#every single page makes me feel fucking ill

[thawthebeez]

every time i read haikyuu timeskip i feel the undeniable urge to explode one million thousand explosions forever

[bogos-bint3d]

Oooooooo you wanna find me great incredible Undyne centric content that I haven't seen before and will be consumed by ooooooooooo

[versegm]

I originally wanted to post this zine, which is a beginner-friendly introduction to what "intersex" means, but tumblr did that funny little thing where the post was invisible from dashboard, presumably because it was deemed nsfw. Sorry for using real words on my educational post instead of censoring myself I suppose.

So yeah. Instead you get this zine, which I made because I am pissed off that every single time I look up "intersex" anywhere I run into misconceptions that could be corrected by reading the wikipedia page on intersex people. Because I fucking guess "making a post about a group of people and actually looking up said group of people" is too much to ask.

And because this is the "piss on the poor" website: yes, I am well aware that most people are genuinely ignorant and don't mean any ill. Yes, I know it must feel really bad to see a post about a random person yelling at you about an issue you weren't aware of until now. This isn't about you. This is about me. This is for me, because every six months I make the blandest most sanded down "btw remember that intersex people exist :]" post and I feel like I'm yelling into the uncaring void. I am tired. I am so very tired of being the "friendly educational blogger who is understanding of everyone's circumstances." I'm more than that. I should be allowed to be more than that.

Anyways. Happy pride. Read up on every letter of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. At least the wikipedia page. Come on. Just the wikipedia page.

[landoughnut]

My Woman

♡ masterlist - request - emoji anons

♡ pairing - max verstappen x fem!reader (fc - cindy kimberly)

♡ summary - max fighting with people thirsting in his girlfriends comments

♡ warnings - horny/simp max, crack, some fluff, some cursing, use of y/n

♡ w/c & a/n - smau | i actually love writing these ones but ive gotta learn how to do the other types of smau's people make with twitter and stuff ahahahaha

maxverstappen1 CBUXHNHDUNZ liked by yourusername

maxvertsappen1 WHAT THE FUCK 😫 THATS MY GIRLFRIEND

yourusername HEHEHE 🤭

username max represents all of us 🫦

maxverstappen1 get off of my girls page 😑

username i dont think i will 🙂

maxverstappen1 tf?? yes you will

username no

maxverstappen1 yes

username no.

maxverstappen1 YES

danielricciardo MAX YOU CHILD liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 traitors. the both of you.

maxvertsappen1 IF I SPEAK-

yourusername YOU FLATTER ME 💋

maxverstappen1 I CANT HELP IT YOURE SO GORGEOUS 😻 liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 YOU DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT THIS???

yourusername IM SORRYYY YOU CAN SEE IT TONIGHT 😉

maxverstappen1 great now i need to take a shower ☺️

landonorris THERE ARE KIDS ON THIS APP

maxverstappen1 close your eyes then norris, you already saw too much.

yourusername CLOCKED HIM

username OH. MY. GOSHHH.

maxverstappen1 ID ARGUE BUT I AGREE 🫠

maxverstappen1 COME HOME THE KIDS MISS YOU 🥵😍

georgerussell63 kids???

yourusername haha one day, but he means jimmy and sassy

maxverstappen1 ONE DAY?? IM GOING TO FAINT 😵

schecoperez here to inform you max is blushing and giggling rn liked by yourusername

username i dont know what's more unusual, checo commenting or him using "rn"

maxvertsappen1 that would be y/n trying to teach him how to use technology

username MOMMYYYYYY

maxverstappen1 GET BACK I SAY🤺

username DO YOU NEED A DOG?? I CAN BARK 😍🐶

maxvertsappen1 she does not. we are very happy with our cats.

alexandrasaintmleux OBSESSED WITH YOU

yourusername I MISS YOU BAE

alexandrasaintmleux I MISS YOU MORE 💞 liked by yourusername

username dont be shy show some more

danielricciardo disgusting perv

maxveartsappen1 ew fucking creep leave

yourusername blocked

maxverstappen1 😘

username this trio >>>>>

username MARRY ME

maxverstappen1 yeahhhhhh no. 👎

username IM FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND GNAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE.

maxverstappen1 ive never related to something more

yourusername 😭😭😭

username i need her so bad

maxverstappen1 too bad she's in my bed every night 😁

yourusername poor red bull admin 😔

redbullracing I need a raise 😪 (you look unreal btw ;)

yourusername LOVE YOU BSF

milliebobbybrown WOW WOW WOW

yourusername AHH HI MILLIE ILY 🫶

milliebobbybrown WE NEED TO HANG OUT ONE DAY !! liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 🤤🤤 liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1 ON MY KNEES 🧎‍♂️

yourusername ill hold you to that 😘

maxverstappen1 mouth is watering

carlossainz55 i feel like im intruding...

maxverstappen1 you are. shoo 🙃

username PLEASE JUST ONE CHANCE 😩

maxverstappen1 in your dreams 😂

maxverstappen1 i take that back dont dream about her

username this guy 😭

maxverstappen1 HOW DID I GET THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD AS MIJN VRIENDIN ☹️ (my girlfriend)

yourusername AWHH I LOVE YOU LIEVELING 🥹 (darling)

maxverstappen1 IK HOU HET MEEST VAN JOU ❣️ (i love you most)

landonorris i ask myself the same thing every day tbh

maxverstappen1 stay mad and single 🫵🏻😂

landonorris fuck you 🫵🏻😂

maxverstappen1 im afraid thats y/n's job 😝 liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc alex told me to tell you she loves your dress, because her phone died

yourusername HEHEHE BLUSHING GIVE HER A KISS FOR ME

charles_lecerc uhhh no

maxverstappen1 thank you charles 🙄

georgerussell63 max was obsessing over you in the gc just so you know

maxverstappen1 excuse you?? dont out me like that 😤

yourusername MY BBYYY TALKS ABOUT ME TO YOU GUYS? i love you so much 💋

danielricciardo he doesn't shut up once you're brought up

maxverstappen1 shhhh danny. I LOVE YOU MORE liked by yourusername

username can max fight???

maxverstappen1 you bet i can 😒

yourusername no need for violence my love im just for you 💕

maxverstappen1 mrs rabbit has fainted

username i need a man who loves me like how he loves y/n ☹️ liked by yourusername

oscarpiastri lily is dying to meet you!!

yourusername awhh same!! tell her to dm me 🎀🤭

username 🔥🔥🔥

maxverstappen1 🧯🧯🧯

username chat is this real 😭

danielricciardo thats my bestie 💅

yourusername MWAHHH I MISS YOU

danielricciardo ME TOO TELL MAX TO STOP HOGGING YOU liked by yourusername

lorenzo_zurzolo bellissima

yourusername OH MY GOSH IM SHGBKCDEGXEGCUB I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LORENZO

maxverstappen1 WHAT HAPPENED TO "IM JUST FOR YOU💕" ???

yourusername SHH ITS LORENZO ZURZOLO

lorenzo_zurzolo im very honored ahaha ❤️

maxverstappen1 pass me the gun. but let me bleach my eyes first.

username prettiest girl ever

maxverstappen1 she is🫠

carmenmundt beautiful beautiful girl!!

yourusername AHH CARMEN BBY

carmenmundt MISS YOU GIRLFRIEND 😊

lilymhe SOOO GORGEOUS I TOOK THIS PICTURE ‼️

yourusername MHMM LOVE YOU LILS XX💗

lilymhe LOVE YOU MORE liked by yourusername

username i cant with this fucking caption😭

danielricciardo yeah i told him it was corny 🙄

maxverstappen1 hey i think its nice 😕

yourusername dont worry i think its kinda sweet

maxverstappen1 SEE?? her opinion is the only one that matters to me anyway

username they're my otp🥹 liked by maxverstappen1

oscarpiastri the amout of content of you and y/n on my feed is concerning

maxverstappen1 😜

username she is GLOWINGGGG

maxverstappen1 i know right she's so beautiful

yourusername max 🥹 i always glow around you

maxverstappen1 you're going to make me cry 😢

danielricciardo my favorite couple EVER 👏 liked by maxverstappen1

yourusername BESTFRIENDDD

danielricciardo BESTFRIEND 🤝

lilymhe MY WIFEE RIGHT THERE SHES STUNNING

maxverstappen1 I dont see her wearing a ring with YOUR initials carved into it 🥱

yourusername DONT LISTEN TO HIM LILY LETS ELOPE 😘

lilymhe YES PLEASE 🙏

maxverstappen1 looks like its gonna be a five rounder minimum tonight 🤭

lilymhe EXCUSE ME ?!?!?!?

yourusername MAX

maxverstappen1 😸

landonorris buds lost it

maxverstappen shut up norizz

landonorris not you too😒

username SHES AN ANGEL OML

maxverstappen1 RIGHTTTT 😻

maxverstappen1 MEOW MEOW MEOW 🐱

charles_leclerc not only are you meowing at your girlfriend... but you're doing it on your own post of her??

maxverstappen1 correct, bravo!! problem with it?😤

charles_leclerc .......

username SHES SO FINEEE liked by maxverstappen1

username ive never wanted to be a wine glass more

maxverstappen1 so real.

