#probably partly bc of a time it was a way for me to ignore how shitty I felt

[scratxhed-cd]

Posting for accountability but while Ik I have a long way to go to deal with my phone addiction getting off tik tok and limiting time on Instagram reels already makes me feel so much better even if the main reason is just reducing the guilt I feel for wasting time

It also helps I’ve been helping my dad with house stuff recently so now instead of a couple hours on my screen I spend a couple hours mowing the lawn and painting our windows.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Sorry if this has been asked before but thoughts on ace and/or aro spec Eddie? Because it is near and dear to my heart. Especially with everything we’ve gotten both on screen and in interviews from Ryan.

I have not gotten this question before!

I would like to preface this by saying that I am not aro/ace so I am speaking in what my understanding of the asexuality spectrum is from my ace friends, so i apologize if I misspeak or say something that is not entirely accurate to the experience of ace/aro people.

Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own interpretations of fictional characters, and I am never going to tell someone they are right or wrong for their interpretation of a character’s actions. However, I personally don’t view Eddie as aromantic, and if I were to place him on the asexuality scale, I would place him more towards demi-sexual than completely asexual. We know Eddie enjoys sex, but he still has a very complicated relationship with it when it comes to the women he has been with, and that could be for a myriad of reasons.

Of course one of these reasons could be that Eddie simply thinks he enjoys sex bc he grew up in a repressive religious environment where he was probably to scared to feel any other way, meaning he could very well be asexual and his seeming enjoyment of sex could be an act he puts on to ignore the part of him that he is repressing.

As a gay eddie truther, I believe this idea partly bc I believe he is trying to convince himself he is into women because that’s what he grew up to be taught that men should be attracted to women. However, I could see this being a pathway for Eddie to be introduced as somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, my personal belief being that he would lie more towards the demi end.

As far as him being aromantic, i personally don’t see this. I think we have seen plenty of times from Eddie that he craves that connection with someone but he actively sacrifices his own desires because he thinks he has some obligation to finding a mother for chris. I feel like what Kim said to Eddie in 7x9 about Eddie having too much love to give is true because he so badly wants to be in love with someone for himself, but he has convinced himself he can’t gave that because he views Christopher needing a mother figure as the more important quality in his romantic partners.

All of this to say, these are just my own thoughts and observations. I am obviously biased as a gay person who relates deeply to eddie for many reasons, and so my interpretation of his actions/words are through that lense. It’s hard for me to really see him as anything else, but just because that is my interpretation does not mean it is the only interpretation or even the right or wrong one. Until we get some form of confirmation from canon that Eddie is queer (which i think is very very very likely to happen this season) all we can do is speculate and theorize based on our own personal interpretations of him as a character— and i think that goes along with Ryan’s quote about how much he loves that such a wide range of people can see themselves in Eddie; and i think that no matter what, he is such a powerful and complex character that no matter what sexuality he ends up being confirmed as in canon so many fans of different sexualities and gender identities will still be able to find that deep connection with him and that is so beautiful to me.

I hope this answered your question! I love getting to have these kind of deep talks that dive into the complexities of human sexuality and all the nuances that come along with it (which is why i almost love the idea of them making Eddie unlabeled even though I personally perceive him as gay!)

I hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are! and thank you again for the ask 💕💕

(again, apologies if anything i said misrepresents/misunderstands the aro/ace spectrum, it is not my intention to say anything that is incorrect, but I am not well-versed in the aro/ace spectrum aside from my ace friends)

[lovemyromance]

I have a little rant lol.

In general, the entire acotar fandom is immature and toxic (I honestly think its gotten so bad since nesta's book came out). Most of these people are grown women and men arguing back and forth about characters and ships. It's bad enough that its been going on for years that its sad. "I'll laugh at the elriels or gwnyriels or the eluciens if their ship isnt endgame" Do the people who say that realize how embarrassing they are? Many people are going to have good and terrible theories but bashing people and harassing people over fictional characters is just immature. I also hate when they say "its that [insert ship] the one who is being the most toxic and weird" NO. its all of you. None of us know who is going to be endgame no matter the theories you have or anything. YOU DONT KNOW. So, please, can we stop this already? its getting annoying and weird. This fandom has made it incredibly difficult to know who the next book is going to be about when its right in front of their eyes. Sarah has not made it impossible to know who the next will be about and I think thats why shes been so quiet about because everyone is being so aggressive about this ship war. I just know the moment she announces the couple, she'll get a ton of hate when its not even her fault because people love to twist her words on paper and thinks she's probably doing that but it could mean a whole other thing. Yall have let theories get to your head and twisted words so much that I think it's incredibly unhealthy for all of you to be acting this way. Stick with who you ship or love and of course, you can have beautiful theories, but toxicity is not necessary. No need to go back and forth about who is the real "endgame".

I mean yeah this fandom is insane. Sometimes as I'm aggressively typing out a reply to an anon who calls me a delusional psychotic bitch bc I made an Elriel post they didn't like, I genuinely just blink and think what the fuck am I doing?

It's partly why I didn't want get involved. At all.

I still try to keep to myself. Only even entertain the antis if they come to my posts. I stick to my own tags.

But there are people - and you're right they are from both sides, as I have also said multiple times on my blog -that go out of their way to start a fight on posts they know aren't meant for them.

These are the people that are making this fandom so toxic. Like I understand, no one person can be responsible for a fandom's collective behavior, but you can be responsible for yourself at the very least.

I have always made it clear what i believe acceptable behavior for discourse in this fandom is and isn't. It's not something I can personally enforce for others, but I can follow myself.

It really is crazy how out of hand this fandom has gotten because other people can't control themselves. If I see an anti Elriel post I don't like (and I don't follow any tags, actually, so I see ALL the ships posting), I have the self control to ignore it and keep scrolling.

This fandom has been overrun by childish adults, intent on being louder than the rest. It's crazy how many disgusting things have been said over just fictional characters, it makes me wonder what these people are like in real life.

At the end of the day - there's going to be a book and one side is going to be proven right. It's not worth all these vitriol that's been spewed across all sides just to "be right". I at least, would be perfectly fine to read an Elucien book. If Elriel does happen, I'm certainly not going to lord it over anyone's head and laugh.

Not worth my time. Not worth my energy.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph!

Ace Awareness week is already over, but I'd be really happy if I could ask you something about being a-spec. I'm honestly not sure who to ask irl and I feel like I've learned a lot on your blog, that's why I'm sharing this with you. I really hope this isn't too long or personal. If it is, please ignore it and thank you for reading <3.

So, I recently found out for myself that I'm pan(-sex.&-rom.) and platoniromantic (whee, there's a word for it! and I'm not automatically a creep! whoop!) For me it means, I basically have crushes on all of my friends at all times, (but Lgbt wiki says it falls under the aromantic-umbrella) which can get a bit awkward.

Growing up as a girl with my female friends, I've been confused by how physically affectionate they were (Hugs, and hand holding; Platonically sharing the bed etc.) bc I don't think any of them were sapphic. It was just cute and sweet for them, but they didn't want more. As a consequence I've been careful not to act on those feelings and not make my friends uncomfortable or abuse their trust(hence why I thought I'm creepy); the times I hinted at taking it further, they never seemed to be interested (I mean, what are the chances they're even sapphic?) It's kind of been the same with my bi/straight male friends. My dating pool is basically my small rl friend group (currently 2 lovely women), but I guess that way it's less likely they're also like me romantically back?

Over the years, it's just caused me a bit of heartbreak, because I have cared deeply about my friends and crave a closer romantic connection to someone. And, I mean, I do think it's kinda sweet that when my lizard-brain sees something friend-shaped, it wants to put a ring on it, but I don't really know how to proceed from here.

I'm honestly embarrassed that I'm already in my mid-twenties and have so little experience (no romantic/sexual relationships, not even proper kissing) (partly bc the pandemic struck 1 year after I got out of school). Do you maybe have some advice on how to meet people that 'match'? I'm quite shy and people usually call me uptight, so I haven't really been to any queer spaces in rl bc I'm a bit intimidated. Like, I don't seem particularly queer and I'm not great at talking about these things (I'm not even out to my family yet). Heck, for the longest time I thought I'm straight and just doing friendships wrong.

I'd appreciate a morsel of your wisdom, but it's also been really nice to just be able to share this with someone. It's made me feel less weird. Thank you.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Never ever hesitate to ask a question here... sometimes I answer them, sometimes I don't, but I try my best! <3 Especially asks about asexuality, because I like sharing the stuff I learned on my journey, AND I also enjoy researching to learn more as I reply to these asks!

So, OOOF, romance is definitely not something I know a lot about. And PLEASE don't be embarrassed at all. It's society that engrains this horrid notion that if you're in your 20s and you still haven't met someone / had sex, you're all dried up and no good (hence all the terrible ageism in fandom spaces). Nonny, I'm in my 40s and I've never had a serious relationship – sexual nor romantic – in my entire life. I crave wanting to be in love, but sadly it's not something that's probably ever in my future. And that said, I am LITERALLY the worst person to ask advice on how to "meet people" – I'm neurotic and introverted with horrid social anxiety, so meeting new people for me is a months-long prep period for me. And because I'm ace, I feel like sites like tinder and bumble aren't going to welcome me, so I've just... never tried.

