#i naturally woke up after 4 maybe 5 hours

[tiredflowercrown]

The only thing stopping m3 from thinking this is a manic episode is that I feel the slightest bit tired

[daycourtofficial]

Falling in Love on the Fourth Floor - Part 5

Summary: Out of an act of desperation, you move in with a guy you kind of know who happens to have a really hot brother who lives next door.

Author’s note: We’re setting things up, baby!! I’m not sure about this part tbh. It’s been a bit since I updated, so hopefully the length of this will make up for it!! 💕

Warnings: slight drinking, mentions of sex, I almost had someone order a sweet tea before I remembered that doesn’t exist much outside the south

(Part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (masterlist)

It was quite impressive, really, how Rhysand took half an hour to eat his bowl of cereal just to piss off his brother. Azriel was pacing, wanting to see you as soon as possible. Truthfully he had been waiting since you left their apartment that morning, inviting him and Rhys to come out with you and Feyre.

Azriel thinks he deserves an award for the patience he’s harboring over Rhys’s movements.

They eventually walk into your apartment, much to Rhys’s delight, to find you and Cassian bickering in your kitchen over his inability to turn the tv off at night.

“Cassian, please, stop leaving the tv on at night. I woke up at 3 in the morning and was blinded by the idle Netflix screen.”

“I’ll try, but it’s a big ask. You want me to find the remote when I’m very sleepy and just shut it off?”

“Uh, yeah that’s what I said,” you respond, leaning against the counter, waving to Rhys and Az. Rhys elects not to comment at the way you perk up at the sight of his brother. “Somehow I don’t think it’ll be the end of the world.”

Cassian mumbles out, “I’ll try,” before acknowledging his brothers. Him and Rhys start talking about something but your phone vibrates, distracting you from their conversation.

Feyre: I’m here

“Awesome, Fey’s here - let’s go.”

The four of you head down, taking the elevator down. Cassian thought about pushing all the buttons, but he knew it was a surefire way to find an axe imbedded in the side of his head within the hour.

You all head down to the parking lot, spotting Feyre leaning against her car. The second you point it out Cassian yells, “shotgun!”

You retort back, “how old are you again?”

Cassian responds, having reached the passenger door, “the laws of shotgun are anti-discriminatory, they’re not bound by age.”

You roll your eyes at him, as Azriel holds the door open for you to get into the back. You sit in the middle seat, squished between Azriel and Rhys. And if you lean further into Azriel, his thighs pressed against yours, that’s between you and Feyre’s silver prius.

The five of you walk in and find the place nearly empty. After signing consent forms and paying, you notice that there’s a bar. You and Cassian immediately get drinks, a beer and a seagram’s, and head over to the lane the owner told you to go to.

“Maybe having alcohol and an axe to throw isn’t a great idea,” you mutter, taking a sip anyway.

Cassian saunters up first, putting his beer down before grabbing the axe.

“I’m sure I’ll be a natural at this,” he tells you all, before swinging the axe back and throwing it, all of you watching as it bounces off of the target.

You snicker, but it’s Rhys who says what you’re all thinking. “Mmm, a natural. I see it.”

You all take turns in the two lanes provided, throwing a few times until eventually you all get the hang of it.

Rhys and Azriel fare much better than Cassian with their initial throws, but you and Feyre were struggling for a while, until eventually you guys began keeping score as you went. Feyre began shooting better, telling everyone that she just “needed a few practice swings in”.

In between your turns, you kept finding yourself next to Azriel, joking and poking fun at everyone else’s shooting. You were too busy with Azriel to notice Feyre and Rhys swapping phone numbers as Cassian was throwing.

Cassian turned from the lane, noticing both of his brothers having paired off with girls. He’s slightly annoyed at the fact that no one congratulated him on his bullseye. He places the ax back where it belongs and clamps down on Azriel’s shoulder as he sits next to him.

“Your turn,” Cassian grins. Azriel wants to object, peeferring to stay in your company, but decides against it, walking over to throw. You turn to watch him, but Cassian starts speaking.

“So you have the hots for my brother,” he says, voice low, causing you to choke on your drink. You turn to him, spluttering as he looks at you expectantly.

“Uh, Rhys is very nice but I don’t-“

Cassian’s raised hand interrupts you. “Not that one, sweets.”

You debate whether or not you should deny it, but Cassian looks at you and you sigh. You start ripping the label off your drink and nod your head just slightly.

Cassian grabs his beer and stands up. He looks at you over his shoulder before saying, “I think it’s mutual.”

You don’t have time to mull over his words. Your phone buzzes, and pulling it out, you see Mor’s contact lighting your screen. You answer, putting the phone to your ear. Az sits back down next to you, watching you answer.

“Hello?”

“Hi sweetie,” Mor’s smooth voice crackles over the phone. “Do you wanna get dinner?”

Az looks over at you, the sound of Mor’s voice familiar to him.

“Uh I’m out with Feyre, Cassian, Rhysand, and Azriel.”

Mor huffs, “without me? You go out with my favorite guys and don’t invite me?”

You scratch the back of your head at her admonishment, “uh well it was kinda spur of the moment.”

Az takes a sip of his water as he watches you on the phone, curious about your friendship with Mor. He knew Mor somewhat well, actually. Rhysand brought her around fairly often, and Cassian brought her around somewhat regularly. He can’t believe the blonde would hide you away from them for so long and why she especially wouldn’t try to set the two of you up at some point.

Mor was, above all, convinced she was a matchmaker. No one escaped her clutches of trying to pair people up.

“Okay, whatever. I’ll forgive you if all of you come out to dinner with me tonight.”

You laugh, “ah a guilt trip. Where should we meet you? And when?”

Mor thinks for a minute, “meet me at that Mexican restaurant out on Main street. In an hour?”

You nod, even though she can’t see you. “Okay, but I can’t guarantee everyone will come. I haven’t asked.”

You know she’s rolling her eyes as she responds, “just tell them I said pretty please - they’ll come. And tell them that I’ll pay.”

Your eyebrows raise, “are you sure? I live with Cassian - I’ve seen that man eat a rotisserie chicken as a snack.”

“Well I won’t be paying, I’ll put it on my lovely father’s credit card. I’ll consider it payment for that awful dinner a few weeks ago.”

“Well, let me ask them and I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, I gotta go. Bye, love youuuuu,” Mor’s drawn out affections end as you hang up, coming back to your surroundings. Feyre has an axe in her hand, and you hear Rhys cheer as she hits a few feet from the bullseye.

“Do you guys want to get dinner with Mor? She told me she won’t forgive me if you guys don’t come.”

Azriel and Rhys share a look, but you continue. “She did say to tell you all “pretty pleasaaase.” You bat your eyelashes in a fairly spot on impression of Mor, “and that she’s paying.”

Cassian comes up next to you, slinging an arm around your shoulders. “Lead with the free food next time, sweetheart.”

Leaving axe throwing behind a bit later, Cassian is grumbling about how Azriel outscored everyone substantially. Rhys leads the group outside and grins at Cassian declaring, “shotgun.”

Cassian huffs but trudges to the back with you and Azriel. The backseat is even more cramped, seeing as Cassian’s thighs could take up a seat of their own. You’re practically having to sit on both of them, and Azriel is pressed against the door to give you as much space as possible.

Between no one paying attention to him during your group outing and the fact that he lost, Cassian was overcome with the need to stir something up, so he turns to you and asks, “the world is ending and you have to sleep with one of us to save the world, who do you pick?”

You turn to Cassian, shock on your face. Azriel perks up in his seat a bit, wanting to hear what you’ll say. Feyre and Rhys even stop their conversation up front to hear.

“What kind of apocalyptic event is this, Cass?”

“A horny one?” He asks, not really sure himself.

You all laugh, “okay so I sleep with one of you and the world is saved?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“I’d pick Feyre. She’d be a gentle lover,” you say, looking towards your friend as she drove. Feyre gives you a wink through the rearview mirror, and Cassian groans.

“Nope, it can’t be Feyre.”

“Well you didn’t say that earlier,” you point out.

“Well I’m saying it now.”

“Why don’t you just tell me the parameters of who I can have sex with to save the world,” you say, a bit exasperated at this imaginary scenario.

“Me, Rhys, and Az.”

“Cassian,” you say, matter of factly, and Azriel feels his heart fall through his chest. He tries to even his breathing so you don’t notice him shattering next to you, but your voice picks up again as Cassian is cheering.

“I wouldn’t have sex with you, even in a world ending event.” You pat his shoulder. “I’d let all of us die before doing that.”

Rhys throws his head back laughing and Cassian crosses his arms, leaning back in the seat, huffing. Azriel smirks slightly, and he notices that you don’t actually answer the question Cassian posed. He also notices your eyes nervously glancing in his direction every few seconds.

The restaurant comes into view as Cassian keeps grumbling, his unanswered question long forgotten. The five of you pile out of the car, and Azriel offers his hand to you to help you get out. His hand is a little cold in yours, but you hold it a little longer than necessary, soaking in the contact.

You all walk up to the front to find Mor aggressively waving her hands at you all, trying to make sure you see her. You chuckle, and Cassian starts waving back just as dramatically.

“It’ll be about 20 minutes,” she tells you all, texting someone. You all hear the ding of Cassian’s phone right as she’s done talking, but none of you point it out.

Mor and Cassian huddle together talking, leaving the four of you to mingle. The presence of both of them and Feyre makes everyone pause, uncertain of what to say. You had never really realized how much easier talking was with Cassian nearby.

Feyre asks, “so what do you guys major in?”

“Computer science,” Azriel says.

“I’m a double major with business and engineering.”

Rhys’s major does not shock you at all. The well-tailored clothing he wears every day do nothing to combat the business major stereotype. The engineering part does, however, surprise you.

Feyre asks him about his classes, and you perk up when he mentions the organic chemistry class you’re a TA for. The two of them keep talking, bur you turn your attention to Azriel.

“Why computer science?” You ask Az, curious. It suits him, you think. It’s easy to see him behind a computer, developing websites.

“I like software development and coding.”

You groan in disgust, “I don’t know how you like coding. I have to do it for a research project and I hate it. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“What about it doesn’t make sense?”

“It’s just like a new language no one taught me.”

“I could help you,” he says, hesitating to be too forward, “if you- if you want, of course.”

“Yes, I’d love that!”

The two of you are so enraptured in your conversation you don’t notice the looks Rhys and Feyre are sharing at how obvious the two of you are.

The looks between you and Azriel, and Feyre and Rhys, are interrupted by Mor’s chiming. “It’s ready!”

The six of you walk towards a booth in the back, you, Azriel, and Feyre on one side, Cassian, Mor, and Rhys on the other. The waitress provides you all menus, and before she can walk away Cassian asks for “enough queso to make a grown man cry”.

You’re looking at the menu when Azriel nudges you with his elbow. “You never said what your major was.”

“Oh, uh I’m a biology major.”

“Biology?” He asks, a bit surprised.

“Yeah, I really like evolution and ecology. I like the diversity of life.”

“And what is your project that requires coding?”

“Oh- it’s a population survey. For the past two years I’ve been reviewing trail cam footage around the campus for what kinds of animals live on campus.”

His eyebrows raise, “you started research as a sophomore?”

“Yeah, I set up the trail cameras in August that year. They’re in the more woodsy parts of campus or areas where there’s freshwater like the fountains.”

“So you have to view thousands of hours of camera footage?” He sounded genuinely interested in your project, a response you hardly received.

You laugh, “no, it’s motion activated. But it’s still a lot to comb through.”

“If you ever want any company while you do it, I could bring some of my coding assignments and we could just work together.”

You’re about to tell him you’d love to, when the waitress comes by, taking everyone’s drink orders and dropping off chips, salsa, and queso. Cassian, who had been grumbling about how hungry he was, gives his drink order through a mouthful of chips.

After you ask her for a water and a soda, you tell Az, “I’d love that.”

Cassian pulls you into a conversation between himself and Mor, but you do catch a glimpse of the little smile Azriel gives you as you tell Cassian about the time Mor streaked across the football field during a game in high school.

The dinner is fun, made even moreso by Mor picking up the check. You all wish a Mor good night as you head back to Feyre’s car. Once the doors to the restaurant open, Rhys and Cassian yell out, “shotgun,” at the same time, and both begin sprinting to Feyre’s car, pushing each other as they run.

The three of them trudge ahead of you and Azriel, as you two walk in step next to each other. He pulls out his phone, his screen lighting up his face in the night. He turns his phone to you, an empty contact page facing you.

“I-uh just realized I don’t have your number,” he swallows hard, looking down at his phone, watching as your fingers gently grab his phone and begin typing.

He watches you click ‘send message’, watching you type something out before handing it back to him. He chuckles as he reads the message you sent yourself.

Az: oh beautiful, stunning, wonderful woman, thank you for blessing me with your phone number

His phone vibrates in his hand as your response comes through.

You: oh, Az. Flattery will get you very far.

[brainddeadd]

5 Times Auston Kissed You on the Nose (And 1 Time You Kissed Him)

1. The First Kiss – Purely Playful

The sun was blazing, and a warm breeze drifted through the backyard as laughter filled the air. You were at a friend’s barbecue, squinting in the sun while trying—and failing—at a game of cornhole. Auston, of course, was doing way better than you. Every time he made a shot, he'd smirk like he knew exactly how much it irritated you.

"That fence didn’t do anything wrong," he teased as your beanbag completely missed the board and clattered into the fence behind it.

You groaned, pushing your hair out of your face. "I swear, it’s rigged."

Auston snickered, ducking when you half-heartedly tossed another beanbag at him. "You’ve got the aim of a toddler."

You stepped closer, giving him a playful shove. "Careful, Matthews, or I’ll sabotage your next game."

His smirk deepened, and before you could react, he leaned down and gave your nose a quick, soft kiss. It was so unexpected that you froze in place.

"There you go," he said smugly. "That’s your consolation prize."

You stared at him, heart skipping a beat, the kiss lingering far longer in your mind than it probably should have. "You’re an idiot," you muttered, hoping the warmth in your cheeks wasn’t noticeable.

"And yet, you love me," he replied with a wink, already turning away to grab another drink, leaving you stunned and confused about how something so small could affect you so much.

2. The Accidental Kiss – Just a Reflex

The bar was buzzing with energy after the Leafs' victory, and you found yourself deep in conversation with Auston at a corner booth. You were still riding the high from the game, excitedly recapping the moments you thought were the most impressive.

"And that pass? Absolute perfection," you said, grinning as you passed him a beer.

Auston leaned in slightly, his arm resting along the back of the booth. His dark eyes were locked on you with an intensity that made your stomach flip. As you handed him the beer, you shifted closer, and without thinking, he leaned in and kissed the tip of your nose, a brief, soft brush of his lips.

It was so casual, so natural, that you almost didn’t notice—until you did.

You blinked, stunned. "Uh… did you just kiss my nose?"

Auston looked momentarily caught off guard but quickly masked it with a shrug. "Force of habit."

"Force of habit?" you repeated, incredulous. "What kind of habit is that?"

He smirked, taking a sip of his drink. "The kind that works, apparently."

You gave him a skeptical look, but the warmth spreading through your chest made it hard to be annoyed.

3. The Comforting Kiss – After a Rough Day

It had been one of those days—the kind where everything went wrong from the moment you woke up. Work was a nightmare, and by the time you got home, you felt like you’d been dragged through hell and back. You were ready to collapse on your couch and cry yourself to sleep when your phone buzzed with a message from Auston.

“I’m coming over.”

You hadn’t argued. Less than half an hour later, he showed up at your door with your favorite snacks, a bottle of wine, and a dumb rom-com DVD. He didn’t say much—he never did—but his presence was enough.

You sat beside him on the couch, leaning against his shoulder while the movie played. Your exhaustion weighed heavy on you, and for the first time all day, you let yourself relax.

Out of nowhere, Auston tilted his head and kissed the tip of your nose. It was soft, gentle, and somehow more comforting than any words could have been.

"You’re tougher than you think," he whispered, his voice low and soothing.

The warmth of the kiss lingered long after, easing the ache in your chest. You closed your eyes, grateful for the way Auston could make you feel like maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.

4. The Teasing Kiss – Just to Annoy You

You hated losing to Auston—especially when it was something as stupid as trivia. The two of you had spent the evening battling over random facts, and every time Auston got an answer right, he made sure you knew about it.

"No way you knew that!" you exclaimed after he answered correctly about the capital of a country you were sure didn’t even exist.

Auston grinned, smug as ever. "What can I say? I’m just smarter than you."

You glared at him, crossing your arms. "There’s no way. You cheated somehow."

