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ithebookhoarder · 3 years ago

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Hi! I was wondering if you could something where the reader is clint’s daughter and dating kate bishop? clint doesn’t know until kate takes him there to stay safe from the tracksuits. thanks!

Never meet your heroes (Kate Bishop x Barton!Reader)

A/N: Just so you know, I have changed the timeline a tiny bit for this episode (episode 2), so Kate doesn’t go back to the apartment straight away after the auction, but oh well… I'm sure you'll forgive me. ❤️ I loved writing this one so much!

Masterlist:

Y/N [8:45 PM]: Hey. So. Show was awful Calling it quits before 2nd act starts. Gonna grab dinner and head to yours after. Hope you have fun tonight… can’t wait to see you again. I’ll bring egg rolls!

Kate 🏹 [8:47 PM]: 😋 You’re amazing - did you know that? Have fun and wish me luck 🤞

Y/N [8:48 PM]: Good luck! And try not to start anything with Armaund. Not in the mood to bail you out tonight 😆

Kate 🏹 [8:49 PM]: … no promises …

Y/N [8:50 PM]: 🙄 You’re lucky you’re cute

Kate 🏹 [8:50 PM]: 😉

Y/N [10:14 PM]: Just got back - let myself in with the key. How’s party going? Hope you’re hungry btw. Brought wayyyy too many egg rolls, and some leftovers the owners gave us.

You stared at your phone as you watched the message send.

On one hand you knew it was probably pointless to text your girlfriend, given that she was due home any minute - or so the clock in the kitchen kept telling you. Still, part of you felt odd being in Kate’s apartment alone, with only leftover egg rolls for company. The place felt oddly empty without her in it, and sure… you were being sappy, but in all honesty you were missing her.

It was your last night together, until after the holidays were over and you were back at school together. You couldn’t wait to sit by the weird looking Christmas tree you’d insisted she erect and open the presents you’d both brought. It was a mini Christmas before you both separated to spend the actual day with your families.

Still, you couldn’t exactly be mad when you’d been the one to tell Kate to go to her mom’s company holiday party. You’d had plans of your own tonight, and were meant to be home later than you’d ended up being. It hadn’t made sense for Kate to simply sit around in the apartment waiting for you. Not when this party meant a lot to her mom - so you’d told her to go, that you could meet up after and spend the night together before you met up with your family in the morning.

After all, you knew things were strained between Kate and her mom and tonight would be a good gesture to help make things better between them. Then again, most parents would be pretty pissed if their child destroyed a historic college relic, in the pursuit of a bet… It was only natural that her mom was mad - hell your parents would have been too, if they’d found out your part in the whole scheme that resulted in the collapse of the bell tower.

Thankfully, Kate - the saint that she was - had insisted she take the fall for you and your other conspirators. As she put it: ‘she had enough money to get herself out of it’. Even if it was true it had felt a bit wrong to let her go ahead with her martyrdom, but that was your girlfriend; she was stubborn and loyal and there was no convincing her otherwise once she dug her heels in.

Ah, Kate Bishop… you’d never met anyone like her.

It had been a hectic whirlwind of a relationship since you’d met, back during your first few weeks at college.

In some ways, it had been fate drawing you two together, what with you both being the only two new students having signed up to the archery team’s trial day. It was rare enough that there were colleges that actually had the sport hosted, let alone that there would be new students as keen as you to try out… and that they’d be half as good too - and given the fact you’d been trained by Hawkeye himself, that was saying something.

Speaking of your dad, however, you knew Kate admired him - scratch that, idolised him. However, you were used to giving people a false last name out of habit; it was your parent’s way of keeping you safe and distanced from everything, especially after the whole HYDRA incident had seen most of SHIELD’s intelligence splashed across the internet for anyone to see. All it took was one click and some decent wifi for people to figure out that the name Barton tied you to an Avenger.

So, you couldn’t exactly be blamed for not being 100% honest with Kate about who you really were.

As she’d stuck her hand out that first day and introduced herself, you’d taken it, and replied with your own name.

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

So you’d used your Mom’s maiden name. It wasn’t a big deal at first, given that you were team mates, and then friends quickly after. But when you finally made the move into girlfriend territory… well, you’d be lying if you didn’t say you felt incredibly guilty.

You kept meaning to tell her, but the longer things went on the weirder and more awkward the idea became. How did one tell their girlfriend that they’d lied about their identity? And that their childhood hero - who they raved about on a daily basis - was the same man who potty trained you?

Like it or not, you’d dug yourself a hole - one you’d spent the last few weeks trying to plan a way out of.

You were still digging when Kate used the bell tower incident as an excuse to ask you to come spend a week or so with her at her place - away from dorm mates, angry parents, and all the other distractions that came with college life. Here, in this apartment, you were in a safe bubble.

At first, the idea of a week in New York seemed perfect given that your dad had talked about taking you and your siblings to the city for a couple days, so that you could finally use the tickets he’d been sent for the new broadway show - Rodgers: The Musical. You could meet up with them, see the show, and then fly home for the holidays as planned.

On the other hand, it also meant you had a chance to finally come clean to Kate - especially given how honest she’d been about everything in her life at the moment. Being alone together, for a week, meant you didn’t have an excuse… well, you said that yet here you were, the night before you were meant to fly home, looking for a strong bottle of tequila to down before Kate got home and you decided to drop that little nugget of information.

“Damn it.”

You sighed.

You reached into the cupboard to retrieve one of the two glasses that sat in Kate’s apartment, before making yourself comfy on the couch, your rapidly cooling egg rolls in hand. Pulling the cork from the top of the bottle, you helped yourself to a slightly generous shot of the only liquor you’d been able to find.

The familiar burn was comforting as you downed it.

“Could have used one of these earlier,” you muttered, reaching to pour another one. “Show seemed to last forever.”

It really had - who knew a musical about the Avengers could be so painful to sit through? Then again, you knew it wasn’t entirely down the cheesy lyrics or irritatingly catchy tunes. No. Your dad’s sudden deterioration at the entrance of the actress portraying Natasha was indicative of the sudden nausea you had also felt at seeing your aunt’s likeness singing and dancing about… your palms had gone sweaty, and it took all the strength you had to make your shaking legs co-operate as you’d risen from your seat and hurried after him.

To be honest, you’d been grateful to have an excuse to leave.

You shot your brothers and sister a look as you ushered them out of the theatre, and after your dad.

You didn’t even have to ask to know they weren’t ok… neither was your dad. After all, you felt the loss aching from within, and you’d known her a fraction of time compared to him. Hell, Aunt Nat had been family and there were some wounds time wouldn’t heal, or at least, not completely.

Until then, you had egg rolls, tequila, and a girlfriend to help fill the void inside.

Speaking of, your dad (and siblings) had naturally been curious about your relationship. They’d basically spent most of dinner badgering you about her, and even as you’d hailed a taxi to take you back to hers for the night.

Standing on the street, the icy night air nipping at you all, you’d thought you’d be safe from the interrogation even for a moment. The fact you dad had chosen to stand there, rather than back inside the warm restaurant, said he was more than intrigued - and still as protective as he’d always been. There was no way in hell he’d let you stand outside on your own, even if you were now 22.

“I’m just saying, if you don’t let us meet her soon, your brother and sisters are going to think she’s fake.”

“A fake girlfriend? Seriously?”

Your dad shrugged, mischief clear in his eyes. “Can you blame them? Even your mom and I are starting to think you’ve gone a little loopy, in that dorm room, all by yourself, imaging a girlfriend to keep you company - ”

“Dad!”

“What?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And yet you love me,” he grinned, knowing it was all too true.

Your smile gave it away, even if you were doing your best to look mock-angry at his line of questioning. At this rate, it was going to be a long couple of weeks.

“I’m only asking. When do I get to meet this ‘very real’ girlfriend of yours, huh?”

“Dad,” you whined, hating the fact that you were a fully grown adult that still blushed when her parents talked about your love life. “We’ve only been going out a little while and I don’t want to rush it, you know. Maybe next time? After Spring break?”

And after I tell her who you are, you added mentally.

“You said that before, honey,” he teased. “I just want to meet the girl you’ve spent your entire college experience raving about, that’s all. Shoot me. I’m your dad. It’s my job to be annoying and curious.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Besides, we both know eventually your mom will just end up finding her on Facebook or something and have the poor kid over for dinner anyway. You know what she’s like.”

“I’ll tell her you said that.”

“And after I brought you Chinese food?” He gasped theatrically, laughing as you rolled your eyes. “Such a traitor, jeez.”

It was then that a cab finally noticed your hand sticking out in the road, and pulled up at the kerb.

“Saved by the cab.”

“You can run but you can’t hide for long, child of mine,” he teased, pulling you in to one last hug. It didn’t matter how old you got, he still would always see you as his baby, and you were honestly ok with that - as long as you got his hugs. They were pretty special. “So, we’ll meet you tomorrow morning? At the hotel?”

“You got it.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead before reaching over to open the cab door. “Great. Love you.”

“Love you too,” you echoed as you slid in and closed the door behind you. You shot him a final wave as you gave the driver the address and pulled away into the steady flow of traffic.

And now you were here. Alone in Kate’s apartment. Waiting… watching the clock…

Y/N [11:25 PM]: What time did you say you’d be back again? xx Thought you said 10:30? Is everything ok?

Y/N [11:27 PM]: OK. KATE. SAW NEWS. WTF. YOU OK?

Y/N [11:27 PM]: Ninjas? Really? At a holiday party?! I can’t even with this city anymore

Y/N [11:28 PM]: Seriously Kate. You good? Call me, please. I’m worried about you.

It was probably an hour after your last text that you finally heard the door opening below. Worried sick, you’d curled yourself up in Kate’s bed, staring at your phone and waiting for some kind of signal that your girlfriend was alright.

It was safe to say the tequila was mostly gone, as were the egg rolls - stupid stress eating, a trait you’d inherited from your father, of all people.

Still, you had never felt relief like it before when you heard the door open and voices echoing up from below. It was probably why you were too busy to notice the fact that there were voices - plural - and not just Kate’s.

Instead, you were too busy tossing back the covers and running down the stairs to see for yourself whether she was in one piece or not.

“Oh thank god!”

“Y/N? That you?”

“Katherine Bishop! You asshole. You had me worried sick. I swear to god, the next time you go to a hijacked holiday party and don’t answer your god damned phone I’ll-”

However, you’d barely made it off the bottom step when you saw that she wasn’t alone.

Oh no.

Dressed in an outfit that was horrifyingly familiar, she had somehow managed to bring home two extra guests. One canine and the other the very last person you’d ever have expected to come through the door…

“Dad?”

The word was off your lips before you could fully understand what was happening, or who exactly it was standing in front of you in your girlfriend’s apartment.

How much tequila had you drunk again? You had to be hallucinating.

