#i need to see them interact. i must.
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i nearly anon'd the thorki non-con fic out of SHAME but in two weeks it's become my third most clicked-on fic of the year, behind only a multichapter fic and a bit of angsty sifki porn lololol
#this is about 560 hits btw which i know is not much for bigger fandoms and it's just that i tend to be in some weird niche but gosh!#i'd written thorki before but it wasn't e-rated so if the non-con tag really did work against it then wow no wonder ppl write this pairing!#you ever been to reddit where someone posts about how their latest fic only got 20k hits in a week and you're like “WTF”?#and it turns out they're in some hugely popular fandom and that's the least read fic for that pairing on the entire site by a mile.#that's like glimpsing a parallel universe. what a strange place. why would any fic ever have more than 1000 hits omg!#and 1000 would be for if you wrote something Surprisingly Popular. like e-rated thorki non-con apparently is.#meanwhile 'cockroboros' may only have 35 hits but every one of those 35 people agrees that i was right to write that thing!!#and me and the other 86 people who wanted to see missy interact with jamie moriarty are besties now <3#SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TURN THE NUMBERS BACK ON OH NOOOOOO THIS WAY LIES MADNESS!!!#the sifki one had a bump recently which i must assume came from one of those 'recced it in a discord but never said a word' incidents.#those are increasingly common and i hope i am not alone in finding them ever so slightly creepy#if you're going to look at me you need to at least pat me on the head to cancel out the anxiety of that damn it!#*flashes back to when i hid that one ten'n'donna fic because nobody would tell me where all the readers were coming from*#fic related#anyway i think it's important to mention i wrote thorki non-con fic in case anyone following me thinks i am Unproblematic in some way.
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J. and Brian on Logan and Gerri's backstory (and whether they had an affair).
J. Smith-Cameron: I Imagine that Gerri had a husband a little bit older than she was, or maybe significantly older – I don’t know, who might have been the way Laird was with you in Season 2. Someone who was like a colleague or a financial advisor, or someone you played golf with that you liked. And so you hired me kind of, as sort of a – I was part of his legal team, maybe as a young woman, and that maybe we never quite had an affair because of the husband. And that by the time he passed away, that moment had passed, but maybe there was a flirtation or an attraction or –there’s definitely a bond there that’s like-
Brian Cox: I absolutely agree. I think that’s so accurate, that’s exactly what I felt. I felt that we go back a long way and there was some kind of relationship there clearly.
Excerpt from Still Watching: Succession Season 3 "Secession" with J. Smith-Cameron and Brian Cox - Oct. 17, 2021
#it's a crime we never got to see Caroline and Gerri interact meaningfully#they must have had the oddest and most interestingly loaded exchanges back in the day#I need a fic with all of them wandering around a benefit at the Tate having complicated veiled conversations#logan roy#gerri kellman#hbo succession#cast interviews#succession#j smith cameron#brian cox
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Found a BL manga at the library (amazing. I'm living in the world of tomorrow )
The back cover goes "in a SCHOOL where BOYS are subjected to a TIER SYSTEM that forces MC to BE BOTTOM BITCH to all the TOP RANK DOGS" and I'm 😬 eugh no thanks
Notice MC kind of looks like nerdkumo Images flood my mind with deplorable despicable humiliating things being done to him
...
