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cloudsmateria · 9 months ago

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college roommate - leon kennedy x reader

nerdy!reader x leon kennedy

synopsis: you and leon have just started university, finding yourself in the same university visit, he comes and visits your dorm as he's been struggling in his classes. you kick it off, and you invite each other into your different, interesting lives.

words: like 4500

disclaimer: this isn't proof-read and i actually do need to proofread it and i will when i finish it, this also isn't finished. so if u don't wanna read it now and wanna come back to it when it's pristine and complete be my guest, the edit of this will be very edited like literally whole chunks of texts will be different, i just wanted to post something

content warning: kissing, bit of angst, slight smut/almost smut, sexual themes

A loud knock rings through your door, if it had come even a second later you wouldn’t have heard it at all as you were on a one-way path to passing out on top of your notes.

“Come in.” You mumble, picking your head up off of the desk and watching as a dirt-blonde hunk of a boy you don’t recognise comes through. Maybe it’s one of the frat boys trying to get to know all the girls in his dorm house.

“Hey. Can I ask a favour?”

“Who are you?”

"I'm Leon, I saw you in my engineering lecture the other day and you looked like you understood what was going on. Then I found out you were in my university building. So here, I am. Help. Please. I’m going to fail and we’re only 3 weeks in." His desperation makes you laugh, something you were shocked you could do in this dazed state after a mind-boggling 8 hours of completing work.

"Oh Leon, I'd love to but I think if I even think about that engineering class for another second right now I might actually drop down and die."

"It can wait, you busy right now? Other than you know, spilling drool all over your papers?”

“Yeah, I was just about to go spill some on my pillow too, I'm exhausted." You say, not entirely joking, and begin to gather your things.

“I get it.”

“We have another engineering lecture tomorrow anyway so you can just catch me then."

"You sure, though? I mean I'm already here." He shrugs and picks up a book from her bookshelf. "How do you read any of these? There are no pictures." You laugh again.

"You're asking me how I read physics books when you take engineering… Are you sure you picked the right course? You know, you can read it if you want, and would probably benefit from it. If you can even read."

"No thanks, I'll just get you to teach it to me tomrrow. I’ll see you in a bit, Einstein.”

"You should watch what you call me if you want me to tutor you, that’s usually not free."

"Oh, but the thing is I don't think you're actually going to make me pay for anything. You're too nice for that."

"That's a very bold statement to make to a stranger."

"You'll come round eventually."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Can I just ask you another question? I'm not going to stop annoying you until you answer it the way I want you to."

"Go on." You sigh.

"Have you eaten today? Cause I haven't and I'm hungry."

"Leon-"

"Please."

"Okay, okay, God, you're persistent. Gonna give me a headache." You groan and sit up.

"It’s worth it, you'll need me to keep you sane later in the year."

"Oh really? You think we’re gonna stay friends that long?"

"I know you've got your nerdy brain, but I've been told I have a great personality." You can't tell if he's implying something with that disgustingly stupid joke or if he really is just an idiot. To be fair, he's funny and managed to pull you out your the room you had been hibernating in for the past few days to get ahead of work. You suppose there are worse people you could be forced to talk to.

"Whatever. Just get out of here." You push him towards the door.

"You're not going to eat with me?" You roll your eyes and lock the door, getting dressed into something that wasn't your pyjamas.

…

Now here you were, eating outside with this boy from your lectures when you had just wanted to be at home sleeping. Although it was nicer than you thought it would be, he had insisted on buying you an energy drink to keep your eyes open as you were eating in some random burger shop.

"How come you're struggling?"

"Been going to too many parties, I've got different priorities."

"..."

"What?" He says defensively.

"Don't make me slap you. You can't be stupid because you got into this university, you're wasting your potential."

"I am not!"

"You're struggling! We're only 3 weeks in! I mean, come on, Leon."

"I don't understand what your problem is, maybe you need to live a little."

"That is rich coming from you. You're going to peak in college and fuck up the rest of your life if you ruin your chance now. And I live fine right now, I go out often enough and put the rest of my time toward my course, like a responsible human being."

"So you're boring?"

"So you're an idiot and can't plan for the future?"

"No, I'm not." He smirks. "And also, I never said I couldn't plan for the future, just that it isn't the only thing I want to focus on."

"Okay, fine, that's it. This is your problem, I'm not tutoring you."

"Got under your skin?" He smiles.

"I'm serious. You're smart if you got into this school, but you're wasting your talent partying and sleeping around."

“You’ve only known me for 20 minutes and you’ve managed to start an argument.”

“I just don’t want to waste my time. If you want me to help with assignments you need to make an effort, and if you want to be my friend, you’re also going to need to make an effort because I’m not going to care about someone who can’t even care about themselves.”

"I care about myself. Why else would I come to you for help on this?"

"Because you can't do it yourself and your friends are too stupid to ask them for help."

"No... Well... Okay fine, yeah that sounds pretty accurate. But in all honesty, I do care about my grade, that's why I'm coming to you. Now you know my intentions, I beg talk about something else, this entire conversation is reminding me of my mom."

"Like what?"

"Like, there's a party next Saturday, and I think you should come with me. You’re pretty entertaining."

"Oh, Leon. You're so clueless, it's pitiful."

"You have to go to the party, it will be fun."

"I have been to parties, I've gone to 2 since the start of the semester. But we have assignments to work on this week."

"One more little party isn't going to kill you. It'll be good, and then we can do the work."

"That's a very backward mindset."

"You'll thank me, trust me."

"You say the reason you’re struggling is because you’re going to many parties, and immediately proceed to invite me to a party." You shake your head and laugh. “You are something else.”

“So are you coming?”

“I’ll think about it.”

…

You and Leon had been going to the lectures together ever since, having lunch at points when he wasn’t hoarded by his friends and even managing a few study sessions into his schedule. You came 5 minutes early for the engineering lecture the next day. Flipping through the textbook notes to top up on your pre-reading beforehand, you had right at the back as Leon begged you to over text the previous night to sit there rather than the front so he’d feel comfortable sitting next to you. It doesn't take long for people to start filtering in, and eventually, that blonde-headed boy pops up next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder immediately.

"Didn't get enough sleep last night." He mutters.

"Up studying?"

"You know me so well."

“I'm not even going to ask what you were doing." You sigh, fully believing he had either gone clubbing or to another party last night.

"I promise you, I was studying. And you can ask me all the questions you want, I'll try my best to answer. I did go a little off track and I'm not doing well at it but your inspirational speech convinced me to try a bit."

"Really?" You ask excitedly, looking down at him. "Leon, that's great!" You feel his cheeks crease into a smile against your shoulder at your enthusiasm.

"You're more excited about it than I am, that's cute." He chuckles. "Keep talking, my head hurts, your voice helps."

"The lecture starts soon."

"Don't care."

"I’m not going to talk over the lecturer." You say, flicking his forehead.

"It's just a lot, okay? I'm trying my best, but I might have reached my full capacity last night." He sits up and sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Welcome to university."

"Yeah, whatever. Can we go back to your room after?"

"Sure."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

The professor finally steps into the lecture hall, and everyone quiets down, preparing for the lesson.

Halfway through, Leon couldn't help but pass out on you again. Your body went rigid, trying to make sure his head wouldn't fall off your shoulder. You pick the paper off of his desk, dragging it toward you as you start to write notes on your own and his paper so he won't miss out on anything.

He's surprisingly cute when he's not cracking annoying jokes and snapping back with snarky remarks. He was even making you lose track of the lecture a bit.

After class, you wake him up and walk him back to your dorm with him, chatting and catching him up on what he missed briefly. When you think about it, you're surprised you only met him yesterday. He feels like someone you've known since secondary school, or maybe he just treats everyone this way. Either way, you wouldn't complain about spending time with him.

"So, we're alone. What do we do?"

"Study?" You say, throwing him a pencil and paper. "Don't ask me stupid questions like that again."

"Come on, we just got out of an hour lecture, we basically already studied."

"A lecture that you slept for half of-"

"And that you caught me up on after."

"We need to make up the time. Now come on, let's work."

"But-"

"Now, Leon."

"Ugh."

…

The next hour wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be, you could still get your work done while simultaneously teaching Leon that content he missed out on. His demeanour quickly became enthusiastic when he saw how proud you were when you understood a concept, and you were genuinely impressed, he caught onto things quickly. After an hour, you both took a break sitting on your bed, him replying to some messages on his phone.

"Hey." You say, poking his arm to draw his attention.

"What?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making the effort to try, even if it is just a little bit."

"You're definitely making more effort than me." He smiles, leaning his head on your shoulder again.

"If you want to sleep you should just go home, you must be exhausted."

"I'm not leaving you in this depressing room, I'm keeping you company."

"I’m not keeping you from anything? Your phone was blowing up a second ago I assume you have somewhere to be."

"They can wait, I want to stay around for a bit longer. I like the change for once."

"Change?"

"It's quiet, I can think for once. You’re different from the people I’m around smart and stubborn,”

“So you’re aware of the poor choice of people you hang around, you had me fooled for a while.”

“Wait I’m not done, and even after all of that, I can tell that you're a little shy which is adorable. Oh, and my favourite part is how easy you are to annoy."

"I am not."

"You're blushing right now, I can feel your cheek getting hot. Adorable."

"Don’t you even close your mouth?"

"You know I can't, come on, it's not like you mind."

"Oh my god."

"Admit it, I'm fun to be around."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Tell me what you think of me."

"What?"

"Tell me, come on. Please, I'm dying for validation."

"Well. You're nice, and I've never seen you without a smile on your face, it's refreshing.”

“A little more… I know you got it in you.”

“You're not as stupid as you make yourself out to be,. And I honestly can't tell if I'm special or if you treat everyone else this way because you make me feel way more important than I really would be for someone like you."

"You're special, trust me. And that's a stupid question to ask. Do you want a list of the people I've met? The people I’ve made friends with?"

"What?"

"I can count on one hand the real people I've managed to keep around and one of those is my dog. Don't worry about that, because I know you’re gonna be on that list too. I know you think that I have so many friends and I'm surrounded by people all the time, but they're all fake. They're just fun for parties and clubbing when you have nothing else to do."

"But-"

"It's true." He looks at you, his expression becoming serious for the first time since you've met him. "And I've got to tell you, you're different."

"Different?"

"Yeah, you're interesting. You're not fake, and you're actually doing something with your life."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that, I think you’ve just surrounded yourself with one particular type of person, and now you’re shocked when you meet someone who’s not an idiot."

"Come on, I've seen the work you've done in these past 24 hours. You were working for at least 25 of them.”

"You know how to flatter me."

"That's another reason why you should hang out with me more."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"I'm not afraid to admit how much I like you, Einstein. Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?"

"I can't even think about what I should say to that." You say, laughing and burying your head in your hands. "God, you're a mess."

“I suppose, yeah. You’re changing that though.” He lifts your chin up to face him, smiling at your red cheeks. “See? So cute.”

"Why do you have to keep saying things like that?"

"Because you react this way." He grins.

"I hate you."

"Let me ask you something again. Are you going to go to the party on Saturday?"

"I don’t think so."

“Since I’ve got the chance, I think I can change your mind.” He smiles and pulls your face a little closer, close enough for him to feel your shallow breaths against his lips.

"I-" You can't find any words, you're stunned. He's gorgeous, and you can't deny that, but the idea of kissing him feels wrong, you can't do it. Not right now. The thought of getting with someone you're starting to have feelings for is setting off alarm bells, the alarm bells imprinted by your bad experiences from secondary school of guys playing with your emotions. No matter how much your heart is screaming you want to, your mind is screaming no.

"You're gonna go with me right?" He whispers.

"Okay." You say hoarsely, your legs desperately pressed together.

"Good girl." He smiles, getting up and putting his shoes on. "I'll see you on Saturday." He says, before leaving.

"I'm screwed." You mutter.

…

Saturday finally rolled around. You weren't even sure how much time you spent with Leon the day before, but you knew you wanted more. This was starting to become a concern for you. You remember last year, when you were hurt so bad you pledged to never fall for someone again. You can't do this, not with him. You know Leon is exactly that kind of guy, he’s charming, an athlete, with too many friends for his own good, someone who has no reason to be associated with you unless he wanted something, and was patient when it came to getting it.

And yet, here you were, wearing a simple little black dress and the heels Leon said would match. You pray that the feelings are cut off here, hopefully he sees you as just a friend and just likes to tease. But a little part of you has a sliver of hope that maybe this is real.

Leon came to pick you up from your room, as he was only a floor away. When you opened the door you were met with Leon dressed in a black bottom down with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up which definitely made you feel some kind of way.

"Leon, hi." You say, overly aware of the fabric hugging your skin, you rarely wore tight clothes.

"Wow." His eyes were stuck to everything that wasn't your face.

"Hey! My eyes are on my face, not my chest."

"I know."

"Leon!"

"Just admiring the view." You ended up crossing your arms to try and hide a bit of your figure.

"Can you stop looking?"

"You look great, don't worry." He says.

"Whatever."

"No, I'm serious. I mean it, you look amazing. Just relax and have fun, okay?" He puts his arm around your waist, pulling you close. "You look hot. And it's only going to get better. Just try to have a good time, I'll be by your side the whole time.”

"I've been to a party before, you don't need to baby me."

"I know it’s just this one is a big one. They always end in a mess. I've had a couple of close calls with the police."

"That's not what I'm worried about." I'm worried about what I might end up doing with you, she thinks.

"Just tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable and we can go." He smiles and leads you out of the dorm building and into the street.

"How far is it?"

"Only a few minutes away." He says, leading you along the sidewalk.

The walk wasn't too far, it was about 20 minutes of you both drinking from a wine bottle for some pre-game. Time seemed to fly by as you came to the house. Whoever was hosting this party, probably one of Leon's friends no doubt, was rich. The house was huge and the whole thing was vibrating with the music that blasted through it.

"We're here."

"I think it’s going to collapse.."

"Wait until you see inside." He grabs your hand and drags you in, the house packed. You didn't recognise anyone and felt a little intimidated as Leon led you through the crowd of people, pushing them aside. You couldn't believe there were this many students in the town.

He stops at the kitchen, handing you a drink. You hadn't gone to a party this big before, and that was voluntary, this was just too much. You drink it in one to hopefully get you drunk enough to gain a bit of confidence and hand it back to Leon for it to get refilled.

"I didn't know there were this many people here."

"There's usually a lot." He smiles, handing her another drink. "Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole night. You take a shot before starting to sip on the more tame drink Leon had gotten.

"What do you want to do first?"

"Let’s go find some of my friends.He says, taking your hand and dragging you through the sea of people, most likely dancing, grinding, or drinking.

He pulls you into the living room, finding his friends from one of the lectures and joining in on their conversation. You're introduced and you talk with them, they're all quite funny and sweet. You were happy to have found a fun little group.

The rest of the night is spent with them, the five of you getting progressively drunker and drunker and talking about more and more stupid shit before someone suggests the group should go and dance, you immediately go and hide behind Leon.

"Dancing is definitely not my thing." You whisper.

"You have to come."

"No way."

"Please." He says, looking into your eyes.

"Why?"

"I want you to."

"Leon."

"If you hate it, I'll make it up to you. Please." He whispers, and you sigh, giving in. "I know you'll enjoy it." He smiles and leads her by the hand into the living room where everyone is.

"Everyone's too drunk to be paying any attention anyway." He says, and the group joins in on the dance.

After a few more drinks the alcohol started to hit.

"Isn't so bad, is it?" He says after the first few minutes, watching you find your rhythm.

"No, it's fun."

"See, told you."

"Don't let it go to your head, I'm just drunk."

He smiles, spinning you so your back is pressed against his, the two of you continue to dance. He leans down and kisses your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and grinding into you.

"Leon-"

"It's hard to control myself with you, almost kissed you that time I convinced you to come to this party, could tell you weren’t sure though."

"Because I thought we were just friends."

"That never lasts long, does it? Did you really think it was going to stay that way forever?" He says, running his hand down your thigh.

"We're drunk." You mumble, leaning your head back onto his shoulder. God, you wanted it. You were trying with everything you had to rationalise with yourself. He knew what he was doing.

"That doesn't change the fact that you're irresistible. And that's not the alcohol talking. I've been wanting to do this for a while."

He smirks, spinning her back around to face him and lifting you up, your legs wrapping around his waist.

