#i need to learn how to remember this feeling for when i inevitably get worse again cause the definition of pmdd

[adrianlikesdinos]

heres to another 3 hours (at minimum) of school work! (ive been sick since last week Wednesday. ive been working on catching up since 8:30am. its is currently 6pm. ive taken another small dose of adhd meds so either this work is getting done or im ending up on the news)

[allophonicmess]

Too Sweet

Logan Howlett x fem!Reader

Act 2

GIF von asgardswinter

Warnings: spoilers for Deadpool & Wolverine, descriptions of a panic attack, angst, implicaded age gap, horror elements, description of blood and violence

wordcount: 3.8k words

I am overwhelmed by all your positve feedback :,)

So I wrote Act 2 over the weekend. Depending on feedback I might expand this story to a full 5 Act piece. Tell me what you think of that :) Enjoy Act 2!

When Logan woke up, he noticed everything was quiet around him, except for that annoying pigeon always perched up next to his window. He remembered how one year it tried to build a nest right next to the window and they had asked Kitty to transport just outside of the wall to get rid of it. She accidentally cracked one of the eggs during that job and cried about it for half a week. Logan huffed in amusement thinking about it.

The next sensation that returned to him was touch. And he suddenly felt too hot. There were one too many pillows around his head and he felt how his body started to heat up again after his night's sleep. The same can be said for the double blanket that weighed him down and the hot breeze that hit his neck in a steady rhythm.

Wait.

He frowned.

A hot breeze?

“I thought we were sleeping in…” A mumble came from right next to him. The voice was still raspy from sleep but it took Logan less than a second to realize what had happened.

Fuck.

He swore to himself that he would keep his hands off her till he figured things out between him and Jean. His body stiffened. How to get out of this mess?

Y/N moved closer to him, her head resting on the pillow then placed onto his chest. She hummed contently at the warmth of his body.

Last night's end-of-semester party had ended on a positive note for her when Logan pulled her away from the drink, snacks and conversations to finally kiss her. She was pinned against the ornate oakwood wall coverings in the hallway and it was more beautiful and sensual than she had imagined.

Then they inevitably ended up in Logan's room where they spent the night having sex till they fell asleep. She had waited for him to finally make the move after a constant back and forth between them.

Logan sighed, moving into a sitting position and moving her with him. “We are sleeping in.”, he responded, smoothing his hand along her exposed shoulder and arm. “ I just need to sit up for a minute, bub. You know how my back is.”

She hummed in response, looking up at him with a content, sleepy smile. Why did she have to make this worse?

“I really like you, Logan. This… us, you know?” She asked, her hand moving to massage his shoulder. Why can’t she stop?

He let his head rest against the wooden bed frame. “ Yeah”, closing his eyes and thinking of a way to set things straight again.

“It's not the right time to talk about this but...I told you about my plan to teach at another school for the next few years. See something new, learn and better my teaching.” She moved closer, from her leaning position into a half-upright one. One leg was thrown over his hips.

Yes, please go.

“Yeah, you told me,” Logan answered, trying to keep his voice neutral. Her departure would give him time to sort himself out and or makeup with Jean. He did feel bad for letting Y/n on but she seemed so happy about it.

“I’m not so sure about it now. With you and me… I wanna give this a try.” She leaned forward to give him a soft kiss. Logan turned his head just in time for her lips to partially miss and land in his scruffy beard. He concealed it by hugging her into his chest.

He paused before answering. Feeling her weight against his chest, the soft skin of her back against his arms.  This was nice, he admitted. But there still resigned a little dark seed in him that pushed him towards Jean. To try again, keep chasing and not give up. Y/n would be there. She always was but Jean was moving fast, unreachable and glowing.

“Go on” He spoke.

“I’m going to ask the other school to push my visit for another year. Spend more time with you ” She gently moved her hands along his back, caressing it. No, leave. You need to leave!

“Sounds like a good idea, bub.” He sighed softly, letting go of her and leaning back against the bed frame. Y/n had moved into his lap, legs resting over his hips and he felt himself stirring again at the close contact.

She grinned happily at him. Chasing him for another kiss. “Great! Another summer together can’t hurt.” She kissed again, “right?”

Logan shook his head slightly as a high-pitched ringing started to sound around him.

Her hands started racking through his hair, pulling him closer.

If only she had known…

“Oh, I do!” She laughed, kissing along his neck, her hands scratching along his back.

Logan tensed “What?”

If she had known that you would leave her alone to die. She wouldn’t have wanted to stay. She would be fine now. One fucking summer with him cost her all.

“It was a good time though.” She sighed against his pulse, nibbling the soft skin there. Her free hand had moved along his body down under the blankets.

30 days she had with you.

Then you killed her.

She would be fine if you had told her and let her go.

“Why wait that long?” She let go of his neck staring right at him. “We can do it now!”

“What is happening?” Logan tried to push her off but to no avail. He was getting hot, skin prickling with sweat that wanted to squeeze through his pores.

“And this time you are right here. Why not do it yourself?” She smiled softly, both hands caressing his cheeks.

The ringing got louder and louder, drowning out all sounds except for her voice which got more distorted. It scratched against his eardrum painfully.

“On the count of three,” She giggled, moving to position herself steady on his hips.

Logan couldn’t move.

“One!”

He felt trapped, watching her take his hands from behind her back.

“Two”

Serves you right asshole!

She placed his knuckles right under her breastbone. He felt the warm skin underneath his shaking hands.

“Aaaand Three!”

Everything went silent.

His claws pierced through her chest with a disgusting wet sound. He could feel the dense material of her skin and flesh against his claws. The warmth of her body shifted into the metal coating. His shaking hands caused the blades to scratch against her bones and it made him shudder.

She gasped, holding herself upright against his shoulders.

“Oh wow…” She laughed, weakly. A trail of blood leaked from her mouth, dripping onto his hands and running down onto the white sheets. Red droplets spread in the cotton, dying it red.

“That actually really hurts!” She looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. Her body was starting to tremble.

“Y/n…” Logan whispered in horror. Looking at the woman impaled.

“See, Logan, that’s what happens-“ she took his hands and rammed them further into her body. ”Fuck! Ha- When you let me get close”

She leaned forward, moving his arms with her. His elbows knocked against the cool wood behind him.

A soft, bloody kiss was placed on his cheek.

Logan only whimpered, trying to close his eyes but he still couldn’t move.

“Now… Do better.” She whispered in his ear. Slowly she got back into her seated position. She smiled at him with a bloodied smile, teeth stained and dripping red. She lifted her arm and smacked him across the cheek with an inhuman force.

Logan scrambled to get up. A crusty carpet under his fingers, the stench of garlic in his nose and the bright sunlight blinding him.

Coffee.

He could smell coffee.

He was sweating, feeling the little crumbs and bits of dust sticking to his exposed skin. They prick him as he shifts into a sitting position. Logan's back was flush against the cool leather of the sofa he must have slept on, falling onto the dirty carpet.

A dream.

A memory.

A nightmare.

“Whoa! Peanut, you up?" Wade called from the kitchen. He strolled into the living room in his red and white morning robe coffee mug in hand. He eyed Logan cautiously. Noticing the older man's heavy breathing and disoriented look. All jokes aside: Wade felt bad for seeing him in pain. They had more in common than either wanted to admit.

“Fell right off the couch huh?” Wade crouched down in front of Logan. He watched silently as the other came back to his senses, brushing off the dirt on his exposed arms. Wade blew away the steam of his hot coffee.

“Must have been a tumble.” Wade suggestively lifted his nonexistent brows. “A sexy tumble?” He slurped his coffee loudly.

“Get the fuck away from me.” Logan brushed a hand over his sweaty brow and into his hair.

“An unpleasant tumble then? Well, don’t feel bad, buddy. Happens to the best of us” Wade patted Logan's head, getting away fast enough to not get sliced again.  He moved back to the counter, pouring Logan a cup in his newly acquired “ hottest DILF in the MCU” cup. And two sugars. Logan would never ask for them out loud but Wade knew that he liked sweet things.

“That’s a bit on the nose, no?” Wade chuckled, bringing the mug over to Logan who had managed to get seated on the couch. The mismatched blanket and pillow pushed off onto the side.

“What?”

“Oh nothing, I didn’t talk to you.”

Logan huffed, taking a sip. “ Fucking maniac” The sweet burning liquid soothed his fried nerves.

Wade grabbed a chair, seating himself at the kitchen counter. Logan needed some space if he was to give some answers.

They sat in silence for the next few minutes, each nursing their drink.

It was Logan that broke the silence: “How did I get back here?” He sighed, staring at Wade.

The other man had been staring out of the window, seemingly lost in thought.

“Oh yeah. Well after you made a run for it, stabbed me on the street, destroyed my brand new light cotton shirt-“

“Get to the point.”

Wade gasped dramatically ” Catty, are we?” He clicked his tongue and continued “After that the party was basically over. And after most of the guests were gone, me and the tag team, went looking for you and picked you up from a piss-drenched alley before you went on to cause more trouble. Please and thank you.”

Logan sighed, upset and embarrassed. He had not only upset Wade and the girl but also wrecked the party for the rest of him. They called him the worst Wolverine for a reason.

Wade turned towards to fridge to scavenge for some breakfast. “Your tab has also been covered.”

Logan almost choked on his drink: “By who?”

“Ohh the X-men… academy? I don’t know.” Wade shrugged, biting into a piece of leftover puff pastry. “Piotr said something about thanking you for stabilizing the timeline. I didn’t really understand and neither did he. But hey! You got your sins paid for with government money. Isn’t that sweet?”

He grabbed a muffin from the fridge and threw it at Logan, who luckily caught it.

“And after all that fucking trouble, you at least owe me an explanation.” Wade's sudden shift from playful to serious sobered Logan.

He stayed silent for a moment, feeling how his jaw tensed. That fucking dream had been like a punch in the gut, his subconscious fucking him up even further.

He sniffed, setting the mug down.

“I knew a Y/n in my timeline.”

“No shit!” Wade exclaimed, his frustration blending into the mocking tone of his voice.

Logan grunted in annoyance. “We were both at the school. Working there. Fighting together. I met her quite early on.” One of his hands rubbed over the rough material of his jeans. “She and I were close; always had my back. And I took that for granted.” He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. “She died, with the others.”

Silence hung in the room, making the air feel thick.

“And?” Wade, asked.

“And what?” Logan was agitated.

“Well yeah, she died. Like the others. But you had no panic attack when you met Colossus, or Ellie, Yukio-“

“She wanted to leave the school for a year abroad. Teach somewhere else but she stayed because of me." His chest was getting heavy again. “She stayed because I let her on, okay? I kept her close in case things with Jean didn’t work out. I knew she loved me-”

“That’s cookie jarring!” Wade exclaimed, excitedly “My Gen Z’s told me about that!”

“The fuck are you talking about?! I am telling you something important and you-“

“It’s when you keep a second option in case love interest numero uno doesn’t like you back. Keeping a sweet backup treat to not end up without a price.”

“I guess so. But never use that term again. I swear-“ Could you have one serious conversation with this ass clown?

Logan sighed, collecting his thoughts. “She felt more for me than I did for her at the time. I mean I did love her but I was a bastard and couldn’t stop chasing after something that wasn’t mine to begin with.”

The picture of his nightmare came back to him. Y/n, impaled, bleeding out by cause of his hand.

“She wouldn’t have been there if you had told her the truth? When the attack happened?” Wade concluded.

“I reciprocated her feelings. Gave her what she wanted for a night after I got frustrated with Jean. I made Y/n think that I was over her.” He scratched his beard, still feeling her lips linger there “I didn’t have the guts to tell her the truth and I was too much of a bastard to stop; couldn’t see that she was the one... She haunts me the most.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“you really are an asshole. A surprisingly reflected asshole.” Wade nodded, lifting his mug in a mocking salute.

Logan just scoffed.

“Great, now that’s out of the way. I have a confession to make.” Wade fumbled with his pocket and pulled out a beat-up notebook.

“What did you do?” The older one said wearily.

“I…” Wade flipped through the pages in a dramatic fashion, mumbling while he pulled out several loose sheets. “… went on a little universe hopping trip while you were having your beauty sleep. And met with the other Wolvies that I had met during the search for you, pumpkin.”

He scattered the pages and some pictures on the counter. “At least the ones that didn’t want to kill me right away or the ones that stopped after they got their steam off.”

“Get to the fucking point. This is worse than the babbling on the home shopping-“ Logan had gotten up from the couch to inspect the pages.

“In every timeline that I visited, there was a Y/n. That was connected and or married to you, big boy.” Wade proudly took a sip of his now cold coffee while Logan rummaged through the material present.

“That can’t be. It’s coincident.”

“Na uh! Not if it’s constant in a bunch of universes and we are talking about a bunch, I mean, a BUNCH of universes. Do we want to say it together?”

“What?”

“Okay, 1,2,3-“

“No.”

“SOULMATES!” Wade cheered.

“No. There are no soulmates and even if there were. That-“ He pointed at the scribbled notes. “Is not how it works.”

“Aw c’mon! There are no rules to soulmates. You can do it in all kinds of ways. Matching tattoos, first words spoken to another, only getting colour vision after meeting the one-“ He gasped “You do see in colour, right?” 

