#i see everything my friends just to lazy
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I am so sorry i been being really lazy lately. Peak season is going on at work and its been taking all my hours out of the day!
Dont worry i havent forgot about yakuza husband i been having not much time to post it along with doing art and spending time with family for holidays.
But i am still alive!!
^^ me at the moment trying to collect my life and saying f it to the rest of the world
^^ also me with life
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weekends on glass shard beach
#you guys 😭😭#these kids are literally everything to me#i just wanted them to be happy#they grow up together and they’re best friends and nothing bad happens to them never ever ever#STAN TWINS I WOULD DIE FOR YOU#ok that’s enough outta me i’ll see myself out#my art#my post#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#stanford pines#stanley pines#ford pines#stan pines#ford pines fanart#stan pines fanart#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#(that’s an octopus btw if u can’t tell im sorry i got lazy towards the end)
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SKZ as DND CLASSES: WARLOCK FELIX
warlocks are seekers of the knowledge that lies hidden in the fabric of the multiverse. through pacts made with mysterious beings of supernatural power, warlocks unlock magical effects both subtle and spectacular.
#felix#lee felix#stray kids#bystay#createskz#a9gifs#*ccarly#*gfx#*felix#*carly:felix#*series:dnd#here it is. hyperfixated on this so hard literally could not focus on anything else the past two days .#Nobody voted for warlock felix. but do u see my VISION!!#almost made him a celestial warlock tbh but then i was like no....he Would sacrifice his soul to save his friend(s)...#justifying it to himself like !!! i bet if i try really hard everything will be fine#now he lives every day fighting an internal war between good and evil. sorry felix but it's a good concept#also i love rpgs but i am by no means a dnd expert there's some stuff on here that isn't Technically Accurate but it's just for fun#aka i'm too facking lazy to calculate stats and proficiency bonuses blah blah blah. so <3 hopefully i will COMPLETE THIS SERIES#layout between members may or may not change if i find a way to do it that i like more alkdjflkad we'll see
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SCIENCE HOMEWORK I HATE YOU WHY😭😭💔💔💔
#im doing everything BUT NOT MY FUCKING SCIENCE HOMEWORK#i hate my science teacher#she said shed be moving some people next lesson WHILE LOOKING AT ME AND MY FRIENDS DEAD IN THE EYES#AND GUESS WHAT???#WE WERE MOVED TO THE 4 CORNERS OF THE CLASSROOM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK#i predicted that btw i believe i am genius#me and my friend are now doing made up sign language to communicate from across the classroom#what our teacher didnt account for was that me and my friend can see each other PERFECTLY and no one is in the way so slay#ALSO SHE GAVE US SO MUCH HW#ITS DUE TMR BUT HONESTLY ILL TAKE THE DETENTION MY GOD I HATE THIS#i understand like HALF of the things on this fucking booklet😭😭#im too lazy to actually write the shit i know though💔💔#sighhhh#jorge rivera herrans save me💔💔#epic is my newest hyperfixation btw :3#ANYWAYS!#i have science EVERY FUCKING DAY I HATE IT SO MUCH💔💔#my teacher is out for MY BLOOD#but i fear i cooked last lesson so who cares anymore (i don't remember shit anymore) (bad memory)#this is just pure yap st this point#im stalling chat💔💔#OKAY ILL GO DO MY SCIENCE HW (i wont🫶)#kadens yap session
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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yup. im gonna quit
#i was desperately looking forward to having a three day weekend after cancelling my leave from work twice now#and being overworked to the bone#just three days. one friday and a weekend is all i asked for#and instead im being put to work on sunday :) for the 24 hour shift :) and no one can switch with me#im gonna break down sobbing im this close to it#fuck this system fuck this work fuck everything#im gonna quit ive saved up enough to survive a while just. fuck the healthcare system#for treating doctors like tools without a life#delete later#tw vent#hell the way i see it ill either quit or die#i cant take the constant shifts and being piled work on top of more work bc 'im dependable'#im not nearing my breaking point i AM at the breaking point#fuck this system and medicine and psychiatry i dont care i DONT#ive not clocked out on time in weeks#weeks! ive had to cover for lazy fucking asses whod go on two and three week holidays#and i had to cancell mine and felt bad for taking 4 days off TWO months ago!!#fucking insane i hate this im.#idek who to vent to my friends got their own issues#idk ignore me ill delete this
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Zoro saw the kuma bomb and went well... we might need some help....