Yeah alright
takes the book to checkout
#i drafted this post earlier when i was initially very excited about my discovery#and i'm typing these tags AFTER i have actually read the manga#and i must LAMENT at how EPICALLY and UTTERLY disappOINTED and DEVASTATED and BETRAYED I feel#turns out that the nerdkumo lookalike WASN'T EVEN PART OF THE MAIN COUPLE#HE WAS IN THE SIDE COUPLE!!!!#so i HAD TO READ LIKE. 70% OF THE MANGA JUST TO GET TO THE OBJECT OF MY HUMILIATIVE DESIRE#and i HATED the main couple#the whole time watching them interact i was.. just... squinting my eyes like#um. why are you even. u don't even like each othe-NO! THAT IS NOT CONSENT. WHAT IS THAT. YOU DON'T EEVEN#WHERE'S TE LUBE. THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. WHAT IS THIS? AMATEUR HOUR???????#mentally trashtalking the library like WHY ARE YOU CHOOSING TO STOCK THESE GARBAGE BLs. IS THIS WHAT THE PPL REQUESTED??!#the side couple was healthy compared to the main two and i was so relieved but .also .i expected some... TITILLATION#i was not titillated. only enraged.#then again. i have been told that my BL preferences are not 'mainstream'#what. emotionally healthyish people who communicate sometimes is TOO NICHE???#i'm going back to the library. i'm going to explore their entire gay collection#i need to see what they've chosen to stock. i need to see the CHOICES
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I hate the Staghorns so much. every time I do their questline to get that painting I think "oh surely it's not going to make me mad this time around" and YET
#they are genuinely terrible friends#when I get to the part where they just THROW AWAY Ravaedron's gift so callously I just AYTDFASHGFD I need to bite something#they then go back like 'oh nooo we only hated your gift you worked so hard on because we would miss you 🥺' like bitch WHAT#WHAT??? that is not how a sane person reacts to someone making you a personal gift with you in mind!!!!!!!!!#like 'ooh it didn't have the right ✨meaning✨ behind it' IT WAS MADE WITH LOVE. IT WAS MADE WITH YOU AND THE LAND YOU LOVE IN MIND#AND THIS LAND HOLDS SO MANY PAINFUL MEMORIES FOR HIM. MAKING THAT PAINTING MUST HAVE BEEN SO HARD FOR HIM#BUT HE DID IT ANYWAY FOR YOU#AND YOU THROW IT AWAY#I HATE THEM I HATE THEM SO MUCH#it would have made more sense to like. find the painting stowed away in their basement or something#like at least then they wouldn't look so cruel and cold. it would be more like they just didn't know what to do with it or something#they were literally just upset it didn't have their faces on it#it's just. seeing that painting thrown away never fails to make my blood boil. the Stanghorn's motivations are all over the place#they never make any sense and then they have the AUDACITY to (even after the end of the questline when they're supposedly not mad at him)#call Ravaedron 'thick headed' and 'unwise' and 'maddening'#they are awful characters. a pain to interact with and the 2nd worst written characters in the Angle (which is saying A LOT)#and the worst part is I *know* how to fix this questline! you just need to change how that first instance goes and a few other things#and then the Staghorns don't look so racist and awful and the conflict between them almost makes sense#I'd need to write a whole post about that but I don't want to because I don't want to think about this quest
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It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello
#I need to write a proper Spectra&Gus meta bc it’s been cooking me how people don’t Want to see the insanity in them#argh#d0 stuff#negative#d0 smashes the keyboard#like yes#Gus’s devotion and loyalty are extreme and these feelings make him do stupid things that he is absolutely aware of being stupid#but let’s not pretend that these feelings go both ways in their relationship#Spectra (for like. the majority of the New Vestroia except the maybe last 12 eps?) sees Gus as a convenient tool#like Yeah he is like. a person and all that but Spectra doesn’t Interact with him when it doesn’t concern his business so#and also yes. he gives Gus a level of autonomy that one might not exactly expect from how usually these relationships go but#one Has to question if it’s bc of his goodwill or bc he is safe in his knowledge that Gus would never leave him#which. fun and sick and makes them sooo compelling#I would also argue that Spectra/Keith don’t even miss Gus when he ‘died’ as a person at first#but as the second pair of hands for work#like it was quite funny to see Spectra give instructions to air only to be reminded that his minion died#but it does rise the question of why hasn’t it happened before or in any other situation#(which I must say I really dig because yes. Spectra has always been centred around his ambitions so ofc this is where it would hurt first)#but yeah. sth sth Spectra only starts his journey of Actually giving a shit about Gus and acknowledging his importance to him as a person#by the end of nv#you could still argue it was partially (or maybe wholly) motivated by convenience that Gus presents but#it really was the first time Spectra has personally expressed his tie to Gus gah#all of this to say#they are sickos; each in their own way; and I think we can really make this more sinister and insane than we’ve allowed ourselves#throughout the years so far#like yeah. can I see them as a happy couple? sure! but also can I see this as a very codependent (more so from Gus’s angle) relationship#that’s being sprinkled with Tons of manipulation from Spectra? also yes#actually sorry for this wall of tags idk what got me thinking about them again#but it’s so so biting the bars day bc these guys are so fun!! we just have to let them be and maybe read canon through less good intentions#ok uhhh
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such is the tale of a ✨chronically online hypocrite✨
