#he *made* the system

[skipblebee]

Sv au where everything is the same but it's like a reality tv show (the system takes interviews)

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

[thesadisticsiren]

Part of me wants to make an AU where Shen Yuan never breaks the OOC lock, or at least breaks it WAY later. I want to see the shenanigans and loopholes he pulls on the system to get his way. He's a clever guy who can strategize and argue like he will die on ANY and EVERY hill, and he DID manage to twist things his way before the lock was lifted. I want to see how far he could GO.

Shen Qingqiu: Obviously the scum villain, upon finding out the little beast is an excellent cook, would keep those skills for himself. He wouldn't share or allow another peak lord or disciple to benefit from it!

System: USER, LETTING THE PROTAGONIST COOK FOR YOU IS OOC!! (￣_￣|||)

Shen Qingqiu: LET HIM? Let him your MOTHER! No, I'm MAKING him. He has to, it's part of his chores. He has to get up extra early to cook for me, and it takes up more of his time. Everyone else gets the Qingjing peak's quality meals, Binghe will have to subsist on whatever extras he can after cooking for this master. Plus if he does badly I have more excuse to punish him! Now shut up, Binghe's making Twice Cooked Pork and I have to watch him do it to make sure he doesn't poison anything. And not because he likes watching Binghe.

Additionally

system: USER WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Σ(っ °Д °;)っ

Shen Qingqiu, patting Binghe's head: What does it look like I'm doing, you bastard. I'm hitting him.

System: ...

Shen Qingqiu: I can't do it too hard, of course! I can't risk leaving marks where people might see them. I'm just being forward thinking!!

AND ALSO

Shen Qingqiu, to himself: FUCK how do I help Liu Qingge without being out of character-

System: NO WORRIES, USER!! ASSISTING THE BAI ZHAN PEAK LORD WITH HIS QI DEVIATION IS NOT OOC! o(*￣▽￣*)o

Shen Qingqiu: fucking WHAT?!?

[emacrow]

The baby god.

The world was in panic as Justice League couldn't do anything, a glowing green metorite ball the size of Neptune was heading directly toward Earth.

The green lantern corps couldn't do anything to move the direction of the metorite, Superman couldn't even get near without feeling faint, believing that there was kyptonite on the metorite stopping him.

Not even John could make any deal that involved that metorite at all.

Many city panic, started fighting, crying, and broken down. Many religious groups accept their fate.

Gotham City refused to go out quietly as everyone was throwing a simultaneous party. Even the villains went all out, even Joker didn't cause harm to anyone, much less made a joke at all..

Joker tremblingly held a very old playing joker card that Batman had since their first fight years ago while his eyes, one still black from earlier look to the last live being recorded with Batman's voice speaking on the live, He stayed along side in gotham even when end of the world was here.

Clark Kent stayed with his ma and pa house, lois Lane, holding her hands.

The world stood still as the seemingly the end was close by.

Only for the glowing green metorite was rapidly slowing down, nearly the same length by as the moon even if it was gigantic in comparison.

A gargantuan hands seen to have grasped it, the hands itself were covered in stars and dust as a loudest chirp could be heard around the earth.

Bright bluish green eyes the size of the sun slowly blink with curious, a gigantic toddler the twice size of Jupiter, a chubby face covered in dwarfs star made freckles, a glowing green necklace that held the tiny dwarf pluto, hair the covered Most of the darkness that was the night sky like strains clouds made from the heaven themselves.

A massive deep blue puff escaped the gargantuan being's mouth, raining down all over the earth, where tiny pure crystalized ice was the size of a baby pearl that never melted.

Everyone who was watching the live or was watching outside could see the being clearly.

The metorite threatened to end all life on earth as they knew it was stopped by a god.

The god slowly turned, the bright white hair swaying star dust everywhere in the sky as they were turning to someone and floated away, the joyous young laughter of a toddler echoing on earth.

[sunderwight]

Shen Qingqiu deciding that Luo Binghe has been abusing his crybaby privileges a bit, opts to get back at him (only a little) by bursting into crocodile tears at some point of his own accord.

He's not really serious about it -- though he wouldn't admit to it under interrogation, he does actually like Luo Binghe's weepy-pathetic routine. It's just that lately the man's been hammering on it like a cat who has discovered that ringing a dinner bell brings food, and Shen Qingqiu's poor heart can take that much of it, really! So he figures he'll issue an illustrative rebuke by getting some of his own waterworks on and making Binghe appreciate that it can be a bit harrowing to be on the receiving end!

