#i never remember my dreams tbh
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juat woke up from a partial(?) dream abt ren heng. yingxing is trying to marry dan feng but isnt allowed to by the vidyadhara and goes to beg some sort of higher power? like physically goes to see this thing and its not a person but like some like. weird looking gaint object suspended in the (the the sinner from the one genshin quest but up above in the sky above scalegorge water scape. up like some heaven like stairs) hes begging this thing for for dan fengs hand in marriage and pleding that hell become a war criminal for this thing if he can marry him. talking abt how he has objects and curios to for mass murder for the vidyadhara to use as they please.
the thing never actually TALKS and then the dream shifted to some weird plot that i was fucking isekai'd into hsr and was slowly becoming a vidyadhara??? idk man
i cant even escape these two in my dreams HELP
#my meds continue to give me weird ass vivid dreams#i never remember my dreams tbh#excuse typos ornif i sound incoherent im typing in my phonenhalf asleep in bed#ok back to sleep#yappin
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had a dream last night this blog got hacked and whoever it was kept making posts apologizing for all sorts of drama on salt blogs, implying I did All the drama. people got SO mad at me that I had to move to alabama and hide in a rural country farm. when I finally checked back on this blog a while later, it had turned into an account that drew dragons as fish to atone for my crimes (while still claiming they were me)
#should become a fish blog. tbh#it was a strangely vivid dream I remember reading callout posts and shit#see I don’t read drama blogs that much anymore. so in my dream I was just out of the loop as I am now#so the hacker was apologizing for things I had no idea even existed and had absolutely no part of. and people were just like#yeah that makes sense.#and were saying that A from earth and B from light and C from etc were just coverups for my name#I respect the dedication honestly#anyways I had a good later half of my dream. Alabama was surprisingly nice (I have never been there irl)#rambles#I have so many dreams about FR it’s insane. it’s like the tetris effect or whatever#some of my dreams are just hatching eggs lmao
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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My fellow zillennial. It's come to my attention that Gen Alpha is apparently making aesthetic tiktoks romanticizing 2020, like they want to be a teenager during that time??? Like no? You don't? I can't even begin to start breaking down how bad that year was in every category. McDonalds apparently now has "standards" yet another rubbish thing to add to the "college degrees make you overqualified with zero experience sorry you can't get this entry job" bucket. And Lunchables news reporters are like 30 years too late to be writing an expose on the toxic levels of metal in that.
people were dying????? we were in a state of panic and isolation???? schools were struggling with the switch to online only classes????
do we all remember the BLM protests and the tips on how to keep your face hidden and how to stay safe from getting maced???? do we remember the pushback against it??? calling on botched stats???
do we even remember the fucking US election???? how heated it got???? how much distrust republicans tried to seed into mail-in ballots?????
and then literally January of 2021, the US legislative house gets stormed in, Texas has a freeze so bad our gridlock shuts down and PEOPLE DIED FROM THE COLD WHILE EVERYONE ELSE MOCKED US FOR FREEZING!!!
2020 was not a good year. it is the furthest from a a good year, but it sure as hell emphasized a motley of issues the world had going on (tho i’m more versed in the US issues bc i live there)
#i’m gonna go ahead and hope gen alpha is romanticizing it because that was a year they were still very young#like year your spring break turned into a spring month and you got to spend so much time at home!!!! awesome!!!!!#why do you think that happened???? seriously i would like to know#this is secondhand information but i would like to know why that year and not idk 2018 or 2013 when frozen came out???#tbh if i ever romanticize the early 2000s it’s because that was when i was a child and knew nothing#i didn’t know what a recession was or that airplane security was never like this ten years ago#i never thought to wonder why it took my dad years to become a naturalized citizen#or why some friends of mine faced discrimination i was ignorant to#or why so many new students joined my class after Hurricane Katrina#i was young & i was ignorant & i never questioned shit & all i knew was that Avril Lavigne was awesome and high school musical was my dream#tbh idk what about 2020 looks so desirable because all i remember was dread and panic and being so fucking lonely#i just hope it’s a desire they’re making out of nostalgia for when they were still unaware about what was going on bc i do get that#but saying that 2020 was the year you want to live as a teen????? as an adult?????#no sir#nuh uh#that is NOT the year you want to relive at that age i assure you#asks#gen alpha i suggest you pick 2012 bc even tho there was talk of an apocalypse it actually never happened and looking back it’s kinda funny
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ouaaaaaghhh i've been on a bit of a pokemon binge lately......... i should crack open my old pokemon games and take a peek at my teams :,) i wish i still had my old copy of conquest and black 2 though............ :(