“Dad?” Kate repeated blankly, dropping her rucksack in surprise. “What-? Did you-? Dad?”

“Y/n?”

“Dad, what are you doing here?”

“That was about to be my question, young lady.”

“Oh my god.”

“I’m sorry. Can we circle back to the part where you just called him dad?”

The whole thing was a tangled chorus of questions and pointed fingers as you all stared back and forth between the four of you. Well, the dog didn’t so much point as whine and tilt his head, but the meaning was pretty much the same.

What was happening here?

“I’m at my girlfriend’s apartment - like I said I’d be,” you finally stammered, feeling oddly defensive. Then again, that was probably due to the fact you were wearing one of her oversized sweatshirts, and not much else. Thank god it came down to your knees. “This is Kate. Kate my girlfriend, so what the hell are you doing here? And where have you been?”

You skipped Kate’s shock, putting a pin in it for the more pressing matter at hand. Sure, you hurried over and pressed a hasty kiss against her cheek, relieved she was back and in one piece. However, there were bigger issues to handle first - including the dog who was currently licking at your hand.

That and the fact Kate was wearing your dad’s Ronin suit - something you never thought you’d see again.

“Wait. Kate? As in, your Kate?”

At that, Kate smirked, looking both amused and offended all at once. “Your Kate? Aw… that’s cute, but um, I’m me. Kate. My Kate. As in, me is Kate. I belong to myself.”

“Getting that, Tarzan.”

“Dad!” you groaned.

This night couldn’t get any more awkward.

How had it gone from Kate spending the evening at a company Christmas holiday party, to this?

No no no. This wasn’t happening. Not like this… You’d had this day planned out in your head. When you’d finally got around to introducing Kate to your parents you had pictured it involving dinner at your house, sunshine, beers, you wearing pants - and Kate already knowing the biggest secret you’d been keeping.

Fuck.

“Uh, ok. Wow. Can we just - rewind here,” Kate choked, a bewildered look on her face. “I - You - sorry. Y/N? You said your last name was L/N. Not Barton. As in Y/N L/N, not Y/N ‘my dad is an avenger Barton’.”

Double fuck.

“It’s uh… technically, it’s my my mom’s maiden name,” you stammered. “My legal name on paperwork at school is Barton, but I go by L/N most of the time so people don’t put two and two together, you know? It’s habit and I didn’t think anything of it when we first met but then things got complicated between us, and I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“Bring it up? That your dad is an avenger? You didn’t think of slipping that in a conversation?”

“I didn’t want people to treat me differently.”

“So, Instead, you just let me ramble on and on like an idiot about how much I admired him and about my parents-“

“I know,” you whined, feeling yourself turning an ungodly shade of red. “I was going to tell you Kate, tonight in fact. I would have told you this week but things were just so great between us and I didn’t want to mess it up by telling you I’d lied to you.”

“Well, hate to break it to you, but the cat’s out of the bag now.”

“Dog, actually,” your dad chimed, as the puppy woofed loudly - as if on cue. He clearly objected to being excluded from the conversation. “And I’m sorry, but this little domestic drama you two have got going on here is going to have to wait until Miss Bishop gives me what I came for and explains what the hell happened back there tonight.”

So she was now Miss Bishop? Yikes. That sounded even more strange coming from his mouth than you’d expected, and that was saying something.

Why did you feel like a five year old who’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar? You hadn’t technically done anything wrong here - not to your dad, that was. Kate was a whole other issue, as was the secret that you knew she would be grilling you over for the rest of the night, if she didn’t kick you out and break up with your first, that was.

Given how this was going so far, you couldn’t be sure that wouldn’t be the outcome.

“What? The suit?” Kate finally managed to ask, staring down at the ninja-like attire she was wearing. “Oh… sure… right. One second.”

She shot you a look before nodding.

“I’ll be right back…”

With that, she turned and began to disappear up the stairs, muttering all the while to herself about the fact Hawkeye was in her apartment. THE Hawkeye… and that you, her girlfriend, were Hawkeye’s daughter …

You were never going to live this down.

“Where did you get the suit?” your dad asked, somehow knowing it was best to break the ice and handle one issue at a time. The look he gave you was very much his ‘we’ll talk more about this later’ look. You knew it well from your more rebellious days a kid.

“From a black market auction.”

Kate’s answer stumped you. Screw your conversation with your dad, it seemed you and Kate had a lot to talk about later too. “Excuse me?”

“You bought it?”

“Nah, not exactly,” Kate continued.

“So what did you do in this suit?”

“I beat some guys up. Saved the dog. A little light B&E.”

Your dad groaned. “Jesus.”

At least that explained the dog. That didn’t explain how Kate had found a black market auction, or got herself into so much trouble in the span of six hours. Then again, this was Kate, she often had a way of surprising you and sniffing out trouble.

First the bell tower, now this… yeah, no wonder your dad looked rightly concerned by everything. “A 22 year old vigilante? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

You winced. “Funny you should ask…”

Thankfully, your dad didn’t hear you. Instead, he was distracted by Kate scurrying back down the stairs, suit in one hand, bow in the other. She also had snagged you a pair of sweats, which you gratefully took and slid on, ignoring the way your dad’s eyes hastily focused on Kate and away from you changing.

This felt like a conversation you needed pants for.

“So, now that I’ve answered all of your questions, I have so many for you - both of you - starting with, can you sign this?”

You laughed.

You couldn’t help it. Good lord. Of course she asked - no wonder you loved this goofball. After everything, this was what she chose to ask first. Not how you could keep this from her? Or how your dad happened to be in the city? Or what had happened tonight? But, could he sign her bow?

“We’re not done yet.”

“But when we are, can you sign my bow? You’re kind of my favourite avenger.”

Yep. She was adorable.

You noticed the way your dad’s eyebrow raised, as if trying to separate the fact this was your girlfriend from whatever was going on here. Otherwise, you knew he’d be weirdly flattered, and would count it as a point in her favour - even if he hated the whole Avengers thing most of the time.

“Are you ok, by the way?”

“That was about to be my next question,” you interjected, gesturing to the various cuts and bruises Kate seemed to be sporting on her face. “Jesus, Kate. You look like you went twenty rounds with a tiger. I know we have a first aid kit around here somewhere -”

“Oh god, I’m fine,” Kate smiled hastily. She was quick to flash a smirk in your direction as she bragged, “You should’ve seen the other guys.”

Your dad rolled his eyes. “I did. Tracksuit mafia.”

“That’s their name?”

“Yes, Y/N,” he sighed, clearly uncomfortable with this whole situation.

“That’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?”

“Do you think they’re the ones who killed my mom’s fiancé’s uncle?”

“I’m sorry, what?” you choked. It was your turn to be the party in the dark here. Shit, who knew holiday parties in New York were so dangerous? - something your dad seemed to also be thinking. That, and that rich people were seriously weird. Who named all their kids Armaund?

“Your mom’s fiancé’s uncle?”

“Yeah, Armaund III… of at least seven.”

“I… I do not know.” It looked like there was a lot he didn't know and he didn't have an idea how to start addressing it either.

God, your mom was going to milk this story for the entire winter break at this rate.

He sighed. “What I need to know is if anybody saw your face.”

“No. Kept the mask on like a pro.”

“Ok, cause the person who wore this suit had a whole lot of enemies.”

You felt your stomach drop. Whilst you didn’t know everything about the time during the snap, your parents had filled you in on enough. Enough that you knew to be careful and that there were still dangers out there for your family - hence your use of your mother’s maiden name.

“-the tracksuits were just one of them.”

“That doesn’t sound good.”

“You told nobody about this suit?”

“No, just you and now Y/N.”

“There’s no way you’re connected to this suit whatsoever?”

“No.”

“I need you to be sure.”

“I am.”

“Certain?”

“I am.”

“Really? Because you now have my daughter involved here too, Miss Bishop, and I don’t take my family’s safety lightly. Do you understand what I’m saying here?”

You gulped. “Jesus, Dad. The whole, you hurt my daughter, I hurt you speech? What am I? Twelve?”

It seemed to have got through to Kate, however, given the sudden palour of her face. “Yes, Hawkeye, I mean, yes sir. I mean, yes. I… I do.”

“Well, the tracksuits must have followed you from the auction, where I found you. Did you stop anywhere before that?”

“No, I ran into you and we’ve come here. That’s it.”

You stopped.

Wait. If someone had been tracking her then, did that mean that they’d -

“Hey! Kate Bishop!”

A gruff shout from the street below told you everything you needed to know. Yes, was the answer. Yes, they had been followed, and yes, the mafia were here.

Kate paused. “Now is probably a bad time to mention that my name is also on the buzzer…”

“Shit.”

That was an understatement.

Somehow, it seemed that your fears had been answered - this night had indeed, got worse.

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gxddessliving · 2 years ago

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sorry if this was asked before, but how did you manifest exactly to "never worry about money again"? what affirmations did you use? and what kind of (if any) income(s) did you manifest? or did you just got a bunch of money without working etc. thanks in advance! <3

hey! so okay i felt a little shy at first about sharing details of my money based success stories because I know there are people who are like "wElL wHy DidN't YOu jUst MaNifESst a T0n oF EndlESs MoNey ???" but really, that is not my desire in this life. It all boils down to what you desire! My affirmation literally was "I never have to worry about money again" lol , idk if you came from the law of attraction and subliminal community like I did, but they were big big advocates on "DON'T USE NEGATIVE AFFIRMATIONS" and only when learning about the law of assumption I was like ??? um, chile anyways so.. 😂

Remember our affirmations are all about intention, so what that affirmation meant to me was firstly a lumpsum of money (I'm not from the US btw but in USD this value is around 7million) as well as always getting opportunities to make endless passive income through successful investments and business ventures. I've invested in a Social Media Marketing company owned by an old acquaintance of mine (she also believes in the loa as our governing way of life!) and will be opening a fast food outlet and beginning an event committee. I also believe money just comes to me unexpectedly and was gifted $500 USD as an early birthday gift by a great aunt of mine I NEVER EVEN MET IN PERSON. Money lasts wayyyy longer for me than the average person now and when I tell you, next to the millis- that has been my most fun experience so far because I remember before learning about the law, I used to say "money never lasts with me , it always finishes so quickly" and deadass see my money disappear in a matter of days in the 3D now I can see just how toxic that self concept was lol because though I've done A LOT- my money really miraculously seems untouched and that made me feel so powerful, actually seeing the old story transform into new life.

When it comes to my day jobs, I really love what I do and money is not my main reason for embarking on them but instead pure passion. My current salary in USD is around $1,300USD a month and the salary for the job I'll be starting after graduating with my first degree would be $2500USD (plus paid expenses such as phone bill, gas, travel, etc.). I plan on raising my salary amount in the future but for now I'm beyond happy! I'm able to do everything I want to and more.

