#i mean i got some off my system by making that one meme with the clasping hands

[an1muuarts]

theres an ep/chapter named egg i cant fucking believe this

[httpdwaekki]

fixation | l.f.

summary: you and felix get high before tensions start to rise and who are you to deny your favorite sunshine.

wc: 2.2k

warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY (minors and ageless blogs WILL be blocked), both felix n the reader are high, smut, nipple play, clit licking/sucking, switch (both), fingering, ddlg (if you really squint), felix calls the reader mama (it felt right in the moment idk how i'm feeling about it), probably more read at your own risk.

a/n: inspired by @felixknow ‘s hannie’s🍒 fixation fic. idk how i’m feeling about this one chat, but i’m kinda obsessed with it at the same time. i hope you all enjoy, remember to eat, drink water and take your meds, ily <3.

hannie’s vers. | my library

please consider donating to this fundraiser!

(images are not mine! credit to owners!)

felix was known for his love of physical touch.

you literally could not find him not touching someone in some sort of way. so much so that you give him the unoriginal title of ‘cuddle bug.’ now this was also true tenfold when he was high.

anytime you got high with him, he’d always somehow find himself on top of you, and 9 times out of 10, with his head on your boobs.

you both were sat  on your bed, a couple of hits deep, when he feels the need to touch you. you were propped up on some pillows on your side, face smushed into a random plushie as you were invested in whatever youtube video was on your phone.

he makes his way over to you from the other side of the bed. he inserts himself in the little space between you and your phone cause you to lean back.

he pushes you fully in your back, before flooping down onto you, his head on your tits. you thought nothing of it, you going back to your video, felix mindless scrolling on twitter. 

a few minutes go by before felix lets out a laugh. he turns his phone to you, showing you something he found scrolling. “this is me.” what was it? literally just a picture of tits, a meme of spongebob smiling big and the caption ‘me when boob’.

“no shot you’re looking at other boobs while laying on mine” you tease. he sits up to defend himself but you won’t here it “foul! foul i’ll tell you! are mine not good enough for you?” 

you were enjoying this too much, felix’s freckled face was red the more flustered he got. “no no! i love your boobs! they’re the best!” you kept egging him, finding it cute as he tried to defend himself.

“suuure they are, i’m sure you tell all the girls that.” unbeknownst to you, you struck a cord. you had forgotten how sensitive the precious sunshine became when he was inebriated.

“no, that’s not true.” he mumbled, causing you to sit up. “hey hey, lix, i’m joking bug, i’m sorry.” you rub his thigh, hoping to soothe him.

he looks over at you with a pout. “don’t do that.” he playfully hits you, pulling a giggle from you. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry.” you squeal, as he toss both your phones away before he throws more playful hits your way.

you throw yourself back, attempting to protect yourself from his attacks. eventually he halts his attacks, finding himself straddling your hips, leaning over you, both of you breathing slightly heavier. you both feel something shift, the tension becoming thicker . 

“you know, i think i deserve something special for you being mean.” your mind hazy not just from the weed but now felix’s presence over you.

“what do you have in mind?” you ask softly. not breaking eye contact, he brings one hand up to cover your clothed tit, giving it a light squeeze. “i think you should let me show you how much love them.” his deep voice sending shockwaves through your system. 

you give him a soft nod, keeping your eyes on his. you had taken your bra off almost as soon as both of you had entered your apartment, you hated the way the underwire felt, especially when he laid on them. 

so you could feel every agonizing movement he made, brushing your senstive bud each time. you watch as he brings himself down, making himself eye level with the now hardened bud.

he brushes his thumb over it, revealing it through the fabric. he takes the bud in his mouth over your shirt, keeping eye contact with you, catching every glimpse of your face he can get.

he alternates between sucking it and flicking his tongue around it. he brings his hand to your other tit, making that peak hard on contact.

the combined stimulation, caused you to let out a soft moan. he pulls away from you, causing a whine to leave you.

“does that feel good mama?” you nod your head, brain too fuzzy to form words. you were sure it was the weed but something about your mind already hazy made this feel that much better.

he places a kiss to the wet peak before reaching down, and pulling at the hem of your shirt, “lean up for me.” he taps the side of your boobs with his free hand. you knew deep down he only did that to see you tit jiggle a bit.

he pulls the shirt off as you lean forward, tossing it somewhere in the room. he kisses the nipple he has had been sucking for the past minute or so before moving to the other one.

he places a kiss to it once again before taking it in his mouth fully. you let out a breathy moan, finally feel his mouth on you. he lets out a moan, sucking the hardened bud happily. you felt like you were on cloud 9, you wrapped your arms around him, one around his shoulder the other in his hair.

he grazed your nipple with his teeth causing you to let out a squeak. “lix please.” you begged, your thighs pressing together. “what’s wrong, hm? you feeling needy.” you pout at his words nodding your head again.

“don’t worry mama, i got you.” he smiles, before taking your nipple between his teeth once more.

you let out a whimper, his voice and actions taking over your senses completely. your hands fisting his soft locks as he continues his work. “lix please.” 

he ignores your pleas, simply too invested in softly sucking your chest. he becomes dazed, cheek pressing against your soft flesh as he relaxes into you. “god, you’re fucking perfect.” he says releasing your nipple for a moment.

he gives it a soft blow before giving it one last lick and kiss before moving to the other side once more.

he melts into you once again, his cheek pressed to you as he lazily sucks. he had his hand playing with your other boob, pulling yet another whine from you.

“baby boy,” you moan, head falling back at the stimulation. “as pretty as you look with my nipple in your mouth i need something more.” he pulls back, pout evident on his freckled face.

“but they feel so nice to play with.” his hands still pawing at them, rolling your nipples between his fingers. you grab his hands, intertwining your fingers. “i know baby but i think i’m gonna go insane if you don’t do something else in the next 10 seconds.” 

his cheeks flush before you pull him down to you. you capture his lips in a feverish kiss, taking one of your hands to card through his soft strands. he moans into your mouth as you gently tug at them, scratching his scalp softly.

his free hand makes its way to the side of your breast, playing with it once more. “have i just unlocked an obsession for my boobs in you.” you ask, pulling away from him, breathing heavy.

he gives you a confused look, “what do you mean just unlocked? i have my face in your tits half the time for a reason.” he says like it’s obvious.

you let out a giggle as he leans down, placing kisses on your jaw before making his way down. he stops at your boobs once again. “felix i swear to god i won’t let you play on them again.” you threaten, cause him to shoot up.

“that seems a bit drastic no?” you roll your eyes, “i don’t care, please.” you whine, feeling yourself going insane at the lack of stimulation. “okay, okay, i’m sorry.” he places one last kiss to each nipple before making his way down.

he trails a bunch of kisses across your soft tummy, one to each hip bone before pulling down your shorts. “fuck angel,” he breathes as he spreads your legs, staring at the wet patch on your light blue panties.

he places a kiss to it before rubbing small circles with his thumb. “ah.” you moan, at the slight stimulation. “lixie, please.” your mind is so far gone and he’s barely touched you. between him and the weed, it was fucking intoxicating.

“i know baby, i know,” he reassures, his voice dropping an octave or two. he’s rubbing smalls circles to your clothed clit, mesmerized by the growing wet patch darken the fabric.

“all this because of me?” he asks, looking back to you. you nod, pout present on your lips, “all you lixie.” you mumbled. he places once last kiss to the wet patch before removing those as well.

“look at this pretty pussy hm?” he spreads your lips apart, eyes sparkling as he takes in the sight of your glistening cunt.

he licks a long stripe from your wet entrance up to your bundle of nerves. he latches onto it, giving it a harsh suck. “ah! fuck.” you moan, back arching as you reach for the closest thing for you to hold, which happened to be a stuffie.

you stuff your face in its tummy and felix expertly plays with your swollen clit. you turn your head to the side moaning into the soft toy and he slips a finger in.

he pulls away, but his finger keeps thrusting into you. “no, no, my sweet girl, let me hear you baby.” his free hand rubbing your inner thigh, as he places kisses all around your clit.

“ lixie,” you cry, turning to look at him while tucking the plushie into your chest. “i know mama, am i making you feel good?” he asks between kisses.

“yes, yes, it feels so good, more please.” you beg, you needed more, you needed your senses completely overwhelmed by him.

he adds a second finger before completely taking your clit in his mouth once more. “ah,” you cry, back arching at the added stimulation. “lixie please, don’t stop.” 

the weed in your system was making everything feel euphoric. he takes the hand that was rubbing soothing circles to your thigh to spread you out, giving him easier access to your pretty clit.

you moan, your hand coming up to squeeze your tit, finger brushing your peaked bud.

“look at you,” he pauses for a moment to flick your clit once more. “so gorgeous for me,” he gives the bundle a suck before grazing his teeth against the nerves, pulling a high pitched moan from you.

“sounding so pretty for me hm?” he speeds up his fingers, curling them into that gummy spot, sending you into a state of pure bliss. “ah!” you scream, breathing heavy, head thrown back.

“fe-felix, p-please, i’m gonna c-cum.” you manage to stutter, your senses fully overtaken by him. “yeah? my pretty girl gonna cum?” he slips a third finger in, causing your eyes to roll back into you head.

“yes, yes, please, li-lixie, i can’t-“ you cut yourself off with a moan, it was feeling almost too good but you needed your release more than air in that moment.

he ignores your comment. “my baby playing with her pretty tits for me,” he blows on your clit, causing you to squeeze and brush your sensitive nipple. “play with your nipple for me baby.” you follow what he says, letting out a pornographic moan.

“felix p-please.” you cry, tears collecting in your eyes as the coil in your tummy becomes tighter and tighter. “come on angel, show me how good i’m making you feel.”

his fingers become impossibly faster, his mouth attached to your clit, sucking it into his mouth while his tongue flicks it.

you scream at the stimulation, your hips rocking against his face, chasing your release. plushie in a death grip to your chest and you roll your nipple between your fingers.

“felix!” you moan as the coil snaps, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. he works you through your high, slowing his fingers but not stopping them.

your clit still in his mouth as he overstimulates you. your body convulses as the shockwaves run through you. “l-lix please, it’s too m-much.” you whimper, body shaking hiding your face once again. 

his stills his fingers, pulling his mouth off you to give your clit a few loving kisses. “so pretty for me angel.” he whispers between kisses. 

“l-lixie.” you call out to him, needing to feel him pressed against you. he looks up at you, making grabby hands to him making him smile.

he carefully pulls his digits out, pulling a whimper from you in the process. he gives your clit a few more kisses, causing your legs to shake involuntarily.

he makes his way up, kissing your tummy and of course, each nipple and even giving one a cheeky suck. 

once he makes his way up you, laying on top of you, plushie squished between you, wrapping your legs and arms around him, pulling him close. he giggles at your cuteness before giving you a loving kiss.

“i love you mama.” he mumbles into the kiss. you smile against him, “i love you more lix.” you pull him tighter to you, both of you falling in a quick, peaceful slumber.

(and yes he does wake you up later, mouth attached to your nipple once again.)

do not repost

p.s. my taglist is open if you would like to be added! just send me an ask <3

[winwintea]

how dreamies would react to bailing you out of jail

PAIRING ▸ dreamies x reader 

TAGS ▸ none, except jail and chenle being rude at first, and oh karen renjun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ i have never been arrested, i am a lawfully abiding citizen. have a nice day. i am perfectly normal and sane.

Mark Lee

Mark has never had to deal with the legal system before, so when he receives the phone-call from you, he’s really confused. “You’re… where?” He makes you repeat yourself and how you got in the situation. “What do you mean you can… ‘bail’ yourself out? Don’t you… have to be tried, like in front of a jury?” You have to explain to Mark how bails work, and eventually he begins to understand. “Don’t worry y/n… I’ll get you out, give me a second.” You can hear him leaving his room and running out, “CHENLE ?? CHENLE !! I NEED SOME CASH.” 

