#i fully sobbed when watching the last season and i still shed a few tears writing this damn thing MAKE IT STOP WAAAAAAAAA

[feeneeweenee]

Better Call Saul: The Most I've Cried In a While.

If it isn't clear, there WILL be spoilers during every moment of this post. I would love to talk about my thoughts on the show as a whole, and reflect on how I've connected with the characters... especially Jimmy McGill.

Fresh From 'Breaking Bad'

Being introduced to Better Call Saul after Breaking Bad was inevitable, of course. Going into it, I think I had the same assumption as everyone else: "Wow!! The silly, funny, very unserious lawyer got a show all for himself!! Finally, some comedic relief from the heartbreak I felt from Breaking Bad! Thank god!!" Well, safe to say I was extremely wrong. A couple episodes in, I'm learning to mourn "Saul Goodman". I LOVED Saul, I thought nothing he could do would make him seem worse or better than he already was. I thought he was at his peak all around, so seeing him go from Saul Goodman to some dude named "Jimmy McGill" was whiplash, and I rejected it, thinking: "wow, he's not cool yet. This is so sad to watch." Seeing him wear browns, blacks, navy blues and greys really made me shun his core character already. I remember feeling bored, and as if I wouldn't like the show, given the mindset I went in with. Boy, was I wrong.

Learning Jimmy

As I watched more, I came to realize the TRUE Jimmy McGill. His difference in morale, mannerisms, approach to life, more or less was a lot more genuine. A little fucked up? Sure, but human and real. I've come to realize slowly but surely during S1 and S2 that Jimmy was a man who had a heart, despite him constantly ricocheting between being a con-artist, and man with a lot of love to give. When he was slipping back into his bad habits, breaking the rules was fun to him, and that's all he ever wanted life to be as his Slippin' Jimmy self: Fun. When his brother Chuck gave him a new life, he tried his best to win the approval and respect of him. At this moment of time, to my knowledge, Jimmy had no habits of doing crimes. It seemed as if he was a clean slate. When he was at his best, learning and growing with Kim Wexler mid-relationship / early marriage, he would become very self aware. Did he still manage to get into the wrong corners of life despite trying to live straight? Yes. It was really hard to watch him put effort into his own betterment, yet still be pulled into the cartel by Lalo, Nacho, Mike, etc. Having Jimmy's selfish and scheming behaviors fueled due to Kim Wexler in the later part of their marriage especially, Or even when Chuck could never show true belief and trust in Jimmy and his law degree. A lot of corners her turned, and a lot of corners he'd meet either someone he loved that didn't give him enough wiggle room, or people heavily associated with crime. I learned to love Jimmy as a whole. He was and still is amazing.

The People Around Jimmy

As I went on watching Jimmy do his thing: Getting in trouble, repeating his wrongdoings just in different fonts despite having the right support eventually, all while also seeing a lot of potential in him to be an honest man, I started building resentment; Especially when Kim wasn't part of the scheming or continuance at all. At a certain point in S3, I started seeing the pattern of "Jimmy fucks up, Jimmy feels bad mostly because he was caught, Jimmy lies his way through it all, and now Jimmy is apologizing, and he will do this again BUT WORSE in the near future." He was the biggest asshole in my mind come S3. I felt it ebb and flow throughout, feeling it strongest in the middle of S5, and towards the end of S6 with the divorce papers scene specifically. Through every character that interreacted with Jimmy, I felt their emotions towards him. Through Chuck, I felt betrayal and resentment. Through Kim, I felt loyalty and pain. And through Howard, I felt as if i was overextending my hand towards someone who needed help, however they never knew to not bite my hand. More or less, all my emotions can be boiled down to feeling attached and trusting, accepting and helping, then pain and betrayal over and over again until I just couldn't see what Kim saw in him anymore.

A Good Guy Deep Down (?)

Learning about him embodying his Gene persona in a negative way, yet still having the effort to hide from authorities, made me the most bitter. The extent he would go, and the people he would continue to rope into his wrongdoings was a painful view. However, I needed to keep in mind that Gene was right after Saul Goodman, not Jimmy McGill. Like Kim, I had all the belief in the world that Jimmy can be a good guy deep down. I really thought I saw Jimmy McGill in his fullest and truest ways just how Kim did. But once the ending started rolling around, I realized I was just another Howard, Chuck, Richard, Cliff, etc, who could not understand him to his fullest. I often find myself wondering if Jimmy was being true with his actions at the end of the show, even though the 86 years of jail time he has received was by his doing. He could have had seven years, but he confessed to a mountain of crimes, made himself clear as day, gave Kim the fresh slate she needed, and accepted the 86 years. Whether it was for Kim's approval and love, or because he truly did believe he deserved every single one of those years, is unclear. It could be a little bit of both, but I'd like to believe that it wasn't for Kim's affection; But rather, because she inspired him. I will say though, I disliked how fast he became self aware and willing to accept his consequences. I'm not sure if the crew had to wrap this show up quickly, had a different way of expressing his deep regrets and pain via flashbacks or whatnot, but it was paced a little oddly from my perspective. What gives me reassurance to the authenticity behind his change of heart, is in the final scenes everything remains black and white, despite him being in the presence of Kim. Only the lit cigarette shines orange, signifying to me that the memory of sharing cigs with her, and anything else associated with this action in the past, makes him feel alive. Or maybe, it's as simple as everyone else puts it: There's still something between them.

Final Notes.

What I will say, however: it's made me raise an eyebrow to the way he'd only indulge in his bad behaviors when he has the love, or the rose-colored glasses, of at least one individual in his life. With a singular person in his corner, he feels confident and free to commit crimes, whether or not said person knows of it. As Saul Goodman, being the richest he's ever been, had the love and acceptance of thousands. While fully committing to being plain and simple Gene at the beginning of his runaway, he had no one, and he had no crime to be involved with. With Kim, however, he truly tried changing, and still is; By telling her everything, even if it makes him anxious. Staying out of trouble, trying to get Lalo stuck in jail, having 86 years of prison time, giving her the best ending she could've gotten despite the situation he got both of them in, the list goes on. Unfortunately, their relationship was the epitome of an "Addict and Enabler" dynamic, where Kim loved not only his company, but what he brought with it: crime, bad behavior for selfish gain, and fun, all while Jimmy had an addiction with con-artistry he could never seem to fully put down even with her not participating at first. While Kim still loved him as a person, even showing restraint and disapproval of Jimmy's deceiving ways in the earlier moments of their relationship, it evolved into getting married for the "we can't testify against each other" benefit, and they both started wrecking havoc. Kim loved Jimmy a lot, which is why I think his addiction to con-artistry made her, in a way, relapse with the same actions practically reestablishing the same type of criminal co-dependency she and her mother had with one another. She didn't want to lose him, but she was also fighting against her own urges to join in earlier on, hence the neutrality towards Jimmy's actions, and coming to his rescue in court whenever needed, but obviously looking stressed while doing so.

This show has truly broken my heart in ways Breaking Bad wish it did. The story telling, the connection to the characters, the world building, all of it. The way Kim and Jimmy's relationship was tampered and maneuvered with all throughout, in order to tell a rich and cultivating story full of dynamic characters and complex emotions, really moved me. In reality, this show was meant to encapsulate the most heart-breaking, beautiful, yet gut-wrenching romance. I'd like to think that Kim visits Jimmy in prison a few times a year... but I'd also realistically think that Jimmy will always be going from 'trickery' to 'truth'. Both phases being fleeting, just in a different, lighthearted manner with the cell he resides in for the rest of his life.

Thank you for reading <3 ~Fini

[emwritesfootball]

Left Behind | Merih Demiral

I am a juve fan and you had Demiral pieces, that’s why I thought you write for him. I am not good at requesting things I am so sorry if I am doing it wrong right now. There are serious rumors that Demi will leave us and go to Germany and I feel quite upset because I think he did not have enough chances to show his potential and also he is kinda cute 👉👈. So may I ask you to write something about him and his leaving, something angsty and leaving someone behind etc.??

Word Count: 751

Warnings: just angst; brief mentions of sex but nothing descriptive

A/N: At the time I write this, Merih’s already been loaned to Atalanta, so I’m using that as the basis for this. Hope it still works for you xx

- - -

You’d heard the rumours but you brushed them off as just that - rumours. Merih was the target of multiple clubs and you trusted him to keep you in the loop if anything serious were to arise.

What you hadn’t expected was for him to leave without a word.

