#i prob feel a little better now
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If you take request, I'd love to see Daniel Rigg in your style
He's criminally underrated by the Saw fandom
What's a better solution to a horrible case of creative rut than doing a little riggposting on main
#sticking my head outside of my cave a little bit to say hi#seriously the artistic block got me HARD this time. been touching grass for a little while#i prob feel a little better now#this guy has GOT to stop rushing thru doorways the way he does. love u rigg but you kinda did yourself dirty in the end#saw#saw iv#saw fanart#daniel rigg#latenightsundayblues art tag#latenightsundayblues ask tag
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a little thing I made like a year ago with my own designs for bee & blurr
#theyre actually from my uh. fan tf continuity that i havent worked on in forever#i was gonna wait to post this vid until after i finished a ref for their designs but i didnt do that oTL#i had this vid on my yt for a while now bc thats my vid dumping ground#these designs are prob a bit outdated anyway#i have yet to be satisfied with my blurr design and im not gonna be working on it anytime soon <3 i have better things to do#ughhhh yeah I'll tag this as tf but only bc I'll feel bad for not providing blacklisting option#transformers#To be clear mainly posting this bc it feels weird to make this and not have it be on my blog but on my yt. That's not right#this is my primary domain. yt is my little weird box I keep in the corner#woolymation
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Nimona AU where Ballister is a villain but like, he's not even really that evil, like, at all. He's just, really bad at being a Villain.
And him and his "Nemesis" have the worst relationship, meaning that they have a great relationship because they don't even actually hate each other like Nemesis' are supposed to.
V!Ballister, doing an 'evil' monologue: Well well well, sir Goldenloin, it has been quite some time since we've last- What's wrong?
Ambrosius, whose face was scrunched a bit: Huh? Oh, it's nothing, these ropes on my wrists are just- they're burning and itching is all- you can keep-
V!Ballister, panicking and running over: Really?! Oh Ambrosius you've been here for hours! Why didn't you say anything sooner?! Are they too tight? Is it this new brand? I told Nimona not to get these ones but no-
*cue to Ambrosius staring fondly at Ballister as he continues to ramble about never buying this specific set of ropes again*
Half the time Ambrosius doesn't even know why he's fighting the guy, like, The Director is all "He's the personification of an Evil Villain" at Ballister and Ambrosius is staring at the same guy seeing him help a little girl get her kitten out of a tree and give a good bit of the money he stole to people in need and points at him like "Really????? "
#nimona#nimona 2023#nimona movie#Ambrosius questions the Director so much when it comes to Ballister#Nimona he's a little more inclined to believe because she's basically chaos- but even then he hasn't seen her ACTUALLY do something BAD#but Ballister himself is like- trying to be a villain with Nimona-#(and has the means for it I mean- c'mon he's a genius who can fight and has a kickass sidekick)#- But he's just- so bad at actually being bad.#he's very much capable of commiting crimes and doing villainous acts but other then that the guy is so wet cat and actually super nice#the people still 'fear' him as a villain because of the Institute and their propaganda and the other Hero's hate him#(because he's beaten them all before in battle- and wins every time)#but Ambrosius is the only one who's genuinely kind to him because he doesn't actually see him as a villain#kinda wanted to Uno Reverse Card things- so they both like each other but Am is so oblivious to Bal's advances-#even when he's being painfully obvious#like- it's not a 'we can't date cuz we're on opposite sides' thing- it's a:#'I really like him but he probs doesn't feel the same cuz we're on opposite sides' thing#okay so like- looking at it better now- yeah this is defs comic × movie now so#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#nimona comic#cuz like- they do give off those vibes#but in my head this Amb is still his movie personality and nice#with a mix of 'wake up don't believe everything this bitch is saying' juice#and as dumb/af comic Amb#like at some point Bal requires his help to get rid of admirers and is like 'I could use something cute on my arm to turn them away'-#and Am is like '... you could always use a nice handbag. You can borrow one of mine if you don't have one- or! I saw this really nice one'-#and Bal is just staring at him like 'Gloreth he's so dumb i can't not have him'#and he mentions that he meant a cute PERSON on his arm but Am is still like 'Oooh... uhm- I have this one friend- they might help if i ask'#and Bal just goes 'YOU! I MEANT YOU YOU ADORABLY DUMB TWINK OF A HIMBO! I COULD USE YOU NEXT TO ME TO FEND THEM OFF!'