Pfff so I suppose probably looking into community groups in your area, or joining social program (both things I haven't done because – you know – anxious). A-spec relationships are tough, it seems, because some of us such as myself just want to meet someone I can cuddle and love and spend all my time with for the rest of my life, while others might want the sex but not the romance... it's tough. Honestly there's no right answer I can offer you, mainly because I'm very inexperienced myself.

For me, I take joy in loving the people in my life in the various roles they play in it: my coworkers, my sister, my besties, and my family all have different attachments to me. I care about them all, and it's fulfilling in its own way. And I DO want a partner, if one will ever have me, but it's not a necessity to make life fulfilling for me.

I also haven't really been to queer spaces IRL either other than Pride and the cons I've visited, but yeah I feel like I'm going to be intruding because I'm not outgoing myself. I really wish I had the right answer for you, Lovely. I'd like to know myself. I feel like, sometimes, that I just got in too late.

ANYWAY, sorry if this isn't a good reply nor make you feel better, but I'm happy you felt comfy enough to share your story with me. Asks like this one make ME feel less alone too, Nonny. *HUGS**

If anyone has any advice, please feel free to add onto this post <3

[thedreadvampy]

Btw, at times like this when the Israeli's are getting particularly bloodthirsty, their state sponsered trolls roll out. That last anon you had, whilst not definitely one fits their general 'gist' of how they operate. It's an established thing Israel does whenever the world temporarily stops ignoring their genocidal savagery for a whie. They tend to target anyone who they think has a lot of reach or makes a good target. It's why every statement they made was so fucking dumb. In short; don't let it get to you, it was probably someone who copy-pasted that message to 100 other people across different social media. And expect more over the coming weeks..

Ok. So I'm personally generally p sceptical of the specific phrase "state-sponsored trolls" bc in my experience the nature of ingrained reactionary propaganda is that you generally don't need to be state-sponsored and the insistence that states (be it Israel, the US, China, whoever) must be Paying People To Disagree With You seems to me to be a pathway to conspiratorial thinking whatever direction is going in. Maybe it's sometimes true but it doesn't need to be true.

People can hold shitty fucking genocidal opinions which make no sense in the face of facts all by themselves without being paid to do so. This is particularly true for people who benefit from normalising colonial occupation and genocide, whether that's Israeli settlers or British nationalists or American christofascists. Israel doesn't need to be, and I say this phrase deliberately, ~controlling the media~ for people to make the most balls to the wall unhinged defences of genocide, because it's in many people's individual interest to do that regardless. Because they. You know. Think Sometimes Genocide Is Useful.

so like yes whenever you make any statement in support of Palestinian rights or lives, or criticising the actions of Israel, people will instantly come out of the woodwork to say you're a Nazi who hates Jewish people bc you want all Israelis to die or some shit. It's deeply wearing and not very convincing because they have yet to point out what people's criticisms of Israeli genocide of Palestinians are actually. You know. wrong about. they'll say 'it's bad when Israelis are killed!' as if that's in any way an argument against the statement 'it's bad when Palestinians are killed/oppressed'. these messages are constant, stock, and kneejerk, and exist to create too much noise for a meaningful conversation.

but no I don't agree with you on this message. partly bc of the above mentioned conspiratorial thinking (sometimes people just Are Wrong). partly bc you immediately in sentence 1 conflate the Israeli people with the Israeli state and that's some bullshit. Israel is a seller state and yes Israelis are responsible for their decisions when they knowingly steal from Palestinians at IDF gunpoint. but Israel is a whole country where people live their lives. Israelis are not a monolith nor are they individually responsible for the actions of their government, only for their own actions.

rule of thumb imo if you're engaging in any kind of good faith you gotta be really specific in acknowledging that Israelis =/= the state of Israel =/= Jews and Palestinians =/= Hamas/PA/PLO/any other faction =/= Muslims. We're talking about people here and people are not states.

[airenyah]

5 Songs Tag - QL Shows Edition

When you get this, list 5 songs from the Asian QL media that you actually listen to.

🎶They do not have to be custom-made for the series. 🎶Non-western tracks only. Let's support Asian music and languages! 🎶Feel free to tag anyone who may be interested in participating. 🎶Add #5qls tag to your post for others to find the new favourites!

aaaand another tag game that i'm way too late for, sorry. thanks for the tag @nongnaos, @telomeke, @cornflowershade

okkkkkk so i could easily fill up most of those 5 spots with the bbs songs SO i'm making a point of not mentioning them so that i have room for other songs. just know that i've been listening to แค่เพื่อนมั้ง (Just Friend?) and จะไม่บอกใครละกันว่าเธอชอบฉันก่อน (SECRET) and เพลงที่เพิ่งเขียนจบ (OUR SONG) on repeat for the past year and a half. alright moving on...

here comes my list:

คิด(แต่ไม่)ถึง [Same Page?] - Tilly Birds

listen. LISTEN. i know i just said i wouldn't list any songs from bad buddy but!! i just really really really like this song ok???? bye. (yes i can sing along to this)

เพลงรัก (Hook) - Gemini Norawit

i adore this song, it's so much fun!! it always puts me in a good mood. i've got the lyrics of the chorus memorized and i can sing along to most of the rest too if i open up the lyrics on spotify

น้ำลาย - MSP Cover Version

trying not to fill all of the spots with msp songs either ngl ok so i actually listen to the original version by silly fools too but i just GOTTA mention this one specifically. i really enjoy this cover, i actually like it even more than the original! i like how they chose a slightly faster tempo, and it's just a lot of fun to listen to. partly also bc it feels (and looks) like the boys were having a whole lot of fun singing and performing this song as well and that brings me a lot of joy (i mean just look at the msp prom night performances from that song! fourth seems to be having so much fun with it, it's cute)

พระเอกจำลอง - Getsunova

if you've followed me for a while and read my tags then you probably know that theory of love (and specifically the khaithird plot) was very important to me for personal reasons as it helped me deal with my very own personal irl-khai situation back in 2021. it's no wonder that at the time i was obsessed with this song, listening to it on repeat every day for weeks if not months. i don't listen to it as much anymore (and you know what that is?? growth!!!!) but the song (as well as the series) still holds a special place in my heart, though, and i'll still listen to it occasionally when it comes on and i'm in the right mood

Kilometer Zero - Ian Pangilinan

oh wow can you believe i actually managed to squeeze in a song in a language that isn't thai?? anyway, i think this song is super beatiful and i really enjoy ian's singing

special shoutout to following songs from msp:

ข้างกัน Cover

แค่ครั้งเดียว (Once Upon a Time)

รักหน้าตาเหมือนเธอไหม (Love Love Love)

(in reality i listen to most of the songs from msp, these are just my favorites)

once again, i've been so busy so i have no idea who's already been tagged or not soooo feel free to ignore: @newyearknwwme @killiru @gaym3bo1 @recentadultburnout

[maschotch]

Few different thoughts on 701 and 702.

The unsub in 702 is so creepy and f'd up. It was pretty good writing.

I don't really understand the fued between JJ and Reid because at the end of 701 everyone is in the meeting room and looks fine. If they had written that Reid wasn't there then it would've made more sense in 702.

Also I didn't like the writing when Reid yells at JJ, it just didn't flow well.

I don't understand the whole "what if I had started taking Dilaudid again would you have let me part?"

Specifically the "would you have let me" part.

It should have ended at "What if I started taking Dilaudid again?"

And going to JJ's house crying. That's not really Reid's character...he doesn't really ask for help, people usually ask him if he's okay and eventually he may say something...like with the drug problem or the headaches...

What do you think?

701 was one of their worst episodes honestly. the whole doyle arc was done so well, which makes it so much worse when the finale falls flat. i think bringing declan’s mom as a foil for lauren was cool (and low empathy emily interacting w no empathy doyle is fucking hilarious), but other than that, it was just so… disappointing. all that build up for nothing. even the reunion felt insincere (other than shemar who acted his fuckijg ass off w that kicked puppy look). no one really reacted. idk they just made that whole ep so… uninteresting. like it wasnt entertaining at all and made absolutely no sense for anyone. truly a waste. the doyle arc couldve been so good if they just managed to stick the landing

