#and even after accepting you zhongli is not one for passions. he’s not gonna change much. he’ll still be a retired old man

[chilumi-shipper]

Ready to Let Go

Xiao x Adeptus!Fem!Reader (x Zhongli)

Summary: Zhongli loves you, Xiao loves you, You love Xiao. Seems as though, in the eyes of everybody else, Zhongli was gonna be a problem within your relationship with your fellow adeptus. He would never do that though, not to you, not to Xiao. For the first time, the vigilant yaksha seems happy, and you seem more carefree the moment you two are starting to get close to one another. Zhongli would never trade your happiness for the sake of his own, and that's why, he's ready to let go.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

The God of War, flaunting over one of his very own dearest adeptus, if Guizhong saw him right now, she would've laughed at how much he jumped and flaunted over you whenever you were in his presence.

But love is complicated, he could say he loves you with a burning passion, yet it can never change the fact that you had fell for another, no matter how much Zhongli might push through, you will choose to be embraced within the arms of your true beloved, Xiao.

Neither you nor him ever said anything to confirm the nature of your relationship, but Zhongli felt it, the connection between you and the adeptus was so much more than just two people who used to work along side each other. You and Xiao, he's known both of you for millennias, you're not really the greatest with expressing emotions.

Zhongli was never one to fight reality, in fact he accepted it with open arms, having no care for the pain it might bring.

But just this once, he let's himself drift to a false hope, perhaps you only see Xiao as a friend, that in actuality you tell him the feelings that you're too scared to say to your Archon. But every time Zhongli dreamt like that, he can't help but see Xiao, sadness clouding over him, it slaps the brown-haired man in the face.

He can't do that to Xiao. The poor boy, tormented his entire life, but today, he may very well be bearing a smile on his face, with you around him, with you loving him.

He was sitting between you two, in a table in Wangshu Inn's restaurant area, the light atmosphere was calming.

It was supposed to be a nice get together, yet Zhongli felt irritated. The way your gaze lingers past him and onto the person of your interest as you spoke about how you tried cooking mortal food recently. How you seem to take into account every expression and response Xiao would give, but pay no mind to Zhongli at all.

You weren't being rude and ignoring him the whole time, in fact, you make eye contact with him from time to time, to see if he's understanding you. But Zhongli felt peeved, why couldn't you look at him the way you looked at Xiao?

"I really like cooking actually!" You exclaimed, the cat-eyed adeptus smiling softly while listening to your rambles, his elbow resting on the table, while his chin leans on his hand. That makes Zhongli feel even worse for having such feelings for you, just looking at the small but genuine smile on Xiao's face as he admires you.

"Xiao?" You softly called out to him, clasping your hands together. The adeptus gave a hum in response. "There's this recipe I found called "Tofu Cookies with Almonds", I was hoping you could help me taste test them when I try baking for the first time?" Your voice gets quieter the more you say. Zhongli found it adorable when you get shy, yet he can't help but feel a nauseous felling eating away at his skin, you didn't invite him.

The waitress puts the food you all ordered on your table before Xiao answers. Zhongli looked into your eyes, seeing the nervousness as you anxiously wait for an answer.

"Okay."

Golden orbs then looked at Xiao, seeing he's looking away from you, his ears red from embarrassment. Yet even when he tried to hide it, the Archon can feel his giddiness from miles away.

Zhongli can't help but look back and forth, seeing your eyes light up with happiness because of Xiao's answer. "Thank you so much!" You smiled brightly, proceeding to put some food onto your plate to start eating.

In all this, Zhongli felt as though he didn't have a place. Perhaps you were overjoyed that you didn't look at the fact that you completely discarded him, but someone else noticed.

"Mora- Zhongli can join us too, he's good at taste testing food." Xiao looks at you, before looking at the taller man. "I think." Zhongli then nodded, agreeing with Xiao's statement.

He knows he shouldn't, he knows that he just let the two of you resolve your feelings together, just the two of you. Yet he can't, for once in his life, he feels that it's too hard to let go.

