#Sometimes you make better choices because of the guilt you feel over choices and decisions you made in the past

[kelpiemomma]

On one hand... I feel a lil silly taking a chicken to a vet. Especially a vet that's 45 minutes away from me but that's also the distance to the (only) horse vet so.

On the other hand, as a co-owner of chickens, I am just as responsible for their health and well-being as I am for the horses (and dogs and cat) and I know she's uncomfortable and I'd rather not just wait for her to die cause I don't know what's going on or how to help her so. Taking a chicken to the vet it is.

[jjtheresidentbaby]

Hi! Congrats on 1000 followers!

Could you do a cg! Rafe Cameron x little! Reader with the prompts "shh, go back to sleep. you need it." and "shh shh, no, it's alright. you're fine, shh."

Btw, I love your blog and I’m so happy you’re doing obx fics now!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ you’re fine ⋆ﾟ⊹ ➢ event masterlist

» rafe cameron x reader

» a/n: hope you don’t mind me taking some creative liberties and making this pouge!reader turned kook!reader

» warnings: set sometime in season 3, talk of canon events, pouge!reader turned kook!reader, pet names, nightmares, angst, crying, hurt/comfort I’m still not sure I like this

Rafe jolts when you wake up with a choked off scream that quickly turns to a sob, he moves from his place in a chair in the corner of the room to the side of your bed in seconds, already reaching to rub your back.

“Shh, shh, no, it's alright. you're fine, shh.” He soothes and pulls you up into his lap when you reach out for him.

“It’s okay baby, you’re alright.” It’s so gentle coming out of his mouth you’d swear it wasn’t Rafe if it wasn’t for the moonlight coming in through the window lighting up his distraught expression scrunched on his face.

It’s been months of this. Of waking up in nightmares that leave you shaking and grasping for Rafe to be at your side, of Rafe doing absolutely everything he can to comfort you, of you trying to adjust to living in Tannyhill with Rafe rather than back on the Cut near Jj’s house where you grew up. You and Jj don’t talk anymore, none of the pogues give you so much as a sparing glance, they’re all too aware of what side you chose when you didn’t flee off that cargo ship with them- you stayed with Rafe.

“I- I was back there-.” Rafe tightens his arms around you with a low shh that you listen to easily, leaning into his touch and letting him start to rock the both of you in place.

“You’re not there, you’re here with me. We’re safe and back in obx, we never have to be there again.” It’s not the fear that was steadily coursing through your veins on that boat that bothers you, really it isn’t, it’s the look of absolute betrayal that spread over all your old friends’ faces.

It’s something you can’t shake and while you know you made the right decision- you, Rafe, and Barry melted the cross down, you’re all rich, Ward isn’t around to bother you, you’re living a better lifestyle than you’ve ever dreamed- it’s still stomach churning to think about the pogues. You don’t even know where they are right now or what they’ve been up to, once they found out you helped melt the cross that was it, you had hope that maybe they’d see where you were coming from but that crossed the line. A line you truly didn’t think existed.

You grew up on the Cut with them, hell you had problems with Kiara when John B introduced her because she had a house on Figure Eight, you never thought you’d end up on this side of island for anything more than a job or a party, you thought you’d be with them no matter what, that nothing that happened would break the bond between you and the other pogues and now-. If you think about this too much you’ll get a headache.

“Shh, go back to sleep. you need it." The feeling of Rafe’s chin hooking atop your head brings you back to where you are.

“I’m sorry.” After that day on the boat where you had clung to Rafe the second you two were alone, crying and scared, slipped so far into your headspace you couldn’t think about that fact that you were hugging around Rafe Cameron- it feels like all you’ve done is apologize to him. The guilt of absolutely everything you do eats at you, no matter what choice you make it ends up hurting someone, you end up being the problem.

“You don’t need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Rafe replies with zero hesitation as he always done. He’s never questioned your loyalty to him or said you need to get over what happened with the pogues, in some weird way you think understands it, he doesn’t have anyone but you and Barry left. And even then- Barry betrayed him once, you can still feel the tension between them at times because of it.

“You’re always taking care of me and I’m still a mess.” It took all of two seconds for Rafe to jump into caregiver mode on that boat when he realized that you were regressed, you don’t think he’s ever gotten out of it. Months later and nothing has changed, he’s taken on the role as your caregiver without a single question or judgement made, as if he already knows everything he needs to know to watch you.

“Shush baby, it’s not your fault those pogues put you through so much.”

Logically you know Rafe’s version of events are skewed and probably will be no matter what you say- but it still hurts a little to think he blames them in full. It was your own fault, you went along with every plan they came up with from that first day John B said you guys should go out looking for the royal merchant after that storm, and even if you eventually felt out of your depth and like things were getting too hectic and you wanted to tell them to stop- to go back to how you all were before- it’s still on you.

“They’re never going to forgive me.” You whisper and truly don’t mean to, that was supposed to stay in your head.

“They’ve put you through hell, you aren’t the one that needs to be forgiven, you made the right decision. The smart one.” You nod at Rafe’s serious but soft tone and curl farther into his chest.

“Yeah, I’m glad I have you.” Everything else aside- you’d do anything to keep Rafe around, he’s there for you in a way none of the pogues ever have been and you can’t ignore that.

“You’ll always have me baby.” He presses a kiss to the side of your forehead and lays you both back against the bed, shifting slightly so you can lay over his chest and he can pull a blanket over both of you.

“Try and sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” You hum to Rafe, letting your eyes slip shut in contentment. He will be here when you wake up, you know that, you’d never doubt that, and it makes some of that guilt slip off your shoulders.

[daughterofcain-67]

𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔪𝔞𝔤𝔦𝔠

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: It’s the month of love and you were already over the idea of couples and relationships, especially since your last relationship turned out to be a disaster. Due to the guilt you felt over the breakup you find yourself hesitant to open up to the idea that you may be in love with a certain hunter you shared a home with in the Bunker. But when a case dealing with witches causes you to question certain things, it’s up to you to figure out your feelings for Dean and find out if they were truly genuine unlike your last mistake.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: This is my very first smut and it will be at the end of the case. It’s just something fluffy since Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Minors DNI, no matter how low-quality the content may be. If you don’t like this kind of content then politely skip this oneshot…Cannon level violence, fingering, love making, Dean being the sweetest man in existence. I hope you all enjoy~

It was already February and you dreaded Valentine’s Day which was coming up rather quickly. Tomorrow, actually. Everyone around you was so hyper focused on romantic relationships, one night stands, and you knew you would be single yet again.

Sam would be going off with Eileen and they had plans to go see some sort of show then go to dinner and spend the night in a hotel room. Adorable plans, yeah, but you still didn’t see the hype when they could do that on any random weekend. Then there was Jody meeting up with some man that her two girls set her up with because they wanted her to get out more. Dean you were positive would be out for some one-night stand to feed into his libido. You, however, you’d likely be spending the night in the bunker alone.

It was by choice, really. Ever since you broke up with your last boyfriend, you didn’t want to take the chance of going out again. You’d rather stay single for eternity than for anyone to get hurt in the event a relationship didn’t work out.

Your ex was named James, and he was the sweetest guy. He treated you well, respected you, even spoiled you every once in a while. You both had many fun times together but something just didn’t sit right with you, you didn’t see yourself spending your life with him. You didn’t see a marriage with him. When you broke the news, he took it a little hard but he respected your decision.

There was no drama and you were lucky it wasn’t an ugly break up, but the idea of him being hurt ate at you constantly because you felt like you got into that relationship for the wrong reasons. You were simply thrilled to finally find a man that loved you, but you didn’t stop and consider if your own feelings for James was genuine.

You felt so guilty for leading James on, you felt guilty for wasting his time in a relationship even if it was a short relationship - merely four months. Sam and Dean were there for you when you returned to the Bunker after the breakup and they knew how hard it was for you because you felt like James didn’t deserve for his heart to be broken like that.

Now it’s been four years since you’ve broken up with James, and from what you saw on social media he was a lot happier and he moved on to another girlfriend, someone who returned the same feelings he had. He found a woman he really deserved.

But why couldn’t you move on?

Within these past several years, you’ve not had a fling. There were no rebounds, one-night stands, no drunken mistakes, no other boyfriends. You felt like ever since you broke one person’s heart, you were unable to find yourself in another relationship. You didn’t want to bring anybody that kind of hurt again, so you never really moved on even if you knew that James had and he was happy. You were happy for him of course, but you couldn’t really explain how you felt.

The heart was such a delicate thing sometimes and you hated it.

Dean was supportive of you though. He knew better than anyone what unnecessary guilt felt like, and when Sam would try to cheer you up it typically didn’t work. Right after the breakup, Dean was there to listen. He didn’t do much talking since he usually didn’t feel the way you did when he broke things off with girls. The only breakup he ever experienced that effected him the most was Lisa, and he never talked about her or Ben after it happened. But that was the one he would use as an example because there were times he would feel guilty of getting them into trouble just by knowing them. So he would often tell you that you did the right thing by breaking things off because James was no hunter, he would have had no idea what he was up against so in a way, you were protecting more than his heart. You were protecting his life, and in a way it made you feel a little less guilty.

You were lucky he was there for you to rant to even if he didn’t like talking about things like that. You found that it was easy to talk to Dean. Much easier than having a conversation with Sam. It was just a different chemistry with Dean and you felt like Dean seemed to understand where you were coming from.

So the past three Valentine’s days you were either drinking alone, having some sort of marathon in your room, or reading some books. This year you decided to just go on a hunt. After all, Valentine’s Day was just another day for singles right? Might as well work and do what you did the best.

Presently, you were in the library with your laptop in front of you as you looked for any suspicious articles and headlines that would be strange and maybe even your kind of thing. For the past thirty minutes or so, you were coming up with nothing. Everything that you saw looked like just simple robberies, typical murder cases that didn’t have anything suspicious to them in the articles. You were starting to lose the hope that you would actually end up finding anything, but that was when something finally caught your attention.

In Grand Island, Nebraska, there were reports of couples going missing. It didn’t matter if they were tourists or locals, but within the past three months, six couples have gone missing. To you that sounded like a lot. Two couples a month disappearing out of nowhere? That may have sounded suspicious and you wanted to do a little more digging. Just as you were looking into the names of the couples that went missing, you heard footsteps.

“Whatcha workin’ on?”

You didn’t need to glance behind you to know that Dean was the one roaming around the library. You heard him move a chair so he could sit in front of you and through your peripheral you saw he set down a mug of coffee. So you knew he may stay for a little while so you might as well discuss the case with him.

“I’m looking into a case. It sounds something that could be our kind of thing.” You answered, not lifting your gaze because you were still trying to find more evidence that could hint at a hunt.

“You care to share?”

“Hang on, I’m looking… What I’m gathering is that in Nebraska there have been a total of six couples within the last three months that have gone missing. To me that sounds like a lot and their bodies were never found. Two of the couples were tourists but the rest seemed to be local. I haven’t found anything yet that would make it seem even more like our thing, but I think I want to go anyway.” You admitted.

“To be fair, we’ve gone on hunts with a lot less than what you’ve found. You want some company on this one?”

“You aren’t planning on going out for Valentines Day?” You asked with a bit of surprise and Dean chuckled a little.

“Around here? No. Not this year. A hunt might do me some good since Sam’s not gonna be here anyway. Plus I can go to the bar anytime. I haven’t had a hunt in the past week and I’d rather not get out of practice.” He insisted and you smiled.

“I’d love it if you were company. I guess it could be good for the both of us.” You smiled and you pulled out your phone to put in the city so you could look into some reasonable hotels you and Dean could stay in while you were in Nebraska. Then you shut off the computer.

“I’ll meet you in the garage in a few minutes. I need to go pack a few things.” You said.

Dean smiled at you and he watched you jog up the stairs so you could pack and get ready for Nebraska.

Naturally, Dean didn’t want you to go on a hunt alone. To him it was better to hunt with a partner, to have someone have your back just incase something went wrong. That’s why he preferred hunting with Sam. Nowadays, Dean only hunted alone as a last resort. He supposed it was just his preference and sort of a precaution as well since he didn’t want anything to happen to you on the hunt. He’d rather you make it back in one piece.

He knew you hated Valentine’s Day, and you got so irritated with couples so easily this time of year. But he hated that you seemed to be punishing yourself over the James thing. It was unfair to you. Maybe one day you would understand that, but he didn’t think it would be anytime soon.

Dean got up and he took the last couple of sips of his coffee before he went back to the kitchen and put the mug in the sink before he started heading off into his room so he could go ahead and get dressed and pack up for the trip. He swiftly got changed into a pair of jeans that were clean enough for the trip, tossed on one of his many black t-shirts and he threw on a flannel and a jacket. Then he grabbed some extra clothes and shoved them into a bag that had an extra blanket for you on the ride since he knew you’d probable get cold in Nebraska.

He grabbed whatever other weapons he thought would be needed, not that the back of Baby’s trunk didn’t have enough artillery, and when he zipped up his bag he walked out of his room so he could make his way out to the garage.

When he made it there he realized you had beat him to the car, waiting for him to unlock the vehicle. Your hair was in a messy bun, a few strands were in your face no matter how many times you tried to pull those pieces back. You were dressed in one of his old band shirts that was shrunk because Sam put it in the dryer by mistake so it was too small for Dean. It suited you much better anyway, but maybe he was a little biased.

Okay, more than just a little biased.

It wasn’t his fault you were so damn beautiful! And it wasn’t his fault that over the past few years you were beginning to rock his world. You made it so easy for him to fall for, despite all of his efforts not to fall so hard.

You were the only person that understood him in a way that Sam didn’t seem to understand him. You were there to listen when he would go off on his rants, you were his voice of reason when he was opposed to Sam and you made it a little easier to be open minded when it came to a lot of the cases that he and Sam didn’t agree on. You kept him steady and level headed and he knew that he needed you in his corner. He hadn’t realized just how much he started to rely on you until about a year ago when you had a close call on a hunt when a shifter took you and nearly killed you.

“That didn’t take you long at all.” Dean said with a chuckle, but he knew you were pretty quick when it came to packing anyway.

“I already had a bag prepped. I just needed to throw in some last minute things that I didn’t want to forget about. Like toothbrushes and stuff like that.” You shrugged and Dean grinned while simultaneously rolling his eyes.

“Hop in already before we lose daylight.” He said and he unlocked the door, then the two of you hopped in.

When Dean started up the car, Rush’s Xanadu was playing through the speakers and he turned up the volume a little as he drove off so the two of you could begin your journey. He knew it would only be a matter of hours before you would arrive and lucky for him, you had the same tastes in music as he did, so it wasn’t like driving with Sam where he would complain the whole time the music played.

About three minutes into the ten minute song, he could see you through the peripheral tapping your fingers on your thigh as if it were the guitar strings being played. He knew if he had seatbelts in the car you’d probably use it as the neck of the guitar. He thought you were just adorable that way but never said anything out loud. But for now while you were strumming the imaginary strings on your thigh with one hand, your other was on the phone.

“What are you lookin’ up?”

“Just some hotels in the surrounding area. I figured it would be easier if I found one and called it in now rather than just showing up spontaneously.” You answered and he hummed a little.

“Find anything good?”

“Well I found one that’s actually pretty close to the police station. So that pretty much takes care of saving some drive time. Won’t have to wander around and figure out where it’s at.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. We can go with that one.” Dean said, honestly not really caring about which one they went to. use as long as they would make it to one. But it wouldn’t be his first time sleeping in his beloved car if it came to that point.

“Holy cow! Why are hotels this expensive?!” He heard you exclaim and he chuckled.

“Did you forget what tomorrow was, Sweetheart? Prices are gonna be a bit higher because a bunch of couples are gonna be bumpin’ uglies.” Dean laughed at the way you scrunched your nose and you called the number on your phone so you could make the arrangements to stay in the hotel.

