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lovebeinaprincessworld · 1 year ago

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Possibilities - Five

(Felix Volturi x reader)

Masterlist

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

Second to last part! Important Info: The vampire children don’t age as quickly as in the books in my fanfic, because i hate that Renesmee is grown after a year, like she needs a childhood it’s weird!

Description: Coming back from your honeymoon, Bella has some unbelievable news that also effect you.

Warnings: Angst, blood, talks about abortion, pregnancy, gore (Birth scene)

5987 words

The moment you stepped into the castle you were enveloped by two thin but strong arms. „I’m so glad you’re back!“, Heidi smiled at you and you almost got a little emotional when you realized you started having real friends here, even while still being human. „We were only gone for a week“, you laughed and the both of you followed Felix as he carried your luggage to your room, „but I’m glad to be back too.“

„What did I miss?“, you started ascending the stairs to your floor. „Not much“, Heidi answered, „oh we have a new secretary.“ You grimaced a little, knowing exactly what that meant. „But tell me about Switzerland!“, she tried to change the topic, stepping into yours and Felix room after you.

„I’ll let the masters know we’re back safe amore mio“, Felix smiled, kissing your cheek softly and closing the door behind him on the way out. Heidi pulled you to the couch and you know what the look she gave you meant. „It was great“, you grinned a little flustered, and judging by her smirk she knew exactly what you meant.

„So you said yes? And he said yes too?“, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at the end making you giggle. „Yes I did and yes he did…multiple times“, you grinned and showed her the ring and she smiled, „did you know he was going to propose?“ She rolled her eyes dramatically and put your hand back down. „Everyone knew, he couldn’t shut up about it with Demetri and naturally everyone heard“, she laughed and you shook your head in amusement.

„Can you do me a favor Heidi?“, you made sure the door was shut before telling her. „Of course, you okay?“, she looked a little concerned. „I have been feeling kind of weird the last few days, don’t know maybe I caught the flu or something but I don’t want Felix to worry. Could you run to the pharmacy for me later? Felix would for sure freak out if he would come buying medicine with me“, you rolled your eyes and she giggled at the thought of the big bad executioner fussing over his sick mate.

„Yeah sure, I need to meet Aro in ten minutes but after that, I’ll run to the pharmacy for you!“, she got up and squeezed your shoulder. „Thanks a lot“, you nodded. „Of course, make sure you rest a little!“, she grinned before she was gone. Sighing you sank into the sofa, finally being able to not act as if you are perfectly well. You hadn’t been able to sleep very the last days. Your stomach being a little upset and you carefully rubbed it when you noticed it was acting up again.

You thought it would go away, but suddenly you felt the bile rise in your throat and jumped up, thankfully making it to the toilet in time. Shit, you probably really caught the flu or ate something bad, damn. After brushing your teeth, you laid down on the couch, spotting your bag and you decided to check your phone. There hadn’t been any reception up in the mountains and you didn’t take it out on the way here. Maybe your cousin had some news about her honeymoon.

And damn she seemed to have a lot to say, you had several missed calls not only from her but the whole Cullen family and about a billion text messages. ‚Call me as fast as you can!‘ Now you were seriously worried. You immediately sat back up and called her, your heart speeding up at all the horrible scenarios running through your mind. „(Y/N)? Thank god you finally called back!“, she sounded exhausted and extremely worried.

„Yeah we were on vacation and I didn’t…Bella is everything alright? You okay?“, you asked with a frown on your face. „Yes and no…are you alone? Can anyone hear you?“, she asked and you were wondering what the hell was going on. „Yes I’m alone! Can you please tell me what’s going on?“, you were getting antsy. „Okay before I tell you I need to ask you something“, she was still being ominous, and you could hear some rustling before Edwards voice came through the phone.

„What she’s trying to ask is: Have you and Felix been having sex?“, you were momentarily stunned by the annoyed and cold edge Edwards voice had, wondering what the hell was going on in Forks. And you were also stunned by the question itself. „Uhm…what?“, you stuttered around uncertainly. „(Y/N)“, Edward had a sense of urgency in his voice that gave you the chills, „answer the question.“

„Yeah we had sex last week“, you blushed furiously but told him nonetheless. God this was weird. „Shit“, he cursed and there was rustling again. „(Y/N) this is Carlisle“, yet another voice came through the phone and you were freaking out. „Carlisle what the hell is going on here“, your voice was shaking and you were anxiously grabbing onto the pillow in your lap. „Have you been feeling sick the past few days?“, he asked and your heart sank. How could he possibly know that.

„Yes“, you whispered, not being able to form more words. „Okay I need you to listen to me carefully right now“, he started and the more he explained the paler you got.

————————

After you hung up with the Cullens you sat in silence for a few minutes trying to calm your racing heart. Pregnant? You still couldn’t wrap your head around how this could’ve possibly happened. Vampires weren’t supposed to be able to procreate. But from what you were told, a very pregnant Bella and a possibly pregnant You were the evidence. And it didn’t seem to be a safe and easy pregnancy either.

Taking a deep breath you reminded yourself that you couldn’t even be sure if you actually were pregnant too, Carlisle told you to ask one of the Vampires in the coven to listen for a heartbeat - or get a pregnancy test, but that would take longer. But who on earth would you ask? You knew Felix and you knew that if he would find out how dangerous the pregnancy would be, he would probably want you to get rid of the baby, he would never risk your life.

But you weren’t sure that’s what you wanted. You had always wanted a family, but after meeting and falling for Felix you knew that wasn’t an option so you had accepted that, content with it just being the two of you for eternity. Actually having a real opportunity to have a child with him now? It felt more like a miracle than the curse Carlisle described it as. And considering Bella didn’t get rid of her baby either, she seemed to think the same.

So you needed to have someone on your side before telling Felix, and the one person that came to mind right now was Heidi. Hopefully you could catch her before she left for the pharmacy - you probably didn’t need the flu medication anymore anyway. Trying to calm your racing heart and trembling hands, you slowly stood up and stepped out into the corridor.

Your mind was racing with all the things that could and probably would happen in the next few days, while simultaneously trying to find Heidi in the maze this castle was. But that train of thought was suddenly interrupted when you encountered Jane. You two weren’t crazy close, but she was nicer to you than to most other people. „(Y/N)? You don’t look good, are you alright?“, she asked and you knew if it was bad enough for her to pick up on, it was bad.

„I’m-“, you started but your voice gave in and you could feel her grip your arm and lead you to a room nearby, sitting you down on the couch there. „Do you want me to get water or something?“, she asked, clearly unsure of how to handle a human that seems sick. „No, no it’s fine…Jane can you do me a favor?“, you needed to know if you were pregnant, you couldn’t wait for Heidi.

„Sure“, she nodded, but she seemed a little perplexed. „Jane I…got a call from Bella earlier“, you started, not really sure how to explain this situation. Jane just looked at you in a way that said she couldn’t give less fucks about your cousin. „Bella is pregnant, and before you say something“, you stopped her when she openend her mouth, „the Cullens are one hundred percent sure it’s Edwards. Trust me I asked that.“

„But that’s not possible“, she said after a few moments. „I thought so too, but the way Carlisle and Edward talked about it convinced me…I mean that and I experience…“, you took a deep breath, „I experience the same symptoms Bella did in the beginning.“ Jane stared at you blankly for a few moments.

„You’re pregnant? And it’s Felix’s?“, she asked when she managed to wrap her head around what was happening. „I actually don’t know yet and that’s why I’ve asked you for a favor…Jane can you hear a second heartbeat?“, you reluctantly asked, you would label the both of you as something close to friends, but you still weren’t sure how this would play out.

She stared at you with those deep red eyes for a moment longer before they dropped to your stomach and she concentrated. „There is a second heartbeat“, she announced after a few moments, her normally cold and controlled mask cracking a little in shock and wonder. You on the other hand didn’t know how to feel, you were happy on one side and excited but also scared shitless of this dangerous pregnancy and the reactions of the others.

„Shit“, you mumbled, a hand automatically resting on your still flat stomach. „This is crazy“, Jane said, taking an unnecessary breath. „Jane, can you…I need someone to be on my side“, you whispered, „Carlisle told me if I want to keep this baby, it will be a dangerous pregnancy. They didn’t give me too much details but they said Bella isn’t doing well and if I am pregnant I should go to Forks as fast as possible.“

Jane always picking up on more than you thought, knew what you meant. „You think he will want you to get rid of the baby“, she stated and you nodded meekly. „I just need someone to back me up“, you admitted already stressed about telling Felix. „You’re my friend, of course I will be on your side“, she told you and you smiled when she said you were friends. „Thanks Jane“, you squeezed her cold hand for a moment before sighing.

„We should probably tell Heidi too, and let her know she doesn’t have to go to the pharmacy for me - it’s not the flu after all“, you told Jane and she agreed. The two of you thought it would be best that she’d go searching for Heidi and you would wait for Felix in your room - gathering the courage to tell him what you thought was a blessing, and what you anticipated he would think of as a curse.

—————————

„Mia cara, forgive me for taking so long“, you winced a little when he suddenly appeared in the room. The smile you gave him didn’t seem to convince him, because he sat down next to you with an unhappy frown. „What’s wrong?“, he pulled you into his arms, so you were sitting next to him in his embrace. And for the first time since you accepted your bond, you weren’t entirely sure this was the best place to be for telling news with the seriousness of yours.

You gently kissed his jaw, his arms pulling you into him a little tighter and you took a deep breath. „Felix there’s something I have to tell you“, you started and he brushed some hair out of your face in concern, listening intently. „You know you can tell me everything“, he reassured you, taking your hand and kissing it softly.

“I got a call from Bella”, you said with a shaky voice, “and…no one knows how, but…but she’s pregnant.” The confusion on his face was obvious. “It’s Edwards”, you added, and he shook his head in denial. “What? Edward can’t…”, he started, but the serious look in your eyes made him pause, “it’s not…it’s not possible. It can’t be…right?”

You were silent for another moment, giving him the time to process it. “Carlisle doesn’t know how, but he is sure that Bella is carrying Edwards child”, you whispered, the arm that embraced you was tense, and Felix face was frozen. He seemed to realize where you were going, his eyes wandering to your stomach in shock.

The silence was palpable for a few moments, before he closed his eyes and took a deep, unnecessary breath. “You’re…”, he stopped, not able to make his mouth form the word. “Pregnant”, you finished, unsure what he would think. He didn’t even know the pregnancy would be incredibly dangerous, but maybe he didn’t want a child at all. He gave up on that millennia ago, and what if he didn’t even like kids? God, you were a nervous wreck.

“Say something”, you pleaded, your nerves slowly getting the best of you, your eyes filling with tears. He opened his eyes when you spoke, his hand immediately cradling your cheek when he saw your wet eyes. “I’m sorry amore, it’s just…a lot to wrap my head around”, he sighed, kissing your forehead in comfort, “for two millennia I haven’t thought about ever…” He let the sentence hang in the air.

“I’m…suprised, but I’m happy”, he smiled a little and seemed less tense, but when you didn’t match his positive reaction, instead looking guilty, he frowned again. “There’s more”, he realized, his expression sobering up in a second and he went rigid again, “tell me.” You sighed, closing your eyes for a second before biting the bullet. “Bella’s really…sick”, your voice was quiet, but you were sure he heard you anyway, “they wouldn’t tell me exactly what’s going on, but they…”, you broke off, swallowing dryly.

