#i regret that decision sometimes

[roseeecho]

Watching tiktoks of couples being all cute and thinking

"awwww I wanna do this with my s/o 🤭"

And then remembering that I scripted that 2 whole years pass from when I shift there till I meet them, and then one more till we get together 😐

[ihatebrainstorm]

Glad you’re still alive :P

How about some science trio shenanigans? >:)

Just something I've been thinking about ever since I noticed Percy had treads on the back of his legs ksdkf

Nautica needs a bit of time to adjust to the "in lab shenanigans"

[hiduprakyat]

sometimes you need your elder siblings to be horrific influences

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[francisforever2014]

most of the time i feel like it really just Is Not That Serious and really truly believe that everything just works out and sometimes i’ll be hit by a fear of the future so debilitating i actually wanna throw up

[sluttyten]

My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes

[marklikely]

i don't think anyone should be shamed for not coming out or not transitioning (medical or otherwise) bc its ultimately your choice i just think its really easy to make up excuses after excuses to avoid doing something that would make you a lot happier and its worth taking the time to really question what you want and why you've avoided it. from time to time

[faerwolf]

what if I started calling myself a cis woman again for shits and gigs

[kelpiemomma]

On one hand... I feel a lil silly taking a chicken to a vet. Especially a vet that's 45 minutes away from me but that's also the distance to the (only) horse vet so.

On the other hand, as a co-owner of chickens, I am just as responsible for their health and well-being as I am for the horses (and dogs and cat) and I know she's uncomfortable and I'd rather not just wait for her to die cause I don't know what's going on or how to help her so. Taking a chicken to the vet it is.

[sysig]

The time for regrets has long passed (Patreon)

[tyborgdraws]

I feel so bad for this guy considering some hermits have a history of blowing up his server (looking at you doc)

[exec-proton]

Do you ever regret it all?

Killing your father. Joining Team Rocket. Getting pregnant.

Do you ever think about what you could've been if you just held on a little longer?

You could've been happy, maybe.

A nice house. A boyfriend. A mother. Financially stable.

You could've been happy.

..What?

I-

No. No, I don't- I don't regret it. Not. Not most of it. My father deserved to die. He was going to get himself killed somehow anyways, and if I hadn't- Fuck. I would be- It would be me- You don't get it, you don't know what happened-

I had nowhere. They were the safest place I could go.

I wouldn't have a mother. She died anyways. It wasn't my fault. It was his. It's all his.

I am not someone who gets to be happy.

[risingsunresistance]

aw man people cant call me tumblr user technoplane anymore 😔 tumblr user risingsunresistance doesnt have the same ring to it

[cosmojjong]

gloomy thoughts :(

[scattered-stardust]

Person incapable of watching anything horror resembling watches something resembling horror. A plan that surely will not backfire in the slightest.

(Keeping back against the wall)

[agustdiv1ne]

before i dive back into the abyss of college for the rest of this week i wanted to say that i hope everyone is doing ok and if not that's ok too!! pls be gentle w urself!!!

also happy gyu day ♡