#(please forgive this old folk’s rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes friday’s mv was visually cute and ino.rin’s singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over friday’s mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#‘p l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s there’s a time and place for everything’#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet they’re all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t it’s still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#‘kyhn isn’t canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhy—‘#great question!!!!!! it’s bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y k—#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc they’re pals#they’re just pals. guys. and lxl have gone ‘uwu it must be u uwu’ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the ‘widely accepted’ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the ‘r/s triad’ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go ‘ah yes. canon’#they dont even read further to see how mona doesn’t even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesn’t even remember giving the umbrella to mona + mona’s entire existence in general after that#and that’s not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into mona’s unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldn’t he and yujiro have a say in this?? they’re more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused… like. wouldn’t they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the ‘lhy vs the world’ naval warfare is it’s getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is 👀watching👀 so do your thing—#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if y’all read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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how come there aren't any fics where we see rin's life post-canon. am i the only one who actually wants to see her college life and what she's majoring in and all that? most of all, GIVE HER FRIENDS. i love the hc that she and machi just befriend each other (though it is a bit awkward at first) because of them sharing similar classes and having the same interests in art. i can definitely see machi having an interest in painting or just the history of art in general. it's all so fascinating to her and when she learns that rin likes to paint in her free time?! ugh the potential! someone make this a reality, please and thank you.
#maybe i'm just projecting but i kinda want to see them interact SO BADLY#i also just NEED to see their life post-canon because YES it's a must#rin sohma#machi kuragi#fruits basket
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It's so difficult, because I genuinely do want to understand what the whole deal with Christianity is, but Christians are so apposed to any line of questioning about their belief system (in a way that no other religion is) that if you say anything they don't like they shut down and accuse you of being a sinner.
And it's like bro, I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm trying to understand why this religion is even appealing to you. How do you manage to get so many converts when you're not even willing to answer basic questions about your theology?
Everyone I've found who's actually willing to discuss Christian theology with me is an ex-Christian which is super unhelpful, because ex-Christians are people who have deconstructed Christian belief and come to the conclusion that it doesn't work for them. They're always very cynical about the whole situation. That's not what I'm looking for.
I want to talk to someone who's still into it. I want to understand what actually draws people to this religion ( I do not want to be trauma dumped at - I don't know what aspect of Christian belief confuses y'all into thinking that trauma dumping is an appropriate substitute for theological discussion, but it absolutely isn't).
Like you would really think for one of the most popular religions in the world finding answers to this stuff would be easier. Why can't you guys just talk about your beliefs?
#Christianity#religion#like I just don't understand#if the basic conceit of the religion is that God sent his only son down to Earth so that he could relate to and better understand humans#then I have a lot of questions#because a) if he's a all knowing god why does he need help understanding humans anyway?#b) if you're taking the Bible literally. Why would he then require Jesus to be celibate and die at 30?#like aren't sex and aging and relationships all parts of the human experience that god would want to know about?#and c) if you're taking the Bible metaphorically. The meaning of this story seems to be#that the divine will never truly relate to or understand you. That you are infact so different from the divine#that if an aspect of god came down from the heavens to interact with the people#your sins and the sins of your community as a whole would kill that divinity before it could live out a full human life#which is a genuinely interesting concept! like I would read a novel with that plot#but I don't understand why that's appealing from a faith perspective#is the appeal the act of forgiveness afterwards?#like the divine are so fundamentally different from us that we would kill them but they would forgive us for that difference anyway#why is difference something that must be forgiven rather than accepted?#like do you see why I'm confused by this stuff?#anyways#posting to this blog because a surprising number of Christians follow me here#maybe one of y'all can help me understand
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Personal vent post, how I tag things, apologies for this probably showing up in search results because I'm not censoring words (do not have the spoons rn)
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So I'm getting really frustrated (at the situation, not at individual people! Sorry to vague right after getting a request, I was gonna make this post like a week ago) that multiple people have asked me not to tag Bro/Cal reblogs as Stridercest.