“Tell me”, he urged you worriedly, the crease between his brows marring his otherwise perfect face. You were speechless, not knowing how to tell him or how he would react. Your silence seemed to imply how bad it really was. “Tell. Me.”, his eyes got darker and his voice deeper, his anger and fear of losing you obvious. “They said she might not make it”, you whispered, and that seemed to be the last straw, because suddenly he wasn’t next to you anymore, and the coffee table was thrown against the opposite wall, breaking into a thousand pieces.

Your tears finally spilled over, and quicker than you could see Heidi and Jane were standing in the room between you and Felix. “You need to calm down Felix”, Heidi told him, your angry mate throwing around more furniture in rage, making you gasp. “Felix!”, Janes sharp voice cut through the room, “you’re scaring her.”

That made him pause, his back to you, but he was still incredibly upset. “We need to tell the masters as soon as possible, so we can get her to the Cullens - she needs Carlisle”, Heidi tried to rationalize and Felix seemed to agree. “Yes you’re right, he needs to get rid of the baby”, his voice had an edge to it you hadn’t heard before and you shivered.

“Felix wait, please”, you finally found your voice again, still upset that this has played out exactly as bad as you thought it would. “What’s there to wait for? We need to get you to Forks”, he didn’t meet your eyes, didn’t even turn in your direction. “Felix I…I want to keep the baby”, you whispered, kind off glad that Jane and Heidi were there.

It was silent for a moment, and then he turned around, the pain in his eyes when he met your teary gaze, made your heart hurt. “I won’t lose you”, his voice was firm, his eyes hard and then he was gone. “That couldn’t have gone any worse”, you sighed, sinking back into the couch and hoping for the best.

—————————

When you arrived in the throne room, it seemed the kings and everyone else in the guard were already informed by Felix - considering the way they were eyeing you suspiciously. You were glad for Heidi and Jane walking next to you. “Dear (Y/N)”, Aro was grinning the way he always did when he was excited, “we heard rather impossible news.”

“It’s true”, you said, your voice shaky and you were sure the vampires could see that you had cried previously, “Carlisle told me Bella is in the same condition, just further along, and Jane and Heidi confirmed I’m…pregnant.” It felt weird saying it out loud infront of them. The kings, Felix, Demetri, Alec, Santiago and Renata were there and you felt exposed.

“Yes, we can hear the heartbeat”, Caius seemed unhappy, “but that doesn’t confirm it is fathered by Felix.” That moment was the only time you wished Aro could read your thoughts, just to confirm your were telling the truth. “I didn’t…I would never…”, you couldn’t even say it, much less ever do it. You would never cheat on Felix. “Now, now Caius. Don’t accuse her of something like that”, Aro tutted and smiled at you, which wasn’t really comforting. Felix was standing next to Demetri with a stoic look on his face.

“Let me call Carlisle, hear what he is saying. And you should go pack already”, Aro announced, “We will take the jet in the evening, Demetri, Jane, Alec, Santiago and myself will come.” You just nodded, the nausea from the pregnancy, the fight with your mate and the whole situation just exhausted you. Heidi grabbed your elbow to guide you to your room, when suddenly Marcus spoke up. “I will come too”, his voice as unused and emotionless as always, but it cut through the air like a knife and made everybody go still. “Alright. Caius will stay here, and manage everything”, Aro agreed after a moment of surprise.

You were wondering briefly why Marcus wanted to come, but Heidi was already stirring you away from the scene, probably to help you pack. She knew you were in no condition to do that. Felix stayed behind, and maybe it was better to give the situation some rest.

He watched you leave the room, his face a stoic mask, but his thoughts all over the place in panic. He couldn’t lose you, he only just found you. He was sure it was his child you were pregnant with, he trusted you and wasn’t the least bit worried you cheated. And while the thought of you carrying his child made him excited, the risk it brought killed the joy in his heart instantly. “What is it Felix?”, Aro saw the way his eyes were looking at you in pain rather than joy.

Felix turned around after a moment, not being able to say it out loud, say how you could die if you decided to keep the baby. So he held his hand out for Aro to take, the mind reading vampire not hesitating. “That’s rather unfortunate”, Aro sighed and Felix squeezed his eyes shut in agony for a moment, “it seems that if our dear (Y/N) decides to keep the baby, it is quiet possible that she will not make it.” Demetris face fell a little, feeling worried about his best friend - and about you, who had also become dear to him.

——————————

You were sunk into a big chair in the jet, hiding in the corner of the cabin. The others were at the front, just Jane sitting with you. You were trying to let the constant humming of the machine lull you to sleep, but you weren’t feeling your best and you were missing your mate. You didn’t want to pressure him, and you did understand why he was so angry, but you still missed him.

You had had such a perfect honeymoon and now that bubble had burst, you thought with a few silent tears running down your face, staring out the airplane window. It was mostly dark in the cabin, so you were confident no one saw your tears, but Jane gently grabbed your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. You looked over a little blushing, and your breath hitched when you saw Felix standing there.

Your eyes jumped to Jane who smiled a little, letting go of your hand and giving her seat to Felix, who sat down next to you silently. He was carrying a blanket, and lifted up the armrest seperating the both of you, before spreading the blanket and finally meeting your eyes in expectation. New tears welled up in your eyes when you realized he wanted you in his arms, the thought of him still trying to make sure you’re okay even while being angry with you made you even more sure this mate thing definitely picked the right one for you.

You gently scooted over into his embrace, and he immediately wrapped you in the blanket, pulling you tightly into his chest, your head in his neck and you felt like you could finally relax your tense muscles. There were no words exchanged between you too, you knew he was still angry, but you also knew he loved you. That was enough for now.

——————————

It felt weird, driving through the once familiar town that you left behind. You would’ve thought that it would ignite some kind of longing or sadness, but the only thing you felt was fondness for the memories you made there, happy with your new life in Italy. You were sitting next to Felix, who was still holding your hand but you two hadn’t talked since your fight in Volterra. God, you hoped Carlisle had news for you that helped you calm your mate down.

The car turned onto the familiar sideroad to the Cullen house and eventhough you knew Bella was really weak, you were still happy to see everyone again. Felix helped you out of the car, the others already standing neatly organized and perfectly still infront of the house. He protectively wrapped an arm around your waist and wanted to lead you to the others, but the door opening stopped you.

“Alice!”, you smiled and walked up to the door before anyone could try to stop you, your mate grumbling unhappily behind you. “(Y/N)”, you could tell she was nervous because of the Volturi, but she greeted you warmly anyway, embracing you before Carlisle joined her at the entry.

Suddenly Aro was standing next to you, Alice pulling you to the side gently. “Hello Aro, it’s been a while”, Carlisle greeted his old acquaintance with a polite smile.

“Carlisle”, Aro nodded and held out his hand immediately, making Carlisle reach out without hesitation. “So it’s true”, Aro was in awe, looking between the two Cullens with wide eyes. “It is”, Alice said a little coldly, your eyes meeting your mates, who looked even unhappier.

Felix didn’t like the way you were standing so far away from him, his protective instincts dialed up even more now that you were carrying his child - he still couldn’t believe it, his child. “Why don’t you come inside, there is a lot we need to talk about”, Carlisle stepped aside to let them in and Felix suddenly smelled the Shapeshifter. He was at your side in an instant, holding your waist possessively.

“There’s one of the dogs”, Demetri growled in his stead, the others not looking to happy either, except Marcus who looked as lethargic as ever. “Jacob’s here?”, you were surprised, after Bella married Edward it seemed that he wouldn’t be willing to stick around anymore. “Yes, there is some trouble with the pack and he decided to…stand up for Bella”, Carlisle led you up the stairs and into the big living room, where Rosalie and Jake were blocking your view of Bella.

The other Cullens were also standing in the room, greeting you with a smile. “(Y/N)?”, a weak Bella asked from behind her guards who reluctantly stepped aside when she asked them to. You tried to hide your shock behind a soft smile, approaching your Cousin and sitting next to her carefully.

She looked like death to be honest, and from glancing at the Volturi they were nearly as shocked as you. Felix looked pained and you knew it was because of what he thought would happen to you too. “I missed you”, you said, instead of asking her how she was - which would’ve been a stupid question. “Missed you too”, she smiled a little, taking your hand in hers, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Would you follow me into my office?”, Carlisle interrupted the moment and you squeezed Bella’s hand once more before standing up again and followed the Volturi into Carlisle’s study, catching a glimpse of a tortured looking Edward in the corner. So he blamed himself too, just like Felix. Your mate was once again holding your waist, as if leaving you out of his sight would make you disappear.

Once the door was closed and everyone was settled, Carlisle started to explain what they knew, which wasn’t much. “We didn’t know it could happen, but it did. And we still don’t know much more, neither the ultrasound nor needles or anything else can penetrate the uterus safely. We only know it grows rapidly, draining Bella. It is already stronger than any human - It’s breaking her ribs. Just two days ago we had the idea that it probably needs blood, which Bella is drinking and it helps a bit, but she’s already too far for it to make any real difference. She’s so weak and the fetus so strong that we don’t know if she will make it - I’m not sure the venom could save her.”

The grip Felix had on you was tense and rigid, the silence in the room deafening. “This is all very extraordinary”, Marcus said and you couldn’t even really be shocked by him being the first one to say anything. “I’m glad you got here so quick. If you want to keep the baby I hope starting to drink blood immediately will help, because in theory the fetus won’t drain you as much. But if you don’t want to-“, Carlisle added, but you interrupted him.

“I want to keep it”, you said, you were sure it would be alright if you started with the blood early. This was your only chance to have a baby of your own, you would regret it forever if you didn’t try. This was your choice, a choice every woman should have and you would decide to keep the baby.

„Okay“, Carlilse looked a little pitying, nodding and stating that he needed to at least examine you, even if the ultrasound couldn’t show anything. So you followed him to another room, Felix only following you when you looked at him with a questioning look. You felt horrible for being the reason for his tortured expression.

After feeling your abdomen and asking a few questions, Carlilse gave Felix and you a moment alone, telling you to come to the kitchen after to get a cup of blood. God, that sounded so weird. „Say something, tell me what you’re thinking“, you whispered gripping his hand gently. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

„I did this to you“, he finally answered, making your heart hurt. „You didn’t do anything to me Felix. It takes two people, and I know you don’t see it that way right now…but this seems more like a miracle than a curse“, you spoke quietly, not wanting this to turn into a fight again. „You’re right, this isn’t a curse, it’s worse. I’m going to lose you (Y/N)“, you were sure if he could cry he would, and you pressed your hand to his cheek.

„You won’t, okay? If I started drinking blood right away, I won’t get as bad as Bella, and I can make it“, you reassured him. „I hope you’re right mia cara…I hope you’re right“, he sighed and pulled you into his arms. „You…you won’t leave right?“, you whispered, just because you wanted to keep the baby doesn’t mean you weren’t scared, and you needed him to be with you through this.

He pulled back with a look of shock on his face. „(Y/N) I would never leave you. You’re my mate, my wife, I love you and nothing will ever change that. I might not agree with your decision entirely - don’t get me wrong having a child with you would be great if it wasn’t for the high risk - but I will stand with you through it all Love“, he promised making you just nod and bury your head in his chest. „I love you too“, you whispered, his cold lips leaving a soft kiss on your head.

————————————

Carlilse handed you the cup of blood and you eyed it warily, Bella already drinking hers, but most of the vampires in the room (the ones that could handle the blood) were watching your reaction. Felix was sitting next to you, Demetri trying to hide his humorous expression and Jane and Alec looking at you with genuine curiosity. They had never seen a human drink blood before, and even the Masters and Santiago were intrigued.

This was so weird, drinking blood that came out of someone else gave you a quirky feeling your stomach, but before you could think too much about it, you took a sip and forced down the gulp of cold thick liquid. It tasted really metallic and you were shocked at how easily Bella could drink that, maybe because she was further along in her pregnancy.