The two looked at you expectantly, despite you making it obvious that you wanted to spend some time with Xiao alone, Zhongli hoped that maybe, just this one occasion, you'll let him intervene with your growing relationship. It's selfish, it's pointless, but just this once.

You smiled, "Okay."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"Mr. Zhongliiii!" You burst in the funeral parlor, calling out to him. "You have to help me." The man got up from his seat immediately, worried.

"What happened?!" He asked in a panic.

You looked down onto the book in your hands, the man did the same, looking at a book that has a very interesting title.

'The Art of Romance: For Newbies.'

What?

Usually, if you were to come to him with a book like that in hand, he would have laughed and teased you, eager to see your embarrassed state. Yet, Zhongli felt nothing but hopelessness, you putting in so much effort for someone else, meaning he really has no chance, does he?

"I need to you to help me look for a really nice dress. Like really, really nice! Oh but not too nice, since we're baking, if I get stains on a dress, he might think I'm sloppy. Oh, but if it's too simple, he'll probably think that I don't really care. Ohhh, but I don't want to seem like I care too much--" You looked up at him, rambling on and on about what you're supposed to wear for tomorrow. "It says here that if the person thinks you're too desperate, they might think it's weird." You pointed at the book that you're holding, bring it closer to his face.

Zhongli gently grabbed your hands that are clasped around the book. "If you're worried about Mora, I already have some on me." You peaked your head from behind the book, looking at the brown-haired man's serious face.

"Him?" Zhongli completely ignores your ramblings, only focused on one thing you said. You're worrying so much about what to wear, just to make a good impression to him.

You felt your cheeks heat up as he looks at you with a frown on his face. You laughed a bit to ease the tension, scraching the nape of your neck.

"Xiao..." He's mentally prepared himself for this moment, you would come to him, ask for advice since you knew him as a very cultured man, and you would confess your love, for someone else. And yet, hearing it come from your own lips seem to crack the barriers of his heart with just one word.

Despite the tears wanting to just slip out of his golden orbs, he smiled at you. "I've always sensed your feelings towards him." His words fluster you even more, you didn't realize it was so obvious, but Zhongli was a very observant person, maybe it was just that.

"Do you wish to impress him tomorrow? That's why you're so... jumpy today?" You nodded, feeling embarrassed that you are worried about this sort of thing. Usually, only mortals are prone to these types of worries.

"Y/N, Xiao doesn't care about those trivial things. You just have to be yourself." He told you as a matter of fact.

'Besides, the Yaksha already is making it obvious that he likes you back.' Zhongli kept this thought internally.

"But what if he doessss." You whine, gripping on the book tighter. "Xiao is just so.... Xiao! So unpredictable and complicated." Sighing, you looked up at the man again. "Can you help me, please?"

Zhongli sighed, although it hurts him to help dress you up so pretty, just to send you off to another man, but he'll bite. How could he ever say no to you.

After hours of rummaging through your closet, you finally, finally find something that's actually good in your eyes, even though Zhongli assured you that everything would be fine.

The dress of your choice has Xiao's colors, white, gold, mint green. You really are some piece of work, piece of work that doesn't belong to him.

Zhongli just kept sighing as he walked back to the funeral parlor, he's conflicted, which usually doesn't happen. Is he just gonna leave you two alone for tomorrow with some lousy excuse, or... get in the way.

As he got to the entrance of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, he saw Xiao, sitting on a bench just outside. The cat-eyed boy sensed Zhongli's presence, standing up and looking at his way immediately.

The brown-haired man walked up to him, silently asking why he's here all of a sudden, in the city, which also doesn't happen very often.

"Can you help me?"

Oh boy, here we go again.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"You don't have to straight up lie if you don't like her treats, you can just give polite comments, like saying you're not really a big fan of them or something." Zhongli explained once again, it was the dead of night. Xiao had asked to help with how he should talk to you, he's not very talkative and expressive, but he doesn't want to make you feel like he doesn't like you.

