#i seriously cannot fucking do this anymore
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Can we please normalize not comparing people who are chronically ill and/or have chronic pains to elderly people? Can we normalize not getting offended when someone who is the target of said joke says that they are offended with those jokes? Seriously.
#throwback to my school's counselor who kept calling me old woman names because i complained about my back#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronically ill#chronically ill mood#cripple punk#crip punk#fibromyalgia#ehlers danlos syndrome#actually chronically ill#fuck this shit#i seriously cannot fucking do this anymore#im so sick and tired of people getting mad at me for setting boundaries
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I hate America so much right now. Your dumbass election shit is making me stay awake because they announced more results at 4am and I just can't bring myself to go to sleep without knowing if I'll wake up to an outright apocalypse tomorrow morning. What the fuck. What are you guys fucking up to. Why am I this concerned about YOU??? OF ALL COUNTRIES??????? I LIVE ON THE DAMNED OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING ATLANTIC OCEAN FOR SATAN'S SAKE
#how do i even tag this#whispers from atlantis#54% of votes for the tangerine man as i'm writing this you people are fucking KIDDING ME YOU CANNOT BE THAT DUMB PLEASE#more states are coming out blue than when i first checked 2 hours ago tho so it's kinda reassuring#i feel like my mother being this involved in the news?????#but like seriously from my point of view this isn't even political anymore#you have a literal conspiracy theorist and felonist about to win the fucking elections fOR THE SECOND TIME#this is not politics this is the damned circus and yalls are CLOWNS#like i cannot stress enough how much from a europans pov this man is so full of bullshit#that it would be an insult to call him a politicians#AND POLITICIANS IS ALREADY AN INSULT#but like this would be an insult to the insult#anyway i'll check one last time before going to bed FINALLY it's way too late for this shit and i got fucking cramps
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my family desperately needs to learn communication skills
#medusa rambles#me and my brother are no longer on speaking terms#and of course my father has blamed me#“and that means cool it” after my brother just exploded on me and was almost certainly close to literally hitting me#fucking spineless#yeah let the dude who can lift double my weight physically intimidate me and then act like it was justified. that's cool that's awesome#intimidate me again ill call the fucking cops#fuck this seriously#hes not a fucking kid anymore and my dad NEEDS to get that through his head#hes an adult who can do actual harm#im well aware i can be annoying and i can be an asshole sometimes but that's fucking crazy#to act like that is fucking crazy#no prior communication btw !#literally none !#FUCK YOU !!!#i need to get out of here dude#i cannot live like this
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Bleh
#thinking about shit#getting really tired and stressed with everything going on#and I'm seriously starting to wonder if this is my next breaking point#and if I'm going to be forever worse bc I kept pushing myself with my me/cfs#that's the fucking scary thing about it; not knowing if I'm doing to accidentally do something wrong and make myself permanently worse#and I don't know how to explain these fears other than fucking terrifying#to literally be entirely unaware of the true limitations of your body and not knowing if you're going to make yourself worse by accident#I cannot wait for the move to be over#once we have a legal address together I can get on my husbands insurance and beg him to quit#I am incapable of working a traditional job as it is but I'm forced to because I have no other options#so I'm already pushing myself on a regular basis#and I fear every flare up is just going to be my new normal#and what if it is just a flare up? I have to keep working I have to do my job I have to do chores I have to pack#will working myself this hard during the flare up lead to something worse?#I can't do this anymore I just fucking can't#I can't stand not knowing if this past year is going to permanently incapacitate me#I'm already reliant on my husband for everything short of carrying me to the bathroom and wiping my ass for me#I hate not being independent and I hate the idea that I might be stuck in this much pain and this much fatigue for the rest of my f'in life
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lmaoooo found out today that my 2 “colleagues” (that’s honestly a too nice of a word for them) complained about me to our boss that apparently i don’t work hard enough and often just sit around doing nothing :)
