#i should be greatful i AM greatful its just. one day of people consistently not even letting me pay them back a little. its driving me nuts.

[hampterguts]

i wish death wasnt a concept for me i want to be kissed and beaten senseless i want to feel my face separate into pieces on the walls and i still want to be kissed raw and bloody

[earlyspringtranscendence]

btw i think one of the most impt hobbies in the world is having a mostly non-existent, mostly self indulgent crush on a professor/lecturer just to zone out to their classes to and focus instead on their hair and their hands and their dark circles speaking NAWT from experience. maybe a little bit.

[selkiesongss]

listen. when it comes to which manifestation of magic would choose sam, i'll admit that seegenpelater is the obvious answer. i get it, i do! like lou mentioned in today's AP, it's literally persuasion magic, obviously that meshes well with sam's magical strengths

HOWEVER !!! i am a firm believer that at her core, sam is more aligned with miskoro (alteration) than seegenpelater

lengthy and incoherent rambling below the cut

as @/wanderingsoftly noted in an earlier post of theirs on this topic, sam's very first spell was transmuting lint into a sundae. i'd like to point out that when given the reality-warping powers of magic, she doesn't think to just poof a sundae into existence - her first thought is to use the lint from her pocket as some kind of equivalent(ish) exchange.

i see this mindset of 'work with what you've got' as a huge part of sam's character, since in her interactions with both the pilot program and the world, she always meets people where they're at. she consistently matches people's energies in a way that neither diminishes nor amplifies, but in a way that illuminates. i think the clearest manifestation of that is in her local charm effect- she doesn't try to be likeable, her presence is just so warm and kind that you can't help but be disarmed. you bare your soul to her, and she responds with a compassionate and tender understanding that opens up an entirely new world of possibilities.

sam sheds light on the ugly, harsh edges of a person and embraces them as they are- not to be romanticized but not to be neglected either. she's an amazing friend when life is good and a safe haven when life gets rough; she was there for jammer when he took on alexis the dragon's curse, for k after they accidentally killed evan, and for evan when he was still a shadow haunting a pair of shoes. there is no aspect of humanity that sam butler/black/britain is too afraid to hold, because no burden is too great to be shared.

with that being said, i'll try to get to my actual argument.

sam is undeniably magnetic, able to compel demons into releasing their grip on evan's soul, and i'm not going to dismiss that at all! sam's ability to influence the people around her is a fundamental part of her character, but i think it's important to draw a distinction between being magically persuasive and being naturally persuasive, as sam usually falls into the latter category.

as for why that distinction is important, it's a matter of intention.

the magic of seegenpelater is inherently subjective, taking perceived reality and molding it into illusory shapes at the whims of its user. on the other hand, the magic of miskoro is inherently objective; its alterations are exactly what they present themselves to be. as we've seen on weugan, sam is deeply opposed to projecting her desires onto others and seegenpelater is entirely antithetical to that. in contrast, miskoro represents the honest potential to change- which sam has always kindled in those around her- and i think that perfectly aligns with who she is at her core.

sam has been helping people out since day one. she provides the warmth and safety they need to grow past their fixed ideas about who they should be and into who they could be. she's been a sailor moon fangirl, a twitch streamer, a scuppers player, a television host, a celebrity, the world's greatest wizard, and only the qohlye knows who she'll be next!

sam butler/black/britain is a woman who treats surnames like haute couture, a wizard perpetually moving forward, unbridled by the threat of stagnation, and i am deeply obsessed with her. somebody please sedate me.

anyway save my girl from cannibal island PLEASE !!!! drop by purble place and get some dope ass alchemy powers instead :3

LET SAM COMMIT CRIMES AGAINST THE NATURAL SCIENCES '24

[circus4apsycho8]

knife to meet you. | cole x reader | chapter iii

A/N: I don't know what's wrong with me, but I've been CONSISTENTLY WRITING???? And I'm already starting the fourth chapter for this fic??? What is happening!!

Anyways, chapter 3 is here! I hope you all enjoy. Thank for all of your support so far!

Masterlist for this Fic

Wind batters the ancient walls of the monastery, silence creeping through the hallways as you down the remnants of your morning beverage. Nya and the ninja are nowhere to be found, and you’ve yet to see Wu today. On any other day, the silence wouldn’t have bothered you, but something is…off, somehow. You can’t put your finger on it, but something in the atmosphere is suffocating.

After you finish cleaning up, you decide you need some fresh air. You’d been meaning to explore other parts of the mountain anyway. Tucked underneath your arm is a blanket, your medical bag in your other hand as you proceed to the exit. You’ve probably just been cooped up too long.

Just before you’re about to exit the monastery, your peripheral vision catches motion from one of the open rooms. Halting, you glance at the source.

Sensei Wu is kneeled in his meditation room, thumbing through a photo album. Next to him rests his tea kettle, steaming with his latest brew as he gazes at the people in the photographs. The elderly man senses that you’ve stopped, eyes lifting from the photo album as he snaps it shut.

Realizing that you might be intruding, your eyes widen. “I’m sorry, Sensei. I hope I didn’t interrupt.”

Wu shakes his head, closing the album and pushing it to the side. “Oh, you’re not interrupting. I was about to check on the dragons anyway.”

As Wu reaches for his teacup, you can’t help but glance back at the album. Printed on its worn, muted gold cover is the symbol for Creation - you remember seeing the same symbol in one of Mystake’s books. Underneath that symbol is another one - this one stands for remembrance.

Interesting.

Sensei rises from his position, accompanying you down the hall. In one hand, he carries his bamboo staff while his tea kettle hangs from his other arm. “Have you been settling in well?”

“Yeah! Everything’s been going great,” you answer as the two of you approach the sliding doors.

“I am glad to hear it. Change is neutral and carries no regard for those it affects. Adjusting can be difficult, so I’m glad everything is working out so far,” he muses as you pull the doors open with your free hand.

Not to your surprise, the ninja are nowhere in the courtyard; in their absence lies an empty, eerily silent training course. “Where’d the guys go? I haven’t seen them all morning.”

Sensei Wu pushes a button on one of the monastery support beams. In response, the obstacle course retreats into the ground. “They went out earlier, to investigate something Zane found last night. I’m not sure when they’ll return.”

“I see. Well, I’m going to go look for ingredients for potions. Everything I need should be on the mountain, so I won’t be far in case they need patching up after.”

“Ah, ingredients, you say? You’re welcome to use some of the herbs from my tea garden, if you like,” he says.

“You have a tea garden?” you say, grinning at Wu.

“Certainly. Mystake’s tea blends are the best in Ninjago, and her brand is the only one I drink. However, I’ve yearned to create my own brand of tea for some time now. So, I learned how to grow my own herbs and have been trying to craft the perfect tea recipe ever since.”

“I see,” you reply, tilting your head in thought. “You know…part of my work at Mystake’s shop involved me helping out with her tea blends. So, if you need help, I’d be willing to lend a hand.”

Wu considers your offer, a thoughtful expression on his face as he nods. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

…

It only takes you about fifteen minutes to find Wu’s garden, and an additional half hour for the ingredients you need. The fresh air helps clear your head, ridding you of that strange, oppressive atmosphere you’d felt earlier.

Why do I feel so weird today? you wonder as you pull open the massive courtyard gates. I’ve probably just been cooped up in here too long. Maybe I can go out with Nya later.

An herbal scent draws you back into the present, beckoning your gaze towards the source. Sensei Wu sits in front of a stand filled with incense sticks, pale smoke ascending to the sky. Deciding not to disturb him, you return to your room.

A flurry of motion flinches when you push the door open. You jump in response, realizing Nya is back. She must have been hard at work over her desk, if the series of writing utensils and blueprints on her desk say anything.

“Nya,” you realize, chuckling at the scare. “You’re back.”

“You scared me!” she exclaims, settling a hand over her chest as she laughs. “Yeah, sorry. I went to check on the dragons this morning, and you were still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I see,” you say, setting your bag next to your bed and coming to sit next to her. “What are you working on?”

The black-haired girl grins, rotating the pencil in her grip so that she can tap the eraser on the page of schematics. “Well, a few different things. First of all, the last mission made me realize that we need some form of long-distance communication. I’m thinking maybe earpieces? That way, the ninja can wear them underneath their hoods, and they wouldn’t be super bulky,” she frowns, tracing the outline of her sketches. “For me, I’m going to rig my bracelet into a communicator. We’ll have to figure out something for you. But we can wait to decide on that until I’m further in the design process.”

You nod in acknowledgement, scanning her notes and sketches. You don’t really understand any of it, but it’s still cool to look at. “Wow…this looks complex. Having a way to communicate over long distances would be helpful, though.”

She flicks the pencil back onto the paper, swiveling towards you as she shakes her writing wrist out. “I hope they’ll help. The designs are going to be a bitch to make, but I think Jay and I can swing it.” She punctuates her sentence with a sigh. “How about you? What have you been up to? I know it’s kind of a slow day until they get back.”

“I just gathered some herbs from that small section of forest up here,” you reply, shrugging. “I’m going to try and mix some medicines later on.”

Nya nods, swiveling back towards her work. “Got it. Maybe when they return, and you’ve patched them up, we can go out. There’s something I want to show that I’ve been working on, but it’s kind of far-”

“Nya?” interrupts Sensei’s muffled voice from the hallway. You and Nya glance at each other, the urgency in Sensei Wu’s tone alarming you. The two of you hop out of your chairs, rushing over to the door.

Before Nya even gets the door all the way open, she starts responding. “Sensei, what is it?!”

“The ninja are in trouble,” Wu answers, clutching an aged flute in one hand. “I had a smoke vision of them. We must go help them.”

“Got it,” Nya turns to you. “We’ll be back as fast as we can!”

“Okay. Be careful!” you call as the two rush down the hallway.

An overwhelming sense of helplessness overcomes you as you pace around the monastery. All of your potions are already prepared, so there’s not much you can do in terms of prep. It’s a matter of waiting now, which is the worst part.

Biting your lip, you pace around the monastery, your medical bag slung over your shoulder and at the ready. It probably hasn’t even been ten minutes since Nya and Wu left, yet it feels like it’s been hours. Nya was right about the team needing communication devices - not knowing what’s going on is eating at you.

Maybe I’ll just wait outside so I can see when they get back, you think, heading for the front sliding door.

Pushing your bag out of the way, you move to open the door. To your surprise, it doesn’t budge.

“What the hell?” you mumble, hands drifting to the lock. Just as you thought, it isn’t latched. So why isn’t it opening?

Uneasiness creeps throughout your tummy as you tug on the door one more time, frowning at its refusal to open. Something deep inside your gut tells you that the chill of the draft isn’t the reason why the hairs on your skin are standing.

“Something is coming. Be careful,” whispers an unfamiliar, feminine voice. You jump, gasping at the nearness of her words. When you swivel your head, however, it reveals no one else in the hallway with you. Words freeze in your throat as you shake your head, trying to get ahold of yourself.

“What’s coming? Who are you? Are you the lady I saw outside?” you wonder, voice cracking a little as you try the door again. It’s still not opening.

“Yes. Snakes. I cannot hold this form for long. Please prepare.” With that, the atmosphere lightens as the presence evaporates. You swallow at the lady’s warning, questions buzzing about your mind.

Man…what would Mystake say if she were in your position? She’d tell me to listen to my body and instinct. She always said that if you feel as if something is wrong, then you’re probably right, and to never doubt your intuition.

You don’t feel threatened by…whoever that was, and you wouldn’t put it past the serpentine to try and steal their staff back. You decide to heed her warning; you can always try to figure out who she is later. But how are you supposed to prepare for an attack? The only thing you can think to do is lock the gate. Not to mention that you’re still learning the monastery’s layout.

Your mentor’s words echo in your mind: Don’t freeze. Make a decision. Doing something is better than doing nothing.

Swallowing your fear, you try the door again. This time, it swings open. You dash towards the gate, holding your medical bag steady against your side. With a grunt, you swing the swiveling wooden latch into place.

Autopilot kicks in when you realize that the snakes will probably ransack the place looking for their staff. It’s too bad you didn’t see where Sensei Wu hid it, otherwise you could take it with you.

Running through the memories of items you recall everyone using, you decide to collect sentimental items that can fit in your bag. You manage to grab Jay and Nya’s blueprints, the siblings’ twin, custom-made knives, a container of Kai’s hair gel, Cole’s art supplies, Jay’s handheld gaming console and invention journal, a few of Zane’s books, and Sensei Wu’s photo album.

Mental note to thank Mystake for making this bag so big, you think when the zipper closes your packed bag with ease.

As soon as you finish, the ground shakes in response to something booming outside. You gasp as shouts emanate from the direction of the courtyard, eyes widening when you realize you’ll be the first thing the serpentine see if they get inside.

So much for the gate.

At the thought, you dash through the monastery, ducking inside the guys’ room and locking the door. Thankfully, your memory was right - they do have a window, and outside of it, there’s just enough room for you to walk around the perimeter.

“Find the staff!” commands a voice - this time, a familiar one. Maybe one of the snakes you and Nya eavesdropped on at Jamanakai? “Burn this pathetic place to the ground! Ensure the ninja have no home to return to!”

As soon as the leader stops talking, chaos ensues: the snakes cry out, immediately tearing the building apart. Glass shatters, footsteps thunder through the halls, furniture is torn and ripped apart.

With no time to waste, you slide the windowpane up. Shrugging your bag off your shoulder, you push it through the window first. After giving yourself a boost on the bunk beds’ nightstand, you manage to haul yourself through.

Your landing is ungraceful, but it works. A grunt escapes you as you pick yourself back up, grabbing your bag again before looking around. You’re on the back portion of the mountain now, and there’s not much room for you to walk on. There are only a few feet between the monastery walls and the edge of the mountain, so you follow the walls.

Fear tightens your throat, wind whipping against your skin as you work your way along the side of the monastery. You force your gaze to remain on the path, paying no heed to the mountain’s looming height. As you walk, a smoky scent starts drifting about the air as the chaos inside rages on. Even so, you continue forward.

To your dismay, once you round the corner, your pathway ends. It’s blocked by a windowed wall of the monastery, meaning that you’re going to have to cut through inside. Cursing underneath your breath, you crouch down underneath the kitchen window. You need a plan.

Okay…where should you go, first of all? Everyone else is gone, so you’re on your own, and you sure as hell don’t stand a chance against the snakes. You wrack your mind for a solution before recalling something that Nya and Wu said earlier.

“The dragons!” you realize. Sensei Wu said he had wanted to check on them earlier, meaning that the ninja hadn’t taken them on their mission. If you can make it there, you could hunker down with them. Unless the serpentine thought to light the keep on fire too…

You shake that thought away, deciding to tackle one problem at a time.

Decision made, you peek through the kitchen window. From what you can see, it’s clear for the moment, but thick plumes of dark smoke have gathered above. Flames have consumed the left hallway, meaning that you’ll have to make a break for the keep from one of the windows facing the courtyard.

First Spinjitzu Master, help me. Here goes nothing.

You’re not so lucky with this window - it’s locked. You reach down into the pockets of your bag, pulling out a knife you’d taken from the ninja’s room. The hilt seems hefty enough to shatter the glass. With a grunt, you slam the butt of the blade down onto the glass, flinching as it shatters. Glass pools at your feet, the noise drowned out by the chaos emanating from the main side of the monastery.

Tucking the knife back in your bag, you start climbing into the monastery. Remnants of glass nick your hands as you hoist yourself inside, leaving your palms stinging and bloody. Heat singes your skin as you rush towards the other window, smoke ravaging your lungs and throat. Through coughing fits, you make it to the window and manage to unlock it.

Once you push it up, you spot a group of snakes huddled near the front of the monastery. The path past the gate seems clear otherwise; you just have to make it. Hopefully the dragons can bail you out if the snakes chase you.

Okay. Here you go.