“This proved nothing. And you need to stop getting into my fucking business.” Logan crumpled up the note in his hand and dropped it to the ground. “I don’t care what you think. This is bullshit and a waste of time. I-“

He was interrupted by a yelp, coming from the the hallway.

The fucking dog. Logan sighed. It was a mistake to get to this universe.

“Shhh-“ Another voice, hushed the puppy.

Oh no, oh please no.

“She is here?!” Logan spit angrily. He felt betrayed. Why was she here? Why didn’t Wade tell him? And why didn’t he sense it before? She heard everything. The fucking drinking problem and his fucking age were catching up to him.

“What-? She came all the way here. Late and the party ended right after, thanks to someone who can’t keep his shitty trauma at bay!” Wade bickered. “Y/n is my friend too, you know!”

The door to Deadpool’s room opened slowly. There was no reason to keep hiding in there. The pup had blown her cover. “Poppy, no, stay…” She sighed in annoyance as the dog rushed off to her owner. Wade picked her up quickly, kissing her on the tuff of fur on her otherwise naked body.

“She is not my friend-“ Logan pointed at Wade accusingly. His eyes shifted to the hallway where he saw the door open slowly. Wade’s door. He saw red.

“She slept in your room?!” The pointing finger quickly turned into a fistful of adamantium claws, the tips nicking Wade’s chin. “You have a death wish you little fuck?!”

“Whoa, whoa, hey!” Y/n rushed out of the room to de-escalate the unfolding situation. She hoped to make a quiet escape, sneak out through the fire escape, wait it out or call Piotr to stage a plan to get her out of there. But thanks to the puppy and these two hot heads it was going to be the awkward confrontation kind of exit.

She had tried to play it cool last night and not show her disappointment. She had been curious about the new character that Wade brought back from his multidimensional trip. Y/n wanted to find out what he was like, and how this world differed from his. She even asked the older X-team members about their Logan. What he was like, what he liked, and what topics interested him.

And he had made a run for it the second he saw her. Of course, she was hurt. Trying to push the tears down as the others tried to comfort her. She didn’t feel like crying but the sudden attention had made her feel like she should.

“Relax, okay?” She lifted her hands in surrender. “And you, drop the puppy. She isn’t involved in your…” She plucked the puppy from Wade’s arm and set her down. “Whatever this is.”

Logan watched her, looking for little details in her movements, and her behaviour. With regret, he came to the conclusion that she was a carbon copy of the woman he lost. His eyes got glassy as the images of his nightmare played behind his eyes. He shook his head swiftly, eyes set on the wooden counter to calm before he had another outburst.

Y/n watched him and sighed “I slept in his room because the sofa was occupied.” She said calmly, moving past Wade to get to the sink where her carrier sat. It was dirtied with cream and crumbs, a rinse was in order but that had to wait. “And sleeping in your room felt intrusive,  I assumed you would agree.” She clicked the container shut.

Wade watched her carefully, his brain working quickly to think of a joke, or a jest… anything to dissolve the situation. He felt like a child, trapped in their parent's divorce. Humour was his sharpest weapon. So he aimed. “yeah!” He leaned onto the counter, closing in on the spot that Logan seemed to be so focused on. “We switched. Some good old game of Ringelpiez. And I gotta say, your sheets smell sweet like honey, badger.” He winked at Logan, knowing fully well that he might end up with his brain skewered.

But the older one simply groaned, annoyed at his antiques.

Y/n softly touched Wade's shoulder “It’s alright. I’m just going to leave” She carefully turned to Logan. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Truly.” His eyes shifted to her for a second and it was Y/n that looked away quickly. His gaze was too heavy, holding emotions that she couldn’t decipher or handle.

“What? Pudding, no” Wade whined “What about girlfriend brunch?” He placed his hands on his hips in dramatic fashion. “You promised”

“Wade- don’t.” She warned him. “Next week, okay?” Logan still avoided her. The Wolverine, a feared and powerful mutant, cowering in a corner over unresolved feelings. One might pity him.

Y/n shouldered her bag and said goodbye to the dog that watched the interaction with native happiness.

She opened the door and quickly stepped into the hallway. The muffled sounds of arguing resumed only a second after the lock clicked into place but she continued on. The elevator was only a few steps away, she almost managed to get out when the door opened behind her.

“Wait.”

Y/n stopped, looking over her shoulder cautiously. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw dark hair…

“I’m sorry alright…”He stopped looking for the right words. He didn’t think when he ran to the door, leaving Wade standing there mid-sentence. It was like a pull that called him to follow. “I’m sorry about yesterday.” He sighed, frustrated at his mumbling. He was the Wolverine for god's sake.

“I shouldn’t have…. I-“

“apology accept.” She interrupted him, turning around and facing him.

Logan froze.

“But we have to set one thing straight.” She set her shoulders back, unconsciously making herself look bigger. “ I am sorry for your loss. I truly am. But I am not her.” Y/n shook her head softly. “And you are not my Logan-“ She noticed the odd phrasing when his eyes widened ever so little “Not that he was-you get what I mean.” She huffed embarrassed.

“Yeah.” Logan chuckled softly as the tension ebbed away. Was she also feeling that tingle in her chest?

“Anyway,let's do this properly. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Y/n.” She held out her hand for him to shake.

A simple, friendly and professional handshake. Surely he could manage that, no?

He looked at her hand for a moment, surprised by the gesture. Then his large hand took hers. He was pleasantly surprised at the firmness with which she squeezed his fingers. There was no fear. No uncertainty.

It felt warm and familiar. Like home

“Logan.” He stated.

Taglist: @sarahskywalker-amidala @myu3ki @stinastar @zortlort @zeeader @lolurk @eddiesguitarskills @elianamarie-blog @byhuenii @sunfairyy @weallhaveadestiny @catiwinky

New requets for being added to the list via comments on the Masterlist post, please. That helps me to keep things organized :)

Do comment here for feedback and spreading some love ❤️

[brucewaynehater101]

your posts about Tim being the parent in his time with Bruce+ Richard's parentification + Tim always planning of being a placeholder, got me thinking

What if Tim started off like that, playing parent for Bruce, ensuring he doesn't cross any lines or overworks himself

And just never stop?

His civilian life is starting to crack, and he's doing worse than he could be, but Batman has to be taken care off

In comes Jason who tries to kill him (great another Bruce) so his workload is doubled, and also Damian who has to be untaught murder

Well it's an escalation of what he's used to, but if he can deal with Batman, he can deal with his kids, time to bust out the books on therapy and deprogramming cult teachings

Besides, he's a placeholding for the two of them until they're better like Batman, so who better to teach them the ropes than him?

Let's toss in comments here and there that will clear misunderstandings between the Bats (excluding himself— he's temporary) and what about their interactions keeps the family apart

Like boy is neglecting himself to high hell, only stopping when it's literally impossible, and barely has a civilian life, but it's worth it for Gotham's betterment and the Batfamily's stabilization

Timestream? Well shit, he has to get Bruce back as per his job of keeping the family in order but the family is either not getting better or worse,

Let him just leave a bunch of personalized self-help guides and programmed schedules that'll ensure the bats are getting better while he's away

Oh hey Ra's, midn if I secretly learn everything about how Damian grew up in this fine League of yours so I can teach Damian what is so wrong about his childhood once I'm home?

So everything is getting better post BruceQuest, Richard can be a brother more (because Tim took on his job as parent-brother), Damian and his family are able to bond and understand each other (because Tim untaught an awful upbringing) and Jason feels like a member of the family (because Tim got Jason up to speed with how much he has always been loved) plus Bruce gets to be a father with his kids (because Tim kept the man out of his otherside inevitable self-made grave)

And say Batfamily, in a miracle of communication, realize that Tim has subsumed Bruce's role as caretaker and father

Not to the entire family of course, but even parenting for one sibling or parent as a kid yourself is one too many

And they remember all the comments Tim said to help the family get better subtly suggesting everybody but Tim is family

Like he's said "Your family," never "Our"

He says "You're a Wayne, a member of their family,"

He has to be referred to as Tim and Drake, never Wayne to catch his attention

And also imagine Richard saying "You can't keep being a parent to your brothers and father" and Tim going "glass houses, *tires to parent Rich*"

"NO—"

The shit storm that would happen if the batfamily realized that Tim donned Robin with the intention of always playing parent for Bruce, and then leaving once his intervention isn't need anymore

Yes! I absolutely love the ideas you incorporated with this. I didn't manage to hit all of them in my post, but I tried to expand upon them a bit:

At first, Tim wouldn't realize that's what he's doing. He just wants to help Bruce (even if that includes taking away the Batmobile keys, locking him out of the batcomputer, and using a rewards system when the man successfully takes care of his wounds).

Tim only comes to the realization that he's Bruce's parent when the YJ are being lectured by their mentors. At this point, the team has done far more dangerous stunts and missions than whatever the JL was lecturing them about. When the mentors come, Robin allows Batman to lecture him in front of the others. Tim knows they have to keep up appearances and can listen to a hypocritical discussion from Bruce to maintain the image of Batman Tim has spent so much time propping up.

After the other mentors leave, Tim pulls Batman into a private room for a chat. Bart, fearing that Robin is getting a second lecture, almost bursts in to save Tim. He's slowed down by the glare Tim sends his way. He's stopped by the conversation he overhears.

Tim, with his hands on his hips as he glares up into the cowl, lectures Bruce on all the behavior issues the man displayed the month that the YJ were away.

Bruce is just standing there, head slightly hung, as Tim goes on.

"This is why I feel I can never get away, B. I can't even leave you for a month before your excessive force statistics skyrocket! What am I supposed to do with you?"

Bart quickly leaves as he has a mental breakdown at this discovery. Two hours later, when Batman leaves, Bart asks Robin if he's Batman's father. Tim laughs it off at first, but after Bart lays out the evidence, Tim spirals for a few days at this discovery.

Once Tim accepts that he *is* like Bruce's dad, he decides to just embrace it. He and Alfred can share custody of the man-child (and this is also why Tim has the view of family that he does. His three examples of being a father are his own dad who constantly leaves, Alfred who maintains a professional distance, and Bruce who's his grieving son). Tim sees Dick as his brother, but he sees Bruce as his kid. It's confusing as hell, complicated, and Tim also doesn't see himself as part of the family at the same time.

While the teen is finally settling into his role as Bruce's parent, Jason comes back and tries to kill him. He doesn't know whether or not to laugh that Jason becomes his new responsibility at the same place Bruce officially (in Tim's mind) became Tim's.

The teen treats Jason similar to a grandson and son. He parents Bruce on how to interact with Jason, takes a few college classes and reads a few textbooks on PTSD, and interrogates LoA agents on the Pit. He slowly starts to feed them both phrases and perspectives so that they understand and interact with each other better. He almost wants to hit them both upside the head for their miscommunication.

It's not great, and Tim is so fucking tired, but they are getting closer to being a family. Tim can almost taste his retirement.

Then Damian comes into the family and tries to kill him. Tim wants to scream.

Damian isn't exactly friendly to Tim, but the teen spots a breakthrough when he catches how Dick and Damian interact. He, in what he later calls foolishly, drops some of the weight onto Dick's shoulders. Tim's tired trying to wrangle both Jason and Bruce into somewhat, even unhealthily, communicating with each other.

Then Bruce dies. It's unfair because Tim has lost someone who's both his son and his father to him. No one except Cassie could know about the amount of grief Tim is under because of that. Cassie, who Tim isn't talking to after the whole basement scientist cloning thing.

So, Tim finds evidence that Bruce is alive. He watches as Dick cracks under the weight of Batman and being a father to Damian. He's hurt (oh gods does it burn to lose his self-made but suffocating role that ties him to Bruce), but he understands why Dick gives Damian Robin.

Tim leaves, and he starts to discover himself. He became an adoptive father at thirteen. For once, even though he's heavily lost in the thralls of grief, he's free of that responsibility. He only has to take care of himself (an exhausting task he's never quite accomplished before) and he doesn't rely on anyone.

Still, despite his freedom, he sees Ra's offer for what it is. It's an opportunity to learn more about Damian. Bruce will need Tim's support when he returns, after all. If he takes down Ra's both for himself and Damian, that's neither here nor there.

When Bruce finally returns home, Tim starts to see his retirement again. He sees the progress he's enacting out of the family in all of their relationships. Like Tim's messy relationship with Bruce, Dick is both a father and brother to Damian. Jason and Bruce will occasionally meet at a diner. Damian and Bruce will have father-child outings outside of Batman and Robin. Cass returns home more often. Steph barges into the Manor for food or bugs different Bats on patrol. Babs is able to take time for herself outside of wrangling the Bats together. Duke is starting to join the family, but Tim doesn't imagine too much tension or difficulty with that transition. They'll be fine without him.

It's looking up. Tim can leave behind his the Wayne family.

Then Damian points out how Tim often uses "your" or "their" instead of "our" family.

Godsdamnit.

[brattyfics]

Dear Black Women: Things You Can Do Today to Prepare for What’s Coming

Start a Commonplace Book: Fill it with gardening tips, food preservation techniques, safe spaces that offer resources, uplifting quotes or scriptures, survival techniques—anything you might need or want to remember if digital access disappeared.

Consider a Vow of Abstinence: Childbirth has always been dangerous, but now it’s on another level. Protect your health and your body.