alexandrasaintmleux THE DRESS AND MAKEUP HOLY SMOKES😍 liked by maxverstappen1

yourusername THANK YOU ALEXXXX

lilymhe ALEX IS MAD CAUSE IVE BEEN STARING AT THIS PIC FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES 😋

maxverstappen1 as he should be 🫡

honeymoon YUMMYYYYY

yourusername 💍❓

username i need her to dom me in bed ngl

maxverstappen HELLL NAH THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOMS IS ME

yourusername oh my gosh max 😭

alex_albon wow comments are getting more unhinged every day

lilymhe okay but i agree with username

alex_albon 👎

username SHE CAN RUN ME OVER AND ID APOLOGIZE

maxverstappen1 how about I run you over instead ☺️

redbullracing he's just joking 😅

maxverstappen1 dont lie to them

yourusername MY MANNNN ❣️

maxverstapepn MY WOMANNNN

[pparadiselost]

your noa fanfic drove me crazy there is nothing i wouldn't do for you to write about ego 🧎

actaeon.

ego jinpachi x fem reader ego sets up the perfect trap to make you undeniably his. warning(s): nsfw, noncon, being filmed without consent, exhibitionism minors do not interact. author's note: hello there! thank you so much for sending in a request!! this one... got a little out of hand and gnarly, so if you'd prefer that i write a fic without the dark content, please shoot me another ask and i'll happily write up another fic for you!! (ノ*°▽°*)

ego jinpachi is distinctly aware of who he is as a person, and he’s distinctly aware of the privileges that come with his odd place as the coach of the blue lock project. he’s sworn under some legal masquerade to use his power only for the betterment of soccer’s future, as if anything other than his obsession with the sport flows inside his veins. 

he knows his place as a heretic. he’s an outcast always looking in: the director but never the star, the god but never the devotee, the abyss but never the light. he’s seen the way people distances themselves away from him, be it anri or even veterans like noel. ego is perfectly content playing the role he does. his crazed behavior brings the end, and in his worldview, the ends always justify the means.

but that doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy the unforeseen pleasures that spring up along the thorny path. he’s a free man now, and he has the world at his disposal. fortune favors the bold, but happiness favors the hedons. 

“you’re so sloppy,” he drawls in that condescending voice of his. if it weren’t for the slight edge to it, you would think it sounded robotic. his long cock is buried deep into you as you squirm in his lap, and his long arms hold you flush and captive against his chest. 

you’re faced with the horrifying sight of every single one of ego’s giant monitors lit up, each one displaying you. they’re all relatively innocent moments from your life. you’re eating breakfast in one, scrolling through your phone on the other, paging through a book you picked up in another… things that, creepy as they may be, are candid snapshots of your average life. 

except for the singular monitor facing center stage, seeming to mock you. you watch, stricken with fear, as the video plays a recording of you stuffing your fingers in your cunt, your pussy stretched out unmistakably on display. ego grins devilishly, and he thrusts in rhythm with the video of you masturbating.

“n-no… don’t do this to me-,” you squeak out. you need to clear your mind, need to speak reason into him, need to persuade him to get rid of these clips and to quit using all the cameras in the building for ill, and yet with his cock sliding in and out of you, it’s impossible for you to get any of your priorities straight. “d-don’t thrust into me like that-!”

“but you like it. you like it when i fuck you to a video of you getting off,” he giggles. you don’t need to be looking at him to envision the crazed gleam he’s bound to have in his eyes. you hate how much your pussy flutters and stretches around his cock, your juices making you gush every time you sink back down onto his lap. 

his hands tweak at your nipples, and he pinches your hardened buds in rhythm with the video. every time your fingertips swirl at your sticky clit, he moves his hands accordingly. pleasure courses in hot flashes across your vision and your cunt, and your hips move lewdly on your own, against your better judgment. 

“feels good, doesn’t it?” he chuckles behind you. his voice sounds high-pitched and crazed, like he’s a schoolboy going crazy over a scrap of attention from his crush. you should be disgusted, you should be scared, and yet with each inch of his long cock that pushes in and out of your squeezing pussy, your mind threatens to go dangerously blank. 

you shake your head weakly. sparks of heat and pleasure light up inside your brain. the dull stretch inside of your walls has your stomach doing backflips, his cockhead prodding deliciously at all of your deepest parts. “no- not you- you can’t do anything to me-”

he clicks his tongue, and when your head slumps against your chest, trying to retain your sanity by looking away from all the lewd videos of you he’s hoarded, he hisses as if you’ve scorned him. he grabs your face harshly, long and calloused fingers digging into the flesh of your face and neck, and he wrenches your eyes upwards so that you can’t look away from the screen. 

you hate it. your vision blurs when tears glaze over your eyes, but that can’t save you from the video. your legs are spread shamelessly open, your drenched pussy fully out on view as you toy with yourself. your face is twisted into a clear moan, lips parted as you gasp and cry out in pleasure, fingers buried deep inside of your cunt. your juices drool generously out of your clenching hole, and your thighs quiver uncontrollably as you masturbate.

“see? i have all of this and more,” ego murmurs. the glee in his tone is unmistakable. “i know how you like to touch yourself, how you like to be fucked. it’s cute that you think you can hide anything from me. you’re more feisty than you let on, aren’t you?”

he thrusts harshly up into you, his heavy balls slapping up against your clit. you barely bite back a strangled cry, electric sparks springing up inside of your chest. something tight pulls at your core, heat swirling like a slow whirlpool. you grit your teeth, and your breathing grows shallows. the friction of his cock rubbing into your gummy walls feels sinfully good, and his almost inhuman length makes it ridiculously easy for his tip to ghost over all of your sensitive parts.

it’s a lethal combination. his dick is just as long and tall as the rest of him is, not too thick but so long and enough to fill you up perfectly. each pump of his cock into you has you seeing stars, your nerves twitching and collapsing under the mounting pressure inside of your pussy. maybe it’s that, but maybe it’s also all the time he’s spent in the shadows, learning every inch of your body through the illicit videos and streams he’s collected of you, memorizing every quirk, every kink you have, making sure he knows by heart the best way to get you to crumble under his touch.

he was a feral beast that had been lying in wait, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. all you needed to do was to let your guard down for a split second, and he took full advantage of it to expose every single one of your weaknesses.

“don’t your worry. i’ll prove to you that i mean everything i say. there’s nothing i hate more than someone that can’t live up to their bragging. results… results are the only things that matter in this world—,” his sick laughter snaps you back out of your grief, “—even if that means making you cum until you’re a fucked out mess.”

he grips at your thighs, spreading your legs open a bit further in his lap so he can fuck his cock even deeper into you. your head feels heavy, a loaded scream locked in your throat when his tip starts fucking into your deep spots. you swear he’s hitting at your cervix, his cockhead trying to pry the entrance to your womb open so he can defile you thoroughly. you wouldn’t put it past him; ego was never the kind of guy to be satisfied with only doing the job halfway. it was always all or nothing with him.

pleasure consumes you from the inside out, his length stretching you out obscenely. your tight walls were massaging him so expertly, and ego can almost delude himself into believing that your cunt was made just to fit around his dick. you were made for him, made to be his perfect mate, and all the times he spent pleasuring himself to the illicit videos he took of you couldn’t even come close to actually getting his paws all over you.

“right here, isn’t it?” he thrusts up harshly into you, and you jerk back against his chest when heat slams down onto your skin. he’s abusing your g-spot, relentlessly bullying your sweet spots. helpess cries escape from you unwillingly as he fucks into you at his pace, his thrusts too sharp and too quick for you to relax into it, but your brain eagerly soaks up the friction. your cunt is begging for cock, wanting the addictive feeling of being filled up disrespectfully like you were just some loose toy, keeping you at constant odds with your shattered rationale. 

ego giggles in your ear, and you know his words are right. he does genuinely have you struggling futilely in the palm of his hand. you’re overwhelmed by all of the sensations around you: the haunting image of your fingers stuffed in your pussy flickering behind your eyes like a mocking vision. your hole was unknowingly milking him over and over, the shame and embarrassment of having to watch yourself fingering yourself while getting fucked making your pussy fall victim to all of the confusing pleasures.

“i can feel you getting tighter and tighter. i’m making you feel good,” he mocks you. his hands keep squeezing at your boobs, mesmerized by the soft flesh of your chest. his balls slap up against your skin, just waiting to spill his seed into your pussy and make you his forever. he sounds so pleased with himself. “you love to act like you’re all high and mighty, but we’re the same, you and i. it’s why i think you’re perfect for me. you’re just as dirty, just as much of a freak, and it’s my job to make sure you know that.”

tightness flares in your gut as if it’s mocking you. you don’t want to cum, don’t want to break that final boundary, don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re fully getting off of being manhandled and disgraced like this. but your body was never yours this entire time, and whatever madness possesses you right now only cares about the long dick sliding in and out of you.