#ily ptsd (kinda)#also the eyecatcher thats luffy running arms stretched to hug his crew means everything to me actually. i get :) every time i see it#HE SHOULD HUG HIS CREW MORE!!!#<- and i am always saying this#there is a kid with pink hair and freckles in elbaf. big mom????#is shanks friend with the giants who were guarding ennies lobby???#nvm its the pair from little garden#why is yasopp stunting on his name card frame....#i actually dont respect shanks decision go get the poneglypsh for yourself you lazy ass#didnt fight kaido didnt fight big mom had to wait for luffy and kid and law to end them so he could get the poneglyphs????#coward. pussy. what else. whore.#they dont want to get paid for protection.... bitch#i have one sided beef with shanks. dont even know why tbh he just makes me mad sometimes#i mean i know why i have my reasons. o forget about them sometimes tho#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1109
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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO
#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things#i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own#and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore#oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like#all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better#and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as#hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow#i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi#im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar#oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz#vent.txt#SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts#bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh
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Fuck not again
#peach vents kinda#please dont reblog#upcoming vent in the tags#so anxiety is rising again because well like i said todya i stumbled across some information#that information was about a discourse#i got more information on what happened and i lowkey hate how it reminded me of how my ex gf and ex friend were#i think i got a grasp on what happened but also im just socked more than anything#and now im dealing with a bit of an art block#and well#more like some 'performance' anxiety#i keep seeing everyone else have better looking and more interesting looking tadc insert designs and mine#mine feels basic#it feels#like im just lazy#it makes me feel bad#especially because it makes me feel left out too#and i dont know how to handle it#i dont know if i should scrap everything and start over or just#drop it all#part of me is tempted to just drop it all together cause part of me is going whats the point#that part of me is telling me no one would care anyways#i dont know#im just#i hate this i hate feeling like this#i hate feeling inadequate#like everyone else is leagues ahead of me#im trying my best here#i try to interact as much as possible#i try to seem as inviting as i psosibly can#i dont know it sucks this all sucks and i hate it
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(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)
Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...
Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!
(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)
I know what you are.
Farewell, now!
(She then leaves the way she came from.)
(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)
And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...
(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)
You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?
I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.
(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)
Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way
(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)
Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.
WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.
Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever
#bright spark#<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky#the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE#SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh.#that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things.#today was an event.#i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you#to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this#is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay#nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are#honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang#spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main#cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her#own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally#i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to.#i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel#like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything#with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have--#living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite#finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives#happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander.#that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared#to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that#respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a#method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family.#the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy#excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around.#spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much.#spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going#sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay
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I love having an identity crisis again/s. I am fully aware it’s cause I never concluded the last one but I kinda thought it would just go away.
#this is my aromantic arc lol#I can’t decide if I’m greyromantic or depressed#I’ve only ever had one crush naturally#everything else I’ve called a crush was me saying I want a crush and then obsessing over a person#that only happened like once and a half tho#(the half is a fictional character from when I was 11 we don’t talk about it)#the thing is I love the idea of being in love#I want it so much#it just never comes to me#but like I also never go outside and meet new people so maybe I’m just sheltered?#I also know id be just as happy to live out my life with a close friend instead of a traditional partner#don’t even get me started on my gender I am solely cis out of laziness and complete apathy#figuring out my sexuality was easy compared to this#that’s another part of the aro story I can’t figure out#I am very much sexually attracted to many people#I mean within the limits of my lesbianism#I just feel like all i see are arospec people who are also some sort of ace
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🐸
#..........................................................................................................#I feel like I deserve It because my body looks bad and I am Bad and everything about me is Bad#like I had a good fucking day why do I feel bad now#im so jealous of anyone who was born into a normal ass body that doesn't look like mine#I hate!! how effeminate I am!!#I hate!! how im a straight man but I look like a little girl#I am constantly worried that everyone thinks that im gay and that that somehow makes me morally wrong!!#nothing wrong w being gay !! if u are gay !!#im just not gay#and I feel like I should be bc of how effeminate I am/feel#I don't get to choose the way that my body looks#or the personality disorders/mental fuckass disabilities that live in my head and control what I do!!!!!!#I feel so ugly!!! I want to be fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also don't think that I have adhd I think im making it up for attention and im actually a lazy piece of shit#I want to be medicated so bad!!! im so angry!! that I can't be normal no matter what I do!!!#like in my head adhd is just Lazy Bad Person Disease and ik the ppl ik w adhd#aren't lazy and bad#its just that I Am Lazy And Bad#oversharing on the internet bc I don't see my therapist til Monday and all of my friends are asleep!! teehee#need to escape into the place in my head where I am with Her but it is poisoned now bc ik that she doesn't want me and im running out of#delusions to subsist on#I want to be with her but I hate her at the same time#bc why is she so attractive!!!!! and not with anybody!!#I wish I was attractive and ppl wanted me!!#I am so lonely and angry!!! I want to d13!!