"Let's go upstairs,"

"Leon-"

"Shh." He puts a finger over her lips and leads her away, finding the stairs and walking up. “Stop doubting yourself. One thing about you is that you always say no, or doubt yourself, let’s change that for once.”

He takes you to the first room he finds, happening to be a bathroom, opening the door and stepping in, kicking it closed and locking it. He sets you down and starts to kiss you, the alcohol making it a lot more forceful than usual. You kiss back, letting him guide you and set the pace, his hands sliding over her body.

"You're so fucking beautiful." He mutters, his lips trailing down to your neck. You feel the pressure of his hands pushing you backwards. Your back hits the counter, he lifts you up and settles himself between your thighs.

"Leon-"

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure? About me?"

"Yes." He smiles, lifting his head. "Now stop doubting yourself, will you? You're too perfect for that." If you were sober, your mind would've had red lights blaring, trying to protect you, but the alcohol flattened out all thoughts. A hint of doubt crossed your mind instinctually. But his touch is so good, and he's making you feel things that you haven't in a long time.

"I-"

"Come on, tell me how much you want me."

"I really like you, Leon. It's just...I have this feeling that I'll get hurt."

"What are you so afraid of? What can I do to change your mind?" He whispers. "I'll do anything for you." He says, pulling your head down to kiss him. The sweet nothings bring back some bad memories, it's starting to feel a bit like deja vu.

"I've been hurt before, Leon."

"What's his name? I'll kick his ass."

"It was in high school, but it happened too many times."

"You have to stop thinking, just focus on me, okay?"

"Leon."

"Come on." He sighs, pressing a finger to your lips. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. I don't want to lose something because someone in your past ruined everything for you, okay?"

"I don't know."

He sighs. "Do you wanna head home ?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not upset. Come on, I'll take you back."

"I didn't mean to ruin the night."

"No, I'm not letting you leave thinking you ruined it. I'm sure a million more parties are happening this week if you feel so bad."

"I'm a mess, Leon. Why do you even like me? I'm not worth it."

"Of course you are." He says, cupping your cheek."You're the only person I can stand to be around for hours while sober. And you can't argue with that."

"Okay."

"I'll get us out of here and you can crash in my room."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now come on, we're leaving."

...

The taxi ride home was short and sweet, but still awkward. You were scared he'd be mad at you for ending the night so abruptly, but when you got into the room he made sure to put his arm around you, whispering reassurement into your ear, stroking your hair.

"You don't have to worry. I'm not angry."

"Really?"

"I don't blame you for wanting to wait."

"It's just, the last time-"

"I'm not him, you can trust me. I've been trying to prove that to you."

"I think... Maybe I can learn to trust you."

"You will, eventually." He says, holding his arms open, gesturing for her to cuddle with him.

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

You cuddle him for a bit, the silence being cut by the sound of the two of you breathing. Leon leans down to kiss capture your lips softly, it feels a lot easier to kiss him back, pressing your body against him.

"I don't know why anyone would ever hurt you." He whispers between kisses. "You're perfect." He runs his fingers through your hair.

"I don't know about that."

"I don't know why you doubt yourself either. Go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."

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clubdionysus · 4 months ago

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[BAD DECISION #54] Surprises

warnings: smut, unprotected sex, car shag!!! bit of a mess really, starluvrs being starluvrs, degradation, praise, creampie, jumping days here and there, we've got places to be!! bad decisions to make!!

notes: leaving u with a lil cliff hanger hehehe

wc: 6K

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"No, it's not funny. I'm actually gonna die," Jeongguk groans as your giggle vibrates against his throat. Hair tickling his skin, there's a clumsiness to you both. Are so familiar with one another that it shouldn't be a struggle - and yet neither of you can see to get this right.

"Shush," you laugh, hands desperately struggling with his belt. "It's the angle! Hips up."

"You're on me!" He protests, giggling as his head rests against the back of the chairs. It's dark, and it's cramped, and there's nothing sexy about this.

Or at least there isn't until Jeongguk lifts his hips. You gasp at the sudden movement, his arm wrapped around your back (or, more so, just above your arse) to keep you in place on top of him.

"Fuck-" you yelp in surprise, taken aback by the sudden jolt.

"I think you mean 'fuck, please' ," he quips as if your exclamation had been a request. "I'd really like to. You're the one butchering this."

"Hey!" You defend - and then you're giggling again, even if you are doing far better now that his body is a little straighter, quickly threading the leather through the buckle. His hips sink back down into the seat. The natural motion of your body of his realigns you. Gets your nose right where it belongs next to his. "See," you whisper against his lips. "Wasn't so hard now, was it?"

"Like I said," he flirts back, practically kissing you while brushing his lips against yours. Boundaries don't exist. Your air is his. Your space, body, and innermost desires are all shared willingly. Reciprocally. "I wasn't the one being difficult."

Lips sinking down into his just as an excuse to shut him up, you hum something incoherent.

"What was that?" He purrs. "I'm right?"

"Shut up."

Blazer left in the passenger seat, you're still in your jeans and Jeongguk's tank top.

"Fuck it," you groan, pulling yourself away into the seat next to his. Get the zipper of the jeans open, but before you can even tug the trousers down your legs, Jeongguk's all up in your business again - and who are you to turn away such a loyal customer?

"Gguk," you laugh as his lips find your neck, hand slipping down the front of your trousers. With a gasp, your head tilts back, the pressure of his fingers against the lace of your underwear akin to paradise.

"Yeah?" He teases, knowing the moan of his name was rhetorical.

"Shut up," you moan, as he presses down on your most sensitive of parts.

"Rude," he smirks, then trails his tongue up your neck. Flicks over the lobe of your ear. Sucks. Whispers, "Hips up, baby. Take them off."

You've done this dance with Jeongguk many times, in many precarious places, but none of them have ever been as cramped as his car. The leather of his seats is only lukewarm thanks to the aircon, and there's an acute awareness that anyone could see you right now - but it's late, and it's dark, and you don't really care for anything outside the confines of the steel can you're in.

"I'm trying," you giggle, awkwardly shimmying the materials down your legs. It's not like he's helping. Not when his fingers are toying with the lace of your underwear, lips pressing wet kisses beneath your jaw.

"Wanna fuck you so bad," he lazily admits, then realises maybe he needs to be a bit more proactive in order to get what he wants.

Pulling away from you, Jeongguk frantically pushes his own trousers down. Not off, not entirely - he's still wearing his shoes - but below his knees to give him a little wiggle room. Palms at himself, cock hard beneath his boxers, while his other hand strokes at the curve of your back as you lean down to pull your jeans off at the ankle. Wastes no time pulling you back onto his lap as soon as possible.

"Hi," you whisper, hair falling around his face, engulfing him in everything you are.

"Hey, baby," he whispers back, hands stroking at your waist. There's a warmth to his palms, a strength to the intention with which he touches you. He lets his thumb tuck beneath the material. Strokes against your skin, while his other hand dips to squeeze your ass. You can practically hear him internally whinging about being an ass guy, as if his lips don't start to trail down your neck and to somewhere else entirely . "Come here often?"

Your line of bantering has been well-nurtured by this point. The same jokes, same playful remarks are repeated like comedy specials. Reruns of your favourite shows. Binge-watched. Left to play in the background of menial tasks just to fill the space.

Your fingers weave into his hair as your hips begin to grind against his lap. Encouraging his exploration of your skin, you hum in satisfaction as his lips trail along the neckline of his tank top.

"Once or twice," you tease - which immediately has him pulling back.

"I'm sorry?!" He huffs in fake outrage. There's a grin on his pretty lips despite his furrowed brows. "Once or twice?!"

With a laugh that Jeongguk thinks could make even the coldest of hearts fall in love, you nod as you cup his jaw, resting your forehead to his. "Maybe three times."

"You come here all the time," he whines, the double meaning of your flirt so thinly veiled it may as well not exist.

"Well, I'm not right now, am I?" you challenge.

Hands cupping your ass, Jeongguk gives you a squeeze, then gently spanks your exposed skin. There's a slight jump to your reaction and an incredibly sultry gasp.

Pressing his lips up against yours, Jeongguk reaches between your legs and tugs your panties to the side. Already wet, he knows he could probably just fuck you right now - but he wants you choking on your words.

"Fuck," you whine into his lips. The movement lets his tongue slide against yours, gently stroking until it's all rather undignified. His tongue is in your mouth just like his middle finger is slowly pushing up into your cunt, your hips helping to create a rhythm.

"You wanna fuck me so bad," he smirks against you. Earns himself a pathetic nod from you as your hands tighten in his hair. The tension of your fingers forces his head to tip back, and then you're both gasping in a way that is far too personal for the back of a car. A second finger pushes into you, and the lopsided smirk on Jeongguk's face deepens as your face blossoms with unadulterated pleasure. "Say it, B. Tell me how much you want it."

Hips languidly grinding down as his fingers stroke up against your sweetest spots, all you can manage is a blatant, bratty lie. "Don't wanna fuck you."

"No?" He grins. "Say it, then. Call chess."

Provocative in his instigations, Jeongguk is all cocksure and confident in that boyish way that always makes you wanna rise to his challenge.

Trouble is, to play him at his own game is to lose. You do want to fuck him - and you know that if you try and pretend like you don't, he'll withhold himself from you until you're begging .

"No," you sweetly reply. "I'm doing charity , here. Taking one for the team. You're welcome."

"Charity?" he almost fucking snorts.

"Charity," you nod. "Can't take it back because I'll get bad karma, so it means I have to fuck you."

Jeongguk scoffs, brows furrowed, lips ajar.

"Well, maybe I don't wanna fuck you," he retorts, now.

There's something celestial about Jeongguk in moments like these.

What you're doing together is sordid. Seedy. Nasty, even. The way you want one another in the most immoral of ways is almost embarrassing. He's desperate, yet there's forbearance in the glitter that waltzes around in his dark eyes at the mere sight of you. A tenderness to his pretty pout as he fakes a lousy mood. A lightness to the giggle he hides as it desperately tries to escape.

Nudging your nose up against his, you let your hand sink beneath the waistband of his boxers. Excruciatingly hard, Jeongguk's cock is incapable of fibbing. Moaning ever so gently as you stroke his length, he doesn't object as you adjust your position, while your spare hand tugs at his underwear to free him.

He's really not had much foreplay at all. Just a little bit of grinding and, of course, the things he's done to you - which is enough to get him solid regardless. Part of you thinks it's cruel to skip over a blowjob, but you've got a point to prove.

"Don't lie, baby," you whisper against lips, lining yourself up with him.

The casualness of such an affectionate term makes him fucking twitch. Doesn't think he'll last long at all.

The tip of his thick cock kisses your entrance. Lips ajar, you breathe one another in as you sink down onto his shaft.

It's a slow acceptance of the way he feels inside of you. Something to savour. Something to appreciate. The tightness. The wetness. The warmth.

Eyes closed, Jeongguk is overwhelmed by the stars in his darkened mind.

"Not lying," he eventually husks, head tipping back as you sink down as far as you can - but it's when you drag back up that he really whines. "Oh, fuck ."

"That good?" you softly ask, deliberately sweet in your tone. If his eyes were to open, he'd see the teasing smirk on your lips. You really do revel in his weakness.

Jeongguk nods. Bites down on his bottom lip. Grunts as you push back down. Hands gripping your ass, Jungook leverages a slightly deeper fullness, his needy cock now buried in you. "Fuck. Yeah."

The sensation of him filling you is never new.

Still, it always somehow feels like the first time - and so as much as you wish you could pretend like you are unbothered, you know there's only one thing that will stop you from blurting out pathetic, desperate pleas for him to let you bounce.

So, you kiss him.

Again, this is familiar, but it still always startles him.

He's never liked a pair of lips more, and can't believe he gets to kiss them. Sometimes - much like now - his brain can't comprehend it. Makes him take half a second to actually respond, as if he's giving you a chance to stop. To reevaluate. Is so concerned with making sure you're in control that he forgets he doesn't need to anymore.

Neither of you are the same people you once were.

How could you be?

Your orbits have collided now, quite undeniably.

Life won't ever be the same. It's not like this is a new actualisation you're having as Jeongguk's grip on the soft flesh of your ass tightens, nor is it something you're only just considering as he does, in fact, begin to manipulate your body into moving at a faster pace.

Since the moment you met Jeongguk, all bleary-eyed and bright smiles, even despite the broken heart you were trying to mend, nothing has ever felt like it did before.

Lips strong against yours, he kisses you with such intent that it's almost as if he's making up for lost time. As if he's saying, what took us so long?

Truthfully, you wish you had a good answer for it. Know that you could explain it away with trauma, and indecision, and -fuck it- bad decisions.

It was always the right time, 'cause he's always been the right person. You were just stupid, and he was just scared. Sometimes you swapped roles. Often, you shared them.

"God," he whines into your mouth, his hips jerking up to really make sure you can feel how much he's been craving you. "This cunt - fuck . Your cunt. I fucking love it."

Slowing your hips, nails tight against his shoulders, your pouty lips rest ajar as you pull back to look at him.

His eyes fall on yours; dark, hedonistic, covetous.

You're fragile in comparison; benevolent, pretty, pristine. Chaste in the soft closing of your lips and subsequent widening of your eyes. You beg, "Say it again."

"What?" he smirks, rolling his hips up, revelling in the furrowing of your brows. Adores how dainty your mannerisms have become. Revels in how he knows your pussy is sinfully stretched because of his cock. He's defiling you. Besmirching.

Bringing one of his hands to your front, Jeongguk never loses contact with your body. Strokes up your stomach, over your chest and gently grips around your the base of your throat.

"Huh, baby?" He taunts. "What?"

Gasping, you don't even get a chance to respond before Jeongguk is tugging down the front of his vest, hooking it beneath your tits. Carelessly does the same thing with the lace cup of your bra. A crack of skin meets skin, and a whine from your dulcest lips echoes in the car; a short, sharp spank delivered to your tits.

"Gguk," you mumble as your body recoils from the impact, only for his lips to wrap around your hard nipple within the same breath. "Oh, fuck."

There's no denying Jeongguk has complete control over your body in moments like these.

Pulling on your waist, Jeongguk forces a division between your bodies. He's breathless. Just looks at you. Stares. Obsesses. Finally, he does as you ask of him, as he says, "What do you want me to say? How much I love this cunt? You know I do. You know I'd fuck you all day, every day if I could, B. Seven days a week." His hips gently begin to pulse as his grip on your waist encourages you to move in a similar, lazy fashion. "I want you all the time."

Hands to his cheeks, there's an impatience to the way you pull him for the deepest of kisses. Waste no time stroking your tongue against his, getting lost in everything he is. Losing yourself. Not caring to leave a trail. Never want to be found. Want to stay with him forever.

It's a long time.

But what else is there for a star to do, other than shine for an eternity for the sake of those who adore them?

The pace of your hips as you ride him, not caring for anything other than making him feel good has him close within minutes. He doesn't want to finish. Wants to last. Take his time. Make you feel good.

"Slow, baby," he husks, pulling you down and easing into the motion of a tepid grind. "You'll make me cum."

"Good," you pout, stealing a kiss.

"Bad," he laughs. Shakes his head. Lets his nose nudge against yours. Whispers, "You got any idea how fucking good you feel?"

With a small giggle that sends shockwaves through his body as your pussy tightens around his length, you claim that you don't. Ask, "Is it your favourite?"

"Hmm?"

"My pussy," you clarify - not asking for any reason more complex than an ego boost. "Is it your favourite?"

He rolls his eyes. Smiles. "You know it is, you little psycho."

And even though it shouldn't, the name-calling makes you giggle again.

He laughs, too. Teases you. Says shit like, "Why you asking dumb questions, baby? Am I fucking you so well you're forgetting how much I like you, huh? Forgetting that you're my girlfriend?"

"Might have to fuck me harder," you wickedly scheme. Know exactly how to get what you want. "Jog my memory. Remind me of it."

"Don't think it'll help," he simpers against your lips, tongue invasive before you're even really kissing him. There's a recklessness to the way he's toying with you, which is only further exacerbated when he says, "Think you're just a dumb slut when you sit on my dick, aren't you baby? So dumb. So pretty."

Nodding, your moans get muffled in the way he kisses you. There's a domineering quality to how he's handling your body, and absolutely zero resistance from you.

"What are you, huh?" He goads.

If you weren't currently pulsing around his cock, desperately trying to not to come undone, you'd give some kind of witty reply. Would be able to fucking think - but right now you can't. He's exactly what he says you are.