“are you gonna cum? you’re gonna cum, aren’t you? filthy girl.” he twists your nipples harshly as if to emphasize his last few words. you feel so heavy and so weak all at once, broken down bit by bit and torn apart like a sheet of paper. how could you even dream of fighting back? you grit your teeth, not wanting to think about the frothy ring of ivory forming at the base of his cock, where your entrance is enticingly stretched out. “cumming from having a guy like me defile you… cumming from getting fucked while i play a video of you playing with yourself… filthy, filthy girl.”

tears had dotted over your vision a long time ago, and this was already a battle for you to lose the moment you got roped into his trap. your pride grips at your mind one last time, and you flex your thighs, wishing yourself the strength to forgive yourself when the worst of this would be over. even if intuitively, you knew that this was nothing more than the beginning to a wretched, wicked fall from grace, you wanted to take what little your remaining sanity could afford you.

you muster up the firmest voice you can. “you’re the absolute worst- you’re the scummiest man i know!”the lanky man simply laughs again, unaffected by your hurled insults. “oh, please. you’re just too predictable? you think i don’t know that? you think i wouldn’t consider myself scummy and awful after i’ve filmed you for so long in secret? what a stupid whore you are. it’s a good thing you have that pretty body of yours. otherwise, you’d really be nothing more than an unsalvageable excuse for a human being. naïve, gullible, all too easy for me to take advantage of…”

he pauses for a moment, and he leans in. horror settles in your psyche again when you can feel his hot breath fanning over the curve of your ear, and he presses a sickeningly gentle kiss right behind your ear. 

“and if i’m the scummy one,” he murmurs contemplatively, “what does that make you? you’re the one getting off on it. you say you’re not, but your body doesn’t lie to me. i can feel every little fucking thing that slutty pussy of yours is doing whenever i fuck myself into you.”

your stomach twists, painfully and needily, and your legs shake as his cockhead keeps ramming into your sweet spot. his tip bullies you right where you like it most, and your vision glazes over, threatening to go hazy and leave you at the mercy of this terrible man. you’re gonna cum—you can feel it. you can feel the heat building up inside of your core, the depraved tension just about to break.

you clench your eyes shut and brace yourself. your walls are greedily sucking onto his length, the wet noises of your bodies coming together echoing across the room. your toes curl as the pleasure overtakes your mind, and it feels like a second pulse is forming in your cunt, your body no longer willing to listen to you.

you grit your teeth and throw your head back against ego’s shoulder, much to his delight. “...nngh-!”

your pussy clamps down on his cock, milking him with all it has. it feels like something deep inside your stomach is exploding, and heat grips you all over. your nerves all feel as if they’ve been lit on fire. pleasure floods your brain as your pussy quivers and throbs. you hate that it feels good, a pleasure so blinding that your vision spins and it feels like you’re losing your center of gravity. any lingering strength escapes from your body as you shamelessly orgasm all over the cock that’s stuffed deep inside you, your walls fluttering all around his length and drooling around it as if it's the most delicious thing your cunt has felt. 

even as your high consumes you entirely, ego continues to fuck his hips upwards into you, threatening to break your body in half over his dick. you let out an incoherent cry, thrashing weakly against his frame. “n-nooo… d-don’t…!”

he laughs, his voice raspy and evil. “you came, didn’t you? don’t fucking lie to me. i told you i can feel everything, can’t i? that pretty little pussy of yours came from getting fucked by my cock. and to think you were going on and on about how you hated me that much… you’re not above getting dicked down, are you now? that’s what i thought… you really do look the prettiest when you’ve been fucked out like this.”

you don’t even have it in yourself to fight back against him. his cock weighs heavy inside of you, still thrusting rapidly into you despite the overstimulation that starts to claw at your weary insides. it’s too much; he’s moving too much at his own peace without any consideration as to whether or not you can fully keep up. but you don’t have any remaining fight to do anything to defend yourself, and it’s all you can do to even keep your head upright as he pistons his hips into you as if you’re his personal sex toy.

he twitches dangerously inside you, savoring the newfound tightness of your walls from fucking you straight through your orgasm. you’re sobbing softly, unable to form full thoughts and just crying out, praying that this whole thing will stop soon so you can tend to whatever remnants of your shattered psyche you can salvage. he’s close too: you can feel the way his cock throbs and shudders inside of you as he drags his inches in and out, the way his balls tense up against the curve of your ass, his ragged breathing and his muttered threats of stuffing your cunt up so full with his cum that not even contraception can save you from being marked inside and out by him.

you brace yourself. it should be over once he’s done having his fun with you.

but instead, he pauses. you peel your eyelids open at the sudden stop, and you gasp when he leans forward in the seat he has you trapped in between. he’s still buried deep inside you, his cockhead pressed up dangerously against the entrance to your womb, but he reaches for the controls of his monitor.

you know better than to think he has anything good in mind by reaching for his technology. but ego is faster, smarter, in all ways better at thinking a step ahead of you, and after pressing a button, he quickly traps you in between his long limbs to keep you from moving. you whimper pathetically, your legs spread out to reveal your stretched out cunt being continuously speared on his dick.

“shhhh,” he chuckles, the maniacal gleam in his eyes twinkling with an unmatched madness. horror swirls again inside of your gut when you hear the mechanic whirring of a camera, and your fears are confirmed when the giant camera lens atop his many desktop monitors swings towards the two of you, seemingly focusing straight onto your fucked out, restrained form, getting fucked out helpessly like some scene straight out of a porno.

in another move of faux affection, he kisses the shell of your ear. “letting you get off with only getting creampied is too predictable, don’t you agree? just you wait, my filthy girl… in a few seconds, that camera is going to display everything we’re doing to the entire facility… those hungry, hungry boys are going to see you bouncing up and down on my cock, and they’re going to see every second of me filling up that little hole of yours with my cum.”

you don’t want to accept this ridiculous truth. this has to be a bad dream, a manifestation of your nightmares that you just can’t wake up from, and yet the painful aches at your thighs and inside your pussy tell you otherwise. this is the reality you’re trapped in, and you can’t run away from it.

“you’ll be all mine forever,” ego whispers as the cameras buzz to life, sealing your fate entirely. “i just have to make sure the entire world knows it.”

if you enjoyed my writing and would like to show appreciation, you can do so by donating to the humanitarian cause in gaza!

[buuniebaby]

You and hamzah being flirty friends but not ever doing anything until one night when yall hangout everything changes!!

NOT A LOT, JUST FOREVER. 🎀

includes: fluff! for the first time on my page lawll sorry for being a hoe for dis man. cc!reader oo

it’s not until late in the night when it hits you - an ache, deep in your chest, taking the breath out of you whenever you’re in his presence.

fuck.

you’re in love.

it’s no secret to anybody that you and hamzah have.. tension. sure, you guys play it up a little when you’re on camera or around friends, but there’s always been some sincerity deep down. at least, on your side.

that’s you’re only problem; you’re not sure if hamzah truly shares that sort of unspoken understanding. you find yourself overanalyzing every little joke he makes here and there, the way he acts around you, and even the way he acts around his other friends. he doesn’t jokingly flirt that way with martin is what your brain tells you, feeding into your delusions.

you’re snapped out of your train of thought by hamzah sliding into the chair next to you, pulling his phone out and setting it up on the table. speak of the devil.

“..what are you doing?” you say, watching as he opens tiktok. you shiver when his thigh grazes over your smooth, just-shaved legs as he turns to look at you, enthusiastically.

“me and martin are gonna do a tiktok live. i figured you would wanna be in it, or you could just like, exist on the side.” you roll your eyes at him, but your heart warms a little at the way he automatically included you, even without asking.

“oh, ok.. sure. it’s less fun when martin isn’t in the same room as you though.” you playfully joke, a grin beginning to form on both of your faces.

“i like having you here more than martin, don’t worry.” is all he says back. you think you feel yourself twitch at that.

when the live starts, donations are immediately rolling in. as soon as he sees one of those filter donations pop up, he’s grabbing the phone and making sure it’s focused on you so you’re the one with the stupid filter on your face instead of him. every. single. time. you roll your eyes, but you know you’re not annoyed by it.

as you two continue to stream along with martin, the chat begins to feel the same way as you do. every little “are they dating??” or “y/n back off hes mine” gives you a twisted feeling of satisfaction. it’s taking so much energy out of you to not just kiss him right then and there.

eventually, martin gets off, but hamzah wants to stay on live. he eventually finds himself requesting to join random people’s lives. especially… little kids who are probably too young to be on tiktok.

you guys end up doing tiktok “battles” against a little boy who doesn’t look a day over 12. it’s funny, until the kid asks a question that really makes you feel crazy.

“is that your girlfriend?” is all you hear before your eyes widen. yet before you can even panic, hamzah is already cutting you off.

“yeah.”

holy fuck.

“we’re actually in a throuple, our boyfriend isn’t here right now.”

nevermind.

even if he’s obviously joking, the thought of hamzah calling you his girlfriend so casually feels so right. you can imagine him introducing you as his, being your man-

“bro, you’re lying. kiss her right now and ill believe you.” says the kid, snapping you out of your daydreams.

immediately, a loud “WOAAHH” comes from hamzah, laughing at the shocking comment from the kid on the other side of the screen.

“five bucks bro, five bucks if you kiss her.”

your cheeks are on fire right now - you feel like if you looked in the mirror, you’d probably look like you just came from a beach day in the middle of arizona. you know hamzah isn’t going to actually kiss you, but the way he’s awkwardly laughing and looking down at you really-

holy shit.

he just kissed you.

HAMZAH JUST KISSED YOU?

it’s a quick kiss, a simple peck on the lips, but it feels like forever as he grabs your face and leans in. you aren’t even processing what just happened yet. he just.. kissed you? on live?

you watch as the chat panics just as much as you are. “HUHH??” and “I KNEWW HE LIKED HER OMG” is all you can see as you stare at the phone with your mouth open. even hamzah seems a little shocked with himself too, as he quickly ends the live without saying anything.

you two sit there in silence for a second.