Only, it backfires.

Shen Qingqiu picks his time and his place carefully, waiting until Luo Binghe is in a rare mood of frustration with him (he put himself in danger recklessly again) and then, bringing a tear to his eye by remembering certain unpleasant things, Shen Qingqiu starts to sniffle.

Only, it turns out that he maybe needed a cry? Like was perhaps overdue for this? He's cried before of course but usually only in the midst of overt physical exertion or stimulation (*cough*), not so much just shedding a tear in a relatively calm situation, and, well... the only explanation he can think of is that it was overdue, because somehow what he intends to be some teary eyes and a wobbling lip turns into full-on sobbing.

Luo Binghe panics. Shizun, Binghe didn't mean it! Are you hurt?! Are you cursed?!

Shen Qingqiu, through sobs: no, no, it's fine! Everything's fine!

Anyway, Luo Binghe drags Shen Qingqiu to Qian Cao Peak and subsequently puts him on bed rest and observation for like three days, and Shen Qingqiu just sighs because that's overkill and his plan absolutely didn't work. But being fussed over is kind of nice. Oh. Maybe it worked in reverse, because he has a better appreciation now for why Luo Binghe does this so often?

It ends with him resolving to get Luo Binghe to cry less by just being a little bit more open with his affection from the get-go, instead.

[rainscenes]

[nibbelraz]

What a beautiful story! Too bad his King didn't hear all of it...

My first art for @moshangevents Moshang DUALXDUAL Event! With @armyoftoads prompt of Mobei Jun being unable to sleep, prompting Shang Qinghua to tell his beloved a magnificent story that he most definitely just made up! (Definitely not real and all about himself)

[ryuichifoxe]

That first trip to Tevinter together had to be wild.

[crazyness-overpowers]

“She’s my best friend’s kid.” Haymitch didn’t look up when Beetee stopped next to him, in a corner of the lobby of the Tribute Center, where all the mentors were, briefly, gathering.

They had discovered a few years ago that this corner was a spot with just enough feedback from the climate control system to mess with any recording devices. There was a way they checked, every year, to make sure it was the same, and he was already certain it would be fine. They never discussed anything sensitive, but chose the spot as their place to exchange limited pleasantries in low tones, reassured slightly by the tiny bit of privacy.

“I thought you didn’t have any friends.” Beetee’s reply wasn’t cold-hearted, it was a fact Haymitch had thrown at him year after year.

“I don’t. I pushed him away. Barely knew him by the time he died.”

“But…”

Haymitch should hate the way the older man could bait him into explaining himself. But he doesn’t have the energy. “But that’s still his kid, okay? And I like her, in spite of myself.”

“You’ve never been one to get attached to the tributes.” Again, a fact. Nothing rude meant by it.

“Things change.” He took a sip of his drink, just for something to do. “She reminds me of me. Just luckier, perhaps.”

“Oh?” Beetee’s face flashed for a second, and in that moment Haymitch knew Plutarch had shared the details of their conversation in 11 decades ago with Beetee.

Good.

“If she dies, I’m done.” Haymitch let the words hang in the air for a beat, knowing Beetee would understand him, exactly had he had with his previous statement.

“Haymitch, no.” Beetee’s response was firm, but sympathetic. And was not a real attempt to change his mind.

“He’ll see what it does to me, if she dies. And then the other girl will be back on the block a year from now.” Haymitch knew this conversation was pushing it in length, and he was already looking across the room to find someone else to greet next. “It’s for the best.”

“And if she wins?” Beetee asked, allowing the slightest hint of excitement to break through.

“Then I’m in.” Haymitch crossed the room and greeted Chaff with a hug, not turning back to look a Beetee.

If he had, he would have seen the small smile.

[space-atrium]

MOTHER IS HERE!

