#i really wanna kill myself
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buying depeche mode cassettes after getting hit with a £1300 bill to sabotage myself
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lowkey baking cookies
#i really wanna kill myself#its probably because i haven’t been taking hormones but also this world is evil and i don’t want to be in it anymore#i just want to be done man
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it hurts when they lie. it's not like i won't understand something im 22 now. i don't like when they treat me as a child. i ask for just one thing and they come up with a silly lie. 5 long days and i ask for just one thing
#i really wanna kill myself#what did i do to deserve this#if they don't want to give me that then they could've just told me#i might leave my civci#i feel like shit#i wont take it to the hostel#even the watch#i will leave everything behind#do whatever the hell you want with that
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I'm afraid of asking my friends for help despite suicidal thoughts in fear of feeling like a burden. Like I just want attention.
#i really wanna kill myself#downing a bottle of pills sounds real fucking good rn#and I can't even tell anyone
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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North and Simon: (shaking hands on killing Simon potentially)
#detroit become human#north wr400#simon pl600#markus rk200#josh pj500#jericho is just... so funny to me as like. how they function (or dont)#like im v glad that i did a Good Job my first run and no one hated me but i also felt like a very distraught parent#in regards to how markus is just able to either hurt them (by suggestions OF THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP)#or help them because hey what the fuck i just dragged simon to safety and now north wants me to kill him#and then simon like oh no north got shot you should leave her BUT ! i saved her and made simon happy#so its like you know what they have to have some animosity but also respect#i feel like i wanna see more of north and simon being buddies ... and i might have to do that myself#but i also apologize if this is ooc for them because i really did only just play through once and got a not good end#i probably missed a lot of lore and stuff so im v sorry if im Messing Them Up#its currently just me liking their designs and vibes and hoping im not ruining other fans lives by being wrong#and i honestly dont know when north would kill simon but hes on her possible victims list#so since both of their victim lists include themselves for suicide it just reminded me of the meme#with im so mad im gonna (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health)#and it was like yeah watch north be like im gonna (well if i cant kill myself because markus said no suicide) murder someone
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so I finished side order recently
#splatoon#pearl houzuki#agent 8#marina ida#acht mizuta#my stuff#inktober piece 2 :)#shoutout to my brother who reminded me i could replay the credits whenever because i had to get some extra refs for eight's model#and saved me from having to slog up the tower again#now if only splatoon could do that for every cutscene eh. please#i want to relive a lot of cutscenes and youre killing me for it splatoon#anyway did you know splatoon's official art has. well it wildly varies from piece to piece#they all follow like a very loose guidelines but also they all split off into their own things half the time#me with seven tabs of art trying to figure out if i want to do lines to separate pearl's fingers: so this one has lines but this one doesnt#'this one isnt relevant to this issue all fingers are splayed'#so in the end i just did whatever i wanted. i think that's a core tenet of art. do whatever you want. forever#also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what was etched into marina's headphones#im 98% sure it is the off the hook logo. but nothing save from booting up splatoon and checking myself would say for sure#and i didnt wanna boot up splatoon cause if i did then id inevitably be down a couple hours because 'oh well im here already. one run maybe'#but regardless!! im proud of how this came out even if i was supposed to have finished two days ago to keep with my schedule#especially the bg :) i think i did really good on that.#and eight's little smile i think thats the charm point of the whole piece and it took me about ten drafts to get it properly#i think i did good on that too.#im so enamored with splatoon rn help
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as someone who has never understood the pen pressure curve settings despite drawing digitally for over a decade neow, can someone tell me if theres a way for a brush to need less pressure to activate, but still keep a thin tip? Because obvs changing it so that it doesnt need much pressure to make a stroke makes that stroke really thick and not have much width variation
#i feel this is a stupid ass question im sorryyyyy#i found a brush i enjoy but in order for it to have a nice tapered tip i have to change the pressure to make it#need a really rough press....but that hurts my hand#but if i make it need less pressure it ends up just being a brush that has very little line width variation YKWIM#i like tapered tip...i like it going from small to big but i dont wanna kill my wrist#delete later bc I know im gonna feel dumb LMAO#talkys#if i understood the axes myself i cld try playing with it but i swear i just cant get it 😭
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Let me get this straight: from what we learn in both the movies, books, and games, humans can't eat the food on Pandora because it's toxic, can't swim in the water because it's acidic (edit: not life-threatening unless they're likely exposed for too long), almost every animal is out to kill them, the locals WILL kill them, but they still wanna stay on Pandora regardless like what???
Hey, I got an idea. We have the means of traveling into outer space. Why don't we just... find a planet or moon that isn't out to kill us??? Or better yet, fix the planet we actually come from??? Stop killing all our resources???
Actually, I got a better idea:
Travel to this planet. It's habitable, no animals there that want to kill ya:
Except maybe this guy 😏 have fun, RDA!