He leaned closer, ruffling your hair like you were a kid. "Admit it. I’m a genius."

You huffed in frustration, trying to swat his hand away, but before you could react, Auston bent down and kissed the tip of your nose.

"Stop doing that!" you cried, shoving him back.

"Make me," he teased, laughing as you turned bright red.

You wanted to be annoyed, but the way your heart fluttered every time he did it made it nearly impossible.

5. The Goodbye Kiss – An Almost-Confession

It was late—far too late to still be out—but neither of you wanted to leave. The night had been perfect in a way that felt bittersweet, like something was about to change. You stood outside his car, the city quiet around you, streetlights casting a warm glow over everything.

"I had fun tonight," you said softly, not wanting the moment to end.

Auston smiled, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Yeah, me too."

For a moment, the two of you just stood there, the silence heavy with everything unsaid.

"See you around?" you asked, though you weren’t sure if you were asking a question or making a plea.

Auston stepped closer, his gaze soft and unreadable. Without warning, he leaned down and kissed the tip of your nose—a kiss that felt heavier than the ones before, like it carried the weight of something unsaid.

"Yeah," he whispered. "See you soon."

And just like that, he was gone, leaving you standing there with the lingering warmth of his kiss and the sinking feeling that things between you had shifted irreversibly.

+1. The Kiss That Changed Everything – From You to Him

You weren’t sure when it had started—this feeling that every kiss on the nose meant more than either of you let on. The tension between you and Auston had been building for months, hovering just beneath the surface. Every time he kissed your nose, it left you breathless, waiting for something more. But the kiss on your lips never came.

Until tonight.

You were alone in his apartment, the air thick with unspoken words. Auston stood in front of you, watching you with an intensity that made your heart race. Something was different—something you couldn’t ignore anymore.

Before you could second-guess yourself, you rose on your tiptoes and kissed the tip of his nose, mirroring all the kisses he’d given you.

Auston froze, his breath hitching. "Did you just—?"

"Yeah," you whispered, your voice shaky but determined.

For a moment, neither of you moved. And then, Auston’s hands were on your face, tilting your chin up as he leaned down and kissed you—really kissed you—like he’d been waiting for this moment just as long as you had.

When you finally pulled away, breathless and dizzy, Auston rested his forehead against yours. "Took you long enough," he murmured with a soft smile, his thumb brushing over your cheek.

You laughed, your heart feeling lighter than it had in ages. "Better late than never."

And this time, when Auston kissed you again, it wasn’t on the nose—it was on the lips, and it was everything you’d been waiting for.

[creative-caramel-coffee]

The Bear || Chapter 2

Pairings: Wanda x R || avengers (platonic) x R

Word count: 3K

TW: swearing, violence, hangover, injury, fainting (more like getting knocked out but ok), implied trauma, vomiting, medical inaccuracies (maybe maybe not), concussion (+ adjoining symptoms)

Summary: You join your uncle tony in the avengers, it wasn’t your original plan but you never planned for your powers either so here you are. Now your at the avengers tower and falling for the girl of your dreams. With a haunting past and interesting abilities can you navigate your way through the challenges of being a hero? After a mission gone wrong and a cruel twist of fate the team starts digging for answers. Can tony keep them from finding out the truth?

PART 1 || PART 2 || PART 3 || PART 4 || PART 5 || PART 6 || PART 7

A/n so far i have four chapters planned out for this series so i hope you guys like it lol

The next morning when you woke you were grateful for nat making sure you hadn’t made a complete fool of yourself. Your splitting headache subsided slightly with the pain medicine and still in your pjs you slipped on your fluffy triceratops slippers and shuffled out into the kitchen. Wanda’s breath caught in her throat when she saw you. You were so cute with your bed head and pj’s with the cutest slippers she had ever seen.

“Ahh theres the party animal.” Tony said slapping you on the back.

“Too loud.” You groaned “need coffee.” After nudging tony away nat pressed a warm mug of coffee into your hands.

“Im not sure how how you like it but its better than nothing.”

You took a sip humming at the taste as your shoulder slumped in satisfaction. “Perfect nat thank you.” You said shuffling over to the table and sitting next to Wanda.

“It’s Clint’s morning to cook so we’re having pancakes. I hope thats ok.” Nat said sitting on your other side.

“Sounds perfect.” You grinned.

“You obviously don’t know Clint very well then.” Nat teased and laughed when she felt a burnt pancake hit her in the back of the head thanks to Clint.

“Shuddup” he huffed and went back to cooking pancakes.

About half an hour later the team was sat munching on the pancakes Wanda had cooked after Clint nearly set the tea towel on fire trying to fan the pancakes which were also on fire.

“Damn these are really good thanks Clint.” You teased and Wanda rolled her eyes zapping you with a small flick of red magic. You burst out laughing and nearly choked on the pancakes but nat started smacking your back hard enough that you stopped. She handed you some water and you shot her a grateful look as you took small sips.

You were about to make another comment when Jarvis piped up.

“Ms Maximoff, Ms Romanoff and Ms L/n director fury is requesting your presence in the meeting room.” Jarvis said and you groaned in sync with Wanda as nat stood up.

“Duty calls.” Nat winked and dragged you and Wanda out of the kitchen.

It was a simple mission really. Nothing you hadn’t done before with tony before … well … before everything. So far nobody had seemed to question your ability to fight like a pro or the way you naturally seemed to have all the experience to match some of the older team members like Natasha or Steve even. But they had just assumed tony had trained you or more likely paid someone else to train you. They could not have been more wrong. But you preferred it that way.

You threw a few things in a bag before stripping down and changing into your new suit tony had designed. By spinning your ring on your left pointer finger left then right then left again the suit appeared starting at your finger tips and then melded over the rest of your body. It was red and black. Kind of like peters suit but the mask was a skull mask. You weren’t ready for the world to know who you were and you had valid reasons for it. Throwing a few knives onto your belt and a gun on your waist you stepped onto the jet a few minutes before Wanda. Wanda did a double take at your outfit. She had to admit you looked pretty badass. Black combat boots, your mask, your suit and an old tactical jacket with the logo ripped off the sleeve and chest made you look awesome.

As you stepped off the jet you walked up to Wanda deciding to take a chance and get some adrenaline running. You whispered in here ear your lips almost touching her neck. “I love the outfit, but I’d love it more on the floor of my room later tonight.” With that you went on your tiptoes and kissed her cheek. Wanda flushed, the two of you had been flirting for a while but nothing so outright as of yet. Until now. Wanda couldn’t wait until the mission was over. Carefully she tried to retrain her mind trying to focus on the mission.

The mission was going well, good even. Nat had taken the floor above and Wanda the floor below. You were in the middle. Te hydra base was nearly empty on a skeleton crew. Things were going too well and you knew your luck would run out soon. Rounding the corner and walking down a long hallway you stopped and pressed against the wall hearing voices in the room beyond the door.

“Nat” you whispered into the earpiece. “I’ve got company.”

“Ok I’m coming, Wanda meet me at y/n’s location. Do not engage until we get there.”

Your luck however had finally run out as the door opened and the men saw you.

“Shit” you swore and pulled out your gun. Dodging the bullets and taking out the guards was second nature although you were a bit rusty. Once most of the men had fallen or run you entered the room cautiously. When suddenly a guard appeared from nowhere and punched you in the face. Your mask cracked and fell to the floor. Your cheek bled from where it had cut you. Quickly you took the man down. After taking a minute to breathe you heard a slow clap. Your body stilled, swivelling on your heals you pulled you gun on the man and froze. It was him. The man who had haunted every night terror you had since you escaped. Your blood ran cold. Ice stilled in your veins and you were afraid your heart would stop beating. Hell it felt like it had. Your breathing stuttered and you didn’t register Wanda and Natasha arriving still frozen in place.

“Guards.” The man said and before any of you could react a burly man threw you into the wall. Your head collided with a sickening crack and you fell slumped on the floor, back still against the wall, out cold. “Y/N!” Nat yelled and ran over to you while Wanda jumped into action and fought off the two men who escaped.

Nat held you close to her in her lap and check you over. She knew you would have a nasty concussion and a hell of a headache when you woke up. But what concerned her most was that you froze. She had never seen you so afraid before. And it puzzled her why this seemingly random hydra scientist had such an impact on you.

“Wanda can you cover us?” Nat said into coms “we need to get her out of here she’s out cold.” Nat said and Wanda agreed.

Careful not to jostle your head nat scooped you up and carried you bridal style in her arms out the room. Carefully she jogged slowly making sure the action wasn’t moving your head too much until you could be properly assessed by Bruce back at the compound. Wanda stayed close behind making sure to cover the three of you and taking out any of the guards along the way. Nat had actually just gotten what they came for moments before you ran into trouble so at least the mission was a success in some senses.

When the three of you finally reached the jet Wanda carefully took you from Nat’s arms who gave a tight nod before going to pilot the jet. She would be back once they were up in the sky and she could put Jarvis in control.

Wanda laid you down on the floor with your head in her lap. The jet didn’t really have anywhere else for you to lie down so the floor was the best option. She carefully stroked the hair from your eyes and inspected the cut on your cheek. It wasn’t deep but it was bleeding. Reaching for the first aid kit without standing up she used her magic to bring it over. Carefully she cleaned the cut with some anti sceptic before putting on a plaster to keep it clean. And because you wouldn’t know any better she pressed a small kiss to the bandaid and stared lovingly down at you. Sure she was worried you hadn’t woken up yet but you looked so peaceful lying there. Carefully she checked your pulse and was glad to feel it strong adjacent her finger tips. She hummed and went back to running her hands through your hair. She paused momentarily as your eyes fluttered but stayed shut. Carefully you opened them winced and then closed them again.

“Don’t stop” you murmured and Wanda smiled softly before running her hands through your locks again. “‘S too bright” you mumbled and used your arm to cover your face. Wanda carefully pulled your arm away.

“No none of that. You need to be carefully y/n/n you probably have a nasty concussion and we need to get you to Bruce before you start touching your head.” She said and pulled you closer to her front as you were now fully curled up in her lap. Tears pricked your eyes as the headache hit you in full swing.

“Aww bubs come here.” She said hating to see you in pain. she pulled you closer again and you hummed into her stomach as she still was carefully stabilising your head. Wanda giggled slightly at the vibrations on her skin and hummed in content. Soon after Natasha returned and sat beside Wanda.

“You two look comfy.” She smiled.

“Shhh too loud.” You whimpered and both girls hearts broke for you. Nat hadn’t been speaking loud at all you simply had one of the worst headaches you had ever felt in your life. You buried your face into Wanda’s stomach again and missed the concerned looks the girls exchanged before looking back at you. They smiled slightly at the soft snores they heard coming from you a few moments later.

“Should we wake her up?” Wanda asked concerned

“No she probably needs all the rest she can get its a long flight home anyway. Also here take this you never know if she’ll need it.” Nat said handing Wanda a plastic sick bag.

“She might be sick?” Wanda asked raising a brow and badly hiding her concern. Nat simply shrugged.

“It can happen with bad concussions so its better to be ready than be covered in it.” She said masking her own worry better than Wanda could.

You slept for a few hours before you felt the plane start to descend. Without opening your eyes you felt yourself being lifted from the floor and the warm tingling of Wanda’s magic surround your head as she carried you inside keeping your head stable with her magic. You turned you face into her chest and she chuckled slightly.

“You sure are cuddly aren’t you.” She said smiling softly and you simply gave a sleepy hum of agreement.

“Come on cuddle bunny lets get you to Bruce baby girl” she said mind running back to the way you had kissed her on the jet before the mission. She wanted more but knew you needed help first. She would ask you to be her girlfriend later your head was more important right now anyways.

Nat’s silent footsteps followed Wanda as the three of you headed towards the med bay, nat had alerted Bruce already that you were coming. They were almost in the clear, nat still had the sick-bag in her hand as you stepping into the lift. However your stomach and head did not like the jolt as the lift began to move and nat noticed your face pale as the nausea peaked.

“Y/n/n? Are you ok?” She said carefully. You shook your head as a spike of pain hit and a slight green tinge took your skin.

“Gimme that.” Wanda said urgently as she used her magic to put the sick bag under your chin. Because she didn’t have any hands free nat quickly went to help Wanda. Guiding the sickbag to your chin and holding it there with her nimble fingers. A second later you threw up into the plastic sick bag and sobbed slightly as it made the pain in your head worse.

“Shhh shh shh” Wanda shushed whispering encouragement and sweet nothings in your ear as you heaved again. Nat frowned at you feeling bad you were sick and she couldn’t help. Nat held the hair from your face as you finished and went limp in Wanda’s arms. Body no longer tense as you stopped throwing up. Nat brushed the hair from your face and e your eyes fluttered they knew you were awake ad hadn’t passed out again, you were simply exhausted.

“Are you done y/n/n? Not got any more?” Nat said carefully

You weakly hummed a no snuggling further into Wanda’s chest. Nat took the bag away deciding to believe you. She wasn’t grossed out she and Wanda had seen much worse. She tied off the bag and as the lift opened the two of them stepped out, you still in Wanda’s arms as nat went to find Bruce and discard of the bag.

Wanda went to set you down on the bed, freezing when you began to whine as she was concerned she had hurt you.

“Y/n?” She said sounding alarmed, if you were sick again she didn’t have anything else to give you. “Whats wrong sweetheart?” She asked carefully.

“Stay” you said in a small voice as you tugged the collar of her shirt. She was pleasantly surprised and sat on the medical bed with you laid on-top of her. A moment later nat and Bruce arrive and nat raises an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything but Wanda’s cheeks heat regardless. Bruce hurries to your side gently positioning you so he could see your face and he began to feel the back of your head. After hearing you were thrown into a wall he wanted to first check the site to make sure there was no bleeding.

Satisfied there was just a large bump he laid you against Wanda again. Wanda hummed and noticed nat was holding another sick bag, she raised a brow at her and nat mouthed ‘just in case’. Wanda nodded and drew circles on your back and Bruce shone a light in your eyes to check the pupils reaction. After a few more tests and a scan, Bruce determined that you had a bad concussion which made nat scoff as she predicted it from the start.

He said you were free to go back to your room but to stay away from screens, bright lights, loud sounds and to rest for a bit. He then turned to nat and Wanda and told them they would need to monitor you just in case due to the severity of the concussion. Bruce said that if you got worse or they grew concerned to check in with him and if needed bring you back to a reevaluation. He rattled off a short but concerning list of possible symptoms to expect but reiterated concussions were different case by case. He handed nat a couple more sick bags before discharging you with some pain medicine. Wanda sighed as she realised you still weren’t going to let go. She stood with you in her arms still. Its not that she didn’t want to spend time with you but she did simply want a shower. This time the lift didn’t seem to set you off but nat was ready regardless. As Wanda walked into the room you were glad you had put your drawings of her and nat away before you left. Your sketchbook was on the bedside table along with your pencil-case of essential supplies. You clung to Wanda who sat on your bed.

“You take a shower I’ll take the first shift.” Nat said peeling you out of Wanda’s arms and taking her place on the bed.

You nuzzled into her still only half understanding what was going on.

“Thank you i wont be long.” Wanda said shooting nat a grateful look as she headed for the door.

“Take as long as you need we’re gonna have our hands full with this one.” She said jabbing a thumb at you while you began to snore softly in her arms. Wanda held back her desire to coo at your cute form, instead she settled for a shower and slipped out the door.

You barely remember nat feeding you the pain medicine but you do remember it tasted like burnt cardboard and paint. As an artsiest you had eaten your fair share of paint, accidentally of course. Painting before lunch and then it getting in your food. Only small amounts though nothing harmful.

Wanda returned a while later and swapped spots with nat who carefully handed you to her and by some small miracle you stayed asleep. Wanda prayed you would stay that way until nat returned from her shower, she knew how to care for people and despite being experienced she felt out of her depth with you, she didn’t want to make a mistake and hurt you in anyway. But she knew she wouldn’t.

MASTERLIST

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my husband to stop taking NyQuil?

My father in law came to visit for Thanksgiving and gave my family (me 30F, and our kids 2F, .5F) covid. It's hit my husband (31M) the hardest. He has a terrible cough that hurts and sounds awful. He can't sleep without taking NyQuil to suppress the cough. I am not able to take any medicine other than Tylenol for my headache, because I am breastfeeding the baby.