“what just.. happened?” you ask, making eye contact with him. because genuinely, what the fuck just happened.

his immediate reaction is to rapidly apologize. a series of “fuck- I shouldn’t have- not in front of viewers- im sorry-“ is all you hear before you shut him up and kiss him again.

there’s passion in this kiss, lasting longer than the first one. your hands wrap around his neck, gently caressing it with your fingers.

as you pull away, he just stares at you, breathless.

“i’ve wanted this for so, so long hamzah.”

[mintmatcha]

cw: a weird vent piece lol, suicide mention, no quirks au, mentally ill reader

You always fuck with your shirt on. You'd wear more, if you could, but you haven't figured out how to do it with your pants on yet.

You pull the sheets over your sweat chilled legs and hope he didn't notice the spots you missed shaving. If he did, Natsuo doesn't seem to mind. His arm is tucked under your head, muscle fibers occasionally twitching underneath you and turning the soft mass dense.

Sometimes, Natsuo keeps his shirt on too. Neither of you have ever asked the other about it; there's a mutual understanding when a hand is stopped.

"Do you work tonight?" he asks.

You shake your head as his body relaxes deeper into the mattress.

"I'm gonna do laundry if you want to throw your stuff in," he mumbles, "I'll get you junk to sleep in."

The medical textbooks he was studying are still on the floor, flipped to random pages of different cycles and tissues, abandoned in exchange for you. If Natsuo fails his midterms, it'll be your fault. If he passes, he'll be leaving the city next semester for his hospital rotations.

Part of you wants him to fail. It's that dirty, evil part that no one else seems to have, the part you try to starve, but it keeps growing anyway. It nips at you whenever the room gets too quiet.

It's teeth are extra sharp today.

"You're so sweet." You speak into his skin, "I don't know how you're still single."

A sharp inhale is sucked through his teeth, cutting through his smile. Natsuo takes in all of your features and you know he's wondering why you're saying these things-- why you're purposefully bringing this up.

"Well, sweetie-" His tone is light, like he's avoiding stepping on glass, stepping on glass. With every word, he walks his fingers on your arm, spanning from elbow to shoulder, "I'm only single because you keep turning me down."

The overhead fan whizzes. The part you try to starve sinks its teeth into your chest.

"Natsuo, we've talked about this," you say, "I don't date."

You sit up and swing a leg over him, straddling his hips. A trail of white hair runs down his stomach and down under the sheets, disappearing where the two of you meet. He holds you by the hem of your tee, just tight enough to hold you in place.

"Would it be so bad?" he whispers.

"Here's what would happen, alright?" You brush your fingers through his sweat touched hair and it bounces right back into place the second you pull away. It makes you giggle a bit and he mirrors you, an unsure, foolish optimism in his eyes, "Let's just say I met this wonderful, beautiful boy and tricked-"

"Tricked?" he scoffs.

"Tricked him into loving me." You want to kiss him, but it feels cruel for both of you. Instead, you just cup his jaw in your hands and cradle him, letting the weight of him slump into your palms, "He'd treat me right and bring me home to meet his parents, 'cause he was raised right and, even though he's really smart, he'd think he's in love."

Fingers squeeze at your hips.

"But the second I left, his parents would tell him that he deserves someone prettier and smarter and, and, and better," you say, "And they'd be right."

“My mom’s nice," He drops your pretense with a whisper, ruining your not so careful charade. “She wouldn’t say that.”

He doesn’t mention his dad. There’s a silent sentence there. One that says, “But he might.” It’s hard to keep your brain from sticking to that point, from sticking your thumb into this metaphorical soft spot.

“I mean, she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she’d think it," you say, “She’d sit there and think ‘that girl's not good enough for my son' and she'd be right."

He scoff he lets out is uneasy, almost a songed laugh, more pained than annoyed. "My mom is nice."

This conversation is hurting him, but you can't stop yourself.

"And they'd tell you to break up with me, but you wouldn't listen to them, 'cause you're head strong like that. You'd probably date me in spite of them for while," you ramble, "But then you'd go away and you'd meet some pretty, normal girl and you'd realize they were right. They were always right. I was right."

The overhead fan whizzes.

"So, it's better if I just don't date at all,"

Natsuo's grip dissolves and you think you see it then - the moment whatever is between you dies. A hollowness passes over his features, empty eyes and sucked cheeks, as he ducks his head down to rest his face against your chest. Chin against the soft of your tits, he seems farther away than ever.

You could gloat. You could cry. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy once again.

Natsuo sighs and his words slip so easily from him that you almost don't process what he's saying. "You're so sad. I wish you'd get help."

That catches you off guard. The control over this conversation is ripped away, your curtain drops, and you suddenly feel very, horribly seen.

"What?" You try to laugh it off, leaning back to escape the way he watches you.

"Sometimes I wake up and you're not here," he says, "And I worry that's the last time I'll ever see you."

You understand the implication.

"I'm not gonna kill myself." It might be the truth, you think.

"Yeah," His arms wrap around your waist again, snaking the air from your lungs, "Touya promised me that too."

Touya is only ever mentioned over too many beers and tears you're not allowed to remember the next morning. He was only 16, only a couple years older than Natsuo, but the ghosts still linger to this day, always tucked into the back of the room, stalking, haunting.

Natsuo comes from money and fame. His apartment is paid for by his father. He's never had to work to afford food. At first, you resented him for that; you wanted that ease and safety his family afforded him.

But everything comes at a cost. Every unhappy family is unhappy in there own ways.

"I'm sorry that you keep loving things that break." That is the truth. You're just the end of a line of his mistakes, starting all the way at mom and dad and trailing through every girlfriend ever since.

"I do love you. And it's not despite the fact you're 'broken'," Natsuo takes your hand with a resounding firmness. It reminds you of that thing they say about golden retrievers; the smart ones can hold an egg in their jaws without shattering the shell. Natsuo holds you like he understands you in some deep, intrinsic way, "Or because of it or whatever."

He doesn't look away, those bright, wide eyes bluer than ever.

"I just like all your little pieces." He kisses your knuckles one by one, trailing from thumb to pinkie to thumb again.

The room is silent. The bad part of you is no longer begging to eat. Maybe it's full for now, but you know it's just out of focus, stalking in the dark, biding its time.

"You should study." You slip from him and reclaim your own space in the bed. After a long, simple pause, Natsuo gets up himself, collecting his boxers from the floor.

"Yeah," he says, "You're right."

The hurt you've caused is no longer comfortable to live in. Your mouth is dry, thirsty for a change you're not sure how to make. Recovery feels like a big leap-- loving and being loved feels every farther away.

All you can do is shuffle your feet against the sheets and take the tiniest step towards normalcy.

"Do you want to get brunch tomorrow before your classes?" you offer your olive branch, your silent promise, "I'll pay."

He weighs this, measuring it for sincerity, then smiles just wide enough your get a glimpse of teeth.

"Let me get you something to sleep in."

For now, it's enough.

[butchhamlet]

i said i was going to arrange a list of my favorite articles/criticism about shakespeare, so here’s my first little roundup! obligatory disclaimer that i don’t necessarily agree with or endorse every single point of view in each word of these articles, but they scratch my brain. will add to this list as i continue reading, and feel free to add your own favorites in the reblogs! :]

essays

Is Shakespeare For Everyone? by Austin Tichenor (a basic examination of that question)

Interrogating the Shakespeare System by Madeline Sayet (counterpoint/parallel to the above; on Shakespeare’s place in, and status as, imperialism)

Shakespeare in the Bush by Laura Bohannan (also a good parallel to the above; on whether Shakespeare is really culturally “universal”)

The Unified Theory of Ophelia: On Women, Writing, and Mental Illness ("I was trying to make sense of the different ways men and women related to Ophelia. Women seemed to invoke her like a patron saint; men seemed mostly interested in fetishizing her flowery, waterlogged corpse.”)

Hamlet Is a Suicide Text—It’s Time to Teach It Like One (on teaching shakespeare plays about suicide to high schoolers)

Commuting With Shylock by Dara Horn (on listening to MoV with a ten-year-old son, as modern jewish people, to look at that eternal question of Is This Play Antisemitic?)

All That Glisters is Not Gold (NPR episode, on whether it’s possible to perform othello, taming of the shrew, & merchant to do good instead of harm)

academic articles

the Norton Shakespeare’s intro to the Merchant of Venice (apologies about the highlights here; they are not mine; i scanned this from my rented copy)

the Norton Shakespeare’s intro to Henry the Fourth part 1 (and apologies for the angled page scans on this one; see above)

Richard II: A Modern Perspective by Harry Berger Jr (this is the article that made me understand richard ii)

Hamlet’s Older Brother (“Hamlet and Prince Hal are in the same situation, the distinction resting roughly on the difference between the problem of killing a king and the problem of becoming one. ... Hamlet is literature’s Mona Lisa, and Hal is the preliminary study for it.”)

Egyptian Queens and Male Reviewers: Sexist Attitudes in Antony & Cleopatra Criticism (about more than just reviewers; my favorite deconstruction of shakespeare’s cleopatra in general)

Strange Flesh: Antony and Cleopatra and the Story of the Dissolving Warrior (“If Troilus and Cressida is [Shakespeare’s] vision of a world in which masculinity must be enacted in order to exist, Antony and Cleopatra is his vision of a world in which masculinity not only must be enacted, but simply cannot be enacted, his vision of a world in which this particular performance has broken down.”)

misc

Elegy of Fortinbras by Zbigniew Herbert (poem that makes me fucking insane)

Dirtbag Henry IV (what it sounds like.)

