#i mean at least he apologized
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my male ex is back. he was a guy i dated before i realized i had feelings for women.
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I really like @theratpy‘s Dr. Zo :D I like him for normal reasons don’t even worry about it don’t read into it at all haha (Patreon)
Bonus Ratticus
#Doodles#Theratpy#Dr. Zo#Ratticus#And no one else don't worry about it#Which is to say please watch Theratpy! Such lovely stylization especially with the heartbeat animation ah#So cool how they move and the lineart moves! So cool!#I deeply enjoy how especially Zo is shaped he's incredibly pretty (this is known) lol#Incredibly predictable behaviour on my part I will not apologize I see pretty lad I draw pretty lad that's the rules#In all seriousness and not-jokes the rat style does lend really well to the Vargases..........just sayingggg lol#There'll be some in the next sketchdump ahem ahem they're pretty and cute wah!#Which I mean I'd be more than happy to tag again for credit purposes At The Least but just as well not to bother either whichever however#Just such a cuuuute and prettyyyyy style ahhhh#I enjoy very much please go enjoy also <3#The little ear flicks are probably my favourites hehe#Oh and hands lovely stuff <3 Fuzz and sharp nails! Yes! I like that very much#I tried to mostly style-match here but I can't escape my hand-habits of how I draw collars lol I don't think I quite got that#But all the same I'm still pleased! :D I enjoyed to draw and enjoyed the turnout! Hooray both#I did keep running out of room for his whiskers tho overlapping lines are hard to keep clean ahh#Especially with my love of movement lines lol everything crowded!#Still still still - pleased! Happy! Yay! :D#Good lads ♪
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lol yeah ok - how about 12 and 13 instead? - last anon
[Character Analysis Ask Meme]
What is Neuvillette’s love language?
As that he does not have a way with human relationships, Neuvillette shows his feelings best through acts of service and gift-giving. After all, words are difficult and easy to construe. Quality time often leaves him at a loss for the very words he has a difficult time with. And physical touch? That’s simply too intimate for him. So what better way to show how he feels through something concrete? Surely if he gives of his time and resources for the people he cares about, they will understand how high of a regard he holds them. At least, he hopes.
What is Neuvillette like in a relationship?
As unfamiliar with human emotions as he is, you notice Neuvillette’s feelings for you long before he does. How can you not? You see it clearly—the softness in his eyes whenever they fall upon you, the fondness in his smile, the requests for you to stay if not just a moment longer. You are taken by surprise the day he notices. He approaches you with a troubled, albeit bashful expression. He says that it was brought to his attention that he has feelings for you. Adorable as he is, what else can you do but accept them?
Much to your expectation, there is a hesitance in his step after he begins to court you. He has never been in a relationship before. He doesn’t want to mess it up. So how close is he allowed to walk next to you? Is it proper to offer you his arm? Will you refuse him if he asks you to accompany him to a show? But your presence at his side leaves him light-headed. How many times this has lead to social gaffes and things of the sort? But when you laugh, how can he not chuckle to himself in turn?
With Neuvillette, you will find no bombastic displays of affection. There will not be poetic words of love and adoration. After all, Neuvillette is a simple man and will show his love through simple, yet earnest ways. He will want to spend time with you. He will want to do his best to communicate and be honest with you. He will want to make you happy in any way you see fit. He will do his best for you.
Zhongli's below the cut!
What is Zhongli’s love language?
Anyone close to the Geo Archon knows his penchant for gift-giving. Really, it often catches many by surprise the sheer thoughtfulness and rarity of the gifts he gives. Not only are they often pricey, but also chosen with the receiver specifically in mind. It’s not rare to see people moved to tears upon receiving them, touched by the amount of care he puts into each one. As with gifts, Zhongli is also liberal with the words of affirmation he gives others. He does not hesitate to state a person’s strengths, nor how high of a regard he holds them. With him, there is no room for doubt.
What is Zhongli like in a relationship?
