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hughiecampbelle · 4 months ago

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The Boys Preference: Sacrificing Yourself

Requested: Could we have the characters reacting to reader on a mission and they do that thing like, "You go ahead, I'll catch up!" when actually they plan on sacrificing themselves to the job can get done? - anon

A/N: THIS IS SO ANGSTY I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!! My love, thank you for requesting!!! I feel like that elmo meme where he's surrounded by fire lol. I hope you like it my love!!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Butcher knew what you were doing. You urged him to run, to leave, and it hit him. He tried to talk to you, to stop you, but you pushed him, ordered him away. The look in your eyes told him everything. You knew exactly what you were doing. You weren't naive or stupid. You knew you weren't going to make it out of this. You're begging him now. Please, Butcher, go! He knows there's no stopping you. You've made up your mind. So, he does as ordered. And when they hear gunshots, one after the other, until there is an eerie silence, he walks away. Disappears. No one hears from him for weeks. He goes over that day incessantly. Was there really no talking you out of it? You seemed so sure, so tired. Did he take the cowards way out? No one blames him, but he definitely blames himself. He doesn't go to the funeral. He can't bear to look at any of your friends. They'll wanna know what happened. How could he explain it? How could he tell them he knew what you were doing and still let it happen? If it was him, he wouldn't have wanted anyone to talk him out of it.

Hughie can't breathe. You let go of his hand. He thought you were right behind him. Everyone did. But when he turned back, when he called your name, you were still inside. The building was burning, engulfed in flames. Everyone grabbed at him, telling him it would be stupid to go back in, that it was too late. Your supe abilities had started the fire, but if you wanted to stop them, if you wanted to put an end to this fight, then you had to (quite literally) blow the place up. Blow yourself up. Hughie gets away, but it's too late. It happens slowly. The sounds. The building collapses. Hughie bent over, panicking, gasping for air. There's still a chance, he says through ragged breathing, but The Boys share a knowing look. There isn't. Everyone inside was dead. You saved them, but at what cost? He beats himself up about it every day going forward. He still can't believe it. He should have grabbed your hand, he should have known.

Annie blames herself. She should have known. She should have realized. She should have stopped you. You weren't a Supe, you were just selfless. You knew you wouldn't have made it out. Annie could have. She could have if her powers were working. Its her fault. If she could have stopped them, then you wouldn't have done this, you wouldn't have sacrificed yourself. She should have been taking care of you, protecting you, not the other way around. Wasn't that her Jon? Wasn't that the only thing she ever wanted to do? Help people. Take care of them. Take care of you. If you're not safe with her, who is? When she realizes what you've done, it's too late. Hughie and Kimiko try to talk to her, reminding her that there's no way anyone could have known about your plan, but she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to feel better. She wants you back.

M.M. is angry. He didn't know what you were planning. He didn't know the last time he saw you would be the last. You disappeared inside, turned off your ear piece, turned off your phone, and never turned back. He yelled and screamed and begged for you to answer him, but it was too late. By the time he went in alongside The Boys, when it was finally safe to do so, you were dead. So was everyone in the building. He was wary of you at first, being a Supe and all, but he warmed up to you. He cared about you. It wasn't supposed to end like this. It wasn't supposed to end at all. He was angry. At himself for not being able to stop you, for not realizing, but also at you. You'd been so used to relying on yourself. You had a team now. You had Marvin and friends and colleagues to rely on. You didn't have to sacrifice yourself. You didn't have to do this. There was another way. There always was.

Frenchie can't believe it. He knows you didn't come out. He knows everyone inside is dead. And yet, he can't wrap his head around the idea that you're gone. You sacrificed yourself like that. Like it meant nothing. There's a funeral and The Boys are all mourning in their own way, but he's stuck in denial. He waits for you to come bursting through the door, looking for Butcher to yell at or signing with Kimiko. He watches your desk collect dust, wondering why you haven't been around to clean it. They try to talk to him, about you, but gets so hung up on the fact that they're saying everything in past tense, he can't bear to listen. You were right behind him. You were running together, escaping, but when he got out you were nowhere to he found. He tried to go back in, but it was too dangerous. He cursed himself. He still does. There must have been something he could've done to stop you. There must've been something he missed in your last interaction together.

Kimiko doesn't understand. She can't wrap her head around it. She tried to stop you, to scream, but it was too late. You were trying to distract Homelander, letting your friends get away safely. It was a death sentence. And yet, you stepped up and challenged him. He hated you the most. He'd never back down from a fight with you. Frenchie grabbed her and pulled her away. She could have fought back. Why didn't she fight back? By the time everyone is out and far enough away, Homelander gets bored and uses his lasers to slice through you slowly, agonizingly. You spend the seconds you have left grateful. Kimiko and The Boys got away. They're safe now. That's what really mattered. Kimiko shuts down. She's angry and hurt and can't bear to be around anyone who tries to make her feel better. She isolates herself, spending time in your apartment, around your things, waiting for you to come home. You don't. You can't. You never will.

#preference #headcanon #billy butcher #billy butcher x reader #hughie campbell #hughie campbell x reader #annie january #annie january x reader #mm #mm x reader #marvin milk #marvin milk x reader #frenchie #frenchie x reader #kimiko miyashiro #kimiko miyashiro x reader #the boys #the boys x reader #requested

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ave661 · 3 months ago

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Hi! I’ve got to say I absolutely adore your art it’s impeccable and always leaves me either blushing or crying (I’ve seen the somewhat sadder or dad!character renders you’ve made and I did cry for no reason but I love them either way)

Anyway, I did read your pinned post but I’m not sure if this falls in your ‘okay’ category. Are you comfortable with us using the newer renders that have “Do Not Repost” on them? I use the old ones but lately it’s seems disrespectful if I do use the new ones because I’m not sure you are okay with me using those. Is it alright if I do use the new ones? Obviously I’ll give you credit, as always, but I want your permission first before I do so.

I hope this makes sense. Anyway, have a great day/night!😊

I've been thinking about changing the pinned post for about a month now and I've been postponing the answer to this question for a while to think it over and I came to the conclusion that I don't want my renders to be reposted in any way. Not only new ones, but also older.

If I could go back in time, I would add a huge "do not repost" watermarks from the very beggining on every render. Back then I didn't know how much some of them would blow up and who would use them in what way. I've never been in a fandom as a creator, so I learn something new with every mistake. Maybe I'm too trusting and for a long time I didn't expect that some people would sell fanart they found on the internet. People trace, sell, use without credits, remove my watermarks, edit with AI. Every new info about someone trying to sell them makes me want to give up and I really, really, really don't want that to happen. It's annoying to waste hours reporting thieves. That's why I started adding bigger and uglier watermarks and also posting less renders here and X. However, I'm still very active on Instagram and TikTok because the download option is disabled there which makes me feel more comfortable. I also post stuff on Patreon.

I love seeing my renders used in creative ways and inspiring you to do something, unfortunately every now and then I see them being used in… not so nice ways. Like adding a sw@stik@ to my Konig render, using my Dad series for pedo fics/bots or nsfw stuff that sometimes makes me a bit uncomfortable. But when I read comments that some people thought I MADE THEM because of the watermarks on them, it makes me… ughhhhh.

It really hurts me to say "no" when many of you are respectful, nice and give me credits, but there are also people who don't care and just want to use them for their own profits, not caring that someone spent long time on them.

There's also the problem with Pinterest. Even though I've never posted anything there, I've noticed that sometimes I see my art with all the info and links to my Tumblr blog. Honestly, I don't know how it works, but I don't want anything of mine there. Every time I see them, I report, but like I said, it wastes time that I could be using to create new stuff. So when someone reposts my renders here, it increases the chances of them getting on Pinterest = more stealing in the future.

Sorry I changed my mind on this, but when I saw HT recently selling my Ghost meme on their t-shirts, and then heard that the company that designed it apparently got approval from act!v!s!0n themselves, I was speechless. I guess "I thought they were official" has reached a new level.

#I feel like 3d artists are treated worse in this fandom than other creators and it's very normalized to steal ur works #that's why many of us now make bigger and bigger watermarks and don't allow reposting #we are tired of it and we want to have fun like others from making new art and not spend hours writing dmca and reporting stores

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funkii4-blog · 5 months ago

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Time to infodump about the main theory I’ve been hooked on lately because I surprisingly haven’t here already, and it’s rooted in my predicted explanation for 4’s odd writing that he’s had this chapter.

I’ll just cut to the chase; I firmly believe the corruption is still within 4 from IGBP, like a parasite. It was dormant for a while after he was saved, but never actually left him, and the event that seemingly triggered it to be active again was PV’s reappearance back in Mario The Exploro. Ever since that, his sanity’s been slipping more and more; the opening shot of the episode I Put Mario In Danger For Views even has a striking parallel to the IGBP livestream:

Additionally ever since PV returned, he’s been extra focused on finding success & popularity, initially just for his channel and now for the Showgrounds with the meme factory plot. He’s even seemingly been exploiting Meggy in her leggy form to help get this success (which is really fucked up wth dude)

It should also be noted that being on the Showgrounds could possibly be speeding up his re-corruption; as he was at his most normal this chapter in Mario’s Plane Trip, which didn’t take place on the Showgrounds at all. The reason for this likely being that not only was PV responsible for the Eldritch Goo, he canonically owned the Showgrounds before 4 did, maybe even creating it himself. This was hinted all the way back in the episode Our New Home, in which the Showgrounds made its debut, when his logo was on the property listing.

