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#i need to get better at making what i want when i want and ive been doing that more recently
pseudophan · 1 day
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i need to be a bitch somewhere and where better than pseudophan dot tumblr dot com (said in a very honoring way love you nora)wait pause i just heard like a squeaky rubber duck noise out my window. im on a 10th floor in nyc. hello? okay anyways i need to keep being a bitch ducks aside but oh my god fics have been so unreadable lately. why is everyone so obsessed with doing like yaoi gender roles to them. i dont think ive opened smut i havent clicked out of in months at this rate. like every single one is like "ohhh phil is a delicate helpless uwu little princess and dan is the big strong manly man" im actually going to start killing people like it is so insufferable why does no one hear themselves. do you people hear yourselves? for real? pause i just heard the duck again. is it an omen do you think
LOVE the journey this ask takes you on first of all, i wonder what the duck's fanfic opinions are it seems eager to share
i haven't read enough fic recently to comment on ALL of them but i can't say i don't get where you're coming from cause a lot of what i have seen... yeah... and look if that's the dynamic someone wants to portray in their fic that's whatever i guess, i'm not here to police people's fiction, but it is annoying that there's so much of it. kinda feels like we're back in 2015 just with the roles reversed
the whole uwu princess phil thing is largely brought on by dnp themselves and i don't even have a problem with that at all, by all means live your precious baby angel smol bean (sigh) dreams phil but what bothers me a little is the part where a lot of people take that and feel the need to then make dan, like you said, some Big Strong Masc Dom Top like can we be sooooo serious for just one second... again if thats what people want to write porn about whatever i guess but i totally agree the sheer amount of it is a bit.......... hmm........
this isn't just fics though it's the way people talk about them in general. at least with fics you're technically allowed to write whatever the hell you want, it's all fictional, but when it's posts talking about their real life selves .... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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deoidesign · 18 days
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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get normaled, idiot
#pizza tower#peppino#arts#mine#anyway....#i cannot for the life of me get it right#i need a ref or something#i have like SUCH a clear image of what i want him to look like and trying to imitate it just makes him look uncanny#like he needs droopier eyes and bigger eyes#and ive seen people who look EXACTLY like the ref i would love to have#ah well#i did get his mouth pretty close to what i wanted :)#other things; he has like a SMALL amount of accessories like necklaces n stuff. i think he is very Particular about his appearance#the balding doesnt bother him AT ALL so its not messed w in anyway#the most hell do is brush it down so its not in the way#and hes got hats for if he simply does not want it to get unruly in the wind#i was stuck deciding between a Normal earring and a stud but i think stud looks a bit better heehee hes got quite a bit of piercings#but hes stopped using them YEARS ago. they havent closed up so like. theoretically he Could use them again. but hes fine w leaving them be#also he is like obv a mess when hes in the back working the oven n stoves so hes sweaty and kinda gross if hes been in there TOO LONG#(and he is SO conscious about this; he gets a better ac unit postgame when he gets more funds)#but otherwise if hes going out somewhere he has like spicy smellin colognes. like the shit that makes ur head hurt when u smell it sdfkjdfj#meanwhile gus does not give a flying fuck#hes got 14-in-1 body wash and a prayer#you get what u get#which is admirable tbh#i just think it is funny for him to be particular about this. gus we are best buds but you are not coming out w me looking like this.#or the noise smells AWFUL bc he is covered in grease and sweat from tinkerin in his room all day#and peppino looks SO upset hes like get AWAY from me u smell like ACTUAL garbage !!!!!!!!!!!!! go get CLEAN you fucking BEAST
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pup-pee · 6 months
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jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,
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originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan
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puppyeared · 4 months
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If I close my eyes and concentrate realllyyy hard I can pretend im in my animal crossing room
#im in need of a change I don’t like the way im living rn.. a lot of my belongings were picked out for me#by people who thought their way of doing things was better and Ive had to find workarounds my whole life bc of how I live differently#Ive never thought of myself as someone who cares abt how their room looks. but i want it to have things I like even if its just preference#Ive thought abt it for a while and I dont think Im picky I just dont like it when ppl buy me things expecting me to use it the way they#expect me to.. I just end up with a lot of crap that I feel too guilty throwing away just bc someone thought of me#the only way I can describe my taste is that I know what I’ll like when I see it.. if I can clearly see myself making the most out of it#if I constantly have to use workarounds just to use smth you decided for me im not gonna wanna use it unless I have to#literally i could not be bothered to pull out a notebook and write down important information until I got a blues clues notebook#because I liked it and it made it fun for me to whip out that I actually wanna use it. yknow#so rn im trying to get a drafting table because the one that came with my loft bed is ass and I cant cut my prints on it#I end up cutting on the floor and my back hurts if I do it too long.. and I wanna get a bookshelf for my closet and a bench for my bag#things Ill look at and want to use because I already knew how I wanted to use it and just do it without thinking too hard#yapping#diary
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autisticlee · 12 days
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"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"
cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!
if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?