You don’t exactly know when you both became an item. As wordy as Zhongli is, he never bothered to tell you his feelings plainly. He even rejected you at first, stating he didn’t see you in that way. But then he said he’d try, didn’t he? And from that point, things began to change. How he’d invite you to Miss Yun’s performances, or offered his arm for you to take while he’d walk you home. How he’d tell you the most outrageous stories with a straight face, then laugh with an amused glint in his eye when you took him seriously. Somewhere along the way, the wall he kept began to fall.
Still, it is hard to tell his feelings as he never becomes the most physical with his affections. He does not hug you, nor does he hold your hand when you walk at his side. Sparing the moments when you’re the most endearing, he does not often kiss you of his own accord. Still, there is a level of familiarity and intimacy that he displays with no one else. You’re the only person he’ll let by his side on the days he wants most to be left alone. You’re the one whose opinions matter the most. You’re the only one he’ll tease as mercilessly as he does. You’re special.
With Zhongli, you realize that your relationship with him is not primarily one of romance, but of companionship. He does not simply view you as a friend. No, you’re much more than that. Out of all the things that come and go in his life, you are and will always be the only constant. You are everything to him. Even if you may part ways for a time, the place by his side will always remain yours. A relationship with you is a contract, one that he will always uphold.
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#neuvillette#zhongli#neuvillette x reader#zhongli x reader#my writing#character analysis#sorry for the wait haha... but at least it's better than more than a month right? ;v;#i will apologize if you wanted something overtly romantic with the relationship question#zhongli's was especially hard#okay i can talk about it now#zhongli is the kind of guy you can talk with for hours and then leave not knowing a single thing about him#and that’s the weird thing like he does not hide his thoughts and feelings towards things#but at the same time you always doubt the extent to which he means them#like he may call the traveler a good friend and other warm things but….#does he follow up his feelings with actions?#he’s so easygoing that you can’t picture him falling to raw emotion#and it primarily is because he sees everyone the same way a grandfather looks at his toddler grandchild#he feel warmth and affection for them but they will never be equals#that’s why if you confessed your feelings for him he’d turn you down at first. he’d need time to change his thinking#and even after accepting you zhongli is not one for passions. he’s not gonna change much. he’ll still be a retired old man#also just a personal headcanon but i don’t think he’d get with a human. he’d humor then but he wouldn’t accept them#yeah hes just… hard to figure out romantically speaking
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Volo's friendship story in the Trainer's Lodge is so interesting to me because it seemingly contradicts his usual way of thinking. He asks to take a commemorative photo with you in the event that the world disappears, obviously referring to what he wants to eventually accomplish in the future.
And I can only wonder why he does this. His exact words afterwards are, "Please remember me as you've seen me during our time together." He plans on erasing the world to build a better one, as per is goal in P:LA but the idea that he would want you to remember him as you knew him, someone who was simply friendly and nice to you, goes against how he views relationships with people. There's no transactional value to taking this photo with you nor is there for him wanting you to remember him fondly.
Volo is overly nice to people to get what he wants out of them, that's kind of his thing. You see it with the protag in P:LA, you see it with Jacq and Trevor, and later with Lear in the Mysterious Stones chapter. He likes to get in people's good books so that he might get something out of it later. But what does he want out of you in this interaction? What is he hoping to gain by telling you to remember him the way he is now? He plans on destroying the world and so... he asks to take a photo with you? I can only imagine that he wants it for himself since if the world disappears, you won't even be there to remember him in the first place. He plans on destroying the world and you won't even be there and yet, he still asks you to remember him.
I don't think Volo necessarily lied when he said, "It's just a matter of using them before they use you." Those were thoughts inside his head, he has no one to lie to there; that's what he truly believes. However, I do think there's a disconnect between the kind of person Volo is and the kind of person Volo believes himself to be.