There wasn’t so much as a note when you rolled over to wake up to an empty bed. Merih had insisted he spend the night with you and there seemed to be an urgency in the way he’d kissed you. Usually, your kisses were slow, holding promises your bodies kept later when he took you to bed. Last night had been different and so had the sex. Merih seemed to want to worship you and it felt like he was making the moment count. You hated that you shed a few tears afterwards as he spooned you, whispering words of love in more languages than you could understand.

It all made sense now, though, as you started to fully wake up. You checked your phone, quickly realizing that something had happened. The first thing to pop up on your Instagram was a post from Merih about going on loan to Atalanta. Your heart sank as you read his goodbye to Juventus, the words feeling more like they were meant for you than any of the fans.

Without thinking, you called him but it went straight to voicemail. “Please, Merih, talk to me. I just heard the news. Why didn’t you say anything?” You hung up before you could say anything else, turning off your phone completely before turning into a sobbing, inconsolable mess.

Meanwhile, two hours away, Merih was listening to your message and wondering how he was going to fix this. He’d been so focused on his career and finding a new club for the season that he hadn’t even given any thought to how he’d tell you about his future until the future was today and he was panicking.

He didn’t call you back until he finished the first week of training with Atalanta, but it was too late. He could hear it in your voice, the way you give him one-word answers and barely said anything. “Will you come to the first match of the season?” He asked before hanging up, needing to try one last thing.

“I’ll have to see.”

Merih clung to those four words like a lifeline. Every morning, he woke up and sent you a good morning text that you read but never responded to and he ended his nights the exact same way. You were the first and last person he thought about every day and he was desperate to get you back.

You had other ideas. Merih had hurt you so badly when he left unexpectedly that you weren’t sure you were ever going to forgive him. As each day got closer to the first match of the season, you kept thinking about him and his offer for you to come. The date was circled on your calendar but you just didn’t have the heart to make a decision either way.

When the day finally came, Merih looked for you in the crowd. He’d sent a kit to you, hoping you would show up wearing it.

And you did.

You sat in the stands wearing the kit, the name and number weighing heavily on your back. As you watched him play, you started to solidify your decision.

“You came!” Merih’s face lit up when he saw you at the end of the match.

“I did.” He moved to hug you but you stepped back, not wanting to have him break your resolve now. “Merih…”

“No.” His face contorted in pain and he shook his head. “No.”

“I’m sorry.” You paused. “Actually, no I’m not sorry. You left me, not the other way around. You don’t get to want me back now that you’ve gone and left me. You don’t get to keep trying to get me back now that you’ve realized what a mistake you’ve made. You can’t fix this, Merih.”

“Please. Just give me another chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but I know I can try to make up for it.”

“You can’t.” Your eyes were locked with his as you lifted his kit over your head, handing it to him. “Here, take this. You should have it because I have no use for it anymore. Goodbye, Merih.”

WIth that, you turned and walked out of Gewiss Stadium without looking back.

[zigsexual]

Hey! I see you have good story telling recs for like video games and stuff and I just got a ps4, is there anything you recommend? I have wolf among us and Detroit become human on my list THATS all I have so far

omg girl u have come to the RIGHT place ! story-based games are my shit ok... im gonna start by doing a lil self-plug which is that i’m streaming one i really love called firewatch tonight (at 7pm PST hehe) on my twitch so we can start with that one. its such a pretty game and has a really touching story. but that aside, non-exhaustive list below:

the last of us — i havent played the second one yet, but both 1&2 are playstation exclusive i believe and the first one is probably one of the greatest games ever made. better than most movies i’ve watched story-wise; i fell in love with the characters and i doubt anyone could play this without shedding a few tears.

the walking dead by telltale — same studio that made the wolf among us (which i fucking love also), and all four seasons of this game are a masterpiece. clementine is probably my all time favorite video game character, and there were some side characters who i really sobbed over during the course of the game. plus all the characters you play as are characters of color so there’s a specific attention to diverse viewpoints there!

life is strange — i would hope you’d have played this already if you like story games, but if not, go play the original game ASAP (LiS2 is alright, but the first one is what really shines) and you can also play the prequel before the storm. beautiful atmosphere, attention to detail, gameplay mechanics, etc. good good shit

dragon age — HELLO my fave shit omg, again not to self-plug but i’m gonna be doing a stream series of this and starting with an intro to the lore for beginners because there is serious worldbuilding for these games and the storylines are immaculate. there’s three so far and including the various DLC you will be entertained for weeks if not months.

mass effect — made by the same studio as dragon age, essentially it’s dragon age in space. same great characters, worldbuilding, plotlines, etc. just... ignore andromeda and only play the main three ME games.

uncharted — i will fucking die for naughty dog games omg so they also made the last of us plus all 4 uncharted games and these ones are SO much fun. much less emotional turmoil, think indiana jones in the present day with an extra serving of wisecracking banter and there you go. really excellent fully fleshed out female characters as well. nathan drake is a treasure.

until dawn — more of a horror game but has weirdly excellent actors (hello rami malek???) and a super cool/creepy story with not so much focus on combat (more QTE based) which helps when you’re just there to be entertained. i love this game, i’m not a huge horror person myself but it’s just so good and your choices really impact the outcome.

oxenfree — deeply underrated game with some of my favorite voice acting ever, such a gorgeous art style, and an incredible and resonant story. so much lore to unpack here too, this game was really made with so much love (like there is deadass a morse code message hidden in the beat of the main song that leads to an irl mystery... google that shit its so cool) and it has major replay value. lots of choices to make and they all impact the ending in a ton of ways.

pillars of eternity — i actually liked the second one more than the first one and i enjoyed them both a lot so that’s saying something! you can play on easy mode and ignore the fighting and there’s tons of quests and choices to make and an interesting story/mystery to uncover. plus in the second one you get a pirate ship.

divinity original sin 2 — played this recently and it’s definitely more of a combat game, but as with POE you can just play on the easiest setting lol and then explore the game for its world and storyline. similar to POE in that it’s quest-based as well, the characters are super well done, and it’s all voice-acted which is nice.

star wars knights of the old republic (aka KOTOR) — listen this game is old as hell and looks like ass but its so good. idk what else to say i mean its literally like 20 years old and people are still playing it. there’s a ton of mods you can download to make it look better, but the storyline and the plot twist hold up as one of the all time greats. i’ve replayed it and the sequel multiple times. even if you don’t like star wars, worth it.

stardew valley — HELLO THIS GAME IS SO CUTE its essentially just harvest moon and yes it’s pixel graphics but it’s so charming and the characters are very enchanting. there’s not a ton of story but it’s still worth a play as it’s just very soothing and earnest. i’ve logged like 200+ hours in this game lmao

hopefully you haven’t heard of all of these already!! i love all of these games and i love sharing story-based recs because there aren’t a lot of them out there. if anyone knows of any other good ones please drop ur thoughts in the replies!

[herosillustres]

if.. if you want to.. since you mentioned wanting to write about percy, something involving him introducing his newborn child (either molly or lucy) to his mother would be pretty sweet

haha…what if I did do that…just kidding…unless…? 👀

———

When Molly was first placed in Percy’s arms, he had quite nearly cried. Only a warning look from Audrey, whose face was soaked with tears already and who had told Percy when she had first gotten pregnant that she would be the only one allowed to cry in the delivery room, kept the tears from flowing. That and a harsh bite on his lower lip, quickly and easily silencing himself and he held the baby closer to his body.

The doctors puttered about Percy and the baby as they worked to clean Audrey up, something the man could have easily done with the wave of a wand, but which was done manually as they were in a muggle hospital. Per Audrey’s request, and, in part, his own. He had been forgiven by his family, yes, and few in the wizarding world knew of the betrayal that he had enacted—opinions on whether his anger was justified or not ranged in how well the opinion holder knew him—but he still worried what those who did know might do. He was assured by many that this fear was unfounded, but Percy had grown cautious since the second war, watching his step more closely than he used to.

After a moment, the doctors and nurses cleared the room, one of them nodding Percy towards a chair they had moved over to sit besides Audrey’s bedside. He took a seat there once the room was empty and proudly presented the baby girl to his wife.

“Boy or girl?” Audrey asked as she took the swaddled, squirming thing from Percy, tucking the baby protectively against her chest even as her competitive streak came through.

“Girl.” Percy answered simply.

“Damn, you won,” Audrey sighed with faux exasperation. She looked down at the baby with a soft smile, ticking the infant’s chin with her finger for a moment.