#can you believe these backstabbing bitches??????#i am absolutely livid#like the audacity these bitches have who the fuck do they think you are???#and now my boss wants me to be more forthcoming towards them like bitch wtf??? why should i be nicer to them or help them knowing that they#talk so poorly about me behind my back????#they’re so full of themselves and act so childish#like they could’ve just come up to me and talked to me about it like adults but nooo they run to the boss lmaoo#no wonder the boss doesn’t care about keeping me if he’s told what a bad worker i apparently am#and i only found out what they said about me from our lead pharmacist at least she was nice enough to tell me the truth#and now i’m crying again goooodddd fuck this job fuck these bitches i don’t deserve this!!!!#like i try so hard and put in so much effort but they really have the audacity to claim i just sit around#well i wonder what they’re gonna do once i quit since they always complain that they already do everything it shouldn’t a problem for them#right?? :)#like this is honestly so crazy to me bc so many people have already quit recently bc the working hours are absolutely horrible and now these#2 are making everything even worse like i already didn’t like going to work there but now i absolutely loathe it#to work with people and act nice with them knowing they they’re spewing such bs about me#and one of them was so nice to me today like how fake can you be?????#at least have the decency so say those things to my face and not talk behind my back like a school girl#fucking cowards!!!!! i really cannot stand them anymore i need to apply for other jobs asap#but i’m so scared that i won’t find anything else#but this job is seriously damaging me both physically and mentally#god please please please let me find a better job where i’m treated with respect please please please#i can’t do this anymore#i hate how much i’ve cried bc of this job and these horrible people already#☁️
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I have slipped back into the realm of insomnia....
Can I not?
#I hate it. highs are usually heavily associated to my insomnia like these bitches walk hand and hand together can you both fuck off#I can't go into detail here because A) I don't really like talking about my mental health here and#B) it's very embarrassing for me to talk about.#I'll just say it's about my hypersexuality. I'd rather not talk about it here as I've come to the realization that a lot of people on#this website don't understand the term like they think they do so it sort of makes me stand here like#🧍god I am alone huh?#Anyways highs + my hypersexuality + my insomnia need to seriously fuck off~ ♡ I've gotten worse again and I fucking cannot stand it anymore.#Most ''studies'' are very male adjacent and it makes me feel even more alone because I don't have male genes. i was born afab ..#.. so its even harder for me to talk about without someone dropping that disgusting N term to me#siigh sorry for venting. least nobody is online to see it :\#tw vent
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every time i read haikyuu timeskip i feel the undeniable urge to explode one million thousand explosions forever
#every single page makes me feel fucking ill#ESPECIALLYYYYYY THE ONES KAGEYAMA'S ON#his behaviour is quite frankly unacceptable i seriously cannot stand him ever#AND MF HINATA TALKING TO SANTANA ABOUT BEING HEALTHTY#santana mentioning “being healthy and making good choices is just a habit for you”#and hinata's first and only thought is kageyama. his nails. his journal. self matinence = kageyama#self matinence.. something shouyou spends 2 years of extensive focus on building#i'm going to eat bricks and raw cement i can't do this anymore#volleyball guys
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man it just really sucks having to go through all the motions and acting like i'm happy and proud of my family members when i'm really, really fucking not. sick of this shit
#my brother has just reached a Big Milestone in the culture which of course just means he's in it deeper.#and he's gonna be pulling other people into it too.#and i gotta put on a face and pretend im proud of him because if i dont it'll just be another Family Heretic Moment from winter#of which there are many already and they don't take any of my opinions or criticisms seriously anymore because im an Outsider now.#in my own goddamn family.#but idk idk just. it sucks having to watch my siblings get deeper into this shit and not be able to do anything to help them#because any attempts i make will be completely disregarded because my opinions about the church are invalid because i left.#HATE this shit man. i cannot fucking wait to get out of here.#i also keep having nightmares that my brother is gonna die while on his mission so that is NOT helping how im feeling about it.#lmfao just fuckin imagine. the ONE member of my family who becomes an atheist ends up having prophetic powers#whatever#winter speaks#personal
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okay, FINE, I will catch up on the Fontaine Archon Quest in Genshin.