"Dumb slut," you willingly degrade yourself.

"And?"

You shrug. Really can't think of anything other than the way his thumb starts to toy with your clit.

"Pretty," he tells you. "So fucking gorgeous. Say it."

"Gguk," you whimper.

"Say it."

"Pretty."

"That's right," he nods. "My gorgeous, dumb slut, aren't you? So good ."

"So good," you echo. "Gguk, I'm close."

"I know," he assures you. "You're gonna cum all over me, aren't you? Gonna show me how much you like being mine?"

You're a pathetic, whimpery mess as you nod. Can barely string a sentence together. All you can do is let your body succumb to Jeongguk and everything that he is.

It's no secret that he gets you in a way that no other person ever has before, not even yourself. No one has even come close .

Yet he's effortless as he nods and says, "I've got you, B. C'mon. Let me feel you."

It doesn't take much. Just a few masterful flicks of his thumb. Your nails grip against the base of his throat, whining so pathetically that Jeongguk can't promise he won't come undone, too - and then you're shaking. Throbbing. Cumming.

"More," he grits. Picks up his pace. Steadies his hips. "Oh, fuck yeah."

Head tilting back, Jeongguk's euphoric in moments like these. Just inches away from his own finishing line, he doesn't care about winning. Will let you take home the trophy - but why compromise when you can just share?

"God, I'm gonna cum," he tells you. "Where-"

"Inside."

One day, you'll learn that being so careless is a terrible idea, but it is not today. For now, he nods. Knows you're on birth control, so gladly obliges. Focuses on you. Says, "I'm there. Oh, fuck, baby, I'm there."

His arrival is far more dignified than yours. Slower. Just as intense, with a far milder delivery, but it's only because he's trying to do three things at once: keep you feeling good, keep himself feeling good, and keep his eyes locked on yours.

He wants to watch you sparkle as he cums. Wants to see if your eyes will twinkle like Christmas come early. Wants to see if the physical manifestation of how he feels about you can be translated by your body; if you'll know how deeply he adores you.

"That's it," you nod. Tenderly let your thumbs stroke his cheeks, and despite his determination, he can't help but close his eyes. Leans into your touch. Lets you preen and perfect him as he unloads himself into you. Can't speak, 'cause you're tucking hair behind his ear and telling him how pretty he looks. Kissing his cheeks. Saying shit like, "All for me, isn't it Koo? It's mine."

Oh God, he thinks. It is.

Yours, yours, yours.

Stupid shit. His cock, his cum, and his unadulterated desire.

Sincere shit. His heart, his affections, and his unbridled adoration.

His body, his mind, his soul.

And then his lips are on yours, because they belong to you too - and if he doesn't do something with them, secret words and unspoken confessions would be yours, too.

If he were to think about it - which he won't 'cause he's still coming down from his post-orgasm high - he'd realise that maybe it would be okay for you to have those confessions. Maybe it's not as terrifying as it seems.

Instead, he just nods into the kiss. "You know it's yours, B. Fuck-" he laughs, resting his forehead against yours "- you're too fucking good."

"Yeah?" you giggle, so pleased with how worn out and weak he always seems to be after sex. It's vulnerable. You like that he feels safe enough to be so delicate.

"Yeah," he beams as you adjust, then groans a little as you pull back to separate the pair of you. Rolling off from your perch, you lazily lean into him, then smile when he passes you the jumper you'd taken off earlier that evening. "Careful. Mind the seats."

Letting him nut inside you probably wasn't the best idea. In fact, there's a whole host of reasons as to why it was a bad idea, but now, spilling onto his seats is the main worry.

"It's your cum," you tell him as he wraps his arm around your shoulders, while you adjust to make sure his seats are protected. His other hand reached over to pull your bra back up. Vest too. Squeezes your tits for good measure, but is notably making sure you're not exposed.

It's not for any specific reason. Is just aware of the fact you've no real privacy in the back of his car, even if the windows are tinted.

"Don't care," he tells you with a smile, but also adds. "And it's both of ours. What's mine is yours."

"Such a generous lover," you laugh, and Jeongguk finds his heart swelling.

Still, he plays it cool. Pretends like the term 'lover' doesn't make him want to recite fuckin' poetry. Tucks himself away too, then smirks, "You're welcome."

His teasing is punctuated with a kiss to your hair. An acceptance of a new normal. Half naked in the back of his car, you both look out at the city that floods the basin of the mountain range. Lights sparkle in the abyss; evidence of lives being lived. Proof that perhaps you aren't the only stars that call the city 'home'.

Though, realistically, Jeongguk would argue that 'home' is curled up against him, her fingers toying with his as they settle into a comfortable silence, broken only by the whisper of, "I'm so happy, Gguk."

A moment of silence lingers in the aftermath of such a devastating admission. You pay no mind to it. Would have said it regardless. Aren't expecting much, if anything, back. Just thought he should know.

Which is sweet, because he thinks you should know how he's feeling, too.

"Yeah?" he tenderly asks.

With a small hum, you nod. Keep playing with his hands. Look at them instead of the city.

"Good," he whispers. "Me, too. More than you could ever imagine."

Happiness is a curious thing.

For so long, it evaded you.

These days, you seem to find it everywhere.

It's in the silly giggles that echo around his car as you struggle to get your jeans on in such a cramped space. It's in the way Jeongguk playfully spanks your ass as you clamber through to the front seats, and it's also abundant in the soft hum of a song sung together on the drive home.

You admit all kinds of things, but are safe to feign innocence. After all, you were just singing along to a song you both like. So what? They're not your words, even if you meant every single one of them.

The happiness you find in the roads that lead you to Jeongguk place is akin to contentment. Peace. They understand that life can be easy.

From his parking lot to his elevator, and the way he never lets go of your hand, you know he meant what he said.

The smile on his lips as he presses devastatingly needy kisses against yours in the corner of an empty elevator only further proves this.

By his doorstep, stealing half a dozen more kisses before he has to behave himself in case Jimin is around, he is happy.

When he realises Jimin is out, God knows where, Jeongguk is happy.

When you go to the bathroom to get yourself sorted, only to end up scurrying back to him a few minutes later to drag him into the shower with you, you're both happy.

When he wraps you in the fluffy towel he bought especially for you, you're happy.

When sleep finally steals you away from one another, you know that nightmares aren't a possibility for the night head. How could they be?

Life is too good.

Something's gotta give - but for now, you'll revel in it.

Come the next morning, as you both begin to prepare for the day, you can't imagine anything ruining your current bliss.

The fabric of his shirt drapes over his defined chest like carved linen on an ancient Greek statue. Hangs so beautifully it's a wonder he's not a model. You understand exactly why there are so many bloody statues from that time period, 'cause you know damn well if cameras didn't exist, you'd want a reminder of his body, too.

"Can I help?" He asks, raising a brow in your direction.

You'd been so distracted by his titties that you hadn't realised you'd been drooling like a dog for the last minute or so.

Nodding, you sigh. "Never wear that shirt around me in public."

He furrows his brows. "Huh?" He asks, then quickly realises what you mean. Laughs. Shakes his head, and tweaks his now restored brows. "You're like a dog in heat, B. Control yourself."

"Not possible," you assure him, then gasp. "Oh! Actually-"

You cut yourself off, reaching for your phone to check the date, then swipe through to one of your apps.

Ever since the potential spawn scare, you've been making a point to track your cycle, just to be extra careful. The app also doubles as a horoscope prompt, which is the main reason you check it, but you'll never admit that to anyone except Danbi. And probably Jeongguk, too. But they're also the only people you'd ever speak about your cycle with, so what difference does it make.

"That explains it," you grimace, observing the scheduled peak in your hormones right about now.

"What does?" He questions, unhooking two glass mugs from the holder next to the coffee machine, before grabbing the ice he'd gotten out a minute or so prior.

"Ovulating," you state all rather plainly.

Jeongguk probably knows more about the menstrual cycle than you do thanks to his WebMD deep dives a few months ago - the theoretical science, at least. Not what they're like in practice.

"Ah," he just nods. "So that's why you're a randy mare."

"I'm always a randy mare," you correct him, which earns a hearty laugh from Jeongguk. "Just explains why you look so..."

"Handsome? Sexy? God-like?" He teases. "Thanks."

"Not what I was gonna say," you laugh, tossing your phone down on the sofa's cushion before joining him at the kitchen island. Perching up on one of the stools, you smile as he silently passes over an iced coffee for you. "But..."

"But?"

"Well, you're not wrong," you flirt, instantly sipping on your coffee, but keeping your eyes on him. Jeongguk laughs. Thinks you're lovely.

Also thinks he'll be late for work if he keeps this up, but he can't bear to drag himself away from you.

On the late shift, you've less pressure to start your day than Jeongguk does. He's in early to do work on bar refurbs, which only makes you wanna whine about how hot he is again whenever you remember it. Think he'd look delightful in a tool belt.

The thought consumes you for a good twenty minutes or so. It's only when you're back in his room as he gets ready for work that you're able to have a fully-present conversation.

"The rest of the week?" you frown as Jeongguk reveals his schedule.

"Afraid so," he nods. "I've got the evenings free, though? I can come to yours, instead. Make things easier. Or you're welcome to crash here on the days you're working a late shift."

"We can figure it out from day to day," you offer, knowing that solid plans aren't needed. You really are attached at the hip. His mother was right. "Are you working Saturday?"

With a regretful hum of confirmation, he adds, "I'm busy around lunchtime on Sunday, but I'm free in the evening."

"Oh?" you chirp. "What's happening on Sunday?"

Jeongguk pauses. Realises he's said too much. Stammers a little. "Erm, I, uh- no. Sorry. No. I have a meeting."

"Meeting?" You question, brows furrowing. "For the rest-"

"No," he shakes his head before you even finish. He didn't mean to do so. Skin prickly, body warm, he's nervous. You can tell. Lips pursing, Jeongguk sort of looks into the void. Isn't sure how to articulate himself. Just kinda blurts out, "Therapy."

You're silent for a second.

Jeongguk wants to shrivel up and just die.

"Oh," you eventually say. "I didn't realise."

He shakes his head. Feel so embarrassed.

"First session," he quickly says, as if he's trying to defend himself for some reason you don't quite understand. "Wasn't gonna tell you till... I don't know. Just wanted to make sure it was the right thing for me, first."

Often joked about between you and Danbi, therapy has always been something you've considered. Are highly aware of the lingering impact of a shitbag ex and what it did to your self-esteem - but to share such vulnerabilities feels so embarrassing.

You'd found a happy medium with Jeongguk. Overcame so much. Not everything, of course, and there are certain behaviours and traits that you think will always reside within you, but nothing debilitating.

With a soft smile, you nod. "Of course. It's a big thing."

Jeongguk knows you well enough by now to know when you're holding back.

"Go on," he laughs. "Ask whatever it is that you wanna ask."

"I don't wanna ask anything!" You protest. He lets silence fill the space. Raises his brows. Waits for you to fold - of which you very quickly do, proving just how well he knows you. "Why?"

Jeongguk sighs. Isn't really sure how to answer, so asks for clarity. "Why therapy?"

Nodding, you hum confirmation. It's a broad question, and one that you realistically know the answer to. It's something you could both really benefit from. Part of you hates that the impact of another person is still so potent that he needs help to get over it - but you know him just as well as he knows you. Are fully aware that it's not her he needs to get over, but rather the patterns of behaviour he spent years nursing into his subconscious.

Avoiding eye contact, he shrugs. Begins to tinker around his room. Refolds clothes, straightens chess pieces. Does anything to avoid your gaze. Is a little shameful in his vulnerability. "Dunno. Just thought it could be good for me."

"Good for you?"

"Good for me," he confirms. "I just..."

You don't say it, and nor does he, but you know you're both thinking about the same thing—the same person.

"... Got a pattern of ruining the things I care about," he pathetically admits. Is holding onto a small stress ball, but doesn't squeeze it. Taps it against his wall instead. Once, twice. Finally looks over to you, then tosses it your way. There's an ease to the way you catch it, but you think it's thanks to the gentle nature with which Jeongguk threw it. "Meant it when I said I want us -this- to work."

For all of Hayun's terrible behaviours, Jeongguk wasn't blameless during their mess of a situation. He enabled. Encouraged. Made his fair share of bad decisions. Would cause fights and pick them too, just as often as she did.

He remembers, on one occasion, kissing some girls he hardly remembers at a party just to piss Hayun off - and it did. Might've even been the straw that broke the camel's back.

Had been a night of heavy drinking, and Jeongguk had been reminded on more than one occasion of how they were simply just friends - which is funny, 'cause the way Hayun reacted to the news of him kissing someone else was akin to that of a betrayed partner.

He doesn't ever want to be that toxic again. Hated the way it made him feel. Is scared, though. Worries that he's a little too damaged for all of this. For you.

With a gentle pout you're trying not to let show, you hold your hand out for him.

He takes it without hesitation. Clambers onto his bed with you and sinks into a natural state of ease once more. Pressing a delicate kiss against his sternum, you snuggle into his chest and quietly praise his choices.

"I think it's a really courageous thing to do, Gguk," you say. Hope he knows how sincere you're being. "Not to sound weird or anything, but I'm really proud of you."

His heart thuds so profoundly in his chest that you can feel it.

"Shut up," he dismisses with a tender laugh. "It's not a big deal."

But it is for him, and you damn well know it.

"Maybe not," you choose not to argue against him. "Still proud."

"Really?"

"Really."

By the time Sunday rolls around, you're so busy with preparations for Taehyung's upcoming show, that you barely have a chance to check in with Jungook. You do make the time to quickly call him before his appointment. Reassure him that he'll be fine, even if it does scare you a little.

You want him to be happy more than anything. Fear that reorganising his brain will somehow make him realise that he doesn't need you anymore. You also think it'd be selfish ever to voice those fears. Choose against it.

"You should really tell him," Taehyung says, stealing your focus from your thoughts and to the situation at hand, instead. "Surprises really aren't his thing."

You're in The Ryu, helping Tae with gallery configuration and optimisation. This next show is all about stats and sales, not art.

Furrowing your brows, you're not sure Taehyung is right.

After all, Jeongguk surprised you with a birthday celebration, and he took his post-exam party in his stride, too.

You forget that he left early to come and see you. That he said he would have rather just slept, but also know that it was less about not enjoying the party, but moreso because you weren't there.

"It's not like a surprise surprise," you insist, trying to be reasonable about your decision to keep Jeongguk in the dark about this upcoming show. "Plus, he's gonna get here a little earlier than the event opens. Told him I need his help for last minute things. Will tell him then"

"Even then," Taehyung hisses a little air between his teeth, "I dunno, DB. It's your funeral."

"So wear your finest attire," you simply joke, as if Taehyung's words aren't making you second guess yourself.

"You wear yours," he half-snorts. There's a lightness to his remark, humour in his tone. He knows that even if Jeongguk reacts badly, it won't be detrimental. Or at least, he doesn't think it will be. "Distract him with all your glitter, or something."

"Oh, trust me," you flash him a grin, pleased that the heaviness of Taehyung's tone seems to have lifted. "I always do."

Or at least, his tone is lifted until he notices another minor component of the show.

He always knew there was going to be a guest list. It heightens the notion of exclusivity and will encourage those with money to spend to open their purse strings further.

As he glances over the list, Taehyung raises a brow. "Hayun?"

Even hearing her name makes your blood boil - but you simply say, "What of her?"

"You're asking for trouble."

"I'm not asking for anything."

Taehyung frows. Knows it's the exact kind of thing Danbi would say. Reckons you must have already discussed the list with her. Looks at it again. Sighs. "And the investors?"

"Necessary," You chirp as if you haven't given it a second thought. "We need people with deep pockets, Tae."

"But they work with your ex, don't they?" He cautiously asks. Has learned far more about you through Danbi than he really should have done.

"They work with money," you correct him with an innocent smile. "And lots of it, which is what we need."

You're not wrong, as such, but Taehyung still feels uneasy. He's too concerned with thinking about the near future to realise the impact it could have on the distant future. You're too busy thinking about the distant future to care for how awful the near future could be. You're two sides of the same coin. No matter which way up it lands, someone is going to be unhappy.

"Just... remember who you're doing all this for," he gently warns. "That's all."

Part of you takes offence.

Though Jeongguk doesn't know it yet, you're putting together an event that will hopefully right the wrongs of his bad luck in recent weeks.