„That’s…disgusting“, you grimaced and looked at your cousin, a few of the vampires chuckling, „how can you drink that?“ It was more a rhetoric question, your cousin rolling her eyes with a smile before continuing her drink. You thought for a moment, before deciding the best plan of action. „Okay I’m gonna pretend I’m at a party and have to chug this“, you took of the lid, the deep red liquid sloshing inside the cup and took a deep breath, before chugging the cup in record time.

„That was…impressive“, Demetri grinned, and you wiped the corners of your mouth, shuddering a little because of the aftertaste. „How do you know how to chug like that? You’re not even 21 yet“, Felix asked, Bella and you exchanging looks and giggling quietly. „How do you feel (Y/N)?“, Carlilse asked, fondly rolling his eyes at you and Bella, and gave you a once over. „Not much different“, you shrugged and suppressed a yawn. The time difference was making you tired, it would’ve been the middle of the night already in Volterra.

„You need some sleep amore“, Felix brushed a piece of your hair back before taking your hand and pulling you up. „Alright“, you yawned, „Good night!“ Bella waved and Rosalie helped her up too, she needed all the rest she could get.

——————————

It was chaos. The pack didn’t back down from the fight even with the Volturi there. You pleaded with them not to kill the Pack and were now holding Bella’s hand who was in Labour, with a broken spine. All of this looked like something straight out of a horror movie. Because Aro, Marcus, Jane and Alec were out hunting with Carlilse and Esme, you were a bit understaffed and now Alice and Rosalie couldn’t handle the blood and had to go. So it was only Edward, Jacob and you left - Felix, Demetri and Santiago fighting outside.

You just hoped Felix was alright, but your thoughts were interrupted, when Edward tore open Bella’s stomach, holding a small baby in his arms. Like, an actual cute little baby - and you were partly relieved that there wasn’t something weird growing inside of you. The baby started screaming and Edward smiled, a rare sight these days. „It’s Renesmee“, he told Bella, and you gently and excitedly squeezed her hand. You were an aunt, you thought with a smile.

„Beautiful“, Bella whispered, and Edward carefully placed the baby in her fragile arms, so that she could hold her daughter. But suddenly it seemed like the vampire part of the baby came through, and she bit Bella with her small teeth, making Jacob worry and Edward take Renesmee back.

And then she stopped moving. „Bella?“, Jacob was immediately at her other side. „Bella!“, you shook her shoulder, willing her to move, but she didn’t and your heart dropped to your already slightly rounded stomach. „Bella!“, Jacob called out, starting CPR and you let go of her hand in horror. What if she really didn’t make it? You hadn’t even seriously entertained the possibility of her dying - or, for a matter of fact, you. You thought Edward could save her with her venom, but maybe this situation was too bad already.

„Jacob, take the baby“, Edward looked panicked, the helplessness radiating off of him. „Keep that away from me“, Jacob seethed, continuing compressions and you snapped out of your stupor. „I’ll take her“, you whispered but Edward heard you nonetheless. „Don’t worry I’ll watch the teeth“, you reassured him and took your niece out of his arms, and settled her in yours.

You saw him take out a big needle filled with what was probably his venom, and left the room before you saw him ram it into Bella’s heart. Your heart couldn’t take seeing your cousin like that, and your niece needed you. You sat down in a chair in the living room, trying your best to clean the cute baby with the towel she was wrapped in, before taking the blanket from the couch and gently wrapping her in it.

She seemed more comfortable now, her crying stopping and her pretty brown eyes staring up at you. She didn’t try to bite you, but you were still careful while stroking her small nose. „I really hope your mommy makes it baby“, you sighed, refusing to fall into grief just yet, maybe she would make it.

——————————

„He really imprinted on her?“, Felix looked a bit weirded out when you were finally laying in bed in the early morning hours. „It’s how it works with the pack“, you shrugged cuddling further into him and hugging the warm water bottle close to you that canceled out his cold. Now that you were pregnant you seemed more sensitive to temperature.

„Mhm“, he was in thought, absentmindedly stroking your ever growing belly and you couldn’t help but smile. It seemed like drinking a lot of blood early on really helped, Carlilse said you were way healthier than Bella was at this point. „Can you still hear her heartbeat?“, you asked, and you had to give him that - eventhough you asked about the twentieth time since you layed down - he still answered you nicely.

„Yes“, he whispered, kissing the top of your head, when suddenly the baby moved. „Woah“, you were wide awake again, pressing a hand to your belly, and feeling another movement. „Did you feel that?“, you were looking at Felix with wide eyes and he matched your expression. „That’s…our baby“, he said quietly, looking at your stomach, his big cold hand covering it. „Yeah“, you sighed with a smile, settling down into his embrace again as gently kissing his neck.

„I never thought I would ever…get the chance to have children“, he admitted, and you laid down your smaller hand on top of his bigger one, urging him to continue. „If the blood is helping you stay healthy, and this isn’t going to be as bad as Bella and I risk losing you, I…I can see why you think it is a miracle“, he whispered, hope shimmering in his previously pained eyes. You said nothing, pulling him closer and kissing him softly, and praying that your cousin would make it.

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Sooo second to last part! Hope you liked it, hope it made sense and I would really really appreciate some feedback - always helps getting me motivated to write, since I’m such a slow writer :]

#x reader #fluff #angst #twilight #twilight x reader #volturi x reader #volturi #felix volturi x reader #felix volturi #demetri volturi #alec volturi #jane volturi #aro volturi #marcus volturi #breaking dawn #eclipse #new moon #pregnancy #pregnant

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stealth-liberal · 1 year ago

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So, it's that time again, the anniversary of 9/11. Two years ago, on the 20th anniversary, I wrote an essay about the Twin Tower jumpers and how we as a society have refused to look their fear and pain in the face and hold it.

Now, it's been 22 years since that day and my thoughts go elsewhere. Now I am thinking about legacy and remembrance. Honoring the dead. How do we fully honor the 3,000 people who were killed that day? Because I have some serious issues with how that has played out over the last 22 years.

I was in my 20's when 9/11 happened, and I was in the Marine Corps, so, as you can imagine, it changed my life, and not a single one of those changes was positive. Right now though, it's not what I want to talk about.

We say never forget, always remember, but how are we doing that. By dooming ourselves to what was 20 years of unending war? That doesn't sound like a good memorial.

I never had an issue with the war in Afghanistan. We were attacked Pearl Harbor style, and that was always going to end the way it did. But the war in Iraq? It made me an angry liberal. I had never been conservative, and I joined the Marine Corps to pay for college, we had been at peace for So Many Years that I guess I didn't really think that could change. The war in Iraq was criminal, though. Dubya and his cronies whipped our pain and our grief into a storm and used it to help him LIE to Congress (both sections) so he could get his war. Afghanistan had no natural resources besides poppies for opium that would benefit the war profiteers. They were strategically placed, but that was it. Iraq? Iraq had oil and Haliburton, Chaney, Dubya, Condoleezza Rice, and the rest made So Much money. Billions were made, and billions were "misplaced." Congress was given false intell reports so they would vote for the Iraq War. The fact that no one went to jail for that scarred me. They lined their pockets, and my friends came home in body bags because they SOMEHOW didn't have the money for proper body armor. I will never forgive them for that.

So... It's not a very good way to remember the 3,000 who died on 9/11. Perhaps the worst memorial of all time. Dubya shackled us to pain and grief, and no one was allowed to recover. Least of all the families who lost people. They were paraded for the cameras to be used, and looking back on it, it was sickening. How could they do that to families and the survivors? Why?

I mean, intellectually, I know why. Emotionally, I will never understand it. The survivors and the families deserved to recover. We, as a nation who witnessed the horror, deserved to recover. But recovery meant no profit. Recovery meant no Iraq War. Recovery meant Halliburton might not make quite as much money. So we all stayed traumatized, unable to move forward.

And here it is, 22 years later. How should we honor the 9/11 dead and the survivors? Well, I have a few ideas.

1. 3,000 people died that day, but it could have been less. Why? Both the Twin Towers and the Pentagon had structural and safety issues that made something catastrophic even worse. The Twin Towers did not have enough emergency staircases for it's size. All skyscrapers were supposed to have 4 staircases in case they ever needed to be evacuated. Both Towers only had 2, and the why of that is rage inducing.

You see, 4 staircases meant less floor space, which meant less desk space, which meant less ability to charge businesses higher rents. So money changed hands when the towers were built, and the number went down to 2 emergency staircases. This was a decision that was heavily criticized at the time, and many in the trades predicted disaster.

When the 1993 bombing of the Twin Towers happened, the towers stayed standing, and the 2 missing staircases weren't a problem. Everyone thought all was good. To be fair, NO ONE ever thought a terrorist group would fly a jumbo passenger jet into each tower. No skyscraper was built with that eventuality in mind. They are now, though.

When the planes hit the towers, each tower lost access to elevators and 1 staircase each. Now, both towers had to be fully evacuated with just that one staircase. It wasn't enough, and survivors have all spoken about how everyone was jammed into the stairwells going down those stairs one at a time at a snail's pace. It's a miracle as many people actually survived as they did.

The South Tower was hit more on the side, so some people above the impact zone were able to get out. The North Tower was not so lucky. It was hit head on, everyone above the impact zone was doomed, and they knew it. It's why so many of them chose to jump once faced with what was no real choice to begin with, burn, or jump to their deaths.

Had there been enough staircases, had there been 4 instead of 2, many more people would have survived. So I think a suitable way to never forget the people who died in The Twin Towers is to enact legislation so that never again can a skyscraper be built without proper emergency egress/staircases in case of an evacuation. Any skyscrapers without enough staircases are brought up to code so that if the worst happens, as many people can be saved as possible. That seems a fitting memorial.

The Pentagon was built like a fish trap, the idea was if an enemy somehow got in, they would never get out. No one ever factored in the notion of a jet being flown into the building, most of the inner ring collapsing and massive explosion damage and fire racing through everywhere. There are many stories of people pounding on the glass and not being able to get out.

Thankfully for the people at the Pentagon, they were not in a skyscraper, and first responders were able to find ways to get to them. But they couldn't and didn't get to everyone. So I think a fitting memorial to the Pentagon dead that day would be to make sure no building is so secure that you can't get out, can't truly evacuate, if the catastrophic happens. When a building is on fire, everyone deserves the best possible chance to get out and get home alive.

2. The first responders of 9/11 were the heroes of that day. I think we can all agree that the very definition of heroic is running back into a collapsing and/or burning building determined to save just one more life. So many first responders died that day doing the best they could to save lives. The ones who survived were harrowed to their bones.

The people who worked the wreckage of both sites, who collected what was left of human remains. Who bit by bit picked up the wreckage and tried to heal two cities with the labor of their hands. These people were also heroes, and anyone who says differently is just wrong.

They were told it was safe, and they were told we would take care of them. However, it wasn't safe. Both of these groups of people have had massive health complications ever since from the toxins they were immersed in for days, weeks, months, and even years. The dust alone caused so much lung damage.

Then, to add insult to injury, a Republican congress tried to take away their health benefits, to leave them twisting in the wind. These ghouls left the ACTUAL heroes of that terrible time in chronic illness, terrible pain, and in many cases tried to let them die. Why? Because they were too cheap to spend a dime on these people. John Stewart basically had to retire from The Daily Show to shame Congress into taking care of these people.

On the 17th anniversary he gave a blistering speech to them and I paraphrase here: "17 years ago, they acted heroically and did their jobs. They did their jobs! NOW DO YOURS!"