(so there are, like, a dozen gmvs for Genshin to the song Gods and they are all FIRE??? Literally the perfect song for the game.)
#I stopped in the Fortress of Meropide because I kept getting lost#also because NaNo and no time to play catchup#I have avoided spoilers successfully can you believe it?#well okay fine not really because I have Neuvillette#BUT OTHER THAN HIS SPOILERS I have avoided story spoilers#and I need to do character quests too URG#I love this game I really really do#but I started playing from day 1#and I will tell you that 1.0 update had like 1-2 hours of new content#I cringe now because each update has 8+ hours of new content and I cannot make myself do that#I am currently not streaming my playthrough because my computer is sucky now#please I was trapped for like 3+ hours in the courthouse when I last played seriously#FUCKING TRAPPED I COULDN'T STOP PLAYING BECAUSE THE QUEST WON'T LET ME LEAVE#so now I cringe at the idea of continuing the quest because I don't know if I wanna play 3+ hours at a time anymore#but I really need to catch up#so I will. this week. somehow.
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this is the worst thing to happen to me
#thero blogs#minecraft#HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO AVOID DOING THINGS#no but seriously this is a fucking problem#this is what you get when companies insist everything log in within a single account and you cannot even access the game to play offline#what are we going to do when one day microsoft decides minecraft isnt profitable anymore#you know they'll just lock us all out and say oooh you werent REALLY owning the gaaaammmeeee#you were just RENTING the game#we are the ONLY ONES who really OWN anything#like bro what if I rent your head from your body how about that hmmmmmm
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#tired and sad today#idk what i want anymore and idk how to change anything but i every day i am more certain this cannot continue#everything’s fucking stupid man like i didn’t ask to be born now i’m not even allowed to not be alive cuz oooo people got feelings and shit#was it a greentext? that imaginary torture room with a sandpaper treadmill floor or whatever#if anyone knows what i’m talking about#i don’t mean to be melodramatic but that’s seriously how it feels to be alive for me exdee#like i’m just doing nothing being dragged along slowly being scraped into nothing#soon i’ll be an unfeeling lump of meat and viscera.i guess#now it really just doesn’t feel very nice#to exist or do anything or not do anything#i am incompatible with life#the guilt eats me alive#i’m sorry i’m not happy… i’m sorry it isn’t enough#i’m sorry i can’t do more and be better idk why i just cant pick myself up and keep moving for that long anymore#smh everything sucks dude#i’m going to bed#new day tmr#it will probably be mildly agonizing but generally tolerable as always#and always and always and always and
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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Tumblr dot Com
I have 10 blogs
Yes 10
Everyday I get on Tumblr the first thing I do is check my activity and what do i find
pornbots
I have to go and report pornbots every day on all of my accounts
which for the record is like two per blog
so I waste my time
clicking report > Spam
and still nothing gets done about it
I am so fucking
tired of all these god damn
pornbots on Tumblr
#I cannot be fucking bothered to report them anymore#I cannot#I have done my duty#I reported over a hundred this last week#I need staff to step the fuck up and stop this bullshit#I need staff to get off their asses and DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS#I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF PORNBOTS#THIS HAS GONE ON FOR TOO LONG#seriously ready to leave bad fucking reviews on the playstore to get them to fucking deal with this bullshit#I'm fed up beyond all measure#Stupid fucking pornbots#block all pornbots#ban and block all pornbots ASAP
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big debate in the office today as to how to avoid food smell from getting around the house while you cook. consensus was "brick the kitchen and anyone who is cooking in it". margaret, i'm not going to expend time, resources, and effort in this short life to put up the elaborate fiction that I do not, in fact, live in the house that I actually reside in. i'm sorry you've been taught to attach shame to regular human activities but i will be cooking and eating inside my house
#jesus do these people not possess windows that can be opened#i think the issue here is that a lot of people do not know how to cook anymore#they dont take cooking and food seriously#they consider them a hobby like idk fucking dog races or what#so they cannot deal#fucking lost it at we cook with the door closed in the kitchen#brother in christ do you know how much time you will spend cooking in your life? eating? it's a SHARED BONDING ACTIVITY FOR MARY MAGDALENE'#sake i can't imagine isolating anyone in my house like that because they're cooking food I will eat#extremely strange behaviour