Several hours had gone by and Dean pulled up to the hotel you’d booked. When he glanced over at you, he saw you were snuggled up in the blanket he grabbed. He was glad he remembered it, and he hated to wake you up but you both had a job to do. So, Dean carefully placed his hand on your shoulder to nudge you a little.

“Y/N? We’re here.” You grumbled in response and slowly opened your eyes, squinting as you looked around your surroundings.

When you tossed off the blanket you handed it to him and he just tossed it in the back for the next time you’d need it on the car ride back home. The two of you got out of the car and checked into the hotel so you could at least out your things away and stretch your legs a bit.

“Did you see the police station while you were driving?” Dean heard you question, to which he nodded.

“Yeah, it’s like two minutes away. Why don’t we go ahead and get dressed in the Fed suits and see what the police have come up with on the files.” He suggested as you rubbed your eyes, still trying to wake up from the nap.

“Sounds good to me.” You replied as you grabbed your bags and headed off to the bathroom to change clothes.

You dressed up in your black pantsuit, a purple buttoned up shirt with a couple of the buttons undone and you let your hair down from it’s bun from earlier. To your surprise, your hair was actually working with you after your nap. At least it made getting out of the hotel a little easier since you usually wore your hair down as a fed or detective wannabe.

Dean was dressed in a dark grey suit, white shirt and a tie with a random design on it. You swore you needed to take him shopping for different ties one of these days, but that would have to be a later occasion since the two of you were already in the car on the way to the station.

Arriving only a couple of minutes later since traffic was surprisingly light, you and Dean got out of the car and started making your way inside and went to the front desk.

“Hello there, if you don’t mind we’d like to talk to the Chief of the department.” You said and the secretary looked at both you and Dean. Although she took a bit of a lingering look at Dean, which gave you the overwhelming urge to roll your eyes but you had to resist.

“And who are the two of you? I only have to ask because I can’t just let anybody in. The chief is a busy man.” The secretary said and still had yet to peel her eyes off the other hunter, making your jaw tighten.

Dean pulled out his FBI badge and you did the same, “I’m special Agent Lifeson and this is Agent McVie. We’re here in regards to the disappearances. Do you think you could be a Doll and go ahead and squeeze us in? I know a guy like him is busy, so are we.”

Dean must’ve known this little secretary thought he was attractive because with a little wink he gave, she was more than ready to pick up the phone and press the number to the chief’s office while her cheeks were dusted with pink.

“Oh give me a break.” You mumbled as you put your badge away.

“Sir? There are a couple of suits here that would like to speak with you.” She said and with a little nod she concluded the short call and hung up the phone before looking up at Dean again.

“He’ll be out to see you in a couple of moments.” She said.

“Thank you, Miss…?”

“Oh, just call me Maura.”

“Well thank you, Maura, for the help.” Dean said and after what felt like ages to you, the Chief showed up.

“You two must be my surprise visitors. The name’s Korsak. What can I do for the both of you?” He asked, and to your surprise he was rather friendly.

“Actually, we’re here to discuss the disappearance of those six couples over the past three months.” You heard Dean reply and Korsak knew exactly what he was talking about.

“So the suits finally caught wind of this one, huh? Come with me.” He said and he invited the both of you to his office for further discussion of the case.

When the three of you made it into the office, you all had taken your seats, you and Dean were of course in front of the Chief’s desk as he sat down. You watched as the officer opened up his drawer and opened up his copy of the file and placed it on the desk.

“This case has all my detectives stumped. The only connection we’ve been able to establish so far was that they were couples. When we check our servailence, we did happen to notice the last time all of our missing couples were last seen on Mainstreet, which is basically where all of our little shops are. Lots of couples have been going there in December, and that was when the first disappearance happened. January has been a little slow, no disappearances to note. But then this month it started back up again. Three of the six couples were kidnapped just this month alone.”

You and Dean looked at each other, knowing you both would have to check Mainstreet. Then you looked back at the Cheif, “Could we go ahead and take a look at the surveillance you captured?”

The chief pulled out some pictures from the footage and handed them to both you and Dean. All of the buildings in the surrounding area seemed pretty old, some needed maybe a new coat of paint or a power was, but one thing caught your eye. One of the businesses that one of the couples were seen leaving seemed pretty new. They had new paint on the door and on the windows, the sign for the business seemed new too.

“Chief Korsak, what can you tell me about this business?” You questioned and pointed at the picture.

“Oh that? That’s just some crystal shop. I don’t get why people get so interested in rocks… my daughter went in there before. She likes those crystals and dream catchers and stuff. It just opened up in November of last year.” He said and you nodded a little as you took a look at the business again.

“Is there anything you can tell us about the case? Was there anything left behind in their homes when you tried to do a wellness check in their homes or hotels they were staying in?” Dean asked as if he were searching for a little more of a lead that would give you more of a reason for this to be a hunting gig.

“Well, we did notice something a little weird but we didn’t think that much of it at first.” The chief said and he began to clear his throat.

“We didn’t put it in the file, but we did find some orchid colored substance. It wasn’t enough to bag it, but when one of our CSI members tried to sample it, it turned clear and didn’t show up in our systems. We have no clue what it could have been.”

“Gotcha.. If that’s everything, I think we’ll be off and talk to those business owners and see if they saw anything. Thanks for everything.” Dean said as he got up, then he leaned over to shake Chief Korsak’s hand.

You stood up as well and you handed him your card, “If there’s anything else you can think of, please don’t hesitate to let us know.”

And with that, the two of you left the station and went back to the car. When you got inside, you tried to wrap your head around this case as best as you could. You heard Dean shut his door and start the car before he spoke.

“So what are you thinking?”

“Witch… Just by the substance. If the substance the cops found didn’t show up as anything, it could be a part of a witch spell to remain undetected.” You answered honestly while Dean started backing out.

“But that many people in a month? Two people in a month, I can see being one witch. Maybe two couples a month depending on how powerful they are. But three couples in barely two weeks? Maybe we’re dealing with more than one witch.” Dean suggested.

“Did you remember the witch killing bullets if we need them?” You asked.

“Of course. They’re sitting in the trunk.” Dean answered and you smiled. Then pulled out your phone to look up that new business on Mainstreet.

“Okay, so the business that the final couple was seen exiting was called Cosmic Treasures. So why don’t we head that way and find out what we can about the owners?” You suggested.

“We could, but what if we ask some of the neighboring shops first? Maybe ask them what they think about the owners of the shop, maybe they saw something or maybe they think it’s a little suspicious?” Dean suggested. It sort of shocked you that he was being surprisingly rational.

“That’s not a bad idea. It gives us sort of a background on them so we know what we’re getting into.” You replied and he drove off to Mainstreet. After a few moments the car was parked and the two of you stepped out again.

You looked around at some of the shops and you tried to decide which one you should go to first.

“Okay, if you take that little candy store, I’ll go to the antique shop.” You said and Dean looked at you.

“What? You don’t trust me to go antiquing?” He asked, faking the offense.

“Considering you like to touch everything and you have a tendency to knock things down, I think you going to the candy store will be the safest option.” You chuckled, causing Dean to pout a little.

“Alright, fine.” He said and the two of you parted ways.

You made your way into the antique shop and the doorbell rang out. Then you heard a voice, you assumed it was the sound of one of the owners.

“Hi there! Welcome in.” A woman said and you followed the voice.

You saw behind a counter, there was a woman that had to be in her sixties. She had Brown hair with some grey in her hair, some glasses on the bridge of her nose but she had a kind look in her eyes.

“Hello there, I’m Agent McVie.” You said and you held up your badge, “Are you the owner of this store by any chance?”

“I am. The name’s Angela O’Riley. How can I help you, Sweetie?”

“I was just wondering if you could tell me a little bit about the owners of Cosmic Treasures?”

“Oh the cute little crystal shop? They’re a sweet little couple. Young and rather eccentric. Despite their alternative lifestyle, I think they’re sweet. May I ask why the FBI is looking into them?” The sweet woman questioned.

“We’re just looking into a couple of missing person’s cases. The last couple was seen exiting their store and we just wanted to ask around and see if anyone has seen anything suspicious.” You admitted and the woman shook her head.

“I wouldn’t consider anything they do suspicious. Just… alternative and unusual. They say they like witchcraft and spells and what not, but I think they’re just some hippies trying to make a living. The wife is talented and she’s the one that actually makes the dream catchers. Beautiful artwork. I’ve actually bought some from her.” Angela said and she held up a finger as a gesture for you to wait a moment as she pulled it out.

She handed it to you so you could take a look at it and you carefully took it from her. It was a black dream catcher with white, grey and blue feathers. You didn’t know much about dreamcatchers, but you knew some of these colors had meaning. “Beautiful craftsmanship. You’re right, she does have a talent.”

“She said something along the lines of the colors bringing healing, peace, protection, hope. It was really sweet of her to make it. She said she wanted it to bring luck for the store since we’ve been a little slow. But I just think it’s wonderful decoration.” The woman said and you handed it back to her.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, Agent?” Angela asked and you shook your head a little.

“Are you sure? Maybe I can help you find some sort of gift for a special someone. We have a little bit of everything here, you know.”

“Oh, I don’t really have a special someone…” You said, although you did think of Dean.

“Actually… do you have any knives I can take a look at?”

“Oh of course! Right this way.” Angela guided you to her knife section and you saw all of the different knives with beautiful handles.

“Who made all of these?” You asked.

“Actually, my husband did before he passed away. He was talented as well. He took pride in his work and he would sell pocket knives and different blades here as well for all of the husbands that weren’t really interested in their wives’ antiquing hobbies. Gave the men a little something to occupy their time.” She smiled and you grinned.

“They’re all beautiful.” You said and that was when you saw a certain knife that had some sort of engraving on the handle. The handle itself had different shades of green and you thought it was beautiful with the way the engravings were in gold.

“May I take a look at this one?” You pointed at the one that had your attention in the display case.

“Ahh, yes. That’s a good one. My husband loved that one. It was his favorite, but no one really seemed to like the engravings on it. My husband said it’s supposed to enhance protection. He was a bit superstitious but the customers didn’t see it.” She said and you smiled.

“I’ll take it. It’s perfect.”

“I think your little someone will like it too. You deny it but it’s all over your face.” The woman said and she smiled as she handed it to you.

You didn’t want to argue with the woman, but you couldn’t help but be excited to see Dean’s reaction when he saw this knife. It looked similar to the demon blade they had and you wondered if this could help at all since Angela’s husband was certain it would bring protection.

Once you pulled out your wallet and paid for it, you thanked the woman.

“Good luck on your case, Agent.” She smiled at you and you left the store.

Dean walked into the candy shop called Sugarcane Sweets and saw there was a couple behind the counter. The woman was the one that noticed he walked in first and she went to the front of the counter and gave a warm smile.

“Hello! How can I help you?” She asked, tone about as friendly as Dean would expect a business woman to be.

“Hi there. Are you two the owners of this place?” He asked.

“Yes, we are.” The man said and came up as well. Dean noticed the rings on their fingers and figured they were a married couple.

“Hi, Sir. I’m Agent Lifeson. I was just wondering if I could ask the both of you a couple of questions about one of the neighboring shops.” Dean said.

“Lifeson? As in Alex Lifeson the guitarist?” The man asked and Dean chuckled.

“Rush fan, huh? No relation, unfortunately. But that would be badass.” He admitted and the man smiled.

“Damn, that really would be badass. The name’s Sean Patterson, this is my wife, Jaylah. What can we do for you?”

“Well, Sean, I’m looking into some missing person’s cases and the last couple that went missing around here was visiting Mainstreet. We have reason to believe they were shopping around the area and the last place they were seen was in Cosmic Treasures. I was hoping you two would be able to tell me a little about the owners of the store?” Dean said.

“Oh, you mean Keith and Harper? Oh I don’t think those two would hurt a fly.” Jaylah said.

“The two of them are a little on the eccentric side but I think they just like the aesthetic. I don’t really believe in the voodoo mess they sell. I mean crystals and dreamcatchers? Really? I think they just like the cannabis and hippie lifestyle more than anything. Their rocks are more for decoration than anything.” Sean said with a shrug.

That was when the door opened and when Dean looked over, you were walking through the door.

“Oh, hello there!” Jaylah greeted you with a smile.

“Hello.” You smiled back.

“Mr. and Mrs. Patterson, this is my partner Agent McVie. She’s helping me out on the case.” Dean introduced you.

“We were just telling your partner that Keith and Harper are pretty much harmless. I don’t think they would know anything about these kidnappings you’re looking into.” Sean admitted.

Jaylah was looking at both you and Dean, and Dean wondered what she was thinking about while her husband was explaining the conversation, “You know you two would be a cute little couple.”

Dean blinked a little in surprise at the random statement, “Excuse me?”

“I mean granted if you weren’t working in the same agency. Conflict of interest and what not.” She continued and Dean was still a little flabbergasted by the sudden change in conversation. When Dean glanced at you, he could see a faint rose color appear on your cheeks as you cleared your throat.

“You’ll have to pardon my wife. She likes to play matchmaker. She reads too many romance novels in her spare time.” Sean laughed and you smiled.

“Oh no harm done. Anyway, what else can you tell us? Have any of these missing couples come into that store or any other stores around here that you remember over the last three months?” Dean asked as he pulled out his phone that had some pictures of the missing couples.

“Most of them we do recognize, unfortunately. They’ve come in here sometimes to get a little something to snack on, as do a lot of people around here. We have some tourists that come in here too. Just yesterday we had a group of people coming here and visiting from Colorado stop by. They were visiting family.” Jaylah spoke.

“So you get a lot of people.”

“We do get pretty busy. People around the holidays get a bit of a sweet tooth around Christmas and Valentines Day. January we were about as slow as other businesses around here. People trying to recover from Christmas shopping and all.” Sean replied.

“It really is a shame that those couples went missing. We get a lot of couples all the time just walking around the area as a little date or whatever and we never used to have this problem.” Jaylah said with a frown.

“It’s alright. Unexpected things happen all the time. But please, if there’s anything else you can remember about the couples or where they may have gone, please let us know.” Dean said and he handed them his card that had his number on it.

“Wait a moment, agents.” Jaylah said and she picked up a goodie bag and started putting some freebies inside and she handed the bag to Dean.

“Just a little something to snack on. Good luck on your case.” She smiled and Dean looked inside, his eyes sparkling. What? He couldn’t help the fact that he liked junk food unlike his little brother.

“Thank you, Mrs. Patterson.” He said and you thanked the woman as well before the both of you walked out of the store to go back to the car.

“So what did you find out in the antique store?” Dean asked as he looked through all the goodies. He heard you chuckle, he figured you were watching him go through the candy like a kid.

“About the same thing you did. But apparently Harper has a talent with dreamcatchers. Not that dreamcatchers have anything to do with the case. At least I wouldn’t think so. They aren’t usually linked to missing persons cases are they?” He heard you question and he shook his head.

“No, not usually.”

“Maybe we can do a little research over dreamcatchers and Keith and Harper over something substantial before you devour that candy bag.” Dean chuckled at your comment before he closed up the bag and the two of you got into the car.

You and Dean had changed out of the fed attire and you were back in something more comfortable. For you it was your jeans and a band shirt. You two had done your research and found that there hasn’t been any record of dreamcatchers being linked to kidnapping in any hunting cases. Afterwards, the two of you went to ask the victim’s friends about the couples.

Anytime you went to talk to friends and families about the missing couples it was always how perfect they were for each other, how they were planning on either getting married or the one was about to propose to another. All the true love things that made you feel uncomfortable around this time of year.

One couple, or former couple rather, did remember going to Mainstreet with one of the missing couples. They recalled their trip, they went to the candy store and picked up some goodies for their friends to take home with them, then they went to some other stores to find some clothes and other things they liked before they went to Cosmic Treasures. After they left Mainstreet and returned home, they hadn’t heard from the couple again. But the former couple got into some big argument and they broke up the day their friends went missing.

You were on the way to go check out Cosmic Treasures. Both of you knew it was definitely closed by now and you would be breaking and entering, but it wouldn’t have been the first time the two of you had broken in somewhere.