#loa #loassumption #manifestation #neville goddard #law of assumption #living in the end #self concept #self concept affirmations #edward art #manifesting

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mrsmctominay · 3 years ago

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fluff alphabet with judy bellingham ? <3

Fluff Alphabet- Jude Bellingham

A- Activities Jude has a soft spot for doing jigsaw puzzles with you, like the huge massive ones. They may sound boring but boy does Jude make them fun. You like to hide the last few pieces from him just to see him get frustrated about loosing them.

B- Beauty Your optimism and ability to see past his mistakes is beautiful.- He makes a mistake in a match? No problem, you didn't even notice. Besides, he will still succeed.- You always look forward no matter what and he really loves that.

C- Comfort He's a good listener, so he always lets you speak before he tries to give any sort of advice. If that doesn't work, he will put you in the car and you will go on a drive to clear your head.

D- Dreams Of course he wants you in his future, but he's still very young so he doesn't really want to think about it right now.

E- Equal At the beginning of the relationship he was way more dominant, but as he trusts your judgement more, he loosened off a tad.

F- Fight He can be tough when he's mad, he doesn't hold back. But soon after he will regret it and apologise right away. He never thinks about what he says in the moment. Even though you know he doesn't mean the nasty things he says at times but they still hurt.

G- Gratitude He appreciates the fact that he's met someone so amazing at such a young age. Everything you do for him, he is extremely grateful for. At times, he doesn't know how to show it but when he does he absolutely means it.

H- Honesty He either tells you everything, or nothing. There's times where he will be talking about something that he thought he already told you about but really he didn't. He was worse with that at the beginning of the relationship but he's slowly getting better at talking to you.

I- Inspiration Jude is wayyyy more open now. He's much better at talking. As I said, he's trying to get better at talking to you but you definitely see a difference in him. You helped him with this because of the way you talk to him, you're very confident in the way you talk and will tell him anything.

J- Jealous Jude? Jealous? Never. Well, maybe sometimes... Only when he's had a drink...

K- Kiss He was this little shy thing when it came to your first kiss, but now he kisses you like they kiss in the movies. He loves kissing you and he always does it like there's no tomorrow. A peck is never enough.

L- Love Well, you see, he's never actually said it. Numerous times he has tried to but the words don't come out. He does plan on saying it soon though...

M- Marriage As we know, Jude is still very young and hasn't thought about the future. It's a bit scary to him. But he definitely wants to marry you in the future.

N- Nickname He likes to call you butter cup, 'My little buttercup'. Or Sugar is another, Come on sugar lets go'. If it's a matchday and you're wearing your Dortmund kit he will call you his bumble bee.

O- On Cloud Nine He's quite shy when it comes to talking about your relationship. When Jadon was still at Dortmund, he would tease him about you or tell him that 'the young love is clear'.

P- PDA He's shy about showing love in public. Not many people know about the relationship anyway so you're both happy to keep the PDA to a minimum. Maybe he will chuck an arm over your shoulder every now and then or let you link arms with him but that's it.

Q- Quirk I've mentioned that he's not great at talking about things, but he translates a lot of emotion through touch. The way he squeezes his leg when he feels anxious or the way he rests his head on your chest when he's upset.

R- Romance He's a master at romance. Dates are always perfection. The most romantic always. Whether it's a big fancy restaurant, or if he's decorated the dining room. Either way, it will always be made special for you.

S- Support He always supports you, of course. But he doesn't try to get too involved. Of course if you need advice he will help as much as he can but he doesn't like to just in case he fucks up.

T- Thrill He doesn't want to be locked into one thing forever, so change isn't that scary for him. Although, he does need some aspect of routine for him to feel balanced. New places to eat, new adventures etc.

U- Understanding He's good at knowing what sends you in a mood. He try's to avoid it but if he's bored then why not make you grumpy and then go on the mission to make you happy again? He's always finding new things that tick you off and he makes mental notes whenever he finds a new one.

V- Value The relationship is so so important to Jude. He's unsure of how to show you this, but it certainly is important. You help him to live a somewhat 'normal' life. You're the only thing that he has away from football and the media.

W- Wild Card When he's stressed, he likes you to give him a massage. Afterwards you can always see a difference. He seems so much more relaxed and recharged.

X- XOXO He's more affectionate than he thinks. He doesn't realise how much he asks for kisses or cuddles, or how much he just does it. So yes, he is very affectionate.

Y- Yearning He doesn't like to dwell on your absence. He will always find something to distract himself with. That could be going to the gym, playing games with the boys or watching tv. Whatever it is, he will make it work.

Z- Zoo Deep down, he wants a bunny rabbit. I don't think he'd ever tell you but he definitely wants one.

#judebellinghamsmut #judebellinghamblurb #judebellingamimagine #jude bellingham #bellingham #bellinghamblurb #bellinghamimagine #bellingamsmut

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tkeyahwrotethis · 2 years ago

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Six: If your Love was all I had in this Life, That Would Be Enough Until the End of Time

I’m a freelance journalist that works for customers that don’t pay me nearly close to my worth. I like to interview muses with potentially interesting stories when I noticed another freelancer interested in the same person’s story. I figured I could forestall the muse from making any hasty decisions and picking the other journalist if I sucked up to him, showing him I’m the best obvious choice.

When I tried to get the potential muse to see the story I’m pitching from my angle, he would always change the subject. It felt like talking to a brick wall and his indirect eye contact and roundabout conversation made me believe he’s already made up his mind to work with the other journalist. I didn’t let it dampen my spirits, it’s Friday! I just sent one last email wishing him all the best on his future endeavors.

I needed a nice hot steamy shower after the day I had, I felt a little disappointed the day didn’t go quite as planned. I strip down naked , light a stress relief eucalyptus candle, and hop in the shower. Afterwards, I laid in my towel on my bed aimlessly scrolling thru my phone. I received a text from a long distance friend from college , Chelsea. Chelsea was wayyyy more confident than I am and a lot more extroverted.

HEYYY BITCHH!!! I’m in town tonight!!! Let’s hit the club tonight I need to shake my ass! First round of shots on me !!

My bed, my apartment, the ice cream in the freezer, and the new episode of Love Island sounded like a much better evening to me, but she’s rarely in town so why not. Before I could respond with my half assed “ yeah I’ll go”, she double texted saying she wasn’t taking no for an answer regardless. She knows me well.

We met at the club around 11 and we are dressed to the absolute 9’s! Hair and makeup looking pageant ready. By 2 A.M. I’m breaking the seal while Chelsea is on the dance floor grinding on a guy that exactly her type. I stumbled to the bar to get some water in my system when a handsome guy pushed up behind my ass asking me what I’m drinking on tonight. I looked behind me, smiling at him, “just some water” I said while holding up my glass. “Actually I’m sober I don’t even drink!” I slurred my words lying blatantly. He offered to buy me a shot of anything I wanted to I told him I’d only drink 1942 tequila. To my surprise there was a shot of top shelf tequila in front of me in a matter or seconds. After I downed the shot, he led me to the dance floor where we danced all night.

When the night came to a natural conclusion, Chelsea and I split a cab and went our separate ways. “Text me when you get home! Love ya!” I tipsily told Chels. We pecked on the lips and I closed the cab door.

I woke up the next morning with a bit of a hangover. I check for my phone and it’s in my purse when I noticed a business card in my bag. It just had a Facebook profile with a name attached. I searched it on my FB app on my phone and the profile picture was just literally the number 4. Curiously, I added the number 4 profile and slide in their Dms.

Who you are and what gives you the right to slip something in my purse ?!?!

The profile answered me after about an hour or so later.

Hi!! I’m so happy you responded 3! I’m 4! The internet has become overrun by these robots with no real personality, we call them Echos. There are only 4 real people in the world influencing the internet. The echos take pieces of real people and post it on the internet. They are more famous so they always overshadow the truth.

4 further explained to me that they’ve made contact with me,3, and two, but has no idea who 1 might be. 4 told me a suspicion that 1 might be actually rich and famous because the job of an A list celebrity is to inspire and have fans imitate them. They’d be even harder to find.

The only celebrity coming to town was Justin Timberlake. He’s charismatic, sexy, he can sing and dance. He’s literally America’s golden child since his Disney days and soo unproblematic. We got our tickets and decided to meet at the concert, and figure out if Justin Timberlake is our number 1.

The days leading up to the concert my mental health was on the decline. I was seeing so many targeted ads that seemed like something I could have said or might have written but it was absolutely not my work. I felt like an imposter. I started questioning everything , wondering if maybe I’m the one who is an Echo. Am I an echo of something bigger than me? Am I an original truth? I’m not rich or famous. Am I enough? Despite all my doubt about being number 3, I made my way to the concert.

4 and I agreed to take the train to NYC together. I had a personal bottle of Henny in my bag because I was nervous as fuck about this whole ordeal: meeting a stranger, and going to a concert together to see if Justin Timberlake is a real person. This all sounds crazy!

When I met 4 she wasn’t what I expected at all . She was a bit Grunge and beyond talented musically she could sing beautifully and plays guitar. I told her I write and I’m a journalist. I shared some of my bottle with her and we got a bit more comfortable with each other. 2 was waiting for us on the train platform in NYC she was covered in body glitter, wore a skimpy little outfit, and was supper bubbly. 2 is a dancer! We all took a swig of liquor as a friendship initiation and got everyone on the same page. We assessed the scene and noticed our echos. They were better dressed , more expensive outfits and some just all together better looking . It was intimidating to be us and even though the Echos look like the real deal , we wanted to meet the one !!

When we got in the concert Justin’s performance was BEYOND amazing!! Although he wasn’t doing a meet and greet or anything, he did say a cryptic message saying he’s the one, and he WAVED in our direction. I literally almost fucking fainted ! We screamed and put out hands in the air with excitement because deep down we knew he was talking to us. 2,4 and I felt euphoric. After the concert we kept in touch to try and navigate how to be real and stay true to ourselves and our truth in a world full of echos.

The End !

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finleycannotdraw · 4 years ago

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Guess what? I’m re-binge-reading Good Omens. And here are some Obervations that I forgot about and some things I might put in fics. Also things I found funny. Basically my dumb commentary on the book.

Crowley actually flees Sister Mary. He doesn’t saunter vaguely away. He flees.

Ligur is rather more thoughtful than he’s portrayed in the show

Anathema likes to read about herself, and her teachers are confused because she spells words like Agnes Nutter

Crowley apologizes

By page 41, it is mentioned at least twice that Aziraphale and Crowley Do Not choose each other’s company for any reason other than that they are constants, that they have an Arrangement, and that they are Friends because being Enemies got boring.

Aziraphale blushes!!!!!!