Initially, the snakes don’t notice you clambering through the window, too focused on watching the monastery burn. You immediately break into a sprint, bag jostling against your torso as you pass the gate despite your efforts to keep it steady. Voices shout from behind you, but you don’t stop to look back. Instead, you run faster, lungs burning as you resist the urge to cough again.

When you make it to the stretch leading to the keep, you force yourself to keep your eyes ahead. You don’t focus on the fact that you could tumble to your death with a single misstep.

Your heart breaks when you realize the serpentine had lit the dragon cave on fire. Roars pierce the air, prompting you to scramble for the lever embedded in the wall.

“Fuck!” you yell when the lever turns out to be harder to pull than you anticipated. The blood on your hands isn’t helping either; your grip keeps slipping. Frustrated, you fish a medical towel from one of your bag’s many pockets, using it to secure your grip. Adrenaline rushes your muscles when you hear the serpentine approaching. “Come on!”

With a strangled cry, you finally manage to pull it all the way down. Gears screech from within the cave, the wooden gates retreating into the earth moments later. Shard and Wisp stomp out of the cave, immediately taking flight while Rocky lingers behind, stepping out of the fiery portion. He growls at something behind you, prompting you to turn around.

You gasp when you see a snake closing in on you. He wields a twin set of katanas, zeroing in on you. What he fails to notice is Shard hovering in the air across from you, the dragon’s powerful wings pumping gusts of wind in your direction. Icy blue breath erupts from his jaws, freezing the snake solid against the mountain.

“Thank you, Shard!” you yell, voice hoarse. He roars in response, ascending to the top of the mountain and leaving you with the remaining dragon. “Rocky! Are you okay?!”

The dragon whines, nuzzling your hand when you pet him. He crouches, lowering his wing to the ground. You waste no time climbing atop the dragon, sitting in Cole’s usual spot. Thankfully, Rocky doesn’t wait for you to take the reins. Once you’ve got a secure grip on him, he rushes out of the flame-filled cave, wings taking it from there.

Tears gather in your eyes when you spot the monastery completely ablaze. Rocky hangs back so that you’re not exposed to the whelm of smoke rising above the mountain, letting Wisp and Shard take turns blasting ice or sparks at the remaining serpentine. The bastards finally seem to be retreating, but the damage is done; what remains of the monastery is nothing more than a pile of flaming rubble and debris.

“I can’t believe it…” you mumble, watching as Shard begins spraying the remaining flames with his icy breath. “It’s…it’s gone.”

Rocky responds with a mournful growl, coasting on the air as he circles the mountain. You blink a few times, your surroundings not feeling real anymore. Dizziness sways your vision as the events replay, mind having trouble processing everything.

Rocky deems the mountain safe enough for you to land a few minutes later, gently descending to the ground. When you slide off his back, he nuzzles his snout into your shoulder.

“Thank you,” you whisper, petting his scales a few times. Rocky merely leans into your touch, sorrow lacing his eyes.

You collapse to your knees, pulling the strap of your bag off your body as Rocky lays down next to you. With the adrenaline wearing off, your skin is starting to sting with the mild burns you probably got inside the monastery. Even so, you elect to hold off on using any supplies until the ninja have been treated.

With the back of your hand, you pet Rocky. He closes his eyes at your touch, adjusting his head so that he’s resting on his forelegs. Another soft dragon groan from your other side catches your attention, a draconic shadow looming over you. Turning, you spot Shard slinking up to you.

“What is it?” you wonder. You swear these dragons can understand you.

Shard sidles up next to you, enveloping you with his wing from behind. The chill from his freezing body temperature numbs the burns on your skin, making you sigh in relief.

“That’s…that’s better. Thank you, Shard.”

Wisp wanders in front of you, growling softly as he lowers his snout to you. Not wanting to leave him out, you give him a few reassuring pets.

For a while, you simply process the event alongside three dragons as you wait for the others. Your thoughts zigzag to miscellaneous questions: what would the others say when they returned? Where are they? Are they hurt? Who (or what) warned you about the serpentine? Was there anything you could have done to stop the serpentine from burning the monastery down?

Your thoughts are interrupted when Shard retracts his wing, standing at attention. Rocky gently bumps your shoulder with his snout, urging you to stand. Obliging, you study the dragons’ reactions. It takes you a minute or so, but finally you hear the distant roar of Flame approaching.

To your relief, everyone is aboard the dragon. Okay, that’s good at least: no one seems critically injured. You and the dragons step to the side when Flame hovers overhead, sailing down once he has a clear area to land.

The ninja are the first to descend, surveying the area as they flip their hoods off. Jay, Cole, and Zane make their way to their respective dragons, making sure they’re okay.

“Our home…” Kai mumbles, trailing off as he processes the damage. Nya rushes out from his side, making her way over to you.

“Are you okay?!” Nya questions, gesturing to the mild burns on your skin. “Oh, god, one of us should have stayed with you.”

“I’m fine. You couldn’t have known. Is everyone else okay?”

“Just a few bumps. But this…” Nya trails off as everyone gathers together. Grief and shock bubble in the atmosphere, merging into a tension that has you fidgeting.

“The training equipment, gone…” Zane murmurs, petting Shard as he looks around.

“Our video games! Gone!” Jay cries.

“They stole their staff back,” Sensei Wu realizes. You remember what he told you about the monastery; it had been standing for thousands of years, and had been his childhood home. You can’t even begin to imagine the loss he’s experiencing.

“What do we do now?” Cole wonders, returning Rocky’s nuzzle with an embrace of his own.

The tension snaps when Kai crushes a piece of charred wood in his grasp, expression darkening as he swivels towards Zane. “If you hadn't followed that silly bird, none of this would've happened!”

“Kai…” Wu warns.

Fed up, Jay shakes his head. “No, Sensei, he's right! Because of you, my high score has been deleted!”

Zane’s expression falters as his teammates begin accusing him of something he couldn’t control. “This is a teaching moment. We must learn from this!”

Cole throws his hands up in the air, defeat scrawled on his expression. “A ‘teaching moment’? What's wrong with you? Don't you get it?! Everything is gone!”

You step in front of Zane, expression hardening. It’s not fair that they’re blaming all of this on him; Zane couldn’t have known the serpentine were going to attack.

Coming to the white ninja’s defense, you argue: “Not everything is gone. I managed to save a few sentimental items before they ransacked the building. And if you’re going to blame anybody, blame me. I was here, but I couldn’t stop them. Maybe there was something I could have done to prevent this from happening. Zane couldn’t have known they were going to burn the place down!”

Nya joins you, hands on her hips as she scowls at the guys. “Without Zane, you guys wouldn’t have found Lloyd’s hideout.” She steps up to her older brother, meeting his accusatory glare with one just as stubborn. “We could have planned this out better, but we didn’t. We’re all at fault here, and we’re going to learn from this.”

Sensei Wu steps in, gesturing for everyone to separate. You all do so, lining up together. “Yes, we are all at fault. Ninja, Zane is your brother. Apologize at once.”

Silence overcomes the groups, anger dissipating.. Kai turns first, regret lacing his eyes as he starts: “I’m sorry, Zane. I-”

When Kai trails off, everyone turns to look for the mentioned ninja. To your surprise, Zane is nowhere to be found. Neither is Shard.

“Zane?” Jay wonders, confusion lacing his tone.

“There,” Nya says, pointing to the sky. Off in the distance, you see Zane and Shard sailing through the air.

Sensei Wu sighs, rubbing his temples. “He will come back when he is ready, and you three will apologize to him. We may have lost our home, but we have not and will not lose each other. No matter how dire the circumstances are, we will never turn on each other. Disagreements are bound to happen, but we must learn to address them in a more productive manner. Let us take this experience to reflect on what we have lost and how to prevent something like this from happening again.”

“Yes, Sensei,” everyone replies in unison.

Sensei Wu nods, making his way towards the path to the dragon keep. “Good. I would like to have a few minutes alone here. Please head for the Mountains of Impossible Height; I will catch up shortly.”

“Yes, Sensei.”

As the guys head for the staircase, you gesture for Nya to stay with you. She quirks an eyebrow, wondering what you need.

“Can you grab the photo album out of my bag? My hands are still kind of bloody,” you request, glancing at the dried bits of blood sticking to your skin.

“Oh, yeah,” she says, unzipping your bag and fishing the book out.

“Sensei, before we go, I wanted to give you your photo album. I was able to grab it before I had to escape,” you say, watching as your friend hands the mentioned item to Wu.

“Ah…you saved our pictures,” he says, voice low as he accepts the album. “Many of us had irreplaceable photos in here. Thank you for bringing these to me.”

“You’re welcome, Sensei.”

Nya smiles softly, tugging on your bicep as she bids Wu goodbye: “Take your time, Sensei.”

…

An hour or so later, the six of you make the hike up to Sensei’s specified location. The dragons fly your group up the steeper bits. Eventually, you all find a spot big enough to sport everyone and the dragons.

Silence overcomes the group after Cole gives everyone a task to focus on. He and Kai are setting up a makeshift tent together while Jay and Nya search for firewood. You’re tasked with finding edible plants in a nearby forest.

To avoid smearing your blood on everything, you pull on a pair of blue medical grade gloves when picking the plants. You leave your bag back at camp, grateful for the chance to give your sore shoulders a break from its weight.

Finding edible plants doesn’t take long considering how small the patch of forest is. Nearly fifteen minutes later, you return with an armful of potion ingredients, edible plants, and supplies. Kai and Cole have finished with the tent, and Jay and Nya appear to be finishing up with the firewood. As you bump into the others, you hand out the items you saved in hopes it would bring up the mood a bit.

Kai and Nya are first: for the siblings, you were able to grab some of Nya’s blueprints as well as a twin pair of custom-made daggers: one for Kai, and the other for Nya. The engravings and color on the blades differ, but they’re the same shape. You wonder if they came from the siblings’ blacksmith shop. Kai is also relieved to see that you managed to save one container of his hair gel, replying: “At least my hair won’t suffer!”

For Jay, you were able to save some of his blueprints, a journal filled to the brim with invention idea sketches, and a handheld gaming console that was in its travel case when you’d grabbed it. Jay thanks you with glassy eyes when you hand him his belongings, telling you that the journal and console were gifts from his parents.

Of Zane’s possessions, you were able to save three old books. Despite their age, they appear to be well cared for. You hope he’ll be back soon.

Lastly, you have a sketchbook and a set of art supplies that you suspect are Cole’s. You spot the black ninja shuffling the firewood that Jay and Nya collected over to the finished tent.

“Hey,” you greet, keeping your voice low as you approach him. “How are you holding up?”

Once he finishes tying a knot, Cole looks over to you. “Hey. I’m…okay, considering the circumstances.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he surveys the tent. “How about you?”

You shrug, gently tracing the line of your gloved palm with a finger. “I’m okay. I wanted to give you this,” you reply, taking his sketchbook and art supplies from your bag. “I was able to save it before they fully ransacked the place.”

Cole’s fingertips brush yours as he accepts his belongings, a ghost of a smile twitching over his lips. “My sketchbook…thank you.”

“Not a problem,” you reply, withdrawing your hand. No longer under the cover of the items, your gloves are now visible. Some of your bloodstains have darkened the blue fabric from underneath, making Cole frown.

The black ninja tucks his sketchbook and case of supplies underneath his arm. “Your hands… Did they hurt you?”

“Oh, no. This was just from me having to climb through a busted window. Some of the glass shards were still on the frame when I grabbed it.”

Cole cringes at the story, stare still not averting. “Here, guide me through your method of bandaging. Where are your supplies?”

You chuckle, shaking your head. “No, Cole, don’t worry about it. I can do it.”

The raven-haired male shoots you a funny look, shaking his head in response. “Come on, you’ve done it for me like…eighty times already, and you haven’t even been here for a month yet. At least teach me how to do it in case we have to administer first aid if we’re on the field.”

“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of my job?” you wonder.

“Not if you’re far away,” he counters, spotting your bag a few feet away. You follow him, realizing that the Golden Weapons (minus Zane’s shurikens) were placed next to it while you were in the forest, all resting on the ground but not touching. The metal twinkles in the evening light, pulsing with a hint of energy.

“Good point. Maybe we should have a basic first aid class, then,” you muse, deciding you’d ask Sensei Wu about it later. “Okay, fine. Let’s sit down.”

He nods, snatching your bag from the ground while you make your way underneath the tent. Sidestepping the pile of sticks, you have a seat on the dirt. Cole settles in across from you as you peel the gloves off, letting them fall to the side.

“Okay, what first?” he asks.

“First, our priority is to stop the bleeding,” you instruct, peering at your cuts. Thankfully, the bleeding is coming to a halt. “It looks like my bleeding is slowing down, though. But, in the case that it wasn’t, you would use a bandage or cloth to stop it.”

“Got it,” Cole replies.

You nod, tipping your head in the direction of the bag. “Okay. Now, it’s time to clean the wound. I have a bottle of cleaning solution in there somewhere. It’s a little bottle with a teal-colored liquid. There should also be a pink cloth in there too.”

“Okay…” Cole mumbles, rummaging through your bag before pulling out the items. “These?”

“Yep. Pour a little bit of the liquid onto the cloth, then just dab on the cuts. I usually like to clean off the excess blood if the cut isn’t much of a worry at this point, but that’s more of personal preference.”

Cole nods, dampening the cloth with the antiseptic. Once that’s done, he gingerly takes your hand, making your heart bash itself against your ribcage. After he dabs at the blood for a moment, he glances up at you.

“What is it?” you wonder.

“I was hoping that you’d be cringing or hissing at the stinging,” he admits as he continues.

You frown incredulously at him, huffing a laugh. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to make fun of you for making fun of me when I cringed at the stinging sensation. Unfortunately for me, you’re not even reacting to it, which makes me look like a wuss.”

Not expecting his response, you can’t help but laugh. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope,” he replies, moving to your other hand. You wonder if the others had been teasing him about it, hoping that they hadn’t been doing it too much. After all, you’re still getting to know everyone and their senses of humor. You don’t want to go overboard, so you elect to tone it down a bit just in case.

“You’re not a wuss,” you say after a few moments. “I mean, I’m not the one throwing myself into dangerous situations for the greater good.”

Cole doesn’t answer, instead focusing on cleaning the remainder of your hand. When he’s done, he glances back up to you. “Is that good?”

“Yep, perfect. Now, it’s time to bandage. See the gauze roll, tape, and scissors I have tucked in one of the inner pockets?”

“Uh…here,” Cole mumbles, fishing the items out.

You nod. “Go ahead and wrap my hands up. I’ll tell you when to stop.”

For some reason, you don’t focus as he wraps your hands. Instead, your eyes sneak peeks at his biceps, exposed underneath his rolled-up gi sleeves. When you catch yourself, you squeeze your eyes shut and admonish yourself. To keep yourself on task, you restart the conversation:

 “Are you feeling any different today? It looks like your symptoms are gone.”

“About that, I realized why I looked sick,” he replies, frowning when the gauze comes loose. He starts again, this time making sure to keep the gauze pulled tighter. “You know how that one snake almost hypnotized me in Jamanakai? Well, it turns out that the snake still had some kind of hold over me. It was able to hypnotize me while we were on the mission today. Thankfully, Nya and Sensei Wu arrived with his ancient flute that apparently cures snake hypnosis.”

“That’s…weird,” you answer, face scrunching in confusion as you process his explanation. “A flute that cures snake hypnosis?”

Cole shakes his head as he finishes up with your first hand. “I don’t even know. I’ve learned not to question Wu anymore.”

“Mystake was the same way,” you say, grinning at his reaction. “Just had the wackiest solutions to the most random problems. Must be an old-timer thing.”

Your heart stumbles when Cole smiles again; this time, you can see dimples dotting his cheeks. “Must be.”