You gazed out of the window of the Impala while Dean drove and you started to think about different things. You knew couples were everywhere right now, so why were those three the only targets?

“You’re awfully quiet. Penny for your thoughts?” Dean asked and you shrugged a little.

“Just something about this case… of all the couples out there, whoever kidnapped these couples are pretty sick. I mean, they take the couples that are really in love, when there are plenty of other couples out there that just didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day, or they’re just in the relationship to say they have someone. Why go after the ones that actually have a future?” You asked.

“Witches are evil creatures…. They must have their own sort of sick and twisted reason.” Dean said.

“Well, what about Rowena? She’s quickly become an ally.”

“Well sure, but that doesn’t mean her past wasn’t at least a little malicious before she met us.”

“Yeah.. I guess that’s fair. I just don’t think they deserved it.” You sighed and soon enough you pulled into the back of the store. When the both of you got out, Dean handed you a gun with witch killing bullets before he grabbed one for himself.

When you made it to the door, Dean grabbed his lock picking kit from his pocket and started to get to work.

“Hey, Dean?” You asked and he hummed.

“Do you still think about Lisa?” He paused for a moment. He glanced at you before he looked back at the lock and went back to work.

“Not as often as I used to.” You were a little surprised that he answered.

“You’re still thinking about James, huh?”

“Yeah…”

Dean finally got the door opened and he stood upright before he pushed the door open, then he let you walk inside first, “You’ve really got to stop beating yourself up over him.”

“It’s not that easy…”

“Y/N, come on. Cut yourself some slack. It’s not like you cheated on the guy. You said yourself, he moved on and he’d a lot happier. And more importantly, he’s alive. This life isn’t cut out for a guy like James so you were doing him a favor and he gets to live a normal life without worrying about the shit that creeps around in the dark.”

You sighed a little, knowing he was right and you knew how wishy-washy you sounded. You hated that you sounded like that but you geared your focus on the case once more.

What was worse was that you wanted to move on. You truly did. But you weren’t lying when you said it wasn’t easy. Especially since you were a hunter and if you got into a relationship with someone you knew that if you didn’t hurt them emotionally, they may get hurt physically - maybe even get them killed because of your lifestyle.

Maybe Angela was right and you did have a special someone, and maybe it really was Dean. But the man has gone through enough hurt in his life and you didn’t want to bring anymore heartache. You couldn’t handle doing that to someone like Dean when he deserved the world.

“Do you think these people are actually into witchcraft or do you think they’re just hopping onto a trend?” You asked.

“Nowadays? Who knows what people are getting themselves into without realizing it.” Dean sighed as he picked up some of the crystals.

You went to the front desk and saw the logbook of the things the couple have sold. You skimmed through the purchases to see if there as anything that stood out to you. But then you found some of the names that looked familiar, “I think I’ve got something.”

Dean walked over to you and he dug into his pocket and pulled out a sucker from the shop and popped it into his mouth.

“What’d you find?”

“The couple that went on that double date? The couple that went missing bought some sort of crystals that were meant for some kind of prosperity in the marriage. Look for one of those.” You said and Dean nodded as he looked around, you did the same.

After a few minutes, Dean started to realize something, “I think these are fake… some sort of knock off. I think Keith and Harper really were on some kind of trend.”

“So they aren’t our witches….” You sighed as Dean shook his head and he handed you a sucker. You shrugged a little and took it before popping it in your mouth.

The two of you exited the store the way you came and you hopped into the car again. To your surprise, the sucker tasted like cinnamon, mixed with something sweet. It was an odd taste for a lollipop but it wasn’t a bad taste either. “So what do we do now?”

“Not sure. Maybe we ought to go to the hotel and sleep on it.” Dean said and you nodded a little, knowing that it was getting pretty late.

When you both got into the car again, you leaned your back against the seat and you tried to think of who the witches could be. You and Dean didn’t have that many options to choose from since no one else seemed to be suspicious. But you supposed Cosmic Treasures would have been a little too obvious for this case.

“You’re robbing yourself, you know.” Dean’s voice broke your train of thought.

“What?”

“The James thing. You can’t feel guilty about that forever. You don’t deserve that kind of weight when there’s not much of a need for it. You’re robbing yourself of something good in the future.” Dean finally spoke and you lifted a brow. You wondered just how long he was waiting to tell you that.

You didn’t say anything in response and you remained quiet for the rest of the car ride all the way to the hotel. But when the two of you arrived and got into the hotel room, you realized that everything was disheveled. Your hotel room had been broken into.

“What the Hell?” You said as you looked around and started to look to check if anything was missing.

“I guess the witches may know who we are before we found them.” Dean said and he ran a hand through his short hair.

“Not comforting.”

“Wanna see something less comforting?” Dean asked and you turned around and went to see what he was talking about.

“Orchid colored substance.” Dean said as he swiped his finger and held it up to you to look at. You lifted a brow and tried to think of anything.

“Wait a second… Before the last couple went to Cosmic Treasures, their friends said they all went to the candy store, right?” You asked and Dean nodded.

You quickly took the bag of candy that Jaylah gave you and looked through it. You opened up all the wrappers and saw that some of the candy also had that orchid colored stuff on the wrappers, some of the candies themselves were the same color. It must’ve been one of the ingredients for the sweets.

“Dean, how much of the candy did you eat?”

“Not enough to have a toothache or anything. Why?”

“I think I know who the witches are.”

You and Dean made it back to Mainstreet to go to the candy shop and before Dean could pull out his lock picking kit, you and Dean found yourselves in a fight with both Sean and Jaylah. Unfortunately the witches were the victors in the fight and after the two of you were knocked out, you both were taken.

When you came to, you and Dean found yourselves in the basement of their candy shop. You were both tied to some sort of pillar in the middle of the basement, your backs on either side of the pillar and your hands were tied against each other’s so your hands were bound to each others. You looked in front of you and you noticed there was a table with some potions, powders and some other ingredients. There was even an orchid plant growing in the corner of the room.

“What the Hell is all of this?” You asked and looked at the two of them.

“Well, we could ask you two the same thing. Sean and I knew you were hunters as soon as you two walked through the door.” Jaylah said as she started mixing up some ingredients.

“So the both of you were behind all the kidnappings? What for?” Dean asked as he struggled to break free of the restraints both of you were tied to.

“Sweetheart, how long do you think we’ve been alive? It’s not easy finding a youthful source when you aren’t as powerful as Rowena.” Jaylah said.

“You know Rowena?”

“Well yes and no. We knew of her but we never had much contact with her. She does have a bit of a sour reputation and all.” Sean replied as he was sharpening a knife.

“What did you do to the other couples?”

“Well they became a part of our ritual, that’s all.” Jaylah chimed cheerfully.

“But see our little spell doesn’t work unless the couples we use are truly in love. So anytime the holidays are around, we give people some free little goodie bags. One or two pieces of the candy have a little special something in them that will really show how people feel about each other.” Sean said.

“Some of the candies will have a little truth serum, and unfortunately it may cause a fight that couples don’t recover from especially if it’s something petty. Some candies did other things. But the couples that worth through the petty little argument we can tell are actually soulmates. The soulmates and the ones meant to last are the ones we need for our special ritual.” Jaylah added on.

“You missed one minor detail with us, we aren’t a couple.” You pointed out, “So why give us a bag?”

“Oh, hun… It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell when two people are meant to be together when you’ve been on this earth for literal centuries. You two may not be together in a romantic relationship, but the way you two have a certain chemistry just shows how perfect you are for each other.” Jaylah said.

“We’ve kept an eye on you ever since you left our shop.” Sean said, using a little mirror.

“We can tell Dean’s feelings for you are strong but he’s obviously not admitted to it yet. Still, we can tell he has some sort of ulterior motive for him to be on this trip with you. It’s a man’s natural urge to protect the woman he loves, no matter how strong that woman may be. It’s a matter of having your back. He’s destined to be your partner in life, to stand by your side in a fight. True equals as soulmates should be.” Sean said.

“And you, Y/N… You’re holding onto a past you can’t get over. Don’t you think that’s a little unfair to Dean when you know deep down your feelings for him are just as strong? You’re his voice of reason, his calm in the storm. He’s your anchor of stability, a tower or shelter where you feel safe when you’re most vulnerable. That’s why it was easy to talk to him about your little James problem. You can’t lie to yourself like that.” Jaylah said.

“Well, it’s a little late for them to do anything about it now, hun. We’re running out of time, so let’s get on with the ritual.” Sean told his wife.

You bit your lip, honestly scared you wouldn’t make it out of this. Sam and Elaine were off on their little vacation, Jody was in a different state, your other allies were unavailable and none of them knew you were on this hunt. Was this how everything would end for you and Dean? You knew that you would die in a hunt, most hunters did, but was it really supposed to come this soon?

Dean could tell you were freaking out just by how quiet you became, so he maneuvered his wrist as best as he could and he held both of your hands.

“Hey, we’ll be okay. We’ve gotten ourselves into worse, right?” Dean said and he could feel you squeezing his hands. He knew you were unsure and he knew deep down you were scared even if you’d never say it.

“Besides, these couple of witches are just some old bats. They could never beat Rowena even if they tried.” Dean said, starting to talk smack as sort of a distraction.

“I mean come on, what, you’ve got friggen flower shit in your candy? That is such rookie magic compared to what Rowena can do.” Dean said and Sean looked over.

“And what exactly do you know about the mystic arts, boy? Last I checked, hunters knew next to nothing about spells outside of summoning filthy demons to make deals.” Sean said.

That was when Dean could feel you begin to fidget on the other side of the pillar and he couldn’t help but wonder what the Hell you were trying to do.

“Don’t pay attention to him, Sean. Focus on the spell.” Jaylah said.

“Oh, because you don’t actually know much about spells either? Come on, what happens if this stupid little ritual of yours fail, huh? You two are just a couple of dust bags. Living for centuries? Damn, you should have died off forever ago.” Dean continued and he could feel one of your hands let go of his and he felt some movement on the rope.

That’s my girl…

“That’s enough, Kid. You’re getting on our nerves.” Jaylah said.

When Dean felt the rope break free from one of his wrists, he had to resist the urge to smirk. “Oh? And what the Hell are you going to do about it?”

When dean realized you handed him whatever blade you used to cut one rope, he kept his arm in place so the witches wouldn’t be suspicious of anything and as soon as Jaylah went over to him, she lifted a hand up and when she swung it down to strike him, Dean took the knife you handed him and stabbed her in the shoulder.

She screamed out in pain and held onto her shoulder and Sean rushed to her side to try and help her, “Don’t focus on me, Fool! Kill them! We need their blood for the spell, remember?”

Dean quickly turned so he could cut off the ropes from your other wrists and soon enough you were free only for Dean to get punched in the face by Sean who apparently listened to his wife and was already fighting Dean so he’d get the blood he needed. But apparently Sean was strong and he was starting to overpower Dean.

You got up and you went to grab your gun with the witch killing bullets but you heard Jaylah laugh, “You looking for this, Hun?”

You glanced over and you saw the female witch holding up both the pistols and you watched as she took out the witch killing bullets in one of the guns. You looked over and saw Dean was starting to lose the fight and you started getting worried for him and you rushed over and took a separate blade you had.

You went to Jaylah and dug your knife deeper into her shoulder and she let out a bloodcurdling scream and Sean looked over at you.

“You let Dean go. Now.” You said sternly as you pushed Jaylah down to her knees. Then you took one of the guns and aimed it at Jaylah’s head.

“Don’t listen to her, Sean! You and I know plenty of spells that will bring each other back! Just kill him already!”

“You harm another hair on his head, and I can assure you that with these bullets, your beloved won’t make it back no matter what blasted spell you use.” You seethed.

While Sean was stuck trying to think, Dean used his knife and stabbed Sean in the heart and gave the blade a twist. After that, Sean’s body fell to the ground and his corpse withered away to dust.

“Sean! No!” Jaylah screamed and you went ahead and pulled the trigger, killing the other witch before she could do anything else. Like her husband, Jaylah’s body quickly turned to dust as well.

You quickly rushed over to Dean to check on him since he was the one that was in more of a fight than you were, “Are you alright? He didn’t do too much damage, did he?”

You heard Dean laugh a little before he shook his head, “No, he didn’t. I’ll just be a little sore I guess. I’m getting too old for fights like that, I may need to do some stretches before we go in guns blazing.”

You chuckles as you helped Dean up from the ground and when he looked down at the blade you gave him, he grinned.

“This thing’s pretty damn cool. Where’d you get it?” He asked as he started to hand it back to you but you held your hand up to stop him.

“I got it from the antique store. I’ve got a feeling her husband was a hunter before he passed away. I thought you’d like it. So it’s yours.” You said and Dean looked down at it, noticing the engravings seemed similar to what he used in the witch killing bullets.

“A witch killing blade… sweet. Thanks, Sweetheart.” Dean said as he looked down at you and you bit your li a little before looking away from him.

“Yeah, well… just thought it would be something handy. Let’s get back to the hotel. It’s been a long day.” You said.

You were quiet on the way to the hotel room. A lot had happened when you were killing those witches. The way the two seemed to read through you made you wonder just how right they were about how Dean felt. Did he really have those feelings for you?

You had mixed feelings about the term soulmates. Sure you knew you had feelings for Dean, and they were right about you trying to deny them. But you never thought about the possibility of robbing Dean of yourself. You wondered if Dean felt like he was being robbed this whole time because you just couldn’t get over James. So many things were being put into perspective for you.

Then when Dean almost got killed by Sean, you knew in that moment that you didn’t want to lose him. You didn’t know what you would do without him. It was something you didn’t want to even think about.

When the two of you walked into the lobby of the hotel and went into the elevator to go to your room, you still remained quiet.

Dean noticed the silence and he was starting to get a little worried. Did he do something wrong on the hunt? What had you so quiet? Both of you came out of the fight relatively unscathed next to the bruise on Dean’s cheek but that was it.

“Is everything alright?” He asked you in a gentle tone. He didn’t want to make any advances just because of what a couple of witches said. He could never be sure of what they said about you was true.

If you really had feelings for him, wouldn’t you have shown them? Why did you bring up James so often if you really did have feelings for him? There was just too much uncertainty even though everything Sean said about his feelings for you were pretty much correct for the most part.

“Yeah… everything’s fine. Just have a lot on my mind right now.” He heard you reply. He knew that you were aware that you could always talk to him when you were ready, so he wasn’t going to push the matter like his brother would. So, Dean put a hand in his pocket and grabbed a piece of candy.

After all, the witches were dead so the sweets had to be harmless, right?

“Dean, you don’t know if those candies will kill you now that they’re dead.” He heard you tell him and he shrugged a little.

“I doubt they will. Plus you have to admit, they do taste pretty good.”

When the elevator made it to your floor, the both of you went to your room and it was quiet between the both of you. It was a little awkward, and neither of you really knew how to address the atmosphere. Maybe once the both of you got plenty of rest you could figure out how to tackle everything.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You heard Dean say and you nodded a little and watched him leave to the bathroom. Then you glanced over at the bag of candy.

You couldn’t help but wonder… now that the witches were dead, what did the spiked candy do? Would it still ignite some kind of argument or would it do something else? So you walked over to the dresser and grabbed the bag and took an unopened piece of candy and popped it into your mouth.

It started off as some sort of truth candy right that would make couples fight? What else did it do? Maybe it wouldn’t actually be cursed anymore. And Dean was right, they do taste pretty good. You were growing a little more accustomed to the cinnamon taste it had.

You could listen to the shower running and you still couldn’t help but wonder how Dean really felt about you. But you were starting to come to terms with how you felt about him.

You gulped a little as you felt your heart racing. The more that you realized that you were in love with Dean, the more you realized that you had been a fool all of this time to keep feeling guilty about James. Dean was the bravest man you had known, and you were a coward as you hid behind what happened.

You lifted your gaze to the bathroom door and you bit down on your lip. A sudden wave of nerves washed over you as you tried to think of what you should do. You knew exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared to do it, scared of how Dean would react.