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SIREN wearing some pirate coat he probably took off someone he defeated on his shoulders
#art#traditional art#watercolour#oc art#ocs#oc group: unsorted#oc: siren#so like 99% of my art is painted with a waterbrush#used to use the largest round koi branded ones but ive switched to the largest round pentel ones because the koi ones like to clog up fast#BUT anyway i basically always use a waterbrush because its easy and im too lazy to get a cup for paint water most of the time#BUT today all my bones hurt so i decided to use....an actual brush for the first time in months HJKALSDJfds#(i love my waterbrushes but sometimes squeezing the barrel can give a bit of hand fatigue)#ANYWAY it was an interesting experience#i gotta get used to how much water to keep in the brush lol you can see my paint getting dry around his wings#BUT it kinda looks cool anyway........a hint of drybrushing never hurt no one#I DO need to put some grips or i dunno just a shitload of silicone tape on the brush handles tho#some of these brushes have SKINNY handles#NOTE to any followers with a need for like pencil grips on everything like me: if somethings too skinny to put a pencil grip on#SILICONE TAPE is ur best friend i use it SO much#sticks only to itself (and probably some other silicones) so theres no residue if u have to replace it#and u can wrap it around the brushes or whatever else in different ways to get different sizes and shapes of grip#smells kinda bad when u first get it tho (just general new plastic smell) but after a few days its fine~#MY BESTIE silicone tape
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Also I'm just gonna say that being in the head of that person... especially when it's something more like depression, insomnia, social anxiety, stuff like that... I can't even tell you if it's can't or won't with me
I own my own house and I pay for it by basically managing money in the family and by helping get rid of stuff that costs money
Got rid of my mom's multiple huge storage units, about $500. Got rid of my mom's trailer, which was at least $700 in lot rent, but my grandma would tell my mom regularly she was giving like $2000 a month (see, my grandma is very solidly uppermiddle class and... my mom kinda... pissed that all away so... there's always been insulation against being evicted, but... I don't know)
There was my apartment I had because... if you've seen pictures of my mom's trailer you'll get why I couldn't live there, but that was like $1,200 a month by the time I moved out. The I paid off my mom's $10k car loan with last of my money I scrounged, that got rid of $400 a month
...but I don't work and it makes me feel like a bum. I've had a couple jobs volunteering places for periods of time (insomnia is usually what killed that), and... actually often forget I was a licensed pharmacy tech for a while except I realized I hated retail pharmacy during clinicals so I never got paid
I have some ideas about making hypoallergenic soap, or about trying to find a way to make money with my carving or woodburning, but... can I be honest... I hate asking for money for things I make
(Actually have a commission, very large commission, about 4'x2'; and it's been done for a while and the client and I just have both been busy and so I haven't gotten it out, but... point is... I liked doing it, I learned a lot... really want them to have it, I'm gonna get it to them and then tell them to pay what they want... I hate, like really hate asking for money for my work)
So... you say there's a difference between can't and won't... am I can't or won't? Like I'm asking, I can't tell you... I... I assume I'm can't honestly. No physical disabilities in my way
And I'm literally saying that I never plan to work a job or to learn how to drive cause I hate they system and I hate driving... hell... had to let both my parents move in with me cause it was too much to let them roam free blowing through money and... like I said... I get by managing money and cutting back on fluff expenses so it can go to bills and food
I have trouble getting myself to work on stuff, even stuff I really want to get to. My parents live with me, but lets be honest everyone sees that as me living with my parents
So am I can't or won't? Is there a difference cause I can't, or am I just lazy cause I won't?