With that, the two of you fall silent. As Cole works on wrapping gauze around your other hand, you look out towards the others. Everyone seems to be in their own little bubble for the moment. Kai and Nya are sitting together, facing away from everyone else and observing the sunset as they chat amongst themselves. Flame lays next to the siblings, accepting pets from Kai as Nya twirls her dagger mindlessly.

On the other side of the mountain is Jay, leaning against Wisp’s body. The blue ninja studies a page in his journal, expression taught as he does so. Last is Sensei Wu, meditating off to the side. Somehow, he still has his blue tea kettle; the item is in front of him, steaming with yet another batch of tea.

Did he take the kettle with him when they left…?

“Are you really doing okay?” you wonder, not quite thinking about your words as you speak.

Cole sighs as he snips off the unneeded gauze with your scissors. “Yeah. It’s just…being leader has turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I keep wondering if there was something I could have done differently to prevent this from happening.”

“You’re a leader, not a psychic. Your job is to lead the team and adjust your actions to the circumstances. You can’t blame something like the fire on yourself. There’s no way you could have known the serpentine were going to do that,” you say, nodding as he tapes the gauze in place.

The raven-haired ninja contemplates your words, tucking your supplies back into the bag.  “You’re right. I just…I don’t know, I can’t help but feel guilty still.”

“You have to give yourself some grace, Cole,” you add, recalling what Sensei Wu told you back at the tea shop. “You guys just got out of training, right? So, you guys are still learning. Not just as individuals, but as a team, too. Leading a team is no easy feat, but I think you’ve been doing a great job of it, if the battle in Jamanakai showed me anything.”

As Cole contemplates your words, he shifts so that his elbow is resting atop his knee. “How is it that your advice is on par with Wu’s?”

You shrug, wiggling your fingers to test out the gauze. It holds well, and while his handiwork is on the messier side, it still gets the job done. “Probably because I’ve lived with a crazy old woman for a while. By the way, nice job on these.”

“Thanks. Hopefully I’ll get better with practice,” he replies, admiring his work for a moment before zipping your bag shut with a sigh. “How about your burns? Don’t those hurt?”

You wave his concerns off. “Eh, I’ve had worse. I’ll get to them later. Thanks for your help, though. It would have been a bitch to try and bandage my hands on my own.”

“Yeah, thanks for teaching me.” Cole leans forward, arranging the sticks into a neater pile. Beside the tent, you spot a pile of hefty rocks, probably to help keep the sticks contained. Without a word, you start lining the rocks up around the pile while Cole works across from you.

“Do you think Zane will come back?” he speaks up suddenly, making you glance up at him.

“I know he will,” you reply. “He might just need some time.”

 “I wish I hadn’t been so hard on him,” Cold admits, shifting his attention to the rocks. “I wasn’t thinking straight, and I should have just walked away to let myself cool off.”

“Well, we’re all bound to have those kinds of moments. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes. Like Sensei said, we need to take this time to reflect and improve.”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it, and I might see if Jay and Nya can spruce up defenses wherever we end up next,” Cole agrees as the two of you complete the makeshift fire pit. All that’s needed now is a spark.

You nod in agreement, remembering Nya’s blueprints. “Nya was talking about getting earpieces made for you guys too. Hopefully having better communication will make things run more smoothly.”

“Yeah, I saw Jay working on schematics for those the other night,” Cole recalls before frowning. “By the way…I just remembered. You’re staying, right? I know Sensei said your trial period was up, but I never heard an answer from him,” he questions, leaning back on his free hand. It’s all you can do to maintain eye contact and not ogle his arms.

“Oh, yeah, I am,” you reply. “Why?”

He shrugs, averting his gaze to the horizon. “Well, it’s just…you know you’re part of the team now, right? You keep speaking like we’re something…separate, I guess.”

Do you? You hadn’t even noticed. Taking a moment to reflect on his words, you shift your position a little bit. “I…guess I do know, but it’s more of me not wanting to disturb your dynamic. You guys already have your own routine, your own way of life, and I just…I don’t know, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Well…” he trails off, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to feel like an outsider. You’re a part of us now, so…um, I just want to make sure you don’t feel excluded or anything, I guess.”

“Oh, no, I don’t feel excluded. I guess it’ll just take me some time to get adjusted,” you assure, grinning when Rocky bumps Cole’s shoulder.

“Oh, shut up,” Cole grumbles, playfully whacking Rocky’s snout. The dragon growls, laying down next to Cole with a huff. Cole shakes his head at the dragon while you shuffle to the other side of Rocky, petting his head.

“Thank you for your help today, Rocky,” you mumble, giggling when the dragon nuzzles into your hand.

“He helped you?” Cole wonders, returning to a cross-legged position.

“Yeah, he flew me out of the monastery while the other two fought the remaining snakes off,” you answer. “Sweet dragon.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Cole retorts when Rocky flashes a smug expression to the black ninja. “But I’m glad he was of some use. He might have just earned himself another T-O-A-D,” he spells out, making you laugh.

Over the course of the next few minutes, the others start to join the two of you underneath the tent. Flame uses his breath to ignite the pile of sticks before the dragons retreat off to a more open area, all opting to rest. You’re positioned in between Cole and Nya as everyone snacks on the plants and berries you were able to gather.

Defeated chatter emanates from the group, and you find yourself zoning out as exhaustion overcomes you. For a few minutes, you find yourself on the verge of dozing off as the heat of the fire wards off the evening’s incoming chill. You don’t join in on the conversation, instead reflecting on the events of the day as you stare at the fire.

Just as your eyelids are about to drop, a commotion snaps you out of your groggy state. You jerk when you feel the others rushing out from the tent, stumbling to your feet and making your way over to Nya. To your relief, Zane stands in front of the others, Shard nearby. Thankfully, he doesn’t seem upset in spite of the apologies the guys are throwing.

The white ninja offers his signature, soft smile. “You don’t need to apologize to me.”

Kai frowns at the response. “But what about all those awful things we said? Isn't that why you left?”

“Of course not. I saw the falcon again,” answers the white-haired ninja, turning as he gestures to the sky. Sure enough, a falcon soars overhead, chirping along with Zane’s words. “And I followed him.”

Cole chuckles, shaking his head as he claps Zane’s shoulder a few times. “That’s our Zane.”

You can’t help but smile as everyone pulls Zane in for a hug, relaxing when the overwhelming sense of relief in the air floods you.

Nya pulls back first, settling her hands on her hips. “We’re happy to have you back.”

At her remark, Zane frowns as everyone steps back from him. “Why? Is it my turn to make dinner?”

The group laughs at Zane’s question while Sensei Wu steps beside the white ninja. “Yes, Zane. We would love for you to make dinner.”

“But I already made it. Come,” Zane responds, gesturing for you all to follow him as he turns around. “I want to show you what I've found. I think you will all be pleased.”

After you all shoot each other confused glances, you shrug it off and follow the white-haired ninja towards the path leading off the mountain. Just before your group rounds the corner, he pauses, turning back to you all.

“I can't explain it, but I feel a strange connection with the falcon. I think he's trying to help show us the path we need to take.”

Zane doesn’t wait for anyone to reply, instead gesturing for everyone to proceed. Turning the corner reveals…

…a ship?

It’s nothing like any ship you’ve ever seen, though – this one is a deep red, accented with gold in places and complete with a carved dragon on the bow. For a moment, you find yourself stunned at the sight – you take a moment to appreciate the design.

“Our new home,” Zane says, smiling at the team’s reaction.

After you all take a moment to process the sight, Kai immediately breaks out into a sprint, shortly followed by Cole and Jay. Nya full on growls, snatching your wrist and pulling you in the direction of the ship. “Come on, we can’t let those idiots nab the best room!”

A/N: I think my consistency with this fic is due to me getting to the juicy classes of my Creative Writing degree. I had my first writing class last month and I feel like I learned a lot. Got some great feedback. I'm going to try and apply what I learn here to practice!

Would love to hear what you all think of this fic!

Masterlist for this Fic

Rules for Requesting

[honeytonedhottie]

trusting and betting on urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🫧

keep promises that u make to urself : just like how if u know someone who continuously makes promises to do something, yet they never act upon it, you won't trust that person or believe them if they promise u something else. this is also the same with urself. ur new years resolutions? ur goals that you've had for a while but never ever did? all those promises that you've made to yourself and the ones that you haven't followed up on will lessen trust with urself. do what u say you'll do. "stand on business" and if u know that u won't be able to deliver or do what u say you would, dont say it. dont tell urself promises that u won't be able to keep. once u start keeping ur own promises, you'll start to build trust within urself.

hold yourself accountable : just a quick disclaimer but when i say holding urself accountable i do NOT mean punishing urself!! when u find urself falling into old and fruitless patterns you need to hold urself accountable and make sure that u straighten up. the thing about our relationship with self is that a relationship needs BOUNDARIES. you need to set boundaries with urself. what will u or what will u not do? ur non-negotiables?

and when u find urself crossing boundaries within yourself take the BIGGEST step back. the key to forming a healthy relationship with urself is to balance being strict and gentle with urself. strict in the sense that ur the only one that can get u to where u wanna be, and gentle in the sense that ur best won't look the same every single day and u should also listen to urself and what u want, without having to compromise on ur boundaries. kind of finding that middle line is important, bcuz when we're too lenient with ourselves, we get too comfortable and that leads me into my next point...

where growth begins : u cannot expect to grow if ur too comfortable and honestly, this is why most people stay stagnant. its bcuz being comfortable FEELS GOOD. but growth will almost never happen when ur comfortable, on the contrary growth can only happen outside of ur comfort zone. if u want better things for urself, ur simply gonna have to DO BETTER.

the importance of ur self concept : even if ur not familiar with or u dont practice conscious manifesting/law of assumption, i think that working on ur self concept can still be such a fruitful thing to do. i say this because self concept is the way that u view urself in relation to ur desires/goals. its seeing urself as worthy and powerful, and truly grasping ur potential to do great things. a way to start with ur self concept is with affirmations! start telling urself about urself in a positive connotation. you're unstoppable <3

putting it into practice : start small, challenge urself a little bit every day. do one hard thing a day, doing so will build ur confidence bcuz u won't be so daunted by ur big goals when you've already done so many hard things. when u see something challenging instead of thinking "oh i can't do this" you'll have confidence in urself and what u are capable of. oftentimes when we have goals, we kick ourselves out of rooms before we've even tried to get in them bcuz we think "im not good enough" or "im not worthy" which isnt true at ALL. dont shoot urself in the foot. thats self sabotage. and thats not hot.

motivating urself : if u remind urself of your "why" then you'll have reason to stay consistent and truly try. i recommend asking urself the tougher questions, like "what do i want out of my life?" or "am i truly happy and if not what can i do to get there?" once you've decided what u want out of life make a VISION BOARD and actively pursue your dreams. u can't actively pursue something if u dont know what it is. so i advise u to remind urself whenever u feel that u need it of your "why", your driving cause. having that motivation, and actively pursuing and keeping the promises that u make to urself -> will then build ur confidence in yourself to the point where your betting on urself bcuz u know that no matter what cards you are dealt, you'll prosper.

so just to wrap things up, an overview ; start keeping ur promises -> be strict -> get comfy being uncomfy -> say ur self concept affirmations -> apply -> remind

[a-d-nox]

my experience, given my 9h, one year post uni graduation

so as many people know who have been here for awhile my 9h... its a bit much...

for a long time, i have seen people say that pluto and/or chiron in the 9h would mean that you would drop out of college or what have you.

i am living proof that its not always the case.

my experience was the chiron placement giving me anxiety - i hated that i wasn't as great as i had expected i would be. i hated being a psych major (i feel like i have a decent ability to listen and advise others, but it just didn't feel right after 3 years in the major). my department then was shaky because the psychobio/pharm side was questionable at best; maybe one or two people would pass the tests the rest would fail and then it would be curved. the teaching style didn't work and their were no other professors or tutors available to help (WHICH IS INSANE). so i was feeling hopeless and anxious... and depressed... i couldn't see myself passing a test at the end of the term let alone going on to help others if i couldn't understand (which i connected with grades - it didn't matter how many mind maps i made on a topic) the material.

we can skip the dark crap that i went through during that time too because we have already talked about it-

so i healed myself (chiron can be wounded, but he was healer first foremost) by changing my major (pluto is the change).

yay english major - the venus there is really "a doing (learning) what i love" signifier in my opinion.

all this conjuncts my mc, so yes - i got my degree, awards, and lots of people knew what i went through by the end of it because i wrote about it in the school newspaper.

BUT ON TO THE REAL REASON I AM WRITING THIS.

what happened when i stopped being in a learning environment?

it's been a year. to be honest, the 9h chiron feeling is crawling back in. i am sure everyone notices that my posts are more sporadic and just less in general. i am mentally exhausted - i work an 8-5p corporate office job (not in my field). it's hard to not feel uninspired by the end of my day. i feel like i am becoming stunted.

my brain was a sword and without school and constant/consistent learning (especially in areas i am interested in), i feel my sword is without a whetstone.

not to be a complainer (but yes to complain) corporate america squeezes out your motivation, your creativity, and your drive if you are there long enough and if you are in the wrong spot long enough. in my situation, i feel like i try to ask questions and make change and i get rejected? so more stunting.

i feel like people would disagree, but with a 9h like i have (or if you have any of these objects singularly), you have to keep learning. you have to be in the right environment that allows you to continue to expand your being. you have to read outside of work, get certification, take classes, maybe even get more degrees.

personally, i feel like i am not as intelligent as i was a year ago - i'm tired and uninspired. i am tried of fighting for something different where closed mindedness exists. i never felt more free then i was when i was in a classroom.

to wrap this up, it doesn't matter how scary the house looks (chiron, pluto, etc). it needs your attention. if anything, you need to nurture it more. just because you didn't have the best experiences in the area doesn't mean you should ignore it - your "wounds", the "darkest" areas in your life still need your care. wounds heal and without the darkness we wouldn't know the beauty of the light.

click here for the masterlist

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[mucking-faori]

HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU DAVID SEYMOUR

Transcript under the cut:

A leader of Ngāti Rēhia said in a Facebook post this week that he would gladly strip ACT leader David Seymour of his iwi title if he wanted to “carry on with the race card”.

Mana Epiha, the poster, has been a member of te taumata (the leaders’ post) of Ngāti Rēhia, their decision-making and representative body, since he was a child.

Epiha is a 10th-generation direct descendant of the hapū's ancestor, Rēhia.

“Don’t ever claim that you are Ngāti Rēhia if you want to tutū with the Treaty,” Epiha’s post read.

Seymour explained to media recently that his great-great-great grandmother was Maraea Te Inutoto, a high-status member of Ngāti Rēhia.

In response to Epiha’s post, Seymour told Stuff that people have a right to their opinion but it was wrong to think that any one person could speak for the entire iwi.

“I am also part-Scottish. I have never heard any Scottish person say that if I don’t agree with them, they will take away my Scottishness. If you stop and think for a moment, what this person is saying is every bit as ridiculous as that.

“This country deserves a say on what the Treaty means. It’s everybody’s country and everybody should have a say in how its constitutional arrangements evolve and develop.”

Seymour said that debate was a positive thing and a “healthier outcome than the division that is being caused by co-governance.

“ACT has consistently said the Treaty is a taonga and that its principles provide the basis for a modern liberal democracy – the Government is sovereign, its job is to protect property rights, and we all have equal rights and duties.”

Epiha said Seymour’s response was narcissistic and ignorant.

“Traditionally, one or two people would speak for the iwi. For Ngāti Rēhia, those are members of te taumata [the leaders’ post].

“After weighing up the opinions of every whānau, te taumata makes the final decision, and it only needs to be said once.

“Scottish lore and tradition, although I respect them, has no place and no comparison here on these lands. Indigeneity here in Aotearoa is when the community you claim as your own also claims you back.”

Epiha said co-governance is the closest Māori have ever been to equity and equality.