The Drunk Scene is fuckin hilarious and it’s actually a lot longer than it is in the show, and really you ought to read it. (Book pages 47-50)

My mom (who has a PhD in human development) would probably like to talk to Crowley about upbringing because they seem to agree on how important it is

War has always looked 25, and had a vulture that died of fatty degeneration

Pollution is very cleverly compared to actual pollution

Warlock has Kermit the frog overalls, and Nanny Ashtoreth is described as someone who “advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”. The tutors are present for about four paragraphs. Warlock is good at math and likes banana flavored bubblegum.

Crowley has a slice of angel cake. Aziraphale eats it. Aziraphale also eats deviled eggs. Hm.

Crowley calls Aziraphale angel casually enough to suggest he’s been doing it for a long time

Some girl at Warlock’s party calls Aziraphale a f*ggot

Crowley glares suspiciously at a gerbil. It is suggested that Hell has, in the past, sent hell-gerbils in place of hellhounds.

“Oh dear,” muttered Aziraphale, not swearing with the practiced ease of one who has spent six thousand years not swearing, and who wasn’t going to start now.

Adam and his friends play in a place called The Pit, where shopping carts go to die, apparently

Crowley is the first one to mention sides in the book!??!? Also Crowley goes on about how humans are more evil than Hell (but he calls himself evil—is he calling himself human already?)

Aziraphale yells “get off the road, you clown!”

“What’s a velvet underground?” *love confession???* “you wouldn’t like it”

Aziraphale is a bit rude to Crowley in the “flashes of love” scene and Crowley is less panicked about it

Crowley glares at the Bentley and it fixes itself

Anathema’s bike is called Phaeton

COULD THEY ACT ANY MORE MARRIED OH MY GOD

Aziraphale speaks like. Like ugh. “FlOUndeR on tHe rOcKS of inEquiTY”

“Thirty seconds later someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.” *cuts to a random pleasant story about Mary Hodges* *cuts back to where Aziraphale has fallen into a rhododendron and Crowley licks the paint before he knows it’s paint* dumbasses

Crowley does not slam Aziraphale into the wall

Crowley is actually pretty impatient and doesn’t argue with Aziraphale when he’s worried

“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists” “that was nasty” “sorry, couldn’t help it”

When the radio sings “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,” Crowley sings “for me” and then screams

Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’ll keep in touch, and Aziraphale doesn’t say tickety-boo, and then Crowley says “right” and feels very alone

the international express man is small and has glasses, and wears green woolen socks

The sword, which turns out to be Aziraphale’s, is described as having an aura of hatred and menace, which makes me think of how it could’ve gotten that aura from Heaven or from humanity or from War...

In the book Pepper has red hair and freckles, which makes it a cool comparison to War’s appearance and the defeat of War

Adam is excellent at slouching, apparently

Occasionally, as Aziraphale reads the book, he would very nearly swear

“He wouldn’t have said ‘that’s weird’ if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins.”

“If you had told him there were children starving in Africa he would’ve been flattered that you’d noticed.”

“...that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” (151)

Wensleydale watches David Attenborough programs

Shadwell’s voice is described as “the color of an old raincoat” and seems to fake smoking cigarettes

Aziraphales cocoa is moldy and solidified by the time he calls Arthur Young, and has a thin layer of dust on himself too

Newt says that the walls look like nicotine and the floor looks like cigarette ash, and he suspects both are, actually, coated with these substances

Newt looks a bit like Clark Kent, and people seem to like Shadwell for some reason, much to his annoyance.

Aziraphale calls Shadwell “dear boy” on the phone

Agnes Nutter called God a daft old fool #goals

Adam is wayyyy too good at video games

Smelling Anathema’s perfume makes Newt uncomfortable

Adam suggests that Pepper ought to have Russia cause of her red hair (huh)

Anathema and Newt actually have decent conversations?? Like?? Show??? C’mon, man. The show kinda butchered their relationship.

Trees, apparently, make a ‘vvrooooommm’ sound when they grow very fast

“He suspected that Crowley was from the Mafia, or the underworld, although he would have been surprised how right he nearly was.” Shadwell also thought Aziraphale was a Russian spy. Wow, Shadwell.

Aziraphale calls Crowley and actually says “shut up” to him, and then when the answering machine beeps, he tells Crowley to “stop making noises” and then he swears for the first time ever.

The fuckin’ footnote on page 227

“A sleek computer was the sort of thing Crowley felt that the sort of human he tried to be would have.” I like the word choice here. He’s not pretending to be a human, he’s trying to be one. That’s a really important distinction.

It never actually says what Crowley does to his plants.

Crowley’s flat is very white. Wow, Crowley. It just looks dark because of the lighting. Heaven imagery and symbolism out my ears, goddammit.

Why does Hell say Crowley’s name so much when talking to him?? Honestly, I think that’s an intentional dig at his chosen name, using it in their speech to scare him. Wow, Hell. (And wow, Finn, excellent sentence)

Whenever the book says something is shaped like something, it definitely isn’t that thing. “man-shaped” “dog-shaped” “car-shaped”... makes it pretty obvious they aren’t men, dogs, or cars, huh.

The code to Crowley’s safe is 4004. The year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvelous planet”... and the year he met Aziraphale, of course. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Crowley, my dude.

Crowley consideres sticking Hastur into his car until he turns into Freddie Mercury but then decides even he isn’t that cruel

Actual text that I feel like nobody really agrees with: “Madame Tracy was by many yardsticks quite stupid”

“Do I look like I run a bookshop?” “...imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you? Honestly?” “A prat.”

I’m crying. The fucking bookshop fire scene made me fucking cry. I’m literally crying.

“...on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” “The police and firemen looked at him, saw the expression on his face, and stayed exactly where they were.” “...a crack of thunder so loud it hurt....” *the sound of Finley sobbing into their cat*

The shortest biker in the cafe thing is 6′2, what the fuck

War, Famine, Pollution, and Pop Trivia 1962-1979

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. If only the old boy had known what opportunities the future had held.” HMMMMMMMMMMM

“There were no bitches in Hell either.” I know it’s talking about female dogs, but I rather thought Hell was full of bitches.

“Why are you talking like a poofter?” “Ah. Australia.”

“gOsh, aM i on teLEviSiON?” (Basically Aziraphale gets passionate about stuff and likes to talk).

Crowley is actually an optimist and doesn’t dwell too much on how sucky the world is. He doesn’t go get smashed in a bar. He just finds Aziraphale’s notes in the book and heads to Tadfield. And also, his new pair of sunglasses just... materializes out of his eyes. And he likes to whistle.

“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking to Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping But Secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People traveled with them.”

“on top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.” Honestly dude, if an octopus waved at me I’d wave back.

Wait Agnes was apparently talking to Shadwell and not God when she said yowe daft old foole. I dunno

Madame Tracy: You old silly. Shadwell:

Aziraphale does not know how to get rid of demons. Canonically. “Had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley always got the hint.”

The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen, apparently. The question is where it is, because the demons always seem to just stem out of the ground.

“Heigh ho,” said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway. I love this sentence during that scene.

I bet Hastur gets really mad whenever he hears Aziraphale’s voice from now on

Crowley isn’t breathing the entire burning Bentley scene

ADAM. SAID. “But I reckon you can make your own side” AND WE FUCKIN IGNORED IT?

The temperature above the M25 was simultaneously 700ºC and -140ºC which makes me think of something I read about magenta not being real. The M25 is magenta.

I feel like “Agnes” is just going to become an inside joke between Anathema and Newt at this point, and it will drive Crowley insane because he knows who she is but somehow still doesn’t get the joke.

I’m six inches taller than R.P. Tyler, and apparently according to the back sleeve of the book jacket, I’m very similar in height to Neil Gaiman

R.P. Tyler thought Shadwell was a ventriloquist’s dummy, and then sees cows doing somersaults

“That’s terrific. Much obliged,” said Crowley. — “Funny weather we’re having, isn’t it?” “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.” “Probably because your car is on fire.” .... Also the fact that Crowley looks like a young man which I find interesting.

“The Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse”

“Where is Armageddon, anyway?” “I’ve always meant to look that up.” “There’s an Armageddon, Pennsylvania”

Famine is the one that says “that’s one big avocado”, and also, I find it interesting that War, more than once, talks about love. (All is fair in love and war much?)

Anathema threatens the guard with a stick, pretending it’s a gun

Aziraphale, of course, asks Crowley to sort it out because he, Aziraphale, is “the nice one” and then proceeds to sort it out himself. Because of course he does. Because what else could he possibly do.

I just ADORE THIS BOOK OKAY

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO READ IT AGAIN IN A MONTH

Aziraphale and Crowley are so fuckin married I can’t

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augment-techs · 3 years ago

Note

I DON'T KNOW HOW THE WRITING PROMPT MEME WORKS REALLY

but it's WAYYYY too CUTE to not do. Sooooo how about I toss ya some numbers! ^^

Hand holding: 12 and 10! 33,

Hugs: 2, 18, 27

Hope it isn't too much!!! ^^

Kim was emotionally fluctuating between feeling sorry for Tommy, and trying not to go into shock whenever she walked into a room and found her older, alternate universe, badass-self kissing an older, Coinless General Bulk. Watching them seemed more perfect than she might have dared hope for whatever fate was allotted to the Ranger Slayer. When they'd first dropped into their Command Center and explanations had been given, Alpha had allowed Bulk to lead his Kimberly to the medical bay, and Kim had followed after them in case they got lost. Bulk was incredibly good with the damaged woman that could probably beat him into the ground at any moment. Kimberly hadn't even huffed when he'd offered her a piggy-back ride and then insisted on bandaging up her hand that'd been cut open when she'd gone after Tommy and he'd had to defend himself with Saba. He'd sterilized the wound, wrapped it tight but not without sympathy and hadn't bothered untangling their fingers or letting go when they'd wandered back into the room Zordon occupied so they could all talk and argue and occupy themselves with searching the data banks for ways out and locating their other friends for hours. The kissing was on the extreme end of their affections, though. In the days that followed, Kim didn't see them lock lips as often, as they usually found themselves training or cooking or reading with just one hand, as the other one was invariably found more often holding onto the other; like two magnets that would always find themselves connected if given enough time. It was, admittedly, adorable as anything she could have imagined, but still a surprise she couldn't help but balk at. Tommy underwent the same amount of shock with the random displays of affection that he often stumbled into with Kim, but he had more pressing issues: when he left to walk into a room with one of the Coinless universe alters, he always had to keep his movements to a minimum, hands far away from his pockets, and eyes to the ground. With the older Trini, Zack, and Bulk, it wasn't so bad; with the Omega Rangers out in space and their history with this smaller Tommy helping them before Drakkon shattered the Morphin Grid, they were more willing to acknowledge that the evil despot and the teen weren't the same. With those Coinless who had never been Rangers--Rocky and Aisha in leather and combat armor with battle scars, had looked very shocked when they'd met their younger selves in Ranger gear, Adam being given the oddest looks from the elders--it was much harder, because they hadn't even spoken to Tommy. And they'd all been dumped through a hole in space and time that the Eltarians and Zedd had caused when Zelya had gotten away from the moon, so everyone was still reeling--especially with them being separated into three groups around Angel Grove. Perhaps they'd make up their minds when the stragglers from Drakkon's universe arrived at the Command Center... * * "He's very strong, and very sure, but he's no Drakkon." "No offense, Skull, but how--" "Could I know that?" The spy--spy, spy, actual double agent who had to relay messages and blend into the background and not die a horrible painful death at the slightest misstep, how the fucking hell--smiled with benevolent pragmatism. Rocky nodded, mouth tightening into a line as Aisha stood her own ground in their questioning. They would have loved not to have come to such an awkward position with having to use Skull to calm down their worries, put them to bed, and smother them to death, but they couldn't find solace and reassurance in Zack and Trini's words and it didn't seem fair to keep putting the kids in defense positions just because they could calm the fuck down. Skull flicked his hand open and made a motion for Tommy to come closer to him, which he did with only a slight hesitation. He wasn't wearing his suit, but Skull had been the only person so far from the other dimension who hadn't looked at him and gone fully rigid, so he had a good sporting chance of not being injured here. When he was only a