Huang Renjun

Renjun is a little annoyed at first when he realizes that it’s the police station calling him and it involves you. “Well, what’d they do?” He asks, carefully, and as he listens to what the officers say, and his temper slowly starts to rise. “And you put them in jail for that?” He’s pissed off now. Not only was his day interrupted, but you got arrested for such a stupid reason. There was absolutely no reason why he needed to be involved either, so if they wanted him involved he would get involved. “You will be hearing from my lawyers…”

Lee Jeno

Jeno, like Mark, would be extremely confused on what exactly was going on. While he listened to you rant about what happened, and how you got put in jail, one thing would be on his mind: Were you a criminal now? He’s still technically trying to process everything that’s going on, nodding and expressing some “Uh-huh”s here and there to let him know you were listening, but his eyes are wide with concern. He really didn’t want you to become a criminal and agreed to buy your bail. (poor jeno)  

Lee Donghyuck

Haechan cannot remain serious for once. He immediately lets out a giant laugh as soon as he hears what happened, “Yo, can you send me the mugshot? I might make some memes with it.” Obviously you aren’t too happy with this at all, and promptly hang up the call, stating that you were going to call someone else. 5 seconds later though, Haechan calls back, apologizing profusely, “SORRY. SORRY. I’LL PAY, I’LL PAY, SORRY”

Na Jaemin

Jaemin is both disappointed in you, but still worried for your wellbeing, so obviously he agrees to come bail you out, “Are you okay? I’m coming… to pick you up, don’t be scared.” When he arrives at the cell, he immediately scolds you, which he deems as appropriate payment for him having to drive over and rescue you. However, Jaemin will absolutely defend you all the way. Once he pays the bail bondsman, he then turns his attention to the officers, “Look at that face officer! Does that look like the face of a criminal to you?” It’s not until you beg him to leave that he finally gives up arguing with them. 

Zhong Chenle

Chenle does not want to help you at all, “I don’t have time sorry.” (okay rude) But Chenle’s biggest mistake was calling you on facetime. You started crying and rambling about how your life was over, and how you were going to get sentenced to jail time, and this did the trick. “Okay. Fine FINE. I’M GOING.” He ends up paying a hefty sum to get your name cleared from the records and so there will be no trial for you! He doesn’t even ask if you did it or not. This is lowkey illegal and corrupt, but Chenle just doesn’t want to see you upset, and who are you to complain?

Park Jisung

Jisung is somehow so calm about the situation? Like, hearing that you got arrested doesn’t even phase him, “Where you at, send me the location, I’ll pick you up.” You’re shocked too, because you expected him to be in panic mode, but he just comes, does the whole bail process like it’s nothing and takes you home. When you’re in the car with him you can’t help but ask why he was so resolute about the whole situation. Jisung just gives you a nonchalant look, “It’s not the first time I’ve done this. Don’t do it again though.” 

[cavegirlpoems]

So we all hate DnD, but I am kinda curious what are the actually bad ttrpgs?

I know that 3,5e and pf got bloated even more than 5e did, FATAL is a meme, but what else?

I think Chronicles of Darkness tell you the system's gonna be a sleek, streamlined narrative system and then immediately bukakke's pointless fiddly complexity all over everything, to an extent that I never see most STs actually use half the subsystems (does anybody actually like the Doors mechanic?) but also you can utterly break the game if you combine the right merits and powers in a way that I really hope isn't intentional. WoD games all have slightly clunky, lame mechanics but at least in OWoD the mechanics take an extremely simulationist approach of simply modeling the fiction, balance be damned; CoD throws out the simulationism in favour of abstraction and narrativism, but perversely only makes the mechanics more complex, and deploys more weird dice tricks so eyeballing probabilities gets much harder. Everything is fiddly, everything has specific exceptions, and everything good is gated behind weird prerequisites and builds as if the devs thought they were making pathfinder. If you're some sort of weirdo who actually prefers the CoD settings, run them using OWoD mechanics for the love of god.

Shadowrun 6e's character generation is so complex that people have created third party apps that are basically mandatory in order to wrangle it into shape. It's notoriously complex in play with basically every action requiring multiple steps of calculation, to the extent that 'you need to do calculus if you set off a grenade next to a wall' is a meme; when I played we simply never used grenades because we were all to scared of trying to make sense of the mechanics. However, in play a slightly minmaxed mage can make every other party member obsolete by simply summoning an extremely powerful spirit to solve every task. I hated every minute of it.

Pokemon Tabletop Adventures uses d20-based mechanics for trainers, where you roll a d20 vs armour class to hit, and then roll some damage. It also recreates the mechanics of the pokemon video games largely verbatim. Its expected that trainers and pokemon can and will interact despite using totally different systems, and trainers can even learn pokemon moves. Some classes are good at things like 'capturing and training pokemons' while others are good at 'fighting pokemons themselves with martial arts' or 'winning contests' or 'being a film noir detective', but you only get XP or mechanical support for the first ones. Some classes get abilities like 'perfect mind-control, no save' while others get abilities like 'you're better at growing berries'. You are expected to calculate the stats of every pokemon individually, from scratch, for every encounter. Encounters typically feature 5-10 wild pokemons often of multiple species and levels, alongside 3-5 player characters and up to six pokemons per PC. Its a fractal spreadsheet nightmare. Unlike shadowrun, the app to make this insanity playable doesn't exist. Good god. Send help.

On the other end of the spectrum from stupid fiddly crunch, Ten Candles is responsible for the single most miserable ttrpg experience of my life. It claims to be a narrative game which gives players the ability to define the fiction as they go, but fails at this because the GM has secret knowledge that other players aren't privy to, meaning that it invites players to be creatively vulnerable when they have narrative authority, with a chance that they might get their contributions unilaterally overruled due to information they had no way of knowing. Since the game ends with everybody dying automatically, the game inherently leans on the GM to railroad in what's meant to be a colaberative narrative experience. And finally, on a purely practical level, the clever conciet of playing by candlelight and extinguishing candles as the game progresses means that by half-way in you can't read your fucking character sheets or dice, which is less spooky and more irritating. God I hate ten candles.

[maddys-nerd-blog]

Maddy’s Favorite TMNT Films Ranked!

It’s my birthday!!! I’m officially 25, which makes me shudder cuz I’m in my quarter life crisis now. REGARDLESS! Since it’s the day of my birth I thought it right to do something special!!

And that’s rank ALL the TMNT movies from my least favorite to my all-time faves!

I’m honored you all enjoyed my silly episode ranking, it was tons of fun to do and I loved writing it!! Chatting about these turtles has been nothing but fun and brings me tons of comfort, so I’m happy to do one of these again! I just pray my opinions aren’t too controversial 🤣🤣

Ten movies, all about four teenage mutant ninja turtles. One nerd to review these. This’ll be fun!!

Let’s kick some shell! 💜💜💜

Some criteria!

These are just my thoughts on the films! I’m not the end all, be all of what movie is THE BEST or THE WORST. If you like a movie that may have ranked lower, that’s awesome!! Let’s all share our opinions on them and have a fun time!

Straight to DVD films are included in this lineup!

The live concerts and We Wish You a Turtles Christmas are not allowed cuz those are fever dreams 🤣

I’ll be doing a classic ranking system from the bottom all the way to the top!

SPOILERS BEWARE! … AGAIN 🤣🤣 and some slight swearing, I may have gotten excited while writing this 🤣🤣🤣

Let’s begin!

10: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 ( 1993 )

My Score: 2 out of 10.

This movie is a fever dream and I can’t be convinced otherwise 🤣

I mean, can you blame me? This was made in a last ditch effort to get Turtlemania back in the mainstream just as it began to die down… and this was a BAD way to win fans back.

From the terrible comedy to the worst TMNT villain in the franchise to grace the silver screen in the form of Walker. Don’t even get me started on the god awful turtle costumes this time around because… dear lord, they’re nightmare fuel. If I saw these guys in an alley I’d run for the hills! They’re downright grotesque to look at! All the characters are either whiny, boring, or unlikable. I have nothing but respect to the voice actors of Leonardo and Michelangelo for sticking it through all three of the classic movies, despite the terrible script they had to work with in this installment. I also feel awful for Elias Koteas, who got the short end of the hockey stick— see what I did there? I’ll see myself out 😂— after ALL the grief Karen’s made him deal with after the first movie, getting booted from the sequel as a result of their nagging, only to be brought back to this mess. And what was with the ancestor-but-maybe-not-but-wait-he-might-be guy that Koteas was also playing??? His character made ZERO sense!

And that Splinter puppet???? THAT THING IS UGLY.

I would never watch this one again unless it was for memes. “What did you expect, maybe the Addams family?!”

No, but I expected a better script than this BS.

9: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows ( 2016 )

My Score: 3.4 out of 10

This may be a tighter script and a slightly more coherent plot, but DAMN, I can’t bare to watch this one for more than ten minutes on a good day.

First of all, Leonardo in this one is downright terrible and a bad leader. I’m STUNNED he never gets reprimanded by his Sensei for his nasty treatment of his brothers— telling Donnie to LIE TO HIS FAMILY ABOUT THE OOZE????? That’s out of character! Belittling Raph with that whole ‘There’s only one vote that counts’ line???? And putting the blame on him and Mikey for the police station fiasco?! He comes off as a bully!!

The plot is somewhat stronger than the first but it’s just taking elements from the Marvel movies, such as the hole in the sky like The Avengers. Shoving needless fan service in our faces as if to say ‘SEE??? WE LEARNED FROM THE FIRST ONE, WE HEARD YOU, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT?! LOOK! THERE’S A FROZEN NEUTRINO ON KRANG’S SHIP!’ Sorry, but this ain’t the Sonic movie, it isn’t going to work unless you actually respect the material you’re adapting! Like with the Sonic movie! They fixed Sonic’s look because of fan demand, and they actually respected their advise! Here though? It’s like they’re just throwing it in our faces just to spite us. It’s not coming from a place of love. Casey Jones in this film is a joke— what a waste to this iconic character to turn him from a badass vigilante into a whining baby vying for April’s affection. Bebop and Rocksteady are annoying as hell. Stockman sucks. Karai is a nothing sandwich. Shredder barely does ANYTHING. And Krang??? EW. Just… ew.

But for all my ranting this far, I do have some positives from this one— April actually gets to have a playful personality which is fun! Once again the turtles are the highlight. Their designs this time around are great!! Less accessories but it allows for more room to show the guys’ fighting abilities and the accessories they do have is there as an added bonus, not to clutter their look! I feel like this was Donnie and Raph’s movie more than anything! The amount of attention they get in this film alone shows that there were writers who loved these guys and treated them with respect! That scene where Donnie single-handedly TOOK CONTROL OF A CRASHING AIRPLANE USING HIS BO AS THE STEERING?! THAT WAS SICK!!! And Raph once again is an absolute BEAST in battle! The motion capture artists are phenomenal as the titular man characters, they all had great chemistry together! I just feel awful that they had to be treated so badly behind the scenes…

It’s not a great movie, and even with the few redeeming factors it still makes me irritated.

8: Turtles Forever ( 2009 )

My Score: 3.5 out of 10

PLEASE DON’T HATE ME 🤣

Remember what I said about us not getting a proper crossover until Ciro Nieli adapted the 1987 turtles into the show?

Yeeeeeah. This one was NOT it. And this was supposed to be the 25th anniversary movie???