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how do i know if my chosen name is the right name :(
#this feels like such a dumbass question but genuinely i just. i really don’t know#i’ve never really felt comfy with my given name and it never really fully felt like me#but now that i’ve chosen a preferred name i like sm better i’m still nervous#how is it supposed to feel when someone uses your name??#i can’t tell if it feels a little weird just bc it’s a New Ne for the first time in 23 yrs#*new name#or if it feels weird bc it’s not right#but also#i’m planning on coming out to a lot of family during my thanksgiving break#and i feel like if im gonna do that i have to have my preferred name set in stone#:(( ugh idk#i’m prob just putting too much pressure on myself#i know that technically i can always change it and it’s normal and not bad to change your mind about stuff like this#but like. it’s gonna make it So Much more of a pain in the ass if i have to get everyone used to one name just to change it again#and i feel like other people would just find it dumb and frustrating tbh 😭#but like Bro that’s my name!!! ideally this is what i’ll live with for the rest of my life!!!! that’s so much pressure AGH#anyway ugh sorry this is such a dumb vent but i’m sooooo. how do u say. confused and scared#silas speaks#ftm trans#transmasc#transblr#transgender#trans community#preferred name#chosen name#milo mumbles
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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Orb...
+ process kinda
#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL#i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb#im very happy w it so thats why im posting#idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig#lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not#im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things#and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works#and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane#but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis#or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever#yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY#had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis#and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics#catie.art.
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today is day 1 with no nicotine!!!
#im so fucking scared right now you SHUT UP#im mostly scared about ending up vomiting bc yknow emetophobic mildly#but yea we drowned our vapes together last night after we wrote down all the reasons we wanted to quit!!#it's scary!! but i know it'll be better for me and for us in the long run#two weeks of feeling like hell and then the rest of my life Not being controlled by some stupid little device!!#wish me luck tho#i'll prob keep doing my updates on here since most ppl dont know im a smoker on my other socmed lol
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...
#some reflections on 2022 as a year bc im bored and tired mostly prob bc my hormones r fucked up#ill b real. it was not a great one. not the worst i guess. that award goes to 2016 when i was a junior in undergrad and i was spiraling#and i did kno y it was happening so it was scary. now at least i kno why mostly but i think ive experienced the most soul rattling cosmic#despair in this year just bc i pushed and pushed to the point of destruction and i mean i have a history of doing that but i never wanted#to like quit before like as in fucking quit my job and just fucking break things. its weird. and ive got that panic feeling now#its the same one i get when ive been in therapy for a while and nothings helping. and i keep thinking: help me help me someone make this#stop bc i dont want to b like this anymore and i dont kno what to do. bc i was hoping a break would heal me and that would b enough but#the fears been creaping in the past few days bc deadlines and projects snd i havent done anything i need to and i still just want to give#up. ugh. im probably just feeling melodramatic bc i overextended socially yesterday. but idk what to do. hope for a better year i guess#at least i kno i wont b living where i am in 8 to 10 months. so change is coming but things r still up in the air#and i mean 2023 wont b off to a great start bc i have to go to lunch with my grandparents and i dont want to#why? bc i think theyre bad ppl. and itll just b me. and i dont kno for how long ill b there.#my last day home and i have to spend time with them. i shoulf b working on a manuscript. i should b doing that now#but instead im laying here trying not to cry. i just wanna go to sleep. less than 48hrs and ill b back to the desert#feeling a little better maybe but idk all is not well#so yea hopefully 2023 will b a bit better#unrelated
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me, full of ongoing scrupulosity abt microplastics and also a vague sense that it would be good for me to take another crack at incorporating running into my life for 'holy shit i desperately need endorphins' reasons, scouring the shorts market for anything natural-fiber but also functionally/aesthetically fit for purpose and coming up almost* entirely blank: what if i bought another one of the merino-tencel tanks whose fabric i'm in love with (or‚ you know‚ sourced similar fabric somewhere that wasn't already a different garment‚ but like‚ that would involve learning things about 'where to get specialty fabric' in addition to the 'how to sew it' part) and turned it into running shorts? surely it couldn't be that hard??