702 was definitely the most blatant ableism in a while.. that being said, it’s a fun episode bc they make him so vile. and tbh i kinda like the little reid jj drama.. it does admittedly feel like it comes outta nowhere, and it’s not even bc the last episode didnt build up to it—we just haven’t seen jj/reid interact in an emotionally vulnerable way? like of all people, jj feels like the last person reid would go to if he needed to cry. she’s shown him nothing but disdain or indifference when he’s ever emotional around her. but i do think it’s fun that they played w the betrayal. jj’s annoyance that reid hadn’t forgiven her yet was so in character and it was interesting to see that confrontation

i dont mind their fight honestly. yeah it’s a little choppy and all over the place w reid jumping from one point to another, but i think it works bc 1) when anger reaches a certain point it becomes difficult to think linearly and 2) reid in particular isn’t exactly known for being in touch with his feelings, so he’s dealing with it while arguing. all his emotions are bubbling up at once, all the different reasons he has to be (rightfully btw) upset. reid is already a little scatterbrained and has a hard time focusing—he has so much going on in his mind at any given time that it’s hard for him to control when he’s this frustrated. all things considered i think he got his points across pretty well

i think it’s interesting that he brings up his addiction now when it’s gone unmentioned for like three seasons. i think it shows that (yeah the writers probably just forgot/didnt care) he’s pretty private about it. it’s something that was embarrassing for him, and we know he doesnt have the healthiest standards for deserving self respect. it’s partly bc he wants to be private about it and partly bc his attempts to reach out went ignored in the early stages of his addiction. so he’s been quietly struggling in the background all this time—recovery isn’t linear either. it’s definitely realistic for him to want to turn to a familiar sense of release. i think that’s what he was trying to convey: how deeply this hurt him. he was in genuine pain, and he resents jj for letting him suffer when she knew emily was still alive. to be fair i dont think he’s processed that she didnt really have a choice, or thought at all about the repercussions of jj telling the truth. bringing up dilaudid was his way of saying “what if it got that bad? how miserable do i have to be to earn mercy, to earn the truth? do i have to risk ruining my life for you to be honest?”

idk. jj was doing what she could (what she had been ordered to do) to protect emily, so i dont blame her for keeping quiet. but reid is also entitled to his anger—it’s very fair of him to be upset at the perceived betrayal from a (supposedly) close friend. the problem is that jj is rejecting reid’s emotions for a second time, this time without reason. she expects him to be perfectly understanding and everything to go back to normal as if nothing has changed. but that’s her own fucked up little coping mechanism lol. im actually a big fan of this moment (even if they didnt provide any fucking context)

[vettelcore]

partly happy and very relieved that I don't have to worry about him anymore but also it's just like. i don't understand why he's pushing me away like this but still asking me to be around, i highly highly doubt even he knows tbh

he says he doesn't want to hurt me or make me angry by asking to be alone for a while, and I'm not angry about that, i completely understand it and I'm more than fine giving him that space if he needs it because his whole life is close to being turned upside down for the worse and i get why he's overwhelmed and doesn't have the time to worry about me and not hurting me for being distant

what makes me so fucking angry and truly hurt me is the whole "i don't know if i want to call you my girlfriend" after half a fucking year of exclusive dating and acting like a normal fucking couple and trusting me with things you really wouldn't tell someone who you can't see yourself being around for a long time

it's funny because this is exactly what i was afraid of in the beginning, i remember a conversation we had before we started dating and he was telling me about his love life and how he had never dated anyone for longer than a couple of months, so i asked him "how come?? are you afraid of commitment lol" and he was like noooo i just don't think I've clicked with anyone enough for that

in my mind i was like yeah lmao if we ever start dating he's so gonna be the guy who leads me on for months, just to tell me "actually i can't have a serious relationship now lol sorry hope you're not mad" when i start suggesting that perhaps it's time i meet your mum bc it's the only way we can see each other more often

and if anyone is reading this you're probably wondering so why the fuck did you ignore your intuition and kept going out with him? fair enough very good question idk because im a fucking retard and because we clicked in so well, so easily and so fast that i truly thought it'd be different

i never felt like this with anyone, it always takes me so long to get comfortable around people and not get anxiety when they talk to me or ask me to hang out, and the fact that i never had that feeling around him... that always put any doubts i had about dating him at bay

"yeah you're right everything was perfect between us and we completely understand each other, have a lot fun together and had so much chemistry everyone around us joked about us getting together before we even had a proper conversation but hmmmm yeah idk girlfriend is a scary word tho"

it literally just sounds like you want the liberty to go out and fuck whoever you want without having to worry about that person in the slightest, and that you never cared that much about me even though you really, really didn't act like it

and im saying all of this but another part of me thinks that it'll get better, when things settle down and he doesn't have to worry about what the fuck is gonna happen to him and where he's gonna live after his mother dies, he'll text me and ask to get together again, because things were going so well before his mum got sick again that he's probably just acting like this now bc he can't think clearly and everything is overwhelming him

maybe im an idiot for telling him i can't bring myself to drop him fully, because i really wouldn't be comfortable with myself if i did it knowing what he's going through, I'd feel like a horrible person, i care(d?) too much about him to do that, even if he says he just wants to isolate from everyone and be on his own, that's not healthy, i understand why he wants that, but it's the worst he can do ffs

tldr: don't date manchildren and trust your intuition, you're gonna be right 99,9% of the times

[fentrashcat]

Mini update on the plush/health-

I had a pretty major tic attack last week and spent like 5 days recovering from that, sleeping 12-14hrs a day and managing pain, but I'm finally getting back to where I should be 😅

So I'm working on the pattern for the first time since I posted Pebl, and thought I might show some differences. I'm freehanding rn as I'm at work, but I can still explain in words lol.

I'm actually breaking this one into more pieces, partly for design, partly bc I don't have large enough cardboard.

So here is my mock ups on paper of Pebl and try two, as well as a comparison of Pebl's pattern to what I have so far of try 2. I might have a full pattern by the end of the day if I'm lucky, in which case I'll post again with a full pattern comparison before I sew. Which since I hand sew will probably take me a few days 😅😊

For reference, a solid line is an edge, a dotted line is a reference to where something else ends. I also got lazy on Pebl and didn't put in her foot pads and weights like I planned, and since the accessories are seperate I'll test those when I settle on a size.

For try 2, I'm separating the neck from the sides, as well as the neck and the chin. I'm making the head insert longer, and changing the shape. Instead of a kite shape that narrows at both ends, it will only narrow towards the back of the head in a less dramatic slope.

It can't really be seen in the mock ups, but Pebl's tummy is the same width as her sides, and all of her legs end roughly 2 inches from her spine in an effort to make moving on all 4 sets feasible. For try 2, I plan to make the tummy more narrow than the sides, maybe 2/3s or 3/4s of the size? I like the idea I did with the legs, considering what Blep is based on, but they definitely need to be longer over all.

Pebl's tail also got an insert much longer than I planned in the mock up, resulting in her tail not tapering the way I wanted. Try 2 will either have less of a tail insert, or it will have a more dramatic slope.

Please ignore my awful handwriting, I didn't really plan on sharing these, but I love seeing how artists go through the steps of creation and their trial and error phases, so I thought it might be neat to share mine 😊

[menalez]

thank you so much for the advice, i have talked a bit about it with some of my closest friends in the past couple of weeks & it did help me feel better, i will try writing down how i feel too. ooh a new jacket, nice :) yeah i hate gloves too, but they're necessary up in this part of the world sadly lmao

(tw: sa for this next part)

basically two years ago i was assaulted...well, what happened actually fits the legal definition of r*pe but i feel like a liar using that term so i just say assaulted most of the time. i kinda feel like it was partly my fault because i put myself in a situation where that was more likely to happen (i'd only been talking to him for a short time & i suspected he was lying when he said he liked me, but i was in a really bad place emotionally at the time & was doing risky things i wouldn't normally do) but the truth is i didn't want it to happen & i said no multiple times but he ignored me :| in hindsight i was clearly traumatized the next few months; i barely spoke at all to anyone & i got angry a lot. but i told myself i was just embarrassed because he'd ghosted me afterwards. anyway i've finally been able to admit to myself it wasn't just a “bad encounter” but it's not easy having to reflect on all that, esp. when i hear people say negative things about women who have been victimized in this way. it's crappy to feel guilty about something another person did. like why am *i* the one who feels bad? :|

sorry to hear you're dealing with memories of your own trauma too, i'm glad you're able to talk about it with people you trust 🫂

-East African anon 💕

i can talk to my gf about it but generally i don’t rly talk to anyone. i talk about it on my blog too. but my friends don’t rly get it and i don’t want them to feel bad plus idk it feels embarrassing almost. sometimes my mom mentions aspects of it to me bc my trauma was rly impacting me in every way as a teen and she would go to doctor’s appointments with me and stuff like that to tell them my story bc i couldn’t talk about it back then. im better now but i still need therapy for it (which i currently can’t afford right now bc of germany’s very stupid insurance-based healthcare system). this sort of stuff definitely takes time and if u can afford therapy you should absolutely go for it. you’ll probably feel worse at first bc talking about it and trying to process it often refreshes that stuff esp if ur traumatised, it can make u feel like ur literally there experiencing it again when ur talking about it. it still happens to me esp with the more recent traumas & ones im still trying to process but the initial one is still like that (not as bad as it once was tho)

im rly sorry u went through this :( i can understand how u feel.. the shame, embarrassment, powerlessness.. honestly im rly thankful that when it first happened, i had a friend who i talked to bc it was so overwhelming to me mentally & physically to remember what happened to me (i initially blocked it out for 2 days n then my rapist msged me and referenced it which brought back a flood of memories. i still don’t remember a section of it and don’t know how far it went exactly). that friend is the one who told me it was rape and explained to me how it was rape. if he hadn’t, i would’ve been blaming myself for some time and feeling ashamed and acting like im probably just feeling bad bc i must feel sth for him that he doesn’t feel bad or sth else. i remember questioning myself some days back then about how im probably to blame somehow and how im just being dramatic etc etc etc. it might be a bit more difficult for u to address ur trauma cause for me it took about 6 months for me to get help and that was already delayed (it’s encouraged to seek help immediately after or within 2 days or sth bc then the chances of being traumatised and developing ptsd are soooooo much lower) + it took me several days to remember the event & even somewhat process it so. it might be a tough journey for you at first. but you can do this!!! you’ve done the first step already and that’s the hardest part. the hardest part is no longer being in denial of what happened to you. accepting your own powerlessness and how you were hurt in that situation is DIFFICULT. after that, the healing process can finally begin. please feel free to message me whenever if u want someone to talk to about this. my trauma is not as recent, thankfully, but maybe talking to someone who understands can help you somewhat. imo it can be quite comforting knowing you’re not alone, you’re not at fault, and that there’s a future from events like this.