And in the newest episode, Despicable Mr. Puzzles, PV’s last line before entering the factory is “Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together?”, implying his idea to steal 4’s power wasn’t just on a whim when he saw the factory. He’s probably been watching 4 and planning this since he returned. We know the basis of what he’s trying to do, but there’s probably much more to it than what we know. (Not to mention the episode had a cold outro which only happens when things are about to get crazy)

Next teaser will most likely be tomorrow so we should have a slightly better idea then :))

Edit: even after whatever the hell the last episode was the main point of this still stands

#smg4 #smg4 spoilers #smg4 theory #puzzlevision #mr puzzles #smg4 puzzlevision

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reotheworld · 2 years ago

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bllk characters with an idol!femreader, this has been in buried in the back of my mind lately

everyone is falling for her

❝ shivering, trembling, i want to follow her ❞

➜ bllk boys dating a jpop idol | ft. baro, chigiri, rin, niko

➜ fem!reader

sugar level: 0% & 70%

The moment you two are dating, BARO doesn't even bother and try to hide it. He doesn't care what the public thinks, so why should he hide his love for you? He doesn't care if your dislike him for you, he really doesn't care because as long as he is with you that's all it matters.

The people are just left wondering how you, so soft and cute and pretty on stage be dating someone like Baro who is rough and merciless on the field.

Watchful and hidden cameras always follow yours and his movements, photos of you two entering and leaving restaurants, holding hands and getting into a car inside the parking lot frequent every social media platform.

He knows that your schedules don't often match with each others, but if you come to one of his games while wearing one of his jerseys, he'd be over the moon.

Visual couple. That's what your fans dub you and CHIGIRI the moment the dating news rolled out. How can you two be so pretty? Like wow.

Every time your name is mentioned on interviews, he can't contain the smile that wants to break out of his lips. Your name alone has that effect on him.

If you're in a girl group, he has a good relationship with your other members, even maintaining it. On days he'd drop by to your dorm, he doesn't forget to give them snacks nor forget to greet your manager too.

If you're a soloist, he politely greets the people who work for you - hair and make up artist, road manager, personal assistant and the likes.

Even though it's game season, he doesn't forget to promote your song; putting it on his ig story or taking a screenshot of him streaming it or the music video!

The world was never the same when RIN's manager and your company confirmed the dating news.

It happened so suddenly, it wasn't Rin's intention to hide his love for you in the dark nor a secret, but the amount of hate you were receiving from his so called fans were getting out of hand. And in order to get it under control, he had his manager cooperate with your company to do a legal action against those people who maliciously spread rumors about you online.

He's distant and emotionless when it comes to photoshoots but if he's with you, he'll grace the cameras with some emotion from him.

"I didn't know you could smile, Rin!"

"Shut it."

Doesn't even care if there are thousands of cameras around you two, if he wants to get comfort from you, then he's getting his comfort from you.

NIKO often takes candid pictures of you with his phone. And what does he do with them? He creates new memes! Claims he's helping your fans by creating new memes for them to use.

When it's off season, you can bet that Niko is everywhere with you, being your biggest support system.

Performing your comeback song in a music show? He's in your dressing room with a lightstick in hand. Your song won in a music program? He has the biggest smile on his face as he cheers for you. Doing a v live (rip)? He's behind you, cutely waving at the camera.

Often comes into the practice room with food and drinks. He knows how much effort you put into the choreography and giving life to your performance. If you plan to stay up until the wee hours to practice, then he'll stay with you.

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gatorbites-imagines · 2 years ago

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Ooooo, requests are back open!! 🏃‍♂️

If you are still in the mood for some DC requests maybe Barry Allen x cat burglar!reader. Like he is super flexible, like former gymnast type orr stripper type

would be down for some smutty content too if you are in the mood 👀 totally down for just fluff stuff tho

Barry Allen x male reader

Headcanons

No smut in this one, since I just really wasn’t in the mood but wanted to write this anyways. I’ve been listening to a lot of limp bizkit lately, idk what that says about me though.

You would have met the first time during one of your robberies, he would definitely make some joke about how he thought the cat burglars were in Gotham.

You’d give him the runaround and somehow escape him even with his super speed, which gets on Barry’s nerves since that rarely happens, especially from someone who doesn’t have any meta powers.

He’s never been one to resolve all his issues with violence like other heroes, so he would want to know why you steal and if he can help you out of the situation you are in that is leading you to steal. It becomes flirty pretty quickly, especially when you use some of your flexibility to wrap your legs around his head, or around his waist.

He finds out you mainly steal to give back to the people, like a modern day robin hood. So whilst he appreciates the enthusiasm for what you do, he cant let you rob all the places you want as much as he thinks it’s a noble cause.

At some point your flirting becomes steamier and more real as you learn more about each other, and at some point, you stage thefts just to see him. You don’t even make it out of the place you’ve robbed before he’s there and meeting you.

Neither of you can really say how or when you started dating for real, maybe it was one day Barry was hurt and you took him back to your apartment and patched him up, or that time he had to take your mask off to make sure you didn’t have a concussion.

But one thing lead to another and you both kissed, and your chases became even more of a game, the people of central city soon learned that you didn’t really pose any threat and that the flash would be there soon enough.

It becomes a meme in town that it’s just foreplay for you two, that you both like to play that little game of yours before the flash scoops you up and takes you home. Of course, that part has never been proven, but it’s part of the joke.

Some of the league would be uncomfortable in the beginning with Barry dating you, but when they voice their opinions, he’s quick to point out just how many of them have done the exact same or dated even worse villains.

Bruce decides very smartly to not say a single thing, because he has his own cat based burglar he likes to play tag with across the rooftops.

You are of course good friends with Selina, you both being cat based and with an eye for high quality goods. You also like to share stories of your lovers, you about the flash and her about Batman.

You visit her in Gotham sometimes, and she will come to Central city every now and then, just so you two can hang out, go shopping, commit a couple of thefts. Selina ends up loving Barry and says he’s just right for you, which makes your blonde lover blush.

Barry himself is pretty flexible in my opinion, but you are on a whole other level. You two like to exercise together or do yoga, so when you can pull off the super difficult poses he Is amazed and wants you to teach him.

There’s been multiple times during your games of chase that you have swung around poles and used it to change the direction you were running in, or have caught Barry with your legs whilst still holding onto the pole.

The two of you will never tell anybody, but you have most definitely given Barry a show or two with what you know on the pole, and he is a very enthusiastic viewer.

At some point you two are caught kissing by the public and it becomes like a secret only the people of central city know, but they honestly aren’t surprised at this point.

You end up becoming more of an anti-hero or vigilante, just stealing from the corrupt and only ever going after the normal persons items when you want to play with Flash on slow nights. You give large majority of the money you make back to the public to better the city for those who don’t have much, so you end up having fans too.

You end up meeting the league at some point, having to join during a meeting because they could truly use your expertise. Instead of sitting in the chair they offer you, you sit down in Barry’s lap which he just smiles about, looking almost as red as his suit.

Nightwing and other heroes who rely a lot on gymnastics end up going to you for advice because of how skilled you are, so you become a more permanent part of the league as you train others on how to use gymnastics and their bodies during battle, and in exchange you get some other training yourself.

You never become an official member of the league, because you don’t want too. But they get used to seeing you together with Barry, and they get especially used to you draping yourself all over the speedster like a big lazy cat, which always makes him flush.

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getvalentined · 7 months ago

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I love when folks ask me Fandom Old questions and I get to be like "Yeah, uh, that's from my old online RP group, no it's not canon at all, yes we just made it up, no we did not claim it was canon but the mid to late aughts were a strange time."

It's honestly a shock to realize how often this has happened. I mentioned earlier that Reno's fanon surname came from this same group, but that's not even the half of it. I once made a bunch of screenshot manips based on the most ridiculous ships anyone could think of—someone slapped a random line of text onto one of them and to this day it's used as a "cringe FF7 fandom" meme. I saw it on the twits a bit back and almost fell out of my goddamn chair.

If you've ever heard Scarlet referred to with the surname "West," read about Tseng fighting with metal fans, seen Elena's older sister being called Anna instead of Emma, come across Vincent portrayed as having a PhD in spite of being a Turk, or caught references somewhere to Grimoire experimenting on Vincent as a child, that started with this group. That was us.

One of the funniest examples of this, for me specifically, is that we don't actually know which arm Veld is missing? The fandom generally goes with his left because that's how I drew him in the first picture of the guy ever posted on devart way back in 2005, but it may very well be his right. I've seen people offer "proof" that it's his right based on a scene in the opening cutscene, but you can't tell there either, and with BC's graphics there's literally no way to tell on his sprite.

Hell, this year we found out everyone's assumed timeline of the Kalm fire is wrong, and that's our fault too because we made some assumptions about Felicia's age for an LJ RP that were entirely wrong. She's around Zack's age, not Sephiroth's! She's old enough to run with a terrorist group in BC, but she was a child when Kalm burned, and that happened in 1997—we know this because NPCs in Rebirth literally refer to the fire in Kalm having happened "just ten years ago." Veld has only had his prosthetic for three years when BC starts. (This also implies that, contrary to popular belief, Veld may actually be younger than Vincent. Vincent may have been the senior partner, and that's why he was sent to Nibelheim alone while Veld was left at headquarters.)