You finally took in a deep breath before you kicked off your shoes and started making your way to the bathroom. You could hear Dean humming some Metallica song to himself in the shower and you smiled to yourself. He was adorable with the way he’d hum songs from his favorite bands.

You gulped as you carefully started to take off your articles of clothing, and to your surprise, you weren’t really cold since it was warm in the bathroom. Dean must’ve been using the warm water. You could feel your hands shaking and the butterflies were swirling around in your stomach since now you were naked, in front of the shower curtain and Dean was on the other side in the same state you were.

You slowly pulled the shower curtain back, and Dean turned around with a surprised look on his face as he quickly covered himself up.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” He asked and you gazed up into his eyes.

Without a word, you slowly stepped into the shower with Dean. You could feel the warm water hitting your skin as you closed the shower curtain behind you. Then you reached up and caressed his stubbled cheek.

“You were right…” you breathed out and you could feel one of Dean’s hands touch the small of your back.

“What are you talking about?”

“I need to get over James.”

Dean lifted a brow as if he needed some sort of further explanation for the sudden development.

“The witches were right too. Deep down I’ve always known how I’ve felt about you but… I let fear hold me back. And I can’t do it anymore. You were right when you said I was robbing myself, but I realize that, that I’m robbing you too.”

“Y/N, are you sure we should be doing this? Just because those bastards think they know is doesn’t mean we have to do anything you aren’t sure of.” He said.

“Dean, I’ve never been more sure of anything. I want you to help me forget about James and move on for good.” You said as you placed your other hand on his chest.

“I need you, Dean.”

Dean looked down at you and he could feel his heart threatening to break out of his chest, and he wonder if you could feel it under your delicate fingers. Then, he carefully leaned down and let his lips finally collide with yours and he closed his eyes.

The kiss started off tender, sweet even as he pulled you closer to himself while his other hand went to the back of your head and his fingers started to get tangled in your hair as it was getting wet with the shower. Then it slowly turned more passionate as he carefully took your bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a little tug.

The moment you let out a soft moan in response, Dean swore all of the blood in his system was rushing downward. He had no idea you’d sound so beautiful even from such a simple action and he kissed you again, harder this time.

You could feel him beginning to grow harder against your stomach as he kissed you deeper. When you could feel his tongue trace over your bottom lip, you carefully opened your mouth to let him in before wrapping your lips around his muscle and gave it a little suck. When you did, the deep sound he let out made your legs go weak.

Dean slowly backed you up against the shower wall, never breaking your lips apart and you could feel his hand go from the small of your back down to your ass as he gave it a little squeeze. You slowly moved your hand from his chest downward, letting your fingernails lightly scrape over his skin before your fingers brushed over his hardening member.

Dean’s breath got caught in his throat when he felt the way your fingers could barely wrap around him. When he parted your lips he looked down into your eyes and saw how adorable you looked with your cheeks flushed pink and your lips swollen from his kisses. Then he leaned down and started planting kisses from the corner of your mouth, down your jawline before reaching your neck where the kisses grew hotter.

You could hear him moan close to your ear as you slowly started to pump his shaft. Your eyes fluttered closed when he started to kiss your neck. You let our a soft noise when he found that certain sensitive spot and he gently bit down on it and started to suck on the skin and you knew there would be a bruise there. But as he worked on your neck, you could feel him part your thighs with his knee before he dipped his hand in between your legs.

Dean let his fingers glide through your folds and he let out a soft groan when he felt just how slick you were for him, “Fuck.”

He let his middle finger rub through your soaking core before it found your little bundle of nerves. The moment he found that little nub of yours, he could feel your fingernails dig into his shoulders as he started to rub little circles onto it. Your body started to tense up beneath his touch and he lifted his head from your neck and placed a kiss on your cheek.

“Relax, Sweetheart.. I’ve got you.”

His whispered words made you a little less tense and you reconnected your lips with Dean’s. As you continued to let your hand move up and down, you slightly tightened your grip and Dean moaned into your mouth. That was when you felt one of his fingers finally dip into your entrance, causing you to whimper a little and he smirked against your mouth.

When Dean gently pushed another finger into your entrance, you gasped at the stretch and Dean took the opportunity to let his tongue invade your mouth once more. You felt like it was nearly in the back of your throat and he was completely consuming you as you melted into his touch. You could feel him beginning to move his fingers in and out of your core and you couldn’t help but begin to move your hips into his hand to try and match his rhythm.

Just as Dean could feel your entrance tightening around his two fingers, he slipped a third in so he could reach into you deeper and he curled those three fingers inside of you as he picked up his pace.

“Oh fuck, Dean…” You moaned out and buried your face in the crook of his neck and he knew he must’ve found the spot that was making you see stars.

Your walls were clamping around his fingers tighter and he gently kissed your temple, “Go ahead, Baby. Let go. Cum for me.”

That was all you needed to hear from him before you finally had a release on his fingers, your thighs shaking as you felt Dean kiss your shoulder before he pulled his fingers from between your legs.

“Fuck you’re so gorgeous when you come undone…” he whispered into your hair but you moved your head to look up at him again.

“Dean… I need more…” You panted. Your body felt like it was on fire as it craved every little part of him. You needed him in every way possible; heart, body and soul. This need was more than you could fathom at the moment.

Dean looked down into your eyes and saw the look you had was sincere. He couldn’t bring himself to say no when he knew you desired him in the same way he’s craved you for so long. He reached over and turned off the water in the shower before he picked you up by your thighs and he felt you wrap your legs around his torso so naturally. He could feel your slick lips brushing up against his painfully hard member, which was making it incredibly difficult to focus.

He walked with you out of the bathroom and he felt your lips on his neck, which made his entire body feel hot. But then he carefully laid you down on the mattress and when he saw you laying there ready for him, he swore he was so close to losing all control. Every curve of you was more beautiful than he ever imagined and he was trying to let this image of you on the mattress become implanted in his mind.

Dean moved to where he was hovering over your body and he grinned at the way you spread your legs for him so he could settle between your thighs. He lifted a hand and caressed your cheek but then he bit his lip, “You’re absolutely sure you want to keep going?”

“I’m more than sure, Dean. You mean the world to me, and I want you to make me yours.” You said and leaned up, placing a delicate kiss on his bottom lip as you hooked one of your legs around his waist in order to pull him closer so he could get the picture.

Dean carefully pulled away from your lips as he wrapped his hand around his own length and guided it to your core. He listened to the way you let out a gasp when his tip brushed against your lower lips and he figured you must still be sensitive from your previous high.

He leaned down and he placed a kiss on your forehead before he slowly pushed his tip into your entrance and he heard the way you let out a soft hiss so he stilled himself so you could adjust to his size. But when he felt the way your hands gently slid up his arms and gave his shoulders a soft squeeze, he knew you were alright and he carefully slid more of himself into you.

Little by little, you were adjusting to Dean’s miraculous size until he finally bottomed out and he stretched you to the limits. The pain was already mixed with a sense of ecstasy. When you looked into Dean’s eyes, you felt nothing but pure love for the man, and that was the complete truth - so you supposed those candies still did their truth telling jobs. You knew that what you were feeling with Dean in this moment was genuine, whatever you had for James didn’t compare to this and you knew Dean was the man you wanted a future with.

You nodded a little to tell Dean it was safe for him to move, and the moment that he did you could feel him so deeply that the feeling was indescribable. You felt him in places that had never been touched by anyone, including yourself.

You had expected Dean to be rough with you, but you were pleasantly surprised at how much of a gentle lover he was at least for this first time around. As he moved his hips into yours, you raised your hips to meet his and you raised your head to kiss him again. You could feel his smile in the kiss and you felt like you were making magic of your own, no potions or spells needed.

Dean felt so intoxicated by your kisses and he felt so attached to you in a way he couldn’t explain. He’s waited for this moment with you for so long and he couldn’t believe it was really happening. He knew that with you by his side, he’d never have to feel alone in this harsh world filled with monsters and demons.

He moved his arms to where they went under your knees, lifting your legs over his shoulders so he could move into you at a deeper angle. You moaned into his mouth in such a pretty little way and he gradually started to pick up his pace. The noises your bodies made in this moment were better than his cassettes he played in the Impala and he never wanted to forget the sounds you let slip past your beautiful mouth.

This deeper angle was making you see stars and you could feel yourself starting to get to that high again, causing you to let out a high pitched little whimper against Deans lips before he parted from the kiss. He looked down at you and you felt so hot beneath his loving gaze.

“Go ahead and touch yourself, Sweetheart.” He encouraged and you nodded as you let your hand slip between your legs.

You hadn’t realized just how wet you were until you touched yourself, causing your cheeks to burn and turn into a deep red before you started to rub little circles onto your clit as Dean continued to move into you. You could feel him start to move his hips a little harder, causing you to close your eyes and moan out his name.

“Open your eyes, Baby. I need to see you.” You heard him say and you could feel one of his hands float to your own and he intertwined your fingers while holding your hand beside your head.

You opened your eyes and tried to focus on keeping your gaze transfixed on the man above you, “D-Dean, I’m so close.”

“It’s alright, let go when you’re ready. I want to see you come undone all over me.” He said and he gave your hand a soft squeeze of reassurance.

The next thing you knew, your vision went white and you moaned out his name with so much pleasure washing over you. You gripped his hand tightly as Dean carefully helped you ride out your second climax. You body was trembling with pleasure and your eyes fluttered shut as Dean placed soft, loving little kisses all over your shoulder and neck.

“You did so well for me, Sweetheart. That was beautiful. You’re so stunning.” He praised, making the butterflies swarm in your stomach in a different way this time.

When you slowly opened your eyes again, you carefully reached up and touched his face and he leaned into your touch before you spoke, “It’s your turn, Baby… I want you to cum inside me.”

Dean faltered for a moment and his cheeks and tips of his ears turned bright red, “You want me to what?”

“You heard me, Dean… I want every part of you in me. Please, fill me up.” You said and let your thumb caress his cheekbone.

Dean heard the way you asked him so sweetly and he swore you were going to make his heart explode. He leaned down and kissed your mouth, not needing you to urge him more as he started to move his hips once again. He could feel you part your lips from his and wrap your little arms around his neck as you started to place kisses on his skin.

“Fuck, Y/N…” He muttered as his hand went down to your hip and he pinned you down against the bed to hold you still as he quickened his pace. He could feel the way your walls clamped around his length to tightly. Then, after a few more movements of his hips, he leaned down and his head was hidden in the crook of your neck as he held onto you tightly as if he never intended on letting go as he coated your inner walls white and he pushed his hips into you one final time as he moaned deeply.

You could feel the way he was spilling himself inside of you, filling you to the brim and you gently held onto him. You let your hands gently scratch his back as you kissed his broad shoulders to try and calm him down from his high. You felt so content in this moment with him as you just held onto him. You could hear the way he was panting and you chuckled softly since you were out of breath too. Then you moved your head as best as you could to kiss his temple.

“You’re so perfect, Dean..” You whispered against his skin and he carefully lifted his head from your neck and tucked a strand of slightly sweaty hair behind your ear.

“Not nearly as perfect as you are, Sweetheart.” He smiled down at you and you grinned.

“You know… I think that was the first time I’ve actually made love to anyone.” He admitted and you started to feel a little bashful.

“Maybe those witches were onto something. Maybe we’re soulmates after all.” You giggled breathlessly and Dean chuckled.

“Whatever this was.. is… I think it’s better than any kind of magic those bastards could have conjured up.” He said, which caused you to chuckle again as you snuggled int his chest.

“The sweetest kind of magic.” You said.

You knew that with Dean, it would gradually get easier to let go of your regrets and your guilt of past relationships. He was always there to listen, he had become your confidant, the one person you could rely on more than anyone else and this was exactly what you imagined this feeling you had would be like.

Falling in love like this was a better feeling than you ever could have imagined and you knew you had fallen for the right person after all.

Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @jackles010378 @nancymcl @prettyinplaid94 @chriszgirl92

[threelionsgirl]

karma is my boyfriend| mason mount

part II of better with me

summary: y/n and mason finally arrive in cancun with y/n having to make a serious decision; while trying to understand her feelings for mason warnings: none word count: 1.760 notes: it's been a long time since i've posted anything, this was a sequel that i've been writing for a while, i even thought about posting it on wattpad bc i really like the plot, but i don't know, do you want a sequel? let me know!!! also i wanted to say that english isn't my first language so sorry for the mistakes, not reviewed (ignore the title too, I couldn't think of anything better

After just over two hours of pure sex with Mason, Y/N had decided that this was the best way to travel by plane, but she wasn't iron either. She was exhausted, and he wasn't much different either. For the rest of the time, realising they had no choice, they silently agreed to raise a peace flag, at least until the plane landed. They were still sharing that small sofa, but decided to put on some warmer clothes while the same blanket covered them. Y/N had discovered that she could occupy the same seat with Mason without fighting with him or fucking him… She hadn't felt that sensation since… Since they were 15, when things started to change between them and a part of her, however small, missed her friend. "So why didn't you break up with him?" Mason asked. They had been talking for a while about trivial things, and that was one of his biggest doubts. The low light and the cold climate made the atmosphere of the plane pleasant for that. He had one arm under her body and his Serbian bicep as a pillow to support her head. "Him who?" "Your boyfriend, Jake." Y/N grimaced as she remembered him. She didn't want to remember him while she was still with Mason, because she knew that cheating on him had been wrong.

"Well, I don't know… He's a nice guy, he treats me well, and I know he loves me." Guilt seemed to consume her even more after saying that, Jake was a nice guy, he didn't deserve what she was doing to him, even though she wasn't sorry. "I guess I was trying to focus on these things, thinking that it would be immature to end a relationship because of sex; Sex shouldn't be the basis of a relationship, and it shouldn't matter so much. I mean, there are people who live just fine without sex, right?" "You're not one of those people, so you're not going to live well that way." He said, and she looked at him, thinking that behind all that arrogance, Mason actually had a thinking brain. "I also agree that it shouldn't be the basis, but sex is fucking important." "You're right, I was just fooling myself. When we get there, I'll give him a call." "To break up?" He asked unassumingly, but with a faint thread of hope running through him. "Yeah, maybe, I guess. I mean, I don't want to hurt him, but I need to tell him I had sex with you. I'm sure he won't be happy to know." She pondered, knowing it would be difficult, but confident that it was the right thing to do. "What about you? Why did you break up with Karen?" She turned sideways to look at him, no longer feeling awkward about having his body so close and wanting to look him in the eye. Mason wanted to pull her around the waist with his other hand and entwine his legs in hers, but somehow it didn't seem right.

"She was suffocating me." He let off steam, remembering how sometimes, or almost always, Karen could be annoying. Mason preferred to summarise the story, the details were too stupid to hold Y/N's attention. "The Euro final was too difficult, and I really didn't want to bring her to Cancún with us." "Hmm." It was the only thing she decided to say, realising that Mason didn't want to prolong the subject any further, and neither did she. Y/N stared at the roof of the plane, listening to the noise of the wind and the engines, the two of them there, it seemed like a parallel reality, and she began to wonder what it would be like when the plane landed. A part of her didn't want things to change because it scared the shit out of her. "Mount?" "What is it, princess?" His eyes were almost closed, but he opened them wide when he heard her voice. "I was serious at the time, let's not tell anyone about it." She said, pointing at him and herself. Mason stopped to think for a moment, in his mind this was the start of something new, but Y/N wasn't really interested in making things change. This fuelled something bitter inside him, so he decided to act the same way.

"I also think it'll be better if they don't know." She shook her head, sure that the subject was closed when he whispered: "So, do you hate me again?" "Wait until the plane lands, now I just want to sleep." Y/N spoke as if sleeping in his arms was the most comfortable place she had ever slept. It made Mason angry, but he couldn't do anything as he watched her eyes grow heavy, as Y/N fell asleep so close to his body. Not while that moment was all he ever wanted.