#gu6chan's musings#im so sad because literally ALL my pokemon games i've had as a teen i still have#up to sun and moon which i got on christmas when i was NINETEEN lmao!!!#but yeah pokemon was technically my first fandom ig???? i used to watch my brother play pokemon yellow and crystal a lot when i was TINY#but i never ACTUALLY played pokemon or video games in general myself until my older sister surprised me with my first video game console#and video game when she came up from florida 😭 a black dsi with pokemon black; i was 13 and my dad HATED her for it like 'Why are you#giving her videogames??? she's a girl :/' BUT I HAD IT!!!! MY FIRST EVER POKEMON GAME THAT BELONGED TO MEEEEE#i loved the SHIT out of that game and then got black 2; soulsilver and platinum; pokemon conquest; got the 3ds games...#i still have platinum/soulsilver as well as all the mainline 3ds games i believe#but conquest; black; and black 2 i lost :( literally my FAVOURITES i took them everywhere with me (which is why i lost them lmao)#funny enough i know exactly where black 2 IS though; its in the pocket of a jacket i owned but lost back between 2013-2014???#if i find the jacket it will 100% be in there; i just couldn't find the jacket and tbh idek if its still around anymore or is in storage#but if it is!!!! i'll literally cry lmao#black 2 is where i got my first level 100 pokemon; a magneton....... i ADORED that little bastard ouaaaghh....#i dont believe i ever managed to get past the league in black 2 though bc i remember being so pissed i couldnt get to see the other side of#the map beyond castelia city lmao#14-15 years old and i STILL didn't believe in stat moves 😭 i deserved to get shot#But fun fact: I DID get a new copy of Black a few years back!!! only it 1. already had save data on it and 2. it was full of rare/hacked#legendaries young me could only ever DREAM of having so i can't get myself to restart the save data even though i rlly want to.......#oh but funny enough!!! i also still have the 14 y/o dsi i was gifted back then; it still works though the battery cover is missing so you#have to hold it lol#but aaaaa so many fond memories of playing black and black 2... black 2 especially since i never really got to finish it lol#like#i finished the main CAMPAIGN with plasma and ghetsis trying to fucking kill you and all that (Something which i remember being so :0!!!?!?!#when i first saw it omgggg its such a clear memory aaaa) but i think like#i got up to the league and could never beat it........ so i just went back to training my mons till i got a level 100 magneton lmao#so many good memories; i hope i can get copies of black 2 and conquest again someday...
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Help so I had a dream last night where my family adopted a traumatized cat right? Well I told my mom about the dream and now I really want a pet cat (even more so than before because I miss the baby she was such a sweetheart and even our dogs who are insane with other animals loved her) but the thing is I didn’t tell my mom that in my dream the cat was traumatized and I experienced what the cat saw, but why? The cat got traumatized by watching its gay owner having sex with a guy. I can’t just tell that shit to my mom!
Anyways here’s basically the cat (the ear was more like a scar in my dream and she was a little bit skinnier as well but other than that it’s basically a one to one)
#darken talks#dream#dreams#cat#i want a cat#i miss her#I don’t remember her name#but i miss her#I think yogurt might have been her name tbh#I gave her the nickname Garfield to my mom tho since she asked what I’d name her#hoping to dream of her again#actually hoping this is one of my dreams where it comes true#never this detailed before but you never know…
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I'm so jealous of ppl with irl friends tbh :'D
#I've literally never had irl friends ever#I don't really go places with kids my age--my mom is too protective and I feel like it's gotten worse..#bajsjsjs it makes me want to meet my online friends more tbh#I still dream about meeting them sometimes :3#vent#<- kinda sorta#I'm just saddd I wanna do fun things and go out with friends not be cooped up in my house all the timeee :((#this is how I'm gonna remember my teen years ig xD
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got a little notif that my main blog is 11 years old and id just like to give a blanket apology for every lousy thing that I've ever posted and thank everyone who saw me being embarrassing on the internet over the years for apparently not holding it against me too hard
#unless you all SECRETLY do hold it against me#anyway I have unfortunate news for you#I won't stop#(no matter how much I would love to never embarrass myself ever again. I sense this is an 'unrealistic expectation')#several of you may also have seen me being embarrassing in real life. as a bonus#but I've been at that for much longer than 11 years#today my boss told me I appeared in his dream dressed very cool and giving wise advice#so ideally that's how I appear in everybody's heads#but naturally it's late at night and I'm convinced everyone remembers me exclusively by all the worst tumblr posts I've ever made#this is probably one of them tbh... thank you for tolerating me is famously a very cool sentiment to express#as is vagueblogging about past cringe#also I don't know what constitutes a cool outfit I might wear as imagined by my boss. I was afraid to ask