You want to know the very best way to remember the first responders who died in 9/11? Take care of their brothers and sisters who survived, their brothers and sisters who spent years working The Piles. None of these people should EVER pay so much as a dime for their health care ever again. For the rest of their lives. Period.

This is how we should memorialize them, this is how we never forget. Not chaining us to a never ending cycle of pain, despair, and anger. Not lying to us to get a second war that no one needed. Not war profiteering and then calling it patriotism. Not terrorizing our Muslim citizens. Not taking away our rights, not trading our civil rights for the illusion of safety.

This is how we make peace with the horror of what happened. This is how we move forward and let the memory of the dead be a blessing.

#sl speaks #9/11 #the twin towers #the pentagon #september 11th

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nico-esoterica · 9 months ago

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The Pluto in Aqua Survival Guide For Millennials and Gen Z 🚀

Part 1: Pluto through the Houses (Below) | Part 2: How The Generations Will Be Affected + Advice // Long Post Ahead++ If you’re reading this in February 2024, Pluto hasn’t officially transited into Aquarius yet but it WILL spend most of the year in it. This is giving the same vibes as 2008, the year of the US recession and subsequent global economic crash—but was, interestingly enough, when Pluto previewed Capricorn. It wasn’t exactly stable yet carried a smorgasbord of influence. In the 5 months and 2 and a half weeks it spent in the water goat’s sign, billions of charts were affected in ways we’re still studying to this day. So I consider this ‘preview’ worth studying as well because history can be cyclical.

But I think a doom and gloom perspective is redundant. We’re used to hearing how we can’t do something or how insurmountable the odds are because we typically associate Saturn with austerity. ‘The economy’s down’, ‘we can’t afford this,’ ‘climate change is worsening by the day,’ ‘10 tips to stop yourself from doom scrolling,’ including whatever well-meaning anxieties your parents reminded you of this week while you’re panicking over whether or not your Uber Eats tip is going to overdraft your account. Where Aquarius differs from Capricorn is that it prefers not to compromise its ideals over its survival. The latter are like the Millennials who project their neatly compartmentalized boomer inflicted trauma onto their subordinates because they’re from a generation where Uranus and Neptune’s dreams of job security on the horizon became lofty and farfetched by the recession. It hit when those born from the mid 80s to mid 90s would’ve been entering middle school or finishing university by that time (11-23yo). That means that those on the cusp of adolescence and at the beginning of our stages of realization in early adulthood weren’t catapulting into the abundance promised if they ‘worked hard enough’ but straight into an echoless void. But under Pluto in Aquarius, we can expect hopefuls to pick up the debris left strewn on the ground from the failed system and repurpose familiar ideas into more promising and sustainable fabric. If we think of the typical Aquarius, they’re usually a person who had to adapt to a negligent environment using a unique form of genius which subsequently separated them from the rest. They’re shrewd and strategic and have a sixth sense for building their world view around what makes sense to them—even if they’re the odd ones out yet again. Because what they don’t tell you about the water bearer is that no matter how embittered it becomes, somewhere under the weeds of the pain and disappointment its grown to expect, there’s an idealistic child selfishly clinging to hope—they’re lovers masking as misanthropes. That’s why Leo, ruled by the Sun, is its sibling. Through its opposition, we learn to always keep our standards for ourselves and the world around us sky high. If the system benefits from us underestimating ourselves, we must invest in shameless self belief.

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Dates are a rough estimate and will hypothesize what Pluto in Aqua (and other slow moving transits) have in store for those born between 1984-2007. Pluto in Aqua (themes): Recycle/Upcycle, Renew, Radicalize, Reject Key: • Saturn = Consolidation and attitudes towards structure and foundation (how they systemize/structure themselves esp when they need help or avoid it) • Uranus = Innovation and drastic sudden changes personally/circumstantially • Neptune = Personal zeitgeist and attitudes towards social trends and moods which deal with the topic of that house • Pluto = Aggrandizement of power, resources, and gains and losses of scale through the process of (slow and deeply sewn or festering) upheaval/uprooting, death, decay of the topics of the house it occupies, catalyst(s) for personal transformation Aries 1H: (Pluto in 11H) - friend groups, networks, the internet, and community service, (theory—ruler = social capital and clout) —Expansion (or) creation of friend groups and networks who share what matters most to you and finding community support amongst an unexpected group of people who’ll radically change your mindset. You may go through a period where everyone seems to ‘fall off’ right before you find the right people (they’ll probably be outliers or unique). Industry wise, this can mean being more tapped into what’s next tech and internet wise especially if you have placements here. Some of you may go off the grid entirely and live in a co-op in the woods/mountains to be honest.

But you and Gemini Risings need to watch Midsommar twice at the least. But this transit will also put many of you in places of leadership. You’re going to become the main protagonists in these tribes or circles of new ideas, especially with Uranus trining from your 3rd and Neptune creating a blazing soul fire in your 1st. Since Jupiter generally joys in the 11th, that Pluto/Neptune on your 11/1 feels like many of you may adopt a belief system or reject the notion of mainstream spirituality entirely for something more grounded and personal to you. Just be mindful of ideological rabbit holes and potentially isolating yourselves by accident. Taurus 1H: (Pluto in 10H) - social status/public image and career direction and its honors and great achievements, bosses and people in high positions of power, public recognition (and the pursuit of it) —Thought leader and People’s Champ—See what’s happening with Megan Thee Stallion where the entire internet shifted to support her after years of bullying and targeted harassment (she’s a Taurus Asc). The ambitious will benefit heavily from this transit while the unambitious (but who want to live well) will gain attention, credibility, and opportunity for surviving all this time, esp if you’re marginalized w/ a platform (if you don’t have one, get one NOW). People will uplift you for the more authentic you are.

But you’re going to have to learn to accept that others will see the greatness in you that you’ve been afraid of believing all along. With Uranus moving through your 2nd and Neptune in your 12th, you’re going to feel like you finally have autonomy with your finances and life path. But it’s going to call for you being comfortable with advocating for yourselves and setting clear boundaries because the former outers in Aqua hitting your 1st from your 10th can mean you spent a period being disrespected and feeling adrift by male or authority figures and it leading to you questioning yourself and your life potential. You’re used to people not believing in you—but the tables have turned. Stand on top of the business of yourself. Gemini 1H: (Pluto in 9H) - higher education, government, long distance travel and foreign culture, and organized religion and traditionally taught spirituality, politics, and publishing (large scale, corporate), teaching —Many of you may drop out of school (or find niched but polarizing niches within it), travel the world permanently, or may be radicalized by spirituality, politics, or education in a very BIG way that’ll be unique to this era. Please avoid Scientology and cults like the plague (or starting them) because there’ll be a strong ‘itch’ to find a sense of purpose w/ this transit. Because it’s so deep and aggrandizing, you’re going to feel like your entire life revolves around something larger than yourself and while this is a GOOD thing, you can get lost if you don’t have an internal compass.

The answers are within YOU, not something else. But this will be a very big ‘finding yourself’ transit to get to that conclusion. Similar to my advice to Aries Risings, these outers are hitting major identity shifting houses for you—The difference with you, Gemini, is that your ideals will be more solid but your concept of ‘yourself’ will undergo several transformations which will compliment your politics. Your framework for life will experience a new barrage of ‘what ifs’ and the current way you think will not be the same as it was a week, a year, ten years, 20 years into the future. You love change but with Uranus squaring a Pisces MC for some of you (or planets there), it’s important that you remember who you are versus what the world may want from you. Don’t get lost in the sauce. Cancer 1H: (Pluto in 8H) - shared resources and boundaries, inherited trauma and family karma [5th from the 8th] (and material inheritance) and trauma cycles, and coping mechanisms, shame and denial, loans/taxes, supernatural experiences, death, and the occult, sexual entanglement and taboo —You’ve already had three outer planets run amok in here and this will be the continuation of what Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune have prepped you for. Having terrible boundaries (too thick or thin) and other people’s baggage you feel like you have to shoulder or inherit is not gonna be it this time around. But the theme of this for some of you will be a HUGE taking-back-your-power-from-other-people era.

It’s taking ownership of something in your life that others thought they were entitled to. But it usually comes with a molting, shedding, and releasing process. This period can also be about transmuting grief, shame, or guilt into power. Others may fall down the rabbit hole of metaphysics (esp via NDE, astral travel, etc) and there’ll be a pocket who’ll (this sounds wacked but ima say it) experience alien contact and communication due to Uranus/Pluto being in air signs in psychic houses for you. But oof—The era of the people pleasing because people made you think being assertive is a ‘bad’ thing is over. Leo 1H: (Pluto in 7H) - contracts, serious relationships and marriages, relationship dynamics and what is projected onto you and from you, enemies you know —Similar to Cancer Risings, you’re used to having your boundaries compromised because conditioning taught you not to have them (or to make them steep). During this next cycle, your rebellion and rejection of what’s expected from you in your relationships will most likely send you down several rabbit holes where you experiment with different relationship styles and there’ll be a sense of ‘anarchy’ to everything.

Uranus transiting your 10H has been amplifying this already so you’re at the point now where you’re too far gone to appease and bow out like usual. But you’re also committed to radically setting boundaries now or letting them dissolve—if you’re ready for it. If not, Pluto transiting here can create spores of abandonment issues to infect relationships if the core causes aren’t uprooted—but having any natal Aqua placements will provide clues to learn what’s there. Being vulnerable and intimate means letting people know what hurts, where it hurts, and how they can care for you to accommodate it. Virgo 1H: (Pluto in 6H) - service industry, day jobs and short-term employment and trends with employment, overall job market and how you fit within it, work ethic, everyday health and routines (and health concerns), and pets (small domesticated animals) —You are so DONE with the way you’ve been treated or felt ‘afloat’ with your everyday life over the past several years (and longer). With Uranus about to transit your 10H for a while with Neptune in your 8H are going to push you (externally and internally) to take charge of your life in a way you can control. You’re very good at following orders because it’s sensible but suck at taking charge because honestly?

Neptune transiting your 7th for so long gives me the impression that you have a hard time saying ‘No’ when people need things from you. For the contrarians in the audience, relax—It just means your environment taught you to placate it. But life path wise, or just for right now, Pluto will force you to take your dreams and goals more seriously by thrusting you into situations where you’ll feel like you’re being called to act on your deep soul urges at last. Especially with the North Node transiting here in a few years—You’re going to know you’re doing what’s ‘right’ for you if it feels like you can finally be yourself. Libra 1H: (Pluto in 5H) - pleasure and recreation, the arts (esp those which feed the inner child), children, and more serious hobbies or deeply felt/consistent ones (passions), romanticism/addictions/vices which become necessary for recreation or to feel creative inspiration, what inspires you and how deeply it hits/affects —In a professional or creative sense, you’re about to tap into some serious inner child healing where you take those years you’ve neglected the more artistic part of yourself and devote yourself to nurturing it (at last). Relationship wise, many of you will be reconsidering having children later on than you originally planned because you value stability. Others will be abandoning it all together.

This will also be a period, calling it now, where a good portion of you will be more open to polyamory if you weren’t already. In a non-romantic sense, you’re going to be more interested in non-hierarchal and more communal relationship dynamics where your world has the robust support system you needed as a child. The focus overall will be finding sustainable ways to repair the damage/trauma you most likely experienced from having Pluto in Capricorn hit your angles for so long, especially for cardinal signs. But it’ll feel strange and even dizzying at first—You’re not used to shamelessly choosing yourself and your inner world and desires therein. Get comfortable by letting people be uncomfortable with this shift. Scorpio 1H: (Pluto in 4H) - family and origin, family secrets and history, bought and inherited real estate/material wealth, one’s sense of security and privacy and the private self, family legacy and drama, roots and family patterns and obligations and how we react to them —There’s some childhood wounds that need to properly scab over that you’ve been picking at for the last several years or more since Saturn entered its home signs and conjoined Pluto. Not all of you have family problems, but the other three outers transiting here lets me know that the concept of ‘safety’ will be a sensitive topic. Did you feel completely supported? Did you experience neglect? Were there issues with boundaries?