also i totally get you on being affected by how ppl talk about traumatised women. personally i often feel like the way ppl treat us is sometimes even worse than enduring the traumatic event in itself. we’re already in a fragile state bc of what happened, but being in an unsupportive victim-blaming world on top of it makes it even worse. when my rapist went around telling ppl in my school about what happened & when i talked to some ppl about it & they told me it was my fault or that i need to get over it etc.. it made the traumatic event 100x more painful. it’s important to have a good support system around you in this time, bc while many ppl may discount your story & victim blame u or other women, online and/or irl, there are people who will believe you and will stand by you and try their best to support you.

SORRY i ended up rambling a bit. my heads been all scattered for the past week or two. hopefully i was able to give you at least some level of comfort and help here .. pls feel free to talk to me about this stuff whenever. ill be able to handle it and it’ll be worth it if it somehow helps you.

[fruggo]

the boys x tough f!reader (part 2)

requested by : @dranonymous

i love this idea and i hope you all enjoy part two! :D here’s part 1 with the original request.

warnings: swearing, canon-typical violence, dwight is really cute, danny is an asshole, jake is that cute “stoic man who is actually caring and thoughtful” trope because i say so

𝐃𝐖𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃

you are so cool. like ,,,,,so cool

dwight admires you so much. you just got here and yet you are breaking pyramid head’s ankles—dodging his trail of torment left and right, the killer just can’t touch you.

and how did you feel about everything? terrified, honestly, but nobody would ever be able to tell because you didn’t let it get to you. it was like you had already been here before, because the second you learned how to do something, you had it down no problem. fixing generators came naturally, and you could also run the killer for the whole trial if you had to. teammates could easily rely on you to do whatever needed to be done.

that was what made you and dwight such a powerful duo. from the moment you met, you knew you felt comfortable around this guy. he was sweet, maybe a little timid sometimes, but he knew how to step up and be a leader for everyone despite his fears.

you both knew what to do, and you fit together like a glove. your minds worked in very similar ways, which made communicating that much easier and efficient; the second a decision needed to be made, dwight was on top of it, encouraging the teammates and helping them get on their feet. you were already ahead of them, so dwight would just nod to you, knowing you could do your job well.

of course, there were times when dwight’s anxiety got the better of him, and you had to be the one encouraging him.

dwight hated the hag. despised her. he could not stand her jumpscares when a trap was triggered, he would swear he was about to have a heart attack. he couldn’t admit this at first, but you figured it out when feng min was hooked and dwight stuck to the generator, nervously glancing over his shoulder every few seconds. he always went for the saves, so something was obviously wrong.

“dwight? why don’t you go save her?” you asked, eyeing him from your side of the generator.

he didn’t respond, looking over his shoulder again.

you decided to rescue min, but when you got back, you were going to chew dwight out until he gave you a straight answer.

you crawled up to the hook to avoid triggering a trap and gently lowered min to the ground. the two of you inched away carefully until you were far enough away to patch her wound.

“dwight, get off your ass and answer me,” you demanded (affectionately) once you were back at the generator, which was nearly finished. “what’s wrong?”

his eyes conveyed nervousness in every sense of the word; they darted all around, searching for any incoming danger. this was your first time seeing him like this, so you were confused. was he alright?

“it’s just…the hag,” he started, still fiddling with the wires. “her traps, i can’t…”

oh. was he anxious about the traps?

“i just can’t deal with them,” he finally said with difficulty. that was understandable; when they caught you off guard it definitely made you leap out of your skin.

“dwight, listen,” you said. “you’ve dealt with every other killer in this realm, haven’t you? you’ve bested the nurse, the huntress, micky myers, and even the spirit, who’s a bitch. i know hag’s traps are fucking terrifying, but you’re dwight! you are a leader, and you are good at being a leader. you can get out of here, i promise. and besides, with me here, you have nothing to worry about. i’ll kick that witch’s ass, got it?”

your very inspirational speech got him to smile. you were right, anyways—you could definitely kick the hag’s ass. what could go wrong?

nothing, actually. genuinely nothing went wrong. you took chase for the rest of the trial so that dwight didn’t have to worry about a thing, and everybody escaped with no problem. he didn’t understand how you were so good at evading capture—but perhaps you would tell him about your past eventually. you hadn’t yet decided.

back at the campfire, you and dwight comfortably sat side-by-side, patiently waiting until your next trials.

“thanks,” he said.

“for what?”

“for that very motivational speech you gave me,” he laughed.

you wiped imaginary dust off of your shoulder, giving him a confident smile. “i got your back. and man, that hag lady really is a bitch, huh? i can see why you hate her.”

that comment unintentionally caused one of dwight’s long, angry rants about his least favorite killer, and all you could do was watch him and listen with a soft grin on your lips. you’d never seen him angry before—it was adorable. made you wonder if you should just piss him off for fun sometimes.

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊

this guy has hella respect for you

you’re independent and easy to teach, and that’s everything he could ask for.

now and then, the other survivors basically gave newbies to jake to teach them everything about the realm—they considered him the expert on all things survival. you were one of those newbies he was forced to take care of.

jake normally hated teaching new survivors more than anything, because it was never his choice and they were all so difficult. but you were different. you were responsible, reliable, and smart, and it made his job so much easier. as time went on, he grew to be quite fond of you.

word eventually got out that the new girl had managed to charm jake out of his “hermit ways,” but he insisted that it was not true (he also disagreed about the “hermit ways” part). it was never spoken of between the two of you, but it definitely floated around in the air waiting to be addressed.

it really couldn’t be ignored any longer. anytime you were seen anywhere within 24 feet of each other, the other survivors would give you looks and wiggle their eyebrows or shoot you a thumbs up—all of which were unwanted. it created a weird tension between you and jake that wasn’t there before, and you really didn’t like it.

you missed when you were first starting out, and jake had just realized how competent you are. those days were fun—he respected you a lot; you could see it in his face when he looked at you. you always knew when he was pleased and when you did stuff right, because he would have the tiniest, most subtle grin on his face, but you could see it, and it made you feel accomplished.

you knew he still respected you, but you had basically jumped the learning curve of the realm and quickly adapted to every killer, every challenge, and every task. how you did it, nobody could ever know. but you were almost sad, because there was kind of no reason for you and jake to spend a lot of time together anymore. if you did, then everybody would freak out for the wrong reasons, and it would ruin your friendship.

so what if you had a few small feelings for him? no one gave a shit—you knew jake probably wouldn’t give a shit. to him, you were just another annoying survivor he was forced to teach. besides, you didn’t have time for that kind of thing.

man, were you wrong, though. he really, really wanted to be around you, but you already knew everything, so he didn’t know what to do to spend time with you. his way of initial bonding was sharing knowledge, but that had already been done, so…what now?

then came the one trial that changed everything.

it was normal at first. the killer, blight, was doing well, so you had to step up your game. one generator was completed and he had 4 hooks on three different people—you were the only one not hooked yet.

he was after you, and you were expertly dodging every rush and swing he threw your way. unfortunately, you accidentally ran to the generator that jake was working on, and things got a little complicated.

when the blight rushed at the wall, then at you, jake ran towards you while you ran towards him—you were both looking over your shoulders—and alas, bonk. you crashed into each other.

oh, no!! how terrible!! looks like jake fell on top of you :/ what an unfortunate situation to be in /s /s /s /s /s

wowwww near proximity ! you’d never been so close before and it was awkward but nice (?)

then you remembered there was a crazy drug addict or whatever over there and he was chasing you, and the moment was ruined. jake quickly rose and pulled you up with him, and you went in opposite directions, both nervous and wide-eyed now.

lol

after that, the trial went quite south. everybody was sacrificed. perhaps the loss could be partly attributed to you and jake avoiding each other like the plague. but who knows, right?

back at the campfire, you began feeling overwhelmed by all the weird stuff happening lately, so you excused yourself to the edge of the woods to have some quiet time to yourself. a few minutes later, jake came to check on you bc he is a fucking gentleman and yes i will die for the “stoic man who is actually caring and thoughtful” trope. fuck you

it’s slightly awkward at first, but then you start talking like normal and things feel a lot better. a little bit of the tension eases away, but not completely. what the fuck do you do with feelings like this?????

you simply composed yourself as best you could. it would have to do.

now that you felt a little more normal (lie), you trekked back to the campfire to wait for your next trials side-by-side. there was no one you felt more comfortable with or more respected by than jake. he appreciated you for your competency, and that was one of the best things you could ask for.

and to your surprise, jake actually took your hand and laced your fingers with his own. and it felt nice. never in your existence would you have thought he would be okay with displaying public affection, but you smiled up at him and gave his hand a light squeeze.

maybe the entity gave him drugs.

or he just liked you that much. either one would make sense.

𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍

danny hated you. he really did.

you were so unbothered, so calm, so good at knowing what to do. it really pissed him off.

you got so much attention from the other survivors for your skill and that really pissed him off too. it’s not like you cared or wanted it or anything, but how dare they even touch you when you so clearly belonged to danny?

…who knows wtf that even means. so anyways-

when you realized how much time danny spent chasing you in trials when he should have been patrolling generators, you began to get suspicious. especially when he would take you to the hatch and then close it in your face, watching you die to the entity. he obviously had some kind of beef with you.

you were determined to find out what he had against you, so you began to tease him a bit in chases. your favorite and most frequent phrase was something like, "can't catch me? lil baby man? lil baby? lil baby man gonna cry?" you were really testing your luck with that one, and that's why you loved it.

once, you told him his fly was down, and he actually fell for it, making you nearly keel over in laughter. you got moried without even being hooked after that.

despite the horrors that frequented this place, you were never in a crisis about it. you simply learned what had to be done, and then you did it, much to the chagrin of danny. you had skipped the big "useless baby survivor" phase, and that one was his favorite :( he loved trials with new survivors because it was so easy and fun!

but alas, from the beginning, you were always on top of things, always slamming pallets onto his head or saving teammates with a flashlight.

oh, don't even get him started on your flashlight usage. you were the absolute worst to go against--every pallet stun, boom: danny's eyes fucking burned out. every time he picks up a survivor, boom: danny's eyes fucking burned out. you were a bitch with that item.

he finally began to get so fed up with your behavior that he decided you must be taught a lesson. somehow, countless mori and tunneling and camping incidents had not even managed to bother you. you literally did not care. but he had something different in mind this time.

the realm was haddonfield, of course. all of the killers despised this map, and for good reason--you ran danny around the entire neighborhood for three generators. did he have to chase you? no. but he needed to for himself.

he finally caught you in a dead zone, rejoicing to himself as you fell to the ground in defeat. "wow, that was a good chase," you mumbled under your breath, feeling accomplished. one of your best against danny, probably.

you were expecting him to pick you up, but instead he snatched the flashlight from your grasp and chucked it as far away as he could. and before you could protest, he pulled you up to stand again and yanked you towards himself, gripping your wrists so tightly you swore it left bruises.

"what's wrong...lil baby man?" you said with a pout, trying not to laugh. "is baby man angry?"

you were slightly scared if you were being honest, but you couldn't let him know that.

danny sighed. you really didn't know when to stop, did you?

"bitch," he spat, voice dangerously quiet. "cut that shit out."

"what shit?"

he squeezed your arms tighter, provoking an "okay, okay, i get it!" from you.

"do you?"

"sure. what's the worst you could possibly do to me anyways?" after those words left your mouth, you got a weird feeling that the killer was smiling behind his mask.

"listen, uhh, danny, is it?" you said, putting as much nonchalance into your voice as you could. "i just wanna know why you hate me so much. remember that time you closed the hatch in my face? the fuck was that for?"

he frowned at the use of his name but responded regardless, "you're a little bitch, and you deserved that."

you gasped dramatically, feigning offense. "ouch. that one hurt."

"i can make you hurt a lot more," he said darkly. you probably should have been scared, but you just really couldn't take him seriously.

so you laughed. it shouldn't have been funny, but it just was and now you couldn't stop. "you're just--you--i can't--" you wheezed, shaking from the laughter. "i'm sorry, it's really not funny."

danny didn't understand you. anybody else would have been sobbing if he so much as touched them, and here you were acting like it was a joke.

what could he do if you truly were not afraid of him?

perhaps it was time to let it go.

while his guard was down, suddenly you reached above his head and plucked his mask off, revealing his face and continuing your bouts of laughter at his shocked expression.

you threw the mask in the same direction as the flashlight, composing yourself and putting your hands on your hips. "you look pretty nice," you said, nodding.

wow. what the hell was danny supposed to do with you? perhaps the only completely unbothered, completely unserious survivor? he knew you were smart, and you knew what you were doing. he didn't even want to kill you anymore, you were just that fascinating.

that trial ended in you standing at the exit gate, your finger and your thumb in the shape of an L on your forehead. danny couldn’t care less at this point--he was done with your shit. but somehow he still liked you, and this definitely would not be the last time you saw him without his mask.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[ryansjane]

i hope you don’t mind me replying to the other anons question but i don’t think we can ignore that fetishization is a huge part of why fans will consume all things bl. if it was just about wanting lgbtq+ content we would see the same attitude with gl shows which we just don’t. while there are far less gl shows in comparison that should only make it easier for fans to watch every gl show available to them. (1/2)

there was a time where bl wasn’t being mass produced and was quite inaccessible but fans still found a way to watch all of those shows however they don’t seem willing to do the same for gl and i have to assume that’s partly due to them fetishizing gay relationships. (2/2)

absolutely anon, honestly you probably know I'm a huge complainer of the lack of wlw representation from an industry that profits hugely from exploiting mlm relationships. there is absolutely a part of fetishization, even though a good chunk of the fandom are lgbtq+ themselves. I've talked about in my "lack of thai gl" video which is currently my most watched ever, & I've also been planning to write a video titled "why is lgbtq+ representation so male-centered?", but the reason I haven't yet is bc I don't really KNOW fully why. I think part of it is that a lot of straight women only want mlm content which then YES, is fetishization to a certain extent, but I also think that we've all been so used to our heroes, our protagonists being male, that we tend to relate to & empathize better with male characters. men are put off from liking anything that centers women at its core, while women are far more encouraged to like male things & it's more globally accepted. on top of that, I think what personally attracted me to bl romances at first, was that there's no women in them. I think we as women are so raised to compare ourselves to other women, we're made to aspire to look like one singular beauty standard that contains no exception, that having a romance where firstly we can't compare ourselves to the female lead bc there's none, and where the more toxic tropes of most romances don't matter as much bc you don't feel as concerned, was more enjoyable for me for a long while. of course I later realized that watching mlm relationships also allowed me to explore my own queerness without women being the center of it, which is something I now seek bc I've finally figured myself out, but at the time would’ve felt uncomfortable bc of my own denial of my bisexuality. anyways kinda rambling now, what I mean to say is that we 100% need to acknowledge how present fetishization is in bl bc it definitely is there, but I also think there are many reasons why bl is so popular, & why gl is not. hopefully though, since bl has slowly transitioned from a genre created by & for straight women to something that, even when not necessarily wanting to, caters to a whole lot of queer people, we can only hope that gl is finally gonna start gaining some popularity soon as well. though sadly, as always, anything centering women always arrives years later compared to male-centered content 🙄

xxx

[midknight-hour]

y’all remember this

bc i was bored and couldn’t sleep last night so i made a littol drabble. it’s not much and i’ll probably actually work on a story at some point but i thought i’d share to the riddlebat stans <3

btw this is literally a mash up of any canon i enjoy <333333333333 it’s my fanfic and i get to choose the backstory and ships

— — — — — —

It wasn’t often that Edward was allowed to watch television at home. His father would kill him if he even saw him near the thing, of course. He couldn’t be trusted with such expensive items with his lack of sense. Though it seemed as though everyone in the city was currently tuned into the news… all because their royal family had been slain.

It had dominated the public sphere since the moment the press caught news of the killings. Martha and Thomas Wayne, Gotham’s saviors, had been gunned down in a back alley in front of their own son. It was a tragedy, though clearly one the news was choosing to sensationalize for their own gain.

Or at least that was what Ed had surmised.

He’d been following the story intently, sneaking into the living room late at night to watch the news as his father slept on the couch. The ceremonies and court hearings. The crime itself, and the manhunt that went on without any sort of breakthrough for days. The media treated it like some sort of twisted crime thriller, or a mystery novel. No sympathy, just unabashed curiosity. No stone was left unturned as they pried into the personal lives and final days of the deceased.

The funeral was mostly attended by cameras and anchormen, the young Wayne boy sitting in front beside the old butler of the house. It was a replay, obviously. The midday sun, barely visible behind the dull rain clouds, a stark contrast to the pitch black night he was currently enveloped in.

The procession was grim, the burial quiet, but that was all that the bereaved were allowed before the storm of questioning began.

“Bruce Wayne! Over here!”

“Mr. Wayne! A word, please!”

“Sir- Sir! Are you the legal guardian of the boy? I’d like to speak with him.”

The older man seemed to be attempting to guard Bruce from the onslaught of camera flashes and clamoring voices, but there wasn’t much he could do as they began the treacherous walk back to the limousine. It made Edward feel sick. He couldn’t imagine how he would have felt if things had been so hectic on the day of his mother’s burial. Though perhaps his own father had been enough of a spectacle to make up for it. Either way, he felt a deep connection to the other boy, even through the screen.