─────────────

"Look who's finally here? So? How was your trip? I guess you got through it without killing yourselves." Declan laughed as Mason and Y/N got off the plane. They had finally landed, and Y/N's brother decided that he would be the one to meet them at Cancún airport. Y/N couldn't believe it when the plane finally landed. When she woke up on top of Mason, from the window she could see that it was morning, she locked herself in the bathroom and only came out when they were minutes away from landing. It was time to get back to normal, and she had to get ready. She changed her clothes and dressed up as much as possible, trying to look like she hadn't had a hectic night of sex. Y/N left first, coming through the door like a rocket. She stared at Declan with fire in her eyes. Unlike her, he was in a good mood, smiling and wearing sunglasses to protect his eyes from the beautiful sun. "You're a terrible brother, you know that?" She grumbled, walking past him and handing him her bag to carry. He looked at Mason for answers, Declan thought that Y/N would get so angry that she would storm out of the plane swearing a thousand words and slapping his arm, but she seemed quite calm.

"What's up, bro." He greeted Mason and the two of them started walking side by side, behind Y/N who was a few steps ahead.

"I really thought she'd be angrier, what happened there?" Mason bit the inside of his cheek, flashes of the trip flooded his mind and he remembered every moment with Y/N, but he also remembered the deal they had made not to tell anyone, and that included Declan, so it was inevitable that he would have to lie to his best friend. He looked ahead so that Dec wouldn't notice. "I don't know, I slept the whole journey. Do you know how hard it is to put up with a girl as boring as the princess for so many hours?" "Don't be late next time then!" Dec slapped him on the back, laughing. He had thought he was a genius when he came up with the idea of putting Mason and Y/N on the same plane. That experience must have been the worst for both of them, and he found it amusing. The journey out of the airport was uneventful. They had decided to rent a mansion on the beach instead of staying in a hotel with the excuse of having more privacy. Lauren, Alex and Ben were already there when Dec, Mase and Y/N arrived. They hadn't really done much while waiting for the other two. Their plan was to set aside a few hours to rest and go out in the evening.

The house was big enough for everyone to have their own room, with the exception of Lauren and Declan, who preferred to stay together as expected. Y/N discovered that the last two rooms left were facing each other, which meant that Mason would be her next door neighbour. It was for these reasons that she hated arriving after everyone else. She went to her room to unpack and Alex went to help her so they could talk. The only thing Y/N could think about was taking a nice shower. "So, Y/N, is Jake coming?" Alex asked, throwing herself onto her bed after a while. Y/N was on the floor with her suitcases open, looking for an outfit to wear for the evening. Jake. She hadn't even stopped to think about him because remembering that she had cheated on her boyfriend wasn't the best thought. "I'm going to break up with him." "What? Why?" Alex stood up quickly, surprised. In her mind, Y/N and Jake were the happiest couple in the world, she couldn't imagine that they were facing problems to the point of breaking up. "Do you want me to be honest?" Y/N paused. "He's terrible in bed, and I've realised that I can't live without cumming." "Is that serious?" Alex was dumbfounded. Y/N just thought that she would only be more shocked if she knew that it was Mason who had made her realise all that. But Mason was her secret under lock and key.

"Very serious. I'll finish this" She indicated the clothes in her suitcase. "And call him." "You're going to end a year-long relationship over a mobile phone?" Alex looked sceptical, it was all so sudden. Y/N stood up, pondering. God, she had betrayed him, and now she was going to end it all with a phone call. She was a terrible person. That's for sure. Karma was her boyfriend and would come for her at any moment. "Do you want me to make you come here just to finish?" Either option was terrible. She could also pretend that nothing had happened and carry on with Jake, but that seemed even worse. As well as lying to him, she'd be lying to herself. "It makes sense." Alex agreed. Y/N shrugged and took a towel out of her bag. Through the crack in the door, she saw Mason, shirtless, entering his room, and bit her lip. A few hours later and she was already missing his hot body, but NO, it wasn't going to happen again. Ever.

"You look strange, Y/N." Alex's voice roused her from her thoughts, and Y/N stopped staring at the door, trying to forget that Mason was half-naked next door. "No, I'm not. I'm just… thinking about what we're going to do today." "Well, I don't know what I'm going to do, but you'll definitely be looking for a guy who can make you come." Alex laughed, walking past her and slapping her on the bum. Y/N sighed and laughed back. Alex had no idea that Y/N had already found this guy, and he was only a door away.

[littlecrittereli]

Hi, first of all I’d like to say I love your art and writing, I read Reprogrammed in one sitting and it was marvelous, got me thinking of AUs. Everything my angsty little heart could desire. Wild Kratts has been a staple of my childhood so it’s amazing to see talented creators appreciating the show.

Secondly, for your Guardianship AU, that comic you made about Chris calling Martin cringe immediately thrusted a scenario into to brain that I could totally see happening as an alternative plot in “Let the Rhino Roll”

Zach: that’s a child

Chris, being held like a sopping wet kitten by a Zach Bot: and that’s and ugly, pickley, bitch!

Lastly, about the Reprogrammed AU, what’d you think would happen if the bros swapped places (Martin got captured why Chris remained safe). I love making AUs for AUs by tweaking certain things so I’d love to hear your thoughts. Personally I think it’d be a mixed bag as Chris would be both guilty and crippled with anxiety over his lost brother, leading into desperation and lashing out. Meanwhile I think Martin would loath the situation, but also feel weirdly content since he’s the one that got captured. That meant his little brother and friends were all safe and weren’t the ones going through the suffering. He’d probably also have heaping loads of guilt if he hurt Chris cause that’s his little brother who he’d sworn to protect and he just hurt him. So much angst potential

UR SO NICE THANK YOU!!!!!!!

(also that's such a silly prompt for Guardianship AU I will maybe draw that sometime if I get the chance <3 )

oooo.... a Martin version of Reprogrammed.... that would be really interesting! I agree that Martin would probably feel relief that Chris is safe. That is... until any sort of confrontation with Chris or Martin having any suspicion that he's hurt him. Martin would probably self destruct after that. But in a way I think Martin would be able to handle everything else a bit better because Martin takes on the mindset of "Bad things happen sometimes and it's out of our control" Meanwhile Chris is a very meticulous thinker in the sense that there needs to be a reason for things happening, and there needs to be a person to blame them on. And I think Chris would try his absolute best to fill in his brother's role during his absence, but ultimately feel super out of his league and Aviva or Koki would end up being the ones to step up as team lead.

Because as much as Martin goofs off or seems unorganized, I don't think the team realizes just how much they rely on him to make decisions. Ofc they make a lot of choices as a team and it's definitely not Martin bossing them around all the time, but in times of crisis or emergency, Martin's quick decision-making is what keeps them on their feet. Chris is great at planning, organizing, and strategizing, but put him on the spot and the poor guy will implode.

Super interesting concept though! I appreciate your thoughts; thank you for the ask!

[finallydoingfanfics]

Fever (Pt. 1)

Because there just aren`t enough Derek Morgan fanfics out there and he is too beautiful of a man to not get enough love. Not warnings, slow burn and some eventual angst coming.

Reader sat in the dimly lit kitchen, a cup of tea warming her hands as she spoke softly into the phone. Her evening off from working at the BAU had been anything but a quite and peaceful one as her toddler daughter had come down with the common flu.

"Fran, I don’t want to disturb him," Reader said, her voice tired, almost defeated. "Maya’s fever finally broke, but she’s still not feeling well, and the only thing she would ask for is her daddy. I tried everything to make her feel better and distract her, but she keeps calling for him and I´ve used every trick in my book.

"And why exactly isn't my son there with you already, sitting by his daughters side?"

"Because I didn´t call him..."

"Y/N!"

"I know, I know but it´s his night off but I don’t want to pull him away from his date with Savannah. He’s trying so hard with her, and I don't want to disrupt that."

Fran´s voice was gentle but firm, the kind of motherly tone that always soothed Reader’s worries. "You know Derek, sweetheart. He’d never forgive himself if he knew Maya needed him and he wasn’t there."

Reader sighed, leaning her head against the cool countertop. "I know, I know... but I don’t want to make him feel like he has to constantly choose between Maya and his relationship. I would never forgive myself if...

" Y/N? What are you suggesting you sweet girl?"

"I'm just so afraid that if he feels like I'm always getting in the way, it might hurt his relationship with Maya."

“Honey, Derek is grateful every single day that he shares this life with Maya and you. Now, why don’t you rest a bit? And don’t be afraid to let Derek be a dad when he needs to be.

Reader took a big breath, and checked on Maya again, who was deep in slumber. She quickly decided to jump in the shower, before brewing some more tea. The circumstances of her separation with Derek had left them in a limbo they couldn’t seem to escape. They had built something so beautiful together—a family. But it was a family that now existed in two different homes. Maya, and their work were the threads that kept them connected, but sometimes it felt like they were both afraid to reach for each other too much, for fear of unraveling the fragile balance they’d worked so hard to create.

A moment later, as if on cue, Reader’s phone buzzed. She looked at the screen to see a text from Derek.

"Is everything okay? Maya alright?"

She paused, fingers hovering over the keyboard. She bit her lip, knowing Fran had decided to make this difficult decision for her, as she typed back: "She has a fever. Asked for you. I didn’t want to bother you tonight."

"Give me 5 minutes, ill be on my way."

As promised, within five minutes, her phone buzzed again. It was Derek calling this time.

“Y/N,” Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

Reader sighed, “I didn’t want to pull you away from your evening. You were finally taking some time for yourself, and—”

“Time for myself? You think I’d want to be anywhere else when Maya’s asking for me?

“I know, Derek, I just… I didn’t want you to feel like you had to choose.”

“I get that you’re trying to give me space, Y/N, but when it comes to our daughter… that’s never the choice I’d make. And the thought of her needing me and not being there for her—”

Guilt started eating Reader up from the inside, as she knew how important it was for Derek to be a great dad, especially in honor of his own late father.

“I know I messed up, but im just trying to do right by both of you.”

Derek exhaled, “I know. I´m sorry too. I’ll be there soon. Tell her Daddy’s coming, alright?”

“Okay. I’ll let her know.”

She didn´t get a lot of time with her own thoughts, as there was a knock at the door. She rushed and there he stood, and no matter how many times she’d seen him, Derek Morgan was still the most breathtaking man she’d ever known.

"Didn’t want to keep you waiting,"

Maya, hearing the familiar voice, perked up from the bedroom. "Daddy?" she held out her arms.

"I’m here, sweetheart." Derek scooped Maya into his arms pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. “You know, you’ve got the prettiest eyes. Just like your mom” He trailed off, realization dawning on him. He saw so much of Reader in their daughter—the same warmth, the same fierce, determined spirit. It was that piece of Reader in Maya that pulled at his heart every time.

“Daddy, I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby girl.”

Maya pulled back just a bit “Cuddle with Mommy too?”

Derek glanced back at Reader, a question in his eyes. She nodded, and they walked together into Maya’s room, easing down onto the bed with Maya nestled snugly between them. She snuggled into her dad, holding his hand in one of her tiny ones, while she reached for her mom with the other. As they lay on either side of Maya, a soft silence settled over the room, broken only by the rhythmic rise and fall of their daughter’s breathing.

In the dim light, his hand brushed hers, almost by accident. She just closed her eyes, letting herself feel the steadiness of his hand, the warmth of his skin. The closeness brought back memories of countless nights spent together, secrets shared, and love so big it sometimes scared them that they could feel so much.

Slowly, Derek shifted a bit closer, just enough that he could breathe in the faint scent of her perfume. He felt a longing that nearly unraveled him, His thumb gently traced small circles on the back of her hand, and in that small touch, everything he’d been holding back rose to the surface. Reader’s fingers curled ever so slightly around his, a silent response that said she felt it too.

Finally, they pulled their hands apart, slipped out of bed, and left for the kitchen. They tried to be as quiet as humanly possible as if they were both worried the other could hear their thoughts in the silence.

“How’s…how’s Savannah?”Reader offered a cup of tea.

“She’s good, I mean, she’s…she’s great. We’re good.”

Reader forced a smile, “That’s…that’s good,”

“Y/N, I know you were trying to give me space to be with her tonight, but…God, I don’t know if that’s what I really wanted.”

Her breath caught. His words hung in the air, their weight pressing down on her, and for a second, she thought he might finally say what she hoped to hear for a while now.

“Sometimes, I wonder if I’m actively making the biggest mistake of my life.”

She looked at him, her heart pounding. “Derek…”

But none of them could find the words to say. Instead, Derek’s hand brushed against hers one last time. His fingers curled around hers just briefly, his thumb tracing a soft line on her hand, as though he couldn’t quite let go.

“We should probably… get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” she replied softly, though she knew that sleep would be the last thing on her mind that night.

Part 2

[moomeecore]

hey, i hope this isnt rude, but i value your thoughts on betty (and simon!) and i think about your various analytical pieces often.

so i hope this isnt too vague, but. ive been thinking about the ways betty and simon might differ from each other, specifically in the way they view...everything. do you think one of them has a 'sees the big picture but misses the small details' view and the other has a 'gets lost in the details, cant see the big picture' view? im not sure if they differ here, or if they are both the 'gets lost in the details' but going opposite ways...?

FINALLY getting around to awnsering this. i got sick so it took me even longer than i thought it would (had to wait until i could retain coherent thoughts)!!

Ok So, a lot of this is extrapolating (esp for betty) and goes very into more of a headcanons and Personal Interpretations area than a, like, canon analysis. in part bc the show dosen’t give us a ton of content of these characters (i mean, there’s plenty of simon content as ice king but im talking about pre and post ice king simon here). but yea im just gonna ramble. dont take this super seriously btw guys. again a lot of this is just personal Interpretation yknow

SO i think simon is definitely a “gets lost in the details guy”. at least like, overall. that man overanalyzes things until he goes into a state of paralysis and then he just passes out. in some ways he might better about this post being-freed-from-the-curse, on the basis of "had to survive the apocalypse by thinking on his feet", but also worse about it bc of the lasting impacts of having been ice king. because one of the Big Things about ice king is that he almost never thought anything through and just did things as soon as he thought of them. i think simon probably really wants to be Not Like Ice King and so might be scared of making choices too fast or acting too impulsive. i imagine he’s very worried about behaving like ice king and thats something thats in the back of his mind most of the time, impacting his confidence in his own choices & actions. but also f&c sorta shows that he has that issue of trauma responses causing him to have emotional outbursts and make quick decisions. so thats something to keep in mind.

i think he's, like stuck in a state of being scared to do things without thinking really hard abt them but then sometimes he does that and then he usually regrets it and feels really awful afterwards. not always guilty-awful even. f&c seems to show him feeling angry a lot. to me simon deals not just with guilt over being ice king or recovering from being ice king or Having strong reactions to things or making choices he regrets… but also with Anger At The Situation - a lot of feeling confused and not sure what to do and overwhelmed, i think . (i like that they let him be angry and frustrated, not just sad and depressed. i think this is very realistic to trauma related emotional responses)

the other thing abt simon is he tends to follow other people's lead on a lot of things. i think he just likes not having to deal with the pressure of making decisions. he seems more inclined to lead around f&c than around, like, finn, though. and betty. but i think that’s in part because he was taking on a protector role w them. but yeah. he does a lot of crazy shit in f&c but very noticeably does not really act as a lead decision maker. until they get to the vampire world and they get attacked for a second that man is yelling orders and breaking a chair over his knee and pulling out a pocket knife to carve it into a stake lighting fast. which i loved that. i loved that he gained so much confidence from being in Panic Mode when confronted w vampires Because those where something he had to deal with in the apocalypse when raising marcy. he had to know what to do for marcys sake. other than that tho he's usually making suggestions at most. and agreeing to do scary crazy shit lmao . EXCEPT he decides on his own in secret to try and contact golb . hehe (motivated by wants to see his wife)