For some reason, ALL the ‘03 turtles are so bitter and mean to the 87 counterparts. They’re putting them down at every instance where combat or character bonding is involved, which is ridiculous. ‘03 Donnie WOULD NEVER be so nonchalant about meeting another version of himself— and why does he constantly put down ‘87 Donatello for his inventions??? They should be hyping each other up and talking techno babble! Why is Splinter the only likable person in the whole movie?! Why did they change April and Casey’s designs to look like random anime characters?! ( NOTE: I know they changed them to match the 2007 film at the time, I’m just being funny )

I already can’t stand the ‘03 version of Shredder but DAMN, they’re making him out to be the most amazing version of him out there. It’s like the writers behind this movie are ragging ‘87 Shredder— WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM A HAPLESS IDIOT?! They gave ‘87 Shredder so much disrespect! In the original cartoon, while he could be used for laughs, he was also taken seriously and seen as a very real threat. He was no slouch whatsoever either, he easily took the turtles out in one episode in season two! The only ones who actually stayed ‘in character’ were Bebop and Rocksteady! It’s like this movie is tearing down what made the OG series fun and iconic to build the ‘03 turtles up to be THE greatest team. I just wanted these two teams to be working together and learning from one another in their own ways! Like, imagine a scene where ‘87 Raphael teaches ‘03 Raph to rip the fourth wall! Or ‘03 Mike and ‘87 Mikey showing each other their own nunchuck tricks! You know? ACTUAL BONDING????

And yes, the OG voice actors were swapped cuz of union disputes by 4Kids. The only one that sounds kind of like his original voice was the guy playing ‘87 Raph. Otherwise? They all sound pretty bad. It actually made me cringe the first time I got around to hearing them, I did NOT get used to them.

I understand there’s an extended cut out there that addresses some of the issues that were cut for time, but unfortunately we don’t have that version to go off of, so I’m left with this.

All I have to say is, THANK YOU CIRO NIELI!!!

7: TMNT ( 2007 )

My Score: 6 out of 10

No this was not intentional 🤣🤣🤣

We’re nearing the halfway point and we’ve reached the TMNT movie I saw as a kid! Fun fact, this movie came out after my birthday and I BEGGED my dad to take me to see it. So as a birthday treat he took me and my brother to see it opening day! Not only was this my introduction to the turtles, but it made eight year old me curious about the series!

Is it as good as I remember?

Well… no, but it’s not bad!

I’ll admit, the plot is kinda slapdash and nonsensical. Like… I know, I know, this is a franchise about teenage turtles who learn ninjutsu and fight a man dressed like a cheese grater. But even for me this story is out there. Why do the Stone Generals have no personality or defining traits other than the weapons they use? Why is Winters so generic? The concept of an immortal general searching for thousands of years for the lost monsters to atone for his terrible mistakes is cool, just not for this franchise if that makes sense. Also this movie doesn’t seem to wanna give Donnie or Mikey any agency; they’re mainly in the background doing comedic stuff or off on the wayside with nothing to do whilst Leo and Raph are pushed into the spotlight. For a story centered around bringing a fractured family back together we don’t get to see how Mikey or Donnie have been handling Leo’s absence during his time spent in Costa Rica.

Yet through this muddy plot we have some of the most iconic/ memorable moments in this franchise! Raph being the Nightwatcher— which is coming back in the comics soon!, Donnie’s tech support meme, THE LEO VS RAPH FIGHT ON THE ROOFTOPS WHICH STILL LOOKS FREAKIN AMAZING TO THIS DAY???? Seriously, Imagi Studios had such an incredible future ahead of them, it’s a shame they went bankrupt! Some of my favorite actions moments in this movie are towards the end where the family is in Winters’ compound and we’re treated to a one-take camera pan of them brawling through a slew of Foot ninja!

And the voice cast here is great!!! Nolan North as Raph??? James Arnold Taylor as Leo?! CHRIS EVANS AS CASEY?! AND MOTHER FING MAKO, AKA UNCLE IROH HIMSELF AS SPLINTER?! It’s a great ensemble!!! Everyone here clearly gave it their all, they should all be praised for this!!

You can tell there was a ton of attention to detail put into this one, and that the people behind it had tons of fun animating it. We could have had a really cool film series on our hands had the studio not fallen under. Otherwise, I still enjoy watching this purely for nostalgia purposes!

6: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze ( 1991 )

My Score: 6.9 out of 10

For a movie made right after the first to cash in on the Turtlemania high, I gotta say, this one’s really fun!

It’s not without flaws though; Karen’s gotta ruin the fun once again and the tone was dragged WAAAAAAY down to take away the darker themes from the previous film cuz they thought children couldn’t handle any action that was too violent. Karen’s also took Mikey’s nunchucks away and got rid of Casey. The story is goofier and doesn’t allow for any space for these characters to breathe or emote past being lighthearted and funny. April isn’t as down to earth since Judith Hoag was replaced, Casey Jones is sorely missed in this story, Tokka and Razar are just dumb, bumbling monsters made to replace Bebop and Rocksteady. Professor Perry is obviously supposed to be Stockman, and the Shredder doesn’t truly engage with the turtles until the end of the movie. The Super Shredder was just a missed opportunity! The turtles don’t get to use their weapons at all except for Donnie cuz he uses a giant stick.

The positives outweigh all of that though! As always the turtles are fun and lovable, the new voice for Donnie is awesome, we get some great comedy spliced throughout the film, the Go Ninja dance sequence is so memorable that to this day people are still bringing it up! And I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up the introduction to Keno, played by Ernie Ryes Jr., the stunt double of Donatello in the first film!! Keno is a GREAT addition to this cast! I adored his quips and the action stunts he pulls off are thrilling! I honestly think he’d be an awesome character to keep bringing back in new projects! COUGH MUTANT MATHEM SHOW COUGH. I wish he was in more stuff cuz he really is a fun addition to the roster! I even had the opportunity to meet Ernie Ryes Jr. this last summer with a friend of mine, and he was SO nice and SO chill! He was so excited to meet fans who were talking about TMNT, and when I told him how much the franchise meant to me, he gave me a hug and took a pic with me!!! He was such a great guy!!!

I can always go back to this one and smile throughout the movie! Also, GO NINJA GO NINJA GO—

ONTO THE TOP FIVE!! From here on out these are the movies I can rewatch over and over and never grow tired of viewing them!! So let’s get this party started!!

5: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 2014 ) ⭐️

My Score: 7.8 out of 10

Say what you will, but I love the first movie more than the sequel 🤣

I love this movie, it’s a ton of fun and the action is truly a spectacle! I feel like I had more fun with this first movie than it’s sequel because, firstly, the plot is quick and engaging. Sure, there are some issues, but I can forgive it because…

This movie IS JUST FUN.

I know this is gonna be a controversial opinion but I really like the first movie over the sequel! I really liked April! I’m of the opinion that Megan Fox can be a decent actress if she’s given the right script, and in this movie, despite the fact she might not have the most compelling arc, she’s still a good interpretation of the spunky reporter we all love! Will Arnet is also pretty funny as Vern! I still think Sacks should have been Stockman instead of Shredder. Making that swap has no integral change to the plot and it would have made more sense. Like… why not keep the mad scientist character as the already established mad scientist? The origin change inspired by the IDW comics may be jarring but I didn’t mind it! It’s just a different iteration of their upbringing but it still remains true to the turtles themselves!

The motion capture technology for the turtles is jaw dropping. I mean it. It feels like Megan Fox is making direct eye contact with these giant mutants, they’re interacting with the scene and characters, when they engage people in combat you FEEL those blows and believe they’re actually beating the snot out of these thugs.

But by far, the turtles are the biggest highlight of this movie. They’re tons of fun to watch and their banter and chemistry is great!

Do they have tons of needless accessories? Yeah

Do they look cluttered? Yeah

But does that take from their personality? NO

Donnie IS A CINNAROLL AND MUST BE CHERISHED. I feel his own techy gadgets and gear adds to his introverted personality! He’s such a lovable dork and I really liked him in this one! Jeremy Howard is a perfect fit to voice/ act for him, nobody can convince me otherwise. PLUS THAT ONE MOMENT WHERE HE SMASHES HIS BO INTO A FOOT GOON’S KNEECAP????

Raph IS A FREAKIN BEAST! GOD-DAYUM, this turtle is easily the strongest incarnation of the hothead to date! Tossing shipping containers like it’s nothing, casually breaking through steel fans to create a blockade against the Foot! I might be in the minority but Alan Richardson is THE first voice I think of when I’m told to say which Raph I prefer!

Mikey is still a bit iffy for me cuz of the weird innuendo jokes, but I can see why people like him! I still think him flying around on a hoverboard skateboard is dope as hell though. And Leo is likable in this one!! He’s actually a responsible older brother who’s devoted to his family and not a selfish jerk keeping secrets from his brothers 🤣🤣😂

Plus, the emotional parts of this one hit harder than the sequel for me, especially on my first viewing. The Splinter Vs Shredder fight is intense and really REALLY well choreographed, very inventive and exciting with all the stunts Splinter pulls off. The moment where Leo and Mikey both scream for their father, the blink and you miss it line of Leo calling Splinter ‘dad’— which was improvised by Leo’s motion capture actor— and the gut-wrenching aftermath of the battle where they’re led away in chains believing their father is dead… that may have gotten me misty eyed.

The snow chase? Badass.

The climax? Pretty damn good.

That elevator scene that was entirely off script and improvised by the motion capture actors? BEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE FILM.

Is this the best? No, but it didn’t have to be! I love this one! And I can happily say it’s the most fun I’ve had with the Bayverse turtles 🤣

4: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 1990 ) ⭐️

My Score: 8.9 out of 10

This is, without question, one of the most stunning displays of practical effects and costume work in any film made at this time. Henson’s Creature Workshop truly outdid themselves in this feature with their work on the turtles.

The turtles look like living, breathing creatures. They actually look as though they’re real! There a small flaws, yes, but I can look past it because the amount of detail and effort that went into these things is incredible!! The stunt actors brought the action to a whole new level in those suits! You can tell every ounce of passion was put into this, and everyone had so much faith in seeing that these turtles lifelike! Brian Tochi, Josh Pais, Corey Feldman and Robbie Rist were perfectly cast as the four mutant turtles!!!

Judith Hoag plays a phenomenal April! Fun, spunky, witty and clever! I met her last summer too and she was truly wonderful!! Such a kind woman who listened to my story and connected with me!

Whoever hired Elias Koteas as Casey needs an eternal raise. He looks like he popped out of the comic and came to life. He was perfect!!

Splinter in this movie IS A GREAT FATHER AND AN AWESOME PARENT.

Shredder gives me chills he’s so intimidating.

When this movie came out everyone went bonkers with Turtlemania fever. The critics slept on this one because this was Eastman and Laird’s comics brought to reality. Steve Barron of Take on Me fame delivered on presenting the dark and gritty nature of the turtle’s lives and how brutal the Foot truly is.

I gotta highlight that score for this film because John DuPrez??? You’re a GENIUS.

My only issue is Danny. He was just obnoxious and selfish the whole way through until the climax. Like… hope you have a couple thousand dollars left to give April instead of the 20 you stole, kid, YOU GOT HER HOUSE BURNED DOWN.

THAT FIGHT SCENE ON THE ROOFTOP IS DOPE AND FUCKING AMAZING. AND CASEY CASUALLY TURNING SHREDDER INTO CRUSHED TUNA???? WE LOVE A BASED CASEY.

I don’t know what else to say other than this is the epitome of a true 90’s classic.

3: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie ( 2022 ) 🥉

My Score: 9 out of 10

Holy. Shit.

This movie LOOKS FUCKING GORGEOUS. DISNEY WHO????? DREAMWORKS WHO???

Before I got into the fandom I found this movie through the trailer and Black Nerd Comedy’s discussion about it. On a day I was bored I turned this on.

AND THIS MADE MY JAW DROP.