step or two from walking directly into Skull, the man offered up his open palm, harmless and dangerous at the same time, and Tommy blinked, unsure and afraid, before deciding it was better to get everything that was going to happen one way or another out of the way. He lifted up his own hand and laid it flat in Skull's. There was dirt under his pointer finger and he only had a single twitch of a moment to be embarrassed before the much bigger fingers circled his wrist and wound around his knuckles, brought his hand upwards, as if he was little more than an infant fresh from a tub, or a sun warmed kitten. Tommy felt a coil behind his belly bunch up all of his nerves at once when Skull's fingers slotted between his own in a possessive kind of way that sparked familiar-unfamiliar thoughts--those all fading away when the man kept their palms together and brought his head down, breathing out like a gust of a train through a mountain pass, and inhaling at Tommy's wrist. Nose tip to his skin raising all the goosebumps Tommy thought he even had. He's pretty sure his ponytail sparked at the end when he jerked a little back. Which swiftly brought him to absolute internal humiliation that showed across his face like a goddamn Muppet. Just because he'd seen that Skull let the Coinless drink his blood right from his finger and they all ate it in bread and stuff after he'd let a tube from his arm pour into the batter of whatever he made them, didn't necessarily mean the man would bite him. ...He hoped. Then, as if that hadn't been the weirdest thing, Skull lifted his head to grin at him, but didn't let go of his hand as the man addressed Rocky, Aisha, and all the other adults--and Tommy was too confused to ask him to let go, so... there was that, "He doesn't smell like he's rotting from the inside; like he needs to be wearing five layers of Axe Body Spray. And he isn't getting all put-upon and squirrely with me holding onto him. And, if you'll humor me a moment?" He was looking at Tommy directly at the last bit, but didn't let the teen answer before he found himself being wrapped in arms that had way more muscle than Skull had any right to have in any universe holy hell--and Tommy was suddenly in a bear hug, feet off the ground and spun around twice as much as he had ever been even at five years old; three times around and around, before he was planted on the couch like a sack of flour right next to Kim (his Kim, who looked utterly stunned and far too amused). The giggle that left his mouth when he smiled at her smiling at him should not have come into existence, and if he hadn't been red before, he was practically blazing as he brought his hands up to cover his mouth. Skull's hand patted him on the head as he ducked his head as much as possible at the sounds of snickering and the other adults choking on their own reactions. He definitely felt like a kitten. "See? Totally harmless to us. Now let them take us to the Juice Bar and feed us; I'm hungry and Ernie's alive here to make me that banana-marshmallow smoothie I haven't had in over a decade." * "I...played the right politics." It would have been so fucking nice if Billy would stop asking Skull questions about the past and present the Coinless had to live through. He didn't mean to make the adults with faces he knew and worried over angry or tired, but Adam was getting very, very annoyed with how he always seemed to find the core root of things that made Skull look... All the emotion left Skull's face at that word, every single time. Politics, like a euphemism for something else entirely. (And it was.) Adam remembered, because he was there when Zack and Trini, Aisha and Bulk, Rocky and the others weren't; inside the fortress Drakkon ran and imbibed in terrorizing whenever he got especially bored. The monster loved to play games with his sentries, with his prisoners, but rarely with his staff, because it took time and effort to train up new ones. But the sentries were his favorite, because they had to prove their loyalty each and every day. Some in

little ways, some in big ways. And Drakkon remembered Skull. Zack and Trini hoped he wouldn't, and Skull, when he was giving help and clues and time that he could to them, made it seem as if he never even crossed Drakkon's mind from being a punk that wore a spiked collar back in high school to becoming one of the higher-functioning members of the red sentries. Oh, being a spy made him so good at pretending nothing was wrong, how to be cool under pressure, how to avoid danger on all sides with one way out or none at all; how to think ahead, think like his opponent, pull facts and plans out of instinct and thin air (because what other choice was there, after all). That was why he was the best; probably why, too, he was revived from death by the universe and multiverse reshaping itself with the Grid's renewal. Politics translated so well to Games in Drakkon's palace. (It was amazing how often the horrible bastard made the sentries fight or fuck each other in his presence; the threat of his being displeased getting them through most of the time, and out the door when he was finished with himself to go vomit or find a shower or smoke so many cigarettes. As far as Adam knew, Skull was one of the very rare few who were made to fight or pleasure Drakkon himself. Skull and Adam and one yellow sentry that died before Kim returned to their world. If Kim was ever made to do as they were, she didn't tell or didn't remember, and Adam was thankful for that. And thankful for Skull. When he fought other sentries, he injured with care to avoid it being permanent or knocked out the other in a show of force that Drakkon appreciated that didn't lead to brain damage but made a good show. When he was made to fuck the others, he carried necessary aids to protect them from hating themselves or leaving much of a trace behind--condoms made from animal skin by Finster-5 he bribed out of the little freak; lubricant so there wouldn't be blood or bruising; an aptitude for pleasing other people as thoroughly and as quickly as he could while being on top and leading them through it with hands calloused but still soft. When he had to use his mouth on Drakkon or submit to the tyrant--often in front of others and while being degraded with his real name being used like words from a djinn or an immortal snake--he did so efficiently and made it seem as though he wasn't being forced at all. Adam hated Drakkon more than anyone those times he had to be there and watched Skull pull his armor back on and resume his place in line among the other sentries like nothing had happened. He hadn't known him before the world came crashing down, but before he'd traded his loyalty for the hope that his family might survive--what a stupid hope that had been--he'd heard that the man had cried over Billy Cranston's gave for a week after his death and been good.) But this small, wide-eyed Billy Crantson, alive and well and looking at Skull with so much awe and respect that Adam could spot it from a mile away if he was goddamn blind, didn't need to hear that. Did not need the thought in his head like a rotting wound festering with so many white little maggots. So Adam continued sipping his coffee (pumpkin spice; which was so fucking good after years of straight, bitter instant black) and remained in his usual place beside Skull in the daytime, watching him go through the motions in this time out of joint from their own. Gladder still to be in the Juice Bar, watching the teens enjoy themselves, play at their video games, ramble on about tests they had to take in school; watch the Coinless eat their food and drink their smoothies, enjoy watching their young reflections practice gymnastics or martial arts. When Billy excused himself to talk to the Stone Canyon Trio about some notes they'd asked for from Ms. Appleby's class, eyes still sparkling with information given and listening to Skull like he would have listened to him even if he knew everything out of his mouth could have been a lie; nobody saw Adam wrap an arm around Skull's waist and squeeze

him from the side. It was just as well.

#wasn't sure who you wanted it written for since you didn't request specific names or pairings so I just kind of winged it #ask fill #prompt fill #boom! comics power rangers #shattered grid #mmpr #ggpr #eugene skull skullovitch #farkas bulk bulkmeier #kimberley hart #tommy oliver #adam park #rocky desantos #aisha campbell #billy cranston #implied/referenced dubcon #tomberly #world of the coinless #coinless Bulk x ranger slayer Kim

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alovesongshewrote · 4 years ago

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Almost A Thousand Years - Wizard Underground | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot: You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years. You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years. And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain. But somewhere in that time, things changed. [Hisirdoux Casperan x Mostly Gender Neutral but Probably Female Presenting Based on How Historical Men Treat Them!Reader]

Word Count: 7,579

Warnings: Canonical Character Death!! (and torture)

A/N: buckle up kiddos, it’s about to get angsty. the gif does not match the energy at all, but it’s from the episode so, yeeeeet

Taglist: @furblrwurblr @rainningdoom @fluffydmonkey @blondie0458 @sitherin-mxschief @jinxedleo @lawlesshedgehog @einahpetsyarcip @dolphincommander @sorrels-scribbling @anxious-stitcher @alive-and-afraid @animedweeb333 @douxiesdamsel @saroski05 @justarandomhoman @tales-of-hisirdoux @blixeon @yagirlcheesely

When the green cleared, the sky looked more or less the same. Dark, stars, clouds. It was clear you were home though, both from Douxie saying so and the immediate urge you had to murder him. Well, you couldn’t say you weren’t expecting it, but it still sucked. The drive to end Douxie’s life was always a real mood killer whether or not you were expecting it.

“Welcome back to the twenty-first century!”

“Ah! Sweet pollution! How I missed you!” Steve choked as he inhaled a lungful of said filthy air. Normally, that wouldn’t be a great thing, but you were sort of thankful for it this time. It distracted Douxie from the whimper that left your lips, from the way you sank to the ground, clinging to the railings, struggling against yourself. This was Not Fun.

Steve, however, was still having a wonderful time, “Heh! And reception!! Hot dang! So many messages.”

From the high-pitched chimes that rang out through the air, you could only guess that Steve was looking at his phone. You couldn’t really see at the moment due to the sudden and blinding pain in your stomach. That was new! You weren’t really sure why that was happening, or how Douxie didn’t feel it, but it probably had to do with the Arcane Order and your lack of homicide!

Across the ship, Jim let out a scream, the shard in his chest glowing red and sinking deeper. Fucking lovely. That was two of you in shard related pain. What was next, you losing control and killing not only Douxie but everyone on this damn ship? Another wave of pain rolled through you, which brought an end to your sarcastic thinking. At this rate, that outcome looked less and less insane by the minute. You bit your lip in a silent prayer that nothing else would go wrong. Then Camelot fell out of the sky.

“Oh, shit.”

Douxie’s words shocked you enough for you to open your eyes and look at him.

“D-Douxie, you-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry, hang on tight, love!”