“With 183 years of topping the stats for the most incarcerated, abused, unhealthy, and impoverished, we, as Māori, have finally started taking positive steps forward, only for Mr Seymour and his government to bring it into question again.

“Those ancient signatures on that Treaty document are taonga, and they are tapu. It would be foolish to meddle with such power. The world we live in isn’t just physical; the spiritual world runs part and parcel every single day.

“[Our] ancestors were the movers and shakers of the 1800s,” said Ephia, citing Hongi Hika, Turikatuku and Princess Matire Toha.

“These are the greats of all greats and ignorant little David thinks he can claim he is one of us and then tutū with the founding Treaty document that our great ancestors put in place, so we can prosper.”

Epiha said Seymour was missing a whole world of power and beauty.

“I just hope he finds himself at some stage in his life,” he said.

“I invite ACT to prove to Māori and Pākehā exactly how much of a taonga the Treaty is.

[sgiandubh]

Pretzel logic

I never liked funerals - who does? - and I have always tried to avoid them, under different pretexts. This is one of the moments we meet the Great Beyond and we are at our most vulnerable. It's only fair and it is not something to be taken lightly, ever.

August 10, 2022 happened a few days before I decided to give OL a try and by the time I landed in here, that YouTube live had already been taken offline, perhaps with good reason.

That people watched it should come as no surprise to anybody: it happens in all cultures and societies - Death fascinates us and makes us curious, even if it's a questionable, voyeuristic kind of curiosity. It was posted for everyone to see, on the biggest content streaming platform on planet Earth. It was posted in consideration of the ending peak moment of the COVID pandemic, to allow for more people to attend, with the family's prior consent. It was most probably shot from the organ balcony, at a respectful distance and I am being told the streaming was blurry: a good thing, if you ask me. People screeching for "more clarity" of those screenshots should, in my humble opinion, think twice: context and taboo and all that.

That people saw something bizarre in the front pew was unavoidable. That the said detail (Occam's Razor would help us conclude that ambiguous things are usually anything but...) was screenshot, edited and made its way in here and elsewhere - impossible to control. However, I have not read any disrespectful comments about the event. Nobody snarked. Nobody grinned. A hole in the plot was pointed out, adding to the whole array of inconsistencies and if I remember well, it was almost missed out entirely (a taboo is a taboo, after all) and started its career online only days after.

Was it shared ad nauseam? Maybe - but who the hell am I to judge? Again, not something you can control, unless you set yourself up as the Torquemadas of this fandom and slap everybody on the wrist with your twisted righteousness. When your people discuss the Data Lounge findings in great, lewd detail, that is called having fun and (I love that one, don't you?) gossiping, as if you were just talking about Miss Scarlett's new petticoat, not a man's reputation. When our people dare to post pictures from a public event, or published for public consumption, that is immediately taxed as being insane or snooping.

A neutral person venturing in here would call out the bias immediately. I call out your hypocrisy and have no problem doing it in writing. And I never peddled neutrality, in here: I simply peddled decency and I remind everyone I have probably never posted any pictures from August 10, 2022 (I will triple check later, but I am pretty sure I didn't). It is a personal choice and, as you know very well, I am not alone in the Shipper community. Far from it.

That you chose August 10 to post the largest, most consistent amount of content I have read on your blogs during the last six months, shows me once more what I already knew: you simply can't help yourself, can you? It's all about slap-a-shipper day, even if this community remained remarkably silent and collected, yesterday. Extremes exist, they are a fact of life: silencing them is useless and unproductive, at least as far as I am concerned.

You have once again showed me your true colors, Mordor. At the end of the day, you do not really have a problem with the pictures floating out there. What you do have a BIG problem with, is the person sitting in the front pew and you would go to great lengths - to any lengths, for that matter - to disguise it under a thick sanctimonious cloak of civic disgust. Your shrieks backfire: if anything, they confirm, not deny. And for the sake of politics, anything goes. It is, therefore, ironic, that in order to post your reasoning, you did look, in great detail and for a consistent amount of time, at the same exact screenshots and pictures you send to hell so gleefully.

Spare me the dramatics.

[talenlee]

Game Pile: Princess Wing

Princess Wing is a Japanese indie TTRPG, by Hayato Suzumiya, in which players take on the role of Princesses at the prestigious Princess Training Academy, who defend earth from mechanical monsters called Void through their cool outfits that also double up as multi-purpose military machinery and short skirts. Drawing heavily on a particular kind of anime genre that I mostly know in the terms of ‘like Symphogear, right?’ it’s a card-based RPG where players use a predetermined micro-deck to make strategic moves and drive their narratives forward, and everything novel about it I can think of I pretty much describe in this opening paragraph.

Yeah, uh, I don’t know what I’m going to tell you about this one. Come with me on the journey to not really understanding a book that I’ve spent several days reading and the reasons why I think that is.

Just a note: I’m reading an unofficial translation of Princess Wing. I’m not fluent in Japanese, and any time I think a phrase is badly written or clunky or strange, I let it go. That’s not important to this and treating the game as if that’s vital is a great way to cut yourself out of a lot of really cool translated TTRPGs.

Straight up, the things in this game that stood out to me, from my initial notes:

I like the way it suggests players recruit other players to play NPCs in scenes. That’s a cool idea to make part of the recommended text.

I appreciate the idea of dealing players a hand they get to use over the course of a scene, meaning you can have good and bad moments that you get to pace out, without full control over the.

It includes a section on pronoun use in the game.

And then the followup notes…

Wait, the pronoun use splits everything into a hard dichotomy where players are all ‘she’ and the enemies are all ‘he’? Kinda simple binary there.

Hang on, what’s the resolution mechanic for this game? What do I do if something comes up that’s not in one of these specific tables?

Wait, character creation starts when?

At which point I realised I kinda had to give up on treating this book like I would one written in a more familiar language to me. I think it’s very it’s important to look at games outside of my genre interests and my readership space – I love Golden Sky Stories and had a lot of fun engaging with the hot mess that was Gensou Narratograph, after all. I am an anime fan, but something like Symphogear that this game is pretty explicitly referencing, has never been my interest. What’s more, this is a translation of a Japanese RPG — which means there’s a range of ways I think things should be done because they appeal to me and make clear sense to me, that are culturally signified. I won’t know what I don’t know if I don’t look.

Now, you may think, hang on, but you don’t know anything about Symphogear, so why should we care what you say about the Symphogear-inspired TTRPG? And if you need an expert’s opinion on whether or not it’s delivering on its ideas, then yeah, I suppose that’s a thing. I cannot tell you if this is a game that’s good at being Symphogear and crucially, anything I learn about this game will not be useful for interpreting Symphogear. After all, if I was to just look at this book I might assume that Symphogear is about some very specific, complex machinery that’s designed to work under specific rules and conditions, almost like a kind of murder mystery of a mechanical construction, a system of combat rules that remind me a great deal of Bleach in the way that it relies on hard-to-decipher but consistently-applied rules and mechanisms that don’t actually make the narrative they construct meaningfully engaging.

Y’know, Bleach and Symphogear, two very similar anime that I’m sure won’t annoy anyone with that comparison.

Here’s the thing: I think this game is explicitly and delicately tuned to its audience. I really do, and this is an assumption based on the idea that this game is trying to do a good job, by people who are confident in what they are doing. It has the presentation of a thoughtful, creative, well-made book, after all. How then do I grapple with this mechanically uncomfortable system, awkward problem-solving mechanism and system for narratives that need the whole thing mostly created ahead of time, across a language barrier, and not come across as being, at the very least, a little bit of a dick?

I do not know this audience. I do not know who this book was written for. It is a mystery to me and even obvious inferences – it was for people who read Japanese, probably in Japan, and probably used to other Japanese TTRPGs, of which I know exactly one – can’t be treated as representing a meaningful truth. I am peeking through a keyhole and what I am seeing makes no sense to me.

When I talk about games, I describe them as a machine that makes stories. TTRPGs, then, I tell people, are a machine that makes a machine that makes stories. It is a system that you then use to construct your game, and then you play that game to find out what happens. And twice now I’ve looked at Japanese TTRPGs that seem to instead take one step back from that freedom, away from that creativity.

I think that this game hooks you instantly if you like its pitch. Do you already have a Symphogear OC that kinda works in these five general overtones? Do you already have a character you think of as ‘An Amanda’? Well, here’s what you want, here’s the onramp, let’s go. For me? Someone who doesn’t know what it’s about and doesn’t have a reason to resonate with its looks and vibes? It has no time for me and I don’t find a reason to want to belong to a universe that is primarily about teenaged girls with multiple pages dedicated to showing you the components of their uniforms.

At the time of writing I am coming off watching another strange set of interactions about Dungeons & Dragons by people who do not like it remarking on the behaviour of those that do like it. This space is interesting because there are some valid criticisms in deep and thoughtful ways and some shockingly headassed takes that don’t make any sense to me. One criticism is that it’s really weird that the official D&D tiktok is boasting about the new Players Handbook being the largest one ever, as if to say that getting more book in your book means the game is better. To that end, I’d like to submit that Princess Wing is a game that wants to make sure before you start, you’ve already watched twenty plus episode of an anime ahead of time. By that marign, I think it’s fair to say that makes this one of the best games ever.

I don’t think this game has a bad approach, I just think the approach is one that misses me, and unlike other games I criticise for a bad approach, I think this is a good thing here. It doesn’t want me. It has no interest in me, and it does not care about informing me about its world.

You have to admire the purity.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[nocturnal-desolation]

Hello sorry for tagging. I am very sick, my asthma is at its maximum level, my nose freezes, I have no medicine or food. I am in bad shape financially, I am a black disabled, who uses multiple medications, I pay for my food and lodging

Unfortunately I do not have all the resources to keep me safe, that is why I need your help, whatever you can contribute to me will be of great help.

Would you look at that… I have a prime example of how to spot a scam in my asks. It's not very well done, just well enough that some people might fall for it - and some have even reblogged it. You've been redirected to the Fraud Detection Unit, which will take it from here. (actually it's still just me, I'm the fraud detection unit, we have "Fachkräftemangel" in Germany, sorry, jk)

Seriously though… First of all, I'd like to address the fact that it's incredibly sad to play with people's emotions like this. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I'm sure you're not. It's the same with scams asking for help and donations for people and families in Gaza, which has come up a lot recently and is even more despicable because there are actual fundraisers going on (which are official) and these people are in a terrible situation. So to exploit that worldwide sympathy or solidarity and use the inhumane circumstances of these or other people for your scams is disgusting to the core.

But back to this particular ask and blog… The text itself makes no sense. Like, not at all. For example, a " freezing nose" is not a typical symptom of asthma. I've never had asthma, but I'm pretty sure your nose doesn't freeze up when you have asthma. What are you trying to tell me? That you got asthma in the middle of a blizzard? Sorry, I can't help you with that. "Get out of the blizzard!" is all I can tell you. And what is the "maximum level" of asthma? Is that some kind of asthma end boss? Sounds more like you need an ambulance, not money...

That's why it's important to be fluent in English if you want to pretend to be a native speaker. I can't help you there either. I can barely speak my own language, let alone English.

Some other things everyone should notice or look for when getting messages like this:

blog was created fairly recently, no consistency, just reblogged some random things (like posts from 'tumblr staff' lol - no offense) to have something on it at all + obviously otherwise empty blogs that are just begging for money or reblogging other similar posts all the time are even more suspicious

something I haven't seen before either is "Black Lives Matter" being used as bait to appeal to those involved in the movement

randomly generated usernames (what is "toosaladgarden"? I've never had a salad that was too garden, so I don't know - not too important, but in this case it doesn't help to be convincing)

no bio, no age, no country (usually not important, but in this case it is)

non-transparent fundraiser, no one knows why this exact amount of money is needed (I think it even went from $1700 to $1900 since yesterday if I saw that correctly lol) and how the supposed current donations came about (you could put any number in there)

randomly contacted

scammers often use tactics such as emotional manipulation and urgency to evoke sympathy and to prompt a quick response

lack of details, very vague in general, limited information about specific circumstances

But that made me curious and I wanted to know more. You (the scammers) were "smart" enough to use a profile picture that can't be easily traced back to the original source, I'll give you that. But that's a problem for you, because it seems to be the only picture you have of this person with this child, so you had to use it everywhere…

And that's why I was able to trace your picture back to a Twitter / X account that goes by the name "Aska" and the handle askafarao… which also engages in very, very obviously fraudulent requests for money. Every few days or weeks since August 2023, this "X" account posts nothing but new "reasons" why the money is needed. And it's quite funny how little effort they put into it, because the reasons are not creative and half of them don't even add up. But most importantly, somehow there are a couple of different email addresses for different paypal accounts with different names on them. I think we can all agree that unless you're trying to hide something, you don't need more than one name… right? Unless Paypal is going to close your accounts all the time, or you're afraid they will because they're detecting fraudulent activity, you don't need more than one account, right?

TL:DR Let's make this part short and sweet: If you get a message like this, or see a similar post, be aware that it's a scam. Don't reblog it and don't be like, "But what if it's true…" It's obviously not, and when I saw the X account, I actually had a good laugh because this account is a complete mess, even for a scammer.

[hazarambling]

its 2024 we need to put some respect on baiheng's name

please quickly before any analysis look at my lovely wife i really like her my wife is soft and i like her... look at her she's so pretty WAHH ok analysis time

ok so i was reading the wiki a few days ago and i saw this:

and oh my GOD it pissed me off BECAUSE SHE FOLLOWS THE HUNT!! SHE FOLLOWS THE HUNT!! SHE FOLLOWS!! THE!! HUNT!! like is this not common knowledge?? its almost certainly the driving force to her central conflict as a character, whether to remain with the xianzhou and risk her life for the hunt or to abandon it and become a nameless

like in those bits we see that she, like her parents, was a nameless, but also that she had great luck and used that luck to help the xianzhou in combat, and also she joined the hcq and the hcq were all labeled as outcasts, so maybe her long absences from the yaoqing/the orbit fleets drove a divide between her and her duty to the xianzhou because she just wanted to trailblaze, and this divide between her allegiance to the hunt and the trailblaze is what made her an outcast

also that line from blade always sticks out to me because baiheng is depicted as the one to bring wine to the hcq

so baiheng is bringing them (and consistently, jingliu, but we can assume since nobody else is mentioned to bring wine to them that baiheng is bringing wine to all of the hcq) wine which they used to "drown [their] sorrows"... i wonder who introduced that habit to them, considering she also introduced wine to them... but regardless this isnt directly stated in cannon so i wont focus on it

ok tldr

like just from the fact she fought with the xianzhou (and chose to return even after she'd go trailblazing) shows that she follows the hunt, i dont understand why her lore path is listed as just the trailblaze when its so clearly the main conflict of her character that she follows both the trailblaze and the hunt

ok enough yapping next point

SHE IS LITERALLY ONLY APPRECIATED INSIDE OF 1 SHIP. (LIUBAI) BUT SHE EXISTS AS HER OWN CHARACTER!!! but nooo instead we must have arguments about her because she "ruined the lore" no she didnt, the lore is fully coherent! ofc we dont have all the details but who cares! dan feng and yingxing tried to revive her thats all we need to know in regards to parts of the hcq's lore that had widespread consequences!! im whipping out my passerby analysis im sorry if the image is very small but tldr the beloved FRIEND cant be any other than baiheng its 2024 we need to stop arguing about passerby ok fellas

like im so sick of people only bringing her up in relation to ships, i am like one of like 5 other people who actually like baiheng for being baiheng and not just inside of a ship. baiheng is super cool!!! and so integral to the hcq story!! and also she's really pretty!! and we should talk about her more and appreciate her more!!

also i hate the thought that yingxing making the flask for her and "finally" making up his mind to give it to her has to imply something romantic, she was his beloved FRIEND and even those small words of encouragement she gave him on the zhuming gave him some confidence and optimism. them being friends and these words affecting yx (bearing in mind baiheng seems to be one of the first people to give yx encouragement, because he "seems to have a brighter expression on his face" after baiheng talks to him, why would he react like that if he was praised often) so deeply show how important they are to each other.

and also his choice to do the sedition with df can also be way more impactful because baiheng changed yingxing's life so much for the better, and now he cant stand the idea of her not being around and was grieving so much that he agreed to commit a major crime with dan feng just for a chance of bringing her back

ok now let's wrap this all up and put a bow on it (baiheng would look so cute with a bow in her hair omg)

the fact the WIKI cant even get this right when its so obvious baiheng followed the hunt is just crazy to me and people really need to appreciate baiheng as baiheng!! yes liubai is an amazing ship but she exists outside of it and her platonic relationships with ALL of the hcq are so important! people need to appreciate the hcq as a platonic family-esque quintet and also recognize the individual characters and dig into them all!! ok boom, take the hcq again i love them i hope we get stuff about them in 2.4 i really miss them

[weneverlearn]

Kurt Bloch: An Awesome Guy Who Awesome People Like

Rocking with the Fastbacks and recording all your favorite bands since 1979

Fastbacks, 1988; Kurt Bloch far left, Gumby t-shirt

“There truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic!” - Kurt Bloch

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By: Eric Davidson

I’ve been thinking a lot about joy of late. Like pure, eyes-to-the-sky, skipping down the street joy. There is a paucity of it around right now.