"But that might also hurt her feelings." The Yaksha pointed out, listening intently to the older man.

"Yes, but she will appreciate the truth rather than a pointless lie."

He just needs help expressing his feelings right.

And Zhongli seeing how you two desperately try to be the best you can for one another, it makes him smile, despite the constant heart ache. And the realization that he has no chance for you, with the evidence right in front of him, Zhongli makes his decision...

He's ready to let go.

"I'm not gonna be joining you two tommorow."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Alternative Ending: Ready to Hold On - Reader chooses not to choose and start a polyamory relationship.

[amethystroselilith]

Intertwined Fates (Chilumi/Zhonglumi) - Chapter 1

Can be read in ao3 here

This chapter has a really small bit of mentioning ScaraMona (While I don’t ship them that much, I like how people write their little dynamic)

SUMMARY: After 5 years, Lumine had finally adjusted to her new life...

5 years…

5 years ago when she lost Zhongli

5 years ago when her world shattered

Lumine slowly opened her eyes as she felt an insistent poking on her cheek, vision blurry until her golden eyes met with wide magenta eyes.

“Qiqi, what’s wrong?” she asked sleepily, judging from her surroundings it’s still in the middle of the night. 

“Can’t sleep.” she simply said, “Mama, play. Let’s play.” she pouted as she tried to shake her mother awake.

The blonde woman sighed, glancing at the digital clock on the bedside table, 2:30 am.

“Qiqi, it’s a bit too late for playtime, why don’t we sleep and play in the morning? Mama has no work, so we can play all you want.” Lumine smiled, however, regretted it when Qiqi’s eyes grew more excited.

“Then play now! More time to play with Qiqi.” the purple-haired girl awed, “Mama, please, Mamaaa…” 

“Qiqi, please… Mama’s still a bit tired.” she sighed, guilt filling her immediately when sadness glazed over her daughter’s eyes.

Lumine was about to give in until she felt a pair of arms snaking around her waist, warmth on her back, and ginger hair tickling her face, “Hm? What’s happening here?” he tiredly asked though she can feel the smile on her face.

“Papa! Mama’s gonna play with Qiqi.” the young girl smiled.

5 years ago when Ajax started picking up the broken pieces…

“Isn’t it a bit late, princess?” Ajax chuckled as he sat up to pick up the child and settled her on his lap, “Mama’s still a bit tired though, and it is way past your bedtime and way too early for you to be up.” 

Lumine rolled over to watch the most important people in her life.

2 months ago when she fully got herself back together to start a new chapter with Ajax together with their daughter.