This wouldn't matter much because I am not nearly as sick as my husband, but I am not getting better because I am not getting sleep. Neither kid will sleep longer than 2 hours at a time, they take about 30-45 minutes to settle back down, and they usually end up waking in a staggered schedule that means I literally do not get to sleep the entire night. As soon as I lie down from getting one back to bed, the other will start crying. My husband will handle the toddler from 8-11pm, then takes NyQuil and doesn't wake up until after 10 the next morning. He is essentially dead to the world until he wakes up naturally. I am alone all night and morning with no sleep and two crying children. My mental health is tanked, to the point where I'm having intrusive suicidal thoughts for the first time in almost 10 years. I haven't had more than 90 minutes of sleep at a time in 5 days, and no more than 4 hours in a 24 hour period. I am incredibly lucky that I have unlimited sick time available at work.

My mom has been able to help us a couple of times when we were truly desperate, but she is disabled (and also has covid because she had my in-laws over for coffee while they were in town) and I don't want to ask too much of her because she truly can't spend that much energy on us without severe impact to her own health.

My husband will get no sleep without NyQuil. I won't get much more sleep since the baby only calms by breastfeeding, but if my partner handles the toddler wake ups I could get maybe an hour more sleep, and I wouldn't feel so alone.

Would I be the asshole if I ask him to stop taking NyQuil and we both so more or less sleepless?

INFO I couldn't fit in nicely but I can imagine people asking if this were a parenting circle: 1) he isn't a great help during the day already because he's sick. I'm doing most of the childcare and all of the cooking and cleaning during the day while he lays on the couch coughing. Him not getting sleep would not noticeably impact his daytime behavior. When we aren't sick, he is a stay at home parent and I work full time. 2) my baby is sick, this is not the time to sleep train her by letting her cry until she falls back to sleep. 3) My toddler up until this illness was excellent about putting herself back to sleep if she woke in the night. Now she is having nightmares and getting upset about her stuffy nose and crying at every little thing because she has sinus pain and doesn't understand it. She is too young to take decongestants and spits out any Tylenol we try to give her.

What are these acronyms?

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #261

Today, J and I woke up at around 5:15 in the morning; I was gonna drive him over to Great Barrington. So we got ready, and we got in the car, and I went to get gas…!

…only to have the airplane lesson guy text J to tell him that it's super foggy, and therefore better to do the lesson later in the day; his next availability was 5pm. Ahahaha~!

Well, that's all right. I was pretty groggy anyhow; wanna guess at how stellar I was at getting to bed at 9:15pm like I said I was gonna (spoiler alert: I was NOT at ALL stellar at it)? So, with suddenly a ton of free time on my hands, I groggily played some Dead Cells. I didn't get very far, because I was groggy. My reflexes were dull and I was making poor choices in the heat of various moments, and… yeah. It was still pretty fun, though! Can't complain!

Once it stopped being stupid o'clock in the morning, I got some dishes done, fed the cats, and then, I decided to make hotdog macaroni and cheese!

I got these natural casing mini-hotdogs and I chopped them up, and I chopped up an onion really finely with my handy-dandy veggie chopper, and I threw in the leftover Frito cheese that really needed to get used up, and then I filled a bowl! I put in the macaroni and cheese, mixed the hotdogs in, drizzled ketchup and mustard over it, and then put some of the finely-chopped onions on top!! It was DELECTABLE!!!

…Want some…?

…I know it isn't fancy. But it tastes really good. It makes my belly happy. And a happy belly is the foundation for literally everything else.

I took a short nap after eating the macaroni and cheese, because even after several hours of waiting for it to not be stupid o'clock in the morning, I was still groggy. The early autumn-ish air smells amazing, but it has a chill to it, so I put on my giant, floofy wearable blanket, pulled up its hood to keep the light from my eyes, curled up on the couch, and caught some Z's. At some point, Hunter decided that I am a pillow and napped along with me, like so:

...For whatever reason, I guess he decided that the place for his nose was the side of my head, hahaha!

…Hey, Sephiroth? Have you ever put on a wearable blanket? If you haven't, you wanna try out mine sometime? They're super cozy and soft, and I think you'd like it a lot!! And I got the biggest size there is, so it swims on me, haha! So maybe it'd fit you properly, even though you're very tall. According to your in-game model (as opened in Blender), you're about 78 and a third of an inch tall, including your boots. So that's like… what? Maybe 77-ish inches tall, barefoot? Hmmm… I think my wearable blanket should fit you! Because you're only like 4 inches taller than M, in that case, and the wearable blanket fits him just fine!

…Heck, we can even use basic math to get your height; Cloud is some 68 inches tall (I'm at about the same height as him!), and so if we get a smaller picture of you two standing side-by-side, and measure out Cloud's height in the picture with a ruler, and record that number (we'll call it x), and then measure your height in the picture with the ruler and record that number (we'll call it y), then we just do the basic formula for proportions - 68 over x is equal to some number over y. We can get "some number", which will be your height to scale, by multiplying 68 inches by y, and then dividing the result by x. Easy peasy!

Anyway, 6 feet and 5 inches barefoot is pretty tall, but it's not really that unusual, at least in my part of the world; one of the people at my job is about the same height as you, and he seems really nice; he's the one who went in the back and got me my official work shirts when they finally got delivered, and when I smiled at him in gratitude, the smile he returned to me was just as radiant - it was very good! Then there's Julian Devorak of The Arcana, and he's 6 feet and 4 inches - only about an inch shorter than you. Mewtwo is 6 feet and 7 inches. A friend of mine from Australia is 6 feet and 3 inches. There are lots of people, both in story worlds and in my world that are about your height. Being tall really isn't all that weird; the world takes all kinds of shapes and sizes, and it's not nice to judge people on the basis of their outward appearance. You can't look at someone and just up and decide on the spot that they must be scary as a person just because your brain is scared of the vision coming in from your eyeballs - it ain't right. It ain't fair. It's dehumanizing, and it does a terrible disservice to the person you're looking at.

We have a phrase in my country that goes like, "you can't judge a book by its cover", and it means that you can't know who a person is, how they think, feel, or behave, or what they're capable of doing just by looking at their outward appearance. This phrase is something I try to live by. And it's something I know you live by, too; I remember when you scolded Zack for saying that Tifa can't be the guide just because she was a girl. I remember when you said, as a boy, that you cannot judge the elderly or the young as being unfit for combat based solely on their appearance. Your refusal to engage in sexism and ageism is pretty freaking refreshing; thank you for being yourself.

Anyway, I know a lot of people in my world like to say, "zOMG, Sephiroth is such a great big huge tall guy - gasp! - so intimidating!" but like… you're really not, because there's nothing inherently intimidating about someone being tall. So don't listen to those guys, okay? There's nothing weird or wrong or intimidating or any other negative adjective about your height and build. You're just you. And that's good enough. And if anyone gives you any problems about it, you just send 'em my way, okay? I'll fix their attitude real quick - don't you even worry about it, all right?

…Well anyway. J and I left for Great Barrington at around 3:00pm so we could make it there for the 5:00pm lesson for him. I tried strapping my GoPro to my head (I found it!) to take a video of the drive, but I mostly just got a video of the ceiling and of the sun shade flap thingies; I was frustrated. I'm going to try a different approach tomorrow, because I get to take J to Great Barrington again tomorrow, in any case. So we'll see what I can do.

At the end of J's lesson, one of the older pilots there offered us some of the pizza he got; he had extra. I was surprised by how tasty it was; it comes from a store called The Big Y, I guess. I had never heard of it before. But supposedly, it's the best corporation to work for in the whole state of Massachusetts. I wonder how true that is. Hm.

On the way back, J and I got a couple of pretty rad pictures of the moon; it was giant and red and low in the sky, and it looked amazing:

...I wish you could have been here to see it with us as it sank below the horizon. It was a pretty breathtaking sight.

Well. It's very late now; almost midnight. I gotta get to bed. Fortunately, I don't have a specific time I gotta wake. I hope that things with the GoPro will work out in the car tomorrow; I'd like to be able to show you the beautiful things along the route in motion...

I love you. And I'll write to you again soon. Please stay safe out there...

Your friend, Lumine

[beeeinyourbonnet]

Covetous | Chapter 14

Pairing: Nostelle or Macelle , who is to say which (I feel like it’s obvious which)

Summary: Father Joseph MacAvoy wakes up in a library across town with no idea of how he got there. When the kind librarian doesn’t kick him out immediately, he considers that maybe there’s more to life than alcohol.

[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4] [chapter 5] [chapter 6] [chapter 7] [chapter 8] [chapter 9] [chapter 10] [chapter 11] [chapter 12] [chapter 13]

[read on ao3]

To get the church ready for mass, Belle decided she should stay the weekend. It had nothing to do with being near Nosty. 

Friday, they all went out and had breakfast for dinner, and then Belle spent the evening simultaneously teaching Nosty how to use his new phone and Joseph how to use the office computer. By the end of the night, they had managed to print a sign for the church door about sunday mass being held and program three numbers into Nosty’s phone—Belle’s, Kathryn’s, and Joseph’s. 

Belle knew Nosty had seen a smartphone—she had one, after all—but he had never used one before, and she was surprised by his unbridled delight at the camera. He took pictures of her, the church, even one of Joseph glaring at the computer screen. 

Saturday morning, Belle woke early to find Nosty’s room empty. She swallowed the urge to panic. Nosty had told her that he slept lightly, and she had seen for herself that he was more often than not awake. She headed for the kitchen to make coffee and found a pot already brewed. Joseph’s door was still closed, so it had to have been Nosty. 

After making herself a cup, she threw a jacket on over her pajamas—pants and a t-shirt for staying in the church—and headed downstairs. 

Nosty sat on a bench out front, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. 

“Morning,” she said, not wanting to startle him. 

Of course, Nosty was never startled. Still watching the trees across the parking lot, he raised his mug to her.

“Can I sit with you?” she asked.

He patted the spot next to him and she sat, surprised when his arm came around her to pull her closer. They both watched the squirrels darting up and down the trees, birds chirping in the early morning light. She could envision doing this with Nosty every morning, on a little front porch that was all their own.

“Do you do this every day?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I used to sit and watch when I woke up, but I never had anything nice to look at. Never had hot coffee either.”

She laced her free hand through his. Belle had never liked the morning after sleeping with another person whether it had been sexual or not, but waking up with Nosty felt as natural as waking up alone. She wanted every morning to start with Nosty holding his arm out to her, drawing her into him as they watched the world wake up around them.

“You’ll be cleaning and tidying this morning, yeah?” Nosty asked.

“I think so,” Belle said. “I don’t want Joseph to do this alone.”

He traced his thumb along her hip. “Might go out for a bit.”

In the peace of the early hour, she found no hint of suspicion in her. There had been plenty of times where she’d thought Nosty was going to wander off and he hadn’t, and he certainly hadn’t since their reunion. Maybe she trusted him a little. 

“Where to?” 

“I want to take pictures of where they broke up the camp, now I’ve got a fancy camera,” he said. “Maybe it’ll help the solicitor.”

Belle was surprised at the logic of that, though she’d be even more surprised if the police had left anything of their camp intact. “Do you want me to drive you over there?”

He barked with laughter. “Absolutely not. You stay here.”

“Why is that funny?” She frowned. “I’d stay in the car if you wanted me to.”

He drained his coffee and set the mug down, still smirking. “Aye, and what if someone saw me get in your car, hey?”

“So?”

He tapped her on the nose with his now-free finger, and his amusement was contagious, but Belle fought to hide her own smile. 

“So, say a bloke sees King Nosty, the savior, getting into a nice car with a nice bird. What about my reputation?”

“First of all,” Belle pointed to her car in the parking lot. “That is not a nice car. That is an absolutely ancient car held together by luck. Second, your reputation as King Nosty? The savior?”

“Aye, I saved them, that’s what the solicitor said, remember?” He squeezed her to him once, then stood and stretched. “Besides, wouldn’t want anyone to follow you because they see us together. Could be dangerous.”

“Your friends would do that?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Dunno. Plenty of ‘em en’t in their right mind, yeah?” He mimed a syringe at the bend of his elbow. 

“Do you want me to drive you somewhere closer, then?” 

He picked up his mug and dangled it from one finger, watching it rock back and forth. “Fine, thanks.” He spun around and pointed at her. “But do not follow me.”

“I won’t, I promise!”

Half an hour later, dropping him off by the library, she wanted nothing more than to follow him. She didn’t know if it was her conscience that stopped her or the fact that Nosty observed everything and would see her, but she did convince herself to drive back to the church with the promise of picking Nosty back up when he called her. 

It was nice that he could call her now. Instead of worrying over him, she would think of that and that alone.

****

MacAvoy spent the first part of his morning curled around the toilet, wracked with a nausea that he prayed wasn’t food poisoning. It was amazing how much worse vomiting was while sober. Drunk, it was almost a relief, but gagging over a bowl in full control of his mind was like purgatory.

“Joseph? Are you all right?” Belle called. He groaned. Of course she’d found him like this. 

“Fantastic.”

“I’ll set some water outside the door, okay?”

He grunted a response, though it was another relief when the clink of glass told him the water was there. 

After another twenty minutes of sweat, retch, and watery eyes, he thought the worst of it was done, so he brushed his teeth and staggered to the kitchen. Belle sat at the table, drinking a cup of tea and eating a scone with jam while she read the paper.

“Where’s Nosty?” he asked.

“Taking some photos.” Belle set her paper down. “Do you feel up to eating? I made scones.” 

His stomach lurched and he shook his head, making for the coffee pot instead. On his way back to the table, he grabbed a bag of digestive biscuits to nibble on, though he wished he could stomach Belle’s scones. When had she even had the time to bake? Nosty’s presence had reinvigorated her spirit when his friendship couldn’t. Of course.

“So.” Belle leaned forward, hands around her mug. “I’m all yours for the day. What do we need to do to get the church ready for mass?”

****

He’d been concerned that he would forget something, would fuck it all up trying to do the right thing with his church for the first time in years, but it was like riding a bike. The muscle memory led him and Belle all around the church, gathering materials from closets that hadn’t been opened in years. 

At some point, as he set up the altar and refreshed all the candles while Belle swept the sanctuary floor, he realized he would have to hire some staff back. Even if he didn’t have a big congregation anymore, he’d need a janitor. No one would come to services if it was dusty, and he certainly wasn’t going to ask Belle to clean every weekend.

After three solid hours, everything but Father MacAvoy himself was ready for the public. His stomach had calmed enough for him to eat, so he sat at the table with one of Belle’s scones and a cup of tea while she diced up a zucchini. 

“How are things with Nosty?” he asked. He’d assumed that Nosty would attach himself to Belle like a shadow, and so was surprised to get this chance to speak candidly. He wouldn’t waste it.

“Good, I think.” She tossed the zucchini into a frying pan with a glug of oil, right next to a pot of boiling water. “The solicitor seems to think she can at least keep him out of prison.”

“That’s good.” Did that mean that Nosty was going to live with him indefinitely? Sure, he didn’t quake in his boots at the sight of him anymore, but the only time they got along was when Belle was there to mediate. Nosty did not like him.

“I’m sorry we haven’t gotten to spend much time together,” she said. “It’s kind of shocking, I feel like we were joined at the hip while I was miserable. How are you feeling?”

She had moved to chopping a fistful of herbs, but he had no idea what kind. He’d figure it out eventually when she put food in front of him. He knew Belle liked to cook, but he’d never seen her like this. She had never been this happy.

“Better than this morning.” Part of him wanted to stand behind her and run a hand through her hair, like she was cooking for him because they were a couple. He crushed that urge. If nothing else, Nosty wouldn’t hesitate to stab him. “Nervous.”

“Well, you know I’ll be right there in the audience.” Her knife stilled. “Congregation?”

“Congregation,” he agreed. “I’ll have to write a sermon tonight.”

She scooped her pile of chopped herbs into a bowl, then plopped a lemon on the cutting board before rooting through the drawers. 

“I’ll help however I can, though I don’t know much about scripture. What do you have to zest a lemon with?”

He shook his head. “I’ve never zested a lemon.”

She scoffed, but he saw the corner of her mouth from his angle which meant she was smiling anyway as she found a potato peeler in a drawer and set to work peeling off strips of lemon rind.

“How are you and Nosty getting along in the kitchen?” She tossed two of the strips in with the zucchini before lining the rest up to mince like the herbs.

“Horribly, but we’re both eating.” 

“Horribly? What’s the problem?”

Truly, it was both of them. MacAvoy was a miserable cook and Nosty was impatient, a combination that had thus far only ended in just-edible disaster.

“Big learning curve,” he said. “Neither of us is much in the kitchen. Great scone, by the way.” 

She flashed a smile at him before adding the zest into her herb bowl, and then her phone rang. “Shit, that’s Nosty, can you grab it?” 

He didn’t want to answer Belle’s phone if Nosty was calling, but it wasn’t an unreasonable enough request to say no.