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#so because i hate myself obviously i decided to finally finish naruto. after all those years. it was time#and damn you guys. and here i mean you guys who love this show. i would like to ask you how#i skipped all the filler eps for my own sanity (thank you anime filler list i owe you several hours of my life)#i have seen the first 250eps or so when it was still freshly coming out all those *checks watch* eleven years ago. wow. horrifying.#so it only took me like 3 days since i also kept skipping all the flashback scenes. some of which i have seen at least 20 times#im not even joking. 20 times. the exact same scenes. within 100-200 eps. why and also fuck you#anyways#i have just a few more to go but i know how it ends anyways so its just a formality now but like. i have just one teeny tiny question#why the fuck. is sasuke evil again#for the ten thousandth time#yo fans of naruto. completely seriously how do you deal with this shit#i dont hate the show. it has been a huge formative anime of my childhood/adolescence. my entrance to fandom#my reason to learn english and also japanese#my reason to start drawing and writing and creating and so on and so forth#but my fucking dudes. the story writing of the show is so shit#the show couldve ended at ep 340 or so. for what reason were there fifty different plot twists#i swear no one was amazed anymore. there were no plot holes to fill i promise you. why would you keep snowballing more#''secret evil plots'' and ''actually even stronger eviler more god-like creature that wants to end humanity for whatever reason''#this is like number one rule of good story telling. you cannot keep telling the reader actually this was all someone else's evil plan#and then keep going with the ''actually'' three more times#im so annoyed because regardless of how bad the quality of the show always was and how mediocre some of the characters were#*cough* all the women ones *cough*#i still loved the show. if nothing else for nostalgia sake#but sasuke turning evil for the nth time like 10 eps before the show ends really makes me want to throw hands#to quote my real life friend chidi anagonye: the dot above the 'i' broke me. sasuke being evil again for one last plot twist did it#his character is so empty what the hell. i cant even say that his actions are out of character bc i dont think he even has any#also now that i started shitting at the show. whats with all those bible references. why?? for what reason???? stop?#i get izanagi and izanami and a literal ep called sengoku jidai but my dude. cant you just do one?#(if i see obito's tragic backstory flashback one more fucjing time i will lose it i swear on this. or worse - turn evil!)#also if anyone of you read this whole rant im sorry but also this ones on you <3
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thsc fans made me a kinder person wowie
#was talking with my gf some days ago and i have gotten less violent in my head HELPDGF#no bc personal rambles if ur not interested idm but#last year fucked me up so bad everyday i used to get strikes on insta for my private posts to vent it out#its the funniest shit to look back on tbh Help but i genuinely look back on some posts and go wow this motherfucker rly made me a violent-#person and he acted like all that happened to me was my fault#i seriously do not want another message from that fuck on ny birthday again i will make his life living fucking hell#this december will be full of copperright and thsc . i have not felt so emotionally vulnerable in so long LMAO#thanks to these little fucks i want to throw them around i love yhem#it took some silly gentle people of this fandom for me to realize perhaps i should tone down the violent humor#bc a friend in another friend group lately also opened up that hayy i think im. not ok with playful bullying anymore and i felt bad even#though i dont talk much there Fuck you timezones#i will admit the excessive usage of tone indicators in sticktwt seems too much to me but not a huge issue overall#i am but a reserved fucked up aunt of the thsc fandom that ppl seem to rly enjoy the reactions of when they post copperrifht HSGSSGD#i commissioned 5 people to draw copperright i think that's enough to tell the damage done to me by thsc#coping mechanism for when ur sick for a literal month without a day's break 👍#anyway erm maybe i love u guys what are u gonna do about it#i cannot for the life of me talk in dms without being anxious but tumblr and discord servers are what save my life#i am here but hiding behind a pole cartoon style#gootbye
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