Taglist: @mooniequeen @avatar-lover
#ya'll#humans really do just wanna take whatever they want#doesn't matter if they want something that'll kill them#i am not affiliating myself with this species lol#atwow#avatar the way of water#avatar 2#avatar#avatar 2009#james cameron avatar#james cameron#avatar 2022#scifi is whack guys#alien#alien covenant#ridley scott#ridley scott alien#alien ridley scott
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I JUST WANNA MAKE THE WHOLE EARTH SMILE
#martzipan#nagito komaeda#sdr2#WAUGH. kinda slayed with this one. kinda fucking killed it#i will use komaeda as a battering ram to break my artblock. worst comes to worst i can always draw him#i wanted to put him in! a box. bc it would make a neat pose. and then i broke rules on purpose to make him look cooler#i considered making this servant but then i realized i did not want to draw his leash or figure it out compositionally#i tried so many new things on this one. gradients mostly. i messed around with the csp texture materials too :3#proud of myself on this one#oh yeah! this was also an excuse to test out the new maeda playlist#and the verdict is: it's good :D i wanna add more over time but deffo a good base#anyways. i was not expecting this to turn out so good but safe to say it is now going to be the cover of that playlist. which is cool#OK TAG RAMBLES DONE. tumblr please be good to me on this one i really like it
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i hate when people say they don't want me 2 kill myself but then not give me any attention . if u want me to keep suffering sooooo badly at least give me what makes it a little bearable ( praise )
#idol speaks ♡#95% of people who say that though don't actually care#they just don't wanna deal with how sad they'll be that they can't take u for granted anymore#selfish selfish selfish selfish it pisses me off die#nobody is worth suffering for the rest of my life for#there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me#being told to stay alive makes me wanna kill myself more#if uou really want me to live then love me until I cnat breathe#praise me over and over and over every day#give me so so so much attention#not about anyone in particular btw
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(Meme stolen from Reddit
#you know know sometimes when you finished a media so good you wanna kill youself reborn again just to read this again?#that’s basically how I feel rn after orv#it’s such a good series I couldn’t even find words to describe it#because I will never do it justice some media is meant to be consumed and you need to come up with your own interpretation#like this mf is literally the most big brain person ever???? a really fucking long novel that ties up all the plot points???#and if gives me depression??? sign me the fuck up give me 10 more I will willingly break my own heart to read it again#tbh the orv books are so worth it I can see myself reading it over and over like dokja#I know I’m rambling but I simply can’t shut up about orv rn#so if you haven’t read the books/wanna avoid spoilers just unfollow me now#orv#omniscient reader's viewpoint
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lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it
#idk it's just all too much to deal w#i have sm pains and physical discomforts. money issues. stress bc my avpd is making school very hard for me to finish#i have suicidal thoughts and really bad anxiety every single day. i've basically begged the mental health care system for help for 7 months#like i've kept contacting them and asking them but they havent done anything at all for me. i dont even get to see anyone and talk#i just dont know what to do or how to handle it#im so stressed abt the future. i have to finish school but then choose smth so i can go to school/get a degree & get a job#im holding my mom down and back and i need to find a way to kove out from her and support myself#i have no friends to meet or hangout with and destress with etc etc and im really feeling the lack of it#idk the list just goes on and on and on#nothing is working and idk how to fix it. but also i know that me and only me have to find a way bc there is no help#i struggle bc of my avpd and mental health but there is no treatment for me to get. they just dont wanna give me *any* help at all#im just so frustrated. and every day is the same. everyday is full of some physical pain anxiety stress worries suicidal thoughts etc etc#i cant break free idk how!!!! my life is so fkn boring and pathetic and miserable#i never get to relax bc all of a sudden last year i got extremely noise sensitive. and it's never quiet anywhere in this city#anyway yeah i could just keep going. and like now im feeling anxious bc my tooth is aching :((#it -everything- never stops or lets up or relents. and it makes me wanna die even more.#so... idk im just incapable of being hopeful abt anything and that's really killing me idk
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it ain't much but it's honest work
#not too shabby methinks for someone who has basically never crocheted#i did have to redo the pot though sjgfjsjkskskksj#the first one was BAD i didnt realize stitch count was actually important and it came out so lumpy lmaoooooo#i made this for a friend and like. i def have to give it to her but part of me also wants to keep it lol#but i dont have the energy/time to make another one like i basically holed myself up all weekend to finish this#the leaves alone made me wanna kill myself 😭#and i need to get this care package out asap its been too long now 😭#with this i feel really complete w my package though i just feel kinda bad shes gonna get my first attempt at crocheting OTL#i know i can do better with practice but augh time#ig an excuse to get into crocheting now though#so i can make things for my loved ones :)#i rly wanna make something for my sister too bc shes done so much for me this last year and ive been really#not good about showing my gratitude for her#0.txt
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Looks like he found a new plaything
Basically zoned out while watching Cub's decked out runs and this is the result. Originally, I wanted it to be like him about to crawl out of the water, screwed up perspective so now he's peeking over a wall to watch a certain hermit (probably scar)
#hermitcraft#cubfan fanart#cubfan#cubfan135#sculk cub#sculk#hermitcraft fanart#artists on tumblr#Surprisingly really proud of myself#my hand is killing me#Spread the sculk#Spread the Souls#School work time....#I DONT WANNA WRITE AN ESSAYYYY
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I AM DONE 😭😭 Exam week is behind me, I am literally sobbing, I am exhausted beyond repair, but it is done!! Five more days of work and then I (hopefully) shall have my life back-
#I wanna draw so bad - but I also want to sleep for 14 hours straight#also I should probably really not work next week I landed myself both once at the doctors office and once at the hospital last week#when I said 'I will finish this week even if it kills me' my body was like. 👀 I can do that#but honestly that was my own stupidity also#I could take this to the educational route but let me just say if you do have an infected wound anywhere go 👏 to 👏 your 👏 doctor#that being said I have at least one exam finished with 100% (which wasn't THAT hard) and I can talk about autoimmune responses and then-#I cough and I die#academia yes but absolutely no common sense#i'm still having a fever tho#I wanna sleep till next year
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