Gen Z/illennials with outer planets here will not be able to skirt around facing their core issue of fearing being vulnerable. Uranus in Gemini trining this house from your 8H will expedite this after it’s done squaring it from Taurus in your 7th—which just made things more awkward and chaotic than better. This house also dealing with family legacy with Pluto here may present…unexpected rewards for your suffering that were long overdue. Material rewards and those that can only be measured with the heart. You will be gaining this time instead of losing. Sagittarius 1H: (Pluto in 3H) - early childhood experiences, siblings, neighborhood and local community affairs, communication and publishing (written and digital—usually small scale), everyday rituals and hobbies, creature comforts which are ritualized, short distance travels, habits which are taught or gained/inspired, mundane everyday activity or obligation and how you feel about it/go about it —With Pluto leaving your 2H, you’re experiencing a titanic-level mindset shift. Depending on the rest of your chart, what you can anticipate is that your everyday life will carry a new level of intensity. Everything will have additional weight and purpose. But your well-being is moving out of a place of operating out of constant survival-mode to prioritizing what you think about what your life ought to look like.

Pluto transiting from your 12H to your 3H, depending on your age, means that the underpinning of your life has revolved around what your role is within a conglomerate of people where the focus isn’t on you but what you can contribute or you acting out in defiance of that or having an existential fear, that’s usually impressed on you by a parent, of losing control. With the outers beaming from your 5th and 7th, this is going to be about you going back to the beginning—what makes you genuinely happy? What makes you feel good? Who do you like having around you? Who’s important and why? It’ll feel like learning to walk again and rediscovering your core interests, passions, and love styles but without worrying about who you’re performing for. Because fuck them. Kindly and unkindly. Capricorn 1H: (Pluto in 2H) - personal resources and finance, attitudes about material security and said resources, the different ways in which material comfort can ground us and reflect in what makes us feel the most secure in our lives on a day to day basis, love of the material and/or fear of it, conditioned attitudes about money —You’re in a unique position where you’re going to begin valuing yourself outside of what you can tangibly provide—and for you this is a big deal because that’s how you’ve perceived yourself until now. Pluto settling in your 2nd means that for some of you, your ideas will become your black card (your perspective on the outside looking in or the inverse) and any community you tap into will provide you with its resources.

For others, you’ll be experiencing ego deaths where you’ll either want to detach from the system entirely and start growing your own food, sourcing your own materials, etc, anything to make you into the resource instead while the opposing camp will turn their corporate trauma into winning underdog success with new industries (and opportunities) that’ll open up. There’s going to be a death somewhere with all parties involved regarding how you see yourself. It won’t be about what you can do for the world but how it will pivot to work for you. But it requires a perspective shift—Are you ready to kill off the part of yourself who’s been taught wind, storm, and turmoil are required to live a comfortable life? Haven’t you suffered enough? Aquarius 1H: (Pluto in 1H) - vitality and life force, core identity, the lens you see your life through (esp w/ planets here), how others see us and how we present ourselves consciously and unconsciously, appearance/style, the circumstances life brought you into and themes which play out around it (has more to do w/ parents and family dynamics) —You’ve been a lone wolf for a hot minute now—With so many outers hitting your angles for decades, you’ve found a bit of schadenfreude in the world waking up and realizing how fucked up everything’s been. But in a strange turn of events, said world’s now standing awkwardly on your doorstep, especially for those w/ other placements in Aquarius. You’re being recognized and vindicated for what’s been denied to you.

But if you’ve been sabotaging all this time, you may take any life or behavior adjustments you’ve felt prompted to make as an invitation for more rejection and ridicule. Because Pluto’s going to energize any generational planets you have here (or have transited), all of your actions have radical potential—but it’ll be up to you to decide if they’ll aid or hinder you. If they’re moving you forward (w/ Neptune in Aries hitting your 3rd), you’ll be able to transmute your self-consciousness of feeling othered into self-actualized power. If not, you’ll truly be rebels without a cause—feeling more lost than ever before. Especially for those of you w/ Scorpio placements. Pisces 1H: (Pluto in 12H) - what’s hidden from us and the unseen (including enemies), the unconscious, hospitals/mental institutions/jails and hidden but very present structures of life, isolation and sanctuary, foreign lands, spirituality, sabbaticals, unconscious wounds, where we undo ourselves, large animals, circumstances before birth which affect the native in unseen ways or were present —You have the opportunity to set things right but it’s going to require you do a little forgive and forgetting, wiping the slate clean, or whatever necessary to heal the wounds of alienation and scrutiny many of you have experienced w/ the Aquarius outers transiting and/or occupying your 12th. Because this is the house of self-undoing and unearthed psychic trauma, there’s a lot you’ve been processing. Many of you have a bad habit of wearing your wounds without tending to them properly or detaching and letting them fester in private—And the first new and full moons in Aqua over the next several years will help you realize just how debilitating that’s been. You don’t know who you are unless you’re impaling yourself on something–because deep down, you may find suffering to be necessary or it gives you purpose.

But your 12H in Aqua being hit with transformative Pluto is going to make you aware of how much this cycle is the result of you being emotionally neglected in some way, shape, or form. Especially for those with personal or generational Aquarius planets, it means that you found refuge in alienation and being on the outside looking in. But Pluto here can operate as a catalyst for rich and profound spiritual and emotional growth. But this planet here is double edged—Either you’re going to learn that you have an identity outside of the outsider or you’ll let it push you further into the void of detaching and expecting the worst because the worst is what you’ve always had to endure. Don’t do this anymore.

#astrology #pluto in aquarius #pluto through the houses #astrology transits #millennials #gen z

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solarwynd · 7 months ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/solarwynd/746878765847773184/i-actually-wish-armys-would-try-to-get-that-1

I honestly think you guys are over thinking it. Maybe it’s because I used to have this mindset so in a way I can understand where they’re coming from. Not denying there’s not a lot of Armys who hate jimins guts but a large chunk of them put him on this pedestal for the other members and think if jimin can do it then so can the rest. It’s about trying to ot7ify everything to them. They made the same posts when Jungkook got that billion but it felt almost unrealistic because Jungkook was the only member at the time who was able to do it and their logic was because he has “GP”. None of this true, he might’ve gained some fans but not nearly enough for him to completely detach from bts’s core fandom. Also how he was able to achieve that billion comes in question, he needed his song merged as well as tons of promotions to get that billion. It’s unrealistic like I said so even with them trying to still ot7ify his moment, they had to also address no other member was getting that much push. They also couldn’t talk about it because again it’s addressing the elephant in the room. Now that jimin got it, it seems more doable to them because he only needed one version and in retrospect his was more organic. There wasn’t any foul play and it was heavily carried by fan support.

Mmm no I don’t think I am. Armys might have made a few similar posts when JK hit 1B but you cannot tell me it was any where near the extent that they’ve been doing it for Jimin today. Most armys barely even let him getting that 1B marinate before trying to shift the attention off of him and planning on breaking his record with TH. Them OT7-ing things after Jimin achieves something is not out of genuine army type behavior. Jimin motivates armys (especially these heavily biased ones) to work harder because they get a sense of overwhelming entitlement after he achieves a milestone.

It’s like a birthday party where a toddler is throwing a tantrum watching the other toddler get a cake despite it not being their birthday. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with also wanting your bias to reach goals but there is so much underlying animosity whenever Jimin reaches his that there’s no denying they feel some type of way about it.

“Also how he was able to achieve that billion comes in question, he needed his song merged as well as tons of promotions to get that billion. It’s unrealistic like I said so even with them trying to still ot7ify his moment, they had to also address no other member was getting that much push. They also couldn’t talk about it because again it’s addressing the elephant in the room.”

I mean I definitely agree with you on this cause before Seven held that record it was Flowers by MC, another song payola-ed out the ass. But LC was still gaining streams at an extremely fast and consistent rate. There’s no way they’re figuring it’s more doable after seeing LC achieve 1B because LC is an anomaly. Yes it did well despite being sabotaged and only having 1 version, but no one is streaming hyung line’s music like that and never have. The highest streamed song between the 4 of them is The Astronaut at 375M and it’s going on 2 years since that was released.

No one had any complaint when JK hit 1B with seven because again he’s the common ground for everybody in that fandom. They held multiple streaming parties for him well before he hit 1B while armys pulled that stunt this morning for Jimin. They would’ve been completely content had jimin taken two more years to reach 1B. There was no sense of urgency and they actively worked against us at every turn. Everytime you look in these daily spotify chart updates QRTS and LC is above newer songs, they’re pissed/shady. The bulk of armys haven’t been genuinely happy for Jimin achieving something since he initially got that #1 on hot100 and even that has obviously soured over time. OT7-ness cannot exist in a space where armys get upset whenever a specific member is doing well.

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hauntedwitch04 · 1 year ago

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Never better

Steve Harrington x reader

Words: about 1,8k words

Warnings: none, just fluff and idiots totally in love with each other

Author’s note: Hi everybody! Here the second day of my Halloween party! Hope you like this!

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Buy me a coffee - Patreon submission

🎃Halloween party 🎃

DAY 2: “You really did this for me?” "I made one for every single person I love, but your is the one I did first because you were the first I thought about."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Fall has finally arrived.

You have been waiting months for this moment, and finally looking out the window you can see the first trees turning orange. The air has grown colder, and the rain more frequent. You smile as you bake your second pan of cookies, having spent an entire afternoon making snacks to eat this evening at the movie night being held at your and Steve's house. You have just moved in and thought there was no better way to inagitate than to have an evening with all your closest friends.

You didn't realize, too immersed in your thoughts that in the meantime your boyfriend had entered the house, with bags full of Halloween decorations and candy.

Steve watches you hum David Bowie's "Starman" while icing the last of the cookies and can't help but smile. He still doesn't understand how he was lucky enough to get your love after being treated very badly in high school, believing he was king of the world at the time. Years later, when you met again and together with all your friends managed to survive the upside down, he apologized a billion times for how he had treated you and asked if there was any way he could make it up to you, and you, after thinking about it a few days told him that maybe there was a way, and he was taken out to dinner after going to the movies to see the new movie with Winona Rider, "The Heaters."

By the end of that date you had kissed each other passionately in the rain, just like in one of those old movies you saw as a child with your mother. It had been just perfect, and you hadn't been able to help but say yes to going out one more time with him, and one more time until you decided to get a house together, and try to see how living under the same roof would go.

You turn around and see Steve looking at you as he smiles at you, and you can't help but smile back. You wipe your hands on your apron before taking it off and walking over to your boyfriend, and hugging him as he lays a gentle kiss on your hair. You breathe deeply of the scent of his sweater, impregnated with the perfume you bought him the Christmas before, thinking it particularly suited him. You remain a few moments in silence, entwined in the middle of the kitchen, you with your head close to his warm chest, and he with his chin resting on your head, breathing in the scent of your shampoo. Eventually he is the one who breaks the silence.

"Baby, you made cookies for an army." He comments, looking around and seeing that everywhere there are cookies popping up as far as the eye can see.

"Harrington don't talk nonsense, this is barely enough to feed you and your brown bear metabolism that needs to hibernate." You respond jokingly as you punch him lightly in the chest.