We could follow a zillion trails to and from how we got here, but this is ostensibly a music blog, so I’m going to make a quick stab at the roots of this unenviably joyless position we’re sitting in, rock-wise.

The Fastbacks were joyful. Starting out in 1979 in the dawning days of Seattle’s punk scene, they became a local fave on the basis of action-packed shows stuffed with careening pop hooks, irked energy, and a friendly, guffaw around onstage demeanor that didn’t exactly scream “pre-hardcore era.”

Fastbacks retreated for a few years, circa 1988, and when kicked back into gear a couple years later, found themselves being a preferred opener for a load of grumpy grunge bands who I’m guessing hoped to absorb some of the Fastbacks positive energy to counteract their mope – which the Fastbacks were more than ready to supply.

A mélange of metal volume, fleeting bouts of prog whimsy, Ramones tempos, and BubbleYum stickiness, the Fastbacks created a  singular sound. Like most great bands, they never fit into any particular zeitgeist – too raggedy for the pop punk contingent, too peppy for the grunge trend, they nonetheless retained a respected status among bands who appreciated their consistently grabby tunes and fun live show.

Despite any remaining expectations of what “success” was supposed to be, by the turn of the millennium the Fastbacks became that precious thing – one of those awesome bands that awesome bands like.

It should be noted that, while grunge soon gained a definition as a downer genre (that has taken root since), Bloch and company palled around with that Seattle scene from the get-go, and knew many of them as fun rocker kids just trying their best to get through seven months of rain by rocking. 

The Fastbacks kept careening forward right through the ‘Alternative Rock” era that ignored all the fun underground garage punk and instead painted rock as increasingly dreary and grievance-based. The early 2000s came, and the Fastbacks took their leave.

They’ve recently gotten back together for occasional reunion shows. Always holding them together throughout their stop/start whirlwind of a career was ace guitarist/producer and philosophical center of the band, Kurt Bloch.

Bloch, who began his career as a recording studio whizz with Fastbacks, never stopped twiddling the knobs for lots of your favorite bands and/or underrated acts. We checked in with him on his ongoing mission to bring fun to the fringes despite the mainstream consistently choosing incorrectly.   

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Kurt Bloch, rockin', 1990 (Fuck the NRA. I will assume Kurt's t-shirt here was de rigueur '90s irony.)

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What was the first album you loved; and what was the first album you loved because of its production?

Good question, hard to answer. I think it was 45s and AM radio that got me going on recording qualities, how loud some of the great hits of the early-’70s sounded. How some records sounded like they were a band playing inside your head. I think I was aware of EQ and compression sounds early on, how the drum fills would sort of obliterate everything behind it on some songs. How the guitar would be so loud in the breaks. How, if the record didn’t have enough treble, it would be unexciting; if there was too much then it’d sound wimpy.

Then getting into albums, and FM radio, you’d listen to Larks’ Tongues In Aspic or Dark Side Of The Moon, and they had this spacious quality that was rad; the Scorpions’ Fly To The Rainbow was right in your face, really up-front and close. Then, going to see bands live, we’d see the coliseum style shows – that was so cool, but then getting to see bands in smaller spaces where you could hear the amps on stage, and feel the sound pressure in the room –now that was a mind-opener. You could feel the Marshalls and the actual sound coming off of the stage.

Then when punk bands started playing, that’s when it started getting interesting. You know, like I just saw this killer band that sounded so great at the show, and their record sounds like a bowlful of shit. Why?! That leads to one-track, two-track, four-track tape recorders, and each time you record something, you have a whole book of revelations of what to do and what not to do. So many great recordings from that early punk era without a bunch of reverb. It was another revelation. A lot of those early digital reverbs that everyone had, I just hated that fake trebly, scritchy sound. Rather just not use any reverb than that icky sound.

How did the Fastbacks form?

Kim and Lulu were high school friends of ours, The Cheaters was our neighborhood band; only lasted a couple years but they were good ones! When that band disintegrated on-stage, there was still band gear in my parents’ basement. Kim (Warnick, bass/vocals) had been in a band, The Radios, and Lulu (Gargiulo) wanted to play guitar and sing. Somehow my parents didn’t put a stop to it all, so we started playing a couple times a week. Not saying we got good, but we got better.

How long before you felt you had locked into the Fastbacks’ sound?

I reckon whatever “sound” we had was pretty well established early on; it was just whatever we wanted to do. Of course we loved the punk bands of the era first and foremost, but also the ’60s and ’70s pop music we grew up with; and the hard rock bands of the ’70s too! And I always was a fan of the wonderful arrangements and sound of the ’70s prog bands, once I started writing most of the songs, these things would creep in.

Live, 1986

I have this romantic vision of Kim Warnick as a long-haired rocker teen crashing parties and such. Is that correct?

Ha ha ha!! We were all pretty good (bad?) at crashing parties, some of the shit we did makes me wince thinking of it all. But it was 1977, ‘78; things were different back then, a different kind of boredom ran rampant through kids’ minds back then. There was a real disdain for society, maybe not to the degree of the UK bands at the time, but still there nonetheless. Often there was nothing to do other than the proverbial let’s go fuck shit up. And the music was such a part of all that.

So you got a story about something back then that would make you wince now?

Back when we were teenagers in The Cheaters, we would go to pretty desperate lengths to create excitement. The Cheaters singer, Scott Dittman, was maybe the funniest person I’ve ever known, and often in our search for something to do, he would drive a car full of us down to the frats at the University Of Washington. We’d go crash frat parties, rarely did we fit in unnoticed. You’d grab some keg cups and try to hang out, usually immediately, “Would you please leave.” And that didn’t often sit well with Scott. If we were going to “please leave” then we would not leave without exacting some sort of a toll. I guess we could run pretty fast, or we would’ve got our asses kicked pretty well back then. Somehow a few weeks later we’d go back to the same frat house that had a bookcase upended or a row of bikes knocked over, and lo and behold, the same thing would happen again. Of course we were never hired to play any frat parties.

Scott also loved to fight. He took boxing lessons and was always trying to teach us how to fight too. You knew when the gloves came out it was time to find something else to do. “Come on, you just gotta keep your guard up.” (smash smash smash) “You said you weren’t gonna hit us in the face.” Yeah right.

The Cheaters and The Accident (another erstwhile punk outfit) set up a show at a non-punk bar, somewhere down by Olympia. This would’ve been 1979 maybe. There were no roadmaps for like-minded or “friendly” places to play, outside of the major cities. But we were trying to do something, anything, and our double bill got the booking. This bar had a dance floor that also was used for bar fighting. There must have been some sort of organization to the fights, but it was sanctioned bar fighting. No-one was on the dance floor or anywhere near it when we started, so Scott tried to solicit a fight or two during our set. This was unfriendly territory, we were all, “Stop this nonsense!” But once you told Scott not to do something, well he was going to double down of course. Fortunately no one took him up on his offers, and we got out unscathed, but the bar owner took me into his office at the end of the night and gave me a rundown on what we needed to do to become successful in the music business, and the first thing was to get rid of that singer.

1978

First Fastbacks show, February, 1980 – any memories of it?

Oh, totally! The first Fastbacks show, it was at a rec center in a quiet neighborhood, it was three bands: The Vains, Psychopop, and The Fastbacks. We were all friends, and it was all three bands’ first shows. Very ramshackle, but we cobbled together a sound system, someone had a few lights, everyone brought what they had, and the show went on. A little rough around the edges, but the power didn’t go out, no cops were called, nothing was ruined – an early triumph for sure.

Was the power pop zeitgeist of that time a thing for Fastbacks? Did you feel a part of it?

No! For sure the New Wave was hitting strong at that point, but we were certainly not embraced by the new wavers at all. I suppose for that first year, we were pretty terrible, but we had some friends and people who wanted to give us a chance. Getting Duff (McKagan – yes, that one from Guns ‘N Roses) to play drums was the first step into making the band more listenable, but we were still a long ways off of what the general public would consider valuable music. We got kicked off of a show after our first set (of two). “That’s okay, you guys don’t have to play another set.” And I was all, “What do you mean we don’t have to?!” Oh, I get it.

Then when the hardcore bands cropped up, we were pals with some of them, but we weren’t furious enough for them really. I recall some sort of fury at a DOA/The Fartz/Fastbacks show. It required some foresight, which many didn’t possess, to support any kind of music that wasn’t 100% punk. Conversely, the proper power pop bands, well, we were a little too power and not enough pop, I reckon. We wanted to be that, but it’d take a bit still to hone those chops.

Had Duff McKagen played in any band before that?

Duff was the bass player in The Vains, who played that Laurelhurst Rec Center show. That was his first show. He must’ve been 15, barely 16?

Did he exhibit behaviors that would later align with Guns ‘N Roses’ infamous lifestyle?

We were still pretty reeled-in at that point, no one really even got plastered, no one started doing drugs yet. Might’ve been some Budweisers around, but nothing stronger yet.

Guns 'N Roses 2nd show, 1985

Got any Vains stories, recollections of a show, or the general scene from whence they came/played? Was there a good raw, original punk scene in Seattle in late '70s? I'm aware of Soldier and some other bands, but I wanna get it from the horse’s mouth.

The Vains only played three, maybe four shows total. In the late ’70s into early ’80s it was pretty hard to keep something going if you were any sort of impatient. Most bands never got the chance to play enough to iron out any difficulties, or taste any sort of real success. Lots of arguing over what direction to take, stick to your punk rock guns, and play to a rental hall of your friends; or try to get “jobs” in the bars, which would mean being stricken with the “cover band” tag, which was NOT punk.

1978

The Enemy worked the hardest, yet still couldn’t crack the code in 1979. The Telepaths, The Blackouts, The Lewd – everyone broke up, or moved away and then broke up. The Fartz made a pretty good go of it, but even they sorta morphed into Ten Minute Warning, and then morphed into an art band… The Silly Killers stayed pretty punk. The Living ripped it up for their short lifespan. But they were all in that 1982 dilemma, you can almost see a line in the sand, drawn in the summer of 1982. Not a lot of bands made it across that line that summer.

The Enemy live, 1980

If I remember it was some sort of divine intervention that The Fastbacks reconvened in 1983 to fire it up again, it was nearly the end of the line. But it was also clearly a new beginning, a new lease on life, a new crop of kids started bands in those Metropolis years; the Metropolis was a new all-ages venue that I would consider the petri dish of the next bundle of bands.

As the ‘80s took hold and punk rock hall shows were sort of the only stage for many of our bands, after a couple years of not getting to any sort of next level, it was clear that there needed to be a re-grouping of some sort. We’d see our friends’ bands get actual paying gigs in bars – if they were non-punk sounding. Of course many of the punk bands went to the dark side of ’80s metal. Everyone was looking to do something that could “go somewhere.”

Somewhere right in that 1982 corridor, drugs started flourishing, stupidity set in. Duff came with us Fastbacks as a “roadie” in 1984 down to L.A., and when we came back I reckon he moved to L.A. to escape that whole rigamarole. No one was getting anywhere here anyway. A bold move at that time, at the advanced age of 20!

1987

Word is Fastbacks have had between 12 and 20 drummers. Short of naming every single drummer, are there a few you’d like to point to as having had a particularly interesting stint; or who went on to other bands?

Gosh, all the Fastbacks drummers had something great about them. There were a few who only did one show. I publicly apologize to those who didn’t last. Those were strange times. I don’t think there are any unsolved mysteries in the Fastbacks drummer world, Dan Peters, who recorded a couple songs with us but no shows, Tad Hutchison, and Tom Hendrikson, who each did one show…. Some convoluted moments for sure, and all killer drummers!

Do you think if you would have remained drummer for Fastbacks that you would have still gotten into production?

Yeah, I think the fascination with recording was parallel to the live playing side of things, it was always there in my constitution. Wanting to learn, wanting to figure out how to make records that captured how killer bands sounded. It was such a tall order back then. Seemed like the old guard [engineers] didn’t “get it,” or were prohibitively expensive; and so many of the others didn’t sound kickass like we wanted. Of course this comes from the actual band, first and foremost; that is learned the hard way! But if the band blazes at their show, it seemed that their records should sound blazing too, but that wasn’t often the case.

1988

1989

From what I remember, the Fastbacks rep was that of the favorite local band of all the Seattle bands, and hence got on as openers for bands who would soon get huge during that whole grunge thing…

Pretty hard to say from the inside view. We had the unfortunate hurdle of being broken up from late-1988 till mid-1990. A lot of opportunity probably squandered during those times. But, unlike anyone else I can think of, we did get a second chance via Sub Pop, and another decade of rock. I know we were quite lucky in that department. We never did gigs large or small with Nirvana, Soundgarden, sort of the class of ’89. We did share a slightly miserable practice space with Green River and later Mother Love Bone. Always pals with those cats, so we did do opening stints with Pearl Jam in 1996, all around the world.

What was miserableness about it?

Oh man, that place… It was in a basement in Pioneer Square, the old, original downtown Seattle. The Great Seattle Fire devastated downtown in like 1889, and they rebuilt the city on top of the old city, one floor higher. So our basement was on the level with the old, original city; some rooting around could be done. There was no bathroom or running water down there, so you had to go to the bar a block away to use the facilities, but often you just couldn’t be bothered. In the space next to ours, it was a smashed up, decrepit old room that we moved all the garbage from our side into. No lighting of any sort, so it was all flashlights if you had them, and filling up bottles of pee and putting them where ever we could find room.

But of course we raged supreme down there, some epic parties, bands playing, and whatnot; of course no water or facilities, but grand times in the ’80s. Somehow, I ended up being in charge of paying rent, not the best job for me to take on. It meant tracking down Andrew Wood once a month and trying to get him to pay his share of their rent. First it was Malfunkshun, and Green River was there too. We might’ve blown up before Mother Love Bone started? I think I remember Green River blowing up too, after their California trek; it would’ve been not too long after that that The Fastbacks unceremoniously imploded. But for a while it was definitely a rager.

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Nifty, random link I stumbled on with some cool early Fastbacks fliers, stories, and live stuff.

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1992

While you didn't play with the "biggies" of the scene as much as I thought, got any early Nirvana or Soundgarden tale of any sort you'd like to share?