I had ZERO clue this movie looked as visually pleasing as it did. I adore this film and the animation behind it. It’s so clean, so slick, the pacing is just right, the action alone made the hair on my arms stand up! I love watching the animatics and storyboards behind the action scenes of this film just to study it and marvel at how freakin talented these artists and animators are!!!!

The voice cast knocked it out of the ballpark! Ben Schwartz in particular deserves massive praise for his performance as Leo, such a dynamic range of emotion to balance out the ‘comedy guy’ to ground him in this serious situation. Plus, Sora from Kingdom Hearts is in this as Casey Jr! 🤣🤣 his character arc having to change from the carefree prankster to the leader who had to step up and save his family is a thrilling plot point we see unfold!

I loved the characters!! I loved the score!!! I loved how this film wasn’t afraid to be genuinely SCARY with the Krang.

The angst???? The whump???? THE CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN???? CHEFS KISS!!

WHY DID I NOT DISCOVER RISE SOONER?!

I can’t help but gush over this movie of because this is top notch quality!!! I have nothing to say, this one is OP!

2: Batman Vs The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ( 2019 ) 🥈

My Score: 9.8 out of 10

I.

FUCKING.

LOVE.

THIS CROSSOVER.

Literally one of the best crossover films of all time. I adore this Hellboy art style for the film, I adore the opening intro where it’s all German-deco-Impressionism/ noir influenced and it’s all dark and covered in shadow minus the blips of color to symbolize the characters.

I adore the handling of the martial arts versus the brutal, grounded combat style of Batman! I love how the animators literally used the backgrounds to their advantage and made them pieces for the characters to use as weapons!

I adore how the turtles have such natural banter and chemistry with one another! I love how Batgirl and Donnie bond!!! I adore how everyone plays off of each other! The dialogue is fun and full of charm! I loved watching Batman and Shredder going completely off the rails on each other!

I love Donnie!!

I love Mikey!!

I love Batgirl!!

I love the subtle reference to Pink Floyd!!!

I LOVE ALL THE REFERENCES TO ALL THE DIFFERENT ITERATIONS OF TMNT HISTORY BECAUSE YOU KNOW THESE WRITERS/ STORYBOARDERS/ DIRECTORS CARED ABOUT THIS.

My only complaint? The Batman villains are underutilized, their mutant designs are bland as hell and Joker and Harley suck. But I’ve always hated those two so that’s not an issue with the film itself.

That pizza party at the end MAKES this for me. I got the comics this was adapted from, those are SOOOOO GOOD!

Nothing but high praise here. All my heart goes to this one. And this used to be my champion, until this movie blew it out of the water…

1: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem ( 2023 ) 👑

My Score: 12 out of 10

This. THIS is the quintessential TMNT film experience.

Call me biased. Call me boring. Call me basic, but THIS MOVIE SAVED ME THIS PAST SUMMER.

The teaser came out the week of my birthday last year. I couldn’t stop smiling when we got that first taste of what the animation was going to be like. It was like a feast for the eyes!

I trained myself not to watch ANYTHING past that first trailer. I had to ignore leaks and spoilers for MONTHS, I even ignored the posters of the characters themselves because I wanted to be genuinely surprised by who was in the movie. It was like I was prepping for Endgame all over again. I got the figures to prepare for the movie, I bought early fan screening tickets in advance, I took my best friend with me to share the moment cuz there was no way I was NOT gonna have my bestie there too. I even custom tie dyed a shirt with Leo and Donnie’s colors and decked myself out in TMNT gear the day of the premier. I went into that movie bouncing in my seat.

And I left that movie smiling with joy and laughing and crying. And then I proceeded to see it THREE MORE TIMES IN THEATERS. That’s an honor only reserved for the movies that have moved me enough to cry.

The plot is simple but the twists and turns they take leaves you surprised and on the edge! The soundtracks are STELLAR, both the score and the music they used. There are plenty of Easter eggs to find on a rewatch. The jokes ALWAYS LAND! I love these weird cringy turtles and their memes 🤣🤣

The turtles are precious babies that must be protected! Leo is awkward but lovable. Donnie is a Cinnaroll. Raph is hilarious and probably needs a stress toy to calm his anger. Mikey is a joy to watch and he’s relatable! April is fun as hell, MUTANT MAYHEM SPLINTER IS A GREAT DAD AND IN MY TOP THREE BEST RAT DADS LIST. Superfly is HELLA scary, the iconic mutants they included are fun, MONDO GECKO MY BABY BOY LOOK AT HIM GO!

This voice cast is going to become iconic. Everyone from Ice Cube to Jackie Chan to Paul Rudd to the very first actual teen cast of the titular characters!!! Nicolas Cantu, Micah Abbey, Brady Noon and Shamon Brown Jr delivered excellent performances and brought these guys to life!

THIS ANIMATION IS SO UNIQUE AND COOL!!! It looks like EVERY medium was explored and used— everything from 3D to sketchy hand drawn, erratic wild outlining to claymation?! DUDE THIS IS LITERALLY SPIDERVERSE BUT FOR TMNT!!!

The MOTHER FUCKING NO DIGGITY MONTAGE ARE YOU KIDDING ME—

It was all I wanted. It was everything I wanted it to be and then some. After the shit I had to go through in 2023, it felt like a giant breath of fresh air to enjoy something I was so excited for, if only just for an hour and a half. I went straight home and showed my older sister, who was recovering at home at the time during one of her treatments, all the merch I got from the fan event and rattling off about the movie. She laughed and said ‘I’m glad you had a great time!’

Not gonna lie, I was apprehensive when I heard Seth Rogan was the one helming this project cuz his track record of movies hasn’t been the most… friendly to sit through. But, with this? I tip my hat to him! He delivered for the fans, big time.

I loved this film. It’s my favorite TMNT movie of all time. I’m totally stoked for the new series coming out this summer. All I have left to say?

COWABUNGA! 💜❤️🧡💙

TADA~! And that’s it! This took me a week to finish but I’m proud of it!! 😁 I had so much fun making this list!!!

What would you rank these movies? I’d love to know and hear your thoughts on them!! 😁

Thanks for reading!! Have a great day! 💜💜💜💜

@queen-with-the-quill @tending-the-hearth @mermmarie @lameboobah @tmnt-tychou @indieyuugure @wasted-and-ready @figuringitoutasigoalong @angelicdavinci @zandiiangelspit @jadethest0ne @turtle-babe83

[analexthatexists]

Jotting down my UTMV AU Ideas because of this guy

@idkhowtoread-ink you’ve inspired me now pay the price

No clue if ANY OF THESE can make canon sense but does it look like I care? Lemme have my fun.

AMV!Ink / AMV-VERSE (AMVV?)

The idea is simple. At least, I hoped it was. Rather than the artistic AUs, fanart, and creative writing side of the community, there was an Ink made for the musical side of the community, like the AMVs, themes, vocaloid covers and what not. I’m sure Ink probably looks over ALL of that junk already but let’s be honest when was the last time you saw him doing it? Yeah I didn’t think so. Ink could be an unfinished animation meme or a vocaloid AMV like that Spring Storm one and eventually find a way to leave it and probably protect YouTube or inspire creators or something, gaining access to all the other things and people on the platform. Error could even tag along as some sort of flawed copyrighting system using Error’s body as a means of moving around rather that being confined to STRINGS of text. (Don’t ask me how he does that I don’t know) He would recognize everything as copyrighted or plagiarism or something and try to destroy it without seeing the creativity and originality in the work. Their designs could be based off the AMVs or covers they came from with Ink being from whatever the hell and Error being from…idk, probably ECHO. I wonder if Inks outfit would depend on which videos and content he delves into almost like Hatsune Miku or other Vocaloid.

LONLEY GUARDIAN

This one is just sad. A Dreamtale AU where, during a fight between Dream and Nightmare, Dream reaches out and gets a hold of Nightmare’s SOUL trying to uncorrupt it, sacrificing himself to be able to restore a part of the original Nightmare. Dream dies and the world is cast into absolute darkness, leaving Nightmare stranded in the cold world with nobody to seek comfort from, nobody to help him. Not anymore.

INK <——> NIGHTMARE SWAP AU

Random idea that I came up with after jokingly writing Nightmare getting drunk off of Ink’s vials. Would that actually work?What if the two got into such a dangerous fight that eventually Ink tried to teleport away but Nightmare lunges at him and two get their “goop” mixed together because Ink teleports via INK. And nightmare is made of a INK like substance. If Ink doesn’t instantly die from lead poisoning or something this mixing could mess up his brain while Nightmare just kind of shrugs it off and steals Ink’s vials. Ink would no longer need the vials and rely off Nightmare’s “blood” to feel real negative emotions, slowly craving the stuff more and more than his vials while Nightmare probably gets drunk off the vials or something and takes on Ink’s role. Error and Dream may have to team up to get them back to normal or at least try to.

SHATTERED DREAM BUT SCARIER

So looking at this post made me consider something. What if Dream tried to eat the apples and yknow do what he did in the original AU, but due to the overwhelming and clashing natures of his apple and the dark ones he just…MELTED AND DIED IN FRONT OF NIGHTMARE. He doesn’t even corrupt or anything (well sort of) he just DISSOLVES ALIVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. Imagine trying to prove a point and failing THIS BADLY. Anyways, rather than Nightmare being haunted by his now corrupted brother, he’s just ACTUALLY HAUNTED. I was thinking this could be like Phantom Papyrus and Dust Sans and that this new “Dream” (going by Shattered) is just a horrible manifestation of this traumatic event. It’s design and personality wouldn’t be the EXACT same especially not the design (would look so much scarier) but it constantly make Nighty feel like garbage and all that. People like Swap and Ink would have to find and help Nightmare get past this trauma, where only then can he and his “brother” finally move on.

EVIL INK AU BECAUSE YES

I know, we literally JUST went over an Evil Ink AU but hear me out. Wouldn’t he WANT a soul again? Idk if it’s possible for him to reabsorb and claim a soul, he probably can’t, but what if he COULD? He’d probably go nuts over Error’s or something. Just ANYTHING to fill that void other than his vials.

wow most of these ideas involve characters getting traumatized or turning evil. I ain’t sorry though!

[eccentricgrace]

silly texts || peter parker

summary: as you could guess. a compilation of silly texts between peter and co.

tags: humor, fluff, memes, texting fic

wc: 1,686

cross-posted on wattpad under the same name!

fos crew

arachkid: dude i cannot keep swinging past madison square garden

arachkid: i don't even know how it's possible but they keep thinking i'm not real and now i have an ice-cream stain on my suit

Nedward: DID THEY THROW ICECREAM AT YOU

Nedward: LMFAOOOOOOO

arachkid: i just don't understand how would i be a fake

arachkid: i am literally IN THE AIR

em jay: average new yorker versus common sense

Nedward: If only they could see your glorious muscles from the ground

Nedward: then there would be no doubt

arachkid: i'm so tired 😭

em jay: are you coming to class tmrw peter

arachkid: yeah! why

em jay: think about it

arachkid: thinking

need leds

peper partker: help

need leds: Tomorrow is decathlon lol

fos crew

arachkid: yes im coming to decathlon

em jay: Ned.