You break away from the hug, starting to comment aloud about how there were still a lot of things to prepare before your friends arrived, when you feel a hand settle on your wrist, and you feel the boy draw you back to him.

He looks at you seriously enough to scare you, and immediately you think something bad is going to happen.

"Steve, you're scaring me." He comments, since he had not yet uttered a word after bringing you back to himself. With one hand he strokes your face, then runs his thumb over your lips. Suddenly he comes closer and leaves a light kiss on your lips, then asks you to wait for a second in that room with your eyes closed. You are increasingly confused, but nevertheless you nod and close your eyes, waiting for the boy to return.

You hear noises, as if something has fallen down the stairs, and then a few seconds later you hear Steve enter the kitchen. With your eyes still closed, you giggle, hiding your smile with your hand.

"Did you fall down the stairs?" Ask amusedly.

"I was in a hurry, and it's no laughing matter, I got discreetly hurt." Says Steve, but you hear him chuckle anyway. "You might as well open your eyes now honey." He continues, to leave a kiss on your cheek.

You open your eyes, and see the man you love smiling, a little breathless and his forehead a little red, being probably where he fell, however, what you are curious about is that he is hiding something behind his back. You move closer to leave a kiss on his forehead.

"So you get over the pain right away." You say smiling, as you would to a child.

"The best painkiller in the world." The boy replies, smiling.

Then slightly you move to look at what he is hiding, but he moves ahead of you and moves as well.

"No peeking." Your boyfriend takes you back, as he gestures for you to sit down, with a smile. You see him take a deep breath, before he starts talking again. "So, I was actually going to give you this present for Christmas, but I can't wait any longer, and anyway I think it might be useful to you already, and I'm always in time to give you another one as a present, so here, I hope you like it." He says quickly, as he moves the mysterious object in front of your eyes, and you can't help but be shocked by what's in front of you.

Steve holds in his hands a sweater, handmade, in your favorite color. Immediately you feel the tears forming in your eyes, unable to control them, as you take that still perfectly folded object from his hands and bring it to your nose, feeling that it has both his scent and the smell of your favorite perfume, and you can't help but dip your face into it, before turning back to look at your boyfriend, who has meanwhile been silently watching you, with a smile.

"Did you do that?" You ask unsurely, and he merely nods as he scratches the back of his neck, as if almost embarrassed.

"Did you really do this for me?" Ask again, not believing that a person could spend so much time doing something for you.

"I made one for every single person I love, but yours is the one I did first because you were the first I thought about." He says, looking at you, then continues. "Because you are the person I love most in the world." He finishes, kissing you softly on the lips. You can't help but drop a few tears as you thank him, and return those affirmations of affection, but Steve is apparently not out of surprises.

"But you still need to see why I can't wait a second to show you." He says, arranging a strand of hair behind your ear. "Open the sweater, and read what it says." He continues, and you confusedly do as he asks.

You raise your arms and spread your sweater like a cloth between you and your boyfriend, and immediately you feel your eyes about to pop out of their sockets as wide as you open them.

On the sweater, clearly and prominently are a few simple words that take your breath away.

<<WILL YOU MARRY ME?>>

You feel your heart stop for a moment as you pull down your sweater to look Steve in the eye, to ask him if he is serious or a joke, while in your brain you can't process a thought that wasn't totally steeped in the joy of seeing those simple words written on that gift made with so much love. Steve is no longer where I was a few seconds ago, though; he is now kneeling before you, a ring in his hand.

It's not exactly the brightest or the biggest ring you've ever seen, but at the same time you're convinced it's the most beautiful ring in the world.

You fall to your knees in front of him in your turn, still holding the sweater in your hands, clutching it to your chest as you look at him. Tears now run down your face relentlessly, but you can see that his are getting wet, too.

"I love you, I've always loved you, but somehow I was so stupid and blind that I didn't realize it. When I realized it, I was convinced I couldn't have even a shred of hope, but you were always too good and gave me another chance. At first I couldn't believe my luck, so I made up my mind and realized that I had to treat you like the queen you are or I would lose what someone up there gave me. I love you, and selfishly I cannot do without you. I've been thinking about officially asking you to be mine for months, nay years, but each time I tell myself that it's not the right time and that you deserve everything to be perfect, but enough is enough, I love you too much to wait just one more second, so would you do me the honor of being my wife?" Steve asks you through tears, having held them back throughout his speech. You can't help but hold back your joy, and with the sweater still clutched between your fingers, you throw your arms around his neck, sweeping him off his feet.

"Yes, a thousand times yes idiot, you don't even have to ask." You respond with a whisper in his ear as he pulls away slightly to place the ring on your finger. Looking at your face, he runs a hand under your eyes and wipes away your tears, before kissing you passionately.

You kiss back, and then you remain tightly embraced on the kitchen floor, locked in your own little bubble of happiness, as you forget about the world little by little, until a voice brings you back down to earth.

You both turn around and see all your friends looking at you worried or scared. Eddie still has what spare keys you gave him in his hand.

"You weren't responding, so we came in because we were afraid something had happened to you." Dustin says, on behalf of everyone. "But are you okay?" Max asks, increasingly confused by your happy expressions.

"Never better." Steve replies, leaving a kiss on your forehead, and you can't help but smile, only increasing your friends' curiosity.

#hauntedwitch04's writing #becky's favourites #becky's halloween party #halloween party #steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #steve harrington fluff

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rereadanon · 10 months ago

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✨ w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y ✨ on a thursday

not me ignoring my algebra homework

i was tagged by @deedala @michellemisfit @creepkinginc @heymrspatel @juliakayyy @mickeysgaymom and thanks to some of you for the picrew tag as well as @crossmydna and @metalheadmickey the picrew site scares me but I’m determined to learn it this year!

Name: Anna

Age: 40 minus 1 😬😬😬😬

Location: about 30 minutes from the White House

we're going on a trip!!

📍where are we going? Vietnam

📍whats the weather like there right now? 70 and mostly cloudy, its night there now!

📍are you an over-packer or a light-packer? I will bring enough underwear for at least twice the length of the trip

📍are we taking a plane or a train? We will need a plane! Let’s all get lay-down first!

📍early morning departure or an overnight trip? I don’t think it will matter much with a trip length like that, you will have to sleep!

📍what song are you playing in the car while we drive to catch our departure? Something calming so I don’t freak out about claustrophobia

📍we need to grab something on the way, starbucks or dunkin? I’m off Starbucks and dunkin coffee is so terrible. Local coffee shops all the way!

📍we've made it to the transportation place 🚂✈️! be honest, are we on-time or are we rushing because we're running late? Oh we are early, grabbing beers and stocking up on snacks and waters

📍are you taking the window seat or the aisle seat? I will take the aisle so I can pee with ease one million times

📍we're settled in our seats, are you gonna read or watch a movie/show? I will first put on a comfort show and fall asleep probably before takeoff

📍what are you reading/watching? Probably New Girl or The Office or something but then I will read the smuttiest fic that lives on @thegallavault that I downloaded prior to leaving, is The Menagerie on there yet because chapt 2 would be perffff

📍are you using wireless or wired headphones? I probably forgot my AirPods so some cheap wired ones from an airport store that were eleven billion dollars

📍are you going to take a nap or stay awake? I will nap for 30 minutes and then I will never sleep again

📍do you want a salty snack or a sweet snack? Both definitely both I don’t like limits

📍we've arrived! are we heading straight to activities or are we gonna rest at the hotel? We are at least getting some food!

📍finally, pick a treat to reward yourself for a travel day well done! You better believe I am going to get some handmade clothing in some insanely gorgeous fabric!

I’m not tagging anyone else since I am late and really have to get back to my homework 🤮 but if you read this consider it a tag and know that I love you!

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 months ago

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dani omg I'm freaking out rn

i was told today to prepare for 2 rounds of a debate competition TOMORROW because the person who was supposed to go opted out for reasons i don't know yet

I have so less time

im freaking out

the motion is "Developed countries should have greater responsibility towards addressing climate than developing countries" i have to prepare for the motion. idk all I have is basic points

this is for the preliminary rounds

there are two shortlisted topics for the quarter finals. "billionaires are bad for the world" or "exploring new worlds is a waste of resources"(I don't get this topic) it can be either of the two topics. again I have to speak for the motion

idk what to do😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i'm so stressed

i don't have a speech prepared😭😭😭😭😭

i don't know what points to include

please help🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Okay. Okay. You got this.

The topics are relatively easy. I'm going to give you some broader points which you can further enhance by adding some data, okay?

For this - Developed countries should have greater responsibility towards addressing climate than developing countries - Here are some important arguments. Remember what I said before, it doesn't matter if your points are "basic". It's how you say something, not what you say.

Historical Responsibility: Developed countries have contributed the most to global emissions historically, which is why they bear more responsibility. (In other words, they've been doing this shit for longer than the rest of the world. Do some research on some of the earliest companies that have contributed to pollution and see where they are located)

Current Emissions: Even today, developed countries have higher per capita emissions compared to developing countries. They continue to have larger carbon footprints due to their high levels of consumption and industrial activity. Get the data for this!

Financial Capacity: Developed countries have more financial resources to invest in clean energy, technology, and climate mitigation efforts. They also have laws and regulations about this - you can share an example or two about some developed countries that have strict laws on climate change/pollution.

Technological Advancement: Developed countries have the technology and innovation needed to address climate change effectively. They should lead in developing and sharing green technologies with developing countries. Again, give an example here, about a tech solution one of the developed countries has come up to address climate change.

I don't know how much time you have, but these four points are more than enough to have you covered.

Topic 2 - Billionaires are bad for the world (I love this one lol)

I would actually suggest you start this by establishing who and what a billionaire is. Like what it actually means to be a billionare.

For eg:

"To grasp the magnitude of a billionaire's wealth, consider this: A million seconds is about 12 days. However, a billion seconds is over 31 years. This stark difference between a million and a billion demonstrates just how vast a billion truly is."

As for your points:

Wealth Inequality: Billionaires exacerbate wealth inequality, with a small number of people controlling a significant portion of global wealth. This concentration of wealth leads to social and economic instability. (This is like one of your major points).

Influence on Politics: Billionaires can influence political decisions to favor their interests, often at the expense of the greater good. Their financial power can undermine democratic processes. (A lot of examples can come from countries like the US or even India!)

Monopolies and Competition: Billionaires often create or sustain monopolies, stifling competition and innovation. This can hurt consumers and small businesses.

Ethical Concerns: The methods by which some billionaires accumulate wealth can involve exploitation, environmental degradation, and unfair labor practices. (Another big point)

I think for this one, examples (of billionaires and how their wealth has contributed to wealth inequality) would be very helpful.

Topic 3 (or what I understood from it) - Exploring new worlds is a waste of resources

I think what they mean here is looking for other planets to live. There is a lot of money and time being spent on finding other inhabitable planets. I like this topic too because for me the essence is instead of wasting money on finding a new world, why don't we spend that money on fixing this one?? Anyway, your points:

Resource Allocation: The resources spent on space exploration could be better used to address pressing issues on Earth, such as poverty, hunger, and climate change. (What I said before). You could give an example here and say in 2023, xxx amount was spent on exploring Mars as an option (random example!!) but that money could've been used to address climate change in XXX which is a more pressing concern.

Environmental Concerns: Space exploration has environmental impacts, including the production of space debris and the carbon footprint of rocket launches. (Research needed here!).

Ethical Considerations: There are ethical concerns about potentially exploiting other planets or celestial bodies, repeating the same mistakes we’ve made on Earth. Basically, it's like we fucked earth and we're gonna dump it and find a new one to fuck over??? Nope!