Talk to the Men in Your Life: If they’re not doing what’s needed to protect you and build community, it’s time to X them out. No room for dead weight.

Make a Plan: If things were to go wrong tomorrow, what resources do you have to protect yourself? Where’s a safe place you can go to find community? If you don’t have one yet, start looking—ASAP.

Get Real with Yourself: Look in the mirror and get honest about what you’re willing to do to protect yourself. Toughening up is non-negotiable. Nobody else is coming to save us.

Hone Your Skills: Whatever skills you have, build on them. You need to have something to offer to get what you need.

Do Your Research: Learn all you can about anything you feel might be useful to you. Whether it’s survival techniques, women’s rights movements in other countries, the impact of political unrest, or what to expect when this country inevitably falls apart—prepare yourself. Equip yourself with the truth, no matter how ugly it may be.

Trust Your Own Judgment: Strengthen your instincts and learn to use discernment. The time for letting others make decisions for you or simply going along to get along is over. Take an active role in your life and in shaping what happens to you.

Keep Your Spirits High: Don’t waste energy hate-watching Trump or his speeches—they won’t tell you anything new. Turn off the TV and make sure your own household is strong.

Remember Our Resilience: We come from people who survived much worse with a lot less. Celebrate the small wins and appreciate what you have.

Stand Together: Do not let them turn us against each other. The most powerful thing we have is community.

There are things on this list I still need to do myself, but this is the path forward as I see it. We aren’t superhuman and we can’t outrun what’s coming, but we can prepare ourselves and move accordingly.

[v33n4-c4rn1s]

"Promise."

Remy LeBeau x fem!reader

A/n: This is my first proper fanfic! it's over 2000 words lolol and it's just Angst/Comfort with everyone's favorite Cajun! I'm really proud of this and I'm happy Remy gets to be my very first proper fic..i hope you enjoy!! also tag for because they asked so nicely :3 @kaidan-z

Summary: When wade wilson dragged you into the mess you were miserable, mourning and utterly heartbroken but now, after following Wilson and Howlett around for hours, watching them fight you finally get your end of the deal. Seeing a man you thought you'd never see again.

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Maybe it’s the fact this was all so..confusing.

I mean how are you supposed to feel when you come face to face with a ghost? 

Well, not really. A ghost would still remember, clutching time in its weary hands, allowing freedom and the soft embrace of closure. A ghost would know. Instead you’re both faced with the haunting idea of a lost memory. Something to yearn and claw for, barely scratching the surface of remembrance. A flame of longing and desperation that’s snuffed out by the force of time. 

- - - - - - - 

You were forced into this mess, against your own will really. One minute you’re sitting in your own misery, clutching a pen and paper, biting back inevitable tears. You mourned the loss of a man who had been long gone, Remy Lebeau. Your Remy. God he was the brightest star, the sweetest man with a sharp tongue. You loved him. You loved him more than anything. The best part? He loved you. Of all the wonderful people in the world, he wanted you, always you. Only you. So that's why it hurt so much when he met his end. 

That's why it tore a hole in your heart. He was tied to you, so deeply rooted in your soul that nothing could pull him away, no gentle persuasion could remove him. Only brute force, A harsh tug that tore him away and left you burning. Painful rage that was so blinding that people cowered away. So in this moment..you just needed solace.

But the universe didn’t give you that, instead You're hauled over some guy's shoulder who's blabbering about how “relieved” he is to see you.

So..what the fuck?

You later learn that you're stranded in a trio, a pathetic one at most. A merc with a mouth, Anger issues in a little yellow bundle (he comes with claws too.) and of course...you.

To most, you weren’t anything special. A mutant? Yes. Despite that being heavy enough itself, your mutation wasn’t anything flashy, just simple enough to cope with.

So why the hell did this bloodstained bastard take you of all people? 

- - - - - - -

So here you are now, stalking behind the pair you now know as Logan Howlett and..Wade Wilborn?..no, Wilson. That's it. Wade Wilson. He was the reason you were here. The void. That’s what this place was..a void. An endless layout of trash and gunk. The TVA, who you later learned “preserved the Sacred Timeline and prevented the creation of alternate timelines.” 

Turns out Wade’s universe was fucked because it lost its “anchor being.” Which was his universe's version of the grouchy companion he’d brought with him..or well, forced with him. Paradox, the one responsible (sorta) for Wade's wonderful kidnapping plan did not seem too pleased..especially since wade had to be that tiny bit extra and break his nose. So he sent you all here..the void.

Wade seemed to be a bit too friendly in all the wrong aspects..seriously how many sex jokes are too many? He’s sweet, you’ll give him that. You found that out only after he attempted to use you as a human shield against some bald headed bitch that only existed to grind on your nerves..But hey, that Johnny guy definitely got it worse.

- - - - - - -

The two overgrown children further proved their hatred to each other by fighting all their tension out in a shitty honda odyssey..all night. They fought till the sun went down. You just sorta sat there, lazily trying to wipe the nose bleed you had received after Wade shoved you to the ground in order to reach a “precious angel.”

..A dog. She was cute but you didn’t take too kindly to him picking a slobbering dog over your mental stability. Still, now all you really had to do was sit and wait for the two to finish their very loud and sharp disagreements. 

- - - - - - -

So..now you’re all caught up? Good. Then let me jump back to our present time.

He could have been a ghost, hell he might as well have been considering how much he paled when he saw you. The way the cards in his hands fluttered to a gentle stop. Even when wielding his weapons he was a gentleman. His lips parted..He wanted to say something, anything..but words could not find him. He just starred. 

To say you felt sick was an understatement. You felt like your body was about to give up any second. Overcome with the heaviest wave of nausea you’ve ever experienced. Here he was..a dead man. Standing in front of your very eyes..and he was beautiful. A little different..but beautiful. From the hair to the tip of his boots, he was the most gorgeously sculpted man you have ever seen.

“Chère?..”

“Remy?”

  Oh fuck. You’re kidding right? So this..version of him had a version of you too? He knew you? He knew you and without even knowing what had happened to his version of you, just looking at his face you knew that something so unforgettable had happened that he was just as broken as you.

“Ooh shit!! Are you seeing this!? I gotta say..i expected all the flashy entrances but look at these two lost loves? Ugh it's like I'm drowning in their self deprecating..”

Remy gave a half glance at the merc, scowling immediadently. His eyes set on him for just a split second before the glare was gone and he was back to looking at you. A softness creeping into his gaze that you didn’t think you’d see ever again. His brows furrowed as he took a step closer.

He knew it wasn’t his lost love but still. From the tips of your hair to the flush in your cheeks, the tentative grasp of your fingers against the fabric of your suit, the way your eyes brimmed with uncertain tears..it didn’t matter. He could rebuild. As selfish as that sounded he could rebuild it all if you’d let him.

“it..it ain’t you but-”

He tried to speak, he really did but the way you flinched at the sound of his voice made him want to cower like a small child. Your eyes fell onto the set of cards in his hand that he soon tucked away into the pocket of his coat. The gentle rustle of the fabric brought you snapping back to the present, a sharp gasp slipping from your lips as you carefully backed away, allowing Wade to take the lead again.

- - - - - - -

He watched you the whole time. He didn’t pay attention at all to whatever the hell the nuisance in the centre babbled on about. He watched you like a hawk. Eyes tracing over every piece of you. The way you bit down on the plush of your lip or how your lashes seemed to dampen everytime you blinked. He took note of the unsteady rhythm of your chest. He knew all the signs. When his eyes flicked back up to your face, he saw a tiny tear, barely visible but he could see it. It slipped down your cheek, resting on the curve of your jaw before it dropped onto the floor, seeping into the wood.

Remy had known you all his time in the void. He had no grasp on anything other than this wasteland and well..you. For a brief moment, he let himself daydream, just resting in the past, in the familiar sight of the sweetest smile he had ever seen. Yours.

- - - - - - -

“Don’t you think this is an awful idea?”

“Nonsense Chère, you think Remy doesn’t know a fine place when he sees one?”

His lips curled into a smile as he watched you glance at the rundown diner. It wasn’t exactly heaven, he knew that..but that didn’t matter, as cheesy as it sounds everywhere was heaven when he was with you. You laughed at the way he struggled to open a cabinet, the way he tugged at the wooden handle.

“Careful remy..it looks unsteady..maybe you should-”

“No need to worry about me Mon amour, what? You think Remy can’t handle a little push and pull? Dis is nothing, you just sit there and look- merde!!-”

It swung open, nearly taking him out in the process. You burst into fits of laughter, your knees buckling under how hard your laughter had hit you.

- - - - - - -

And that..bittersweet memory was the very thing that kept him pushing. Your laughter was the sweetest thing to him, he adored it more than anything and he’d longed to hear it once more.

He glanced over at you again, seriously he couldn’t stop. How could he? It was like looking into the past, the love of his life was a few steps away from him and he was doing nothing? What was wrong with him?

He couldn’t stand the silence anymore, the tension. He watched as you looked at his hands that were now nervously playing with his card deck. He carefully placed them all in one hand before pointing at you. He saw the way you jumped a little at being addressed. He then pointed to himself before pointing to the exit.

He wanted you alone, He wanted to talk.

Despite the ache in your chest, the tremble in your body, you followed him. You followed him out the arch and into the cool near evening. The sun was beginning to set, it casted the warmest glow over the wasteland. It was the prettiest thing about the whole dump.

The two of you walked in silence for a bit. The only sound filling the air were the gentle crunches of twigs beneath Remy’s shoes. It suddenly hit you. You were here, with an exact copy of your former lover. This was so fucked up.

He led you to a smaller campfire, letting you take a seat on the log before lighting the fire, sitting down with a soft grunt.

“Remy know’s dis is a bit..confusing and he’s damn sorry about it but..I've gotta know, chère..”

His soft honesty brought warm butterflies to your stomach. The words rolled off his tongue, combed by his heavy accent. His knee bounced nervously as he watched your face, biting his lip slightly.

“It's..complicated, it would take a long time to even-”

“Remy’s got all the time in the world Chère, just talk t’me..”

You glanced at him one last time. He looked like a kicked puppy when you denied him. How the hell could you say no to such hopeful eyes?

And so you told him, you told him everything. The love, the loss, the pain. The way his absence had left a gaping wound on your being, leaving the ugliest scar and a hideous rage, a burning hatred. You spilled it all and it felt good. It felt good to finally just talk. You were so into explaining it all that you didn’t even notice the fact you were in floods of tears, droplets streaking down your cheeks. Your breathing shortened as you forced more words out of your throat. You were too engrossed in the pain.

“Chère.”

His firm tone cut you off, he reached up, carefully swiping a tear away with the pad of his finger. It sent a range of sparks up your spine and you quivered under his gaze.

He watched you for just a moment before making up his mind. He knew he was overstepping the imaginary boundaries but he knew his Chère well enough to know what she needed. One arm wrapped around your waist and the other slid up to your shoulder, bringing you into a warm embrace. He was so different yet the exact same. He smelt like whiskey and leather. He smelt like home and it made you feel sick.

“Ma pauvre fille..”

He was so comfortable that he didn’t even realise the words that left his mouth, the soft claim he made..but you did. You heard it and it stung, it healed a tiny part of your wounded soul, to be addressed as his once more. You squeezed his shoulder, letting the last few tears fall. He pulled back, hesitantly cupping your cheek, relaxing a little as you leaned into his touch. This felt right, despite the gnaw of pain it felt right. To be here with him, to feel him.

Remy lifted his hand, capturing your smaller ones with a gentle touch. He pressed his lips to the back of it. A kiss, full of tender love and sweet affection. A rush of blood reached both of your cheeks. The cool air gently brushed against the heated skin. He leaned forward pressing another kiss to your forehead this time, letting his own rest against yours as he brought one of your hand to his chestplate, placing it above his heart.

“It’s yours Chère, mon coeur est à toi.”

You knew what he meant, he had promised you that despite all odds, if ever something went wrong, he would find you. He’d find you in every universe.

And he did.

Remy Lebeau was many things. He’d been branded as a scoundrel all his life..but if there was one thing he couldn’t do, it was lie to you. He was an honest man who kept his promises to you.

He fulfilled each one. Including this one.

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[moodymisty]

𝕽𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝕺𝖓𝖑𝖞 𝕸𝖊

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙| 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Part 1 of 5 - Part 2

Author's Note: It's here! The first chapter of the Yandere Salamander/Fem!Reader/Yandere Night Lord love triangle(corner) fic! It's going to be 4 chapters (5 actually you'll see tehe) and I drafted a good portion of it in advance so it should be smooth posting? We'll see. Enjoy!

Summary: A Night Lord becomes interested in you while you stand under the eyes of your Salamander guardian, and you find yourself stuck between two titans.

Relationship: Yandere!Salamander/Fem!Reader/Yandere!Night Lord

Warnings: Hints of nsfw at points, Yandere, Size differences, Very toxic suffocating relationship(s), Some knight/princess dynamics, Demeaning language, Both these guys have hero complexes, Violence blood and bruises and possibly death to say without spoilers

Word Count: 2068

Word travels fast aboard even the largest of ships, you had learned quite quickly.

Space marine legions are not fond of working with one another, was what you had learned first. Many times even different squads within this same Legion can butt heads, as different styles of commanding and battle conflict with one other. Salamanders often try and remain cordial when problems within them arise, but friction was and is inevitable.