We were really wrong on this! But we were working with what we had. There's no canon evidence for the vast majority of these things (the most notable exclusion here is Vincent being educated) but we weren't claiming there was. We were filling gaps, and canon was so sparse that we had a lot of gaps to fill. So if it turns out that Veld lost his right arm, then I'll just have to start drawing him that way—because losing his left was never canon.

Tragically, there's nothing any of us can do to make people stop assuming these things are canon at this point; there aren't a lot of us still in the fandom, and it's not like any of us have those old chatlogs anymore. People from this RP group have DIED since those days. It's been over 20 years since most of us met, and around 15 since most of us were in a public fannish space together.

"Prove it," people say, and I literally can't. Do you know how many computers I've been through since then? 75% of the platforms we used no longer exist. This all started on a BBCode forum! There is no proof!

But...there's no evidence any of these things are canon, either, so maybe think about that? The Kalm fire, Tseng's weapon of choice, Veld's arm, character surnames—none of these are retcons because there was no lore there to retcon. We made it up for our specific purposes, and it escaped containment in an era when there was really no way to do online contact tracing.

It's just one of the weirdest feelings in the world to see younger folk arguing about A or B point in canon, about X or Y retcon—referencing something my friends and I thought up at like 10 o'clock at night on a now-defunct IM client in August of 2005, because we needed something to refer back to for a specific scene in an RP and the source material had nothing to offer.

Absolutely fucking bonkers.

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rc-writes · 1 year ago

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𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢

pairings: benny weir x reader (could be seen as platonic or romantic)

warnings: two curse words??, if you’re reading this as platonic there’s one mention of wearing couples costumes but friends can totally do that to, uhh i think that’s it

a/n: alright i could have probably thought of a million more but it was literally 1am when i wrote this and i was tired lol. also i will admit that was me fulling self projecting on the info dumping about movies part and wanting to text someone at an ungodly hour, but in my defense i do genuinely think benny would do those things as well. also this was requested by an irl friend of mine who mentioned friends to lovers after i finished this so look out for that coming soon! also this is my first writing related thing i’ve posted on this blog in like 2 years!!

will try to learn spells just to impress you

of course there was a few that went wrong

maybe more than a few, but it’s the thought that counts right?

will send every meme or funny video he finds

does not matter if its 3pm or 3am he will send it immediately after he found it

which speaking of 3am i can see him not being able to sleep so he tries texting you

if you answer i can see him texting “hey what’s wrong?? why are u up so late?? everything okay??” and completely ignoring that he too is also awake at this hour

“you are aware you texted me first, why are you up”

“i asked you first”

benny absolutely loves video games and will want to play a few with you even if you don’t like video games

which if you’re with him there a good chance you love them too

but if you don’t you will most likely start liking them even just a bit because he makes them fun

getting to spent time with him and watch him do something he loves makes it special

it also can be really funny

can guarantee at least once he’d say “watch this babe” or “this ones for you” and immediately fail/die

this is also something that definitely happens in the outside world with him trying to throw something away or something

pure of heart, dumb of ass

also i don’t know shit about video games so i cannot go into anymore detail then this lol

is 100% down with spontaneous movie nights whether that be binge watching movies at home or going to the theater

if it’s a movie he’s obsessed with but you’ve never seen he will be trying his hardest not to info dump and potentially spoil the whole thing

but if it’s a movie he knows you have seen he is more than willing to explain every single fact about it he knows

“did you know that while filming this bit they had film it completely in reverse to make it look like that?? insane right!?”

speaking of movies if it’s a horror/scary movie you can bet he will try to act all tough and not scared before it starts

even if you already know how much of a scaredy cat he is he will try to play it off

but the second the first jumpscare happens there will be popcorn flying everywhere

he is no longer allowed to hold the bowl

you’re still finding popcorn in the couch

he will still continue to pretend that he’s not scared despite shaking like a scared chihuahua

you will have to be the one to grab onto him

which then leads to him hiding his face into your neck or behind you

he still refuses to let you turn it off even if you insist it’s okay

there is a part of you that feels bad but also a part that thinks it’s so funny

your contact names in each others phones are han solo and princess leia

the only suggestions i will take on this is that yours is han and his is leia

will take you to every convention within driving distance

if the convention if for some game/show/movie you don’t know be prepared for a whole powerpoint presentation or a weekend of binge watching whatever media it is

“didn’t you just say you hated doing a powerpoint for history??”

“babe this is way more important and interesting than anything school can teach”

you both will be going all out costume wise every convention

i can totally see you guys going in couple costumes or like hero and villain

if the latter you two take turns on who gets to be the villain or hero

if you are with benny there is no way you can be a halloween hater

he can do freaking magic, of course it’s his favorite holiday!!

this also can follow what i said for conventions with the costumes

at some point there is a competition on who can get the most candy

if he loses, he will say that the candy was just too hard to resist, and he had to eat just one piece that turned into him eating many pieces

this is a true fact whether he loses or not

side note if you can go a whole night of trick or treating without eating a single piece of candy while doing so i don’t believe you

#mbav #mbav headcanons #benny weir #benny weir headcanons #benny weir imagine #my babysitters a vampire #my babysitters a vampire imagine #my babysitters a vampire headcanons #benny weir x reader #mbav x reader #my babysitters a vampire x reader

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bloodiedrogue · 1 year ago

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IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE, MAYBE (2)

SUMMARY: It's always been hard being the sibling of a superhero. Lately though, it feels next to impossible.

PAIRING: Miguel O'Hara & Female Reader

WORD COUNT: 5,136

WARNINGS: Angst, enemies-to-lovers adjacent, descriptions of a panic attack/dissociate behaviours, inappropriate use of medication/alcohol consumption.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, first of all, the amount of love I've received from this fic has been insane??? Like, y'all really knocked it out of the park, both here and on AO3 and I'm absolutely astounded? Thank you so much! You guys have literally motivated me so much so hopefully this chapter lives up to the hype of the first? :)

CHAPTER LIST / LAST CHAPTER / MASTERLIST

“God, I am never drinking again.”

You stumble into the living room with your hands against your eyes, palming the sockets roughly. It’s morning, maybe even early afternoon, and already the sun is pushing through the blinds, coating the apartment in enough light that it makes you squint. On the couch Miguel grumbles under the covers as you walk by, pulling the fabric over his head as he readjusts his position, directing himself away.

You’re surprised to see him there but say nothing, opting to wander into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water, noticing a fresh sticky note on the fridge: Call me when you’re up —Pete!

Hm, he must’ve gone over to MJ’s for the night.

Peeling the note away, you continue your trek for hydration, grabbing a glass that you fill and chug down twice before feeling satisfied enough to continue. Or at least, enough to survive considering just how sore you are. From your knees down you can feel the leftover aches from walking home; the many miles you’d managed to travel in your drunken state now heavy on your mind. There are at least one or two blisters on each foot thanks to your poor choice of footwear while the muscles surrounding your shins feel like they might actually be burning through your flesh.

As you walk back through the living room you try not to groan at the pain, turning your attention to Miguel who’s now reluctantly awake.

“Morning, grandpa.”

You walk over and press the sticky note to his forehead, ignoring the way he swears under his breath and looks at you with narrowed eyes.

“It’s not nice to assault people with sticky notes before they’ve had coffee.”

Shrugging in response, you walk back to your bedroom to grab your phone, listening to the creak of your couch as Miguel shifts out of place.

It’s weird that he’s still here. After everything that happened last month, you were certain you’d never have to see him again. Being Peter’s boss and not much else, he’d become nothing more than a disdainful memory as time went on. A poor impression from the past that Peter never talked about. If you were honest, you weren’t expecting to hear about him so soon, much less see him, especially without his mask.

So seeing him here, sitting so nonchalantly on your couch is a bit strange. Off-putting in a way that leaves you emotionally winded as you sit on the edge of your bed, staring at your notifications.

There’s about half a dozen apologies from Peter alone, each variation more extreme than the last. Mixed between there’s a few memes and a picture of him pretending to cry on MJ’s floor with the caption sorry for being the worst brother, which you immediately save for future use. There’s also one from Harry asking you to send him a work email that you ignore and another from Gwen once again asking you to come for brunch.

You glance at the time, noticing that it’s nearing eleven. She and Harry are probably already at their usual spot, munching away on overpriced, organic eggs and inhaling mimosas. (Something you'd normally enjoy but can’t quite fathom doing thanks to the pain currently rippling through your body.)

Groaning, you curl further into the bed, feeling your head shift like an ocean wave that sends you flying across the room. In response, you shut your eyes as tight as possible, hoping that if you roll with the movements you’ll get used to them faster.

Immunity through the power of will and all that.

“I see you’re still alive.”

You refuse to open your eyes. You need to focus on getting better —on pushing through the swirling motions that attack your brain because if you don’t you’ll be stuck here all day, helpless and in pain and way too dizzy. No longer will you be a person, but instead a shell. A fragile casing of sensitive flesh stretched over bruising bone that will slowly but surely deteriorate over time.

“Are you always this dramatic?”

The urge to argue persists, flowing through you just quick enough that you find yourself opening one eye, noticing his stance.

