#i need to need and want ppl less
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Ughhh I keep remembering the fucked up dream I had that hurt my feelings the other night...
#dream about person i like that i gave up on because they got with someone else#just straight up looking me in the eyes and telling me how they knew i liked them#and they liked me but only when i was younger and prettier and more useful#and how they loat attraction to me and im never going to be good enough for anyone#they would never say thsi irl#but it hit me so personally in my dream#idk why my mind came after my insecurities so hard#but idk#feelimg a bit bummed this week#kinda feelin and thinkin#idk#maybe i give up#im tired of getting my feefees hurt#because the only ppl i like are great and make amazing frieultibut ultimately end up in fufilling great relationships with other ppl#i hardly catch feelimgs for ppl anyore at this point#i dont think i could ever be my person with anyone else#and when i do make that bond#it doesnt work out because its just me getting stupid infatuated#i give up#blah blah blah your only 25 and ppl will want you blah blah blah#no they dont#they wont#i give up!!#im tired+!#its not worth it iv accept that its not gonna happen for me#and im too shy to do anything casual either#so im just gonna be on my own and be miserable#its fine#im too needy and i need to work on it#i need to need and want ppl less
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I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."
it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.
I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.
#text#personal#aro#aromantic#aroace#aspec#qpr#queerplatonic relationships#queer platonic relationships#tbh i was around when qprs were still getting footing. ppl werent sure how to properly label them#so to avoid allos saying it's just friends the common response was 'its more than friends but less than romance'#as if they were trying to justify it's existence as if we had to have a equivalent to romance to be justified in our identities and as ppl#because being aro made you not be a person. because how can you be a person if you dont love or have a partner#because being aro was sad because being aro meant ou were alone and you shouldn't want to be alone!!#and these ideas made it so that amatonormativity was just reinforced in aro spaces#and it isn't until recent years when amatonormativity started getting used top put a name to the problem#that i really saw ppl start standing up for aros who didnt partner because why are we expected to partner anyways?#shouldnt ppl be whole as they are?#and this is only my experience im not saying this happens everywhere#but this is why i think we need to have a conversation about QPRs and how they are used in aro spaces#because im not the only one who struggled through this#my experience may not be universal but my experience has happened to others#and thats worth talking about#srry im having a lot of thoughts recently
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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tennis
#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#eyestrain#?#i like shapes and colors AND patterns#fun combinations of all of those things#anyway i feel like i don’t talk in the tags on this blog as much as i used to. i need to do that more how else will i make more ppl#parasocially in love w me…..#so hmm. i graduate in less than a month which is exciting bc school sucks ass and i want to be done w it forever (until i decide i want#to go for a masters that is T_T) and have u guys heard abt the mcrtour? making mefeel fucking craaazyyyyyy yes i’m gonna try for#tickets. and perhaps even visit some beloved mutuals in the process. and fool that i am i never finished my last scarf but am wanting#to start a new one but this one is for someone so perhaps i will have more motivation to like. actually finish it lol. knitting btw. i am#not very good at it but it is a good skill to have and crocheting is my mother’s thing and i like the look of knit better. i got yarn the#other day and i was like ough am i remembering their favorite color correctly but if not i can just die forever or smth. i’m not sure#what pattern i wanna do or if i want to add a second color or anything but like i have a small collection of yarn that i got when it was#on sale like crazy so i’m sure i can find smth that will complement my base color if need be#okay i’m done goodbye
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I'm just sAYING-
#they didn't need to cut his hair#nimona#sir goldenloin#ambrosius goldenloin#it's honestly homophobic of them#turned him into the most generic ass looking gay I've ever seen in my life#I can excuse the huge sad puppy eyes they gave everyone#(just barely)#but the HAIR#I simply cannot#and it's not like they weren't simulating plenty of other ppl's hair no 3D excuses#they wanted to make them look less edgy and alt and quirky and turned them into mainstream boring looking ppl#instead of leaning into the quirky grungy setting that is part of what makes the original so charming smh
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So does anyone remember Storm Hawks
#'you know what needs a gritty reboot' is something I have literally never said#BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS A GRITTY REBOOT#genuinely I think storm hawks had some neat concepts and world building#but it was limited by the era of cartoon writing it came out in#anyway I felt nostalgic#attached some screens of the chars so anyone who isn't familiar (so... most ppl I imagine lmao) could compare#mostly just wanted to make slight redesigns that felt less restricted by the style/animation reqs yk!#(and it was v important that Stork have a tail)#I was trying to channel 'rhino' for Junko but anthro designs aren't my forte LMAO#storm hawks#storm hawks piper#storm hawks stork#storm hawks junko#my art#nerd corps entertainment
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Merry Christmas!!!