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going from "I need a therapist because I want to kill myself" to "I need a therapist because I literally have no one else to talk to because I have no friends, even though I'm not really struggling anymore" it's the kind of embarrassing life progression not a lot of people tell you about lmao
#like seriously. I'm completely fine. I have a full filling well paying job. I travel the country. it's a huge dream come true#but god am I lonely#now I no longer wish I could get therapy because I wanna die#but because I have no one else to share this with#it's so lame#remember when taylor said ''shouldn't there be someone I want to call right now?'' after winning the 1989 grammy...#I never related to something more#yikes#but anyways I do in fact still need therapy because of ocd concerns. but depression? not really tbh#I still have my moments but I can't even compare to what I used to go through before#rambles*
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Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove
#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy#(its not really that busy)#and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly#for an hour#always felt like such s draining burden#and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself#as a kid i was always made to do things. see people.#i did a summer camp every year at least during the day#i did sports i went hiking in forests#but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things#because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence#despite being something that i actively enjoyed#and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely#like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back#around to shame or guilt just about always#anyway how is this relevant to travelling?#it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person#ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days#and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge#to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen#even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen#but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note#crazy how complicated it can be to be a person#it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house#and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your#but no one is that urgent about anything anyway.#beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime#but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller
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I have something very wrong with me when it comes to characters with superhealing as a power. Like bro... Yes you're gonna live forever and see all your loved ones die. If you even care. Is the biggest pain to die first or see everyone die before you? Crying over a loved one's body, knowing if you had just taken it for them they would be alive, wishing you could lend your curse to them for even a minute.
At first, others being worried for you while you tell them, I'm fine, I'll be fine, don't bother. Then as they learn... You're simultaneously the most overpowered and valuable member of our team but also the one we throw at every mortal danger. Hoping, maybe, one of these will actually kill you some time. A curse both for the wearer and their enemies. You're as careless with your limbs as you are with your words. Nothing can really hurt you, you have to take a knife in the heart for pretty much anyone. Heartless, inhuman, monster. Doomed, cursed. Is the summation of being human to hurt? To bleed? Or to feel? What if you wake up one day and you don't heal anymore, what is the point of you then? Your body literally being a shield, disposable, can be hurt and hurt a million times and always refreshed and up for a fight. Maybe you don't want to fight anymore. Maybe you don't have a choice. What if you wake up one day and you don't heal anymore? What if you don't realise, put yourself in danger as you always do, and die a stupid meaningless death? What if someone you care about kills you? What will be your legacy but one of blood spilled?
#wolverine#but also... blorbos from my aus#super healing#some thing but opposite for charas with invulnerability tbh#at least supermans got fucking kryptonite#i might or might not have a dnb superhero techno with superhealing#wait uhhhhh wasn't that dream? i cannoe remember. maybe it was a thing like “technoblade never dies” but dream is actually the one with#superhealing#klm-zoflorr
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typing this so that i won't forget it bc. this is wild
so uh. i really am feeling really sick rn and i almost passed out so i had to force myself to go to sleep and i slept for like two hours and woke up but had like one of the weirdest dreams ever
long story short i was inside my brain and my brain was portrayed as this huge building with many different floors and each floor represented a certain thought of mine or a certain need/desire and before i got to explore them, i had to ask some people to come with me and they were already waiting for me and i don't remember this part clearly but i remember mizuki from pjsk being there and i think yuno was there too and when i asked "why are you all here" they replied with "what do you mean? we are all a part of you". i don't remember exploring the floors that well but what i do remember is that when we were done, they all left, but i saw this really pretty blonde woman walk out of the elevator and she caught me staring at her, laughed and went "well, i represent a certain part of you too", noticed that i'm feeling cold, gave me her coat, kissed me on the cheek and left