He’s standing nonchalantly in the centre of your room; hands placed neatly on his hips. On his face, the tiniest of smirks pokes out of the corner of his mouth, prompting you to lift your head, blinking at what feels like a rare sight.

“Are you always this hostile?”

“Only in the morning.”

“Even towards complete strangers?”

“Especially to strangers.”

“Makes sense why you don’t have many friends.”

“And how would you know that, stranger?”

He’s got that teasing tone that Harry always has. The one that sounds so condescending that it borders flirtation. Immediately it makes you roll your eyes and direct your attention back to your phone, realizing just how little you want to continue this conversation. You’re too hungover. Too sick and tired to do this whole back-and-forth thing, so instead you call Peter, putting the call on speakerphone with a sigh.

It rings twice before the other end clicks to life, a very joyful and awake Peter greeting the both of you. “Good morning friends, how are we doing on this beautiful morning?”

Almost in unison both of you grumble out a quiet fine that makes Peter laugh, prompting you to look at each other with shared disgust.

“Are you hungover?”

“What do you think?”

“Gwen called me this morning,” he says, changing the subject. “She wants to go for brunch.”

“That’s nice, but I will not be attending on the account of the fact that I’d rather die.”

“So dramatic,” Miguel chimes in.

Ignoring him, you place your phone onto the pillow next to you and tighten the covers around your throat.

Your head is still spinning but less so, the waves feeling more like lakeside tides than oceanic swells, leaving you thankful. There’s nothing worse than the spins after a night out. You can handle the stomach aches and even the vomiting but the second you can feel that mental drift you’re a goner.

“Okay well, MJ and I are going to go if you change your mind. Miguel, you're welcome to come too.”

“No thanks,” he says, unsurprisingly.

There’s a pause after that. One that lasts a solid five seconds but feels like a lifetime longer thanks to the way Miguel continues to stand there, staring at your pathetic frame tucked haphazardly beneath the covers.

“You know staring is rude, right?”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, and weird too considering I barely know you.”

“You saying it’s weird for strangers to stare at strangers?”

“A little, yeah, so knock it off.”

He gives in, his eyes diverting towards the window before they move to the door, motivating his body to leave the room without another word. Once he’s gone you let out a sigh of relief and listen to his footsteps, hearing the way they move through the living room and into the kitchen.

It makes you wonder why he’s even still here, taking up space in a home he isn’t really welcome in. You figured it was obvious from the beginning that he was nothing more than an overnight guest. A protective stand-in meant to slip away in the dead of night with no word or note. He was never meant to linger the way he is now and a part of you wonders if he already knows. If instead of picking up and applying said social cues, he’s opting to ignore them for some higher purpose.

It wouldn’t make much sense but then again, you don’t really know Miguel so maybe he’s just a lingerer. Maybe he’s socially awkward and doesn’t understand that when you’re being mean to him it means you want him to leave your house so you can vomit in peace.

“I see you guys are getting along.”

“Swimmingly.”

“Did you two have a good night?”

“Yes, oh my god it was amazing!”

“Really?”

You offer a fake laugh that Miguel walks in on, raising his brow in confusion. “No, we had a terrible time. Your boss is mean, Peter.”

Offended, Miguel opens his mouth to speak but quickly closes it, watching the way you smirk beneath the covers, watching his brows knit together.

“How am I mean? I walked you home didn’t I?”

“Sure, begrudgingly.”

He scoffs, his palms moving to encompass his hips again. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to enjoy walking you home. I’ll remember that next time.”

Next time?

You narrow your eyes and stare directly at him, noticing the way he mirrors your expression. It’s subtle at first, the way the crinkles of his eyes sort of deepen to match the lines across his forehead. His skin is rough —aged looking most likely due to the fact he probably slept terribly— and the bags beneath his eyes are the heaviest you’ve ever seen, even rivalling Peter’s on some of his rougher days. Like you, he looks more like a corpse than a person, his face devoid of anything other than the sickened frustration of having to deal with your attitude.

“I’m gonna be honest if you’re ever running late again, please call someone else.”

It’s obvious you’re talking to Peter but as you speak you continue staring at the man in front of you, glaring at the way his weight shifts beneath your gaze.

You hope he’s uncomfortable. You hope he’s embarrassed or at least feeling a little self-conscious for acting like such a child in a space that he hopefully never feels welcome in. If you were him you’d certainly be.

“Yeah, so, anyway, is that still a no to breakfast or…?”

You’re beginning to regret ever wanting to get involved in Peter’s double life. Or at least, its most recent developments. Up until last month, everything was fine. Simple and controlled and not at all hectic like it is now. Back then, everything was smooth sailing when it came to helping. Your only responsibilities being lie to May and make sure the window was always unlocked before you went to bed. Two very mundane tasks you could practically do in your sleep.

Nowadays, it feels like an endless loop of stress. Kind of like when you were eighteen and just finding out that your brother was a superhero for the first time. Everything is complicated again. The stakes feel higher than ever before knowing the truth that there’s a world out there just like yours, endlessly repeating. That instead of just one Spider-Man there’s probably a million variations doing the same thing Peter’s doing.

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you look at everything differently —intensively. With each new person you pass you wonder what their version is like somewhere else. Are they still male or female? Are they younger? Older?

As you walk into brunch alongside Peter and MJ, it’s all you can think about as you stare at Gwen, remembering her counterpart. How she looked so familiar but you couldn’t quite place it.

You realize now that it’s because she’s your Gwen, but not. A direct copy but a good decade younger. They have the same hair colour and eyes and that little gap between their front teeth and upon seeing her it makes you wearily shift into your seat, putting on your fakest smile.

She’s already a bit tipsy when you arrive, you can tell. Her eyes are half closed and the grin plastered across her face is hazardously wide.

“Oh, my god, hi! I’m so glad you came!”

If it weren’t for the table between you she’d be pulling you in for a hug, tightening her grip around your shoulders until the air inside you was gone. You inhale nervously at the thought, wondering if other Gwen would do the same.

It’s hard to tell what traits transfer over. Considering she’s a spider person in her universe it’s more than likely she’s completely different, right? Perhaps relating more to Peter. It’d make sense that all spider people kind of have the same vibe. Perhaps like your brother, they’re nerdy and into photography and have partners with nicknames that double as their initials. Like him they'd live double lives, trying their best to find the balance between being crime-fighting arachnids and regular civilians with the help of their sisters.

Or brothers. You figure in other universes you’re probably a guy too. Hell, maybe even in some you're the spider person having to navigate through life with the help of your brother.

“Sorry we’re late,” Pete grins, pulling out the chair beside you so that MJ can sit down. “Somebody had a bit too much to drink.”

You shoot him a look as he sits at the head of the table, sticking out his tongue for good measure.

You hope in the universe where you have superpowers you give him a hard time.

“It’s fine, we overdid it too,” Gwen says, looking at Harry who rolls his eyes and looks at Peter, the two of them sharing a knowing glance.

“Hope you wore a condom,” you say, at which MJ and Gwen gasp, both of their mouths curling into cheeky grins that you can’t help but share.

Its always been obvious that the two of them are together, even though neither of them would ever admit it. It’s weird but Gwen says it’s a part of the intrigue, having this unlabeled relationship that she can just ride without the responsibility of making it a bit deal.

Both you and MJ think it’s because she secretly likes the drama of it all, but knowing how she’d react to such a claim, neither of you says that out loud.

“Did you make it home okay?” Gwen changes the subject before anyone can even join in, making you sort of sad because you love to tease.

“Relatively. Threw up on the walk home but that’s New York, baby.”

“Walk home?” Harry questions.

You freeze, remembering Miguel. He doesn’t exist in this world. At least, not to anyone other than you and Pete and maybe MJ. You’re not entirely sure what he’s told her but you figure she knows in some capacity because he wouldn’t have called you otherwise.

“I mean drive, sorry, drive home. I’m still hungover.” You try to laugh it off but Harry and Gwen share that look. The familiar one where they think you’re lying but know better than to actually bring it up. It’s the same look they give you sometimes when you’re covering for Peter and you hate it, feeling your chest tighten every time it’s shared right in front of your face.

It reminds you of how you felt having Miguel around. Something about the way he looks at you every time you talk fills you with that familiar twang of insignificance. Like whatever you say isn’t good enough.

With your friends you know it’s because you’re insecure about your lying capabilities. With Miguel though, it’s different. Yes, it feels the same physically but emotionally it’s an entirely new set of feelings. Ones that have you second-guessing their origins, remembering the way your stomach would twist each time he’d insult you. Each time he’d look at you with those dark eyes and pouting mouth.

Thinking about it now, he reminds you very little of Peter. Aside from the moniker of Spider-Man the only similarities (so far) you can confidently say that they share is the art of sarcasm and deflection. The way their voices can become so monotonous at the drop of a hat is unparalleled, even with all the tension, and it’s frustrating.

It makes you wish you didn’t wear your emotions on your sleeve. Like Peter and Miguel, you wish you could box it all up in the form of calm words so that nobody even got the chance to look at you the way Harry and Gwen still are.

Secretly, you wish you were the spider person of this universe. Not because you want to save lives, selfishly. No, you mostly just wish you were stronger like them. Less like yourself and more like your brother who sits at the head of the table holding MJ’s hand with the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

And not so secretly, you want what he has. You want to be confident and to have people look at you in a way that’s filled with adoration. To have them survey you and conclude that you’re decent rather than picking out your flaws. You want May to look at you with fondness. You want her to be proud of you in the same way she’s proud of Peter and to affirm your belief that you’re doing alright for yourself even without filling her desires for grandkids.