#my art#bocchi the rock!#bocchi fanart#bocchi the rock fanart#btr!#btr fanart#kessoku band#the skrunklies#i couldn't draw well today unfortunately i got really sick from traveling#so this isn't as rendered as i hoped to but yayy#also i love my friends hehe they're cool ppl#on another note tho im gonna crash out if my crush doesn't watch my story this is way tmi but it's the full moon and im losing it /j#ik she likes me to some degree she has to rahhh be interested in me as a person#nobody told me being a girlkisser was this hard i want a refund i want a factory reset-#hpnosis circle ooh you want to kiss me so bad rn you want to kiss me so bad >:(((#i need to. drink less these days.
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A huge problem with antizionist activists at the moment is that so many of them are just absolutely itching to see more violence. They don’t want to stop the violence. They don’t call for a ceasefire and peace anymore. Instead they call for Israelis/Jewish people to be ethnically cleansed from the region instead of Palestinians. Like they literally just think the “wrong people” are being murdered right now. They’re a bunch of western spectators with nothing on the line agitating for more violence in a region thousands of miles away so they can root for their “team.” It’s a game to so many of these people, and a game they want to end in even more violence than has already been perpetrated by the Israeli government and Hamas.
#like call me crazy but i think ethnic cleansing/genocide is Bad no matter what group of ppl you’re doing it to#ultimately everyone needs to realize the only way forward is peaceful coexistence with equal rights and freedom of movement#because neither the israelis nor the palestinians are going anywhere nor should they have to#i/p#miri’s thoughts#i’m just. tired#antisemitism#i think the world could benefit from having LESS violence actually#anyways i left twitter so i wouldn’t have to keep being subjected to antisemitism/being expected to comment on this issue 24/7#so i’m not really going to talk about it here very much#but i wanted/needed to get this off my chest
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only took 2 years but he's done now
#i started this piece back in dec of 2021 like.. aughh??#i just painted over the og hfashgsdh#it took so long i have managed to drop both crob and crk can you believe it#(hes still a blorbo tho.. the orange cookies r my bias for some reason..??? him.. plum.. orange herself.. red ones too..)#cookie run#cinnamon cookie#my art#his file has been through paint tool sai. medibang. and finally clip studio 😭😭😭#i rlly like how this turned outAHSGHFhgh tried a bit of a different approach n workflow and ahgh#i would want it to be less affected by my perfectionist need for everything to be cleanly rendered i wanna get loosey goosey with it yknow#now watch me disappear from posting art for another week before dropping another and the cycle repeats#ive been wanting to do more painterly stuff esp purposefully messy#i dont get how ppl leave it like that and have it look so good and intentional augh#anyways himb ☝
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fat bodies are so fucking beautiful. Like we really are God’s most divine creation I think.