You did as instructed as your wizard flew the ship towards the falling castle, pulling up right beside it at what appeared to be the perfect time.

“Need a lift?”

“Douxie!” you could hear Toby’s voice, but you couldn’t see him. The momentary release granted to you by shock had worn off, and now all you had left was the pain. You shut your eyes and kept them closed, focusing on not passing out, or committing murder, or passing away. Actually, that last one might not have been so bad. At least it would end your suffering and the threat you were to others. That wasn’t going to happen though.

You could hear Archie now, the familiar’s voice was… well, familiar, and it was comforting to you, in an odd way, “But you’re trapped in the past!”

“Not anymore!”

“Took you long enough. We have much to talk about. Like- them?” you didn’t have to see Merlin to know he was talking about you, and in your current state, you were indeed worthy of conversation. You were curled into a ball, shoved against the rails of the ship and trying your damnedest not to cry. You felt like shit, you probably looked like shit, and Merlin didn't even like you in the first place, so yeah, you were something worth mentioning.

“D-don’t worry,” you choked out, “I’m fine. Focus- on Jim.”

Douxie did not want to focus on Jim. He didn’t want to focus on anything except for you at that exact moment. What was happening to you? Why was the love of his life doubled over and in obvious pain when he barely felt a thing? More than anything Douxie wanted to help you. He wanted to make the pain stop, and he wanted to hold you close and make sure you were okay, but Jim, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on the pov, had perfect dramatic timing.

The poor boy let out a groan, the shard glowing red once again, and causing everyone more concern. You knew there was no way in hell he could have heard what you said, and the groan was probably because Aarrrgh, Toby and Blinky had all boarded the ship which made it move a bit, but you liked to think he was on your side.

You could hear Toby scream something that sounded like a question, and you knew that Merlin replied, but there was only one voice that mattered to you. He said your name, sounding scared and anxious. It broke your heart, but you said nothing. You didn’t want him to notice you any more than he already had, because if he did, he would try to help, and that meant getting close to you, and if he did that he’d probably receive a broken neck for his troubles. Nobody wanted that. Least of all you.

“I-I’m getting everyone home safe, as promised.”

Merlin said something else, and you felt another shift as something, or rather, someone, landed on the ship. A small squeak left you, you couldn’t help it. Everything just hurt so bad, and you honestly didn’t know how Douxie wasn’t feeling it. You were thankful for that, of course, you’d never wish for him to be in pain, ever, but this was just so intense! You could barely function, you just had to keep breathing, hoping that the next inhale would somehow end the pain.

Another series of squeaks and gasps escaped you as Douxie maneuvered the ship through a field of castle-shaped debris. In any other situation, you’d have complimented him, but at that moment, you were trying to avoid causing anyone any bodily harm. It was difficult while you were flying, but as soon as you landed, things got wayyyy harder.

Douxie approached you cautiously, not wanting to hurt you and not wanting to trigger anything that might make you hurt him. The rest of the squad had jumped off the ship, so for it was just you and your wizard. For all intents and purposes, you were alone with the person you’d been sent to kill. There was nothing stopping you. His hands were raised in surrender for god’s sake. Why was he making this so difficult?

“Douxie, you need to go.”

“I- no, I’m not leaving you, we have to go, we have to get somewhere safe-”

“No, you need to- just get off the ship, I’ll join you in a second.”

That was a total lie, of course, but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t seem to register it, either. He just looked at you sadly before taking a step back.

“We’ll fix this. I promise you, we’ll fix this. I’m not going to let anything else hurt you.”

You tried to laugh, but the attempt was pathetic, “I know.”

And then he was gone. You could hear Jim screaming somewhere in the night. The sound drowned everything out, submerging you in a sea of guilt. That kid had suffered through so much, and now this. You knew his pain. He didn’t deserve this, and there was nothing you could do to save him.

Douxie was going through the same motions. You were in pain, you didn’t deserve it, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Not yet, anyway. He was bound and determined to help you, to end the nightmare you were living in. And it was indeed, your nightmare. He couldn’t feel a thing, even after centuries of sharing your pain. Even now, he could still feel the ache of your cracked ribs, but there was nothing beyond that. He didn’t know what was happening to you, or why, but he knew it terrified him. If this, whatever it was, took you from him, he didn’t know what he would do. He couldn’t stand to lose you. Not after all of this. Even as he spoke with Merlin, his thoughts never left you. The image of you curled around yourself, face contorted with pain, lips bleeding as you bit them to stay silent, would haunt him for the rest of his days.

You, however, were haunted by something else.

“Nari, come back to us and finish the work you have begun!”

“You misunderstand our grand vision.”

Oh, fuck.

You pulled yourself up, desperately clinging to the rail, pausing every time your vision went white. You weren’t sure yet whether you were going to run away or fight, but the first thing you needed to do was hide. If you chose to run, they couldn’t see you. If they did, they would chase you, capture you, and torture you again. If you chose to fight, you wanted the element of surprise. So, yeah. Hiding was a good plan.

You threw yourself over the edge of the ship. It was not graceful in the slightest, but no one saw, so it worked out well enough. Your plan was going according to plan, even if everything hurt and you longed for the sweet release of death. You let yourself lean on the ship for a second, closing your eyes against the pain. The cold metal stung where it met your skin. It sucked. Everything sucked. This whole Order ordeal sucked. You wanted to go home. But where even was home? Right, it was the black-haired wizard boy with the shitty dye job who you’d loved for years.

A green light flashed on the other side of the ship, and you knew you had to make a choice. Either run, and keep running, the same thing you’d been doing since you escaped your life as a spy, or stay and fight. Run or go back to the start of your story and change the meaning. To fight, not for Gunmar and an eternal night, but to protect the people you loved, the town you lived in, and the punk wizard who owned your heart. Yeah, no. That choice was already made for you. It had been for almost a thousand years.

Without a sound, you dragged yourself around the ship and waited for the right moment. It came faster than you’d expected, but that wasn’t a huge deal. You snuck behind the green Knight, and when he demanded surrender, you struck him with your sword. He stumbled forward for a second, and that was it. The only solid hit you made in that fight. Ah, the element of surprise, everyone’s favourite element.

You ducked as the Knight's sword sliced at your throat. Your movements were delayed by a few seconds, but you couldn’t focus on that right now. You just had to keep going.

Your sword clashed with his, once, twice, a third time, and on that third, you were sent flying back. You scrambled to your feet just in time for another attack, this one accompanied by words. Whether it was a monologue or a taunt you couldn’t tell. Your brain was focused on not dying. You heard him call you a traitor, and a servant before he declared that your soul was his. You didn’t have a smart response for that, so you just kept fighting.

Up, down, side, dodge, sweep the leg, parry, twist left, over and over again. You were almost on autopilot, one hand still clutching your busted ribs, the other doing its best to keep you alive. There was no coherent thought, just adrenaline and movement. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select start. Jeep, dodge, ram him with your face, or whatever the hell else kept you alive. There was nothing left but basic instinct and training that you’d never forgotten. This was your fight. And you weren’t actually that bad for someone who was half-dead. At least, you weren’t until the Green Knight knocked the sword from your hand and grabbed you by the throat.

Everything went numb. Your vision was lighter as if a filter covered the world making everything bright and hard to look at. You heard everything and nothing at the same time. It was all… dull. Like you were hearing the battle from somewhere far away. Douxie screamed something that you couldn’t make out, there was a muffled guitar riff, another scream, someone calling you a traitor, and- wait. What in the fresh hell was that? Did someone just fucking roar?

You were dropped, and you rolled out of the way just in time to see a troll you’d never met charge at the Knight. You sat still for a minute, struck dumb by this turn of events. Then you felt yourself freeze, ice creeping into your veins as you realized what was going on. You couldn’t hear Jim screaming anymore. You looked back to the ship. He wasn’t there. That left one, probably unreasonable explanation. The new troll was Jim. Fuck.

Pulling yourself to your knees, you took another look at your friends, gathered by the ship. It looked, for a moment, like Douxie or Claire would run into the fight. You couldn’t let that happen. So, you did the one thing you could think of, the one thing that would keep them out of this. You stabbed yourself in the leg. It wasn’t a big stab, just a little one. Just enough to convince Douxie that you’d lost control and were now out for his blood. It didn’t work as well as you’d hoped. You could see your wizard fall to one knee. His eyes met yours, and for one second, everything was still. He was there, and you were here, and you were both alive, but on opposite sides of this battle. That’s how it had always been. Maybe that’s how it was always supposed to be. You were back at the start again. A scared kid on the wrong side, clinging to what little light you had left. There were tears in your eyes. You don’t know how they got there. Maybe it was the stab wound, but you didn’t really believe that. Taking a deep breath, you shook your head. He saw you. He stood. And then they were gone.

You smiled, for a second, despite the tears streaming down your face. They were safe, for now. They had a chance. Your momentary peace didn’t last long. Holding his sword above him, the Knight took control of Jim, the red light that ran through his veins turned green, leaving the troll on his hands and knees. At the same time, the pain in your stomach subsided, allowing you to stand, finally. You readied your own blade, but before anything could be accomplished, the Knight turned to you. For once, you could hear what he was saying.

“Attack and the beast dies.”

There was no other choice. You couldn’t let anything bad happen to Jim. You lowered your weapon just as Bellroc jumped from the castle and landed in front of you.

“Take them with us,” you flinched back at their voice. That sound only brought back memories that you would rather forget. Fear took you, and you allowed the Green Knight to grab your shoulder and guide you back to the castle. This was not going to be fun.

Speaking of things that weren’t fun, Douxie was having the worst possible time right now. After hiding in an alley, making his way to Hex Tech, and dealing with a less than pleased Zoe (which involved explaining that he had found you, found out exactly why you left, and lost you again,) he was more than a little bit tired, which was fair. To make matters worse, his leg stopped hurting somewhere between the field and the alleyway. You were on the Order’s ship. They had you, and god knows what they could do to you without him knowing. Quite honestly, Douxie was beyond terrified at this point. He wasn’t really sure what he was. In any other circumstance, he may have been paralyzed by pure fear and anxiety, but someone had to keep Claire from murdering Merlin, so paralysis was a no go. He was sure he’d have time for a nice mental breakdown later, after you were safe. For now, he would focus on keeping the peace, making sure nothing got broken, and forming a plan to get you and Jim home.

You were playing the same game with a different set of pieces. You stayed silent and obedient, making yourself as small as possible to avoid taking up space and pissing off your captors. No matter how panicked you were, you maintained an aura of calm for both your sake and Jim’s. You couldn’t let your emotions slip. Not here, not now. Not that any of your efforts were doing much good. You still flinched with every quick movement, bit your lip whenever someone got too loud. This was not a good situation, and you were straight-up not having a good time. It only got worse with the resurrection of Morgana. It was all too loud, too bright, too- too familiar. This was too close to what happened the last time you were here, and you were terrified.