I think maybe he does love his Pokemon, maybe he even wants to be your friend. I don't think he knows that though. His genuine view of himself is that he feels no love or care for others and relationships are just a means to an end and that is mostly how he comes across when showing his true colors. But he has moments that don't quite line up with that. He wants you to remember him fondly. He considers Pokemon tools and yet, there's that photo of him and Togepi. It's these two moments that make me question things. He looks after Togepi and in return, Togepi sticks by his side; that's their trade-off, what they both get out of their relationship. But the photo is what throws me off. If there wasn't even a little bit of love for Togepi, why does that photo exist? Why did he take it? Volo in this same conversation says, "Photos are wonderful things! They allow you to capture and isolate the best moments!" Why take a photo with something you don't love? Why consider that one of your "best moments?"
Volo honestly believes that he doesn't love his Pokemon and that he's no one's friend. That isn't a mask he's putting on, that's who he thinks he is and I can only assume that the reason for this is due to whatever event happened in his past that set him down this road to begin with. But he has these small moments that contradict that view of himself. Volo does have a capacity to care for his Pokemon, to have friends. I just don't think he realizes that. He's incapable of recognizing if he loves or even likes someone in a genuine way; so caught up in viewing every relationship like it's a barter or a trade that he has no idea that he can care and that maybe, at some points, does.
#hi these tags are long as fuck so just warning you#pokemon#pokemon volo#this friendship storyline gave me so many thoughts#these are not the words of someone who doesn't like you at least a little bit#what do you mean he wants us to remember him like that?#why? we won't even be there for it#and i'm reading a little too much into this so that's why this is in the tags#but it almost feels like an apology of sorts?#he knows he's going to reveal himself to be not as kind and helpful as he leads everyone to believe#and that will obviously be upsetting#but why is he telling us that that's going to happen? why give us a hint towards his true nature?#also the least important thing about this i just thought it was fun#it reminded me of the end of the pacifist route in undertale#when asriel asks frisk to remember him as the friend he was to them in that moment#and not the horrible monster he was and would eventually become again#so yeah not very important to anything i just wanted to get that thought out
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Everything else notwithstanding, I firmly think that SJ's rage towards YQY - regardless of how you feel about the degree to which he acted out towards him - was reasonable given that he believes (with justification given the little info he has) that his one childhood friend, who knew very well the vicious abuse he was experiencing, just fucked off to live the good life he found and left him to suffer. Like completely separate from anything else, I don't see how hating someone who to your knowledge abandoned you to die, even if they're sorry/guilty once they saw you survived, is wrongheaded or misguided. I honestly saw their whole relationship as emblematic of the prominent themes of miscommunication in SVSSS, on YQY's side due to a mixture of feeling like he's sparing the other party and his own trauma. A direct parallel (and later a foil) to SY and LBH at the abyss.
#sure things would have probably gone better if shen jiu was able to find forgiveness earlier for qi-ge's apparent betrayal#which we can easily say as omniscient readers with perfect information#but I really don't think that “you MUST forgive terrible betrayal/abuse to find happiness" is what the intended conclusion is.....#bingqiu was very lucky in that SY's ultimate display of continued love via his sacrifice was followed by a resurrection honestly#it's just rough that poor YQY almost certainly thought that saying that he did care and tried wouldn't mean anything#that it's just the failure to succeed that mattered#when at least IMO it would have meant much - it was the crux of the problem for SJ#SJ textually didn't hate YQY for failing when he thought he was dead or lost#but after seeing him strong and healthy at the sect - refusing to explain just apologizing when questioned - he saw willful abandonment#svsss
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i had time to play a decent amount today and actually further the main quest & companion quests and. i dont have anything eloquent to say this time and im not feeling generous anymore... taash's writing sucks dogshit
#even if i ignore the whole. Solely Existing To Teach The Player What Nonbinary Means#their character is wildly inconsistent#they are constantly picking on other companions to a point that it's literally grating to have them in a party with some of them#namecalling emmrich and getting an entire scene about it and no one seems to realize how silly it looks to have#mx 'you dont get to tell me who i am'#repeatedly calling emmrich by names he doesn't like#same with calling davrin a spirit and saying shit like 'don't be ashamed of who you are' all sarcastic i just know they#felt sooo smug writing that line#also please god stop saying nonbinary it is so immersion breaking it's awful. i hate to say it but it's literally making me cringe#god i want to like them so bad. but i think taash and harding are the worst writing in the game#taash i want to like at least but i straight up hate harding lmao especially playing as an elf. why am i apologizing ?#and you literally cant call her out on any of it. soo frustrating#datv spoilers#datv critical
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Have I heard, creachure ideas??? Ohhh, intriguing!