#🪷—faerie whispers#no hate to anyone else#before we get started and get to tussling#I think everybody is beautiful and deserves love#I just really think plus size ppl deserve the world#like I refuse to let the internet and the world’s nasty fatphobia convince me otherwise#idk if any of y’all follow juicy body goddess but I love her channel sm#the way she speaks life into plus size ppl#it’s so beautiful#it’s never been ‘confidence’ that has allowed me to wear the things I do or cosplay as characters who don’t share the same body type#I just legit loved my body and fuck whoever didn’t tbh lmao#i also never felt the need to bash skinny ppl in the process#I just could care less abt them bc I don’t center them at the forefront of my beauty standards#like a chubby fat femme can get whatever they want from me#like have my life if u want it fr#and a plus size man?#yeah 2 sum to do sum with me sorry
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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How I sleep knowing I'll never trust anyone that hates Sydney but worships Richie:
#the bear#the bear fx#sydney adamu#carmen berzatto#richie jerimovich#jk kind of#well on days I don't see or think about Sydney haters#under every damn comment section in this fandom is someone saying Sydney didn't take accountability#like I know we all have our biases but yall are really shameless about it#Sydney scored A LOT of Ws for The Beef AND The Bear#but one time she makes a mistake and justifiably walks away from a toxic work environment she's the devil#Richie worked at The Beef for years and Sydney did more for it in what less than four months than he did#on top of being a prick to Sydney in particular because she was changing things he wanted to keep the same#to the detriment of the restaurant but also everyone#and overall being unpleasant to Carmy#Nat and anyone that didn't find him funny or interesting or like his bs#pre-Forks Richie reminds me of those types of people that only listen to people that like them#and I love that because it's realistic to some ppl#I do like Richie#it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth knowing there are people that hate Sydney#ignore her accomplishments only to raise up Richie#in the same breath when the actual show is showing you what's up#like you'd think there were different versions of the show with how these two are perceived#I get this weird need to defend Sydney when people shit on her because I wonder how often said people treat the Sydneys of the world#but that aside#In Fishes Richie mentions something about wasting potential at the beef#In Ceres it's implied he called the popo on the dealers after Sydney deescalated a situation Richie previously dealt with#in an unorthodox manner#he recognised he needed to change but still was an arsehole to the one person who was facilitating that change effectively Sydney#this show is great but people denying what they're seeing on their own screens is crazy
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they are ignoring my big beautiful pathetic himbo wife and his cute little platypus tail that he has for some tank part reason im too dumb to understand why
#how can u laugh 😿 this is not a JOKE 😾⁉️⁉️⁉️#love the way starscream was smiling and entertained by demo's people pleasing and having to make himself frown#so he can make demo even more exasperated by his apathy#'it's funny when he nags cyclonus but he can stfu around me pls '#part of what makes armada starscream so cool is demo taking a lot of the more pathetic sides of his ppl pleasing#starscream's ppl pleasing is more for competitive career (power) reasons and fear#demo's tries to be but also he just wants megatron to like him and be nice to him pls :(#whereas megs actually likes starscream and wants him to succeed one day just not today lol#and starscream is like no wtf ure weird i just want ur position . gtfo#it's like the one worker the manager wants to make a new manager one day but the worker hates it there & just does whats needed then leaves#& trains new ppl by being like 'yea so the fuckass manager likes it like this so if u see him then do that shit but heres how i do it lol'#new ppl being mini cons who hes like that cool younger adult to wholl send ppl home instantly if theyre sick & is chilled but professional#meanwhile demo is the suck up tryhard who just needs to put the fries in the bag bro#he wants to be manager so bad but hes also annoying and dumb and megs just wants him to leave his office so he can pretend 2 work#cyclonus is the broke guy who just goofs off bcs if he gets fired then he gets fired but they havent yet bcs theyre understaffed#n he knows it too. he sleeps on the job if it slows down for 1 second. but hes an adrenalin junkie who can get distracted#demo wants meg to want his effin cookje so freaking bad... i love pathetic men#sideways secretly has 3 jobs total & 2 of them are at their competitors' who pay better so he dgaf abt this one#he never picks up shifts and doesnt care abt working less hours. hes hust here for the drama tbh#he clocks in wondering if demo will ever get that megadck hes been bitching abt#he clocks out a disappointed fujoshi#it's ok bcs karen hot rod who works at their competitors comes storming in with his kids & needs rizzed up#by either starscream or sideways bcs they fucked up his kids' orders on purpose after hr gave them a spiel abt their long list of allergies#demolisher#starscream#cyclonus#transformers#maccadam#tf armada#sideways
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I keep having dreams abt the knife plushie . I feel emotionally attached to him. I feel like less ppl are getting him cuz hes ugly poor boy .
#talking#im in a dilemna cuz 1. if less ppl want him what if he never comes back !! i need to get him NOW !#or 2. what if they change his design and hes less ugly in a rerealese. idk why i think this?? since theyve never done it before???