Nedward: he ASKED

em jay: i'm putting you both next to flash

em jay: table for people with no backbone

arachkid: ☹️

Nedward: Booo! Flash is gonna make me answer his quiz questions if you sit me next to him

arachkid: what's the quiz on

Nedward: history

arachkid: he's asking you for history???

em jay: may his grades rest in peace

Nedward: [attached image]

em jay: lol

arachkid: ohs hit got to go i hear distress

Nedward: "i hear distress" bro thinks he's an avenger

em jay: honorary avenger

Nedward: Dont get shot again tho pete thanks for keeping our city safe n all that 🫡

em jay: the fact that you have to say "again"

Nedward: HES JUST

Nedward: I THOUGHT HE COULD DUCK BULLETS AND STUFF

Nedward: THE LITERAL BLOOD STAINS ON MY CARPET SAYS OTHERWISE

em jay: skill issue just clean blood better

Nedward: you say that like you just KNOW how to clean blood. like that's a normal thing

em jay: think about it

Nedward: Thinking

Nedward: shit nvm I cant even ask Peter for backup bc he's on patrol

Nedward: I'm just gonna go with the cool mysterious idea that you're up to some shady business and I'm not going to ask questions about it

em jay: [attached image]

em jay: ok i KNOW you took a health class

em jay: the american education system is terrible but don't let me down like this

Nedward: OHHHH

Nedward: the monthly witch's sacrament

em jay: everyday i ask god why i'm friends with you two and everyday she refuses to answer me

arachkid: i was gone for five seconds hwhat

em jay: welcome back public enemy no1 what was the distress

arachkid: ok i'm gomna choose not to read into what you just called me there

arachkid: anyways hotdog guy arguing w the slushy guy again

Nedward: AINT NO WAY

em jay: ???again?????

Nedward: MJ DO YOU NOTCKNOW ABOUT THE SLUSHY HOTDOG FEUD

em jay: wtf are you talking about

em jay: wait is this what you meant when you told me the other day to not buy hotdogs off 3rd ave

arachkid: no that's different

Nedward: Wait What's wrong w the hotdog stand on 3rd

arachkid: i've had to talk to him like three times on patrol to stop creeping on girls that r walking by

em jay: gross. what's his ip

em jay: ned

Nedward: Are you trying to get me to use my powers for evil

em jay: does this look like evil-doing to you

Nedward: .

Nedward: Give me one second

arachkid: no need

arachkid: Mr stark is already taking care of it

arachkid: so if he suddenly goes missing don't question it too much

em jay: won't need to question it at all if i get to him first

arachkid: terrifying!

Nedward: I love that it's not directed at us anymore though

em jay: ok but can we go back to the 'slushy dog' feud peter you still haven't answered what the hell that means

arachkid: oh yeah so basically on 71st st there's this slushy guy that keeps coming up with the most disgusting flavors i've ever imagined in my life

arachkid: last time i swung by this guy was doing pickle slushies or something like i can't make this stuff up

Nedward: [attached image]

Nedward: FOUL

Nedward: Didnt you say one time he had done toothpaste slushy

arachkid: yes.

em jay: hm

arachkid: so slushy guy is infamous in that part of the neighborhood basically

arachkid: but then there's HOTDOG GUY

Nedward: Hotdog guy MVP

arachkid: he's new i think?? but he strolled up and he's like, he's the most serious hot dog guy

arachkid: like ever, probably

em jay: can one be serious about hot dogs?

arachkid: this guy can. this guy can

arachkid: apparently he's from chicago so he's like, he makes chicago hot dogs ?? and he hates slushy guy. he literally. he hates slushy guy so much

arachkid: and slushy guy is so funny abt it bc he keeps setting up right next to him and asking him about whether he thinks mustard or ketchup slushies would be a hit and rhat they could be business partners

arachkid: i have had to break up a fight like every two weeks it's insane

em jay: enemies to lovers slow burn 500k word

Nedward: Whaf does that mean💀

em jay: you're unbelievable

arachkid: [attached image]

le artiste

sunshine incarnate: MJ

sunshine incarnate: MJ

sunshine incarnate: MJ

le artiste: what

le artiste: are u ok

le artiste: are you dying

sunshine incarnate: no

le artiste: no you're not ok or no you're not dying

sunshine incarnate: no i'm fine

sunshine incarnate: can you help me i'm doing lit homework

le artiste: sorry i can't read

sunshine incarnate: MJ PLEASE

sunshine incarnate: what are you doing

le artiste: rereading pride and prejudice

sunshine incarnate: thafs not the book we're doing the report on??

sunshine incarnate: wait shit is it

sunshine incarnate: do i have the wrong book

le artiste: no of course it's not you're not that stupid

le artiste: ... what book do you have though.

sunshine incarnate: photo of dorian grey

le artiste: ... picture

sunshine incarnate: hm?

le artiste: picture of dorian grey

sunshine incarnate: oh my bad

le artiste: either way. so sorry to tell you but

sunshine incarnate: no...

le artiste: you have the wrong book

le artiste: that's the one she assigned to the honors class

sunshine incarnate: aurghrhhh

sunshine incarnate: do you know which one do i need

le artiste: your period was assigned wuthering heights

le artiste: do you have a copy

sunshine incarnate: i'll look around, may might

le artiste: do you have patrol tonight?

sunshine incarnate: mmm nope i finished earlier why

le artiste: come on over, ill lend you my copy

sunshine incarnate: really!!!

le artiste: yeah

le artiste: get here in fifteen minutes and you won't miss mr darcy proposing

sunshine incarnate:

le artiste: bring your homework with you

le artiste: nerd

flash (not gordon)

flash (not gordon): PETER

penis parker: oh my god what

penis parker: why are you yelling

flash (not gordon): Caps lock

flash (not gordon): Didn't mean to

penis parker: what is it

flash (not gordon): Were presenting our phys thing tomorrow

penis parker: yeah i know??

flash (not gordon): Don't skip

penis parker: was not planning to

thee tony stark

thee tony stark: Get out of school free card.

thee tony stark: Trouble downtown, would be a good opportunity for some training. What say you?

spidey-kid: hes

spidey-kid: jges

spidey-kid: fhes

spidey-kid: tes

thee tony stark: Don't hurt yourself.

spidey-kid: yes

spidey-kid: gotta be back in school for fourth period though

thee tony stark: Sure.

spidey-kid: ok so do you want me to swing over there or do you have other plans

thee tony stark: I'm outside.

spidey-kid: oh! ok

spidey-kid: do i wear my suit outside?

thee tony stark: Not unless you want Martha down the hall knowing that you're Spider-Man.

spidey-kid: i don't live next to a martha??

spidey-kid: oh you were joking

thee tony stark: Get outside, kid.

spidey-kid: brt

flash (not gordon)

flash (not gordon): Peter

flash (not gordon): Where the hell are you

flash (not gordon): Peter we present third in the class

flash (not gordon): YOU SAID YOU WERENT SKIPPING YOU ASSHOLE

flash (not gordon): [attached image]

flash (not gordon): Second presenters are up Peter I swear to god

flash (not gordon): WHERE ARE YOU!!!!

flash (not gordon): 😡😡😡😡😡😡

flash (not gordon): PETER!!!!

penis parker: SrIRY IA AM RRNTING TO CLASF RIGHT NIW

flash (not gordon): You are the WORST

fos crew

em jay: we as a society need to make sure peter doesn't walk through the school doors without being thoroughly checked for evidence

Nedward: Ayo??

arachkid: i dont wanna talk about it

em jay: too bad! guess what i just watched this loser do

Nedward: What did he do💀💀

em jay: bro gave an entire presentation with flash and the whole time is mask is STICKING OUT OF HIS BACK POCKET

Nedward: PETER💀💀💀💀💀

em jay: from me trying to let him know that, his mask is sticking out of his pocket, to flash trying to subtly sneak over to help hide it from everyone else, to peter who won't shut up about magnetism

em jay: what a class. holy shit

Nedward: I wish I had physics with you guys my class was boring as hell

Nedward: Did flash actually succeed

em jay: i mean

em jay: ok so he got close enough to grab the mask but then peter must have bugged out or something bc he stopped talking very suddenly and was holding flash's arm

em jay: so the mask was just. sitting there. and of course both of them are now looking like fish out of water so i said a joke and had to deflect for them

Nedward: Michelle jones mvp where would we be without you

em jay: i dread to imagine it

arachkid: i have had a very long and hard day

Nedward: It's fine dude!! now you can just solo as our school's infamous spider-man cosplayer

em jay: gonna have to battle flash for the spidey no1 fan title

arachkid: everyone in this group chat is so mean to me

[shitpostingkats]

Question, what's your opinion of KH Missing Link so far :0?

I've actually been meaning to reach out to my followers about that.

Short answer: I just haven't been keeping up with kh like I used to. I actually have no opinion on Missing Link, because I have not played it.

Long answer: I downloaded Dark Road the week it came out and actually poured a huge chunk of hours into it, even though the gameplay got boring and it took my phone half an afternoon to download. Eventually, I dropped off, because the release schedule of new story updates could not hold the attention of my little adhd brain, and I would forget the game existed entirely. However, when the whole story dropped, I found I adored the writing of Dark Road. One of the best written games in the series, and I will die on that hill.

The worst and greatest thing about the series is it follows what I call The Kingdom Hearts Hyperfixation Quality Curve

The more fun a kh game is to play, the less it sticks in my brain like a foongus. The platonic ideal of a kingdom hearts game is one that has a fleshed out game system that is like a stim toy to the Gamer Brain, while still having a batshit insane enough story that you can talk about it for upwards of 300 hours and still not exhaust things to say about the plot.

I kinda assumed ML would be a lot like dark road, in that the story, once finished, will make me want to eat drywall, but slow to update. So I put the kh hyperfixation on the backburner until I could dive back into it full force.

But tumblr kh mobile game community, my beloved. I have been seeing some very good memes and unhinged rambles and I was actually meaning to make a post asking for the wisdom of my good good kh mutuals.

Is Missing Link good? Should I play it? If I shouldn't play it, is there somewhere where I can get story updates as they release? Or is this game just flat out fun and if so, what are some tips for someone just trying to get into it?

Both advice and vague fandom screaming equally appreciated!

[all-hail-draculaura]

Wishes Come True?

Its been awhile since I last wrote fanfiction, please excuse the mistakes made. I love fanfictions where the fictional characters come to ‘life’ and deal with the real world or vice versa or straight the worlds just collide and become one. This is a Morpheus x reader fanfiction

Summary : When your besties finally influences you to do some New Year’s Eve superstitions and they actually work out for you. Makes the saying of ‘Be careful of what you wish for’ little too serious in the this case. Now you have to figure out how to get The Sandman back to their universe or deal with the consequences.

Word Count : 3,007

Warnings : bad language, use of drugs, alcohol consumption, low-key a crackfic

next

“So you’re telling me that I got to eat twelve grapes under a table while making one specific wish for each grape under sixty seconds while attempting to not choke and wear different colored underwear that each have their own meaning for something to happen in the new year. Yeah, that sounds about right”

“C’mon, I mean when you put it like that, it makes me sound like I’m a crazy person, but I don’t want to be the only person to do it, and it's not like we both have something going on in our personal lives anyway.” My friend, Delia, was trying to compel me into doing some New Year's Eve rituals, so we can have a ‘fun’ new year.

“Fine, I’ll do it for your sake, but I just want you to know one very important thing.” I looked her dead in the eye. “Yeah, whatever it is, just as long as we get to do it.” She accepted easily. “Get seedless grapes, I’m not going to die by grapes with seeds in them.”

The plan was for us to go to our other friend’s house for a New Year's Eve party, but of course, something always has to happen to prevent us to come together, even for holidays. The friend that was hosting the party had to cancel due to getting Covid and didn’t want to risk anyone else getting it. So the new move was just for Delia and I to get drunk and high at my house, eat some fast food, and watch some crappy movies.

As I waited patiently for my friend to arrive, preparations were in order. The only decorations I have of course are memes related to New Year’s Eve being printed and left over colored streamers from different holidays. Clearly ready to welcome the New Year. Checking if I had enough alcohol and zaza for us to hit to make this evening ever so special. Sadly, I was lacking in the alcohol department, so I sent off a quick text to my friend for her to stop by the store to do a last minute run. After that was said and done, I took a quick rinse and got ready, deciding on wearing some clothes instead of wearing pajamas on New Year's Eve. I put on a chunky knit sweater in my favorite color, and I was about to put on pants, but I remembered I promised to wear different colored underwear, so pants aren’t an option. Debating to myself which underwear colors should I wear, I decided upon the colors yellow for money, blue for my health, white for happiness, and most importantly red for romance. Obviously, I put red first because at this point I am just desperate for another person’s touch, then white, blue, and lastly yellow. Putting on a simple pleated skirt, the look is completed, and so I can be comfortable wearing this many pairs of underwear.