“You were the one who insisted,” Percy argued in return, not a hint of malice in his voice. He leaned into his wife’s space, peering down at the baby girl once again. He felt a sob building in his throat, a feeling of such unbridled happiness and joy that even the smile that ached across his face was not enough to express.

“Only because I thought I would be right,” Audrey returned, glaring playfully at the other as she shifted about in the bed, making just enough room for Percy to hang off the edge of the bed if he so chose to. He did. He stretched an arm out as he settled uncomfortably on the sliver of mattress that Audrey had granted him and gently caressed the child’s face. His child’s face. The girl scrunched her face up in return, but made no move to cry, as she had when she was first brought out into the open. Instead she stared at her father with bright eyes and gurgled a noise that no one could decipher. “Her name?”

“Molly,” Percy said, having decided it long ago. He pulled his hand from Molly’s face and instead brought it to Audrey’s, pushing himself up so that he was sat more firmly beside her.

“Molly,” Audrey repeated with a smile. She pressed into Percy’s space and placed a chaste, tired kiss on his lips, revealing just how harrowing the whole ordeal had truly been. “It’s a good name.”

༻࿇༺

Molly was pressed comfortably against Percy’s chest, the baby making soft, incoherent noises as Percy trudged the two of them out of Ottery St Catchpole where he had left his car outside a small coffee shop that Bill used to take him to during his summer breaks—before Percy began to attend Hogwarts, as well. It was warm out, a slight breeze bristling through the fields surrounding the town, making it pleasant enough for a walk without it being downright unbearable. Molly seemed to agree with the sentiment, her small head swinging this way and that as if trying to memorize the landscape.

Audrey hadn’t come with the two of them out to the Burrow—although she had made Percy swear not to apparate with the baby, the woman not at all keen of the risks that it could pose for the infant (the argument she had laid out had been unnecessary as Percy had already agreed with the sentiment, but it served to make him not wont to apparate himself for a good while)—deciding to take the day to rest and recuperate after the long five months they had spent caring for Molly. Percy knew it was well overdue for his mother to meet her granddaughter, but he and Audrey had read something in a book that said it was best to wait a few months before introducing infants to others.

He had written his mother a letter when Molly was first born, including with it two muggle photographs: one of just the baby and another that also included him and Audrey, taken by a sweet nurse that had been all too willing to indulge them with a photo. She had written back almost immediately, gushing over the little thing and pleading for her son to bring her by sometime soon. They had exchanged a few more letters since then, but Percy’s reservations were still fresh in his mind making even the most simple interactive tasks nearly impossible for him to act upon if they involved his family. He loved them, there was no doubt, but there was always that nagging part of his mind that wondered if it wasn’t only him who did.

He had contacted Ron early last night to see if Molly would be free tomorrow—no matter how much he had denied it, Percy had always been Ron’s favorite—and the boy had told him when the house would be empty save for her, reading the older’s hesitance easily. He had only given his little brother a grateful smile before popping away from the flue, but only after Ron had wrung a promise from him that he could meet the baby, as well.

The Burrow was in front of Percy’s eyes before he knew it. The walk from the town took less time than he had remembered. He swallowed down a thick ball of guilt and melancholy that gathered in his throat at that thought. He made his way carefully to the front door, both fear of what lay behind the door as well as what lay in wait in the garden keeping him from dashing up to it.

Molly stared blankly up at the building, mouth opening and closing as if she were gawking at what had once been Percy’s home. He grinned down at the baby, bouncing her in his arms enough for her attention to be turned back to him, the infant letting out a gurgle of joy before squirming her arms up into the air towards her father’s face. Molly seemed to have developed a fascination with Percy’s glasses near immediately and was always attempting to get her hands on them in one way or another.

With one hand continuing to support the baby, Percy used the other in an attempt to simultaneously knock on the all too familiar door and knock the baby’s hands from his face, a game which left Molly squealing with joy every time. He heard someone puttering about just behind the door as he pulled his hand from the door and trapped Molly’s baby paws in his own palm, the baby squirming cheerfully in his arms.

“One moment!” He could hear his mother calling from within the house. Those two words, so meaningless in the scheme of things, brought a small smile to his lips, a warmth blooming in his chest as he listened to the other hurrying about. It hadn’t hit him until now just how much he missed his mother. His face felt hot as tears prickled in the backs of his eyes. He blinked them away and took a step from the door to wait for Molly to open up.

As she had promised, a moment later the door was flung open, the woman’s head of crazy red hair making itself known first as she poked it from within the house. It took her a moment to fully recognize Percy—Merlin, that hurt, but he couldn’t blame her—but when she did her face lit up as bright as the Christmas trees that populated Hogwarts’ halls during the season. Her face blanched slightly when she noticed the baby slung across Percy’s chest, but recognition once again settled quickly in.

“Percy, oh my goodness,” Molly’s voice was breathless, as if she couldn’t believe just what was happening before her eyes. She paced slowly out of the house towards him.

“Hi, mom,” Percy replies, a crooked grin spreading across his face. Molly, the little one, not the mother, made a gurgled sound as if to repeat what Percy had said. She knew how to say something that resembled ‘Ma’—as well as ‘Da,’ but she learned it later and Audrey had yet to let him live that fact down—and was quick to use it when Percy greeted his mother.

“Oh, Percy,” Molly repeated, voice filled with emotions as she hurried forward to press herself against her son, wrapping her arms tightly about him while somehow avoiding squishing the baby, who made a noise of slight alarm before settling into the gentle hold.

Percy ducked his head enough to press his face into his mother’s crazy curls, breathing in the scent that would comfort him as a child, that would hold him when he couldn’t sleep and indulge him in reading aloud boring books that no one could understand why he found so fascinating. He wrapped an arm around the woman, as well, one still holding his child as he let himself feel almost childish himself, back when he still held that belief that nothing could happen if mommy was there.

They pulled apart after a moment, Percy’s glasses popping from where they had stuck against his face but blurry with tears he hadn’t known he had shed and strands of Molly’s hair clinging to her face with tears she seemed all too aware of having been poured. She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her dress and waited until Percy had cleaned himself up as well before speaking.

“And who might this be?” She asked, voice still a bit wet as she cooed at the baby in her son’s arms. The baby responded in kind, seemingly recognizing the woman as some sort of relation as she let out a series of squeals and less than intelligible noises, all the while swinging her arms about as if telling some grand story. Percy and his mother laughed at the affair.

“Mother,“ Percy started as he gently moved to hold the baby out to his mother. The older woman hesitated a moment before finally grasping the infant, years of child rearing—seven children left their mark, even if it had been close to 18 since she had last had one herself—allowing her to hold the baby properly. She bounced the girl lightly in her arms. “Meet Molly.”

“Molly,” his mother parroted, another wave of emotions gathering in her voice. She stared at the baby a moment longer before turning up to her son. The smile she wore was enough to rival the sun, the sun that glistened upon the tears once again blooming in her eyes. Percy pulled the older woman into a hug without her needing to be asked, an arm curling around his mother’s shoulders as she turned back to the baby. To Molly.

[he-is-mine-i-am-his-blog]

Wild geese 3/18

Fandom: Painter of the Night

Pairing: Baek Nakyum/Yoon Seungho

Ratings: M

Word count: ~1800 words

Story summary: When Nakyum enters an arranged marriage with Lord Seungho, he does expect to find himself in a situation where he does, fighting for his life. ***An arranged marriage AU, set in the Joseon period like the canon.

Warnings: This story contains graphic depictions of violence. These scenes are not terribly gory, excessive, pointless, and violence is not glorified in anyway. I will not give warnings with specific chapters as not to spoil the plot.

Read below or on AO3.

***

Nakyum wakes up the following morning alone. He dresses in the clothes that a servant must’ve left for him on the dresser the previous night. The clothes are much finer than he is accustomed to wearing, but a lot of things are very different.

When one of the household servants comes to inform him that the breakfast is served, he joins others for the meal at the common room in the main house.

It’s a silent affair, only his father making polite discussion with Seungho’s father and brother. Nakyum doesn’t speak much, and his husband is noticeably missing, although no one comments on the fact.

After, he follows his father and mother to the gated entrance of the residence where the servants have already brought their horses and belongings. It has come time for them to leave. His eyes fill with tears when he bids his goodbyes to them, too devastated to see them go, but he knows he can’t cling to them.

Perhaps a few tears fall on his cheeks, as he embraces his father for the last time. He hides his face in the soft fabric of his winter jacket before anyone sees them. When an audible sob escapes from his lips unbidden, his father only holds him tighter.