The Wayne boy was still being cornered by the hounds, each question being barked somehow worse than the last.

“Who are you wearing?” “Do you have any family coming to the manor to claim you?” “Bruce Wayne! How are you feeling about your inheritance? How much did your parents leave you?”

“Please…. Just leave me alone.”

Edward’s blood ran cold.

“I just want to go home.”

No. It can’t be.

“Get out of the way!” The boy snapped, his sadness morphing in anger at the frothing crowds. And just like that, he was whisked away by a police officer to his vehicle to avoid any further confrontation. And the clip ended.

Now, one would expect Edward to be feeling nauseous simply due of the exploitation of someone his age at such a vulnerable time. Which he was, partly. It was despicable. But it wasn’t the main reason he felt like throwing up as he stumbled back to his room and slammed the door behind him.

He locked himself in his bedroom, ignoring the sounds of his waking father down the hall. Then he fumbled with the edges of his shirt as he pulled it up and over his head, reading the dark lines embedded in his skin, across his chest just like it had always been.

“Please, just leave me alone.”

After years of his life assuming his soulmate would be rightfully disgusted by him in their meeting moments…

“I just want to go home.”

— — —

Bruce was a drastically a different person then he had been in his youth.

As he stood vigilant in his superhero’s fortress, which Alfred had lovingly nicknamed his “bat cave,” he thought back to that day in the cemetery. The way his anger had suddenly surged, like a wave. Over the years he had learned to aim his anger and vengeful spirit at something more productive, starting out with the task of finding his parents’ killer. Though when that didn’t pan out, he found it in himself to instead focus on the public good. To prevent others from feeling that same pain he still held in his heart. But unsurprisingly enough, that made him a lot of enemies.

He had been on the case of a rather curious criminal the past few days, one which seemed to have some sort of vendetta against the law. He merely went by the name of E. Nigma, and he had been terrorizing the GCPD by hacking into theur systems to release sensitive information to the masses, despite any and all security measures put in place.

He’d left cryptic hints as he went- some mentioned him by name. “The Batman.” Others were addressed to Gordon or Bullock. Each was mysterious, and vague, though seemed to allude to a bigger picture. Names of specific officers had been sprinkled throughout by means of codes and ciphers, so he’d been holed up in his cave researching each named figure on the GCPD’s archives.

He had some of the most advanced technology in the world at his disposal, and his main computer was no different, so he hadn’t expected this so-called enigma to find his way into his system any time soon. But then again, underestimating the enemy was so often the folly of confident heroes.

All at once, just as Bruce felt like he was beginning to get somewhere, the monitor went dead.

There was a sharp ringing in the air as the speakers crackled around him, a deep, malicious laugh pouring around him. The screen sporadically began to flash- off, on, off on, before a single, pixelated, green question mark floated in the middle of the dark plane before him.

“Riddle me this, detective~”

Oh.

Well.

This is going to be interesting.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twelve

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: this took so long bc ive been reading chain of iron and in general agonizing over things i cant control instead of being productive 🥴 that being said, absolutely none of the events in this chapter were planned in my outline, but here we are with something new!

***

December brings more snow and bone chilling weather, to the point where Cassian has to drag Nesta out of bed, either physically or by phone call, to get her to therapy appointments on time. 

She’s in the waiting room one freezing morning when, in her utter boredom, she musters up the nerve to turn to the girl sitting next to her. “What are you in here for?”

The girl blinks her large blue eyes, taking notice of Nesta for the first time. Nesta uses the opportunity to take in her freckle-painted face, a little wan but beautiful. Reddish brown hair hangs around her face and shoulders, creating a thick curtain from the rest of the world, and Nesta’s curiosity piques like she’s just found a shiny new toy.

It probably isn’t right to compare people to toys, but then the girl says, “This isn’t prison, you know.” Her voice is deep, almost sultry— completely at odds from her huddled-in posture and sickened expression. “I didn’t commit a crime to have to be here.”

Is she insulted by Nesta’s question, or is she poking a joke? Nesta decides to play it safe by murmuring, “Sorry, never mind.”

She starts to turn away when the girl says, “We’re trying a new type of trauma therapy today. I had to get here half an hour early because I couldn’t swallow my nerves.”

Nesta might lack many social skills, but she isn’t stupid enough to ask what kind of trauma the girl is being treated for. Instead, she nods casually as if she understands the struggle. “I’ve been coming here for weeks now and I’ve barely discussed shit. That’s mostly on me, but you know…” She actually doesn’t know where she’s going with her train of thought. “It sounds brave to do whatever you're doing,” she states finally. “I don’t think I’ll be able to open up that much about myself, ever.” 

The girl gives Nesta a weird look that she immediately recognizes. Nesta uses it every time she doesn’t know how to respond to someone who takes her by surprise.

The door to Lana’s office clicks open, and the woman herself pokes her head out with a plain smile. “Ready, Nesta?”

Nesta bites down on her frown. She has a feeling today won’t be as easy as her past sessions.

She’s about to leave without another glance at the girl beside her when that low voice speaks up. “I’m Gwyn.”

Nesta looks back at her as she gets up from her chair, and says the first reply that comes to mind: “Good to know.”

***

Nesta is contemplative hours after she gets back from her therapy session, bundled up in her bed with a coloring book. The repetitive motion of filling in the mandala drawing lets her mind wander, picking up and dropping different thoughts like she’s inspecting stones. 

She keeps her wrist light as she colors in with red. She finally said Tomas’s name in therapy today, though the action left a slimy feeling in Nesta’s stomach that lingers even now. She also spoke about her sisters, which somehow ended up leading to a discussion of her uterus. 

“How have you been dealing with the endometriosis news?”

Nesta shrugged. “I’m getting treated, and my last period was more bearable than usual—”

“I mean mentally, how are you doing? With how your condition could affect your future?”

Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Affect me how?”

“Have you never considered the impact it could have on your ability to bear children?”

“Not everything in life is about bearing children, you know.”

“We’re humans. It’s definitely something to consider.”

“Not for me. I’ve never wanted kids.” A mistruth at best. “I don’t care what endo does or doesn’t do to me on those grounds.”

In a way, Nesta told herself, the health risks were actually for the best. If she ever did, by some stupid loss of sanity, try to have children, then her body would act as a safety net from her decisions.

Lana only said, “You’ll never know how much you care or don’t care until you talk out your feelings.”

“Then I guess we’ll never know.”

Nesta lets the memory of that conversation drop like a stone on a shore. That’s not something she has to face for a good long while. No, right now she has to face her past. 

Her sisters, and her ex, and even her father— 

I wonder if I came off too strong with Gwyn today. 

Her hand stops drawing, and she switches out her red marker for an orange one. This thought she doesn’t mind inspecting for a little longer: she and Gwyn ended up leaving their sessions at the same time, which meant they were forced into stilted conversation on the way down to the parking lot. 

Not forced, Nesta self-corrects. She willingly initiated a conversation, and it didn’t go terribly. She wonders if making friends in therapy waiting rooms is a real thing.

Her phone vibrates beside her, breaking her hours-long mental bubble. Blinking dazedly, she answers the phone call.

“How are you?” is the first thing Cassian says to her. He makes sure to ask her that at least twice a day, like a gauging of her temperature. It makes Nesta wonder what she’s ever done in her life to call for such… attention to her well-being. 

“I’m good,” she answers honestly. “My head’s a little loud right now, but I don’t mind it.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I’d rather hear you talk.” She slumps back against her pillows, coloring book forgotten. “What’s up?”

“Ah...” Cassian sounds hesitant for the first time since their relationship started. “It’s just that I haven’t gotten my Christmas decorations up yet, and I was going to ask if you wanted to help.”

Nesta takes a moment to absorb his words. “It’s December fifth,” she says.

“Yeah?”

“You just seem like somebody who does their decorations the day after Thanksgiving.”

“Well, this year is a little different, with you moving out and being busy with school…” He pauses. “I was waiting to do it with you.”

When she doesn’t reply, Cassian adds, “I don’t even know if you care about Christmas. I know you and your family sort of ignored holidays. It’s fine if you don’t want to—”

“I’ll be over right now,” Nesta blurts. 

Half an hour later, Cassian swings open his door with a smug grin on his face; a vast difference from the stammering hesitance he displayed over the phone earlier. Nesta’s own lips want to pull up into a smile just at the sight of him, but she holds back and narrows her eyes instead. “What’s got you so worked up?” she questions as she steps into the warmth of the cabin and out of the freezing cold.

“The way you ran over here as soon as I asked.” He looks her up and down, still amused. “You didn’t even bother to change, did you?”

It’s true: she’s in the same sweatpants and long sleeved tee she wore around home, and her socked feet are shoved into slippers. 

“Get that smirk off your face.” Nesta flicks his nose before tossing her coat off. “If this is a competition about who’s got a bigger puppy-crush for whom, you already won when you delayed putting up your Christmas decorations for me.”

“Fair enough,” he grins. The words send an unexpected pang through Nesta, because it’s partly true, isn’t it? He cares more openly for her than she does for him. 