interaction i have with shocking regularity is when someone’s complaining abt someone they know and theyre like “ughh they’re 21 and dont have a job and refuse to learn to drive” and then they remember who they’re talking to (me. 21 cant work cant drive) and go like
#I know how tumblr works; they ain't gonna see this post so it ends up mostly being rhetorical#only stoat and the op will see it; and stoat probably won't cause of the number of notes stoat gets everyday on everything#but like... much as I'm not asking that person directly... I do mean to beg the question#and am I lazy rich scum cause I took the money my great aunt left my dad and found a place for $90k in a $300k minimum price state#and helped him buy it... am I lazy and rich cause I didn't make that money?#or... does the fact that I've ate 1 meal a day most days most of my life cause my mom spent all my money when I was tiny#and she still does that... does that make me lazy and poor?#how much does having upper middle class to... my great aunt was a cool woman who lived like a broke farm wife#(and took care of a... not great person for a husband)#and by being frugal her whole life came away a millionaire... just by not spending during a good economy and investing; owning land#anyway... if this damn fly would stop landing on me while I try to write this#point is I feel you op; I feel the exact same way... whole lot of people I know who... yeah; same deal#you know what they'd think of you if they didn't know you... or if you ever stop being friends... you know how they'll talk#so which manner of irredeemable fool and monster am I for how I live my life?#or... is there a world where I'm not lazy trash... where the amount of cleaning I've had to do despite no one teaching me#where that counts for anything#cheers op; I feel you
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.
#chatgpt how do i take the internet away from my brother forever#lad go outside man cmon#racism#content warning ig#he is so smart and reads so much yet some of the shit he vehemently rants about are just so???#how do you get from#‘pitbulls are horrible creatures that never should’ve been created’#(ok i see you’re weirdly and almost disproportionately passionate about this)#to ‘black people are inherently stupid and violent and pitbull apologists don’t wanna admit certain races can be genetically#disposed to possess certain immutable traits’ like man what the hell#*spends 30 minutes talking about geography and world history* ‘and thats why african civilizations are undeveloped and their people lazy#what is wrong with you??? i don’t read enough nor do i have the energy to academically dispute what u posit but#as a real living human person in this world what in gods name are you on about???#go talk to a real person make some friends im begging you#‘actually men are disposable and women shouldn’t work’#ts ain’t even half of it#he has been completely brainwashed and everything new he learns only reinforces these bizarre beliefs about the world#‘hey man i enjoy discussing these topics with you i can’t really have these conversations with anyone else’#brother right now i want to jump out of this car and onto the highway#but i’m glad we could have our little intellectually stimulating debate ☺️#shinjichair dot png#get. the fuck. off. 4chan. right now good lord#wtf
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negativity ahead be cautious
is feeling indescribably shitty every single day even more so than normal for the past three months seasonal depression even if there are only 2 seasons in your country
#repressed anger is a b#i think i am gonna reach my limit for this half of the year very soon#anger management issues + avoidant attachment style is like the most bad person thing ever#i mean if you have those you're not a bad person don't listen to me#i am so tired#my eczema and gastrointestinal issues are flaring up like crazy#which means my anxiety is getting worse and worse because it's the only reason i have so many physical health issues in the first place#senior year is effing me up#and i have the shittiest most anger-inducing history teacher known to man replacing my old history teacher#who wants us to do group presentations to cover the entire fucking rest of the syllabus that my old teacher didn't cover#because this fossil is so lazy to teach that everytime she enters the class it's a 50/50 chance that she gives a “back in my days” lecture#for either half the class or the entire class#i genuinely cannot even tolerate my parents anymore#it was easier to suck it up back when i didn't have many issues#but now i genuinely can't hold myself back from snapping at them#now the least hostile route i can go is feigning ignorance#ignoring them and trying not to appear in their line of sight#or staying in my room for as long as possible so I don't have to make contact with them#okay maybe it is my fault that my stomach literally eats itself every day#but if it helps me not unalive myself then i gotta do what i gotta do if ya know what i mean#can't i just sleep for the entire year#i bet my friends hate me for not replying to their texts for weeks#i was sleeping is such a shitty excuse#but i do sleep 16 hours a day#i genuinely can't do anything so i avoid everything by sleeping#the sound of my mom's voice amplified by the small space in the car actually triggers me#i hate it so fucking much when people sexualise arlecchino#she is not someone low scum like you can touch#and i think I've just been sucking up other people's negativity like a negativity vacuum#because my empathetic ass can't stand to see someone suffering without feeling their emotions
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