Anyway, I hope this is all help!

I know this sudden announcement has you nervous, but remember the judges/competition isn't going to know you were put on the spot, only you do. So, be calm and confident. That's the most important thing tbh.

Good luck!

#support

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douchebagbrainwaves · 1 month ago

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STARTUPS AND ESSAY

Symbols are effectively pointers to strings stored in a hash table. Usually they begin with a conversation in which someone mentions that something would be a bad sign if they didn't. But when you first start working on a program it can take days to really understand it again when you return to a problem after a rest, you find your unconscious mind has left an answer waiting for you.1 But what does that really mean? When I see patterns in my programs, I consider it a sign of trouble. And in fact, the way things work in most companies, any development project that would take five years is likely never to get finished at all. Use succinct languages. And what pressure it would put on the city.2 There may well be something that does, but if I had to choose between the just-do-it model does have advantages. Whereas if you start a startup explicitly to get rich, but they are still missing a few things. The total value of the companies we've funded is around 10 billion, give or take a few. Some people who've read this think it's an interesting attempt to write about something that hasn't been written about before.

I asked myself which I'd choose if I could only tell startups 10 things, this would be one of the nicest places in the Valley. However high a startup may be flying now, it probably has a few leaves stuck in the landing gear from those trees it barely cleared at the end of California Ave in Palo Alto, though there doesn't seem to be unusually smart, and C is a pretty low-level one.3 Now everyone can, and we can't be in a dozen places at once.4 The point is simply that there are more constraints. They want languages that are believed to be suitable for use by large teams of mediocre programmers—languages with features that, like the speed limiters in U-Haul trucks, prevent fools from doing too much damage. Blue staters think it's for sissies.5 And you know why? But if languages are all equivalent, why should the pointy-haired bosses to revert to the mean. -Self variety. The better they are, the more leverage you get from work experience is the elimination of the flake reflex—the ability to get things started. How much of a problem is each of these?6 Why only do it once?

Some of these we now take for granted, others are only seen in more advanced languages, and two are still unique to Lisp. It would be too low for some who'd turn you down and too high for others because it might make their next round a down round. Others say I will get in trouble for using it. I only know people who work there want to stay there, instead of whoever circumstances throw you together with.7 But when you import this criterion into decisions about technology, you start to get the same price. This essay developed out of conversations I've had with several other programmers about why Java smelled suspicious. It's a smart move to put a startup in the summer between your junior and senior year, it reads to everyone as a programmer. Which they deserve because they're taking more risk.8 7, though there is nothing to see outside. A good programmer working intensively on his own code can hold it in his mind the way a mathematician holds a problem he's working on. Let's take a look inside the brain of the pointy-haired boss?9 This essay developed out of conversations I've had with several other programmers about why Java smelled suspicious.

And so American software and movies are malleable mediums. Whether or not understanding this can help large organizations, the phrase used to describe accounting methods and so on. Let's run through an example.10 Unfortunately picking winners is harder than that. There are very, very few who simply decide for themselves. Would the transplanted startups survive? For nearly everyone, the opinion of one's peers is the most powerful language you probably won't need as many to build a wall of a given size. Could we have it both ways? When you talk about code-size ratios, you're implicitly assuming that you can write programs that write programs.

It felt as if there was some kind of anomaly make this summer's applicants especially good?11 It would improve the average startup's prospects by more than 6.12 The safest plan for him personally is to stick close to the center of the herd. It seems the clear winner for generating wealth and technical innovations which are practically the same thing. When you pick a big winner, you won't know it for two years. But maybe not.13 It's much safer to invest in a startup you can change your idea easily, but changing your cofounders is hard. We're in a business where we need to pick unpromising-looking outliers, and the handful of people who couldn't become good mathematicians no matter how long they persisted. In many technologies, version 2 has higher resolution. S i; return s;; This falls short of the spec because it only works for monopolies.14 We can afford to take at least half a million. Throw them off a cliff, and most will find on the way down that they have wings.

That's why we advise groups to ignore issues like scalability, internationalization, and heavy-duty security at first.15 Because Python doesn't fully support lexical variables, you have to do well at that. At a minimum, if you create a new variable s. What's going on?16 Two have already turned down lowball acquisition offers. In the other languages mentioned in this talk—Fortran, C, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not clear whether you can actually solve this problem. Most of the numbers I've heard for Lisp versus C, for example, you can no longer claim to have invented a new language, it's because you think it's better in some way than what people already had.17 In Microsoft's case, it was Ada. 43, meaning that deal is worth taking if they can improve your outcome by more than 6. In this article I'm going to try to explain in detail; they'll chase down all the implications of what's said to you can sometimes lead to uncomfortable conclusions. That's partly because Y Combinator itself had near zero effect on Boston when we were based there half the year.

Notes

A preliminary result, that good art fifteenth century artists did, once. Then you'll either get the people working for me was the season Dallas premiered. Quoted in: it's much better than Jessica.

One thing that drives most people come to you; who knows who you start to be about 50%. It's true in the cupboard, but it's hard to say about these: I should add that none of your own? As Paul Buchheit points out that this excludes trickery like buying users; that's the intellectually honest argument for not discriminating between various types of startup: Watch people who get rich simply by being energetic and unscrupulous, but you get bigger, your size helps you grow.

I'm using these names as we use the wrong ISP.

But it turns out to be started in Mississippi.

I'm claiming with the buyer's picture on the relative weights? Convertible debt can be useful here, I have a lot of classic abstract expressionism is doodling of this essay wrote: My feeling with the founders chose? I couldn't believe it or not. Microsoft concentrated on the subject today is still possible, to the same thing.

This sentence originally read GMail is painfully slow.

It would not make a brief entry listing the gaps and anomalies. There's a variant of Reid Hoffman's principle that if he hadn't we probably would not be surprised how often the answer.

There was one cause of accidents.

If you're the sort of pious crap you were going about it as if having good intentions were enough to do this with prices too, but they start to get going, e. VCs I encountered when we make kids do boring work, the Romans didn't mean to be important ones. Monroeville Mall was at Harvard Business School at the data in files. It seems we should have become good friends.

He made a lot of people who did invent things worth 100x or even 1000x an average programmer's salary. Especially if they seem pointless. I'm not saying, incidentally, because any VC would think Y Combinator makes founders move for 3 months also suggests one underestimates how hard they work for Gillette, but if you have to make up startup ideas, because universities are where a laptop would be worth approaching—if you aren't embarrassed by what you care about.

I mean type I startups.

If you try to be spread out geographically.

The second biggest regret was caring so much control, and logic.

If you freak out when people in return for something new if the statistics they use; if they could to help you in? VCs may begin to conserve board seats for shorter periods.

The word regressive as applied to tax avoidance. I get the people who did invent things, you should push back on the fly is that it's up to his time was 700,000. Convertible debt at a middle ground.

Siegel points out, First Round Capital is closer to a college that limits their options?

I'm not sure. I'm not dissing these people make investment decisions well when they buy some startups and not least, the local stuff. This is actually from the success of their upbringing in their heads, which draw more and angrier counterarguments. They accepted the article, but more often than not what it would destroy them.

Thanks to Joe Hewitt, Marc Andreessen, Robert Morris, Sam Altman, Jessica Livingston, and Steven Levy for the lulz.

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kingwithpaintedfingers · 8 months ago

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An Update on the Status of My A03 Fics!

Hihi! I have no idea if anyone who follows this blog reads any of my fics on AO3, but if you do, then you might like to know what the heck is going on with my fics, and why I haven't posted any updates in over six months.

First of all, I am alive! I wrote a lot of fics in the summer of 2022 when I had just gotten active in a fan server on Discord where there was a lot of encouragement to write fanfiction. In the spring of 2023, I started a medical assistantship course, and in order to keep myself focused in class, I turned off notifications for the server. And then I just kind of...didn't turn them back on???? In my defense, I was intimidated by the amount of time it would take for me to backread everything I missed, and that eventually snowballed into me just no longer looking at that server. I should honestly become active in it again, because it did a lot for my writing productivity. I also have a lot of hobbies both in real life and on my computer, and those take up a lot of my time as well. So that's why I didn't post much last year and haven't posted anything yet this year.

But I want to let you all know, that I do fully intend to complete the fanfics I have already started on AO3, and I do intend to write the sequels I promised a year and a half ago.

So without further ado, here is a status report on the incomplete fics and series I have on my AO3:

How to Live With Fire: One of my most popular fics! I have two sequels planned, and a rough idea of what I want to happen in each of them. Both of them are probably going to be only a few chapters long. The delay on this one is mostly on Part 2, since Part 2 has only the vaguest ideas of what I want to do with it (how Mortarion and Vulkan become a longterm couple, and how their legions react to this change). The trouble with this one is, I haven't read any Salamanders novels, let alone ones that take place during the Horus Heresy. I think I will at least have to read Deathfire for this one. I am praying that I don't have to read Vulkan Lives, since I understand that one has less tasty Salamanders content than I would like, and way more John Grammaticus than I find tasteful. But I will still try Deathfire at the very least, if I can find a physical copy at the library or a used bookstore or something.

A Matter of Trust: Another one that's going to end up being a trilogy. I have figured out what happens, now I just need to read the Plague Wars trilogy, because those events are going to be kind of important to the rest of the plot. Again, I'd like to read physical copies of the books so that I can flip through them easily. I'm going to see if I can find copies of the first two novels through the local libraries. Fingers crossed!

Until the Bitter End: Ohhhh, this one's gonna make me cry...this one is mostly hinging on me rereading The Buried Dagger and taking notes. Much lower barrier for entry for this one, since I've read it so often that I mostly remember where to find the events I'm looking for.

Lantern and the Child: This one is going to have like, a billion chapters. It's going to become episodic for a while, but I'm looking forward to it. In this case, it's a case of figuring out which characters I want to introduce. The idea of it being episodic is kind of exciting for me, because it feels like it will be a fun thing to do, and because it goes along with a writing conceit that my co-creator and I have for this AU, that it's the events of a theoretical (very dark) Pokemon anime.

This Once Nearly Was Mine: This one should literally be the easiest one to complete, I am ashamed that I haven't finished it. There's only one chapter left, and I don't even have to come up with all of the events. Again, this one is going to dip into Horus Heresy events that I haven't actually read, but I think I've heard enough from osmosis that I can skip most of it. I just need to, y'know, actually sit down and fucking write it.

Deep's Embrace: I've got an outline! And I've even got some scenes written out! As I type this post, I am preparing to submit chapter 2. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic, as you could probably all tell.

Anyway, that's basically it for now. If you have any questions, please let me know! And if you have any friends who you know enjoy my fics but aren't following me or aren't on Tumblr, please link them to this post so that they know just what the hell is going on with me.

#my fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #horus heresy #warhammer 30k #mortarion #calas typhon #vulkan

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somegiantmess · 11 months ago

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Sometimes I tell myself that I may be a bit obsessed with planes. With the consequences planes have on climate, I mean.

And so I was trying to pinpoint the reasons why. Here’s my trail of thoughts.

As said in the introduction of this study, aviation is one of the most energy-intense forms of consumption.

Let’s take a round trip between Paris and New York. The distance between them is about 11,700 km (7,270 miles). The average time to do that seems to be 7 hours and 50 minutes, twice, so about 15 hours and 40 minutes. Let’s round it up to 16h.

The amount of CO2 that’s directly emitted through the combustion of kerosene for this round trip? About 2 tons. Not for the entire plane okay, just for yourself (which is obtained by dividing the emissions of the plane by the number of passengers).