The second, was Vulkan was apparently quite firm with his legion that they were to welcome their temporary allies with respect. At least that is what you’ve heard from any Salamander that you’ve heard mumbling as you pass by, or any that have given you a moment of their time. That’s all you know, and these tidbits of knowledge fail to put together a full picture that you can understand. Their lips have been quite tight other than the bare minimum they believe you need to know.

Or what you can get from them if you ask very nicely; Much like the Commissars and Lords you've dealt with over the years, it seems Salamanders aren't immune to a bit of flattery also. You just need to make sure he doesn't find out, as you know how displeased he gets whenever he finds out you went wandering around chattering with his brothers.

Speaking of...

You can ask him about it; You just need to wait for him.

He always visits you in the librarium, once his second round of training is concluded. He then goes for his five hours of rest, and the cycle restarts. Though even if it isn't that time, you know he still keeps a keen eye on you.

You don’t wish to bother him with an issue as seemingly meaningless as gossip, but none of your fellows have been able to piece together what's happening, as none of the Salamanders have loosened their lips about it in the slightest.

It's made you more than a bit unnerved; Knowing that something is wrong but no one will tell you what it is. The tenseness in your neck is worse, and sirens and calls once normal now make you jolt when they sound off.

The large piece of parchment in front of you remains nearly empty, apart from the crude outline. Commander Artellus's face is fresh in your mind, but you for some reason can't put it to parchment.

You hear the sound of harsh, heavy boots on the ground, and turn to see who you've been waiting for coming towards you. You shift in your seat and turn to see him coming.

“Ralkan; You’re back,”

You smile wide at him, a put down the pen you'd been fruitlessly trying to use. The way his eyes look down at you is warm, his helmet hanging on the side of his hip. He stands close to where you sit alone at the massive table, covered in a mess of materials. The ink in your well shakes with waves, when he steps closer.

“You should have been there this time. I feel like I'm missing something now without your curious looks.”

You smile even wider and laugh, remembering the time. He had outpreformed Salamanders his senior, and you wondered if he was overdue for an ascension in rank, or if he was simply showing off.

“I'll come next time. As long as your battle brothers don’t mind me seeing your training again.”

He places a massive gauntlet on your shoulderblades, thumb against the side of your neck.

"They won't, I am sure of it. Though I hope you'll reserve your cheering only for me again."

His hand brushes along the upper half of your back before it slides away, his chainsword hanging neatly on his back. He looks out the massive window to the vast reaches of space directly in front of your makeshift desk for a moment, before pulling his bolter off his thigh and checking it.

He’s always meticulous. He’s been trained into flawless discipline, and it shows in every aspect of his existence. From the way he keeps his thoughts closed to the way each piece of armor and each weapon must be meticulously maintained.

You can hear the mechanics of his armor shift as he moves, but you can only tolerate few more beats of the near silence before you can’t help it anymore. Your pen twirls in your hand as a soothing gesture before you speak up.

“Ralkan?”

You look up to him, sniffling from the disturbed dust in your nose. He turns to look at you as you abandon your parchment, and finally put pen down and place your ink stained hands in your lap.

You hesitate for a moment, pursing your lips and looking away from his hard gaze as he turns back to you.

“What is happening?”

He is genuinely confused by your question for a moment, before he realizes what it is you're asking about, and his face stiffens. But still he doesn't answer. It irks you; Thinking that he’s trying to keep this all from you. You add on to your earlier question.

“I know that you are going to be fighting alongside another legion, but why are all of you acting like it's something you're all dreading?”

Perhaps you might simply be a guest aboard this ship, gifted from Terra to a legion eager to put their deeds to written memory, but you wish to know more than the servitors do. You pull your hands from your lap and lightly slap the table with them, gripping the edge.

“Ralkan, Who are the Night Lords?”

It is so instantly apparent that you struck something in him, as his body visibly tenses and his face briefly flashes with anger as a legion's name other than his own leaves your tongue.

He makes eye contact with you, the burning red of his eyes making your curiosity waver. But you still want to know- need to know. He takes a step closer, and his left hand rests against the surface of the table. He lets out a tense breath.

“The Night Lords are the 8th legion. They," Ralkan tries to find the words, pausing for a moment. "The way they wage battle is in near direct opposition to us Salamanders."

He speaks the name with a stern, cold demeanor. It fills you with a hesitant sort of interest.

These legions; Have they really developed cultures so unique that they find themselves unrecognizable to each other?

“They have no respect. They will cull entire cities for the slightest infraction.” He looks to you, and he catches that your curiosity it still taking hold; You lack the fear that he's trying to instill in you.

He takes a step forward, and you can hear his armor hiss and grind as he lowers to a knee, now only a head taller than you as you sit. He puts his hand on your shoulder again, but it lacks the gentleness it had the last time, as he grabs tight and forces you to face him. You wouldn’t be able to pull away even if you wanted to; And while he is still trying to be gentle, his gauntlet still yearns to bruise your skin underneath your clothing. The seams of his armor dig into your flesh even through the fabric.

“They are going to be crawling over the ship soon. Do not let them even see you. You cannot run from them and they will know it.” His hand makes sure you can’t look even the tiniest bit away from him. “They will take advantage of your weakness. You must stay here, in your quarters, or close to me. I was charged with protecting you, and I will see it through.”

There’s not many places on this ship you go, at least without him. He is your guard, or perhaps more accurately your handler. He is in charge of making sure you don’t wander where you don’t belong, as even if the Salamanders have been welcoming to a remembrancer on their ship, they have their limits. For your safely and their privacy.

This ship- A world for giants, it isn't meant for someone like you either. Ralkan makes it a bit easier to navigate.

Though out of all the titles he's been given, he seems to enjoy calling himself your knight first and foremost. You assume it’s simply a part of their culture, you’ve heard other Salamanders call themselves knights as well. The tone is different, but you assume it’s simply Ralkan’s own brand of oddity. Perhaps he isn't fully cognizant of the intimate undertone behind saying such a thing to you.

Stuck in his grip, your nose wrinkles as you try to say something in defiance, to learn a bit more, but you know this it all you'll get from him. Even if you ask sweetly.

“I just wanted to know what was happening. I'll," You turn your face away from him and blow air from between your tight lips. "I'll stop the questions about it."

There isn’t much you can say otherwise in the matter anyhow. You want to trust him, and to listen to him, but perhaps it’s simply curiosity that makes you hesitate on the matter. Or naivety he probably assumes, as much as that irritates you.

He lets out an audible sigh of relief, and loosens the hand on your shoulder, it drifting up your neck before it cups your jaw. The other joins it on the opposite side, holding your face in his gauntlets. They're so gentle, even with cold ceramite between your skin and his.

“You know I do this to protect you, yes?” He continues, his eyes soft as they gaze over you. “I only want for you to be safe here. With me. I have seen these astartes before; I know what they are capable of.”

His eyes are warm, brow softened. You always enjoy when he looks at you this way, even if you might fear of what lays between you being far beyond the supposed title of knight and his charge. 

He leans forward, and his forehead touches your own. You feel like he wishes to do more, but is forcing it back. Your bare hand lays overtop of his gauntlet, and you smile at him.

But after a moment, he leans back away from you.

“I must leave now. My brothers and I are part of the battalion that is due to greet our temporary allies.” 

You so desperately don’t want him to leave, but at the same time, you wonder if the weight on your chest will finally dissipate if he does.

He rises, and in doing so also removes his hands from your jaw. His cape shifts behind him just barely brushing against the floor, and you swear you can hear the crackling of a vox channel in his helmet. His battalion must be calling for him.

“I will return soon. Please, do not forget what I have said.” You nod in understanding, and pick up your pen. He smiles at you after you do, and turns to leave. You turn to watch for a moment, until he's out of your sight. You turn back to face the table and let out a sigh, rubbing your jaw.

You didn’t want him to leave, but at times Ralkan can be so, suffocating. His very energy is that way, many of the astartes are, but Ralkan seems to have his grip around you particularly tight.

You sum it up to him being dedicated to the safely of their brand new remembrancer. The sheen of a new toy that hasn't worn off yet. Or perhaps him simply wishing to make sure you don't deviate from the path, and tread where you aren't welcome.

You assume the ladder, though the way he looks at you fills you with doubt.

You aren't opposed to him being fond, but he is so overwhelming. You might consider yourself lucky you think you feel the same way, as you don't know if you'd be able to get free of his grip if you didn't.

You don’t forget his words, but as you write word after word, and the drawing of Commander Artellus's face slowly forms, your mind begins to fall into the paper, and his voice becomes little more than a tickle in the back of your mind.

[glubsurleseuil]

Don't be scared - Chapter 1

This is the first chapter - Next

A Pennywise X F!Reader fanfic 'cause I need to get these ideas out of my head before they eat me up. I'll post this thing on AO3 when I'm not so lazy to create an account. If I go ahead with it, it'll be NSFW, sexually disturbing, gory, violent, reader is an autistic drepressed suicidal girl… In short, skip it if you're a sensitive soul. For the rest of you, enjoy (I hope).

(Note: It was translated by Deepl, English is not my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes. If you want to correct me, don't hesitate!)

(Note 2: The image is by @fandomscreenshots but you should already know that because what she does is amazing)

You've always lived in Derry, Maine. Well, actually you were born in Derry, went to school in Derry and, like any good citizen, you now work in Derry. You don't like it, you never have, and you know that no matter what you do, you'll never like it.

Firstly, because no matter how hard you try since childhood, you just can't seem to make any friends. Worse, people seem to have agreed to shut you out and hate you. At best, they ignore you, at worst… well, let's just say there are certain people you've learned to avoid at all costs, so you don't have to spend the evening licking your wounds…

Secondly, because there's something unhealthy about the general atmosphere of this town, as if it were being devoured by a cancer that affected not only the surrounding greenery, but also the buildings and even the people. A cancer that could be called suffering, melancholy or despair. And although no one knows where these feelings come from, everyone seems to accept them as an inevitable burden.

Tonight, like most evenings, you're working at the Canal Rouge, a rather quiet bar where people can drink and listen to local artists perform on a small stage. You're a waitress, and it's not the most pleasant of jobs, especially when you're a woman. Fortunately, your boss is a woman too, and she's very strict about the respect customers show her staff, so things could be a lot worse.

But tonight, you're in a particularly bad mood. Fatigue has always been a difficult thing for you to deal with, and lately your nights have been… tormented. You've been having a dream, always the same with little difference, on and off for over a week. It's a hazy, dark, incoherent dream that's hard to remember. What you remember most is anguish, fear… and an unbearable feeling of being watched by something dangerous, making you feel like prey waiting to be devoured. When your therapist asked you to describe this dream, even with random words, you said 'fear', 'red' and… 'clown'. You laughed after saying that last word, a nervous, uncontrolled laugh, like a continuation of the one you always hear in this dream before waking up.

But tonight, the worst is yet to come, because you have to serve Jenny's gang as consumers, young people your own age who, like you, are stuck in Derry and like to pass the time by annoying other people. Especially you, since you met them in kindergarten. You know you won't be able to get home safely tonight…

And your fears are confirmed as you finish your shift. As you emerge into the alley to which the service door leads, you see them laughing at the end of it, looking in your direction. This is the way home. You quickly think of another option, but you know that even if you take a longer route, they'll be able to corner you sooner or later, and that's what they'll do. Unless… you go through the forest…

You don't hesitate, knowing that your pursuers won't follow. Their parents have given them the same instructions as you: never go into the forest at night. Ever. Your father had made it clear that he meant business by emphasizing his order with the back of his hand. But tonight, you're a grown-up, and between your dead father's old superstitions and Jenny and her gang's guaranteed beating, the choice was quickly made.

You head into the forest, at first more worried about your pursuers who, as expected, quickly abandon their target. Then you decide to turn on the torch on your phone, as it quickly becomes very dark between the tightly packed trees in the middle of the night. You recognize the path you're on and follow it to the ancient oak tree where you used to climb as a child to escape the bullies. But even this place, reassuring by day, gives off a menacing aura by night…

All is quiet, too quiet for a forest where animals should be going about their nocturnal lives. You get the impression that a kind of fog is floating around, light but unnatural, and as you look at the thick branches of the oak tree, you get a strange feeling… Like a memory from another life… Like a dream…

Suddenly, there's a sound. A sound you know well, having heard it every night for over a week. A laugh. A clown's laugh… You turn in all directions, shining your phone in every nook and cranny around the oak. And just as you realize that there's nothing there, that maybe it's your imagination playing tricks on you, the laughter starts up again. You jump back against the tree, light pointed ahead, anticipating the appearance of someone, something… The laughter becomes more distinct, closer… But it's not coming from in front of you, nor from the sides… It comes… from above?

With a quick gesture, you point the light towards the branches of the oak tree and there, hidden in the shadows of the leaves, you see it: a clown. No, THE clown. The one who has haunted your dreams, distressed your nights, devoured your sanity. This present moment has repeated itself endlessly in your nightmare and now it's all happening for real, clear as day and just as terrifying.

With a muffled scream, you drop your phone, the lamp face down and your legs buckling beneath you. The little light that escapes from beneath your phone only faintly illuminates the bottom of the tree, but you know IT's there.