It's all for him.

Yet when Jeongguk arrives home from his therapy session and finds the art show flyer with Jimin's bag on the kitchen counter, he frowns. Calls you immediately. Figures you're still at the gallery when you don't pick up. Has to leave a voicemail, instead.

Still frowning as he speaks, Jeongguk seems to have lost some of that happiness he found a few days previously.

"Hey, B?" He quickly says after the dial tone beeps. Eyes focused on the wooden chopping board up by his sink, Jeongguk is so terribly conflicted. Doesn't know what to do. Eventually composes himself. "Call me back when you get this. We need to talk."

62 notes · View notes

ratgrinders · 5 months ago

Note

HIII i’m also a rat grinders fan in the “not interested in pretending they aren’t fucked up” but rather “interested in Why they are so fucked up” way 💥💥💥 i have Thoughts on how the shatterstar ritual affected the rat grinders in different ways and i wanted to know if u had any similar thoughts :3 - @teenagerebellion

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK thank you for sending it!!!!!!!!

Ok so I AM gonna be working off the assumption that a rage crystal functions less like "mind control" and more so amplifying existing feelings to murderous extremes. Think Adaine in the mall fight when she's asked to picture "what would the world look like if all Adaine thought about was rage" and we see a destroyed Sylvaire from Adaine's search for her mother. We know that Adaine would never do that, but we see the underlying motivation is the same.

Off the bat we know Kipperlilly's ritual is different from the others since she chose to do it "willingly" and wasn't forced to choose via death (it's described as having no scar, unlike the others, so she may have not even had to die at all). That doesn't mean though that she wasn't infected with a rage that caused her to do things she never would've done normally, as I don't think Freshman Year Kipperlilly, whose biggest grievances were "I think Aguefort likes them more", would jump to coldblooded murder. I think the fact that Kipperlilly chose the shatterstar affects her mindset pretty greatly going in to rest of the year, because there's no easy way to differentiate between what's "her" and what's the rage star. She probably is constantly thinking things like "This is all me. I am in control of my own faculties. There was no coercion involved I'm just naturally a villain", partially because she doesn't want to admit that she, a mastermind, let herself get controlled like that. Essentially, the ritual itself was so seamless and the descent so gradual, I don't think even Kipperlilly has a strong sense anymore of who she is without rage.

Ruben we know canonically has a bit of amnesia after being revived, not even seeming to remember the entire year he was shatterstarred. Ruben basically has the opposite problem from Kipperlilly, where his change in identity post-shatterstar is so drastic that his sense of self is almost completely eroded, because "how could I have been motivated to become someone like that?". Ruben's not a naturally angry person, but still though, that WAS Ruben, the rage star just tapping in to Ruben's underlying desperate need for approval, emotionality, etc. and bringing it to the forefront. The rage star imbued Ruben with such an intense pain and rage that he felt he could only express it through his music. Post finale revival I think was Ruben just being in shock at how much he's changed, but I think the memories will come back to him and he'll have to reconcile these two Vastly Different versions of himself.

Ivy I believe was still kind of a mean girl before the shatter star, the shatter star just made it more likely for her to say it to people's faces rather than behind their backs. Honestly, I'm imagining her maybe as a young Sandra Lynn before, in the sense of both having this constant bemusement. Beyond that, though, I think Ivy may have been the most likely to take the rage star willingly as opposed to being killed for it (I actually think most of the Rat Grinders still could've been persuaded to take it willingly, but that's a post for another time). Ivy seems to have a lot of pent up rage and disdain for the world around her, and the shatter star only amplified that.

Oisin got buff after getting shatterstarred, which is a really funny canonical fact to think about lmao, because I'm just imagining him doing a bunch of angry push-ups or something. Anyways Oisin before the ritual I'm honestly imagining him to be the type to hang out with guys like Skrank and Shellford, aka those kind of nerdy unpopular guys who nonetheless are still kind of egotistical and little dicks sometimes. (This is actually why I think they were the ones playing pong at the party with Oisin, because they were actually kind of friends before.) Just like Ivy, the rage crystal just gave Oisin more of an excuse to externalize his rage at the world, but I think the main thing it did was just give Oisin a little more self-confidence because now he has all this power backing him up.

Mary Ann was EXACTLY the same before and after the ritual, it was actually a little disconcerting to Jace and Porter and they didn't know what to make of it. The main thing for Mary Ann, I think, is that she really doesn't have much of an emotional stake in the rage ritual, or the beef with the bad kids, or anything like that. She's just Entirely Indifferent to whatever atrocities are being committed, which is just a different type of fucked up lol. Honestly, I think as a barbarian Mary Ann's a bit more used to controlling her rage which is why the rage crystal might've had less of an effect, Lydia Barkrock style.

Buddy's death was so sudden and traumatic, with such a short amount of time to get used to the implications before the finale, I think Buddy's mind is just in a tailspin post-ritual just trying to grab on to anything that makes sense lol. He knows worship and devotion, its been a crutch in his life for so long, and that's what he defaults to when he can no longer reach Helio. In fact it almost seems a bit like a coping mechanism, latching onto it so securely even in the face of all other logic.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #original post #rat grinders #kipperlilly copperkettle #ruben hopclap #ivy embra #oisin hakinvar #buddy dawn #mary ann skuttle

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staybabblingbaby · 6 months ago

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Fan Experience with SKZ a2 d2

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Reader wins a contest to have dinner with SKZ and they become friends :D (and maybe more? 0w0)

Word Count: 1,399

Notes: I kind of went for a sillier sort of vibe for this (bc I am a silly person) but I wonder if it makes Reader seem too childish? This one is shaping up to be a one-shot, or maybe one-shot series, idk. I sort of feel like I need more lead up or environment descriptions, it just seems like it's moving pretty fast. I do have a car scene sort of outlined in my head as well as part of the dinner scene, but it'll probably be a bit before I write it lol I have once more accidentally avoided pronouns, unsure how I've done so. Might try to keep it up.

Warnings: None that I know of? It's just silly fluff idk what u want from me.

Masterlist Link :D

"I can't do this." you whine pathetically. Ha-Yun, your best friend and the sacrifice you'd dragged to this fan opportunity, wraps a comforting arm around your shoulder.

"You're doing it." she says firmly. Maybe the arm wasn't a comfort after all, maybe you were her captive now. Turnabout is fair play you suppose.

"We're already here, and the guard has already left to get someone. It's too late to back out now." She finishes reasonably. She’s made several good points, but the day you admit that is the day you marry her. Unfortunately, Ha-Yun happened to be very straight.

"You don't know that!" You insist, "We could run right back out the doors, just poof! Gone." You speak like some sort of madness had taken over you. Quite honestly, it probably had.

Ha-Yun turns to face you properly now. She knows you well enough to know that you were genuinely freaking out, no matter how silly you were about it. She gives you a sympathetic smile, and tugs you closer. Presumably to keep you from running off (and maybe to actually comfort you, just a bit).

"It'll be fine. You adore those boys, just be chill and respectful and it'll all go well." Once again, Ha-Yun appeals to your reason. Too bad you weren't feeling very reasonable at the moment.

You turn yourself to hide your face in her neck and make a sound not dissimilar to a boiling kettle.

"What if they hate me?" You desperately question, "What if they think I'm weird, or ugly, or annoying, or, or, or!" You trail off breathlessly, on the verge of hyperventilating, and feel Ha-Yun gently pat your head.

She makes soft seal noises to mock you and then says, "Well if they do its not like you'll ever know."

Another keening whine leaves you as you slide down to crouch on the floor, arms sliding down with you to wrap around Ha-Yun's knees. She stumbles a bit, but regains her balance by using your head as a cane. She lets you stay there, blessed saint that she is, and continues to speak, wretched devil that she is.

"I mean, really, they're not gonna tell you to your face, and you're not gonna see them again after today." She points out. You'd like to argue, but it's not like she's wrong.

You'd ended up couched on the floor of the JYP building, clutching your best friend's pant leg, on a random Tuesday, about to meet Stray Kids AND eat dinner with them, by pure dumb luck. Actual, literal, luck. Like, won-a-raffle sort of luck. You may as well have won the lottery for everything this opportunity means to you.

Once-in-a-lifetime was an understatement.

"Just have fun with it," Ha-Yun finishes her mini-speech, heedless of your internal (and external) freak-out.

"I think I'll die, actually." You mutter petulantly into her thigh.

She snorts at you, ruffling your hair aggressively and disregarding your half-hearted attempts to swipe at her for it.

"C'mon, what happened to the person who was bouncing off the walls excited about this?" She cajoles, shaking you around but not dislodging you.

"They're dead and buried." You deadpan. It wasn’t like you weren't excited, really! You were just going to perish from sheer anxiety, that was all. Could anyone really blame you? You were about to meet your idols. It was kind of a big deal!

Ha-Yun does nothing but pat your head twice. "Well unbury them," She commands, "the guard is coming back."

Your head snaps up to see, not only the beefy security guard who'd checked both of your I.Ds and passes with great suspicion a few minutes ago, but also the Bang Christopher Chan.

Your brain stalls for a second seeing him dressed head-to-toe in casual black, barefaced and smiling beautifully at you. And then you realize the position you're in and scramble to stand properly, far too late for either of them to have missed your bout of insanity.

You attempt to slide yourself behind Ha-Yun in your humiliation, but the cruel woman snags your elbow with one hand, and your opposite shoulder with the other, and holds you in place in front of her. You take back anything nice you've ever said about Ha-Yun, she's pure evil and out to get you.

Before you can panic too hard, Bangchan and the security guard are in front of you. Though Bangchan is all warm eyes and kind smiles, you can't help but feel small in front of him. You shrink back into Ha-Yun, but she doesn't allow you to retreat. You promise to yourself to only make foods she doesn't like for a whole month when this is over.

"Hi, good to meet you!" Bangchan greets cheerfully. You do your best to match his smile despite your fear and return his greeting, introducing yourself before motioning to Ha-Yun, who was still holding you hostage.

"And this is Ha-Yun, she's my emotional support human today." You're not sure how she's as functional as she is as she both bows respectfully and shakes Bangchan's hand, prompting you to do the same. This was one of the many reasons you'd chosen to bring her over any of your friends who were actually Stray Kids fans. Functional emotional support summed her up nicely.

As greetings wrap up, Ha-Yun turns to you with mischief to dramatically interrogate you.

"Is Emotional support all I am to you?" She demands, "I thought we were more than that! I thought we had something special!" She places a hand over her heart as you'd shot her, dipping back way too far in her dramatics because she knows your hand will catch her whether you want it to or not.

Supporting most of her weight with your fist dug into her upper back, you retort, "You thought wrong."

Bangchan's snicker reminds you of your audience and you tuck your hands behind your back with an embarrassed flush. Ha-Yun is treated to a heated glare when all she does is laugh at you, but you may as well have been air for all it affects her. Two months. No yummy home cooked meals for Ha-Yun. You swore it.

Bangchan begins to speak and your attention is immediately back on him instead of your comedy act of a best friend.

"So, the company actually picked out the place for dinner, so we don't get to choose, sorry." And he really does seem apologetic, despite this seeming like a very reasonable thing to you. "It's this barbecue place down the road, we'll be meeting the others there, if that's alright?" Again he asks like he genuinely values your opinion in this, and the prospect of being in even one (1) of this man's thoughts as an individual causes you a bit of a crisis.

Luckily this is exactly what you'd bright Ha-Yun along for, and she easily agrees for the two of you, guiding you along with the experience of having born witness to more than one blue-screen brain moment in your life.

She strikes up an easy conversation with Bangchan as he leads the three of you deeper into the building towards a different door, leaving the security guard behind. You're a bit jealous of her comfort, since you sort of feel like you're simultaneously walking on air and suffocating on that same air, but she keeps her hand on your back to keep you walking and rubs little comforting circles there. So. She's forgiven. A little bit. Back down to one month of no yummies.

Bangchan leads the three of you back, explaining that there was a company car waiting for you all outside, but that it was closer to a more private entrance for security reasons. He catches you looking around curiously as you walk, and generously explains the types of rooms and offices you walk past like some sort of tour guide. In fact, he apologizes for not being able to give you a more thorough tour and you frantically assure him that this was more than you'd ever expected in the first place.

You don't catch the pleased look he has as you crawl out of your shell a bit to ask him more questions, but Ha‐Yun shoots him a grateful look over your head. If you see the tiny nod they exchange, you just assume they're using their listening skills as you speak.

#w.i.p #w.i.p fic #skz fic #skz fanfic #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #Baby Writes #Fan Day AU

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enough-spider-noir-stuff · 10 months ago

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I have another AU on my hands! Yay! And no idea where to take it! Double-yay!

anyways. to sort my thoughts but also if anyone wants to chime in PLEASE do my brain is too empty recently.

Main duo are ATSV!Hobie and Comics!Hobie. They're funny okay, let them cause C H A O S. Comics!Miguel is there basically anytime they mess with the Spider Society because damn if he doesn't want to deck ATSV!Miguel for good.

Billy and Anya are gonna be there bc they, well, they're the leaders of the Web-Warriors. And I think ATSV!Hobie and Billy would have a blast with another British spider-man around.

Also Karn. Because I love Karn, okay? Let it be a little messed up and filled with anxiety and guilt and all-seeing bc Master Weaver. (also it/its pronouns). And Noir, because he's also a silly miserable little guy and he and Hobie are absolutely besties. At some point in the, uh, future, SV!Noir will also show up. I'm a 19 yo Noir-truther but imagine comics!Noir calling ISTV!Noir old,,,,,, they'd be bloody hilarious. Correction, will be, if once I get there.

Semi-regular appearances will be Lady Spider because I love her and her aesthetic and the Pavitrs bc they're so different from one another?? dunno if i'll have them meet but ATSV!Hobie sure knows both of em. Also also also I might let ATSV get into the plot as well? I'm ignoring spider-geddon bc no and also I can't find the comics, but ATSV??? Imagine 2099 (ATSV!Miguel) going like, "YOU WILL NOT SAVE YOUR FATHER AND DISRUPT CANON" and Hobie goes like oh fuck it, I'm not letting u do that and comic!Miguel zaps in to deck his alternate self bc TF U TRYING TO MAKE THAT KID LET HIS DAD DIE

Bonus Gwen learning that there's another Gwen Stacy out there who did get a good ending (idk if i'll write comics!Gwen on screen tho tbh). The ATSV and ITSV gang get introduced to some of the Web-Warriors. The Spider Society learns that what's really messing with those worlds isn't "cAnOn" being disrupted but the fact that their tech messes with the strands of the Web.