Stridercest does not mean incest, it means Strider/Strider relationship. I'm tagging it for followers who don't want to see Strider/Strider at all (or for those who do, too, I guess). On MY blog, it has NO bearing on whether or not something is incest. Lil Cal has been a Strider since Day 1 to me, way before any of the events after Act 6, as a pure vanilla puppet. A Strider by marriage, in my opinion. But I'm not opposed to calculating the amount of Strider that got put in Lil Cal, as I've done before. You also have Dirk/Hal which is also Stridercest, but not incest (at least in canon, sometimes it is incest in fan depictions). Or Guardiancest, which I don't think counts as incest in canon either (but usually always is in fan depictions). Even selfcest between one Strider (beta!Dave/beta!Dave in a time travel situation, for example) is still gonna be Stridercest to me.
The ONLY Stridercest I add the specific ship tag for is Bro/Cal, because that's otp5eva for me, separate from any other Strider stuff (Stridercest probably doesn't even make top 3 HS ships for me). Everything else only gets the blanket Stridercest in reblogs, because I already tag a lot, I don't have the energy to add nuanced tags for weird Strider situations, and whether or not that constitutes incest, or which version of a character it is, especially when the artist/authors don't usually make the difference explicitly stated in their own caption/tags, and sometimes it's vague on purpose! (I'm currently writing a fic where Bro and Dirk are the same person! I'm not gonna make the distinction a big deal.)
It's mostly frustrating because then I have to decide if untagging the relationship as Stridercest is going to make someone else following me uncomfortable who will then see it untagged.
Going forth, I am going to delete whatever reblog I made if I get this request from someone else again. I'm trying to remember names, so I don't reblog any future content that would conflict with their requests, but this has already happened with three people in like the past two weeks. Had to block one person for telling me to die because I tagged "Stridercest" on the post preventatively, as usual, because I care about tagging for my followers. (I literally checked their blog like 3 times to make sure they didn't have a DNI pinned, and I still got told to die for my efforts lmao.)
Literally, please just DM me privately (thank you to the other people who did, sorry for the trouble!), and I will either delete the reblog, or block you if you request that. I'm not TRYING to make people uncomfortable, which is the whole reason why I tag it to begin with.
So, I'm not un-tagging shit anymore, it's delete only from now on. I'm not going against my own blog rules I set both to try and accommodate my followers, and to make searching my blog easier for myself. (Used to not tag anything from like 2011-2016 or later, and I'm still in the process of back-tagging everything, since it's been so frustrating to find old fandom posts.)