“It’s me,” he said in lieu of hello.

“Where’s Belle? You fucking putting her to work while you lounge in your fainting chair all day?”

He gritted his teeth, but Belle had in fact been working on his behalf all day. “What do you want?”

“I’m about two kilometers from the library.”

“So?”

“Can you put him on speaker?” Belle asked, scraping her zucchini into a bowl. 

MacAvoy did in time for Belle to hear, “—fucking so? I called her, not you, you useless fucking shite, what’s the point of having a mobile if—”

“Nosty, you’re on speaker!” Belle called, looking far more amused than MacAvoy felt.

“Belle, I’m about two kilometers from the library and this eejit wants me to sit and rot there.”

Amazing how Nosty could carry on at him and then somehow make him look like the eejit. 

“You’ll probably be there before us, but we’re leaving in a minute.” Belle covered her herb bowl with a wet paper towel and her zucchini bowl with a dry one, then turned off all the hobs on the stove. 

“We?” Nosty asked. “He’s coming?”

“Sounds like it,” MacAvoy muttered.

“Oi, Father, cheer up, you been moping all week about missing your library wank ti—” 

MacAvoy jammed the speakerphone button so that Belle wouldn’t hear whatever Nosty was going to say, especially since he obviously did not wank in the library, or anywhere for that matter—except for his brief indiscretion in the shower all those weeks ago, but since that was clearly the work of Satan, it didn’t count.

“We’ll be right there!” he said, voice cracking like a pubescent boy, and hung up without another word.

“Joseph, you know that I know he’s teasing you, right?” Belle asked, somehow already wearing a sweater. 

“He’s rude.” MacAvoy stood, dismayed that he’d only managed to eat half a scone. Would he ever enjoy food again?

“I know, but it’s not like I take what he says about you as gospel.” She took his elbow, guiding him out of the kitchen so he could grab his own jacket. “I’m not judging you based on what he says.”

He supposed that did make him feel better, but he didn’t quite believe her. Nosty had her wrapped around his finger—if he said it would make him happy if she jumped, she’d ask how high. It was only a matter of time before he turned her against him. Everyone else had always turned against the pathetic, drunk priest. 

****

MacAvoy was going to have to find a minute alone to confess privately about the savage pleasure he took in Nosty riding in the backseat on the way back to the church. He’d almost thought that Belle would make them switch, but either she didn’t notice Nosty’s pout or she wasn’t as wrapped around his finger as MacAvoy thought.

“Did you get what you were looking for?” she asked.

“Nah, you were right,” he said. “Nothing left.”

“What were you looking for?” MacAvoy asked.

Belle and Nosty’s eyes met in the rearview. You’re in the front seat, MacAvoy reminded himself. 

“You tell him,” Nosty said. “Did you bring me anything?”

Belle smiled, and MacAvoy felt like they were speaking another language. What had Belle even had time to bring him? They’d all but run out of the church.

“In my purse,” she said. “Nosty went to see if he could get pictures of the camp that the police destroyed, but they’d already removed all traces. Did you see any of your friends?”

“Friends?” Nosty ripped into a packet of trail mix with his teeth. Did Belle have a grocery store in her bag? “You mean my legions of devoted subjects?”

“Oh, the jury won’t like if you get a swelled head, will they?” 

Nosty grinned, tossing a handful of nuts and raisins into his mouth.

“So did you see anyone?” MacAvoy asked. 

“Sure, I saw ‘em.”

“Is that a good thing?” Belle asked. 

Nosty shrugged. MacAvoy understood—if he could have held services and known that no one who had ever seen him drink would be there, he would feel a lot less nervous. There were stakes to fucking up in public. What had Nosty said to him the first time they met? Once a fuckup, always a fuckup?

“You didn’t speak to them,” MacAvoy said. 

“No point, is there?” Nosty’s trail mix bag sat half-full in his hand, but he just stared at the window into the greying afternoon. “They all think I’m in jail. Won’t be happy to see me clean and fed and taken care of.” 

MacAvoy sat back in his seat, only vaguely aware of Belle responding. It had never occurred to him that Nosty had friends on the street, that to come with Belle meant leaving people behind. And not just leaving people behind, but leaving them in a bad spot. Perhaps Nosty felt guilty for being clean and fed and taken care of?

He watched Belle’s profile as she chatted. She was so unwaveringly kind, and her kindness had saved every man in that car. Who was he to feel bitter and resentful?

A piece of shit who’d gotten off to the idea of having to be her savior, that was who. 

Belle didn’t need saving, he did. Maybe he and Nosty had more in common than he thought.

****

Once the idea was in his head, MacAvoy could not carry on with his mass preparations without clearing the air. After sending Belle into the church’s pitiful library to find a theology text for him that he guessed he would have to reference, he cornered Nosty outside his bedroom.

“We need to talk,” he said.

Nosty folded his arms and stared down at him. They were about the same height, but somehow MacAvoy felt meters shorter than the other man.

“About what?” He spread his feet. “You here to finally admit you want Belle for yourself?”

MacAvoy swallowed. What if he did admit that? What would happen then? But no, that wasn’t what he’d come here for.

“No. I wanted to propose a truce.”

Nosty raised an eyebrow, teeth bared as usual, but MacAvoy stood his ground. Well, he took a step back, and then he stood his ground. 

“A truce?” 

“Yes.” MacAvoy nodded and his stomach roiled. Perhaps anxiety and withdrawal did not mix. “We both owe our current fortunes to Belle, so we should make an effort. For her.”

Nosty licked his lips, staring off somewhere over MacAvoy’s left shoulder. He hoped Belle wasn’t there, or she’d put together that he’d sent her off on a fool’s errand. 

“Fine,” Nosty said. “For her.” He grabbed a fistful of MacAvoy’s shirt and pulled him closer. “But if you cause her even an ounce of harm, hot sauce is gonna be the least of your worries, ken?”

MacAvoy shook with fear, but something else peeked through—what right did Nosty have to menace him? About as much right as MacAvoy had to be jealous. “Oh, because you’ve never hurt her?”

“I would never lay a finger on her.” Nosty released him, then folded his arms again. 

MacAvoy spluttered. “And you think I would?”

“Joseph, I found it!” Belle’s voice floated out to them from closer than was comfortable.

“I do not trust priests,” Nosty hissed, jabbing him in the chest once before sliding away from him. 

“Great!” MacAvoy called, hoarse. He rubbed his chest. What just happened?

****

Even though he was trying to think nicer thoughts, MacAvoy still left their conversation convinced that Nosty was going to do something to mark his territory. 

It turned out he didn’t need to because MacAvoy didn’t even have a chance to claim her time. Belle’s only concern was that MacAvoy write his sermon, so she set him at the table in the rec room with a bible, the book he’d asked her to find, her laptop, and a legal pad, then sat on the couch with a book. Nosty had joined her immediately with a book of his own. 

He tried to work on his sermon, he really did, but it was so hard when Belle and Nosty were right in front of him, sharing a blanket so he couldn’t see if their legs were tangled together, couldn’t know how often they looked up and smiled at one another unless he was watching.

Then, all at once, that wasn’t why he was watching. Belle relaxed into the couch while she read, brow furrowed in concentration, but he’d seen that before. What he hadn’t seen was Nosty, face smooth and carefree, shoulders back and head against the couch, wearing a sweatshirt for the uni that MacAvoy was pretty sure Belle attended. Relaxed. He wanted to memorize the image to draw upon it any time the bitterness threatened. 

Nosty was just a man who’d fallen on hard times, just like him. He wasn’t a monster. 

“Fucking hell.” Nosty slammed his book shut, and MacAvoy jumped, but Belle just laughed. 

“So you got to the tower?” Belle asked.

“I got to the fucking tower.” 

MacAvoy had no idea what they were talking about, but Belle was laughing and Nosty’s smile wasn’t mean at all, and for a second, he understood. He understood who Belle saw when she looked at Nosty, why his absence had destroyed her. 

What he didn’t understand, as Belle went back to her book and Nosty only pretended to while he watched her over the pages with an expression akin to reverence, was how Nosty had just thrown it all away.

“Having troubles, Father?” Nosty asked, and MacAvoy jumped. 

Belle looked up. “Do you need help?”

“Probably,” he said. “But neither of you studied theology.”

“How d’you know?” Nosty said. “Maybe I went to fucking Catholic school.”

“Did you go to Catholic school?” Belle asked before he could.

“Aye, I did, when I was seven. Foster family knew the headmaster.” 

“That was a long time ago,” MacAvoy said while Belle’s gaze drifted away. What was she thinking about? “And they don’t teach theology to seven-year-olds.”

“Why don’t you talk about getting sober?” Belle said.

MacAvoy shook his head. “I’m still too much in the thick of it. I wouldn’t know what to say.” And privately, he thought that was too good a sermon topic to waste on a service that he figured he’d be lucky to see five people attend.

“Talk about temptation,” Nosty said. “Don’t Jesus freaks live for that shite?” 

MacAvoy clenched his teeth. Was he a “Jesus freak?” “I could do that.”

“Let me know if I can help,” Belle said, but she was already turning back to her book. “I can look for quotes or read articles or just bounce ideas.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. This was going to be a long night. 

If only he could write about the way Belle’s hair kept falling into her eyes, and how, after three or four times of her moving it, Nosty shut his book and scooted to his knees so he could tuck the strands behind her ear, then brush his fingertips along her jaw.

They stared at one another, Belle’s ears reddening, and then Belle thanked him and he leaned back. MacAvoy was an intruder on this moment, but neither acknowledged him. He was just a fly on the wall, an observer in their love story. Thank god his cock didn’t twinge.

****

Belle laid in bed in her church pajamas, staring at the ceiling. Nosty’s room was just across the hall. It would be so easy to tiptoe over, to tap on his door and see if he’d been lying awake for the last hour thinking about her too.

With Joseph there as a chaperone, Belle had resisted the urge to crawl into Nosty’s lap while she read, to settle herself between his knees and be held again. Now she had no chaperone. No one would stop her except herself, and the longer she laid there, the less resolved she was to stay in her own bed.

Was it brave to go to Nosty now? Or would it be braver to deny herself?

A soft bird noise floated through the crack under the door and she frowned. What did that mean?

But when it sounded again, she leapt out of bed, biting back a grin. Opening the door revealed Nosty, just as she’d hoped. He rested a forearm on the frame and leaned in. 

“Thought about throwing pebbles at your window, but this was faster,” he said, voice low.

“I don’t think Father MacAvoy would be happy if I let you in my room so late.”

“Would you be happy?”

In response, she opened the door wide and sat on the foot of the bed. He shut it behind him so quietly, even she barely heard it. 

When Nosty sat next to her, the mattress groaned, and they both glanced at the wall that adjoined Joseph’s room. 

“You couldn’t sleep either?” Belle asked.

He shook his head. “Too loud.”

Belle’s brow furrowed. “Loud? It’s silent as a grave here. It doesn’t even feel like London to me.”

“Not outside.” He tapped his head. “Loud.”

She took his hand and squeezed. “How can I help?”

Closing his eyes, he tilted his forehead against hers. “You could let me throw you on the bed and fuck you senseless.” His grin told her he was teasing—although she was sure if she’d agreed, he wouldn’t have said no—but that didn’t stop the heat that flared between her legs.

“Nosty.”

“Bet it would be the best sex the Father’s ever had, listening to you come on the other side of his wall,” he murmured, and this time, it didn’t seem to be a joke. “By the third or fourth time, he’d probably pass out.” 

“The third or fourth?” Her body remembered how it felt last time, how spent she’d been laying in his arms. “I don’t think I could.”

He threaded his free hand through her hair and rubbed his nose against hers, so close their lips almost touched. 

“I think you could.” He didn’t kiss her, and she craved it, but she held herself still. “I’ll bet he wonders what you’d sound like.”

“Nosty, stop.” 

He didn’t pull back, but he didn’t speak again. Belle swallowed to get her breathing under control. 

“Why are you so stuck on him?”

“He’s a fucking priest.”

Belle leaned back so she could breathe. “So?”

“I hate him.” 

“I don’t think you do.” She grabbed his face in both hands, leaning further back to look at him. His jaw pulsed under her palms, and when he opened his eyes, she almost cowered. But she knew the rage wasn’t at her, and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her.

“What are you hiding from?” she asked.

“I’m not hiding from anything.” He kissed her palm. “I’m telling you how much I want you.”

“Nosty, I’m not going to sleep with you tonight,” she said. 

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Belle, please.” 

“Nosty!”

“I’m sad, all right?” He opened his eyes, and whatever fire had been there turned to anguish. “I don’t want to be in here anymore.” He tapped his head again. “Please.”

She let go of him and climbed to the head of the bed, turning the comforter down before holding her arms out to him. He crawled toward her, and once he was in her arms, she tucked them in together.

“You know, I read somewhere that holding hands can help ease the sadness.” She groped around until she found his hand, and then he clutched her fingers between his. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

He shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Can’t you just pretend I’m sad because I want to fuck you?” he whispered into her neck.

“I will not pretend that.” 

He clung to her so tightly, she was afraid he’d hurt his injury, but she could deal with that if she had to. She stroked his scalp between his locks, then twirled one around her finger.

“You’ll be angry,” he said.

“Nosty, you can always tell me how you feel, and I promise I won’t be angry.” 

He nuzzled into her neck and mumbled something.

“What?”

“They destroyed my home.”

She swallowed. Of course. He’d gone back to his camp that morning and found nothing. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know it wasn’t much of a home. I know this one’s better. But it was mine, and they crushed it.” 

She wished she had wisdom to offer, something useful to say. All she had was the sympathy tears building behind her eyes. “It’s awful, the way they treated you.” 

“Everyone thinks it’s just fine.” He pressed his eyes to her neck. “The coppers, the doctors. They think we’re fucking rats because we don’t sleep in a bed. You know, they didn’t even save me fucking shirt at the hospital? One fucking shirt and it’s on me back, and they toss it like a rag as soon as I take it off.” 

His shoulders shook, and he somehow clutched her even tighter. 

“They don’t even see me as human. I’m just a piece of fucking sentient rubbish.”

“I know you’re human,” Belle said. “And I’ve always known.”

“I know.” He swallowed, and she tried not to laugh when his Adam’s apple tickled her chest. “I tried to call you from the hospital.”

“What?” How had she missed him? “You did?” She’d been so available to him the whole time, how could he not have reached her?

“Aye.” Somehow, he burrowed deeper into her neck. “When they said I wasn’t getting a section two, I asked them to call your library because I didn’t know your mobile. They said just because you didn’t kick me out, doesn’t mean you want to hear me whinging.”

The fury that blasted through her surprised her. She’d never felt so hot with rage that she wanted to destroy something, wanted to find that doctor and crush their neck with her bare hands.

“Fuck them,” she said. 

Nosty rumbled with laughter, and then his shoulders shook again, and then he was sobbing into her neck. The rage bled out of her as she held him, stroking his hair and rocking him.

“I’ve got you,” she whispered. “You don’t have to worry anymore, Nosty. I’m here.” 

She didn’t know how long he cried, but she didn’t let go, and it wasn’t until he settled that she wiped the tears from her own eyes.

Nosty loosened his grip on her and pushed himself up. “Can I sleep here?”

“I thought that was a given,” she said. 

“Good. I want to hold you now.” 

“You don’t want to be held, just this once?” she asked. She felt bad that she was always the one who got to feel strong arms around her. She wanted him to get to be the little spoon.

“Nah.” He pulled away enough for her to shift comfortably onto her pillows, then wrapped himself around her. “I like knowing I have something worth protecting other than meself.” 

She bit her lip, wanting to turn around and kiss him, but settled for resting her hands on his.

“I’ll protect you too,” she said. “No one will ever treat you badly again if I’m there.”

He kissed the back of her head. “And I’ll shank anyone who lays a finger on you.”

She snorted. “A perfect team.”

“Aye. Perfect.”

She tried to stay awake until she knew Nosty had fallen asleep, but as usual, it was hard to keep her eyes open whilst being so tenderly cradled in his arms, and she fell asleep without another thought about the insomnia from earlier.

[watchoutforthefanfics]

achievement unlocked 🔓 (part eight) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt + BIRDS OF A FEATHER by Billie Eilish

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: innuendos, lots of talk of sex (it's Richie), cursing, brief mention of toxic relationships, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: This had me twirling my hair and giggling. Hehehehehehehe. They like each other so much !!! Enjoy :))]]

Richie woke up to approximately 50 messages. Okay, so maybe he was exaggerating, but squinting at his phone in the early morning (it was like 10:30 maybe) really exaggerated the amount. It was all so blurry, he couldn't really tell what exactly he was looking at, but he knew it was a lot. With a breath, he pushed himself up, to lean against the headboard of the bed -his head hurt a little, and he could kind of tell he had a shitty sleep. He couldn't really say why, he didn't really fucking know.