⸻ * in fairness, icebreaker does make some that tbh are probably ideal except for cost but like. do i want to go running in basketball shorts? not really. and the tiny (women's) version only comes in black which is so dreary. i keep hoping they'll come out with some other colors but so far no dice! also an extremely crunchy-granola company makes some weird little gym shorts in a hemp knit which. i'm sorry, i grew up in manhattan and i'm dubious! they might be great but! 🧐
#yes it absolutely could#i mean there IS a sewing machine kicking around downstairs somewhere and i think according to Baby Sister it even works#so in theory i could re-teach myself how to use it#and also in theory a tiny pair of drawstring shorts shouldn't be *that* hard‚ i feel like??#(they say‚ totally naively)#i definitely don't really understand how you deal with curves. like i know sometimes you cut little notches into them but. when. why.#anyway i think actually normal running shorts are woven fabric and the tanks i'm obsessed with are knit so.#WOULD probs have to source different fabric.#this is too many humps to get over so realistically it's not going to happen#and frankly given that i already own nylon shorts it's like. what's the plan for those#like even if i did make tencel/merino ones to replace them… the other ones still exist#i guess if they just sat in a box under my bed forever they at least wouldn't be producing microplastics???? (is that even true really?)#like with most stuff that's environmentally bad it's still better to keep using it than to replace it before time#but like. if it's washing that creates the microplastics and otherwise they're just a relatively inert pile of plastic in my closet…#maybe it IS actually better to like. file them away until society works out Plastic Disposal decades from now??#idk. also this is all SO sad to me bc brightly-colored gorpcore would otherwise be my EXACT aesthetic#i was a patagonia baggies kid and i would happily be a patagonia baggies adult but. sigh!!#honestly this entire problem is too big for me#i have just enough brain to be making myself crazy abt it but not enough brain to know how to tackle it#and honestly the solution probs isn't really individual anyway#it'll be like. scientists working out microplastics filtration and safe degradation#and textile people developing better textiles going forward#anyway. sometimes you stay up too late and yr brain starts spinning in ways that feel exciting and productive but. aren't.
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my desk is messy but. buyee haul (no the fire emblem isn't for me, yes i'm gonna find a pic of daigo to put in the pc holder)
it was my first time trying it out bc all the shogun merch was just so cheap, so,,, 😭 the plush, standee, and sticker were in a set for like $10. meanwhile the cheapest hijikata plush is still like, ~$30 so i didnt get him sdfghkjh
the whole thing went pretty smoothly BUT i will say the shipping was awful. 🙃 i did have a coupon (which is also why i wanted to finally try it out) but even before applying it, the shipping total was like,,,, 7000 yen? probably because they definitely used a bigger box than really necessary,,,
so i don't think i'll be using it again unless i'm just getting one or two small things 🤔 but i'm still happy to have gotten this stuff :> especially this loki figure bc i've been wanting him for years
#the void merchposting#yes i made a new tag for merch (merch i make + everything else i may end up posting-- comma-- like this)#me saying i probs wont use it again-- knowing full well an artist i like is gonna restock their waka merch on booth next month........#i suppose me definitely not going on my trip is fine bc now i feel a little better abt treatin myself to stuff a lil..... (*coping*)
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The worse my health gets, the more I find myself reading sick fic of any kind... I guess its comforting, in a way.
#I was feeling better yd#And i was hoping to maybe go swim again next week. Not a fan of swimming but I'd like to get on with the physio and all that...#But then I got hit with a migraine; spent the evening outside and got a little too cold; threw up (probs from my dads migraine meds)#And spent all day today coughing; probably bc we were outside till midnight yd and it got a little cooler...#This is tiring... There's not even anything I can take for the cough....#Idk what I'm supposed to do at this point.. Ig this is my life now; semi-chronic cough that'll show every time I am just a little cold...#I can't even have hot milk with honey in the evenings anymore bc of the stupid iron pills....#damie talks
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Hey gang more nsfw questions/vent(???) Idk uh. Any tips? What do you do for solo aftercare?
FUCK ok this is only the second time its ever happened but it still makes me nervous so uhh for the girlies what do you do abt pcb aka some blood after sex/masturbation
Logically I know its just from being a little too eager and that I should be fine and probably wont have to get it checked out but uhh. Idk. Fuck it this is tumblr dot com why am I being shy. Srsly. Anyways so I went too rough solo and its been a few hours but now I feel kinda small and nervous and ive been gentle w myself but I'm still slightly bleeding and yeah. :/ tips?