He follows them outside to the road and watches after them, as they ride off. He stands there for a long time, even after he can barely see them anymore.

Seungho’s personal servant comes to find him there. He lowers his eyes apologetically.

Nakyum feels embarrassed, knowing that it must be obvious, visible from his face how he has shed tears. He is just glad that Seungho is not there to see him like this.

He greets the older man politely.

The servant lifts his eyes, and he says, his voice soft, kind, “I will show you to your room, the one that is your own.”

Nakyum nods and follows after him.

He is given his own private sleeping quarters. The room is near Seungho’s in the same building, but still separate. It’s almost symbolic of his new life here, with his husband.

Nakyum – belongs to Seungho, but he is still to be apart from him, cast aside.

If this is what Seungho wants, Nakyum can only abide by his wishes.

With slight apprehension, Nakyum settles into the room, into his life at the Yoon residence in the days that follow.

He barely sees Seungho, and his father doesn’t engage much with him either during their shared meals. When Seungwon leaves for Hanyang to handle some family matters, Nakyum doesn’t have much company at all. He finds himself rather alone.

Nakyum spends much of his time painting. It’s a dear hobby of his that he has not had much time or opportunities to cultivate in his father’s house. He could not bear the guilt of spending his father’s money on the supplies either, so he could never indulge in it as he can now.

He paints mostly images that remind him of his home. He does sceneries of the creek where he used to go for a swim with the other youngsters, of the fields surrounding the village, of his father’s shop.

When, a week after the wedding, Nakyum finds himself alone once again after the morning meal, he settles down on the floor of his sleeping quarters near the opened windows. He paints for a long time, getting lost in his work. He doesn’t even know how time has passed until a young female servant comes to knock on his door.

“There is lunch in the common room, Sir.”

“Thank you,” Nakyum replies.

He gets up from the cushion on the floor, stretching his back, before he moves to retrieve his outer jacket from the built-in hidden cabinet in the corner of the room.

As Nakyum is getting dressed, the servant asks if she may clean his room while he is away. He nods and flashes a grateful smile at her. Having finished dressing, he promptly makes his leave.

When he steps out of the house, Nakyum sees Seungho’s servant, Mr Kim, passing through the inner courtyard on his way to run whatever errands he may have. The older man doesn’t seem to have noticed him though, so he doesn’t call for him.

He looks up at the grey sky above, and he leaves for the main house.

Nakyum has barely taken a step or two outside before he hears a terrified shriek from the house behind him. He looks back, his eyes widened at the surprise. When he realizes that it must be the young woman cleaning his room, he rushes back inside only to stop at the door, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

Mr Kim races to his side too.

The young woman is standing in the middle of the room. She is staring at the floor with a look of terror in her eyes.

Nakyum follows her gaze.

“Salmusa,” he hears the old man say before he can even fully realize what he is seeing.

A poisonous snake has slithered from underneath a pillow on the floor, the same that Nakyum sat on while he had been painting only a moment ago. Not just poisonous, but deadly, at least to children, the elderly, and the weak.

Nakyum feels breathless upon the realization.

  ***

  Nakyum lingers in his bed for a long time. He doesn’t wish to start his day. His mind is still twisting and turning around their discovery from a few days ago.

Mr Kim had got rid of the snake, and they had thoroughly checked his sleeping quarters as well as the rest of the house to ensure that there were no more in hiding. They deemed the house safe, and so Nakyum could remain in his room, even if he has trouble sleeping at ease there.

It still bothers him, because – the snake should have not been there. The type of snake they found is usually only seen in wet areas, near rivers, lakes and swamps, but the Yoon residence and the town is far from any of those. Moreover, it’s late into the season, and the weather has already taken a turn for the cold. As he understands, the snake should’ve already found a quiet, peaceful resting place ahead of this winter that is looming ahead of them. It should’ve done it days ago.

Nakyum pushes the thought off his mind, for thinking only raises more questions without answers, for it raises an eerie feeling that he cannot shake off.

He gets up from his bed. He slowly dresses on his own, as he has become accustomed to doing in the careful absence of his personal servant. He combs his hair that is still on the short side, setting him visibly apart from other nobles.

When he is ready, he slips on his thicker jacket and puts on his boots. He has undoubtedly missed breakfast, given the late morning hour. He leaves his room with the plan of heading to the kitchen to see if some of the female servants may be there. Perhaps he could coax them into letting him eat there with them, instead of setting a table for him alone in the common room.

He steps out of the building to a cool late fall day. The ground is covered in light frost, and his exhales pillow into airy white clouds before him.

Before he can get any further, Nakyum sees two figures standing towards the edge of the courtyard, not far from where he is. They are largely hidden from view by the structures of the building. They seem to be engaged in what looks like a private conversation based on their proximity, on their hushed voices.

It is Seungho and one of the young noblemen. Nakyum recognizes him as the man by the name of Jihwa, with whom he had briefly discussed at the wedding.

Nakyum freezes upon seeing them. He can’t move without the fear of being noticed, and he doesn’t want to be seen as intruding upon them. And so, he remains standing where he is.

He does not wish to eavesdrop on their conversation, but then he cannot hear what they are talking about from this distance. He can only see them.

The man, Jihwa, is staring at Seungho with a look of intensity burning in his eyes. His hand is curled into a fist, resting at the center of Seungho’s chest.

Seungho shakes his head at the young lord. Nakyum can’t hear his reply from where he is, as he is talking in a lowered voice. He can’t see his face either, as the man is mostly turned away from him.

Jihwa doesn’t seem satisfied with whatever his friend had said, as is clear from how his expression changes as a result of the words spoken. He tilts his head, as his eyebrows scrunch down. His eyes are relentless on Seungho’s.

“We still can,” Jihwa tries to argue, his voice strong and pressing.

It’s loud enough that Nakyum can just make out the words in the silence. He watches as Seungho leans in closer to the man and murmurs something in response.

“No, you can,” Jihwa says, his face twisting as if he is hurt, betrayed by his friend in some way, “You promised.”

Seungho pulls back, shaking his head, as he replies. It is then that Jihwa loses his temper. His face suddenly distorts in unconcealed anger. He withdraws his hand back before slamming it on Seungho’s chest with a muted thud against the outer robes.

Seungho quickly catches his wrist before Jihwa can hit him again.

“You promised,” Jihwa repeats, more forcefully this time.

Seungho lets go of his hand, and he moves back away from the man in front of him. He tilts his head, and he looks at him. He says something to him, slowly and carefully. His voice is louder, his words sharper. Nakyum can almost make out the words, almost, or at least the tail end of them.

“…-es to you.”

“You don’t decide, I decide,” Jihwa spits out, before he storms off, stalking towards the gated entrance.

Seungho looks after him for a while, before he shakes his head once more. He then shifts on his feet, and he glances over his shoulder. He looks directly to where Nakyum is standing, where he is still frozen at the doorway of the house. It is as if he could sense him being there, as if he knew he was there all along.

Their eyes meet. There is something in Seungho’s eyes, something different, something unnamed. He looks away too soon though, and he walks away too, heading in a different direction than Jihwa had.

[heizerux]

Battle of the Miraculous (Love Eater and Miracle Queen) Analysis (Few Translations included)

“Some people may have their problems, but at the end everything will be okay.”

—Marinette Dupain-Cheng (Miracle Queen Monologue)

(Disclaimer: Budgets and animation production play a huge part in how episodes are made and released . . . but this time it was straight up the network’s choice and a bad one :| Also I’m fully aware Chat Blanc and Felix may answer a few extra things, but for now I’ll just talk about what I’ve seen.)

I’ll be going over the finale in the Topics: 

Hesitations

Relationships

Beginning of the End

The Future? (Season 4 Talk)

I rewatched the episode with subs I could fully read and understand so I’m ready to talk about it now. Let's go. . .

FYI: I’m gonna be mainly dissecting Miracle Queen because A LOT happened here that I HAVE TO let out.

Hesitations

In Heart Hunter/ Love Eater we got a good consensus of how every character is doing. To summarize, we know Luka has deeply fallen for Marinette and constantly thinks about the song that is her. Kagami is much closer to Adrien and is open about her feelings to him. Luka and Kagami are also now officially good friends with their supposed love rival. Really everyone is getting along PERFECTLY. . . . But then Kagami and Adrien get much closer and all Marinette can do is just let the one she loves go. 