Your hands were cold. You tried to focus on that, but for the life of you, you couldn't stop thinking about every bad thing that happened to you within these walls. Someone was yelling, someone else screaming, and you couldn’t tell whether it was real, or if it was a memory. You didn’t even care that the Green Knight was the old king. You just wanted to leave, but for now, against all odds, you had to stay calm. It was not working. At all. Especially when the room turned on you.

“And as for you, treasonous witch,” y’know, that wasn’t a very original take coming from a primordial ice god. You were honestly a little disappointed. In terms of torture, Skrael had always been a bit more creative. Perhaps, subconsciously, you’d expected that to carry over. It didn’t. In any other situation, you would’ve told him to get some new material, but Bellroc swiftly prevented that by throwing you into the center of the room. You hit the ground hard. Hard enough to blur your vision and clear your mind, but there was no time to process the pain.

“You have failed us,” the flaming demigod’s voice darted from high tones to low ones, sending a chill down your spine. If Bellroc was angry enough to lose control of their voice, you were beyond screwed.

Both demigods drew nearer to you, looming over your damaged figure, “You will pay for this.”

You winced, preparing for the burn of ice or fire on your skin, but no impact came. Instead, you felt a harsh tug on your hair as Bellroc forced you to face them. Both demigods looked way too calm, though you could feel their anger, a flaming riot beneath their skin despite their icy exteriors. Their rage alone was almost enough to hurt, but what came next was worse.

“You are much too fond of that wizard apprentice… we will make sure he suffers for all of your mistakes.”

You felt yourself shaking as Skrael rasped out the threat, but you didn’t have much more time to react before you were thrown into a wall. That was where their fun began.

Douxie was having a significantly better time than you, but that didn’t mean he was enjoying himself. Over the sounds of Blinky cursing autocorrect, Merlin and Claire were having a battle of ideologies right in front of my metaphorical salad. The audacity. This, of course, was not easy on your wizard. His friend wanted to find a way to save her boyfriend. His mentor wanted to move forward and run away. Douxie also wanted to save Jim and you, but Merlin made a good argument about the fate of the universe and how if they didn’t leave now everyone would die. That argument, however, was not enough to erase the memory of your face from his mind. He still saw that image, you, distorted with pain and struggle every time he closed his eyes. The fighting only made things worse; especially when Merlin decided to put that face on screens around the room, side by side with Jim’s new troll form. I don’t know why he thought that was a good idea, but it was Not helping Douxie.

“James Lake and (Y/N) (L/N) are corrupted, gone! They cannot be brought back!”

“Or you’re just too stubborn to try!”

“Please, you both have solid points!” he could hear the stress and fear in his own voice. Good. Maybe it would make the universe feel bad for him and it would just… throw you through a window at him or something. He didn’t know or care at that point. He was too tired for this and too awake for it at the same time. His eyes hurt. His jaw hurt. Everything hurt except his leg which was just another reminder of how much he missed you. God, he was having an awful day, and it was going to get worse.

“I will not jeopardize the mortal plane for one troll and one wayward witch!”

“It’s what they’d do for us!”

“And look where that got them!” This outburst from his former Master frustrated Douxie enough to make him slam his head into the nearest flat surface and keep it there.

“What!?” Claire exclaimed, the screens around the room went black, your face and Jim’s hidden from view. It would’ve been a relief if Douxie had looked up to see it. “Come on, back me up here. Anybody? Archie? Douxie?”

He heard the question in her voice. Will you stand up for your significant other, Casperan? Or will you fail them again? He let out a strangled groan to answer the question.

Archie’s answer was more dignified, “Don’t look at me, cats don’t have the right to vote. Neither do dragons. Yet.”

The familiar’s body glowed gold for a minute as he changed forms. It was only a second of shining light, but it was enough to give Douxie an idea.

“Wait a tick. I know a way we can rescue Jim and (Y/N) without risking the world!”

“Is that so?”

“How?”

“If it works, it will be quite the little magic trick.”

And it would indeed be quite the little magic trick. Risking life and limb to save you and Jim would be one hell of a feat, but if there was anyone who could pull it off, it was this specific team. At least, that’s what Douxie told himself. He had to. He had to pretend there was hope and focus on the plan. If he didn’t, his thoughts drifted to you, to what the Order could be doing to you, and that persistent question in his mind, the one that asked if you were alive at all. You had to be. You had to. There wasn’t another option, though Douxie found, as he boarded the small ship, that fear was building in his chest. A sense of dread surrounding what exactly they would find, lying still on the floor of the Order’s base.

Douxie was shaken from the hell in his head when Merlin spoke, something about being concerned with the plan and heading into a lion’s den. Your wizard was growing tired of this.

“You gave me a staff because you trusted me, right? So, trust me.”

“Very well. I stand by your decision… wizard.”

The comment was shrugged off by its intended audience, “Everyone knows what they need to do. If we pull this off, we’ll get our friends back.”

In his head, Douxie begged whatever godly forces were out there (that were Not Arcane Order aligned) that they would get their friends back in once piece, safe and sound; though as the lights of the Order’s ship shone in his face, blinding him, he knew that wouldn’t be the case. Oh well.

“Arcane Order!” the ship shifted to face him, a sign that someone was listening, “We’re here to barter!”

The skull moved down through the air, clicking and groaning as it’s jaw dropped to form an entrance, or at least something close to one. Douxie cast a glance back to his comrades, “And that means, ‘Come in.’”

“Wait, we’re flying into the bitey devil castle?” Steve asked incredulously, pointing at said bitey devil castle. Douxie nodded and flew them into the bitey devil castle. Bitey devil castle. I want one.

Steve, however, would not agree with that sentiment. Fear crossed over the teen’s face as their ship drew nearer to the larger craft. He shook so much while exiting the boat that he just fell over. Douxie, Merlin and Not-Nari failed to notice or maybe failed to care. Either way, Steve had an opinion on all of this. He did not like it, “Uh, this is supes dumb. Like, even I know it’s dumb and we’re still gonna go inside?”

If you had been in your right mind and entering the skull with them, you would have agreed, 100%. Unfortunately, you were not that. Instead, you were deeper inside the horror-show palace, writhing with pain and unable to think clearly. That sucked for you, but honestly, you were starting to get used to it.

Douxie, however, was not used to nor prepared for the sudden pain that hit him like a wall of bricks as soon as he entered the Order’s den. It started off intense, matching the pain you felt exactly, but it faded fast until it was a dull throb in the back of his mind. They’d hurt you. They’d hurt and maybe killed you because you didn’t kill him fast enough. That thought, that fact was going to haunt him for the rest of his days. He could already feel his breath coming faster, his chest rising and falling rapidly and leading him to disaster if he didn’t control it. To avoid having a panic attack, your wizard took in his surroundings.

The lair was, as many good evil lairs are, made of stone and lit light blue with moonlight. It was quiet, empty, so much so that Douxie had to mention the overwhelming silence just to hear something. Merlin did not respond. At least, not to him.

“Good evening, Skrael.”

The ice demigod appeared in a twister of ice and sleet. If he was anything other than an ice demigod, it would have been very uncomfortable, but alas, Skrael’s gotta Skrael, and that included monologuing in his chilling and creepy voice, “Surrendering already? I was hoping for a little more cat and mouse.”

Douxie was suddenly very uncomfortable knowing that this was the company you were trapped with during your ten-year absence. That this was all you’d heard for a decade. Douxie wondered, for a moment, against his will, what exactly they’d said to you in the past ten years. What horrors had you heard?

The wondering only got worse when Bellroc decided to jump in with a threat of their own. It was a classic, “You will be rewarded with a quick and painful death,” but Bellroc’s intimidating and ever-changing voice added a new level to the threat, something that most other villains lack. The Green Knight didn’t even make a threat, he just growled like a basic bitch.

Merlin didn’t care though. Basic bitches or otherwise, he got straight to business, “A fight here will end poorly for all of us. We seek a truce,” the old wizard turned to his apprentice and nodded. It was time for someone who did care about basic bitches.

“Good evening, doers of evil and ancient terrors. We have a proposal: a trade. One of yours for one of ours,” Douxie moved forwards and back again, his lanky-ass limbs swishing through the air, trying to illustrate his point. It was super effective.

“Our missing third in exchange for your troll mongrel?”

“You would give up your only advantage? What does this gain you?” both Bellroc and Skrael sounded confused, the perfect conditions for a lengthy explanation that would hopefully buy Claire all the time she needed to get Jim and you out safely.

Douxie took a short breath, “Yes, well, an excellent question, one that requires a long, thoughtful, time-consuming answer. Come on, Claire.”

Somewhere above your friends, your pain began to subside. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for you to stand and make your way over to Jim. You knew that it wasn’t really your boy, and you knew that he wouldn’t respond, but you made an attempt to speak with him anyway. You owed him that much.

“Hey there, kid.”

He grunted and moved away from you, retreating into the darkness, “Woah, woah, woah, easy buddy, just- try and stay in one spot for me-” your voice caught in your throat as another wave of agony rolled through you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say the face of your old friend almost looked concerned.

You brought yourself back up, and a little gasp escaped you as the pain subsided. You were okay for the moment, but you didn’t know how long that would last. It was time to talk as fast as you could.

“Jim, honey, I need you to listen to me. I know how hard this is. I know what it’s like, trust me. But we- we have to fight this. You have a life to live, kiddo. You need to get back to Claire, to Toby and the rest of them, and I-” you cut yourself off before you could say you needed to get home, to get to Douxie. As much as you loved Jim, he was under the Order’s control. They’d already threatened your wizard’s life, you didn’t need them knowing exactly how much he meant to you. However, magic be damned, you had to get through to the boy inside this monstrous shell, “I know it’s hard, Jim, but I’m fighting this with you. Neither of us are alone.”

He growled at you but didn’t respond outside of that. It was time to be persistent.

“I know. But I need you to come back. I need-” once again, you couldn’t say what you were thinking. You couldn’t tell him that you needed proof, something to believe in that could maybe restore the last of your faith. You needed to know that there was hope, that you could come back from this. Jim Lake was one of the bravest and strongest kids you knew. He’d been through so much, and in comparison to your age, he was just a baby. If anyone could fight this, it would be him, and if he couldn’t, you weren’t sure if you could. You drew a shaky breath before you continued, “I need you to come back, for Claire, Toby, your mom, for yourself. You deserve better than this.”

He growled again, burrowing deeper into his hiding place. You bit your lip, thinking of what to say next, but you were interrupted. Someone was coming. Now you needed to hide.