And it's not long before he leaps down from the tree. You can only make out a silhouette in the darkness, and as you hear him coming closer, you try to remember the end of the dream. It's all a blur, and all that comes back is a vague memory of a hunt in which you are the prey… Back on the grassy ground, you pull yourself back as best you can with your hands, never taking your eyes off the presence. Is this how you're going to die?

He moves slowly closer, slipping into the shadows. You can make out that he's leaning forward, then addressing you in a childlike voice.

"Hiya Y/N! I'm Pennywise, the dancing clown!"

He suddenly picks up your phone from the floor, pulling it up slowly, light downwards, gradually revealing his appearance as he continues.

"I've been looking forward to meeting you, you know? Don't be scared, I'm not going to kill you…"

As he utters these words, light finally shines on his face, reflected in his abnormally large and sharp teeth, piercing yellow eyes focused on you, and horror fills you.

"… yet."

The instinct to survive gives you new energy. You leap to your feet and flee the way you came, briefly illuminated by your phone in the clown's hands. You run at full speed, ignoring the noises behind you that make you think he's chasing you. If you've got a chance of getting away, you're going to take it. In fact, the forest exit isn't far off. One last push! You close your eyes and accelerate again… when hands often clutch your collar, brutally stopping your momentum.

"There you are, you bastard!"

"I told you she'd come back! She's such a pussy!"

"No way out now, you bitch!"

Jenny and her gang… It was Tim, the big muscular guy who caught you. They were waiting for you just outside the forest…

"Why are you running so fast? Are you afraid of the big bad wolf?"

They burst out laughing, but the sound reaches you distorted. The adrenalin from your run is wearing off too slowly and you can still hear your heart pounding in your eardrums. You struggle on, your brain unable to make sense of what has just happened. Suddenly, you hear a foul noise. A kind of hoarse, inhuman growl, coming out of the depths of the woods like an echo to their pitiful mocking laughter. You feel Tim's hands trembling with uncontrollable fear on your collar and watch their faces disintegrate before your eyes. Tim lets go and they all flee in a single scream of terror, leaving you behind.

You turn around, your body still tired from your frantic run, and you quickly understand what made them flee: golden eyes, shining menacingly in the darkness, perched on a huge, muscular, fur-covered figure, its multiple sharp teeth accentuating the evil growl rolling down its throat. A werewolf.

You barely have time to realize that it's the clown from earlier before he disappears between the trees with a hoot that sends shivers down your spine. Just as you regain your strength to flee, something falls near you. You examine it carefully: it's your phone, and as you turn the screen towards you, you see a message written in a torn red font:

DON'T BE SCARED

You don't wait any longer and run towards town without looking back.

[ilikekidsshows]

With Adrien now having lost both his parents (and couldn't even bury them), lost his uncle (yes, that counts), and having gone through Emilie's, Gabriel's, and Nathalie's health going south in front of his eyes, I just... I lost a couple of family members in the last 2 years (two very recently) and our home situation was always very... complicated to say the least on top of our family having quite alot of health issues.

I don't know how sympathetic I can stay with Miraculous and Marinette when they will now clearly make light of being an abused and guilt ridden orphan because Marinette is gonna continue crying whenever she feels the slightest discomfort about everything that isn't about her.

If the show has Marinette now complain about her parents bc of some set up drama to Adrien and he'll be given shit for being "unsupportive" because he tells her that her parents aren't the worst and instead she should talk to them (which was her (awful) advice to him in Risk but it's correct here). I just don't know how I can watch that without going off. No way is Marinette gonna be respectful about Adrien being an orphan the second her parents aren't perfect. She probably won't even remember or simply be dismissive the way she always is when something opposes her opinion.

Marinette is never written to be truly respectful to any kind abuse in the show besides her own and bully victims. She's even written to be a solid bit ableist because once it's not Marinette's problem it ain't real and people "need to be put in place". Marinette not being a raging dick doesn't mean she's respectful. I noticed that her dialogue very rarely actually empathizes with the victims. She just tells them they can try again and change their feelings and situations to what she decided is the correct way to be and think. Marinette doesn't truly help people, she tells them how to best suit herself so they can then help her after they corrected their existence to her liking. That's literally all Marinette did to Shadybug omfg. I hate it here.

If Lila causes trouble in Marinette's family, no way will Marinette be tolerant of Adrien's situation. And I don't know if I can watch that.

And I don't think this is me being too sensitive at all. Just like there are abused children who are constantly getting shit on by Marinette's story, orphans very obviously exist. But Marinette isn't an orphan so now there is a new group of children who need to "learn their lesson" that their problems aren't real because Marinette is upsette.

Sorry for being pessimistic, but it makes me so unbelievably angry that Miraculous has turned into nothing but a kids show that's just for the pretty and privilege Girls who were bullied (or maybe not even that) and now want a power fantasy that validates all their worst emotional cravings of revenge on literally everyone else's expense because SOMETHING didn't went their way and now that's the worst thing ever.

I hate that Miraculous became a show that I don't want children to watch because of how awful the Marinette centric morality is. Every bad message possible is send to children as long as it validates Marinette and her kinnies and it's a prime example of the type of privileged western feminism that gives feminism such a bad name. So forgive me for not believing that Marinette will suddenly be written differently the moment Lila has her parents disagree with her about something (like wanting her to take over the bakery) and Marinette will inevitably be written to stomp her foot, scream, cry, and throw up about how abused, oppressed, and unprivileged she is until she entirely gets her way.

No I don't think Marinette will be understanding of Adrien in that case. She will start crying and pouting about not being validated and Adrien taking her parents side, and say that Adrien's experiences don't count and he just "doesn't get it" until he agrees that his way worse experience isn't worth anything (the way she always makes him as Cat Noir believe taht his feelings, perspective and experiences aren't real. He just "doesn't get" how correct and benevolent she is, until he gives in and accepts that he's irrelevant and worthy of abuse the way she likes it apparently. Or the class not being allowed to have their own opinions on Chloe because Marinette thinks their experiences of being bullied by Chloe aren't "valid" enough to make a judgement call whenever it doesn't validate her, only SHE can have the right opinion)

When has Marinette ever been written to actually respect other victims? The most she does is stop being a dick about it and instead "kindly" wait for the victims to understand taht they are wrong and she's right. They don't have real problems, only HER, so its HER who needs all the effort and support. The others just need to stop and get over it.

I've yet to see anything in Miraculous that gives me a real reason to believe Marinette is not gonna be a shit girlfriend now the moment she isn't getting whatever she wants and Adrien isn't 24/7 validating her. Marinette has become such a privileged character who walks over all kinds of victims but would never take accountability for it because "it's not her fault" and "her feelings are valid, everyone is just so awful and mean to her!"

I pitty every child growing up with Miraculous who doesn't have the privilege of being a Marinette. And now they are gonna drag orphans into that too...

---

They don’t even need to give Marinette family problems to make her be insensitive to Adrien, in my opinion. Her most minor grievances are the most important problem for her, no matter what anyone else has going on. Adrien could be going to his father's funeral and Marinette would stalk him there unless he invites her along like it’s a date and she would treat the situation like she was the one facing the hardship of Adrien not inviting her everywhere he goes.

Marinette has been treating Adrien’s worries as unimportant since day one. Adrien being locked up was only bad because he couldn’t come to the trick dates Marinette tried to set up. Adrien has a “perfect life” because he’s rich and famous, because nothing else about his life has worked out for him in any way. But Marinette will only acknowledge something is wrong when he’s being forced to hang out with girls who aren’t Marinette herself, meaning it’s once again about her and how her dream boy/boyfriend is being pushed off on other girls when he should be with her.

So, yeah, I totally don't see the writers allowing Adrien to grieve his parents for more than a second. I can just see it, Adrien with a photo of the family he no longer has, and we instantly cut to Marinette whining about how Adrien has been so distant with her and the fandom instantly cries: "How dare Adrien grieve his supervillain dad (that he doesn't know was a supervillain)! He should be with Marinette because she's upsette!"

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: what is the energy that surrounds you and how can you best protect your energy?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what happens when you take actions on your dreams?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

energy around you: i sense that you are healing from something. i actually feel proud of you, pulling this card - you seem hopeful that things are changing for the better, and they truly are. you feel inspired again - i encourage you to create again. i feel like you write or paint? so by all mean - have at it, the block is over. the mental health struggles are getting better and you are currently on the right track so keep it up! keep healing; keep growing.

how to protect your energy: you're energy is extremely sensitive right now. i sense that you feel antagonized by someone at this moment - perhaps by the person you are healing from or someone is poking at you and the mental wounds you are healing. think ethically - would confrontation or defensive remarks make the situation better or worse? perhaps remember that they too are likely going through something. why worsen their possible situation? note that no matter what you do, there is a chance for "difficulties" and "strain" to arise. be the bigger person.

pile 2

energy around you: you are starting the process of a spiritual awakening. know that to continue moving forward and "awakening" you must acknowledge and accept the past for what it is - the past. release any resentment you have and move forward - you do not have to forgive anyone face-to-face you can simply do so on you own. do what you must so you can move forward and not feel held back by the past. your future is bright - no need to dwell in the dust and dark of the past. put your energy into noticing signs from the universe (perhaps practice some shuffle-mancy - put a playlist on shuffle and listen to the first song's lyrics for your message). try not to be too tough on yourself as you let go of the past and embrace the future.

how to protect your energy: as i said before you are a strong person with a bright future, so i trust that you will do what you must - if you see something must be done, take action and do it. connect with your inner authority - protect your inner child, if you are forgiving someone face to face actively remember that your inner child still exists. going face to face with someone who brings you trauma or anxiety does cause age regression in some cases - acknowledge your younger self and remember the growth you have done. you have the ability to protect that inner child. remember to think beyond just yourself - it might not be worth digging up the past when we have presently gone so far. additionally advised: practice self-empowering mantras and affirmations.

pile 3

energy around you: you are moving into a gaining cycle - do not linger on previous fears of challenge and loss but at the same time learn to show gratitude for what is about to come into you life. recall your previous beliefs in change and now rewrite it to see it as a warning that things do change and you can experience loss again. something i sense you should work on is focusing on the spiritual world rather than the material one. you are a clever person, which is not something that can be quantified so stop trying to show everyone what you are instead simply being what you are. if you are dealing with health woes at the moment - try to ground your mindset into that of healing into of suffering. live life as though it could be worse and as though it could be better, instead of taking it for granted that you are "stabilized/stabilizing" because change is inevitable.

how to protect your energy: be generous. the best way to promote your new found prosperity and gains are to model how you wish to be treated and/or wished you were treated in your times of need. step into that leadership role - being a model or figurehead for charitable services can help you to remember where you were, where you are, and where you are going. it is also a great time to get the support of the positive masculine figure(s) in your life; perhaps they can aid you in your journey to connect past, present, and future via their connections/funds. the main message for you is to donate to passion projects and volunteer with those in need. don't focus too had on getting others involved; focus on you and your journey. whatever you can give back, no matter how small, will be appreciated without a doubt.

[justheretoposttrash]

day 5 of meandering about endeavor (and briefly hawks)--(taking a more meta-look at the fandom with this one):

i find it fascinating and honestly sorta cool that the fandom is so divided on endeavor in a way that lines up well with how people are divided on his character within the text itself.

the responses are certainly not black-and-white or binary, but it's easiest for me to give the examples of hawks and natsuo as sorta opposite ends of the spectrum. many endeavor fans are similar to hawks--enjoying his cooler moments while also greatly appreciating how much he puts himself through in his efforts to change for the better (as an aside, i do find it hilarious how many endeavor fans enjoy seeing that man beat the shit out of and actively suffering. kinky lol). endeavor haters, on the other hand, generally want nothing to do with his character (while some even say that they want him to die, when it comes to fictional people in a story, that's basically the equivalent of "keep this guy far away from me"). the need for unequivocal and complete separation from his character is similar to what natsuo wants and sticks with in the story (although he does have his moments of sensitivity regarding his father, in spite of this).

i think that the reasoning behind irl fans and the characters also often align. for hawks, it's incredibly inspiring and gratifying to see that someone is willing to put in the work to change, even if doing so will be difficult and often unrewarding. the worse the actions are, the more painful the upward climb becomes, but also the more crazy it is that the person in question is willing to make that climb in the first place. i've noticed a lot of endhawks fans in particular really finding a lot of personal healing through exploring these ideas, whether they want to change for the better themselves, or they wish those in their life who'd hurt them would be willing to grow as people the way endeavor's character does. sure, there are some people who gloss over the terrible things that he's done, but many seem to enjoy actively engaging with what he's done and working through what it means for them.

for natsuo, it's not just about it being "too little, too late", though that's definitely a big part--but also that he as a person cannot have a relationship with his father while keeping himself safe and healthy. a lot of real-life relationships end up this way, especially between parent and child once the child reaches adulthood, and it's a very healthy boundary to set. for irl people engaging with fiction that triggers similar emotions, this looks more like ignoring, not engaging with, or wishing for the removal of the character activating them---and if that "boundary"-esque wall can't be drawn, if they repeatedly are unable to avoid the character's presence, this often wells up as anger and turns into venting, which is only natural if you're being bombarded with a stimulus that you feel unable to control. (sure, blocking and filtering tags is available, but algorithms can be incredibly confounding/unavoidable, not everyone remembers to tag their stuff perfectly every time, and in this case, the maligned character plays an incredibly crucial and central role in the canon material itself--so if you want to consume, y'know, mha, you have to grapple with a text that at best isn't always for you, or at worst occasionally betrays you.)