And then idk. i don't have any idea for a plot. i desperately need a plot. please helpp me i'm obsessed but my brain won't plot

#a biscuit's rambles #hobie brown #when multiverses meet au #my fics #spider verse comics #atsv #seriously pleaseeeee talk to me. help me. i am obsessed w/ this crossover but my brain will not WRITE

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trashlie · 1 year ago

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aw you flatter me 💕 thank u, the feeling is mutual!! you have such an in-depth understanding of the story, i want to know your thoughts on all kinds of things! and if our discussions are interesting to other people as well, that's even better! 🥰 i'm probably not gonna be able to keep up this streak because life... so i'm leaving you an extra long message teehee >:3 run with this all you want! ofc there's absolutely no rush for you to reply ~ and please be more careful with the stairs, i hope u feel better soon ��

ahh i'm so glad you can see my ceo kousuke vision!! ✨ and you bring up great concerns re: yui, his own issues, his own wishes etc… there's A LOT that needs to happen for him to develop that potential and to even have the opportunity to take on that role… and tbh that's why i can only picture ceo kousuke the way i described him only after yui is defeated. because right, it would be basically impossible to do as long as yui is in power, especially if he's already gonna be dealing with all his personal stuff.

ceo kousuke is to me a possible conclusion to his character arc. we might never even see him "in action" and it's more like, the ending will show us that this is what his goal is now. i mean if he's like "fuck this company i'm gonna be a shepherd in the himalayas" or smth i'd respect that too lmao. but wouldn't it be sooo satisfying to see yui come so close to achieving her ultimate goal? if kousuke became the ceo like she planned, but instead of being her puppet, he'd end up thinking for himself and actively undoing everything she built? and like you said, he might currently not be very happy in this career, but if he had a different incentive and motivation to be the ceo, who knows? he might even find a bigger purpose and fulfillment in that position. wouldn't it be somewhat noble (mayhaps even gentlemanly wink wink) to try and make up for what his family has done? related to this, i can't help but think of the comment rand made to shinae in ch 89: "i have more respect for an honest individual that challenges rules and conventions than the dishonest that mindlessly follow and remain in comfort". i was immediately like !!! kousuke should hear this. if kousuke, as the ceo, challenges the status quo of the company and his family instead of mindlessly following it, he'd be exactly the kind of person rand would want him to be, and so he would even win the approval he initially wanted ;; yes yes rand already loves him and kou doesn't have to "earn" anything etc etc but ykwim 😗 it would just be the cherry on top ✨ if rand is even still alive at that point oh god rand please don't die yet ;A;

until we get to that point though, i have a strong suspicion that kou will be pretty much "trapped" for most of s2; by yui, by having to deal with yui, and also by all his internal, personal struggles. tbh i can't imagine him being able to make any significant moves because even the tiniest sign that yui might actually lose her most valuable pawn will trigger her, and who knows what this woman is capable of when she gets desperate or cornered 😶 my guess is it'll probably be up to the black team and especially shinae and nol, both characters who will be more "free" and have more power, to take yui down and, as a result, make it easier for kousuke to finally free himself. and i realize it sounds a lil bit like saving the princess from the dragon that keeps her locked in a tower fgshdfjk (is *that* why some characters call kousuke a princess sometimes :O am i onto something here? 👀) but hey i don't mean kousuke won't be doing anything, he'll likely be going through a lot of character development (like you said not a 180 but just realizing a lot about himself and yui and his past, dealing with all that, figuring out his relationship with nol etc etc) which in itself is already defying yui, isn't it? so that when the opportunity arises he can join the black team. obviously this is all just speculation and i'm staying open to anything but idk it's so fun so think about the possibilities for the future plot ~

on a side note, from a story structure perspective, it'd be interesting if there was a reversal between the brothers in terms of who is "trapped" (by yui), and who can "move". similarly to how in s1, team white has the upper hand, and we can expect a power shift to team black. in s1, nol was basically trapped and powerless - in the sense that all his attempts to change his situation have been futile, so he's mostly been going through a character transformation/deconstruction and sparking actions in other characters. it'd be pretty clever if, in turn, s2 focused more on kou's character development (while he's "trapped") and nol is the one who will be more "active". cause right, like you said, we can assume that the exposé will give nol stronger goals and, by damaging or weakening yui at least temporally, more freedom and "power" to move. and similarly, shinae, who has been pretty powerless, will gain more "power" by spending time in the corporate world/near yui and learning her language, both of them will essentially power up for the final showdown. is this even making any sense. i'm getting soooo carried away like [insert pepe silvia meme] do i sound like a crazy person. u can be honest with me LMAO 😭

(and there's definitely a certain appeal to nol going for the ceo position, taking the company from the hiraharas for good, reforming it and breaking the cycles of abuse and corruption, or simply dissolving it… for yui it'd be the worst nightmare that's for sure 👍🏽 but idk, something about "the underdog coming out on top" in the most obvious way feels a bit cliché, doesn't it? :/ especially since it's been hinted at so many times. i guess we'll just see, it strongly depends on how everything is executed either way ~)

LOVEEE what you said re: yui and shinae!!! <3 for shin, what i expect we're gonna see realistically is that even though she'll play yui's game (or pretends to), yui will never actually be able to "get her to the dark side" (not even with cookies. that was bad i'm so sorry) and i'm really looking forward to that because yui is used to getting everything she wants, but she can't have shinae, she can't corrupt her. shinae will continue to "shine light" no matter what. double-agent shin oh i really hope that's where the story is going WAH ! 💖 and future shinae looks so cool in the illustrations too, her energy is so different i'm so excited to meet this version of her!!!! 🤩

……….and fINE ok tbh the main reason ceo shinae came to my mind was that clip that was posted on patreon not too long ago (it's not up anymore unfortunately :<) where quim showed some prints, and two were of shinae/nol and shinae/kousuke on that armchair/throne and i couldn't help but be all 👀👀👀👀👀 the poses, body language, the clothing, the implications... i know it's bonus content and doesn't have to mean anything but we know with quim most things do mean something don't they?? and it just stood out to me that in the illustration with nol, shinae is dressed in a pantsuit (as opposed to her assistant outfit in the image with kou) and she's basically taking up the seat and he's positioned on the armrest behind her (no comment about neither shin or nol being able to sit on that chair normally but note taken), and sure it could be about their general dynamic and not anything business-related but my one lil stupid brain cell was still like "WAIT OHMYGOD WHAT IF!!!!!!!!!!" you've seen these illustrations bc i know they've been discussed before, you know what i'm talking about, right??

"Kousuke might end up at the same hospital as Nol to get checked out" ooh OOOOH that's possible!!! oh i swear this 3 day extention is planting all kinds of ideas in our heads bc it's pretty much the last opportunity to interact with nol before he goes to jail… who else might show up. rand? alyssa? minhyuk? YUI GOD FORBID?? 😭 (btw re: nol and kou - if the lovely artist ever shares the "get along shirt" drawing publicly, please give us the link if possible! <3)

AHHHH you hit me right in the feels talking about nol and shinae ;A; we're so on the same page when it comes to those two love that for us ! love that we can see the light 😌✨ no but, right. if they're not someone's cup of tea that's fine, but at least give this pairing and their dynamic and buildup and narrative purpose (role reversal; rand/nessa counterpart) the credit it deserves 😤 i can't help but feel like a lot of it has to do with how """problematic""" (more like flawed and messy) nol is, the boy has been quite controversial hasn't he (love that for him), and people tend to prefer the "cinnamon roll" male characters that make for "healthy" and "unproblematic" ships, because if a ship isn't perfectly smooth-sailing from the moment the characters fall for each other it's toxic right /s 🙄 or maybe it's about the immediate reward, because they think shinae x dieter would be easily digestible cute fluff sunshine romance forever (questionable given shinae's baggage but ok), whereas shinae x nol would have to "work" for it (for the lack of a better word)? but then again so much of ily has been about working on relationships, communicating and apologizing and adjusting to one another and making it work, and isn't that what (often) makes your relationship stronger? so why would a romance between nol and shinae be different? when has anything in ily ever gone smoothly?? LMAO give shinae and nol time they'll figure it out. a rocky start is actually a good thing because they'll learn early on where the problems are. and we've seen what they could be, what kind of potential they have, how much they care about each other! and yeah it'll take time to get there, but it'll be worth it!! sigh. anyways…

"There is now way we are moving into a time skip with Nol's walls all the way up!" SAME!!! i'm gonna riot LMAO jk actually it's kinda funny how we're currently on two cliffhangers: nana/shinae and yui/simhan (absolutely WILD character combination btw) so actually it'd be an opportunity to leave yui/simhan and jump back to shinae/nana :> but either way how exciting!!! btw how do you think the yui/simhan encounter will go? would either of them figure out who the other is, or would yui just immediately move on to find rand? i have such a bad gut feeling about simhan and it's horrible bc things were just starting to look up for him, now this? and the hint that he's gonna fall back into alcoholism or even die?? gosh please no ;;;

alright WOW that's really enough for now. looking forward to your thoughts, and talk to you soon, take care mwah 💗 - lil anon 😼

ah! sorry, i meant to say nol is flawed and troubled, not troubled and messy ~ and re: the entire ship paragraph... like i mentioned before i'm not much of a shipper, so if i'm misunderstanding something or jumping to wrong conclusions, please feel free to correct me <3 - lil anon 😼

Lil Anon! My precious, my beloved! You told me take your time and then I DID ;_______; LMAO I promise you I was up to good things, practicing a lot of drawing and feeling really proud of myself and really fixating on that - til 231 came and knocked me on my ASS and unhinged me and now I've just been swinging from the rafters for half a week AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

But this is a message I was really looking forward to, so I'm still going to answer it and maybe it will temporarily ground me and subdue my unhinged feral streak (we'll see.... LMAO) I always look forward to these asks and getting to expand on thoughts or really dig into things I've never had to give reason for LMAOOOOOO

I agree that it's sooooo fun to speculate and think about all the ways things could go! Like, obviously the idea of Kousuke doing something other than CEO is because so many people want to see him in a position he can LOVE that he can be passionate about. But I think CEO Kousuke as a conclusion, as a goal to actively work towards for himself really does have some poetic justice to it even before we account for how it would be something so very in Yui's face which makes it so much more delicious. Sometimes life isn't about getting to follow our dreams but figuring out how to make of our circumstances something we can love or be proud of. That seems to be the path we'll see Shinae on, right? Is the corporate world what she wants? Does she have the mind and heart for business? And worse, being there of someone else's volition, no agency in her choice. That's what makes that conversation with Rand so enticing. He's right; Yui won't give up and it's almost inevitable that Shinae will remain in Yui's grasp, but if she finds a way to work it to her advantage, to use the experience to learn how to play Yui's game, at least it gives her agency. Letting Yui believe she's trapped, letting her believe that she's got Shinae under her thumb, allows Shinae that agency. And thus, the idea of Kousuke making an active choice to be a CEO, for his own ambitions, for his own desires, and to dismantle what his mother did, to take a leaf out of Nol's book and put good in the world to make up for what Hirahara Corp has done/been behind? Oh I LOVE it. And I love what it would say of Kousuke, of the choices he's making and why he is!

But frankly if he chooses to be a sheep herder I'm helping him pack his bags because I am WORRIED. His future looks so bleak right now no matter how things play out - whether or not he finds out Yui has been drugging him and he's actually able to believe it (and not, yknow, try to hide from the truth which is a perfectly reasonable response to your reality being completely upheaved) or how he chooses to cope with it. That one image really speaks volumes - the poster with the image in the puddle below them. He looks so miserable and generally unwell in their future. But this really ties into your point re: from a story perspective. Beginning the story with Nol the miserable one and Kousuke walking "freely" only to swap their roles IS incredibly interesting! It's a lot like Nol and Shinae switching roles after the formal. Frankly, it's always fun to watch mirrors switch places and swap situations, but especially so with Nol and Kousuke because of the whole history with their relationship. But from both a story perspective and in general as a fan, I think watching that role reversal but seeing it play out differently is what will set that apart. Nol could easily, without any blowback, carry on and leave Kousuke struggling in his dust, if he so wanted. The idea, though, of them eventually playing on the same team, as allies, is SO MUCH BETTER to me than any revenge plot. I LOVE broken families I LOVE tragic brothers and I really want to see them have each others' backs at some point.

To go into this further (and honestly we have probably talked a lot about this already but... yknow lol) Nol has written Kousuke off right now - but Nol doesn't know the full story. Kousuke has been his abuser of his own volition, but Kousuke was weaponized against Nol. Long before he ever faced him, Nol was subconsciously drilled into Kousuke's mind as an enemy and lord knows what else Yui has actually said of him. Seeing events like the night Nol was taken away altered and re-shaped by Yui's "versions" during vulnerable moments ensured that Nol would always be this volatile, violent monster in Kousuke's mind, even when it has become abundantly clear to the people in his life that this version of Nol doesn't align with what they know of him. This is stuff we already know lmao my point is: there is a lot that Nol doesn't know about what shaped and fueled Kousuke's fears of him and jealousy towards him, but also what fed his paranoia, why he was unable to ever see Nol for who he really is, could never see truth in his offerings of brotherhood and could only see him as someone trying to take his place. Nol, like Hansuke, is convinced that Yui loves Kousuke, that he has greatly benefited from the maternal care (something that was taken from Nol far too soon). He doesn't see that her motivations have never been for Kousuke's benefit. So likewise, while he knows Yui is a monster to him, he's got no idea she's a monster to Kousuke, as well. In his head it's Yui and Kousuke, a team.

I think we will see in Nol what Kousuke could not do - extending the hand to someone who needs him, even if it's in his best interests to let him suffer. Something I always come back to is that at Nol's core, he does care. He held out hope that one day he could reach Kousuke, that Kousuke would reveal some shred of love he'd hidden away. He cares about people, even strangers who he knew could use his (friendship) help. I repeat myself all the time but anti-hero Nol who turns cold in his quest for revenge doesn't feel right to me, it doesn't suit him. I love the idea of him being able to see that Kousuke, too, was at the mercy of Yui and that while yes, everything he did to Nol was of his own doing, it was fostered by Yui. It just feeds right back into that delicious hope of how good it would be to see Kousuke do everything Yui never wanted - to form some kind of alliance with Nol, no longer isolated and controlled by her. Team up with the very man who has been an alleged threat to the Hirahara name/family/fortune(???) all this while. GOD I want it so badly!!!!!!!!!! But also I think it would read SO WELL because it's what Kousuke could not, at this point in the story, do. Where Nol reached out and Kousuke confessed his darkest secret his darkest desire and left Nol alone, I want Kousuke to be in need of Nol's help and companionship, and Nol pull him up.

IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING EMOTIONALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ;A;

IT'S THE BRIDGE FORMED BY SHINAE ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!! IT'S SHINAE SEEING A LIGHT AND GOODNESS IN PEOPLE EVEN IF IT'S OVERSHADOWED BY THE UGLIER, NASTIER PARTS OF THEM. IT'S SHINAE SEEING THIS IN SOMEONE AND SHINING THAT LIGHT FOR OTHERS TO SEE, TOO. FOR SOMEONE LIKE NOL WHO HAS SEEN IN KOUSUKE SOMEONE UNCHANGEABLE TO BE ABLE TO BE A FIGURE WHO COULD, PERHAPS, HELP KOUSUKE FIND THE COURAGE TO STAND UP TO WHAT SCARES HIM, TO GROW THAT SPINE? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I just ;________; I have FEELINGS you know? HOWLS

But yeah, that's exactly it!!!! It's that unlearning everything he believed about Nol, everything he believed about Nol in relation to himself, defies Yui. It's that being the brother he failed to be defies Yui. It's that teaming up with him and putting his trust in him defies Yui and LIL ANON I WANT THAT SOOOOOOOO BADLYYYYYYYY ;_____;

But yes, Nol the active force, while Kousuke is the one in the character development stage feels SO good to me, I want it so badly lmaooooo it's gonna be SO GOOD I promise you you don't sound crazy but also I've been pretty high on this catnip banquet quimchee gave me so like... take everything I say with a grain of salt because I AM SO UNHINGED NOW

I know there are a lot of fans who DON'T want Shinae to take up Yui's offer because I think they do fear it means Shinae will be corrupted - that learning to play Yui's game means becoming Yui or something but yeah, like you, I think Shinae is the opponent Yui CANNOT convert. She's met countless girls and even guys who would do anything for the power and money they possess, who attached themselves to Kousuke in hopes it would rub off on them. Alyssa bends to her EVERY WHIM. Meg was so fun to play around with and harass her own son with. But Shinae has such strong convictions that I think she WILL be the worthy opponent, because she IS the light. I firmly believe in that, too. Shinae shines so that others can find their glow, too. She shines so that others can escape. She'll play the game, but on her own terms, in her own way, never stooping to become what Yui has. If anything, I think her convictions coupled with her experience will yield someone so much more powerful than she'd ever imagined, because while in the corporate world empathy can be a weakness, I fully believe Shinae will be able to wield hers to help and to detract from Yui. UGH ALFJKAFKJAJFKJKF /AUGH/ I get SO excited thinking about iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

ALSO

ALKFJALFAJFJKAFJKAF

/ALSO/!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCREAMS

and i couldn't help but be all 👀👀👀👀👀 the poses, body language, the clothing, the implications... i know it's bonus content and doesn't have to mean anything but we know with quim most things do mean something don't they??