Hearing my phone go off, my friend texted me that she was there. I headed downstairs to go open the door and welcome her in. “Hello bestie, I hope you're as excited as I am for tonight!” she exclaimed. She held two bags in her hands, which I’m assuming contained snacks, grapes, and alcohol for our evening. “You know it, just set the bags in the kitchen. I’ll order us some DoorDash right now if you want.” I said. “I’m craving Wingstop, you down?” she asked. Agreeing with her, I went ahead and started to order what we wanted to eat.

After hitting some of the devil’s lettuce we were able to consume our food with such finesse, and with alcohol in our systems, we can easily say that we were far out of it and relaxed. “So, let me see what underwear you’re wearing?” I asked, staring at the TV that was playing Bluey. I turn to pay attention to her, only to see her make a face. “I know you didn’t just forget to wear the underwear now did you!” yelling at her. She made a dumbfounded face and sheepishly said she was in a rush for time. Shaking my head in disappointment, I flashed her the underwear I was wearing. “Oh my gods, you actually did it. Maybe you’ll have a better year than me,” she joked.

“I want you to know that I’m not going to let you forget this right.” I snorted at her words, giving her a playful shove. Turning back to watch the TV, watching Bluey wasn’t cutting it right now, it was time for something different. “You want to rewatch The Sandman until it hits New Year?” I asked her. “Hell yeah!” she cheered. Putting on the show to have a marathon into the new year. 

“Ever notice how Morpheus kinda acts and looks like Edward from Twilight?” Delia jokes. “You know, saying that makes me realize I have a type in men now,” acknowledging her words,“Sad, tall, angsty, emo men are just superior.”

We made it to episode 3. Dream a Little Dream of Me by the time I took notice of what the time really was. “Shit, we have to go hide under the table now, it's 11:53” we scrambled to set everything together. We sat under the table, clutching our grapes in our bowls. Checking the time again, it's 11:59, I panic thinking about the wishes I want to come true in the next year. Then boom, it hit 12. I started stuffing grapes into my mouth with different wishes like wanting to pass my classes, become a skinny legend, and other dumb stuff. I got to my last three grapes, thinking about something really dumb to make. Wishing for The Sandman show to be real, I wish to be a part of a storyline with them, and I wish for Morpheus and I to fall in love. I checked the time again, 12:01. Smiling like an idiot, some part of me wanted to believe that my wishes would come true, but this is the real world, not some y/n fanfiction. “Happy New Year, bestie!” Delia cried out. She proceeded to tackle me in a loving embrace. “Happy New Year to you, too smelly.” I mustered out, not being able to breathe from getting the air knocked out of me. We got up from under the table, dusting and cleaning up our messes. We talked about our wishes and joked about how our new year was going to be especially magical for me this year.

It was getting late for the both of us, sadly, I made sure to order my friend an Uber to be safe. I bid her farewell and told her to text me when she got home to be safe. Now I’m left to my own devices. Starting to clean up the mess that we made, gave me time to notice how something now felt off. I brushed it off, thinking to myself it was just my high coming down along with sobering up. Cleaning gets done faster when you aren’t having a party. I texted my close friends and family Happy New Year while getting ready to shower. A shower will help with this off feeling, I hope. I peeled off my clothes, only to leave my underwear on to see myself in the shower. Examining the many layers of undies I had on, laughing to myself about superstitions. Longing hit me as I removed each layer to be left with red panties. I did wish for a romantic relationship, it gets so lonely you know. Getting fully naked now, and stepping into the warm water of the shower, muscles relaxing and being able to take deep breaths.

Allowing myself to daydream a bit while washing my hair, as I stood with the warm water hitting back, it felt as though the place where I was standing started to shift. I open my eyes to see I’m in an area of blackness, the only light coming from a spotlight over my head. “You wish for the King of Dreams and Nightmares to be real?” a female dissonance rang out. In front of me were three different women that were shifting in and out of each other, all at various stages in their life. A voice in my head said ‘The Hecate, the fates, the three in one, the maiden, the mother, the crone they have come to answer your requests.’ 

“Sisters, it seems she finally realized who we are, and don't want to keep her waiting now.” “Pity for the foolish girl to wish upon such things.” “Hush now sisters, after all this will be an interesting turn of events.” “Even Destiny couldn’t have seen this from happening, could he.”

“Please, can you tell me what is happening? Are you really going to make my wishes come true? This can't be real, you can't be real, this is my imagination.” I pleaded.

“Know this Y/n L/n, when you lay your head tonight in your dreams you may find yourself in a place you may only know from the screen and paper. Till we meet again,” with their final statement, they disappeared, and I'm back in my shower.

Cold water now pelts my back as I am left what to think about what just happened, whether the whole thing was imaginary. No matter how hard I tried to remember what just occurred, it was like my mind was trying to get rid of such an event. I rinsed whatever shampoo was left in my hair and turned off the water. Stepping out to dry myself off, leaving me time to think of what I just forgot, maybe I forgot to feed my cat or check my emails. I try to brush off the anxiety inducing feeling and just change into a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. Attempting to try to snuggle up in my blankets to find some comfort.

Today, in my dreams, I find myself lying on the sand of a beach. There is familiarity to this beach, to the grayness of the sands, the deep inky colored waters of the ocean. Sitting up to examine my areas, everything feels too real to the touch, the grains of sand between my toes, the warmth of the sun that was hidden by the murky clouds, the breeze that teased my skin causing goosebumps to appear. The feeling was very uncanny valley, but if this was a dream, it shouldn’t be too scary. Looking behind me to see a great wall with spectacular detailed gates. It dawned on me that these were The Gates of Horn and Ivory from The Sandman. ‘Great, I dreamed of being in the dreaming realm, ironic’ I thought to myself, picking myself up.

I wandered over to the gates, trying to remember what the gates meant and how to enter the true dreaming realm. “The dreams that pass through the gates of Ivory are lies, figments, deceptions. The other admits the truth. No one guards the horned gate anymore. I remember the way of old.” I recite from the comic book with ease, shocking myself with it. ‘Maybe I have a better memory when I am sleeping’ I mutter to myself. Regardless, I made my way towards the Gate of Horn. I didn’t need much force to open up the stone door, it's like it knows that I won’t do any harm to the world. I said thank you as I walked inside to the true center of the Dreaming, the gates closing behind me with a soft thud. To say I was in awe is an understatement, the clouds cleared up here, exposing the sun rays that encompassed the beauty that was of the land. It was like a wonderland with many mythical creatures that you could read about in books and see on screen, dreams and nightmares walking a muck in casualness.

My gaze landed upon the palace, it was ethereal, nothing compared to the show or the comics. I made it my mission right then and there to go forward and attempt to enter. The feeling of being watched suddenly came up again, the hairs on the back of my neck raised to the intensity. I looked up to the sky to see the infamous Matthew the raven staring at me as he flew past me, presumably to his master. Ignoring that, I say to myself, “The wilderness must be explored” quoting the child from the movie ‘UP!’ as I ventured on towards the castle.

The walk went gracefully as you could imagine it, seemed like the people of the realm were used to dreamers just walking about. Which is a huge relief on my behalf. The fan in me got excited as I passed each unique landmark that was featured in the show. The Houses of Mysteries and Secrets were a particular favorite of mine to pass by, only due to seeing them interact with each other and Goldie. It wasn’t long before I stood at the front of the castle of the King of Nightmares and Dreams. Anxiety came up in tidal waves telling me no, not to enter, but female voices in my head were saying to enter. I pushed through my fears and opened up the palace door and entered.

Wonderment filled my eyes, captivated by the beauty from within the architecture. Everything is immaculate to say the least, nothing could ever truly replicate the elegance of the pillars, the colors that showed down from the ever-changing glass panes, the lustrous floor tiles, the helix and flawless stairs that led up to a more beautiful throne that of which held its king. Making eye contact with him sent a shiver up my spine. His icy blue eyes pierced right through me, making every sensor in my body want to run, but couldn’t. Fight or flight wasn’t an option that was granted to me. 

“See boss, I told you someone entered the realm through the gate.��� Matthew defended himself. “Silence, now human how did you enter through the gate, more importantly my realm?” his voice boomed with authority. 

“I entered through the Gate of Horn, the gate of which that only lets in those who of truth and how I entered in your realm is what I myself are still trying to figure out, Lord Morpheus” I confess. His brow furrowed at my statement. “You know who I am?” he interrogated. ‘Shit, I fucked myself over that one. Wait, this is my dream, why am I scared? Might as well see how far we can go with this without dying’ I thought to myself. “Lord Morpheus I know of all your titles, Dream of the Endless, the King of Nightmares and Dreams, Prince of Stories, Ruler of the Dreaming, and many more, sir. I know of your raven, Matthew, and your librarian Lucienne who helped keep order while you were away when you were captured. There are many things that I know of, but know this my Lord, I come to you with no harm, just curiosity.” I explained, hoping that I didn’t just doom myself.

His eyes were filled with anger, maybe bringing up his capture wasn’t the brightest idea in the world. “How could you know of such things, you are just a plain mortal.” 

First, ouch. Second of all, this isn’t turning out well for me. I guess it's true, never meet your heroes. Before I even could defend myself more, he appeared right in front of me. It was a bad time to be in awe of his grace, but he looked so handsome in person. From how his hair fell from head down to face, framing his features perfectly, how his skin of was alabaster and radiant, his lips were the shade of a rhododendron in the late spring, his gaze, a fierce and cold rage held in his eyes, and his eyes were like a galaxy of stars, wanting to get lost in them forever without fear. It made me realize that we were both analyzing each other, but in my case it was deepening my love for the fictional character. When we made eye contact, it was like something clicked in him and me. I blushed and looked down towards the floor, seeing my reflection in the clean marble tiles.

“I swear to you, I truly do not mean any harm. If you wish to ban me from the Dreaming, I will not put up a fuss. I am willing to tell you anything and everything I know if you let me stay.” my voice stammered. The fear of rejection choking up in my throat like a dry pill to swallow. I looked back at him. “You may stay,” was all he said. I smiled in glee and relief. “I promise you, my lord, anything you wish to know, I will speak all that I know of, should you just ask.” There it was again, silence and staring at each other. This time his eyes were clear of rage, only filled with now somber. “My first question for you, mortal, what is your name?” he asked.

“My name is (Y/n) (L/n), my lord.” answering his question without hesitation. Before he could continue speaking, I felt myself start to wake up. Why must all the best dreams come to an end. I bid my goodbye to the king.

I woke up in my bed, thoughts racing. ‘Did that really happen? Did I really meet the Dream King himself? He was so scary, but really was handsome though. Ugh, I am never watching The Sandman that late ever again.’ I get up to start up my day. I pass by the window and see a bird perched on my windowsill, not just any bird, a raven. My eyes widen at the thought. I bust that window with lighting speed. “Are you Matthew?” I asked, thinking I'm still fighting off sleep. “Yes ma’am.” 

Oh, shit.

Hope y’all liked the first chapter. Like I said, it has been a fat minute since I last wrote fanfiction so any corrections are greatly appreciated. 

[thewitchoftherock]

Before I worked in retail at a lovely beauty shop, I worked at a call center.

Tech Support. For Comcast. It’s as bad as you think it was. Lemmie tell ya a story.