i don't mean to overstate my case--a lotta ppl like stuff or hate stuff without questioning it--but i think in the case of this one particular character, a lot of nuance tends to emerge, and there's a lot of potential there for analysis/learning. I also think that some conflict and friction becomes inevitable between disagreeing fans regarding endeavor's character. naturally, your average person getting crushed in the gears of day-to-day life is going to feel hurt when they're accused of not engaging with the thing that brings them much-needed comfort in the "correct" way, especially if they have indeed been putting a lot of work into thoughtfully engaging with it behind-the-scenes. it's also difficult to give people you disagree with the benefit of the doubt, bc honestly there are plenty of wild takes or arguments made in bad faith out there--and very few ppl want to wade through a bunch of cortisol-spiking statements just to find one that is reasonable enough but that still might be disagreeable to them.

it's likewise interesting to see the reactions of people either calling hawks a murderer and hating on his character, or claiming he did nothing wrong and that twice shouldn't have fought/deserved to die (and while i can understand wanting to defend silly bbygirl birdman, man oh man would hawks not be happy with the latter take if he were a Real Boy). i don't believe either group comprises the majority of mha fans by a longshot, but there's still enough that i've noticed these little trends in one pocket of the internet or amother. i got nothin prescriptive here, i just find it all interesting to talk about.

lastly, i wanna say that, while telling stories from the POV of an abuser and trying to give them sympathy at the same time is so often a gross and very Bad Move, crazily enough i think mha is one of the best executions of this that i've seen. aside from the nuanced way endeavor gets treated by other characters (some supportive, some rightfully angry, some rightfully hateful), what stands out to me is that, by having us see through his pov, the story actually shows what anyone could realistically expect as a best-case-scenario of an abuser starting to atone. we don't have to question if he's sorry, don't have to question if he understands what he did as wrong, don't have to question that he's doing actionable things to make progress, etc., because we spend so much time with his thoughts. and it's not perfectly linear and it does come way too late, but it is kind of wild to see this kind of best-case evolution unfold bit by bit. of course, the flipside to this is that real life doesn't work this way and you can never have absolute certainty that an abuser genuinely understands/won't go on to abuse again. still, being able to see a direct model for what accountability and working towards atonement looks like is refreshing, when by comparison so many other character arcs in other stories 1) end in redemption through death, 2) have the character barely do any internal work/stay an absolute asshole, or 3) resolve a past "sin" that actually wasn't that bad to begin with. when all three tropes are avoided, when someone did something unforgivable but is veritably changing for the better but is still alive, what the heck happens next? what the hell do you do? what does anyone do? some options are explored in mha in a pretty neat way--natsuo never wants to see enji, and enji agrees. touya wants to see enji every day (at least implicitly so) and enji makes that his vow. so many flawed parents irl are unable to respect their childrens' wishes when it comes to letting them completely go so they can live their lives, or when it comes to staying ever-present and showing them genuine care, and yet enji becomes a parent capable of doing both opposite-seeming things at once, finally willing to do and become what his children ask of him. the todoroki saga is certainly not perfect---i for one have *thoughts* about how the very end of rei's arc has been handled---but i think it's unique for how it benefits from providing so much of endeavor's pov, whereas other stories from an abuser's pov might have slapped on shitty apologia or only provided an "explanation" for why that character is so nasty without going too much further than that. while this choice may force some fans to have a level of closeness with a character whose presence begets feelings of hurt and hopelessness, it also makes sense why this choice has captivated other fans and provided, oddly enough, a sense of inspiration and hope.

[noramoons]

and tomorrow we’ll begin anew | l.sm

pairing: lee seokmin x g/n reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

rating: T/13+

warnings: language, descriptions of anxiety/insecurities, (not proofread 🤡)

word count: 2k

summary: today has been a colossally bad day—luckily, your boyfriend is there to remind you that you don’t have to deal with it alone.

a/n: this is so wildly self indulgent it is not even funny…not even sure i like this piece anymore tbh but it is here! 🤭

7:17 a.m.

The morning light streaming into your bedroom is warm, basking you in the golden glow of a new day. It doesn't bring you the reassuring warmth it's meant to, however, when you wake up to see your alarm clock and realize you've slept in an extra half hour.

8:07 a.m.

Okay, you're seven minutes late to work. Fine. Whatever. That shouldn't send your entire day up in flames.  

But it burns down anyway. Everything past that first hour is tinged with smoke, hanging heavy over you like a cloud of inevitable mistakes. You've nearly forgotten a deadline. Your printer stops working. One of your coworkers calls in sick and you end up having to do double the work you would normally do.

And even with all of that, the day drags—you think to yourself no less than five times throughout your shift that you're aren't sure you'll ever make it home again.

Okay, you aren't delusional enough to not realize how slightly dramatic you might be behaving—but you really can't remember a day at work worse than this in a long while. You feel utterly useless. There's no other way to put it.

4:12 p.m.

It isn't until your clock finally ticks on the last hour, a single glimmer of hope in what has been an absolute shitshow of a day, that you remember your day has really only just begun.

> s ❤️

> i'm heading over your way now! sorry i'm a little early lol

> just looking forward to seeing you :)

Oh, Jesus Christ. With the near-constant nightmare that your shift at work was, you'd almost entirely forgotten—you made dinner plans with your boyfriend to eat at your apartment tonight. You know that should excite you, relax you, even, at the thought of seeing him at the end of a long and exhausting day.

Instead, it fills you with nothing but dread.

Your relationship with Seokmin is new—still in that cautious, tip-toeing early phase of dating where you don't really quite know each other yet. You know him, sure—know his name, his phone number, some of his favorite shows and movies and songs, just the same as you know most of these facts about your regular friends. The fact that you do know what the tender, delicate sensation of his lips on yours feels like is the only thing so far that distinguishes him from most of your other casual friendships.

But that's not to say that you don't want to learn more. You do—God, you do. Seokmin is unbelievably funny and sweet (and punctual, you're delighted to learn now). So you'd offered last week for him to stop by your apartment for dinner, telling him he could let himself in with the key underneath the potted plant by your front door. Nothing incredibly complicated—just a dish you've made a million times and that you know you can't possibly screw up (and that you hope might still impress him a little). You'd bought the ingredients on your grocery run over the weekend, so all in all, it should be something you can do with your eyes closed.

Or it would be, at least—if the only thing on your mind now wasn't dropping everything you're currently holding at your front door and collapsing into your bed, ready to sleep off this ridiculously exhausting day. And if you'd been dating Seokmin for longer than you have now, you'd tell him that. Tell him that you need to reschedule your dinner date because the only thing propelling you through this last half hour of work is the thought of getting to be in a coma the minute you set foot in your apartment.

But you haven't been in this relationship for that long—and so you don't quite know how he'd react to that. Would he think you were avoiding him? Think that you were tired of him already? Those thoughts certainly aren't the truth—so you'll just have to put an Oscar-winning performance for a few hours in the hopes that he'll stick around for another (less inwardly painful) dinner date.

And it isn't Seokmin's fault by any means. Certainly not his fault that you're so anxious about the beginning of this relationship, one that seems almost too good to be true, that you've found yourself working overtime to make sure you don't scare him off the first time he sees you under stress like this.

You'll just have to make an effort to plan your next date on a day you're aren't so in your own damn head about everything.

5:03 p.m.

By the time you're finally speeding your way out the door of your office, you're already mentally rehearsing what you need to do to hurry the evening along as quickly as possible but not seem like you don't want Seokmin to be there. The lettuce for your meal has been washed already, so you won't have to worry about that, and there's still leftover rice in the fridge you can serve your entree with—all you need to do is marinate the meat for half an hour and cook. Maybe Seokmin will want to talk about a TV show he's been enjoying and you can steer him away from discussions about work, because you know you won't be able to hide your exhaustion if the conversation lingers there. You can't offer any wine tonight, even if it does pair terribly well with this beef—that will just have to be a next-date plan. If he sticks around.

You're still cycling through your well-crafted lines in your mind as you finally reach your apartment, bracing yourself as you make your way up each stair step, practically holding your breath as your reach your door and turn the doorknob—

The door shuts as you walk in.

He turns to face you. "Y/N!" Seokmin beams, grinning ecstatically like he hasn't seen you in years—that damn smile that fills you with the warmth of the sun itself.

You let go of that breath.

And it isn't all you let go of. Seeing that goddamn stupid smile of his is like the straw that breaks the camel's back—because your bag slips out of your fingers and onto the floor before you even realize it. There's tears welling up at the corners of your eyes, leaving tracks down your cheeks before you even realize you're crying.

But Seokmin realizes. He's rushing out of his seat in an instant, making his way to your side and begging you to tell him what's wrong as he leads you to the couch.

"Look, it's just...I just had a bad day," you admit as you sink into the couch, embarrassment creeping back in to your conscious mind once you feel Seokmin's thumb rubbing over your hand reassuringly. "That's all." Why are you like this? Even now, your first instinct is refusing to let him in—because what if he finally sees how you can really be, and runs away screaming in terror?

His frown deepens. "I don't think it was just a bad day. You can tell me, Y/N—please tell me. If you want to."

The urgency in his voice feels genuine—feels real, in a way that nothing else today has felt. So you do. "It's been nonstop," you tell him, laughing a little through a sniffle. "Like ever since the moment I woke up today, I've been doing something wrong. I was just exhausted when work was over, but I didn't want to cancel this date because we've been planning it for a week to accommodate both our schedules, and I...I like you, Seokmin." There it is—your last card, laid in front of him to examine if he so chooses. "And I would really, really rather not fuck this up."

A soft grin starts tugging up the corners of his lips before he moves to cup both of your cheeks in his soft hands. "I really like you too, you know," he says, laughing a little. And you laugh too—how can you not, when the sound of his voice is enough to set you so simply at ease, enough to practically erase all the earlier worries of the day?  "You haven't fucked anything up. I don't want you to ever feel like you have to prioritize your day over mine—if you're having a bad one, then that's what the two of us can worry about."

Seokmin squeezes your cheeks a little, and the action makes your chest tighten with affection. "I don't want you to feel like you have to put on a performance around me, either. If you've had a bad day, you've had a bad day—and you can tell me about it. I won't put on a performance for you, either. Mostly because I've been told I'm a terrible actor," he informs you, and it pulls another light laugh from you. "And just so you know...I like you too. I like being around you, no matter what. One bad day is never going to change that."

His words are like waves cascading over the sand, washing away whatever had been written there before—but you still can't shake that last itch that refuses to subside. "But I ruined our date."

"What date?" he asks, smirking a little. "I thought we scheduled it for tomorrow. Remember?"

It takes you a moment to understand what he's saying, but when you laugh, it's real—a loud, joyous laugh that leads Seokmin to burst into giggles as well, throwing his arms around you and enveloping you in that comfort that he is. He reminds you that tomorrow will always be there—a promise that you can always try again.

9:48 p.m.

The two of you talk for hours after ordering in dinner, laughing (and crying one more time) about anything that comes to mind. Seokmin was right—you don't have to put on a performance around him to feel comfortable. The conversation feels practically never-ending, which is fine by both of you.

Seokmin makes a move to stand up and leave right before 10:00 pm. You know he's giving you an out for if you still want some time to yourself today.

You reach out a hand to stop him, to make him stay—but you don't even have to say a word before he's taking your hand and sitting right back down in his seat, grinning at your ability to have an entire conversation without words.

11.27 p.m.

By the time you're crawling into bed beside Seokmin, tucking yourself into his side, the exhaustion from your day earlier is finally, finally, catching up with you—you think you're barely conscious when he's leaning over to kiss the crown of your head and humming a soft goodnight.

But it doesn't matter how the day ends, you think. Like Seokmin had said, tomorrow will always be there too—a chance to begin anew. 

a/n: thank you sm for reading! feedback is always welcome through reblogs, comments, and messages 💛 

taglist:  @petrichor-han @kangroo-chan @ot7lonelylover @lilacdreams-00 @mainexiii @awkwardnesshabitat @lotus-dly @elizabeth11moreno @nerdysl-t @seung-scrittore  

©️ noramoons 2021-2023. do not translate or reupload my writing.