#unrelated but if you need me to tag something else ill try and accommodate it#im just not differentiating all the stridercest ships in tags its not possible the artists dont always make the distinction known#im still tagging shit ppl asked me to in 2012 and i dont think ive seen them interact with me in years lmao#if i miss a tag on something u can dm me sometimes i forget to tag hs on things bc in trying to tag all the characters in a group#id rather over-tag something than under-tag it since this function is available on this site#i should make a pinned post or something explaining my other tags honestly but i dont think enough people care#its just ughhh its prob gonna take pc use to navigate my official about me page. which is an ordeal because i cant click to it...#...without using a mouse and my mouse doesnt reach to my couch where i usually use my pc#i hate that about mes have been made obsolete by pinned posts and the inability to see blog themes on mobile or by the share link#wouldve been nice if they made the option to put a button to the about me page accessible to mobile users#havent been able to update mine in a while ider whats on there besides highlights of my blogs#anyway i got irl shit to do rn i spent way too much time explaining all this ugh it takes me so long to type anything#Cori.exe#Post.exe#im about to have like the worst week of my life btw pls send prayers that i can physically attend all the appointments i have this week#i can hardly lift a cup of water to my mouth im in so much fucking pain and its humiliating and miserable#its not even the endo this time its my back and idk what triggered it. must have been built up bc of all the stress i put on it...#...over the past like 3 weeks of doing backbreaking activities that needed to be done. i hate this so much lol
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damn y'all work really does got me Tired About Eyeballs
#living the optician in training life#I am literally so tired#human interaction at a new job is especially draining#I know I'll get used to it soon but GODDAMN man#some folks are just so skeezy#no you cannot have free trial contacts when your prescription expired 4 years ago and you haven't even been in for an exam#why not? because you are Stupid and if you fuck something up while wearing the expired prescription and we gave it to you#then your dumb ass will blame us and we will be sued#it may be a prescription for your eyes but IT IS STILL A MEDICAL PRESCRIPTION THAT YOU MUST RECEIVE FROM A DOCTOR#you can't go to your doctor and ask for medicine for an illness you had 4 years ago#so why would you expect different from us?#shit changes in 4 years#the audacity of some if these ignorant entitled fuckos#and we have a really affordable basic deal on an exam and two pairs of eyeglasses!#70 bucks for the whole shebang!#it's almost always better than what insurance covers!#and then people want to get all the add ons and special materials and go full on surprised pikachu face when it's not the same price anymore#they're called add ons because they ADD ON#they are not usually necessary unless you live a certain lifestyle that makes them worth the investment#but if you need something affordable in order to see and function and not end up killing yourself driving#then the basic plan is an insanely good and affordable deal!#i used the very same deal prior to being hired!#i have my main glasses and a whole ass backup pair#and some people just#do not get it#they think they can get something ~special~ or that their insurance just HAS to be better bc it's insurance#please you guys learn to think freely and critically#okay rant over#tate talks#work tales
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anyone have any puzzle recs
or alternatively whats ur favourite puzzle type if you have one
for me when it comes to apps I love nonograms the most but I also like minesweeper. Then when it comes to paper (or apps still) I like logic grid puzzles, kenken, sudoku, word/number fill ins, & kakuro off the top of my head.
sometimes I encounter a new puzzle and I’m like !!!! I love this how did I never know about this before !!! so I am reaching out to expand my puzzle list and also just want to hear what anyone reading this likes
#one puzzle I can never do? crosswords. I don’t have the brain for them.#i really want to get a book of those logic grid puzzles i haven’t found one yet#i mean i could probably find one online#but i tend to grab cheap ones from the magazine shelf lol#and those logic grid puzzles I’ve only found interspersed amongst books of other puzzles#ive got a book just for word fill ins. two or three of sudoku. one that’s like a third ken ken#ive got a word find book somewhere not mentioned here but a love as a kid#also still fun now#i dont have anything with kakuro i think I find those in newspapers#i also really want to see if they do nonograms on paper not just in apps. that would be fun#anyway pls share ur interests i love puzzles#i spend too much time doing them lmao#oh also if anyone is interested in the idea of nonograms but you wouldn’t just do them alone#can i recommend the app meow tower#you’ve got really simple nonograms and also cute cats with personalities you interact with!#there’s also slightly harder monograms I think it’s 15 by 15 but they become easy too the more you do :)#eeeee anyway. puzzles!#i need more puzzle books. it’s not negotiable. they’re a must. I adore it when I get new ones to spend hours on
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hey kids! time to explain!