You want Harry to look at you with respect. To stop looking through you just because you’re Parker’s sister who just so happens to be smart too. You want him to take him as seriously as he takes Gwen without the sex. Without the implication that to be valued, you need to provide him with something worthwhile.

You want Gwen to appreciate everything you do for her. To stop taking advantage of you at work and in life —to provide you with the comfort of an actual friend.

You want value, you decide. Whether that’s through the gain of superpowers or not. All you want is a little bit more than you’re given and you wish you could express that as you sit at the table, watching everyone talk and laugh as if you’re not really there.

Beside you, MJ leans into Peter as he talks, resting her chin on her hand in longing silence while the two across the table sit, completely engrossed. You try your best to listen in too, picking up that the story involves his boss over at the Bugle. Something about how his last few pictures of Spider-Man were so good he nearly fell off his chair.

You fight the urge to roll your eyes and pull out your phone, scanning the screen mindlessly, clicking on apps and profiles over and over again until the waitress shows up and asks for your order. You get a mimosa regardless of your hangover and a bagel breakfast sandwich with all the extra fixings, knowing you need it. Then you wait. Wordlessly exhausted, wishing that instead of deciding to tag along you’d stayed at home under the comfort of your covers.

Once you step over the threshold of your apartment you let out a sigh of relief and sink into the couch alongside Peter who rubs his face. By now your social battery is running at a negative ten, making your mind fill with nervous thoughts that have you frowning as you curl into yourself, clutching your knees to your chest.

You shouldn’t have gone, you decide then. Regardless of the extended invitation, it was obvious you were only invited because Gwen was drunk and felt bad. That’s usually how it went nowadays.

“They’re a lot, aren’t they?”

Peter’s always known how much you struggle with people —how you overthink every interaction after it’s happened. It’s how it’s always been and he’s used to it.

As you nod, you feel his hand against your shoulder, tightening. It’s a gesture of understanding but at the moment it feels like pity so you brush him off, frowning even harder.

“You okay?”

You aren’t. You’re overstimulated from the amount of interacting you’ve done in the last twenty-four hours. From Harry and Gwen to Miguel and back you haven’t had a break all day and you can feel your mask slipping. Physically, your chest is aching for a breath you can’t quite get, the realization of your interactions pushing you over the edge and all you want to do is scream.

You were such an asshole today. Sure, you’re always kind of mean but this morning specifically felt like a step above the rest with the way you argued with Miguel as if you knew him. As if last night was just another night between you, adding to countless others. You were brash and unwelcoming and rude, and despite how you feel about him sometimes, you still feel pretty shit about it.

“Do you need anything?”

“No.”

Your tone is stubborn, dripping with an arrogance that has Pete sighing because he knows he can’t do much. When you’re in these moods all he can really do is let you live through your anger —to explore the hate you feel inside in private. It’s how you’ve always done things. So when Peter looks at you with sympathy you can know that’s it. He won’t press the matter further. He’ll just get up and leave and go to MJ’s for the night. Check-in in the morning like he usually does.

As he stands you’re met with feelings of both relief and regret, watching the way he carefully pats your head and steps over your legs. Inside, your stomach drops as he wanders to the doorway, slipping on his shoes and coat without saying a word, knowing that it never solves anything —just makes it all messy.

Again, like always, you wish you were like him in these instances. Because maybe then you could have a normal relationship that doesn’t rely on boundaries you wish didn’t exist. Instead of pushing everyone away you could sit with them —talk to them. Express instead of repress. Prove to them that the love you want is the love you deserve.

If you were in any other universe you’re certain you could do it. In this one though?

You’re too scared.

When you’re alone, it happens, the calm before the storm.

As the hours move and you lay exhausted on the couch staring at your phone, you find yourself scrolling. Distracting yourself from the inevitable breaking point by watching YouTube video after YouTube video. First, you start with your usual poison, simple documentaries about things like haunted houses or murder cases that remained unsolved. Lazily, you click thumbnail and thumbnail, half absorbing all the names and dates and details as you lie prone, trying not to think about it.

It takes hours for you to fully accept your emotions and when you do it’s a mess. Now lying in bed, it’s nearing eight and your deep dive on unsolved mysteries has turned into videos discussing the topics of the multiverse. You’re not sure why you decided to delve into all that but regardless, as you do you’re in your head again, clutching a pillow tightly against your cheek as you try to steady your thoughts.

You bet Miguel’s world has a version of you that’s nicer. One that treats him with respect. They’re probably a spider person too which is why he looks at you with such disdain every time you argue. You’re a lesser version of them —no comparison. They’re better and it drives you insane, thinking that the approval of a man you hardly know is important.

Aside from Peter, there’s absolutely nothing connecting you. You’re from different worlds both literally and figuratively, so it doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter.

Except that it does, doesn’t it? Deep down, regardless of how well you know one another, this man has managed to find his way inside your skin. You’re not sure when or how or why but somehow he’s always there, lingering at the back of your mind like a memory. Like he’s absent until he’s not —until something reminds you that he exists and that he thinks you’re too inexperienced to understand that he doesn’t like you.

You figure he doesn’t like you because you’re stubborn. You’re sure there are other reasons but that’s the only one that really jumps out. The way he speaks to you is a direct example of that. Changing subjects often, he doesn’t like when you push his pull. Doesn’t like when you defy his authority or pry. He wants complete and total control and when you’re around he knows he doesn’t have that. You don’t trust him enough to give it.

His version of you probably gives him whatever he wants. Probably spoils him by following him around like some lost fucking puppy. They’re probably older than you —experienced— and have the backbone of an earthworm.

He probably loves it.

Shoving your face into your pillow you let out a loud groan, letting the tears well and overflow against the fabric of your pillowcase.

It’s sudden, the storm. Erupting out of nowhere over something that shouldn’t matter. Quickly, there’s a rage that fills inside you, quietly creeping from the depths of your soul in the form of breathless gasps and shaky hands.

You turn upwards to face the ceiling, the tears coating your eyes in a layer of disarray. You can’t see anything but the blurred beige above you. Everything moves like brushstrokes across the canvas, thick and liquidy and not quite good-looking. It makes you blink in annoyance and throw your forearms over your head, trying to stop the world from letting you see or shake or feel anything other than regret.

It’s painful, the storm. It feels like a deep wound being opened back up again. All the build-up of scar tissue is there, shoved amongst the perfectly good parts. Usually, they linger there together but as the wound is peeled open by your own hand, you can feel the worst of it start to push.

As it surfaces, you can feel the catalyst begin to wake. The rate at which the chemicals in your brain begin to increase, pushing you over the edge.

It fucking hurts.

By now your wound is gaping, ripping at the base of your chest. It’s hard to breathe under all the pressure of the damaged flesh. Under all the memories of a life you once thought was good. Decent

In another universe, you hope to god you feel just like this. Like the world is caving in and you’re the last survivor. At least then you wouldn’t feel so alone —so beside yourself while everyone else so carelessly continues moving.

It helps calm the storm. Thinking of you —another you. Regardless of if they’re better or worse or completely equal to you, the thought of this feeling extending across the expanse of a place you don’t quite understand fills you with ease.

It closes the hole in your chest —pushes all the tainted flesh back inside for safekeeping. Slowly, it settles into something you can handle again, sewing up the edges that’ll inevitably leave a new scar.

As you sit up from your bed, brushing past the tears to clear your vision, you feel your breath begin to steady. A slow one-through-five inhale, followed by another one-through-five exhale, each one becoming stronger than the last as you look towards the window, noticing the familiar blue and red spandex standing silently on your fire escape.

He doesn’t move when you notice him. Doesn’t fly through the air or duck out of sight. Standing there, it’s as if instead of flesh he’s made of stone, unwavering in his attempts to watch you carefully through the window. It’s scary if you’re honest. The way he looks so detached from the world. Even without seeing his face, it’s as if there’s nothing behind the angered design that adorns his features below. His emotions feel completely blank underneath the fabric, making you wonder.

What’s he thinking about?

As you inch toward the edge of the bed, you see him twitch. It’s subtle. The fingers of his right hand sort of jolt lightly in the air, and it’s over before you can even think about it, so you don’t. Instead choosing to forget as you move towards the window.

Surprisingly, he still doesn’t move. All he does is breathe, letting the rise and fall of his chest ruin the image of his fixed stance. He’s nervous, like you, you determine. Scared, like you.

It motivates your movements, pushing you through the room until you’re standing in front of the window, reaching for it with shaky hands.

Why hasn’t he left yet?

You push open the window, slowly, watching his body begin to move towards it, his leg pushing through the moment you step away.

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t respond. At first, you assume it’s because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t know what to say but then he moves. Lifelessly, he brushes past you and wanders into the living room, forcing you to follow as he drops onto the couch with a groan.

Seriously, why is he here?

You open your mouth to repeat your previous question but are interrupted by his mask. Almost instantly, it disintegrates before your very eyes, revealing fresh injuries that have you holding your tongue because laying there, he looks like Peter after a rough night. Maybe even worse thanks to the shiner that takes a good portion of his left eye.