OF COURSE I KNWO EXACTLY WHAT IMAGES YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE I DO!!!!!!!! The 2021 Valentine's Doodles (do a search of valentine and they'll come right up) LKJAFLJAFLJAFLJKAFK AKJLFJLK AFKLAJFLKFJAFKJA AFLKJALJFKF HOWLS SO MUCH JUST BARKS AT THE MOON FRRRFFFFF RRRRFFFF FR FF AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

okay listen being reminded that illustration exists makes me feel SERIOUSLY unhinged like I CANNOT AND WILL NOT be normal about it because yes listen yes i agree. i know quimchee draws things for fun, but even when she does it always feels very... in character. her illustrations always suit the characters "why would they be in this situation" and like..... YEAH. It's the BODY LANGUAGE and how it ties right into what we are hoping we'll get from Nol and Shinae's continued relationship, it's something about the CONFIDENCE and her expression, how SHE'S the only one really seated on the throne - Nol lounges behind her, seated on the arm of the throne. It's HER throne, he's not even trying to take it from here - it feels SO VERY Shinae in charge so HONESTLY? I totally get why it gives you CEO Shinae vibes. Even if Nol does somehow end up in the family business (and listen I'm still pretty leery of that for now) there's this remaining sense that SHE'S in command, they aren't competing. in fact, if anything, Nol is her back up. He lounges out behind her like a cat on her shoulder, his arm draped over her shoulder connecting them. His gaze is as intense as hers!!!!! It feels SO FUCKING MUCH like power couple Shinae and Nol???? lmao (sorry Alyssa I know that was your dream)

I've always felt that a lot of quim's illustrations DO have some kind of implication, whether it's just telling us a dynamic between characters, a tone, or what, and this one just feels SO LOADED. Every time I think about Nol and Shinae as a unit, as a team, as having each other's backs. The fact that Nol LITERALLYYYYYYY has her back!!!!!!!! That feeling that he would sic you, if she so commanded it? OH GOD I LOVE IT lajkfkafjkafkjajkafjkafjkaf Cos yeah that's the thing even if it IS just their dynamic and not business-related, the dynamic STILL tells us a lot about Shinae in charge, of boss babe Shinae who is no victim to Yui, who is able to stand up to her adversary and look her in the face afljakfkajfkafj

god i am biting my hand and telling myself to reign it in but OH MY GOD I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT

and now that we can pretty safely assume that Kousuke's role in this story never was as a love interest I think we can glean a little bit about the juxtaposition of these images against each other - again, like you said, it's the body language it's the attire. Shinae in Charge. I love her!

(no comment about neither shin or nol being able to sit on that chair normally but note taken)

aren't they both confirmed bi or bi-curious? LFKJALFJALFJAKFJAF LMAO see quimchee really tells us everything we need in these illustrations FLJAFLJKAFKJAFJ LMAO

I keep going back and forth on what I expect to happen at the hospital, because 3 remaining days IS a lot! I'm really torn on if I think Yui is going to be. It feels like it, right? It feels like it's building up to it, but part of it is because Yui is grappling for control, she needs to reign it back in and part of that involves finding Rand and/or Nol. But I keep thinking about like.... what purpose does it serve? Does Yui wield any power over other hospitals? The obvious and therefore most unlikely is that of course she'd find him and do something to harm him, but.... idk. I don't think Yui really wants Nol dead. She lives to torture him, she's like a sadistic cat with the half-dead mouse it's plays with til it exhausts itself and dies. She wants to instill fear in him. He's probably not on Nol's emergency contacts so no receptionist would just.... let her in and see him - but we're also talking about a person who could pay off anyone so it's like... are they likely to stand their ground against her? There's something very sinister and scary to me about Yui showing up where Nol is injured - though he's not totally bed-ridden but. Still. She didn't like his insolence the night before, but what kind of scene can she make in a public place? The other thing is, I can't imagine Nana leaving his side and if she WERE to leave his side, I imagine she would ensure SOMEONE, one of Nol's friends, are there to keep watch. Nana is no fool - she has a witch hunting book. She knows that Yui is relentless. So I've considered even IF Yui were to show up, Nol wouldn't be there alone, isolated. He'd have people there at his defense, and we know Nana is a great force against Yui already. We've seen Shinae stand up for him time and time again.

If anything, because this is meant to be setting things up for us to move into our timeskip, maybe it would be a "face off" for them, with Yui trying to remind Nol he better stay in line, lest anything "bad happen" (IMPLICATIONS) and Nol showing he is no longer that meek, scared little boy, that the power she holds over him isn't what it used to be. Of course, he was pretty drunk at the party the night before but I think a lot of the resolve remained. He jumped into that pool and came back Nolan, no longer Yeonggi. Maybe it would set up for the future that he is not to be underestimated. Nol officially entering the match~

I contemplate if I think Rand will show up at all. I feel like... when he left, it felt kind of final? He had made his decision - he had let enough harm befall his son, he doesn't deserve him after any of this. He's been a terrible father, he couldn't protect them, but at least he now has people in his life, people who have been for him what Rand couldn't be. But also.... I'm not satisfied with that and i wish rand would show up even if it's just to apologize. I know Nol isn't in the place to accept it or even believe his father loves or cares about him but I want Rand to at least make the effort. Even if Nol won't accept it. Especially if Nol won't accept it. Just fucking put it out there! Say the things you never do!!!!! Tell him how fucking SCARED you were when you saw his body in the snow bleeding out a pool of blood. How terrified you were and how you knew it was your failure. The pool was just mere HOURS before! Like, TWO? THREE TOPS?

Whatever Rand says can't and won't make up for anything but... especially because the theme of heart attacks continues to surround Rand, I want him to say it while he has the chance. I want him to admit his failings but also I want him to tell Nol what he means.

fljafjafjkjfka ;__________; I have such complicated feelings about them. Like. Like Kousuke, Nol does not require Rand's validation or love. But they deserve to know it, to see it, even if just once. Just to know it was real. Just to know that despite it all.

Part of me also wants Rand to visit just so Nol can really see: that could be his future. Maybe subconsciously become a warning to himself that he cannot continue to isolate himself, lest he become that husk of a man.

(I wonder if Alyssa even knows. Like. It sounds like news coverage was hush hush, at least about the involved parties. Nol isn't reaching out to her. Unless LMAO Rand does? Or god forbid Yui does. But even then it's like...... hmmmm. Would she want to see him? They parted on such bad terms and as an idol she doesn't exactly have a lot of free time, especially with a new album coming up. As far as she knows, Nol was meant to turn himself in today and be off to jail! WILD)

I absolutely think you're right, and especially as a non-shipper your insight is even less biased. It's funny because I am a person who always hated "toxic relationships" but I think what I hated was that often a female character was denied agency and she was often in love with (told but never explicitly shown in a way that makes you understand it) him despite how much of a jerk he is how he purposefully hurts her or doesn't respect her feelings. And I think that idea really snowballed and became a much bigger umbrella to things that don't apply. Nol definitely can be seen as being "toxic" although I wouldn't categorize him that way. When he has hurt Shinae, we've seen that it affects/hurts him, too. The sheer guilt he went through after their confrontation outside of his school that had him RETCHING. I think, yeah, if you aren't a pure cinnamon roll, there's a big chance you might get written off as toxic. Now, don't get me wrong. Stalkyoo is clearly the majority popular ship of ILY and has been for a long time, but when people try to pit Dieter vs Nol, that's how it largely feels. Like saying that because Nol is going through it, he's going to be a bad partner.

Like, first of all, never mind that knowing feelings doesn't immediately mean dating. But also.... idk it starts to rub me weird and I think we start to see a LOT of weird ableism. Cos right, Nol is so bad because he's SOOO unstable and thus Dieter is better - but like you said, they think nothing of Shinae's own baggage. It's not just about the male partner, it's about HER, too. We could even argue that Shinae having baggage would create issues for her and Dieter. That doesn't make them impossible. But we've seen that Nol and Shinae are getting better at handling each others' baggage, too. When she tried to run away after he climbed up to the roof to join her, he knew to stop her, because he knew it was Shinae shrinking in on herself, feeling vulnerable and exposed and wanting to run away from the situation instead of face it. Shinae is calling him out more and more. And after 231, which I assume you've read but I'll still keep it vaugue, I think we're seeing that even though Nol has been pushing her away, that part of his resolve is starting to break. He's figuring out his feelings and what they mean to feel them, to share them.

Idk it's just. Right lmao you're very right about all of it! I think there was this really big push about toxic relationships and wanting to see healthier relationships in media, especially YA books, right? To see fewer asshole male leads and more wholesome relationships. There's nothing wrong with that, I LOVE that! But that's the thing about Nol and Shinae - like you said. Relationships ARE work. They're SUPPOSED to be. You're constantly having to match yourself with your partner, to understand and meet their needs. Hashing things out early helps figure out your dynamic, if it's worth it. Arguing ISN'T bad. It doesn't mean "this is an ill fit relationship". It only is when neither of them resolve to change, when neither of them can accommodate the other. And I think we've seen that Shinae is VERY willing to accommodate, and I think we've seen enough of Nol's want vs resolve (he always caves; EVERY TIME he gives in and goes to her) will wear down. It's so inherently tied to his self-image but that's not an eternal thing.

Talking about one being more stable than the other just reeks of ableism. I hate the adage that you'll never be able to be loved until you can learn to love yourself. It's GROSS, it's stupid!!!!!! Sometimes people see in us the things we can't see until they illuminate it, until they help us see that thing in ourselves, and THAT is Nol and Shinae to me. It's Nol seeing in her someone who is so scared and insecure who doesn't believe in herself and just needed encouragement, just needed a little nudging, just needed to be believed in. Look HOW MUCH she's grown since we met her, how much she's come around!!!!!!! He illuminated something in her she couldn't see. And I think that's what Shinae's persistent love and care for Nol is. He is so convinced he's unloveable, that he's this monster, that he brings harm to those he loves, but she's so persistent I think it can't help but wear down that resolve. Can't help but give him some hope. To think maybe, maybe, if anyone can find it in him, it's her. That maybe if she can see it, he might one day, too?

Relationships are about GROWING TOGETHER. It's not come back when you're "healthy" and "recovered" or whatever that means. Like, yeah, there are circumstances that will stand in the way of Shinae and Nol being in a relationship - but it's not about their "mental states". aljfkjafkjaf this is a whole other essay but lmao I JUST HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS like I don't hate people shipping Shinae and Dieter! I love them, too! I enjoy them as a pairing. Yeah, Stalkyoo is my OTP but it doesn't stop me enjoying other pairings. I just hate when people try to make it about who is "better" and by better than mean "mentally healthier" or that relationships that require effort and work are somehow inherently unhealthy and toxic. At the end of the day, anyway, it's about who Shinae loves. Who lights her up, who makes her feel that spark, who she WANTS to put that effort into. She could easily decide that yeah, loving Nol is a fight she doesn't want to have, that she doesn't have the endurance for it. But that still doesn't make it a toxic pairing - it just means it wasn't right for her.

(But yes I WILL bark at the moon about it! Speak your mind, Lil Anon, you are on the same page!!! It's about the MUTUAL GROWTH AND SUPPORT. IT'S ABOUT SEEING SOMETHING IN EACH OTHER, AND LIKEWISE HELPING ONE AND OTHER SEE IT. IT'S ABOUT FINDING SOMEONE WHO LIGHTS UP THE DARKNESS, YOU GIVES YOU HOPE, WHO MAKES YOU A LITTLE LESS AFRAID. IT'S ABOUT THE PARALLELS, GOD HELP ME IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE MIRRORS. It's about the people you will run to the ends of the earth for because THAT'S how much they matter THAT'S how important they are because you CANNOT bear to lose them because life without them means nothing AND GOD I cannot imagine their lives without each other sobs)

Also don't worry about your wording! I think we CAN argue Nol is flawed and messy, in addition to troubled, and that's not an inherently bad thing. Everyone is flawed, and I definitely knew what you meant. Aren't most teenagers messy? He has such big feelings and especially for his age on top of normal feelings and it's so hard to NOT be messy. There's no way he can have everything figured it out!

Okay I know this response is like SO LATE lmao but I'll tell you anyway what I EXPECTED to happen. I thought Yui already knew of Simhan - what he looked like and stuff like that, but it felt felt much like she didn't quite know until the details started to come in and the DREAD was just HEAVY in my stomach I was just screaming and climbing walls during their meeting. All the information! Just like that!!!! Right into the palm of their hands!!!! AND!!!!! They can lead her to Nol. GOD it's so unnerving and stressful how easily she could just gather all of that and I am TERRIFIED. The ominous image of Simhan trapped in the beer bottle is just back to HAUNT MEEEEEEEEE. I don't doubt that's where it's going - or at least that he'll be tempted towards it. It's definitely going to be a battle but I don't want to see things fall apart again. :( Earlier I'd wondered if that might be what lead Shinae to HAVING to rely on Yui's offer, against her better wishes. But now that Rand is convincing Shinae to do it.... idk. Maybe it still will be? I hope not. I DO want to see things go well. I DO want the Yoos and the Parks to be a family, for Minhyuk to be the big brother he's been, for them to know PEACE and not have to struggle and fight and claw their ways to stay afloat AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

May Mina and the power of love be enough to help Simhan avoid tragedy FLJAFJLKAKFJAKF SOBS

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Lil Anon #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Randulf Skuli Hirahara #god i gotta check if that's right LMAO #Yui Hirahara #Simhan Yoo #Stalkyoo #so many feelings oh my god this is so long LMAO #Lil Anon forgive me you know how i get and i've had so much catnip #oh my god SO MUCH catnip aljafkafjkkjafkjafjkafjkaf #I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS #the more I think about the future the more excited i get the more i can't wait for it #there's so many possibilities it can go so many ways #and getting a TASTE of it through quimchee's patreon and that one poster image just #has me rocketing out of this world careening to THE MOON #CORPORATE OFFICE GIRLIE SHINAE!!!!!!!#HER LONG HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!#I LOVE HER I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I'M GONNA BE SO PROUD OF HER I JUST KNOW IT #part of me wants to write about that poster but part of me fears it will just be me feral gnashing my teeth but #i should because I've been thinking Thoughts about Kousuke esp re: what we've been talking about #with Nol and Shinae and alliances or secret alliances and coping and struggling and AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #GOD I LOVE THIS WEBTOON SO MUCH AND I LOVE SCREAMING WITH EVERYONE AND I LOVE YOUR MESSAGES LIL ANON #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #thank you for always coming back to me even though i write you whole messy essays LMAO

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motherthroat · 1 year ago

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ok see now i'm gonna go down the list again n send u a novel bc quite frankly i'm relentless n want to know wht three emojis u wouldn’t give me + clown around Together 😇

🍪 - this is a given and my motivation behind handcuffing us together for all of eternity duhhh<3

💥 - this is visible to anyone with eyes but i do understand tht it may be nice to hear so yes mori ur layout is very pleasing 👍

🚬 - you Are cool, n perhaps intimidatingly so, but not to me bc you’ve been soft w me before n even tho you're taller.. in my heart, you're my height. or shorter :3

🍜 - see i can’t say this bc i feel like ur skills cannot be imitated bc wht infuses such flavor into ur work is the fact tht it comes from You n it has ur heart in it. so. i will leave all of tht to you n all of the fawning n rabid cheerleading to me 😌

🧠 - yes i learn that there are indeed intelligent life forms out there which is always reassuring and desperately needed in these dark times amen 🙏

suddenly blind and unable to read idk wht the next emoji is omg 404 blue screen of death currently buffering only to finally load…..

🍧 - yes. u are. n i remember sometimes going “omgggg am i special… seeing the soft underside… 🥹👉👈” heheheheheh but again this is jus a Given like. nods at u

🧢 - see idk if i have the proper qualifications to determine whether or not ur a Bro and i would hate to be misdiagnosing out here 😞

🫀 - ok so see the thing abt this one is tht i’m actually a goodie two shoes tht can’t fight n has nonexistent arm strength so this whole killing someone n digging a grave thing would have to perhaps fall to u like . it’s almost a cannibal au situation except we’re not eating them yk? 🫶 but i would offer emotional support ofc n a moist towelette to wipe the blood off. sooo ride or die as in that + i'm your chihuahua guard dog tht would bite anyone's ankle <3 (but this is also a given bc again: the handcuffs. would i cuff us if we weren't ride or dies? exactly.)

🗣 - the thing abt this one is i’d be happy tht ur out there thriving living ur life or i’d assume tht u were here but deleted ur posts before i woke up / logged in bc the alternative would also kill me immediately </3

the only time i’d ever send u a tomato is if i were gently placing one in ur hand bc we were in the kitchen cooking something delicious n u asked me to get u one :) peace n luv on planet earth

i made tht small text n it's still long as hell . rip

𝄢 hey 😎

🍪 ─ u're v fascinating n i mean that. even if u do smth incredibly weird that'll annoy me i'd still go hmm i can fix them. or not bc i'll most likely be knee-deep joining u on wtvr u're doing. u make my ti-dom...... ti-domming

💥 ─ the fact that i'm ur moot rn is prove bc ppl w horrid sense of aesthetic just existing piss me off

🫂 ─ a given. in fact, u can bring up the most outta nowhere, embarassing topic n i won't ever think fuck this lil weirdo asking me stupid shit. tho if it's trivial matters like a post reminding me of u, i prefer to interact publicly. for no rzn................