Creachur Tyleko, perhaps, if you need an idea. Creachur Tyleko nimming on a piece of raw meat, maybe?
Day #87 - Creachur
Uhm well... um you see...... uhhhhhhhh
Creachur Tyelko is a litlle bit... Feral? Unhinged? Would not sit still long enough for me to draw him normally?? So... yeah.
#celegorm#tyelkormo#turkafinwe#the silmarillion#silm#feanorians#chibi#cute#digital art#silm art#doodle#tolkien legendarium#tolkien#apologies for weird art today my braincells are on strike#i mean.... at least they're unionized?#anyways with the creechure headcanons i typically imagine elves to be more deerlike/cervids/gangly lanky bovids#(mainly for antler reasons)#but tyelko is a whole different breed of elf. tyelko is special.#and deer don't really have the right incisors for the kind of stuff creature!celegorm is getting into.#therefor canine celegorm!#he is equal parts teeth and fluffy and i love him very much :]]#daily smol silm#ask#dragonridersofficer-fiammag
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MAY HAVE BURNED MY BRIDGES WITH THE BEST TECHNICIAN IN THIS REGION OVER KPOP OF ALL FUCKING THINGS SO STAY TUNED TO CYANS STUPID IDEAS HOURS I FUCKING GUESS
#on the one hand: I have a right to be pissed with him bc it’s actually about him telling me off and then tattling to the owners about#a music choice of all things#on the other hand: I DID NOT MEAN TO DO THIS#kill me I hate confrontation#on the third hand: I’m so pissed at this group of people right now that I’m 2s from walking the fuck outtttt#cyanoupdates#cyan vs the workforce#I think I probably need to do at least a little apologizing if I want to maintain a good relationship with this man motherfucker#I do not want to he was out of pocket#but I probably did not need to be quite so. me about it#upset gurgling intensifies#I DONT EVEN LIKE KPOP VERY MUCH
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The 6 chapter epilogue moves to 'end' the Tododrama this chapter leaving a divided fandom...
For me I think that given the story the Todorokis have had up to this point it both makes sense and is the best we could have hoped for. I'm not one hundred percent happy with it, but I defiantly don't view as negatively as a lot of people seem to.
First off Touya dying makes sense and this is perhaps harsh but I hope he does. People theorizing that the mysterious Tenko like figure is Shigaraki and he will heal him and the rest of the LoV with his restored Overhaul powers is insane to me. With only four chapters left idk how that would even be covered or concluded, since even if they were healed they would all still be put in prison--it wouldn't erase the fact Touya killed 30 innocent people by his own omission. So, how Hori would cover that kind of plot in a cohesive way in four chapters is beyond me. It's pretty much people wanting a worse story because they want their favorite character to live.
Also, I'm a bit frustrated that yet again people are acting like Enji should die instead and making wild accusations based on nothing. Namely that Touya dying supposedly soonish negates Enji saying he'll watch him and his death will let him off the hook so to speak.
Enji has shown that he really loves Touya and feels immense guilt and rightful responsibility for how he treated him and his the rest of the family. Touya dying doesn't suddenly heal his permanently crippled body or give him back his Hero job. It will only make him feel worse. Also it's not as if once Touya is gone he'll ignore the rest of his family either. He still owes them as well, and will probably try to help them in whatever way he possibly can.
People acting as if Touya's death will free him or that afterwards he'll go on with his life completely happy and forgetting about him is just not in any way accurate to what we've seen of his character.
