#i should go to sleep it's really late
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changing the world one smilling ratio at a time
#hsr#aventio#dr ratio#aventurine#draw tag#can't believe i made myself feel gender envy over a fictional character#trans ratio real and i will die on that hill#not to say that aventurine isn't trans either cuz he most definitely is. my lil enby fella <33333#i should go to sleep it's really late
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i think the "it's rotten work. not to me, not if it's you" quote feels different when you're disabled or neurodivergent or ill in some way. in some translations we get the context that Orestes is specifically worried that it's disgusting or unpleasant to touch someone who's sick.
Philip Vellacott (1972)
David Kovacs (2002)
Orestes, even when talking to someone so close to him, cant help but feel like a weight to those who love him. he sees himself as disgusting, revolting to look at or to touch. a burden to be taken care of.
and while in many translations Pylades replies with "Not for me", in some he also just reaffirms he will do it.
William Arrowsmith (1958)
Kenneth McLeish (1997)
Pylades doesn't care whether the task is hard, unpleasant. I'll do it. he cares for Orestes and he will take care of him regardless of how difficult it might be. what Pylades is saying with Not for me, not if it's you, is that even if Orestes feels like a burden himself, Pylades doesn't see taking care of him as a burden, and even if it is, he will do it anyway. because he loves him no matter what.
not to me if its you because i want to take care of you. because its you. because i care about you. because i want to do it for you.
#okay i should sleep soon#i feel silly posting this. can you tell ive been really sad lately#im going through stuff and now suddenly related to That One Overused Quote#🧃.txt
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i'm gonna be honest every day when i come back home i like. Immediately get hit with a minimum of 2 things that i Need to do (eating and getting work done and what not) and it is like my body is being inflicted with damage over time because it feels too overwhelming knowing i have many tasks to do even though they're. Are literally daily tasks everyone can do in minutes. but it just feels like too much at once even though each task would take so little. But i cannot help it and i end up wasting about 4 hours rotting in bed or doing not what i'm supposed to do and then feeling terrible about not doing shit that i needed to and "oh i Have to make up for it tomorrow i will GET EVERYTHING DONE IMMEDIATELY ONCE I GET HOME"
you'll never fucking guess what happens Again. Dude.
#this isn't really a vent but like. I am just so confused about why this keeps happening. It is like my body shuts down#whenever i have a task. Like Hey. Washing a singular dish isn't the end of the world nor should you just spin around the room for hours#it is so frustrating because i can't get anything done or i only start to work when it is far too late and i have to go to sleep#hey mind yomo. Stop With This Bullshit and let me do what i want#yomoposting#i just wish to know what thw fuck is wrong with me. And why my body responds to tasks like this.#i had never been to a therapist or a psychologist or anything like that so i have zero idea if this is even normal
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I'll tell you what's happening down there (I'm down there given him the sloppenheimer)
ah I’ll wait in line then, dibs on next 🤭
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Spambots are really pissing me off... And so I created this.
#qcard#q star trek#star trek#q/picard#star trek memes#qcard mem#it's late and i spend 10 (or more) minut on this- priorities#i really should go to sleep#but qcard especially q lives in my head rent free#star trek q#jean luc picard#Q for sure would do that#not a reblog#jean-luc picard
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stay warm okay
#doodles#tighnari#collei#i was going to draw tighnari getting really excited about the plant and collei going like :-] yeah its a nice plant#but its late and i should sleep so its just there#goodnight o7#beating the can't draw every day allegations <-- (he has the illouness)#m
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i think i tapped on the explore page by accident some minutes ago, i've been scrolling for a good sec like 'why is this on my dash. i don't know any of these people. what's going on' lmfsvh
#just me hi#i was really scrolling like 'man i do i need to start unfollowing people' before i Realized something was Wrong hkdjvhgv#idek how i did that. for a moment i was in a poor (quality) alternate dimension hkfkshvj#//anywho 'm gonna be going to bed in a bit :)#12 is about the time i should go to sleep... but also i've been doing pretty well going to sleep late n waking up at pretty reasonable hour#turns out when i'm much better at managing my own sleep times than i thought! whodda thought after all this time hbfhsh#//mnmnm also i'm getting back into actually enjoying writing lol :33#took me a sec bc oooh has it been fooooreeeever bfsh !! but yea i'm figuring out how to like it again :>>#i had what i believe to be a reasonable amount of description for a scene(in hindsight anyway lmfsh) and was like 'ohh but is this annoying#and then the thought of 'oh wait. i'm writing for me and one other guy (also me)'#so it haaaas been pleasant :33#i'm trying to practice my pacing n stuff... my punctuation has gotten a bit rusty too so that as well :)#//oh i haven't worked on my background stuff...#year's almost done and i think i've done 1 full background i think. that's a bit crazy hkfshv#gotta make up for that !! it's gonna suck prolly but i'm gonna do it >:3#mmmmmmmmmmmmm yea i'll do that after the yellow piece tomorrow :>#i've already got some of the guidelines for that down so ~!!~#//ouh the tea Got Me#going to poof now.. tooodles .w./
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sleepy but don't want to go to bed bc that means i have to go to work when i wake up
#at a weird-ass time too 😭#excuuuuuse me i dont wanna start my shift at 8am that is 2 hours late!!!!#but they don't really have a choice bc of curfews still in place :((((#eventually we'll lose the curfews and go back to regular hours but idk WHEN that will be#i know i should sleep but urgh#shh ac
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Anyone else ever look in a mirror and think "wow, that person is so pretty! But that's not me though."