#FISHEITO TRIVIA TIME!!! WOWEE!!!!#i started fisheito as a side blog under an older account#an account that accumulated numerous past fandoms and followings#i intended to keep eito as a true sideblog. a separate tiny island to post my art and just. keep my distance#unfortunately... there were too many nuca opinions i wanted to reply to (positive) from the ppl interacting with my art#every time i wanted to join the convo... i held back. bc i didn't want to associate fisheito with my defunct old tumblr#i think requiodile going off about hot slit summer was the breaking point#i could no longer keep my silence.#THESE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND ME. THEY UNDERSTAND MY NEEDS. I MUST ENGAGE WITH THEM MORE PERSONALLY!!!#which pushed me to create an entirely new main account (fishnineo) and transfer ownership of fisheito to it#because. eight. nine. sequential. it came after the eito#so i could freely reply to nuca stuff with a blank slate#you'll see responses from fishnineo/fisheito interchangeably bc tumblr changes the blog source depending where i respond from#idk. i think if i respond from the dashboard it's nineo. and if i respond from my activity page it's eito#it doesn't matter which account u @. i'll see activity for both when i log in#i keep the main (fishnineo) blank in case i ever need it for non-nuca purposes#because as we know too well by now... changing mains is a pain
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i think watching goodbye stranger changed me as a person
#literally WHAT the fuck#great meg. great megstiel too obviously. great sam & meg interaction too actually#great dean & meg also !!!!!! i love them interacting so bad#But. wgat the fuck#it's so crazy. it's so crazy. oohhh goodbye stranger it's been nice but by the morning i must go feel no sorrow feel no shame (i dont#remember the lyrics help)#It's just. ppl always talk abt it obvs but what do you mean cas was brainwashed and forced to kill his friend God only knows how many times#and hearing dean say he NEEDED HIM (no matter what miscommunication happened) BROKE THE DAMN CONTROL CONNECTION#And them he leaves.#IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY (and emotional actually..) CAS ALL BY HIMSELF ON THAT DAMN TRAIN BUS WHATEVER#i can reason with him. hes a good man .............#also dean can never fucking win can he. sees his bestie flirting with his demon friend and then bares his soul to said bestie only to have#him fucking LEAVE HIM#(i prayed to you cas! every night!) i dont know dean if hes so sketchy why were you praying to him? (i dont pray because it's like begging)#spn really DOES unlock some kind of secret emotion what the hell#really makes me give some sort of vague soulful stare towards the horizon without actually showing any discernible emotion on my face#fuck. give robbie thompson a million dollars or whatever#sandy speaks
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it's not about that you "have" to get to exercise your autonomy. b/c like, yes you do, but not in the way that "if i don't get to do that Now i will explode & evaporate (& die)" which is what people keep leveraging to be like "so you don't have any valid argument for getting to act out your own choices"
therein is another issue of "why do you need a 'valid argument' to get Exceptions as ruled by this person to exist autonomously, unpunished" like why's this person an authority who gets to punish you. nonrhetorically, why do you have to appeal to their maybe possibly deciding to Let you be a person. should you "have" to.
and if you don't get that Permission that you supposedly "have" to get, you also will not immediately explode and die if you do that unpermitted thing, but shocking how "you don't Haaaave to" is only invoked re: things you want to do for yourself, and not what they want you to do for them....because it's Not Really About "Literally literally Haaaaving to"
the alignment between people getting on one for years about asexuality, and while doing so maxing out the saturation on their bullshit on any & everything, b/c you're just getting into anti autonomy, so ofc you're also just stoking & expressing "arguments" against autonomy that are deployed in plenty of other contexts, including against other queer identities....and that particular resonance with biphobia & transphobia, and how either groups are theoretically thwarting the Truest Gays because how will we have a valid argument against the truest cishets agenda if we can't convince them we haaaaaave to be like this instead of that no, we won't explode & die if we have to be repressed or at least closeted another day, and another, and you won't explode after another, either, etc. rather than thee point of "asexuality autonomy = queer autonomy = Your queer autonomy = Anyone's Autonomy" and "why do we 'have' to Convince anyone to go 'oh alriiiight' abt one's choices about how they express their identity, what decisions they make about having sex"....it's about anyone having the power to preclude & restrict others' autonomy & constrain their existence between one kind of more imminent, immediate harm/death & a more drawn out one where you exist as a resource for others' use but at least you aren't Literally dead