Cleopatra and Antony by Linda Bamber (what if a&c... was good.)

[kibblemode]

I know like nothing about any of ur ocs or works so, could you sum up telling me about whichever you want so I can ask more questions in person? Please feel free to make the ask as long as possible!

stares autistically...YAYU..galaxy quest is my Main ocverse bc its almost 11 yrs old now and its just been a default in my mind since i was 11-12ish but capitalist creepshow is a close 2nd with how fleshed out it is...my oc carrd has some good info character wise but its lacking on worldbuilding + plot stuff bc im insanely character focused and suck at that shit badly LOL, also the plot/episode page and number of seasons on gq's page is outdated bc i recently like completely redid the plot and havent updated it yet 😭 anyway u can have existing gq lore. sorry if this is weirdly worded and hard to understand im at work rn 😢 i also have a couple scattered tumblr posts on random important bits of lore/character stuff ill get them later. oh ya and toyhouse if u want to see whos who or whatever. a couple side characters havent been redesigned yet but ill get there eventually lol

gq is like. a 90s-2000s CN styled adult cartoon (i always sum it up as if futurama and chowder were 1 cartoon. BIG BIG influences from chowder especially with the voice acting my goddd )..its Planned to have 5 seasons, it used to be 4 but with the new plot i had to add one to fit it in without Completely starting over on every single season lol, also perhaps 1 semi canon movie and a small side series for a bunch of silly mostly canon fillers i couldnt fit into the show itself.

so like i said im bad at having a consistent plot, also words are hard for me so ur getting a Very shitty bastardized version of what i Do have.

Basically it takes place mostly on 2 planets, earth and alkaliba(i hate this name i made it up when i was like 15ish, i just cant think of something better rn😔) its initially in 2009, but actually this is like a Different 2009. bc basically there was a mass extinction like several hundred million years ago and everything just kinda started over but like only Slightly different (sounds stupid af out loud but just trust me ok) alkaliba had existed for a Very long time the next galaxy over and it just so happens that the planet is dying and all their natural resources are fucked. so melody (lenarrs mom) set up an agreement with alkaliba that they could borror resources from earth. (melody is thousands of years old, but thats a secret lol) also melody was from another dimension Also a very powerful sorcerer and kept most of her spells and whatnot in her journal But its written in her native dimensions language which nobody on earth (except lenarr) can read. anyway she used her magic to connect the 2 planets using a series of portals called stargates (again. subject to change, also they connect to a Lot of other planets besides just earth but whatever) that allowed ppl to easily travel between the 2. bc of this alkaliba Kinda "colonized" (FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD) earth? and that was normal for a few thousand years.

anyway for s1 jump ahead to where canon starts (2009) tix is sent to earth by meredith (queen of alkaliba, tix is her son but u dont know that until later in s1 when they actually Go to alkaliba) to pretty much track lenarr down and convince him to use his powers he inherented from melody (lenarr is not aware of this at all) to pretty much save alkaliba (BIG SPOILER. THIS IS SOMEWHAT DISHONEST. sure lenarr could Choose to save alkaliba but that would result in the destruction of earth or it could be vice versa. it cant be both BUT youll see) so he find lenarr Completely by coincidence after lenarr offers to help him bc tix has never seen snow or ice in his life and is having Difficulty. anyway this is ridiculous that i havent figured this out after 10+ years but tix does Something to convince lenarr to go with him, bc obviously lenarr would be very hesitant to. a bunch of shit happens u know the drill 1st episode shit to establish everything. i could type out a full episode 1 plot but i don't particularly want to rn😢

s2-3 is just mostly playing toys w my characters and tix teaching lenarr how to use his powers (s1 finale is when lenarr starts to Get it but u know) also s2 is noodles villain arc and s3 has eugene in it which is so fun bc i really really like noodle and eugene is funny. OH AND THE MAIN VILLAINS. hydro is the Main antagonist but he has 5 other idek what to call them. henchmen????? that either work for him (griff, dimentia, derric) Or are loyal to him bc he practically saved their life (grem and pixie, also dimentia a little? its complicated) and while Yes hydro IS a villain and he IS evil, hes actually just trying to save earth bc in his mind alkaliba is actually like the typical alien invasion thing u see in movies (not exactly whats happening but it Is possible u could see it that way) he just goes abt it in the weirdest most fucked up way possible. also BIG plotpoint worth mentioning, grem and tix were dating for at least 3000+ years before tix left him for his (now deceased) wife, which grem is Extremely bitter abt. so hes obviously loyal to hydro bc hydro helped him escape his abusive father BUT hes also doing it for himself to get back at tix. (important note tix Was the asshole in that situation 100%, grem is actually right to be upset a little but probably not That much) anyway once lenarr tix and zach(forgot to mention zach is tixs best friend who tix brings along bc hes smart and good at strategizing, also bc tix is GAYYYYYY) get to alkaliba finally it is literally impossible to conceal the fact that tix is a prince there. and bc lenarr doesnt know the Real reason why hes there he doesnt think much of it, in fact he finds it weird that tix wouldnt tell him that.

jumping allll the way to s4 when the Actual shit goes down. this is where shit gets less in depth bc its Extremely new..this is when lenarr learns that hes being used to basically doom earth, u know. his home planet. (considering having either hydro or grem tell him, not in a nice way either) obviously he gets really upset abt this, Especially bc its been at least a couple years since canon started and zach and tix are basically like family to him at this point. he probably runs off idk. i need to think abt it more bc i JUST made this up but im considering recycling an OLDD concept from like early highschool gq where lenarr gets to visit melody in her home dimension. also forgot to mention. melody and lenarrs older brother ruben both committed suicide when lenarr was younger. melody only did it to go back to her home dimension, but ruben did it bc he got rlly depressed after melody died ÷(

anyway lenarr gets to see melody, its very sweet ÷) he talks to her abt his problem abd she gives him some kinda cryptic advice bc Plot. this changes lenarr basically, at this point hes mastered melodys spellbook and Now he can create his own spells or whatever. SO. he comes up with a way to make it so NEITHER planet gets destroyed somehow. this works bc lenarr is actually like twice as powrful as melody at his full potential. after this the main villains would most likely have their redemption arcs somehow i havent thought up What exactly happens yet. and for s5 its basically just me wrapping things up and playing with my toys freely...theres still active plot happening thats very relevant to the story obviously but its a liiiiitle less high stakes and thats all i got in regards to the main plot bc if i sat here and typed a detailed explanation of my fun fillers id be here for years

SOME GENERAL TRIVIA FUN FACTS DEVELOPMENT SHIT 4 FUNSIES TOO.

originally gq was Not supposed to be a cartoon nor was it an ocverse. it was a fucking spm fan spinoff i made up bc i was autistic af and 12. grem was my first ever oc that was Not a fursona and he was actually terrible like as a person. i mean hes kinda terrible now but not as bad

griffs name was changed a few years after i made him. it used to be falcon (STUPID AF BUT I WAS 12. REMEMBER THIS.) also i thought itd be funny for his name to be griff bc youd think its short for griffon but no its short for grifford. also texs and tiabia names were changed too. tiabis name was janette and she was actually originally an adult but i thought itd be better if she was 7

like 99.999% of my original designs and concept art + silly little comics of my villains bc it was just them when it was still a mario thing is lost media forever bc my mom accidentally threw it all away when we moved to a new house i miss it every dayyyy id do Anything to see it again..... the Only original stuff i have is from highschool and i fucking hate my artstyle then so its sad af...its just lenarrs finalized design (which actually barely changed since then) and MAYBE if i looked hard enough thru my old computers i could find zachs original design too? idk i dont feel like looking

speaking of the spm thing. dimentia was supposed to be dimentios little sister which is why shes named that (original i know) but i decided to take the name a different direction after it became its own thing

grem went through the most design changes by a huge margin, but imo derrics few redesigns were the most insane and drastic. pixie went through One change and it got reversed a couple years later LOL

some Stupid reasons behind design changes were 1. hydro used to have 4 heads, hence the dumbass wordplay on "hydra" but i got so fucking fed up with drawing them every time + i kept forgetting to so i just made him a regular dragon. and 2. griff has his mask bc i literally just kept getting mad trying to draw his face right. thats literally it. thats the only reason.

fun fact noodle was probably my least favorite oc before i redesigned him. i hated him SO FUCKING MUCH especiallyafter i came up with his villain arc. now hes my favorite toy and i lovie