#aaaggh#its weird! i feel weird!#like yes that face is very pretty but thats not me#i miss looking like a donkey (╥﹏╥)#it may have been conventionally unattractive but i liked it#and im the only opinion that really matters to me tbh at least when comes to my looks#aghh i should've never let my dad make me feel insecure enough to get braces#i wanna look like a fish donkey again!!!#and i swear if i hear “wow your whole face structure changed seince you got the braces!”#or “wow you're so much prettier now!”#im going to loose it#like fuck off i dont care#“oh your so beautiful! you'd look perfect if you had straight teeth. its such a shame your ugly ass teeth ruin your perfect face”#-my dad#like fuck off i dont care about looking pretty or whatever I. liked. looking. like. a. donkey fish thing#aghh its so frustrating#ugh its late i should sleep#i miss my face
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Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.
#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week#anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week#ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!!#theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄''#like yeah actually you do#if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY#yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable#whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights#right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request#then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄''#like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil.#anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now#it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations
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Just realized that I unconsciously created a really nice thing with Grian, Pearl and Jimmy that I didn't even notice until right now.
In the beginning of Even Gods Cry I mentioned that Grian really likes the stars. He knows every constellation and can map out the entire night sky with ease. Pearl is the exact same with the moon and she can throw out any little fact about the moon with ease. In Watcher lore that I've seen the stars and moon are often used as ways that the Watchers observe.
In a complete opposite way Jimmy loves the sun. I haven't published the chapter yet, but it's mentioned that Jimmy is obsessed with the sun. The sun has no ties to the Watchers, in fact it almost replaces them, shuts them out when they've been watching all night.
The three siblings are the sun, the moon, and the stars and I think that really explains them. Two are drawn to the night, and they are the ones that are influenced by the Watcher's most dramatically in this fic while Jimmy has nothing to with them.
Just some thoughts really.
#this probably doesn't make much sense#but it's like really late for me and I should be sleeping#but my little brain wasn't letting me go until I figured this out#so here you go#grian#pearlescentmoon#jimmy solidarity#hczombieau
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Well now how am I supposed to go to bed like this
#speculation nation#tally#june bug#cats#it's 5 am. i did sleep for 3.5 hours. but it is getting late enough. that i really should go to bed already.#my babies though 🥺🥺🥺 theyre both here 🥺🥺🥺🥺 with me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
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Bowtie Charm! Inspired by @zarla-s‘ super cute rendition hehe 💕 (Patreon)
Bonus collar breakdowns:
Changes depending on the doodle!
#Doodles#Villainsona#Just Desserts#And a couple other sonas! Haha#Very yays and thank yous again for the trade ♥ She's so cute hehe#She doesn't normally wear a bowtie but her collar can look a lot like it at times!#I decided to go all in to see just how she Would look with a bowtie and the answer is cute! I for one am shocked#My bowties tend to be quite poofy huh always very rounded - Charm's collar tapers kinda almond shaped#I'm still not entirely sure how the double-tapered look works.... It's scalloped >.> That's what I always say lol#Really she probably would and should have the Mandarin collar - possibly more scalloping >:3c - I just go outside the margins a lot haha#I've drawn her once or twice with the butterfly collar tho! Where her collar dips down into her spiderweb pattern at the top of her shirt!#It's a really cute shape ahhh it works best with my lineless stuff but even here I think it turned out nice! :D Cute! Pretty!#Butterfly in a spiderweb........wings something something much to think about#Butterfly were 100% my gateway into finding bugs and eventually spiders cool so there you go symbolism-wise lol#Still remember being too excited to sleep as a littley on the promise of going to a butterfly house the next day hehe <3 Love 'em!#Fullbody as well - the larger dot in the middle of her kneepad in Zarla's looks like a donut to me so I had to try that out too!#Smol's actually been talking about making a donut/eclaire-themed JD Resident lately I can't steal her thunder hehe ♪ Oh just this once#Donut kneepads probably would offer a good bit of support that cookie kneepads don't huh :0 Less pressure right on the kneecap#All the cutes! Though I did keep her double-scalloped thigh-high shoes I can't help it they're my favourite haha#And ending off with the other two Bowtie Sonas! Hall of Mirrors definitely deserves that moniker she was introduced with that as a feature#And their cane but pfsh details - the important part is the bowtie! And they have that!#Will's is just to break up his design a bit haha - I think Erase has the same style of bowtie now that I think of it??#White on white tucked into the jacket... Hm!#Always love a trio or duo or however ♪ The fun the fun ♫
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HEY
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3#the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33#//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms#like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs#//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally#i need to digitize more of these. Because#though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to#change that lol :)#also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs#was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950#which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing]#1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :>#//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh#nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3#stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe#by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control]#//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way#/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol-#i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>>#i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere#even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol#i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs#//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>
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#:- (#i feel bad#vent#and i know i shoudl go to bed and that im gonna be so tired tomorrow#i never sleep enough snd im always tired#but i just really really hate going to sleep idk why#and im just sad now about stuff that i thought i could shake off like i used to do with everythign#its like ive somehow gotten even more sensitive#and thats crazy because ive always been an overemotional wreck#but i used to be able to bottle it up and ignore it and hide it#but i suck at it now#and i hate it#i just want to ignore it but it keeps popping back into my head and i cant#and its so late and i should go to sleep so i can get up tomorrow and not feel completely dead but#i just want to. do the things ive told myself not to and i dont want to because im trying not to do it but i really want to#i feel bad and its gonna feel better now but i know that afterwards im just gonna be upset about it but itll be good rn and i feel bad#idk#why would anyone ever be my friend#i wish i would rot to death
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