(it also seems like when he feels more confident in something he's much more capable of making choices. (makes sense) he wasnt paralyzed by anxiety when going on that research expedition with betty, probably because he was literally getting a phd (or had a phd, the show was so weird abt that) in that subject. makes sense he knows what he's doing. and also is interesting bc in ep2 of fionna and cake when he goes on an Adventure with finn he's very scared and nervous, but then talks about how he "used to be quite the adventurer in [his] day", which fits into the theme f&c had w his character where he feels out of place and less confident bc his whole ass profession isn't really relevant anymore, and everything is so different from how it used to be. so yeah. current simon has even less self confidence and confidence in his own decision making than Back In The Day simon bc of that)

id like to say that…. i think that the fact that it took betty only a few years to summon and eldritch god to free simon from his curse meanwhile it took simon 12 years to get to the point where he kidnapped a guy to use in a summoning ritual to talk to betty is interesting. bc i really do think they both love each other, and are both obsessive and co dependent. but betty went off the deep end so fast, meanwhile simon took a lot longer to do something comparatively Less Evil for betty. i think that a lot of this is because simon is just less confident in his choices, more nervous about making decisions, and *slower* at making decisions. in part because of a obsessive focus on details (i also think a buncha other stuff contributed to the difference in how long it took betty vs simon to do differing levels of fucked up shit for eachother but Yeah that’s the relevant part.)

i wouldn't say betty is a "think about the big picture, ignore the details" person though, necessarily. maybe compared to simon she is, but she's still a huge fucking nerd. she's an academic! to me she's someone who takes issues and situations that are more subjective and translates them into concretely structured language in order to guide herself through what actions she should take (my friend responded to this with “so what youre saying is betty took a philosophy class and was like ‘aw yes! Math!’” and yeah that is exactly what im saying)

i feel like canon sort of implies this, and definitely doesn't Not Imply It, but i also think canon didn't flesh out her character very well, so in a lot of ways im making my own assertions. but i think she's the type of person who likes to view things in ways that are ....not necessarily less complicated, but more concrete? like she can handle an uber complicated math problem with ease, but the way a math problem is complicated is entirely different from the way a social interaction is complicated, you know. and she's way better equipped for the first one.

so, basically, i think betty would be like: Dosent see the bigger picture.... but in a different way from simon, where instead of getting caught up on and overwhelmed by all the little details, she picks a specific angle to view the situation and then focuses on That, often to the detriment of viewing things from a wider, more complex and nuanced perspective. so better at seeing the bigger picture than simon, but still can miss a Lot…

i also feel like she leans towards viewing things as "identify a problem/issue, then find away to eliminate it" and "identify a goal, and find a way to reach it" . like i feel like she'd tackle social and personal situations in this way. it's not like she can't do things for fun or anything, but like, if she upset simon she'd go into Solving A Problem Mode and be like: “The issue is Simon Is Upset. The goal is Make Simon Not Upset. First i have to identify Why simon is Upset, and then how to make him Not Upset. This is The Current Goal I Must Complete.” like, not in an abstract sense. like shes literally narrating that to herself. i think she likes to focus in on  "what's wrong here and how do i fix it" as opposed to dwelling on emotions and exploring nuance. (which may be a contributor to how she ended up in that “there’s so little me left anymore” state by temple of mars: she was so focused on Fixing the Problem that she didn’t allow herself to really process her feelings too deeply and that took a toll on her mental health.)

simon is maybe more aware of nuance, which could be part of why he gets caught up on details because he's like "this CANT be properly categorized into something more straightforward, there's actually a billion TRILLION little details and that is stressful". like simon desperately wishes things could be simplified down more but is usually like "actually no, a million things are happening actually". he's like me he would get upset if asked to rate his pain or feelings on a number scale at the doctor (i can’t do that shit for the life of me. Those things are far too complicated to put on a number scale in my eyes). meanwhile betty just will force things into concrete categories and steps and factors that Make Sense To Her with intense fervor and if she starts to have a "this is too complicated to address" moment she feels threatened and then tries very hard to reprocess things in a way that is easier, or just does her best to ignore the things that make stuff too complicated to address

i think betty tends to view things in medium-sized chunks that incorporate some but Not All details in a situation, and that she cares about small details and being thorough but feels like accomplishing the goal is the most important thing, so is willing and able to make a quick decision if she feels it's the only choice. like. she had a limited time before the portal closed, and she chose to jump through it, because she thought "the problem is that im not with simon. simon is on the other side of the portal. ill go there" it's not that she doesn't like to think things through. she loves to think things through! its just that OVERALL she is a Doer who wants to solve the problem and thinks taking action and doing something is way better than sitting there and missing an opportunity. betty will think through the details if she has time, but if she doesnt, she just breaks things down into whatever is most easy to digest and process, and then takes the option that seems.like it will get the most desired outcome based on the available info. and also shes just very confident and headstrong. and THATS.  why she punched bella noche

In my eyes betty likes having rules and defined, structured processes about what to do or how to deal with stuff. and she dosen’t really like changing those. she's very autistic. she hates change i think. so does simon. but i think that simon would be more likely to be like: the change in situation is so upsetting that it's making it harder to think and process things, so he just gets overwhelmed and has an even harder time addressing whatever is happening or comprehending it. meanwhile betty is quick to try and find the easiest way to rerout her thinking to fit the new change, she's just really fucking pissed off and stressed out about it (part of this to me is she hates feeling powerless & hates feeling like she might fail). she copes with changes in her surroundings by finding a way to connect the changed situation as well and as fast as possible with her pre existing methods of tackling situations. i think bettys also worse at handling changes in people than changes in situation. to quote my friend when we where texting about this “Situations dont have feelings”.

Like. Betty has so many skills. so much knowledge. but isn’t great with people. And she gets to know people and figures out how to understand them and then THEY CHANGE??? ILLEGAL. and so… like…this is literally her whole thing with simon!! elements seems to imply that betty originally views things as "simon is cursed, i have to fix the curse". but when she makes an attempt to meet simon where he’s at and try to interact with him as ice king, she is unable to handle it. she is upset that he is different, so much so that she concludes the only way to view things is to see them as separate people, even though it was implied that she wasn't doing that before! she was approaching it like he was Simon With Memory Loss…..but then she does her villain betrayal scene and now she's all "things will be back to just me and simon, and you won't exist" . meaning before she directly started interacting with him, she was able to view him as simon, but when she did interact with him for an extended period of time and found out how different he had become, she felt so threatened by this that the only way she could handle it was by switching her view in order to not have to confront the idea that simon could have changed that much. it also meant switching her view to a place where she would be okay hurting simon. but when he starts to protest, get upset, ask what's wrong, and worst of all, insist that he's worthy of respect, that starts to stress her out and she has to talk out loud to herself to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing

and in that scene simon goes "i don't know who this simon guy is, im ice king", which i think is a Big line - he's responded to simon in the past, but doesnt always. Like. he's inconsistent in whether or not he's aware that's a way of referring to him, which makes sense bc he seems to have memory lapses where he remembers things fine one minute and forgets them the next, them remembers about them way later. anyway having him say that simultaneously provides a Confirmation of bettys new perspective, but it also… isn’t meant to. i feel like, to the audience, its saying that "simon has changed so much, he's entirely different now. and this is the way things are, and betty should accept this, but she cant" . to betty its telling her she’s right, but that kind of sucks, because she’s not totally sure how much she wants to be right (she dosen’t want this to be simon, but she also dosen’t want simon to be gone)

(i think the idea of betty Swapping her perspective abt simon during elements as a coping strategy to deal w the panic of What If Simon Is Different + the moral dilemma of potentially hurting him fits nicely into the "betty has bpd" interpretation . my girl is splitting)

(also ik many people interpret simon and ice king as Literally being entirely different people but tbh i think that is way less interesting and doesn't make a lot of sense with the canon. but also ik this is partially because what people consider to be "different people" is subjective.  like it depends somewhat on ur perception of identity and stuff. also having different interpretations is valid and fair and all that - and adventure time is often very loose in its text and there’s lots of ways to interpret it. but whatever man im just saying my feelings and That is and Always Will Be the Same guy to me and i think that perspective is waay more interesting to explore than simon getting possessed by an alternate personality or whatever. so im just going under that interpretation….. i think some ppl would perceive the "im ice king" line as being a conformation of them as separate people but to me it's a more abstract representation of the idea that a Drastic Change has taken place that Cannot be reversed!!.... which. Ok eventually it is but tbh i doubt they even knew how they'd end the show by this point and i still think in the context of elements it still works very well as a way driving home both how betty is Not Handling the Situation Well while also making you empathize with her bc u also know how hard that must have been for her to hear)

i think betty is very person-oriented in a unique way!!she's codependent while also being low empathy, introverted, and in many ways socially inept,  which is an interesting combo! i really get the vibe that she has always struggled socially and had trouble fitting in, so attaches really heavily to people who she does feel a connection to, and works really, really hard to maintain the relationships she has. i like to think she’s scared of rejection…

i think simon is much more empathetic, emotion-driven, and in tune with others than betty, but i also think he can be Very bad at actually understanding other people on many levels - like with his obliviousness to betty being interested in him romantically until she spelled it out for him, or to the impact of bettys earlier sacrifices. simon also, with the mission to get the crown in f&c, despite his empathetic nature and love for his friends, does not seem to consider that putting the crown on would upset his friends. This shows a "focusing on one thing and missing something else" scenario, and perhaps more of a "thinking abt the big picture" (saving f&c's world) over the details (friends would be sad) thing. so that's interesting. (although i think part of this example in particular stems from his self hatred preventing him from really thinking that his friends would be upset if he did that. but in a sense it is focusing on big picture over details). So theres some nuance there i think

BUT Anyway, i think this issue probably is mainly with him struggling to read people, or fully understand others perspectives, despite caring deeply about people and feeling Upset when he can tell other people are Upset. he cares and he feels very emotionally connected to people, especially people he cares about…. he just isn't that great at picking up on things sometimes. (also. Worth noting, i think its def shown that while simon may be very caring towards his friends and is a generally nice and approachable, well meaning person who wants whats best for other people. He still is very capable of Hating People and Doing Bad Things On Purpose. Don’t want to ignore that. also hes very desensitized to bad things happening in many respects lmao. So its not like hes just always super nice and caring and amazing. He still murdered choose goose to death and That is via the power of choose goose being annoying and Simon Loving Betty)

Betty also struggles to understand other people but instead of being downright oblivious to certain things or being unsure and nervous she finds relating to people and understanding their actions and emotions to be actively difficult and makes an active effort to understand people in a bit of a scientist-looking-at-a-subject way. Which can be helpful sometimes and less helpful other times. like. it's good that she has a way to navigate social interactions . but also that way of addressing things isn't always conductive to a healthy relationship, especially when she doesn't really let simon in on the fact that she's making these sort of analyses where she's like "what will maximize Simon Being Happy and how do i accomplish this" sometimes to her own detriment.  simon is just like "wow betty is so confident and good at knowing what she wants" meanwhile betty is like "i will make the best choice For Simon" betty i think is better than simon at reading people but not good at Empathizing With Others Emotions or really Understanding or relating to the emotions behind their actions .

she also is shown to, despite caring So much about simon, not be very considerate or caring towards others (not the same as being low empathy & etc dw im not equating them. Its just on the topic of How She Views Others!!!). To be fair, we don’t see nearly enough of her interacting with people besides simon, but i like to think that she just sorta struggles to really care about and have compassion for Random People but deeply cares about those she is Really close too (but as far as we know, thats just simon)

OVERALLi think they see the world very similarly in some ways and very differently in others and it's an interesting balance. also they are both Autistic. In cconclusion !!

betty

likes to break things down into concrete concepts because she struggles to comprehend more subjective and nuanced experiences, especially in social situations + Feels more comfortable approaching things from a “scientific” perspective because it is familiar and easy for her to navigate; threatened by uncertainty and comforted by things that are more straightforward and well-defined

doesn't dwell on things a ton (esp not as much as simon) because she's very goal-oriented and focused on the Now. she wants to get to the next step. that often then means ignoring Her Own Feelings Or Needs if she deems Other Things to be more relevant or important than them (not good for your mental health) + this also means she’s better at making quick decisions! she cares about details and prefers to have All The Relevant Info but is willing and able to cut things down to a “wider-picture” that helps her make whatever choices will help her achieve her goal - that wider picture just may not always be the Full Actual wider picture.

struggles to put herself in other people's shoes - finds it easier to view herself as an outside party with the goal of achieving the ideal outcome in a social situation. In general has low empathy and struggles to understand/relate to others feelings, which impacts her perspective on things and how she handles/views situations.

(not really mentioned earlier but idk where else to put it:) i also think she has that Autism Trait where you focus in on a specific goal you want to achieve and struggle to focus on anything else until it's accomplished (and that that sort of thinking pattern happened with curing simons curse). where you put off doing anything, even things you could do, until something that you Need to happen (according to your brain, not the real world) happens.  Betty put off being person until simon was saved. she put Everything on hold until she accomplished her mission. and this is in a way a form of not seeing the bigger picture, because its overly focusing on a specific thing at the expense of others

(bettys better at balancing seeing the details & the big picture in a sense, but more like. she picks a medium sized chunk of what is going on and focuses on that and acknowledges details when able to but is willing and able to make split second decisions based on little info and is confident in doing so. but whereas i think simon might have more of a "sees the whole big picture but then gets caught up on the details" thing going on, i think betty just straight up focuses on One Portion of something, of varying sizes, which could or could not he considered a "detail", but then almost completely ignores everything else, viewing things as individual challenges or events that need to be addressed before anything else can be)

simon 

is someone who really likes to think things through, and can easily get hung up on details and can easily get overwhelmed by those details and sent into a state of anxiety-fueled-spiraling or decision making paralysis

this is worse probably for Current simon because he’s also Trying To DIstance Himself from his identity as ice king, and as ice king he had no impulse control and thought things through very little. so simon likely puts even more pressure on himself to think things through! unfortunately hes also Going Through A Lot Emotionally and sometimes that’s too much and he Dosen’t think things through and just acts on how he’s feeling. And that makes him feel Worse about himself and just Everything in general

he is more confident with his decision making skills if he feels more prepared/knowledgeable on the subject at hand or is taking on a caretaker role (like with marcy, or f&c). but currently he dosen’t have a lot of that going on so that kinda sucks for his self confidence. 

simon is better at empathizing with people than betty & at creating connections with others & is more caring towards people he dosen’t know that well - and so may consider Other People more in his perspectives on things. But on the other hand hes not always the best at reading people or understanding their perspectives, even if he feels emotional connections and cares about people, so he can easily overlook other people’s struggles or perspectives within an issue - even if he cares deeply about their wellbeing (very relevant to his relationship with betty)

he’s generally more emotion driven than betty, and dwells on & ruminates about his feelings, sometimes to the point of obscuring his understanding of a situation or his ability to engage with it. On The Other Hand this means he at least acknowledges how he’s feeling meanwhile betty is like “im classifying that as irrelevant information until further notice” lmao. 

he’s better at understanding nuance & subjectivity than betty but this contributes to his habit of getting-overwhelmed by everything & Overthinking

(simon focuses on details over the big picture overall. he easily gets caught up in details and panics. he traps himself in cycles of worrying about details that can paralyze him when making decisions, and so prefers to not have to make choices. BUT simons "paralyzed with fear of making decisions" state can often be overturned by the power of Having Strong Emotions and his decisions may be Less Good because of the power of not being great and understanding other people. he's very emotion-driven and currently suffering from a billion mental health issues so sometimes all that gets in the way of his natural over-thinking. hes got a better understanding of nuance than betty & is better at Empathizing with others and more considerate but not all too great at reading them or recognizing others Feelings or Behaviors)

I THINK I REPEATED A LOT IN THIS. AGAIN, KIND OF JUST RAMBLING. HOPEFULLY IT WAS SOMEWHAT COHERENT

[lauryn-order]

Spankings will always be better than sex.

Non-sexual kink will always be better than sexual kink.