girl is this all some kind of sign from the universe
#im so sorry if none of this makes sense it's very hard for me to type rn dfjfhjlk#but the fact that i remembered the blonde woman part and not the “exploring my brain” part. yeah very in character for me#did my brain just kinassign me mizuki and yuno 😭 though tbh i feel like i know why they were there#lina talks about stuff#okay im going back to sleep#also this is so funny. the woman from my dream made me feel so loved and cared for but i woke up and went#“is this a sign from god that if i want my anxiety to leave i just need to get bitches”#also fun fact. i never see myself in my dreams i see everything from my pov but in this dream i finally could see myself#i feel like it means something
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hmm. I'm starting to think maybe the weird uncomfortable dreams about my childhood best friend won't actually stop, no matter how much time passes 🙃
#just remembered the one I had last night for the tenth time today and it just makes me want to puke tbh#it's never something normal.#it's always gross. it's usually sexual. it almost always ruins my day.#like come on I haven't seen this guy since I was 15! I haven't been friends with him since I was like 10! I don't think about him or miss#him really#sooo it'd be very nice if that could just. stop!#it's just. it feels very violating somehow. it's worse than the intrusive thoughts when I'm awake because I can't stop the dreams. and they#also have images and all. so. I just want it to stop. it's literally like my own brain just decides hey I think I'll torture you a little#bit :) have fun!!#I prefer the gory violent mass murder nightmares tbh. those don't make me feel disgusting and gross. just somewhat disturbed.#personal
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Watched Peter Pan (2003) and cried so hard
#Did you know I was obsessed with Peter Pan as a child?#I didn't#I vaguely remember watching the Disney sequel with Wendy's granddaughter because we had it on VHS#And I think the first dream I ever remembered was about Peter Pan#But other than that I didn't think about him ever#But according to my Mum I was absolutely obsessed#And tbh an island full of boys going on adventures?#Never growing up for fear of living?#Peter is me I am Peter#(I would absolutely refuse to be the lost boy's mother though)#(I am here to BE a boy not to babysit one)#I gotta read the novel
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I love how I have at least 4 wip fics in my docs for getter rn-two are finished but need revisions, the other two aren’t finished-and even though I posted in this tag this month moving forward I should at least focus on finishing most of them especially since one of them was supposed to be a Halloween fic and is a au idea I want to unleash even if it’s not gonna get shit for awhile/if ever but yknow what my fucking brain wants me to write? Ryoma in jail. Even though I don’t have a finalized fucking concept so I don’t know what my BRAIN WANTS.
#meg text#getter robo#fic rambles#Fun fact my first real getter fic was this concept but it wasn’t published and I deleted it from docs#like a idiot bc every time I’m like “eh I’m never gonna write this” then lose the final I regret it#*cries in so many mm fics that I keep the one I have despite GOD KNOWS when I’ll finish that*#if I could clone myself my many ideas would not be a problem but alas I gotta bite the bullet#no room for anything else only getter 😔 good thing I like ryoma so much tho#but yeah this concept I rotate to a lot bc there’s so much to do with it yet I can’t narrow down *what*#only vague ideas so I should probably talk it over with someone tbh#I remember one idea I had was ryoma having dreams about the try to remember manga and I did write it#but again lost the finals and without that fucking thing being fully translated I was GUESSING#(for those who don’t know what that is imagawa did a 3 chapter manga of some of his scrapped arma ideas-)#(and it was considered lost media but my friend randomly found it however it’s still not translated)#(I’m mixed about it from just vibe checking panels but it does make good one shot material)#(but if I do write jail stuff I’m probably not gonna do it until after I make a established jail setting fic ig)
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me: mom why don’t we ever host a shabeel
mom: [no response]
me: fine i’ll do it myself
#him#my art#orz#the other day i went for a walk#it was like a rainy day 😭😭😭😭😭#and saw a bunch of shabeels being held#now i do know that it’s the sort of thing that’s planned in advance so it wasn’t really their fault#but it was still a bit funny that 😭😭😭😭 out of all the days of the summer they ended up picking the nicest & coolest days 😭😭😭😭😭#so i got into wondering why we never host one 😭😭😭 i remember one being held at our ancestral home but never at our current place#(tbf they have a joint family so there’s a lot more manpower available hashtag nuclear family problems)#so in order to fulfil my dream i drew this concept 💅#maybe his husband wanted to host one?? but that’s just the two of them (and maybe their 3 kids)#i feel like you need at least five people…….. maybe they can call his cousins?? if he has any non-evil ones (haven’t decided yet)#maybe they just call their friends? or neighbours ❓ idk i think Urvish (husband) is friendly enough to convince people#maybe they can even call his ex… why not? the ex desperately needs goodwill with god tbh so this is a good place to start
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