HUGE props to my bff @/killer12345blog. hes literally my cowriter and theres a couple characters of his in the main canon that play a HUGE part (eugene, daffodil, and louise) also eugene was actually a joke character and i HATED HIM (AS PART OF THE BIT) but i randomly got really attached to him now hes the villain for s3😇

gq was actually RECENTLY renamed. it used to be H.I.D.E. dont ask me what it means or what it stands for idfkkkkk i thought itd come to me eventually but it didnt so i changed it bc w/o a meaning it was just dumb af

tix was originally very very small. like around pixies size. also gq was still a video game for a bit but it was like its own Thing by then. tix was intended to be the tutorial character kinda like tippi

also im going to go ahead and say this LMAO. the original alkaliban designs were Heavily inspired by homestuck bc thats what i liked back then. ive tried soooo hard to make it not as obvious but i feel like itll always be so so obvious 😭

im actually kinda considering having gq be 3d animated instead of 2d, stylistically if that were the case itd look kinda like. idk. do u remember that moomins cartoon they made a few years ago. like that. but i seriously doubt ill end up making it 3d anyway

i fucking hate musicals usually but my GOD are there a couple showtunes i want in there. jfc. i have a dedicated yt playlist of songs i want in gq Or relate heavily to certain characters/events. hi. speaking of i like to think gq would have a very 80s cartoon soundtrack like the one in labyrinth or something similar

tix and zach were originally Much younger. tix was like 19 or 20 and zach was 17 iirc? i changed that bc 1. dumb and 2. i wanted tix and zach to be in love i didnt quite like the age gap it was a little iffy

the origin of lenarrs name is kinda silly. i was having trouble coming up w a fitting name and one day after school we drove past a sign for lennar homes or whatever the companys called and i went AHAAAAAAAH!☝️🤑

i think noodle was originally brazillian, idr why that changed..also tex was japanese iirc

tix is like Billions of years old probably. its intentionally left unclear and vague but also IDEFK.

im probably forgetting LOADS of important shit but whatever....u get the idea + ive been typing for like 2 hours in between work shit

[aachria]

I am so unbelievably nervous for this chapter pooks you dont even know it andthe title sure doesn't sound very promising at all

Writing as im reading once again but I noticed how long my chapter commentary has been gwtting so I'll tryyyy to Tone It Down but i make no promises. The length of my commentary is only dictated by how absolutely crazy you decide to make this chapter.

Ace and Sabo giving ed a shovel talk is everything ive wanted since the marriage i beg you to let ace live long enough to get mad at ed for not telling him pretty please 😭🙏

Oooh the gift for Sabo i was gonna send an ask abt it since ive been rereading the fic this weekend but i figured you wouldn't forget it

LUFFY AND SABO INTERACT8ONS 😤🦅😭😤🦅😭😤😭🦅😤😭🦅😭😤😭🦅😭🦅😭🦅🙏🙏🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Im very much unready to read the strawhats be separated i have cried too many times reading this fic and im certain this will be the worst to date

STOP 😭 ed's jst going on abt keeping the crew safe and i can feel the tears coming

HOLD ON if ed is in fact staying with luffy, thing i should've guessed from last chapter, does that m3an they're meeting boa? Omg. I am suddenly so much more excited for the next set of chapters, thing that i did not think was possible.

Once again i ask myself when the fuck ed learned gymnastics 😭

Not the "i definitely did that on purpose" after they slam into a fucking building like sure you did 🤨 and i definitely believe you 🤨

"Its as straight as you can get" made me crack up

I will be so completely honest with you i have no idea what the fuck is going on like a good 40% of fights but thats jst because i have trouble translating the moves into a movie in my head

"Adam Sandler? What are you doing here? And in a bright yellow pinstripe suit sounding stoned out of his damn mind, too." I had not expected to laugh this much in this chapter i was fr bracing myself to cry. 🧍‍♀️. Now that i think abt it you might just be lowering our guard so that it hits harder 🤨

AND ED'S SAVIOR COMPLEX HITS AGAIN WITH BLAMING THEMSELVES ONCE MORE !!!

so. Luffy and Ed separation. I cant bring myself to be sad this shit was written so well 😭 just "wait for me" and "ill always find you" ugh just throw an "unquestionably" in there and id cry there could be one every chapter and id still cry every single time

Im so fucking excited for ed to meet coin hopefully next chapter 🤭

Amazing chapter as always!! Surprisingly didnt cry!! Thank you!! I cannot fucking wait for the Wednesday chapter

I pulled out the Rio Romeo you KNOW it was gonna be a rough one.

Tfw you're tying to give your baby brother's S/O the shovel talk but you're also stuck in the scaffolding at your own execution and your baby brother's S/O is also your friend who you have cried about your self worth and daddy issues to.

That fucking black book plot bunny has been hopping around FAR TOO LONG, so I had to take it out back and shoot it and by that I mean finally deliver it to it's intended recipient.

Mmmmmmm Boa

Look Ed had gymnastics beamed directly into their head by GOD does that make sense?

When I write combat I do it 70% for the vibes 20% for the quips and humor and 10% for the actual fighting. If you have no idea what is happening you and I are on the same page.

Ed got them self worth issues in them where the dog should be 💪💪💪

God I cannot wait for Coin & Ed content. Love those two.

I am so proud of you for not crying. I cried writing it. That baby was cooked with TEARS.

[thief-of-eggs]

HELLO LOVE <3

Brainworms have been worming extra hard since I stumbled upon your Bruce and Jay post (plus the doomed narratives one,, BELOVED), honestly those two make me so fucking ill oh my god. The tags on ur post? So true. Kith ur tags on the head. LO VE LOVE <3333 adding a little to the discussion since I am ill (and if you don't mind!!)

LOVE THE DOOMED NARRATIVE because their reconciliation is never possible imo. Grief is a wretched force that has twisted Jason's memory from the image of his beloved son into a detached, reckless amalgamation. Bruce compartmentalises to such a degree that if he has to keep functioning (both as Batman and as Bruce Wayne) that he can't possibly face the fact that his actions killed his son. His mission born out of the death of his parents couldn't have killed that bright child who was albeit a little angry at times but so full of compassion and life, right? Right?

But he has to continue. And because he does, he has to, on an internal level, make himself believe that Jason was doomed from the start. That he was too reckless. That he was too much of a mess. That he should've never been Robin (which is true in a different sense, but this line of reasoning is not it) and was destined to die. Bruce's messy cycle of grief has concluded. Acceptance comes in the form of his cherished son now being seen as 'his greatest failure, a reckless Robin, a good soldier.'

And unfortunately, the whole thing about Jason is that he is continually trying to communicate with the Bruce he remembers before he died. They're both on completely different pages in this conversation, and Jason is so mentally ill—oh my god, PTSD?—and he's trying to communicate with someone who doesn't remember him as he was. Plus, Gotham is such an intrinsic part of him that he can never pull away from it. He just gets stuck in a cycle, continually pulling away and then reaching out, and then pulling away—essentially in Limbo.

SJSJOSAOSKSOS I DO LOVE THE BRUCE AND JAY RECONCILE NARRATIVE 😭😭 THEY'RE BOTH NUANCED CHARACTERS, I BELIEVE IN THEM BUT GOD... the amount of growth they'd have to show from both their sides for that to ever happen??? YEAH. NO. 😭😭 AaaaaAAAA

ANYHOW. RANDOM WORDDUMP. U HAVE COOL AF POSTS !!!!! much love !!!!! Thank u for appearing on my tl :D !!!!!

HELLO HELLO!!! WELCOME !!

PLZ add on omg RAHHHHHH !!! Nothing makes me feel more loved as a writer and poster than seeing people get inspired by my silly little words and seeing them expand on !!!!

Also yes yes YES Jason Todd is one of my favorite muses for doomed narratives!! Every single goddamn relationship that kid attempts to have is destined to fail. From his mom to his short-lived time as Bruce’s apprentice/son, to his fragile and tense relationships with his almost-but-not-quite siblings.

Jaw on the floor, first off. Do you write??? Please do you write???? I need to read more of your words if so bc you understand these characters on SUCH a deep level UGH

“-he can’t possibly face the fact that his actions killed his son” - THIS THIS THIS !!!! Bruce is an immovable wall with Jason because he CANNOT accept the accountability. It’s like Jason is having a completely different battle with him, because Jason sees things for as they are, if not a little tainted by his own begrudged feelings, but meanwhile Bruce is seeing things through a clouded lens of denial. Bruce doesn’t understand the pain he caused Jason because he cannot even see it. It does not exist in his mind. Because to accept the pain is to accept WHY the pain is there, which in turn would just spiral out of control and Bruce is forced to accept that his no-kill ideal ended up digging his son’s own grave.

Ugh LOVE the idea of Bruce gaslighting himself into thinking this was how it was always fated to be. Putting the blame not on himself or Jason or the Joker, but on some higher being that he doesn’t even believe in. It’s such a Bruce coping mechanism. Sweeping everything under the rug bc now he can’t see it. IM UNWELL

YES YES THEY ARE ON SUCH DIFFERENT PAGES!!! YOU GET IT!!! They literally are having two separate conversations and neither understands why their words aren’t sinking in to the other. They may as well be talking to their own hallucinations at this point- Jason at the memory of his father and Bruce at the doomed ghost of a boy who once was.