[dittobtch]

Dot and Fatin: a slowburn friendship

October Leatin Prompts - day 25 - Dot

(not leatin focused at all until the end and not even a fanfic really - more of a rambling, but i've had this in my drafts for over half a year so enjoy)

thinking about dot and fatin and what they'd be like if they met at school instead of on the island.

yeah they're fast friends on the island because they are quite literally trapped and have nothing to do/ no one else to talk to but if they met through "normal" circumstances, they probably would have a slow burn friendship.

see: when they meet for the first time and they probably don't think much of it. dot probably assumes she's just another one of those girls and fatin probably doesn't even remember dot.

cut to them starting to talk more and not hating the other's presence immediately but then also being super apprehensive about it because they both think they're better off alone. fatin's too busy with the cello and dot's too busy with her dad. but they also both really enjoy each other's presence so they gaslight themselves into thinking that they don't and that they're better off without one another.

even then they still seek each other out. it's small stuff at first, like partnering up in class and sitting together at assemblies. then it happens so frequently that they can't deny it anymore and realize how much they want each other in their lives.

they're still scared because they don't think the other one wants that so they do regular friend things but still refuse to acknowledge that they're more than just school acquaintances: dot eats lunch in the music room while fatin practices and fatin acts as a lookout while dot does her rounds. sometimes they'll even do something outside of school, albeit briefly like driving each other home or that one time they ran into each other at the mall and walked around for a bit.

eventually something big happens, probably similar to their canon backstories, and everything changes.

then they're forced to confront the fact that they aren't alone and they've always had a friend there for them and surprise surprise, they don't hate it. it actually feels nice to know that someone else has your back.

so they develop this understanding that they're friends, best friends maybe, even if they'll never acknowledge it and even though it took them so long to get there. they learn how to have and be a friend together and it's not perfect, but it works. they take care of each other and they finally let themselves get taken care of too. they finally let someone else in.

and it's good for a while - they have each other and that's all they really need. then fatin meets leah and everything changes and dot doesn't know what to do.

dot struggles a lot when leah and fatin first gets together - it's a hard and sudden adjustment. of course dot knows that she doesn't need to be with fatin so often, but everything was good how they were before and maybe it doesn't feel as good as it used to. and if it doesn't feel as good now, maybe it's bound to get worse. everything in her life gets worse so it was inevitable that this would too.

she's still scared though - she doesn't want to lose fatin after they just became friends.

of course she doesn't lose fatin, but the shift of going from fatin's number one and the only person fatin would open up to and then suddenly having to share that...

it's hard, so she probably pushes fatin away - it's what fatin would want. dot was a temporary fill until fatin found her one and only and now she has. dot isn't needed anymore.

of course fatin notices and calls bullshit immediately. it'd probably take a bit of adapting but they'll get there eventually. because they're dot and fatin, as close to platonic soulmates as it gets.

FUCK i miss them all so much

link to October Leatin Prompts

[thatfrailsoul]

– That frail soul

just some thoughts

( picture → pinterest )

When I was little, my grandmother always checked my homework before allowing me to put away the books. And if there was a mistake... Oh boy. She would pass the next hour erasing the superficial layer of the paper with a razor, in the spot where the mistake was, colouring slightly the now more white spot, so it is not so noticeable, and then writing the words correctly on her own, imitating my hand and ways

I've never really understood why she did it, but I knew that it was important to her, so I never said anything. She was doing it on her own after all, it didn't require any additional "work" from me, so why should've I cared when I was only able to think about my favorite cartoon that would've started soon...

But my professor... She always knew what my grandmother was doing. And every single time she looked at my homework, she whispered in fear that I will never know how to make my own mistakes and learn from them.

As I grew up I never thought about it again. I still managed to make my own mistakes. And I always, fortunately, learned from them. But I always did so silently, on my own, hidden away, without even realising what I was getting used to do.

In the safety of my room, in my sleepless nights passed on studying and trying again and again whatever I wasn't able to do. Or at the back of my mind, where no one could see me remembering, analysing, my every action or word that came out of my mouth... I was slowly but surely learning to hide my progress, my mistakes, my wanders or misunderstandings, never allowing others too see them, and erasing everything that wasn't aligned with the current image that I chose for myself. Imitating so damn well the hysterical need of my grandmother to correct my homework, hiding those little but still imperfections. Just to make me seem perfect in the eyes of someone else.

I grew up and started tearing out the pages when I didn't write aesthetically enough or made too many mistakes as I was drawing, supposedly having fun. I started to feel the need of a whole new journal or notebook if I had a new interest, even if I never finished the previous one. I deleted all my photos from the socials just because I found a different style...

Discovering, trying and experimenting was never a problem for me. But it was, in my subconscious, simply a disaster to have something out there that remained of that older style, idea, passion or version of me. That others could see that change, that lack of coherence and perfect balance in who I am.

But is it really so bad? If someone understands that I've changed? Is it so horrible if someone sees the process, the how, the steps that I made as I was growing and finding my true self or how to express myself? Are my older desires, passions and ways that much worse than the newer ones? Or are they still and always a part of me and my story, and should be at least respected and remembered rather than completely erased? Are they, perhaps, the ones that really make it so worth it, to be here and to be who I am?

I feel so different, so new in the way I'm starting to perceive my own self and this world as I'm changing once again... As I feel this inevitable itch of starting completely from scratch and hide away that older part of me in favour of a new one... But I will gently force myself to slow down and let go a little this time. I will allow my new self to bloom right here, next to the other versions of me, not in their place, not instead of them. Because they might not be so perfect, or fitting now for the person that I feel to be... But they still are me. A me who did her best. And deserves to be remembered and celebrated for all that she was able to learn or discover about herself and the way she wants to carry and present herself, instead of being shamed for the way she did it.

I will allow this change, even if it won't be a completely perfect new beginning, but just a continuation of my growth, redemption to my mistakes... Because even done this way, it is still more than fine and I can equally feel confident and proud.

All of this just to share this sudden realisation. And the little but important bit of courage that I found in not deleting anything, but to just embrace my new self.

And as I will learn to not hide those hard-earned steps that I made to arrive here, I hope that you will find and give some love to the older versions of you too. That you will spend a moment to appreciate them, the ones that helped you to become the beautiful person that you are now. The mistakes, the delusions, the failures, the bad things and the ones that still follow you around. No matter at which age, how, or in which area of your life... I hope that you will choose to leave them here. Not as a reminder of how much you suffered or perhaps hurt others, how "worse" you were... But as the one of how far you've come in understanding it and changing. Learning so much more about this life and your own self.

_

[natureboy96]

Tamlin and the Hybern Deal: Fumbling or Preplanned?

Preface:

a lot of criticism for the series can be directed at the quality of the writing or narrative. ultimately, I don't believe the series is interested in a more nuanced approach when it comes to a relationship coming apart or having the characters understanding each others' motivations in favor of promoting an escapist fantasy for overcoming a traumatic event. That being said, I am going to approach this event aiming to be more objective than the narrative, because that's generally how I look back on most books, even the ones I am really invest in personally. I understand why people may choose to simply accept the narrative as is for catharsis or vicarious comeuppance, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I've had a number of thoughts about this part of the story since I read ACOWAR, as I'm sure a number of people have. After a lengthy discussion on a different post with two very passionate and respectable fans of the series, however, I found myself thinking about and discussing points about the deal I hadn't thought about before, and I feel a proper assessment of the event is worth doing. I've come to my own conclusions on this based on what I have read/remember, but I imagine there are other conclusions people can draw as well.

Tamlin's motivation pt 1 - Feyre

The first knowledge we have of Tamlin's deal with Hybern is when he shows up there, and he and the King tells us he's made the deal to rescue Feyre from Rhysand. Getting Feyre back is the only motive he clearly states in ACOMAF, though in ACOWAR we get more reason to believe there could be more to it.

I still hold that it feels very disingenuous to say his motivation was solely to control her or treat her like a pet. We do know that, at least at the start of ACOMAF, he's very much blind to what Feyre's going through, a combination of their two traumas making actual, honest communication between them impossible. We also know that Tamlin's motives for his actions at the beginning of the book, as stated by him, are to protect her from every threat he couldn't before. He cares for her as the person he'd fallen in love with, and did not know the person she became after UtM.

After Feyre leaves, there is no credible reason for Tamlin to believe that she wants to stay away and wasn't taken by the "evil high lord who could control people's minds and who had sexually assaulted her for months in front of him", whom she had said she didn't want to be with. Tamlin was not informed by Lucien or his staff that Feyre was rescued willingly by Mor, including hiding the melted ring. A short letter written in her own hand could easily be coerced, not even with mind control. When Lucien went to find her and bring her back, she tells him that, "When you're trapped in the darkness long enough, the darkness stares back", and then produces massive bat wings. I can't see that as anything but confirming that she was corrupted by darkness, whether it was her decision or otherwise. That doesn't seem like the sort of message that means you don't need rescuing.

Lastly, we get to Hybern itself, when Feyre tells Tamlin directly that she does not want to go with him, and Tamlin learns they are mated. I'd point to the whole, 'evil mind controlling HL' again for why she might say it, but the mating bond would have made it even worse; we know for a fact mating bonds doesn't mean true love, and a lot of bonds end up terrible - imagine the woman you love mated to a monster she wanted to escape from? Either way, this part happens after the deal is made, and as Lucien mentions, the deal couldn't be reneged on without costing his life, even if he did believe her. And no, I don't consider a high lord including his inner circle in an alliance as wrong, for reasons I will elaborate on in the next section.

Tamlin's motivation pt 2 - Hybern's inevitability

at the beginning of ACOMAF, we know that Tamlin and Lucien are off on their territory's borders, supposedly hunting down Amarantha's threats and doing other war things. It isn't until later in the book that Rhysand tells us that Hybern is preparing for war, and that the Spring Court would be the first target, as Hybern wants to destroy the wall and reenslave the human population. We also learn that Tamlin and Lucien's trips to the border and war camps were also in anticipation to Hybern's plans.

The question, then, is why would Tamlin make a deal to let the invading kingdom into his lands, when his court would be the first on the chopping block, and when he's explicitly stated he hates slavery? Some point to this as being a poor decision/oversight on his part, sacrificing everything to get Feyre back.

We learn, early on in ACOWAR, that Tamlin’s deal for Feyre wasn’t just to get her back, but also to leave the people of the Spring Court undisturbed and untouched:

I would also call to Tamlin's evidence during the HL meeting (another topic worth a deeper look) as proof that Tamlin had plans for more than just rescuing Feyre with this deal. We know that Feyre has been at Spring for a few weeks at the start of ACOWAR and doesn't stay for much longer, past the Summer Solstice and a bit longer at that, but not much. An indeterminate amount of time passes after, without any notable events/holidays to track it (worth clarifying if people know otherwise) And yet, Tamlin has months worth of records on Hybern's movements and plans when he's at the High Lord meeting. It's possible he started gathering this information after Feyre left, but I find it harder to believe he wouldn't have started this planning from the beginning - it's clear when Feyre is there that he isn't just looking to play along with Feyre, and tries to tell her there is more going on than just a betrayal. Lucien actually confirms it himself when the two of them are fleeing from Spring and through Autumn - he confirms Tamlin was already playing the double agent when he made the deal, to use Hybern for their own ends and hope to rally support later:

Ianthe (who Hybern calls one of his own) states that Hybern is inevitable, and Rhysand and the IC plan and prepare through the two books along the same lines. It seems foolish for Tamlin to assume otherwise, especially with Ianthe's manipulation so close. And it's already been confirmed that Spring would be the first court to be invaded, for its proximity to the wall and human lands. That leaves Tamlin with a choice: Should he risk open warfare against Hybern, devastate his forces without guarantee the other lords will come to help? And even if he could manage to hold off Hybern (we learn well that even all the courts together couldn't do it together without Amren) what would the devastation be?

This is where I draw a parallel between Rhysand's choice with Amarantha and Tamlin's choice with Hybern. When Rhysand knew Amarantha would be inevitable, he decided to play a double agent in order to better protect people he could. The choice to work with Hybern, once it was clear they were inevitable, would be the best out of terrible choices. pretending to be on Hybern's side offers Tamlin the highest level of control he can manage in the face of an all out invasion. We see that this was part of Tamlin's planning; his bargain guarantees the safety of his people, and he's able to evacuate people to the east to protect them. It mitigates damage in a way he can protect more people than not.

Was Tamlin's planning, then, effective at all, especially seeing as Hybern's twins were daemati, and Feyre has to protect his and Lucien's minds because they couldn't guard their minds themselves? I would posit that, as far as the story goes, we only know of 5 daemati in the entire series; Rhys, Feyre (from Rhys' powers), the twins, and the unnamed daemati Rhys claims was the one to actually kill the kids (sloppy retcon, thin lie or legit story, impossible to tell). Rhjys mentions that daemati are super rare and highly prized, but no other court seems to have one in their arsenal, a skill that could be very useful in the middle of a war. We certainly know the Spring Court hasn't one, none they know about.

As for protecting oneself against a daemati's attack, we only have a single example of training one's mind, that being Rhys training Feyre. We haven't any confirmation that non daemati can even guard their minds from mental attacks, and even if they could, we've only seen it be done by another daemati, and Tamlin neither is nor has a daemati.

Furthermore, we have no confirmation that Tamlin or the Spring Court knew Hybern had powerful daemati on their side, or that the twins were themselves. Even if it could be assumed they were, there's no indication that the twins are daemati or that they would be the ones sent to Spring as emissaries. There are a lot of things you can't plan for when it comes to things you don't know, and something as rare as a mind controller seems hard to plan for.

As for the rest of Tamlin's plans... We can't know for sure what he might have planned to manage Hybern, because Feyre's manipulations affected anything he might have had planned. Whether you think it justified or not, Feyre's actions were calculated with the intent of driving a wedge between Tamlin and his people, using her Fae Sainthood to do so. Tamlin was put into more and more situations between her manipulation and Ianthe's, and because of the deal (and his attempt to remain looking as a good ally to Hybern) his hands were forced to make terrible decisions. If Tamlin had sided with a sentry over Ianthe, a Hybern agent and not just priestess, he would have risked the double agent position he was holding, and Feyre made sure he would be punished for these choices. Feyre is, as she was in ACOMAF, Tamlin's blindspot. His love had blinded himself to what she could do or needed, to her detriment in ACOMAF, and then his own and Spring Court in ACOWAR. Perhaps Tamlin had plans to protect his people and his lands better than he managed... We can never know, though, because Feyre chooses to act and the narrative hasn't been interested in explaining more. We also know, from Feyre's own words, that she was aware her plans would hurt more than just Tamlin and was willing to let Spring fall to better unite the rest of the courts to work together.