🚬 ─ no ♡ u are cool... the way i find will byers cool. unintimidatingly so. n the fact that i'm shorter in ur heart is actually sickening to read ngl. this is us denise, this is how we look side by side ↓ 1.) i can rest my chin on top of ur head 2.) if i'm any shorter then we'd both be chihuahua material which is wrong

🍜 ─ ur ability to befriend anyone quick n be generally likable instead of mr. oversuspicious who yells at anybody stepping on his lawn due to a few bad experiences x

❤️‍🔥 ─ do i need to say anyth. c'mon. c'mon. everytime i log in, i wonder what's denise gonna say today abt raggedy ass ppl n what cute stuff is denise gonna come up w. u helplessly dying on the floor due to ur lactose intolerance for the 5th time is Content. atp i'm an enjoyer of a whole denise* not just denise the st blog

🧠 ─ maybe. not necessarily learning new things but being reassured that smone hasn't forgotten the thing

─ ok? i was making a creamy red sauce rigatoni w flan as dessert n u gotta pay the kiss the cook toll to even get the flan i put on the upper shelf but ig smone is full. more for me 🙄

🍧 ─ another given. n here's the thing: i don't like it when ppl get 💗💞💓💕💖-coddly w me. s not inherently bad, just that a lot of em expect u to match energies/respond similarly which is. i don't do that. n i don't like how fragile sm mutualships can be over it. but i don't mind u barfing ur love all over my activity partly bc ik uk how i am n none of my painstaking push n pull will deter u + it's U. that's it

🧢 ─ pft no. never even crossed my mind. u hv ZERO bro energy

🫀─ i knew u have the arm strength of soggy fries so i alrd fully assigned myself to do the brute work yes. on a srs note, u're my Friend friend. now me making a distinction between a friend n a Friend friend seems terrible but the latter isn't just existing in the same space peacefully, no, i wanna get to a point where u n i fight over small things n make up 5 mins later. i want us to bonk e/o on the heads. i want sm henpecking going on when necessary. ik u can be relied on for that level of #trust

❤️‍🩹 ─ *n this is why i wanna meet u irl. i want this so bad it's actually embarassing

🗣 ─ yes but if u're enjoying life away from this lawless wasteland n its chronically online weirdos i can do nothing but let u be. get that fresh O². touch that grass

🍅 ─ why the hell would i give u this. why. not in a million yrs. unless... ☹ peace n luv on planet earth indeed. later i'm peeling chilled fruits n sharing it w u on the front porch as we watch the sun set alongside édith piaf's hymne à l'amour

#inbox #long post

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hopelessly-hopeful-romantic · 2 years ago

Text

"Fuck him, fuck you, literally fuck off I don't want to hear about a guy you like when ur gonna change ur mind in a couple weeks, you asshole I fucking love you, it's not fair, just be with me, don't ask him out u dumbass, don't be so fucking dense and realize that I'm in love with you and it's all your damn fault, literally who tf is he you met him 2 days ago and now your saying you like him, your so impulsive you don't even know, am I not good enough for you, you always want everyone's attention when I'm giving you all of mine, nothings ever good enough for you and i wanna die because i really wish i was good enough for you, ill never be cuz im so pathetically desperate that ill give you anything and youll take it all without a second thought and never give anything back becuz youll alway have more and better options than me, legit stfu im so done, please dont leave me i need you, dont talk to me, i dont want to hear this"

My thoughts while she told me about the new guy she's interested in and that she plans on asking out

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sirenemale · 2 years ago

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Thoughts on dovewing or hollyleaf? I say this as a dovewing kinnie

Cracks my knuckles

THEY'RE BOTH HUGE FAVS OF MINE. Back in my kin era I kinned them both hahaha. Hollyleaf is my ultimate favourite warrior cats character I'm so normal about her PROMISE. I'm gonna go on for ages but my affection for these characters is mainly bc of my own interpretation and projection on them (As is the case with most wc fans I feel).

I'll start with Dovewing! The way her emotional issues were brushed aside was INSANE to me. To me she was such a normal kid thrust into this immense world ending drama that she was told she had to stop, because she got power she didn't ask for, that overwhelm her senses and emotions constantly. She's neurodivergent & desperately trying to mask for her clan. Lionblaze, Jayfeather & Ivypool are not kind to her, I think she should have been the one to get drawn into the dark forest. It'd actually make good on the idea that the 3 could have become tools for evil, it makes good on her care for other clan cats and her frustration over not being able to help them when she knows they need it. I just like her, she's sweet, I think she's very grounded and deserved better. Issues with her and tigerheart aside I think her choosing Shadowclan and settling down with him was really cute, I'm glad she left for a better environment for herself, I hate that Ivypool never stopped being cruel to her. I also am addicted to the tension of Lionblaze and Jayfeather overlooking her bc she's younger and bc she's just Not hollyleaf. Like it's so tragic it's so rough and I resonate with her immensely for that. Like no one is being outright cruel but you can Tell you aren't what they want, and that kind of thing eats at a person, and I think it ate at her when she wasn't around cats she felt seen around (Tigerheart, Purdy ect). She lost her childhood and basically lost her sister, realized how much she wasn't living up to what anyone wanted her to be, and she chose to leave for herself. I like her. I care about her. Um. Niftysenpai's dovewing mv is one of my favourite wc videos ever.

Okay Hollyleaf GOD. My take on her is like INSANELYYYYYY projection heavy but like. To me she is ultimate victim to the clan structure. She grew up under a dogmatic and strict religion and society and takes pride in moralizing about the code to others, she takes pride in being powerful and ambitious, she wanted to be a med cat because it was important. Idk if I made this up but I swear I remember Leafpool saying she wasn't very delicate with herbs, and I love the idea of these ambitious and powerful traits being admired in the clan and also reviled if the cat in question is "Evil". I like the idea of Hollyleaf feeling an immense pressure to balance herself, recite the code to prove she was good, prove she's not heavy handed or fight hungry like the text sometimes implied. Ngl I kind of really like the idea of her having a bit of the bramble/tigerstar complex. So the fact she takes so much purpose in the code only to find that her own birth breaks the rules? Finding out she wasn't part of some god given prophecy like her brothers. It's brutal. Me as a guy with religious trauma thoughts went cuhrazy. I find her spiral and breakdown so so so so compelling, I love the idea of her still trying to live by increasingly distorted versions of the code. Justifications of killing ashfur, regret, guilt, shame, repenting to the gathering ect.

I do wish she had gotten a better conclusion? I don't think the tunnels plot line or her coming back only to die was like. Anything at all. Idk what I would have written instead, tho I am making a pmv with her so u will see my take on her eventually in video. There's a lot of hollyleaf videos I really like but Cheetehz's hollyfawn map is the closest I've seen to hitting my view of her. Someone who has tried so so hard to prove herself and be of use, keeping her head up and crushing down some part of her that's hurt by failing those expectations. I like her breakdown being a straw on the camels back moment instead of a surprise.

#ARUGH THIS IS SO LONG #CAN U SEE THE RUNNING THREAD DO U GET IT #quietly bearing the expectations of others before finally breaking down #choosing yourself or losing yourself while others look on and cry over where this came from #that's not what you're like #but it is it is and it's so fair bc you've carried so much for so long

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the-firebird69 · 4 months ago

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Part of this is that people refuse to do the right thing to help our son and it's all across the board the landlord is a huge **** to him we find him screwing around with him this morning about 29 times you told him to stop then he says I have a vehement reaction to that and he heard we have a vehement reaction to not stopping and it causes bloodshed near people tons of it and yeah you're gonna see about it so he says that's not what I mean OK so you mean stupid **** I just need you to die so I take your stuff'cause you leave me here trying to get two extra dollars a day 'cause you're a swift **** little **** loser so he looks around he says you know he's gonna do this for what he needs you start to laugh and he said have time this little bully since we're not little so the guy starts ranting and ranting I'm saying if you come by here lessons is I'm not using these people in you but they're right there and I do need the territory it's very convenient that you allow them to sit in your **** apartment **** and he looks up and he says is that the problem of course you peevish bitch and meanng im disatisfied with the serrivce thats why you lose hahahah lol what a homo. and stn says i am through with this need out. He ran over to Mac and said they're gonna take over the whole west coast if I lose those places then We need to negotiate but it won't be out there and it was screaming at the boy to take it over. Jack raises head and says what do you want to do and he says I'm depleted and part of your force can move in and we can divvy it up with the others and Matt said We'll have a meeting and you're right we need a place to go So they met in the same things back and forth and they finally agreed on something they're in a lot of trouble and they started to try and figure out what to do they said our son is not a bad guy he's turning into one because we're not providing anything except torturous existence and he went over a few points and said he can't stand the laundry mat either all of it is this jew bag shed and we chose to sit there and say it it stands as this I'm doing my part what we're doing this week and he needs it but we have to do something better than OK you dropped on your head all day long so Sherry is kind of influencing him does our son sounds like he's desperate and he says he does not want that guy in office at all and he doesn't care what the deal is he's smartened up to it and said to us we have him here in our place and he's a contaminant and his contaminated place and he's threatening and they're sitting there threatening us all day and night it's way too close in their long range plan is to take my area shortly who you they stood up with that and they said we have the proof and they handed it out the Michael two says it's true they plan to run it from the West. Now they get a lot of information on it and they started talking about it finally and they really need to have a lot of stuff going on and they're going to try and bolster the force up there they might be the only place and people are saying it too these people resist those people resist in the maximum planned it supposed to do a stupid routine and we don't care about the mats that's going around too what does pseudo empire did it's concrete they're immediately bolstering stands forces and they're moving into the bunkers in that area to deflect Trump and Trump is doing a number on them. now this is fast stuff but real. we hold to it too.

thor Freya

we did see sta get angry after. he said this then f u and walked off. And it is due to the pseudo empire actually not wanting to help they said We need to have our own systems and it's a play so they're in a lot of trouble and Stan tried threatening our son that makes it worse and a son tried to make it better that's ridiculous OK. Now out there in Trump's area which is the Nevada band in Sacramento who's getting his **** handed to him no but BJA has moved in on his bunkers that protect the statues and caches and most of his people are there no but a lot of them about half in that whole area that's a lot and people want him out because he's not helping and he really isn't and he's this guy who goes around and sits for for stuff and find out he is another angle like every time and he likes to do that to people says he's doing it to our son and our son is bushwacking him constantly the guy is constantly being pushed whacked unending bushwhacks OK wherever trump goes people are enlynching him and it's because of what he's doing here to our son and he's having people do it somewhat surreptitiously but we know what he's up to and we are doing it as well now the guys paying and paying and paying refuses to stop what he's doing and he's abusing our son and we're gonna make him pay for it completely shortly but in the meantime we need to get him out of here and we we talk a lot about stuff but this guy has to leave he's got his snout way up like he's arrogant about something We really can't tell you what it is meaning we have not figured it out It seems like he has a secret and when we look at it there's nothing there and he says he took the program from JC and Mary and all the others and that's what he says. We're going to war with him tonight and he has no special protection from anything.

Olympus

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themidnightcleric · 10 months ago

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TW death, transphobia, blatant suicidality, ableism, terrible thoughts u should not indulge

vent post

..I actually don't think no one loves me. I just fundamentally believe they're wrong and will inevitably be disappointed when they discover I am a husk person not a real human being and that's my fate and believe or not most of this is related to ADHD bc I can't fix it or stick with anything and all the meds make me sick so I feel doomed to do fuck all until I rot and die. Every time I get hopeful my body betrays me. Fucking MCAS.

Icannot emphasize enough that I will take myself out of at least run off into the woods to try and live like an animal, if something does not change in the next 2 years to make it possible for me to exist in society. Like getting disability j guess would help. I am a dog. Not a person. I cannot give anymore.

it is not worth living this way. Every day is an endless punishment for all the things I cannot do and at this point the pit is so deep i will not get out.

And so like posting in this way and alienating myself are a way of pushing everyone out but simultaneously hoping somehow the cry for help will reach someone who can genuinely help me. I know this isn't me, this isn't the bigger spirit that animates me speaking this is the thing that wants to kill me, but can't even show itself to the people who say they love me. We have seen too much and the desire to destroy something significant is getting stronger. I guess this is an admission I understand su*cide bombers and crave going out burning a bank or a church or a detention center. simultaneously a desperate plea for someone to show me some kind of other way that isn't this plodding, hesitating half life. Two of my friends before I left my home state told me I should have been dead by now. I know what they meant and it's great I am alive but I don't see a future other than death. It's so close, so intimate. I go to sleep with death every night waiting for her. The funny thing is not many people I know closely have died. If they had it actually might be easier like I could live for them. But instead it feels like I'm the one who is supposed to die. I live with that every day and I know I'm not the only one but with everything that's happening I no longer can believe things will get better. I'm just trying to do as much good as I can before it comes for me. I don't see anyone who really needs me here. Or wants me bad enough to merit staying. Like it's all pipe dreams, could have beens, obligations. Fake. In the clouds.

I haven't been real since I was a kid.

I'm sorry y'all. I'm really sorry. I don't know if it will even matter when it happens. Like a candle burning out. Who is gonna notice beyond another little wave of sad posts. Currently I'll probably be buried by my family as a woman. They'll say it was inevitable. I was always so mentally unwell. Kill me and blame me for it.

I have so many ideas and so much passion but no discipline for it and frankly I feel like a piece of paper god put a sketch on and crumpled up and threw away. Like that episode of Gravity Falls where Dipper clones himself and there's a Glitch Dipper who everyone sort of feels bad for until he dies. Two headed calf. All I have ever tried to be is kind while people saw more in me than I could give or sustain. At least I got to see the stars.

My soul is good but it can't live here on this plane right now. It doesn't want to. All the people I love are fighters who metabolize everything into medicine and power for the future or at least stick around hedonistically. I am not built like that. I find no pleasure in pleasure. I am weak and too fragile to exist by myself and at every turn am reminded of this. I try to play it off as kink or funny but really, I don't think anyone can survive the level of self erasure that my system has developed.

My friend keeps telling me to play Disco Elysium but it's 40 dollars and I have to save all my $ for gas and credit card payment. To be responsible. Why do I even fucking care. I'm scared if I stop caring anymore I will just let go and become fully catatonic.

Hopefully this is rock bottom and somehow I will bounce up into a new perspective tomorrow. I pushed myself into burnout because all this messaging online about Palestine and genocide is like you aren't doing enough and that really really works against my ability to do anything like the PDA I cannot help and have been fighting my whole life to just like, brush my teeth. I can't watch these people beg for help and so many turn away in hatred and then not even make phone calls. I am trying to look for the helpers but I think the fascists want to kill all of us.

It's gonna take a miracle to get through this winter. I wish I could show somebody how desperate I feel. The pills are right there. I never get rid of them. I could do it tonight. But I won't.

I don't know how long you have to scream for help. I don't think it helps anyone. People fall down the spiral. Maybe there is something to live for for others but for me, it's all conjecture. I have full responsibility to bring about everything that I could live for. If I give up, it doesn't happen. If I give up, the good things in this world go on without me. No one ever knew me really. I feel so fundamentally separated & invisible.

I'm mad I feel this way and am wasting my life talent and time. I am tired of being depressed and low key a shitty friend. I am ready for God to take me and use me for some new form of life that has a fighting chance to be something.

If only that weren't just a delusion. I wanted my life to mean something and leave a mark but at the end of the day this voice tells me it's not even worth that, that no one will remember me.

Pathetic. Jesus. How do you fight this.

I'm tired.

I'll keep fighting another day at a time. But there's no way to be okay right now. I have to live with this person the world has made me into and let go of who we could have been with more love.

#my writing #personal

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vastiitas · 2 years ago

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Wishlist:

Gimme that ride or die friendship where the greeting to each other is “die” and the natural response is, “naw, u first”; the one where they get into bar fights bc one or both of them are absolute dipshits and if one of them starts something, u know ur obligated no-thoughts-head-empty-style in getting in there urself no matter how stupid it is. It’s always open season to bully tf outta each other. They’re tired as all hell of the other, but who else is gonna have the ol’ slugger’s back? Lowkey, highkey(?), it’s the sort of, “aw, for fuck’s sake, i’m probably gonna die with your stinking corpse next to me u stupid bastard.” (For the modern verse and deadlock, possibly for the period western verse too i sppose??)

i am always looking for discussions on the nature of religio.n with this character, whether your muse has religious trauma or sincerely practices faith; let me come into ur inbox with that "are you praying again? How raw are your knees"

Adrenaline mistaken for love; ["love is when you’re wrestling for control of the gun and there’s only one bullet left. love is when you grab the knife theyre swinging at you by the blade and look into their eyes and laugh. love is when someone is so obsessed with you they have to kill you."]