Mindlessly, he grabbed his glasses from his nightstand (which holy fuck did they need to be cleaned) and slid them onto his face. It took him more than one try (he wasn't exactly the most coordinated, not even when he was fully awake). After continuously pushing back a mob of curls that just stayed in front of his eyes, Richie finally just shook his head and the mob moved out of the way. He really needed to figure out how to take care of curls. Maybe he could ask Bev-

He blinked, refocusing on his phone screen -there was a lot. A mix of Instagram and actual messages (he randomly noted if he should get Eddie's number at some point), he thought for a second he posted something he shouldn't have. So, with a breath, he checked (on all platforms, mind you). All he had was Twitch promo and some stupid tweets (he specifically remembers "animal from the muppets definitely fucks"), though, so he was all good there.

He frowned. What the fuck is going on?

Naturally, Richie went to Instagram first. It was where he talked to Eddie, and that was kinda his first priority anyway. Was that fucked up to say? He loved his friends, really, they just weren't... Eddie.

Eddie was like a whole different tier.

So, he quickly went to his messages. In which he noticed a few different sources, the new groupchat was the primary target with an absurd amount of new messages (he debated turning those notifications off for a spare moment), some from Eddie, and maybe like two from Bev. You can kinda guess where he went first.

e.kaspbrak

Can't believe you fucking fell asleep on me.

You snore by the way.

Richie smiled. Right. They'd been up pretty late last night on the phone. Eddie had told him to go to sleep for hours, but Richie downright refused. And neither of them really wanted to hang up. So, apparently, he stayed on until he passed out.

e.kaspbrak

Hope you slept well, asshat.

Richie laughed out loud. Maybe a little in the giggly kind of way (he likes me) and maybe a little like it was the funniest shit in the world (which it was, to him). He said this literally every day but he was so entirely fucked. Eddie had such a fucking grip on him.

This next one he noted was like super early in the morning for him in New York.

e.kaspbrak

Your ex, Connor, just blocked me.

I went easy on him too, what a fucking baby.

He's married now, though, so I messaged his wife instead. She told me she'd get back to me.

Richie snorted. He couldn't remember the last time someone gave a this much of a shit. About him. His friends loved him, yeah, but to fucking chase down his exes? And fucking insult them into blocking you? There was truly nothing more romantic.

e.kaspbrak

I know you're still gonna be asleep right now because you don't wake up until 3 in the fucking afternoon, but I told the others.

Just check the groupchat.

Text me when you're up, dipshit.

Richie paused a second, suddenly understanding the influx of messages. And now that he looked at it, missed calls.

Before he could think about it, he clicked the camera button and started a video. Wiping the sleep out of his eyes, he threw up a thumbs up.

"I'm awake, Eds," he let out a yawn, naturally stretching slightly, "-at a responsible-" he checked the clock, "-10:37 in the morning. So fuck you."

And send.

Richie blinked. Wait.

He'd never sent Eddie a video in his life. Why was that his instinct? They'd not even sent selfies back and forth, now that he thought about it. He stared at the little bubble for a few seconds too long. And maybe because he was half awake, he just waved it off. Too late now.

Barely awake Richie had less anxiety apparently.

With a smooth motion, he moved on to the groupchat. Surprisingly, most of the recent ones were just reels -back and forth throughout the night. Which was kinda in character, it was a friends' groupchat after all, what was one of those without extensive and constant fucking memes? (It should be said that he did note to mute the notifications though.) And then, after a substantial amount of scrolling, he found it.

e.kaspbrak

Now we are :)

At first, Richie didn't exactly get it. Until he scrolled up even more and was reminded of the 'not yet' text. The one that made him want to twirl in a meadow to some music, like a Disney movie scene. (It actually still kind of hit the same now. Richie felt like he should open up his window and sing to the birds.) Blinking, he refocused.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

NO WAYYYY

Ahhh, congratulations ❤️❤️❤️

benny.boy.official ✔️

so happy for you guys ☺️

stan.the.man ✔️

I wish you the best of luck, Eddie.

mike.me.up ✔️

congrats guys !!!

big.bill ✔️

Did not have trashmouth dating somebody on my bingo card but...

I'm happy for the two of you.

e.kaspbrak

Thanks, guys.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

where's rich ?

stan.the.man ✔️

Good question, Bev.

e.kaspbrak

He's asleep.

mike.me.up ✔️

How do you know that?

e.kaspbrak

He fell asleep on the phone with me.

big.bill ✔️

You guys call? Shit, this must be serious. Richie hates phone calls.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

that is so cute !!! I'm so happy for you two.

stan.the.man ✔️

I told him once my uncle died and he just said 'sorry :(' in a text.

e.kaspbrak

@/stan.the.man He really is a fucking idiot.

stan.the.man ✔️

But, you like him?

Richie could see Stanley's fierce protectiveness from a mile away. It made something warm settle along his shoulders, like a hug maybe.

e.kaspbrak

Of course, he's my fucking idiot.

Richie grinned bright -maybe a little too bright, but luckily it was just him in his bedroom. The walls were the only ones to witness it. So, it was kind of like it never even happened at all. No one else would know. They might be able to assume though.

Bev's messages on Instagram were along the same lines 'congratulations' etc, etc. Not that he didn't appreciate them, they were just kinda repetitive. Most of the text messages were the same with the same sort of purpose and soft emojis. He throughly replied to each one with a smile and thanks.

And then, he got to Bev's.

It almost popped out of the screen, accusatory.

Red 🦰🔥 😘

RICHARD TOZIER

YOU ASKED HIM TO MOVE IN WITH YOU ???

Fuck, right, he'd literally forgotten about it. (How the fuck did he forget that?) Eddie was coming to live with him, in three fucking months! God, had that really even settled in yet?

Richie decidedly did not answer, instead jumping over to Stan's messages. Or message, it seemed.

Staniel 🐦😤😠

Richie.

That spoke all it needed to. Stanley was a powerful man with few words necessary. He could nearly see the furrowed eyebrows and thin-lipped straight-line mouth. All judgemental and shit. In a weird kind of way though, the kind that shows he cares. Somehow.

Richie exited the conversation just the same. Later. It was too early for this shit.

It was of no surprise that Bev and Stan were the ones who called him -maybe five times apiece. Or... Bev did it a lot more. He was frankly surprised she hadn't shown up at his door actually-

e.kaspbrak saved your video to chat

He paused, interrupting his thought process. Instinctively, he clicked through, and sure enough, it was saved in the chat. Richie could see his face (one curl so wonkily out of place that he just knew it bothered Eddie). If he thought about it, he looked incredibly sleepy, cozy even, and his hair was unbelievable actually. Probably the frizziest it's ever been. Which is fucking saying something-

e.kaspbrak sent you a video

Richie froze.

He eyed the message for a few spare seconds, like if he blinked it would disappear. To be fair, all of this could very much be a dream. Maybe as far as the handsome comment, if he was totally fucking honest with himself-

e.kaspbrak

You are stupidly hot.

What the fuck.

Richie laughed a little, maybe instinctively thinking of it as a joke. He didn't know, but his brain hesitated to think it was him being honest like he genuinely thought those things. Richie Tozier? Hot? Since fucking when?

He didn't know what to say, so instead, he opened the video.

It took a minute to open, screen black for longer than a second (Richie made weird expressions at himself as it did so, naturally). And then, Eddie was filling up his screen.

Before it could get too far, Richie held a finger to the screen, effectively pausing it.

He let his eyes swim over Eddie. He looked like the picture yeah, but his hair was longer now, and the peek of freckles along the bridge of his nose was a little bit brighter. More noticeable. And on top of it all, was a flush of red bubbled along his cheeks and if Richie squinted, he could see it on the tips of his ears. (God, Eddie just might be the cutest human being fucking alive.) Richie almost wanted to hold his face, cradle it. Pathetically.

He was outside, Richie could tell that much. Mostly by the blue skies, but as he unpaused it, noises like dogs barking, the low hum of conversation, and cars honking (as is NY) merely confirmed it.

"It is almost noon where you are, dickhead," Eddie spoke (Richie watched the words come out of his mouth, carefully, connecting the dots), big brown eyes latched right onto him, "-You're gonna miss fucking breakfast. Do you know how important breakfast fucking is? For your entire body? It gives you all the shit you need that you're missing from fasting overnight. Hence, break fast-"

Richie hummed, Huh. A little distracted. His eyes were just so-

"-So go eat."

And then it was over.

Wordlessly, Richie saved the video to the chat. Debating what exactly he wanted to text, or if he wanted to just send another video. For a fucking glimpse of him.

God, Richie was so very gay.

He just did what felt natural, what his brain wanted him to.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I think u r beautiful eds

Before realizing.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

shit unless you're not like comfortable with that word

some dudes aren't

e.kaspbrak

I'm not some dude fuckface.

Before he could text a response -fingers in place, his screen flashed with something new. It was just like a phone call on Instagram, except, on Eddie's half of the screen was, well, him.

Phone a little bit beneath his chin, his eyes scanned out in front of him as he seemed to take steps down the busy street. Richie could sometimes see heads pass by, he seemed to be moving pretty fast actually. Of course, Eds was a fast lil speedwalker. Richie just stared for a little bit, watching the tight little frown he held on his lips as his eyes glanced along the people along the sidewalk (assumedly). God, he really was fucking beautiful-

Richie answered.

"Eds," he chimed smiling, in between wiping his eyes, and shifting into a (sorta) British accent, "-Why have you given me such a pleasure as to grace me with your presence?"

Eddie's eyebrows furrowed, a cute little wrinkle in between them, and his lips shifted into a different kind of frown (Richie guessed it might've been a fake one).

"It's too early to start that shit, Richie," he added, something in his tone that Richie couldn't quite read.

Richie's brain went a little crazy at hearing his name in Eddie's voice, on Eddie's face. Watching all the little inflections as he said it, the way his whole face moved as he said his fucking name. He kind of wanted to commit it to memory-

"Rich?"

He blinked, throwing himself out of his thoughts, "Shit, sorry, what did you say, Spaghetti?"

His eyebrows furrowed again, eyes shining with something Richie could really see as concern. His big brown eyes said a lot, right on the surface, he was kind of fucking entranced honestly.

"You okay?" Eddie asked -softer.

It made Richie melt a little.

"Yeah, shit, yeah, I'm fine, Eds," he cleared his throat, "-You just... You said my name."

Eddie's lips quirked up a second, and Richie wanted to see a full smile so bad that it felt like his blood was burning.

"I've said your name before, dickweed," he chimed, "-like multiple times. Do you not remember the fucking phone calls-"

"But it's you this time," Richie interrupted -impulsively, "-your face. You."

Eddie did smile then, a little small one. It made something zing all the way to his toes.

"My beautiful face?" Eddie teased, and Richie felt a little like he was floating.

Richie paused, before settling on something.

"Yeah," he hummed, maybe a little too softly, "-your beautiful face."

He watched then, as a sort of flush bubbled up to his skin -all the way up to the tips of his ears. It was a splotchy sort of red. He puffed up his cheeks for a moment, and Richie thought for a moment he was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Fuck you."

Richie burst into laughter, "Wow, I give you a compliment out of the kindness of my heart-"

"What the fuck else was I supposed to say?" Eddie retorted, something in his face flickering frustration (or maybe just flustered), "-You called me fucking beautiful. Who does that shit?"

"Eds, I thought you were beautiful like since the fucking beginning-" Richie added before he could think about it, and when the words settled along in his mind, he snapped his lips shut.

Shit. He really was a fucking loose cannon-

"Seriously?" Eddie asked, softer -big brown puppy dog eyes looking at him. He was so fucked.

"Uh," Richie paused, awkwardly, "-yeah."

"Wait," Eddie scrambled a second, "-How? You didn't know what I looked like-"

"On your Instagram," Richie interrupted, rambling a little, "-you have a, uh, photo where you're smiling. You've got little crinkles by your eyes and shit. And the... the first thing I thought was that you were..."

"Beautiful," Eddie finished -succinctly, not looking at the screen (his face was still pretty red).

"Yeah," Richie continued, awkwardly.

"You can't do that."

Richie pursed his lips, "What?"

"Be all fucking... sincere and shit," Eddie explained, suddenly frustrated, "-You're already handsome and... and charming and fucking funny as shit. Save some for the rest of us, asshole."

Richie laughed again, tilting his head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Awe, Eds thinks I'm charming-"

Eddie choked out a laugh, before stomping it down, "I take it all back. You're an idiot."

"Apparently, I'm your idiot," Richie chimed back -teasing.

Eddie fell silent, "Shit."

Richie laughed again, and Eddie laughed too. It made something in him flutter. It was just like every time before, each one laughing a little harder. He thought for a second that maybe it would never stop, maybe he'd run out of oxygen-

"I think you're beautiful too," Eddie chimed (decidedly not laughing anymore, how long had he been just looking at him?), "-just so you know. Dick."

Richie sobered up pretty quickly then, red splotchy patches creeping up his face (probably worse than Eddie's a few seconds ago). Even despite the embarrassment, he smiled goofily and tilted his head, "Thanks, Spaghetti."

Eddie just looked at him, eyes set and lips in a firm line. Almost frustrated and also somehow a little affectionate.

"I'm going to beat the shit out of your exes."

Richie laughed, "You could probably take them, Eds. You have so much anger in that tiny little body-"

"I'm 5'6, dickweed," Eddie hissed, "-5'7 is the average height of a man, internationally. I'm average height, it's not my fault you're freakishly fucking tall."

"What about in America?" Richie very well knew it to be 5'9.

"Fuck you," Eddie's lips flattened into a thin frown, "-and get the fuck out of bed. Go eat some breakfast."

Richie opened his mouth to respond.

"-I'll stay on this fucking call until you do."

Richie thought there might be some other reasons too. It just made him grin brighter, too bright probably (but Eddie looked at him in a certain type of way that he never wanted to stop so maybe it was okay). They stayed on the phone for a lot longer than necessary (somehow Richie didn't mind), and he got to chime in on Eddie's grocery run, which was fun. Especially when he got to physically see Eddie's face as he cussed him out. (Did you seriously just tell me to get fucking Twinkies?)

He wasn't surprised when just a few hours later, he got a knock on his door. Mostly because he still hadn't answered her text messages, or Stan's message either. Quickly responding to Eddie (something about streaming), he wandered up to his door.

He might as well give her a key actually-

Bev walked in with a smile, extending a drink toward him (some fruit drink with like fresh strawberries from Starbucks that he had decidedly never had), and walking a few steps forward. Richie sipped from it, and gently shut his door behind her -locking it.

Before he could even turn around, Bev punched his arm hard -the ice sloshed in his drink.

"Fuck, Red," his freehand came up to rub at it, turning to her, "-What was that for?"

"Not telling me shit," Bev chastised, before extending her hand -expectantly.

Richie furrowed his eyebrows for a second, eyeing her palm, "Uh, what?"

"Your phone," she chimed, like it was obvious.

"I didn't ask through text, Bev," he clarified, "-we talked on the phone."

"How did it e-" she started, before pausing. She held up her finger as if to say one moment, and pulled out her phone. With a breath, a dial tone echoed out into the room.

"Hello?" Stanley answered. Fuck.

They were ganging up on him right now, why? He didn't deserve this shit. It had just come out, and Eddie was okay with it-

"Hey, Stan," Bev responded, "-I'm at Richie's, like we talked about."

Like we talked about, Richie sighed, "C'mon guys, I don't need a fucking intervention-"

"It's not an intervention," Stan's voice chimed up put of the phone, "-We're just fucking confused as hell, Rich."

"Yeah," Bev supported, "-I really like Eddie for you, but where did this come from?"

Richie questioned, assuming she talked to Eddie to learn that information, "Did Eddie not tell you?"

She pursed her lips, answering, "No."

Richie briefly wondered why, but it kinda made sense. Eddie was pretty private about things like that, and if anything (since they were Richie's friends first), he'd want Richie to handle it. He didn't want to fuck any of it up, even though Richie told him that he really couldn't.

"He called me yesterday during his shift," he explained, "-Told me that a coworker was flirting with him, he rejected, and she threw hot ass coffee on him-"

Stan interrupted, "Is he a barista?"

"Was," Richie corrected before continuing, "-Long story short, he walked out of his job and quit. And then he started getting frantic about rent and hating his life... and it just... slipped out."