[skipblebee]

My favourite part of scum villain was everyone falling in love with shen qingqiu and him being absolutely oblivious

[everytimewetouch-dot-mp3]

i can’t stop thinking abt a bingge who just. doesn’t enjoy sex.

he slept with qin wanyue at the IAC because she was dying and he was afraid and wanted to be kind, and he didn’t know how to say no. and he kept just…not knowing how to say no. everyone always had one dying wish or a deadly poison or some sort of urgent need. and lbh wanted to be good. he was desperate for any sign that he wasn’t irredeemable, that there was something about him that anyone could ever want. and these women kept throwing themselves at him in moments of desperation. and he wanted to be good.

wouldn’t it be too cruel to say no to this woman when he said yes to that one, just because he didn’t particularly want to? wouldn’t that be too arbitrary and selfish? what makes one worthy of his ‘yes’ and another unworthy? lbh had no framework to evaluate that sort of thing, no sense that this was something he could just Not Want. he wanted to be wanted, and here these women were, wanting and wanting and wanting him. why would he turn down the only thing he really desired, just because it didn’t come to him in a way he liked?

and then he picked up xin mo, and all notions of desire fled him. he’d never wanted to sleep with any of those women, but now he needed to. it was either dual cultivate with whoever asked or be consumed by xin mo. what option did he have? he was often on the verge of qi deviation; much of his ‘wife collecting’ could probably be attributed to medical necessity. and what was he supposed to do afterward? disrespect those women by sleeping with them and then discarding them? of course he’d add them to his harem. what other dignity could he offer afterward?

he never really wanted any of it. he never enjoyed it particularly. it was nice, maybe, with ning yingying because she cared for him in a way he could trust. she cared for him in her own clumsy way before his name meant anything, and when she looked after him it always felt safe. he got along with liu mingyan well, trusted her wisdom and forthrightness—and she was never overly affectionate or insincere when they cultivated together. he believed, at the very least, that she respected him as an equal.

but all the other wives… they were there because they wanted something from him, or their families did; or they were there because luo binghe wanted to be good, and a good man would not lay with someone and then refuse to take responsibility by marrying her. he had the means to provide for them. and a bountiful garden suited his station, didn’t it? never mind that he’d never really had an interest in gardening; if flowers leapt into his hands, it was his duty to plant them where they could continue to grow. that was what a good man would do.

[happypeachsludgeflower]

SVSSS BRAINWAVE JUST HIT! I HAD A THOUGHT ™

An average modern person transmitigates into SVSSS. Mind you, I specifically mean SVSSS and not PIDW. That’s right, our protagonist awakens to find themselves as a NPC in the world of Scum Villain Self Saving System. And they think to themselves upon waking up, “Oh, I’m an NPC in a xianxia novel with a happy ending! Cool!!” and goes about their life being a background nerd geeking out about plants, and monsters, and cultivation in general, and neat flying swords.

But this is a world of sex pollen and wife plots and unfortunately the cure for a lot of diseases is duel cultivation with a heavenly demon, and we all know who that demon is going to end up marrying, so it’s best to mess around with meta cultivation knowledge and prep for the worst case scenario, and honestly, they may as well solve some of the minor issues in the plot while their at it, so they invent some new cultivation techniques from some of those nifty svsss fanfictions they read while alive (I’m specifically thinking of this fic’s explanation of duel cultivation and cauldrons, but other weird cultivation methods could be used from other fanfics and xianxia books), so they can tidy up some things.

For instance, is it really necessary for Zhuzhi-lang to be stuck as a weird snake creature for nearly twenty years? Is it really needed for Yue Qingyuan to have crippled cultivation due to his sword?? Does Tianlang Jun have to be stuck under a mountain and then escape only to slowly die in a decomposing body??

They know they can’t change everything without the system interfering, but small nudges should help right? After all, they’re just a background NPC and Shen Yuan will show up eventually and everyone will fall in love with him and no one will even notice the NPC’s existence even if they had noticed something was up during their miraculous healing and salvation spree.

So they go about fixing those things. They catch Zhuzhi-lang unawares and feed him a sun and dew mushroom seed while he’s confused and do some funky cultivation shenanigans and pat him on the head cause he’s really such a cute weird snake creature and give him some vague warning about not trusting in laws and then fucks off to somewhere else.

I’m still caught up on Metagaming’s concept of duel cultivation transactions where you give and take—like taking something from someone’s cultivation, not just power, and returning something else—and keep getting stuck in a brainrot loop of the NPC taking some bloodmite powers from Zhuzhi-lang when they gave him a fully humanoid form that’s not reliant on Tianlang Jun. So my main idea for how the NPC plots to hold Yue Qingyuan in place is feeding him lesser bloodmites (not full ones because they only took a minor ability and can only hold someone for a few minutes before the bloodmites die), while they hold Yue Qingyuan still long enough to draw some ritual to heal his soul and separate it from Xuan Su. But honestly, I’m sure other ideas could apply here too. My Metagaming brainrot is just too strong right now to think of any.