Conclusions

Based on the evidence in the text, we can come to the conclusion that Tamlin had used his deal with Hybern to try and better protect his Court, a plan that Lucien seems to confirm was in their thinking to begin with, and Tamlin confirms in the High Lord Meeting with follow through. We cannot know the full effect of his planning, whether it would have worked or not, due to Feyre's actions in Spring. Saying Tamlin's only motive for Hybern was to get Feyre back and he hadn't thought through/planned for Hybern seems to be proven false from Lucien's words.

[dxmedstudent]

The "resident doctor" is horrible change, a meaningless Americanism.

If anything, the recent strikes have advertised the broad meaning on "junior doctor" to the masses. A change to "postgraduate doctor" would have been better as it has a British meaning. I've actually read that some are claiming the change is good because Brits know residents from American TV shows?! As if we should be making British medicine MORE American?

Thanks for writing in! It's definitely useful to be able to discuss what people like or dislike about it.

The thing is, "the masses" have always used the term "junior doctor" to denigrate and infantilise staff they see as basically teens. They were doing it when I first went on strike in 2016, and they've been doing it during the past couple of years of strikes - just look at the comments under literally every Daily Mail or Telegraph article about junior doctors. Inevitably people always imagine a lost looking 24 year old house officer/FY1 and never the grizzled middle aged obstetrics registrar with 3 kids of their own.

It tends to go hand in hand with rhetoric about how "we trained you, you can't work abroad/go part time/leave medicine", which is fundamentally rooted in misunderstanding the "we pay X to train a doctor" figures that get touted - the majority of those figures being *doctors' salaries over the course of their foundation, Core and specialist training*. We need people to understand that formerly known as junior doctors are grown adults, and qualified medical professionals who are being paid for their work and are paying thousands of pounds to learn more, as they go along.

And of course, completely not understanding what whilst the government moves a pile of money from the education pot to the NHS pot to, in theory, train med students or postgraduate doctors, very little of that is earmarked or used for actual training - the vast majority of our training us informal and impromptu talking, around actual care. Did I as a med student get tens of thousands of pounds worth of supervision or training? I honestly don't think so. But that's the value the UK government decided my hanging out at the back of a clinic room or operating theatre was worth. The vasy majority of our learning once we enter the clinical years of med school, or postgraduate training, is self directed. Not only that, but I'd argue that poor staffing and toxic work environments at some points if my core medical training actively hampered my learning and progression.

Going back to terminology, I think PD was considered, but Postgraduate doctor would unfortunately include consultants, GPs and SAS doctors as well because we're still postgraduate once we qualify. Ultimately it was put to a vote and "resident" won out over the other options suggested. I voted, but I can't remember what all the other options were.

I think it's hard because our training is longer and has always been subdivided - we've had house officers abd senior house officers and registrars for a long time - and we've loosely rebranded them into FY1 , Core trainees and soecualist registrars. But at alm levels you do pretty different things, are on different rotas and have different levels of responsibility so we can't just call everyone a registrar. Which IMO feels like what a US resident is.

The term "Trainee doctor" has often been used, but IMO that has always looked worse and is often hard to explain that you're not talking about medical students but about paid working professionals who may already have multiple speciality examinations under their belt. I've seen patients confused by this terminology and think it would not have been a better option.

Resident isn't JUST a US term, it is a term used in multiple non-US countries such as Canada, Spain, Australia, Singapore, India and others. And I do think that after decades of series like ER, House MD, Greys Anatomy, etc plenty of people are at least vaguely aware of the term and its implications of "qualified doctor who us not yet a completely qualified specialist". We can have a debate about what it means that US media takes over the world somewhat. But in this instance only, it kind of works in our favour.

I could talk about multiple issues with the US system (nowhere near as knowledgeably as my US medblr friends, so I leave it to them), but the terminology of calling it residency would be extremely low down my list of complaints. I generally believe words matter, a lot. But I don't think that calling trainees residents is going to be what privatises UK healthcare.

Ultimately, whilst it's not my favourite term personally, for me it's a means to an end. I want us to be able to change terminology to make it harder for people to dismiss grown qualified professionals, or to frame us as effectively spoonfed baby students that someone else is paying for, when in fact resident doctors are paying for their own study and carving out their own learning opportunities most of the time.

I'd just as well accept some kind of UK version that wasn't Resident, but I don't think an easy overarching name exists, and I'm not sure if we could reach a consensus on finding one.

[staratdawn]

I thought about au with blind Regulus and deaf Sirius. It is not congenital, most likely acquired after 5 years of Sirius and 4 years of Regulus at Hogwarts. Their mother's unsuccessful punishment spell hit both brothers. Total blindness forever for Regulus, too much damage to do anything about it, even magic is powerless. Sirius rolled down the stairs, hitting his head on all corners, causing serious damage to the head, including the auditory cortex. The predictions of the Black' personal doctor were positive, of course, no one was going to upset them. But the hearing does not return to Sirius in a year or two.

And this difficult for them, almost impossible to make contact, despair splashes, their psycho-emotional state is not just a light wind, it's a fucking storm, like, they never can be ok again. They need more than a one year to talk to each other again. It's been hard before, don't think they don't love each other, we all know true, and yet their family didn't anticipate the possibility of healthy communication among its members. But now it takes a lot more effort to talk. Sirius can't hear, but he can speak. Regulus can speak and hear, but cannot see. So, Sirius speaks. Sometimes Regulus answers and Sirius lip-reads, it gets better and better with the years but never perfect the meaning of some phrases is inevitably lost, but that's something they can at least handle. Sometimes Regulus writes — he remembers good how it's done, but still a little awkward, not nearly as perfect as it used to be, and yet understandable enough. They learn to use it more often. Talk more often. It is important for them not to lose connect. They seem to have lost it all their lives and only learned to fix it when it was too fucking late.This was exactly the moment when Sirius runs away from home and starts living with James. And Regulus needs time, his parents are careful with him, they no longer try to be as cruel as they used to be, mostly just words, and over the years he managed to develop a good immunity, they do not hurt as much as they could. Sirius hates himself for not being able to take Regulus. They still didn't talk back then, it was so difficult for them and Sirius couldn't just ask Regulus to come with him, he didn't believe he could protect him and felt incredibly vulnerable. But he offers in a year and Regulus agrees.

When they get back to Hogwarts, things clearly change. Honestly, even too much. Regulus has a specially trained guide dog, this is a collie named Lyra (actually, in honor of the constellation, but he did not tell anyone about it except Pandora), she is big, soft and fluffy, and she is also smart and really very strong helps him. He also has a cane inlaid with many spells, so he knows Hogwarts quite well, much better than the first years (which is a dubious achievement, but nonetheless).

Sirius is trying to cope with his condition, mostly not really knowing what to do. I'm thinking of a spell he might have found one day to help take notes, literally translate the words spoken by the professor into text (I know there's nothing like that in canon, but it would be fair if there was, and generally, I just don't care about canon, I REALLY don't care, it's there because I made it up right now). He carries around a notepad and pen so that people can write what they want to say to him, but he also often understands what they are saying by watching their lips move. He can also talk, but he can't hear himself, so it's often very loud/very quiet, he prefers to write, but in the company of marauders, he doesn't care if he seems stupid or awkward.

I think Regulus, even after losing his sight, plays the piano, it is important for him to hear and feel the keys under his fingers, it grounds him, calms him down, makes him feel whole. Sometimes it is unbearable, but more often it gets easier than worse. (As he gets older, there are days when his hands shake too much and he can't find the right keys. Then Lily kisses his temple and James puts his hands over Regulus', they play slowly, making Regulus feel more, feel integrity, pushing the keys until he's finally okay)

And sometimes their duet with Sirius is also heartbreaking. Sirius can't hear but can guide his hands, he just feels, he has enough feeling, he doesn't really like to play. He desperately wants to help Regulus. And he sees the keys, he may be his eyes.

So, speaking of marauders. Honestly, James was the first to know. I think Sirius ran away to him somewhere in the middle of summer vacation, so James went to Hogwarts already fluent in sign language and actively continuing his studies. They met Peter during that time, so he definitely found out, even if Sirius didn't want to show it, and sign language was incredibly difficult for Peter, but he tried!! (damn, he tries so hard to be tactful, I just know it, he doesn't want to offend him, he doesn't even speak in his presence, but mostly writes on a notepad to make Sirius comfortable!!!)

Remus only finds out at Hogwarts, not because Sirius doesn't want to tell him, but because Sirius feels bad and doesn't want to appear weak in front of his boyfriend, ok. In this universe, there is no prank, so they are really happy together, but Sirius's disability is very difficult, and he wants to withdraw into himself and never share his burden with anyone. But he still has to do it when they meet on the train, and it's, well, never been easy, ok? Sirius also believes that he is much more fortunate than Regulus and feels guilty because people surround him with care, it seems to him that he does not deserve it. 

I also think that Remus KNOWS sign language very well (I headcanon him with a large family, several younger and one older sister, I think one of his sisters is deaf so he had to learn sign language for her, I can talk about his sisters, in case anyone is wondering, I just love the concept of a big family where Remus is the middle child, and he is the only wizard, except for Lyall, if we are not talking about the fact that Pandora could be his sister. He also suffers from lycanthropy, and I think one of his sisters might, but that's another TALK....but, you know, he'll never be alone and his family is, well, a little wolf-family-pack. ..okay, just let me know if anyone is interested, this isn't even about Remus, I should fucking shut up) so that makes things a little easier? Except that Sirius himself needs time to learn sign language, but it's absolutely in his best interest, so he's trying so hard. Remus really tries to take care of him, he shares his notes with him before Sirius finds that spell (he's never done this before and it was never needed, but now Sirius is so grateful) and he's definitely taking the translator's position a bit with people who do not know sign language, he really is not a burden, because Sirius will never be a burden for him. Never.

And also I think that Regulus has a spell that makes the book read itself, which makes life easier, magic is beautiful. And he definitely learns to read braille later, but I don't think it's very common among wizards (he probably isn't at all. but over time his life is so closely intertwined with muggle world, he can't ignore it)

Let's talk about girls! I like to think that Lily was fluent in sign language before that, as if she seems like someone who will know it, or at least try to learn it. Mary and Marlene absolutely don't know but they are really good friends so they try. And Marlene is in love with being able to write constant notes in a notebook (gives atmosphere. She puts Sirius notes between textbooks, very, very many notes in a day, they become less over time, but she was never going to throw constant gossip with her bestfriend, thanks, even deafness will not interfere with her). Mary also uses her notebook to write for Sirius when she wants to say something.

I also think that Lily absolutely cares about Regulus (platonically or romantically, your choice), but she doesn't know what she can do for him, she just goes with him all the time, almost seems to blend in with the Slytherins. She reads books to him aloud because he likes how soothing her voice sounds, he actually has an amazing memory, he quotes something from what he has read before or from what he heard from Lily.

Evan and Barty don't know how to act at first. But over time it gets easier. Like there's no problem putting things back where they belong so that Regulus can move around the room with ease, at which point they're very clean. They try to spend a lot of time with him, sometimes it's even annoying, he can say it, but honestly he is grateful.

(also Lyra is absolutely delighted with Barty and Pandora, when Regulus is in bed and she doesn't help him anymore, she often goes to Barty's to get her helping strokes)

Dorcas is so excited when she finds out about this, she is actually so mad at his family. One of her best friends will never fucking see anything else because of his family (Regulus never told them the reason but they know. They all know). She is very afraid of how unsafe he can be in his house, but she obviously does not show it, it would be inappropriate and not quite in her character. She tries to be tactful and act like nothing has changed. And she's also very supportive, actually, she's just not clingy like Barty and Evan, for example, she's just expressing help in the little things, I would say. Her help is usually silent, but also surprisingly eloquent.

I didn't say much about Pandora, I'm sorry. They have an amazingly cute duo and an interesting way of getting around, when Regulus assumes his animagus form, he is also blind, but he is literally cat, so she often carries him around in her arms to his destination. It's faster. Oh, and she was the one who helped him find the spell to read!!

Also, I think Sirius's hearing will start to recover at some point, but it will never be good enough, it's just... some sounds, more sounds than total silence. I didn't mention hearing aids before and I don't think they're common among wizards, but he'll definitely use them when they get out in muggle London and, well, it won't give him perfect hearing, but it's a lot better than nothing...

(little bonus: when Sirius wants to be kissed, but he doesn't want to write about it in a notebook or make gestures because it will upset the mood, he puts his finger on his lips or on his forehead or on his cheek, my boy just wants kisses. And he spreads his arms out to the side when he's waiting for a hug and doesn't want to initiate it first. when alone with Remus, sometimes he just reaches out his palms. Oh, and he claps his hands when he tries to get someone's attention. It's easier for him not to talk than to talk so he keeps the conversations to a minimum)