"And you meant it?" She questioned, carefully.

"Yeah, of course I did," Richie laughed, "-he's... Eddie."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Stanley crackled over the phone.

"It's... Eddie," he repeated, unsure how to go from there, "-He's my favorite person in the whole fucking world, no offense. I can't help myself with him-"

"Your favorite person?" Bev questioned -quieter, gentler. Richie wasn't sure what to do about it, or how to interpret it.

"Yeah," he echoed out, before adding, "-like I said no offense. You guys are like a close second-"

Bev held out her hand, and Richie furrowed his eyebrows, "I wanna see your messages."

Richie didn't even flinch, accepting her phone as she handed it to him with ease. Stanley didn't say anything for a second like he was thinking -processing. Richie knew that meant he was about to say something big; he wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"You videochatted?" She asked, and before Richie could respond, continued, "-You called him beautiful?"

"Hey, I told you about that one-"

She didn't say a word, instead, Eddie's voice echoed out into the air, "It is almost noon where you are, dickhead-"

"Huh," she commented, scanning over him, "-he is pretty cute. I can totally see the beautiful thing-"

"You really do like him," Stanley's voice called out, curious, "-don't you?"

Richie gnawed at his lips, fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt -debating how to say it, "So fucking much."

"And he likes you too?" Stan asked, quietly.

"Yeah," Richie paused, "-at least, I think so."

"No, 'I think so'-" Bev interrupted, handing him back his phone and accepting her phone, "-I text him. He likes you. A lot."

"Yeah?" Richie asked, grinning.

"Oh, yeah," Bev laughed, "-he told me that he found you from one of Mike or Ben's streams. You said some stupid shit in the chat, he saw the checkmark and got curious. He went to your channel, and-"

Richie felt a little like exploding.

"-watched some of your streams. 'I liked his laugh and his stupid ass face'," she quoted, smiling, "-You'd been his celebrity crush for like a year and a half-"

"I was his celebrity crush-" Richie nearly cooed, pretending to faint, "-Bev pinch me, I'm dreaming~"

She laughed, loud. It made something in Richie lighten, he really fucking loved making his friends laugh. And it always made him just love his friends ever more. He never thought he'd get this-

"I'm happy for you Richie," Stan interrupted, "-really fucking happy for you. I am gonna have to text him though."

"Give 'im the ole runaround," Richie joked, in a heavy Southern accent.

"Seriously, Rich," Stanley clarified, "-if he tries any shit, I'll book a flight to New York."

"Stanley, my hero," Richie sighed out.

"Rich."

"I know, I know," Richie relented, breathing out, "-I don't think he's gonna hurt me. I'm really... I trust the fuck out of him."

"Yeah, good," Bev hummed, "-it's our job to test him."

"Guys," Richie laughed, fake pleading but still kinda genuine, "-please don't scare him away, I really like this one-"

"It won't scare him away," Stanley added, "-if he's serious."

Richie rolled his eyes.

Quickly, going to Instagram, he shot Eddie a warning message.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

incoming daddy stan and momma bev asking about your intentions with me

🚨🚨 this is a warning 🚨🚨

He waited a second.

e.kaspbrak

Bev already did that.

But tell Stan to bring it on, I'm ready.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u can't do any worse, right ?

the bar is on the floor lol

e.kaspbrak

I'm gonna be the best boyfriend you've ever had, dipshit.

Boyfriend, chimed through his head, and Richie grinned bright.

e.kaspbrak

And not just because all your other ones are shitty.

Because I actually want to fucking take care of you and your stupid brain.

Very stupid brain.

Something twisted in his chest, a little overwhelming.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

I'm getting mixed signals here, eds

e.kaspbrak

Shut up, dipshit. ❤️

Richie felt a little like he might cry. In the good way.

e.kaspbrak

No, you're not.

And before your brain starts shit, I like the fuck out of you.

Okay, in a very good way.

[victorluvsalice]

Welcome back to the Chill Valicer Save! We had a pretty busy Summer Tuesday around here, sending the gang out and about again to have another food sale with their new Van Liddelton Snacks stand! Which took a little doing, as you will learn –

-->Naturally, we started where I left off last time, with Smiler finishing fixing up the wind turbines and combing through the resultant trash piles for parts; Alice gaming on her and Victor’s computer surrounded by cats; and Victor snoozing in bed. Victor’s energy was basically full, though, so he ended up waking up while I was getting Smiler to clean up all the trash. Having spotted a specter in the crafting barn, I had him transportalate down to give it a present (a spare Potion of Good Fortune) he had on him –

Just in time for Temperance to show up. Like, she appeared just as he transportalated away. And then she got glared at by one of the cats who’d just jumped up on the bed. XD I grabbed Victor’s bizarre idol from his inventory and slapped it on the floor next to her as per usual, and let her get banished while I focused on Victor’s specter-present giving. Fortunately, it went well, and the specter gave him another lump of wraith wax in return! We do love our wraith wax around here – though Victor DOES have a lot of it at this point. Might be time to start selling some of them to oddity collectors...

-->Anyway – I had Victor collect his wraith wax (along with another spare lump of it I found on the floor) and go outside to play with Shadow while Smiler collected all the trash piles, got the trash Victor and Alice were carrying in THEIR inventories, then trucked it all over to the recycler to be, well, recycled. Along with some items that I didn’t see any point in keeping, like the Tentacle Tom they won at the arcade, the extra stereo they won at their house party, the VIP buckets from the Love Date dates, some used-up sacred candles, and a poop. XD Though, once they were done recycling, they got a little over $3,000 along with all their bits and pieces. O.o I – really don’t know where that money came from? I’ve never seen them get a cash payout when they recycle anything, but I really don’t know where else it could have come from...maybe from them recycling some higher-ticket items instead of just trash piles? *shrug* Mystery for the ages!

-->With that sorted, I decided that the best thing to do would be to have Smiler make mechanisms (as I still want them to make a Servo at one point, and they still needed loads of those), and Victor make eco-upgrade parts (as I wanted him to do some eco-upgrading on some of the stuff on the lot – notably the recycler). They plugged away on that, making two items each (Victor reaching Fabrication skill 5 in the process, good for him), while Alice got Video Gaming skill 4 from her Sim Scuffle session before I sent her to grab a little more sleep. She refreshed her energy quickly in her and Victor’s amazing bed, and after just about an in-game hour she was ready to get up –

-->But before I woke her up, I looked inside of her inventory and realized “oh yeah, you have a load of photos in here that need to be cleaned out, don’t you?” So I pulled them all out and looked them over to see which ones I wanted to keep and which would have to be sold. I ended up hanging the two medium-sized pictures of Smiler doing their first food sale in Brindleton Bay (when they got Shock and Surprise spayed) in the kitchen, above the pet bowls (there was room there, and it felt appropriate to have these pictures in the kitchen); moved two of the pictures from the Valicertine’s photoshoot into the digital photo frame to join the parade of changing pictures there; and put a cute picture Alice had snapped of a cat poster in the vet’s office on her and Victor’s desk, since she’s the one who uses it the most, before selling all the rest. *nods* I also took a moment to put the fossilized egg in her inventory on the display shelf with the other fossils outside the séance room, and did a little “move objects on” in build mode to put her new emerald crystal in with another small crystal in the crystal shelves inside the séance room. *dusts hands* Collectibles sorted!

-->With Alice’s inventory looking a bit less crowded, I got her up and decided to check if she could prep anything in the stand mixer, as I wanted to make some fresh treats for today’s food sale. As it turned out, though, her ability to make various batters and doughs was limited, as there was a distinct lack of flour in the house. Fortunately, this group can just MAKE their own flour thanks to Simsonian Library’s bulk food processor, so I had her join Victor and Smiler in the barn to make a big bag of soybean-based flour (as that’s what she had in her inventory). They all ended up finishing up their tasks around the same time – I had Victor go and take care of a tendril that had popped up outside, then sent him to use some of his eco parts to give the recycler some hardened gears (I think this gets you more bits and pieces from non-organic stuff?), and was preparing to have Alice collect her flour (which she’d insisted on taking upstairs to put on Smiler’s bar for some reason) –

When I spotted a trash plant growing in the pet obstacle course! O.o When did that sprout?! I thought I’d cleared up any trash that might be over there... Confused, I had Smiler got over and uproot it, then scavenge parts from the resultant trash pile before bagging it up and throwing it away. Normally, after this, I would have them dig any recyclables out of the trash can to make sure it didn’t overflow, but as Victor was still upgrading, I had Smiler instead take the trash and head out to the rabbithole dump. *shrug* Kept them busy and kept the roach and fly situation from getting any worse!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! Swiftie anon here! I’ve been kind of having a shit week, in general. A few days ago my throat started hurting, and my nose started crying, so that’s been fun, and school feels like it’s taking fucking forever every day. last night, my sister was talking, and I asked my brother to get a coaster for me, since I was holding a hot bowl, and he was standing in front of the drawer, but my sister was talking, so I wanted until she was done to ask again.

my sister is great btw. I’d never say that to her face, but she’s my younger sister, and she’s always been so…happy, and I want it to say that way, she started middle school this year, and I was scared she’d go through the same things I did, and idk that freaked me out. She’s annoying as hell, but I want her to say happy, as long as she can be, so I haven’t been like putting pressure on her, or getting as mad at her as I did when we were younger. And like we’re only a year and a half apart, but ever since I got depressed I feel a lot older, which is sad because we were so close when we were younger. People used to think we were twins, and I miss being that close to someone, trusting someone that much, whispering things under the blankets, and playing games only the two of us know.

anyway, I asked after she was done talking, which was just few seconds, and I got the coaster, and set it down, and then my mom said, you need to talk louder, you’re mumbling again. and l got probably unreasonably angry when she said that, because I’ve always been quiet, when we were younger, my sister talked for the two of us, I hate talking and I’ve never been very loud. And maybe I like being quiet, not only because it’s in my nature, but you always yelled at us for being too loud and interrupting people, and maybe I’m scared to make you angry? Maybe I remember that shit? Maybe I don’t like being noticed because you always get pissed at my older brother, and that’s the only way I ever see you talk to him?

and then that night (after dinner we all go watch tv, play games separately, go to my parents room, pray and then sleep) she got mad at us saying, we’re not a community, we’re just people living together the three (me and my siblings) of you are cocooned in your rooms all the fucking time. You’re on your fucking phones all the damn time, melting your brains, you could be doing better things with your time. And why the hell wouldn’t I want to be in my room instead of with my parents, they stress me the fuck out, and make me feel like I’ve already ruined my chances at everything, and maybe that’s why I need to escape, because they made me believe everything fucking sucked.

and I know being on your phone and sitting down for like 4-5 hour periods isn’t healthy, but that’s a habit I’ll deal with after all the other issues they’ve caused me. I had a bit of a breakdown after that, my arms got red and puffy from my nails, but I didn’t bleed this time so…is that a plus?

I got my at my sister last weekend bc she like, dropped my instrument and didn’t pick he up and I almost smacked her, and my dad saw me like, about to, but I stopped, and got so mad at me? He said, and I quote, “apologize, how would you feel if I got you and ten years later I never said sorry?” and then I was like wtf are you talking about, you hit me when I was in like preschool (10 years ago) and never apologized. I vaguely remember him hitting me, like before kindergarten, I somehow forgot that he did until that moment. I know he and my mom got into fights about it (bc calling us stupid and staying is so much better).

and then this morning we woke up late, and my dad said “you’ll end up all alone bc no one wants anyone who never shows up on time.” And my mom started fucking monologuing about how we’re “wasting our intelligence” and we should on things better, and I started fucking bawling, bc I went to preschool far from home, so when I started going to elementary, I didn’t have any friends, and I had like, a singular friend, I made and she moved at the end of first grade, and so on and so forth until 3rd grade when the pandemic happened, so like ending up alone has always been a fear of mine, and they know this, bc back when I trusted them I literally asked them why do all my friends move away? and school has fucking sucked, pe isn’t so bad, we’re fishing in a lake across the street and I caught one today and almost killed it bc it swallowed the hook, and everything else, besides like my friends has been miserable. I had a dentist appointment today (I have them all the damn time), and they numbed the right side of my face, 3 injections, they’re so sore, and I still can’t feel the lower right part of my mouth, so that’s fun. Sorry for the rant, hope you’re having a better week than me cas! Have a good day/night

Hi hon! <3

It sounds like you're dealing with a LOT of negativity right now, especially at home, and that absolutely sucks. Are there ways you can find some positivity on your own? Things that make you happy even when others are being shitty?

I'm so proud of you for dealing with life even when it's hard <3 You're doing so great, truly! <3

[oraclekleo]

29. What’s your dream date? 😊

So i can be prepared just in case haha 😉😆

Hello!

Are you planning to swoon me? 😂 This is really direct way of seduction - "What do I need to do to enchant you? Just tell me in details." 🤣

Okay... I don't know. I never dated anyone so I'm not sure how my dream date would go. I guess with the right person it will always be my dream date without any of us actually trying. Natural and smoothly going date with someone I can connect with easily is my dream date. Yes, I'm not making this any easier for you 😂

I get up super early, 4 am and go for a long dog walk right after I get up. I guess a person who would pick me up this early in the morning and went for a dog walk with me and my dogs would get a whole ton of points from me. If they have an early breakfast picnic ready somewhere nice on the route with my favourite foods and also water and healthy snacks for my dogs, I'm close to being sold for them. After the picnic (no more than 2 hours because then people start to wake up) we could go back to my home. They could give breakfast portion of granules and fresh water to my dogs while I dress up more appropriately for the day. I'm not a fan of shopping or watching TV but it's too early for museums or galleries. So they could suggest taking me and dogs for a little trip in countryside. I will assume my ideal date has a driving license and a car. I have none of these so it would be handy if they could actually compensate me in this matter. So we would go somewhere nice and green. Hiking in hills or forest with my dogs. Maybe visiting some interesting site with ancient burial place or remains of temple or church or historical village, something like that. Interesting place with either historical or spiritual meaning (or both). We could walk a trail and arrive to some pub with tables outside so dogs can sit with us while we eat lunch. After lunch and long time hiking we would probably be a bit tired so we would return to my home, I would take a quick shower, change into something less outdoor while my date is feeding my dogs again (I value my privacy, I want them to be occupied while I'm in the shower and changing clothes). Dogs would go sleep and we could go out again, this time only the two of us. I'd probably be in a mood to sit down and relax for a little while so going for an afternoon theater play or into some small cinema to watch old movie would please me a lot. I don't like crowds and it's more likely to avoid them in the afternoon in cinema or theater. After this little rest I would be recharged for more activities. We could go to a museum or gallery or some kind of workshop where I could learn something new. Chakra healing, aura reading, working with crystals or just pottery or weaving baskets would be really nice. Or a workshop on how to make chocolate pralines. I would love such a type of activity. Obviously my date should enjoy it, too. If they keep bitching it's gonna be horrible date. 😂 So yeah! This is the afternoon part. As you know, I always have tea at 5 pm so it would be great if we went to a Tea Room after the workshop. Drinking tea, eating vegan cheesecake... After this I would start being nervous about the dogs being alone for so long so we would go back home, take them for a walk, give them dinner and cook dinner for us together. I'm not really used to eat by the table at home so we would just put the meal into bowls (I don't really eat from plates, you can judge me if you like) and sit by TV and watch some old movie or show again. I would start falling asleep and my date would clean the kitchen up, put the dirty dishes in to dishwasher and only woke me to go for one last dog walk. Me and my dogs would walk with my date to his car, say good bye to each other and I would return home and go sleep. 😂 OR... Depends on the mood, I guess. Maybe I would allow my date to stay. I just can't imagine that happening now because I never dated anyone but I guess it could happen. 😂

So! This is my dream date. All in all not exactly what other people would find dreamy and I have my dogs included a great deal but this is my idea of a great all day long date. Obviously it would be possible for my partner to divide the activities into several days instead.

So yeah... This is it. I don't know what more I could say.

Thanks for this question 😁

Kleo 🦄

[aliiok]

Chapter 6

Through the Stars

ao3

mando x reader

Summary: you're kind of a dick, stuff ensues

Warnings: angst? some light fluff at the end

Notes: maybe a change of pace? I promise this is actually leading somewhere lol. Also, chapters 4 & 5 aren't showing up on tumblr (prolly because they're not sfw) but they are posted on my ao3 :)

-

Last night’s encounter with the Mandalorian had left you a bit shaken, but also very frustrated. When you woke up the next morning, you weren’t sure what to expect. But, he didn’t say anything.