She looks away in guilt, not knowing how to fix the imbalance. Her eyes land on the living room coffee table, where their half-finished jigsaw puzzle sits. It’s been stored under the couch for the past few weeks, forgotten by Nesta and Cassian alike as they moved on with their lives, but now it’s sitting out again.

“Have you been working on the puzzle without me?” She raises an inquisitive brow, about to feel— hurt.

“Never,” Cassian promises, saving her from that irrational hurt. “I just brought it out because I figured we should get to finishing it one day.”

She pads over to the table, picking up a puzzle piece and turning it over in her hand. “I don’t know if you remember, but we had a terrible time working on this,” she scoffs lightly.

“Oh, I remember,” he says, coming up behind her and stealing the piece from her grasp. “I think it’s safe to say those evenings were the worst fights we’ll ever have together.”

Nesta leans back against Cassian’s chest and hums. “It made us a stronger couple, don’t you think?” She turns her head up and back to meet Cassian’s eyes, finding that he’s already looking down at her.

Hypnotized, she leans into his warmth. She only manages to land the smallest kiss against his lips when his hand squeezes her ass cheek. “You’re here for a job, remember?” He taps her butt before pulling away, gesturing to the Christmas tree in the corner of the living area with his chin. It stands bare. “You do tinsel, I’ll do lights.”

Tinsel is harder to work with than Nesta remembers. She only manages to get half the tree done before plopping onto the Persian rug, exhausted and covered in silvery material. She doesn’t mind laying there while Cassian continues working; it’s her revenge for when he napped on her bed while she moved in.

“You know the stair railings still need to be wreathed, Archeron.”

Nesta declines to respond, tilting her head on the carpet for a better view of her boyfriend’s ass instead. “All this decorating,” she starts. “Is it just for you?”

Cassian turns to her, surprised. “Well…”

She pushes up onto her elbows, catching her mistake. “Are we doing Christmas together? Or are your friends coming over?” She hasn’t bothered to celebrate Christmas in years now, and she doesn’t care much what Cassian’s plans are either way.

“I was hoping for both?” He sounds hesitant. “Christmas Eve is all the way over in Velaris, but I was thinking we could go together, open some presents, and come back and spend Christmas here.”

Nesta purses her lips. She doesn’t actually hate that plan. Both Feyre and Elain have been pestering her with the annual texts asking her to visit for Christmas, and for once, she feels like responding to them. The invitation is more of a formality than an actual request at this point; she doubts her sisters want her there after years of rejections, but… what’s the harm?

“Is that a yes?” Cassian asks at her unreadable face.

“Yes,” she states unflinchingly. She refuses to overthink the possible consequences of this choice and chooses to focus on the broad grin overtaking Cassian’s face. “Really?” he says.

“But there has to be rules.” Nesta sits up fully now. “No one can know we’re together, no matter how much you trust or love them.”

“We already agreed to that, baby.”

Yes, but Nesta knows the secret weighs on him heavier than he shows— even if he agrees with her that it's for the best. “It’ll be different when we’re together in the same room as everyone else,” she says. Cassian wears his beating heart on his sleeve, and she doesn’t think he’s ever had to hide it before.

“You’ll also be different,” she adds. “It’s a huge change of pace.”

Cassian drops the remaining strand of lights and smiles confusedly down at her. “What do you mean, I’ll be different?” He sits across from her, before the blazing fire. 

“You know how you get around your friends.” Nesta shrugs without a thought. “Like your personality readjusts to mirror the people around you. I used to find it a mix of sad and adorable, like a neglected puppy desperate for love, but now I— okay, I still feel the same way.” She waves a hand in a dismissive gesture.

By the look on Cassian’s face, he does not find her words so easily dismissed. 

Coldness curdles in the pit of Nesta’s stomach, the realization that she’s said something wrong. She can’t fix it until she knows where she fucked up, though.

“Is that what you think of me?” Cassian finally says lowly. His usually expressive mouth is drawn tight and narrow. 

“Um… What would you rather I think of you?”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “Seriously, Nesta?”

Nesta’s back stiffens, refusing to cower. “I only described what I’ve observed in the past.”

“And what you observed was a desperate puppy?” His voice is cold in a way she’s never heard before.

Okay, she’s starting to see how that might be offensive. She forges onward, “Tell me what you think about yourself in the presence of your family, then.” It’s a private victory that she says family instead of clown circus. But she’s not trying to turn this into a fight.

Cassian is silent, but his stare continues to rage at her.

“Tell me,” Nesta repeats.

His hands curl into fists on the rug. “I think I’m empathetic, easy to talk to, and easier to be around. Is it a problem if I’m likable?” Unlike you are the unsaid words.

Nesta inspects the space between them like it’s a chessboard. “And what part of yourself are you giving up to be so likable, Cassian?” she says quietly.

“Nothing.”

Nesta disagrees, if only because she’s been watching him out of the corner of her eye for years. “I think you base your personality off of those you love, and you lose a little bit of your true self every time you put others’ needs before your own.” 

She shuts her mouth, not having expected such honesty to come out of it. Cassian is taken aback, too, she can tell.

“And I guess it’s natural that you’d see all of that as a bad thing, considering your history of being closed off and self-serving to a fault,” he fires back with the flatness Nesta utilizes so often.

One for one. Fair enough. “We’re both right then,” Nesta says. “You work for your best friend because you have no ambition beyond serving your family, and I have no such family because I can’t bring myself to care about those things. Are we even now?”

Cassian furrows his brows, those defensive walls melting away as he realizes she’s completely serious. “What? No, Nes—” He shakes his head. “Okay, so maybe you’re right about me. Maybe I agree with you a little bit, but… If we see flaws in each other, then we should be working to overcome them instead of weaponizing them.”

Now Nesta’s the one shaking her head, quickly lifting a hand to stop him. “Relax there, sweetheart. I have no expectations from you or myself to go on some self-improvement journey now that we’re together. Talking about my feelings with a professional every week is hard enough.” Yes, agreeing to go to Feyre’s Christmas party is improvement. Slow, barely there improvement, but enough to wear her out for the rest of the month. For Nesta to fully let people into her life, to treat them as lovingly as she treats Cassian— that’s a long way away. She can’t envision it, doesn’t even know if she wants it.

Cassian must understand some of what she’s thinking, because he nods and backs off. He gets back up and returns to stringing lights, tossing a handful of tinsel at Nesta as if to say Get back to work. 

She stands and obeys, thinking their not-argument is officially over when Cassian says, “You’re wrong about one thing.”

She looks up from where she threads tinsel through fir leaves. He doesn’t take his eyes off his work as he says, “You do have a family. And deep, deep down, you care about them as much as I care about mine.”

***

Nesta catches Emerie’s eye as the dark-haired beauty walks into the pub. Raising a hand and waving, she gestures Emerie over to the booth she’s sitting in. 

“Look what I found,” Nesta says with a hint of pride, pointing to the redhead sitting beside her. “A third girl for girl’s night!”

“I was kidnapped,” Gwyn speaks up. “Jumped on the way to my car.” She’s out of her usual hoodie and in a tight-fitting blouse, looking stunning even while seeming out of place in the dim bar.

“She came here consensually,” Nesta retorts. “Emerie, this is Gwyn. We met at therapy.”

Gwyn offers Emerie an awkward smile.

Emerie slides into the booth across from them with raised brows. She looks between Nesta and the new girl and back again. “You invited her here? All by yourself?” she asks.

Nesta nods firmly.

Emerie breaks into a wide grin and reaches over the table to grab Nesta’s hand. “I’m so proud of you!” If Emerie were anyone else, she’d be squealing in excitement, but Emerie does not squeal.

Nesta waves off her friend’s praise, though a part of her wants to beam at it, too.

Gwyn glances between the two of them with slight amusement. “I mean, it’s not that impressive,” she says. “She came on a bit too strong, probably a five out of ten on the asking-someone-out scale.”

“‘A bit too strong’ is all you’re gonna get with Nesta,” Emerie says, lifting her hand to order drinks. “She’s all-or-nothing, and most people would pray she doesn’t give them her nothing.”

Nesta doesn’t know if that’s a compliment, but she supposes there are worse things that could be said about her.

“So, Gwyn, what do you do?” Emerie leans forward. “All our friends are law students and it’s starting to get boring.”

Gwyn goes off about her librarian job as Nesta orders their drinks, and Emerie rests her chin in her hand and listens eagerly. Christmas music plays softly in the background and snow flurries gently outside. Nesta thinks she can’t be doing that bad in life, if she’s managed to carve out this little slice of happiness for herself.

***

a/n: i promise shit actually happens next chapter! we're getting christmas with nessian and the ic in the same room for the first time

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson

[yamalegacy]

can you do nsfw headcanons with mt lady please?

can i? can i do n/sfw hcs for one of my favourite characters? of fucking course i am! and i will happily do so bc i'm big time horned monster for lil miss mt lady! and well, since i didn't know where to start, in true super extra french fashion, went overboard and finished the n/sfw alphabet for her 💛

i’d already done a, d, l, m, t, y but i added them to this post so that i can have a full alphabet in one post!

cw: mentions of dom/sub dynamics, rough sex, threesomes, dry humping, finger sucking and slight oral fixation probably, mentions of so many things tbh. yū is a brat. also, pubic hair and stretch marks? idk man

⚠️ MDNI not so casual reminder for minors to not interact with this post ⚠️

A — AFTERCARE ( what are they like after sex? )

she is a bottom through and through and a pillow princess, so get ready to have to take care of her because she gets even lazier than usual after a good fuck. she can get whiny and demanding, asking for a bath or tea or both, but you’ll always be rewarded with cuddles and kisses. if she doesn’t fall asleep, that is.