She watched Ajax convince Qiqi why they should go back to sleep, words didn’t really register in Lumine’s brain for it had gone to wander on the memories from the past 5 years.

~~~

“Lumi, it’s time to eat,” Ajax said as he entered the room carrying a tray of food.

“Not hungry,” Lumine answered, unmoving and staring blankly at the wall.

The man sighed, “Lumi, please.” he said as he placed the tray on a nearby table before walking to the bed, “You haven’t eaten much earlier.” 

“Just leave me alone,” she said, voice cracking just like her heart.

It was three days after the funeral and Lumine can barely take care of herself, her twin and Ajax had mostly been taking care of her, Aether being the one responsible for the formal papers related to Zhongli’s death as well as running their bakery, together with his brother in law, Xiao, who is also grieving for losing his only kin.

Lumine can’t help but admire how he could still function while she barely even have the energy to move from her current position. And that thought just made her feel worse.

“Lumi…” Ajax called quietly as he watches the familiar trembling of her shoulders. 

And that’s how it usually goes, Ajax climbing next to her and hugging her tight, giving as well as seeking comfort as he quietly let the tears slide down his own eyes.

A month later, Lumine began taking care of herself again, telling herself that she needs to take proper care of her unborn daughter, their little Qiqi, the name was random, to be honest, she and Zhongli are trying to come up with a name by blurting out random names they can think of. The name came from Zhongli, it was a completely random name, but it was the one that grew on them as days passed by trying to name their daughter.

Qiqi came a bit earlier than they expected. Lumine was in their bakery, trying to fall back into a routine without mourning for her husband’s death. Aether and Xiao have provided a good support system at work, even Ajax stops by during his break from work. 

Ajax, who had also picked himself together, even getting promoted in a powerful and influential company called Fatui, as one of the 11th Harbingers, the youngest who had been given the position. 

Ajax, who stayed true to his word by being Lumine’s side, supporting her in every way he can.

Ajax, who freaked out so much when Lumine’s water broke, Aether had to slap him to get him to focus.

Welcoming Qiqi to the world, was life-changing for Lumine. She expected that to happen, but with all the tragedy the transpired, it just felt so different. It’s as if she was reborn with new hope and dreams. 

So she worked hard for them. Worked hard until their bakery, Emergency Sweets, gained popularity. She won’t lie, she has a huge feeling Ajax pulled some strings, but customers don’t just stay for pretty words on an article, they stay for the twin’s speciality; Pie Mon, a fairy shaped dessert that would magically satisfy your sweet cravings. 

Lumine’s life was bright again as she raised her daughter. 

And so is Ajax’s…

He didn’t know why, and he certainly doesn’t even have to, but he never stopped himself going straight to the twins’ place where Aether had welcomed her sister back, every after work. 

Never stopped himself helping Lumine raise Qiqi.

Never stopped falling in a domestic routine with Lumine.

Never stopped the feelings growing back in his chest.

Never stopped himself leaning into a kiss after a particular emotional dinner.

They had a fight months ago before they got together, they don’t even remember what it is nowadays but Ajax could remember how he never stopped deepening the kiss.

Or how he never stopped the night from going to be one of the most passionate night he ever had.

It was wrong, it felt all so wrong, but at the same time felt right. 

For the first time in forever, Ajax felt like he had finally come home.

The day after that was a flurry of emotions for them, the guilt loomed on them. Both distancing themselves for a while until Ajax just had enough. 

It felt fucked up, but Ajax can’t help but crave for that feeling again. The feeling of being in her arms, the feeling of sharing and receiving something so intimate, the feeling of being loved back by the woman who had always been so close yet feel so far.

Ajax was mad at himself for having feelings for his best friend’s wife. But what can he do? He’s tired of wanting something he can’t have, and now that it looks like he has a chance, it was hard to control the desperation in his heart. 

It felt fucked up, but Ajax knows he can take the responsibility well. That he can give them the best life they could ever want, that he’ll protect them with all his life.

It felt fucked up, but Ajax selfishly gave in the thought. 

It wasn’t all easy on Lumine’s side. 

Her feelings are a mess, guilt from sleeping with someone else but Zhongli, but at the same time her feelings coming into terms that Ajax is also someone very special to her.

She had been feeling something different every time she sees Ajax. The same fluttery feeling she felt when she sees Zhongli before, the same feeling of longing when he’s gone.

Aether had felt something was off, he is her twin after all. He listens as Lumine poured her heart out, wiped the tears she shed, just like he always had, and always will. 

And like the great brother he is, he lifted Lumine’s chin to look at him, he smiled, “Let your heart lead you to your happiness, Lumi. I’m sure Zhongli would want to see you happy.” 

And so she did.

It took a bit of time but eventually, they fell back into their old domestic routine.

Ajax will never forget the night he had finally come back to the twins’ place.

“Papa, you’re back!” 

~~~

Lumine snapped back to her senses when she felt Qiqi settling down beside her, yawning before her eyes closed. The blonde smiled before tucking her daughter properly under the blanket, fingers gently caressing the child’s face to lull her further to sleep. She stopped and watched Ajax settle back down himself.

Blue eyes met her golden ones, he smiled before taking Lumine’s hand and giving it a soft kiss, “Are you alright? You seem to be lost in thought.”