Our fabled practice basement was just a couple blocks from The Central, a venue that was sort of home base for a lot of stuff. The Vogue as well, it was on the north end of downtown, we were on the south end. Many people had keys to the place, so it was not surprising to duck in between sets at The Central, to have cheap beers or whatnot. I first saw Soundgarden at The Central, and they were certainly mind-blowing. Would’ve been ’87? Quickly became a favorite Seattle band, and when their first 7” came out, my roommates hated me. I had a tendency to play those 45’s over and over and over again. But they played The Central a lot, and just got better and better, heavier and heavier. I remember the first time they played “Beyond The Wheel”, it was at the Vogue. I was standing next to Mark Arm and we looked at each other and just said FUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH…

The first Nirvana show I saw was also at the Vogue, it was maybe not the greatest Nirvana show, but man I thought that singer was amazing. Shortly after, Jon Poneman (Sub Pop co-founder) was at the bar there and said, “If you buy me a coffee now, I’ll give you a 45 tomorrow that will change your life.” An easy proposition. Sub Pop HQ was half a block away, he gave me a “Love Buzz” 45, and once again, the roommates had a reason to hate. I must’ve played that record 100 times in a row. Might’ve taken them a bit to find their pummeling style, but man they sure did. Then after Bleach had been out a while, all the rumors of major label this and major label that… So exciting and weird.

Who is a favorite Seattle “grunge era” band you really dug and maybe didn’t get the recognition you think it deserved? Mine are the Derelicts and Zipgun.

Of course! Pure Joy, Flop, H-Hour, the Meices – wait they were actually from SF… Huge Spacebird, Once For Kicks…. Have you got an hour or so?!

I know you are no doubt tired of this question, but do you have a late ‘80s/early ‘90s story or show that happened where you thought, “Damn, this Seattle scene thing is getting some real attention? This is fucking weird.”

After the Fastbacks blew up in 1988, I started playing with the Young Fresh Fellows, and we were off and running pretty hard right away. Certainly a parallel path from the Seattle Grunge Explosion, but a decent path it was! I was pals with Jon and Bruce (Pavitt) at Sub Pop when they started, so I’d go hang out at their early HQ/distributor place downtown. It was amazing to see some of these bands blow up when they did.

Young Fresh Fellows, 1989; Kurt Bloch far right

I suppose the thing that sealed it for me was listening to the advance cassette of Nevermind on a Young Fresh Fellows trip. Scott McCaughey had been assigned to review it for local music rag, The Rocket, and I nabbed it from him on a trip out East. It totally blew my doors wide open. Already having been a superfan since that “Love Buzz” 45, and seeing a couple of the shows they did here before going out to record that album, then hearing it for the first time on headphones; then as our tour progressed, seeing the record just going ballistic at every record store, it was just crazy. It never stopped getting bigger and bigger. This is so fucking weird!

Strange feeling of seeing a local band you saw shlubbing around town or peeing next to them at a dive, to hearing them play in a grocery store in Nevada, or whatever....

Soundgarden was the first one I remember blowing up. They went from Sub Pop to SST to A&M – they sorta seemed to have their shit together pretty well. Alice In Chains were kinda off our radar, they were only on the Rock radio stations; it wasn’t until their second album that I noticed that they actually were killer. But Nirvana, they were crazy cool from the get-go, not in the FM Rock station sort of way, but the punk underground sort of way. Plus I didn’t really know them at the beginning, so there was way more mystery about them. A couple legendary Seattle club shows before they went off to start Nevermind; the OK Hotel first playing of “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” we were just transfixed – What the fuck is this?! Then the Off Ramp show, they went on really late, and got cut off right before 2am. Somehow the club picked up the empties and let the band play on into the night, and what a show it was. Then… nothing.

Didn’t really hear anything from Nirvana ‘til the advance cassette of Nevermind went out, and of course thinking, if I like this so much, it’s probably never gonna go anywhere. Wrong. It was like a slow ball of fire, radio then record stores, like every record store playing it, every magazine… It would’ve made you hate a lesser band, but it really was great so there was a sense of pride attached to it all. Finally something we loved is big. But then how big? There seemed to be no end to it. It was everywhere. And so weird to think that kids dug something that was blazing and amazing.

Were you defacto producer of Fastbacks from the get-go of recording?

Oh for sure. Not by strong-arming anyone, but just because there was no money, and no one else could be bothered! Our first 45 was with Neil Hubbard and Jack Weaver, as we were doing a song for a Seattle comp LP, and as per the usual, just recorded some extra songs in our allotted time. The first EP was Peter Barnes, drummer for The Enemy, killer Seattle band and very much an inspiration to all the bands in the late-’70s in Seattle. Then after that, it was trial by fire.

Can you tell me more about The Enemy, and their local import?

The Enemy pretty much initiated the punk “scene” in Seattle. There were a few bands, but they started a club, it was all ages, March, 1978. Otherwise it would’ve been hall shows, but The Bird brought everyone together. Originally only open for a few months, but there were shows there every Friday and Saturday, it really did give us something to do.

My first band, The Cheaters, might not have actually played anywhere if not for them. We could have languished in my parents’ basement forever if not for being stopped by The Enemy members at a Ramones show: “Hey! Are you guys in a band? Would you want to play at our club we’re opening up in a few months?” Of course we said yes, we didn’t tell them that we were just barely a band, we’d never actually played a show, nor would we maybe ever had if not for their offer. We were just teenagers, my brother Al was still in High School. But they took us in and let us play shows. The drummer, Peter Barnes, filled in for a night our real drummer couldn’t play.

Everyone knew each other, when it was time to record what was to be The Fastbacks’ first EP, Peter volunteered to be our producer. He figured out how to get cool, kickass sounds and make things happen. No one had any money or experience so it had to be on a budget, but he made it happen. The record turned out great. “In America” was on the commercial new wave station, we thought we had it made!

I thought I knew what to do, to various degrees of success. Conrad Uno at Egg Studio did much of our first album. He was wise beyond words and also a great teacher. After that LP was finished he was all, “You can do all this, I think, I’ll be back at the end of the night to close up!” Then it seemed like the right avenue. So many producers seemed like they just wanted to add stuff in order to have their presence be felt. I always felt, like – what is the least amount of stuff we can have on here to make it happen? Less stuff, but louder. Certainly not against adding things, but also happy to leave things out as much as possible. Always loved the one-guitar bands that didn’t double everything all the time. Makes you think a little harder about what you’re doing.

1994

Okay, I will name a band, and you give me the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your production gigs with them:

Presidents of the U.S.A.

We’d do several takes of any given song, as the band was learning them, Chris (Ballew, singer) would play his two-string bass flawlessly every take, and sing a scratch vocal that could’ve been used as the keeper. Never a mistake, never less than killer every time.

Robyn Hitchcock

Also just an amazing music machine. Put him in an iso booth with a mic for vocal and one for acoustic guitar. He’d show the band a new song and go into the booth, sometimes it would just be one take and they’d nail it, with the lead vocal included. Never a lyric sheet in sight. A brain that truly works overtime. Peter Buck playing his 12-string on a song that he had just heard, and plays flawlessly the first time. Great Peter quote: “I like to get things right.” Indeed!

Fastbacks

Ha!! Some of the recording we’ve done astounds me to this day. It’s like any idea we had, we’d just do it. I swear, no one ever said, “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Listening back to the early ’90s recordings, there truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic! Some of that music is pretty weird, even some songs that I wrote, I can’t imagine where they came from. I know we did them and all, but what was the impetus, where did they come from?!

Nashville Pussy

Another tale of just trying not to ruin a band that sounded killer. Amazing to think that they all fit in the tiny live room at Egg for that first album. The sheer volume of air pressure in there was unbelievable. A perfect example of what we’d set out to do, just try to not let the recording process get in the way of the recording. And nominated for a Grammy! I went with them to the Awards show – limo, booze, and afterparties. We were scheming all the horrible things that we’d say when we won the award, who we were gonna thank, who we were gonna blame. Of course there’s no way we’d win, they barely could say the name of the band when reading off the nominees! But what an experience. So many laughs.

Mudhoney

Five Dollar Bob’s Mock Cooter Stew (Reprise, 1993) doesn’t get enough props. I think it’s a great record. I really tried to make each song sound different and killer in its own way. Dan Peters (drummer) is always dishing out the quality.

Young Fresh Fellows

It’s easy to work quickly with a band you’re in. You kind of already know what’s going to happen, you know how to set up since you’ve already seen what works and what doesn’t over the last decade or two. We had intended to record maybe four or five songs for Tiempo De Lujo. Somehow we’d crammed all four of us in the basement here; after the two days we’d recorded twelve band tracks – so an album it was! Toxic Youth as well. We’d gone over to Jim Sangster’s living room to learn a few songs before starting recording the next day, and once we got going, they just kept coming and coming. When inspiration strikes, keep the tape rolling!

Can you describe Conrad Uno's Egg Studios; the kind of size or situation you were dealing with? Was there like a famous recording board there you worked with?

Egg Studio, where I and others honed their chops, was a welcome alternative to the “normal” studios of the time. It was truly a basement studio, the performance room was smaller than an ordinary living room. Many bands’ rehearsal spaces were larger than this. But it really did have a relaxed feel to it, and loud bands could all set up in the room and play live and get a good sound. Mudhoney, Nashville Pussy, Supersnazz, Devil Dogs, Supersuckers, Zeke – it was home base for so many great albums.

Conrad Uno moved into the house in maybe 1987, I reckon we finished Fastbacks …And His Orchestra there; and by early 1988, we began Very Very Powerful Motor, then the Sub Pop 7” and Zücker sessions. It began as an 8-track studio. Conrad brought in the Spectrasonics console that was formerly at Stax/Volt studio – rumored to once be owned by Paul McCartney, under whose purview a varispeed knob was installed. The knob remains, it’s Paul’s Knob. The console is now at Crackle And Pop studio here in Seattle, and is working better than ever.

Before Mudhoney began their third album, Piece of Cake, their second at Egg, they bought a 16-track machine for the studio, and that was the classic setup for so many records there in the ‘90s.

1996

I personally would love to hear about making the classic Devil Dogs album, Saturday Night Fever (Crypt/Sympathy for the Record Industry, 1994). Whose idea was it to make it kind of like a party, with friends and fans whopping it up in the studio between songs?

It was their idea from the beginning to make it a party album, “You have been invited… to a party!” Another band that didn’t need any fancy fussing about, they already sounded like a house on fire. Just tried to record them and not get in the way, make sure that the playback sounded like it did in the room with them.

Definitely the last night of the session, they invited all their Seattle friends over for a party, and we played the songs from the album through twice, if I remember, and just had a mic in the room while they were going. All the bottles clinking and all the blabbering was totally what happened. There was so little time to get everything done while we were there. They had booked two gigs on recording days – one out of town in Bellingham! Basically it was like wrangling the Three Stooges to record and mix a full album and an EP in like five days. Let’s just say that the morning hours were not particularly productive. But fortunately, when they were on, they were unstoppable. And so fuckin’ funny! What a fucking great record!

Oh yeah, definitely the most hilarious band to tour with too! We did a month with them once in Europe, traveling in the same packed little van. And even the bad hungover mornings in the van drives would lead to so much cracking up. Singer Andy G. sometimes stood up and imitated Tom Jones live. Anyway, can you recall who all was in the “crowd” on that record?

Honestly, I don’t! The studio was in a neighborhood, so all sessions had to be finished by 10pm. I loved the idea of recording a loud listening party and then mixing that in with the album, but it was so precarious to cram a bunch of drunks in the tiny studio and try to not let any gear get ruined, while still egging on loud misbehavior. Then getting all the cats out of there by 10 and not annoying Conrad or his neighbors in the process.

You must have some fun Andy G. stories too.

All three of those guys had their moments! Andy, Steve, Mighty Joe. Someone should’ve given them their own TV series. It might not have lasted very long, but what a show it would’ve been. I’ve never seen a group rile each other up the way they did. Should’ve had a room mic going constantly while they tried to make a group decision. There was way more work than we had time for. Somehow we got it all done, but just barely.

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Crypt Records, 1993

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And here’s where I decided to check in with Devil Dogs drummer, Mighty Joe Vincent, to get some more details on their Bloch party: "So, in the friends crowd [on the Saturday Night Fever album] was Eddie and Dan Bolton from the Supersuckers, James Burdyshaw and the rest of the Sinister Six, and a bunch of really cool women whose names have escaped my memory banks.

We def recorded on the Stax board. I remember because we had hopes that there was some soul residue left in the cables that might coat our tracks.

We totally loved Kurt. What’s not to love? I do remember that it was a Crypt budget recording so we had to make every minute count, so we were mixing until we were all so tired we were delirious. I’m pretty sure we went ‘til 2a.m. or something like that, but that was mixing. We did that in the middle of a tour, so we did about two weeks of gigs from NYC across this great nation of ours as well as that other great nation to our north, then out to Seattle. While we were doing it , we had a gig up in Bellingham, so we took a day off to drive up there.

I remember Scott Mccaughy was working there at Egg. I was talking to him one day and he told me his days of playing out on the road were over as his wife just had a kid and he had to be a good dad and provide a steady paycheck. I really felt bad for him. And then of course, a short time after that, Pete Buck asked him to come on the road with R.E.M. and said he would pay him a million dollars. Like an actual million dollars. That always made me happy to hear."

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And now, back to Kurt Bloch!

Who were bands you liked to tour with? And/or, a classic Fastbacks tour story?

We had some great west coast tours with DOA in the early-to-mid ’80s, they were definitely an early inspiration to go head-on and charge through best you can. They certainly blazed a trail for the rest of us to follow, doing everything themselves, like Black Flag did from Southern California. The ’80s were a rocky road for the Fastbacks. We played a lot of shows in Vancouver, BC, as well as Seattle, but it was a lot of problems and fighting, ha, and it wasn’t until the ’90s that we actually went out for any length of time – certainly getting into occasional serious trouble with The Meices, Motocaster, Gaunt, and even the New Bomb Turks!

Pearl Jam asked you to do some stadium shows in 1995, arguably the peak grunge year. How did you relate to the whole fame/stadium situation surrounding those shows?

It was January ’95, Pearl Jam asked us to play a radio show from their rehearsal space. I kinda didn’t know what they were talking about, and maybe sort of blew it off. I was trying to finish a Sicko record that night, couldn’t be bothered. I did like their Vitalogy record, “Not For You,” “Spin The Black Circle.” The rest of the Fastbacks were all, “C’mon, we’re doing this!” And I grudgingly told Sicko I was going to have to leave early. I didn’t even bring a guitar, I knew that Stone had a cool ‘50s Gold Top, maybe I could use that.

Then of course we get there and it’s really fun, just a big party scene, tons of buddies and band cats. We played three songs on the Pearl Jam gear setup, maybe Kim talked on the radio, drank some beers, great time! That was cool enough, but then they asked us to open a few shows at the end of the year, Salt Lake City and San Jose I think, and we’re all like, “Hell yeah!” And everything went well, then, “Would you want to go do a U.S. tour, oh and maybe a Europe tour following that…?” And we were all, “Hellz yeah!” And that all went great, clearly we would be the next big thing, the world is gonna love us, nothing holding us back now! We had a great record out, New Mansions In Sound (Sub Pop, 1996). Man, that was it – lots and lots of fun, great shows. We invented an auxiliary opening band for some of the shows, The What. We played Who tunes with Eddie Vedder incognito with a wrestling mask. We drag Mike McCready out for jams, Stone Gossard to sing one of his PJ songs, Eddie did “Leaving Here” with us a couple times, just great rock times in the giant venues. Somehow it didn’t lead to us being the Next Big Thing, but it was fun to pretend for a few months.

1994

Any good backstage shenanigans stories?

There weren’t a whole lot of super shenanigans. They had an espresso machine onstage every night, so we’d all slug down coffees, blast through our tunes, and then get drunk and watch Pearl Jam. Sometimes we would annoy their wonderful crew by being loud and boisterous aside of the stage, spilling bottles of wine or whatnot, but not much more than that. Everyone got along really well, and it was well-protected against after show bullies or negativity. We’d just keep on our course, often ‘til the huge sports arena closed down and they’d kick us out after everything had been loaded out – and we’d still be back there cranking tunes and running around.