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i think some of the trouble i’m having with figuring magpie out is that i initially planned them to live in a world where elves are oppressed and the crows are an organization that trains children to kill so rigorously that many die before becoming proper assassins and until ~10 years ago the majority of mages lived locked in towers because the general population found them too frightening to live freely and bioware kind of smoothed out many of these edges in veilguard and now i don’t have like. any of those hooks i expected to have to anchor magpie as a Person In The World. i mean granted the mage thing was always going to be less of a big deal bc ik the culture around mages in antiva was different even when the circles Did exist but the other stuff i like… idk i guess i didn’t Expect the whole elven oppression thing to be so smoothed over and sanitized. but it’s barely mentioned?? bellara straight up was like “will people dislike elves after this?” as if they don’t already? the shadow dragons are fighting slavery in tevinter, a thing that has historically happened Mostly To Elves, and yet that’s never mentioned directly. as an elf rook i never get to have an opinion on being an elf in minrathous. i don’t Get to tell bellara that they already hate us. i recognize it was prob wishful thinking but i had hoped we could play a smidge more with the dynamic of being a city elf contending not only with the fact that the elven gods you’ve never worshipped are real but also that they’re Evil. instead every other character talks to magpie as if these are her gods too and they’re not!! they never were! but there’s never really an option to outright say that! the only chance i’ve had so far to say they’re not my gods was worded as if i rejected them for being tyrants with no option to acknowledge that i’ve NEVER worshipped them?? as if city elves no longer exist to bioware when like. to Me that was the most interesting part of elves!
and obvs i figured the crows would be humanized a little more but it really does feel like everyone there has Chosen to be an assassin and could leave if they wanted. the fledgling jacobus is treated with like. kid gloves by both heir And the two talons present which is not exactly consistent with Training So Grueling It Kills Children? this is a much less big deal for many reasons (including that there is definitely a certain Lens the crows are allowing you to see them through as an outsider (and/or because you have outsiders with you for a crow rook) that may easily conceal many of the realities of the org. and also bc it’s just not a big deal) but it is still kind of baffling to come up against when i came into the game as zevranlover69
#this is rambly i’m just like. trying to figure out where she sits. in this new world#i don’t really Mind that the crows are a little less sinister bc honestly it works fine for magpie#i really never had intentions of her leaving the crows or wanting to#and to be fair like i don’t think it’s Impossible that the crows are still kind of evil to children we r just not seeing it here.#the elf stuff tho??? insane.#bioware is so afraid of doing it ‘wrong’ that they won’t do Anything. the venatori are just generically evil guys#datv critical#da critical#not like extremely so but to be safe for ppl who filter those tags#i am overall rly enjoying the game! i just need time to like. headcanon it back into the thedas i know and love. crunchiness and all#漫言#oc. magpie#kind of. mostly#z plays da#datv spoilers
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Knives is such a hypocrite and a liar and he lies most of all to himself and i hate him but i also love it. Bro's so coked up on copium all the time.
Claims to be doing it all for the sake of Plants, then arguably takes away their agency and freedom way more than humans ever could. Claims to be doing it for his brother and literally ruins his brother's life in every possible turn. Claims humanity never learns from their mistakes and it literally takes dying for him to stop doubling down on his bullshit. the medical abuse done unto tesla horrified him so much and yet he is directly responsible to the same abuse being subjected to countless of children.
Given the chance, I would love to be his sleep paralysis demon. i do not think I could fix him, but I think I can drive him to early retirement from super villainy.
#millions knives#trigun#tristamp#trimax#i hate this man but also i adore him#or at least i adore grinding his psyche between my teeth#guy has so much crunch to him#the worst possible man to me i need to ruin his life#i gotta say that when i first got into trigun the overall tone coming from the fanbase did soften me up to get absolutely demolished by#literally all the fucked up things happening all the time#but i see less ppl horrified about the fucked up things knives does to the sisters he claims to be protecting than i expected??#which idk feels like a waste#also saw someone who said who doesn't like a villain who just wants to protect his sisters and dude if that is what protection looks like#id rather be thrown to the wolves#he is so fascinating to me but also i understand him on a molecular level and thats why i hate him so much but again#crunchy guy#nai saverem#vash's mommy issues have nothing on knives i can prove it ( i cannot but i can infer and i can dream)
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