#i sat in my car for a bit

[trashymouthgremlin]

.

[thedreadblog]

I was thinking about this:

"Fen'Harel is said to have spent centuries in a far corner of the earth after his great deception, hugging himself and giggling madly in glee."

And of course things get changed over time. The Evanuris became kind gods, the vallaslin became a dedication to one of them instead of a slave marking, etc., etc..

And it led me to think that perhaps he wasn't giggling madly in glee. Perhaps he was laughing in the way you do when you succeeded at something you didn't expect. The kind of laughing that turns into bitter tears, sobs that wrack your body, the laughing that brings up all your sadness and brings it to the surface.

That kind of sadness that makes you hug yourself to self-soothe because you successfully did what you set out to do but it means losing everything you knew, the entire world you loved, the connection you had to the Fade and magic and the spirit friends you have there.

In order to save the world, you had to destroy the one you knew and loved and needed to save.

Imagine the grief he felt in that moment.

[jakekazansky]

What’s the point of scheduling a delivery for later if you’re going to make it and deliver it now???????

[spaghett-onaplate]

it's literally not a good idea in any way shape or form but I want to get a second job in fast food

[nickbutnodick]

i love how ive decorated my car seat headrest mixtape. it looks so fucking cool.

[gutsfics]

ik that in canon the yacht club classmate type is supposed to be like. what if this high school straight up had a yacht club.

but tbh i think its more like that episode of Community where Shirley and Pierce take a boating class but theres no body of water anywhere near Greendale so theyre just. in the parking lot. pretending theyre out at sea or something

[randomingoftherandomness]

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[perilegs]

i am my father's son (enjoyer of irl sidequests)

[kuiinncedes]

:|

[stickidystickblog]

Visual representation of me after the battery incident

[hephaestuscrew]

Assorted Thoughts about the Greater Boston Season 4 finale

I'd assumed that Leon would 'move on' at the end of Season 5, the end of the podcast as a whole. But now we're going to have a whole season of the podcast without him. It's strange to imagine. There's never been a Greater Boston podcast without Leon Stamatis. There's never been a city of Red Line without Leon Stamatis. We began Season 1 confronting the gap that Leon left behind. We learned that he wasn't quite as gone as we might have thought, but there was still the loss, the grief, the consequences of his death. In an interesting narrative symmetry, at the beginning of Season 5 we'll have to confront him being more fully, completely gone. But I think we'll continue to see the ways in which his life and afterlife have rippled outwards.

~~

Immediately after Nica said Leon had brought people together "like a family", Louisa exclaimed that she needed to call Michael. I can't help wondering if it was Nica's comment that triggered that thought for Louisa. I'm emotional about Michael being family for Leon, Michael being family for Louisa, Michael being someone who was brought into Louisa's life by Leon…

~~

There were two moments of Nica and Dimitri sitting with Gemma in the middle of them holding the crystal ball. First, in the back of Lucia's car, when Nica reached out to touch the ball and Dimitri took her hand instead. Second, on the Ferris wheel as they prepared to say goodbye to Leon. Leon was in the middle between his two siblings - he is what divides them and he is what unites them. They held hands over him, finding awkward togetherness in the presence of their loss, stopping each from succumbing to that loss. Leon was in the middle between his two siblings, but he also wasn't; it was Gemma occupying that space for him.

On a related note, I can't help but wonder whether the Stamatis siblings had habitual positions when they'd sit in the back of a car together as children. I think that's a fairly common sibling thing, and it seems likely that it would appeal to the order-loving Leon. I can't decide if it makes me more emotional to imagine that they usually sat with Leon in the middle like that, or to imagine how they sat on that ferris wheel wasn't their typical childhood order.

~~

The lack of narration and the high number of monologues from a range of characters this episode meant that sometimes I wasn't initially sure whether a scene was an interview snippet from a real person or a monologue from a character. I think there's something significant in that blurring of reality and fiction, in real stories of loss mixed with the fictional. Those interviewees are a part of this story, or this story is a part of our world too.

~~

I loved Michael's mantra being spoken by the group, with each person taking one word. For Michael, that sequence of numbers was a way of asserting his own agency in spite of circumstances and his ideas about his nature. It was a way of saying 'my choices matter, even if I can't change the outcome'. And this moment showed how that idea can be upheld within through community and togetherness.

Michael spoke the word "Eight". And perhaps he wanted other people to take over, trusting that the people around him would complete his mantra, believing that they'd understand what he needed in that moment. Or perhaps he was intending to speak the mantra by himself until Louisa interrupted to support him. Either way there's a uniquely powerful kind of choice made against an indifferent world - the choice for people to stand against that world together. It's a contrast with Michael's often self-isolating tendencies for that mantra to become a shared thing.

[copia]

i think i can feel that SOMEWHEREE (1:24) deep in my soul

[milo-is-rambling]

Today is good I think. My brain isn’t fully happy my body isn’t fully happy but I’m treating myself kindly anyways

[floral-hex]

Got a month’s prescription of klonopin. Wish I could find out how other people are affected by it, but all I find are posts about getting fucked up. I mean, I guess good for y’all, but not very helpful for me 🤷🏻‍♂️

[carbonatedcacti]

Doctors offices when your the first appointment of the day are liminal spaces

[cetoddle-archive]

also i got lots and lots of compliments on my outfit today and they were able to fix my necklace! i only wanted the big knot out but they fixed the other ones for me too and even cleaned it and for some reason they didn’t even charge me !! and i got my book ! yayyy