And I know that’s not a popular opinion, but it’s my reality. Don’t get me wrong, sex can be great and I have some sexual links I enjoy, but I don’t crave sex in the way I crave non-sexual kink. I don’t think about sex until I’m in it at the moment. And when it happens in the moment, I usually love it as long as there’s a kink dynamic and aspects to it and I have feelings for and chemistry with my partner(s), but I don’t get turned on by the thought and I don’t fantasize about it. It rarely crosses my mind. To be honest, most of the time I’m having sex, I’m still thinking about spanking.

I’ve been a spanko since the moment I heard what a spanking was. I obsessively looked it up in the dictionary, read any book that had spanking in it, daydreamed about it, and read spanking fan fiction and literotica.

I don’t get turned on by pictures or videos involving genitals, unless they’re being punished. I’ve never been into normal porn or really any kind of porn where sexual acts are involved. All I genuinely want to watch are severe spankings that make the spankee cry.

When I lay in bed at night, all I think about is being over someone’s lap. I want that feeling of someone else taking control and caring enough about me to spank me.

When I daydream about my ideal dynamic, it’s always centered around spanking and other forms of discipline.

I am a little and would like to have a Mommy and/or Daddy again, but when I think about the dynamic, I’m picturing the rules laid out for me, being taken care of, not having to make decisions, letting go and the feeling of safety and serenity it brings.

When I picture more D/s or Domestic Discipline dynamics, I’m picturing someone helping me become a better version of myself, the standards, making my Top proud, the control, the goofy silly moments, the never stressing over a decision because I have someone to help me make the right choice, and the level of respect and trust you have to have for each other to make it work.

In all dynamics I’m picturing the pain, the lectures, the tears, and the bruises. The feeling of having my guilt taken away because I’ve been thoroughly punished and truly forgiven. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach knowing I’m about to be punished. The maintenance so I stay on track. The emotional release spankings when I need to let go of stress. The stern, strictness coming from my Top. The closeness of aftercare and feeling of being held after a rough punishment.

Sometimes I feel like my dream dynamic is unrealistic in a world so focused on sex. Sometimes I force myself to pretend to be more sexually-focused than I truly am because I don’t feel what I’m looking for exists or is “fair” to ask of someone or to look for. Sometimes I fear I’m going to settle or try to forever be something I’m not because I’m a people pleaser and feeling like this doesn’t exist so I should be more realistic.

I’m a work in progress. I’m working on convincing myself that there’s got to be someone out there for me. I’m working on not settling. I know I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.

I just really hope the person or people out there looking for someone like me finds me.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hello, its me again telling the story of my beef with Cheritz for how they completely shoved Saeyoung's trauma under the rug.

It still feel angry and resentful that even in his own timeline his trauma and his mental condition was not addressed at. all.

Many of his decisions were not healthy for neither himself nor Saeran but it was bcs he didn't know any better. He knew he had to make a difficult decision and he did it.

As his mc we weren't allowed to do anything for him even when we could see how he clearly didn't care for himself.

Seeing Saeyoung doing everything alone all throughout Saeran's recovery was really hard for me. Perhaps because I relate to him so much, I could feel what he must've been going through. Always on an edge trying to make the correct decision so that nothing falls apart. Seeing Saeran in such a way must've been so unbearably hard for him but he had to stay strong for the both of them ignoring all the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, self loathing and so much more filling him to the brim. Making sure that Saeran is safe no matter what. Also completely ignoring his own health in the process.

Saeyoung should've had an arc dedicated to him at least starting to unlearn his trauma. I know it would've taken time but I didn't mind, they already addressed everyone else's trauma. They could've definitely gone another mile for him and involved mc too.

This is just something I always struggle with as a Saeyoung MC. Whenever I play any route or after ending or backstory or literally anything in the game. Nowhere is Saeyoung's trauma addressed and validated. It's implied but never addressed. Rather treated as a noble sacrifice on his part. Pain that he would happily take on for Saeran's wellbeing because he is just so selfless. But that is so wrong, there is so much guilt and trauma behind it and it feeds into his extreme paranoia making him unable to see that he is not only holding himself back from healing but Saeran as well.

I felt so useless throughout the whole sequence. I just wanted to be there for him in any way, be it bringing them something to eat or just sharing a simple phonecall with Saeyoung asking him how things are going, to let him talk about his feelings. But we were just made just spectators unable to do anything but see them.

I'm sorry for dumping this onto you, I saw your post about Saeyoung's parentification and had so many thoughts I wanted to share. I knew Saeyoung had deep rooted trauma that made him completely disregard himself and his needs but didn't have a word for it. You explained it perfectly. And I appreciate you for that. These aspects of him are hardly ever talked about so I was really happy you did.

So even if you might disagree with me on this, but I believe Saeyoung deserved to have an arc to unpack his trauma. Alas it's not possible anymore.

Thank you again Kait 🫶

I'm not a Saeyoung MC by any means, but that doesn't mean that I don't love him and want better for him. I love him like a brother and I have a hard time seeing him suffer over and over again when he has the ability to reach out and ask for help in his route and subsequent after ending.

I get why he does what he does, and I've had the time to understand him as a person to know why he made a lot of... well, reckless choices in the name of doing the right thing. He knows that sometimes, there is only one option, and it's taking the road that's just a little less worse in comparison to the other road you could take. That's just the way it works sometimes, and there isn't another way around it. But, in most situations where Saeyoung is suffering—

He could've gotten all the help in the world if he asked for it. He has trust issues and he's fraught with paranoia, but the RFA will not give up on him no matter what. If he asks for help, he'll get it. That's been proven countless times. But, it's his trauma that makes him deny the help every time. He doesn't want to help himself. He wants to help his baby brother. That's his reason for living.

But, he doesn't need to be selfless to the point where he suffers, and I wish—I wish so often—that Saeyoung could've been allowed to have a lot more agency over his trauma, as well as the ability to talk about it and confront it. He deserves love and to be helped the way he helps his family. He shouldn't deny it. He shouldn't run away from it. That's a huge narrative arc of his route and we all know it.

The Secret Ending could've done well to have added that to his MC. Something, anything, just a snapshot of MC trying to help him and him taking that help. Even if that help was as small as bringing him dinner to share with Saeran. It makes sense why he would be wary of MC being around Saeran or Saeran being around MC just on the off chance that it would be traumatic, I get his reasoning there and I'm sure many Saeyoung MCs don't blame him for that.

But, MC needed the ability to do something. That is probably one of my only pieces of blunt criticism when it comes to that. Saeyoung is someone who just promised to be honest, open, and clear with you about his feelings and identity. I'm not saying he shouldn't regress or struggle, because God knows he would fall into old habits, but where in the hell is the scene where Saeyoung has a goddamn meltdown in MC's arms because he is so tired of being strong?!

Something! Anything!

For the love of God, allow Saeyoung the opportunity to heal from his trauma in a healthy way, and grant him the chance to be vulnerable with the person he loves more than anything because that's what the Saeyoung MCs want! Saeyoung, you've been fighting long enough. I think it's time to rest. You don't need to be the only one who carries a burden on his back. Let's carry this fear, together.

[soundsaboutrighttumblr]

I am thinking about MTYL, and where they took the narrative of pain and boundaries, and mine and people’s reactions on here about it and what I feel bubbling up to surface regions in my own life right now.

This might not be an objective meta, and more a personal rambling, without much structure and possibly no resolving matters, but maybe that’s part of the choice of narrative, mine and theirs.

There was this part in an actor interview where Andy said something along the lines, that sometimes pain - like grief, maybe guilt -  cannot be resolved, but you grow up alongside it, around it, carrying it always. Or that is what I heard, made of the translations. What spoke to me. There’s working to grow out of some issues and some sorts of pain, but ‘getting over it’ cannot be applied to every sort of pain, and the difference is crucial to our understanding of life and healing.

And I think maybe this show had a way of implementing both, they showed healthy ways to work through issues, had ways to show what healthy boundaries and relationships, and steps toward healing as in dealing with pain can look like.

But. Maybe they also showed the limits to this, in a very life-like experience shown? How through our connections to people, the connections we choose, some pain -along with love- will always be there to be carried, not resolved, because at times it is not ours to resolve, but still we carry it, too. A burden shared, even if that might not even lessen the weight.

I mean it is a choice of narrative, and i feel like the message was at times, look how it is done healthily and look what growth looks like, but i feel like another message was also, that when it comes to poeple and life, there’s these theories and ideals to strive for, but there is also the limits of it. Because of other people and their pain, and relationships and how we are not islands and that shapes our decisions, too?

It’s in JIEJIE’s storyline with her brother, how you cannot save someone that is not ready to be saved. But also in Xun-An’s arc to sacrifice part of his own health to pacify his father, a connection he decides to keep even at the cost of pain, to keep him in their lives.  And it’s also in how he takes on that decision and the pain of it all by himself, but Bai Lang stll feels it through their connection, unable to resolve it for Xun-An as well, but enduring.

Choices that fail to set a ‘healthy’ boundary in a way that feels needed are valid decisions, too, ones that make up life just as much, whether that should be the case or not.

I get how we seek catharsis through characters, and we want to see them achieve what we in our peronal lives struggle to do, or worked very hard to achieve ourselves; we do not want to feel set back by what we are shown by them on screen.

Maybe it is bad writing or a wrong narrative choice, but if i try to see it as a conscious narrative choice by the makers, then it for me holds the message about the limitations we might face to the work we put in for our healing, as in there will always be sacrifices to that ideal of healthy and right we will make, because of our choices about the connections we decide to keep as part of our lives. And that shapes life and makes it, too.

They could have spent more time on showing the working through it as they did with other issues, but maybe it was not there to be something to be completely resolved by the narrative? Or that was even the point being made by it?

Maybe i am trying to make it work somehow, lol, but if I use that trust I gave the show, and try to hear what they might have wanted to tell me, it could have been this. I hear this. When it comes to life both kinds of decisions shape ours, the ones striving for personal betterment, and also the ones that seem to sacrifice that path in some way and cost us. We navigate our happiness through both.

And as for thoughts on pain?

I am lingering on the thought presented, that some pain we will never heal from, in the sense that it is resolved, that tension we feel will be relieved. That our only option is to grow around and alongside it.

Some pain might not be better for being shared, might not be halfed by it, but actually doubled, because it cannot be dissolved for the other party by us, if at all.

We share pain of others without having the tools to resolve it. It comes with human connections and empathy. Connections we won’t cut even despite that pain, so we live with it. As adults, these are valid decisions, when consciously made.

How do boundaries in that context look like? Maybe they are the individual, personal decisions, each time anew, how to deal with the pain we are presented with?  What to share, with whom, what to speak of, what to make a topic, what to work on resolving, what to keep to ourselves, what to endure, live with and around.

I am trying to give myself steps to tread on here, not expecting absolute answers, and that last part is more personal than that it might have to do with MTYL, but I am so happy for that show, to have given me some new words to speak around all of this.

If you have thoughts to share on this, I am happy to hear them <3

[it-was-rose]

I'd love to know more about loholes, what does she do as a senator?

Hiiii <3 Sorry it took me so long to answer but I've been rotating this like I'm a microwave

So I feel like the main thing about her (senator wise) is that she feels she's inadequate for her role as senator while being a strongly driven character as a side effect of that. Imposter syndrome lol

Her need to prove herself doesn't get out of control, when she's working, though, always maintaining a stoic facade. She's smart and she does not want her fellow senators to see weakness in her. When she's at home with her wife, Geca, she opens up gently to her, but afraid to make Geca worry, she always downplays her distress. Mostly Geca worries either way. It's when Loholes is with her parents and siblings that she can't keep up her facade. Being in a group of five siblings, she's always felt the need to prove herself and stay afloat in the family. Her mother is distant and as much a workaholic as Loholes, and while her father is nearer to the family, he still expects nothing but the best from his children and can be harsh. Her family has known her longest and knows which buttons to push to tick her off. She does not like visiting family and was hesitant to start a family of her own when time came.

Loholes is afraid of making the wrong decision, always examining a choice from as many angles as she can. She's meticulous. Sometimes, too much so. She will beat herself up over not having found a better solution to a no win scenario. So yeah, her outwards appearance may be elegant and regal, but she's a troubled person who believes she has to carry the weight of her responsibilities completely alone and riddled with guilt.

I'm gonna talk a bit more about her because I can't help myself. The ultimate decision for her came when she was taken hostage and denied access to her necessities other than food and water. She has an eye condition, that I headcanon to be seen a lot in aquatic species, where her eyes will simply dry up faster than others of her kind. She has to wear special protective lenses, which in turn have to be changed every day. She doesn't get to do that while being held hostage and ends up with irreparable damage to her sight, rendering her mostly blind. This happens around the start of the empire. When she is rescued (I won't go into that for the sake of keeping this relatively short), she has to spend a lot of time at home, way more than she usually does, in order to recover. In her grief over the loss of her sight, she slips into a deep depression. Since she's home basically 24/7 she slowly discovers that Geca is involved in anti imperial activity. Loholes was initially supportive of the empire, though suspicious, but ultimately she didn't want to risk her position as a favoured senator just for the sake of speaking up against change. Only, it turned out to be bad change, Loholes knew it and it's killing her that she was too afraid to speak up. Geca, who had been organising escape routes for surviving Jedi, is suddenly compromised when Loholes finds out about it. But even though she's initially appalled, Loholes' only objection quickly becomes that it's too dangerous. However, as Geca stubbornly continues her work, Loholes ultimately follows and supports her, finding a new purpose for herself and her role as senator.

Thanks for reading!!! And thank you for asking!!!!!

[fairycosmos]

i was kicked out of uni for never turning in work or going to classes because i literally just stopped being able to go and didn't have the mental wherewithal to talk to anybody about it. i went to uni because i wanted to escape my living situation and no other reason, and now i'm back in it with a lot of added guilt and pain. i knew that uni wasn't for me and i tried anyway and it backfired. if you made the decision to not go bc you knew you couldnt do it, good for you! genuinely great choice.

so sorry to hear this love :( i can't imagine how hard that whole process must have been on your mental health. i think it was brave of you to try to make strides and to better your situation initially, even if it didn't work it the way you wanted it to. at least you can say you gave that path a shot, and it's absolutely fine that it turned out to not be compatible with your wants and needs. i know it's easy to internalise this sort of experience in the form of shame, and maybe that's just a part of accepting it and moving on, but you've really done nothing to feel guilty over - i promise. i really hope you're able to get out of your living situation and/or find some local resources that can help you out with your specific circumstances, whether that's in terms of mental health or housing or just having someone to talk to. until then, if you need a mate, i'll be here - though ofc there's no pressure it's just a standing offer. anyway, thank you so much for this and for taking the time to share your perspective. it really helped me with this weird, misguided embarrassment i feel over not going. because i did know for a fact at the time that i couldn't handle it on so many realistic and logical levels, but people are just so fucking mean about it sometimes. anyway! i appreciate you and im wishing you nothing but healing <3

[unfoldingmoments]

Forget Work-Life Balance : How are you spending your choices?

DR. SAMANTHA BOARDMAN, MAR 28

Have you ever met someone who has actually achieved work-life balance? I haven’t. As Oliver Burkeman wrote in the best-selling book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals:

“Nobody in the history of humanity has ever achieved ‘work-life balance,’ whatever that might be and you certainly won’t get there by copying the ‘six things successful people do before 7 a.m.’”

Rather than striving for optimal time management, he advises us to make peace with the reality that there will never be enough time to do all the things we would like to do. Put simply, he argues, it’s time (pun intended) to give up the fight against time because it’s a lost cause:

“No finite human being has ever won a fight against time. We just get the limited time we get, and the limited control over it that we get. And if you spend your life fighting the truth of this situation, all that happens is that you feel more rushed and overwhelmed and impatient – until one day time decisively wins the fight, as it was always destined to do. (In other words: you die.)”