In Miracle Queen, Marinette cries to Luka and admits in her monologue that nothing is going and if anything things are painful. . . but that it’s nice to have someone that’s there for her when she need it. . .  this someone being Luka. Before the bees attack, Marinette makes a move to move on by wanting to hear his finalized song, but Luka questions an important question:

“You’re still thinking about Adrien?”

Meanwhile, Adrien breaks away from the kiss with an “Oh! Uh, it’s my first time, I’m not ready!” excuse even though it’s clear he’s unsure about advancing things with Kagami. But then her version of the important question is:

“But when will you be ready, Adrien? . .  Your hesitation hurts.”

*queue the bees* So as of this point, Adrien and Marinette have finally faced their actual obstacle in terms of romance: Their HESITATIONS.

This entire season, we’ve had instances in which Adrienette has had the thought of wanting to be something more (either through a crush or Plagg’s perseuations), but there was always the thought of “But there’s Luka/Kagami. . .” Ikari Gozen shed this for Marinette, Stormy Weather 2.0 shed this for Adrien. . .

Anyways Chloe calls forward people who have held a miraculous and exposes them (both in identity and diss lol) btw she did say Luka looked “kinda cute”

Ladybug and Chat Noir find each other confused as to how things went south so fast and Chat just asks “What did Fu tell you?”, to which Ladybug basically answers “Nothing” and has break down admitting she accidentally lead Hawkmoth to Fu.

Relationships

This moment right here. . . it's IMPORTANT. 

Chat sees Ladybug vulnerable and consoles her letting her know to focus on saving Fu and not to worry more on the rest mistakes. Ladybug thanks him and the two hug. . . but like ACTUALLY hug. 

I’m not talking someone hugging the other in attempt to save the other from harm, but an actual genuine friendly hug. Chat Noir isn’t being flirty or making advances, and Ladybug isn't annoyed or pushing Chat away. Their relationship as heroes is no longer just partners. . . but officially CLOSE FRIENDS.

Moving on, they kick ass, get the likely to be former wielders’ miraculous back and face off with Chloe. To summarize, she tells Ladybug that she’s the real enemy because she doesn’t trust her and goes on to equip all the miraculous. She tries to use them all but all the kwamis basically told her to go fuck herself in the form of “You don’t even know our commands.” 

Oh, but what’s this? ANOTHER advancement in the Ladynoir relationship. Ladybug turns to Chat all vulnerable once more, and he picks her back up. This is the first time in a WHILE (since Origins) that Ladybug had confided in Chat with her vulnerability and fears of failure TWICE in ONE day. Don’t forget about this for next season.

The Beginning of the End

After telling Ladybug that she now has all the keys and knowledge about the miraculous, Fu then decides its time. No not the grim kind of time, but the time to finally pass on the torch to Ladybug. He officially denounces his role as guardian, which renders all inactive miraculous useless. (I’m actually not certain but it IS what I noticed considering the active miraculous were still working but the inactive ones became empty jewelry shells as the kwamis got transferred into a brand new box for Ladybug. I’m sure S4 will have the answers here.) Hawkmoth is literally disappointed and leaves with a weaker Mayura.

Chloe angrily tells Ladybug she just wants to be Queen Bee and be the REAL MAIN HERO, to which Ladybug simply answers “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do that, Chloe.” Chloe then throws a tantrum saying “FINE! I am not your fan anymore. I will go live with my mom because you don’t even deserve to breath the same air as ME.” and runs away.

Oh yeah, Chat lost Hawkmoth and Mayura :D. . . . *high five*

ANYWAYS, Ladybug and Chat Noir go to vibe check on Fu while Gabriel vibe checks Nathalie. One is alive and well and the other is alive and. . . yeah. 

KEEP IN MIND, NATHALIE NOW HAS ACQUIRED THE INFO SHE NEEDED FROM FU’S BELONGINGS TO REPAIR THE PEACOCK MIRACULOUS. DO NOT FORGET THIS FOR NEXT SEASON.

Back to Fu, he wakes up but. . . ya GUESSED IT (or didn't)  . . . lost his memory along with his duties as guardian and this marks the END of an era. . .

ML LORE: THE GUARDIAN RULE IS THAT YOU ERASE YOUR MEMORIES OF KNOWING ABOUT THE TRUE POWER OF THE MIRACULOUS ONCE YOU DENOUNCE YOUR ROLE IN ORDER TO PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE current? WIELDERS. EVEN THE USE “MIRACULOUS LADYBUG” DOES NOT UNDO THIS.

DEFINITELY DO NOT FORGET THIS MOVING FORWARD IN THE SERIES (but mainly if you really like lore or just want to use this as a fic tool :3)

Techincally, someone did die this episode, but it was the person we all once knew as Master Fu. Now it is just Wang Fu. He returns Ladybug’s “lost key” thinking she dropped it? and then marks the a new beginning. 

Chloe returns to expect her mom to be getting ready to leave, but finds her parents finally happy and in love. . . I’m actually really happy this happened. Chloe needs a loving home and if this helps her in anyways, ABOUT TIME. 

“As you start to get older, you start to understand that life doesn’t always give you what you thought it would. I wanted to tell you this in person, Marinette, but if you are reading this it is because I’ve already lost all my memories. Do not be afraid, you haven’t lost all of me completely. Like I told you in the beginning of the letter, losses are a part of life, but this isn’t important. The only thing that’s important is if you’ve won (?) or not. That is the key to be able to accept changes as they come on your own. To be able to accept everything as a whole even when you feel life hasn’t given you enough. The real gift, is life itself.” —Fu

no I’m not crying, you are

After retrieving Master Fu’s leftover gifts for Marinette, she takes him to see Marianne to their new home (assuming), to whom Wang Fu has met for the first time but is already fully in love with. Marinette gives them a final parting gift, to where his last words to her are:

“Thank you, young lady. I’ll never forget you.”

okay, okay, maybe a TINY tear has left my eye. . .

Now to our final scene of the season. Adrien and Marinette are closer friends and nothing is distant between the two, They’re even so comfortable small talk is like second nature to them . . . they’ve also both finally faced their own hesitations and decided to give the person in front of them a shot for and for all: Luka and Kagami.

“The real gift, is life itself.”

okay okay I’m SOBBING aghhhHHHHHHHH--

Oh and Gabriel seems to have repaired the peacock miraculous 👀

The Future (?)

Okay, so THAT’S how Season 3 ended. It feels bittersweet, I cried about it when I got home and watched it with real subtitles, but now lets talk about what we can expect to come in Season 4. It’s all guess and theories but I guess here’s mine:

Marinette now fully changed and matured with her new role as guardian, will probably be a lot more calmer with her approaches. The relationships will likely be that Lukanette and Adrigami will try to flourish further as both Adrien and Marinette decided to stop hesitating and going for what’s in front of them. . . but so will Ladynoir. 

I’m, for the time being, jumping ship on the theory that Ladybug will fall more in love with Chat, and Chat still being loyal to his lady will equally return the feelings as this happens further. . . but of course their civilian relationships will interfere. . . and idk about you guys but that department looks like it’s going to be interesting. 

I may add more later on, but I just needed to get all this out in one post for the finale. I’ll still watch Felix and Chat Blanc cause I’m in denial that yes, this was basically it already . . . But the wounds are still fresh in my soul for this show and it still hurts. . . 

. 

.

.

.

.

So yeah . . . Lila Rossi who?

.

Don’t know her. . . 

.

and neither did Hawkmoth in that finale 👀 *sips tea*

[makorragal-312]

Void

*Just something I wanted to get off my chest ever since the end of Season 6*

Honestly, Lance doesn't have a clue how long it's been since the events of their fight with Lotor. He knows it's been a couple of quintants, but he can't pin a specific number for the amount of time that's passed. As of now, he and the rest of Team Voltron, along with a few guest passengers such as Krolia, Romelle, and others were currently settled on a random planet in order for the lions to rest from their current expedition back to Earth. Despite his desperate need to go home and see his family again, pit stops like this were the perfect opportunity for him to calm his mind. As soon as they landed, he stretched his legs and walked to a nearby ledge, sitting on an opal-colored boulder and gazing at the planet's dark purple sky and breathing in it's cool and clean air, reminding him of home.