The other thing I've seen floating around is the idea that if Enji had been killed off during the first PLF War, Shoto would have saved Touya and the family would have been happy in the end. I don't think that's true. I will admit I'm bias because I like Enji and I'm not a fan of Touya, but given how Hori seems to have delt with the LoV and villains in general (unless he pulls a 180 and heals them last min) I think Touya was always meant to end up dying slowly in a hospital or get some other bittersweet ending.
BNHA is not grimdark by any means but it is not the idealistic manga of the past like Naruto. Hori punishes characters that make bad choices no matter how understandable or even shitty the choices they had were. Aoyama, despite helping defeat Afo, being a child and under the threat of death to him and his family, still drops out of UA because he feels he still has to earn his place there. Bakugou dies and his heart and hand will never be the same, while also having to deal with the guilt of Izuku loosing his Quirk (if that sticks). Enji, even though trying to change and atone for most of the Manga's run is still left permanently crippled, the job that meant everything to him, lost, his legacy gone.
For Touya who killed so many people without care, only to get back and his father. Who plotted to kill his little brother despite knowing he was abused. Not caring if his plans got his other innocent family members killed. After everything we've seen with other characters who did far less wrong and tried hard to amend those mistakes getting harsh consequences, I doubt it was ever the plan to have Touya sitting at the table with his family eating his favorite food with a smile, regardless of Enji being alive or not. To suggest that Hori only had Shoto fail because Hori needed Enji to be involved just isn't true. If Hori wanted to give Touya a happy ending he would have--many fans have already come up with how that could have happened even with Enji still alive.
The only criticism I agree with is Rei's ending. You can defiantly read how she wheels Enji around and answers his phone as them being back together or in the very least her becoming his caretaker. Now, That might not be the case--she could just doing those things because they were both going to see Touya and she's just helping him out that day, while they actually live separately, with Enji having a paid home assistant that couldn't or wouldn't go with him to see Touya (because of the stigma or visiting regulations). The issue is that we just don't know for sure and Rei has been shafted pretty badly.
That said, I wasn't expecting much from/for her anyway. I think getting a little blurb about what she was doing like Natsuo and Fuyumi did would have helped, but I sort of doubt Hori had any idea what to do with her character outside being Enji's abused wife and Shoto's mom. With him rushing to get these last chapters out I'm not shocked he just stuck her in the background, especially when Enji and Shoto as secondary characters needed the screen time.
#bnha 426#bnha spoilers#ask#thanks for the ask :)#todoroki enji#endeavor#idk i just think people expected a Steven Universe/Naruto/ She-Ra kind of ending#where everyone is happy in the end#(minus Enji of course because he deserves to suffer for all eternity apparently)#but I've noticed alot of modern Manga are way more cynical then those in the past#BNHA is no JJK#but it's not super unrealistic idealist story either#it's not a downer but it doesn't sugar coat things#one of the major themes is that people can change#but that it's really hard#and it doesn't necessarily mean everything works out perfectly afterwards#Bakugou is constantly punished for making bad choices#so is Enji#Even shoto gets some when he fucks up--like the during the Hero exam#for the lov particularly Touya who never made a different choice even when he was given multiple opportunities to#I don't think the story would have made sense if he just got a happy ending anyway#after so many other characters were punished and forced to learn/change#Yes he was abused but so was the rest of the family#and they didn't decide to kill strangers or each other just to spite Enji#that was Touya's choice and even after his entire family nearly died to save him he shows no real remorse#heck in the end he only apologized to Shoto#like at least Natsuo deserved one too after he nearly killed him twice
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a court of silver flames gets the award for book where i've said "god i wish everyone in this book would die" the most
#and i've read fucking gone girl so that's a real award. (the difference is that gone girl is actually good)#anti acosf#i guess? i know there's like. etiquette for this#i just need to get this out trying to get through this audiobook is like pulling teeth#anti acotar#anti sjm#just in case#lol#except for nesta because i want her to kill someone. i just want her to do it. how the fuck does this end with her geting with cassian he#has zero fucking redeeming qualities#he's stupid he's fucking mean he's bad at his job he berates nesta every other page#don't get me started on rhysand the only way this series can be redeemed for me is if he explodes into blood.#genuinely my least favorite character in anything ever and it's all because this series spends its narrative jacking him off#anyway im goin gmental wish me LUCK#oh wait#anti cassian#anti rhysand#is this how this works i hope so if this shows up in an improper place uhhh i apologize
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behold: my second least favorite string of words in the entirety of Tears of the Kingdom.