Hateships, but we will have to discuss this; Cole doesn't harbor hate for long. He'll dislike you, disagree with you, but can remain cordial. I've yet to knuckle into what he can't swallow. He's less raw and vulnerable at the age of 37-39, so saddling into this will mean either working out histories or writing with a younger variant.

Frenemies is p fun.

Bounty character? meets bounty hunter. They bitch at each other.

And in the reverse: somebody coming after his ridiculously priced bounty, lord help him.

Bounty rivalry?! Bickering over who gets the cash and losing the bastard in the midst of it. Having to work together to get said asshole back.

Escort, recon, undercover or guard mission, hello 👋

Im always down for blackwatch era ocs? Gang era ocs? Hell yea, hell yea.

Kiddo cole is so fckin funny to me, if u want to deal w this pissy punk of a teenager, pls, god, let me know. No weird shit tho, i beg.

the nikk.i la.uda to his jam.es hunt,,,,

Roadtrip threads

Threads where he’s still in prison. Modern, Period, or an AU where he never accepted BW.

i need more threads of cole acting as or during when he was a gang enforcer (modern)

3 Godfathers/Tokyo Godfathers plot for Modern or Western (and i suppose it can work for Post-Apocalypse or OVW between either him as a runaway or him post-BW). The idea is that the muses find an abandoned child and take up the mantel of trying to take care of it while trying to find their parent. The important part of this is that there is a certain level of underqualification to the muses that results in a sort of chaos. I'm not looking for domestic, fluffy end game for this; the bulk would be on exploring nonconventional guardianship. Trying to do the right thing despite being seemingly built for everything but. The original short story involves the trio all dying by the time they deliver the child to the safe harbor of a town.

Not so much an active wishlist but a possible dynamic for modern: The first responder who found him beneath the farm equipment when he lost his arm, or the physical therapist that helped to fit him with a prosthetic.

Dynamics and threads in which he is still in prison for Modern would be interesting, whether your character is also an inmate, a worker of volunteer, or somebody who is dealing with this man making a getaway.

would like to explore further ak.ande’s attempt to suggest talon was an option; hell, it’d be an interesting conversation to be had with other characters as well.

character specific:

pls,,, if u have a cassidy, lmk, let’s have them fight -- pls, i am so desperate to see them kick each other’s asses

The Wishlist Tag for Other Variants.

#navigation&mastermaps;;#//to be added and expanded upon 👍

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teyvatdreams · 3 years ago

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If it wouldn't be too much of a bother, can we have some angst with Zhongli, Childe, Kaeya, and Diluc (separately), where the reader gets so beaten up in a battle to where they were fatally wounded? Whether they get out alive or not can be up to you!! (I'm weirdly a sucker for angst hehebhrh)

them when you get severely injured

includes: zhongli, kaeya, childe, and diluc

a/n: i kinda turned this into a Them Thinking You’re Fatally Injured But You Actually Survive prompt so i hope u don’t mind anon ;;

warnings: mentions of blood and injuries

zhongli

after zhongli found you severely injured, you were in his arms in no time. he ran as fast as he could, holding on to you as tight as he could. your eyes eventually fluttered shut — you were too weak and in too much pain to tell him that it hurt to be in his arms.

your head was spinning. you could hear voices surrounding you, but you couldn’t understand what they were saying. your eyelids were too heavy to open as well. and as you drifted off, you were struck with fear for just a moment: scared that you would never open your eyes again.

but you did.

a few days later, your eyes finally opened again. zhongli stayed by your side every second he could. he was often sent home by baizhu or childe whenever he visited.

“zhongli?”

the sound of your hoarse voice pulls zhongli out of his thoughts. “you’re awake,” he comes closer, kneeling next to the bed you were in and stroking your hair. “you’re awake.” he repeats, as if it finally sunk in.

“how long have i been out?” you ask, a weak smile creeping into your face. you instantly felt comforted in zhongli’s presence.

“only a few days. but you’ll have to stay here a bit longer as you heal… do you even remember what happened?” he asks.

you sigh. “yes. but barely… almost as if i was having an out of body experience, watching it from afar…” you explain. “all i can remember is the pain.”

zhongli sighs, and squeezes his eyes shut as if he was the one in pain. “i’m so sorry, my love. i can’t begin to wonder what would’ve happened if i hadn’t found you.” he intertwines his fingers with yours.

“don’t think about that,” you say softly. “you did. and i’m okay.”

he leans in and kisses your forehead. “you’re okay.”

kaeya

you and kaeya had gone adventuring when you had a run in with some monsters after splitting up. usually they were no problem, but somehow you had managed to run into a larger group of them than you had ever gone up against. you were completely overpowered, eventually having to take a run for it before collapsing to the ground. you had escaped the monsters, but you were badly injured.

you had no idea where kaeya had gone. you had no idea where he was, especially since you had run so far from the monsters. he was the only one who knew you were out in the wilderness.

kaeya wasn’t nervous when he couldn’t find you. he knew you were a skilled adventurer. it wasn’t until he found the blood stained grass that he got a pit in his stomach. he was running around the area screaming your name, desperately trying to find you.

and when he did, he was terrified. you were sitting against a wall, covered in blood. he didn’t even know if you were still alive. he panicked and grabbed onto your shoulders, shaking you. you were still passed out, but kaeya knew you were still alive from the small groan you let out when he grabbed you.

he carried you all the way back to mondstadt, pure adrenaline pumping through his veins. you couldn’t die, not like this.

you finally awoke a few hours later, and pain instantly flooded into every part of your body. your pressed a hand against your forehead, trying to soothe the horrible ache in your head.

“(y/n)?”

you turn your head to see kaeya walking to the bed you were laid in. “kaeya,” you breathe, happy to see a familiar face. “what happened?”

“you were attacked… i think. and you were hurt very badly, but i’m sure you can feel that.” he sighs, chuckling. “but barbara patched you all up.”

you try to laugh, but the pain in your ribs stops you. “ah… it hurts.”

“i know,” he whispers. he strokes your arm. “just go back to sleep, okay? i’ll be here when you wake up.”

childe

childe looked in horror at the deep gash on your body, his entire body trembling. he had only looked away for a moment. why did they attack you? why did they want to hurt you?

he defeats the remaining treasure hoarders in a few slashes before helping you stand up, warm blood instantly staining his grey clothing. “come on, (y/n), you can do it.”

“childe,” you say softly, barely able to stand on your own two legs. “childe, it hurts,” you sob. you try to keep your eyes on the ground ahead of you — looking at your wound would only intensify your panic.

“i know it does, i’m sorry,” his voice trembles as he stops to pick you up, slinging you over your shoulder. you let him. you were so dizzy.

you lose consciousness at some point. you woke up later, bandaged up. but the pain was still strong, and you groan in pain moments after opening your eyes. you squeeze them shut again, trying to steady your breathing.

when you open them, childe is by your side, gently grabbing onto your hand. “hey, hey, breathe…” he says softly.

the softness of his voice and gaze was something you had never seen. but it made you feel safe.

“i’ll go get some more medicine for you… it should help with the pain. just rest up,” he tells you. he stands up to leave when you grab onto his arm.

“when you get back… please don’t leave my side…” you whisper.

he gives you a small smile, nodding. “i won’t. i promise i won’t.”

diluc

usually, diluc did his business with the abyss order by himself. he only let you tag along if he was 100% sure you’d both be safe, but for somehow, you had convinced him to let you join him on what he thought would be a more dangerous mission.

and as he sprinted out of the abyss stronghold he had been informed of with you in his arms, he regretted being so easily persuaded by you.

it only took a second for you to get hurt. he didn’t know how badly you were injured, but he could feel his sleeves getting soaked in blood. all he knew is that he had to get you out of there. the mission didn’t matter anymore.

once he felt like he had gotten a safe distance away, he set you down. you had gone completely limp, and diluc felt panic rising in his chest. you had gotten wounded on your back. luckily, the bleeding had slowed, but it still needed attention.

“god,” diluc mumbles, picking you up again. “i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry, my angel.” he holds onto you tightly and starts walking, praying that you’d make it back alive. all he could do was look after the bleeding and try to keep your wound clean.

for the first time in a long time, diluc is scared. he’s absolutely terrified. a tear escapes his eye. he nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels your thumb wipe it away.

“(y/n)?” he can barely keep a good grip on you, but he keeps walking forward.

you give him a weak smile. “don’t cry, diluc. it’s just a little scratch, right?” you grunt in pain.

“don’t move. i’m gonna get you back to mondstadt as fast as i can.”

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maygrantgf · 2 years ago

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@herodiaz u called and i'll answer

tw // guns, blood, just overall trauma

buck doesn't even register the gun going off when it does because the next thing he knows his ears are ringing. it's all eerily familiar, the stunned silence, the way everyone seems to hold their breath.

buck hears eddie's voice in a whoosh as his hearing comes back online.

"...buck?" eddie whispers.

buck starts to feel this pain in his abdomen. it feels...hot. like something burned him.

buck looks down and puts his hand on the area that burns. his hand comes away with blood. his blood.

"buck. evan! evan!" eddie's arms are suddenly around him.

buck then realizes it's because his legs have buckled underneath him.

"you're gonna be okay. you're gonna be okay try not to move" eddie whispers as he guided buck flat on his back. he seems panicked, almost frantic. buck's never seen him like this before. eddie's always calm under pressure but right now he looks fucking rattled.

eddie takes his jacket off and press it to buck's side.

buck hisses in pain, but immediately overlaps his hands with eddie's.

"sorry. I'm sorry. you're gonna be fine" eddie keeps saying over and over.

"he- he needs a hospital!" eddie yells and buck can't help but think well obviously but then realizes eddie isn't talking to him.

eddie glares daggers at peter, who's too busy threatening the guy who tackled him.

"sit down or I'll shoot you too!" he says pointing the gun at him. he's shaking so hard the gun rattles in his hand.

the man obliges, staring at peter wide eyed.

"peter!" eddie snaps.

peter's head whips around.

"he needs" he says through clenched teeth "a hospital."

"no hospitals!" peter screams

"he's gonna die!"

"I said no!"

eddie doesn't know what the fuck to do.

he has trained for this. he dedicated his life to situations like these once upon a time. he can count on his fingertips how many friends he's seen in battle fall to the ground with a bullet in their body. he can even count himself.

but he's fucking terrified now because this time - it's buck.

eddie knows he's running out of time. buck's gonna bleed out on the floor if he doesn't get him out of here.

"h-hes gonna bleed out, peter. you need to tell them someone was shot. he needs a hospital" eddie tries to say it firmly but he knows his voice is shaking.

"didn't you say you guys were like, emts or some shit?! you fix him up!" peter gestures to buck wildly with his gun. his thin face sickly pale, almost green. eddie realizes then that this guy has never shot anyone in his life.

"yeah, but i-i need certain tools, sterile tools. a-and meds and none of those are here, that's why he needs a fucking hospital "

eddie's seen desperate men before, but no one quite like peter. as the minutes pass and the stressors keep coming, his carefully crafted facade of composure starts to crumble.

"ain't no body leaving!" peter says and it's final. he sits back in the chair behind him, puts his head in his hands, and pulls on his hair.

buck's face is starting to get pale, his breaths quickening. eddie's jacket is already soaked with his blood.

"alright, I'm gonna need to see it. you ready?" he says softly to buck.

buck swallows hard and nods.

eddie gingerly lifts the jacket.

buck whimpers.

"sorry. sorry."

the entry wound is small. blah blah blah. lots of blood. bullet is still in. acting as a plug but it's also killing him?

eddie nods to himself, a little relieved.

"okay. bullet is still lodged in the entry wound, which means no exit. that buys us some time" eddie murmurs to buck, who nods.

"I'm gonna get you out of here, I promise" eddie holds buck's face in his hands, looking him in the eyes. the act stains buck with his own blood but eddie knows buck won't care.

"don't make...promises...you can't keep, diaz," buck musters almost all of his energy to say.

eddie shakes his head, moves his hand back to keep pressure on the wound.

"I always keep my promises, buckley."

thirty minutes later, buck is sitting between eddie's legs. his back to eddie's chest, his head on eddie's shoulder.

he insisted on sitting up. he's not sure why, it felt like it would be the more comfortable position.

and it is. too bad he's dying like this to appreciate it more.

eddie keeps whispering different variations of you're gonna be okay but they both know that won't be possible unless he has emergency surgery right fucking now.

"peter, please" eddie says again for what feels like the one hundredth time.

peter stares at them, unseeing.

"he needs a hospital"

eddie holds buck tighter. it's getting to the point where buck can't even recuperate. his legs and arms feel so weak.

"he don't seem that bad, the bleeding slowed" peter finally says. buck's not sure whether he's trying to convince eddie or himself.

"yeah, cause I'm the only one that's keeping his guts from spilling on the fucking floor," eddie snaps and it jostles buck a little causing him to grunt.

eddie looks at him concerned.

"im fine" buck mumbles. "doesn't even hurt anymore,"

"what's he say? that it don't hurt no more? that's good, right?" peter's face lights up a little, hope written all over it.

eddie glares at him as he says, "no, peter its not. it means he's lost too much blood" he presses his cheek to buck's head. "his- his body is shutting down" he whispers the last part. maybe if he says it quietly enough, god won't hear him and eventually take buck away.

"it's okay, eddie 'm tired." buck's eyes start to close. "I just wanna sleep."

"no-no hey! hey! buck look at me" eddie jostles him again with his shoulder, the movement causing buck's eyes to open only a little. not much, but enough to keep him conscious.

"dammit, peter. man, if you keep this shit up he's not gonna make it. he's gonna fucking die!" eddie's had enough of this poor excuse of a man trying and miserable failing to play god, "and do you know what will happen to you if he does? they're gonna charge you with murder, peter. that's what? twenty five to life? on top of all of this? you'll never see daylight again."

he nods his head to the marker drawing on peter's hand. eddie noticed it a while ago, when peter pulled his gun. he remembers seeing it and thinking that looks like something chris used to draw for me.

"I'm guessing your kid drew that? your niece? nephew? it was obviously someone who loves you man, someone who looks up to you - who feels safe. but if you let buck die- you'll never see them again, you understand that? you'll never get to watch them grow up, you won't be there when they need you most. I've been there before, man, trust me. it feels fucking awful." eddie doesn't want to guilt trip the guy but he'll do anything to get buck out at this point.

peter looks in surprise at the drawing on his hand, like he forgot that it was there.

"yeah, my-my kid..." peter looks at the drawing, lost in thought.

"they need their dad, peter" eddie says "don't do this to them, don't put them through that"

peter still looks conflicted.

"im- I'm doing this for her. I promised her a better life. she's all i got, she's my family."

eddie wants to fucking scream.

he takes a deep breath instead.

"peter, buck's my family too." he says, his voice breaking. "and he has a niece who dotes on him and a sister who would do anything for him. he has a son, my son. hes twelve and they adore each other. they're best friends. and I dont- I don't know what I would do without either of them but buck helps me raise him. no questions asked, ever. and I cant-" eddie swallows thickly, his throat closing with emotion. "I don't want to do this without him, I can't. he's my partner. I need him... I need him." he says softly as he looks peter in the eyes. he feels like he should be slightly embarrassed for ripping his chest open to a room full of strangers but he can't bring himself to.

buck needs to get out.

peter looks at eddie, then buck, understanding and guilt on his face.

"where's the phone" he whispers, looking on the floor where he threw it.

"someone get me the fucking phone!"

one of the women on the floor scrambles to find it and then hands it to him with shaking fingers.

peter dials the number.

tell me the other one then

oh buck gets shot lmao

buddie go to a jewelry store at the mall to buy some gifts for maddie and chris idk maybe for their bdays or christmas and this dude comes to rob the store or smth its this whole thing. i really just wanted eddie holding buck from behind LMAO. i actually have a scene written if u wanna read it!

#*jazz hands*#relly writes stuff

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