It's been half a varga since then when Lance decides to look back and check on the team, considering he had distanced himself as soon as they landed. Coran and Allura were next to the Blue Lion, currently feeding some berries to Kaltenecker...or at least trying to. Lance sent them a bittersweet smile, mainly towards Allura. They haven't really spoken since he was comforting her in the castle. As much as he hated the idea of her being with Lotor and as much as he wished to God that something would happen so that they would break up, he didn't wish this suffering on her. Finding out that the man she ended up falling for was responsible for the deaths of countless surviving Alteans from another living Altean and then having to fight him all at once. He was at least glad that he was there for her when she eventually broke down into his arms at the Castle. She just needed a friend, a title that the Cuban teen was slowly starting to come to grips with as his only title to her.

Right next to them were Matt and Romelle, whom were sitting on Blue's paw conversing. After Allura resurrected Shiro and started traveling towards Earth, Pidge was able to contact her brother and tell him their whereabouts as the latter was actually about to head to the Castle, which had recently vanished from existence sadly. After saying goodbye to his crew, the older Holt had flown from their base and told her he was on his way, leading them to quickly head back to the planet they were previously on. That was probably the first time Lance had seen the Green Paladin cry, watching her sob profusely as he gripped her brother telling him everything that happened as he stroked her hair and tried to soothe her sobs into sniffles while slowly beginning to shed tears himself. From what he could tell, Matt was telling some sort of technological joke that anyone would've cringed at but surprisingly Romelle was laughing genuinely. Even though they had just met, Lance could tell they would get along quite smoothly.

Lance turned his head to the left and saw Hunk and Pidge sitting with Krolia. The Galran was sitting on the Green Lion's paw, arms crossed with a small smile on her face while Hunk and Pidge were sitting in front of her on the ground, eyes wide with excitement and their mouths moving a thousands miles per minute, with Krolia giving an occasional response. When Lance looks at her closely, he can only stare in awe. The shape of her face, the shape of her eyes, her Galra markings. He could definitely see some of Keith in her. Yes, he did act sort of stupidly at the fact that this woman was actually Keith's mom, but he really was happy to know that Keith had found himself more family, especially considering that the only other person that Keith considered family was Shiro and he didn't know whether or not Keith's father was even in the picture. That being said, the tech duo were probably asking her questions about Keith and what he was like as a kid, but given the small amount of responses she actually gave about him and the occasional uncomfortable looks she gave, she probably left him when he was at least still a baby. Her face soon changed as they started asking her about her experience in the Blade. The Red Paladin felt a small pang in his chest, small bits of jealousy that he didn't want or need beginning to take over. Yes, he missed his family, but that was no excuse for him to start feeling upset that Keith was able to find his family. And as much as he hated to admit it, Keith leaving to join the Blades was probably a blessing in disguise. With a deep sigh, Lance closed his eyes and slowly turned his head and shifted it to the right. He took a few more shallow breaths before opening his eyes.

How do we know you're the real Keith and not his bigger, cooler, grizzled older brother?

I don't have time for this, Lance!

Hey, everybody! Keith's back!

He was further away from everyone else, sitting on the paw of the Black Lion. He was facing away from the group, looking at the sky and anything else that was in the distance and petting his space wolf. Lance couldn't blame him, not after everything he's been through. Not only was he away on some unknown mission for two years, he ends up finding an Altean who tells him about Lotor's true intentions, has to fight the guy who is practically his brother (who Lance is hoping to God isn't the reason Keith has that scar) and every other jacked up thing that happened leading up to where they are now. Speaking of Shiro, he actually decided to stay in the healing pod a little bit longer to get some extra rest, a decision that everyone agreed with despite their need of wanting him to stay awake so that they could catch up and hug him endlessly. As much as he wanted to do just that, the red paladin couldn't help but continue to feel guilty knowing that he could've saved him sooner and spare everyone all of this trauma. But knowing Shiro, he would tell him not to blame himself and nothing could've prevented it; a statement he would probably even tell Keith. When it was time for him to go back into the healing pod, words couldn't even begin to describe how sad and forlorn he looked, so much so he didn't even try to conceal his dread. The way that his purple eyes-

Shit

Lance was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize that Keith had turned around and was looking directly at him. The red paladin'e eyes widened in horror. How long was I thinking, he thought. The black paladin stared at him for a couple more seconds before getting up from Black's paw, giving his wolf one last pat before he started walking towards him. Lance turned around quickly and tried to focus back on the sky, which was now turning lighter in hue. But with the way that his heart was beating as fast as the Flash and how the air started getting so humid out of nowhere, that feat proved impossible.

"Lance."

Lance froze, holding his breath and clenching the edge of he boulder that he was sitting on. He continued looking ahead, not responding because even if he wanted to his throat thought that it was the perfect time to close and not let any sentences slip out of the Cuban's lips. He could hear him walking towards him and felt a sudden burst of warmth next to his armor. Lance slowly turned his head from the sky, hoping that Keith was at least looking at the sky as well. He couldn't have been more wrong, seeing a pair of bright violet eyes practically staring into his soul, causing him to retreat his head back to its original direction.

"Keith! Hey! Uh..."

Come on, Lance. Think of something!

"How's life?"

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

If there was a comet anywhere near the planet they were sitting on, Lance was BEGGING for it to destroy him in this very moment. Out of all of the things he could've said to this guy, he decided to say THAT?! The dude literally went through something that was basically BEYOND hell and he's gonna ask him that like he didn't GO THROUGH HELL!

"Wait! Wait, Keith I-!"

"I...know you didn't mean it that way, Lance." Keith slowly replied. Lance finally turned his head and saw Keith with his head down, eyes closed and probably contemplating his next response. After a few moments, he turned his head and looked at Lance.

"But to answer your question. I guess you could say that I've seen better days." he responded, giving a small chuckle and just the smallest hint of a smirk. Slowly but surely, Lance was finally put at ease, knowing that he didn't offend him or bring back any unnecessary trauma from...recent events. He sent back Keith a small chuckle of his own as they both decided to turn back to look across the ledge. The then dark purple sky now turning into a vibrant yet soft lavender with soft grazes of pink appearing as its sun slowly started to rise upon its surface. As much as he wanted to enjoy this newfound enjoyable silence, Lance knew that he and the half-Galran had some things to discuss, and they were things that the red paladin couldn't keep concealed any longer no matter how much he wanted to. But what was he even supposed to say? How could even bring it up? Would he even care? Well, he would't know unless he tried.

Keith couldn't remember the last time he was able to actually sit down and enjoy life. Just being able to sit down and actually watch a sunrise without fearing for his life felt new to him, even though this was something he would do in the early mornings during his time living in the dessert (before and after foster care) and whenever he would sneak out of his countless guest bedrooms in the homes of his various foster families. But even with the peaceful feeling that was stirring within him, he couldn't fully enjoy himself, not after everything that happened.

Finding out that Krolia was his mother. Traveling on a space whale for two years, which led him to finding a random space wolf (whom he loves dearly) and a living Altean. Learning that Lotor was harnessing the quintessence of innocent Alteans. Returning to the Castle only to get attacked by Lotor's generals and Shiro-. He didn't want to go there, not when he was finally starting to calm down. Not when he was finally at peace, and with Lance no less.

Lance.

Though the greeting he gave him back at the Castle was a bit hostile, Keith couldn't deny how much he had missed Lance during the time that he was away at the Blade. Not a day went by when he didn't think about giving anything to hear his ridiculous insults or his terrible pick-up lines or seeing him smile. If anything, he wanted nothing more but to just chill on the deck and catch up with him without a care in the world. The moment he saw him on the landing deck with the others, he just wanted to grab his hand and pull him into the tightest hug he could muster, but given the situation that was at hand at the time, he had to push his feelings aside.

"H-hey, Keith?" the latter asked hesitantly. Keith glimpsed at the Cuban briefly and saw that he was staring at the sunrise, but his then calm expression turned into one of pure anxiousness.

"What's up?" he responded.

He could see Lance tense up as he tried to respond. He kept on opening his mouth, trying to form words in order to expel them from his throat, but to no avail. The Cuban ended up turning his head to face Keith completely, his anxious expression still evident on his face with a pinch of fear mixed into it.

"Lance, it's okay. I know it's been awhile since we talked, but...you can talk to me. Tell me what's wrong." Keith replied gently, trying not to place a pleading tone in his voice. His response seems to have worked because the fear in Lance's eyes immediately evaporated.

"Well, I-"

"PALADINS! IT'S TIME WE KEPT ON MOVING!"