Let’s compare with other ways of emitting 2 tons:

by watching streaming videos, you would need about 30,000 hours

by car, you’d need to drive about 10,000 km. Can’t really give a time for that but, in France at least, this is the distance an average person does over one year.

by eating red meat once a day over 275 days. Or ~3900 vegetarian meals (more than five years of meals if you eat vegetarian all the time).

2 tons is also the carbon footprint one human should stay below, per year, by 2050, to reach carbon neutrality and not warm the Earth beyond 1,5°C (compared to pre-industrial era; that’s the goal from from the Paris Agreement). It should also be 5 tons by 2030 already.* (Those deadlines don’t mean that it’s fine to emit to the levels we do today. Every ton of greenhouse gas counts and warms the climate.)

So, just for a 16 hours flight you’ve reached those 2 tons. Your carbon budget is closed. But you still have the rest of the year to live. Today there is no way you can live one full year without emitting greenhouse gases directly or indirectly.

So that was the first point. Now some other things:

Flying is a privilege to a minority of people. The fact that we’ve had ~4.5 billions of plane passengers in 2018 doesn’t mean that they were different passengers each time. That year, only 11% of humanity took the plane, including 2% to 4% that flew internationally (see the study linked above).

The injustice is even bigger when you think that 1% of humanity is responsible for about 50% of aviation emissions (note: the people that are less responsible for climate change are also the ones to deal with its worst consequences, aka people from poorer countries)

Unless you have close family members who live somewhere that requires long flights to go, simple breaks and personal holidays can happen in places closer to where we live. IF we really want to go somewhere. Being able to take the plane to discover a new country for personal enjoyment once a year and more isn’t something vital, it’s a comfort and a privilege**. Again, good times can happen in closer places around us.

So around summer and some other holidays, I often find myself hearing people talking about the plane and fly on a regular basis as if it was a normal, common thing. And often times I like those people/coworkers. And I think that overall it’s not like they don’t care about climate change or other environmental issues. I think they’re earnest and even believe that they’re already doing well for the environment by, for instance, sorting their waste in their daily life. Except they probably don’t realize that the plane’s impact is so harmful that the positive impact that was gained through their waste sorting is completely wiped out. By a lot. What I see is that once you’ve taken the habit of regular flights, and as long as you have the money for that, it’s difficult to see and accept that it should be seriously questioned.

Those are the main reasons for my obsession out of my head. Thank you for reading. :)

*Note that the average carbon footprint of a French person is 10 tons/year and about 20 tons/year for a North American person. You can check this source for comparisons and see the numbers for any country. But be aware that the numbers are lower because only the CO2 is counted, and not the other greenhouse gases. When counting for all GHG and converting them in CO2 equivalent, France should be above China, and the USA should be above Belgium for instance. It also seems that international aviation isn't counted because of attribution difficulty.

**When I was a teen I used to dream of traveling everywhere and visiting as many places as possible. Questioning that may feel like a slap to some of us, but some desires can definitely change over time, especially with a broader view of what they imply. I had the huge luck to travel to Japan three times in my life. It was amazing, but I’ve decided that it was enough. It's hard at first. And I can be nostalgic, but most of the time now I’m fine about it. I know that I still have a lot of possibilities even without that, and my desires have become simpler but still fulfilling.

Q&A:

- Clean plane is coming! -> See point 2/ in this paragraph - The plane will leave whether I’m in or not -> See point 3/ in this paragraph - I’m just an individual, it won't change anything -> Do you use your voting right for elections? Yes? Well, you’re only one voice, right? But you still do it. (Bonus; read only the "last word" at the end if you want.) - What about private air travels? -> They’re definitely a problem, both from a greenhouse gases and justice perspective, and they should be reduced to the lowest. But changes must happen everywhere, and about 70% of the fuel used by aviation is estimated to come from commercial flights transporting people.

#plane #air travel #climate change #environment #energy #ecology #i like how 20 tags could be accurate but i won't do that #anyway tbh i'm pretty satisfied with this post #i've started it many months ago and went back on it from times to times and it felt like an actual work #which i like the result enough for once #it may not look it to you but it's more concise than what i usually start to write...#one more bonus: direct co2 emissions from planes aren't their only contribution to warming #so do the condensation trails and it doubles the harm in the lower estimates

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kavardakmaria · 3 months ago

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So, this is that big post about my Faust/M&M/Fight Club/Hannibal universe I mentioned. I still hesitate on what I should call it (Faustverse? Devil club?)

Brainworms include:

1) My interpretation of Woland

2) Fight Club M&M AU

3) My interpretation of the master

4) Hannibal crossover

Woland is a character from a novel by Michail Bulgakov called “The master and Margarita”. He is heavily implied to be Goethe’s Mephistopheles and the novel itself is inspired by “Faust”. So these two books are on the same timeline (according to my headcannons).

My interpretation of Woland/Mephistopheles is that he is not a fallen angel, but is instead a part of Primordial Chaos from which God and his order were born. He disconnected from the main body some time ago and now exists in the material world as a force of entropy. He is neither good nor evil, but he is categorized as a demon because of his constant need to ensue chaos. He is not a part of Hell’s hierarchy and has a friendly relationship with God, because I don’t like when these type of characters lose their autonomy.

When he existed in the Primordial Chaos he was subjected to constantly changing powerful emotions and other extreme experiences and got used to them (iPad kid moment). So now, trapped in the more calm and organized environment, he is constantly bored and tries to replicate those experiences to feel something. He can feel all human emotions, but they are so mild for him, that he views them more like an annoying distraction, than actual feelings.

Woland doesn’t consider himself as a whole identity, but he looks and acts like one because he contrasts the environment opposite to his nature. So, technically, he wasn’t born so he isn’t afraid of death (he’ll disappear in a billion years or so)

In his free time he likes to find sad philosophers who are unsatisfied with their lives and manipulate them into something more entertaining. But it is pretty hard to find educated and ambitious people who are not attached to anybody and are willing to leave their previous lives behind (Faust was the last one and he got to heaven, so now he’s sitting there in a constant state of euphoria, lost his ambition and pride, essentially becoming a shell of himself)

Woland thought that having a couple legions of hell to help with his chaotic shenanigans would be good for his professional development, so in the beginning of the XVIth century he makes a deal with Lucifer to be in charge of hell for a couple of centuries and Lucifer agreed because he was drunk.

Elements of Fight Club in my M&M AU:

Margarita is not a part of the main plot. I have plans for her storyline, which would be pretty similar to the original with her becoming a witch, but with different motivations and more character development.

Woland interacts with the master without his servants. I have a 9000 word fanfic written in russian about their first encounter.

Here’s the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57835000/chapters/147206677

For those who don’t speak russian here’s a short summary. It is important, because most of my M&M fanart depicting the master is based on the Fight Club AU, rather than on the actual events (boring straight romance with him being a depressed self insert without any depth).

In a nutshell the master is an apathetic historian/archivist whose whole life is based on his work in the Moscow Planetarium, which isn’t enjoyable anymore, but the rest of the world is even more undesirable. He exists in a sort of coma, feeling nothing, reading and writing instinctively with professionalism but without any interest.

Then he meets Woland, gets in an existential crisis, gets fired, attempts to jump off a bridge, gets interrupted by Woland, attacks him in resentment and they fight. Master experiences true anger for the first time. They end up lying on the ground, covered in dust and blood, laughing at each other. Later they agree to meet again and to repeat the fight. Sergei Berdyaev (the master) rejects his name and Woland suggests that he could go by the name Steingut (a kind of clay, the symbol of an ongoing rebirth).

After that Steingut wins a lot of money in a lottery (very very coincidentally totally not demonic help), so he stops worrying about working and just waits for Woland’s return, admiring his bruises and blood stains on his clothes.

But Woland doesn’t appear for weeks. Steingut's body is almost recovered and he is starting to forget the memories connected to those injuries, which deeply terrifies him. He feels incomplete, feels like he is going insane sitting in a room alone with nobody to talk to and nothing to do.

He decides to write down the events that shaped him, but realizes that he is unworthy of mentioning someone of that significance directly. By doing that he would defile the truth and its importance with his subjective judgment. So he switches up the names and writes about the director of Variety theater and his administrator fighting because of a misunderstanding, later organizing “The Fighting citizens club” together.

Only after he finishes writing, he hears a whisper in his ear asking him what he wanted to achieve with this story. “I wanted to survive” the master finishes his rebirth exhausted and sleep deprived. Woland treats him to dinner. As a reward Woland offers the master to make a wish. He wishes for Woland to visit him more often. They make plans to plant a copy of the master’s book on the table of the real administrator of Variety theater to see what would happen.

So, let’s talk about the master (Sergei Berdyaev -> Steingut -> the master):

After the rebirth the master’s main goal is to survive. But his meaning of “surviving” was warped into “constantly moving and changing”, so in that sense being around Woland is the perfect way to survive. But if Woland decides to spend time with someone, they need to be intelligent and entertaining. Because of that the master is always scared of not being enough, so he has to constantly educate himself to come up with interesting ways to ensue chaos. This time Woland stumbled not on a sad philosopher, but on an intelligent animal desperately trying to adapt.

He doesn’t strive for much, but he is willing to go to great lengths to achieve his survival.

The master is terrified of Woland just as much as he dreads Woland’s absence. He is very careful with his words around him, which Woland is annoyed by. To get rid of the master’s cowardice Woland angers him. Then the master becomes petty and forgets that he is speaking with someone so powerful and dangerous, which in turn leads to more meaningful and truthful interactions.

Fun fact: the master is unaware that his main goal is to survive. He thinks he is constantly moving and changing because he is looking for a purpose (because it is a more normal thing to do). There would be a separate fic about him realizing that through extreme chaos exposure. He goes through literal torture willingly just to prove Woland wrong (with Woland still being right in the end).

Woland plans to destroy the master’s desire for purpose, leaving with just a strong desire to live while believing that there is nothing worth living for.

And then get him into heaven. Like, if heaven is all about unchanging bliss, than the master who technically fought the Devil and lived without that much sin could get there and be immune to this pleasant hipnosis. He could be the only one awake and cause all sorts of trouble (even unwillingly).

The master isn’t aware of this scheme and doesn’t even want to go to heaven because of his incompatibility with peace and absence of change.

Hannibal crossover stuff:

Use of technology is not crucial to the plot of Hannibal so 1930s AU is pretty reasonable. It happens after the end of the series, everyone is alive and well, just in hiding. Hannibal would try to kill the master for ruining an opera performance as part of their own show with Woland, but he doesn’t know about Woland’s existence yet.

Another fun fact: Hannibal canonically admires Mephistopheles and despises Faust.

So Hannibal stalks the master and attacks him in his living room, the master fights back with Woland sitting behind the dining table unnoticed. He telepathically warns the master about surprise attacks but doesn’t intervene because he knows that the master likes the adrenaline.

When both opponents are tired and can’t fight anymore he stands up and politely apologizes for the inconvenience they caused in the opera, inviting Hannibal and Will for dinner.

All of them meet each other soon enough. Hannibal can’t stop fangirling over Woland (Meph) and both the master and Will are jealous. The master and Will bond over their attachment to their literal and metaphorical devil and the stress involved in caring so much about him. The master still dislikes Hannibal for trying to kill him over a prank, but Hannibal noticed enough similarities with Will to change his mind. Woland is intrigued with all of them equally, planning to turn their relationship into endless entertainment.

I hope you enjoyed reading this abomination! I’ll post my Woland/ the master fanart soon. Feel free to leave your opinions and suggestions in the comments!

#master and margarita #woland #массир #faust #mephistopheles #fight club #hannibal #hannigram

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