(it's a little less transparent why this time so I'll explain my thoughts under the cut)
So why do I not like this?
In so many words: because if you remove it, the scene still works, but you lose the moral certainty of what is going on.
This single sentence does so much legwork for the entire game (the kind I dislike), to the point where I'm about 60% sure it's the product of a rework that realized how ambiguous Rauru's position was as the Good Rightful King and needed to nervously reassure the players that Ganondorf Is and Always Was the Invader, Actually.
(no matter that it leaves the gerudos in this awkward in-between state of both invaders and victims, while never dwelling in the specifics of their history and their own agency in the entire thing; brushed off as a sin they have to expiate through loyalty to the winners of that particular strife, but without explicitely blaming them either to avoid the implications of what that would have looked like)
If you remove it, not only do you lose a pretty clunky line that detracts from Ganondorf's intimidating presence (who is he even speaking to? who needs to hear this right now?) that honestly speaks for itself when it comes to his experience with warfare, but also you lose any tension and any mystery regarding why he is attacking in the first place.
You also... kind of rob Ganondorf's motivations of their meaning. "Hyrule will bow down before me" leads to asking... why? What does he want? What does he see in those lands? And what little we get with Rauru and then Link during the final fight begs more questions; why do you prefer hardship to peace? Why do you value strength? What leads you to want to rule a land devoid of survivors, become a king without a kingdom? I don't think we ever get satisfactory answers. If you remove this sentence, on the other hand... Subtextually, it becomes pretty clear that his motivations is that he felt threatened by Rauru's power, which is ripe with subtext and questions about whether this is a legitimate reaction, whether his "no survivor" stance is due to a feeling of betrayal when his own people turned against him post the Demon King shenanigans... I'm not saying it would fix the entire game's writing, far from it, but it would already do *so much more*.
(genuinely, I think he could have stayed completely silent during the Molduga Assault, speaking only in the Show of Fealty before going completely nuts after Sonia's murder, and it would have worked MUCH better in terms of characterization but anyway anyway
EDIT: ALSO!!! that way he wouldn't speak hylian to fellow gerudos, which is weird inherently)
Without this line, the core of the tension between the gerudos and Hyrule comes front in his conversation with Rauru; it allows the cause of his hostility to be Rauru's invitations, that he would have taken as a threat, and would have still made him warlike and domineering without making him cartoonishly flat, because, once again, Rauru is not acting in a particularly more legitimate way when Zelda arrives in Ancient Hyrule; and it would have been... fair to point that out. And make for better characterization for Rauru, and Sonia, and Mineru, and everybody. But the priority was for Hyrule to be pictured as unquestionably holy; always legitimate, always truthful, always beautiful, always just.
Also, and this is more of a nitpick but: why would Ganondorf want Hyrule, specifically, to bow down before him also? Was he at war with the rest of the disparate tribes before, and just carried on his ambitions to the very very newly-founded kingdom as they allied under a new banner? (though it seems to be implies the lands were crawling under monsters in a generic sense, and not Ganondorf's attacks in particular) Why would he even consider Hyrule a legitimate entity worth taking over then, if it is so new, born from the will of a powerful rival, founded by what is basically a stranger to these lands? Why would he covet something so young instead of destroying it and just calling the lands Gerudo Lands II or Grooseland or something?