today. so what if someone's saying "well i don't think your gender/sexuality stuff is Real" so long as they can't get in the way of other people living that out anyways. so what if someone's supposedly like "well, but everyone could be bi" (which they don't. just like ppl were never 'pretending' to be asexual to nefariously stand around in the queer space that never rigorously vetted everyone anyways? Making Up A Guy To Get Mad At) to supposedly argue that if all of you are bi you can just restrict yourself to the Cishet Appearing manifestations (which they don't) where what's that even matter if this [guy to get mad at] can't make that anyone else's problem? if he can, why can he. should he be able to. that's the problem, not "have we all tried the constant biphobia wherein they're always thwarting & sabotaging the rest of us?? like how trans people are keeping us from being legitimate?? with the opportunity for some trans people to also try declaring other noncis people Not Legitimately Trans?? well the cishet agenda loves asexuals, actually, they want everyone to never have sex ever (they don't want that, and that's not what being asexual is)"
using the "you can't Know through Direct Perception or extrasensory phenomena what someone else's Thoughts And Feelings are" both ways; wherein their assertion of their intentions, true or not, gets to be treated as an assertion of Reality, meanwhile b/c Your intentions/thoughts/feelings can't be directly observed, you're just lying or exaggerating or misremembering or failing to Express yourself correctly b/c they would've surely interpreted it correctly otherwise, or [anything else] re: your inner experiences that you can't "prove" are one way or another, so this other person gets to always decide for themself what they must be (why?) and if they just so happen to decide they Must be in alignment with what they want (good) or unacceptably, evilly, incorrectly Against Them, they also get to flex their control over the entire situation via their Authority / control over resources / the person's lack of other options b/c of isolation & that, say, breaking away from a family, job, marriage or just deemed correctly romantic relationship, is punished by the larger system of How Things Are, through a lack of resources that makes you more vulnerable in general as well as vulnerable to further punishment in how you might try to respond to that situation, through the general stance that maintaining cohesion of a Unit like the nuclear family, the "romantic" "man"/"woman" couple, is good, so breaking from it is deviant........anyways it's like. if you're like "well i'm having sex b/c i want to" and someone is like "well i say YOURE LYING" like, what? "isn't there someone you forgot to ask" shit. why should that get to affect things. whether you're like "oh no. what if they could say 'you're lying...b/c how do i knowwww you're not BI. where you could want to have sex with someone BESIDES this one person rn?? or ACE??? if you Don't have sex rn and you Don't explode and die 5 min later we will Know you Could Be Asexual" like, this isn't how it works anyways obviously but theoretically if it did: we would not be like "oh sorry guess that's what matters" unless what mattered was some people's being lower on a hierarchy and at the quite literal disposal of those with more power than them. what would the crisis be of someone going "well i think. every gay person? is bi" or someone going "you've just told me your name is gloria but i think your name is actually tetris...." or "i'm so embarrassed i wish everyone but me was dead" if none of these things can hinder the existence of people having sex w/autonomy for all involved or people getting to tell you their name or all other people being alive
the banger quote on my imdb page was saying "no, i don't 'Have' to, but i'm going to" to an authoritarian in my life, concluding several minutes' "negotiation" of [i 'have' to hang up on this call now b/c the movie i'm standing in this movie theater to see is about to start. no i won't explode and die if i don't. i also won't explode and die if i don't keep "talking" to you (being Talked At / lectured & upbraided from afar)] funny how that works. i also Know this was a checkmate b/c that person gave up on responding (or, technically, switched to The Silent Treatment, which worked even worse via phone than in person) and i did hang up rather than miss the movie i showed up for and then they had to resort to Other Methods: telling someone willing to take on the enabling cop mode that i had Essentially said Go Fuck Yourself. like well that's right, and the fact that it's a "go fuck yourself" to get to say "i am going to end the call b/c i choose to do something else" and then actually do so is a real testament to this relationship. and if one had said "i can't keep talking, i have to go" and someone's like "sldfj you mean thou MAY not keep talking" teehee i don't know, CAN you have the peas????? it's like this obviously doesn't matter. i can choose to do shit and choose to not do shit without exploding and dying right this very second, except for taking 5 sec to eat a deadly bomb with a timer set for 5 sec. This Is Not The Point. why is autonomy off-limits to Anyone.