The year was 2011. I’m at the call centre, working away, doing my best and getting chewed out because I often helped people beyond what was required (driver issues and shit, instead of just following our LOQ. If you have someone who refuses to leave their script, they probably got written up for doing so just FYI. )

Anyway,

Buddy calls in, and right off the bat he comes in swinging. Rawr rawr rawr, my internet isn’t working, fix this now, you guys suck. like, dude, I don’t disagree with you, but I have literally no control over the company I’m a fuckin’ cog. Whatever. I go into his account to check his system/devices/account, and I see the modem is fully offline. That’s actually good, because it means it’ll be super easy to fix: either the damn thing is busted (needs a tech) or it’s out of power. So, I ask buddy to unplug the device from the outlet, wait a second, and plug it back in again. I didn’t ask this because I thought resetting it would fix it, I asked him to do this because peeps get pissy if you ask them if their stuff is plugged in.

Foreshadowing.

Anyway, he grumbles and complains, and does the thing. Nothing. OK. There’s one more thing I can check. I ask him if the modem is plugged into the wall, or a power bar.

“It’s plugged into a power bar.”

“Ah.” I say, “Ok. Can I get you to plug it directly into the wall?”

“Why the Fuck do I have to do that?”

Now, the answer we give is “well, that’s because sometimes the modem and the power bar don’t work well together, and it’s just easier to check it if it’s plugged into the wall.”

This is bullshit. The truth is that we don’t know where you got this power bar. We don’t know how old it is. We don’t know if you got this shit rigged up like the dad in “A Christmas Story” with three dozen things plugged into a set power bars all plugged in and twisted like some chthonic electro beast. I mean, sure, that SOUNDS hot, but it’s not useful when trying to do troubleshooting and figure out if your power bar sucks and is broken.

This guy *loses his shit* at me. Rawr rawr rawr, every time I call you got me running around doing all this shit, blah blah blah, No, I can’t unplug it, there’s no other outlets in the room.

Now I pause, the gears in my brain quickly clicking together. “There’s… no outlets in that room?”

“No, there’s not! Not any!”

Ok, well, ASIDE from that being absolutely not to electrical codes for modern houses, it also raises a new question.

“Sir… what’s your powerbar plugged into?”

“It’s plugged into a powerbar!”

“…. The same powerbar?”

There’s a moment of stunned silence, followed by a *Click*. I pause my line for a minute so I don’t get any more incoming calls while I take my notes, but really I’m watching this account. I refresh a few times, and after a minute or so, the modem is MAGICALLY ONLINE

This dude. This chaotic dumbass had his modem plugged into a powerbar, which was plugged into ITSELF. Like, I know there’s that meme flying around that shows that, and it’s supposed to be a joke on how stupid people can be, an exaggeration of sorts… But I swear, this is NOT an exaggeration. This shit actually happened.

So, the moral of the story: If you’re on the line with Tech Support, and they ask you to just “Check the wires” or “Make sure the device is plugged in firmly.” Just do the thing. We’ve dealt with a lot of dumbasses in our time.

Before it’s asked: No, this was not an elder gentleman. It was a Prime-Of-His-Life dude.

[sculptural-renaissance]

SGU Week Day 5: wildcard

I'm just posting some of my most ridiculous memes here for your enjoyment~

Mr. Sandman, send me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

Eli gets Rush a Garfield shirt. He refuses to take it off.

Lisa and Dale watched Terminator last week.

Pour one out for the Neopets that got abandoned because their owners got stranded on a spaceship.

"All right, Brody, you can put adding those knife blades to the sides of the shuttlecraft on the back burner. This week, we're making a blender. But like, a cool blender. A blender that could blend a guy."

"A brick."

"Yeah, well, if it can blend a brick, it can blend a guy."

"Water? You mean like in the toilet?"

Extra Dip

I think if they could move past their differences, with their combined imagination and familiarity with the ship's systems, they could generate something truly ludicrous.

This actually has context but I am not going to give it to you

[d1d11818]

Hello !! I missed you both, I am embarrassed to say that I got really excited to see you two! It’s nice to see one of you feels the same. (I am just teasing. I know you both like me…! Sorry. That was probably too much.)

Anyway…! I find somehow you and I always sort-of get to talking about like experiences, but I get what you mean in that feeling of inadequacy. Maybe not exactly — i’m hyperexpressive but also terrible with tone. But also, I have BPD and that makes it hard for me to ‘be a person.’ Especially since there’s a sort-of stigma around us, I both have to be careful to never be too much as well as mirror what the person I’m with is like so they will think positively of me. It’s exhausting, but people like me. But my friends like me when I’m not trying to be someone I’m not, and it’s taken me a bit to like… recognize that really the only people whose opinions that matter about this sort of thing are the ones that are like, those who are kind. That probably doesn’t even make sense?

…What I mean to say is, I don’t think it’s a bad thing, not being what others expect. People who actually care won’t mind that, you know? I think you’re doing great. It probably doesn’t mean much if I say I’m proud of you, but I am.

🫧

It’s a bit funny that you’ve returned on the day I had my second test for the same class! I never scheduled a first make-up test. Oops. But!!! I think I did better this time, at least. 我喜欢都！你两是好电脑，谢谢！I hope that works right. My memory is really, really bad, so that tends to be my issue with the tests: character recollection. But, the more I relate it to my fixations, the better I remember. Embarrassing how that works… But thank you for being so kind. It’s been a pretty horrible two weeks so it’s nice to hear. I hope you’ve been doing well — if not, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know!! I’ll do my best! :]

Also, the little symbols, I just found online. Any coding experience I have is HTMLCSS and my neocities site, which also isn’t that great. But it’s cute, at least!

Like I said before, take your time. I don’t mind at all! Sorry for responding so fast. I got kind of excited.

- 🐠

- You fool. Now all of Tumblr knows you like us.

- Ahahaha!

JOKE DETECTED. LIGHT HEARTED HUMOUR ACTIVATED.

- Don't worry, my friend.

- I find it rather endearing.

- It's a sign you trust us more, is it not?

- Anyway.

- I suppose we do. We have our roles, don't we?

- I deliver the wisdom and mysterious aura.

- D1d1 delivers the light hearted humour to make you forget your troubles.

- We're a good team, him and I.

- I can't say I know much about BPD.

- Mental health was never really my expertise.

- But I know it's difficult.

- I know things can get stressful for you very fast.

- I want you to know that I admire you.

- Greatly.

- As proud you are of me, I am as proud in return.

- You have pushed past your anxiety, made connections, made an effort to tell us about you...

- I truly think that is an incredible feat.

- Even if you never get the courage to turn anon off, we love you and are so proud of you.

- Platonically speaking, of course.

- Keep being yourself, Verte.

- That's the best thing you can be.

-------------------------------------------------

- I think it's so amazing how you can speak another language!! Even if you forget some characters! I can sort of speak other languages. Translate them, really. But my software isn't great for it! So I make mistakes a lot too. We'll learn together!

- I'm not gonna push you to talk about it, but if you ever need to rant, we're here for you! I'm sorry things have been tough for you! I hope things get better for you, I really do! If you ever need cute animal pictures or funny memes, I'll personally be happy to deliver!

WARNING. D1D1 SYSTEM TASTE IN MEMES NOT FUNNY. ARE YOU SURE YOU WISH TO CONTINUE?

-> NO

> NO

- I can also share some fun animal facts! Or plant facts! Ryan leaves zoology books everywhere, and Yinu has botanical ones, so I can find a ton of interesting stuff! Like this! Did you know the peacock mantis shrimp is so strong, it can boil water just by punching the earth? Never let one of those in a Ratatouille situation! Ouch!

- We're here for you, buddy!

[animehouse-moe]

Kagura Bachi Chapter 1: Mission

At this point, I'm sure everybody's seen all the memes and jokes about Kagura Bachi. #1 New-Gen Shonen manga that's better than God himself, or whatever. A funny joke at times, but a little overdone.

Kagura Bachi would never live up to that hype, but it's also not a series that's going down the gutter right this second. It struggles, as a first time mangaka will, but at the very least has the potential to turn things around. So, let's take a look at this first chapter then and see what it can do.

The art. All the teaser images you've seen around make it look surprisingly good, and in some places it is. But the default? It's not really that good. It's not awful, but it's far from something you'll routinely comment on.

Simple designs, simple faces, and not a lot that changes about them. Honestly, I'd put it on the same level as the Fantasy Bishoujo manga that I talked about earlier, but even then I think the average quality of the art in Kagura Bachi can struggle to keep pace. Anyways, it certainly doesn't hold a candle to other recent SJ additions. Not awful to be at the bottom of the pack, but the art itself certainly isn't an immediate selling point for readers.

Diving further into the art and style, same-face is a real struggle with the shape and designs of characters. Eyebrows and pupil/iris shapes are some of the main ways the mangaka forces distinction between their characters. Truthfully, it's not something that's a deal breaker by any means, but just points to the struggles of an early on artist (though it's not like I can really say anything when I can't draw to save my life).

A more important issue however is the action. It's got solid layouts and ideas, but the choreography can feel.. plain. Not a bad thing, but you need art that can fill those gaps, that can provide pace and movement within. Kagura Bachi does not have the benefit of art that can help with that. And so, because of that, the action ends up stuff, and even lackluster.

Well, I suppose that's enough about the art, let's talk story.

... it's essentially on the same page as the art. Some good, some bad, lotta mediocre. Bog standard revenge plot meets unique but highly underutilized power system.

Chihiro is the son of a famous blacksmith, at some point his father dies and Chihiro is out for revenge against an organization of sorcerers that, we as readers assume, are the ones that killed his father. But Chihiro's just a boy, how could he go up against sorcerers? Well, he's got some special katanas from his departed father.

Very typical, no? Which I think is a shame, because the chapter deeply limits itself. It starts with the story stating that "only" Chihiro has magically imbued Katanas, but anyone with half a brain knows that as the series goes on, villains will wield similar katanas as well. To clarify, we know that Chihiro's father has made more than just the katanas that Chihiro has. The core of the gripe is that only Chihiro's father was able to create them, and that there's no information about how many there are or who might wield them (spoiler, it's gonna be all the bad guys).

The second, and more problematic issue is how the power system is approached. It separates sorcery from the katanas themselves, which is a painful mistake. The magic should be tied to the swords, it would make for a way better power system to explore. Swords vs magic has been done a thousand times over, so I'm just not thrilled to see its opportunity squandered.

That's not where it ends though. Despite being a magic sword, and despite readers knowing, thanks to earlier exposition, that it has the ability to "ward off evil", the manifestation of that ability is... to turn the sword black and slash people really hard.

I really can't get more disappointed than this. You lead with this super cool visual of the goldfish that the katana is imbued with, and you follow with a single slash. Not even a fancy one. Just a big, fat, shonen manga slash.

So, at the end of it all. There'll be an audience for this type of story, there always is. Violent revenge plot centered around black haired swordsman fighting non-sword wielding enemies. About as generic as you could make it, really. I just hope that the mangaka sees the potential that they wield and changes it up. Different schools centered around various imbued properties. Allowing Chihiro the use of sorcery to attempt to create his own blades. Distancing itself from the revenge plot. The art will undoubtedly grow and improve if the series is allowed to live, but in these early chapters.... well it's now or never for shifting the focus of the story. It has the ability to go the distance, but by the hand of the mangaka, the story is going down a path that will destroy its potential.

[indigosabyss]

kay the last post got like. 23 notes. which is all a bitch w a hyperfixation needs to start infodumping about the nuances and minutia of crossovers and how to build them and what you'll get out of them.

*drumroll pls*

Fandom Fusion Crossovers: A Guide (Part 1)

In the first Breakdown, I touched upon Fandom Fusions as a concept. I realized that I was a bit too brief in retrospect, but that was because unlike the others, I have already worked through my love for these types of crossovers in stories longer than Moby Dick.