I don't think any of that was even accounted for, because, beyond everything else: to me, this sentence is so clearly and painfully crammed in here to shield Hyrule from any potential blame and immediately characterize Ganondorf as Bad without having to remove any of the causes that could lead one to side-eye Rauru's little pet project as equally questionable.
Beyond the clumsiness, it is cowardly --and, I think, a little damning.
#totk#totk critical#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#ganondorf#gerudos#rauru#tl:dr it is cowardly and reveals that nintendo knew about the Implications to some degree#sometimes less is more#really in that case less would have been so much more#it is literally ganondorf's first chronological line#yeah sure it tells you everything about the guy but#it's also such a bold commitment to flatness and self-righteousness that... yeah#and before I hear any “at least Rauru wasn't using force” I mean as far as we know though?#the constructs attack anyone deemed an “invader” on sight one of the things rauru does is to apologize for this#(I reread Rauru's initial dialogue in the Sky Islands and it would have been SO GOOD if any ambiguity would have been allowed)#(like the thing about Constructs mindlessly pursuing their useless tasks forever disquieting him...)#(yeah buddy so true that could uhhh almost be a metaphor for something else regarding purpose and lineage or something wow)#and even if he didn't use force directly the power dynamics and repeated invitations are still undeniably questionnable#like my guy why do you want everybody to kneel down to you what's up with that do we unpack this or#at least ganondorf was like.... born and raised a king (not that it excuses anything but he inherited pre-existing traditions)#so did zelda#she was born in an imperfect system and did whatever she could about it#rauru *crowned himself*#he *made* the system
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What is the Tarnma penpals au? I've seen you mention it a couple times and am super curious about it!
Hiiii
So the Pen Pals AU is an idea that I got a couple of weeks ago. Kind of self-explanatory by the name, but the idea is it's a post-war scenario with a diplomatic ending b/t the Autobots and Decepticons. One of the many efforts to normalize relations is a pen pals program that's set up to pair Autobots with Decepticons under randomized pseudonyms. The goal is to try and create positive relationships based only on these letters and not any preconceived notions based on faction or identity. (Also it's pre-Earth which means it's pre-Delphi for Pharma, so his normal non-traumatized personality features.)
Pharma and Tarn naturally get paired up under this program, and the first part of the AU/fic (yes I'm going to write it eventually) is them basically having their pen pals relationship turn from friendship to heavily implied mutual romantic attachment. Their individual daily lives are also shown bc each of them is dealing with their own identity-related crisis: Tarn struggling with depression and addiction in the aftermath of all the things he did for the DJD and confusion over why Megatron just had them change so suddenly. Pharma with the realization that his whole life has just been defined by his accomplishments and he's lived his life in a way where he's oft-respected and admired, but never loved for who he is as a person rather than what he does.
The whole AU was originally meant to be fluffy and slice-of-life-esque (there was even an arranged marriage component in the very first conception of the idea), but as I fleshed out the setting more, I realized I wanted to actually delve deep into the implications of a post-war setting. So the Pen Pals AU has taken a darker turn recently; not darker as in fluffy romance to dead dove, but it's more like, the fluffy romance develops and then the past/war comes back to haunt Tarn and Pharma's relationship in a way that's very (re)traumatizing, both for them individually and their chances of being able to stay together as a couple.
So the fact that Tarn was in the DJD/oversaw Grindcore and did countless atrocities is very much an element of the story that's explored rather than shied away from. At first he deals with it on his own, and for a while he lives in blissful ignorance knowing that his pen pal is the one relationship he has with a "normal person" (he knows that his pen pal is a doctor, aka not a hardened soldier and criminal). Unfortunately things get complicated when his pen pal asks to meet IRL because he wants them to be more than friends, and Tarn realizes that he can't move forward with this new, blooming relationship without being honest about who he is. On Pharma's end, he has to grapple with the idea of choosing love over reputation, following his heart rather than his fear of social rejection/ostracization. Especially when the consequences of continuing to date Tarn could go from just "people judging him" to.... well, that's what me eventually writing the fic is meant to reveal. :)
TLDR: Tarn and Pharma meet as anonymous pen pals, end up having a lot of shared issues re: loneliness and isolated public personas, help each other solve their personal problems, share a mutual love of music, and fall in love, then realize who the other is. Complications ensue.