#authoritarian parent whose silent treatments fail: anti crossdressing household law will get everyone to stop inconveniently Being People#spoilers: i continue to be a real life person; nonbinary; autistic; i continue to not engage in a relationship w/that parent b/c#Their choice was to have that relationship be the authority & the property. so the response to that: not being in that situation.#creating that kind of relationship & then being like ''why don't i get the Benefits of a different kind of relationship that is defined by#everyone being recognized as people and having actual positive experiences and legitimately Wanting to interact :(''#the autonomy to Not do something b/c you don't want to = the autonomy to Totally do something b/c you do want to#hence the idea of the True / Ideal Homosexual being ''but i Must Only have gay sex or i'll explode & die'' vs ''i feel like having gay sex'#yeah we ''could'' all be forced into binary genders & nuclear family units & be miserable & isolated but not literally explode.#but why should we. why would we. why can't we Not do that#hence as well that queer autonomy=everyone's autonomy. ppl who id as cishet? don't need to be Forced into that or into Awful Marriage Asap#but they do if we wanna isolate everyone / eliminate broader social support networks / restrict the autonomy to do anything else#asexuality handshake bisexuality. parallel to aromanticism handshake polyamory#and the backup to ''well but you won't literally die'' is to preclude Choice entirely by diverting the focus from [questioning ur choices]#to [questioning whether you have the capacity to make choices] as an extension. lens on ableism / disability justice is in Everything#not in like a ''huh. who'd've thought that overlapped'' Fun Fact way but in [you don't Understand that issue fully if you don't see ableism#someone's always getting to justify their authority by their Superior Ability vs others' Inferior/Absent Ability#saw that zany ''radical queer theory based on vibes is now that asexuals aren't queer'' streak definitely manifest ableism#a good ol fashioned ''asexuals won't consider What's Wrong With Them / try harder to seek some conversion therapy'' great stuff gang#or even more useless declarations of ''haha but most people Aren't ace. it's not Normal to not want to have sex. checkmate?''#and what is your conclusion to that logic? ended up in ''ace ppl. are cringe!! & maybe not real!!!'' aaand what do we do with that?#what praytell do you suggest change based on that. how has that exclusionist analysis served queer lives. how is it continuing to do so.#versus like and who cares if everyone Could possibly all be labeled bi if what is In Practice anyways is ppl getting to have sex or Not how#they want to anyways. recognizing that Any trans person's existence is a testament to Everyone's autonomy#any ''threat'' to children is always guaranteed abt the Threat to [parents' control to decide Who & What a child gets to be]#that is; ''protecting'' children is abt the child being the property of parents. gotta protect That by withholding all info about trans ppl#even existing from kids b/c Property can't decide their identities for themselves so Children can't be allowed to either#their even knowing that some people Do get to exist autonomously is; indeed; that ''threat'' to the [child is property] order#and Language as Possibility. it's the 2010s & you can only go ''that's me i'm nonbinary'' when you learn abt the word ''nonbinary''#even though you can then know you always knew but you didn't have the word so you had to keep on using other; more inaccurate words....#discovering the tree trunk of [word: Autistic] that roots all these branches of ppl talking abt Experiences & now Realizing Things....
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are venti and xiao rlly going to meet next lantern rite or are we being fed poisoned crumbs???
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What if I killed myself
remember in tgwdlm when bill got that call from alice? and she told him that hatchetfield high was full of singing zombies? remember how angry ted got immediately after alice hung up the phone? remember ted telling bill that the school was already full of infected, that it would be too late to save her, that his daughter was probably already dead?
yeah that was the exact moment he realized peter was gone.
#starkid#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#tgwdlm#the guy who didn't like musicals#ted spankoffski#peter spankoffski#spankoffski bros#spankoffski brothers#I need to see them interact more
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