So, you got ready for the day, taking the child with you as you began to make yourself useful. You weren’t sure what all your new job entailed, so you just began to tidy up the ship. The cargo hold needed some major reorganization, more than what you had time for today. Instead, you decided to work with instead of against the organized chaos for now, keeping an eye on the kid as you went.

After a few hours, you decided to take a break and feed him. The child cooed happily as you gave him his food, but he was soon finished.

The silence made you uneasy, and you fidgeted with your hands, unsure of what to do. You had been on the ship for a few cycles now, but you still felt like an outsider.

The Mandalorian was standing to your left, his attention focused solely on the gadget he was toying with. He hadn't said a word to you this morning, and you were beginning to wonder if he ever would.

The child, on the other hand, was wide awake and squirming in your lap. You smiled at him, tickling him gently. He gurgled happily, his big brown eyes fixed on yours.

You couldn't help but wonder what was going on in Mando's head. He had entrusted you with the care of his son, yet he seemed to be keeping you at arm's length since last night. You wanted to get to know him better, to understand him. But he was making it difficult for you.

“Why don’t you ever take the helmet off?” you said softly, fingers absentmindedly rubbing circles over the child’s ear. You knew it was a mistake as soon as you saw Mando visibly stiffen. He was frozen, unmoving. Part of you wanted to reach out to him, but another part of you said differently. You were afraid he would shatter under your touch.

The child made a noise in your arms, and you looked down at him. His eyes met yours, and both of you shifted your gazes back to the form standing in front of you.

The Mandalorian finally moved, turning around to face you. You wished you could see his face in order to gauge his reaction. The question had popped into your mind so innocently. If he now trusted you enough to look after his son, to be intimate with you, then naturally you would want to see his face.

He broke the silence. “This is the Way,” he said sternly, walking past you towards the other side of the ship. You felt the air whish past you, and his cape grazed your arm as he moved. You turned, confusion evident on your face.

“What?” you turned your head to him, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. He paused, and his visor pierced through you.

You’d never heard that phrase before. You had tried to remain humble in your career, but you also knew when to exhibit your knowledge. While you weren’t as well-versed as your previous professors on the subject, you could hold your own in academic circles. The child babbled, and you acknowledged him by patting his head gently.

You weren’t going to say anything else. But then, your curiosity got the better of you. You cleared your throat, and the Mandalorian turned to look at you.

"What does that mean?" you asked, trying to keep your tone casual.

Mando hesitated before he spoke. "It's a Mandalorian creed," he finally said. "A way of life. We follow the Way to survive and protect our own."

You nodded slowly, understanding beginning to dawn on you. "So... taking off the helmet goes against the Way?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "To let one see my face means I would no longer be Mandalorian."

You couldn't imagine what it must be like to never take off your helmet in front of another. It seemed so restrictive, so suffocating. But at the same time, you tried to respect his culture and his beliefs.

"I see," you said softly. "Thank you for explaining it to me."

The Mandalorian nodded, and you could feel his eyes on you even though you couldn't see his face. He took a few steps toward you, removing the child from your arms and beginning back towards the ladder.

“We’re almost there,” Mando said to him, and you watched endearingly at their interaction. He began up the ladder, and you smiled softly.

You watched him go, still thinking about the weight of his words. This was the Way. It wasn't just a phrase or a creed, it was a way of life for him. And you had just stumbled into a world that was so different from your own.

As you watched the Mandalorian climb up the ladder and disappear, you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You had been so close to learning more about him, yet he had shut you down with only a little explanation. It wasn't the first time he had done that either.

You had always been fascinated by Mandalorian culture, studying it extensively during your academic years. However, your education had clearly never touched on this. You had never heard of whatever religious group that this Mandalorian belonged to. You tried to come up with another possible explanation, but your thoughts only went to the splinter groups of Mandalorians that used to dwell on Mandalore’s moon, Concordia.

You wondered what else you didn't know about him. It was frustrating not being able to understand him fully, to be able to comprehend why he lived his life the way he did.

But then again, maybe that was part of the appeal. The mystery and intrigue surrounding him were what drew you in, like a moth to a flame.

You shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts. You couldn't afford to get too invested in someone who clearly didn't want to let you in. But the way his eyes had lingered on you before he left... maybe there was hope for a future conversation about his people. You figured the only way this would happen was if you were to initiate it again.

For now, you had a more pressing matter to attend to. With a deep breath, you climbed up the ladder and into the cockpit, ready to face whatever lay ahead.

-

The stop for fuel was brief. You couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to your earlier conversation than he was letting on. While Mando was fueling it, you didn’t leave the ship, and he was back aboard after a few minutes. You had never heard of this planet, anyway.

You sat behind the pilot’s chair. Your mind briefly went to the events of last night that took place in that very seat, until your thoughts were interrupted by a voice.

“Only a few more days in hyperspace until our destination. We’ll have one stop between to fuel up again.” You hadn’t noticed the Mandalorian until now. He didn’t bring the child up here with him.

You clasped your hands in your lap, and nodded to show that you understood. Wherever this destination is, it’s sure as hell the farthest possible place from the Mandalore system. If Mando noticed your uneasiness, he didn’t say anything. You couldn’t help but feel your emotions start to simmer.

After a few more minutes of nothing, you couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe it was his general evasiveness, or even the fact that he’d barely said anything to you after how things were left the previous night, but something in you snapped.

"You're telling me that you'd rather live your life according to some code than experience the world around you?" you had asked, incredulous at his rigid adherence. The Mandalorian responded almost immediately.

"You don't understand," he replied, his voice clipped and defensive. "The code has kept me alive this long. It's the only way I know." He sat down in the pilot’s chair, but turned it so he was facing you.

"But you're missing out on so much," you countered, feeling frustrated with his stubbornness. You challenged him. "How can you truly experience life if you're always hiding behind that helmet and refusing to engage with others?"

"I don't have time for attachments," he shot back. "I have a mission to complete, and I can't afford to be held back by distractions."

The silence that came after was deafening as he turned the chair back around. You couldn't help but feel angry with him. You weren’t even sure why you decided to pick a fight.

The ship rose into the air, and within seconds it was out of this world’s atmosphere and into the never ending abyss of space. The planet was behind you, and the only light in the cockpit illuminated it dimly. Minutes ticked by, and the tension in the small room was becoming more and more suffocating.

Even though you sat there stewing for a bit, you couldn't help but admire the way the stars reflected in his helmet, making it look like a constellation all its own. For a moment, you forgot all about the argument and just sat there, taking in the beauty of the moment.

Then, it dawned on you. Heat rose up to your neck, and you felt a pang of guilt in your stomach. It almost surprised you how intolerant of his “Way” you had been. If you wanted to learn more about his way of life, that sure was the wrong way to go about it.

Yeah, his words stung. But you were going to have to apologize.

Taking a deep breath, you spoke again. When you did, his head turned sideways. "Look, I'm sorry," you said, your voice softening. "I didn't mean to be so critical of it. It's just that, as an archaeologist, I've always been fascinated by different cultures and ways of life. And yours is something I've never encountered before."

The Mandalorian didn't reply, but you could feel his eye on you, even though you couldn't see his face behind the helmet. "I know it's not my place to judge," you continued. "And I don't want to disrespect your traditions. I just...I want to understand them better. And I went the wrong way about it." The words just spilled out, and you feared he wouldn’t accept your apology. Anxiety riled your stomach, but you tried to keep your breathing even and your body still.

There was a long pause, and you thought for a moment that he wasn't going to say anything at all. But then he spoke, his voice surprisingly gentle. "I understand," he said. "But it's not easily explained.”

You nodded, feeling chastened. "I get that," you said. "And about the last thing, I-”

“No,” he cut you off. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Okay,” you said quietly, unsure of what to say next.

The Mandalorian nodded, and then turned back to the controls.

You felt a sense of relief wash over you. The tension in the cockpit had dissipated, and while there was still so much you still didn't understand about the Mandalorian, you knew that you might have the chance to learn more.

A silence settled over the two of you, but this time it was more comfortable. Mando eventually activated the hyperdrive, and the world outside of the ship went from darkness to being streaked with different shades of blue.

You watched for a while. Having never left your home planet until a few years ago, you didn’t think you could ever get used to space travel. Especially traveling faster than the speed of light. And now, after accompanying a bounty hunter and his son on their ship, you only felt more out of place while aboard a ship.

It was so silent, actually, that you didn’t realize you were beginning to fall asleep. You rested your cheek against the chair, and after just a few minutes, nodded off.

-

You awoke to being laid onto your cot by a pair of strong arms. When you opened your eyes, it was pitch black in your small room.

Then, you heard a small hiss, and the sound of something being placed on the floor.

You stirred, alerting the Mandalorian of your consciousness.

He didn’t say anything, but by his movement you could tell he was somewhere to your left.

Your heart squeezed in your chest at the thought of him carrying you to bed. You kicked off your shoes, trying to get more comfortable.

A hand, you guessed, grazed over your cheek and to the side of your face. You noticed, though, it was ungloved. You soaked up the feeling of the pads of his fingers grazing over your skin.

You reached your hand up to feel his face, and he let you. His skin was smooth, until it met rough scruff that covered his jaw. You tried to map it out, remembering every detail, but you knew whatever picture you came up with in your mind would be inaccurate. Finally, your thumb grazed over his lips. You made another mental note of the mustache there, and then he leaned down to kiss you.

Your heart soared. His plush lips met yours without a sense of urgency or expectation, and you returned his slow movements with ease. It was gentle, and didn’t go any further. You stayed like this for a few seconds, but the moment was soon over. An apology, you thought.

He pulled away, and you felt his breath on your face. You silently said your goodbye with a squeeze to his shoulder, and he sat up. You heard him shuffling, the hiss of his helmet again, and the door slid open.

The dim light from the entry room poured in, and you winced a little. The Mandalorian was standing now, facing away from your cot. His body projected a large shadow across the room.

“Goodnight,” he said, his voice filtering through the vocoder. In an instant, he was gone. The door shut, and you were left in the darkness, replaying the events of the last couple days in your mind.

[mrsq8geek]

I have never seen someone whose natural sleep cycle also starts at 6. It's always like "this person with a sleep disorder gets tired at 3 or 4 am". I had a year between graduating and getting my first job and in that year I consistently slept at 5-6am and woke up around 1-2. No alarm, no nothing.

But of course society, life, stress, etc, so in reality: avoid caffeine too late in the day, take a melatonin around the same time every day, put on my sleep headset, put on the white noise, put on the eye mask. If i want to be up at 5:30, I have various alarms going off starting 4:30, because after experimenting, it consistently takes me 45mins to an hour to wake up starting from the first alarm. This is including days where I really can't miss that important thing, so I set additional alarms on my laptop so I have to physically leave the bed... and then I go back to sleep.

The things that do help is I have smart lights and I use them as alarms, and while phone calls alone don't wake me properly because I can answer and go back to sleep, having a conversation does wake me. If it's a nap cause I'm tired but I got stuff to do, I drink water first so the need to pee gets me out of bed.

When the sun goes down I'm kind of grumpy because I'm tired from the day, although I adore sunsets, but about 1-2 hours later my mood significantly improves, my brain comes online, aaaand I have maybe an hour where that's useful before I have to take the melatonin so I can force-sleep.

I would have been great at guarding the village gate but oh well, industrialisation amirite

I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).

[nathank77]

5/4/24

10:33 p.m finished at: 11:08 p.m

So I slept really well. I fell asleep in like 30 minutes or less. I got really high before bed and obv took my xanax. Was it the weed or being over tired from only getting 4 hours of sleep the other night? We will see. I slept for 4 hours, woke up peed and then took a Benadryl. I took a couple to a few hits and passed back out. The Benadryl was a just in case. I woke up once more and passed back out. Then I woke up at like 3:30 I think.

I've been smoking weed all day and having a red bull day enjoying bully. Idk if the weed is making it worse or better or the same. I've been more positive and calm and I've been more relaxed. I've been convincing myself the hallucination is murmuring or something, incoherent things that sound like what I'm either thinking or random things. Last night it said carnegie hall. So that's not positive or negative or anything? It was neutral.

I mean at one point yesterday I felt like it was getting worse but I was really tired. Today seems about the same as any other day but I mean its hard to tell. I got to see what sleeping is like on a day I got like 8 hours. Just using Xanax and getting stoned before bed.

I mean we will see and we will keep tracking the hallucination and slightly the mental pictures... I'm trying not to ruminate on it or negative things. Cause that doesn't help its obsessive in nature.

My new obsession is trying to control the hallucination by convincing myself that it's so indiscernible that it either sounds like my internal monologue or it sounds like nothing but a weird ahh or incoherent sounds. We will see how it goes.

Sleep really does matter cause if it can fix it then that would be great but if it has little to no effect then it isn't worth the money...

Especially if it could worsen the hallucination. However I'll keep myself busy and keep trying to think its indiscernible and try to change my inner monologue that's been effected by hearing the same phrases for months on end despite the fact that like yea I can still hear birthday present or happy birthday but Maybe I can convince myself that most of it is indiscernible. Especially my dead name and bussyunt... use your imagination that was changed to bussyunt from pussy cunt.... but that happened months ago with the voice when it was more intelligent...it helped me...

So now I'm trying to help myself and change things to indiscernible noise or my monolgue or random neutral shit.

We will see. I know one thing, I could backtrack a bit but it won't be significant. It won't be like October all of a sudden.

So I'll take it day by day cause it would be nice to get off xanax ALTHOUGH maybe that's not possible...

Xanax stopped the mental pictures with auditory hallucination thing. It hasn't happened since I started taking it..

Let's say my hallucination stays the same or gets marginally better and I'm sleeping great and falling asleep easily....

Let's say that I try to get off xanax but- those mental picture with auditory hallucination thing happens again... I'll stay on Xanax until the day or even months after I stop hallucinating assuming I ever stop. I'll stay on Xanax forever if I hallucinate forever just to stop that mental picture/auditory hallucination trauma.

I do keep seeing weird specks out of my peripheral vision, that's a little new.... but not really it was happening months ago... but I'm trying to stay positive. It's rapid and disappears... but I did get enough sleep last night. I'm a little worried. I wouldn't say it happens often but maybe a few times today, maybe 4 times I something in my peripheral vision for seconds. I won't count last night cause I only got 4 hours and it's always like that with a lack of sleep....

I'm def worried about that but I mean as long as it doesn't get worse. I just got to track everything and anything....

I guess I'm on the fence. I notice my thoughts are a little sloppy.. like thinking Nathan deadname. That was getting better significantly before but sometimes I think tiki tots or something too cause I'm high... idk I got to track everything and that's what I mean about changing my internal monologue by trying to erase those phrases as much as I can by changing the hallucination..

Idk... I'm trying bc sleep is really an issue with me... and I need to fix it...

I feel like if my sleep stays the same and I got to drug myself all the time beyond Xanax it is not improving and then it's not worth the money or the risk...

Beyond that it can help ptsd.... the issue is making my auditory hallucination or any hallucination worse....

But I feel more like me... when I've been on dating sites, not putting 420 friendly and being like she's a pot head and I mean I may never be able to smoke pot again regularly, I feel I lost a huge part of my identity.... like I kinda get when Katie cried and said, "you're always high so it's not really you." Bc of her trauma with her parents having been alcoholics.... but the high version of me feels like me. Especially when I am less high and medicated..... bc it's something that evens me out... and feels more like a mood stabilizer than, "woah man," if that makes sense. Right now I def feel high cause like I have no tolerance... but it will even out more.

We will see, I don't want to lose this part of myself. Without edibles weed doesn't cost an arm and a leg anymore. I mean atm bc of what I have I won't need to get my card until like August.

Anyways- I'm playing bully. I stopped for dinner. I'm feeling lonely but I'm used to it. Trying to numb that pain with distraction....

Hardcore moshpit is starting Tuesday I'm excited. I'm going to take Tuesday the 7th to the 13th and play black ops everyday all day long assuming I don't get smashed cause then I'm going to be mad. I haven't played any bo4 cause I only seem to do well on hardcore barebones moshpit and hardcore Nuketown which are two playlists that only last a week each spread out over a 15 week rotation.

[shahronak47]

Trip to New Zealand - South Island.

After some (?) complications we finally were excited to travel to New Zealand. Our flight was one-stop flight, so we went from KL to Sydney and then from  Sydney to Queenstown. Enjoyed interacting with Sydney immigration officer, loved their accent. Surprisingly, no-one asked for transit visa in AUS nor even NZ visa when entering their country. Maybe they already have it in their record against our passport details. The view in Sydney to Queenstown flight was amazing. The sight of Remarkables mountain is breath taking.