And Tianlang Jun? Simple. Zhuzhi-lang’s got a humanoid form and can easily get the sun and dew mountain flowers for himself. They can’t stop the man from being imprisoned entirely. The system says no since Luo Binghe needs a dramatic entrance. So while they can’t stop the tragedy, they can put some pieces into play for an early escape, maybe a new plan to get him a better body once’s he’s back, and be a ferry for Su Xiyan’s body to revive her at some point as well.

It’s nice being an unnoticeable NPC, isn’t it? You can do whatever you want and no one’s going to know!!

Except. Someone does notice (as we all could have seen coming). And Shen Qingqiu is suspicious as fuck of this obnoxious Shidi because he notices everyone due to paranoid, and he’s even MORE suspicious of the mysterious character that healed Yue Qingyuan’s soul (and wasn’t that a doozy of a realization to have when Yue Qingyuan burst into his bamboo house one day freaking out because some disguised, powerful cultivator somehow did the impossible after ambushing him and holding him down as they healed his soul, and Shen Qingqiu is still reeling from learning that Yue Qingyuan’s SOUL was damaged trying to save Xiao Jiu and the stubborn asshole never told him because he apparently assumed Xiao Jiu knew there wasn’t a single universe where Qi ge didn’t try to come for him). And so yea, Shen Qingqiu is suspicious as all hell and starts snooping and plotting to catch the mysterious cultivator by combing through Cang Qiong because whoever it is has to have an in at the sect somewhere to know about Yue Qingyuan’s soul.

And that’s not even mentioning how suspicious Zhuzhi-lang and Tianlang Jun are now. They might not have realized what that strange cultivator did when they did it, or understood the cryptic in law mention, but they certainly have some suspicions now that Tianlang Jun was as imprisoned by in law like people, and Zhuzhi-lang kept his humanoid form just fine without Tianlang Jun, and now the hunt is ON for the mysterious benefactor, so they can repay the kindness and find out what the fuck is going on.

The NPC is, of course, oblivious to all of this going on and goes about their merry way thinking they’re being the Best ™ at being lowkey. They are SO good at being inconspicuous!! They deserve an award really!!

And then. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t qi deviate.

Shen Yuan doesn’t show up.

Oh shit, the NPC thinks to themselves as they begin to panic. They even check Shen Qingqiu out themselves to see if it’s Shen Yuan just being really good at acting. Maybe he was a better actor in the book than he gave himself credit for or something?? But no. That’s Shen Qingqiu all right. Shen Yuan is missing in action, and someone has to fix the plot of Cang Qiong is doomed.

Thus begins the NPC’s journey to try and unobtrusively fix PIDW’s child abuse problems (that they’re unaware are already fixed), save Liu Qingge from his qi deviation in Ling Xi Caves, make sure Luo Binghe doesn’t raze the sect to the ground someday and hopefully find him some sort of husband replacement to keep him under control when he does return, possibly dispose of the Huan Hua Palace Master at some point because he’s vile trash, and did I mention there are multiple man hunts for this poor oblivious dude currently on going??

And the most important question for them to solve? Where the fuck did Shen Yuan go??

Hmm I wonder where that man could have gone.

[star-mail]

draw svsss from memory ! keyword being memory- i haven't drawn most of them before

template by: pompipurin !!

i dont wanna talk about how long this took <3

[boarloved-art]

Wei Wuxian should be able to get drunk for once. I think he'd either be singing bawdy drinking songs on the roof of the Jingshi or he'd be getting irrevocably lost no matter where he is. He's found in the bushes behind the mountains like a cryptid, and then he's like "I can't believe you all got lost" (extremely slurred) as if he didn't get embarrassed by something Lan Wangji had said and just somehow disappeared when everyone looked back at him

oh ABSOLUTELY im walking with u and nodding and agreeing, i can see him becoming an absolute menace to keep track of at his drunkest.

anyway heres wonderwall The Gang (Wangxian & their fave group of ducklings) in a city known for its STRONG wine and wuxian being like well. ur all grown now, youre technically not juniors anymore. we have to see whos lasting the longest against this stuff!, smash cut to a suspiciously wei ying-less group of the worlds drunkest cultivators being wrangled through the woods by designated driver hanguang-jun, with at least 2 of them clinging to his robes at all times.

[nibbelraz]

Transmigrator Baby binghe and Broke single dad author