And YUP that’s why I write little “good dad bruce” fics and read so many too, because I WANT them to reconcile but… in the actual real world reality? I think the best they could do is an uncomfortable middle ground. Where Jason is no longer antagonized, but not exactly welcomed either. He’d have an expected seat at the table, but he’d never come. He’d be on every place card, every invite, but he’d never show up. He’d be included, but would choose to stay away. And that breaks my heart but also I truly don’t think either of them can go beyond that. In an effort to cling to familiarity and sanity and a guilt free life, Bruce pushed his biggest regret away. He could have had his son back, but instead he chose to believe it couldn’t be true. And like the greatest self fulfilled prophecy, he made it true.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY AND BLESSING MY INBOX !!! seeing so many words made my itty bitty heart so happy. biggest MWAH to you <33

[s-ephiroth]

i often thought, through all these years, like

"i'll leave this fandom someday"

i've seen people come and go, i've seen people completely delete and vanish and i've tried to mourn the hole they left behind when they went

(tried to, because i'm not good at mourning, i feel... i'm better at coping, at entering survival mode and just pushing through, and hiding the tears for when nobody is looking; i mourn extremely messy and never ending... i mourn any time i title a fic in full lowercase and think of the things icy said back then;

(i mourn when i see pages that will never update again and records of things from years ago — seeing how friends and i were so different back then, less paranoid, perhaps more carefree, less pained by the weight of world; seeing once busy chat rooms fall quiet even though people are still there, seeing people change fandoms... i mourn now even though i'm making a silly pun on a friend's stream chat)

i thought that one day i would be the next one to go, too

because somewhere in this world there are people who can't simply let others enjoy stuff on their corner or people who can't just give you a rejection email like a normal person and have to dodge a block to mock you, there are people out there who can't just say "i dislike this thing" and move on, instead coming up with convoluted excuses for why the thing is bad, while basking in equally messy stuff to what they bash

there are stalkers, there are people who go on your ao3 fic to ask why you blocked them, there are cowards who send people anon hate for months, people who crap comment on bookmarks, bullies who persist for years

there's a lot of bad and i often thought "maybe i'll be the next one to go... but... will someone miss me, when i go?"

the pessimist in me says people would miss me for a while, then forget

maybe eventually someone would be like "where are the prompts for sc/seph weeks?" and i would've been missed for a moment, then forgotten again

surely someone would come up with replacement events, maybe not

it would be okay... perhaps

the world keeps spinning and i'm but a little rock rolling along the river of time, as they say; ultimately, on my own i'm near powerless

i can't fully protect people i admire from their bullies, i can't stop drama bs from happening, i can barely bring myself to be creative quite often because my energy is limited

i can't rewind time and prevent one of my friends from being traumatized for life

surely one day i would be the next one to go; my self-esteem isn't very high, i don't really think of myself as too important

hell i almost died twice before, due to things outside of my control, i think of my own mortality and how fleeting stuff is a lot more than i'm willing to admit

probably someone like me would be the next to go, from fandom i mean, is what i think when i see people stop doing things they loved because others were evil to them

"surely, this time i'll not come back to public with art, it's not like some silly chibis are desired, it's not like my computer is robust enough, i was never given an excuse for why exactly i was rejected from that zine, maybe it was personal bias but maybe just maybe i really should fail, maybe what i do is not enough anyway... maybe if i come back those kinds of people will hunt me down like prey... but hey it's valentine's day, what if i force myself to do something"

it's not like anyone would've cared much, anyway

i could be the next one to go; the remake brought in too many ill intended people and icy was right in leaving, remake changed the climate

but for every single discourse bs that happens, for every no life person who manipulates others, even though there are too many people who have to touch grass

sometimes... sometimes you appreciate a piece of good fan art for 4 years, often going back from time to time to share it with others, looking at it when things feel too hard and the artist comes back to it, redraws it

and you just think "fuck... i need to do something too!!! i've thought of the original so much, i watched from afar for too long, it watered my dying crops over and over and over"

and i do... and i befriend the artist somehow? and there's official material related to the subject matter, and i befriend other people too and fuck, fuck, fuck—

turns out there way more people than i thought into the subject matter too!!! and even more official material coming out after years of just having this one shortish game to go by, the one thing to bring me into the fandom in the first place

and i just think

"i can't leave... i like it here, i hope no one takes this from me, i'll gladly shield people if i have to, i'll throw hands if i have to"

and suddenly, i can't be the next one to go and this post is turning much longer than i expected it to, while i'm bawling my eyes out from being too emotional while watching a stream

and you, reading this, as long as you're an innocent bystander who contributes in some way, even if you just mostly lurk and don't get involved much? you shouldn't go either

the world is a fuck on fire right now, but maybe you make it less so, for someone

maybe you're someone's favorite artist or writer or cosplayer; maybe someone is still waiting on that fic you haven't updated in like 3 years or maybe someone's seeing you go on hiatus and worrying, "will... will i see you again?"

you never know

maybe you'll indeed, move fandoms some day, find another place to lurk in with people you can affectionately call your "favorite losers" or maybe life will get too busy, maybe you need a short break to detox

but while that doesn't happen, please don't go?

please don't go

[wambsgansshoelaces]

hii! i heart ur headcanons sm, so i was gonna ask if u could right some sibling headcanons (especially with roman) of growing up and getting a chronic illness so we end up unable to work like they do so logan treats us like were useless a lot of the time. sorry if that's too angsty or u don't want to, but if you do thanks you! i have a chronic illness and it would be cool to have comfort characters so comforting and stuff but thanks again! 🫶🏻 have a good day!

(can i become raccoon anon?) - 🦝

anon, I literally love you so much!! and of course you can be THE raccoon lol 🦝

I just want to let you know that if you ever, EVER need support, my ask box and pms are open to you always. I’m here for you, I will be your best friend, whatever it is you need 🫶🏽

thank you so much for requesting, and hopefully I can make this a series for you so that you have representation - if that’s something you want, just let me know xx I will literally write whatever you want me to <3 enjoy 🩷

chronic illness (sib!roys)

ᝰ you’re a difficult to thing to talk about for the roys

ᝰ shiv is the only one who’s ever really defended you to your father

ᝰ kendall and roman still supported you, but were just too afraid of logan to do anything

ᝰ early childhood, connor made sure you took all your meds exactly when you were supppsed to, every single day

ᝰ roman would make up games that you could play that didn’t require you to run or exert yourself to the point where you got hurt

ᝰ you and shiv would read the harry potter picture books together

ᝰ kendall, in secret, would do all of your homework if you weren’t feeling well

ᝰ which was a lot

ᝰ shiv would always convince your dad to let you sleep in or stay home from school certain days

ᝰ roman would physically fight kids who bullied you or were rude at school/on the playground

ᝰ in high school, kendall wrote a five page letter to the principal and got one repeat bully of yours expelled

ᝰ shiv campaigned hard to make school more accessible for you

ᝰ roman still fought people that looked at you funny

ᝰ he tells you one night after getting a bloody lip that he’ll never stop fighting for you

ᝰ it was tradition that if you were bed bound or in the hospital, shiv, roman, and kendall would bring a deck of cards to you so you could all play

ᝰ but as you got older, you all drifted apart

ᝰ first ken moving away for college, the other two following slowly after

ᝰ they kept in contact, sure, but now you’re in this massive house, all by yourself with no one to talk to

ᝰ you did college online

ᝰ and even then, you don’t ever think you’ll really be able to work

ᝰ you avoid your father as much as physically possible

ᝰ he’s always thought you weren’t worth anything

ᝰ you’ve learned not to let it get to you

ᝰ after kendall graduates and comes back to new york to work for waystar, he visits more

ᝰ connor’s been long gone, so now it’s him staying on top of your meds

ᝰ even though you can do it yourself, you let him

ᝰ you know he feels bad for you

ᝰ some dystopian pity

ᝰ you didn’t want to talk about it with him, ever, so you just let him do it

ᝰ things only change after roman graduates

ᝰ even though he’s arguably the most afraid of your father, he came back to new york and made you move in with him

ᝰ “you don’t even take care of yourself, ro,” you tell him one day

ᝰ “so? you’re more important to me. i’m not going to let you fucking be in danger because dad’s a jackass.”

ᝰ he makes sure his fridge and pantry are stocked with solely food you can eat

ᝰ your dad never asks after you

ᝰ but oh well

ᝰ you only ever talk to roman anymore

ᝰ it changes after a particularly bad scare with your health

ᝰ and it’s just like ten years ago, the four of you cramped together on one hospital bed, playing cards

ᝰ shiv and ken never lose touch with you again

ᝰ you walk ken down the aisle at his wedding

ᝰ and at every wedding you attend for your siblings, you’re their person of honor, standing, sitting, whatever you can, right behind them

[borzoilover69]

(tampers with the gas) dirkjake for the shipping bingo

as you can see my thoughts on them are varied and i can write entire essays. a gas leak made my obsession with them hit an entire level i didnt know was possible. They're everything and nothing to me and i dislike most of fanon abt it and i hate this ship but also i have never cared this much about a ship in general for the doors it could open into messy straight relationship type bullshit with they give me the mic. I find myself often looking thru the tag just to see what people say on it because either theyre completely annoying and wrong or relatively right it really depends.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS EXTENSIVE RAMBLING ON A TOPIC NOT MANY PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED IN:

i will both simultaneously defend this ship with my fucking life but also i will take any chance to shoot those two fuckers dead i genuinely wish jake english and dirk strider ill they are teens with attachment issues and i think the demonisation of it w/o looking at it as just a relationship that sort of is messy sucks and i think fanon should leave them the fuck alone. if given the chance i would kill both of them simply so i wouldnt have to see them at all but also i wish there were more meta writers for dirkjake bcus i find it so hard to find people that extrapolate at length abt it because its so wild to me the guilt and the feelings and the way they tear and grate at each other is so interesting to me.