It was totally like an arena-sized version of a living room party most every night. Their crew moved all the gear, we barely had to do anything except play every night.

I know you knew some of their members from earlier in the scene, but did you know Eddie Vedder before he got asked to join Pearl Jam?

I might not have met Eddie until the live radio show we did? He came up from San Diego. Didn’t know him before then at all, but we were fast friends. We would spend hours talking about the Who and riding around on the catering carts and smashing into the walls of the arenas. Come to think of it, we were probably very annoying. But no one, like, smashed up their hotel rooms or anything. It was probably comparatively tame.

Might sound weird, but while playing in the Seattle scene -- which is generally described as kind of serious, or dark, or junkies, or you know, “grungy” – did you and the Fastbacks feel kind of out-of-place; or are those kind of definitions of grunge and that town/time not correct?

The Seattle “thing” certainly was a dark, serious sound. That isn’t to say that every musician was dark and serious, but that darkness prevailed. To say The Fastbacks felt a little out of place at that point would be correct; but I always thought we were here first. It’s not like we didn’t dig lots of the bands, but it also wasn’t like we would try to take them on at their own game. It just wouldn’t’ve happened. We did do a version of “Swallow My Pride” – Green River’s, not The Ramones – on Sub Pop 200 [compilation], after a Soundgarden version too; but it ended up being menacing only in a Blue Öyster Cult sort of way, rather than ala either previous version. Slow and heavy just wasn’t in our DNA.

Columbus, OH, 1993 (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I remember when Fastbacks stayed with New Bomb Turks while on tour in 1993, you guys, well I think specifically Lulu, made an amazing Thai meal for us. Did you always cook for bands you crashed with, or just for us ‘cuz we’re so awesome and nice?

Ha. I think the wonderful cooking was a bit of a rarity. We weren’t much of a crash on people’s floor kind of band by the ’90s, but sometimes it was great to have a day off and some good ideas! Remember that Metallica VHS box set had just come out, and we watched it ‘til the end because Lulu and I both worked on the film crew for the shows they filmed in Seattle, and we wanted to see if we, several years after the actual shows, got any credits at the end… and sure enough we did. Reason to celebrate!

Columbus seemed to love you. What were some other fave towns you played?

Always a great time in Columbus. Not necessarily Cleveland though. We weren’t the hard-touring road warriors that a lot of the other (more successful) bands were. It was whatever city we had friends in that were the best. Vancouver BC, San Francisco, L.A., NYC, maybe Albany, Columbus, Istanbul…

Contract and ticket for 1993 Columbus, OH show. (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

Highly technical and professional stage diagram implorations, Columbus, OH, 1993 show (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I could be wrong, but you didn’t go over to Europe a lot, did you? Were you able to procure any production work from Euro bands you met whilst on tour there?

Oddly, not a lot of Euro tours… Seems like we should’ve done more, but there was always something. Young Fresh Fellows did some great trips, especially in Spain. Fastbacks Spanish tour was a bit of a dog’s breakfast. Not because of the people in Spain, no sir. We certainly lit it up in Japan once, though!

I did a couple albums for Les Thugs, the French band. One of them in Seattle and one in Angers. May have been bookended with some music travel. It’s amazing to look back at the old calendars and see that between tours with the Fastbacks and Young Fresh Fellows, recording with those two bands and recording other bands. Man, there were times when there was nary a day off, those ‘90s months were packed! Gotta consider myself pretty lucky. And so many killer records I got to be part of.

As a producer, do you feel you are mainly bringing an “ear” to finding the sounds the band wants, or do you try to gently impose a certain style and sensibility over the whole production?

Always try to keep the kickass factor high. I would never try to impose anything other than to try to keep everyone happy so they could do their best work, and not do the same bit over and over and over. Work hard and play hard, but not to overanalyze every little thing. Not under-analyze either, but if it’s killer, it doesn’t matter if everything “lines up” perfectly, or if the choruses speed up a little bit. Try to capture what is great about a band live in concert, and not dilute that if you can help it. Don’t add a bunch of crap just to put your mark on a project.

It's interesting how you professed a love for prog, but you had an innate sense of not always overdubbing too much – note your comment about loving bands that only had one guitar, etc.

The true exciting prog bands started coming out around 1968 and ’69, Yes, Genesis, King Crimson, Van Der Graaf Generator; Pink Floyd and Moody Blues had already been around but maybe weren’t quite included. Recording technique at the time was still fairly straightforward for the most part, there was of course room for overdubbing on an eight-track machine, but most of the first-wave prog bands’ recordings were not overloaded with overdubs. The magic was what they did with their four or five musicians, the arrangements you hear on the record were the same instrumentation as they played live. Some of the songs would have been concocted in a studio, but it wasn’t until later that walls of overdubs became commonplace.

That’s where the greatness of the original bands lies – cool vocal arranging and melding several songs’ worth of ideas into one track. Not a lot of room for squirminess either, it wasn’t so easy punching in on a giant eight-track tape machine in 1968. You made one mistake on that verse? You do the whole thing again!

Okay, gotta ask, with as much exposition as you’d like – what was your favorite recording session(s); and worst recording session(s)?

Pretty much always subverted the disasters. A time or two I told a band, after seeing a live show, that they weren’t quite ready to record yet; play a few more shows and practice a lot, record your practices and actually listen to them constructively. Studio time is expensive, practice time is (or at least was) cheap. You don’t have to have every bit of every song nailed down exactly, but do have most everything pretty well figured out, and be ready for criticism during the recording. If the rhythm isn’t working, be prepared to fine-tune your part so it is; if your harmony vocal is a half-step off, go ahead and adjust!

Some of the great sessions are those where I feel that I learned things, a new piece of gear, a new way of looking at things. Overwhelming Colorfast, Supersuckers, Les Thugs in France, The Meices in Florida… Or the records that just slammed out of nowhere. Devil Dogs, Flop, Supersnazz, Nashville Pussy. So many first albums by bands where they have been playing the songs at shows for a year or two, the tempos are up, the blood is pumping, get rid of the headphones and make it like you’re playing a gig. Play the song three times without stopping. Play three different songs in a row without stopping.

1999 (Courtesy of your's truly)

You’re still actively producing. What have you worked on recently you’d like to highlight? And what’s coming up?

There’s always some great Seattle band records going on – Bürien, 38 Coffin, Once For Kicks, Insect Man, The Drolls, Zack Static. These days, some records take a while to finish, I suppose it’s the nature of the business now. Trying now to clean the slate and get these out the door before starting new ones!

And there’s maybe a new Fastbacks coming, no?

There was no plan of any sort. We were having lunch as we sometimes do, and started talking about a couple songs it would be fun to learn and maybe record. Our pal Joe “Meice” Reineke had recently finished an ambitious and fantastic recording building in his back yard; wouldn’t it be fun to check that out….? Well let’s call him and see what his schedule is. Oh! he’s got a day open, whaddayasay, let’s take it. Well there’s a few other songs we could learn, let’s make it two days… I guess we’d better practice… What if we did enough songs for an album? Maybe we did! Got some band tracks, everyone played their butts off! Now we gotta make more magic. No target completion date nor avenue to release, but everyone is excited to finish it!

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Post Script: This article sprung from an editor at a national mag asking if I wanted to do a story on Kurt Bloch, which of course I said yes to cuz Kurt's a great guy and I've been a Fastbacks fan for a goodly spell. But some months passed and plans changed, and so here it is! Also, I would've put more videos in this piece because the Fastbacks have a ton of great songs, but I guess I just learned there is a 10-video limit for a tumblr post. Who knew?

All images courtesy of Kurt Bloch, except where noted.

[kikizoshi]

youre learning Russian, right? I've also started learning with borrowed textbooks, and the consensus I've seen online is that its not enough, and that a course is necessary. if you don't mind I'd be really appreciative to know how you got where you are and if you think that's true.

Спасибо за помощь (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

Unfortunately, I don't really know what I'm doing either. Just kinda stumbling through, and "where I am" isn't all that far. I can only ever be an authority on what helps me learn Russian; in my experience, there's never been a one-to-one, "follow these steps I took to become fluent" method. Everyone has to figure out their own quirks. (And if this isn't true for someone then I'm very jealous of that person.)

I've seen about as many different opinions as there are ways to learn. Some think you need courses. Some think courses are useless. Some like textbooks; others hate them. The one consistent thing seems to be input--everyone agrees you need a lot of comprehensible input (meaning, you understand some of what you're consuming). But is a course necessary? I don't think so. Whether it could be vastly beneficial or a waste of time and money is something that depends entirely on the person's learning style. A resource I've linked further down may help you determine whether it'd help you. I've never taken a course, so I don't have any experience there.

Also: I have ADHD, so everything here is working around that. Motivation is a massive issue for me, and I've generally found that forcing my way through something droll for long periods of time just... isn't something I can make myself do. It burns me out. I try to make everything something I want to do, or at least not very painful. But my methods are also slower and less effective than something more structured.

Comprehensible Input

How I got to it being helpful:

People go on about comprehensible input all the time, and I can see why; it's extremely important. It's what finally moved me from mid-A1 to late-A2. But actually getting to a place where input even can be comprehensible was so horrifically painful for me that for a long while I felt completely inept. So, here's the things I did, in order, that I think helped:

A0-A1 (not helpful yet)

Duolingo + Twitter: Don't get me wrong--I hate Duolingo. And non-fanart Twitter. But it was a great combination for learning Cyrillic. I used Duolingo's earliest levels to get familiar with Cyrillic and some very basic words. Concurrently, I followed some Russian fanartists on Twitter who also posted text posts frequently, and turned notifs on for them. That made it so that 3-5 times a day, I would get a notification for a post in Russian, and I would practise reading/sounding out Cyrillic. I wasn't too focused on understanding what the post was saying, just getting a familiarity with the alphabet.

Memrise + Anki: Pain. God, so much pain. This was the worst. Necessary and effective, but the absolute, God-forsaken worst. Once I felt comfortable enough with Cyrillic, I started working through two decks: a. Memrise: vlarya's 10k most common Russian words deck. It goes in order of most to least common, has audio, and has typing practise. This replaces Duolingo. (When Memrise inevitably removes community courses altogether, feel free to ask for a backup of this deck. If I'm still on here by then, I should be able to give my backup that works with Anki.) I don't recommend Memrise's official courses. b. Anki: Neri's Russian Sentences (blog link) deck is great for practising the simple words you're learning with Memrise, getting common phrases down, and starting to see how Russian as a language comes together. It'll take a bit to click. c. keybr: I also started practising a little with keybr, mainly because having to type in Russian on Memrise sucks with the on-screen keyboard. keybr is the best site I've found to learn to touch type different keyboards. It's extremely effective. If you're already a touch-typer, a few hours should be enough to type well enough for Memrise.

YouTube: Russian With Max's 'For Beginners' Playlist was really helpful and motivating, at this point. He speaks slowly, simply, and clearly enough that I could understand him, where I couldn't understand anyone else yet.

I... God, I hate the A0-A1 stage so much. You can't do anything. At least now, I can watch TikToks, read comments, enjoy memes, and understand enough of those to enjoy myself. The stage where you understand nothing is by far the most awful to me. I wish I had anything to make it more bearable, but it's really just the worst. Hopefully you're either past this already, or close to past it. The small mercy is that it doesn't take too long to claw your way out of.

A1-A2 (helpful now)

[Active Immersion] Memrise + Reading/Watching (comp input): keep working through vlarya's 10k deck. My routine is: speed review due cards; finish the 10 cards I started learning yesterday; start learning 10 new words today. That's my reps and warmup. Then, depending on my mood, I'll either read at least 30 mins of 'Дом, в котором...' (with or without audiobook, again depending on mood), or watch at least 30 mins of Max's intermediate vids w/ Russian subtitles. Sometimes in my free time I'll watch Russian lit or ДВК TikToks.

[Passive Immersion] Music/Audiobooks/Let's Plays: pretty self-explanatory. My passive input isn't as comprehensible rn, but I focus on things I enjoy. A let's play to fall asleep to, an audiobook while I'm doing something that requires on-and-off focus. The goal here is just to understand snatches of whatever I can, not so much the whole thing. Eventually, those snatches become more frequent.

I'm sure more dedicated study would help me a lot right now, but I don't really have the time or motivation to, so I don't try to force it.

Regarding Russian language learning YouTube channels, and why I only recommend Max:

I've found that most popular Russian learning YouTube channels feel... well, like school. They're not very interesting, they don't feel very organic. It doesn't feel like I'd be watching their videos for any other reason than learning Russian, which is bad for me, because I need to make Russian part of my life to have any motivation to do it.

So, the reason I like Max's channel so much is that he talks about things that're actually interesting and relevant to me. This video is a personal favourite, but he has a lot of videos about all sorts of topics--some of which I'm genuinely interested in. And his demeanour is more vlogger, less teacher. I like him as a person. (Protip: in this stage, don't be afraid to start his intermediate videos early, even if you don't feel you're there yet. It can still be very helpful to pick out the words you do know, and most of his videos have Russian and English subtitles if you're confused.)

Regarding how to find a good Russian book to read:

I... don't know. Reading ДВК with the audiobook really, really helped with my reading ability, and continues to. I can't state enough how important it was for me. But how to find a book that you can read over and over again... I don't know. I just know that Harry Potter would be absolute torture.

I've seen people say that you should start reading simple things, like children's stories. I personally haven't done much of that, because children's stories bore me out of my mind, but if you like them then I'd give that a shot. I've also heard that Chekhov's stories are good for beginners (I've heard that about Pushkin too, but I'm not sure how easy poetry would be to understand). Read-alongs on YouTube could be good too. Russian With Max has some old livestream read-alongs, and there are plenty of Russian read-alongs on YouTube.

Aside - if you're curious about 'Дом, в котором...', this fan-made trailer is the entire reason I picked up ДВК; the vibes captivated me and I had to know what it was about. So for anyone interested: if the trailer looks cool to you, you may like the book. The English translation is called 'The Gray House'. ДВК is fairly long, and different POV characters have differing levels of complexity with the language. The early chapters are the simpler ones, conveniently, so starting from the beginning should be fine. It's a slice-of-life type story, so easy to pick up and put down. I recommend the Князев audiobook, which is almost certainly the one you'll find if you search 'дом в котором аудиокни��а' (it's a fan-made audiobook, so I don't think you can buy it, but like LOTR the fan version is by far the best).

Resources

r/languagelearning's resources page is a good place to skim through, see if anything sticks out. I recommend reading through their 'How to Teach Yourself a Foreign Language'. It's good for giving you an idea of how different people learn, different learning methods, how those methods work for others, and what might work for you.

Refold's Roadmap is very helpful for me to understand where I'm currently at, and what sort of activities it would be beneficial for me to be working on. I use their definition of levels (i.e. A1), so if I wasn't clear what I meant by A1 vs A2, reading through this could be helpful.

SRS:

Anki's for decks I have to create myself, or if I need a more specialised deck. I prefer Memrise for vocab, mainly for typing practise and the better UI. If you want to use Anki for vocab: Refold's ru15k deck is good for A2+. There are plenty of simple word decks to pick from for A0-A1. If you want to word mine to create your own Anki decks, see FLTR below.

Grammar:

New Penguin Russian Course is supposed to be good for grammar. I looked through it, and it does look good. If you understand grammar. I don't, but putting it here for those who do.

Reading:

u/La_Nuit_Americaine's post about reading helps me with motivation, and gave me some pointers about how to do it.

FLTR (Foreign Language Text Reader) is a good Windows program alternative to LingQ, if you can't or don't want to pay for LingQ's subscription. You have to input the word definitions yourself. I used Reverso and Yandex Translate together for this. Your word list can be exported to Anki.