“Do you have any painkillers?”

You don’t even respond before you leave the room, wandering into your bathroom to grab the usual meds you give Peter. They’re prescription, originally given to you for period cramps, but they do wonders on a battered body.

When you reenter, Miguel’s face is scrunched in pain, struggling to find comfort. Because of this, you practically run to the kitchen, grabbing all the usual items: water, ice packs, scotch, carrying it all in one go.

“What’s the scotch for?”

You untuck a glass from the crook of your elbow and settle on the floor beside the couch, pouring it halfway to the top before downing it.

“None for me?”

You pour another one. “You’re not meant to take it with pills but Peter always says it makes him sleep better.”

“Okay.”

You’re no doctor, but you’ve experienced this same formula countless times. If he takes one pill with one full glass of water then drinks the scotch, followed by another water he’ll be out like a light in no time.

“Pill, water, scotch, water,” you instruct, watching him closely as he follows suit, chugging back everything in under a minute.

After it’s done he settles into the couch again, tucking ice packs against his face and chest before glancing your way with a grin. “Stuff’s nice. Goes down good.”

He sounds like he’s been hit by a bus, his voice rubbed raw, scratching your brain in a way that makes you squint as you pour yourself another glass.

“Good cause it cost a pretty penny.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, opting to sip this one, still feeling the burn of the other radiating throughout your chest. “Ben bought it for me. A graduation present or something.”

“Wasn’t that ages ago?”

“Your point?”

All he does is grin and close his eyes.

TAGGING: @fandxmslxt69 @buckysblondie @leucoratia @avatricu @rexxesgirl @hoe4fiction @erissco @dil3mma @ashjbu @mfrnchsk @sanjisluvbot @deputy-videogamer (if you'd like to be added fill out this form)

#who are you when nobody's watching?#miguel o'hara fan fic #miguel o'hara fic #miguel o'hara series #miguel o'hara x female reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara angst #summer writes

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ultrone · 1 year ago

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─ ౨ৎ ‧˚ oldersister!nat who was kinda awkward when you were born, not knowing how to get along with you or how to act—until one day, she fell on her face tripping over one of your toys, and you burst your ass off laughing, staring down at her from your high chair.

“stupid baby,” she said with a frown, rubbing her forehead, but couldn't help joining in the laughter as she found your little giggles very cute and contagious.

that entire afternoon, she kept fake tripping just to make you laugh—by the time she realized it, her legs and arms were all bruised up from all the falling.

─ ౨ৎ ‧˚ sum random hcs

you’re the most important person in her life and she’d do anything for you. literally.

you’ve had fights before due to her drinking and drug addictions, but she promised you that she’d try her best to quit—or at least to do it less frequently. you try to go easy on her though, because you know it’s not easy for her after what happened to your dad. not only that, but since your mom isn’t really present either, she feels very responsible for you, which at times makes her feel stressed. she really is trying her best though, cuz she hates to feel like she’s disappointing you, it literally breaks her heart.

both of you take care of each other equally. she has no (stable) parental figure to rely on, unlike you, who have her as your older sister. so, even though you're younger than her, you always try to show her that you can take care of yourself and that you can always take care of her too whenever she needs it.

she often feels guilty about your dad's death, but you've always reassured her that it wasn't her fault. you've told her many times that no matter what anyone says or thinks, she's not responsible for his death, and that you've never ever doubted that.

she isn’t very verbally expressive but will show her love for you through actions or by randomly ruffling your hair or rubbing your arm/back.

type of person to say “if you need anything just give me a call and i’ll get there in a heartbeat,” and then proceeds to put her phone on night mode and goes straight to bed ☠️ she added a focus button for whenever you go out tho, so that way, if you text her late at night in case of an emergency, she’ll actually get a notification.

she gets mad when you call her natty in public—especially after you called her that in front of tai and she bullied the shit outta her 😭😭 being like “you tired, natty? 🥺🫶🏼” at practice.

she texts “:3” ironically ☠️☠️ also sends you lots of sigma and monkey memes on instagram.

“yo i found this restaurant the other day and they fr serve the best chicken in new jersey, you’ll love it” *takes you to jollibee*

you asked her for help on your homework once and literally failed the assignment ☠️ like, you straight up got a ZERO 😭😭 the worst part is that for the next assignment, you went over to van's trailer for help, and you failed once again 😭 it wasn't until tai came over to see van that you asked for her help as a last resort, and you finally got a B+.

not a morning person at all, she would wake up at least at 1 pm every day if she could. she gets very grumpy if you wake her up before that time on the weekends or when there's no school.

“there’s NO WAY your girl kisser ass is dating travis martinez wth 🤢😭 where’s lottie when you need her” *blocks you*

you gave her a leather jacket for her birthday, and it took you forever to save up enough money to buy it since it was an expensive one—but it was worth it, cuz she loved it so much that she literally wears it every single day.

#𓏲 📂 ⋮ my works .ᐟ #nat scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio x you #nat scatorccio x y/n #nat scatorccio headcanons #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x y/n #yellowjackets headcanons

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sarucane · 1 year ago

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Why didn't Ed always protect Stede?

I'm a bit late to the party and only really got into OFMD with S2, so I've started watching S1 really thoroughly only recently. And I've noticed that there's this narrative in the fandom that Ed and Stede are super protective of each other, particularly Ed--but as I've gone through S1 (number redacted) times, it's been driving me nuts how much Ed doesn't protect Stede.

Sure, there's the meme we all love when Ed stands in front of the firing squad--but for most of the scene before that, he's been standing and watching Stede beg for his life. He's upset, but he doesn't intervene until it's nearly do late. And before that, Ed doesn't say or do a thing about Calico Jack treating Stede like shit--sure it's believable that he just doesn't notice the passive aggression, but not even catching the "Steve" thing? That's something that isn't even intervening, Jack could be making an honest mistake. But the thing no-protection moment that's really driven me nuts is this moment

In the scene before this, Ed and Stede have just had an incredibly emotionally intimate conversation. Ed is clearly at least half in love with Stede at this point. This is a relationship that means something important to him, this is a person he cares for deeply. And…and Izzy almost murdered Stede in front of him, because of him, and he just looked away.

But at the same time, Ed does love Stede, he does intervene to protect him from the English--at great personal risk and cost. By the end of S2 Ed's much better about this kind of thing (though I'd argue he's never as super-protective as I've seen suggested).

So what was going on here? Ed's a total softie inside, especially with Stede, so why was he like this?

And I've got a theory! Here goes:

Mr. "greatest pirate who ever lived" is, in fact, an overachieving rule-follower (cough teacher's pet cough).

Ed doesn't intervene to help Stede because Ed conforms himself to the rules set by whoever has the strongest personality in a room, or whatever "code" is being pushed on him/is easiest to follow.

I think this is part of why Ed often struggles to identify what he wants, or hold onto a firm sense of his self-identity. And I think it's a lot of why he's so attracted to Stede, and why that relationship is so important to his development: Ed is much less likely to follow the rules when he's one-on-one with someone, and spending a lot of time alone with Stede gives him much more mental space to understand what he wants.

And just like Stede is most successful when he doesn't try to follow the traditional rules of pirating, Ed is most successful--in his relationship with Stede and outside it--when he doesn't obsess over bending to the rules, and instead picks and chooses which ones to follow and which ones to discard.

I have a partly-written super-long version of this where I go episode by episode looking at how the rules theme works with Ed's character mechanics, but I'm just going to focus on the topic question here (I might get around to posting the long version, but I also might be distracted by something shiny;) )

So let's start with The Art of Fuckery and the thing that was driving me crazy.

Ed's core conflict in this episode was whether he'd going to send Stede to "doggy heaven." Why would he follow Stede to doggy heaven? Because according to Izzy, Stede is categorized as a pet, and Ed has "a policy regarding pets aboard your vessel." It's a rule. Ed has to follow it.

And Ed fully intends to follow it, right up until the kraken turns up and the rules go out the window. And then he's in a safe space with Stede, drowning in memory of the good rules he broke (don't kill people you love). But Stede rejects the idea that Ed breaking that rule makes him a bad person. He appeals, instead, to friendship. And offers his own rule: that they could pretend the murder thing never happened.

Because that's the amazing thing about Stede: he lives at the intersection of aristocratic and pirate rules (which isn't supposed to exist, and which drew Ed to him), and he makes up his own rules.

When Ed's with Stede, he can follow different rules, unlike anything he'd imagined. Can even sometimes make up his own rules. Can actually pay attention to himself, think about what he wants, what he likes and fears.

But when Ed's in a crowd, or alone with someone trying to impose something on him, he conforms. So when Izzy invokes Pirate Rules and steamrolls Ed ("no you're not doing this,") Ed lets him.

It's a character flaw, and it's a serious one...but it's also one Ed works on when he stops complaining about the treasure hunt business. And when he and Stede discuss the idea of co-captains, and arrangement that would break the rule that "a ship has only one captain."

Which Ed is able to do because he's in a safe space. Calico Jack disrupts that, and introduces a succession of games with clearly defined rules, which Ed follows one after another. And Ed has so little self-awareness, is so easily swamped by Jack's personality, that he doesn't notice how Jack's treating Stede, let alone defend him, and he bows to every hint of pressure.

