himself off and Buck waits — sort of fearfully — for him to continue, but the silence keeps stretching on. Buck knows the other side effect of this level on the Eddie Diaz Drunkenness Scale is heightened distractibility, so he probably noticed a nice color or perhaps a bug. They spent a good twenty minutes hanging out with a grasshopper at Hen and Karen’s wedding towards the end of the night, because it was a lovely shade of green and a funny little guy. Oh god, Buck thinks again. I love this man. I love this man a ridiculous amount and we should absolutely wait to talk about it.
But: “You’re tall and you’re in my house,” Eddie says before Buck can do anything to stop him.
“I’m-” Buck glances around the loft. “Eds, I’m at my place.”
“What?” He sounds so indignant that Buck has to cover his mouth to hold a laugh in. “Why?”
“‘Cause I live here?”
“That’s stupid. You should live with me in my house.”
“Should I?” Buck asks, laugh escaping a little bit. “Also, wait, what does me being tall have to do with it?”
Eddie sighs, long and exasperated. “If you live with me you never have to go home and leave me because you’re already at my house. Your house. If you live with me you never have to go anywhere.”
“Never have to go anywhere?” Buck thinks he’s in shock, maybe, about all of this, but teasing Eddie is something that’s always easy to fall into. “I don’t have a job in this scenario?”
“Well you’d go to work. And other places. But you just come back to me all the time.”
“I’d like to come back to you all the time,” Buck says, choking a little on how simply it explains every ache in him. “Eddie-“
“And you’re tall because… it matters because you’re tall because…” Eddie’s voice is soft, his breathing is soft. Buck wonders where he is in Hen and Karen’s house. In a hallway, tucked away from everyone, the nice light from the stained glass lamp they have there warm on his face? On the back porch, out in the cool night air? Buck wants to tell him to come home, wants to make sure he’s warm. “I never had to look up at anybody before.”
“I’ve got like two inches on you,” Buck replies, but his voice is pretty quiet.
“It’s a big two inches,” Eddie says, just as soft. Then, also quiet but of an entirely different flavor, “That's- Sorry- that's what she said.”
“That's-” Buck snorts. “What-” and then giddy laughter bursts up out of him, baking soda and vinegar, foamy and ticklish. He cackles till he’s breathless, listening to Eddie’s responding chuckles over the line, and sinks down to the floor, back against the kitchen island. “You’re so fucking stupid.”
“I scored better on my certification exams than you.”
“That’s not even true!” Buck protests over Eddie’s continuing laughter. “Only in two categories!”
“Overall percentage was higher!” Eddie reminds him, as he does every time they have this argument.
“Well, I remember building construction and related hazards better than you and that’s written down on official paper somewhere.”
“Not fair,” Eddie says, as he always says. “You- you did- you built those. Unfair advantage.”
“I think you’re overselling the kind of experience I got in a few months working construction like a decade ago.”
“It wasn’t a decade when you took the tests,” Eddie points out. “Whatever. Nevermind. And I don’t want to sound like- you’re good at remembering things. You’re not stupid. I don’t want to sound like you are.”
Buck taps his boot against the sink counter in front of him. “I know. You’re not either.”
“I know,” Eddie says, soft again. “But your hands are big, and… you’ve got stubble sometimes, and…” he trails off into just breathing on the other end of the line for several long moments. “Buck,” Eddie whispers in sleepover voice. “Have you ever kissed a boy before?”
“Yeah,” Buck says, knowing Eddie knows this, but playing along anyway. “I have.”
“What's it like?”
Buck hums, closes his eyes. He thinks about the few guys he’d made out with but never followed home when he got to Los Angeles. Thinks about the room he’d crashed in with Connor in Peru, with it’s one mattress and both their clothes living in suitcases because they were too broke to buy any other furniture. He’s still got a t-shirt for a school he never went to, a few sizes too small. The way they hadn’t shared a room once they were in LA, the girls Connor started seeing. He thinks about John from the ranch who left town the next day. He thinks about high school, Len McGuinty under the bleachers in the summer before senior year, both of them giggling and half terrified and the way they’d pretended to barely know each other when school started back up. Hard jawlines and stubble and muscles and height. Having something, for however long you get to have it. Wanting something, very badly. He opens his eyes and it’s almost a surprise that he’s still in the loft. That he’s not at Eddie’s house. All the time in the world there wouldn’t be enough. “It’s good, Eddie. It feels good.”
“Buck,” Eddie breathes, shivery.
“I want to live in your home all the time, and never have to go anywhere,” Buck says, repeats. “I’ll kiss you, if you want.”
“Buck-”
“I’ll love you, if you want.” Eddie is still drunk, Buck tries to remind himself. But it might actually kill him not to say it out loud when Eddie had said he feels like this all the time. How could he not say he feels like this all the time, too? “I’ll love you back. I love you back. I’ll eat all the spinach quiches for you.”
“Buck,” Eddie says, and Buck doesn’t know what expression is on his face, doesn’t know what look is tied to this tone of voice. Is desperate to find out. Quiet down the line for a few moments. And then: “It’s late.”
Buck pulls his phone away from his ear for a second to check the time. Nearly midnight. “Yeah.” His hands feel clammy. It was too much. They should have waited to talk. Eddie wants out now, and that’s fine. Buck will —somehow, skin of his teeth — find a way to be fine with that.
But: “I want to go home,” Eddie says. “Buck. Come and take me home.”
“And then-”
“And then stay.”
“Okay,” Buck gets to his feet, tosses the half eaten bar in the trash. Eddie’s house has food. His home has things to eat.
“Okay,” Eddie says, confident now, everything decided, everything for sure. “I’ll see you soon.
“Minutes,” Buck says, grabbing his keys, half running to the door. “I’ll be there in minutes.”
“Minutes,” Eddie says back. And Buck can hear his smile.
#my writing#your lives are spared from buck mcd a little longer#man i started writing this before bi buck was a real thing!! thats crazy!! he’s bi for real now and has kissed a real dude!#slowly. slowly. one day. i will do all the prompts from that soft prompts list. i should probably post the ones I haven’t done again#let you guys send requests in#i think i might actually still have some in my inbox but again. from like a full calendar year ago#so I’ll give you another opportunity
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Y’all should watch The Edge of Sleep…
#fanart for a piece of media ive loved for about 3.5 years now#The Edge Of Sleep show is finally out and all of yall should consider watching it!#It’s on Amazon Prime and if you love horror#you’ll love this#it started as a podcast then became a book and now it’s a show!#if you watch it and like it tell your friends about it!#its really good guys trust#anyways have some art for it#it’s been fuckin years since I’ve drawn mark#but I think this came out good enough#the edge of sleep#the edge of sleep fanart#the edge of sleep on prime#markiplier#QCODE#mark fischbach#markiplier fanart#not starcanpulpwrecked#sorryyyy#don’t worry tho- I’ve got more stuff on the way#just took a break from it to do this#my art
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