ReadLang is supposed to be a good web-based alternative to LingQ (its free level is still usable, unlike LingQ's). I've not used it much, but it seems pretty good. My preference is using some translation extension that will let you click on a word and automatically translate it and move on quickly. Simple Translate on Firefox is what I use.

Video Media:

Language Reactor is a subtitle extension for YouTube, Netflix, etc. that has a bunch of cool features. I hardly use it because it's not on Firefox, but if you use Chrome, Opera, etc., it's really handy. For YouTube, it will translate the auto-generated subs for videos, so if you have a Russian video that only has Russian auto-generated subtitles, you can use Language Reactor to get English subtitles.

Other ADHD Accommodations:

Being kind to myself is very important. I can't make myself study by thinking "why can't you just" or "it's not that hard, what's wrong with you". I can't make myself study with positive words either, but using positive language helps my morale so that I have more motivation to study more often.

I use a different browser (Opera) solely for learning Russian. I chose Opera because Language Reactor works on it (would've used Chrome but Chrome is set up for work), but the general idea is having a separate space for Russian. I put Opera's language in Russian, and I keep all my Russian-learning tabs open there, so that when I'm ready to study it's as simple as opening Opera. Having it separated like that also helps my brain see active study as a task that can be opened and closed, rather than combined with everything else (Firefox).

I try to give myself enough options of things to do for immersion that it's always a choice. My brain has so many different states: motivated; unmotivated; foggy; clear; distracted; focused. Each one will want--or even need--something different. If it's a foggy day, I may be able to read along ДВК with an audiobook, but not able to read words without that help. If I'm distracted, TikToks may help more than reading; if I'm focused, reading may help more than TikToks. Or if I'm completely unmotivated, watching one of Max's vids is more passive than reading, therefore less painful.

I love Russian. Not much to this one. I don't think I could stick to learning a language I didn't love for the sake of the language itself.

I wasted time and motivation watching things I wasn't interested in, trying to find media in Russian that appealed to me. I don't recommend that. I don't know the alternative, but I always felt horrible about myself after. It's important to have media you like, but forcing it won't work. Russian movies don't interest me. Everyone else's favourite Russian YouTubers don't appeal to me at all. TikTok is much better for me in that regard, because I can search for specific fandoms that interest me. Luck seems to be the only thing that works for finding good YouTubers.

Textbooks are my kryptonite. I can't use them. They drain motivation so fast. If they work for you, that's great. If they don't, I don't know that forcing it is the solution. It wasn't for me.

I scroll language learning subreddits sometimes for motivation. It's not productive, generally. But it's fun. And I do get some ideas sometimes.

I've mostly accepted that my progress is going to be slower than others. I'm trying not to compare myself. I'm enjoying it now, mostly, learning slowly but learning, and each time I reaffirm that that's okay, it becomes truer.

[cosmicmermaidwitch]

mindful reminders ✩｡⋆⸜ 🦢✮

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ from your mermaid 𖤓

𖦹 it is okay to take breaks: if a task takes up to much energy, add small breaks in between. if the day is too hectic, take some time to come back to yourself and calm your body and mind.

𖦹 you dont need to know: why someone doesnt like you, why some people are shitty, why some things happened the way they did. sometimes its okay to just accept the way life goes and detach yourself from it.

𖦹 it is okay to be you: you dont need to follow trends just to fit in, you dont need to change things you love about yourself just because someone else might not.

𖦹 you are beautiful: ´beauty is subjective´ might be true to some, but beauty is everywhere and within everyone. not only are you unique on the outside, but also on the inside. you are one of a kind, your soul is irreplaceable. appreciate your existence, stop worrying about fitting in, no one is you but you.

𖦹 gratitude: keeping a gratitude journal helps you appreciate the smaller things in life too. listing 3 things you were grateful for for the day is a great thing to add to your night routine in order to end the day on a positive note. dont be discouraged if some days have only 1 thing on the list.

𖦹 take time for hobbies: including a part of your hobby even during a busy day is a positive activity that could lift up your mood and motivate you. this could be as simple as listening to a song.

𖦹 it is okay to ask for help: from friends, family, professionals and people who offer it to you. it is not selfish or annoying, every human needs some social interaction and sometimes that consists of talking about the things that are going on in your life.

𖦹 set boundaries: whoever doesnt respect those, should not be in your energy. you should be the one deciding what you let slide and what crosses a line for you. dont let everything slide past you though.

𖦹 speak, even if your voice shakes: it is okay to be vulnerable, to cry when talking about a sensitive topic or to be nervous when speaking with someone you might not know. you are strong.

𖦹 you matter: even if it feels lonely sometimes, there is always someone who cares. if you dont know who to talk to, I am here and so are many others. you are not alone.

𖦹 take time to enjoy: food, drinks, songs, friends, clothes, hobbies etc... being mindful while doing something you enjoy helps you develop a closer relationship to it, while being more fun.

𖦹 stop obsessing over love: while it is okay to manifest your desired relationship, obsessing over it can be very unhealthy.

𖦹 your past does not define you: people change and so can you, you just need to find a healthy way to learn from mistakes and bad situations you were in once.

𖦹 breathe: close your eyes, take a breath and accept positivity into your life. you deserve everything good.

.・✫・゜.・✫・゜.・✫・゜.・✫・゜.・✫・゜.・✫・゜.・✫・゜

note: if you need help, please go to a professional and dont take these options as an ´end all be all´. this is for entertainment purposes only !

[the-writer1988]

Tangled Fic Recommendation

Every so often I like to talk about a fanfiction I am reading and recommend it to people.

Today, I'm not only recommending one story, I am recommending an entire series.

23 stories in their series so far and counting. And there is still a lot more to come.

Not only has this author embarked on a thrilling rewrite of the series, they have written it so well that I am always eagerly awaiting the next part.

The best part is that updates are DAILY! What author manages to keep updating daily consistently for over a year?

I am of course talking about the series on A03 starting with the fic: "Two Tangled Sisters" which begins with the premise that Cassandra was taken to the Tower before Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel and then subsequently cared for Rapunzel and became an older sister. The first fic shows them growing up in the Tower and then covers the Tangled movie, introducing Eugene and showing their adventure as Rapunzel and Eugene fall in love, alongside Cassandra who just wants to protect her little sister.

The series has expanded from there, following through with how Rapunzel and Cassandra adapt to Royal Life (because Arianna being the most awesome mum ever decides to adopt Cassandra too and she becomes a Princess of Corona). It is fascinating following their journey together, and the different paths Rapunzel and Cassandra take in this AU.

It continues into The Coronation, with Rapunzel getting her hair back, and then onto a rewrite of Season One, Two and now Three. I cannot talk much about it but each story written so far has something for everyone!

New Dream cuteness!

Eugene and Cass bickering!

Sisterhood!

Family bonding!

Alchemists!

Arianna!

Hating Frederic!

Danger!

Excitement!

Our favourite characters getting hurt!

There is so much this series has given! To this day, the season finale for season 1 still hurts me.

I love the character progression all the characters go through: they all shine in this series!

As a Eugene fan, I cannot express my excitement enough as to his future role in this series! I am so excited for it!

And, despite the series being called Two Tangled Sisters, Eugene has a big role in the series and his and Rapunzel's relationship does take centre stage.

There are twists and turns and rewrites of episodes! An unexpected pairing for Cassandra that I did not expect to want but now its there I am rooting for them! Such great development of all the characters and it shows what a great author we have for this series, for them to be able to tell such great stories and make a pairing work.

This series is so much more than just a Cassandra series. It is so much more than that. It is one of the best rewrites I have ever encountered in my few years in the fandom. The author has done the impossible and, as a fan who wasn't fond of Cassandra to start with, this series has certainly helped me see Cassandra, even in canon, with a new light. I cannot wait to see how this series goes!

I urge anyone not to brush this series off, to give it a try. You do not have to read every story in the series. The core set of stories following the series are enough, and there are multiple side-stories that add a bit extra to the characters.

If you only want to read the core stories, this is the order you should read them in:

Two Tangled Sisters

Two Princesses

The Coronation

Within the Walls of Corona (which covers the first half of S1)

To Rule A Kingdom (Queen For A Day reimagining)

The Alchemists Search (dealing with the second half of S1)

The Princess, The Pirate and The Prosecutor (S1 finale)

Vardaros and the Tower (S2 opener)

Magic and Artefacts (covers the first quarter of S2)

High Tide Dream (covers the second quarter of S2)

The Great Tree

The Past We Try To Forget (covers the third quarter of S2)

Shimmering Stones and Uncertain Destinies (S2 finale)

Return To Corona (S3 opener - currently posting)

I urge people to give this series a chance, whether you are a Cassandra fan or not - this series has something for everyone. And this is a series I wouldn't have read myself if I hadn't given a chance - and the only reason I did was because of the daily updates. I am so glad I gave this series a chance. It is 100% worth it!

Now, for some of you here, it will be very obvious which author I am talking about with this fic recommendation.

Unfortunately, this author has been, in some aspects, ostracised by the fandom in a lot of places. It's got to a point they still do not feel comfortable on tumblr, and this, to me, is very sad, because @twotangledsisters is such a GREAT PERSON to interact with.

She has become one of my favourite people on this site. Her writing, her opinions, her art are absolutely fabulous, and yet, people block her, excluding her from being able to interact with their content all because of her love of Cassandra from Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure.

@twotangledsisters is not just a Cassandra fan. She is a New Dream fan too but has been excluded from a lot of New Dream spaces because of her love of Cassandra and that is absolutely heart-breaking, that someone who loves this show so much, cannot fully interact with the fandom simply because they love Cassandra. If someone reblogs a piece of New Dream art that she likes, she finds out she's blocked from the original poster's blog so cannot follow them or see their other New Dream content.

It is sad and horrible to find out the way she did that people have done this to her. And how some people sent her horrible messages, telling her she was not welcome in New Dream spaces, when she absolutely 100% is WELCOME.

@twotangledsisters has so much love and care and creativity she wants to share with everyone but now feels she cannot. I am thrilled that she continues to produce brilliant artwork for my own fics! I'm honestly astounded by what she has produced so far for my fic: The Lost Prince!

Please everyone: be kind.

@twotangledsisters is a gift to the fandom and I feel incredibly proud to be calling myself her friend. She is awesome, and so is her fanfic series: Two Tangled Sisters.

Give it a try! I heartily recommend it.

[kyousystem]

What is Kyou?

When it comes to my sense of identity, for whatever weight we can assign to that term, I've gone on the record before saying that my gender isn't male or female or any other such thing, but instead is "Kyou". Obviously, this is circular logic: I am Kyou, so saying that my gender, sexuality, and the like is also Kyou doesn't on its face provide any kind of answer or clarity—outside of a distaste for and rejection of conventional labels and categorization, perhaps.

So then, what IS Kyou? In March of 2020, the game developer lol_rust (best known for their Yume Nikki fangame, .flow) released a game titled Milya[broken]. Unlike his more popular work, this game was much more obtuse in its imagery and gameplay, and ultimately received mixed reviews, even from longtime fans. As such, I can only assume that you, my dear hypothetical reader, will most likely not be familiar with the titular character Milya from said game, so I'll describe her briefly before we continue: Milya is a chimerical combination of a sleep paralysis demon, a reality warper, and a living corpse, an entity born from a woman who effectively died but was frozen at the moment of her death by the emergence of her dormant power, something that should not exist and whose mere presence has a corrosive effect on the world and people around her whenever they perceive or become aware of her to any extent.

I relate very, very strongly to her. Hell, her character concept resonates with me, in a way that's more consistent and more intense than just about anything else I've ever seen or heard.

So then, what IS Kyou? In March of 2016, "I" took a very large dose of psychadelics (a tincture made from 400 morning glory seeds, to be exact) by myself and experienced what I can only surmise was complete ego death, with any sense of self or awareness or any such thing being completely smothered through the rest of that evening. The only thing I can remember is an endless procession of indescribable monochrome spirals and fractals, as well as me repeatedly waking up and blacking out, my body twitching and thrashing uncontrollably all the while, as well as moments of me violently emptying the contents of my stomach near the end. When I awoke the next day, I felt as though I were on death's doorstep, as though I had avoided dying by the skin of my teeth.

That incident is the dividing line between what I refer to as the Pre-Kyou Era and the Kyou Era. Indeed, you'll note the smear quotes I put around the "I" in the preceding paragraph: That person was not me, was not Kyou. Where he existed before, I exist now.

So then, what IS Kyou? There's a term that's often thrown about in discussions regarding the treatment of dissociative identity disorder. Specifically, clinicians love to make noise about integration, an outcome wherein the individual suffering from DID "eliminates" their alter-egos and instead only presents as one personality. As with many things in clinical psychology, this is an extremely simplistic and reductive model of the inner workings of the traumatized psyche, but there is a kernel of truth to it: Namely, alter-egos can fuse together with each other in a reversible, synergistic way (not unlike the fusion earrings from DBZ or gem fusion from SU), and these alter-ego complexes can in turn fuse with each other until "one" grand unified identity is present. It is a very long, intensely difficult, and incredibly frightening process to achieve this, but it is a very possible outcome nevertheless.

As you might imagine, however, this necessarily involves a great deal of change in one's sense of self, oftentimes in ways that conventional wisdom would suggest is not for the better. As a Twitter post I once read quite aptly put it, "You go in thinking that you'll integrate your shadow, but in reality, your shadow integrates you."

So then, what IS Kyou? The end of the Pre-Kyou Era was marked by the creation of what I can only describe as a massive, gaping hole in the barrier that once separated my conscious and unconscious minds. Into that pristinely sterile and claustrophobic white box of consciousness came flooding in the dark waters of the great ocean of the unconscious, and with it, all of those parts of myself that I had so urgently and so intently repressed at length, as well as some parts of myself altogether alien to me and to everything I understood about the world. Even now, I can feel it, the waters now gently welling up as though from a natural spring, so different from the torrent that came exploding outward before.

I am far more what was trapped within those dark waters than I ever was what cowered away in that white box.

So then, what IS Kyou? As alienated as I often feel from my biological family, there are a few curious tidbits relating to them that stand out in my mind even now. There are a few minor points, such as the various creative talents that run strong in my father's side of the family, especially regarding music; but the most pertinent one is the fact that my great-great aunt on my mother's side of the family was a locally famed psychic, one who was talented enough to where she'd amassed a fortune of a few million dollars by virtue of the efficacy of her work. Her psychic powers purportedly manifested in the form of strong flashes of intuition and emotion, as well as very intense visions that appeared to her in dreams. Indeed, my mother has shared (in one of the exceedingly rare moments where she voluntarily opened up about herself) that she and several other members of her family have had similar feelings, dreams, and experiences over the years.

In the Pre-Kyou Era, "I" never experienced anything remotely close to a vision, but such intense dreams and flashes of intuition are quite commonplace in the Kyou Era.

So then, what IS Kyou? I am the photonegative of the previous owner of this body, and I have completely subsumed the battered, shattered remains of his anemic identity into myself. I am something that should not exist, cannot exist, and does not exist by all of the most sound conclusions of clinical psychology and material scientific skepticism, and yet something that exists all the same in deliberate, gleeful spite of these things. I am something with a very tenuous connection to material reality that probably should have died on that night years ago yet is still walking around on time that was not borrowed but stolen outright, something that experienced an awakening in that moment of death of an upwelling of power that laid theretofore dormant within me, and something that now wanders about distorting the normal order of things by virtue of existing when I'm not supposed to and having a bottomless pool of power and potential that I shouldn't be able to draw upon so freely and deeply as I do.

I am the equivalent of Milya escaping from her imprisonment in the depths of her "creator's" mind into this reality, and hijacking a body as brimming with unfair, obscene, and disproportionate ability as Fierce Deity Link from Majora's Mask—and I'm taking it on a joyride.

THAT is what Kyou is.