And all that culminates in Ed having to make a decision: follow pirate rules, where everyone's just at "various stages of screwing each other over," or do what he wants. Go help his friend, the guy he loves.

Which just ends up with him being absorbed right back into the pirate system of rules. He tries to use this at first, faking a confession on the grounds that he's a "life is cheap sort of guy." But Izzy's outsmarted him, and Izzy invokes pirate rules again: that Ed told him the rule for a first mate was "above all loyalty to your captain."

Ed doesn't call out for the Act of Grace until the last minute. He could have done it at the trial--he didn't. This is a hard thing for him to do, because he's surrounded by rule-following pressure, from Izzy and from Chauncy. The last time he was in a situation like this, Ed just looked away and let Stede die (he thought).

But the thing about Ed is that he's "half insane." For years, he used the combo of being considered "mad" and also having Izzy around to have his cake and eat it too with rules, to be the world's greatest pirate and also hang onto his own authentic self.

As a result, Ed got good at finding loopholes. Places where you can follow the rules and break them, at the same time. Getting run through, but in a place that missed "all the important bits." Being sentenced to death, but asking for an Act of Grace.

It's a big deal when Ed steps in front of Stede like that. He's acting against pirate rules, risking being absorbed by the rules set by the English.

He does it for Stede--and that starts to set him free. After that, Ed's never just following the rules again. He actually can't, even when he tries: his going kraken at the end of S1 and start of S2 is doomed from the start and full of contradictions, starting with the fact that he's on Stede's ship, the ship with hidden passages where rule-breaking can be hidden until it's needed.

Ed struggles a lot to figure out which rules to follow ("I will abide by the guidelines"), which rules to set aside ("Can we take it slow?"), when to make up his own rules ("So we're innkeepers now."). And Stede helps him, telling him things like "This can be whatever we want it to be," and "you're not a dick, life's a dick."

I don't really have a clever conclusion to this particular meta. It's a messy thing, and individual figuring out how to their life does and does not intersect with society. This theme doesn't resolve neatly, it just stops at the end of the season, like the tension between Ed/kraken/Blackbeard.

But there's a lot of hope here, I think. When Ed acts to protect Stede, and to fight alongside him, he's not just being a protective partner. It's a learned action, the physical manifestation of a decision Ed's made about who he wants to be in the world. Rules be damned.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd #ofmd s2 #our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #ed teach #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #izzy hands #gentlebeard #i swear there really is a much longer version of this this theme is hella iceberg #every single episode has references to rules guys this is A THEME running straight through EVERYTHING and i'm a moron for missing its size

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lolasimms · 2 years ago

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a lots gonna change pt.15

Summary: Married life isn’t great, infidelity ensues, and things change.

next chapter

“It’s currently 9:45 pm, we have a code 245, there’s been a stabbing. Female, age 24, Name; Ellie Williams”

8:00 AM

Ellie had been having a shitty past two weeks, ever since the fight at Joel’s. Part of her longed for your forgiveness, she’d worn her heart on her sleeve, tried to reconcile with you and it all went down the drain because she couldn’t control her anger. She knew a sincere apology would earn her your forgiveness, but she couldn’t bare facing you at the moment.

Sat on the alfresco, basking in the fresh spring air, Ellie sat nursing a warm latte. The backyard that once housed Lila’s playhouse and the swing-set that she and JJ had played tirelessly on, were now gone. The vast lawn only being home to a few stray lawn chairs and the unused barbecue. It was only recently that Ellie had realised how lonely she was. Without Lila here for most of the week, the only company she had was her own, and that was her biggest fear, being alone.

Immediately thoughts of nostalgia flooded her brain, the first time you and her had set up a slip and slide during a hot summer day for Lila to cool off on. The vigorous get togethers you and Dina would put together during the holidays, The time she’d built Lila’s crib in this very backyard with Joel’s help. It was all too much and yet not enough. She yearned for that back, it was all she wanted, no matter how long it would take. Her brain kept repeating the words “Atone, Atone, Atone.”

11:45 AM

“Ellie, look at this shit.” Vic hands her his phone, showing her some meme that usually she’d crack up at. Instead she just glanced at it, let out a fake chuckle and shifted her focus back to the movie that was playing on Vic’s television. Having known her since college, Vic knew her reaction was fake. From the corner of her eye she could spy him placing his phone down and turning to her with a questioning face.

“Alright, what’s with you, you’ve been sulking ever since you got here?” She looks at him in annoyance, who was he to be pestering her?

“I’m fine man, just tired.” She wastes no time turning her attention back to the television, having had enough of the short conversation.

“Els, as much as I’d like to believe that, I don’t. Just telling me what’s wrong?” Vic and Ellie’s friendship had always been the same since freshman year of college. They never got emotional or sappy with each other, they were just those kinds of friends who enjoyed hanging together and most times it was in comfortable silence. So to see Vic so concerned for her made Ellie feel weird. Maybe she did have people on her side, maybe she wasn’t all alone.

“I’ve just been thinking man. I’ve been feeling really alone lately and I” she pauses, taking a breath as a lump forms in her throat. “I just miss my family, I want them back so bad Vic” She didn’t know why she felt so emotional all of a sudden, but she broke down into tears, something unusual for her. Vic didn’t know what to do, so instead he enveloped her in an awkward but warm embrace.

“You’re not alone Ellie, you’ve still got them. No matter what happens you’ll always have them”

2:30 PM

After her heart to heart with Vic, Ellie decided she couldn’t let herself loose the only people she loved. She knew the only way to end these feelings of isolation was to make an effort to spend more time with her loved ones. So the first thing she did was call Joel, asking if he was free. He was taken by surprise, as the two of them didn’t spend as much one on one time together as they used to. So when she suggested they go fishing, he was on his feet getting the gear together in no time.

“How you been, ain’t heard from you since that fiasco at my party?” Joel says, as he prepares his rod and bait. Ellie doing the same with her’s, letting out a subtle sigh and turning to him. The two of them were sat on quite uncomfortable camping chairs.

“I’ve been feeling pretty shitty, Y/n won’t talk to me, she’s still mad.”

“She got a right to be, your lil show was stupid and immature, you’re real lucky Lila was asleep”

“I know, and I feel bad about it.”

“So toughen up, apologise.” He stands up, casting his rod and then looks back at her expectantly, she doesn’t know what to say but just nods. She lifts from her chair and walks over to where he’s standing, casting her rod as well.

“I’m sorry Joel, I know I fucked up your party, I shouldn’t have acted that way” He turns to look at her and shakes his head with a smile.

“Honestly if you’d been fighting anybody else I would’ve been happy, just not under the circumstances that you did. It was sorta entertaining” He lets out a deep chuckle and Ellie laughs, shaking her head.

“I’m so telling Y/n” Ellie smirks as she nudges Joel with her shoulder, causing him to groan and do the same to her.

“Don’t you fucking dare”

5:30 PM

Joels living room looked the same as it always did, dvd’s from years ago lined up on the bottom shelf of the tv stand, brown sofa’s with plaid cushions and a few candles that were surely gifts from you and Lila. A game of basketball played as he and Ellie sat nursing beers and reminiscing.

“You remember your first drink, you spit out my most expensive whiskey?” Joel places his glass on the side table and laughs.

“I hate to break it to you man, but that wasn’t my first drink.” Ellie lifts up the glass of beer, waiting for his reaction to the news.

“What’dya mean that wasn’t your first drink? It was your 21st birthday.” He turns to her, eyes narrowed in curiosity.

“Joel do you really think when I was going to my friends birthday’s in high school I was just drinking pop and juice? You do realise I had my first proper drink in like 10th grade” Ellie can’t help but laugh at his shocked reaction, he truly couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I can’t believe you”

“Get over it dude, it was like 8 years ago,. Plus I turned out pretty okay don’t you think?”

“You wait till its Lila, you little dipshit, then you’ll know how it feels” Ellies face sinks at the thought of her precious girl going anywhere near alcohol, parties, men or women. Joel takes in the angered look on her face and smirks, taking her reaction as his revenge.

7:45 PM

Ellie was currently pushing her trolley around the store, in search for things she wanted to get Lila for her easter basket. The two of you weren’t raising her to be religious, but you weren’t opposed to letting her enjoy the fun aspects of holidays like easter, Christmas, etc. Seeing as easter was approaching, Ellie wanted to go all out for her little girl. Anything purple that had to do with easter she’d throw into the cart, knowing that was Lila’s favourite colour. She couldn’t wait to see the smile on her baby’s face when she saw the basket full of goodies.

Another part of her was excited that you’d be spending easer together as a family, along with Dina, Jesse and JJ. She’d take that as her chance to apologise for what she’d done at Joel’s party. Atone for her mistakes and assure you that she would be willing to respect your relationship with Abby if it meant she’d have a shot at getting you back.

“Hey, Jesse” She had one arm pushing the shopping cart and the other holding her phone to her ear as she waited for his response, glancing around the isles filled with Easter themed decor.

“Hey Els, you at the store right now?” Though she and Dina’s relationship never recovered after the separation, she was still quite close with Jesse. Seeing as he was the only one who was civil towards her despite her mistakes.

“Yeah, picking the shit for the hunt up right now?”

“Sounds good, I know you have Lila tomorrow, would you mind have JJ over, he’s been pestering me about it all day long.”