It was summer in NZ and the first day sun set around 9.30 pm. It was very bright till that time. We had already booked car from Yes rentals.  They came for pickup at the airport and take us to their showroom. Completed formalities and drove away the car. After reaching to our destination, we unloaded our luggage and went for some Grocery shopping. The place where we were staying was a secluded area but at the same time the view from the top was awesome. Once it went dark it was very cold at night. First day driving in NZ was challenging. Still trying to understand the roads signs and rules.

DAY 1

We woke up a bit late and mostly relaxed in the first half of the day. It was raining when we woke up and the rain continued till around 2 pm. We left the home when it was raining and roamed around in Queenstown street. It has good restaurants and places to eat. St. Omer Park was next to it. The park has nice view of Lake Wakatipu has a long trail for a walk. Ate an ice cream at Patagonia, it was very different and tasty.

Brought some groceries from an Indian grocery shop and back to home.

Day 2

This was a very pleasant morning as the sun was out since morning.

Today we had to reach Te Anau which was 170 km from Queenstown. The best thing with NZ is there are lot of spots on the way where you can stop and enjoy the nature. In fact, there are road signs indicating that such stops are coming up in 2 kms etc. In the morning we went to Queenstown garden,  had coffee and breakfast there and continued our journey to Te Anau. Queenstown garden is very big and we also saw rose garden. Thanks to awesome climate we could enjoy the stunning views that NZ had to offer today. Turns out Queenstown garden is at the same place where we were yesterday but it was just another end of St . Omer park. Everyone was sunbathing in the garden. Next we went to Kingston lake park which was a refresh stop and lot of caravans were parked here. Some of them from overnight stay. It had lake as well and this time we dared and stepped in the lake. The water was freezing cold. The sun was out since morning and it was around 3 pm now but the water was dangerously cold. Couldn't be in the water for more than 5 seconds. We had our lunch here under the shade of tree and took rest.  I also read couple of chapters of the book I was reading.

Finally, we left for Te Anau at 4 pm and drove for an hour and half to reach here. The place that we were staying in Te anau was a quite neighborhood but it was so beautiful. As soon as we reached our stay we took a cup of coffee and straight went out for a walk to explore the neighborhood. Everyone had their own simple home with garden of its own and it was very beautiful. I mean in our 30-40 mins of strolling outside we only saw one old lady who had came out for walk. Didn't saw any other human on the road there. It was very empty but we loved it.

Day 3

Milford sound is 120 kms from Te Anau. Lot of people drive directly from Queenstown to Milford sound and back on the same day. However, we didn't want to over exert ourselves so we took a stop at Te Anau. Te Anau is also last town before Milford Sound. We left at 10 am for Milford sound and on the way there are many photo stops and beautiful places. It was very difficult to resist and not stop for them. For many stops we said that we will wait here while coming back but few of them were too beautiful to resist. After couple of stops we did realize that we were getting late so decided to wait for them while coming back. The good thing about visiting NZ in summer is that there is visible sunlight till 9-9.30 pm so we do get good amount of time to be outside. Milford sound was a cruise ride to different waterfalls and mountain views.

It was very windy and the temperatures was very low. We went to the uppermost deck however, after 30 mins or so it became unbearably cold so we went down in the closed area of the ship. They serve coffee and some snacks on board which is paid of course. The tour lasts for 2 hours however, I was not too impressed by it. It costs us 145 NZD per person which also seemed super expensive. The only good part about going to Milford is as I mentioned all the scenic spots on the way where you can stop for toilet, relaxation and some photos.

Day 4

We left from Te anau and our next destination for night was Fairlie which was around 500km. This was going to be longest drive of our trip. As Queenstown was on the way we decided to have lunch there as we were aware about the restaurants there from day 1. Parking however can be a problem near Queenstown street. We took multiple breaks on the way. We had a booking at Tekapo springs near lake Tekapo. It had stargazing and hot pools experience combined. However, our booking was at 11.30pm.  Since in summer the sun sets late, only available slot were 10.30 and 11.30 pm. 10.30 pm was fully booked so we had to take 11.30pm slot even when we did the booking in advance. Star gazing was okayish , you could see lot of stars with naked eye itself. After the sun set, there were so many stars visible in the sky. Haven't seen sky so full of stars in a very long time. We expected a detailed view of some of stars through telescope in star gazing experience however, we were disappointed as the view was not as our expectation. The host was not very engaging as well as she only spoke about the things that she had memorized. Space is such an interesting topic , I tried to ask her one question but she did not answer it so I stopped those questions. We skipped hot springs as we were super tired by the drive and it was already 12.30 am. We were not willing to wait another hour and then drive back home at 1.30 am. Fairlie was around 50 km from lake Tekapo and it had become super chilly and windy at night when we were leaving. It was impossible to be outside. The drive was scary as well because it was pitch black and there were hardly any cars in the road at 1 o'clock. The only light that we could see was of our headlight. No lights in the front or back.

Day 5

It was super relaxed as we had came late at night from lake tekapo. We left home after lunch at 2 pm. Went to Good shepherd church as it is one of the places to visit when nearby.

Later, we went down straight to lake Tekapo to sit at the shore. Yesterday, although we were at the same place but couldn't spend time near the lake. A warning was issued that it is going to be windy today and so it was super windy wherever we went. We just had a nice cup of coffee there.

For later part of the evening we rested mostly. Watched a movie on Netflix while preparing dinner and eating it.

Day 6

Drove from Fairlie to Christchurch. Surprisingly, there was nothing much to do on the way unlike what we had experienced till now. The route not scenic as well. I think we are already spoiled by NZ in the first week itself expecting everything to be scenic all the time :P. After reaching Christchurch, we went to Hagley North park,  had lunch there on park bench. Checked in to our home,  had some rest and went for grocery shopping. We mostly prepared and ate our food at home itself, so grocery shopping was a big task wherever we went. First impression of Christchurch not too great. Too many traffic signals on the road, reminded me of Singapore where it was the same. Maybe it was because this was a big city. Saw some indiscipline on road for the first time in NZ from the locals. Otherwise till now, be it driving or pedestrians on the road everyone followed traffic rules. No place to park in the city. We went to new Regent Street where we had high expectations but it wasn't lively. Maybe we went at the wrong time of the day.

Day 7

When researching about things to do in Christchurch everyone suggested Tram and Punting on the Avon River. Both of the things we were not interested in. It didn't leave us with much options and we had 3 days here. Went to Quake city which is a museum about history of earthquakes in Christchurch. Christchurch is high earthquake prone zone and gets a lot of earthquakes. The one on 22 Feb 2011 was a major one where 175 people lost their lives. This museum shares the stories of the people , the people who experienced it first hand. It shares the science behind earthquakes and has some fun experiments related to it. Ticket was 20$ per person. After that, we visited Botanical garden and saw some wonderful flowers there.

Finally, at the end we went out to nearby beach. It was 15 kms from city center so close to Christchurch and there was literally no one on the beach. It was completely empty.  It was windy and we were surprised to know that no one was at this beautiful beach so close to the city. Anyway, that worked out good for us.

Day 8

We were going to spend one more day in Christchurch. First, we went for shopping in Central city area. Had food in Riverside Market. Then we spent some time playing with the birds in the Avon river and then went to 2$ thrift shop where there were things (mostly clothes ) starting from 2$. I bought myself couple of novels to read for 2$ each.

Day 9

Finally, left from Christchurch,  visited Racaia George. The water was beautiful and blue.

We loved our time there. This was one of the most recommended place but still it wasn't over crowded. I think there were around 20-25 people when we were there.

We spent rest of the evening at Fables which was a lovely place.

For the entire trip we had booked AirBnB's but this was only an exception. It was a lovely hotel with a very big landscape. It was very huge and view from the room was very beautiful.

After dinner we sat outside drinking coffee at the sunset and playing nice romantic music in the background.

Day 10

We did breakfast at the hotel and left for Hoktika. It was very windy today since morning. Hoktika was 250 kms from the hotel and the road was challenging. Steep ghats and turns along with wind and rain made the journey even more challenging. It rained the whole day without a break. Apparently,  it was a wet day is what our host said after reaching their place.

Day 11

We didn't do much yesterday after reaching hoktika since it was raining the entire evening. In the morning we checked out and went to nearby Grocery store to buy some essentials. After that we went to Hoktika beach where the waves were very strong. Maybe it was because of the wind or geography of Hokitika.

After strolling there for a bit we went to nearby cafe which was surprisingly very full. Had some sandwiches and coffee there. Roamed around the street, visited few shops and bought some clothes as they were on discount. In the afternoon we left for Fox Glacier and did wait for couple of stops on the way.

Day 12

Our main activity for the day in Fox Glacier got postponed. We had booked snow landing in glacier with helicopter ride. However, there was a very high cloud cover today affecting the visibility so it was not possible to do this today. We had one more day in Fox glacier so we were going to try again tomorrow. Later we went to lake Matheson which had a beautiful reflection point.

It was an easy walk and had different points to visit. Later on, we strolled near the town Centre.

Day 13

The day started with another bad news that the weather is not clear today as well and there are lot of cloud cover near the landing area. This was strange since it was sunny today and the climate was much better than yesterday. The good thing about this glacier landing we were going to get refund if the flight was cancelled. We saw few other companies still taking people on rides, it was only our operator who said that it was cancelled. We enquired at them and they had one flight available. It was expensive 330$ per person. The one that we had booked was for 250$ doing the same thing. After thinking for a while we decided to book it. They took us to a helipad nearby which was a 5 mins drive and then the helicopter flight was around 10 mins. The glacier was a very close spot. They land on the glacier and we spend around 10 mins there for photos. As it was sunny today, the snow was reflecting very brightly.

The pilot mentioned that it is 14km glacier which is present all the year around. Lucky for us we were also sitting in the front along with the pilot. In one helicopter ride there are 6 people, 2 in the front and 4 at the back. 330 seems expensive for the short 30 mins flight but it is the tourist season now, so no regrets. After that we were driving to Wanaka today. It was 280 kms drive and we had nice stops this time on the way. We reached Wanaka at around 5.30 pm after taking 4-5 stops.

Went out for lunner (lunch/dinner) and came back to home. We were very tired from the ride and slept very early today.

Day 14

Left home after breakfast and went to lavender farm. Beautiful flowers and landscape. However,  entry there is not free. It costs 15$ per person. Spent the afternoon there, clicked some nice pictures , came home and did lunch.

Went out for some shopping in town centre and visited wanaka lake which is in town center as well. Roamed around the shops there. Had dinner at a nice restaurant and came back to home.

Day 15.

Today we had to drive from Wanaka to Queenstown. After checkout we want to #thatWanakaTree and had nice breakfast at Dougbin bakery before leaving for Queenstown.

It was a nice 70 kms drive which we completed in little more than hour. This was the last place of our stay. My wife was not feeling well so we mostly stayed in the apartment for today.

Day 16

Today the only thing to do in our agenda was shopping. We had to buy Souvenir for friends and family back home.

Day 17

After checkout out had some time so went out to have ice cream at patagonia and gave back the car at Yes rentals and they dropped us to the airport. However, it did not end there :(

Looking back at the entire here are some reflection points.

Things we did well -

1. Self managed everything. I was a bit skeptical about this but it was the best decision. We could tailor made itinerary for us. We had enquired with some tour organizers however, we decided to do it on our own. Yes, it was not 100% successful but still the houses we stayed in, routes we followed were specially made for us keeping our likes and dislikes in mind by us. 2. Self drive. Before coming to NZ, I must have drove car for around 200 kms, my lifetime total. Whereas in NZ, I drove for 2300 kms here but the kind of flexibility it provided was amazing. Couldn't imagine doing this via tour or a dedicated driver as well. Btw, having a dedicated driver is twice as expensive. 3. Travelling in February instead of August. Previously, we were planning to travel to NZ in August for my wife's birthday. However, it is winter during that time and things are unreliable. Roads are closed due to snow, weather changes frequently. You need to check the road condition before leaving for every trip. Additionally, the days are shorter where sun sets much earlier.

Things we'll do differently next time -

1. Reduce duration of trip. There were days when we were bored and didn't have much to do. NZ is very expensive as well, so everyday you stay adds an additional expense to your pocket. 2. Include insect repellent. It is nice to visit in summer in nature but while being in nature also brings lots of insects that bite. It would be much better if you have an insect repellent with you. 3. Don't include overnight activities especially when we have full day travel. The stargazing experience in lake tekapo taught us that.

Few things that are special to NZ - 1. Except within the city in Christchurch and some parts of Queenstown everything in NZ is a single lane road. More than 90% of road that we drove on was single lane. 2. NZ is home to all modes of transportation. Hiking,  walking,  cycling,  biking, car driving,  RV's and campervans. 3. Very common to see people jog at any time of the day. 7 am, 2 pm, 12 pm. Seen people jogging/running at any time. 4. Made in NZ products mostly throughout the country. Be it shampoo, detergent, ketchup, spices most of the ones that we picked up from grocery was made in NZ. 5. Abundant parking wherever we went. Abundant seating places. There was never an issue for them. I think less population in NZ makes it possible to do it. 6. 10 am check out everywhere in NZ. 10 am seems too early but I guess this is the standard they have. Although, check-out is early but check in is still at normal time i.e 2pm or 3pm. 7. Viewpoints at every highway. I have mentioned this multiple times but if you are travelling from point A to point B, there are going to be multiple stops on the way for you to appreciate the beauty of NZ. 8. Every town/village has town center which is a central place where you can find everything.

I hope you enjoyed this trip to NZ with us. Here are some final few photos from NZ.

[thewrittenart]

Monday, Nov. 6 2023

Woke up around 6:40AM feeling a bit tired. But it was already somewhat bright outside, so I felt like I should get up to let Charlie, my cat, outside in order to maximize his "outside time," especially with the recent time change (Fall back, so the sun sets an hour earlier around 4:30PM).

I get up but wasn't feeling energetic at all. So I mosey on, and I don't even know what I actually do. I do remember putting on a YouTube video (Alfie Deyes's latest vlog upload -- I love watching or having in the background daily vlogs!); his sponsor was BetterHelp. This prompted me to check out how much it costs. (I've known of BetterHelp prior but have never tried it -- heck, I've never been to therapy, but I have been thinking about going since some time in the beginning of this year.) With Alfie's link, it was ~$60/week, which is a bit tight for me right now financially. But they had a link after I filled out the questionnaire that said something like "I can't afford this right now." So I clicked it, and it asked me more questions about my situation. After I was awarded financial aid! That was so amazing! It lowered the price to ~$50/week, which is not so much of a difference but the fact that I got aid and that that is even a thing they offer just made me get on board. It's like I already feel like they really care about you. (I do some dog-walking for pocket money, so I just told myself that what I earn from that, for now, will go first to paying for therapy, at least for a couple months. I want to try it out until the end of the year.) I got really excited after signing up and even got matched within a few hours! I haven't set up an appointment though... I have trouble committing to a time constraint for some reason. It kind of makes me anxious. Maybe I can talk to my therapist about it haha!

Anyways, around noon, I was still feeling tired, so I lied down and napped. (Charlie joined me too!) Woke up after 20-30 minutes feeling somewhat energized. (My psychology teacher said 20 minutes is the magic number for naps.) I felt better after that.

Around 3PM, I realized that, since the sun sets around 4PM, my cat will have to be inside at that time for the rest of the night. Then I thought: wow, 4PM is still pretty early for working in the evenings. So I decided to go into the office to work! I figured work until 8 or 9PM -- that's 3-4 hours of work! And I work really well in my office, better than at home... Hate to admit it. I do really like working there; it's just that Charlie is so happy outside. I need to be home to let him in and out. And I only let him go outside during the daylight hours, given the weather is appropriate. So, I guess on the bright side, bad weather days have an advantage that: I don't have an excuse to not go into the office [especially since it's becoming winter]. So yeah, I did enjoy going into the office. I felt very proud of myself for being able to work 4-5 hours, and I didn't really feel like I was dragging myself through the mud to be productive, which has been happening a lot (part of the reason I signed up for therapy). And when I got home, I did not feel any obligation to work or even think about work. I just started my bedtime routine. I like going to bed after a good work session [and doing some me-time in the morning after waking up]... I might actually prefer it.

I slept so well that night: no wake-ups at all, felt well-rested and not groggy when I woke up, woke up around 6:30AM before my alarm. It felt so natural. Honestly, it felt like the best wake-up I've ever had -- at least, the best one I've had in a long time!

I think I'm going to try and employ a day rating scale: great > good > okay > meh > bad.

[Today] This was a great day.

Note to self: Tag journal posts with the year, the month, journal, and day rating.