“Just thinking,” Lumine said, her finger moving to gently caress her lover’s cheek.

Ajax leaned into the touch, “Something wrong? You barely moved until Qiqi’s laid down and that took 30 minutes worth of story, you know.” he chuckled quietly.

Lumine smiled, “It’s nothing bad, just late night thoughts, I guess.”

He hummed, “And may I know what these thoughts are?” 

Ajax may already have a feeling about it, there’s only one thing that makes her zone out like that. 

Their relationship was received with different reactions, Aether threatening him if he hurt his sister he’s dead, their friends happy for them and demand he showers Lumine with all the happiness in the world… Xiao, however, didn’t take the news well, only leaving them with a cold glare about betraying Zhongli.

It upset Lumine, but she hides it from their friends, even if Ajax offered to have a talk with Xiao. They decided to give him some space first, let him slowly warm up to the idea that feelings are unpredictable and that his brother is not being replaced and will always have a place in their hearts.

“Just… I love you.” 

Ajax froze, eyes widening at Lumine’s smile. It was unexpected, he thought Lumine will shrug it off as nothing and he’ll be left with anxious thoughts of Lumine being unhappy again.

He was the persistent one in pursuing their relationship, helping Lumine became comfortable with her feelings and accept the fact that she loves another man now. 

And while Lumine had finally given up and freely chose to fall in love again, there’s still a bit of insecurity at the back of Ajax’s mind.

Even if they moved to a new home, spent passionate nights together, and Qiqi being a huge Papa’s girl, Ajax still can’t help but feel insecure about his standing in Lumine’s life, did he push her too much? Forced and chained her with him?