It wasn’t a member of the Order as you’d suspected. Instead, Claire portaled into the room. You had no idea how she got in here, but seeing her was better than seeing the alternative. You stayed hidden while she spoke to Jim, almost feeling like you were intruding. At least he actually talked to her. You watched, hidden in shadows while she tried to coax him into leaving with her. You stayed silent, which became a little more difficult when a sharp pain shot up your side. You bit your lip to avoid crying out, but nothing could prevent the gasp that escaped you when you realized exactly where that pain had come from. If it wasn’t yours, then that meant it was Douxie’s. Douxie was somewhere in the castle.

That thought drove a deep, unyielding fear straight into your heart. You had to get to him, to protect him from the Order, curses and shards be damned. You jumped from your hiding place, causing the briefest of distractions to Claire, Jim, and Morgana, who had joined the fray while you weren’t watching. You paid them no mind, though. Claire could portal out of here, Morgana could more than take care of herself, and Jim was Bellroc and Skrael’s new favourite weapon. They would be okay. But you? If the sudden sharp pain in your back meant anything, you had somewhere else to be.

The first thing you saw was Jim, clinging to the ceiling above your wizard, ready to pounce. You would have attacked him if your vision hadn’t gone green. At first, you thought it was Merlin, trying in vain to protect Douxie, but then you realized exactly what was happening to you. And that was much worse.

Here, in close quarters with both the Green Knight and Douxie, the drive to kill your love had increased exponentially. Your mind clouded with bloodlust, your hands seized your sword. Before your eyes, you saw vivid flashes of green and red. It didn’t take you long to realize that the red was his blood. Or, it was supposed to be. At any other time, these visions would have destroyed you, but at the moment they only added fuel to a raging fire; one that had gone out long ago but somehow burned anew in your chest. For a moment, there was nothing but hate and rage towards the person you loved the most in this world. For a moment, you feed yourself.

And it only got worse from there. You leapt clear across the room, grabbing Douxie and putting your blade to his throat. At the same time, Jim jumped down from the corner of the roof he’d been hiding in and collected Archie and Merlin, holding them at bay. Out of all the things you’d been through, you decided that this was probably the worst. You were so close, so close to killing him. To ending his life, wiping his existence from this earth. You could see the horror on Archie’s face, and on Merlin’s, for that matter. You couldn’t see Douxie, but you could feel what he felt. Betrayal, heartbreak, and fear. So much fear. He was afraid of you.

If you went through with this, no one would ever forgive you, and you couldn’t blame them, but their scorn would be nothing compared to what you’d do to yourself.

You were vaguely aware of your surroundings. Of Clarie and Steve getting themselves frozen, and of the ultimatum offered to Merlin.

“We propose new terms,” Bellroc said, their voice much calmer now that they were in control.

“Give us Nari, or he dies,” Skrael pointed towards you. You could hear Archie yowling, Merlin yelling something and Douxie apologizing. In any other situation, you would wonder what he was apologizing for. Was it for trusting you? For what, in his opinion, must've been failing his mentor and Master? You had so many questions, but the answers didn’t matter. You weren’t in any other situation. You were there, in the Order’s castle faced with an ultimatum of your own. Kill Douxie, the love of your life and the person you trusted more than anything, or fight to save him. The answer to that question was clear. You closed your eyes.

The visions didn’t stop. You tried to stop everything your body was doing, to drop your sword and free him, but you couldn’t seem to let go. You bit your lip, tearing your skin with the effort, tears already coming to your eyes.

That’s when it started to hurt.

Excruciating, agonizing white-hot pain spread across your body from deep inside your core. You’d been hurt before, hell, you’d been tortured not much earlier, but this was beyond anything you had ever suffered through. You dug your nails into Douxie’s shoulder, whimpering, slightly. Your hand was clenched around the hilt of your blade, knuckles white, hands shaking. It was all you could do to keep from screaming. Your entire body felt like it was burning and freezing all at once. The smell of blood and acid hung in the air. The taste of metal stung your mouth. Your muscles seized and relaxed in waves. Tears collected in the corners of your eyes as your poor body battled against itself. You strained against yourself, whispering apologies into the back of Douxie’s hoodie. Your words, however, twisted into a mixed groan and scream. Your mind went blank, and for a moment, you were nothing.

The world was a void. A painful, painful void. You couldn’t focus on anything. You ignored Merlin, his fight for Douxie’s life and his escape from Jim. You paid no mind to the blasts of green magic and Bellroc’s frustrated screaming. You couldn’t give any of it a second thought. Instead, you kept going, locked in a battle of your own. You had to keep breathing through the pain, to take back control. And Douxie noticed.

“(Y/N),” his voice was low, and maybe a little broken, “(Y/N), I know you’re in there. You don’t want to do this, you won’t- you can fight this. You have to fight this. Please, come back to me.”

A gasp escaped you as the pain heightened, reaching a brand new peak. You were 90% sure you were about to die. You dropped your sword, and stumbled back, falling away from your wizard.

For a second, there was nothing. Then you opened your eyes.

And you felt everything.

For that second, for that one moment, you felt the world sink into place. The pain was gone, and you didn’t want to kill any of your loved ones, and you were okay. All you saw were hazel eyes. It was all you needed to see.

But it was just a moment. It didn’t last. You felt a tug somewhere in you, within your magic, and you turned just in time to watch Merlin get stabbed.

You’d never been close to the old wizard. It was just how things turned out. You were a spy and traitor and he was, well, Merlin. There weren’t too many opportunities for bonding between you. But you had to admit to yourself, you did care for the old fool. He’d taken you on as an apprentice all those years ago, and even if you didn’t count it as a ‘real’ apprenticeship, it was. He taught you about a side of magic you’d never known before, and for that, you had to be thankful. And Douxie. Oh, god, Douxie. You knew how much the old wizard meant to him. Merlin was his teacher, his mentor, the man who’d saved his life all those years ago and, in a sense, saved yours. Almost a thousand years ago, Merlin had bonded you to that boy and given you the best thing in your life. The two of you had your differences, but you would be forever in his debt.

Which is why you screamed as the blade tore through him. You found yourself reaching out as he was thrown back to the earth, as if you could do anything to stop it. You felt yourself go numb. Douxie had a slightly more emotional reaction.

You braced yourself against a storm of blue magic, radiating from your wizard. You stood, still as stone, while Jim, the Order, the Knight and Morgana (who’d joined the party at the most dramatic time possible) were blown back. As soon as they were out of commission, you grabbed Archie, scooping the familiar into your arms. In any other situation, the cat would have been fine with this, but at that moment, he struggled. Archie frantically tried to escape your hold, motivated by an intense drive to get to Douxie’s side, to support him in whatever way he could. You felt the same way.

You took a step towards your wizard, but before you could get to him, he turned. His eyes were glowing. Blue. He yelled for you to run, to get away from there, but you were frozen in place by a force you couldn’t name. The difference in his magic, in his soul, could not go unnoticed. He was stronger, somehow, and it stopped you. The light behind his eyes sent a shock through your system. Douxie was never one to use offensive spells on you outside of a full-on fight, but he was out of time and out of options. He threw you and Archie towards the others, calling out another “Get out of here!” before breaking a window and flying out of it. You didn’t even have time to process that. You just did as you were told, jumping through a shadow portal without a second thought.

Earth was colder than you remembered it.

But then again, maybe that was just a side-effect of travelling by shadow portal.

The most likely option, though, was that it had something to do with the scene before you.

Merlin was on the ground. He looked smaller, weaker than you’d ever seen him before. That thought on its own was horrifying. Merlin was the definitive master wizard. He was the strongest of your kind, your leader, in a sense. He was everything a good wizard was supposed to be. And you could feel him dying.

You weren’t the only one.

“-Hold still. I can fix this, I-I-I can fix this-”

I can fix this.

You’d heard that one before.

You’d heard that one a lot, actually. If Douxie had a catchphrase outside of kid-friendly swears, it would probably be “I can fix this.”

He was always so determined to keep everyone safe and to prove himself. Every mess he found himself in, he’d insist that he could fix it. He could fix time. He could fix your broken heart. He could fix the world one day if he wanted to.

But you weren’t sure he could actually fix this.

You took a small step forward, releasing Archie from your hold. Douxie said nothing, at least not to you. He kept repeating those words, over and over again. You could hear him start to lose hope.

“Douxie-”

“(Y/N), help me, please. You have to help me save him- we can fix this. I can-”

“Stop, Hisirdoux,” Merlin’s voice brought your attention back to him, “No one can. Do not blame yourself.”

You took a few more steps forward before kneeling at Merlin’s other side. The part of you that was trained in medicine, a part of you that you were almost surprised to still possess after today, took in Merlin’s injuries. You hated to admit it, but he was right. There was no hope here. Dread settled in your stomach as you realized these wounds, and therefore this death, were, in some way, your fault.

“I’m sorry. I should have listened to-” you stole a quick glance at Douxie. He was doing as well as one might expect.

“No, no. I’m sorry,” the old wizard winced and you put a hand on his shoulder, using what little power you had left to ease his pain. It would not save him, but it might make passing a little more peaceful. He nodded at you, the most approval you’d ever received from the old man, before he continued, “I spent a lifetime serving the wrong master, trying to save this world.”

“You can’t! You’re Merlin, the greatest wizard of all time!” Douxie collapsed onto Merlin, and you could tell from the small tremors that ran through him that he was crying. The old wizard put a hand on his back, trying to comfort him. You felt tears spring to your own eyes. You could feel his pain. You’d known it yourself, centuries ago. Merlin offered a hand to you. You took it.

“Merlin- master, I’m so sorry,” you were only whispering, but you know he heard. They both did.

“I saw a glimmer of greatness, of what you could become,” he moved his hand to Douxie’s face, “And the greatest thing I ever accomplished was saving you,” he brought the hand holding yours to hold Douxie’s. You felt your wizard take a shaky breath.

“I’ll try and make you proud.”

“You already have… son.”

And he was gone. Merlin was… gone.

You hadn’t realized you were crying until then.

“No, no, no, you can’t go!” you pulled back as your wizard cried out, your hands covering your mouth, catching your tears as he pulled his mentor closer to him. His voice lowered to a whisper, “No, please. I’m not ready.”

And then Merlin was ash, dust in the wind, a pattern dispersed.

“Douxie, I’m so sorry,” Claire said as she, Steve and Archie crossed the clearing you’d landed in. Claire went to Douxie’s side, Steve went to yours. It wasn’t much, but it was some comfort in this uncertain world.

“I-I can’t believe he’s gone,” Archie nudged a little closer to Douxie as he spoke.

And he was right. With a final gust of wind, Merlin left you, leaving behind a thick, leather-bound book. His grimoire. Your last hope.

“What is that?” Steve asked as Douxie picked up the book, clutching it to his chest.

“It’s all we have left to guide us,” he stood, “Other than that… we’re on our own.”

He was right. You were more alone than you realized. More than you had been for the last few hundred years.

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