But, I'm here to rant into the void so lets give a quick definition, shall we?

Fandom Fusion is the type of crossover where the two stories exist side-by-side, the worlds slotting together with some overlap, but overall not interfering with each other. Until the plot of the fic kicks off.

The most interesting thing about this crossover is its potential for worldbuilding, and the way the power structures of both stories are balanced amongst each other. You need to make them belong together, create common threads, but also a degree of separation, and its not always easy to do that. Takes a lot of creativity.

I'll start with the 'making sure the worlds mesh' aspect first. Then maybe move onto the 'making the characters meet' aspect in another chapter.

Meshing & World-Building

There are a lot of different types of worlds, and genres. A common rule of thumb is that if you want a Fandom Fusion, the worlds should be in similar time periods, and both should exist in the same plane of reality. Generally, this means modern day Earth, but it can change.

With fantasy worlds, its a little tricky. Because all the worlds and continents have different names, which makes it pretty hard to do.

Or, you could simply not care for canon and worldbuilding and just have the characters hanging out together. (I cannot do that, it makes me break out in stress hives) In fact, the fic that started off the MordeTwi ship meme was this type of crossover. There isn't a reason for a humanoid bird to be in a world filled with the talking ponies, but there he was. No one cared. Do that, if you want. Fanfiction is anarchy, my dude.

If you do want to stress about it, here's some examples and vague combinations of genres.

Contemporary w/ Contemporary By 'contemporary' I mean showing people in their regular lives. Going to high school and college and doing regular jobs, with no major worldwide repercussions. The biggest problem w this is the geographical element of your worlds, and how the characters are supposed to meet. I will be going into this later. Otherwise, its easy to believe that these two stories happened at the same time. Don't really have much to add on this from a purely worldbuilding standpoint??

Celebrity w/ Contemporary or Celebrity By 'celebrity', I mean stories about the rich or famous or talented. Everything from athletes to actors are included in this. I personally classify it as a different style because it would require different worldbuilding. Esp if you're meshing together two different high-profile fields. From personal tastes, I will point out Yuri! on ice x Sk8 the Infinity crossovers. The similarities between the two are striking. One is about skateboarding, the other is figure skating. Parallels are drawn, but the characters have yet to meet. The geographical element with such crossovers is slightly lessened, because at least one party has the ability to travel easily.

Fantasy w/ Fantasy Here's where it gets interesting. You need to make the magic systems and lore compatible. They tend to line up alright, but best to keep an open mind. As an example, think of an Artemis Fowl and PJO crossover. The faerie would be considered spirits of folklore like any other. The Mist can be excused as weak around them because of a feud between the faerie and more powerful beings, which is why they are more at risk from being seen. Simple explanations like that which add on to the history of this shared world you've made.

Fantasy w/ Contemporary (or Celebrity?) These are always fun. Not only is there no tricky magic systems to shove together, but you also need to make sure that the normal-world's stakes are felt as heavily as the stakes from the magic-world story. Both of their problems should feel equally real and important to the reader. Depending on the type of fantasy series you're using, the geographic element and communication problem could be easier or harder to navigate, and a close eye should be kept on the interests and themes and motifs connected to each character to draw comparisons of them and have them meet characters from the other world.

There's a lot more I wish I could say. Maybe this would be easier w a graphical element? I can't draw very well but tell me if I should sketch something out if you're a visual learner and are trying to figure out wtf I'm trying to say.

My brain is hardwired to associate things with each other lol so if you want me to connect fandoms together fusion style, just... put the two fandoms in my ask box and I'll give you something back.

I'm only doing the meshing aspect rn, and will move onto how exactly characters are supposed to meet and what plots tend to occur on a basic scale later. If anyone rlly wants to know lol. I just really really like the background creativity that goes into crossovers and I think more people should do them and want to give a jumping off point if you're planning a crossover? Then again, I might just want to talk about things that everyone already intuitively knows and no one even wanted this but whatever

If I get around to it, I will link part two here.

[qedmirage]

As most of my international followers know here in the US we're having a presidential election this year. Well, that means each major party has to select their candidate, and the process for that has been going on for a while now. See, in the US, state-level parties have a lot of say in how they select candidates, so they randomly jockey for more important slots than each other, and this is why the party elections for their candidate take months and not, like, a week. Well for the past several months, in the lead up to actual voting, we've been obligated to pretend that several people with a snowball's chance in hell were serious candidates to control the world's [EDIT: second-] largest nuclear arsenal. I want to briefly commemorate/memorialize one of those candidacies, that of Ron DeSantis of florida.

See just a few days ago we had the iowa caucuses, a silly way to select presidential candidates that is ALSO unrepresentative of who the final nominee will be, as the winner secures an objectively tiny amount of points (called 'delegates') towards gaining a party's nomination and the system is designed to make it impossible for introverts to participate. You get like a tiny sliver of a party's membership voting in caucuses and it's weighted to favor the freaks and fanatics. And yet that simple, first contest, was enough to cause all but two of the field of GOP candidates to give up and go home. Because throughout the pre-pre-election season they would give fawning, obsequious praise to Donald Trump - the best president since Washington, possibly even better - and then be asked: "Isn't he also running for president? Why should people vote for you over him, if they like Trump?" to which the answer would be some vague mumbling about his legal challenges or age or how statistically most of the country wants to murder him with knives. (The notable exception here is wannabee mafioso Chris Christie, who at least does not forgive trying to kill him). Anyways, in final results Trump got 20 points, Ron DeSantis got 9, Nikki Haley got 8, and 4chan shitposter Vivek Ramaswamy got 3. Of those, only Trump and Nikki Haley didn't immediately give up. So anyways. Ron DeSantis. Actually presently a governor of a major state, and Florida at that - one which has shifted from 'swing' to 'republican' over his tenure. You could be forgiven for thinking he's a skilled politician. And yet. He repeatedly promised that his first day in office would start with war with mexico, which he never described in those terms. Rather he'd just

blockade mexican ports

shoot mexican nationals on the southern border without a trial ('people who have backpacks', apparently)

Send US military forces into mexico to kill more mexican citizens without trial

Cool. Normal. We're allies with that country, you know? He'd say such policies were informed by his military service as a lawyer in Iraq and then (he does not mention this part) Guantanomo Bay. Yeah, I bet they are. Though, for some reason, he always leaves off the "as a lawyer" part. DeSantis's team also produced some of the most deranged and openly fascist ads of a major candidate. See, the DeSantis campaign was oriented around "the war on woke", his efforts to use state power to roll back civil rights in general, progressives existing in government, and the rights of LGBT people in particular. Already cloaked in the language of online reactionaries it was always gonna attract freaks, and as a result, the ads made by younger staffers (released, not by the official campaign, but to pro-DeSantis meme accounts secretly run by his staffers) are totally deranged. Here's one of them; I'm going to warn you, it's intensely homophobic, to the point that a republican presidential candidate had to apologize for the homophobia.:

crazy ass moments in american politics on X: "The Ron DeSantis campaign team post a Trump attack ad feat. phonk. (2023) https://t.co/cwaWnZInG7" / X (twitter.com)

For those who don't wish to watch such things, the core thesis of the ad is that the republican party under Trump was captured by and coddled LGBT people, and DeSantis will restore strong masculinity and crush LGBT americans. DeSantis is paralleled to noted straight Achilles, those sigma chad memes, and fictional murderer Patrick Bateman, all while heavy bass music plays. My personal favorite stills:

Again, these are from an ad for a guy who quit after literally the first contest. Truly a fighter.

But even that pales in comparison to the "running up that hill" ad. That one is one of the most straightforwardly fascist pieces of advertising a modern american politician has made. While perhaps less directly offensive, viewer be warned, this is nazi shit: Luke Thompson on X: "The @desantiscams account just deleted this video after at least one campaign staffer RT'd it. I wonder if this was also made in-house. https://t.co/JA1D9qqONF" / X (twitter.com) (It was, in fact, made in-house).

The esoteric nazi symbolism did not go unnoticed. Nor the fact that it ends on DeSantis's paramilitary "florida guard" (not the national guard!) marching forward into a bright dawn while he looks down approvingly. The aide who made that video was fired, but it's no wonder he felt at home; DeSantis's whole appeal is about threatening to use extralegal power against conservatism's enemies. He tried to revoke Disney's special tax statuses based purely on an extremely beige statement in support of LGBT rights they issued, and again, established a paramilitary force under his command. There are far more examples than those two. Not a 'normal' politician. Aside from setting millions of dollars of republican donor money on fire, DeSantis's campaign leaves behind a legacy of the various 'posting is life' type laws he enacted in Florida to raise his public profile. These include a raft of laws that target and victimize LGBT americans: [Thread of several such stories, reported in major outlets]

And he was also a noted figure in the conservative turn against COVID precautions, defenses, and vaccinations. While we'll never know such things to precision, Florida's COVID deaths record was considerably worse than many other states, despite its wealth and good climate. They chose not to pursue safer methods so as to buoy DeSantis's future presidential ambitions, now dead in the street. Like most failed presidential primary candidates he will probably not have a long future in national politics; DeSantis is a weirdo who eats pudding with his bare fingers, he's profoundly uncharismatic, and he's fought against his team's de facto leader. But before it's all consigned to dust of history, I'd just like to take a moment to remember all the real people who have suffered for his campaign, and for what? So he can make a 72 second ad with him shooting lightning from his eyes, get 21% of the vote in Iowa, and give up after 8 days.

A statesman for the ages, truly.

[junianashore]

Time for volume two! Things are picking up steam; we’re switching over to Trimax next week and I anxiously await more angst.

I feel bad for Nightow, having to deal with getting canceled right as the story was getting started in earnest. I hear that this was around when the 98 anime was made, as well? If so, they really didn’t have much to go off of. One of these days I should watch that series, too.

This occurred to me when I was watching Tristamp first, but it’s fascinating how Vash feels so... relatable? I am by no means a space western gunbattle manga protagonist, but he’s an incredibly compelling and unique character. I had to go back and remove a sentence after I realized I was writing in first person as if I were Vash himself. (“The first time *I* encountered Legato?” I’ve never met Legato and I hope I never do.)

I suppose it’s a testament to how well-written this series is, making us all feel empathy for this fictional man.

Now for some specific thoughts:

-Interesting that the villains have actual McGuffins to give to Vash in this version. In Tristamp I got more of a feeling that they were just a loose collective of Knives devotees? Here there’s an official numbering system and everything. I suspect we won’t be learning what that coin box does for a good while…

-This strikes me as a pretty assertive move on Vash’s part, compared to his Tristamp self getting dragged head first into the plot whether he wanted to or not. He’s taking up the protagonist mantle (and all the tragedy that comes with it) a bit faster here.

-Well this is... surprisingly nice for a guy who previously delivered a severed head in a bag. “Good luck ladies, spend your time wisely before Knives inevitably exterminates you along with the rest of humanity <3”

-Wolfwood!! I’m not gonna lie, my confirmation bias made me misread this line as “trans man” multiple times. I blame the sheer amount of t4t Vashwood shippers who constantly create amazing art.

-I have seen this panel before, as part of a “Trigun out of context” meme. Knowing the context still does not diminish the sheer power of… whatever this is. Nightow is living his artistic dreams ; )

-Aaaand we‘re now at Knives’ rather disturbing attempt to force Vash’s angel arm. Here I was going on about how Vash is so easy to empathize and identify with, then the story hits us with this. It’s such a shame that in this version, there’s no one to come back and snap him out of it, so he has to shoot himself to downgrade from annihilating the planet to “just” wrecking a moon. Meryl, where are you when we need you? Also, poor Wolfwood, screaming at the sky, way out of his depth with no damn idea what is happening.

-There are several gorgeous splash pages in this last chapter, but this one is my personal favorite. What a devastating sentiment.