“Yeah man, sure”

8:20 PM

After leaving the store with a trolley filled to the brim, Ellie was ready to get home and pass out. She’d had a long day and Lila would be coming round early morning, not to mention she’d be looking after two noisy and energetic kids instead of one. As she made her way down her street she was intrigued to see two random cars she hadn’t ever seen before, parked by the curb. Ignoring them, she got the three large shopping bags, from the trunk and made her way into the house.

“Hey Ellie” She’s startled by the voice and immediately recognises it, she reaches to find the light switch. Once the hallway is lit by the bright yellow light she’s met with the familiar blonde from her past, stood in her hallway with a knife clutched tightly to her side . Immediately she drops the bags onto the floor and steps forward. She thanked the God’s that Lila was with you tonight, or else she would’ve died right here.

“Amelia, what the fuck are you doing here? You know I could call the police, right?” Ellie stands with her arms by her sides, fists clenched in anger. If she hadn’t been such an idiot this woman would’ve never ruined her and your lives. She wished that in some way she could go back in time and change all of this, relive the day she got tangled up with this psychopath and steer clear of her at all costs.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it, have you missed me?” Amelia comes closer to Ellie, by this point they’re no more than a few inches away from each other. The only thing Ellie can focus on is the large knife she was holding. Dressed in head to toe black, with a pair of black gloves. Ellie prayed to god that if she was going to die tonight it wouldn’t be you and Lila who came in and found her body.

“It’s been two fucking years Amelia, why do you still care about this, how the fuck did you even get in here?” Ellie is now yelling, looking down at the blonde with fury tainted in her eyes.

“I don’t care Ellie, I told you you’d regret the day you rejected me and I wasn’t lying. Anyways, I have people who will do anything for me, getting a key to your weak door was easy.”

“What the fuck do you want, you have 2 minutes or I’m calling the police, this is breaking and entering as well as trespassing” Amelia is now face to face with Ellie causing the auburn haired girl to recline back in disgust.

“I want you Els, that’s all I’ve ever wanted” The look of raging delirium in her eyes sends shivers down Ellies spine. Amelia reaches forwards enveloping her in a wanting kissing her. Ellie thinks this may be a chance for her to restrain the crazy bitch and then call the police while she’s distracted. She’s however taken aback when she hears a groan and then sees blood pooling on her shirt. Her whole body runs cold, Amelia talking a step back and smirking at the knife that was currently plunged into Ellie’s stomach.

“But I want revenge more”

Ellie hadn’t realised that she’d been stabbed until Amelia had retracted and said those words. She fell to the ground her head crashing against the hard wood floors with a loud ‘thump’. Meanwhile Amelia was laughing maniacally as Ellie slowly became taken by dizziness, her eyes blurring and her ears beginning to ring. She wasn’t afraid of death necessarily, she was just afraid of what the outcomes entailed. She was afraid you’d come here tomorrow morning, to drop off Lila and the two of you would find her dead body laying in the doorway, lifeless. She was afraid Joel would have to live with the knowledge he’d lost the only two daughters he’d ever had. Most importantly she was afraid she’d go out without having earned atonement for all the hurt she had caused. So as she slowly drifted out of consciousness the only thing in her mind were the words “Atone, Atone, Atone, Atone” repeating themselves like a mantra.

taglist;

@moonlightdivine @maybe-cece @macaroni676 @sawaagyapong @katiemars @ellieseater @dakota-dream @joliettes @hebrokeimup @bratydoll @wakasaaa @catostrophiclesbian @dinas-a-bird @lazyunknownwerewolf @h3sitant-alien @ceo-of-ellie-simps @mechetegirl109 @kashoot-me269 @lonelyfooryouonly @ellieswifee @doodlebob-mp3 @ellieismami

#ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou #ellie williams #reader x ellie williams #tlou ellie #ellie x reader #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams tlou #abby anderson x reader #reader x abby anderson

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sortasirius · 7 months ago

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"There Goes the Groom" and Buck's Queer Joy

Hey so...remember when I did post ep meta for two years? Anyway we're back like we've never left.

Best Hen <3

OBSESSED with micromanaging party planner Evan Buckley. The clipboard was there in spirit.

"You are late."

I'll take married for several years for $500, Alex.

"Ooo sliders."

"Ah ah. No."

"You didn't just do that." PLEASE

Tommy giving Eddie a bro-y high five and then a soft, sweet "hey" for Buck and a hug??? Fellas I might need to be sedated.

Also obsessed with the tinge of bitchiness in Eddie's tone. It's like jealousy without even realizing it's jealousy. And I think it's an interesting mix of "hey my best friend has a new friend" and something else that Eddie cannot label.

Ryan Guzman you must be studied for that little side eye lmfaoooo

I LOVEEEEE TOMMY HE'S SUCH A BITCH, he said I do not care for your party themes. Me for real.

Why were they all so obsessed with the sliders???? I love them all so much.

"Reach for them and you'll be pulling back a bloody stump." WITH THE RAISED EYEBROWS AND THE LITTLE HEAD TILT RYAN GUZMAN I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH.

"Wholesome, 80s-themed karaoke."

Buck was a party planner in another life and I stand by that.

"We should totally go as Crockett and Tubbs."

"Absolutely."

They are literally this meme:

The little shoulder rub that Buck gives Tommy <333333333333

The way Buck and Eddie are sitting during the party scene, Buck's arm absolutely SLUNG around his shoulder...yeah okay. Okay. I'm normal about this.

The whole party was two idiot best friends pointing at each other and saying "exactlyyyyyy." Yes, I would die for them.

I just want to say that every single thing about Chimney's journey this episode was heartbreaking and scary and I HATED that I didn't know what was going to happen to him the whole time. Ok thanks for your time.

From that guy stealing his car to every Doug jumpscare, I think they did a really good job freaking the audience (at least...me) the fuck out without actually revealing what had happened. Like..we know he's sick, we know something's wrong, but it was a well-paced episode, even if in my perfect world it would have been like two hours long lol.

And the fact that Maddie is always going to look for him, always going to find him, just like he would do for her...don't look at me I'm emo.

Chim essentially pushing the fact that he is actively dying from encephalitis to the side because being a paramedic and saving lives is so deeply ingrained in him it's something the can't forget? He's so important to me.

Then...Kevin. He's such a huge part of Chim's life, his arc, how he became a firefighter, and it essentially include him in the wedding (even though it was in a very scary way), I think it's a really great take on the idea that our loved ones who can't be there for milestones are there even when we can't see them, especially with his line "you invited me, remember?"

Doug was never there, but Kevin was, Kevin will be there even when Chim can't see him.

"I was trying to get back to you the whole time." THEY ARE EVERYTHING HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THEM. ALL THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH, ALL THEY'VE HAD TO DO, AND THEY STILL FOUGHT FOR AND CAME BACK TO EACH OTHER!!!!

Bobby officiating and saying "and the Los Angeles Fire Department" THEY ARE A FAMILY!!!!

And then...perhaps one of thee most important scenes ever aired on television ever:

"Sorry I'm late, that fire was a beast."

"So are you."

And STRAIGHT in for a SERIOUS kiss??????? 911 writers room you can have my life, take it, it's already yours.

Tommy's little huff of surprise and then hum of "yeah okay I'm down for this." PUT THEM IN THE DICTIONARY NEXT TO THE CUTEST COUPLE OF ALL TIME

And last...Buck coming in to the room where his family, both blood and chosen, is, with soot all over his face, and a smile so bright that it had to have lit up the entire west coast, not caring who saw him or who knew exactly what he had just been doing...yeah, that's what this shit is all about.

EDDIE'S beautiful smile when he realizes how happy Buck is they are best friends FIRST and that is all that matters to me!!!

Hen being like "it's about damn time." SO TRUE QUEEN OF COURSE SHE KNEW!!!!!

I haven't really been able to put this into words yet, but the way they are handling Buck's bisexuality and his first relationship with someone of the same gender as him is just...it's almost astounding. It's been handled with such care, from Oliver to Lou to the writers to the NETWORK, everyone is so clearly fully onboard with this and not afraid of it.

And there's no pain here, his coming out is not born out of trauma or being forced or caught or guilty. Tommy made him feel something that he had never been able to put a name to, and Tommy is helping him figure it out. He's letting Buck be overeager without taking advantage, he's letting him move at his own pace (which, of course, is at light speed) but is also confident enough in himself to pump the brakes when he feels like he needs to.

I just can't get enough of that smile, of how fucking happy Buck is. Happy in himself, happy with Tommy, happy to finally have a name for who he is, and not be afraid to share it with the people he loves. His parents' reactions don't matter, because he knows the people that matter to him most won't care who he's with, as long as he loves them and they treat him well.

It's such a huge step for Buck, who has so often fallen prey to what other people might think, it's so refreshing to see him get to explore this without fear of what others will say. Tommy is a steady constant, experienced and knows who he is. He teases Buck and calls him Evan and flirts with him shamelessly, and it flusters him in the best way.

To see a character like Buck, who was, essentially, billed as straight from the beginning of the show, be able to come in to himself and experience real queer joy...wow. For me, it just can't be overstated.

I can't wait to see where Buck's journey goes, and I am just so...grateful to be able to watch it.

#spoilers #my meta #dusting off this tag lmao #lilly liveblogs 911 #911 abc #911 7x06 #911 #buddie #bucktommy #madney #evan buckley #buck is bi

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