B — BODY PART ( which body part do they like the most? )

big time ass and thighs girl right here. she enjoys a handful (or two handfuls, you know), girl loves a shapely ass that feels nice in her hands. she can’t keep her hands off of a nice ass.

C — CUM ( any headcanon about cum )

she complains a lot about basically all things cum related at first lbr, not to the point of complaining about going down on you (well, depending on how much you come, really...). it’ll take a while for yū to accept to kiss you after you eat her out, but you’ll catch her moaning at the taste of her own arousal more than once. and well. maybe sucking on your fingers after you fucked her turns her on a whole fucking lot. don’t expect her to admit it out loud tho.

D — DREAMS ( do they have sex dreams? what kind? how do they react? )

fairly regular kinky dreamland visitor. yū hates her sex dreams though. she always wakes up just when things are getting good, so she wakes up wet, needy and desperate every time. if you aren’t sleeping together that night, she’ll send you messages to complain, or even call you, hoping for a quickie over the phone. if you’re in her bed, she won’t care what time it is, she’ll wake you up and demand that you make her come. if you ignore her and go back to sleep, be ready to deal with a grumpy pro hero all day long (poor kamui woods has heard her complain about it way too many times and wishes he could forget everything she’s told him, especially that one time she dreamed about a threesome with you and him).

E — EXPERIENCE ( how much experience do they have? )

a lot less than you’d expect her to. yū is still young and she’s been extremely busy trying to become a pro hero so she hasn’t had that much time to experiment. she’s had a few partners, but it’s mostly been vanilla experiences for her.

F — FAVORITE POSITION ( what is their favorite sex position? )

she likes when things are close and personal, so missionary is always good with her, honestly. she loves being able to see your face and kiss you when you fuck her. yū also enjoys being bent over your lap, so that you can fuck her with your fingers and pull at her hair — learn how to multi-task, my friend, and she’ll be putty in your hands.

G — GRAB ( where do they like to have their hands on you the most? )

ass ass ass. thighs. ass. there’s very few things that yū loves more than a good ass and she will never stop touching it when it’s within her reach. when she is acting jealous or possessive, she tends to grab you by the wrists. if she’s still feeling possessive when you get home, she will crawl on top of you and keep her fingers wrapped around your wrists for a while, and then intertwine your fingers. yū has a habit of squeezing, it’s a way for her to make sure that you’re there, with her, that you aren’t going to go away.

H — HOT & BOTHERED ( what are they like when turned on? )

oh boy. is she a wild one! no matter what, she will be needy, but it might manifest in two very different ways. 1) she’ll give you the cold shoulder and pretend that she totally isn’t horny and desperate, she’s stubborn like that, but she sucks at hiding those things from you; she always presses her thighs together, that’s her biggest tell 2) she’ll just outright initiate intimacy, kiss your neck, straddle your lap and grind on your thigh.

I — INTIMACY ( how caring are they during/after sex? )

yū isn’t exactly the most gentle of lovers in general, even outside of your sex life. she is good with gentle touches, like caressing you, touching your hair, but when it comes to sex... little miss pillow princess expects you to take care of her. and she can be pretty demanding about it. but her habit of holding your hands is one of the ways she shows she cares.

J — JACK OFF ( any masturbation headcanon )

when adrenaline sets down after a day at work, yū needs the release more than anything, it’s also a really good way for her to relieve some stress. being a pro hero isn’t easy every day after all! she tends to want to make it quick because she doesn’t have all that much patience, which is exactly why she avoids penetration when touching herself; she’s all about rubbing her clit and vibrators — and she knows how to make it rough and quick.

K — KINK ( favorites? which ones do they keep secret? )

(semi) public sex, edging, overstimulation and multiple orgasms. dominance and any display of dominance that might be associated with a dom/sub dynamic, really. yū is a sub and it shows. she’ll complain about orgasm control because she’s not getting the release she needs, but it’s one of her favorite things. she has a bit of an oral fixation, bit of an obsession with sucking your fingers and licking them clean after you’ve fucked her, but she... well, she doesn’t want to admit it tho. it’s not that much of a secret since it’s become extremely obvious to you. on the other hand, she wouldn’t mind trying some roleplay/petplay and a bit more of degradation, but she sure af would mind saying it out-loud.

L — LOCATION ( what is their favorite place to have sex? )

being the pillow princess that she is, yū will always favor a comfortable bed over anything else, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy sex in other places. the two of you have become well acquainted with the couch at her agency (which has led to some awkward situations when you realized too late that you weren’t actually alone in the building).

M — MOTIVATION ( what turns them on? )

extremely sensitive and painfully easy to turn on. you barely have to try to turn her on most of the time, really. run your fingers on her inner thighs, grab her by the waist, whisper in her ear about what you want to do to her and she’ll be ready to go. yū will complain a lot if you do it in public, but that’s only because it gets her turned on in record time! hearing your voice, your praises, spurs her on better than anything else.

N — NOPE ( any turn offs or hard limits? )

she is a bit claustrophobic and her quirk makes it dangerous for her to feel trapped, which is why you have a safeword. she doesn’t like being handcuffed or tied down unless she knows she has an easy way out. she likes when you sit on her face, but not for too long, for the same reasons.

O — ORAL ( do they like giving or receiving? a preference? )

yū is an oral enthusiast, of course. she prefers receiving (she isn’t a pillow princess for no reason), but she enjoys pleasing you and being good for you, so there’s not a doubt she enjoys going down on you.

P — PACE ( fast or slow? )

her impatience makes it harder for her to enjoy slow at times. she wants it hard and fast (partly because it’s much easier than dealing with feelings). and well, when you take it slow and edge her... she is so sensitive that she’s come without permission on accident more than once because she just can’t control it. fast is easier because then she knows you just expect her to come.

Q — QUICKIE ( are they up for a quickie? )

always. all the time. never not up for a quickie.

R — ROMANCE ( do they like romantic gestures to set the mood? )

while she likes the idea on paper, the whole concept of taking the time to enjoy the moment, have nice scented candles and a warm bath, and she might put some effort into it when she has days off tbh. but it’s mt lady we’re talking about, you should know better than to expect all that romance fantasy! yū still knows how to surprise you from time to time.

S — STAMINA ( how long can they last? )

yū is a pro hero. she has years of training behind her and regularly works up to stay in shape, so she definitely has the stamina to go several rounds! but depending on how tiring her day has been. honestly, she might not make it to a first orgasm one some days, but those are rare occasions.

T — TALK ( what is their dirty talk like? )

yū isn’t necessarily the best with words; she’s all for kisses and touches. but if you’re touching her the right way, she’ll tell you how good you are. she won’t hesitate to tell you that she’s all yours and that she’s wet just for you.

U — UNFAIR ( how much do they tease? )

this woman. she knows your weaknesses, she knows what turns you on, what makes you want her the most. she likes to provoke more than to really tease; she wears the outfits that you love the most on her, the cute bras that push her tits up just right, the pretty sets of lingerie that she’s bought to look nice for you. if she’s feeling mean, she’ll swat your hands away when you try to touch her, but honestly, it won’t last long because. well. once again, yū is extremely impatient and there’s no much that can be done about it.

V — VOLUME ( how loud are they? )

makes a lot of noises but isn’t super loud in general. moans and whines, a lot of them. she makes the prettiest noises, honestly.

W — WILD CARD

you can't tell me that with her quirk she doesn't have stretch marks. she kinda hates them and is glad that her hero costume hides them, but seriously, just take a minute to kiss them and run your fingers over them. funnily enough, while she hates her own stretch marks, she could spend hours appreciating yours.

X — X-RAY ( any headcanon about their bodies and grooming habits )

yū takes really good care of herself and her body — she doesn’t like to shave everything off when it comes to her pubic hair, she keeps it clean and trimmed tho. she has very nice ethics when it comes to her appearance. shaves, no waxing, she hates the idea of having to go to a salon and have a stranger touch her, even if it’s their job.

Y — YEARNING ( how desperate do they tend to be? )

mt. lady is queen of yearning. she’s also queen of pretending that she doesn’t miss you all the time. if work takes over her life for a few days and she can’t see you for a while, you can expect her to just be glued to you the second she sees you again. she’ll be extra needy and probably want to ride your thigh. she wouldn’t be able to let you go. and yet she’ll try (and fail) to pretend like she didn’t miss you and wasn’t desperate to feel you again.

Z — ZZZZ… ( how quickly do they fall asleep? )

well... it’s happened a few times that she fell asleep embarrassingly quickly after an orgasm... let’s say you’ve stopped counting how many times she’s fallen asleep with your fingers in her mouth.