#ive been trying to find “the right people” for like 25 years. im so tired of hearing “one day/eventually”#i need people now. i admit i need help!!! i cant do life alone!!! but ONE DAY is not NOW. im struggling now. not later#why is it always “keep trying because ONE DAY” and never “heres how to deal with it now and if one day never comes”#because NOT EVERYONE GET THEIR “ONE DAY” AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING GIVEN EMPTY PROMISES#AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING IGNORED AND DENIED HELP *NOW* BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO REPLY ON A HYPOTHETICAL “ONE DAY”#IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!#lee rants#what if the “one day” where people actually care isnt until theyre at my funeral huh? because ive seen it happen.#autistic#autism#actually autistic#social problems#social issues#social isolation#adult autism#adult friendships#autism support#autistic friendship#this has been bothering me. i think its called toxic positivity. people throw it at me and it makes me feel worse. stop 😭#and “it happened to me so that means it will happen for you!” no it doesnt!!!!! you had better luck/circumstances. i dont have what you did#it doesnt inspire me or give me hope. it makes me feel more hopeless others can do stuff and i cant.#people were willing to help you but not me? youre not willing to now help me? what else do i do?#especially when people tell me they struggled for a few years. im glad you haven't struggled your whole life like me#and i know youre trying to be nice. but it doesnt help im sorry 😭😭😭😭😭
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puhpandas · 7 months
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I change how I feel about Gregory and Tony's relationship ten thousand times a day
#like i dont even think theyd get together if tony was how he was in ggy#gregory wouldnt work to fix him or something hed hate him for being mean to ellis#its why all my beckory stuff i always imagine is in a specific scenario both when theyve been through stuff#and also after like years have passed and theyre 14/15#AND most importantly tony has had the chance to become a better person and make up with ellid#i think there cant be beckory without ellis#all the stuff ive made for them save for like rabbit burrow i feel doesnt match how i see them in my head#i don't even know how i feel about gregory in a romantic relationship still#idc about it when hes 12 and doesnt have 3 star fam yet but ive alqays seen it in a beckory dtance#as it being good that gregory can think about romance now because he got what he needed most already#but atill.#hes just such a family guy#but i really do like the beckory ship#its so interesting#idk ive changed my mind a lot and havent made enough stuff of them to keep up#with how i see them nowadays#i want to fix that#also i think i feel like the beckody stuff ive made feels shallow because#if its in a scenario where a lot of stuff has happened to get them to that point#and none of that stuff is shown and you dont see them chance#they just feel like randomly completely different people#idk im trying to muster up writing that multichapter ive been wanting to write#and sovereign is pretty much abandonded only because it wasnt working out at all#and ive truly taken everything good from that fic and added it to this new concpet#that made both seperate ideas better#so its a good thing#after the week im gonna try and recharge my writing battery#since the great ipad explosion of 2024 and scrambling to finish the week kinds fried my brain#i miss writing💔#and also wanna explore this new fic concpet im absolutely in love with
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calamitys-child · 1 month
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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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nomairuins · 24 days
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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toxooz · 8 months
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i Need to take up embroidery now rIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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tamagotchikgs · 3 months
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sadness n agonies r getting me tonight lads it feels like theres a big knot inside me getting bigger n tighter at the same time n it hurts so much i have no idea what to do but Stand here. i can even sit im too restless im just standing and trying not to cry
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protosstar · 4 months
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s0fter-sin · 5 months
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Thinking you shouldn't have to pay for Watcher content is you being entitled, actually.
did i ever say i shouldn’t have to pay for it? no, i said it’s disappointing that i would now have to after years of it being free. it would be easier to take if they were completely changing and upgrading their shows or established that the stream wouldn’t just have their current shows and maybe discontinued ones, that it would be different from their youtube channel and worth the sudden charge, but it’s hard not to feel like they’re throwing their audience under the bus
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mejomonster · 2 months
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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caffeinatedopossum · 8 months
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Haha what if all the overwhelming rage I'm suddenly feeling is actually just 21 years of accumulated injustices that I'm only now starting to feel because my self esteem is improving. But then because it's so overwhelming that it feels genuinely unsafe to both myself and those around me for me to express it, I have to repress it further and the only way I know how to do that is to lower my self esteem again so that I don't feel angry cause I no longer feel like I ever deserved better
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autism-corner · 1 month
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they should make a life that is easy
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