The Black and Red Paladin turned their heads to find Allura and everyone else packing up their stuff to continue the journey back to Earth. Pidge and Hunk were asking their final questions to Krolia, Allura and Coran were trying to push Kaltenecker back into Red, and Romelle walked with Matt back to his aircraft, probably riding with him for the remainder of the trip. Keith looked back at Lance to find him looking at everyone else a little bit longer before finally turning back to him. Before he could even say anything, Lance spoke the first words.

"Ah, nevermind. We can talk about it once we land again. Talk to you later." he spoke rather quickly. Lance sent him a small smile before getting up from the boulder and heading towards Blue, but not without petting Keith's wolf, who was was sprinting towards his owner eagerly. Keith chuckled and scratched behind the wolf's ears with affection. He got up from the boulder and stretched. He went to find Lance, only to see that Lance had already retreated back into Red. Keith sighed, starting his walk back to Black, Despite the dejected feeling forming his stomach, he was hopeful. This probably just wasn't the right time. They would have plenty of time to catch up and talk things over at the next pit stop or the second they landed back on Earth...

Or so he thought...

*Part 2???*

[midnightghostwriter]

ghost of you - taehyung

↬ summary: even after what feels like an eternity, you still can’t let taehyung go, and neither can he seem to leave you.

↬ genre: angst / ghost au

↬ pairing: taehyung x reader

↬ word count: 1.6k

other chapters: jimin

a/n: here’s a mini series i started a while back (two years ago rip) that i thought would be appropriate given the start of the spooky season! i have one more pre-written, and will be trying to finish out scenarios for the other boys as well~ this au was originally inspired by the bts i need u m/v

also i recommend you listen to this song with this chapter if you really feel like angst xD

The train car hummed beneath you as it sped through the inky black world outside. Low chatter of the other few occupants filled the air, like flies buzzing in your ear. Overwhelmed, you stuffed your earbuds into your ears, which helped muffle the noise somewhat. Tired fingers hovered of your phone as you tried to decide what song to play.

As you tapped your phone case in thought, your fingers brushed the keychain attached and you stopped. Pinching it between your thumb and index, you lifted the small gacha toy and its attached companion, turning them over. One had belonged to your sometimes lover Taehyung, who had a childish penchant for things like toys and games. He had won the matching charms in a silly machine at the mall during one of your dates. Though you had scoffed and rolled your eyes at his request for you to both use them, you attached it to your phone case to shut him up.

You fought down the tears that wanted to spring to your eyes, because god forbid you started smearing your mascara and makeup on a public train. But you couldn't stop the memory of him from bringing a sharp pain to your heart. You hadn't been the best girlfriend, if the term could even be used to define you. You had barely tolerated Tae's naturally childish and open personality because he was willing to spoil you so long as you followed his whims from time to time. Most nights when he texted you or asked you to come over or something, you were nowhere to be found. He had been nothing but good to you, and you had snubbed him time and again. The pain he must have felt in trying to hold onto you even when you continued to hurt him was something you couldn't imagine.

The last night you saw him was still as fresh in your mind as if it had happened two days ago instead of two months. You had never been the most loyal lover, especially since you weren't very interested in keeping Taehyung happy. He was just someone fun to be with every now and again. So you had played the field a few times, trying and failing to ease your boredom with other guys. One of them hadn't gotten the message that it was a one time deal, and came to confront you. Things turned violent, and you fought valiantly but it was clear you were on the losing side this time.

Out of nowhere, Tae had shown up, taking a wicked swing at your attacker. You watched with shock as the two men fought. Taehyung grabbed a nearby bottle, smashed it and came at the other guy with it. Drunk as the other male was, he didn't stand a chance, receiving several vicious stabs to the stomach with Tae's makeshift weapon. You knew now that you should have stayed, should have thanked him even, but you were too startled, and instead fled the scene, leaving Tae on his own. It was the last time you saw him alive, covered in blood and looking just as surprised at himself as you were.

You had received the call from Jin the next day. Taehyung had been apparently unable to live with the guilt behind his deed, and jumped off a rig on the pier. Despite the paramedics' best efforts to save his body once recovered from the waters, he had died almost instantly. "...He’s gone, (y/n).”

The other members of Tae's groups hadn't exactly gotten along with you, since the older ones in particular were wise to what was happening, but they still knew what you had meant to him. Though they didn't do much to comfort you, they gave you some of his old things and offered minimal consolation at the funeral. Then they, like him, had left you alone with the ghost of the boy you should have loved, and treated better.

The endless days blurred into weeks full of regret. Getting a chance to look through Taehyung's things had given you all the evidence you needed to win a court case about his love for you. Pictures, ticket stubs; anything and everything from your time together was collected in his room, cherished in safe places. As if the overwhelming number of things had been a catalyst, your heart broke and you realized that if you had looked past his childish behavior, you could have loved him. Maybe a small part of you had. But you were too afraid to accept that someone like him could love you so fully and purely, so you tried every self-destructive thing to push him away. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could you have been so stupid?

It was these thoughts that came again to you as you stared emptily at the phone charms in your hand, blurred by the tears rising in your eyes. You sniffed, dabbing at your eyes with your sleeve. You'd shed enough tears over this, and they wouldn't help anything now, or ever. With a small shake of your head to try and clear it, you returned to your quest for a song to fill the silence that let you think too much.

"Can't Let You Go is a pretty good one, I think." You jumped a bit, startled by the sudden voice next to you. At the same time, a thread of recognition wove its way down your spine, leaving chills of fear and confusion crawling beneath your skin. Slowly, you lifted your eyes from your lap to the speaker and swallowed a scream.

Kim Taehyung sat in the seat next to you, his signature rectangle smile shining at you. Inexplicably your mind had gone more blank than a fresh sheet of paper, the entire language center of your brain shutting down instantaneously. You blinked rapidly as if that could erase the image you were seeing before you, but he remained.

"T-Tae?" He gently lifted your shaking hand, patting it as some small gesture of comfort. All it succeeded in doing was making you about twenty times more confused. "H-how...?" He laughed a bit.

"I came to see you." The words didn’t exactly answer your question and simply served to bring another to mind, a question you weren't sure you wanted an answer to, but before you could stop yourself, it slipped past your lips.

"From where?" He laughed again, but this time it was more tense. The hand not holding yours ruffled your hair.

"Aish jagi, that's a complicated question. Makes my brain hurt. Let's talk about something else." The words were so casual but they made you feel strange. Something was off, wasn't right, you knew, but you couldn't say what. Silence stretched between you as you struggled to understand the hunch sitting heavily in your brain and he played with your fingers.

"Tae, why did you come to see me?" His eyes met yours, curious. "Why wouldn't I?" Your lips pressed into a line. This wasn't something you wanted to spell out, but...

"I mean... When we were together, I wasn't kind to you. I didn't treat you like you deserved. I was mean, and I-I," your voice broke a bit as you struggled to get the next words out. "I cheated on you, Tae. A lot. I was a horrible girlfriend. Why would you want to come see me?" He set your hand down, smoothing your fingers across your thigh. You could tell he was thinking of how to reply. When he looked at you again, his face was unusually serious.

"Because I love you." Your mouth popped open to argue, but he covered it with one hand. The small childish gesture sent a pang to your heart. It was so very like him. "You're right, you did a lot of awful stuff. It hurt me a lot, and sometimes I wondered why I stayed. But I loved you, jagiya. I still do. And part of being in love is staying with someone through thick and thin." His gaze fell on the phone charms you still held and he grinned. "You kept them!"

"Yeah..." There wasn't much more you felt you could say on the matter. He lifted the one that had been his, pointing to it.

"Just like this charm, I will always be with you. Through everything you face from now on, I won't let you be alone. Okay?" You nodded mutely and he scooped you into a tight hug. As if you were afraid to touch him, you put your hands lightly on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Taehyung ah." The choked whisper was muffled by his jacket, the same one he'd worn the night he died. "I'm so sorry I was so horrible to you. You deserved better. I should have been better to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Your stream of apologies broke off as you started sobbing helplessly into his shirt. His arms tightened around you, clutching you even closer as he stroked your hair.

"I forgive you, (y/n) ah."

The train car slammed to a stop and you jolted forward, catching yourself by slapping your palms onto the empty seat next to you. With a start you sat upright, looking around the quiet compartent. There was absolutely no sign that Taehyung had been there, or that any of your fellow passengers had seen what just happened. Slowly you leaned back into your seat, your heart heavy as Junho's words filled your ears where Taehyung's gentle murmurs of comfort had been.

But sometimes, when I hold onto the past memories and cry That means that I can't let you go, let you go From my heart I can't let you go I can't let you go

[youremyonlyhope]

Stranger Things 3

Episode 8. This is it!