In a world filled with productivity porn, Burkeman’s perspective is refreshing. Instead of trying in vain to cram more tasks into each day and get more done, perhaps making better use of the limited time that we have is a better strategy. Here are 7 ways to feel less frazzled: Be a Reductionist Whenever we encounter a problem, we almost always tend to add something. This is known as subtraction neglect. We add meetings to address issues at work, we add homework to improve academic performance, we add apps to boost efficiency, we add products to enhance skin, but rarely consider how the alternative could be transformative. What can you do less of?

Be Wherever Your Feet Are I heard this excellent advice a few months ago. It’s a wonderful reminder to give your full attention to the moment you are in and to the person you are with.

Be Still Press pause regularly. Rather than packing more work into a given day, take some time to reflect on the lessons of the day.

Be Helpful A counterintuitive way to feel less pressed for time is to give it away. Volunteering and doing things for others, rather than focusing on ourselves, expands our sense of time and meaning.

Be Selective Say no to things that don’t align with your values. Guilt and obligation are not reasons to give your time away.

Be Honest Many people say they wish they could spend more time with their family but end up on their phones whenever they are with them. Quality face time with loved ones is a vital contributor to wellbeing. Nobody on their deathbed ever said, “I wish I had spent more time on social media.”

Be a Sleep Enthusiast Lack of sleep is a vampire of vitality. Mental and physical energy are a fundamental currency of wellbeing. Quality time is enhanced by quality sleep.

Bottom Line Let go of striving for that elusive ideal of work-life balance and spend your precious time doing things that matter. Sometimes that will throw you off balance and that’s okay. As Alain de Botton observed, “Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.”

[briamichellewrites]

14

Phoenix approached Brad with a confession. He had wine while on tour. They sat down together. He then asked him to explain himself. They went to a church service where they had communion. Did he have wine? Yes, he did. He was afraid of making it a big deal by denying it. Brad thanked him for telling him. Since he wasn’t Christian, he couldn’t tell him if he slipped up. His conscious said he did and he was racked with guilt. Did he want to drink? Yes, that’s why he came to him.

“It might be different from what we observe as Jews.”

“It’s the symbol of the blood of Christ when he was hung from the cross. The wafer is the body.”

“Passover. Talk to your priest or religious leader. Tell them about how you thought it would be rude to say no and now, you’re feeling guilty which is giving you cravings.”

He would do that. Did anything else happen? No. They mostly played to teenagers and kids. Some of them paid attention. They had fun, though. Was he going to continue the tour? Yeah, he would. He was eager to come back to Linkin Park. It would be a different crowd. Where did he think they would be in a year or two? He had no idea. Hopefully, they would be playing to a crowd full of people. Brad hoped so, too. They had been working their asses off for that.

Bria. She was still hobbling around on crutches. Jon was at home with her and Woody, who was making sure she rested by getting comfortable on her lap. Jon didn’t mind staying home with her. He pulled up the ottoman and put it in front of where she was sitting on the couch. Woody purred loudly to help her feel better. She scratched his head. That feels good, human!

“Baby, where are you?”

“I’m in my own little world, Jon.”

“Are you still blaming yourself for the accident?”

“I’m blaming myself for Mike getting hurt. Not for myself.”

“What would you have done differently to prevent it from happening?”

She shook her head because she didn’t know. Nothing. There was nothing she could have done differently to prevent it from happening. They didn’t have time to react or jump out of the way. She needed to forgive herself and focus on the fact that he was okay. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Just like he did when she was younger.

Both she and Phoenix needed to learn how to forgive themselves. Life happened and sometimes there was nothing they could do to prevent it. What about her parents? They couldn’t have known that they would be hit by a car. Did she mourn them? Yes, privately. She still had moments when she got angry and she asked herself why it had to happen. Jon explained that a driver hit them. She understood that. There were so many things in her life she had no control over.

“You didn’t get a fair chance because of how you were born. Your birth mother hurt you. Twice. You have every reason to be angry at her. You also have the right to feel compassion and empathy. What someone chooses to do doesn’t mean you should hate them forever. People make bad decisions. It’s about separating their bad decisions from who they are as a person.”

Her mother made a selfless choice when she placed her for adoption. Even if it wasn’t her choice. He remembered when he first met her. She was five years old and had moved next door to him with her parents. At that age, she was very curious about everything. She was also very hyperactive. Her parents did whatever they could to get her to sit still. But she gave him the biggest smile whenever she saw him. He thought she was adorable and very entertaining.

“Bria, come over here and stop bouncing around”, her father said.

She did as she was told. Her toys were on the floor of the living room. She had a cabbage patch doll with clothes and a hairbrush. That was her favorite toy because she loved taking care of it. She also had a baby bottle and cloth diapers. It helped her sit still while the adults talked. The eighties. A time when he had a questionable fashion sense. He could look back at those pictures and laugh at himself.

Bon Jovi came out in 1984 with their song, Runaway. From there, their career took off. They were not just boys from New Jersey anymore. They were rock stars. But he found comfort at home where he could be himself. His family never treated him as a rock star. He was just John to them. To Bria, he was her cool neighbor who played with her whenever she and her parents were in town.

Her parents did the best they could. He gave them a lot of credit because she was not an easy child. She had massive amounts of energy and she needed to constantly move around. At the time, they didn’t know her ADHD was likely caused by her birth mother using drugs while pregnant with her. They sent her to boarding school, so she could have a consistent routine. It was hard at first because she was so far away, but it ended up being the best thing for her.

She got to have experiences other children her age didn’t have. If she had gone to regular school, she would have likely been labeled a troublemaker and she would have fallen behind the other children. The staff at her school developed ways to help her learn with her disability. She was encouraged to seek out activities to help her self-esteem.

She did theater and dance, which helped her channel her energy into something positive. Her body was allowed to move around, instead of being told to sit still and pay attention. She didn’t have a disability when she was performing. Rather, she was just one of the kids. He felt honored to have been there to watch her grow up and he knew how proud her parents were of her. They talked about her good grades and everything she was doing.

Whether that was visiting a foreign country or performing on stage. While at school, her music teacher discovered her talent. She could play music by ear. It was a talent she hadn’t seen before in other students. Even at the very young age of five, she could play the piano like she was an adult who had been playing for years. She was a true child prodigy and she wanted her to continue playing music.

Phoenix came home to find them in the living room talking. Woody looked up at him as he came over. Hi, human! He asked Bria how she was doing. Woody was making sure she took it easy. They laughed. He apologized for being late.

After talking to Brad, he drove home to visit his pastor. Why? He was feeling guilty about having wine while on tour. It was communion wine, but he couldn’t stop beating himself up over it. He talked to Brad about it and he encouraged him to talk to his pastor. It helped him feel a lot better because it didn’t mean he slipped up or relapsed. Good for him for acknowledging what happened, instead of sweeping it under the rug. The more guilty he felt, the more tempted he was to relapse.

He couldn’t do that because he didn’t want to go down that path. Woody extended his paw to him. He scratched his head and then thanked him. You’re welcome, human. After a while, he finally got off her lap because he was hungry. He went into the kitchen. Shockingly, his bowl was empty. Meow! Meow! Human! She got up, hobbled to the kitchen, and shook his bowl to refill it. Thank you!

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 199 - Seeing It Through

Martin: Anyone want another cup of tea?

Oh, don't be a parody of yourself, Martin!

Georgie: Let’s try to lay this out properly. What are our actual options here? As far as I can see there are three.

Maybe this is a bit clumsy but I do actually really appreciate having it all laid out clearly.

Georgie: One. We follow Annabelle’s plan. We destroy the Panopticon, kill Elias – Jon: Jonah Georgie: Whatever Jon: Magnus

This interchange is so enjoyable when you actually listen to it, just the way Georgie never once breaks her stride there makes it really funny in a way that just does not come through in text.

Martin: Would you stop just putting everything on him?

HOW? I mean, seriously, "not putting everything on Jon" isn't really an option at this point!

Martin: If it’s just a matter of guilt, then I’ll take it right now. I’d rather live the rest of my life lying awake wondering if I made the right choice, over lying awake listening to the screams of everyone on Earth being tortured! Jon: What? So it’s better for a thousand times more people to scream as long as we can’t hear them?

I think Jon has a really good point here and is probably right, but I'm kinda with Martin - not only would I choose to save the people I actually know over a greater number of strangers, I would also have a hard time fully trusting someone who wouldn't. They might be admirable under certain circumstances, but I would still find it hard to fully open myself up to them. I mean, I don't fancy being sacrificed for the greater good, so I'd like my nearest and dearest to have my back if push ever comes to shove (even if it's, morally speaking, a bit dubious and probably makes me sound awful).

Martin: And you can’t just arbitrarily decide it isn’t because you want a better reason to martyr yourself!

And Martin does have a good point here. Jon may or may not be right, morally speaking (I'm leaning toward "yes, probably"), but he's also extremely biased because he WANTS to sacrifice himself to assuage his guilt. It's kind of on Jon's loved ones to take that into account for their decision.

Georgie: Can I have a cigarette?

Ooooh, callback to the very first episode!

Jon: Sometimes… I imagine if none of this had happened. If we had just… met. Been together, without… all of this. Martin: Me, too. But we wouldn’t have, would we? Been together, I mean.

When Jon said that first line, I immediately thought "But then you'd never have gotten together, would you?" and was very surprised to find Martin, matter-of-factly, if with a slightly bitter tone, making that exact point.

Jon: I’m the one whose whole life has been nothing but one long setup to this.

I keep saying Jon is a tragic character, but - like - Jon is a Tragic Character!

Melanie: Make sure it hurts. Martin: Oh, I will.

I'm enjoying straight-forwardly vindictive Martin here! No scheming, no cleverness, just "Oh, I'll make it hurt!".

My impression of this episode

This is actually a really interesting episode, despite nothing much happening, just from a "discussion of ethics" perspective. And then there's Jon failing utterly to cope with his feelings of guilt and Martin being Martin, but both of them so quietly and with so much exhaustion ... that nearly made me tear up. And yeah. This is it. It's all about to end!

[smiletimeisrunningout]

"I'm not..." she wasn't displeased with their arrangments, it wasn't even theirs to begin with, in a way, because she had made the decision to stay. She started pouring him a glass as well. Could she get into it now? She knew she may accidentally provoke him - this time really not meaning it - and doing so in front of his best friend was less than nice.

But God, there was something about him that was just asking to be defied in every possible way. The way he spoke to her was going to lead her to do something stupid, or worse fight with him, and she didn't want that. No, she had to change things immediately, for better or worse, this direction could not do.

"Alright. Let's start over. I am not displeased by anything your general wants from me, or about you as a bodyguard, or this tent. But I am sorry that you have to look after me, in the sense that I feel guilty. And I'm displeased by my overstaying because I want to go kill every single one of those monsters who came here looking for me, and I cannot do that, I will not do that," she pointed out to remind herself of her own resolve, gripping her glass of whiskey.

"Forgive me, Caleb, this is not a happy first talk we are having, but I must say this so that you," she turned to Benjamin, her tone softening, "Can start making peace with the idea, and I won't get reckless because you are pushing buttons you don't know you are accidentally pushing. I told Washington I'd be staying for now, because I don't want to add to his pile of worries. I told him I'll write to my parents, hopefully the letter can be sent by tomorrow morning, so that soon he'll be released from any responsibility. See, this is a self-containment, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be: nobody had to persuade me or explain, it was my choice and it will keep being my choice. But I am not going to be confined at camp the entire time nor pretend I'm a delicate flower, of course I'll listen to what you have to say and I'll try to be on my best behavior, but I will never take orders. Only advice. That is what you need to make peace with. My choices and my life are my responsibilities and will remain so, that is why I can't act like a subordinate. So what I'll tell to your general is that while I'm happy to have your help, you can't be held responsible for what a silly princess does, you can only be thanked whenever you can hold her back. We are on the same level, no one is above the other. Which means sometimes I'll leave camp, neither of us can be trapped. And when my parents answer to my letter I'm definitely going to hunt those people down."

She didn't want to add to George's pile of worries nor to Benjamin's pile of guilt, so hopefully he'd understand she wasn't to be ordered around because she wasn't to be considered under his protection. It wasn't as if any other figure of power would actually state that they were on the same level, after all, but she meant it.

"Caleb, you can visit me whenever you please and it will be much more amusing than it is now, I'm sure. Major, the same goes for you, and you can check on me, but please, please, don't talk to me like a prisoner nor an idiot, talk to me like I'm happily waiting, so that it can be easier for me to convince myself that I am. It's killing me that I can't go find them, they ripped innocent people's hearts out, and that is exactly why you must allow me to handle this. I could leave, you forcing me to stay is what would actually cause a war, not my death, but I won't go regardless, I don't want anyone to get hurt except the people who deserve it. I promise you I'm not that much of an idiot, but sometimes one must act like it... Well," she corrected immediately, "I also am an idiot, and you talking to me like I have no choice in any matter is awakening every fighting instinct I have, and I was in the middle of trying to put them to sleep, don't forget I also just found out-" she lifted her injured hand this time, to show that she hadn't exactly been taking the situation calmly. "If you wish to fight me, can we go back to how you were doing it yesterday, like I'm the most inappropriate woman you have ever met, and not a toddler? Reject my courtship again, that's fine." And maybe he'd stop giving her the impression that he was truly angry about being there but forced to choke it down by his orders, if he did that. Hell, maybe now he'd explode instead, but it was better than the little comments here and there that she didn't know how to read yet. As long as he understood she was there by choice and would stay by choice. Of course she didn't hear no often as a princess - and as a woman she'd still get to pick when to listen to it anyway.

Irritable, Ben rubbed his thumb over the pommel of his sabre, attempting to ground himself while he listened to Emma’s assurances. "I value everyone’s lives equally,” he finally said. “Regardless, it just so happens that I have to value your life more, because it’s what my commander has requested. If you’re unhappy with our arrangement, I’m afraid you’ll just have to get used to our rules.” He offered a thin smile. “But then, how often are princesses told the word ‘no?’”

Caleb snorted at the jeer, watching their exchange as Emma turned and began rummaging through her liquor selection. “Whatever ya say, Emmy-girl,” he agreed. “I try whatever rolls off the tongue, so we’ll just hafta see what sticks.” When she indicated the bottles, his eyes lit up and he nodded towards the one in her left hand. “Whiskey – don’t be holdin’ back on me now, aye?”

When Emma glanced toward Ben, he lifted his shoulders and sighed. “I’ll have the same,” he muttered. “Truly, you needn’t make a fuss. I can’t stay long anyway.”

“Besides having… sticks in improbable places, is there any reason why your friend seems to hate the idea that I like him?”

Affronted, he drew up and glanced between Caleb and the princess, wholly befuddled. “I am right here, you realize,” he grumbled. “Other than this line of questioning, I do not hate anything.”

“Other than bein’ questioned,” the whaler gleefully cut in. “You ask too much, Emma. Benny here prefers those who take orders without a fuss – though why he chose to befriend the only people who don’t listen is beyond me.”

“I’m beginning to wonder that myself,” Ben replied, though there was finally a softening in his eyes.

“Is it the princess thing? Is it because I’m too pretty? Or do I really behave that badly?”

Good Lord, she was relentless.

“You overestimate your effect on my conscience,” he said. “Prettiness has nothing to do with it.”

“Aye, but bein’ a looker sure doesn’t hurt,” Caleb jeered, lifting his whiskey in a mock salute.

Accepting his own glass, Ben looked down into the amber liquid with a touch of regret. He really shouldn’t imbibe – not when so many lives were counting on his success. And had Emma not been listening earlier? Had she overlooked his knee-jerk confession about how befriending his men often led to hurt? His same rules of distance applied to everyone in camp; she wasn’t special in that regard in the slightest.

Desperate to deflect, Ben asked, “Aside from your clear displeasure with our arrangements, have you settled in well?” He kept his gaze focused downward, still swirling the whiskey in his glass. “If you’re missing any sort of supplies, I can see to it that they’re looked after…within reason, of course.”

Caleb snorted. “In other words, he’s here to make sure you have absolutely no fun, whatsoever – startin’ now.”