#squiggle answers#pen pal au#i really want to start writing it!#i've actually written a few scenes but only like the most climactic or romantic ones#also i'm trying to keep some things vague and not specify what order things happen so as to not give away the whole story#also it's lowkey (maybe highkey) a tarn apologism fic with a heaping main course of redemption arc#bc a big thing is like. tarn was not born tarn he was made that way by a specific person for a specific purpose#in comparison pharma's side of the story is a little lighter/lower stakes. at least for the first part of the fic#but delphi doesn't happen in this universe so that means by nature pharma has less emotional damage and trauma#it's weird to call pharma innocent but in the context of this au he kind of is#esp since even once he starts dating tarn knowing it's tarn he's kind of like. well both sides did bad things right?#oh no sweet summer child the DJD were a different beast
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one thing that especially irks me about cullen's so-called redemption is the attempts to redeem him through cole's words.
templars' abuses affected cole so badly it damaged his connection to the fade and his own nature. he was a spirit of compassion and witnessing what was happening in white spire turned him into a killer. he murdered lord seeker lambert in cold blood for what he did and most of the time he doesn't regret it — and then he just. drops the "he's not like the other girls" lines about cullen.
and this is such a lazy and annoying move. another thing that is established about cole is that you particularly can't lie to him — about your real feelings and intentions at least. whatever he states about other characters must be true and it is often used as a tool to deepen the characterizations of the main cast and in cullen's case it is just. blatant apologism. there's literally a banter where cole talks about atrocities commited by the templars and then he adds "oh no but cassandra and cullen aren't like that" and never elaborates. the game itself doesn't elaborate either.
like please don't tell me that the spirit who was shaken by knowledge that an innocent boy can die from starving because his jailors simply forgot about him would look in the eyes of a person who used to be meredith fucking stannard's right hand and still thinks that her methods were just a little too harsh but necessary and justified and say yeah. this guy is such a friend of mages. if only there were more templars like him
#this is such an overt bullshit like i don't even know where to start#and my main problem is that. i don't care about cullen. his redemption arc sucks because it's non-existent. but i do care about cole#and i love his cryptic comments so much because they really give you a look into character's head in a weird but interesting manner#and then. this happens. and you can say that “oh but it means that cullen's REAL attitude is compassionate towards mages!”#but the thing about cole's comments is. he does expose characters' thoughts#but you've already had an opportunity to catch whatever cole makes clear in these banters#like. vivienne is afraid and it is shown in the game. dorian struggles with attachment and it is shown in the game#cullen struggles with whatever he's done to mages and ?????? ah yes#and i'm just. so mad. because i love what cole adds to the storytelling. and there's so much potential but he's used for apologism#because whoever wrote cullen was too lazy and/or preoccupied with making a knight in shining armor out of him#you can also point out that cole is used for solas apologism as well. but in solas' case you can catch that he feels conflicted#about his actions and goals. so yeah. it works. at least partially. so my point stays.#cullen's case is like. by the book example of horrendous breaking of 'show don't tell' rule#practically cole breaks this rule constantly. but as i said it doesn't feel off with other characters because of what has been shown alread#cullen critical#dragon age
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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i don't think he said this in the anime
#i looked at multiple translations and it's the same💀#i think hes a bit upset and frustrated about watching every new recruit die so fast#so his first reaction is to grumble some out of pocket shit that sounds completely normal to him😭#because if he lets himself be 'sad' (to say the least) then he can't fight#because during the final charge as levi is making his way to the beast he apologizes#even though no one can hear him#he has done nothing wrong ever#but in the anime they had him break the fourth wall instead#OR I MEAN IT SEEMS THAT WAY HE LOOKED RIGHT AT THE 'CAMERA'#😭#levi ackerman
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