Those words rarely leave Lumine’s mouth, only answering it back when Ajax started it, but now that Lumine finally said it first, Ajax can’t help but feel his eyes water, nonetheless, he said it back, “I love you too.” with another kiss on her hand.

~~~

“What is she doing?” Lumine asked curiously as she helps Ajax clean the dishes by wiping the rinsed ones and placing them back on the rack.

Ajax hummed before looking at where Qiqi was. The little girl was crushing some of her animal crackers in a little bowl by the window. 

“Oh, well, the other day we were watching the animal channel and it’s talking about birds, Qiqi seems fascinated by the finches it seems and wonders if they would like animal crackers. I’m assuming she’s trying to lure them.” Ajax chuckled.

Ever since moving together, Ajax had decided to start working from home, not just it’s more convenient, but he also thought it’ll help Lumine, who used to bring Qiqi with her to work. While her uncles don’t mind watching over her, their work environment isn’t the most ideal for children. Being separated from each other wasn’t as easy as she thought, well it’s harder on Lumine; the first day away was spent with her calling Ajax every hour to see how Qiqi is doing. Qiqi, on the other hand, is actually fine being left behind with Ajax, which still baffles her cause she could never leave her with a babysitter before. But then she remembers how Ajax is part of Qiqi’s life ever since she was born. He’s always been there enough for Qiqi to think she’s her father. 

While Ajax certainly didn’t mind the title, instead, welcoming and taking the role seriously, Lumine wasn’t comfortable at first and had tried to subtly make Qiqi call him something else instead. Ajax respected her wishes, even helping her introduce Zhongli as her father. 

Qiqi can’t quite grasp the concept yet, how can this man on the picture be her Papa when he’s not there to tell her stories about the Legendary Cocogoat and tuck her into bed and kiss her forehead? 

Ajax and Lumine had explained in a sugarcoated way that her Papa is in a better place now but he’s always watching over her.

It still didn’t make sense to Qiqi, nor thought it was a big deal due to her age and would continue to call Ajax as her father. 

Lumine was already considering researching about explaining life and death to Qiqi, but Ajax had expressed discomfort, explaining that a child’s innocence should be preserved. Lumine stated that Ajax won’t be able to protect Qiqi forever, but she did agree that it’s a bit early.

They gave up at one point since it’s starting to upset the child as well, claiming that Ajax doesn’t love her and her mama is mean even if she was just gently correcting her. 

It broke both of their hearts, causing them to apologise and just let Qiqi be, besides, isn’t Ajax basically another father for her anyway? They’ll just save the talk again once she’s at the appropriate age.

“When do you think she’ll start asking for a pet?” Lumine chuckled.

“Hm, I mean it wouldn’t be bad getting her some finches, they’re actually low maintenance birds. We can buy a spacious cage in our garden and appropriate food for their diet.” Ajax considered, “I think it’s perfect for Qiqi since she’s more fond of observing than petting animals.” 

Lumine hums, thinking about the time where Qiqi was fascinated by her Auntie Xiangling’s pet panda, Guoba. The little girl was in awe as her magenta eyes followed whatever Guoba is doing. Pretty much squealing in delight when Guoba does something silly, only daring to approach and pet the animal when Xiangling’s holding the animal to avoid any unexpected accidents.

“I think it will be good, I’ll ask Aether about it as well though,” Lumine said as she placed the last of the dishes in its proper place. 

“I’m pretty sure he’ll suggest getting a dog instead.” Ajax laughed before drying his hands and pulling Lumine in his arms, nuzzling his face against her neck, “I mean, I’m not opposed to that idea as well.” 

“Well, maybe we can ask Qiqi what she thinks, though I’m pretty sure she’ll choose the finches,” she said leaning back and sighing to his touch, he had always been a touchy lover, but Lumine doesn’t mind it one bit.

“I have that feeling as well.” Ajax chuckled.

“Anyway, don’t you have work to do?” Lumine asked as she turned around facing Ajax and poking his cheek, “I’m pretty sure I saw Scaramouche threatening you in your messages. Have you been slacking off your work, Mr Tartaglia?” she teased, the phrase coming from their college days where Ajax isn’t too keen on finishing an individual paper from a minor class.

Ajax rolled his eyes, “The midget is threatening me to go along with his story that the Tsaritsa made him stay overtime to work on a report about our branch in Inazuma, how he was so desperate to go home but his phone died and he couldn’t message his wife, instead of him actually being too focused on work he forgot their anniversary date.” 

“Hm, I feel like Mona will know either way.” Lumi said as she thought about it, “She always does.” 

“And she probably will still murder him even if I went along with it. His fault and not my problem.” Ajax shrugged.

“I’m pretty sure he’ll do the same when you’re in the same situation.” Lumine snickered.

Ajax gave her an offended look, “How dare you, I’ll never forget such an important date.”

Lumine raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? Well, when’s ours?” 

“November 11, at 4:22 pm if you wanna be specific.” Ajax grinned at Lumine’s surprised face, “Told you, ojou-chan~” he used his special nickname for her before kissing the tip of her nose.

Lumine was about to retort back, but Qiqi had walked into the kitchen with her an assortment of toys, “Mama, Papa, play with Qiqi now?” she asked hopefully.

They both smiled warmly before untangling themselves from each other, “Papa will just make a call then I’ll join you and Mama, yeah?” he said as he knelt down to Qiqi’s height.

“Okay.” she smiled brightly before Ajax left to his office, she turned to her mother with a smile, “Mama, let’s go! Qiqi thought lots of games to play with Mama.” 

Lumine smiled before letting her daughter drag her to her playroom. It’s been a while since Lumine had taken a couple of days off from their bakery, though she comes home at 6 pm every night, Qiqi would complain that she was gone for forever and missed so much playtime with her and while she loves her papa so much, she misses playing with her mama as well.

As Qiqi continues to talk about what they’ll do, Lumine can’t help but feel happily content with how her life is now.

~~~

White… Everything is all white...

He doesn’t exactly remember where he was, nor how he got there.

Hell, he doesn’t even know who he is.

Nor who the golden-haired girl is that sometimes appears in the distance.

All he knows is that if he finally reaches her, 

He’ll be home.