It was originally going to be in a post with episode 7 like the rest of the episodes were paired up, but it got too long.

And seriously some people may pretend that Season 2 has only 8 episodes because they hated the Lost Sister so much, but 8 episodes did not feel like enough after 9 last time.

Update: I edited the post on mobile and apparently deleted the cutoff without noticing. So. I really hope for the hour or so it wasn’t there that I didn’t spoil anyone.

…So.

After that opening, I paused. Got up. Shakily walked down the stairs to tell my mom that this was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. I literally watched that opening with my hands half covering the screen. And then I drank a full glass of water and ate some mango. And now I’m back. I broke my rule of not writing while watching in order to write this. Now back to the episode. Ew.

Now that I’ve finished the episode, before I write down my thoughts scene by scene, I want to say. My final verdict is: Exit Wounds.

But let’s go through the moments in the episode first before I get into that. And I lied, I did pause a few times, but only to write a couple words to help jolt my memory later.

Yeah so that opening. Disgusting. But I already wrote what I thought. Hopper and El were holding hands with the little blue hairband around her hand and his thumb. My heart. I love it. Murray’s Russian plan was a good one. I guess Hopper’s was the faster solution though. At this point I wrote down “Family lesbian nerd mom collarless“ And I was basically trying to make a joke. “Sometimes a family can be a mom with great hair, a lesbian sailor, a black girl nerd, and collarless boy.” Or did Steve call Dustin boneless? I can’t remember. But yeah that was my joke. Oh poor El’s powers. I hope she’s ok. AANNNNNDDDD IT’S HERE. Can Terminator Dude just stop. Joyce and Hopper agreed to go on a date. This is important for my Exit Wounds theory that started to kind of form around now. The moment they agreed I was like oh god here we go. I love that they called themselves the Scoops Troop. Very cute. So much anxiety while they tried to run from the Mind Flayer. Steve to the rescue again!!!! It’s not a Stranger Things season if Steve doesn’t swoop in at the last second to save them. Usually from Billy. I think that Dustin and Suzie singing was cute, but also completely random. But it led to another instance of a girl saving the day. Which I love. (Also it was something I was spoiled for since YouTube suggested a video called something like “The meaning behind Dustin and Suzie’s song!” and I was like oh ok so now I’ve been spoiled that she’s real. Cool.) Can Terminator Dude just stop. I wrote down “Terminator wrists visible” when he started fighting Hopper. Because if he is a sibling of Eleven, which I think he is, then he’d have a number tattoo on his wrist. We haven’t really seen his wrists up until now (besides in the hall of mirrors). And I was convinced we were about to get a flash of a “001″ or a “002.” (Wait… if there was a number shown in the mirror and I missed it… I’ll be mad.) I wrote down “Billy sacrifice?” when he picked up El. Especially because he seemed kind of gentle when he transferred her from carrying her fireman style to bridal style. I was wondering if Billy was actually giving El over or if he was about to sacrifice himself to save them. The Billy memory scene was super emotional. And I was glad the fireworks came in handy. Once Hopper and Terminator ended up by the machine, I wrote down “Hopper=Exit Wounds” because I had a bad feeling it was gonna be an Exit Wounds situation. Or I guess more accurately a Reset situation. Joyce and Hopper finally agreed to go on a date, an actual date, and then one (or both) die. I realize now that even though I wrote down Exit Wounds, Reset’s probably more accurate. BUT the Exit Wounds still ends up fitting. We’ll get there. Both Billy and Hopper dying made my eyes get wet. But I didn’t cry. I did not cry. My eyes were just wet. And I was proud of myself at this point. OH THANKS A LOT DR. OWENS. RIGHT ON TIME TO COVER IT ALL UP BUT NOT TO HELP THEM STOP IT. THANKS A LOT. I mean, yeah fine it’s good to have you since this is hard to explain and you’re the one military person they can trust so yeah, thanks, BUT I STILL WISH YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THERE EARLIER. COME ON. I did not cry over Eleven’s reaction either. I literally thought to myself “Oh, if they hold this shot of her starting to cry I’m gonna cry too” then it cut to black. And I was like ok cool I didn’t cry. Ha. Creepy arcade dude now has a job at the video store. Good for him. Look at these three Broadway Babies singing on Stranger Things. Yay. The other thing I’d been spoiled for was El saying I love you back to Mike. Oh well. I could have been spoiled for much worse things.

Now here’s where this becomes Exit Wounds. Message from Hopper from the beyond that he wrote before he died. Just like Tosh. And just like Tosh, it made me shed a tear. But then the full on crying started when I saw Will’s face and he was crying saying goodbye to everyone. Will is my child. If he cries then I cry. And then we got all the kids crying and I was like oh god this hurts and I kept crying. Then Mike hugged his mom like he did in Season 1 after seeing the body and I was like no this throwback hurts (HA. LITTLE DID I KNOW.). Max crying over Billy made me cry more. I didn’t even like Billy but I didn’t want him to die! I’m glad he got some sort of redemption. But I wish it didn’t cost him his life. He deserved better. Then Dustin and Lucas gave Erica all of Will’s D&D books and I just knew they were in the box before they opened it and I started crying even HARDER because encouraging black girls to be nerds! My heart. And Hopper called himself “your poor old dad” and I had just been thinking earlier when they held hands that she doesn’t call him dad yet he is her dad and now we know he considered himself her dad and everything was hurting ok!?!?!?

And then.

Netflix gave me the single most heartbreaking caption it could give me.

[“Heroes” by Peter Gabriel playing]

AND. I. LOST. IT. I thought I’d already lost it at this point. I really thought I’d already lost it. I didn’t know I could lose it more than I’d already lost it. Before then I was literally ugly sobbing but trying to stay quiet since my mom was home and hasn’t seen it yet. Once I read that caption and heard the song I literally started hitting my couch over and over again and rocking back and forth and crying even harder. Gasping sobs. Ugly sobs. I haven’t cried this hard in so long.

When the Uhaul truck closed, I heard my front door open and knew my brother was home so I started frantically wiping my face on my shirt and tried to stop crying since my brother hasn’t seen this either and I don’t want to spoil him that this finale is cry worthy.

And then the episode ended. And it was Exit Wounds all over again. A couple agrees to date, one (or both) dies, and one leaves behind an emotional note about how much they love the ones they care about. I am not ok.

The season may have started slow, but it’s the only season to make me cry so automatically I love it.

BUT I’VE BEEN SAYING SINCE DAY ONE THAT IF THEY KILLED OFF HOPPER I WILL RIOT. SO WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME. LET’S GO KILL THE DUFFER BROTHERS.

OH AND BILLY. WE WENT NEARLY FULLY ZUKO REDEMPTION WITH BILLY. SAD BACKSTORY. SELF SACRIFICE. I AM HURTING. WHY DID THIS SHOW MAKE ME CRY OVER BILLY?

My one complaint of this season: not NEARLY enough Will. What did we get to see Will do? Have his spidey sense go off a bit? Then he cried at the end? COMPLETE WASTE OF NOAH’S TALENTS. WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM AN EMMY LAST SEASON. But David Harbour has the Emmy secured this time so I guess that’s fine.

Yeah. So. I feel drained. I’m glad I didn’t force myself to stay up last night to finish the show because I would have been too tired to do it. Now I’m just emotionally tired. Help.

WAIT WHAT THERE’S AN AFTER CREDIT’S SCENE. WAIT A SECOND. I only noticed because my mouse hovered over the bar and I saw a frame. Ok gonna watch it.

“Not the American” BUT WHAT AMERICAN? COULD HOPPER BE ALIVE? I had thought to myself “I’m glad they didn’t show us Hopper exploding like the others.” BUT WHAT IF HE HADN’T EXPLODED? WHAT IF HE WAS TELEPORTED OR SOMETHING. No. I think I’m just in the denial stage and grasping at straws. Of course it’s a Demadog. Oh wait, I guess a fully grown Demagorgon. Great.

While watching the scene, I was scared it would show that Hopper was still alive and I was glad that I didn’t know it existed so I could put all my emotions over his death into writing before finding out he was alive. But he’s not alive. As far as we know. So all the emotions are still the same with maybe just a little hope that he’s the American.

Update: My mom heard me crying. She says "It better not be one of the three boys. Not the little black Lion King boy. It better not be Sheriff Dad." And I just laughed nervously the whole time she talked about who she didn't want to die.