every relationship is worse with them anyone that gets caught in the crossfires and tries to sort it out is basically doomed because whats probably going to happen is that dirk and jake are going to gang up to either a.) try to use the person as a weapon against the other or gang up to hurt this mfer theyre essentially doomed but in like a way that everyone is partying and those two are stuck together with awkward air.

im. not going to check over this ramble im just going to keep going. i have so much shit to say.

i hate the villainisation of dirk i hate the villainisation of jake they both suck in the way that teens and most young adults will theyre both at fault i hate the "jake never felt anything towards dirk because hes aro" yes he fucking did aro people can still feel levels of attraction and its very fucking obvious how tied up in each other they are and there are like a million and one reasons i could name it if you gave me a day and 15 pages of text.

i hope they both kill each other the idea of them being happy together is endearing but i dont want that for them most times unless im feeling especially sappy the fandom sort of ruined dirkjake for me heres my big old fuckyou to OD anyways heres a few song lyrics that make me think of them

They would literally be the subject of so much fucking talk in publications because theyre never over not even close theyre stuck together theyre going to be doing this dance for fucking years and either end up as the strangest but happiest freaks in some janked up mansion with a million different things that the normal person would think is fucking weird and strange and unnerving but which they think is completely normal or theyre just going to end up killing each other and nobody is going to be safe in the crossfire theyre going to key each others cars and send pipe bombs and poke at every single hole and flaw in the others facade blah blah blah.

people who just focus on the good parts of dirk and jake dont get it people who focus on the flaws only dont get it i think there should be more discussion but also the idea of being exposed to someone who doesnt get it is hell for me ive read their pesterlogs like so many fucking times and ive written extensively abt their selves and what flaws they have and i could prolly kick the shit out of them anyways mic drop im done.

[guiltyidealist]

Body count.

Hidden but insidious little piece of fatphobia:

you cannot find a single fucking page on INCREASING your appetite. On coping, struggling with a LOW appetite. Having a lowered appetite. On managing your health when your appetite is low. On how to get yourself to eat and NOURISH MORE. more efficiently, more FREQUENTLY.

By which I don't mean "how to gain weight" but by which I mean how to MAINTAIN A WEIGHT that's healthy for you. or more specifically, how to nourish SUSTAINABLY. over the LONG-term. How make sure you nourish and KEEP nourishing CONSISTENTLY. How to maintain your health in spite of an appetite that is too low.

Hell. even just what it means for your appetite to be low, how to TELL if your appetite is LOWER than is HEALTHY for you. the consequences and problems people face when they have a low appetite. the RISKS and DANGERS of a low appetite.

Because every fucking search result is

how to gain weight (muscle)

how to eat more foods that don't make you gain weight (fat) as fast as other foods

Tragedy Strikes: the Misfortune of Fat & How to Protect Your Precious Soul from Falling Victim to This Cruel Fate😢

how to lose weight (fat) (new fad diet for starvation and you will have a net loss of 0 lbs or less by the time 5 years elapses)

how not to lose weight (muscle)

how to eat less how to fucking starve how to deprive yourself the little things and be miserable and fucking die

if I eat too fast I'll feel nauseous. As a result, I graze over longer stretches throughout the day (er I did, before meds changes slaughtered my appetite).

People were always fucking like "ah! I hear that's better for you anyway😊"

by which they fucking mean "To my understanding, that eating pattern facilitates weight loss a bit more than normal patterns do, therefore it is superior because weight and supremacy are inverse correlates😊"

Nowadays I don't eat that way because my appetite is really fucking low. Today I managed a bowl of oyster crackers, an applesauce, some carrots, a piece of cornbread, a few pepperonis, and a scoop of cookie bake.

Plus x2 cans of Mountain Dew (my usual daily caffeine intake is maybe 1 glass of Coke), because I have to pass this final semester at the expense of my body.

Fuck I did not even realize how jack shit I ate today until I listed that out. With that combination it's really not a wonder that my whole digestive tract has been fucked for like 3 weeks straight now. On top of that I'm not getting ample nourishment, neither in nutrient nor caloric terms.

Low appetite is a problem.

and nobody cares. Nobody cares! Nobody fucking cares. You know why? Because this problem results in weight loss. See high appetite on the other hand, that causes weight gain, so you understand all energies must be allocated toward solving that problem🙂.

Noooo low appetite is a gift! A blessing!!! A privilege!!!!! God I wish that were me!!!!!!!!

How to lower your appetite!! 3 Vitamins that will lower your appetite!! Lower your appetite with these 15 yummy recipes!

6 easy ways to shame yourself for having wants and needs! How to stave off hunger and ignore your body's signaling of needs! How to replace the sound of your body calling you to action with blaring fad diet commercials. How to convert your body's begging for its life into an incessant and intrusive need to self-sabotage instead.

How to dissociate from your body and fixate upon doing the opposite of what it needs to stay alive. How to fret over whether or not you moved enough in the last 24 hours. How to take the energy out of every day to meticulously COUNT every single piece of material you dArE put in your body. How to count your body. How to develop one or more of the MOST DEADLY mental illnesses. How to wind up having the sole variety of mental illness that fucking kills you whether you wanted to die or not

How to tally the body count

[profane-or-pragmatic]

The Devil You Know (Snippet) Pt 46

.

"It doesn't translate because the words read differently based upon the position...look. See how this word is both here and here?" I said. Very patiently. As I tried to explain to Arabetha what I was reading. "In this first instance because it begins a sentence the line reads as normal. But here? See how the letters create this pattern? The same word now goes from a noun to a posessive descriptive that means that all three lines read together as one."

"How can you read three lines at once?" She said and was careful to not become too obviously intimate. She knew about the cameras now. "This is an absurdly complicated way to write!"

"It's perfect for poetry or 'heart truths' as the rough translation goes." I said and continued to try to help her see it. Because once you see it the pattern is just there. "Words have feminine, masculine, neutral, and 'exalted' forms. See these accent marks? They actually tell you of shifts in form. This one indicates thaf the next stanza will alternate between masculine and neutral."

"How in the Nine Hells above did anyone figure out how to read this?" Arabetha said and her eyes narrowed. Trying but failing to see. "How the hell did you or anyone learn how to translate this?"

"Because there were Cruzherian scholars up until two centuries back when their language and culture were officially banned." I said while seeing in the words upon the pages the rivers of imagery. "There are books explaining, well mostly explaining, the Cruzherian script and its grammatical rules."

"I see very elegant scribbling." She said and we agreed mutually that the lesson was over.

.

Slinks and Kell did me proper by regularly passing on the money to pay my precious songbird's bills. She knew that it had to be the way that it was because I wasn't expecting to survive and if I saw her I'd know all too well the cost that I would be forcing her to pay.

Besides which I wasn't terribly fond of myself at the time. She could always see through my posturing to the truth beneath. I knew that it would hurt her less if I just kept away. It was the same reason I avoided my mother and Martin. They were still together and I felt an immense gratitude to DeBusy for making my mother's nights better.

.

"Wings, darling. Why are you hiding from me?"

I heard this at least a dozen times a week. Every aristocrat I fucked thought that they were something special to me. Nearly every single one of them expected me to set others aside in favor of them. They are so insular in their little narcissistic spheres of existence that they think they are granting me a great privelege.

I was at a private gallery exhibition of rather tasteless pornography being passed off as fine art. The gallery was in a district known as Blissland Vale. It's not on the maps. It's in the deep Ups and only those who 'belong' there are to know of it.

I was on Arden's orders. In the company of a cousin of his whose name I won't mention because she is actually rather sweet and her name isn't necessary. She was there as a favor to Arden. So that I could be there and have free reign to tantalize and tease.

"Thrush, I know you're just working but you're making my job miserable tonight." Siegfried Sangfriedt said to me as the night hours officially started. He was a cock-for-hire of the high priced variety. Flawlessly beautiful. In an almost intimidating way. "Since you're not 'with' someone you have everyone interested. Including my patron the Lady Duskrose."

"Duskrose?" I riposted brilliantly. I couldn't picture the woman. "Sieg, what's wrong with you? Are you feeling ill? How could anyone be with you and think of me for even a second?"

"Unlike you, I am not dangerous." He said with a perfect sardonic smile. I'd yet to see an honest reaction from him to anything. "You're not the masquerade of peril that these people usually embrace. You, dear, are a real black angel."

"Dangerous? Me? To whom?" I said as I took a glass of wine off the tray of a passing waiter. "More importantly, why would any roffa think that I, of all people, posed some sort of a threat?"

"Because these rich fucking aristocrats have nightmares about people who don't respect their rules and who don't see money as God." Siegfried said and gave me his best sly/sexy smile. "And you clearly have sunshine friends. You have to admit, my dear, that there's a certain dreadful eroticism in courting death. Knowing it's possible. Should you make a mistake and cross that line. Hm. Yes. Particularly for people who so seldom encounter an actual threat to their safety."

"Who's been telling tales?" I asked with my own panic perfectly masked. I needed more information immediately but couldn't actually ask for it. "How do they know of what I do?"

"They don't know what you do. They just know what you don't do." Siegfried said and winked at me. "Which is leave a body to be found. Clearly there's layers at work here, but you darling? You are the delicious and sexy layer that everyone sees. And wants to taste. Even as they tremble in their finery."

I don't care who you are, or how highly you're placed. If someone unexpectedly informs you that you are being linked to hithertofore unknown murders and you don't instantly feel an adrenalin rush and sharp spike of fear?

You aren't human. Even if you look it.