#had a GREAT time but now i feel like i need aftercare tips😅#because like i said this has happened once before -ive had a soak in the tub already & know dont go fucking anything for a week or two obv😅#but idk ive been gentle w myself its just the nervousness is still a thing bc well im bleeding when im not supposed to🤷#and like i want to be held (cant) but dont rlly want to talk abt it to my friends either bc ik we joke abt it but idk#i just dont rlly want giggled at or with rn bc like i said. i feel. small and a bit scared. and i want to be comforted.#my friends are sweet dont get me wrong but this is a me thing rn. lol#im a little sore (😏lmfao) but my main thing is i can feel the spots inside where it hurts and my lower back aches obv😞#mainly typing this to let some nervous steam out of the pot so i dont like fester in my thoughts#anyway at least i can like. daydream abt ratchet or knockout taking care of me😅 theyre doctors so i think theyd be very sweet abt it#😅😔i think im gonna get a heating pad and marinate instead of fester. gonna make a nest about it and read comfort fics#if it doesnt let up by the end of tomorrow ill see abt getting checked out😔💀😅#one of the few times where id prefer to not be single. and i LOVE being single. just in unsure times itd be nice to have someone to hold me#aha. ill be fine mentally by morning& less scared but as long as i still feel little zings of pain i am going to be whiny😅😂😞#anyway i think im alright just. feeling small at my own violations and cant seem to come back to myself fully??#idk i think after i make my nest and get cozy and feel safe itll prob be a huge weight gone and ill feel 1000x better#wanna feel guarded/protected rn. like room service hellooo? casper the ghost where the FUCK are my snacks? lmfaooo#srsly tho i love being single and honestly feel i function well alone too but hh.🙄needing someone isnt bad or anything to me but#when you want cuddles you want cuddles.🤷😔#anyway made my nest now!<3 i have earl grey alongside my water bc i wanted it✨💜gotta grab+hook up the heating pad then off to fanfiction😌#my cat is w me too ofc💜💜 sweet bby purring and making biscuits on his part of the bed💜💜
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There is a spider in Wally and the Isopods' terrarium 😐
#it's just a teeny little guy and prob some kind of jumper but I'm scared#I don't wanna name it to make myself feel better about it being there either because I don't have any way to feed it#I specifically tried to avoid spiders getting in my set up because I can't feed them#Now I feel bad but I can't really do jack shit about it so...#argothia's being weird again
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aside from feeling like an idiot for believing a man would want to seriously be with me i feel even more stupid that i went over thursday night like if had known he was "anxious" and "unsure" i wouldnt have gone i wouldnt have had sex etc! its always they act okay and then i always get "i like hanging out with you but..." lmao always good enough to hang out with and fuck but not good enough to stay with
it sucks even more bc i dont connect well w ppl and i did w him and its crazy things were fine and now nothing ...idk he made it seem like he actually cared about me never believing in that again!
#i just feel stupid all around! and thats the hardest part lol#i got us little card deck holders and there supposed to be here tomorrow and before all this he said he was excited to see them#and now i guess they'll rot!#its also hard bc im over here suffering and i bet he doesnt even care lol probs already found someone better
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I think somethings rlly fucking wrong with me
#I smoke weed and it triggers a paranoia episode I smoke weed and it triggers wtf I’m in now or maybe it’s just the caffeine combined with#the lack of sleep I only slept 2 hours last night I couldn’t sleep but then I was in a super weird mood all of yesterday which was the day#after the weed so maybe it was that or maybe not or maybe it’s just cause I was on weed for so long that my Brian’s a little fucked up abou#it or maybe it’s my body craving more weed in the way caffeine addicts crave more coffee bc it’s a similar level of addiction except weed#makes you more high and I am buzzing I am shaking while holding perfectly still I came up with a weirdass fuckign plan I thought was genius#and was so fuckign pissed off for a minute there in a way I don’t usually get where I’m not murderous but I’m not thinking clearly either#and actually it was green while anger is usually red or orange (ik it’s basic fuck off) but yeah it’s probably just the caffeine it’s prob#just the caffeine rn#but what about all the other times I keep fuckign getting like this am I in a mental health slump or am I chronically depressed and was the#past month or so a hypomanic episode or am I just grabbing onto things the way I do#I’d talk to my therapist about it but she’s on vacation til September fuck I need to talk to her I can’t sort all this out#I can’t tell if the brain fog is making it worse or better bc I can’t work through my thoughts but I also can’t spiral as efficiently#I keep thinking and feeling these great grand things about myself I’m a beautiful person everyone is lucky to have me I have the best ideas#and no one else can see it bc I know better than everyone else but they all feel so hollow and it’s just the last two days or maybe just#today I can’t remember I can’t remember a lot of things but was it the weed? what’s happening to me whats always coming back to happen to m#vent
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Posting for accountability but while Ik I have a long way to go to deal with my phone addiction getting off tik tok and limiting time on Instagram reels already makes me feel so much better even if the main reason is just reducing the guilt I feel for wasting time
It also helps I’ve been helping my dad with house stuff recently so now instead of a couple hours on my screen I spend a couple hours mowing the lawn and painting our windows.
#I’ve been glued to my phone for a long time now#mix of reasons#partly bc I like memes and learning things and sending videos to friends#probably partly bc of a time it was a way for me to ignore how shitty I felt#etc etc etc#but I saw a tik tok that genuinely made me delete the app bc I resonated a little bit too hard with the descriptions given for symptoms#of being addicted to ur phone#I’m still not completly over feeling the need for a distraction#but even just switching to YouTube videos playing in the background while I do things and go in and out of paying attention#idk it feels better than knowing I was glued to tik tok for an extended period#quitting cold Turkey is most ideal but ik myself I probs won’t commit#so weening myself off is the next choice#personal#rambles#a tanget but related also#it feels so good to have these more like.. laborious? tasks#I have no problem spending a couple hours doing the house projects#but could not dedicate the same focus to any of my laptop work#it feels good
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